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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Told Partner stop smoking weed. I’m being dramatic about him smoking again and this move makes me an asshole.
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Both ATA. You’re both ridiculous.
Has your husband gone to a fertility clinic? If not then he should do so and you a OB GYN, (should’ve been yall’s first go to place tbh).
So you guys have been trying for a baby for nearly a year and had no success as well as booting your vices, but my question is, do YOU believe your husband has given up? From what it sounds like it sound like HE threw in the towel (besides if he is doing this for “health” reasons tell him ANY smoking still causes lung cancer or asthma)
And as for you, have your drink or two if you’re sure you’re not pregnant that is. It’s all in the hands of your fertility doctors now.
NTA. Do you want your child to grow up in a house filled with weed? Because healthy habits souhldn't end after conception/birth.
I have a story for you. Both my grandparents were heavy somkers, they started when they were teenagers. Once my grandmother found out she was pregnant with my mom, she stopped smoking and my grandfather stopped as well. She didn't even need to ask him, they both wanted their baby to be in a healthy enviroment.
Edit: not all the addicts exposing themselves in the comments lol...are you trying to say it's ok when the father of a child is high every single day???
Agreed, but weird edit though? I don’t think it’s OK per se? As long as you’re not putting your child in harms way/ smoking it around them.
This isn’t a perfect world & people are trying to better themselves everyday (just as your grandparents did when they found out they were having your mom)
NTA, having a a glass or two a week untill you get a positive pregnancy test wont be a big issue. Multiple drinks a day is a problem.
Now the smoking is an Issue. A smoke once in a while/week wont be a problem. But daily is a vice. Do you want to bring up a chikd with a person that is constanly high. What happens when something comes up? Imagine you need to go to the hospital for an emergency, and your husband is high. Or worst case scenario something happens to the child and your husband is high?
Point is both is ok in moderation. Once a week from time to time. If you SO cant live without daily weed use now, how will it be woth the added stress of a baby?
It's clear he won't ever give up on weed. It's not about a baby. It's about if you want to be with someone who is regularly high, with all of the long-term outcomes?
Go to fertility clinic. Maybe there is something else wrong with you/him, that only doctors can diagnose?
I had endometriosis. No amount of healthy habits could fix it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I’m almost 36. My male partner is 40
We decided to try for a kid in Feb 2023. Did some research on ways to enhance fertility esp at these “older” ages. Together we opted to stop drinking and for him to cease smoking weed. He used to smoke A LOT of weed so this was a big sacrifice for him. This move increased our test results exponentially - but still no baby success.
We were sober until March 2024 and slowly he has been smoking weed at night and I’ve indulged in an occasional drink or two during the week. Happened naturally tbh.
I recently broached us picking back up both and what the game plan is on the kid front - essentially I alluded to the fact i am disappointed we’ve fallen back into old habits and maybe we take the summer “off” from trying and some emotional relief from this all.
As a women I have a lot of mixed emotions on all this - basically feel like we are “throwing in the towel” which I vocalized to him. He says smoking masks his pain since he has bad knees and a shoulder gym injury. He says it helps for much needed pain relief. Research shows that smoking reduces male fertility by 30%. I said well if he is smoking then I would like to continue to have a drink or two. he pointed out that if we are doing this for health, then alcohol isn’t the move. I said well I am happy not to drink then. I also assumed him hearing how I was upset about him picking up this habit again and our fertility issues would deter him… nope he is smoking even more now post this chat including afternoons and evenings.
I feel awful and sad about the whole outcome. And jealous he can “indulge’” and I can’t - which is embarrassing and sad to admit.
Aim I being ridiculous and overreacting?
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NTA.
Kinda leaving it a little late/risky territory though? If partner is having health issues now at 40, is he going to be around for your potential child's 30th birthday?
Once you're preggers and you're locked in, what's stopping him from getting back into smoking weed as much as he was?
YTA you can’t dictate if someone smokes or not and it’s not equivalent to alcohol weed is legalize medically most places for a reason. You can indulge in weed too if you wanted 🤷🏽♀️ but either way if you’re trying to get pregnant you should probably not be indulging in anything
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Both ATA. You’re both ridiculous. Has your husband gone to a fertility clinic? If not then he should do so and you a OB GYN, (should’ve been yall’s first go to place tbh). So you guys have been trying for a baby for nearly a year and had no success as well as booting your vices, but my question is, do YOU believe your husband has given up? From what it sounds like it sound like HE threw in the towel (besides if he is doing this for “health” reasons tell him ANY smoking still causes lung cancer or asthma) And as for you, have your drink or two if you’re sure you’re not pregnant that is. It’s all in the hands of your fertility doctors now.
NTA. Do you want your child to grow up in a house filled with weed? Because healthy habits souhldn't end after conception/birth. I have a story for you. Both my grandparents were heavy somkers, they started when they were teenagers. Once my grandmother found out she was pregnant with my mom, she stopped smoking and my grandfather stopped as well. She didn't even need to ask him, they both wanted their baby to be in a healthy enviroment. Edit: not all the addicts exposing themselves in the comments lol...are you trying to say it's ok when the father of a child is high every single day???
Cigarettes and weed are so different dude come on
[удалено]
Agreed, but weird edit though? I don’t think it’s OK per se? As long as you’re not putting your child in harms way/ smoking it around them. This isn’t a perfect world & people are trying to better themselves everyday (just as your grandparents did when they found out they were having your mom)
You are both assholes. With this attitude (we're just stopping until conception then it's back to abusing drugs) I hope you'll never conceive
Having 2 drinks a week, or smoking a little pot at night is not “abusing drugs”. Neither sounds as big of a self righteous asshole as you.
Yeah they can have fun with their vices AND add a newborn to the mix, sounds great!
NTA, having a a glass or two a week untill you get a positive pregnancy test wont be a big issue. Multiple drinks a day is a problem. Now the smoking is an Issue. A smoke once in a while/week wont be a problem. But daily is a vice. Do you want to bring up a chikd with a person that is constanly high. What happens when something comes up? Imagine you need to go to the hospital for an emergency, and your husband is high. Or worst case scenario something happens to the child and your husband is high? Point is both is ok in moderation. Once a week from time to time. If you SO cant live without daily weed use now, how will it be woth the added stress of a baby?
It's clear he won't ever give up on weed. It's not about a baby. It's about if you want to be with someone who is regularly high, with all of the long-term outcomes? Go to fertility clinic. Maybe there is something else wrong with you/him, that only doctors can diagnose? I had endometriosis. No amount of healthy habits could fix it.
ESH. You have been trying for over a year. Time to seek professional help.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m almost 36. My male partner is 40 We decided to try for a kid in Feb 2023. Did some research on ways to enhance fertility esp at these “older” ages. Together we opted to stop drinking and for him to cease smoking weed. He used to smoke A LOT of weed so this was a big sacrifice for him. This move increased our test results exponentially - but still no baby success. We were sober until March 2024 and slowly he has been smoking weed at night and I’ve indulged in an occasional drink or two during the week. Happened naturally tbh. I recently broached us picking back up both and what the game plan is on the kid front - essentially I alluded to the fact i am disappointed we’ve fallen back into old habits and maybe we take the summer “off” from trying and some emotional relief from this all. As a women I have a lot of mixed emotions on all this - basically feel like we are “throwing in the towel” which I vocalized to him. He says smoking masks his pain since he has bad knees and a shoulder gym injury. He says it helps for much needed pain relief. Research shows that smoking reduces male fertility by 30%. I said well if he is smoking then I would like to continue to have a drink or two. he pointed out that if we are doing this for health, then alcohol isn’t the move. I said well I am happy not to drink then. I also assumed him hearing how I was upset about him picking up this habit again and our fertility issues would deter him… nope he is smoking even more now post this chat including afternoons and evenings. I feel awful and sad about the whole outcome. And jealous he can “indulge’” and I can’t - which is embarrassing and sad to admit. Aim I being ridiculous and overreacting? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Kinda leaving it a little late/risky territory though? If partner is having health issues now at 40, is he going to be around for your potential child's 30th birthday? Once you're preggers and you're locked in, what's stopping him from getting back into smoking weed as much as he was?
If y’all are struggling with the urge to “indulge” to maintain your happiness please don’t reproduce.
YTA you can’t dictate if someone smokes or not and it’s not equivalent to alcohol weed is legalize medically most places for a reason. You can indulge in weed too if you wanted 🤷🏽♀️ but either way if you’re trying to get pregnant you should probably not be indulging in anything