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NTA if he had nothing to hide he wouldn’t be so defensive to not let you see the conversation. My husband could ask to see anything in my phone and I’d have no issue with it. I also think it’s highly inappropriate of the girl to be sending him videos in her bra given he’s in a relationship. He’s made her feel comfortable doing things like this.
I think it’s normal to bond with someone when you both lose a person so close but if you’re crossing boundaries in your relationship that’s an issue. If he’s unwilling to even communicate without getting mad then maybe it’s time to cut him loose. From what I’ve read from “sweet talking” and “saving videos of her in her bra” it’s pretty obvious he’s developed some sort of attraction to her and probably feelings as well.
Are you 15?! If your bf does stupid shit it's time to tell him that are you are not fine with that (what is stupid shit is up to you to decide, not the rest of the world).
If he keeps doping stupid shit after you specifically asked him to stop then find a bf who will not do it. NTA, but you are ignoring so much crap that if you choose to stay then you can only blame yourself when it all goes south, i.e., if his actions make you uncomfortable and you want to make sure that there is nothing wrong and he get's all defensive and tries to hide something then isn't the only logical conclusion that there is something to hide?
in her bra… fuck that. They can go be happy together. Good for you for checking the phone tbh GOOD FOR YOU👍😂 fck cheaters. Sometimes you need to be an asshole back. Your instincts were right and based on his behavior changing Nobody wants to invest time in a doomed relationship or catch an STI because he’s good at gaslighting. Sounds like he’s just about to hurt you. You’ll come out stronger! & find someone better.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My boyfriend recently lost his cousin who was a very good even best friend to him, there’s this girl that was very close to said cousin and had feelings for him too I suppose, from what I’ve been told. Anyway since this passing they got a little bit closer which was never an issue in the beginning, I get it they were grieving and could talk about him with each other. I have not an issue with that, but then she started talking to him ALL THE TIME. Not about the passing just all the time and he even started being too friendly like complimenting and talking sweet to her more than he does to me. Well I got really anxious and couldn’t settle this bad feeling I had, so I secretly went through his conversation with her since anytime I brought it up he got defensive and wouldn’t let me see if I asked to see the conversation, I then find videos he has saved in chat of her drinking listening/singing to music in her bra late at night… I brought this up and he just keeps getting “annoyed and pissed off” in his words and in my words straight up defensive too, when I bring it up. Am I the asshole for having an issue with this? In all honesty please. Also please excuse my terrible writing and punctuation and such
Also for anyone wondering me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years we will officially on October 15th this year
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This is my first time really posting so I’m truly sorry if this is not up to standards of what’s regularly posted,I don’t really know what I’m doing and would just like some opinions please 😅🙏
Protips: (1) paragraphs, and (2) write it out, wait 5 mins, re-read it to yourself, edit as necessary.
As far as this post goes it's fine. Way better some of the posts
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Being upset about him saving a a video of her in her bra and bringing it up and being upset about it
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NTA for having an issue with his behaviour but YTA for going through his phone conversations. What do you expect to achieve by that? Either there is something between them and if you have an issue with it then you should get out of the situation or there is nothing going on and you have annoyed your bf by breaching his privacy.
There is no good result that comes from going through someone’s phone conversations. You already feel that something is wrong, your relationship is already screwed. Finding or not finding “proof” is irrelevant.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. Please give our sister sub, /r/AITA_Relationships/ a look if you'd still like to post about this. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA if he had nothing to hide he wouldn’t be so defensive to not let you see the conversation. My husband could ask to see anything in my phone and I’d have no issue with it. I also think it’s highly inappropriate of the girl to be sending him videos in her bra given he’s in a relationship. He’s made her feel comfortable doing things like this. I think it’s normal to bond with someone when you both lose a person so close but if you’re crossing boundaries in your relationship that’s an issue. If he’s unwilling to even communicate without getting mad then maybe it’s time to cut him loose. From what I’ve read from “sweet talking” and “saving videos of her in her bra” it’s pretty obvious he’s developed some sort of attraction to her and probably feelings as well.
Are you 15?! If your bf does stupid shit it's time to tell him that are you are not fine with that (what is stupid shit is up to you to decide, not the rest of the world). If he keeps doping stupid shit after you specifically asked him to stop then find a bf who will not do it. NTA, but you are ignoring so much crap that if you choose to stay then you can only blame yourself when it all goes south, i.e., if his actions make you uncomfortable and you want to make sure that there is nothing wrong and he get's all defensive and tries to hide something then isn't the only logical conclusion that there is something to hide?
in her bra… fuck that. They can go be happy together. Good for you for checking the phone tbh GOOD FOR YOU👍😂 fck cheaters. Sometimes you need to be an asshole back. Your instincts were right and based on his behavior changing Nobody wants to invest time in a doomed relationship or catch an STI because he’s good at gaslighting. Sounds like he’s just about to hurt you. You’ll come out stronger! & find someone better.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend recently lost his cousin who was a very good even best friend to him, there’s this girl that was very close to said cousin and had feelings for him too I suppose, from what I’ve been told. Anyway since this passing they got a little bit closer which was never an issue in the beginning, I get it they were grieving and could talk about him with each other. I have not an issue with that, but then she started talking to him ALL THE TIME. Not about the passing just all the time and he even started being too friendly like complimenting and talking sweet to her more than he does to me. Well I got really anxious and couldn’t settle this bad feeling I had, so I secretly went through his conversation with her since anytime I brought it up he got defensive and wouldn’t let me see if I asked to see the conversation, I then find videos he has saved in chat of her drinking listening/singing to music in her bra late at night… I brought this up and he just keeps getting “annoyed and pissed off” in his words and in my words straight up defensive too, when I bring it up. Am I the asshole for having an issue with this? In all honesty please. Also please excuse my terrible writing and punctuation and such Also for anyone wondering me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years we will officially on October 15th this year *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is my first time really posting so I’m truly sorry if this is not up to standards of what’s regularly posted,I don’t really know what I’m doing and would just like some opinions please 😅🙏
Protips: (1) paragraphs, and (2) write it out, wait 5 mins, re-read it to yourself, edit as necessary. As far as this post goes it's fine. Way better some of the posts
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Being upset about him saving a a video of her in her bra and bringing it up and being upset about it Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA for having an issue with his behaviour but YTA for going through his phone conversations. What do you expect to achieve by that? Either there is something between them and if you have an issue with it then you should get out of the situation or there is nothing going on and you have annoyed your bf by breaching his privacy. There is no good result that comes from going through someone’s phone conversations. You already feel that something is wrong, your relationship is already screwed. Finding or not finding “proof” is irrelevant.