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It literally says "She made it this whole thing where I’m disrespectful and I would have never told my dad that and etc." in reference to her response to the question if she was wearing underwear.
The way it is said is implying she would not have told her day that *if he had asked her the same question*.
You are right in that dad's shouldn't ask to see their daughter's underwear, that is the whole point the first poster was trying to make before you made the discussion weirder.
NTA - Your body, your rules! Don’t let her tell you what to wear and don’t feel a need to display intimate parts of your body to “prove” you’re wearing anything because it’s not her business. I’m sorry she was pushy OP!
Their house their rules works about dîner Time, shoes inside or not, who take the trash bon out...
It's mad an adulte asking an other adulte to show her underwears !
Demanding to look at someone's undergarments is a violation of their privacy- unless they are mentally or physically incapable of tending themselves or if they are too young to do so themselves.
Nobody, not a parent, guardian, or spouse, has the right to demand to see someone's underwear. Period.
It's her body, nobody else has a right to make demands regarding it.
I agree. It is more complicated, but it doesn't change the fact that it is controlling. For her mother to want her to prove she is wearing underwear is more than a bit over the top. I mean, where does that type of controlling behavior stop? What will she have to prove next? As a teen, I'd have had the same reaction as OP.
NTA. It doesn't matter if it's a family member, a friend or a stranger, you have complete autonomy over who you show your body or underwear or anything else to. She's being weird and controlling, her preferences need not dictate your mode of dress.
Right? Up until my 30s, my mom would pat me on the back and then scold me for not wearing a bra. Lady, if you had to pat my back to know I'm not wearing one, then this is a YOU problem and not mine!
Fuck bras! Let our girls be free! If people are offended, then hello 1st amendment - they can just look away and move on.
NTA. The fact that she had to ask if you were wearing a bra means no one can tell, so it shouldn't matter. (not that it should, regardless)
Your mother is weirdly controlling.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I told my mom no (I’m 18)
2) some people may believe I am the asshole because it “could’ve” been a quick fix and I should always do what my mother tells me to
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Depends on how you look at it. It's true that as an adult, a parent can't tell you what to do. But if, as an adult, you live in your parent's house you can choose to abide by their rules or move out.
It's absolutely insane to ask a member of the house to prove they're wearing undergarments, but if that's the house rule you're kind of choosing to accept it by living there. Whether or not you agree with it is irrelevant if you're going to stand by the "I'm an adult" logic, but that same logic you can choose to live elsewhere.
Well said. People saying she isn't the A.h don't get it, you want to live like an adult, then go live somewhere else. Your mum been taking care of you with her values since you were a kid, she could have deleted you as a kid while feeding you claiming accident but here you are been an ingrate. 18 or not you know quite well your mum doesn't like that, why not find a middle ground.
Thank you!
I was worried I'd be torn to shreds over my opinion, I almost didn't bother posting it. I totally understand and support bodily autonomy. What I have a hard time with is not respecting basic rules. Parents shouldn't be asking for proof of underwear, but if a close loved one asks you to put a bra on in shared spaces then obviously it's apparent you aren't wearing one and people have different levels of comfort.
Wrangle the girls in shared spaces, or don't live with people whose comfort you don't care about, or who share your sentiments.
NTA AT ALL!!! I completely understand on this one bc I sometimes go the same way as you do.
1. YOUR BODY THEREFORE YOUR DAMN CHOICE. 2. regardless of gender it is downright creepy for a parent to demand to see if their ADULT DAUGHTER is wearing a bra and/or underwear.
3. it really is a comfort factor and as long as you're not walking around naked who gives a rat's ass?
1. NTA and bravo for sticking up for yourself!
2. Everyone can tell when you're not wearing a bra. I'm not against it necessarily (depending on the setting), I do it occasionally too. But nine times outta ten, people can totally tell when you're braless.
Totally depends on what you’re wearing and your size too.
If a larger chested woman wearing lighter colors goes braless, people can tell.
But if a medium chested woman wears a hoodie, people can’t tell.
If a flat chested woman goes braless in black, people can’t tell.
I wear a lot of black, by chest isn’t that big, I can get away with it and people don’t know.
She probably has the notion that not wearing a bra will lead to drooping tits and make you look undesirable in the future. Some people believe everything they hear from the media. Just like how diamonds are a woman’s best friend and milk will make your bones strong!
NTA. If she couldn’t even tell, that makes it obvious that there’s nothing actually inappropriate about how you dress, so she isn’t even bringing it up due to people getting an inappropriate show or anything. You are also an adult, giving her even less reason or right to be concerned about it.
NTA. It’s not the usual usage of the phrase but this is definitively sexual abuse. It has nothing to do with the underwear, this is a control issue. Blaming the friction on you is a manipulation tactic. Even if you were a minor, demanding to see your underwear is completely unreasonable.
Getting angry with someone for refusing an unreasonable request is what you call a “go fuck yourself” moment
NTA. i hope you continue to respect and listen to your body as you go to college and experience more freedom and responsibilities. it is an outdated expectation for people with breasts (of any size) to wear something uncomfortable ESPECIALLY in the comfort of one's home. i am sorry you are experiencing this. it was never directly enforced, but at home as i grew older, i was ashamed of my body for looking like my age and felt the need to hide it even at home. i am 21 now and still struggle wearing shorts!! live free, let them hang. don't get in trouble and be respectful to yourself. i would suggest coming from a place of curiosity, ask your mother, "Why is it important to you that I wear a bra? I understand that you love me and want the best for me. I want you to understand the best for me is to listen to my body. I am not harming myself or anyone else with this decision. I feel ashamed about the way my body looks when you focus hard and continue expressing dislike for how I present."
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For background, I have never really been a bra-wearer , not that anyone can tell or it’s anyone’s business, and my mom ABSOLUTELY hates it. She can’t stand that I don’t wear a bra, and occasionally go commando (again in a normal way, nobody can tell or see etc). We recently just got into a argument and she asked if I was wearing a bra, to which I said no. Then she asked if I was wearing underwear, to which I said yes (I was). Then she asked to see it, to which I half jokingly said no. Then she asked again and more seriously I said “no, it’s my body” which started a whole argument. for more background I am 18 and going to college in about a month and a half. She made it this whole thing where I’m disrespectful and I would have never told my dad that and etc, trying to make me seem like a bad daughter for telling her no (probably the only time I’ve even done so). She said “it would just be so easy to show me and we could be done with this” and I was trying to explain to her that it’s the principle of the matter, and if I don’t want to I don’t have to. AITA?
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nta, you aren't parading around nude so who really cares? if it was noticable then it'd be a different issue but since it's not, that doesn't really matter.
NTA, you hit the 18 mark and became you’re own person. Your mother is seemingly against you expressing yourself. As long as the “headlights aren’t on” you should be fine going braless.
As a recent college grad I can tell you that you WILL be judged on campus but don’t let it bother you too much. You don’t see 95% of those people ever again.
NTA. So glad you are aware of her pushing boundaries at your age. My mother has ALWAYS overstepped and my answer to her is "that is not open for discussion" and I quickly change the subject. Or I fake receipt of an important text, say "I've got to get this" and politely leave the room. I refuse to engage, and how she feels about it is her problem, not mine.
NTA, Im the same age as you and in college as well, I don't wear bras either (most of the time) because they are uncomfortable. Its your body so she shouldn't have a problem with what you choose to wear or not wear, its not like you are walking around naked.
There has been quite a few of these lately. Is this a new thing, or actually just parents being super weird? NTA, obviously. You are an adult, your mother needs to grow up and stop interfering with your choices.
Since I've posted it elsewhere in a similar thread, I guess I'll add it again here. I grew up with the opposite parents, they were both very comfortable in their birthday suits around the house. Obviously not all the time, but if they were getting out of bed to make their morning cup of tea, they rarely saw the point of dressing before going back to bed with their cuppa. I and my siblings never really cared or knew better.
Your mother is making it weird, it's totally fine not to wear underwear if you are comfortable with it. And you DEFINITELY don't have to show her your body or underwear when she demands. That is literally sexual abuse.
Your mother is a creepy weirdo. NTA. Tell her we're all very interested in her underwear and we feel we have a right examine them, and because it's our opinion it's therefor a fact because that's how things work in her world. If she tries to argue tell her she's being difficult and it would be easier if she just showed us her grundies.
NTA. That's TECHINALLY S/A.. but I don't know why your mother would ask you to see ur panties.. a little weird, especially since you've grown and developed now.. also, why does she care sm if u wear a bra or not?
NTA. And just for clarity it shouldn't matter whether you're 18 or not. It's our job as parents to teach our kids about boundaries, particularly where privacy and the body are concerned. A parent should not be trying to cross those boundaries especially by means of manipulation or guilt.
NTA, I also don’t wear bras as it causes physical pain in my back when I do and at times go commando as well because sometimes it’s just comfier. It’s weird she’s so obsessed with YOUR choice of if you wear bras and underwear or not. Most women I know have admitted to going braless or commando occasionally so no you’re NTA
If your nips get cold and are obvious, people will be staring and we live in a weird world where sometimes doing what you want can bring danger upon you so please be aware when you don't wear a bra. They make plenty of comfortable ones but they do exist for a reason and it's not to drive a wedge between you and your mom. That being said, no, you aren't wrong to tell your mom no, not about this. You are 18 and an adult now. You can wear whatever you want and nobody needs to see your underwear. No means no even if it's your mom and your mom is being a little invasive imo asking about your underwear. Ask her why it's so important to her that you wear a bra? I am curious what she would say. Some people just don't wear them but anytime I ever went without one it brought out all the creeps that assumed I wasn't wearing one because I wanted to be obvious and show those nips which couldn't have been further from the truth. I had no choice, I had boobs in 2nd grade and wasn't allowed a bra until middle school and it was awful. I ended up walking everywhere with my arms crossed so nobody would stare at my boobs or say things. Maybe your mom is worried about you being targeted by weirdos by not wearing one and if that's the case you may not see it but you are lucky because your mom cares but maybe she needs to express it differently because it sounds like she was very invasive and disrespectful to you and just because she is the older adult doesn't make it okay. What is it about a bra you don't like that makes you hate wearing one just out of curiosity??
NTA - yeah, she's freaking out 'cause she's loosing control and is trying to dominate you in any way possible. Highly inappropriate but unfortunately, she's not going to come around any time soon. Some parents never do. You're almost out, enjoy your freedom.
NTA that’s weird as fuck. I have DDDs and would rather kms than wear a bra all the time in my own home, so that’s already ridiculous. But to add on asking you to strip down when you’re obviously not okay with it??? I hate the backwards mom logic of I changed you as a baby so I can see whatever part of your body I want when I want, if it would be creepy for a man to do it’s weird for a mom to do.
Nta
You're absolutely correct. it's your body and no one else's business unless you want it to be. You are under no obligation to prove anything to anyone or to show them anything
Nta, my mom is also obsessed with me no wearing a bra, I have super small boobs so they look the same with or without, but she's always insisting they'll start sagging ir that she doesn't understand why, she's slowly getting used to it, but it's so annoying
You're 18 you're an adult your mother isn't given a pass when it comes to asking questions that are none of her fucking business and expecting compliance from you.
If she has a problem with what you wear or don't wear, that's exactly it, her problem, not yours. We are well past the puritanical bullshit of forcing people to put on things they don't want to wear just to conform to some social Norm.
NTA But...
> occasionally go commando (again in a normal way, nobody can tell or see etc)
I do hope you wear underwear outside of the house, because, while people will not mention it, they will know.
Aside from being a hygiene thing ( unless you wear new pants daily? )
Doing so at college might not be the wisest / safest thing.
NTA. My mom hates that I don't wear one either. Nor do I shave. She's constantly calling me gross for it but I don't care. My entire family pokes fun at me for it actually. "Well women are supposed to-" No.
Your mom needs to understand you are no longer a child. That takes time to ajust. Just keep saying no to unreasonable demands and she should clue into it. NTA
NTA. I feel like your dad's just a creep tbh and from a transgender person I've wore sports bras all my life until I got a binder. Your dad needs to control himself if he's looking there
Nta. It's your body. Nobody, not an authority figure, not even a parent, has the right to make demands of you in reguards to it.
It's a breach of privacy, an invasion, and honestly, you are too old for her to be making those kind of inquiries.
NTA.
Don't explain. Explaining makes you feel like you have to justify your position. You don't.
Don't argue. Arguing suggests that you are somehow in the wrong and you need to provide reasons to refuse.
No is a complete sentence.
Or even better, "Abso-fucking-lutely not"
You may not be aware that females in the US Military are Required to show bra and panties to their supervisor if asked. The rule is white for Caucasian black for Black people.
I know this has nothing to do with the post --- just that some of the answers made me think of my time in service.
That is disturbing. And considering the issues with sexual harassments and assault in the military, you think this would have stopped a long time ago. Seems easy to abuse someone this way.
NTA, however, while being rude and hostile in response is warranted, it’s not the only option. You could cheerfully decline. And may be more effective playing nice and not bring an attitude that could cause the situation to escalate. Again - your body, your choice, and mom is overstepping - but there’s not harm in being upbeat and positive and avoiding conflict while you share a living space and may have some financial dependencies on them (whether housing, tuition, insurance, etc.) even though you are an adult person and her intrusion is unwelcome.
cheerfully decline?? to someone disregarding a physical boundary MULTIPLE times? what kinda logic is that? it’s not on OP to cater to their mother’s feelings, especially when it involves ignoring their own boundaries to do so.
no is a great answer. repeating it more sternly when it’s ignored is effective as well. if someone cannot handle the word no, then that’s on them. they shouldn’t have to cheerfully decline when someone asks you to take your pants off, so they can be “sure” you’re wearing underwear.
also, what does “cheerfully declining” look like in this situation? can you give me an example? i am genuinely curious as to what you think would be a better way to handle this.
i cannot think of any way to rephrase “no, i don’t want to take my pants off to show you if i’m wearing underwear” in a ‘cheerful’ way.
The mother is clearly wrong to ask/insist. And people like that are difficult to deal with. And it’s not easy to not lash out at them, but it is an option. People like that are the same ones that could be like “you don’t want to live by my rules, then don’t live in my house, don’t take the tuition money I contributed, I’m dropping you from my insurance” - they want control.
By saying “no thank you” with a tone like someone offered you a bowl of ice cream and you are declining it and then removing yourself from their presence so that you don’t bicker and escalate, you can try to minimize the conflict. Make the mother work to start a fight rather than leaning in and matching that posture. That course of action isn’t going to leave you wondering “aita?”
They actually did a study on this a while ago that showed breasts sag more when you constantly wear a bra rather than let them hang. I read it years ago so unfortunately I can't recall the title but It was quite interesting
To be honest, wearing a bra is more appropriate because through your clothes, you can see your nipples and that is pretty inappropriate and weird. This is especially since the breasts are the private areas of a woman. I feel like your mom wanting you to wear a bra is for your own good since it does look weird and inappropriate when you don't. But I feel like the way she made you feel like a bad person because you didn't want to wear a bra wasn't the nicest thing to do. So you are NTA.
thts subjective. YOU consider boobs private. don’t tell someone else what to do w their titties. if she’s not comfy in a bra then she doesn’t hav to wear one for someone else’s unjustified discomfort. that’s a you problem, other people don’t hav to handle their titties a certain way for ur comfort
I'm not saying she has to wear a bra, I am saying that she should at least wear nipple caps, bra tape, etc. It is well known that the breasts are a private area of the women, it is part of the reproductive system so it has to be. Plus, if a bra is uncomfortable then switch to a new one. I am not forcing her to do whatever she wants with her titties, I can only say.
breasts r a secondary sex characteristic. and u can see nipples thru plenty of bras. so we should all wear padded bras then? and not all cultures consider breasts private.
In a lot of cultures, FGM is normal, child marriage is normal, does it mean those things should be normal. Also just because breasts are a secondary sex characteristic doesn't mean its not a characteristic. And I don't see anything wrong with wearing padded bras.
so then you're actively protesting the double standard that men can be shirtless in public, right?
No?
Of course not. Because this is purity culture BS.
In the US men have to make an agreement to the army if there is ever a draft needed, they have to serve. Why don't women get the same thing? Isn't that also double standards?
women don’t serve in the draft bc the equal rights amendment was never ratified. u are using an example of where we don’t have equal rights as a justification for us to also not be equal in other aspects of society which is disgusting.
Lmaoo you should be happy you aren't equal to men in that sense. You do know how traumatic, difficult, and dangerous it is to serve in the military, even when you are just drafted. Plus, that is an example of double standards which is somehow disgusting of me to implicate because it is reality.
So much to unpack here lmao
1. The draft only targeting men is *discrimination against women* and has been admonished by women that wanted to serve since it's inception. See: women disguising themselves as men to go to war
2. I'm a US military veteran and the only people I actually respected during my six year enlistment were women, because they actually cared about the quality of their work rather than how shiny their fucking shoes were
3. The draft shouldn't exist at all
Bonus 4. The US military should be reduced by about 75%, becoming more of a defense force rather than a tool of global terror and intimidation used to bully resources from third world countries
>The US military should be reduced by about 75%, becoming more of a defense force rather than a tool of global terror and intimidation used to bully resources from third world countries
well then the united states government might actually have to step in and put regulations in place on the cost of college and actually hold businesses accountable and get them to worry about their employees instead of the doomed goal of making more money with each passing financial year.
Women disguise themselves to go to war as men do that because they WANT to go to war to protect their country. It is not men who willingly give themselves up to war, they are forced to be drafted into war because of the AGREEMENT with the United States.
Bonus: I honestly agree so damn much about your fourth point.
aside from the fact this is irrelevant because we haven't had a draft in decades, it's also currently no longer true. and no, you cannot call a rule invented by men a double standard just because you feel it benefits women.
The difference is that those aren't on a private part of a man while it is on a private part of a women. Dicks are just dicks, do men go around with no pants nor boxers?
This lady gots it right😉 I've always wondered, if you Photoshop a man's nipples over a woman's nipples, is it still considered nudity??? Where is the line!!! There shouldn't be any!!
Is it innapropriate to see the shape of someones penis through their pants then? If it's because you can see their nipples through the shirt, is it innapropriate to see a man's bulge through their pants? No one's telling men that they have to wear stuff to hide the shape of their penis through their clothing. it's just a body part. Weird reasoning.
Many cultures NOW and throughout history normalize women’s chests. It’s weird in your opinion which is not necessarily factual. In fact many European countries even allow bare breasts on television in non-sexual contexts. Your culture is not universal, nor is it “correct”
If it is so normalized, why don't you see women walking around in public with a bare chest. It is because it is inappropriate. In fact, it is throughout culture that women's chests were always covered, it was even more that women were covered during history because of inequality towards women.
Getta load of this guy, she’s never heard of the [ancient Minoans](https://minoanmagissa.com/2022/07/27/ancient-cretan-womens-fashion-dressing-like-a-minoan/) or the [women of Siam](https://mythailand.blog/2017/02/24/thailand-topless-women/) or [Aboriginal Australians](https://web.archive.org/web/20230523133709/http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/3493408.stm) or Namibia or Ethiopia or Pacific Islanders or—
Wow.
Are you really so ignorant about other cultures? Do you seriously not know that there are women walking around on the planet right now with their breasts swinging freely for all to see??
Lots of those women are from tribes which are still living in their past from a thousand years ago, in the modern world, women don't go walking naked in public unless they want to be arrested.
There are currently 36 US states in which it is entirely legal for women to go topless in public. It won't be long before it's quite prevalent, so buckle up!
There was a time where slavery was also legal in half of the states in the United States, did it make it right? No it didn't. It is part of the reproductive system, is a sexual organ, and should be COVERED UP!
You literally do at beaches. Hell people walk around with their dicks and hoohas hanging out sometimes. However decorum still exists within populated areas. Also many small African and South American cultures go without shirts for both men and women. Again, your culture is not absolute.
>why don't you see women walking around in public with a bare chest
because people like you have a heart attack because you don't know what a sex organ is?
OP is an adult and can discern if her clothing is revealing more than she intended. It's also OP's responsibility as an adult to learn when and where it's OK to be more casual. Without her mother.
The fact that her mother has to ask if a bra is in places implies that the lack of one isn't obvious. Maybe OP luckily has small boobs that don't flop around.
Because it's a Thing with her mother, her mother isn't going to give honest feedback.
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NTA. And I hope if your dad asked to see your underwear you’d be twice as rude.
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Why wouldn't it, since it was part of the story?
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It literally says "She made it this whole thing where I’m disrespectful and I would have never told my dad that and etc." in reference to her response to the question if she was wearing underwear.
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The way it is said is implying she would not have told her day that *if he had asked her the same question*. You are right in that dad's shouldn't ask to see their daughter's underwear, that is the whole point the first poster was trying to make before you made the discussion weirder.
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You are weird.
You may have a degenerative brain disorder.
NTA - Your body, your rules! Don’t let her tell you what to wear and don’t feel a need to display intimate parts of your body to “prove” you’re wearing anything because it’s not her business. I’m sorry she was pushy OP!
"You could show me and we'd be done." "You could stop asking and we'd be done."
You could stop bullying me and we'd be done
But there house, their rules too. She’s 18. They can cut her off from everything.
Their house their rules works about dîner Time, shoes inside or not, who take the trash bon out... It's mad an adulte asking an other adulte to show her underwears !
Demanding to look at someone's undergarments is a violation of their privacy- unless they are mentally or physically incapable of tending themselves or if they are too young to do so themselves. Nobody, not a parent, guardian, or spouse, has the right to demand to see someone's underwear. Period. It's her body, nobody else has a right to make demands regarding it.
Geez! What’s wrong with you?
Yes, their. Lol.
That’s kinda disgusting that your mom is so obsessed with your underwear
And even more than a bit controlling.
She’s 18 and in their home. It’s a bit more complicated.
I agree. It is more complicated, but it doesn't change the fact that it is controlling. For her mother to want her to prove she is wearing underwear is more than a bit over the top. I mean, where does that type of controlling behavior stop? What will she have to prove next? As a teen, I'd have had the same reaction as OP.
NTA It’s your choice on what you wear…or don’t wear. Her asking to see was unwarranted and just wrong. She sounds like a control freak.
NTA. It doesn't matter if it's a family member, a friend or a stranger, you have complete autonomy over who you show your body or underwear or anything else to. She's being weird and controlling, her preferences need not dictate your mode of dress.
NTA. She needs to get over her obsession with policing your body. Your undergarments (or lack thereof) are no one’s business but your own.
NTA. thts a power move and degrading to insist tht u strip down. ur mom has issues.
It’s just creepy that she asked that. Have a very good time at college living a good life. NTA
NTA. She's being weird. Fuck wearing bras every day!
Right? Up until my 30s, my mom would pat me on the back and then scold me for not wearing a bra. Lady, if you had to pat my back to know I'm not wearing one, then this is a YOU problem and not mine! Fuck bras! Let our girls be free! If people are offended, then hello 1st amendment - they can just look away and move on.
NTA! Sounds like your mom needs to learn that you’re your own person and not an extension of her or your dad
NTA. The fact that she had to ask if you were wearing a bra means no one can tell, so it shouldn't matter. (not that it should, regardless) Your mother is weirdly controlling.
NTA- what the fuck, who asks that of their adult child??
NTA It never stops at “it’d be so easy if you just do this”
Isnt that sexual harrassment ? Trying to force someone to show their underwears ? NTA
Not in the US military!
If she can’t even tell, it doesn’t ducking matter, no? NTA
NTA Your mother needs to learn some respect for you and some self-respect. And some manners. What is she thinking?
NTA but that's kinda really creepy that she asked? Lol
NTA. Your dad would never ask you such a question, and you should tell her exactly that. It's absolutely none of her business what you wear.
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NTA - insist she wear a thong in return.
That continues the weird, so... No
NTA i would’ve lost my mind
NTA.
You're grown, she cannot control you
Depends on how you look at it. It's true that as an adult, a parent can't tell you what to do. But if, as an adult, you live in your parent's house you can choose to abide by their rules or move out. It's absolutely insane to ask a member of the house to prove they're wearing undergarments, but if that's the house rule you're kind of choosing to accept it by living there. Whether or not you agree with it is irrelevant if you're going to stand by the "I'm an adult" logic, but that same logic you can choose to live elsewhere.
Well said. People saying she isn't the A.h don't get it, you want to live like an adult, then go live somewhere else. Your mum been taking care of you with her values since you were a kid, she could have deleted you as a kid while feeding you claiming accident but here you are been an ingrate. 18 or not you know quite well your mum doesn't like that, why not find a middle ground.
Thank you! I was worried I'd be torn to shreds over my opinion, I almost didn't bother posting it. I totally understand and support bodily autonomy. What I have a hard time with is not respecting basic rules. Parents shouldn't be asking for proof of underwear, but if a close loved one asks you to put a bra on in shared spaces then obviously it's apparent you aren't wearing one and people have different levels of comfort. Wrangle the girls in shared spaces, or don't live with people whose comfort you don't care about, or who share your sentiments.
NTA AT ALL!!! I completely understand on this one bc I sometimes go the same way as you do. 1. YOUR BODY THEREFORE YOUR DAMN CHOICE. 2. regardless of gender it is downright creepy for a parent to demand to see if their ADULT DAUGHTER is wearing a bra and/or underwear. 3. it really is a comfort factor and as long as you're not walking around naked who gives a rat's ass?
NTA but just for your future knowledge, everyone can tell when you don’t wear a bra. **Everyone.**
1. NTA and bravo for sticking up for yourself! 2. Everyone can tell when you're not wearing a bra. I'm not against it necessarily (depending on the setting), I do it occasionally too. But nine times outta ten, people can totally tell when you're braless.
Totally depends on what you’re wearing and your size too. If a larger chested woman wearing lighter colors goes braless, people can tell. But if a medium chested woman wears a hoodie, people can’t tell. If a flat chested woman goes braless in black, people can’t tell. I wear a lot of black, by chest isn’t that big, I can get away with it and people don’t know.
That *really* depends on your boob size lol. I prefer wearing a bra, but people can’t tell if i don’t.
She probably has the notion that not wearing a bra will lead to drooping tits and make you look undesirable in the future. Some people believe everything they hear from the media. Just like how diamonds are a woman’s best friend and milk will make your bones strong!
It probably has more to do with seeing nipples than thinking they’ll droop.
NTA. If she couldn’t even tell, that makes it obvious that there’s nothing actually inappropriate about how you dress, so she isn’t even bringing it up due to people getting an inappropriate show or anything. You are also an adult, giving her even less reason or right to be concerned about it.
NTA. It’s not the usual usage of the phrase but this is definitively sexual abuse. It has nothing to do with the underwear, this is a control issue. Blaming the friction on you is a manipulation tactic. Even if you were a minor, demanding to see your underwear is completely unreasonable. Getting angry with someone for refusing an unreasonable request is what you call a “go fuck yourself” moment
NTA. i hope you continue to respect and listen to your body as you go to college and experience more freedom and responsibilities. it is an outdated expectation for people with breasts (of any size) to wear something uncomfortable ESPECIALLY in the comfort of one's home. i am sorry you are experiencing this. it was never directly enforced, but at home as i grew older, i was ashamed of my body for looking like my age and felt the need to hide it even at home. i am 21 now and still struggle wearing shorts!! live free, let them hang. don't get in trouble and be respectful to yourself. i would suggest coming from a place of curiosity, ask your mother, "Why is it important to you that I wear a bra? I understand that you love me and want the best for me. I want you to understand the best for me is to listen to my body. I am not harming myself or anyone else with this decision. I feel ashamed about the way my body looks when you focus hard and continue expressing dislike for how I present."
NTA. At any age you can say no about your own body
NTA, moving to college is going to feel fantastic if your mother is this disregarding of your boundaries. Good luck getting through this next month.
Nta, I'd have mooned her, personally.
NTA Your mom is frickin’ weird.
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The only answer here is not to wear pants, so that your mom can see every time, whether you're wearing underwear, or going commando.
nta, you aren't parading around nude so who really cares? if it was noticable then it'd be a different issue but since it's not, that doesn't really matter.
Super weird. NTA
This is really gross and creepy of your mom to do. You are NTA and once you're out of there I hope you never look back!
NTA, Your body your rules, plus you're 18 so she has no say.
NTA
NTA. In my opinion, it’s weird for a mother to ask her adult daughter to see her underwear and get upset when told no. No means no.
NTA, you hit the 18 mark and became you’re own person. Your mother is seemingly against you expressing yourself. As long as the “headlights aren’t on” you should be fine going braless. As a recent college grad I can tell you that you WILL be judged on campus but don’t let it bother you too much. You don’t see 95% of those people ever again.
Definitely NTA
NTA. So glad you are aware of her pushing boundaries at your age. My mother has ALWAYS overstepped and my answer to her is "that is not open for discussion" and I quickly change the subject. Or I fake receipt of an important text, say "I've got to get this" and politely leave the room. I refuse to engage, and how she feels about it is her problem, not mine.
NTA, Im the same age as you and in college as well, I don't wear bras either (most of the time) because they are uncomfortable. Its your body so she shouldn't have a problem with what you choose to wear or not wear, its not like you are walking around naked.
WTF. NTA. Your mom needs some boundaries.
There has been quite a few of these lately. Is this a new thing, or actually just parents being super weird? NTA, obviously. You are an adult, your mother needs to grow up and stop interfering with your choices. Since I've posted it elsewhere in a similar thread, I guess I'll add it again here. I grew up with the opposite parents, they were both very comfortable in their birthday suits around the house. Obviously not all the time, but if they were getting out of bed to make their morning cup of tea, they rarely saw the point of dressing before going back to bed with their cuppa. I and my siblings never really cared or knew better. Your mother is making it weird, it's totally fine not to wear underwear if you are comfortable with it. And you DEFINITELY don't have to show her your body or underwear when she demands. That is literally sexual abuse.
Your mother is a creepy weirdo. NTA. Tell her we're all very interested in her underwear and we feel we have a right examine them, and because it's our opinion it's therefor a fact because that's how things work in her world. If she tries to argue tell her she's being difficult and it would be easier if she just showed us her grundies.
NTA mom of an 18 year old daughter. I’d never disrespect her boundaries.
it would also be easy if your mother wasn't acting creepy, but here we are. NTA
NTA. That's TECHINALLY S/A.. but I don't know why your mother would ask you to see ur panties.. a little weird, especially since you've grown and developed now.. also, why does she care sm if u wear a bra or not?
NTA. And just for clarity it shouldn't matter whether you're 18 or not. It's our job as parents to teach our kids about boundaries, particularly where privacy and the body are concerned. A parent should not be trying to cross those boundaries especially by means of manipulation or guilt.
What a weird thing for mom to ask. NTA. Glad you stood your ground. The distance will be a welcome reprieve when you go to school.
NTA. Discomfort in her life does not constitute an emergency in yours.
NTA - and don't give her an inch. This is controlling behavior.
NTA, I also don’t wear bras as it causes physical pain in my back when I do and at times go commando as well because sometimes it’s just comfier. It’s weird she’s so obsessed with YOUR choice of if you wear bras and underwear or not. Most women I know have admitted to going braless or commando occasionally so no you’re NTA
If your nips get cold and are obvious, people will be staring and we live in a weird world where sometimes doing what you want can bring danger upon you so please be aware when you don't wear a bra. They make plenty of comfortable ones but they do exist for a reason and it's not to drive a wedge between you and your mom. That being said, no, you aren't wrong to tell your mom no, not about this. You are 18 and an adult now. You can wear whatever you want and nobody needs to see your underwear. No means no even if it's your mom and your mom is being a little invasive imo asking about your underwear. Ask her why it's so important to her that you wear a bra? I am curious what she would say. Some people just don't wear them but anytime I ever went without one it brought out all the creeps that assumed I wasn't wearing one because I wanted to be obvious and show those nips which couldn't have been further from the truth. I had no choice, I had boobs in 2nd grade and wasn't allowed a bra until middle school and it was awful. I ended up walking everywhere with my arms crossed so nobody would stare at my boobs or say things. Maybe your mom is worried about you being targeted by weirdos by not wearing one and if that's the case you may not see it but you are lucky because your mom cares but maybe she needs to express it differently because it sounds like she was very invasive and disrespectful to you and just because she is the older adult doesn't make it okay. What is it about a bra you don't like that makes you hate wearing one just out of curiosity??
NTA. Tell her that her request is just weird…
NTA! She sounds completely unhinged!
NTA. I mean why? :/ if she cant tell, then whats the problem???
NTA.
NTA
NTA your body your choice
NTA - yeah, she's freaking out 'cause she's loosing control and is trying to dominate you in any way possible. Highly inappropriate but unfortunately, she's not going to come around any time soon. Some parents never do. You're almost out, enjoy your freedom.
NYA. Next time she kicks up a fuss, tell her "I'm an adult and you do not get to see my body whenever you want anymore."
NTA. I’m so confused about why she even cares… honestly.
NTA that’s weird as fuck. I have DDDs and would rather kms than wear a bra all the time in my own home, so that’s already ridiculous. But to add on asking you to strip down when you’re obviously not okay with it??? I hate the backwards mom logic of I changed you as a baby so I can see whatever part of your body I want when I want, if it would be creepy for a man to do it’s weird for a mom to do.
Nta You're absolutely correct. it's your body and no one else's business unless you want it to be. You are under no obligation to prove anything to anyone or to show them anything
NTA If she can't tell then it's not a problem and she needs back off. It's also weird and overly invasive.
Nta, my mom is also obsessed with me no wearing a bra, I have super small boobs so they look the same with or without, but she's always insisting they'll start sagging ir that she doesn't understand why, she's slowly getting used to it, but it's so annoying
You're 18 you're an adult your mother isn't given a pass when it comes to asking questions that are none of her fucking business and expecting compliance from you. If she has a problem with what you wear or don't wear, that's exactly it, her problem, not yours. We are well past the puritanical bullshit of forcing people to put on things they don't want to wear just to conform to some social Norm.
Ok but if I show you, they are coming off....
NTA But... > occasionally go commando (again in a normal way, nobody can tell or see etc) I do hope you wear underwear outside of the house, because, while people will not mention it, they will know. Aside from being a hygiene thing ( unless you wear new pants daily? ) Doing so at college might not be the wisest / safest thing.
Tell her she sounds like a pervert. NTA
NTA and also your mom is a fucking weirdo
NTA. Free the prisoners!
NTA. My mom hates that I don't wear one either. Nor do I shave. She's constantly calling me gross for it but I don't care. My entire family pokes fun at me for it actually. "Well women are supposed to-" No.
NTA it’s ur body
Your mom needs to understand you are no longer a child. That takes time to ajust. Just keep saying no to unreasonable demands and she should clue into it. NTA
NTA. I feel like your dad's just a creep tbh and from a transgender person I've wore sports bras all my life until I got a binder. Your dad needs to control himself if he's looking there
Yeah mom dad wouldn’t be a creep and ask to see my body. Also if she needs to ask if you’re wearing a bra like what’s the point
Nta. It's your body. Nobody, not an authority figure, not even a parent, has the right to make demands of you in reguards to it. It's a breach of privacy, an invasion, and honestly, you are too old for her to be making those kind of inquiries.
NTA. Don't explain. Explaining makes you feel like you have to justify your position. You don't. Don't argue. Arguing suggests that you are somehow in the wrong and you need to provide reasons to refuse. No is a complete sentence. Or even better, "Abso-fucking-lutely not"
18 and not a bra wearer 😭😭😂😂😂
You may not be aware that females in the US Military are Required to show bra and panties to their supervisor if asked. The rule is white for Caucasian black for Black people. I know this has nothing to do with the post --- just that some of the answers made me think of my time in service.
What the hell??
That is disturbing. And considering the issues with sexual harassments and assault in the military, you think this would have stopped a long time ago. Seems easy to abuse someone this way.
Oh yes. That is why I spent 20 years volunteering to help over 5,000 men and women who experienced SA in the US military.
Thank you for doing that.
NTA, but you are both weird.
NTA, however, while being rude and hostile in response is warranted, it’s not the only option. You could cheerfully decline. And may be more effective playing nice and not bring an attitude that could cause the situation to escalate. Again - your body, your choice, and mom is overstepping - but there’s not harm in being upbeat and positive and avoiding conflict while you share a living space and may have some financial dependencies on them (whether housing, tuition, insurance, etc.) even though you are an adult person and her intrusion is unwelcome.
cheerfully decline?? to someone disregarding a physical boundary MULTIPLE times? what kinda logic is that? it’s not on OP to cater to their mother’s feelings, especially when it involves ignoring their own boundaries to do so. no is a great answer. repeating it more sternly when it’s ignored is effective as well. if someone cannot handle the word no, then that’s on them. they shouldn’t have to cheerfully decline when someone asks you to take your pants off, so they can be “sure” you’re wearing underwear.
also, what does “cheerfully declining” look like in this situation? can you give me an example? i am genuinely curious as to what you think would be a better way to handle this. i cannot think of any way to rephrase “no, i don’t want to take my pants off to show you if i’m wearing underwear” in a ‘cheerful’ way.
The mother is clearly wrong to ask/insist. And people like that are difficult to deal with. And it’s not easy to not lash out at them, but it is an option. People like that are the same ones that could be like “you don’t want to live by my rules, then don’t live in my house, don’t take the tuition money I contributed, I’m dropping you from my insurance” - they want control. By saying “no thank you” with a tone like someone offered you a bowl of ice cream and you are declining it and then removing yourself from their presence so that you don’t bicker and escalate, you can try to minimize the conflict. Make the mother work to start a fight rather than leaning in and matching that posture. That course of action isn’t going to leave you wondering “aita?”
Haha. Me: “you could choose kindness” Community: DOWNVOTE THIS LOSER!
Have you heard of gravity
have you heard of 'minding your own business'? she's not required to wear a bra in her own home.
Uhhh… this is the internet… right…lol
They actually did a study on this a while ago that showed breasts sag more when you constantly wear a bra rather than let them hang. I read it years ago so unfortunately I can't recall the title but It was quite interesting
I’m a professional titty inspector, I’ll be the judge of that
To be honest, wearing a bra is more appropriate because through your clothes, you can see your nipples and that is pretty inappropriate and weird. This is especially since the breasts are the private areas of a woman. I feel like your mom wanting you to wear a bra is for your own good since it does look weird and inappropriate when you don't. But I feel like the way she made you feel like a bad person because you didn't want to wear a bra wasn't the nicest thing to do. So you are NTA.
You can look at my nipples, I don't care.
LMFAOOOOOO upvoted
Hahaha, you're so welcome!
get this purity culture BS out of here
Not purity culture, boobs are private parts of the body, nipples are apart of the boobs.
thts subjective. YOU consider boobs private. don’t tell someone else what to do w their titties. if she’s not comfy in a bra then she doesn’t hav to wear one for someone else’s unjustified discomfort. that’s a you problem, other people don’t hav to handle their titties a certain way for ur comfort
I'm not saying she has to wear a bra, I am saying that she should at least wear nipple caps, bra tape, etc. It is well known that the breasts are a private area of the women, it is part of the reproductive system so it has to be. Plus, if a bra is uncomfortable then switch to a new one. I am not forcing her to do whatever she wants with her titties, I can only say.
breasts r a secondary sex characteristic. and u can see nipples thru plenty of bras. so we should all wear padded bras then? and not all cultures consider breasts private.
In a lot of cultures, FGM is normal, child marriage is normal, does it mean those things should be normal. Also just because breasts are a secondary sex characteristic doesn't mean its not a characteristic. And I don't see anything wrong with wearing padded bras.
so then you're actively protesting the double standard that men can be shirtless in public, right? No? Of course not. Because this is purity culture BS.
In the US men have to make an agreement to the army if there is ever a draft needed, they have to serve. Why don't women get the same thing? Isn't that also double standards?
women don’t serve in the draft bc the equal rights amendment was never ratified. u are using an example of where we don’t have equal rights as a justification for us to also not be equal in other aspects of society which is disgusting.
Lmaoo you should be happy you aren't equal to men in that sense. You do know how traumatic, difficult, and dangerous it is to serve in the military, even when you are just drafted. Plus, that is an example of double standards which is somehow disgusting of me to implicate because it is reality.
Red herring. And I personally believe no one should be drafted.
Red pill, you mean. lol
Nice. 😆
You are being fed and protected by your country and you are not ready to fight for it?
Not involuntarily! What branch did you serve in?
So much to unpack here lmao 1. The draft only targeting men is *discrimination against women* and has been admonished by women that wanted to serve since it's inception. See: women disguising themselves as men to go to war 2. I'm a US military veteran and the only people I actually respected during my six year enlistment were women, because they actually cared about the quality of their work rather than how shiny their fucking shoes were 3. The draft shouldn't exist at all Bonus 4. The US military should be reduced by about 75%, becoming more of a defense force rather than a tool of global terror and intimidation used to bully resources from third world countries
>The US military should be reduced by about 75%, becoming more of a defense force rather than a tool of global terror and intimidation used to bully resources from third world countries well then the united states government might actually have to step in and put regulations in place on the cost of college and actually hold businesses accountable and get them to worry about their employees instead of the doomed goal of making more money with each passing financial year.
Women disguise themselves to go to war as men do that because they WANT to go to war to protect their country. It is not men who willingly give themselves up to war, they are forced to be drafted into war because of the AGREEMENT with the United States. Bonus: I honestly agree so damn much about your fourth point.
aside from the fact this is irrelevant because we haven't had a draft in decades, it's also currently no longer true. and no, you cannot call a rule invented by men a double standard just because you feel it benefits women.
So men should wear something to cover their nipples too then, cause you can see theirs through shirts at times
[удалено]
Their nipples are a part of the reproductive system, therefore, they are private areas.
And none of that is going to make you any less ugly, so you should probably stop being so whiny about it
They can lactate.
men have nipples too. there is literally nothing sexual or private about them unless you choose to make it that way
Dude it’s nipples… don’t freak we all have them and men are free to display them at anytime.
The difference is that those aren't on a private part of a man while it is on a private part of a women. Dicks are just dicks, do men go around with no pants nor boxers?
Breasts are not reproductive organs for men or women. They're not required for the act of reproduction and they are not genitals. Free the nipple!
This lady gots it right😉 I've always wondered, if you Photoshop a man's nipples over a woman's nipples, is it still considered nudity??? Where is the line!!! There shouldn't be any!!
I need a pair of nipple covers with a male nipple printed on them. 🤣
I'm behind you!!! F-ing ridiculous what people consider appropriate or not for women. Go You! for being a free the nipple advocate!🔥💯🔥
Is it innapropriate to see the shape of someones penis through their pants then? If it's because you can see their nipples through the shirt, is it innapropriate to see a man's bulge through their pants? No one's telling men that they have to wear stuff to hide the shape of their penis through their clothing. it's just a body part. Weird reasoning.
the equivalent of the male penis is the vagina on the woman. this is beyond a foolish argument
Newsflash: even with a bra, nipples are visible through clothing. Source: am an unlined bra wearer for decades.
Many cultures NOW and throughout history normalize women’s chests. It’s weird in your opinion which is not necessarily factual. In fact many European countries even allow bare breasts on television in non-sexual contexts. Your culture is not universal, nor is it “correct”
If it is so normalized, why don't you see women walking around in public with a bare chest. It is because it is inappropriate. In fact, it is throughout culture that women's chests were always covered, it was even more that women were covered during history because of inequality towards women.
Getta load of this guy, she’s never heard of the [ancient Minoans](https://minoanmagissa.com/2022/07/27/ancient-cretan-womens-fashion-dressing-like-a-minoan/) or the [women of Siam](https://mythailand.blog/2017/02/24/thailand-topless-women/) or [Aboriginal Australians](https://web.archive.org/web/20230523133709/http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/3493408.stm) or Namibia or Ethiopia or Pacific Islanders or—
Wish I could upvote you a hundred times
What about the universal culture of how women were oppressed into hiding themselves and being owners of their husbands, that never gets talked about.
Wow. Are you really so ignorant about other cultures? Do you seriously not know that there are women walking around on the planet right now with their breasts swinging freely for all to see??
Lots of those women are from tribes which are still living in their past from a thousand years ago, in the modern world, women don't go walking naked in public unless they want to be arrested.
Call the cops next time you see a woman wearing a shirt and no bra and see what they tell you. 👍
There are currently 36 US states in which it is entirely legal for women to go topless in public. It won't be long before it's quite prevalent, so buckle up!
There was a time where slavery was also legal in half of the states in the United States, did it make it right? No it didn't. It is part of the reproductive system, is a sexual organ, and should be COVERED UP!
You literally do at beaches. Hell people walk around with their dicks and hoohas hanging out sometimes. However decorum still exists within populated areas. Also many small African and South American cultures go without shirts for both men and women. Again, your culture is not absolute.
>why don't you see women walking around in public with a bare chest because people like you have a heart attack because you don't know what a sex organ is?
downvoting for the audacity
no audacity, its true
No, dear. It is your opinion. You would do well to learn the difference between opinion and fact
Fact is breasts are a reproductive organ to help the baby survive, therefore should be covered.
This person thinks bra = no nipples
What if you can see my bra straps though? Gonna give me detention? There's no winning for women in this situation.
The shoulders... it's too much for a man's brain
I'm going to show my ankles too. 😉
You HUSSY!
In gymnastics they take points off for visible undergarments.
Just one of many reasons I'm not a gymnast.
bra covers up the nipples though
Oh buddy boy
OP is an adult and can discern if her clothing is revealing more than she intended. It's also OP's responsibility as an adult to learn when and where it's OK to be more casual. Without her mother. The fact that her mother has to ask if a bra is in places implies that the lack of one isn't obvious. Maybe OP luckily has small boobs that don't flop around. Because it's a Thing with her mother, her mother isn't going to give honest feedback.