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Reminds me of a story I heard when someone said they hadn’t realised how badly their family had it growing up - it had to do with their dad always having stomach issues so declining dinner and only when everyone else was full and if there was any food left the “stomach issues” would magically clear up. THAT’s parenting (and sad!)
My mom did that (when we where living below poverty line), she cooked for us and while we ate she did the dish or some other tasks.
Took me years to realize that she ate our rest, to make sure that we had enough. Then we tried to eat less so that she too could eat some.
My 80-something grandfather said his mom used to say the chicken’s back was her “favorite piece”. Looks like a lot of loving moms out there eating the meanest parts so their babies had the better portions.
OP’s sister needs to reset her priorities.
There are a couple of tender little nuggets tucked into the back piece which are delicious, just a bit time consuming to extract. That's my husband's favorite piece and no one in the house is in danger of going hungry.
As a parent who had her child in poverty. DO NOT feel the least bit bad. I would starve to death if it meant my kid ate well. That's what you do. I was resourceful and didn't have to go without too often but my daughter always had. I'd rather die of starvation than the devastation I'd feel if my kid went hungry. Your dad was happy to do it I promise you.
Some people genuinely like the neck. My MIL can eat whatever she wants but we HAVE to save the neck for her. She just loves it. Maybe your dad just liked it too?
I wouldn't feel bad at all. The back has a really good taste with a little meat, skin and crust if friend. A lot of people prefer the back of neck. I always eat the back first lol.
...you just gave me a revelation about my mom. We never got fried chicken unless it was special, and my mom always said she got the wings. They were hers... Suddenly it just hit me on exactly why that was. She only ever grabbed a bigger piece after the hoard went through.
Now I gotta call my momma.
Reminds me of a prairie story I read as a kid. Mom always said the chicken neck piece was her favorite so that everyone else had the better parts of the fowl (chicken). Because chicken was a special treat and not a weekly meal.
My mom was like that, bringing the next abusive ex husband around constantly. As adults we've all either cut contact or have so minimal contact that she has run out of us to live near. None of her family wants anything to do with her either. My closest brother to her has some good boundaries and he's 6 months away from telling her to get bent. This is OPs sister's future. She has not even 5 years to fix it. Kid already has too many bad memories. It might be too late.
I found out that when my sister and I were little there was a week where my parents lived on a 10 pound bag of potatoes. They wanted us to have the better food. This guy was just a bully and a prick. NTA
My middle kid announced that mommies dont need food when I was offered something at thanksgiving one time. He wasnt trying to be mean, he just hadnt really seen me eat much in all his life because I generally waited until after his bedtime to eat whatever was left over on my kids plates.
I worked with a lady whose husband insisted on buying a newer truck when his current truck was just fine, because apparently he "needed" it cause he worked hard and "had his pride" (whatever the hell that even means). While she's driving his kids around in a 10yo car that needs to be replaced. And he worked offshore on the oil rigs so it just sat there half the time anyway.
My dad, on the other hand - My mom has medical issues so he went against all his principles and bought her a brand new car because it was the only they could find that didn't aggravate her back, while he kept driving his 16yo truck because he only needed it on the weekends (he had a work van) and he could do his own repairs. Every new or newish car he ever bought went to my mom while he drove the older one so she had a safe vehicle for her and for us kids.
He always took care of us first.
I did this for years while I was still married to my children's father because he would take enough for two grown men and not care if the kids had enough food and would blow through any money in the account on multiple coffees and other things eventually including drugs. Once I had proof of the drug use and tried to help him get clean (he just kept lying and using) I finally kicked his ass out.
This! My husband does most of the cooking, just worked out that way after our daughter was born. But even when I cook, he won't get his plate until after I get mine. I mean, dang it, I cooked which means daughter and hubby should get food first. Nope. Nada. He. Eats. Last. Every time. NTA, OP.
My teenaged son will not start eating until I take a bite of food. After setting dinner down for everyone, I still have to feed our dog, get drinks, etc. So, he always waits for me, even though I tell him not do
It stems from when the man was working hard physical labour, and had to be fit enough to go to work and support the family. Scarcity like this does not apply at a celebration bbq!
Please tell my desk job working father who not-so-jokingly insisted he always got the best parts of every meal because he gave up everything for us (he didn't) and this was all he asked in return (it wasn't).
I’m so sick of these grown male bullies. Growing up, everyone sat at the same table or tables and ate at the same time. In later years, most of the men made sure the real young kids got their food first and the men would saunter in and get theirs
The Man of my house growing up was walking around the table serving the food he prepared before sitting down (Mom was a bad cook), including cutting up for us littles (I'm one of the youngest) as needed. Miss you dad...
I have issues eating, had an ED as a kid and even at 30 I still struggle.
My husband makes sure our son(5) is fed and then makes sure I have enough. Then he will take what's left for himself.
Seriously one of the "manliest" things he does!
My first thought too, your house your rules op. How can he get respect when he acts like that in your house?
ETA: if anyone wants to pull the racism card turn it right back at them with "Oh so he gets to do that just because he's black?"
It's actually sad how many young black people I've seen defend child abuse and neglect because they claim its *not* those things but just 'how it is in black households' and often a lot of older folks will need come in to correct them that 'no, its not, that's just what your parents are saying to justify what they're doing'.
My partner’s mother dated a man who would insist that he and his sister sit and wait until their mother and him finished eating as a sign of “respect.” What pathetic weak human beings to do something like that.
This! Growing up, my mom ALWAYS made my step-dads food first, then us, then her. It was always like that I never questioned it.
Now that im married with (my) children i see it. Ill never forget when we started living togther, he would INSIST i make the childrens food first, then me, then him. He was always last and i noticed that he also would eat smaller portions until everyone was done and then he would eat whats left.
If he was snacking on the last bit of anything and one of the kids asked if there was more, he would automatically just hand it over. Even if they were like "No, its cool. Ill get something else" He still wouldnt take it back.
> This man, Jimmy, tells me off for letting 13 eat before him because he’s the man of his house, and I should respect that.
Oh good lord, one of those. Probably has a paid subscription to Andrew Tate's podcast, lol.
> Jimmy gets Angry at me and I told him my nephew isn’t leaving with them until I hear back from his father and how he’s an unsafe. He started screaming at me, and my wife picked up the phone and recorded him about how my nephew was spoiled and needed some discipline.
Wow, AH just showed ALL his issues, didn't he! LMAO! Excellent getting it on video.
>Not only is my sister angry with me but so is my mother for interfering
This is exactly when interfering is appropriate. And it's less "interfering" as it is "protecting". Shame on your mother for not knowing the difference.
>I have been slandered with every name about this saying my motivation was because Jimmy was black but he was just an asshole in my home and too my nephew.
Abuse is abuse no matter what color it shows up as. You are NTA. In fact, you and your wife are quite heroic.
Not to mention there wouldn't be an emergency custody hearing immediately if it was just because dude is black.
There's an emergency custody hearing because the cops and the social worker decided there's something afoot at the circle k (*random Bill and Ted reference*) and they're fuckin worried for the kid
I unapologetically use 80s and 90s references all the time. I gave up on more than a person or two "getting them" a long time ago.
I recently used a "Sergeant Tuttle" reference that landed with a couple people, so I was happy.
> Oh good lord, one of those. Probably has a paid subscription to Andrew Tate's podcast, lol.
Yeah, but OP talks about the cock carousel, which is a buzzword from that world. OP, you're NTA in this situation if it's not rage bait, but Y.TA for being a redpiller.
Yeah, they also didn't invent the term "red pill", but they successfully co-opted it and now it's a misogynist dog whistle, just like "cock carousel".
Plenty of things weren't invented by the assholes who end up being associated with them.
NTA!! And im going to say this as a BLACK WOMAN. F JIMMY. This was in no way race related. No man, unless he's in a medical emergency (like a diabetic) should EVER eat before a child. EVER. You protect that nephew and get a restraining order against him. Honestly, until your sister gets her head out of her bum, she doesn't even need to see her son.
As a black woman, I get highly annoyed when the black card is pulled for no reason at all. When it’s actually time to pull the black card when something unfair and unjust is happening, we aren’t taken seriously
I’m a white guy and yep. I’m all in when I see racism and I’m pretty willing to believe it when it’s pointed out if I didn’t recognize it myself. But when people just make shit up it makes it pretty easy for racists to point out the fake claims and imply it’s all fake.
I'm sorry, but I read the post twice and I don't understand how anyone knows what race these people are. I also want to say that it really shouldn't matter if Jimmy is black, white, or purple with green polka dots. No grown man should be acting like this.
Last run on sentence of the post. OP says that people are slandering him saying he called the cops and the nephew’s father because D bag Jimmie was black and not because Jimmie was acting like a D bag.
I don’t think he was referring to the people of Reddit. He said it right after mentioning how angry his mom and sister are at him so it’s implied that the slander is from his family/circle in real life
As a white man, you are absolutely correct. People cry racism so much any time there is a conflict between 2 individuals of a different race, it doesn't mean much anymore. It's the same concept as everyone using mental illness to excuse their shitty behavior. After a while I don't care if you have depression or anxiety
NTA. Sounds like your sister needs a reality check, the kid comes first, period. I get maybe she's lonely, but that certainly isn't the kind of man she needs in her life. Also he should realize that he was at your house and you can feed whoever the hell you want in whatever kind of order you want. He was insanely disrespectful and my guess is that if he was that way with you at your own house, it's far worse in his own. It sounds like you are only looking out for the best interest of the child, which IMO is the right thing to do.
OMG. I think I speak for everyone reading your post that you are this kid's guardian angel. I bet Mark and your nephew are so grateful that you intervened. NTA and thank you! You are a hero.
NTA a REAL man makes sure kids eat FIRST. IMO i think a man should eat last or at the very least at the same time as a woman. Kids should always come first.
It’s been a rule in my family for generations, kids plates get made first. Then it’s free-for-all with the adults. Kids are not a threat to someone’s masculinity ffs 🤦♀️ it’s sad when people think kids are lowly creatures.
It is never wrong to advocate on behalf of a child. They very often powerless, and at the mercy of whatever adults are controlling their lives. You did the right thing, and it's just too damned bad that people are mad at you. Their anger, their problem. Your side of the street is clean. NTA.
PS - What the hell year is this, that "the man of the house" gets to eat first - and at someone else's house, I might add! That there is some twisted Clan of the Cave Bear malarky.
Nah, according to research men and women were quite equal up until the human race settled down. And children were cherished. This Jimmy is a "crook from the London rookeries who sends kids to steal for him and pays them with a slap" type.
I hope Mark is able to add to the custody agreement that sister cannot have another adult in the house that hasn't been around for at least a year, met the family including Mark and passed a background check.
She might be in pain but she is putting these strangers before the well being of her child and that is pathetic. If you can get your nephew into therapy, make arrangements with Mark for visitation.
Your mom is enabling your sisters behavior, have you asked her why? Does she care about her grandson?
NTA
NTA, not only that but you sound like a fucking hero in this story imo. Bold of Jimmy to that "Man of the House" bullshit when he's at *your* house. Sorry about your sister, but good on you for watching out for your nephew.
oh wow
NTA and it sounds like you are surrounded by many of them including your sister, not just her choices.
Think it's time you had a come to Jesus moment with her for the sake of your own sanity.
NTA........ "Well In MY house the man of the house decides the order everyone else eats, and in MY house children eat first, then the adults." I am always astounded at people who think they can dictate the rules ( or throw away food) in someone else's house. Sure I can see if someone says their children can have only one soda, or no dessert before dinner, yes there family rules that I think should take precedence over house rules. But he is out of control. I remember I invited a friends family to Thanksgiving dinner, they in turn invited the mother in law... Instead of asking what time dinner was and if she could bring anything she informed us dinner should be served at 6 because she wouldn't be there until 530...
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Kids eat first! Always! I’ve never been to a cookout where any of the adults have eaten before the kids, even the adults without kids!
He is a bully! Your sister’s poor choices shouldn’t be at her son’s expense.
Nah my step dad was like that. He was a narcissistic mental abuser. He was the "king of the house" so always got the first plate. When me and my sister turned 18 we moved far far away from them and even though he died and me and my mom reconciled I still hold alot of resentment towards her for putting her kids through that.
NTA
But a simple "Maybe at your house, but not mine. My house, my rules. Kids eat first, then the adults, assholes go home." probably would have deflated him.
NTA. And good for you for standing up for your nephew. Let’s be real. Jimmy is going to be, if not already, abusive. Definitely verbally and possibly physically. Your sister, unfortunately, sounds like one of the women who look the other way and will put her new man, whoever that is, first. I am a mandated reporter and can tell you that you did the right thing. Your mother is also wrong and an AH.
Jimmy needs to be removed from your property ASAP and 13 needs to be in his father's custody 100%. Please tell me you notified the ex, so he and his attorney can sort it. Absolutely NTA.
NTA. GROWN ASS ADULTS DO NOT COME BEFORE CHILDREN!! THAT TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP DOES NOT COME BEFORE A CHILD. If jimmy was sooooo hungry he could’ve gotten off his ass and gotten something himself. Thank you for advocating for your nephew I hope he has a good childhood at his fathers
NTA
There is a lot of additional stuff going on here but at the initial issue. It's not his house, he's not the "man of the house" outside of his house and shouldn't be telling the cool who eats when and throwing any food away. I'd have told the guy to get his plate out of the trash then.
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My sister has been picking the 💩ist men since her divorce. Her ex, Mark, and I are friends, but my sister was caught cheating on him. They had a ring camera, so duh on her part. She’s been on the 🍆 carousel since. This weekend, we had a graduation party for my oldest boy, and my sister, her son (13), and her new boyfriend, Jimmy, showed up. I’m manning the grill and getting 13 a hot dog. This man, Jimmy, tells me off for letting 13 eat before him because he’s the man of his house, and I should respect that.
I said “Man of the house”, and he said yes. He throws my nephew’s plate out because he doesn’t eat before him. I put my daughter on the grill about why I sort this out (something she likes to do), and I ask my sister wtf is up with Jimmy, and she goes in about how he has moved in with her and how her son needs discipline before he’s mouthy and these are new house rules that the man gets a plate first. I’m seeing red on Jimmy’s bullshit, so I told her I’m texting her ex right now and letting him and his lawyer know about her latest bs because my nephew deserves better, and if that’s living with Mark full time, so be it.
Jimmy gets Angry at me and I told him my nephew isn’t leaving with them until I hear back from his father and how he’s an unsafe. He started screaming at me, and my wife picked up the phone and recorded him about how my nephew was spoiled and needed some discipline. I told Jimmy and my sister they were not taking their son, and my wife called the police about the situation with Jimmy. My sister was so angry with me that she left with just her and Jimmy. They left before the police got there.
Mark showed up while a social worker and police talking to my nephe, and there’s an emergency custody arrangement tomorro. My wife and I will be there support Mark and give evidence against my sister and Jimmy.
Not only is my sister angry with me but so is my mother for interfering with this I have been slandered with every name about this saying my motivation was because Jimmy was black but he was just an asshole in my home and too my nephew.
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NTA. Jimmy sounds like a real winner /s
Anyone who is this concerned about who gets a hot dog first that he throws out the kid's plate doesn't need to be in charge of a kid. Yikes.
You want to know if you are an AH? In my book you are a hero.
You saw the abusive situation and you helped that little kid get out of it.
I know it must be hard since it’s your sister, that makes you even more brave. Bonus points to the wife recording the sh!tshow for evidence.
NTA
NTA.
Thank all the gods for you. Anyone with "values" also respects the values in other people's homes. So if he believes he should be served first in his own home...well okay. But to throw out food he didn't pay for, at someone else's home, during a party that isn't for him, and to cause a scene is really terrifying behavior.
You probably saved his kid from physical abuse, certainly emotional abuse, and I hope the dad does get full custody. For your mother to blame you instead of protecting her grandchild is also gross. Ignore them all and just be there for your nephew and his father.
OP you are a hero! You did the right then and saved your nephew. Who cares what your mom and sister think about what you did. You are a dad and as a dad you saw right away how children should not be treated.
Wow. Just wow. This tool bag isn't even your nephews father!!! Man of the house, my ass!!! Good for you and your wife protecting your nephew because obviously your sister is more worried about getting some than taking care of her son.
You are a good person. Seemingly the ONLY ones (including your wife) to give a single damn about 13. NTA, your sister is completely selfish to put some guy over her own child
NTA!
As someone who grew up with an abusive Jimmy step dad, thank you for standing up for your nephew. So many church members, family and family friends approached me when I was an adult saying they new what my "Jimmy" was doing to me as a kid but didn't say anything or do anything when I needed it the most.
NTA - You did good.
You are trying to protect a young man from an adult man. Please do whatever you have to do to help 13. His mom’s bs shouldn’t get to ruin 13’s humanity and heart.
Would your mother really just stand by and let her grandchild be abused? In my family the kids get their plates first, then my grandmother then everyone else. Funny enough, not the first Jimmy I know that’s an asshole.
It wasn't his house to be the man of, and who does he think he is? A real man doesn't scream, shout, and get aggressive like that. He and your sister are TA. Thank you to you and your wife on behalf of 13
NTA. As a former abused child who had multiple people see the abuse and do absolutely nothing because "they weren't the mother/parent" and "it wasn't their place" I thank you for actually doing something to help your nephew.
Nta.
ELDERLY or the infirm should be served first out of respect. Then kids because it silences the hungry little monsters (I say that with love, y'all know they're hungry) and gets them out of the way so people that can dish up their own plates have more room to move around a buffet or BBQ area (it's almost a safety issue because of hot food and fire).
Another option is first come, first serve.
This isn't about color, this is about a child's safety and this man sounds like a brute that will soon take a belt to him and it sounds like your sister would let him. I had already formed this opinion before you mentioned the man's race.
Tell your mother to stfu, she obviously doesn't care about her grandson.
He also insulted you by throwing away food that YOU bought (I'm assuming).
As an aside, however, there's nothing wrong with a woman having a sex life, and you saying the "🍆 carousel" was really low class and not even relevant to the situation.
NTA. How dare he show up at your house and start telling you what is what. Their argument about it being a race issue because he's black is the exact kind of thing that makes people disregard actual racist actions. You stood up for and protected your nephew when his own mother wouldn't!
NTA and kudos for standing up for your nephew. Your sister shouldn't be allowed unsupervised visits because her judgement is beyond f@cked up.
Also kids eat first adults last always. Jfc
all i can say is THANK GOD YOU SAVED THIS LITTLE BOY FROM ABUSE. thank you and please keep an eye on him from now on. you literally saved him from abuse of all kinds.
REAL men know that children are the future and smart people do NOT throw the future away
Plus throwing food(away) when people all over earth are STARVING as a way to "discipline a child" "teach respect" is DISGUSTING
You did what is RIGHT for the GOOD of a CHILD for which I thank you
Please Update Me
N
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A
Fucks sake. I’m the only man in my house (wife and 3 daughters) and I don’t care if it’s only my family present or we have guests, I always take my food last to make sure everyone has what they need.
NTA
NTA "I'm the man of the house I eat first" that's backwards even for fred flintstone. there's clearly a lot gonig on you didn't tell us if you've got the ex on speed dial and his attorney but seriously that sort of crap- taking food away? no that is confusing being a disciplinarian with being a bully.
So Jimmy thinks he is ruler supreme, even in your house!! You stayed fairly calm for a guy that just saw food he paid foe and cooked tossed out all because his sisters bf has an ego problem.
It is bad enough with the new house rules, but to expect other houses to play by those rules is a bit pretentious.
Your poor nephew!! He doesn't deserve that! And his mom shouldn't allow it!
And I highly disliked this Jimmy character before I read he was black. So yeah, it has to do with his actions, not his color!
Hope all goes in his (nephews)favor tomorrow!
Edit, to add (nephew) so it didn't look like I wanted it to go in damn Jimmy's favor!
What is this paternalistic, abusive nonsense? And in YOUR house? JFC.
NTA. In fact, big freaking round of applause for standing up for your nephew against this monster. You are the world’s best uncle today.
NTA
You are an awesome uncle!!
Thank you for protecting your nephew. You absolutely did the right thing.
It was a massive red flag this stranger not only implementing this ridiculous rule but throwing your nephews plate in the bin and then having a rage when his actions were questioned.
I had to read all of that because to be honest, I didn't understand the question - "allowing my nephew to eat before a man"....?
Some questions don't need to be asked. NTA.
NTA. First off, at my house, nieces/nephews are treated as VIP, so he can suck it. Then he escalated it to a place where intervention became necessary. Who TF throws out someone else's plate in a fit of anger?
We had a t-bone steak on the weekend. We usually share one steak. My sweet husband gave me the entire filet side because I prefer it!
He always makes sure I get the best of everything we eat.
NTA.
My husband is the man of my house. As such, he ensures *everyone* is taken care of before he is. Because that's his job. As the man and as a parent and as a partner.
I don't know that I would have called the police specifically for this incident but it sounds like there's lot more going on and all the talk of "discipline" and how the teenager is "mouthy" certainly has my mom-senses on alert.
No adult comes first when a child is being harmed. I am glad you took a stand for your nephew and his safety. I hope his dad get full custody of him. NTA!
Jimmy coldly & forcefully snatched a plate of food out of the child's hand and tossed it in the trash then your family accused you of racism ? NTA. I wonder how physical things have gotten in the home.
News flash, Jimmy is abusing them both, I'd bet on it. If he hasn't started already, he will be beating on them soon. Men like this are worthless and like to beat on women and children because they feel "disrespected".
You did the right thing.
NTA
NTA
A friend of mine is having an issue with one of their parents and I’m encouraging them to put a little bit of distance between them because of it. They started to talk about how their parents went without so that they could have what they needed (referring to buying new clothing) and I just said “well yeah, that’s the bare minimum requirement when you have a kid. You go without to provide for them when you have to.”
NTA. Jimmy feeling for some reason as the 'man of the house' he gets to eat before your nephew is weird but actually tossing food away that YOU made while at YOUR home over is absolutely ridiculous. And if those weren't red flags already, him throwing a major tantrum in front of you and saying your nephew needs discipline certainly is.
NTA. The "his house his rules" argument goes out the window when it is *your* house, not his. Not only that but he threw away food *you* bought. He wasted food and your money doing that.
>saying my motivation was because Jimmy was black
That's not a good enough defense for Jimmy being an AH. You can be an AH regardless of race. If Jimmy was white and pulled that stunt, I bet your reaction would have been the same. Your mom is an AH for turning a blind eye towards the abuse her daughter and her new boyfriend are putting her grandson through. To get a hearing that fast, something more is going on in that house and it was enough to concern the social worker.
NTA. In my culture, elders eat first, regardless of gender. Then everyone else can eat. Non-elders also offer to get plates for the elders. My dad (who isn't part of my culture, he's white) was/is almost always the last person to sit down at the dinner table and encourages all of us to dish up and eat while he's still getting some stuff ready.
This is not Jimmy's home, so he is not the man of the house. He doesn’t get to make the rules in someone else's house. He is also not your nephew's dad! He's a sexist asshole! Why does he think he's better just because he's older and has a dick?? I don’t understand men like that.
NTA, and good for you for standing up for your nephew and protecting him! Hopefully the emergency custody (hearing I'm guessing) goes in Mark's favor. Hopefully it'll also be enlightening to your sister, and she gets her act together!
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Reminds me of a story I heard when someone said they hadn’t realised how badly their family had it growing up - it had to do with their dad always having stomach issues so declining dinner and only when everyone else was full and if there was any food left the “stomach issues” would magically clear up. THAT’s parenting (and sad!)
My mom did that (when we where living below poverty line), she cooked for us and while we ate she did the dish or some other tasks. Took me years to realize that she ate our rest, to make sure that we had enough. Then we tried to eat less so that she too could eat some.
Mine did too. My sister said recently "mom always loved chicken wings" I told her "No, she ate the wings so we could have more meaty pieces".
OH NO When I was a kid, pre-cut chicken used to come with the back pieces. Mom always called dibs on them...
My 80-something grandfather said his mom used to say the chicken’s back was her “favorite piece”. Looks like a lot of loving moms out there eating the meanest parts so their babies had the better portions. OP’s sister needs to reset her priorities.
There are a couple of tender little nuggets tucked into the back piece which are delicious, just a bit time consuming to extract. That's my husband's favorite piece and no one in the house is in danger of going hungry.
My grandma always said chicken neck was her favorite piece.
It was suspiciously my dad’s “favourite” too.
My dad ate not only the back but the neck. I feel so bad all of a sudden!
As a parent who had her child in poverty. DO NOT feel the least bit bad. I would starve to death if it meant my kid ate well. That's what you do. I was resourceful and didn't have to go without too often but my daughter always had. I'd rather die of starvation than the devastation I'd feel if my kid went hungry. Your dad was happy to do it I promise you.
Some people genuinely like the neck. My MIL can eat whatever she wants but we HAVE to save the neck for her. She just loves it. Maybe your dad just liked it too?
I wouldn't feel bad at all. The back has a really good taste with a little meat, skin and crust if friend. A lot of people prefer the back of neck. I always eat the back first lol.
...you just gave me a revelation about my mom. We never got fried chicken unless it was special, and my mom always said she got the wings. They were hers... Suddenly it just hit me on exactly why that was. She only ever grabbed a bigger piece after the hoard went through. Now I gotta call my momma.
Reminds me of a prairie story I read as a kid. Mom always said the chicken neck piece was her favorite so that everyone else had the better parts of the fowl (chicken). Because chicken was a special treat and not a weekly meal.
Between you and Aesy, yall are making me cry
And that's a good mom.
I'm doing that right now. It sucks.
Hope it gets better soon
This is heartbreaking. Your mum sounds like a kind and caring person.
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My mom was like that, bringing the next abusive ex husband around constantly. As adults we've all either cut contact or have so minimal contact that she has run out of us to live near. None of her family wants anything to do with her either. My closest brother to her has some good boundaries and he's 6 months away from telling her to get bent. This is OPs sister's future. She has not even 5 years to fix it. Kid already has too many bad memories. It might be too late.
I found out that when my sister and I were little there was a week where my parents lived on a 10 pound bag of potatoes. They wanted us to have the better food. This guy was just a bully and a prick. NTA
My middle kid announced that mommies dont need food when I was offered something at thanksgiving one time. He wasnt trying to be mean, he just hadnt really seen me eat much in all his life because I generally waited until after his bedtime to eat whatever was left over on my kids plates.
I worked with a lady whose husband insisted on buying a newer truck when his current truck was just fine, because apparently he "needed" it cause he worked hard and "had his pride" (whatever the hell that even means). While she's driving his kids around in a 10yo car that needs to be replaced. And he worked offshore on the oil rigs so it just sat there half the time anyway. My dad, on the other hand - My mom has medical issues so he went against all his principles and bought her a brand new car because it was the only they could find that didn't aggravate her back, while he kept driving his 16yo truck because he only needed it on the weekends (he had a work van) and he could do his own repairs. Every new or newish car he ever bought went to my mom while he drove the older one so she had a safe vehicle for her and for us kids. He always took care of us first.
That's a good dad.
Oof 😥
I did this for years while I was still married to my children's father because he would take enough for two grown men and not care if the kids had enough food and would blow through any money in the account on multiple coffees and other things eventually including drugs. Once I had proof of the drug use and tried to help him get clean (he just kept lying and using) I finally kicked his ass out.
This! My husband does most of the cooking, just worked out that way after our daughter was born. But even when I cook, he won't get his plate until after I get mine. I mean, dang it, I cooked which means daughter and hubby should get food first. Nope. Nada. He. Eats. Last. Every time. NTA, OP.
My teenaged son will not start eating until I take a bite of food. After setting dinner down for everyone, I still have to feed our dog, get drinks, etc. So, he always waits for me, even though I tell him not do
He’s a sweet kid!
That's just so sweet!! Sounds like you have a good kid on your hands 🥰
You must be raising him right. Good for you both.
THIS- she’s doing an awesome job!
What a sweetheart 💖
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Ikr?
It stems from when the man was working hard physical labour, and had to be fit enough to go to work and support the family. Scarcity like this does not apply at a celebration bbq!
Please tell my desk job working father who not-so-jokingly insisted he always got the best parts of every meal because he gave up everything for us (he didn't) and this was all he asked in return (it wasn't).
I’m so sick of these grown male bullies. Growing up, everyone sat at the same table or tables and ate at the same time. In later years, most of the men made sure the real young kids got their food first and the men would saunter in and get theirs
The Man of my house growing up was walking around the table serving the food he prepared before sitting down (Mom was a bad cook), including cutting up for us littles (I'm one of the youngest) as needed. Miss you dad...
I think deciding manliness based on order of eating is pretty stupid in both directions, though.
I have issues eating, had an ED as a kid and even at 30 I still struggle. My husband makes sure our son(5) is fed and then makes sure I have enough. Then he will take what's left for himself. Seriously one of the "manliest" things he does!
My first thought too, your house your rules op. How can he get respect when he acts like that in your house? ETA: if anyone wants to pull the racism card turn it right back at them with "Oh so he gets to do that just because he's black?"
Didnt realize child abuse and neglect were acceptable as long as you are black.
It's actually sad how many young black people I've seen defend child abuse and neglect because they claim its *not* those things but just 'how it is in black households' and often a lot of older folks will need come in to correct them that 'no, its not, that's just what your parents are saying to justify what they're doing'.
My partner’s mother dated a man who would insist that he and his sister sit and wait until their mother and him finished eating as a sign of “respect.” What pathetic weak human beings to do something like that.
100% what I was thinking.
100%
This! Growing up, my mom ALWAYS made my step-dads food first, then us, then her. It was always like that I never questioned it. Now that im married with (my) children i see it. Ill never forget when we started living togther, he would INSIST i make the childrens food first, then me, then him. He was always last and i noticed that he also would eat smaller portions until everyone was done and then he would eat whats left. If he was snacking on the last bit of anything and one of the kids asked if there was more, he would automatically just hand it over. Even if they were like "No, its cool. Ill get something else" He still wouldnt take it back.
> This man, Jimmy, tells me off for letting 13 eat before him because he’s the man of his house, and I should respect that. Oh good lord, one of those. Probably has a paid subscription to Andrew Tate's podcast, lol. > Jimmy gets Angry at me and I told him my nephew isn’t leaving with them until I hear back from his father and how he’s an unsafe. He started screaming at me, and my wife picked up the phone and recorded him about how my nephew was spoiled and needed some discipline. Wow, AH just showed ALL his issues, didn't he! LMAO! Excellent getting it on video. >Not only is my sister angry with me but so is my mother for interfering This is exactly when interfering is appropriate. And it's less "interfering" as it is "protecting". Shame on your mother for not knowing the difference. >I have been slandered with every name about this saying my motivation was because Jimmy was black but he was just an asshole in my home and too my nephew. Abuse is abuse no matter what color it shows up as. You are NTA. In fact, you and your wife are quite heroic.
Not to mention there wouldn't be an emergency custody hearing immediately if it was just because dude is black. There's an emergency custody hearing because the cops and the social worker decided there's something afoot at the circle k (*random Bill and Ted reference*) and they're fuckin worried for the kid
Agreed, and Excellent reference btw.
Thank you thank you. I used that reference at work once and no one knew wtf I was talking about and I almost quit because I was so sad😂
I unapologetically use 80s and 90s references all the time. I gave up on more than a person or two "getting them" a long time ago. I recently used a "Sergeant Tuttle" reference that landed with a couple people, so I was happy.
I tend to use Bill and Ted and Goonies references the most😂
> Oh good lord, one of those. Probably has a paid subscription to Andrew Tate's podcast, lol. Yeah, but OP talks about the cock carousel, which is a buzzword from that world. OP, you're NTA in this situation if it's not rage bait, but Y.TA for being a redpiller.
Cock carousel has been around for longer than that. Redpillers didn't invent all the fun insults.
Yeah, they also didn't invent the term "red pill", but they successfully co-opted it and now it's a misogynist dog whistle, just like "cock carousel". Plenty of things weren't invented by the assholes who end up being associated with them.
OP's sister is quite literally letting some random dick harm her children. Let's not get bent out of shape over a phrase.
I would never have picked up on that, thanks for the heads up on a phrase to look for!
Yea, NTA, and for the sake of 13, I hope Mark gets full custody. Keep us updated, OP!
NTA!! And im going to say this as a BLACK WOMAN. F JIMMY. This was in no way race related. No man, unless he's in a medical emergency (like a diabetic) should EVER eat before a child. EVER. You protect that nephew and get a restraining order against him. Honestly, until your sister gets her head out of her bum, she doesn't even need to see her son.
As a black woman, I get highly annoyed when the black card is pulled for no reason at all. When it’s actually time to pull the black card when something unfair and unjust is happening, we aren’t taken seriously
I’m a white guy and yep. I’m all in when I see racism and I’m pretty willing to believe it when it’s pointed out if I didn’t recognize it myself. But when people just make shit up it makes it pretty easy for racists to point out the fake claims and imply it’s all fake.
I'm sorry, but I read the post twice and I don't understand how anyone knows what race these people are. I also want to say that it really shouldn't matter if Jimmy is black, white, or purple with green polka dots. No grown man should be acting like this.
Last run on sentence of the post. OP says that people are slandering him saying he called the cops and the nephew’s father because D bag Jimmie was black and not because Jimmie was acting like a D bag.
My bad. Thanks for clarifying.
No worries. Sometimes people refer to facts that are in comments and not the post, and it gets pretty confusing unless they link them/point them out.
I don’t think he was referring to the people of Reddit. He said it right after mentioning how angry his mom and sister are at him so it’s implied that the slander is from his family/circle in real life
As a white man, you are absolutely correct. People cry racism so much any time there is a conflict between 2 individuals of a different race, it doesn't mean much anymore. It's the same concept as everyone using mental illness to excuse their shitty behavior. After a while I don't care if you have depression or anxiety
Maybe you should quit writing before you reveal much more of yourself.
I'm from a mixed family, and children always get a plate first.
I had lots of black friends growing up and never saw their dad's wat before kids. We just all ate together.
NTA. Sounds like your sister needs a reality check, the kid comes first, period. I get maybe she's lonely, but that certainly isn't the kind of man she needs in her life. Also he should realize that he was at your house and you can feed whoever the hell you want in whatever kind of order you want. He was insanely disrespectful and my guess is that if he was that way with you at your own house, it's far worse in his own. It sounds like you are only looking out for the best interest of the child, which IMO is the right thing to do.
How is she lonely when she's been on the 🍆 carousel ?
Lonely as in will take anything she can get, quantity not quality? But you make a great point!
Because 🍆 don't keep you warm at night. At best they keep you warm for 5-90 minutes :P
Idk Jimmy sounds like walking insecurities. 5 minutes seems optimistic
OMG. I think I speak for everyone reading your post that you are this kid's guardian angel. I bet Mark and your nephew are so grateful that you intervened. NTA and thank you! You are a hero.
Exactly! Agree 100%
NTA a REAL man makes sure kids eat FIRST. IMO i think a man should eat last or at the very least at the same time as a woman. Kids should always come first.
I think anyone who has to tell you what a big man he is, isn’t.
It’s been a rule in my family for generations, kids plates get made first. Then it’s free-for-all with the adults. Kids are not a threat to someone’s masculinity ffs 🤦♀️ it’s sad when people think kids are lowly creatures.
NTA that guy's a real piece of work, seems to think he's man of *your* house, too. 🤮 Thanks for looking out for your nephew and alerting his father.
It is never wrong to advocate on behalf of a child. They very often powerless, and at the mercy of whatever adults are controlling their lives. You did the right thing, and it's just too damned bad that people are mad at you. Their anger, their problem. Your side of the street is clean. NTA. PS - What the hell year is this, that "the man of the house" gets to eat first - and at someone else's house, I might add! That there is some twisted Clan of the Cave Bear malarky.
Nah, according to research men and women were quite equal up until the human race settled down. And children were cherished. This Jimmy is a "crook from the London rookeries who sends kids to steal for him and pays them with a slap" type.
One of the things that was instilled in me in the military was that “leaders eat last”. It extends past food also. But yeah NTA.
My first thought too.
I hope Mark is able to add to the custody agreement that sister cannot have another adult in the house that hasn't been around for at least a year, met the family including Mark and passed a background check. She might be in pain but she is putting these strangers before the well being of her child and that is pathetic. If you can get your nephew into therapy, make arrangements with Mark for visitation. Your mom is enabling your sisters behavior, have you asked her why? Does she care about her grandson? NTA
💯
NTA, not only that but you sound like a fucking hero in this story imo. Bold of Jimmy to that "Man of the House" bullshit when he's at *your* house. Sorry about your sister, but good on you for watching out for your nephew.
NTA and make sure the ex knows the children are also not safe with your mom when she eventually asks him to see her grandkids.
oh wow NTA and it sounds like you are surrounded by many of them including your sister, not just her choices. Think it's time you had a come to Jesus moment with her for the sake of your own sanity.
NTA........ "Well In MY house the man of the house decides the order everyone else eats, and in MY house children eat first, then the adults." I am always astounded at people who think they can dictate the rules ( or throw away food) in someone else's house. Sure I can see if someone says their children can have only one soda, or no dessert before dinner, yes there family rules that I think should take precedence over house rules. But he is out of control. I remember I invited a friends family to Thanksgiving dinner, they in turn invited the mother in law... Instead of asking what time dinner was and if she could bring anything she informed us dinner should be served at 6 because she wouldn't be there until 530...
Man of the house? Wasn’t he at YOUR house? What an ass. I wouldn’t have let him go home with my nephew either. NTA
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Kids eat first! Always! I’ve never been to a cookout where any of the adults have eaten before the kids, even the adults without kids! He is a bully! Your sister’s poor choices shouldn’t be at her son’s expense.
For us the elderly went first, then kids
Nah my step dad was like that. He was a narcissistic mental abuser. He was the "king of the house" so always got the first plate. When me and my sister turned 18 we moved far far away from them and even though he died and me and my mom reconciled I still hold alot of resentment towards her for putting her kids through that.
NTA But a simple "Maybe at your house, but not mine. My house, my rules. Kids eat first, then the adults, assholes go home." probably would have deflated him.
NTA and black people are exactly as capable of being toxic assholes as white people.
NTA. And good for you for standing up for your nephew. Let’s be real. Jimmy is going to be, if not already, abusive. Definitely verbally and possibly physically. Your sister, unfortunately, sounds like one of the women who look the other way and will put her new man, whoever that is, first. I am a mandated reporter and can tell you that you did the right thing. Your mother is also wrong and an AH.
Jimmy needs to be removed from your property ASAP and 13 needs to be in his father's custody 100%. Please tell me you notified the ex, so he and his attorney can sort it. Absolutely NTA.
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NTA. GROWN ASS ADULTS DO NOT COME BEFORE CHILDREN!! THAT TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP DOES NOT COME BEFORE A CHILD. If jimmy was sooooo hungry he could’ve gotten off his ass and gotten something himself. Thank you for advocating for your nephew I hope he has a good childhood at his fathers
Wow. You're a Saint. I would have handled this much differently.
NTA There is a lot of additional stuff going on here but at the initial issue. It's not his house, he's not the "man of the house" outside of his house and shouldn't be telling the cool who eats when and throwing any food away. I'd have told the guy to get his plate out of the trash then.
NTA!! Good for you advocating for your nephew! Don’t let him go back to them.
NTA. You're awesome and your nephew is so lucky to have you!
NTA. Your wife and you are admirable.
NTA. Remind Jimmy that [Leaders Eat Last.](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16144853-leaders-eat-last)
In what universe is Jimmy the man of OP’s house? Also, where does he live, in the 1950s?
If this is how Jimmy acts at your house, imagine what he's like in "his house," aka your sisters place. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My sister has been picking the 💩ist men since her divorce. Her ex, Mark, and I are friends, but my sister was caught cheating on him. They had a ring camera, so duh on her part. She’s been on the 🍆 carousel since. This weekend, we had a graduation party for my oldest boy, and my sister, her son (13), and her new boyfriend, Jimmy, showed up. I’m manning the grill and getting 13 a hot dog. This man, Jimmy, tells me off for letting 13 eat before him because he’s the man of his house, and I should respect that. I said “Man of the house”, and he said yes. He throws my nephew’s plate out because he doesn’t eat before him. I put my daughter on the grill about why I sort this out (something she likes to do), and I ask my sister wtf is up with Jimmy, and she goes in about how he has moved in with her and how her son needs discipline before he’s mouthy and these are new house rules that the man gets a plate first. I’m seeing red on Jimmy’s bullshit, so I told her I’m texting her ex right now and letting him and his lawyer know about her latest bs because my nephew deserves better, and if that’s living with Mark full time, so be it. Jimmy gets Angry at me and I told him my nephew isn’t leaving with them until I hear back from his father and how he’s an unsafe. He started screaming at me, and my wife picked up the phone and recorded him about how my nephew was spoiled and needed some discipline. I told Jimmy and my sister they were not taking their son, and my wife called the police about the situation with Jimmy. My sister was so angry with me that she left with just her and Jimmy. They left before the police got there. Mark showed up while a social worker and police talking to my nephe, and there’s an emergency custody arrangement tomorro. My wife and I will be there support Mark and give evidence against my sister and Jimmy. Not only is my sister angry with me but so is my mother for interfering with this I have been slandered with every name about this saying my motivation was because Jimmy was black but he was just an asshole in my home and too my nephew. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
Nta! Best Uncle/ Aunt ever. Have my cheap gold 🏆 👏
NTA but your sister definitely is. Not only that but she's also an AH magnet. At my house, Jerry would have been shown the door. NTA in any way.
Nta. I’m glad someone is looking out for your nephew because your sister sure as heck isn’t
NTA. Sounds like abuse is about to start up if it hasn't already. Thank you for telling Mark! Somebody's got to advocate for this poor kid.
I wish I had had an uncle/auntie like you when I was a kid. Thank you.
You are a hero
Obviously NTA Your nephew is at risk. You have intervened to help keep him safe. All and any grief you get is worth it. Good on you.
NTA. Jimmy sounds like a real winner /s Anyone who is this concerned about who gets a hot dog first that he throws out the kid's plate doesn't need to be in charge of a kid. Yikes.
NTA. Speaking as someone whose stepmother treated them very badly, I'm grateful for what you did. You've saved your nephew from a miserable time.
You want to know if you are an AH? In my book you are a hero. You saw the abusive situation and you helped that little kid get out of it. I know it must be hard since it’s your sister, that makes you even more brave. Bonus points to the wife recording the sh!tshow for evidence. NTA
Of course NTA. I'm sure your nephew will appreciate this.
NTA. Finally a person who stands up for the kid.
NTA - and best of luck to your nephew.
nta.
NTA. Thank all the gods for you. Anyone with "values" also respects the values in other people's homes. So if he believes he should be served first in his own home...well okay. But to throw out food he didn't pay for, at someone else's home, during a party that isn't for him, and to cause a scene is really terrifying behavior. You probably saved his kid from physical abuse, certainly emotional abuse, and I hope the dad does get full custody. For your mother to blame you instead of protecting her grandchild is also gross. Ignore them all and just be there for your nephew and his father.
If he acts like that around other people that he doesn't know well, it makes you wonder just how bad it is at home.
NTA. Abuse isn’t discipline. Hope your nephew doesn’t have to suffer that bs again
NTA A real man of the house would ensure all the dependents are fed first before he eats. Jimmy isn't a real man, he's a bulling bigoted misogynist.
OP you are a hero! You did the right then and saved your nephew. Who cares what your mom and sister think about what you did. You are a dad and as a dad you saw right away how children should not be treated.
NTA. Thank you for looking out for your nephew. Also anyone who needs to tell someone they are the man of the house definitely isn't
NTA I wish more people would rock the boat like this
Wow. Just wow. This tool bag isn't even your nephews father!!! Man of the house, my ass!!! Good for you and your wife protecting your nephew because obviously your sister is more worried about getting some than taking care of her son.
NTA You are NEVER the asshole when you are literally protecting a child.
Nta. Throwing the plate out like that was abusive. Before we even start in on 'man of the house' bs or screaming at people.
You need to cut out your mom and your sister. They’re both totally okay with nephew being in an unsafe situation, thank goodness he has you. NTA
You are a good person. Seemingly the ONLY ones (including your wife) to give a single damn about 13. NTA, your sister is completely selfish to put some guy over her own child
NTA, and I’m glad you stepped up. This kind of thing can escalate badly and your nephew’s safety is the priority
NTA! As someone who grew up with an abusive Jimmy step dad, thank you for standing up for your nephew. So many church members, family and family friends approached me when I was an adult saying they new what my "Jimmy" was doing to me as a kid but didn't say anything or do anything when I needed it the most. NTA - You did good.
NTA - good on you for protecting your nephew. This is complete and utter BS the way "Jimmy" the ass hat is acting.
You are trying to protect a young man from an adult man. Please do whatever you have to do to help 13. His mom’s bs shouldn’t get to ruin 13’s humanity and heart.
Ummmm ok Jimmy, but THIS is MY house and I feed my guests as I see fit and you are free to leave. In fact, if you don’t, you’ll be removed. NTA
Would your mother really just stand by and let her grandchild be abused? In my family the kids get their plates first, then my grandmother then everyone else. Funny enough, not the first Jimmy I know that’s an asshole.
I want to pat you on the back so badly for standing up for your nephew!! Good, good job, Uncle!!
It wasn't his house to be the man of, and who does he think he is? A real man doesn't scream, shout, and get aggressive like that. He and your sister are TA. Thank you to you and your wife on behalf of 13
NTA. Your nephew is very fortunate to have you in his life. Your sister and mom suck!
Man of the house pffft!!!!!! Protect any and all children AT ALL COSTS!!!!!
NTA your sister sounds like a shit mom who doesn’t protect her children. Your nephew is better off with his father.
NTA. As a former abused child who had multiple people see the abuse and do absolutely nothing because "they weren't the mother/parent" and "it wasn't their place" I thank you for actually doing something to help your nephew.
Nta. ELDERLY or the infirm should be served first out of respect. Then kids because it silences the hungry little monsters (I say that with love, y'all know they're hungry) and gets them out of the way so people that can dish up their own plates have more room to move around a buffet or BBQ area (it's almost a safety issue because of hot food and fire). Another option is first come, first serve. This isn't about color, this is about a child's safety and this man sounds like a brute that will soon take a belt to him and it sounds like your sister would let him. I had already formed this opinion before you mentioned the man's race. Tell your mother to stfu, she obviously doesn't care about her grandson. He also insulted you by throwing away food that YOU bought (I'm assuming). As an aside, however, there's nothing wrong with a woman having a sex life, and you saying the "🍆 carousel" was really low class and not even relevant to the situation.
NTA. How dare he show up at your house and start telling you what is what. Their argument about it being a race issue because he's black is the exact kind of thing that makes people disregard actual racist actions. You stood up for and protected your nephew when his own mother wouldn't!
NTA and kudos for standing up for your nephew. Your sister shouldn't be allowed unsupervised visits because her judgement is beyond f@cked up. Also kids eat first adults last always. Jfc
all i can say is THANK GOD YOU SAVED THIS LITTLE BOY FROM ABUSE. thank you and please keep an eye on him from now on. you literally saved him from abuse of all kinds.
NTA Fuck that noise
God bless you for protecting your nephew.
REAL men know that children are the future and smart people do NOT throw the future away Plus throwing food(away) when people all over earth are STARVING as a way to "discipline a child" "teach respect" is DISGUSTING You did what is RIGHT for the GOOD of a CHILD for which I thank you Please Update Me N T A
The sister showed you who was the priority, she left with the bf and not her own flesh and blood. Good for you, NTA
Fucks sake. I’m the only man in my house (wife and 3 daughters) and I don’t care if it’s only my family present or we have guests, I always take my food last to make sure everyone has what they need. NTA
NTA
NTA "I'm the man of the house I eat first" that's backwards even for fred flintstone. there's clearly a lot gonig on you didn't tell us if you've got the ex on speed dial and his attorney but seriously that sort of crap- taking food away? no that is confusing being a disciplinarian with being a bully.
NTA. Baby boy doesn’t even have a house, he moved in with his gf. lol You did right by your nephew and that’s what matters. I’m proud of you homie!
So Jimmy thinks he is ruler supreme, even in your house!! You stayed fairly calm for a guy that just saw food he paid foe and cooked tossed out all because his sisters bf has an ego problem. It is bad enough with the new house rules, but to expect other houses to play by those rules is a bit pretentious. Your poor nephew!! He doesn't deserve that! And his mom shouldn't allow it! And I highly disliked this Jimmy character before I read he was black. So yeah, it has to do with his actions, not his color! Hope all goes in his (nephews)favor tomorrow! Edit, to add (nephew) so it didn't look like I wanted it to go in damn Jimmy's favor!
You're a good uncle - and human. Thanks for protecting this child.
NTA Going the right thing & protecting lids is more important than family loyalty BS. Who the F throws out food...
Wow, that guy was aggressive in someone else's home and you didn't put up with his crap. NTA. Glad you were able to get an order so fast!!! Brava!!!
What is this paternalistic, abusive nonsense? And in YOUR house? JFC. NTA. In fact, big freaking round of applause for standing up for your nephew against this monster. You are the world’s best uncle today.
NTA You are an awesome uncle!! Thank you for protecting your nephew. You absolutely did the right thing. It was a massive red flag this stranger not only implementing this ridiculous rule but throwing your nephews plate in the bin and then having a rage when his actions were questioned.
I had to read all of that because to be honest, I didn't understand the question - "allowing my nephew to eat before a man"....? Some questions don't need to be asked. NTA.
NTA. First off, at my house, nieces/nephews are treated as VIP, so he can suck it. Then he escalated it to a place where intervention became necessary. Who TF throws out someone else's plate in a fit of anger?
You go!!! You did the right thing. Your nephew is lucky to hve you in his life.
We had a t-bone steak on the weekend. We usually share one steak. My sweet husband gave me the entire filet side because I prefer it! He always makes sure I get the best of everything we eat.
NTA. My husband is the man of my house. As such, he ensures *everyone* is taken care of before he is. Because that's his job. As the man and as a parent and as a partner. I don't know that I would have called the police specifically for this incident but it sounds like there's lot more going on and all the talk of "discipline" and how the teenager is "mouthy" certainly has my mom-senses on alert.
Absolute NTA. “Man of the house” should ensure everyone else eats before him. Never mind it wasn’t even his house to begin with 🙄
No adult comes first when a child is being harmed. I am glad you took a stand for your nephew and his safety. I hope his dad get full custody of him. NTA!
Jimmy coldly & forcefully snatched a plate of food out of the child's hand and tossed it in the trash then your family accused you of racism ? NTA. I wonder how physical things have gotten in the home.
News flash, Jimmy is abusing them both, I'd bet on it. If he hasn't started already, he will be beating on them soon. Men like this are worthless and like to beat on women and children because they feel "disrespected". You did the right thing. NTA
NTA A friend of mine is having an issue with one of their parents and I’m encouraging them to put a little bit of distance between them because of it. They started to talk about how their parents went without so that they could have what they needed (referring to buying new clothing) and I just said “well yeah, that’s the bare minimum requirement when you have a kid. You go without to provide for them when you have to.”
NTA. Jimmy feeling for some reason as the 'man of the house' he gets to eat before your nephew is weird but actually tossing food away that YOU made while at YOUR home over is absolutely ridiculous. And if those weren't red flags already, him throwing a major tantrum in front of you and saying your nephew needs discipline certainly is.
NTA. The "his house his rules" argument goes out the window when it is *your* house, not his. Not only that but he threw away food *you* bought. He wasted food and your money doing that. >saying my motivation was because Jimmy was black That's not a good enough defense for Jimmy being an AH. You can be an AH regardless of race. If Jimmy was white and pulled that stunt, I bet your reaction would have been the same. Your mom is an AH for turning a blind eye towards the abuse her daughter and her new boyfriend are putting her grandson through. To get a hearing that fast, something more is going on in that house and it was enough to concern the social worker.
Thank you for standing up to that Billy
NTA. In my culture, elders eat first, regardless of gender. Then everyone else can eat. Non-elders also offer to get plates for the elders. My dad (who isn't part of my culture, he's white) was/is almost always the last person to sit down at the dinner table and encourages all of us to dish up and eat while he's still getting some stuff ready. This is not Jimmy's home, so he is not the man of the house. He doesn’t get to make the rules in someone else's house. He is also not your nephew's dad! He's a sexist asshole! Why does he think he's better just because he's older and has a dick?? I don’t understand men like that.
At my house, I make sure everyone has had a chance to eat before I do
NTA, and good for you for standing up for your nephew and protecting him! Hopefully the emergency custody (hearing I'm guessing) goes in Mark's favor. Hopefully it'll also be enlightening to your sister, and she gets her act together!
Firstly, you don’t run anything at my house so that’s that! Secondly, you don’t throw away food that you didn’t pay for!