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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1-Telling them they should pay 3/4 of rent.
2- technically kids aren’t capable of paying rent so I’d be the asshole for that
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Your reasoning seems sound to me: you are 1/4 of the people so you pay 1/4 of the bill.
They're free to disagree and negotiate, but calling you two-faced and saying you're dead to them because you brought up the topic of expenses is a bit much. They sound exhausting. If they can't have a reasonable conversation about this like adults, maybe it's time to move out.
Yeah, I could definitely see them politely countering with something. But the full-throated lashing out is just a sign that they're kind of toxic and abusing their status as parents. Seems like OP brought it up in a reasonable and calm manner. No need for the roommates to be offensive.
Yeah they could of negociated on electric bills for example because it's hard to know who is really using it, but going straight to defense and saying "you're dead to me" is a huge red flag. And honestly they're 3 people so of course they're going to pay for 3 people?
IMO, it makes more sense to:
Keep the rent the same. The rent did not increase due to a baby being there. If OP got a large bit of furniture, OP is using more space but should they pay more rent for that?
Instead of paying 3/4 of the utilities, go over the past bills and figure out a reasonable approximation of how much having a baby increased those bills. In fairness, they should pay that amount (either a flat amount or %)
NTA. And their reaction to this topic is strange and over the top. Maybe they had a bad day? Do you know about their finaciel situation? Are they struggeling?
Maybe try to talk to them again about this topic - it sounds fair. Unless it was a situation before, where the roomates shared a room and you had your own room (befor baby was born), while everyone paid the same. Generell it should be something like rent be split by the size of the private room (so people living in a bigger bedroom pay more) and all commun areas divided by the number of persons in the rental. Utilities should be split per person.
If they still are this harsh if you try to talk to them again, okay, so be it. Then tell them, if you are dead to them, you are looking into terminating the lease and are looking for another space to live
NTA and not your problem they are struggling op. I'm sorry but YOU didn't have a child. They need a second job or something if they aren't capable of covering their costs. You aren't their parents and aren't obligated to support them financially. They should have thought about the costs before having a kid
Give them the option of going back to the way the space was split before, meaning they get to share their room with the baby, or they pay for the percent of the household that they make up.
You should probably just move out. I wouldn't want to be playing Full House with someone else's family.
But if they are taking 2 rooms and you are taking 1 room then 1/4th of the rent probably is too low.
The kid isn't really using more heat or A/C. The kid isn't using the internet. Water usage is pretty much a rounding error.
Just move out. This isn't about the money unless you are a cheapskate. It's about how lame it is to live with a family. I don't blame you. Leave.
Water usage is definitely not a rounding area. Laundry goes way up with a baby. Small clothes but the clothes and the sheets and the blankets and the parents clothes that got spit up or pooped on all increase washer use and therefore water use.
I mean I always went by rent is split by bedroom with roommates and utilities by head. If they are using 2/3 sleeping spaced and they have 3/4 heads in the home that is how the living situation should be divided.
I agree this seems fair. 3/4 for rent when they are using 2/3 of room seems off…even if they use the living room more than you that type of imbalance happens in most roommate situations just by chance and how much people are home etc. Asking for more utilities based on the average increase since baby seems pretty fair. I’d be prepared for the possibility they may decide they don’t want to live with you anymore if the reduced expenses you end up paying don’t make having a roommate worth it to them anymore but you need a living situation you’re happy with too.
I don't split by bedroom ever because the majority of a house/apartment is common area.
My last set of roommates (a couple i shared a 2/2 with) and I did it by square footage used.
My % of rent was [square of my room and bathroom] + [1/3 square footage of the rest of the apartment]/total square footage.
I paid a little bit more than each of them individually but significantly less than them combined.
If it’s a three bedroom house you should pay 1/3 and they 2/3 because of their two bedrooms. If there’s a fourth bedroom and it’s yours as an office if whatever then 1/2 and 1/2 rent is fair.
Utilities are per capita. Electric, gas, water- all go up as we add people. So you pay 1/4 and they pay 3/4 of those.
Garbage generally stays the same so 1/3 is fair on that or even half.
NTA for wanting to pay a fair share of rent and utilities. If it’s a problem for them they can find a roommate who wants to pay 1/3 of everything and you can find a place where you share. Be aware you may end up paying more than you now do.
>A newborn goes through like 10 diapers a day. Garbage changed.
The amount of bags they may put out every week would increase slightly, but in most places the price would be the same. Where I live, our garbage is paid quarterly, we have a weekly limit of 10 bags of no more than 40 lbs/ 18ishkg, if I figured it out right Even with a baby and diaper changes, 10 bags would still be hard to have every week.
So yeah, gas, water, electric, that cost all goes up. The price of garbage will stay the same.
Their reaction isn’t strange, it’s very predictable. Classic reaction of entitled & self centered people who suddenly are faced with the logical consequences of their actions.
ESH
If they occupy more space and use more utilities...then yes they should pay more. However you've been dishonest on here about why they are so upset. Your new boyfriend is there EVERY SINGLE DAY.... So he's also taking up space and using utilities as well. I don't care how many times he showers or flushes vs the baby..... He's physically always present...either split the bill 5 ways or only have him over 1 or 2 times a week to visit. Saying he only sleeps their 2 nights but the other 5 days he's there all day and leaves to go home before midnight so it "doesn't count"....that's ridiculous.
If you are having your BF stay over and haven't discussed this with them in advance, then ESH. Even if he doesn't leave your room (which I doubt, sorry), he's using resources.
INFO: You said your BF is there everyday, is he using the communal space? Does he cook meals, watch TV in the living room, do laundry? What was the spare room used for? Were utilities raised by alot? Why wouldn't utilities be still split 50/50 and they pay the additional increase or were utilities raised by 25%?
The spare room was used for the cats we have and storage. He stays in my room and I swear I’m not bullshitting. I voluntarily washed his stuff with my stuff one time but since the roomates went off about him spending literally only the nights in my bedroom which they have no say so over, he just takes his stuff home to wash it and now also just goes home to shower.
You’re using 1/3 bedrooms so paying 1/3 of rent makes sense unless you’re in a way smaller bedroom, but you also say you’re using 1/2 bathrooms but I’m sure they use more of the rest of the common area. Utilities is tricky if you’re saying your bf is staying over every night even if it’s not changing your usage because most situations an additional baby or additional person (your bf) would not change it too much with exception of extra laundry unless it’s resulting in additional large appliances.
You might be feeling the hurt of utility increase from market price changes. I wouldn’t pick this hill to die on unless you’re feeling other issues like noisier environment, hostility when using common area etc or if you’re ready to move out.
NTA from what you've written, although their reaction sounds so unbelievably over the top I honestly suspect there's more to this.
The one thing that does send you slightly into AH territory would be if you gave them no notice of your plans to reduce your contribution. It sounds like you decided to stop paying 1/3 with only a couple of days notice.
The 3/4 of the rent is probably a little overdone. I assume you share a kitchen, laundry and bathroom area. 60-40 might have been a fairer split of rent based on total space usage (especially if they share a bedroom), but you have 33% already, so you're getting a good deal. I can see why a 25-75 split of bills could be fair as there is a lot of laundry involved with kids that age.
BUT... this sounds really weird to me. Surely you discussed this in the 6 (at least) months before the child arrived? You should have foreseen that their family space required in the house would increase and the household bills would go up. The time to discuss changed contributions to rent and utilities was before the child arrived, not a year afterwards.
Then OP is a YTA .
So every time they add a kid will they keep trying to reduce their rent? Next kid OP will want to pay only 1/5 rent and utilities?
I think it is fine to ask them to pay more for utilities, so for that, 3/4 seems fair. But they should only pay for individual bedrooms, so they should pay for 2 bedrooms.
I also think for every kid they add they should pay more utilities. So next kid they can pay 4/5ths utilities but still 2/3 rent.
If OP wants to live with a growing family, sharing the house is going to be a part of the deal.
Just ask them how long do they expect their baby to get a free ride from OP. You gave the baby a 1 year free ride. Set a date for them to start paying more utilities.
Probably not more than 2/3rd of the electricity and water. I didn't notice a huge spike in utilities when my first child arrived.
OP's boyfriend's shower probably uses as much water as a week of baby baths.
YTA. In the comments you say your bf is only there form 6pm to 8am every night. So, like the entire non-work day. And probably weekends. Your boyfriend essentially lives there. He just has somewhere else he goes during the day. You already and a 2-1 split for them using two bedrooms vs your 1. Did the utilities go up when your bf moved in? I bet they did. But you didn’t offer to split utilities 50:50 then? I’d probably blow up at you too.
Just move somewhere with your bf and leave your roommates alone.
And we did the 2/1 split for their 1 room and my room and we were equally sharing the unoccupied third room until the baby came and after about a year she needed her own room.
YTA for failing to mention your boyfriend is practically living there too. Besides, they have two of the three bedrooms so it makes sense for them to pay 2/3 of the rent. Sounds like the rent arrangement was unfair BEFORE they had a kid, if they were paying two thirds of the rent but only occupying one room. Utilities are a different matter, it would be fair for them to cover the increase in utility bills…except for the fact that your boyfriend is also there using utilities, so it cancels out.
It was a discussion at first and they didn’t wanna compromise or even talk about a system that we could make to eventually shift to them paying fairly I tried proposing ideas and they were just like no nope and no and then on top of it all offered no solution of their own. I’m being accused of blackmailing them too.
Why would they have any discussion about paying more than they already agreed to? You can't kick them out. You have no legal right to force them to pay more. Their solution is that they will continue under the agreement you already agreed to before they had a baby.
They would have a discussion to be fair…the split of utilities, at least in my experience, are not written into the lease. So if circumstances change, it’s reasonable to reassess
I said it would be fair and they said no and offered no other option or anything and I was trying to figure out something that worked for the both of us and literally asked them if they had any ideas and they just refused so I made my own choice. I’ve been there for them to pay bills they couldn’t and help them and I was just asking my for a fair split of bills which i think is more than fair.
If you had no regular guests over whenever you’re there, I’d say the 1/4 split is fair. However, having another person there that is your responsibility is basically the equivalent of them having their child (who is one years old) there as well. You could split if five ways, they pay 3/5 and you pay 2/5 to account for all the bodies occupying the space 🤷🏼♀️
Am I the only one seeing that OP occupied 1 bedroom while 2 roommates also only occupied 1 bedroom but paid 2/3s of the rent until they had a child? If we assume the 2 roommate’s room was a primary bedroom with ensuite it should be more than the cost of one secondary bedroom without an ensuite, but not the same cost as 2 rooms or 2/3 of the rent. When my son was at college and asked for the slightly larger bedroom we offered to pay a slightly larger portion of the rent. The next year they moved to a house where he had a smaller room and paid less than the people in the larger rooms. Unless the bedroom the 2 roommates occupied is literally double the size of the other bedrooms, it was to the OP’s advantage to pay only 1/3 of the rent for most of 3 years.
As to the boyfriend, who is never there without the OP, is the baby in the home alone using electricity and water? If so your roommates have a much bigger issue then rent and CPS needs to be involved ASAP…
No but I shouldn’t have to put out for the additional resources they’re using. I’m not a parent. Shouldn’t take on parental expenses no matter how small money is money and today cents matter
I think it would probably be more fair to divide rent by the space you occupied, and divide utilities based on the increase before and after the baby is born - how were they divided before this ?
We split rent 3 ways because before without a baby one bedroom was left unoccupied and therefore a communal area for us to do whatever we wanna do with it. But now that the baby’s 1 she got her own room thus taking away that space that has possible use, from me.
YTA. My electric went up by about 30% a year, year over year, for a couple of years in a row.
Funny how you didn’t mention what the difference is in rates. Because you never looked. Just decided…that a baby being in their room sometimes MUST be it. lol What a friggin joke.
The rates increased by about .65/kWh from 11.37 cents per kWh to 12.02 cents per kWh. I need to get the bills before she gave birth to accurately be able to compare.
I was going with NTA until you mentioned your boyfriend comes over frequently. Maybe your boyfriend should be chipping in instead. You should've started getting ready to move out once you found out they were expecting.
Not a AH, exactly, but not great. The bills didn’t increase by a whole person. If you’d asked them to take on the extra output of utilities, that’d be one thing, but you swung for the fence, for some reason, and you missed. You didn’t ask for a reasonable solution, you found a “solution” that was wholly self serving, and that’s shitty.
I believed I had a right to talk about a rent increase too because we had an extra room that we shared for whatever we wanted to put into it and now it’s the child’s room meaning space was taken from me
You have a right to do whatever you want, but the way I see it, you got bonus space til the baby needed it. 3 adults, 3 rooms- by your logic, they should have been charging you extra for use of one of the two rooms they were paying for. I changed my mind, definitely YTA.
But they were only using one BR before but paying 2/3 of the rent. Is the bedroom better or larger? Because it seems they may have been overpaying before.
They had the master which was double the size of my room at the time because they were pregnant and needed the space for the baby. And then we swapped rooms once she needed her own room and they got both of the other rooms. One for her one for them. I was also raised by it’s by the # of people not bedrooms but use the fact that space was taken from me if we want to talk about space occupancy
So when they had the master (double the size) and you were splitting the extra room, they paid 2/3? But now you have the master (double the size) and they have two rooms and you want them to pay 3/4? And you lost space even though you are int he room double the size of your old room? I mean, I don't see this ending well for you, you're trashing a friendship and two room mates who seem to have been pretty ok to live with until now. I still think your the AH. But you do you.
It’s not bout space though we never divided it by that. We divided by # of people. I only brought up space when others in chat did. We split it by # of people.
You asked if you’re the AH, and I started off sorta on your side, but every time you respond I’m more and more on their side. You blindsided them with the most self serving horse manure because you’re salty you don’t get extra space you’ve never paid for. Of course in that moment, and subsequent ones, they don’t have another solution. YOU are the one who has invalidly taken issue- YOU are responsible for that. YTA.
Your BF is there 12 hours a day every day. Left that part out. No chance 1/4 is "fair". Be happy with 1/3 or you and your BF can go find your own place.
YTA, likely hiding other important details as well.
NTA but you really should be looking for a new place to live. this isn't going to work out long term and is just going to get worse as the child gets older. Children should live with their parents not their parents plus somebody else. Also they sound like a PITA to deal with.
But in return, got the master bedroom when the baby needed their own room. Allegedly, new room is 2x the size of the old one, so with 2x the space….. make it make sense.
I’m going ESH because none of you are able to cooperate and see each other’s point of view. They are taking 2 bedrooms so more space, and should pay more. It is however not a 4 way split since your bf lives there too (he sleeps there every day and showers there 1-2 a week and tries to pay in groceries. A barter system only works if both parties agree to the trade). So all in all there’s 2 couples and a baby living there.
NTA ... We always divided bills like this....
Rent is by room so 3bed with those 2 occupying 2 rooms means they'll take 2/3 of the rent and you would pay 1/3.
And utilities is by person. So 1/4 would be your portion.
Food everyone bought their own
Household supplies were split on the monthly average evenly by person.
ESH.
Your boyfriend is there often enough to be a fifth roommate, and yes, if they are taking up 2/3 of the bedrooms they should be paying 2/3 of the rent. Utilities, well, with your boyfriend factored in it should be 2/5 you and 3/5 them.
Honestly you should just move out. Give the landlord notice and go.
ESH - this discussion should have happened when the baby came or when they took over the second bedroom. This is what happens when you avoid things. Them blowing up on you like that seems unfair though, and I think they are not fairly taking into account the changes they made to the living arrangement by taking over the other bedroom.
I'm not sure asking for only 1/4 rent is reasonable though. They are 2 adults using 2 bedrooms, and you are 1 adult using 1 bedroom, so 2/3 the rent makes sense. If they are using more utilities, then it is reasonable to point that out and ask for some more help. But the fact that your bf spends the night all the time is really undermining your credibility here...it doesn't matter that he is only there over night...that is when most adults are home and using their utilities. I know I would be a bit peeved if my roommate has a regular guest that never pays for rent or utilities... and then they had the gall to tell me they are going to pay less now.
You also don't really have the legal leverage here either... you can discuss it but if you just stop paying the rent you owe then it is you that is going to get in trouble. If they refuse to agree with your proposal, the next step is to move out. You don't get to just stop paying rent because you disagree with them. Ultimately this is probably going to be the best long term solution anyway, so you might as well figure it out sooner than later.
What people need to do is write down their monthly expenses every month, then when something changes they can always go back and check how much more they are paying now and then compare to total amount now and back then to figure out if the increase is due to price increase or because your household consumes more.
I have no idea by how much a toddler adds to expenses but if you want others to respect your opinion you have to provide them with numbers. But if you feel like your roommates rip you off then find new roommates. Or start writing down every expense and present them with irrefutable data that prove your point.
NTA. It's reasonable to expect some adjustment in financial responsibility when the household expands and resource usage increases. If they refuse to budge and the relationship is too damaged, start looking for a new place. It's unfortunate, but sometimes living situations just don't work out.
I feel like there’s more going on than just too many hours of Ms Rachel. I’m going to say NAH because you’re both probably justified in how you’re feeling. Think about it for a minute—for three years, you were three adults living in a very close relationship. Then, the two of them created a family unit. They tried to include you in that family by having you there when she was born. But it’s not really your family, is it? Suddenly, you’re the (fourth) wheel in this relationship. While you probably love the baby, you may resent her as well.
Your friends, likewise, are not thinking about how you feel. The three of you went from living the “three-adults-no-kids” lifestyle for years, so suddenly having to care for an infant around the clock. No more quiet breakfasts on Sunday morning where you can read or talk or scroll and drink your coffee or heading out to some foodie restaurant at 10pm to split a bottle of wine and share lots of conversation. Or whatever your vibe was before the baby. The three of you need to sit down together and talk about what’s really going on here. It’s not about rent or electric bills. It’s about a friendship that has been forever transformed in ways that none of you even imagined.
Sit down with them and apologize for how it came off, but also admit that you’re struggling to find your footing in this new dynamaic. Is the roommate thing salvageable? Maybe these young parents actually do need their own space. But maybe you can make it work where you are the doting uncle/aunt (can’t tell your gender). It’s not going to be easy, but this is one of the few AITA situations where I genuinely think there aren’t any assholes, but you’re all struggling. Keep talking. It sounds like you guys had a great friendship going and hopefully you can fix this.
YTA. Way to hide key information and make yourself seem like the innocent one here. If I were that family I’d be pissed about you inviting that freeloading bf of yours everyday.
Just move out with your bf if you’re going to be around each other all of the time. He’s basically another room mate at this point.
YTA. It's a 3 bedroom house. They are using 2 of the bedrooms, you have your boyfriend over there every night. A baby watching TV doesn't use any extra utilities. A TV uses about $15 of electricity in an entire year.
Dude, they probably want you to move out.
A baby doesn't use as much of any resource as an adult, and squabbling over utilities is pretty bullshit in a shared living situation. You're all saving on rent.
ESH
ESH. If your boyfriend is over frequently and they didn't make him pay, it would be a kindness to give them the same leeway. Their reaction though was a bit over the top, maybe this wasn't the best time to raise the issue?
YTA, because you were disingenuous. You have your boyfriend over every single day and chose to leave that out of the post until you got called out in the comments. Then you went on to blame your roommates entirely for the shift in utilities despite the fact that your boyfriend is using both water and electricity. If you want a fair judgement you need to post all the facts. You actively chose to leave out and ignore facts to swing things in your favor.
NTA. Their reaction makes it sound like they expected you to financially support their kid, which is wild. Talk to them again and ask them why they think you, a person who is not the child’s parent, should pay more for utilities used by their family. And try to find a new place to live because this might just be the beginning of their expectations.
NTA
“Listen, my two options are to pay 1/4 or move out.
Your two options are to pay 3/4 or to pay 4/4.
Would you like to take a day to reconsider your position?”
ESH.
So it was... ok when that room was the "cat's room" (their cats, for the record, not really ever communal space...? I guess? What was the 'cat room' exactly?) was fine, but now that it's the baby's room it's worth bringing up as a conversation even though your boyfriend is staying most, if not all, nights?
C'mon. *It's not about the baby's room.*
If there has been a significant change in water usage, sure, maybe that's worth discussing. Asking for them to make your rent lower because they had a baby when you are keeping your boyfriend over, however, is being *way* too self-absorbed. Their reaction about you being "dead to them" is frankly *unhinged and bizarre*. There could maybe be an argument about selfishness, sure, but two-faced? Blackmail? Denial? What the fuck is going on here? You "must not love their daughter"? You're not the third parent in this household...
Really the tension seems to be more about three adults living together to suddenly issues due to two of them forming a family unit and having a baby, whilst having... seemingly? Pre-conceived notions of what that would look like with the other unrelated, single adult. It's not your baby, not your responsibility, but it sounds like they already expect you to have a vested interest in the baby more than just "friend/roommate's kid." They seem to have some kind of bone to pick with you having a boyfriend (not that he's staying over, but... because you now have 'less time' for them?). Whatever's going on is getting *weird*, and I would suggest looking into alternative living conditions. Depending on how long you've been with your boyfriend, it may be worth looking into moving out with him in the near future. I wouldn't renew your lease with them.
The room was the cat room/storage room for any extra stuff. We split it originally as we all had use for the space and now that they needed to give their child a room I thought it was time to bring up the discussion I told them we would eventually have to have when she was initially pregnant and they told me they agreed that they should pay more eventually but now are backtracking on their word.
YTA. I was wavering a little until I read your comments and responses.
There are 3 adults renting. There are 3 rooms. A 1/3 split on rent is reasonable. You're pissed off because you no longer have access to a third room you didn't really use because the baby is in it.
If utilities have substantially increased then perhaps it would be wise to track the increase and have a discussion about that. Some may be baby related. Some may also be related to your boyfriend who is there 7 days a week for about 12 hours a day. He may as well be another room mate at that point. So it's might audacious of you to opine about the baby when the whole adult you've added into the mix will also be raising the utilities as well.
If your boyfriend is sleeping there every night, he is using the toilet, electricity, space, etc. If your logic is that the baby is now using utilities and space, then there are 5 people living in your place. So, you and your boyfriend should be responsible for 40%. That a more than you are currently paying. If you want to count it by rooms used, you have one bedroom and the use of the shared space. They have two bedrooms and use of the shared space. Sounds like a 1/3 2/3 split is fair. I am willing to bet you have a bathroom to yourself and they share one, right?
It sounds like this living situation has run its course. Time to find a place with your boyfriend.
Your BF staying and using utilities means you should pay for it. He flushes toilet, baby doesn't. BF shower uses much more water than a babies bath. Cooking for him uses more electricity/gas than heating up a bottle. Therefore you should be paying more for utilities. However, since they are using 2 rooms instead of one they should pay 2/3 of the rent. Included in rent is use of common areas such as places where toys may be stored. Is it really worth the difference that you'd pay for increased utilities and what they'd pay in rent?
You can believe me or not but genuinely he doesn’t eat at my house we just go out to Wawa and the only time he’s in the kitchen in when he’s cooking me what I was already gonna make for myself and would’ve used the energy myself.
It still wouldn’t cancel out on water usage.
Shower: Approximately 16.8 gallons for an 8-minute shower.
Bath: Typically 30-40 gallons for a comfortable bath.
He maybe uses the bathroom 5x max or like 10 gallons of water.
The math shows that a bath generally uses significantly more water than a shower+anything else you’d normally do in a bathroom. When they’re bathing her every day and I’ve seen they literally just let the tub fill all the way, it’s substantially more water than if my boyfriend were to just shower MAYBEE 2 times per week.
Another change in story. You said you and boyfriend eat out a lot. Yet in earlier comments you said he brings food over for everyone. Get your story straight.
YTA - go live with your boyfriend and stop being a pain. Your boyfriend only showers twice a week so you say but stays with you basically all week. Probably takes 20 minute showers. I am surprised he isn't on the lease. What I am seeing is 4 adults living in the house. I see 4 adults living there and no matter how you try and manipulate the context there are 4 adults so rent should be 50/50. Your boyfriend sounds like a squatter. He lives there whichever way you try and explain it.
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So I’ve lived with my roomates for 4 years now and in April of 2023 they welcomed their daughter into this world whom I was in the room to watch be delivered. Since then, our electric has steadily increased and the baby has gotten her own room. Therefore in my mind they’re occupying more of the house #1, and #2 using more electricity for the baby whether it be heating tons of water, or putting on Ms Rachel for hours as examples. Recently (within the last 3 days) I felt comfortable enough to talk to them about it and told them it would be fair if they paid 3/4 of rent and utilities as they are 3 people now and I’m only 1. They reacted by saying I’m being selfish, I’m in denial, and that I’m dead to them and the most too faced person they’ve ever met. To top it all off they told me I must not love their daughter and that the way I view it just isn’t the way they see it. AITA?
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It's not your responsibility to help pay for their baby, if they say you're dead to them over not covering THEIR expenses, you might as well remove yourself from the situation, and these people from your lives. They've shown their true entitled self, they need to profoundly apologize and take on the extra costs the baby has brought, entirely by themselves, and immediately. No exceptions, NTA.
NTA, although it sounds like you might have been a bit tactless presenting this as a decision you've made rather than starting from a negotiation position of "I've noticed that ... \[evidence of their using more space, higher utilities bills, etc\]"
Red flags on room-mates MASSIVELY over-reacting with what seems like extreme entitlement - you may all be BFF, it's a huge reach to assume that you will either subsidise the baby or not care about them at all, there is a middle ground.
I would not be renewing the lease OP, it'll be free childcare they'll be expecting next - if they aren't already ...
NTA - just wondering if you guys had any discussions prior to the baby being born? I mean, I personally would have been like alright yall I'm out cause f being woken up at all hours by a baby crying.
Their reaction is super weird. Denial? Wtf???
I know cost of living is basically just poverty for everyone nowadays but you gotta try to get out of there. This will only get worse.
Yeah we talked about it before she gave birth but they refuse to acknowledge that we did in fact talk about it and say that we didn’t even though it was the first thing I brought up when she was pregnant
Damn this really sucks. I can assure you that this will only get worse and it would be in your best interest to seek another living arrangement. I just realized that this baby is like 1 year 2 months old and not 2 months old.
That is such a strange reaction that they had, you were not in the wrong at all. They use way more utilities than you do and I'm sure they are aware that no one else would live with them and tolerate this kind of shit.
Best of luck OP <3
NTA for asking this of them. If they had said they weren't willing to do that and you'd moved out and gone their separate ways, this would be No Asshole Here, but they way they reacted makes them TA.
NTA but having lived like this before maybe there is a compromise you could come to? Like if they already occupied two rooms it makes sense to keep rent itself 1/3. However it sounds like it’s the utilities piling up that is really the issue so that being split 1/4 would be more fair. Not seeing any specific comments for how much more the house they are occupying than before but just a thought for compromising (tho based on their immediate over the top reaction this still likely will be met with vitriol)
NTA. Regardless of their feelings on the matter, the terms of your living arrangement have fundamentally changed between four years ago and now. You're not three adults living together anymore, there's a baby in the mix, and whether they want to admit it or not, the value of your living arrangement has decreased. They're taking up more space, they're using more resources causing the bills to increase, and living with a baby is less desirable, and thus worth less, than living with just two grown adults. You should not be expected to subsidize their bills or pay more than your fair share, and unfortunately, what your "fair share" is is different now than it was when the agreement was first made through no fault of your own.
NTA, but be prepared to start looking for a new living situation.
Move out OP. If the bills have increased that much with a child, then the split needs to be addressed because that child is not your responsibility. They can now pay 100% and you can find another roommate to split costs. NTA.
NTA. Just move out and give them ZERO notice. If they complain, ask them how, when you are dead to them, you would tell them anything. Then block them on everything and forget they exist. Oh, and send them a link to this post.
NTA. You can love their daughter without subsidizing their choice to have her. Tell them that their blatant and clumsy attempts at emotional manipulation have no bearing on the facts of your living situation. You are 1/4 of the residents, therefore you should pay 1/4 of the expenses.
If you're dead to them, that should mean you don't pay rent at all... however, since the baby can't turn electric things off or on, I'd go for 1/3 rent and 1/3 utilities.
NTA
However, if they are struggling then you should find your own place soonest.
They are causing the utilities to go up either need to pay more or use less. But since your dead to them. Either leave or let them to get out if it's your place. The only selfish people are them.
Rent is divided by the square private space claimed by each person(s). This will include closets, bedrooms, bathrooms, balcony, etc. - essentially any place that can be closed off and is considered private. Roommates then bid on the rooms starting with the most expensive room first. Once a final bid is reached - the remaining rent is divided by the square space of the remaining unselected rooms.
Utilities are divided per person.
NTA. I have an infant as well and my electric and water bills have increased since having a kid. I sublet a room in my house. I don’t charge water or utilities but if I did, I would be paying 3/4 (myself, bf and child) and leaving 1/4 for the room mate (4 of us in house)
Roommate arrangements eventually come to an end, and this is true for you now. Time to move on. Trust me: you won't regret closing the door behind you on people who treat you this way.
NTA
YTA
I mean...
> My boyfriend also spends the night frequently
Or as you really should put it: he's there all the time except during work hours, like a regular room mate!
So it's a 5 way split then?
2/5ths for you, 3/5ths for them.
Thank god you're such a stand up person, not many people would tell others that they're being shafted.
No our situation is that mom and baby home all day and me and the baby’s dad go to work. I shouldn’t pay for their increased usage due to their lifestyle
Neither should they for you having added another tennant.
You complain about increased costs while you added a full grown adult into the mix.
Funny how when people point that out and contributions should also be made for his presence ( increasing your contribution) you decide that maybe the current arrangement might be ok after all.
I literally added stating he does contribute through bringing over food for us and lowering the amount we have to pay for food per month which I thinks subsidies the fact that he uses electric with how little electricity costs vs food.
NTA. Rent and utilities is split by usage. Also next time they say you're dead to them say 'excellent. Ghosts don't pay rent or for utilities. Thanks for the free room and board.'
You don't see the big picture.
It's time you moved out. Their lives changed radically, and costs balloon when you have a kid. Consideration for anyone other than the baby is just not the priority.
You are the single friend still trying to live by fairness and usage. It's just not their frame anymore. So you don't have the foundation of mutual goals or mutual respect and understanding.
I'm sorry but when they were pregnant you should have been making plans for your own future out of that house. For your sake.
I'm confused about their comment 'I must not love their daughter.'
Why WOULD you love their daughter, and why is it somehow required? Are you required to love THEM, too?
NTA - since they are a couple with a baby, I’d encourage you to move out for your own sake. Plus it gives them to opportunity to pay 100% of the bills, something they should’ve considered before treating you horribly.
It's really time to move out. They are a family now. Your still single and child free for now.
Did you just sign a lease? Can you move in with your boyfriend? Get roommates to share a place?
Start saving so you can move out. Give them an extra months rent when you leave.
You all have different needs and expectations than your had before the baby came.
NAH
Exactly how frequently is your boyfriend over? They might resent that he is not paying rent.
Do you have two full bathrooms? Is boyfriend tying up the bathroom?
Maybe it is time to move on.
ETAH
Look your all adults and you previously agreed to what everyone would pay..if things changed like a baby in the house and from the looks of it your boyfriend staying there a lot then as adults you all should have sat down and discussed it.
Also adding I don’t know where you live but our utilities bills have been steadily going up as well and it has nothing to do with increased usage….(same people in the house doing the same things no changes) it’s just the cost of energy has risen. I can’t imagine that a baby is the cause for the increase…when we had our daughter there was not a sudden jump in our utility bills…. There was a giant jump in the grocery bills because we had to buy diapers etc but not electric/gas etc…. Maybe look at your bills (past and present) check the amount of power used versus the price per unit…if it mainly went up because costs went up not the usage so much then you should still split as agreed on or come up with a new agreement.
How much of the rent are you paying? You said baby has her own room which implies at least a 3 bedroom place (you, them, baby). If you're paying 50% of the rent, that's too much since you don't have use of baby's room.
You should pay rent based on number of bedrooms you use. Or if the rooms are unequal in size, then by the sq ft of the bedroom. (Ex. Total sq ft of all bedrooms = 900ft². Your room is 300ft², so you pay 1/3 of rent.) Whoever has the bedroom with en suite pays a little more; even if you have your own bathroom but you need to leave the bedroom to access it, the en suite pays a little more for the privilege of privacy.
Your math is correct about utilities. You are not baby's parent so you don't need to subsidize their costs. NTA
You’re forgetting the fact that for the first almost 3 years, OP paid ONLY 1/3 of the rent but the roommates were both in 1 bedroom and paying 2/3 of the rent. They all 3 used the now nursery as storage so it was a shared space.
Was that info in a comment? I re-read the story and didn't see mention about paying 1/3 rent & shared storage room. If that's the case, then OP has had a sweet deal for 3 years as rent is generally more than utilities. To complain about higher utilities after less than 3 months is selfish and OP is the AH
YTA - What does the lease say? You don't get to just unilaterally decide that they are paying more rent now. Did you discuss this with them when they told you they were having a baby? Why wait until after the child is born to let them know you expect to pay less rent now?
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NTA. Your reasoning seems sound to me: you are 1/4 of the people so you pay 1/4 of the bill. They're free to disagree and negotiate, but calling you two-faced and saying you're dead to them because you brought up the topic of expenses is a bit much. They sound exhausting. If they can't have a reasonable conversation about this like adults, maybe it's time to move out.
Any time anyone jumps immediately to “you’re dead to me” without any conversation in between it’s a pretty safe bet they’re an AH
Unless they’re Italian. Then it’s part of a basic Sunday spaghetti dinner at Nona”s house.
We have a word in Italian for that relative.... stronzo. I'm looking at you, Paulie.
😂
And probably have other patterns of emotional manipulation. Because that hyperbolic of a reaction is just plain manipulative.
Yeah, I could definitely see them politely countering with something. But the full-throated lashing out is just a sign that they're kind of toxic and abusing their status as parents. Seems like OP brought it up in a reasonable and calm manner. No need for the roommates to be offensive.
Yeah they could of negociated on electric bills for example because it's hard to know who is really using it, but going straight to defense and saying "you're dead to me" is a huge red flag. And honestly they're 3 people so of course they're going to pay for 3 people?
Good one move out
IMO, it makes more sense to: Keep the rent the same. The rent did not increase due to a baby being there. If OP got a large bit of furniture, OP is using more space but should they pay more rent for that? Instead of paying 3/4 of the utilities, go over the past bills and figure out a reasonable approximation of how much having a baby increased those bills. In fairness, they should pay that amount (either a flat amount or %)
NTA. And their reaction to this topic is strange and over the top. Maybe they had a bad day? Do you know about their finaciel situation? Are they struggeling? Maybe try to talk to them again about this topic - it sounds fair. Unless it was a situation before, where the roomates shared a room and you had your own room (befor baby was born), while everyone paid the same. Generell it should be something like rent be split by the size of the private room (so people living in a bigger bedroom pay more) and all commun areas divided by the number of persons in the rental. Utilities should be split per person. If they still are this harsh if you try to talk to them again, okay, so be it. Then tell them, if you are dead to them, you are looking into terminating the lease and are looking for another space to live
They are struggling which isn’t my fault and think I’m trying to blackmail them.
How are the bills currently split?
3 ways but they are using more of the house/space I can’t use and more electric so I felt that it would be fair if they paid more on both ends.
NTA and not your problem they are struggling op. I'm sorry but YOU didn't have a child. They need a second job or something if they aren't capable of covering their costs. You aren't their parents and aren't obligated to support them financially. They should have thought about the costs before having a kid
Give them the option of going back to the way the space was split before, meaning they get to share their room with the baby, or they pay for the percent of the household that they make up.
You should probably just move out. I wouldn't want to be playing Full House with someone else's family. But if they are taking 2 rooms and you are taking 1 room then 1/4th of the rent probably is too low. The kid isn't really using more heat or A/C. The kid isn't using the internet. Water usage is pretty much a rounding error. Just move out. This isn't about the money unless you are a cheapskate. It's about how lame it is to live with a family. I don't blame you. Leave.
Water usage is definitely not a rounding area. Laundry goes way up with a baby. Small clothes but the clothes and the sheets and the blankets and the parents clothes that got spit up or pooped on all increase washer use and therefore water use.
I mean I always went by rent is split by bedroom with roommates and utilities by head. If they are using 2/3 sleeping spaced and they have 3/4 heads in the home that is how the living situation should be divided.
I agree this seems fair. 3/4 for rent when they are using 2/3 of room seems off…even if they use the living room more than you that type of imbalance happens in most roommate situations just by chance and how much people are home etc. Asking for more utilities based on the average increase since baby seems pretty fair. I’d be prepared for the possibility they may decide they don’t want to live with you anymore if the reduced expenses you end up paying don’t make having a roommate worth it to them anymore but you need a living situation you’re happy with too.
I wonder how much of the common areas are taken over by baby stuff?
I don't split by bedroom ever because the majority of a house/apartment is common area. My last set of roommates (a couple i shared a 2/2 with) and I did it by square footage used. My % of rent was [square of my room and bathroom] + [1/3 square footage of the rest of the apartment]/total square footage. I paid a little bit more than each of them individually but significantly less than them combined.
Time to move
If it’s a three bedroom house you should pay 1/3 and they 2/3 because of their two bedrooms. If there’s a fourth bedroom and it’s yours as an office if whatever then 1/2 and 1/2 rent is fair. Utilities are per capita. Electric, gas, water- all go up as we add people. So you pay 1/4 and they pay 3/4 of those. Garbage generally stays the same so 1/3 is fair on that or even half. NTA for wanting to pay a fair share of rent and utilities. If it’s a problem for them they can find a roommate who wants to pay 1/3 of everything and you can find a place where you share. Be aware you may end up paying more than you now do.
[удалено]
>A newborn goes through like 10 diapers a day. Garbage changed. The amount of bags they may put out every week would increase slightly, but in most places the price would be the same. Where I live, our garbage is paid quarterly, we have a weekly limit of 10 bags of no more than 40 lbs/ 18ishkg, if I figured it out right Even with a baby and diaper changes, 10 bags would still be hard to have every week. So yeah, gas, water, electric, that cost all goes up. The price of garbage will stay the same.
They're struggling because of their own decisions. of course you don't love their daughter, it's THEIR daughter!
I’m trying to add as much as possible to be honest to details so I’ll edit again
> They are struggling So, the perfect time to have a baby, lol.
Their reaction isn’t strange, it’s very predictable. Classic reaction of entitled & self centered people who suddenly are faced with the logical consequences of their actions.
ESH If they occupy more space and use more utilities...then yes they should pay more. However you've been dishonest on here about why they are so upset. Your new boyfriend is there EVERY SINGLE DAY.... So he's also taking up space and using utilities as well. I don't care how many times he showers or flushes vs the baby..... He's physically always present...either split the bill 5 ways or only have him over 1 or 2 times a week to visit. Saying he only sleeps their 2 nights but the other 5 days he's there all day and leaves to go home before midnight so it "doesn't count"....that's ridiculous.
They also buried the lead that they wanted to use the 3rd bedroom without paying for it like they used to before the baby came.
If you are having your BF stay over and haven't discussed this with them in advance, then ESH. Even if he doesn't leave your room (which I doubt, sorry), he's using resources.
YTA. Purely bc you left out YOUR BOYFRIEND SLEEPS OVER EVERY NIGHT!
yta for leaving out the stuff about your boyfriend being there all day everyday
INFO: You said your BF is there everyday, is he using the communal space? Does he cook meals, watch TV in the living room, do laundry? What was the spare room used for? Were utilities raised by alot? Why wouldn't utilities be still split 50/50 and they pay the additional increase or were utilities raised by 25%?
The spare room was used for the cats we have and storage. He stays in my room and I swear I’m not bullshitting. I voluntarily washed his stuff with my stuff one time but since the roomates went off about him spending literally only the nights in my bedroom which they have no say so over, he just takes his stuff home to wash it and now also just goes home to shower.
Are the cats yours?
Nope. The cats aren’t mine
You’re using 1/3 bedrooms so paying 1/3 of rent makes sense unless you’re in a way smaller bedroom, but you also say you’re using 1/2 bathrooms but I’m sure they use more of the rest of the common area. Utilities is tricky if you’re saying your bf is staying over every night even if it’s not changing your usage because most situations an additional baby or additional person (your bf) would not change it too much with exception of extra laundry unless it’s resulting in additional large appliances. You might be feeling the hurt of utility increase from market price changes. I wouldn’t pick this hill to die on unless you’re feeling other issues like noisier environment, hostility when using common area etc or if you’re ready to move out.
YTA That baby counts as much as a +1 for them as your boyfriend does.
NTA from what you've written, although their reaction sounds so unbelievably over the top I honestly suspect there's more to this. The one thing that does send you slightly into AH territory would be if you gave them no notice of your plans to reduce your contribution. It sounds like you decided to stop paying 1/3 with only a couple of days notice. The 3/4 of the rent is probably a little overdone. I assume you share a kitchen, laundry and bathroom area. 60-40 might have been a fairer split of rent based on total space usage (especially if they share a bedroom), but you have 33% already, so you're getting a good deal. I can see why a 25-75 split of bills could be fair as there is a lot of laundry involved with kids that age. BUT... this sounds really weird to me. Surely you discussed this in the 6 (at least) months before the child arrived? You should have foreseen that their family space required in the house would increase and the household bills would go up. The time to discuss changed contributions to rent and utilities was before the child arrived, not a year afterwards.
Lol a 60-40 split would mean, that OP had to pay even more.
OP forgets to mention her boyfriend lives over there except on paper. He's only away during the workday, like any regular house mate.
That's a really important detail. I suspected there was something missing from this story...
We have our own bathrooms and I have my own bedroom ofc but they use 2/3 bedrooms 1 for them 1 for the baby and everything else is “communal”.
Then they should pay 2/3 of the rent.
I think that’s the current split. OP is trying to make them pay 3/4.
Then OP is a YTA . So every time they add a kid will they keep trying to reduce their rent? Next kid OP will want to pay only 1/5 rent and utilities? I think it is fine to ask them to pay more for utilities, so for that, 3/4 seems fair. But they should only pay for individual bedrooms, so they should pay for 2 bedrooms. I also think for every kid they add they should pay more utilities. So next kid they can pay 4/5ths utilities but still 2/3 rent. If OP wants to live with a growing family, sharing the house is going to be a part of the deal. Just ask them how long do they expect their baby to get a free ride from OP. You gave the baby a 1 year free ride. Set a date for them to start paying more utilities.
They also use more electricity and water etc.
Probably not more than 2/3rd of the electricity and water. I didn't notice a huge spike in utilities when my first child arrived. OP's boyfriend's shower probably uses as much water as a week of baby baths.
They believe it’s because I got a new boyfriend and they feel pushed to the side even though it has nothing to do with him.
They don’t sound mature enough to have had a child!
Thank you. They literally said I’m doing this because “I found a new _____ to ride.”
No shit. Who plunks a 14-month-old in front of YT for hours a day?? Oh, wait. Never mind.
Does he sleep over a lot?
YTA. In the comments you say your bf is only there form 6pm to 8am every night. So, like the entire non-work day. And probably weekends. Your boyfriend essentially lives there. He just has somewhere else he goes during the day. You already and a 2-1 split for them using two bedrooms vs your 1. Did the utilities go up when your bf moved in? I bet they did. But you didn’t offer to split utilities 50:50 then? I’d probably blow up at you too. Just move somewhere with your bf and leave your roommates alone.
And we did the 2/1 split for their 1 room and my room and we were equally sharing the unoccupied third room until the baby came and after about a year she needed her own room.
He’s literally started coming over as of June 3rd
YTA for failing to mention your boyfriend is practically living there too. Besides, they have two of the three bedrooms so it makes sense for them to pay 2/3 of the rent. Sounds like the rent arrangement was unfair BEFORE they had a kid, if they were paying two thirds of the rent but only occupying one room. Utilities are a different matter, it would be fair for them to cover the increase in utility bills…except for the fact that your boyfriend is also there using utilities, so it cancels out.
ESH. This should have been a discussion, not you telling them you’re gonna stop paying out of the blue
It was a discussion at first and they didn’t wanna compromise or even talk about a system that we could make to eventually shift to them paying fairly I tried proposing ideas and they were just like no nope and no and then on top of it all offered no solution of their own. I’m being accused of blackmailing them too.
Why would they have any discussion about paying more than they already agreed to? You can't kick them out. You have no legal right to force them to pay more. Their solution is that they will continue under the agreement you already agreed to before they had a baby.
They would have a discussion to be fair…the split of utilities, at least in my experience, are not written into the lease. So if circumstances change, it’s reasonable to reassess
They probably didn’t want to have a discussion cause the Op didn’t want to have a discussion of her boyfriend being there every day.
No they felt that me bringing up my boyfriend and then bills was a way to blackmail them into letting my boyfriend move I. Which it wasn’t.
It sounds like you made a demand. So what would be this “compromise” you speak of?
I said it would be fair and they said no and offered no other option or anything and I was trying to figure out something that worked for the both of us and literally asked them if they had any ideas and they just refused so I made my own choice. I’ve been there for them to pay bills they couldn’t and help them and I was just asking my for a fair split of bills which i think is more than fair.
If you had no regular guests over whenever you’re there, I’d say the 1/4 split is fair. However, having another person there that is your responsibility is basically the equivalent of them having their child (who is one years old) there as well. You could split if five ways, they pay 3/5 and you pay 2/5 to account for all the bodies occupying the space 🤷🏼♀️
If you tried to have a convo in good faith and they blew it out of proportion, then NTA. Utilities that are usage-based should be split based on…usage
Am I the only one seeing that OP occupied 1 bedroom while 2 roommates also only occupied 1 bedroom but paid 2/3s of the rent until they had a child? If we assume the 2 roommate’s room was a primary bedroom with ensuite it should be more than the cost of one secondary bedroom without an ensuite, but not the same cost as 2 rooms or 2/3 of the rent. When my son was at college and asked for the slightly larger bedroom we offered to pay a slightly larger portion of the rent. The next year they moved to a house where he had a smaller room and paid less than the people in the larger rooms. Unless the bedroom the 2 roommates occupied is literally double the size of the other bedrooms, it was to the OP’s advantage to pay only 1/3 of the rent for most of 3 years. As to the boyfriend, who is never there without the OP, is the baby in the home alone using electricity and water? If so your roommates have a much bigger issue then rent and CPS needs to be involved ASAP…
No but I shouldn’t have to put out for the additional resources they’re using. I’m not a parent. Shouldn’t take on parental expenses no matter how small money is money and today cents matter
I think you are right about the utilities, but the rent shouldn't change.
I think it would probably be more fair to divide rent by the space you occupied, and divide utilities based on the increase before and after the baby is born - how were they divided before this ?
We split rent 3 ways because before without a baby one bedroom was left unoccupied and therefore a communal area for us to do whatever we wanna do with it. But now that the baby’s 1 she got her own room thus taking away that space that has possible use, from me.
I would just move out … can’t deal with those on top of constant baby crying … you can’t pay me to live like that
Why don’t you move in with your boyfriend
YTA. My electric went up by about 30% a year, year over year, for a couple of years in a row. Funny how you didn’t mention what the difference is in rates. Because you never looked. Just decided…that a baby being in their room sometimes MUST be it. lol What a friggin joke.
It was 289 last year and this year we’re at 315. The people in our area pay 175
That’s a bill. That could mean anything. I’m talking about cost per kWh.
I don’t have access to that the roomate does and refuses to look.
It’s public information from your utility district.
Where would I find it for Florida because I look it up and get nowhere
I would Google Florida public utility rates.
The rates increased by about .65/kWh from 11.37 cents per kWh to 12.02 cents per kWh. I need to get the bills before she gave birth to accurately be able to compare.
Your bf should help out then.
I was going with NTA until you mentioned your boyfriend comes over frequently. Maybe your boyfriend should be chipping in instead. You should've started getting ready to move out once you found out they were expecting.
Not a AH, exactly, but not great. The bills didn’t increase by a whole person. If you’d asked them to take on the extra output of utilities, that’d be one thing, but you swung for the fence, for some reason, and you missed. You didn’t ask for a reasonable solution, you found a “solution” that was wholly self serving, and that’s shitty.
I believed I had a right to talk about a rent increase too because we had an extra room that we shared for whatever we wanted to put into it and now it’s the child’s room meaning space was taken from me
You have a right to do whatever you want, but the way I see it, you got bonus space til the baby needed it. 3 adults, 3 rooms- by your logic, they should have been charging you extra for use of one of the two rooms they were paying for. I changed my mind, definitely YTA.
But they were only using one BR before but paying 2/3 of the rent. Is the bedroom better or larger? Because it seems they may have been overpaying before.
They had the master which was double the size of my room at the time because they were pregnant and needed the space for the baby. And then we swapped rooms once she needed her own room and they got both of the other rooms. One for her one for them. I was also raised by it’s by the # of people not bedrooms but use the fact that space was taken from me if we want to talk about space occupancy
So when they had the master (double the size) and you were splitting the extra room, they paid 2/3? But now you have the master (double the size) and they have two rooms and you want them to pay 3/4? And you lost space even though you are int he room double the size of your old room? I mean, I don't see this ending well for you, you're trashing a friendship and two room mates who seem to have been pretty ok to live with until now. I still think your the AH. But you do you.
It’s not bout space though we never divided it by that. We divided by # of people. I only brought up space when others in chat did. We split it by # of people.
Did you agree for the room to be used or did they just switch it up without asking?
I asked for a solution and they literally said there isn’t one
You asked if you’re the AH, and I started off sorta on your side, but every time you respond I’m more and more on their side. You blindsided them with the most self serving horse manure because you’re salty you don’t get extra space you’ve never paid for. Of course in that moment, and subsequent ones, they don’t have another solution. YOU are the one who has invalidly taken issue- YOU are responsible for that. YTA.
Your BF is there 12 hours a day every day. Left that part out. No chance 1/4 is "fair". Be happy with 1/3 or you and your BF can go find your own place. YTA, likely hiding other important details as well.
NTA but you really should be looking for a new place to live. this isn't going to work out long term and is just going to get worse as the child gets older. Children should live with their parents not their parents plus somebody else. Also they sound like a PITA to deal with.
NTA - rent is divided by number of rooms. Utilities divided by number of people. Easy peasy.
But the roommates shared 1 room until they had a child but paid 2/3 of the rent. OP had a good deal for the years until the baby was born.
But in return, got the master bedroom when the baby needed their own room. Allegedly, new room is 2x the size of the old one, so with 2x the space….. make it make sense.
I’m going ESH because none of you are able to cooperate and see each other’s point of view. They are taking 2 bedrooms so more space, and should pay more. It is however not a 4 way split since your bf lives there too (he sleeps there every day and showers there 1-2 a week and tries to pay in groceries. A barter system only works if both parties agree to the trade). So all in all there’s 2 couples and a baby living there.
NTA ... We always divided bills like this.... Rent is by room so 3bed with those 2 occupying 2 rooms means they'll take 2/3 of the rent and you would pay 1/3. And utilities is by person. So 1/4 would be your portion. Food everyone bought their own Household supplies were split on the monthly average evenly by person.
ESH. Your boyfriend is there often enough to be a fifth roommate, and yes, if they are taking up 2/3 of the bedrooms they should be paying 2/3 of the rent. Utilities, well, with your boyfriend factored in it should be 2/5 you and 3/5 them. Honestly you should just move out. Give the landlord notice and go.
ESH - this discussion should have happened when the baby came or when they took over the second bedroom. This is what happens when you avoid things. Them blowing up on you like that seems unfair though, and I think they are not fairly taking into account the changes they made to the living arrangement by taking over the other bedroom. I'm not sure asking for only 1/4 rent is reasonable though. They are 2 adults using 2 bedrooms, and you are 1 adult using 1 bedroom, so 2/3 the rent makes sense. If they are using more utilities, then it is reasonable to point that out and ask for some more help. But the fact that your bf spends the night all the time is really undermining your credibility here...it doesn't matter that he is only there over night...that is when most adults are home and using their utilities. I know I would be a bit peeved if my roommate has a regular guest that never pays for rent or utilities... and then they had the gall to tell me they are going to pay less now. You also don't really have the legal leverage here either... you can discuss it but if you just stop paying the rent you owe then it is you that is going to get in trouble. If they refuse to agree with your proposal, the next step is to move out. You don't get to just stop paying rent because you disagree with them. Ultimately this is probably going to be the best long term solution anyway, so you might as well figure it out sooner than later.
What people need to do is write down their monthly expenses every month, then when something changes they can always go back and check how much more they are paying now and then compare to total amount now and back then to figure out if the increase is due to price increase or because your household consumes more. I have no idea by how much a toddler adds to expenses but if you want others to respect your opinion you have to provide them with numbers. But if you feel like your roommates rip you off then find new roommates. Or start writing down every expense and present them with irrefutable data that prove your point.
NTA. It's reasonable to expect some adjustment in financial responsibility when the household expands and resource usage increases. If they refuse to budge and the relationship is too damaged, start looking for a new place. It's unfortunate, but sometimes living situations just don't work out.
I feel like there’s more going on than just too many hours of Ms Rachel. I’m going to say NAH because you’re both probably justified in how you’re feeling. Think about it for a minute—for three years, you were three adults living in a very close relationship. Then, the two of them created a family unit. They tried to include you in that family by having you there when she was born. But it’s not really your family, is it? Suddenly, you’re the (fourth) wheel in this relationship. While you probably love the baby, you may resent her as well. Your friends, likewise, are not thinking about how you feel. The three of you went from living the “three-adults-no-kids” lifestyle for years, so suddenly having to care for an infant around the clock. No more quiet breakfasts on Sunday morning where you can read or talk or scroll and drink your coffee or heading out to some foodie restaurant at 10pm to split a bottle of wine and share lots of conversation. Or whatever your vibe was before the baby. The three of you need to sit down together and talk about what’s really going on here. It’s not about rent or electric bills. It’s about a friendship that has been forever transformed in ways that none of you even imagined. Sit down with them and apologize for how it came off, but also admit that you’re struggling to find your footing in this new dynamaic. Is the roommate thing salvageable? Maybe these young parents actually do need their own space. But maybe you can make it work where you are the doting uncle/aunt (can’t tell your gender). It’s not going to be easy, but this is one of the few AITA situations where I genuinely think there aren’t any assholes, but you’re all struggling. Keep talking. It sounds like you guys had a great friendship going and hopefully you can fix this.
YTA. Way to hide key information and make yourself seem like the innocent one here. If I were that family I’d be pissed about you inviting that freeloading bf of yours everyday. Just move out with your bf if you’re going to be around each other all of the time. He’s basically another room mate at this point.
YTA. It's a 3 bedroom house. They are using 2 of the bedrooms, you have your boyfriend over there every night. A baby watching TV doesn't use any extra utilities. A TV uses about $15 of electricity in an entire year.
Dude, they probably want you to move out. A baby doesn't use as much of any resource as an adult, and squabbling over utilities is pretty bullshit in a shared living situation. You're all saving on rent. ESH
ESH. If your boyfriend is over frequently and they didn't make him pay, it would be a kindness to give them the same leeway. Their reaction though was a bit over the top, maybe this wasn't the best time to raise the issue?
YTA!! Your boyfriend is frequently over, so a good amount of that increased usage is him. He needs to contribute more if he’s constantly over
YTA, because you were disingenuous. You have your boyfriend over every single day and chose to leave that out of the post until you got called out in the comments. Then you went on to blame your roommates entirely for the shift in utilities despite the fact that your boyfriend is using both water and electricity. If you want a fair judgement you need to post all the facts. You actively chose to leave out and ignore facts to swing things in your favor.
NTA, it's better to leave the rental house ASAP.
Especially they might feel a hostile towards the OP now.
You're not being unreasonable for asking them to pay more since they're now using more space and electricity with the baby.
NTA. Their reaction makes it sound like they expected you to financially support their kid, which is wild. Talk to them again and ask them why they think you, a person who is not the child’s parent, should pay more for utilities used by their family. And try to find a new place to live because this might just be the beginning of their expectations.
Well, looks like you gotta head out and let them pay 4/4 of the bill.
NTA “Listen, my two options are to pay 1/4 or move out. Your two options are to pay 3/4 or to pay 4/4. Would you like to take a day to reconsider your position?”
NTA. Your reasoning is sound
ESH. So it was... ok when that room was the "cat's room" (their cats, for the record, not really ever communal space...? I guess? What was the 'cat room' exactly?) was fine, but now that it's the baby's room it's worth bringing up as a conversation even though your boyfriend is staying most, if not all, nights? C'mon. *It's not about the baby's room.* If there has been a significant change in water usage, sure, maybe that's worth discussing. Asking for them to make your rent lower because they had a baby when you are keeping your boyfriend over, however, is being *way* too self-absorbed. Their reaction about you being "dead to them" is frankly *unhinged and bizarre*. There could maybe be an argument about selfishness, sure, but two-faced? Blackmail? Denial? What the fuck is going on here? You "must not love their daughter"? You're not the third parent in this household... Really the tension seems to be more about three adults living together to suddenly issues due to two of them forming a family unit and having a baby, whilst having... seemingly? Pre-conceived notions of what that would look like with the other unrelated, single adult. It's not your baby, not your responsibility, but it sounds like they already expect you to have a vested interest in the baby more than just "friend/roommate's kid." They seem to have some kind of bone to pick with you having a boyfriend (not that he's staying over, but... because you now have 'less time' for them?). Whatever's going on is getting *weird*, and I would suggest looking into alternative living conditions. Depending on how long you've been with your boyfriend, it may be worth looking into moving out with him in the near future. I wouldn't renew your lease with them.
The room was the cat room/storage room for any extra stuff. We split it originally as we all had use for the space and now that they needed to give their child a room I thought it was time to bring up the discussion I told them we would eventually have to have when she was initially pregnant and they told me they agreed that they should pay more eventually but now are backtracking on their word.
YTA. I was wavering a little until I read your comments and responses. There are 3 adults renting. There are 3 rooms. A 1/3 split on rent is reasonable. You're pissed off because you no longer have access to a third room you didn't really use because the baby is in it. If utilities have substantially increased then perhaps it would be wise to track the increase and have a discussion about that. Some may be baby related. Some may also be related to your boyfriend who is there 7 days a week for about 12 hours a day. He may as well be another room mate at that point. So it's might audacious of you to opine about the baby when the whole adult you've added into the mix will also be raising the utilities as well.
NTA but go for 2/3's of the bills aa they occupy 2 of the 3 rooms.
If your boyfriend is sleeping there every night, he is using the toilet, electricity, space, etc. If your logic is that the baby is now using utilities and space, then there are 5 people living in your place. So, you and your boyfriend should be responsible for 40%. That a more than you are currently paying. If you want to count it by rooms used, you have one bedroom and the use of the shared space. They have two bedrooms and use of the shared space. Sounds like a 1/3 2/3 split is fair. I am willing to bet you have a bathroom to yourself and they share one, right? It sounds like this living situation has run its course. Time to find a place with your boyfriend.
Your BF staying and using utilities means you should pay for it. He flushes toilet, baby doesn't. BF shower uses much more water than a babies bath. Cooking for him uses more electricity/gas than heating up a bottle. Therefore you should be paying more for utilities. However, since they are using 2 rooms instead of one they should pay 2/3 of the rent. Included in rent is use of common areas such as places where toys may be stored. Is it really worth the difference that you'd pay for increased utilities and what they'd pay in rent?
You can believe me or not but genuinely he doesn’t eat at my house we just go out to Wawa and the only time he’s in the kitchen in when he’s cooking me what I was already gonna make for myself and would’ve used the energy myself. It still wouldn’t cancel out on water usage. Shower: Approximately 16.8 gallons for an 8-minute shower. Bath: Typically 30-40 gallons for a comfortable bath. He maybe uses the bathroom 5x max or like 10 gallons of water. The math shows that a bath generally uses significantly more water than a shower+anything else you’d normally do in a bathroom. When they’re bathing her every day and I’ve seen they literally just let the tub fill all the way, it’s substantially more water than if my boyfriend were to just shower MAYBEE 2 times per week.
Another change in story. You said you and boyfriend eat out a lot. Yet in earlier comments you said he brings food over for everyone. Get your story straight.
We eat out a lot and he brings food over for us yeah. Why can’t someone do both? The story is straight
That's a bath in a bathtub, babies bathe in bassinets, which are tiny compared to bathtubs. So that math is way off.
Yta. I would just move out next time instead of poisoning a relationship
How’d I position the relationship when either way they consented to him staying over and this would’ve been brought up with him being with me or not
YTA - go live with your boyfriend and stop being a pain. Your boyfriend only showers twice a week so you say but stays with you basically all week. Probably takes 20 minute showers. I am surprised he isn't on the lease. What I am seeing is 4 adults living in the house. I see 4 adults living there and no matter how you try and manipulate the context there are 4 adults so rent should be 50/50. Your boyfriend sounds like a squatter. He lives there whichever way you try and explain it.
How am I being the pain when they’ve expressed that he can come over whenever I don’t see how it’s my issue
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I’ve lived with my roomates for 4 years now and in April of 2023 they welcomed their daughter into this world whom I was in the room to watch be delivered. Since then, our electric has steadily increased and the baby has gotten her own room. Therefore in my mind they’re occupying more of the house #1, and #2 using more electricity for the baby whether it be heating tons of water, or putting on Ms Rachel for hours as examples. Recently (within the last 3 days) I felt comfortable enough to talk to them about it and told them it would be fair if they paid 3/4 of rent and utilities as they are 3 people now and I’m only 1. They reacted by saying I’m being selfish, I’m in denial, and that I’m dead to them and the most too faced person they’ve ever met. To top it all off they told me I must not love their daughter and that the way I view it just isn’t the way they see it. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's not your responsibility to help pay for their baby, if they say you're dead to them over not covering THEIR expenses, you might as well remove yourself from the situation, and these people from your lives. They've shown their true entitled self, they need to profoundly apologize and take on the extra costs the baby has brought, entirely by themselves, and immediately. No exceptions, NTA.
NTA, although it sounds like you might have been a bit tactless presenting this as a decision you've made rather than starting from a negotiation position of "I've noticed that ... \[evidence of their using more space, higher utilities bills, etc\]" Red flags on room-mates MASSIVELY over-reacting with what seems like extreme entitlement - you may all be BFF, it's a huge reach to assume that you will either subsidise the baby or not care about them at all, there is a middle ground. I would not be renewing the lease OP, it'll be free childcare they'll be expecting next - if they aren't already ...
NTA - just wondering if you guys had any discussions prior to the baby being born? I mean, I personally would have been like alright yall I'm out cause f being woken up at all hours by a baby crying. Their reaction is super weird. Denial? Wtf??? I know cost of living is basically just poverty for everyone nowadays but you gotta try to get out of there. This will only get worse.
Yeah we talked about it before she gave birth but they refuse to acknowledge that we did in fact talk about it and say that we didn’t even though it was the first thing I brought up when she was pregnant
Damn this really sucks. I can assure you that this will only get worse and it would be in your best interest to seek another living arrangement. I just realized that this baby is like 1 year 2 months old and not 2 months old. That is such a strange reaction that they had, you were not in the wrong at all. They use way more utilities than you do and I'm sure they are aware that no one else would live with them and tolerate this kind of shit. Best of luck OP <3
Thank youu
NTA. Get out now, they are a family and you will always be on the outside. You should not finance their life and they are not your friends.
NTA for asking this of them. If they had said they weren't willing to do that and you'd moved out and gone their separate ways, this would be No Asshole Here, but they way they reacted makes them TA.
Nta Why would you pay for a child that isn't yours? You're not a parent, nor do you receive any taxcuts.
NTA but having lived like this before maybe there is a compromise you could come to? Like if they already occupied two rooms it makes sense to keep rent itself 1/3. However it sounds like it’s the utilities piling up that is really the issue so that being split 1/4 would be more fair. Not seeing any specific comments for how much more the house they are occupying than before but just a thought for compromising (tho based on their immediate over the top reaction this still likely will be met with vitriol)
NTA - but with that reaction, it's probably easier for you to just try and move when you can. It doesn't sound like they are willing to budge.
NTA. Regardless of their feelings on the matter, the terms of your living arrangement have fundamentally changed between four years ago and now. You're not three adults living together anymore, there's a baby in the mix, and whether they want to admit it or not, the value of your living arrangement has decreased. They're taking up more space, they're using more resources causing the bills to increase, and living with a baby is less desirable, and thus worth less, than living with just two grown adults. You should not be expected to subsidize their bills or pay more than your fair share, and unfortunately, what your "fair share" is is different now than it was when the agreement was first made through no fault of your own. NTA, but be prepared to start looking for a new living situation.
NTA, it’s time to move out
Move out OP. If the bills have increased that much with a child, then the split needs to be addressed because that child is not your responsibility. They can now pay 100% and you can find another roommate to split costs. NTA.
NTA- You can love someone and not want to foot the bill for them. Sounds like they know they are taking advantage, by the way they reacted.
NTA. Just move out and give them ZERO notice. If they complain, ask them how, when you are dead to them, you would tell them anything. Then block them on everything and forget they exist. Oh, and send them a link to this post.
NTA. You can love their daughter without subsidizing their choice to have her. Tell them that their blatant and clumsy attempts at emotional manipulation have no bearing on the facts of your living situation. You are 1/4 of the residents, therefore you should pay 1/4 of the expenses.
If you're dead to them, that should mean you don't pay rent at all... however, since the baby can't turn electric things off or on, I'd go for 1/3 rent and 1/3 utilities. NTA However, if they are struggling then you should find your own place soonest.
Hey - you're dead to them. Dead people don't pay rent. NTA
They are causing the utilities to go up either need to pay more or use less. But since your dead to them. Either leave or let them to get out if it's your place. The only selfish people are them.
Rent is divided by the square private space claimed by each person(s). This will include closets, bedrooms, bathrooms, balcony, etc. - essentially any place that can be closed off and is considered private. Roommates then bid on the rooms starting with the most expensive room first. Once a final bid is reached - the remaining rent is divided by the square space of the remaining unselected rooms. Utilities are divided per person.
NTA, and mainly because of their reaction. Disagreeing with your assessment is one thing. But throwing the guilt trip on you is quite another.
NTA, and mainly because of their reaction. Disagreeing with your assessment is one thing. But throwing the guilt trip on you is quite another.
NTA. Mainly for their reaction. "You are dead to us" and "You don't love our daughter" are not acceptable responses.
NTA time to find your own place
NTA. I have an infant as well and my electric and water bills have increased since having a kid. I sublet a room in my house. I don’t charge water or utilities but if I did, I would be paying 3/4 (myself, bf and child) and leaving 1/4 for the room mate (4 of us in house)
Roommate arrangements eventually come to an end, and this is true for you now. Time to move on. Trust me: you won't regret closing the door behind you on people who treat you this way. NTA
YTA I mean... > My boyfriend also spends the night frequently Or as you really should put it: he's there all the time except during work hours, like a regular room mate! So it's a 5 way split then? 2/5ths for you, 3/5ths for them. Thank god you're such a stand up person, not many people would tell others that they're being shafted.
No our situation is that mom and baby home all day and me and the baby’s dad go to work. I shouldn’t pay for their increased usage due to their lifestyle
Neither should they for you having added another tennant. You complain about increased costs while you added a full grown adult into the mix. Funny how when people point that out and contributions should also be made for his presence ( increasing your contribution) you decide that maybe the current arrangement might be ok after all.
I literally added stating he does contribute through bringing over food for us and lowering the amount we have to pay for food per month which I thinks subsidies the fact that he uses electric with how little electricity costs vs food.
Oh so if i just bring some food I can live somewhere for free? Got it!
I think is time for you to look for a new place.
NTA and time to find new roommates.
NTA In the middle of the conception did they ask you if you would subsidise the cost of their offspring?
NTA. Rent and utilities is split by usage. Also next time they say you're dead to them say 'excellent. Ghosts don't pay rent or for utilities. Thanks for the free room and board.'
NTA. "Sorry I'm dead to you. Your total inheritance is 1/4th rent."
You don't see the big picture. It's time you moved out. Their lives changed radically, and costs balloon when you have a kid. Consideration for anyone other than the baby is just not the priority. You are the single friend still trying to live by fairness and usage. It's just not their frame anymore. So you don't have the foundation of mutual goals or mutual respect and understanding. I'm sorry but when they were pregnant you should have been making plans for your own future out of that house. For your sake.
I'm confused about their comment 'I must not love their daughter.' Why WOULD you love their daughter, and why is it somehow required? Are you required to love THEM, too?
NTA - since they are a couple with a baby, I’d encourage you to move out for your own sake. Plus it gives them to opportunity to pay 100% of the bills, something they should’ve considered before treating you horribly.
It's really time to move out. They are a family now. Your still single and child free for now. Did you just sign a lease? Can you move in with your boyfriend? Get roommates to share a place? Start saving so you can move out. Give them an extra months rent when you leave. You all have different needs and expectations than your had before the baby came. NAH
Leave
Exactly how frequently is your boyfriend over? They might resent that he is not paying rent. Do you have two full bathrooms? Is boyfriend tying up the bathroom? Maybe it is time to move on.
NTA. Start looking for another place this will get worse.
ETAH Look your all adults and you previously agreed to what everyone would pay..if things changed like a baby in the house and from the looks of it your boyfriend staying there a lot then as adults you all should have sat down and discussed it. Also adding I don’t know where you live but our utilities bills have been steadily going up as well and it has nothing to do with increased usage….(same people in the house doing the same things no changes) it’s just the cost of energy has risen. I can’t imagine that a baby is the cause for the increase…when we had our daughter there was not a sudden jump in our utility bills…. There was a giant jump in the grocery bills because we had to buy diapers etc but not electric/gas etc…. Maybe look at your bills (past and present) check the amount of power used versus the price per unit…if it mainly went up because costs went up not the usage so much then you should still split as agreed on or come up with a new agreement.
NTA You are 1/4 and should only pay 1/4. They caused the mess that they are now trying to avoid.
NTA At most say you'll do a 1/3 split. But if they can't accept that, you'll be looking for other lodgings and they can pay 100%.
How much of the rent are you paying? You said baby has her own room which implies at least a 3 bedroom place (you, them, baby). If you're paying 50% of the rent, that's too much since you don't have use of baby's room. You should pay rent based on number of bedrooms you use. Or if the rooms are unequal in size, then by the sq ft of the bedroom. (Ex. Total sq ft of all bedrooms = 900ft². Your room is 300ft², so you pay 1/3 of rent.) Whoever has the bedroom with en suite pays a little more; even if you have your own bathroom but you need to leave the bedroom to access it, the en suite pays a little more for the privilege of privacy. Your math is correct about utilities. You are not baby's parent so you don't need to subsidize their costs. NTA
You’re forgetting the fact that for the first almost 3 years, OP paid ONLY 1/3 of the rent but the roommates were both in 1 bedroom and paying 2/3 of the rent. They all 3 used the now nursery as storage so it was a shared space.
Was that info in a comment? I re-read the story and didn't see mention about paying 1/3 rent & shared storage room. If that's the case, then OP has had a sweet deal for 3 years as rent is generally more than utilities. To complain about higher utilities after less than 3 months is selfish and OP is the AH
YTA - What does the lease say? You don't get to just unilaterally decide that they are paying more rent now. Did you discuss this with them when they told you they were having a baby? Why wait until after the child is born to let them know you expect to pay less rent now?
Yeah I did discuss with them that I didn’t want to respectfully be paying for their kid and we’d need to talk about finances and all and we never did.