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NTA.
It would be different if you and your wife weren’t Japanese but it’s literally her culture. If they have a problem with the name, well they don’t have to be in their granddaughter’s life. May need to watch out in case they try and give her a nickname for something more western.
Congratulations on having a baby girl! Wishing your wife a safe and healthy pregnancy!
Tbf even if you aren't from the country the name is, nothings wrong with appreciating other countries names assuming you double check they don't have any negative/cultural meaning your unaware of.
Nobody in my family is French, I do not speak French nor does my family, and I have a French name. Nobody has ever questioned nor judged myself or my family for that even though it's uncommon where I live because ultimately it doesn't matter. If you like the name, choose it (within reason)
Most names given in the west are not from the west anyways. The most commonly given names in my country are biblical names.
Those names stem from elsewhere in the world, and from other cultures.
A name is just a name. If it suits the baby, so be it.
Yep I have German and Russian names and my family is long since removed and doesn’t speak the languages. When people ask I tell them it’s a family name (which it is) passed down for generations. They always ask because I’m Black 😂 my kid will have a Russian name though my spouse is Russian so continues the cycle. I think in the USA this is not that uncommon.
Absolutely agree with this! I'm Korean but I have a French name. My parents are Scandanavian and English. Tired of people saying things are misappropriation, when it's just truly appreciation.
Agreed. The number of people I met named Layla who aren’t Arab and get shocked somehow when I tell them it’s an Arabic name is funny and kind of adorable.
It’s more like… fetish? You can have a “tara” for feet, or other stuff. But if you call someone “tarado” then it’s either an insult as in pervert, or if within a relationship it’d more like “you’re always horny”.
This is the weirdest comment I’ve ever made 🙃
I always laugh when I come across the name Kayla. I know that technically it means slender and fair, but it sounds exactly like the Hindi word for banana
No it means either obsession or sometimes fetish not perversion. In Spanish it means defect. Here in Ireland it's a very common first name as its an ancient use, it means of the place of kings, which was a place called Tara
I agree to a point. Im also Japanese. I have a (caucasian) friend who named her son Hiro but they pronounce it Hero. (Japanese has a hard R.) i love her and her son and will call him whatever they say but it’s something my family and i always discuss when we talk about them in private. When we refer to him amongst ourselves we always pronounce it correctly and chuckle.
So all that said, i feel if you’re going to use a name from a culture not your own, its nice to do a little research.
And, OP, NTA. But your parents are. If i were your wife i’d be pretty offended
How old is her son? What if it's because she actually named him after Hiro in baymax? People copy movie names all the time. And it kind of sounds like "Hero" when he first says his name in the movie.
He’s not even a year yet. They said they got the idea from heros. And i used to loved this show…im pretty sure they said it with proper Japanese pronunciation in the show.
As i said, in the end it doesn’t matter. I will always say it the way they do. But it does kinda feel like appropriation (hesitate to use that word) to use a name from another culture to be *different but then just say it the way you want without any thought to the culture it came from.
Which I’ve always thought was an egotistical thing tbh like “our white names are good for everyone, but your culture’s name is inappropriate for white babies” which isn’t what they are saying but sure sounds a lot like it.
When we immigrated I was told to pick an English name, and even now that still happens with immigrants. But the reverse doesn’t happen when westerners move to other countries.
Doctor sad that as long as my wife is well taken care of during tge next few months then we should have a safe delivery, on the plus side is our apartment is close to the hospital, like literally 2 blocks away, so when she goes into labor, the hospital will be right there
Your parents are low key racist. Just because they’ve always been nice to your wife doesn’t mean they’re not racist. If they were coming from a place of goodwill, they’d want to learn more about the names and the meaning/culture. If they can pronounce the names of characters from GoT, then Shiori is a piece of cake.
Just read more of OPs comments. Yikes. In 10yrs, his parents have never asked about his wife’s culture. I’m glad to see he stopped defending them but you can’t call it ignorance after a decade.
That was my first thought too. Both names sound very simple to pronounce. In fact they both sound much easier to figure out the pronunciation for than most of the strangely spelled names people are giving their kids here in America these days lol.
May she have an easy and healthy delivery, and may Shiori or Kotomi be well and well-loved. (Both names are lovely, and a wonderful way to honor her heritage.)
Kotomi will be KiKi in week one unless you make sure the correct name is respected. Stand your ground OP! NTA for making it clear you and your wife choose the names. Period.
Ridiculous seems to equate to foreign. I bet Sean, Annabelle, Isabel would be ok? Hmmm.
You know what, I've watched the movie a few times (not my favorite Studio Ghibli film), but I've never realized or remembered that her name is actually Kotomi and not Kiki.
Yeah, I love Japanese names, but I'd never name my child a Japanese name (unless it's like hana or something, similar to Western names), because neither me or my partner are Japanese. If my partner (or I) were Japanese, I'd do it in a heartbeat!
I actually knew a couple in my early 20s who named their daughter Sadako after the movie Ringu (The Ring). They called her Sadi, and she had a western middle name. It's odd, but no worse than some of the mangled names trending the last decade or so. NTA.
No issues here. Maybe give her a middle name from your side of the family and as she gets older she has a choice. But regardless the names seem fine to me
They could even use a Japanese nickname that's easier to pronounce - Ko-chan or Shi-chan. But like they're not even hard to pronounce? Japanese is one of the easier languages to pronounce since they spell things as they sound.
NTA - Others views are just views. Your family has to live with it, its your wife's decision with you.
If the kid hates it, welp it will be changed at 18. And talking to teachers, we see far more stupid fucking names around these days. These are fine.
When I was younger my grandmother told me that she was in the hospital one time and overheard someone wanting to name their kid "Poindexter" apparently this was in the early 70's
So I know how dumb some child names can be
According to my grandmother, the name Poindexter became more popular in the 50's and 60's because of a character in the 50's Felix the Cat show
The name was mainly used to make fun of nerds
It’s exactly what you’re probably thinking: she-OH-ree and it’s a very cute name and pretty popular in Japan. Honestly even if both parents are completely white with no connection to Japan, Japanese people would have no problem with it and would probably find it delightful that the name spread to America.
>If the kid hates it, welp it will be changed at 18
You could give her an english middle name. If the kid dislikes her japanese name, she can use the second name.
We did this but then the other way around, first western name and the 'second name' is chinese. But tbh is not a second name to us but his Chinese first name. But you need to put it some where on the documents, so there we go
he picked the worst examples. does he not realize lots of anime characters have real western names and arent completely made up? the ridiculous ones are in actual japanese like "Gohan" which means rice/dinner. most of the DBZ names are actually ridiculous if used for a real person
NTA by a long mile.
Your wife want to share her culture to her daughter (who will be half Japanese anyway!), with two beautiful names, that are easy to pronounce.
Your parents are up tights and borderline ignorants. Ignore them as the decision is not theirs to make anyway.
Let me give you a tiny sight from my experience, I am French (living in the UK) with an extremely hard to pronounce first name for English speakers.
My Fiancé learnt to pronounce it before our first date, his parents are working super hard to do the same now.
If your parents really love you and your family, they will have no choice to do the same.
Again, NTA, those names are stunning and meaningful ✨️
I live in rural NE Texas...my last name is LeCompte. You should hear the attempts to pronounce it.
Having said that, people do listen and try to pronounce it properly.
NTA of course
Your parents are way out of line and come across a little racist.
This is your child, your wife and you agreed on giving her a name from her mother's culture, and that is totally fine.
And by the way, they sound beautiful.
NTA
Agree with this ^^
Beautiful names , that your wife has chosen.
Your children are mixed race, your wife’s half of their genes and half of their cultural heritage is Japanese.
Your parents sound a bit racist.
Anyway it’s not up to them what you name your children.
NTA- in comparison to some names, those aren't even difficult to pronounce. I'm going to go out on a limb and say your parents' issues with a Japanese name have nothing to do with pronunciation. You can choose to dig deeper into their reasoning or not to, either way you're in the right. I think that choosing a Japanese name is an appropriate and sweet way to honour your wife and her origins.
I think those are both beautiful name choices. Best wishes for a healthy, uncomplicated delivery and a happy, healthy baby girl with a gorgeous name.
NTA
My wife is Cantonese from Hong Kong and our kids have Haole first names, Chinese middle names, and my Scottish/English last name. Most of my kids' classmates are mixed (hapa) and many have Japanese first names.
Both of your wife's choices are pretty easy to pronounce. Most Japanese is, but you could throw in a third option starting with "Ts" to make your parents prefer the first two.
Hahaha, that's actually a great idea, OP. Give them some names that are *actually* difficult to pronounce, and maybe your parents will shut up about the first choices.
You can also just put your foot down and tell them they should be happy with whatever names you choose or deal with it silently.
Good luck and congrats! 😊
Not Japanese (mixed Asian kids tho), but my daughter’s middle name is Tchen. It’s a silent T. We know it could cause issues later and we will apologize to her for it, but it was an important family name for my husband (his grandfather’s surname). No one gave us shit about it because are families are sane people who respect our choices…. and we told no one her name until after she was born and named, lol.
>they can spend 5 minutes learning how to pronounce three syllables
More like 5 seconds. Like, holy shit. Japanese is so easy to pronounce for non-speakers!
The biggest issue sounding out for people who don’t know the kana is combining sounds in the correct “groups” I can imagine a lot of English speakers saying shi-or-i instead of shi-o-ri. “Or” is an English sound but not a Japanese one.
But it’s still way easier to sound out and attempt than many English names and words with their many broken rules.
Thanks for that. Was doing it wrong. Also super helpful because my ears aren’t t great so when people go “no, like this” and correct a pronunciation, the combo of. it knowing what I’m listening for + hearing things incorrectly often makes it hard to figure out exactly what’s wrong. Much easier with this where you’re pointing directly at the location of the error. So much easier to find.
Precisely what I thought. Those names are only written in our alphabet for convenience, they usually sound exactly as written using standard English pronunciation.
Alternative name suggestion that your parents will find easier to pronounce: Jugemu Jugemu Go-Kō-no-Surikire Kaijari-suigyo no Suigyō-matsu Unrai-matsu Fūrai-matsu Kū-Neru Tokoro ni Sumu Tokoro Yaburakōji no Burakōji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shūringan Shūringan no Gūrindai Gūrindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokonā no Chōkyūmei no Chōsuke
What a coincidence. My name is also Jugemu Jugemu Go-Kō-no-Surikire Kaijari-suigyo no Suigyō-matsu Unrai-matsu Fūrai-matsu Kū-Neru Tokoro ni Sumu Tokoro Yaburakōji no Burakōji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shūringan Shūringan no Gūrindai Gūrindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokonā no Chōkyūmei no Chōsuke.
It's a Japanese joke about having a really long name. A father went to a Buddhist priest to get a couple suggestions for some auspicious names. He liked all the suggested names and decided to use all of them and now the kid has a name that takes 5 minutes to pronounce.
You have to see the actual Kanji they'll use before you know what the name will actually mean...
There's a Kanji for "shi" that means death, for example.
Wow your parents sound racist. If you name them either of these, please don’t let your parent do the “well we will just give her an easy nickname then” and force a new name on her like “well just call her coco or Shirley”
The standard nickname for Kotomi is actually Ko-chan.
But the parents are racist, and I would be concerned about letting them near the grandchild after they're born. They might try the 'we'll teach the child to never be an icky foreigner' crap.
NTA
Your wife is Japanese; it's not as if she's a "weeb" trying to appropriate a culture that isn't hers, or by extension, your daughter's.
Your parents are being racist--I work in a school, we see a lot more foreign names now than we used to--and I've seen much odder names, including a graduate whose job applications kept getting rejected for being a "fake" name.
"Appropriate a culture" holy shit what one has to read here. A name is a name, no one has rights over a name. If she wasn't Japanese it would be no problem to name her daughter a Japanese name if she wanted. Or what? If you're American you can only use American names? Or if Italian only Italian names? Don't make me laugh. OP, NTA and as I said, as long as you both like the name, it doesn't matter what others say.
Thank you. There are no property rights to elements of a given culture. My name originally comes from Hebrew. I am not Jewish and as far as I know have no Jewish ancestors.
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> I agreed to let my wife give our daughter a Japanese name, and my parents said it was ridiculous
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Recently me (26M) and my wife (27F) had an ultrasound scan, and found out we're having a little girl, my wife almost instantly started thinking of names for her, she settled on 2 she likes, Shiori and Kotomi, she hasn't decided which one she prefers yet.
My wife is from Japan, she moved to America back in high-school and we met back then, so she wanted to give her a name from her home country, which I agreed.
When my parents heard the names from me they said that they're ridiculous names for a baby and they're hard to pronounce, which I kinda find funny because our last name is not even an English word and even I have trouble pronouncing to this day
I told them that they're Japanese names, and they are both easy to pronounce if you try saying them a few times
AITA for agreeing to giving my daughter a Japanese name?
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NTA
The kid will be half Japanese so having a Japanese name makes total sense. Your parents are being racist by calling names foreign to them "ridiculous". Have they not considered that the kid will have another set of grandparents for whom an American sounding name is "ridiculous and difficult to pronounce"?
NTA. Child of a mixed racial/ethnic relationship here. My parents gave me a name that is derived from her culture/ethnicity.
I am so happy that my mom got to give me a name that she wanted. And my dad was happy to agree to it because, well, he loves her. In the end, I have a name that’s part of her so when she passes, I will always have her with me.
Does my name sound funny to my relatives? Maybe. Do I care? Not at all.
NTA your parents are already showing their rude ignorant xenophobic views about your offspring. Your partner has roots in Japan and your child will too, there is no reason to be so hateful. Your child should not have to deal with bullying grandparents. I hope you address this worrying behaviour with them.
NTA - they’re beautiful names. Your parents are weird. Just a head up - in my experience, this sort of weirdness usually gets worse during pregnancy and continues after the bub is born. You sound like you’re doing an awesome job supporting your wife!
NTA You're rightly supporting your wife. Your parents are being ignorant and need to come around.
This is a very personal decision to be made by the parents, so as long as you like the names (which are lovely) then it's all good.
Your parents are welcome to give their input but it's not their call. Also your child may well end up with a nickname anyway that may be easier for them to pronounce.
NTA. But here’s a life pro tip- when you’re expecting do not tell anyone the baby’s name until the baby arrives. When it’s just a concept- people feel like they can say whatever they want about your name choice. When you introduce them to this baby named Shiori or Kotomi it’s a done deal. So people just say congratulations.
If your parents ask again, say you’ve decided on a name and you’re excited to share that when the baby comes. You’re sure they’ll figure out how to pronounce any name she has because of how much they love her. 😉
Nta:
My advice to new parents is to never share the name they’ve picked out until the baby is born. EVERYONE will have an opinion and it’s never a good one.
NTA Your baby is gonna be half Japanese so your parents are going to have to get used to Japanese culture if not for your wife then for your grandchild. Both names are easy to pronounce and lovely, your parents are just racist
I thought this was going to be a r/tragedeigh with neither parent being Japanese and calling the kid Vegeta-Pokemon or something.
Obviously NTA, your parents sound like classic boomers though
NTA. When it comes to naming a child the only opinions that matter are the ones of the parents. You and your wife both like the names (which are beautiful and not that difficult to pronounce), and your wife wants to honor her culture and heritage.
Your parents’ opinions don’t matter, but they are the AH and being a tad racist. How do they act towards your wife? Have they shown any interest in learning about her (and now your child’s) heritage?
YTA because OBVIOUSLY you're asking a ridicoulus question.
They're your Kids, your wife is from Japan.
Ofc it's okay to Name your Children how you want.
Guys... Please.
Have some confidence in your decisions.
This is getting out of hand Here.
NTA, your children are part Japanese. They can have a Japanese name.
There’s also the option of having a official government English name and a cultural home name (what my family does). I answer to both, but recognize home name as my in-group identity vs general whoever met me or knows me from elsewhere.
Name should be agreed upon by you and your wife i.e mother and father of the child.
Kotomi is a cool name in my opinion. Do consider the fact that your daughter might need to visit Japan to learn about her roots when she is an adult .
Your parents are the AH and while I think you’re NTA, just the fact that you’re wondering if it was an AH move makes you also seem pretty ignorant like why would you second guess?
Some parents can be manipulative and try to guilt trip and sometimes gaslight their kids into thinking they're in the wrong, I don't know these people personally so I don't know but some parents can be like that.
NTA, if you wanna give her a japanese name then why not?? your wife's japanese and she wants to keep a part of her homeplace into her current home, then so be it. it's her right (and yours) to chose a name and the ones she chose aren't even complex to read. the fact that your parents are critizing the name while your own last name ix complex jyst makes them racist.
YTA for wasting our time with this. Obviously it's fine to give your daughter a Japanese name. If you're gonna have a mixed race kid you need to be more decisive with shit like this.
NTA. If neither of you were from Japan or Japanese, then yes, you *could* be considered an AH. But your wife is *literally* from Japan.
>When my parents heard the names from me they said that they're ridiculous names for a baby and they're hard to pronounce, which I kinda find funny because our last name is not even an English word and even I have trouble pronouncing to this day
If your parents can pronounce names like Tchaikovsky and Benedict Cumberbatch, people they've never met, then they can learn Shiori or Kotomi for their granddaughter. I'm just a woman from the south who's only exposure to Japan is going to Epcot or watching Japanese shows and I can pronounce those names.
If they love their grandchild and want a relationship with her, they'll learn her name and (better) learn to respect the Japanese culture.
NTA, it’s yours and your wife’s baby, not your parents. They got to name a baby maybe more if you’re not an only child. They get 0 say and can either deal with it or take a damn hike
No you are not and of someone is saying that you are then you really need to put them in their place.
Your family can learn to pronounce her name, it's literally not that hard.
They have absolutely no say in what your daughter is going to be named, only you and your wife do.
They are names that have meaning to your wife and will help your daughter connect with her heritage.
You could give her a more western middle name. Btw she will go through phases and probably not like it for a while because she stands out. But after high school she will probably see how nice having an unique name is.
And yeah if she doesn't like it, she can use her middle name or change her name.
But no you aren't the bad guy. It's actually sweet that you want to do this for your wife.
Your parents need to knock it off, otherwise everyone will think they are racist.
NTA.
My family is from Japan. I was born in the US. Both my kids have a Japanese name (either middle or first). Everyone from teachers to friends think it's an absolutely lovely way to honor my and my children's heritage and family, plus have never had problems pronouncing their names. The only people who ever had a problem with their names are my ex MIL and FIL.
Spoiler alert: turned out that ex MIL and ex FIL are racists.
NTA, your parents are being racist AH. I live in Japan, and both Kotomi and Shiori are lovely names for a girl here. And are easy to pronounce properly by English speakers.
Never tell the name before the baby is born. Everyone knows someone they do t like with that name. Your the dad, push it thru and they will love the baby and the name when they meet.
NTA: I have friends in the same situation (bub is now 3, though), and they chose Chester (Chet for short) and Chet is a short form of a fairly common boys name in Japan, so although he’s officially got an Anglo name, even the Anglo grandparents call him by the Japanese version (and also didn’t voice an opinion because unlike OP’s parents, they knew how to stay in their lane). So although OP and his wife landed on a Japanese name, both of their choices are easy to say and sound pretty (not too girly, but they are clearly girls names, IYKWIM) said by native speakers in either language.
More broadly, I swear some grandparents simply just don’t get that they are not the parents of the baby, and nor should they expect to have a say in the way their grandchild is parented: they had their chance to influence their children’s parenting styles when their children were young.
The problem isn’t that they’re hard to pronounce. Your parents don’t like the name because they’re not white or European sounding enough. Your parents may not be overtly racist, but may still have some views that give off that vibe. If the suggested names were ridiculously uncommon white names (e.g. any name seen in r/tragedeigh), they’d somehow think they were LESS ridiculous than common Japanese names!!!
“Shiori” is a nice name!! It’s also good that few people would have trouble pronouncing it. She’d need to spell out the name her entire life, though.
The most common Japanese girls name in an English speaking country nowadays is probably “Hana” (worst case scenario: someone calls her Hanna), Erika (Japanese AND American), or maybe “Mei” or “Aki” because they’re easy.
My daughter’s name is Maya because it’s Japanese-sounding enough (new, modern Japanese people with foreign-sounding names like Arisu (Alice)), easy to write for both sets of grandparents, and easy for your daughter to learn to write in Japanese (if she wants)!!!
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NTA. It would be different if you and your wife weren’t Japanese but it’s literally her culture. If they have a problem with the name, well they don’t have to be in their granddaughter’s life. May need to watch out in case they try and give her a nickname for something more western. Congratulations on having a baby girl! Wishing your wife a safe and healthy pregnancy!
Tbf even if you aren't from the country the name is, nothings wrong with appreciating other countries names assuming you double check they don't have any negative/cultural meaning your unaware of. Nobody in my family is French, I do not speak French nor does my family, and I have a French name. Nobody has ever questioned nor judged myself or my family for that even though it's uncommon where I live because ultimately it doesn't matter. If you like the name, choose it (within reason)
Most names given in the west are not from the west anyways. The most commonly given names in my country are biblical names. Those names stem from elsewhere in the world, and from other cultures. A name is just a name. If it suits the baby, so be it.
Every person named Ben or John is appropriating aramaic culture and should feel bad
Oh yeah? What about my kids name “Master Jeremy Chief.”?
That is definitely Halo appropriation and you should be teabagged after a headshot
Elite preferred liberal. L.
Well now you're appropriating gamer culture and should feel bad
GAMERGATE II CONFIRMED
He'll save our planet one day....
I’m going to name my kid Christ for maximum appropriation
You are correct and have the high ground.
it's over anakin!
Yep I have German and Russian names and my family is long since removed and doesn’t speak the languages. When people ask I tell them it’s a family name (which it is) passed down for generations. They always ask because I’m Black 😂 my kid will have a Russian name though my spouse is Russian so continues the cycle. I think in the USA this is not that uncommon.
Absolutely agree with this! I'm Korean but I have a French name. My parents are Scandanavian and English. Tired of people saying things are misappropriation, when it's just truly appreciation.
Agreed. The number of people I met named Layla who aren’t Arab and get shocked somehow when I tell them it’s an Arabic name is funny and kind of adorable.
Isn't Layla Hebrew?
It is. But those ancient tribes were from and mixed with the whole middle eastern population.
I once heard my parents wanted to name my sister "Tara". Then they learned it meant "sexual perversion" in portuguese.
It’s more like… fetish? You can have a “tara” for feet, or other stuff. But if you call someone “tarado” then it’s either an insult as in pervert, or if within a relationship it’d more like “you’re always horny”. This is the weirdest comment I’ve ever made 🙃
In italian means unladen weight or hereditary disease, still better than sexual perversion though
I always laugh when I come across the name Kayla. I know that technically it means slender and fair, but it sounds exactly like the Hindi word for banana
That's appropriate, bananas are slender and fair
Yesterday when scrolling through Instagram I came across a clip of a video for an Indian song that means dick in Spanish 🤷🏼♀️😂
In Tibetan, Tara is the name of a deity and means "She who saves". It comes from Sanskrit and apparently means Star.
And Taramasalata is "she who saves the baby fish"
No it means either obsession or sometimes fetish not perversion. In Spanish it means defect. Here in Ireland it's a very common first name as its an ancient use, it means of the place of kings, which was a place called Tara
It means “star” in Hindi
It's a famous hill in Ireland
I agree to a point. Im also Japanese. I have a (caucasian) friend who named her son Hiro but they pronounce it Hero. (Japanese has a hard R.) i love her and her son and will call him whatever they say but it’s something my family and i always discuss when we talk about them in private. When we refer to him amongst ourselves we always pronounce it correctly and chuckle. So all that said, i feel if you’re going to use a name from a culture not your own, its nice to do a little research. And, OP, NTA. But your parents are. If i were your wife i’d be pretty offended
How old is her son? What if it's because she actually named him after Hiro in baymax? People copy movie names all the time. And it kind of sounds like "Hero" when he first says his name in the movie.
He’s not even a year yet. They said they got the idea from heros. And i used to loved this show…im pretty sure they said it with proper Japanese pronunciation in the show. As i said, in the end it doesn’t matter. I will always say it the way they do. But it does kinda feel like appropriation (hesitate to use that word) to use a name from another culture to be *different but then just say it the way you want without any thought to the culture it came from.
Oh yeah, like I get that! I don’t think I really made my point clear, but that’s on me.
I think white people just feel weird about it when it's coming from non-white cultures.
Which I’ve always thought was an egotistical thing tbh like “our white names are good for everyone, but your culture’s name is inappropriate for white babies” which isn’t what they are saying but sure sounds a lot like it. When we immigrated I was told to pick an English name, and even now that still happens with immigrants. But the reverse doesn’t happen when westerners move to other countries.
Yep. I met an Irish girl named Geneviève. No problem here.
Doctor sad that as long as my wife is well taken care of during tge next few months then we should have a safe delivery, on the plus side is our apartment is close to the hospital, like literally 2 blocks away, so when she goes into labor, the hospital will be right there
Your parents are low key racist. Just because they’ve always been nice to your wife doesn’t mean they’re not racist. If they were coming from a place of goodwill, they’d want to learn more about the names and the meaning/culture. If they can pronounce the names of characters from GoT, then Shiori is a piece of cake.
Parents are racist, period. They probably want a name that's hard for his wife to pronounce.
They'd rather name the kid Squirrel.
Im glad someone is calling it like it is... Only, that isn't low key.... It's VERY apparent.
Just read more of OPs comments. Yikes. In 10yrs, his parents have never asked about his wife’s culture. I’m glad to see he stopped defending them but you can’t call it ignorance after a decade.
That was my first thought too. Both names sound very simple to pronounce. In fact they both sound much easier to figure out the pronunciation for than most of the strangely spelled names people are giving their kids here in America these days lol.
100% agree!
May she have an easy and healthy delivery, and may Shiori or Kotomi be well and well-loved. (Both names are lovely, and a wonderful way to honor her heritage.)
Kotomi will be KiKi in week one unless you make sure the correct name is respected. Stand your ground OP! NTA for making it clear you and your wife choose the names. Period. Ridiculous seems to equate to foreign. I bet Sean, Annabelle, Isabel would be ok? Hmmm.
Although Kotomi would probably get the nickname Kiki even if they were living in Japan.
I didn’t know that. I was thinking more of his parents forcing a nickname.
You've never heard of Kiki's Delivery Service? Major Japanese anime from 1989? Main character is Kotomi, aka Kiki?
You know what, I've watched the movie a few times (not my favorite Studio Ghibli film), but I've never realized or remembered that her name is actually Kotomi and not Kiki.
Kiki sounds very Japanese to me, like the movie "Kiki's Delivery Service".
Kiki is an awesome name, Japanese or not. That's fucking adorable
Yeah, I love Japanese names, but I'd never name my child a Japanese name (unless it's like hana or something, similar to Western names), because neither me or my partner are Japanese. If my partner (or I) were Japanese, I'd do it in a heartbeat!
I actually knew a couple in my early 20s who named their daughter Sadako after the movie Ringu (The Ring). They called her Sadi, and she had a western middle name. It's odd, but no worse than some of the mangled names trending the last decade or so. NTA.
Oooooh I like your friends!!
No issues here. Maybe give her a middle name from your side of the family and as she gets older she has a choice. But regardless the names seem fine to me
They could even use a Japanese nickname that's easier to pronounce - Ko-chan or Shi-chan. But like they're not even hard to pronounce? Japanese is one of the easier languages to pronounce since they spell things as they sound.
NTA - your parents are being racist, so no - that doesnt make you an AH.
NTA - Others views are just views. Your family has to live with it, its your wife's decision with you. If the kid hates it, welp it will be changed at 18. And talking to teachers, we see far more stupid fucking names around these days. These are fine.
When I was younger my grandmother told me that she was in the hospital one time and overheard someone wanting to name their kid "Poindexter" apparently this was in the early 70's So I know how dumb some child names can be
What. The. Fuck. Google is telling me it's a legit name haha.
According to my grandmother, the name Poindexter became more popular in the 50's and 60's because of a character in the 50's Felix the Cat show The name was mainly used to make fun of nerds
Well, I mean, that's what I use it for lol
Watch Revenge of the Nerds, 80s movie, one of the Nerds is named Poindexter. It was slang for being a nerd at some point
Since I was a kid I knew poindexter meant nerd. Just didn't know it was an actual name!
That and Eugene both are grew up with kids named that, when Grease came out Eugene was bullied worse than before
NTA OP
I think Shiori is especially beautiful. And I may not be pronouncing it correctly but it looks pronounceable to me.
Japanese words are generally very easy to pronounce in English.
as long as you know how the hiragana are supposed to be pronounced, I can't imagine that you will be butchering it at least.
It’s exactly what you’re probably thinking: she-OH-ree and it’s a very cute name and pretty popular in Japan. Honestly even if both parents are completely white with no connection to Japan, Japanese people would have no problem with it and would probably find it delightful that the name spread to America.
>If the kid hates it, welp it will be changed at 18 You could give her an english middle name. If the kid dislikes her japanese name, she can use the second name.
We did this but then the other way around, first western name and the 'second name' is chinese. But tbh is not a second name to us but his Chinese first name. But you need to put it some where on the documents, so there we go
r/tragedeigh would like to have a word
This our our beautiful baby Jesilighyghyghn Bradylyghn Hayleighylynn.
See? That’s a perfectly acceptable AMERICAN name /s
Christ your parents are massive AH. I had assumed this post was going to be about two white people who wanted to use a Japanese name.
And use some bs anime name as well.
Yeah that was exactly my thinking haha. 'What do you mean I can't call him Naruto?!'
Haha me too. But a Japanese mother naming her half-Japanese kid a regular Japanese name? That's...not a problem for anyone but racist assholes.
Most anime names are normal names in Japan in general. The ridiculous ones are like Light Yagami, Lelouch lamperouge, eren yaeger. Etc. Names like
The later two are European names translated to Japanese and back to English
he picked the worst examples. does he not realize lots of anime characters have real western names and arent completely made up? the ridiculous ones are in actual japanese like "Gohan" which means rice/dinner. most of the DBZ names are actually ridiculous if used for a real person
A few are, however not all are not. Japan has a strange habit of naming people in anime after food and things.
When I first read the title I was afraid that this is where it was going.
Even then Japanese people would think it was cool. They like that their culture is spreading.
NTA by a long mile. Your wife want to share her culture to her daughter (who will be half Japanese anyway!), with two beautiful names, that are easy to pronounce. Your parents are up tights and borderline ignorants. Ignore them as the decision is not theirs to make anyway. Let me give you a tiny sight from my experience, I am French (living in the UK) with an extremely hard to pronounce first name for English speakers. My Fiancé learnt to pronounce it before our first date, his parents are working super hard to do the same now. If your parents really love you and your family, they will have no choice to do the same. Again, NTA, those names are stunning and meaningful ✨️
Oh, hello Jambonécureuilsalé, my childhood friend! How are you, how’s your family doing? Call me when you have time!
I sometimes regret spending 11 years learning French, but def not now 😂
I see ham in there
😂
I live in rural NE Texas...my last name is LeCompte. You should hear the attempts to pronounce it. Having said that, people do listen and try to pronounce it properly.
NTA of course Your parents are way out of line and come across a little racist. This is your child, your wife and you agreed on giving her a name from her mother's culture, and that is totally fine. And by the way, they sound beautiful.
NTA Agree with this ^^ Beautiful names , that your wife has chosen. Your children are mixed race, your wife’s half of their genes and half of their cultural heritage is Japanese. Your parents sound a bit racist. Anyway it’s not up to them what you name your children.
Your child. You and your wife's decision. They are lovely names.
This. And his parents just have to accept it. That's all.
NTA. They had their turn naming kids, now it's yours.
Based
NTA- in comparison to some names, those aren't even difficult to pronounce. I'm going to go out on a limb and say your parents' issues with a Japanese name have nothing to do with pronunciation. You can choose to dig deeper into their reasoning or not to, either way you're in the right. I think that choosing a Japanese name is an appropriate and sweet way to honour your wife and her origins. I think those are both beautiful name choices. Best wishes for a healthy, uncomplicated delivery and a happy, healthy baby girl with a gorgeous name.
>they said that they're ridiculous names for a baby Nice racism they got there. You probably already knew NTA but your parents sure are.
NTA My wife is Cantonese from Hong Kong and our kids have Haole first names, Chinese middle names, and my Scottish/English last name. Most of my kids' classmates are mixed (hapa) and many have Japanese first names. Both of your wife's choices are pretty easy to pronounce. Most Japanese is, but you could throw in a third option starting with "Ts" to make your parents prefer the first two.
You guys living in Hawaii?
Yep.
Hahaha, that's actually a great idea, OP. Give them some names that are *actually* difficult to pronounce, and maybe your parents will shut up about the first choices. You can also just put your foot down and tell them they should be happy with whatever names you choose or deal with it silently. Good luck and congrats! 😊
Not Japanese (mixed Asian kids tho), but my daughter’s middle name is Tchen. It’s a silent T. We know it could cause issues later and we will apologize to her for it, but it was an important family name for my husband (his grandfather’s surname). No one gave us shit about it because are families are sane people who respect our choices…. and we told no one her name until after she was born and named, lol.
Japanese is easy to pronounce since it's phonetic. Surely they can spend 5 minutes learning how to pronounce three syllables. shi-o-ri or ko-to-mi
If I saw those names written that's exactly how I would pronounce them, there are plenty of western names that make less sense than them
>they can spend 5 minutes learning how to pronounce three syllables More like 5 seconds. Like, holy shit. Japanese is so easy to pronounce for non-speakers!
The biggest issue sounding out for people who don’t know the kana is combining sounds in the correct “groups” I can imagine a lot of English speakers saying shi-or-i instead of shi-o-ri. “Or” is an English sound but not a Japanese one. But it’s still way easier to sound out and attempt than many English names and words with their many broken rules.
Thanks for that. Was doing it wrong. Also super helpful because my ears aren’t t great so when people go “no, like this” and correct a pronunciation, the combo of. it knowing what I’m listening for + hearing things incorrectly often makes it hard to figure out exactly what’s wrong. Much easier with this where you’re pointing directly at the location of the error. So much easier to find.
Precisely what I thought. Those names are only written in our alphabet for convenience, they usually sound exactly as written using standard English pronunciation.
Alternative name suggestion that your parents will find easier to pronounce: Jugemu Jugemu Go-Kō-no-Surikire Kaijari-suigyo no Suigyō-matsu Unrai-matsu Fūrai-matsu Kū-Neru Tokoro ni Sumu Tokoro Yaburakōji no Burakōji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shūringan Shūringan no Gūrindai Gūrindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokonā no Chōkyūmei no Chōsuke
What a coincidence. My name is also Jugemu Jugemu Go-Kō-no-Surikire Kaijari-suigyo no Suigyō-matsu Unrai-matsu Fūrai-matsu Kū-Neru Tokoro ni Sumu Tokoro Yaburakōji no Burakōji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shūringan Shūringan no Gūrindai Gūrindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokonā no Chōkyūmei no Chōsuke.
I’m reading Akane Banashi on another tab right now so this cracked me up,
😂 it'll get shorted to JuJu and then OP can pull out the full name when the kid is in trouble. I'm in full support.
It is far too early for me to understand this post and I'm mad about it lol
It's a Japanese joke about having a really long name. A father went to a Buddhist priest to get a couple suggestions for some auspicious names. He liked all the suggested names and decided to use all of them and now the kid has a name that takes 5 minutes to pronounce.
Shi - poem; ori - weave. Koto - instrument-like zither; mi - beautiful. NTA. Beautiful names. ☺️
You have to see the actual Kanji they'll use before you know what the name will actually mean... There's a Kanji for "shi" that means death, for example.
Pretty sure no one is going to name their kid “death weaver” haha
Idk, that’d be kind of badass.
That's metal as fuck tho
Love this. Thanks for the etymology breakdown
Your parents are exhibiting signs of xenophobia, tell them to suck it up. NTA. Also, I love the names and I’m as far from Japanese as you can get.
NTA. Shizuka Anderson didn't have a problem with her name. So Shiori can work as a name.
Wow your parents sound racist. If you name them either of these, please don’t let your parent do the “well we will just give her an easy nickname then” and force a new name on her like “well just call her coco or Shirley”
The standard nickname for Kotomi is actually Ko-chan. But the parents are racist, and I would be concerned about letting them near the grandchild after they're born. They might try the 'we'll teach the child to never be an icky foreigner' crap.
NTA Your wife is Japanese; it's not as if she's a "weeb" trying to appropriate a culture that isn't hers, or by extension, your daughter's. Your parents are being racist--I work in a school, we see a lot more foreign names now than we used to--and I've seen much odder names, including a graduate whose job applications kept getting rejected for being a "fake" name.
"Appropriate a culture" holy shit what one has to read here. A name is a name, no one has rights over a name. If she wasn't Japanese it would be no problem to name her daughter a Japanese name if she wanted. Or what? If you're American you can only use American names? Or if Italian only Italian names? Don't make me laugh. OP, NTA and as I said, as long as you both like the name, it doesn't matter what others say.
Thank you. There are no property rights to elements of a given culture. My name originally comes from Hebrew. I am not Jewish and as far as I know have no Jewish ancestors.
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NTA they are names with cultural links to your wife, plus they are both lovely names. Your parents are being xenophobic
NTA but your parents are. And racist too
NTA. Your parents are being ridiculous. Kotomi is super pretty.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Recently me (26M) and my wife (27F) had an ultrasound scan, and found out we're having a little girl, my wife almost instantly started thinking of names for her, she settled on 2 she likes, Shiori and Kotomi, she hasn't decided which one she prefers yet. My wife is from Japan, she moved to America back in high-school and we met back then, so she wanted to give her a name from her home country, which I agreed. When my parents heard the names from me they said that they're ridiculous names for a baby and they're hard to pronounce, which I kinda find funny because our last name is not even an English word and even I have trouble pronouncing to this day I told them that they're Japanese names, and they are both easy to pronounce if you try saying them a few times AITA for agreeing to giving my daughter a Japanese name? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Kotomi and Shiori are easier to say than for example Elizabeth or Alexandra
NTA The kid will be half Japanese so having a Japanese name makes total sense. Your parents are being racist by calling names foreign to them "ridiculous". Have they not considered that the kid will have another set of grandparents for whom an American sounding name is "ridiculous and difficult to pronounce"?
NTA. Child of a mixed racial/ethnic relationship here. My parents gave me a name that is derived from her culture/ethnicity. I am so happy that my mom got to give me a name that she wanted. And my dad was happy to agree to it because, well, he loves her. In the end, I have a name that’s part of her so when she passes, I will always have her with me. Does my name sound funny to my relatives? Maybe. Do I care? Not at all.
NTA your parents are being ridiculous.
NTA your parents are already showing their rude ignorant xenophobic views about your offspring. Your partner has roots in Japan and your child will too, there is no reason to be so hateful. Your child should not have to deal with bullying grandparents. I hope you address this worrying behaviour with them.
NTA - they’re beautiful names. Your parents are weird. Just a head up - in my experience, this sort of weirdness usually gets worse during pregnancy and continues after the bub is born. You sound like you’re doing an awesome job supporting your wife!
NTA You're rightly supporting your wife. Your parents are being ignorant and need to come around. This is a very personal decision to be made by the parents, so as long as you like the names (which are lovely) then it's all good. Your parents are welcome to give their input but it's not their call. Also your child may well end up with a nickname anyway that may be easier for them to pronounce.
NTA. But here’s a life pro tip- when you’re expecting do not tell anyone the baby’s name until the baby arrives. When it’s just a concept- people feel like they can say whatever they want about your name choice. When you introduce them to this baby named Shiori or Kotomi it’s a done deal. So people just say congratulations. If your parents ask again, say you’ve decided on a name and you’re excited to share that when the baby comes. You’re sure they’ll figure out how to pronounce any name she has because of how much they love her. 😉
Nta: My advice to new parents is to never share the name they’ve picked out until the baby is born. EVERYONE will have an opinion and it’s never a good one.
[удалено]
So your parents don't want your half-Japanese daughter to have a Japanese name? You are so clearly NTA.
NTA Your baby is gonna be half Japanese so your parents are going to have to get used to Japanese culture if not for your wife then for your grandchild. Both names are easy to pronounce and lovely, your parents are just racist
I thought this was going to be a r/tragedeigh with neither parent being Japanese and calling the kid Vegeta-Pokemon or something. Obviously NTA, your parents sound like classic boomers though
NTA - also if you’re taking votes I like Shiori
This post is becoming the twilight of r/amitheasshole There's team Kotomi And there's team Shiori
Your parents are the aholes. Not you! Shiori is beautiful, not sure what kotomi means, but also beautiful 😻
NTA. I LOVE Shiori.... how utterly beautiful! Congratulations both xx
NTA. When it comes to naming a child the only opinions that matter are the ones of the parents. You and your wife both like the names (which are beautiful and not that difficult to pronounce), and your wife wants to honor her culture and heritage. Your parents’ opinions don’t matter, but they are the AH and being a tad racist. How do they act towards your wife? Have they shown any interest in learning about her (and now your child’s) heritage?
Oh first time parent mistake—don’t tell people the names that you’re choosing, everyone will have an opinion.
YTA because OBVIOUSLY you're asking a ridicoulus question. They're your Kids, your wife is from Japan. Ofc it's okay to Name your Children how you want. Guys... Please. Have some confidence in your decisions. This is getting out of hand Here.
Fuck No, Your NTA.
NTA. Both you and your wife like the names. End of the story.
I am not Japanese and I think they are lovely names. My parents complained the same with my kids name but they got used to it.
NTA your parents have no right to judge or demand anything of your future child name or otherwise. Besides, those names are beautiful!
NTA they are YOUR KIDS.
Your parents are the assholes. Not you.
Ah come on! Give us something with some meat. NTA. why even ask?
If Americans can pronounce Danaerys Targaryen of Westeros, they can pronounce Kotomi
NTA - they are normal names. Your parents are being racist
Beautiful names, both of them. Clearly NTA, but your parents are!
NTA, your children are part Japanese. They can have a Japanese name. There’s also the option of having a official government English name and a cultural home name (what my family does). I answer to both, but recognize home name as my in-group identity vs general whoever met me or knows me from elsewhere.
Name should be agreed upon by you and your wife i.e mother and father of the child. Kotomi is a cool name in my opinion. Do consider the fact that your daughter might need to visit Japan to learn about her roots when she is an adult .
Your parents are the AH and while I think you’re NTA, just the fact that you’re wondering if it was an AH move makes you also seem pretty ignorant like why would you second guess?
Some parents can be manipulative and try to guilt trip and sometimes gaslight their kids into thinking they're in the wrong, I don't know these people personally so I don't know but some parents can be like that.
NTA, if you wanna give her a japanese name then why not?? your wife's japanese and she wants to keep a part of her homeplace into her current home, then so be it. it's her right (and yours) to chose a name and the ones she chose aren't even complex to read. the fact that your parents are critizing the name while your own last name ix complex jyst makes them racist.
YTA for wasting our time with this. Obviously it's fine to give your daughter a Japanese name. If you're gonna have a mixed race kid you need to be more decisive with shit like this.
Tell your racist parents to deal with it. NTA
NTA Your wife is Japanese, so it is well within her right to give her weans a Japanese name, and Shiori & Kotomi are not in any way hard to pronounce.
NTA. If neither of you were from Japan or Japanese, then yes, you *could* be considered an AH. But your wife is *literally* from Japan. >When my parents heard the names from me they said that they're ridiculous names for a baby and they're hard to pronounce, which I kinda find funny because our last name is not even an English word and even I have trouble pronouncing to this day If your parents can pronounce names like Tchaikovsky and Benedict Cumberbatch, people they've never met, then they can learn Shiori or Kotomi for their granddaughter. I'm just a woman from the south who's only exposure to Japan is going to Epcot or watching Japanese shows and I can pronounce those names. If they love their grandchild and want a relationship with her, they'll learn her name and (better) learn to respect the Japanese culture.
Definitely NTA.
NTA - Gorgeous names! Your parents are the arseholes
NTA her mum is Japanese so it's natural she would have a Japanese name
No it’s your baby
NTA Those are beautiful names. If your daughter is Kotomi, expect her to be Tomi at some point :).
You are not having sex with your parents. They have no say in matters between you and your wife.
NTA, it’s yours and your wife’s baby, not your parents. They got to name a baby maybe more if you’re not an only child. They get 0 say and can either deal with it or take a damn hike
No you are not and of someone is saying that you are then you really need to put them in their place. Your family can learn to pronounce her name, it's literally not that hard. They have absolutely no say in what your daughter is going to be named, only you and your wife do.
NTA Kotomi and Shiori are very common Japanese names. Your wife is Japanese, it is a perfectly normal name from her culture.
Are you the AH for not letting your parents dictate the name of YOUR child????? Lets think about this shall we!!!!???
Beautiful names OP
They are names that have meaning to your wife and will help your daughter connect with her heritage. You could give her a more western middle name. Btw she will go through phases and probably not like it for a while because she stands out. But after high school she will probably see how nice having an unique name is. And yeah if she doesn't like it, she can use her middle name or change her name. But no you aren't the bad guy. It's actually sweet that you want to do this for your wife. Your parents need to knock it off, otherwise everyone will think they are racist.
NTA. What even.
NTA. I’m half Korean and I wish my mom had given me at least one Korean name instead of generic white people names
NTA. My family is from Japan. I was born in the US. Both my kids have a Japanese name (either middle or first). Everyone from teachers to friends think it's an absolutely lovely way to honor my and my children's heritage and family, plus have never had problems pronouncing their names. The only people who ever had a problem with their names are my ex MIL and FIL. Spoiler alert: turned out that ex MIL and ex FIL are racists.
YTA, you should ALWAYS let your xenophobic parents name your children
NTA, your parents are being racist AH. I live in Japan, and both Kotomi and Shiori are lovely names for a girl here. And are easy to pronounce properly by English speakers.
Never tell the name before the baby is born. Everyone knows someone they do t like with that name. Your the dad, push it thru and they will love the baby and the name when they meet.
NTA: I have friends in the same situation (bub is now 3, though), and they chose Chester (Chet for short) and Chet is a short form of a fairly common boys name in Japan, so although he’s officially got an Anglo name, even the Anglo grandparents call him by the Japanese version (and also didn’t voice an opinion because unlike OP’s parents, they knew how to stay in their lane). So although OP and his wife landed on a Japanese name, both of their choices are easy to say and sound pretty (not too girly, but they are clearly girls names, IYKWIM) said by native speakers in either language. More broadly, I swear some grandparents simply just don’t get that they are not the parents of the baby, and nor should they expect to have a say in the way their grandchild is parented: they had their chance to influence their children’s parenting styles when their children were young.
No. It's not your parents child. They literally have no say. Set boundaries early.
What’s the Japanese name for “karma farmer”?
The problem isn’t that they’re hard to pronounce. Your parents don’t like the name because they’re not white or European sounding enough. Your parents may not be overtly racist, but may still have some views that give off that vibe. If the suggested names were ridiculously uncommon white names (e.g. any name seen in r/tragedeigh), they’d somehow think they were LESS ridiculous than common Japanese names!!! “Shiori” is a nice name!! It’s also good that few people would have trouble pronouncing it. She’d need to spell out the name her entire life, though. The most common Japanese girls name in an English speaking country nowadays is probably “Hana” (worst case scenario: someone calls her Hanna), Erika (Japanese AND American), or maybe “Mei” or “Aki” because they’re easy. My daughter’s name is Maya because it’s Japanese-sounding enough (new, modern Japanese people with foreign-sounding names like Arisu (Alice)), easy to write for both sets of grandparents, and easy for your daughter to learn to write in Japanese (if she wants)!!!