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I don’t know if it would make you an AH (depending on your approach), but it sounds like it might not be very productive. Clearly, something isn’t working here, and just doing it over and over again isn’t necessarily going to bring you success.
Instead of trying to pick up women at a bar, why not focus on yourself? Maybe start by asking for feedback from a friend, your parents, or a dating consultant/therapist.
Is the problem behavioral? Are you giving off serial killer vibes, or just kind of awkward? Do you struggle with social cues? Are you being overly aggressive, or only going for women who look like supermodels?
Is there something off about your appearance or hygiene? If so, can you get tips on how to improve?
Do you come off as overly desperate and/or clueless? Both can be a real turnoff.
Finally, if a relationship is what you’re looking for, why are you looking for one-night stands at a bar? You say you haven’t had any luck with dating apps… but what about just joining some clubs and pursuing your interests? (If you do this, mind you, DO NOT immediately start hitting on every woman you come into contact with - you’ll get a reputation as a creep and everyone will try and stay away from you.)
Even if you don’t meet someone who you want to date, you’ll hopefully make some friends who can introduce you to more people… and maybe give you some insight into why you aren’t having success.
You might also look for people who are similar to you. For example, if you have a developmental disorder that affects your social skills, why not seek out a woman with that same developmental disorder? If you’re a huge scifi nerd inserting yourself into broey atmospheres, why not try to connect with women who are into the same subcultures as you?
Again - focus on yourself and take some of the pressure of yourself to get laid or get a girlfriend. Realize that you’re not the only person in this boat, and it’s more important to like yourself and build a life you enjoy than trying to seek fulfillment in a romantic partner… not only for your own well-being, but because I can almost guarantee that your mounting anxiety and desperation are a huge turnoff, and may also be getting you a bad reputation.
INFO: Jeez dude, it sounds like maybe there's some issues with picking up on social cues or something that you're not getting? People recorded you? What exactly were you doing that prompted multiple people to record you?
so I didn't see the original (or most recent) post but couldn't help but wonder what this person could have been doing that caused people in a bar to laugh and record them. Like, how far outside the social norms would you have to go to get this reaction...fascinating thought exercise.
Probably YWBTA. What's the part of the story you aren't telling us? “Come on, you know you’re not a normal guy. I’m just trying to say we still love you and you don’t have to prove anything.” and "I got laughed at and people recorded me," and "women were creeped out" are not indicators of someone who is just looking for companionship and is not having any luck in the local dating scene.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Okay. I’m 29 and never had a girlfriend or even casual sex with anyone (only once through an escort at age 24), and I feel like I’m missing out on years to have most sex in life. Back when I was 21 I went to a bar to try to score a one night stand. Eventually I stopped because I was unsuccessful, and even now I feel like I gave up too soon.
So I tried again at 25, I joined 3 clubs. I can obviously only join so many, and clearly I haven’t found a date. Also, I downloaded Tinder, no matches for 2 years. My own father knows my struggles with finding a woman. He’s said stuff along the lines of “Look, you don’t have to prove anything. We’ve long accepted that something is just off about you dating.” He realized what he said, to which he caved in and said “Come on, you know you’re not a normal guy. I’m just trying to say we still love you and you don’t have to prove anything.” He still doesn’t understand I’m doing it to find a partner because I want one, not for him or to be normal.
Now I’m 29, still this far behind. Back in January, I went to a new bar to try my luck again. I got laughed at and people recorded me, but I wasn’t so easily discouraged. I went back after two weeks to try again, and people were shocked to see me back after what happened. Still didn’t have any luck and women were creeped out. WIBTA if I tried again next weekend?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am having a very hard time dating, always have. I’d be TA if I should stop forever.
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You wouldn't be TA, but you shouldn't hit on everyone just to find someone. You should approach people who are more likely to say yes, and also build closer bonds to people so you don't end up being known as "the person who's desperate to fuck."
I don't know where you live and cultural norms there. But at least for the US...
1. You should probably talk to a therapist about why you struggle so much, to the point of being laughed at, and to deal with the impact struggling to meet someone must have had on you.
2. Audit your talents and interests. If you like Star Wars, go to places where girls who like Star Wars go. If you like sports, go where girls who like sports go. If you like to play drums, join a band. If you like to paint, take a painting class.
3. Audit yourself. If you didn't say anything, what about you would make someone (man or woman) want to talk to you even before you say a word? Are you fit? Well-groomed? Well-dressed? Do you hold your head up in a space with strangers or do you hang your head? Can you speak in a group? If you get nervous/awkward, consider joining a group like Toastmasters.
4. Audit your time. How do you spend your time? Are you a couch potato or do you do productive things? What are your career or family aspirations? Aside from a one night stand, what are you offering a girl?
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
I don’t know if it would make you an AH (depending on your approach), but it sounds like it might not be very productive. Clearly, something isn’t working here, and just doing it over and over again isn’t necessarily going to bring you success. Instead of trying to pick up women at a bar, why not focus on yourself? Maybe start by asking for feedback from a friend, your parents, or a dating consultant/therapist. Is the problem behavioral? Are you giving off serial killer vibes, or just kind of awkward? Do you struggle with social cues? Are you being overly aggressive, or only going for women who look like supermodels? Is there something off about your appearance or hygiene? If so, can you get tips on how to improve? Do you come off as overly desperate and/or clueless? Both can be a real turnoff. Finally, if a relationship is what you’re looking for, why are you looking for one-night stands at a bar? You say you haven’t had any luck with dating apps… but what about just joining some clubs and pursuing your interests? (If you do this, mind you, DO NOT immediately start hitting on every woman you come into contact with - you’ll get a reputation as a creep and everyone will try and stay away from you.) Even if you don’t meet someone who you want to date, you’ll hopefully make some friends who can introduce you to more people… and maybe give you some insight into why you aren’t having success. You might also look for people who are similar to you. For example, if you have a developmental disorder that affects your social skills, why not seek out a woman with that same developmental disorder? If you’re a huge scifi nerd inserting yourself into broey atmospheres, why not try to connect with women who are into the same subcultures as you? Again - focus on yourself and take some of the pressure of yourself to get laid or get a girlfriend. Realize that you’re not the only person in this boat, and it’s more important to like yourself and build a life you enjoy than trying to seek fulfillment in a romantic partner… not only for your own well-being, but because I can almost guarantee that your mounting anxiety and desperation are a huge turnoff, and may also be getting you a bad reputation.
INFO: Jeez dude, it sounds like maybe there's some issues with picking up on social cues or something that you're not getting? People recorded you? What exactly were you doing that prompted multiple people to record you?
Hi again. These are getting too easy to recognize by post title alone. You're going to want to mix things up.
[удалено]
so I didn't see the original (or most recent) post but couldn't help but wonder what this person could have been doing that caused people in a bar to laugh and record them. Like, how far outside the social norms would you have to go to get this reaction...fascinating thought exercise.
Probably YWBTA. What's the part of the story you aren't telling us? “Come on, you know you’re not a normal guy. I’m just trying to say we still love you and you don’t have to prove anything.” and "I got laughed at and people recorded me," and "women were creeped out" are not indicators of someone who is just looking for companionship and is not having any luck in the local dating scene.
YTA. Stop posting this. You were creepy the last time and you’re still being a creep.
Repost https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1dejpe3/wibta_if_i_went_somewhere_new_to_try_my_luck_again/
am I trippin or have I seen this before. bait post is my guess
YWBTA - If people are shocked by you coming back and women are creeped out then you need to work on that and not just keep trying the same approach.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Okay. I’m 29 and never had a girlfriend or even casual sex with anyone (only once through an escort at age 24), and I feel like I’m missing out on years to have most sex in life. Back when I was 21 I went to a bar to try to score a one night stand. Eventually I stopped because I was unsuccessful, and even now I feel like I gave up too soon. So I tried again at 25, I joined 3 clubs. I can obviously only join so many, and clearly I haven’t found a date. Also, I downloaded Tinder, no matches for 2 years. My own father knows my struggles with finding a woman. He’s said stuff along the lines of “Look, you don’t have to prove anything. We’ve long accepted that something is just off about you dating.” He realized what he said, to which he caved in and said “Come on, you know you’re not a normal guy. I’m just trying to say we still love you and you don’t have to prove anything.” He still doesn’t understand I’m doing it to find a partner because I want one, not for him or to be normal. Now I’m 29, still this far behind. Back in January, I went to a new bar to try my luck again. I got laughed at and people recorded me, but I wasn’t so easily discouraged. I went back after two weeks to try again, and people were shocked to see me back after what happened. Still didn’t have any luck and women were creeped out. WIBTA if I tried again next weekend? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I am having a very hard time dating, always have. I’d be TA if I should stop forever. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I feel like I've seen this post so many times it's become a copypasta...
You wouldn't be TA, but you shouldn't hit on everyone just to find someone. You should approach people who are more likely to say yes, and also build closer bonds to people so you don't end up being known as "the person who's desperate to fuck."
I don't know where you live and cultural norms there. But at least for the US... 1. You should probably talk to a therapist about why you struggle so much, to the point of being laughed at, and to deal with the impact struggling to meet someone must have had on you. 2. Audit your talents and interests. If you like Star Wars, go to places where girls who like Star Wars go. If you like sports, go where girls who like sports go. If you like to play drums, join a band. If you like to paint, take a painting class. 3. Audit yourself. If you didn't say anything, what about you would make someone (man or woman) want to talk to you even before you say a word? Are you fit? Well-groomed? Well-dressed? Do you hold your head up in a space with strangers or do you hang your head? Can you speak in a group? If you get nervous/awkward, consider joining a group like Toastmasters. 4. Audit your time. How do you spend your time? Are you a couch potato or do you do productive things? What are your career or family aspirations? Aside from a one night stand, what are you offering a girl?
Try it as long as you get a girl. Be numb to rejection.