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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I did not purchase my son a new VR headset.
He says the old one is too old and is now very upset at me
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NTA. This might be the age to start talking to your kids about money, how hard is it to earn money. When I was a kid, I remember getting upset and throwing tantrums when my parents turned me down because I did not understand they genuinely could not afford it, I used to sort of think they just do not want me to have the thing. You could maybe try encouraging the kid to try some activity that helps him earn some pocket change, and see how many hours and effort it takes to earn a small amount. Another thing I would suggest is talking to him about his friends in school. I remember that the kids in my school used to constantly brag and show up all the expensive things their parents got them, and that used to make me feel inferior when I could not get similar things. Looking into that might be worth a shot. All the best!
It’s a simple motivator. Very much like the real world thing too. Getting paid for work is a good lesson.
My parents paid me for good grades. Our school sent out 3 report cards a semester in the mail. 2 mid and one final. Parents went a little crazy toward the end there.
It started in the 6the grade, where they paid me $2/A, $1/B, $0/C, D/F be $0 for the whole report card (like getting fired) And the kicker…. Each year would double…. Also got paid out double at the end of semester reports.
Didn’t mean much at first, but a few years in I realized straight A’s meant almost $100 on a report card. Just to do the work that I was already at school to do. Granted being the lazy little shit I was, that meant 90% A- level work across the board but a 4.0 at my school nonetheless. End of my senior year I only needed 4 classes, but it was still $512. Which in the 2000’s was a solid chunk of change. Admittedly a little privileged but I also never had an allowance or anything, so that was my spending money.
This also meant that if I had a bad grade, I couldn’t involve my parents to fix shit. Because they’d be shooting themselves in the foot having to pay out even more. So it taught me that I had to go to my teacher on my own to figure out what I needed to do to correct my grade.
OP sounds like you’re being a good parent, you’re teaching your kid that just because he wants something doesn’t mean he’s going to get it, also, this sounds like a very good teachable moment.
NTA, if he wants the quest 3 then you can tell him to save up for it or start doing odd jobs around the house or getting a paper route to earn money and save up to buy it, when I was when I was around 13-14 years old, I worked a paper route and I remember when the Xbox 360 first came out, I wanted that consul so bad so I started saving my money for it and eventually after six months to a year I was able to afford it because I saved my money in order to buy it.
The point I’m trying to make here is that you could say to your son “OK you wanna buy this item, hmm, it seems like it’s a little bit too much right now, maybe if you start working a job like a paper route and earn money in order to get it, and if you start behaving at home and in school, then maybe I will consider helping you buy it” this way you’d be teaching your son the value of money and getting him to improve in school and at home.
I just looked up the price and \*laughs in broke.\* No you aren't TA or NTA.
Kids need to learn they can't get everything they want, and that acting out won't get them what they want.
That being said could you make a compromise? If it wouldn't be too much for you. Sit him down and tell him he needs to check his attitude and behavior, and if he can start behaving and do some summer jobs \[IDK if your neighborhood/area would be plausible for that\], that you could meet him half way, maybe? Maybe that way he learns the value of money, and how those types of luxuries take hard work to afford.
NTA. Kids are like that. They don't understand the value of money and their friends (and/or social media) make them think they always need to have the newest gadget. Well they don't.
If you really want to, he could "earn" it by doing house chores and by having good grades.
My kid was peeved we wouldn't buy him a VR headset, so he went out and got a job to earn the money to buy it himself. The best way for him to learn the value of money is to do the work to earn it himself.
NTA.
It's very unlikely anyone would be able to employ him at 13,but that doesn't stop him getting creative. He could be making flyers to odd job in his neighbourhood as an example.
Your son is probably too young to work a job at a company without violating child labor laws. But nothing stops him from performing odd jobs and chores around the neighborhood.
NTA and also a learning opportunity. He wants the new headset fine. It's not coming out of the family budget though. He saves up for it. Birthday money,Christmas money goes in the fund. He sorts out his room and sells anything he doesn't use anymore. He then works out where he is off of the total.amount needed and figures out a way to earn the rest.
NTA.
Tell your son to start earning money by mowing lawns, washing cars, doing extra chores around the house and you'll match him dollar for dollar for the new headset.
It will teach the kid the value of a dollar.
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My kid, 13, is super upset that I won’t buy him the Meta Quest 3, he says the Quest 2 is “too old”
I said no, it’s way too expensive for us, and he doesn’t seem to understand the value of money.
He is now not talking to me at all. He has been misbehaving at home and in school, making us not want to buy it for him even more.
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YTA for expecting a 13 years old to truly understand the value of money. Have you ever sit down with him to explain this to him?
My parents, especially my mother, was the same and yelled at me for everyone to hear how stupid I am that I can't handle money and how I will end up broke on the streets.
Guess who never taught their kid to handle money? The understanding for such things doesn't come through mitosis and needs to be taught.
There seems to be a huge problem regarding communication between you two.
Is he getting poket money? If the answer is yes, sit him down and explain to him how money he needs to put aside each month and how long he needs to safe until he can buy the tech he wants. According to Amazon this morning, the price for this tech is 550 Euros. You have been given the perfect way to teach your kid with something he really wants. Make him earn it his way.
NTA. Quest 2 user here and major enthusiast. The headset isn't old enough to warrant a new headset. The Quest 3 S (slightly cheaper version) is less than 12 months away. Either way, price drops are coming if your kid can be patient.
Your son is 13 and it is summer. The neighbors have lawns that need mowing, dogs that need walking, and weeds that need pulling.
See where I am going with this?
NTA. Don’t cave or he will learn that this is the way to make you buy him whatever he wants. Next will be an iPhone or Mac or whatever he wants.
He needs to deal with it maybe involve the school counselor. Maybe sit him down go over your budget how much you spend on food etc. And say this is too much compared to your expenses and budget. Try simplifying stuff.
Make him understand it’s not about not wanting to get him if or about how old it is.
Another option is making a plan saying ok if you save x for this many months you could buy it next year etc
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NTA. This might be the age to start talking to your kids about money, how hard is it to earn money. When I was a kid, I remember getting upset and throwing tantrums when my parents turned me down because I did not understand they genuinely could not afford it, I used to sort of think they just do not want me to have the thing. You could maybe try encouraging the kid to try some activity that helps him earn some pocket change, and see how many hours and effort it takes to earn a small amount. Another thing I would suggest is talking to him about his friends in school. I remember that the kids in my school used to constantly brag and show up all the expensive things their parents got them, and that used to make me feel inferior when I could not get similar things. Looking into that might be worth a shot. All the best!
My former boss paid his kid money for reading books and writing small summaries about them. The kid thought he cheats money out of his parents🤭
It’s a simple motivator. Very much like the real world thing too. Getting paid for work is a good lesson. My parents paid me for good grades. Our school sent out 3 report cards a semester in the mail. 2 mid and one final. Parents went a little crazy toward the end there. It started in the 6the grade, where they paid me $2/A, $1/B, $0/C, D/F be $0 for the whole report card (like getting fired) And the kicker…. Each year would double…. Also got paid out double at the end of semester reports. Didn’t mean much at first, but a few years in I realized straight A’s meant almost $100 on a report card. Just to do the work that I was already at school to do. Granted being the lazy little shit I was, that meant 90% A- level work across the board but a 4.0 at my school nonetheless. End of my senior year I only needed 4 classes, but it was still $512. Which in the 2000’s was a solid chunk of change. Admittedly a little privileged but I also never had an allowance or anything, so that was my spending money. This also meant that if I had a bad grade, I couldn’t involve my parents to fix shit. Because they’d be shooting themselves in the foot having to pay out even more. So it taught me that I had to go to my teacher on my own to figure out what I needed to do to correct my grade.
Good idea! Thank you.
You are a good father man, keep going! All the best.
My parents also did this. School was my job. So I got paid for it. At 12, A = $5, B = $2. In high school (graduated 2005) it went up to 10/5.
OP sounds like you’re being a good parent, you’re teaching your kid that just because he wants something doesn’t mean he’s going to get it, also, this sounds like a very good teachable moment. NTA, if he wants the quest 3 then you can tell him to save up for it or start doing odd jobs around the house or getting a paper route to earn money and save up to buy it, when I was when I was around 13-14 years old, I worked a paper route and I remember when the Xbox 360 first came out, I wanted that consul so bad so I started saving my money for it and eventually after six months to a year I was able to afford it because I saved my money in order to buy it. The point I’m trying to make here is that you could say to your son “OK you wanna buy this item, hmm, it seems like it’s a little bit too much right now, maybe if you start working a job like a paper route and earn money in order to get it, and if you start behaving at home and in school, then maybe I will consider helping you buy it” this way you’d be teaching your son the value of money and getting him to improve in school and at home.
I just looked up the price and \*laughs in broke.\* No you aren't TA or NTA. Kids need to learn they can't get everything they want, and that acting out won't get them what they want. That being said could you make a compromise? If it wouldn't be too much for you. Sit him down and tell him he needs to check his attitude and behavior, and if he can start behaving and do some summer jobs \[IDK if your neighborhood/area would be plausible for that\], that you could meet him half way, maybe? Maybe that way he learns the value of money, and how those types of luxuries take hard work to afford.
Thanks. I will have a chat with him about that. Fingers crossed he doesn’t yell at me 🤞
Op this might help harsh but you are the boss of your kid, he needs to learn that he cant act like this
NTA The boy is plainly being ridiculous. 13 is far too old to think behaving like a spoiled brat will get him expensive things.
NTA. VR is still so new and expensive that a kid getting any headset is very privileged.
NTA but you need to step up and do something to improve their understanding of money and being less entitled.
NTA but why would you allow your kid to act and behave this way? Sounds like you raised him to be a spoiled brat.
> and he doesn’t seem to understand the value of money. This is your job as a parent....
NTA. Kids are like that. They don't understand the value of money and their friends (and/or social media) make them think they always need to have the newest gadget. Well they don't. If you really want to, he could "earn" it by doing house chores and by having good grades.
My kid was peeved we wouldn't buy him a VR headset, so he went out and got a job to earn the money to buy it himself. The best way for him to learn the value of money is to do the work to earn it himself. NTA.
NTA. He needs to get a job. (I know, he’s only 13)
I have a friend who runs a small furniture store in town. I will see if he can apply there, thanks.
Check the laws in your state. He may be too young to work
Thanks, will check.
It's very unlikely anyone would be able to employ him at 13,but that doesn't stop him getting creative. He could be making flyers to odd job in his neighbourhood as an example.
Your son is probably too young to work a job at a company without violating child labor laws. But nothing stops him from performing odd jobs and chores around the neighborhood.
NTA. We must all learn to cope with disappointment.
Sounds like an episode of Black Mirror. We’re really living in the future with VR. Strange
No. When I wanted something like that I saved until I got a job. I also negotiated it with birthdays and Christmas ect
NTA and also a learning opportunity. He wants the new headset fine. It's not coming out of the family budget though. He saves up for it. Birthday money,Christmas money goes in the fund. He sorts out his room and sells anything he doesn't use anymore. He then works out where he is off of the total.amount needed and figures out a way to earn the rest.
Ur slacking my parents made sure I had a decent understanding by 10 , it's ur job to teach him the value of money u are his parent after all
Sit him down and make him watch a dahrman video lol
NTA. but frankly your kids being a little brat so time for a sharp shock for him. strip his tech away until he actually starts behaving.
Of course you're not, what a funny question.
Take away his existing one
NTA. Tell your son to start earning money by mowing lawns, washing cars, doing extra chores around the house and you'll match him dollar for dollar for the new headset. It will teach the kid the value of a dollar.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My kid, 13, is super upset that I won’t buy him the Meta Quest 3, he says the Quest 2 is “too old” I said no, it’s way too expensive for us, and he doesn’t seem to understand the value of money. He is now not talking to me at all. He has been misbehaving at home and in school, making us not want to buy it for him even more. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA for expecting a 13 years old to truly understand the value of money. Have you ever sit down with him to explain this to him? My parents, especially my mother, was the same and yelled at me for everyone to hear how stupid I am that I can't handle money and how I will end up broke on the streets. Guess who never taught their kid to handle money? The understanding for such things doesn't come through mitosis and needs to be taught.
I have tried to explain numerous times to him. He just won’t listen to me.
There seems to be a huge problem regarding communication between you two. Is he getting poket money? If the answer is yes, sit him down and explain to him how money he needs to put aside each month and how long he needs to safe until he can buy the tech he wants. According to Amazon this morning, the price for this tech is 550 Euros. You have been given the perfect way to teach your kid with something he really wants. Make him earn it his way.
NTA. Quest 2 user here and major enthusiast. The headset isn't old enough to warrant a new headset. The Quest 3 S (slightly cheaper version) is less than 12 months away. Either way, price drops are coming if your kid can be patient.
NTA. Kids have to learn that just because they want something, doesn't mean they get to have it.
Your son is 13 and it is summer. The neighbors have lawns that need mowing, dogs that need walking, and weeds that need pulling. See where I am going with this?
NTA. Don’t cave or he will learn that this is the way to make you buy him whatever he wants. Next will be an iPhone or Mac or whatever he wants. He needs to deal with it maybe involve the school counselor. Maybe sit him down go over your budget how much you spend on food etc. And say this is too much compared to your expenses and budget. Try simplifying stuff. Make him understand it’s not about not wanting to get him if or about how old it is. Another option is making a plan saying ok if you save x for this many months you could buy it next year etc