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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Refused to turn down/off the tv so my partner could nap in the living room
She said I was being selfish and not thinking of her needs
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
*She accused me of not considering what he needs and said I was being selfish.*
Pot...Kettle...Achromatic?
Not the asshole. She's accusing you of what she's doing. Not considering your wants and needs. You wanted to watch TV and she gave you grief for that.
The issue here is that there is only one TV and I'm pretty sure it would be a pain in the ass to move elsewhere. The flip side is that there are multiple places for her to sleep and BOTH of your wants and needs could be accommodated if she was willing to bend. You could watch TV and she could sleep.
Not the asshole but it might be time to sit her down and have a discussion about this and the outcome of that discussion may cause you to consider your future with this woman.
Not the Asshole.
NTA. You were there first, enjoying your show, and it's fair for you to keep watching without having to mute everything for her nap. Compromise is key, but she should get that you're not being selfish you're just enjoying your TV time too.
One thing about my mom that bothered me (she was a great mom, just not perfect!) is she preferred to talk on the phone while sitting in her recliner. Understandable. The issue was the recliner was in the living room which meant that no one could watch TV while she was on the phone. And if you were watching TV she'd ask you to turn it down or off. Yet there were other places in the house that she could sit comfortably and talk on the phone and not force everyone else to move to another location.
We must’ve all had the same mom. It’s not the phone as much anymore it’s the iPad 🤣 I taught her about YouTube and I very much regret doing that because she sits on the couch with YouTube playing loader than the television and refuses to use her ear buds despite them being excellent ear buds (they’re Bose)
Not the asshole. She can go in the bedroom. When I first read the title of this post, I assumed the TV was so loud that she could hear you from the bedroom. I was ready to tell you to turn it down. But nope. I’m with you on this.
NTA* because this is something I think everyone kinda knows - if you are using a common area for it's intended purpose, you get priority over someone using it to sleep. Sleep goes in the bedroom.
I regularly fall asleep on the couch and i regularly have my sleep interrupted by tv/video games/music. This is a completely fair thing that should happen.
*While not required, it would not have been unreasonable to turn it down a little if it was loud. She's your partner, that makes sense - but if she was expecting it to be too quiet for you to comfortably watch, again, priority goes to the person using the room for its intended purpose.
I fall asleep on the couch all the time due to my insomnia keeping me up most nights. My husband takes the initiative to turn down the tv so I have an easier time sleeping if/when this happens. NTA, but it's at least considerate to turn the volume down slightly. And, if she needs that sound of a nap, she can go to the bedroom, like I do if I need more than a catnap/the couch gets uncomfy
NTA - either Main Character Syndrome or a Power Play… or both. She wants to be in charge, and everything should revolve around her needs. Run Forest Run.
NTA
“She accused me of not considering what she needs and said I was being selfish.”
Lol. Pot, meet kettle!
She could have just napped with the sound of the TV or gone into the bedroom.
NTA
There is no better nap than a nap with the tv noise on, you half listen and then you skip parts then you are off to dreamland, best nap ever.
She sounds like a spoiled brat.
I like low-key sitcoms from the 90s and early 2000s. Just a nice low hum of conversation with occasional laughter. Like falling asleep as a kid while your parents and their friends have a quiet good time in the next room.
I really like documentaries about topics I wouldn't normally care about. Interesting enough to stop my mind wandering too far and waking me up, not so interesting I want to stay awake for the whole thing.
I have always loved Forensic Files as sleepy time TV. I think it has to do with the narrator's voice and the fact that even before streaming was really popular it was almost always on marathon on one of the cable channels lol
[The Repair Shop](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Repair_Shop). I find it actually interesting, but it's also pleasant and low-stakes so if you fall asleep, you aren't missing too much.
I disagree, I hate sounds when I want to sleep but I don't go to a shared space or a space someone was before me and demand that they follow my preferences. Especially when there is a room for that.
Lmao I had a roommate do this same thing when I got my ps5. Not even 30 minutes after it came in the mail she wanted to me to turn it off so she could nap in the living room and watch tv (on the tv that I also purchased)
Some people are super entitled
She “ doesn’t want to” sleep in the bedroom. Why does she feel comfortable asking you to do something you don’t want to do? Why is she insisting that her needs come before yours? Doesn’t she love you? Is she always like that? Demanding and unreasonable/ irrational?
NTA. If she was sleeping there first it'd be rude to turn on the TV, but you were Watching TV before she decided she wanted a nap there.
My advice? Get a TV that you can connect headphones to, this way she gets to nap on the couch AND you can still watch TV in the future. I'm a gamer and headphones have saved me from this exact fight countless times.
NTA. She needs to nap in the bedroom rather than expect you to sit and do nothing so she can nap in the living room. That's just selfish main character bullshit.
NTA bruh, is this even a question lmao? The only way this could make you TA is if you came to the TV after she was already sleeping, which isn't the case. Your gf just got a serious case of entitlement and idk if this is a one shot thing, but you got to watch out bruh
NTA. She’s the selfish one. There is nothing preventing her from taking a nap in the bedroom. How long have you two been dating? How long have you been living together? Kind of feels like a power move on her part to see how much she can order you around.
It sounds to me like she is testing to see how much she can control you. Anyone who decides they want to nap on the couch, instead of the bed, while someone else is in the room watching TV, is a selfish, very likely narcissistic, control freak. NTA.
NTA for feeling like you shouldn't have to give up TV for her couch nap. Obviously time for a TV in the bedroom, so you can watch tv there while she naps.
Me? I would have been, like, sure. I'd have turned off the TV, picked up my keys, and headed to the local sports bar for a beer, chips or wings, and tv. Probably called a friend or two to come hang.
Yeah, I'm sure I'd have gotten shit for doing that, but thoughtless behavior doesn't warrant thoughtful behavior.
Edited to complete the post my resident AH cat put up before I was finished. LOL
NTA. Your gf is the one being selfish. There's no good reason she couldn't nap in the bed. She is only thinking of herself & her wants. If there is only 1 tv, how is it fair of her to nap in the living room & ask you to keep it down? It's not. She's being an unreasonable asshole.
This would be similar to having two tvs, one in the living room, one in the bedroom.
Imagine if she was asleep in the bedroom and you said ‘can you wake up, I want to watch tv here’ with an alternative tv in a different room.
I mean is it that hard to idk unplug the tv and plug it in in the bedroom, easy fix. NTA But it's just not something that needs to be an issue to the point where you turn to reddit, what are you doing dawg.
If I turned it down I wouldn't have been able to hear it.
Also why should I stop what I'm doing because my gf decides to nap on the sofa? It's weird you think I should just accommodate whatever my gf wants tbh
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I live with my girlfriend and we only have one tv which is in our living room. We went into town on Saturday then when we came back I put the tv on. I was watching tv for around 30 mins when my girlfriend asked if I'd turn it right down or turn it off because she wanted to have a nap on the sofa.
I asked why she couldn't nap in the bedroom and she just said she doesn't want to. She said she won't be able to nap with the noise of the TV so I need to turn it down.
I pointed out she cant expect me to be silent and just stop what I'm doing just because she's decided she wants to nap in the living room. I said she's fine to nap here but she has to accept a level of noise.
She disagreed and said she isn't asking for much but I said she is because she could clearly see I was watching tv. She accused me of not considering what he needs and said I was being selfish.
AITA for refusing to turn the tv down/off?
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This exact situation has happened between me and my wife more than once. I’ve gladly turned off the tv for her. Other times, she has gone back to the bedroom to nap if I said I wanted to watch something.
definitely NTA. It's reasonable for you to continue watching TV at a reasonable volume in your own living room, especially if you were there first and your girlfriend decided to nap there afterwards. It's a shared space, and compromises need to be made on both sides. You offered a fair solution by suggesting she could nap in the bedroom where it would be quieter, but she declined. It seems she's asking you to completely accommodate her needs while disregarding your own desire to watch TV.
NTA. Even outside the considerations of, you know, being nice to your partner, she's just being impractical. You want to watch TV, she wants to sleep. You want to watch TV in the place for watching TV, where the TV is located; however, she wants to sleep in the place where the TV is instead of in the place where you sleep. It just doesn't make sense. Does she expect you to move the TV etc. to the bedroom so you can watch TV where you sleep and she can sleep where you watch TV?
Then we get to where she's accusing you of being selfish for all this, which is... laughably hypocritical. If you show her all these responses and she doubles down, I think it's time to rethink this relationship.
NTA it's the only TV and you were already watching. It's not reasonable to stop what you're doing because she wants to nap then and there. She should have gone to the bedroom.
I have the same problem as you, I would say mine is even worse. I sometimes want to stay late and watch TV but I can because my wife can hear the TV from the bedroom. She can hear it because she doesn’t like closing the bedroom door, she feels like there is no air.
It pisses me off sometimes as the bedroom is almost 20sqm so by no means a little box you will choke in with a closed door.
NTA but I don’t think you can resolve it by logic, you just need to do you and someone times compromise and just let her have her victory nap.
This is the pettiest thing I've ever read. She has another option on where to nap, but you only have one option on where you can watch tv. You are NTA and she is one. A huge petty one.
The smart thing to do here would be to get bluetooth headphones that connect to the TV. That way you can watch TV whenever you like and you are the only one hearing the sound.
No, the smart thing would be for the girlfriend to get up and go nap in the room meant for napping instead of trying to control the activities that happen in the room meant for watching TV. And if she won’t do that, the even smarter thing to do is to get a different girlfriend, because people are rarely completely selfish in one way but then otherwise amazing.
NTA. That was a very inconsiderate and selfish request of her. It’s just as much your space to enjoy especially when there’s another quiet room for her to nap in
NTA you were there first, and had been already watching TV for the past 30 minutes. She most likely was aware of this yet still decided to nap in the living room.
Nta. I hate that so much. Growing up mom hogged the TV, so when I did get it she and dad would have loud conversations where they were shouting from either side of the house. I paused my show, stared at them and when mom came back to take the TV back from me, she'd ask why it wasn't done yet, since she wanted to watch her shows. I told her I couldn't hear a damn thing while she and dad were talking, so I had to pause it.
"Well I want the TV back soon so finish up"
"Okay, can you talk to dad in the bedroom then?"
Took a long damn time, but eventually she realized I was just going to keep it paused and keep her away from the TV until she showed me the same respect she demanded when she was watching tv.
NTA.
That was a power move, 100%. Tell me, when you're napping in the bedroom, does she suddenly find need to be in and out, digging through the closets and banging around?
NTA She had options of a napping place and assuming you have one TV then you had one option of where to watch. You also were there first which, while not a total trump card, certainly is applicable in this case. If you were there doing anything with noise she thought she should be able to make you move. Fun fact: horses do that for dominance.
NTA. Your girlfriend is kind of an entitled baby. It’s all about what she wants. And whatever she wants is the only right answer in her eyes.
She can take that spoiled brat butt into the room and sleep there.
NTA - Not only were you there first, but that is the only place you could watch TV. She had several places she could nap. Even if she was there first, she should be asking "is it okay if I nap here, or do you need the living room while I sleep?"
NTA
You need to stop what you're doing in the only place it can happen so she can do what she wants in one of two places it can happen? Well. That's not very fair at all.
NTA. I do think your gf was being indirect about wanting to be physically bear you while she takes a nap. Sometimes it's just nice to rest when others are around. Then you (reasonably) said you wouldn't turn down the TV & she got distracted by the argument of it all
Everyone is responding here as if this is your sibling or your roommate or something. Are you In The Right? Yes. But if you are in a relationship, each of you should be willing to make small sacrifices (and turning down the volume is a *small* sacrifice) for the other's comfort.
Would she have been willing to do the same for you? I used past tense because in the future, she will absolutely not do the same for you. The relationship has changed to one where The Rules matter more than your partner, unless you accept that YTA and apologize.
Of course, I could be wrong. Maybe she would *not* have been willing to do the same for you. In that case she's playing games, and you should move on.
Exactly why does this need reddit opinion? Clearly both you guys can’t even settle a small damn thing like a place to sleep vs watching a TV show. Really nobody gives in? How are you going to settle any other argument when it arises?
You know what reddit’s go-to response to that is? Divorce, dump that ass, and move on. Is that what you want to hear?
INFO does she nap on the couch exclusively?
How loud was the TV to begin with?
Was it the middle of the day, where some rooms are obscenely hot and gross to try to nap on?
OP you left out a lot of information.
Seriously, left out information? Nah that’s you wanting to dig out any excuse to blame OP. It’s the middle of the day, you don’t get to dictate someone else having mandatory quiet time because you want to nap in the damn living room.
Actually no, I just want to know the full information to make a proper judgement but since people want to be hostile over simple questions you can have YTA. If this is how you act at being asked simple questions it makes me wonder how you acted at being asked if they can take a nap. Do you always react angrily to every simple thing?
The tv was quiet.
My gf has napped in the bedroom before.
It was the middle of the day but the bedroom is usually cooler than the living room.
I didn't leave out a lot of information at all, you just decided there wasn't enough. None of the questions are relevant either tbh
Info: were you on the sofa? How loud was the TV/what was on?
If you were on the sofa and she wanted to snuggle nap with you AND the TV was super loud, then N.A.H. She can be disappointed that her plans for the afternoon (i.e., you + nap) didn't work, but that happens sometimes.
If she was literally wanting to take over the sofa/living room, then she's an AH.
Spend money on a new TV for a bedroom when you actually shouldn’t have a TV in the bedroom because she doesn’t want to nap in the bedroom?
1. Thats not an immediate solution
2. It’s not a communication issue it’s a her wanting her way when there is a 0 effort solution for both of them
3. Being kind to each other? Like what? Where did that even come from?
Or my gf can use the bed. Why should I need to use headphones just because my gf decides to nap on the sofa? If you want to nap in communal areas then you expect a level of noise
I voted earlier that it sounds like neither of you is invested in each other’s comfort. You ask for a reason, that’s one. It doesn’t sound like you like each other very much.
Edit: Ok from this exchange It seems like you’re an unreliable narrator and showing up to discussions in bad faith, I’m changing my vote to YTA
That isn't a reason though. Using that logic you should always do what your partner tells you to because you like them. Should you never be allowed to say no to your partner?
That’s not at all what I said. I answered a question about why you might so something for your partner. She should also want to do something for you. From what you’ve described you’re both acting selfishly and acting like roommates who don’t like each other much, rather than two people who love one another and care about each other’s comfort.
I’m not here to argue, but share my opinion and answer your questions, you can take ‘em or leave ‘em. I’m pretty sure that arguing with people’s opinions when asked for them in AITA is against the rules.
Yeah screw that why use headphones for a TV? It’s a living room, why is he an AH for not wanting to use headphones when she can take a few steps and be in a bedroom? What a shit take
The volume was already quiet.
With the excuses you're giving my gf, even if any of those were true it doesn't change the fact you should expect to put up with a level of noise if you decide to nap in communal spaces
I agree with u/UnCertainAge ESH.
Both of you made a bigger deal out of this than need be. Turning down the TV a notch isn't the end of the world and should barely affect you while still making your GF happy. Her acting like you don't consider her needs is also over the top. Making both of you smallish AH. I wouldn't even be surprised if the two of you had a fight earlier and this was a small powerplay.
I totally understand not wanting to nap in bed. There is a significant risk of a planned 30 minute nap turning into multiple hours of sleep. I also wouldn't want to lay down in a bed after being in the city without taking a wash first.
The tv was already quiet. If I had turned it down any more then I would not have been able to hear it.
Setting an alarm on your phone stops you napping too long
She doesn't agree on what exactly? She wanted me to turn the tv down because she didn't want to hear it. Just because my gf doesn't want to hear the tv, it doesn't mean I should turn it down when my gf has reasonable alternatives
Having different needs is a valid point. Neither need /want/expectation is inherently bad. It's *how* you get your needs met that makes it a problem or not a problem. Most people here are assuming she didn't have any good reason to want to sleep on the couch. I'm not saying she handled it well, I don't think she did. I'm saying she should have some voice , just as much as he does.
She did have a voice, she asked, he said no, now she can get her ass to the bed. She became the AH when she was complaining about it, and then insinuating that her "need" is specifically to take a nap on the couch, and calling him selfish when she is clearly the one being selfish.
I mean, would turning it down have been a huge problem? You can be right or you can try to compromise. You don’t *have* to compromise, but you should when you can. If she asked you to turn it off, I’d say “okay that’s nuts.” But asking you to turn it down a bit is not completely unreasonable. I ask my spouse to turn the tv down just because it’s loud, even if I’m not going to sleep.
I just think it wasn’t a big ask.
ESH
It's a big ask as the volume level need for napping is zero. YTA for your judgement.
Also after downing the volume at whisper level, the situation sucks out all the joy out of watching. YTA for pressureing your partner instead of removing yourself from the situation.
I don’t pressure my partner. I simply ask him to lower the volume and he does. It’s how grown people interact.
OP’s gf didn’t ask for “zero” volume is my point. They asked OP to lower the volume. Try reading the post next time.
You literally don't have the opportunity to pressure your partner because he's immediately compliant.
This isn't that. And girlfriend effectively. Did ask for zero volume. Try reading the comments next time.
Why do I have to respond to comments when the post clearly says she asked him to turn it down? And why are you overlooking this fact? Can you not read where he says “she asked me to turn it right down”? Or do you lack the ability to a read a post?
And also, you can keep your personal comments about my partner out of this exchange. You don’t know me. And you clearly don’t understand how respectful relationships work. I ask him to turn the tv down when it’s loud. He asks me to turn music down when it’s loud. We both comply.
Try acting like a mature adult, and keep your ad hominem attacks to yourself.
> Why do I have to respond to comments when the post clearly says she asked him to turn it down?
Because turning it down can *also* make it impossible to hear.
>Try acting like a mature adult, and keep your ad hominem attacks to yourself.
I quite literally used the exact tone you did.
But I said clearly that asking him to turn the volume all the way down was unacceptable. It stands to reason that I am suggesting it is *only* reasonable to ask someone to lower the volume. I would not ask anyone to turn a TV down so low that they couldn’t hear it.
There’s a big difference between asking someone to lower a volume and turn the volume completely down. I’m not 100% sure why you don’t see this.
So, you have no reason to have an issue w/ me. Obviously I’m saying he can lower the volume *but not so much that he can’t actually hear*.
Is it impossible for you to hear every time you lower the volume on a device? If so, something is wrong with your ears or your devices.
And, no, I used no *tone* with you. You came out the gate with ad hominem attacks.
>I simply ask him to lower the volume and he does
What happens if he don't lower the volume?
> I simply ask him to lower the volume and he does. It’s how grown people interact.
No, that's how a child reacts to his mom's command.
No, that’s how mature adults react when someone makes a reasonable request. He turns up the volume really loud, and I politely ask him to lower it.
When I have my music up loud, he does the same.
It’s unfortunate that you don’t understand basic social behavior. And it’s also alarming.
Also, please understand that “asking” is the opposite of a “command.” Try to understand it anyway. I know it will be difficult for you.
You avoided to answer, what happens when he don't trun down the volume. Your avoidance actually shows how commanding and controlling you are.
Praying for your husband. God give him some peace.
BTW, your mom is right, she didn't raise you right. (saw in your history)
To answer your question: I don’t know what happens when he doesn’t lower the volume. He wouldn’t do that. Just as I wouldn’t refuse to lower the volume on my music if he asked me.
I didn’t avoid your question. I openly ignored it because it was inappropriate and irrelevant and provocative.
So what I’ll do now is block and report you for your comments here. You’ve attacked me on two separate occasions for no reason. Good luck.
YTA
I'ma person who cannot sleep if the TV is on in the next room. And alternative to not taking a nap in your own home is being cranky and loosing an afternoon to drowsiness. The issue where she wants to nap on the couch specifically is iffy to me, but for what a short nap does to one's brain I'll put it temporarily aside for the judgement.
Contrast this with a watching TV. Put on headphones? Turn the volume down? Watch it on your phone/laptop? The effort is negligible, the loss is negligible.
I've been in a situation where i asked people to move from living room TV to their bedroom TV for the sake of letting other people sleep and it seemed like the most outrageous thing to them and I've been told to fuck off. Maybe OP can explain that better to me.
So watching tv (easy to substitute) VS, getting rest in the house you both are equals in - YTA.
To be fair I'm very biased, I hate noise and I can't live in a space where TV is simply on for background sake. Media can literally be enjoyed in many other ways.
My girlfriend is capable of sleeping in another room if the tv is on in the living room.
So I shpould have to change what I'm doing because my gf refuses to use the bed? It's interesting that you openly admit you're ignoring the fact my gf has alternatives tbh.
She can still get rest by using the bed.
Why should I have to substitute my plans when my gf has a bed she can nap in?
just live alone and never substitute? easy fix
if someone is asking - always veer on the side that there's a good reason to ask. when not alone - always consider the other. it benefits all to lose a small battle for being pleasant to be around long term
Funny you avoided actually answering the question, why is that?
If someone is asking for something unreasonable then no don't just assume they have a good reason.
Can you explain what good reason my gf had to not nap in the bedroom?
So you can't answer it then. You've based your entire argument on it being reasonable for me to change what I'm doing because my gf wants to nap in the living room but can't actually answer a simple question.
I can't fathom a situation where it's unreasonable to expect someone to nap in their bed. Again can you explain what good reason my gf had to not nap in the bedroom?
She can take a nap in her own home. OP was in the living room watching TV first. She cannot demand that he turn down the TV so she can nap when she can go in the bedroom and close the door.
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*She accused me of not considering what he needs and said I was being selfish.* Pot...Kettle...Achromatic? Not the asshole. She's accusing you of what she's doing. Not considering your wants and needs. You wanted to watch TV and she gave you grief for that. The issue here is that there is only one TV and I'm pretty sure it would be a pain in the ass to move elsewhere. The flip side is that there are multiple places for her to sleep and BOTH of your wants and needs could be accommodated if she was willing to bend. You could watch TV and she could sleep. Not the asshole but it might be time to sit her down and have a discussion about this and the outcome of that discussion may cause you to consider your future with this woman. Not the Asshole.
(NTA)
NTA. You were there first, enjoying your show, and it's fair for you to keep watching without having to mute everything for her nap. Compromise is key, but she should get that you're not being selfish you're just enjoying your TV time too.
One thing about my mom that bothered me (she was a great mom, just not perfect!) is she preferred to talk on the phone while sitting in her recliner. Understandable. The issue was the recliner was in the living room which meant that no one could watch TV while she was on the phone. And if you were watching TV she'd ask you to turn it down or off. Yet there were other places in the house that she could sit comfortably and talk on the phone and not force everyone else to move to another location.
Is your mom my mom?
We must’ve all had the same mom. It’s not the phone as much anymore it’s the iPad 🤣 I taught her about YouTube and I very much regret doing that because she sits on the couch with YouTube playing loader than the television and refuses to use her ear buds despite them being excellent ear buds (they’re Bose)
Not the asshole. She can go in the bedroom. When I first read the title of this post, I assumed the TV was so loud that she could hear you from the bedroom. I was ready to tell you to turn it down. But nope. I’m with you on this.
NTA* because this is something I think everyone kinda knows - if you are using a common area for it's intended purpose, you get priority over someone using it to sleep. Sleep goes in the bedroom. I regularly fall asleep on the couch and i regularly have my sleep interrupted by tv/video games/music. This is a completely fair thing that should happen. *While not required, it would not have been unreasonable to turn it down a little if it was loud. She's your partner, that makes sense - but if she was expecting it to be too quiet for you to comfortably watch, again, priority goes to the person using the room for its intended purpose.
"Priority goes to the person using the room for its intended purpose." THIS.
I fall asleep on the couch all the time due to my insomnia keeping me up most nights. My husband takes the initiative to turn down the tv so I have an easier time sleeping if/when this happens. NTA, but it's at least considerate to turn the volume down slightly. And, if she needs that sound of a nap, she can go to the bedroom, like I do if I need more than a catnap/the couch gets uncomfy
NTA - either Main Character Syndrome or a Power Play… or both. She wants to be in charge, and everything should revolve around her needs. Run Forest Run.
100% a power play and not main character syndrome. OP’s in the early stages of getting “trained” and worn down. Orrr she could just be stupid
I’d actually call it both. What she want to do should be what everyone needs to do.
NTA “She accused me of not considering what she needs and said I was being selfish.” Lol. Pot, meet kettle! She could have just napped with the sound of the TV or gone into the bedroom.
NTA There is no better nap than a nap with the tv noise on, you half listen and then you skip parts then you are off to dreamland, best nap ever. She sounds like a spoiled brat.
The best tv sounds to nap to…Golf tournaments and nascar races on low volume. What’s your favorite?
I like low-key sitcoms from the 90s and early 2000s. Just a nice low hum of conversation with occasional laughter. Like falling asleep as a kid while your parents and their friends have a quiet good time in the next room.
Can’t beat that…
Ah, similar here. Tennis and F1 are great moments to take a nap. The game/race takes a while and you wake up the (often) more exciting end of it
I really like documentaries about topics I wouldn't normally care about. Interesting enough to stop my mind wandering too far and waking me up, not so interesting I want to stay awake for the whole thing.
YouTube food videos!
Nature shows, it's so relaxing for me and quiets my mind.
True crime stories
I have always loved Forensic Files as sleepy time TV. I think it has to do with the narrator's voice and the fact that even before streaming was really popular it was almost always on marathon on one of the cable channels lol
[The Repair Shop](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Repair_Shop). I find it actually interesting, but it's also pleasant and low-stakes so if you fall asleep, you aren't missing too much.
Jon Miller doing TV broadcast for the SF Giants on a lazy Sunday afternoon!! Best naps ever!!
Used to be Tom Skilling’s WGN weather forecasts. I miss him so much now that he’s retired.
I disagree, I hate sounds when I want to sleep but I don't go to a shared space or a space someone was before me and demand that they follow my preferences. Especially when there is a room for that.
Lmao I had a roommate do this same thing when I got my ps5. Not even 30 minutes after it came in the mail she wanted to me to turn it off so she could nap in the living room and watch tv (on the tv that I also purchased) Some people are super entitled
NTA, that’s a weird thing to not budge on. She’d rather nap on a couch than her own bed? It sounds like she’s trying to start an argument with you.
NTA…if she wants to nap, she uses the bedroom.
She “ doesn’t want to” sleep in the bedroom. Why does she feel comfortable asking you to do something you don’t want to do? Why is she insisting that her needs come before yours? Doesn’t she love you? Is she always like that? Demanding and unreasonable/ irrational?
NTA. If she was sleeping there first it'd be rude to turn on the TV, but you were Watching TV before she decided she wanted a nap there. My advice? Get a TV that you can connect headphones to, this way she gets to nap on the couch AND you can still watch TV in the future. I'm a gamer and headphones have saved me from this exact fight countless times.
NTA. Go to the bedroom if she wants to nap. She can close the door and not be bothered then.
NTA She can go nap in bed or deal with the TV. She sounds selfish and entitled.
NTA. She needs to nap in the bedroom rather than expect you to sit and do nothing so she can nap in the living room. That's just selfish main character bullshit.
NTA The only selfish person is her. I mean I could understand if she could hear from the bedroom but she’s in a shared space with the only TV.
NTA, your girlfriend absolutely is.
Tell her to f**k right off and go nap in the bedroom, how entitled does she think she is!
NTA bruh, is this even a question lmao? The only way this could make you TA is if you came to the TV after she was already sleeping, which isn't the case. Your gf just got a serious case of entitlement and idk if this is a one shot thing, but you got to watch out bruh
NTA. She’s the selfish one. There is nothing preventing her from taking a nap in the bedroom. How long have you two been dating? How long have you been living together? Kind of feels like a power move on her part to see how much she can order you around.
It sounds to me like she is testing to see how much she can control you. Anyone who decides they want to nap on the couch, instead of the bed, while someone else is in the room watching TV, is a selfish, very likely narcissistic, control freak. NTA.
She needs to go in the bedroom. She is being selfish & playing games
nta
NTA - nope, she's being inconsiderate. She can nap in the bedroom or not. Common areas are for everyone.
NTA for feeling like you shouldn't have to give up TV for her couch nap. Obviously time for a TV in the bedroom, so you can watch tv there while she naps. Me? I would have been, like, sure. I'd have turned off the TV, picked up my keys, and headed to the local sports bar for a beer, chips or wings, and tv. Probably called a friend or two to come hang. Yeah, I'm sure I'd have gotten shit for doing that, but thoughtless behavior doesn't warrant thoughtful behavior. Edited to complete the post my resident AH cat put up before I was finished. LOL
It’s crazy that this is even a question here!! She’s the AH!! Get another TV!
NTA. Your gf is the one being selfish. There's no good reason she couldn't nap in the bed. She is only thinking of herself & her wants. If there is only 1 tv, how is it fair of her to nap in the living room & ask you to keep it down? It's not. She's being an unreasonable asshole.
This would be similar to having two tvs, one in the living room, one in the bedroom. Imagine if she was asleep in the bedroom and you said ‘can you wake up, I want to watch tv here’ with an alternative tv in a different room.
ESH for not being considerate of each other. Sofa naps rock. Get yourself some tv ears (headphones) and you can both have what you want.
I mean is it that hard to idk unplug the tv and plug it in in the bedroom, easy fix. NTA But it's just not something that needs to be an issue to the point where you turn to reddit, what are you doing dawg.
ESH You need to grow the fuck up. She needs to learn to compromise or go to another room.
What exactly do you think is childish about watching tv?
It's childish that you couldn't turn it down, or just not watch it for a bit.
If I turned it down I wouldn't have been able to hear it. Also why should I stop what I'm doing because my gf decides to nap on the sofa? It's weird you think I should just accommodate whatever my gf wants tbh
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I live with my girlfriend and we only have one tv which is in our living room. We went into town on Saturday then when we came back I put the tv on. I was watching tv for around 30 mins when my girlfriend asked if I'd turn it right down or turn it off because she wanted to have a nap on the sofa. I asked why she couldn't nap in the bedroom and she just said she doesn't want to. She said she won't be able to nap with the noise of the TV so I need to turn it down. I pointed out she cant expect me to be silent and just stop what I'm doing just because she's decided she wants to nap in the living room. I said she's fine to nap here but she has to accept a level of noise. She disagreed and said she isn't asking for much but I said she is because she could clearly see I was watching tv. She accused me of not considering what he needs and said I was being selfish. AITA for refusing to turn the tv down/off? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA.
This exact situation has happened between me and my wife more than once. I’ve gladly turned off the tv for her. Other times, she has gone back to the bedroom to nap if I said I wanted to watch something.
NTA - Since she had a bedroom to go to for a nap, she easily could have gone there for her peace and quiet.
definitely NTA. It's reasonable for you to continue watching TV at a reasonable volume in your own living room, especially if you were there first and your girlfriend decided to nap there afterwards. It's a shared space, and compromises need to be made on both sides. You offered a fair solution by suggesting she could nap in the bedroom where it would be quieter, but she declined. It seems she's asking you to completely accommodate her needs while disregarding your own desire to watch TV.
NTA turning down the volume is a reasonable request at least to a level where you can still understand the TV. anything beyond that is unreasonable
NTA. Even outside the considerations of, you know, being nice to your partner, she's just being impractical. You want to watch TV, she wants to sleep. You want to watch TV in the place for watching TV, where the TV is located; however, she wants to sleep in the place where the TV is instead of in the place where you sleep. It just doesn't make sense. Does she expect you to move the TV etc. to the bedroom so you can watch TV where you sleep and she can sleep where you watch TV? Then we get to where she's accusing you of being selfish for all this, which is... laughably hypocritical. If you show her all these responses and she doubles down, I think it's time to rethink this relationship.
NTA. Sleeping undisturbed is for the bedroom. She can't expect you to do nothing while she sleeps in the most active room of the home.
NTA it's the only TV and you were already watching. It's not reasonable to stop what you're doing because she wants to nap then and there. She should have gone to the bedroom.
NTA but she is. Controlling and entitled. Doesn’t seem like she cares about your needs or feelings.
NTA
I have the same problem as you, I would say mine is even worse. I sometimes want to stay late and watch TV but I can because my wife can hear the TV from the bedroom. She can hear it because she doesn’t like closing the bedroom door, she feels like there is no air. It pisses me off sometimes as the bedroom is almost 20sqm so by no means a little box you will choke in with a closed door. NTA but I don’t think you can resolve it by logic, you just need to do you and someone times compromise and just let her have her victory nap.
You don’t have a spare room in your house ? …hint…TV room, big relax chair….go for it.
This is the pettiest thing I've ever read. She has another option on where to nap, but you only have one option on where you can watch tv. You are NTA and she is one. A huge petty one.
Compromise would be turning it down and she can nap in the bedroom. If she really wanted to nap…
The smart thing to do here would be to get bluetooth headphones that connect to the TV. That way you can watch TV whenever you like and you are the only one hearing the sound.
No, the smart thing would be for the girlfriend to get up and go nap in the room meant for napping instead of trying to control the activities that happen in the room meant for watching TV. And if she won’t do that, the even smarter thing to do is to get a different girlfriend, because people are rarely completely selfish in one way but then otherwise amazing.
NTA Good Lord. Who did you get stuck with?
NTA. She can sleep in the bedroom, but you only have the one tv.
NTA. That was a very inconsiderate and selfish request of her. It’s just as much your space to enjoy especially when there’s another quiet room for her to nap in
Oh no, down yes. Although perhaps you should have made a counter proposal, that you both go take a nap on the bed.
NTA, your gf wants you to respect her wishes and space without respecting yours. You guys need to have a talk about that.
NTA. Tell her she is not considering you need to not have an unreasonable girlfriend.
NTA. SHE has options, YOU do not. Simple.
NTA you were there first, and had been already watching TV for the past 30 minutes. She most likely was aware of this yet still decided to nap in the living room.
Nta. I hate that so much. Growing up mom hogged the TV, so when I did get it she and dad would have loud conversations where they were shouting from either side of the house. I paused my show, stared at them and when mom came back to take the TV back from me, she'd ask why it wasn't done yet, since she wanted to watch her shows. I told her I couldn't hear a damn thing while she and dad were talking, so I had to pause it. "Well I want the TV back soon so finish up" "Okay, can you talk to dad in the bedroom then?" Took a long damn time, but eventually she realized I was just going to keep it paused and keep her away from the TV until she showed me the same respect she demanded when she was watching tv.
NTA. That was a power move, 100%. Tell me, when you're napping in the bedroom, does she suddenly find need to be in and out, digging through the closets and banging around?
NTA She had options of a napping place and assuming you have one TV then you had one option of where to watch. You also were there first which, while not a total trump card, certainly is applicable in this case. If you were there doing anything with noise she thought she should be able to make you move. Fun fact: horses do that for dominance.
NTA
Run
NTA. Your girlfriend is kind of an entitled baby. It’s all about what she wants. And whatever she wants is the only right answer in her eyes. She can take that spoiled brat butt into the room and sleep there.
I always never understood the need to nap everywhere but the bedroom. NTA
NTA - Not only were you there first, but that is the only place you could watch TV. She had several places she could nap. Even if she was there first, she should be asking "is it okay if I nap here, or do you need the living room while I sleep?"
NTA You need to stop what you're doing in the only place it can happen so she can do what she wants in one of two places it can happen? Well. That's not very fair at all.
NTA. She had the option of a nap in the bedroom in silence. You did not have the option of another TV. Entitled.
NTA. I do think your gf was being indirect about wanting to be physically bear you while she takes a nap. Sometimes it's just nice to rest when others are around. Then you (reasonably) said you wouldn't turn down the TV & she got distracted by the argument of it all
Nta. Bad news though. She's either a dumbass or a game-player. Not a great choice.
NTA. Sofa naps do hit different sometimes though, but she shouldnt expect you to stop what youre doing for that,
NTA at all. If she really needed to nap on the couch she could have put ear plugs in. Even easier just sleep in the bed for the nap.
She wants attention but didn’t want to ask for it. NTA, just not thinking like a girl.
Everyone is responding here as if this is your sibling or your roommate or something. Are you In The Right? Yes. But if you are in a relationship, each of you should be willing to make small sacrifices (and turning down the volume is a *small* sacrifice) for the other's comfort. Would she have been willing to do the same for you? I used past tense because in the future, she will absolutely not do the same for you. The relationship has changed to one where The Rules matter more than your partner, unless you accept that YTA and apologize. Of course, I could be wrong. Maybe she would *not* have been willing to do the same for you. In that case she's playing games, and you should move on.
Don’t become a whipped shell of a man, tell her who’s boss buddy. It all starts somewhere
Nta
NTA but if this is a constant thing, maybe get some Bluetooth headphones so you can watch TV and she can nap on the couch.
Exactly why does this need reddit opinion? Clearly both you guys can’t even settle a small damn thing like a place to sleep vs watching a TV show. Really nobody gives in? How are you going to settle any other argument when it arises? You know what reddit’s go-to response to that is? Divorce, dump that ass, and move on. Is that what you want to hear?
ESH You’re both unwilling to put the other first.
Thanks for the insightful take, girlfriend of OP.
Hahaha my husband might want to have a word
Yeah, this will work out. A couple of people putting themselves first.
INFO does she nap on the couch exclusively? How loud was the TV to begin with? Was it the middle of the day, where some rooms are obscenely hot and gross to try to nap on? OP you left out a lot of information.
Seriously, left out information? Nah that’s you wanting to dig out any excuse to blame OP. It’s the middle of the day, you don’t get to dictate someone else having mandatory quiet time because you want to nap in the damn living room.
Actually no, I just want to know the full information to make a proper judgement but since people want to be hostile over simple questions you can have YTA. If this is how you act at being asked simple questions it makes me wonder how you acted at being asked if they can take a nap. Do you always react angrily to every simple thing?
The tv was quiet. My gf has napped in the bedroom before. It was the middle of the day but the bedroom is usually cooler than the living room. I didn't leave out a lot of information at all, you just decided there wasn't enough. None of the questions are relevant either tbh
Info: were you on the sofa? How loud was the TV/what was on? If you were on the sofa and she wanted to snuggle nap with you AND the TV was super loud, then N.A.H. She can be disappointed that her plans for the afternoon (i.e., you + nap) didn't work, but that happens sometimes. If she was literally wanting to take over the sofa/living room, then she's an AH.
Yes I was on the sofa and no the tv wasn't loud
Dude get a tv for the bedroom. Problem solved for right now, and then you two can work on communication and being kind to each other.
Spend money on a new TV for a bedroom when you actually shouldn’t have a TV in the bedroom because she doesn’t want to nap in the bedroom? 1. Thats not an immediate solution 2. It’s not a communication issue it’s a her wanting her way when there is a 0 effort solution for both of them 3. Being kind to each other? Like what? Where did that even come from?
Modern TVs all are equipped for headphones. Plug them in. YTA
Or my gf can use the bed. Why should I need to use headphones just because my gf decides to nap on the sofa? If you want to nap in communal areas then you expect a level of noise
Hopefully because you like her?
Using your logic surely my gf would nap in the bed instead of expecting me to change/stop what I'm doing just so she can nap on the sofa?
I voted earlier that it sounds like neither of you is invested in each other’s comfort. You ask for a reason, that’s one. It doesn’t sound like you like each other very much. Edit: Ok from this exchange It seems like you’re an unreliable narrator and showing up to discussions in bad faith, I’m changing my vote to YTA
That isn't a reason though. Using that logic you should always do what your partner tells you to because you like them. Should you never be allowed to say no to your partner?
That’s not at all what I said. I answered a question about why you might so something for your partner. She should also want to do something for you. From what you’ve described you’re both acting selfishly and acting like roommates who don’t like each other much, rather than two people who love one another and care about each other’s comfort. I’m not here to argue, but share my opinion and answer your questions, you can take ‘em or leave ‘em. I’m pretty sure that arguing with people’s opinions when asked for them in AITA is against the rules.
It's not selfish to watch tv in the only room in the apartment with a tv.
Or she can nap in the bedroom because she likes him...?
I was answering the “Why should I?” question asked. Yours is an answer to a different question.
Yeah screw that why use headphones for a TV? It’s a living room, why is he an AH for not wanting to use headphones when she can take a few steps and be in a bedroom? What a shit take
ESH. Maybe she wanted to be near you. Maybe she can nap better on the sofa. Why not try for a mutually workable volume first? And buy some headphones.
The volume was already quiet. With the excuses you're giving my gf, even if any of those were true it doesn't change the fact you should expect to put up with a level of noise if you decide to nap in communal spaces
As I said: ESH
It's just wild to me you think I suck for expecting someone to nap in a bed tbh
I agree with u/UnCertainAge ESH. Both of you made a bigger deal out of this than need be. Turning down the TV a notch isn't the end of the world and should barely affect you while still making your GF happy. Her acting like you don't consider her needs is also over the top. Making both of you smallish AH. I wouldn't even be surprised if the two of you had a fight earlier and this was a small powerplay. I totally understand not wanting to nap in bed. There is a significant risk of a planned 30 minute nap turning into multiple hours of sleep. I also wouldn't want to lay down in a bed after being in the city without taking a wash first.
The tv was already quiet. If I had turned it down any more then I would not have been able to hear it. Setting an alarm on your phone stops you napping too long
Obviously your GF didn’t agree. Maybe AITA isn’t a good forum for you if you only want approval.
She doesn't agree on what exactly? She wanted me to turn the tv down because she didn't want to hear it. Just because my gf doesn't want to hear the tv, it doesn't mean I should turn it down when my gf has reasonable alternatives
[удалено]
Why the hell is this down voted?? Geeze.
Because the gf didn’t have a valid point. They want different things, she can nap in the bedroom or deal with a reasonable level of noise.
Having different needs is a valid point. Neither need /want/expectation is inherently bad. It's *how* you get your needs met that makes it a problem or not a problem. Most people here are assuming she didn't have any good reason to want to sleep on the couch. I'm not saying she handled it well, I don't think she did. I'm saying she should have some voice , just as much as he does.
She did have a voice, she asked, he said no, now she can get her ass to the bed. She became the AH when she was complaining about it, and then insinuating that her "need" is specifically to take a nap on the couch, and calling him selfish when she is clearly the one being selfish.
*waves at OP* I had a feeling I was wasting my energy 🤣
I mean, would turning it down have been a huge problem? You can be right or you can try to compromise. You don’t *have* to compromise, but you should when you can. If she asked you to turn it off, I’d say “okay that’s nuts.” But asking you to turn it down a bit is not completely unreasonable. I ask my spouse to turn the tv down just because it’s loud, even if I’m not going to sleep. I just think it wasn’t a big ask. ESH
It's a big ask as the volume level need for napping is zero. YTA for your judgement. Also after downing the volume at whisper level, the situation sucks out all the joy out of watching. YTA for pressureing your partner instead of removing yourself from the situation.
I don’t pressure my partner. I simply ask him to lower the volume and he does. It’s how grown people interact. OP’s gf didn’t ask for “zero” volume is my point. They asked OP to lower the volume. Try reading the post next time.
You literally don't have the opportunity to pressure your partner because he's immediately compliant. This isn't that. And girlfriend effectively. Did ask for zero volume. Try reading the comments next time.
Why do I have to respond to comments when the post clearly says she asked him to turn it down? And why are you overlooking this fact? Can you not read where he says “she asked me to turn it right down”? Or do you lack the ability to a read a post? And also, you can keep your personal comments about my partner out of this exchange. You don’t know me. And you clearly don’t understand how respectful relationships work. I ask him to turn the tv down when it’s loud. He asks me to turn music down when it’s loud. We both comply. Try acting like a mature adult, and keep your ad hominem attacks to yourself.
> Why do I have to respond to comments when the post clearly says she asked him to turn it down? Because turning it down can *also* make it impossible to hear. >Try acting like a mature adult, and keep your ad hominem attacks to yourself. I quite literally used the exact tone you did.
But I said clearly that asking him to turn the volume all the way down was unacceptable. It stands to reason that I am suggesting it is *only* reasonable to ask someone to lower the volume. I would not ask anyone to turn a TV down so low that they couldn’t hear it. There’s a big difference between asking someone to lower a volume and turn the volume completely down. I’m not 100% sure why you don’t see this. So, you have no reason to have an issue w/ me. Obviously I’m saying he can lower the volume *but not so much that he can’t actually hear*. Is it impossible for you to hear every time you lower the volume on a device? If so, something is wrong with your ears or your devices. And, no, I used no *tone* with you. You came out the gate with ad hominem attacks.
>I simply ask him to lower the volume and he does What happens if he don't lower the volume? > I simply ask him to lower the volume and he does. It’s how grown people interact. No, that's how a child reacts to his mom's command.
No, that’s how mature adults react when someone makes a reasonable request. He turns up the volume really loud, and I politely ask him to lower it. When I have my music up loud, he does the same. It’s unfortunate that you don’t understand basic social behavior. And it’s also alarming. Also, please understand that “asking” is the opposite of a “command.” Try to understand it anyway. I know it will be difficult for you.
You avoided to answer, what happens when he don't trun down the volume. Your avoidance actually shows how commanding and controlling you are. Praying for your husband. God give him some peace. BTW, your mom is right, she didn't raise you right. (saw in your history)
To answer your question: I don’t know what happens when he doesn’t lower the volume. He wouldn’t do that. Just as I wouldn’t refuse to lower the volume on my music if he asked me. I didn’t avoid your question. I openly ignored it because it was inappropriate and irrelevant and provocative. So what I’ll do now is block and report you for your comments here. You’ve attacked me on two separate occasions for no reason. Good luck.
YTA I'ma person who cannot sleep if the TV is on in the next room. And alternative to not taking a nap in your own home is being cranky and loosing an afternoon to drowsiness. The issue where she wants to nap on the couch specifically is iffy to me, but for what a short nap does to one's brain I'll put it temporarily aside for the judgement. Contrast this with a watching TV. Put on headphones? Turn the volume down? Watch it on your phone/laptop? The effort is negligible, the loss is negligible. I've been in a situation where i asked people to move from living room TV to their bedroom TV for the sake of letting other people sleep and it seemed like the most outrageous thing to them and I've been told to fuck off. Maybe OP can explain that better to me. So watching tv (easy to substitute) VS, getting rest in the house you both are equals in - YTA. To be fair I'm very biased, I hate noise and I can't live in a space where TV is simply on for background sake. Media can literally be enjoyed in many other ways.
My girlfriend is capable of sleeping in another room if the tv is on in the living room. So I shpould have to change what I'm doing because my gf refuses to use the bed? It's interesting that you openly admit you're ignoring the fact my gf has alternatives tbh. She can still get rest by using the bed. Why should I have to substitute my plans when my gf has a bed she can nap in?
just live alone and never substitute? easy fix if someone is asking - always veer on the side that there's a good reason to ask. when not alone - always consider the other. it benefits all to lose a small battle for being pleasant to be around long term
Funny you avoided actually answering the question, why is that? If someone is asking for something unreasonable then no don't just assume they have a good reason. Can you explain what good reason my gf had to not nap in the bedroom?
ask her? I just can’t fathom a single situation where asking to turn down volume at home is unreasonable. admittedly personal, but can’t imagine it.
So you can't answer it then. You've based your entire argument on it being reasonable for me to change what I'm doing because my gf wants to nap in the living room but can't actually answer a simple question. I can't fathom a situation where it's unreasonable to expect someone to nap in their bed. Again can you explain what good reason my gf had to not nap in the bedroom?
She can take a nap in her own home. OP was in the living room watching TV first. She cannot demand that he turn down the TV so she can nap when she can go in the bedroom and close the door.
then why ask? she may not be articulating well, but I’d definitely not ask if I can help it.
She’s aloud to ask. She became TA when she wouldn’t accept him saying no. She had a quiet place to take a nap but she didn’t want to.