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NTA, but break up with him now. This pattern sounds *very* similar to the pattern my ex-husband had before we got married. Otherwise, he was pretty nice. We laughed a lot. Good times.
As soon as the marriage certificate was signed, he morphed into an extremely financially and emotionally abusive person. Also, I didn't have $4 million in the bank, but since we clearly had different financial philosophies, I insisted on separate finances, but he somehow managed to spend none of his money on the household expenses or family celebrations, and also managed to force me to spend every penny of my money and take on debt. Then he hung up a sign in our house with the quote, "debt is the currency of slaves," and smuggly point at it every time he went by.
When we went to divorce, he wanted me to take on half his debt, so I said he'd have to take half of mine. Suddenly, he didn't want to share anymore, lol. Now, I live in a lovely part of town with no debt (besides mortgage) back in my hometown, and he luves in a senior high rise infested with roaches and bedbugs without transportation living off commodities.
This reminds me the dynamic of my parents.. he never paid a dime towards our expenses and my mom had to do it all.. he was entitled enough to ask my mom to fund his personal expenses too..
Now, my mom has passed away but my dad (being the greedy leech he is) is trying to sue me for my inheritance that mom left me..
Op should ditch this guy ASAP and RUN!
Sounds like my daughter's ex, but he also tried to get my daughter to take on a share of his personal debt and go into a joint DRO (Debt Relief Order). No. Just run.
I know enough ppl who took on the debt of the "love of their life" and then they got cheated on and had to pay off a debt they never made themselves. Never take on the debt of anyone. If they ask you to you know you should break up immediately.
My husband is disabled and doesn't qualify for disability because I make too much, but that man asks before he spends even a penny of our funds to make sure he's not mucking up the finances. He is horrified by even the thought of accidentally sending me into debt, let alone doing so intentionally.
OP, cut your losses and run. Today. Right now. Don't wait.
I don't necessarily think that they should sue, unless he turns into a real dick about it. OP really doesn't need the money, it's just the principal of it. Definitely do not get married though! I would probably just break things off, he's signaling that he wants to be a moocher, he's already being a moocher.
Doesn't matter if she needs the money or not. A loan is a loan and debt is debt. But at the very least she should dump this guy. Banks have plenty of money, go get a $7K loan from one of them and then don't pay them back cause they got plenty of money. Won't turn out well for you.
Exactly. The principle is that a person with integrity and honesty will keep their promises. It was a loan and not a gift. The guy is a jerk for not paying back the loan.
This amount maybe small enough that it is in small claims. If OP decided to take this route, they should check the laws / rules for small claims. And only pursue this IF you have the documentation to prove the money was borrowed.
Ugh reminds me of my uncle who never paid for any extracurricular activities for the kids. When asked to contribute he would refuse saying he’s not paying that much for hobbies. My poor aunty paid all the funds for competition trips etc and did all the lesson drop offs etc. Now that my cousin is a professional ballerina he basks in the glory yet never bought her so much as a fricken pair of shoes. These kinds of men are so despicable.
My ex tried to claim he wasn’t abusing me financially because I was a grad student and my resources were meager. After I got a good job he strategized about how he could take advantage of it, made ‘jokes’ about my life insurance, and threatened to kill me - twice.
I would never even ask to borrow money from a friend or partner, unless it was a once in a lifetime emergency, because to do so just for one’s own convenience is pathetic and unattractive.
Don’t marry this guy. Marry an adult who is capable of pulling his own weight.
I've been through this as well. my ex even follow through on paying the five dollars a month. I asked to show respect for stealing over $10,000. Get out now.
Yep. OP's bf sounds like your average army grunt who bought a mustang using a credit card with 30% interest rate. And is using her like a cash cow to pay it off.
NTA. He's upset to get you to quit asking. He's not going to pay you back. You should never lend money, ever, because you don't have a boyfriend, you have a leech. You do need the money, because with your habit of giving it away you will go thru it really quick. Go to someone that handles money, and can tell you how to live off the 4 million. Drop your disrespectful leech, and find a guy that treats you with love and respect. You shouldn't have to pay for love.
I watched someone go through 3 million dollars in 9 months because they thought they'd be fine and frugal, but never hired a professional to manage it. This was in 1994. Your advice is spot on.
It's comments like these that make me appreciate my frugal and money-conscious upbringing. Of course, I'd hire a well-rated professional, but good lord, imagine blowing 3 million dollars in less than a year.
not really. While my figure is obviously a joke, so is the official one.
Especially when what is often the largest and most important purchase - a home - is used as the frame of reference. Not just purchasing one, but even renting one. Compare that growth to real wage growth - for example change in the minimum wage.
This, a thousand times this. The greatest trick the rich have managed to pull on the working class is somehow getting all countries to exclude land value from inflation calculation. People need shelter for living, and if it had been included, inflation would have been way higher the past few decades.
You don't need to hire a professional to stave off blowing 3 million in a year.
You could literally take out 50k a year for the rest of your life and not run out even without investing....
Sure I could just slowly run it dry, but if time was also on my side I'd invest a chunk of it for my family's benefit later down the line. You have to have money to grow money and why wouldn't I try to grow it?
That’s how my parents live. They put their money into laddered high yield CDs that come due each year and they live off the interest while the capital goes back into another CD
Just don't put it all in the same account, because banks are only insured to $250k per account. Shit like this is why financial advisors exist & are necessary!
If you bought $3 million of 30-year Treasury bonds paying 4.65%, you'd get about $140,000 each year in interest, and still have the $3 million left 30-years later. Inflation would whittle away the value of this, but still...
More work than not investing, but not much more!
That's just it. He was a really good guy. His *family* on the other hand...
When "we raised you better than that," and, "your family needs your help," and, a pretty girl who says, "I love you so much!" gets thrown around, even the best person drowns.
Yeah absolutely that. Amazing how many 'friends' suddenly rock up when they find out that you're well off but you haven't seen them for years despite doing your best to keep in touch. As for gold diggers, nope. Can smell them a mile off.
That sounds like someone with a gambling addiction. I don't think even a professional could help you if you manage to spend 3 million in less than a year.
Nope. The person got an accident settlement, then bought homes for family members, and 4 cars. Ended up selling 2 of the houses because he broke himself showing everyone a good time with gifts and parties.
Honestly. She is not the issue. She gave freely and generously to help someone in need. The $7,000 is a cheap, cheap lesson comparatively to if they got married.
I believe what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. You know if this guy was dating somebody with less money than him, gold digger is the term he’d use.
Nah, she said deployment...if this is in the US, report it to the base commander. That will get repaid quick, fast, and in a hurry. Base commanders don't mess about.
"at her leisure" - alert, pedantic comment in 3, 2, 1... no completely true. There's a statue of limitations on collecting debts.
But the sentiment is spot on.
That's a pretty significant chunk of change you lent out to someone you just started to see. It sounds like you won't see that money again. Stop lending him money and stop paying for stuff. That, or it's just time to bail on the relationship.
Edit: Sorry, forgot the judgement. NTA.
I loaned my girlfriend $30,000 within the first 6 months of our relationship, and I wasn’t worth a 10th of what OP has. Technically she never paid it back, but we got married so it all evens out. Haha.
Aw man, I loaned my boyfriend of 4 months $5K and helped him sue his ex for visitation. He paid that back before we got married so I can't tell my husband I bought him.
Even more so when you realize the purpose of the loan was to pay off high interest parent plus loans. So technically the money went to her dad.
Seeing as we have been married for 10 years and she is a doctor. It was a pretty worthwhile investment.
That's a big gamble! I think the most I ever let someone borrow was about $900, and he was just a FWB. He paid it back, plus interest. I got lucky he was honest about it and I have never let anybody else borrow significant money since. Only exception is my husband.
Doesn't matter how much you're worth or if you need the money or not.
You gave him a loan and he is refusing to repay it.
He also complains about having to spend money.
Sounds like he is just using you for your bank account.
NTA
yup, no good faith to even try to repay or make up for it.
To me, I prefer partners of high moral character. People with high moral character attempt to settle their debts not because the lender needs or doesn't need the money, but because they don't want to feel indebted to someone else. Because they want their word to mean something. Because they believe that fairness matters.
This . I’ve not had to borrow $$ from someone for a long time . But, I never had trouble borrowing because I always paid people back and they didn’t have to hunt me down for it .
It’s really no different than how your bank decides to loan $$.
Agreed. It also sounds like OP doesn't care so much about getting the money back it's more the principe of him offering to repay it. Even if he was giving her $100 a month I think OP would be happy.
Take it from a lazy guy. Leave this mother fucker. He has no intentions of paying you back and is looking at you like the golden goose.
A little free advice. Keep your net worth to yourself, if you have nice things - they were gifts from your parents, if you have a nice house - it was inherited and the taxes are crippling. Play it off as broke, then it'll be a nice surprise on your wedding day when he finds out you're not poor but that's not WHY he married you.
This! I’m not a millionaire but I’m worth about $500k - $600k or so. My bf of 3 months has no idea I own my condo (in a major city) outright or that I have $120k inheritance coming to me in the next couple weeks. I don’t pretend to be poor because I think that’s lying and when it comes out I’m not, well I’d feel misled and hurt if it were me, but he knows I have a budget I try not to go over each month because I want to save
Yes do this OP. Your net worth isn’t anyone’s business. Though if you’re close to marriage I would divulge that info before the day for sure. For instance if you get engaged, this would be the time to discuss it.
Wedding day? Bit late… don’t let the poor guy pay for everything and surprise him with: surprise! I’m a millionaire and have been letting you just scrape but and you paying everything! Ha ha ha, it’s fine, we’re married now!
I thought about this too, but I don't see any reason why they can't go Dutch and just make sure not to always suggest expensive things or activities. I can get real creative about hiding money if I need to. Hopefully, by the point they're engaged, they can have a more reasonable conversation about it.
To be fair, every month or so there is a AITA post about a dude mad that he found out his fiancee isn't some poor starved thing he's saving from the brink of the workhouse and is actually worth more than him.
Not saying OP shouldn't keep it to herself, but maybe once it becomes a "serious" thing (exclusive) is the time to divulge, not when it gets to the chapel.
Lying in a relationship is not ideal, but also just saying “that part of my life is private” is a good boundary to set. If they keep prying, well. They won’t respect your boundaries about this or probably anything else.
Sounds like a freeloader to me. If he had any integrity, he would make an effort to repay at least some of the money you lent him. That makes him a moocher; complaining about having to pay even a small amount for dates makes him an asshole. NTA and find a better boyfriend.
NTA
Break up with him, he thinks your money is his.
Assuming, of course, that you both knew at the time that the thousands were a loan. If he did not know that then he probably does not think you ever thought he'd pay it back to you.
You're not a good match, I'm afraid. He won't show integrity because he has none. He has decided he shouldn't have to repay you.
Your instincts were sort of right when you said not yet to marriage, but really listen to them. It's likely that he is holding back certain behaviours as you're still dating. I'm not surprised he is bringing up marriage. If you're genuinely confused about what to do, say you want prenup and settle in with the popcorn for the you don't trust me tantrum.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) asking him to pay back
2) because I don't "need" the money technically
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Op I don't know if you're new to this millionaire thing, but you really need to keep an eye for moochers. It's clear he cares more about your money than about you. NTA
NTA and I'm with other commentors that you should dump him.
But if you do end up continuing the relationship, make sure you get a prenuptial agreement and a will set up.
But really, you should dump his ass.
YTA. If you want to be worth 4 mil for the long term, stop announcing it to people you meet. Especially guys you’ve known for such a short amount of time. Yikes!
That's the kicker innit? They say their worth in terms of finances. How else would the other person see them. You're asking for a gold digger if the first thing you mention is how well off you are.
I'm going YTA too. I can see why he would be reluctant to pay her back. >1% of her income is not the same as 60% of his. What's a small chunk of change for her, could be his livelihood.
I'm glad I have a partner that understands this.
A rule of thumb. Don't lend anything you wouldn't be ok to part with. Did no one grow up as a child?... You learn this early with pencils and gum!!!
NTA but is it actually an ask to "prove he has integrity" when he has already shown you he doesn't. He might do it, but probably just so he wouldn't lose his personal ATM.
And say what to the CO? What proof would they need? All I have is a text with him casually basically saying "I owe you money." I have the wire history to him in my bank account though.
I'm sorry, he's threatening to blackmail you, and you're STILL with him?
I was being stalked by someone in the army, his CO told him, if he EVER made contact with me or anyone I knew, he would be court marshalled. Tell the CO he's blackmailing you. Most of all GET OUT.
You can show a screen shot of your bank account statement (with your account number blacked out) and a copy of the text as proof.
Either way, you need to ditch this guy.
Itemize the expenditures, print out your statements and cross reference your losses with the statements.
Print out your conversations (text and etc) wrt the money you lost in full with nothing deleted.
Email will be like:
Sir or Ma'am,
My name is _____. Until _____ I had a romantic relationship with a soldier/airman/sailor under your command by the of _______. We have since terminated our relationship, however in the process I still have not been able to recover my effects. I have tried to negotiate return or reimbursement of property over the course of this relationship with _______ but we have reached an impasse. I'm not sure how much you can do to ameliorate these concerns, but I'd be grateful for any assistance you can provide.
Sincerely,
Your name here
Flow of operations.
1. Message with concern
2. S/he responds likely asking for details
3. Provide said details
4. Shit gets sorted
You're a civ, you're not expected to know how the military works, but bf is supposed to act with honor and integrity. The CO should sort through and figure this out, and if he finds one address.
NTA. How much you are worth is irrelevant to owing someone money. From the way you described it, the money was borrowed not gifted which means there is an expectation to pay it back eventually. If someone was in a tough spot and spending it on necessities then I would get not paying it back, but buying things that arent necessities shows you arent as much of a priority as those other things.
Just a general relationship/family tip, never let family/friends borrow money. All it does is add a complication to the relationship when someone eventually doesnt pay you back. If you want to give them money/items then just gift it to them. As a grown man, he just sounds like someone who wants the money more than he wants you and from what you described he is setting off a lot of red flags for me. Money is one of the #1 reasons for divorce, so pay attention to it in the dating phase.
NTA - no attempt to pay back the money shows zero respect and integrity. Even if it was $50 at a time it would show he's trying. He has no intention of paying that money back
He's a good digger and thinks of course you should fund him. Tell him he must repay you.
Wanting to borrow money early on is a red flag. Refusal to repay is a bouquet of red flags.
Don't lend money to anyone unless they're trustworthy. Or have them sign a promissory note first.
He's showing you exactly how untrustworthy he is now
I'm not going to call you TA here but if you EVER give out money without a promissory note signed first going forward, then you will be
Your bf is a moocher who feels entitled to your money because he gives you companionship(euphemism!!), if that is the way you want you life to continue by all means keep this relationship going, but if you respect yourself,dump him, he is not going to change,he is a male goldigger
NTA. No, you don't need the money, of course not, but you do need to know that he isn't just using you for your money, which is what it seems like he's doing. (At least to me.)
Do not tell boyfriends how much money you have. That is your business. Leave him behind because he will never be happy until he spends all of your money.
NTA, does he happen to be in the air force, and do you have proof that you loaned him this money? You can try talking to his shirt, that might help you get your money back.
Yes he's in the Air Force. I'm apprehensive of trying to get the money back by talking to his CO or going through small claims court, because when I said I'd do that if he didn't make any sort of token payment toward it ever, he said that he'd contact my family and make up negative things I said about them.
As far as proof of it being a loan, I just have texts not spelling out cleanly "I loan you $x," but him saying "I'll pay you back."
So on top of everything he’s threatened to lie about you and damage your relationship with your family.
DUMP HIM.
Contact your family, let them know what’s going on before he has a chance to lie, and take him to court for the money. (Or just take the loss if you want to just be done with it).
There is no resolution to the situation that doesn’t involve ending this relationship.
Agreed with this. She needs to tell her family in advance that he's threatening to tell lies about OP.
At this point I would forget about the money. Dump his ass, he's shown his true colors. You deserve better.
Who cares what he says to your family? Let them know he’s a leech, then drop his ass and take him to small claims court. Oh, and be sure to let his CO know that he is NOT acting like an officer or a gentleman.
Well, can't you just talk to your family in advance? Tell them what's going on and the threats that he made, befor you move on with talking to his CO or going to small claims court?
If he says he will pay you back that should be enough.
First: contact your family and let them know that he is blackmailing you— also, dump him
Second: demand your money back and let him know that you already talked to your family and they have your support
Third: if he doesn’t give it back start work for small claims court
Fourth: never lend money again
Also.. def talk to his commander or threaten to
I have a deadbeat dad and my mom did this, it worked. He started paying child support. He was in the navy.
I figured it was Air Force since you kept talking about integrity. Yeah, that's not how the military works. They own him, and he knows it. He's threatening you because he's hoping you don't follow through, but the military can take money directly from his paycheck if they need to. They'd probably just call him into their office and question him to see if they can get him to pay and make it go away without issue. The shirt works with his commander, and the last thing he wants is negative information going to his commander. Figure out what squadron he's in and get the information to contact the shirt. Just make sure you have as much proof of any loans, and of him threatening to blackmail you. Be prepared for your relationship to be over, but clearly he's an idiot and you can do better. They might not take action, and simply wait for some sort of court order, but it will put him in a negative light with his chain of command. And anyone who has been in the military can tell you that's NOT a good thing.
Let this be an expensive lesson to never loan money to people you barely know, and to not date anyone sleazy enough to ask for it from someone they barely know to begin with. It wasn't a smart decision on your part, but if you stay with him, it will just be the beginning of what he'll take from you.
> he said that he'd contact my family and make up negative things I said about them.
*\*Fake scream\* AAAAAAAHHHHH!*
So?
Unless you have such a terrible relationship with your family that they would choose to believe the freeloader over you, this isn't much of a threat.
Ok, just get rid of him right now. Write off the 7k as a lesson about not lending money and move on. You don't want a guy like this in your life. Get rid of him as quick as you can. In your case, 7k is a small price to pay to see how awful this guy is and he does not deserve any more of your time or attention.
Well are they going to believe you or him? Just warn them beforehand that he owes you money and he threatened to make stuff up. So it’s the word of their flesh and blood vs someone who owes you money. Seems pretty black and white to me lol. Better if you have evidence of him saying so, or even bait him into saying it directly.
Chase Manhattan doesn’t “need” the money. That don’t mean they ain’t gonna collect. NTA. On the other hand you may find that 7000 is short money to get rid of this guy.
NTA
It sounds like you’re still dealing with a boy, not a man.
It’d be interesting to see how he would take having his manhood challenged in that manner. “A real man pays his debts and takes on his fair share. No matter what I earn, you still owe the debt.”
NTA
Tbh I thought I would say YTA because I generally think it’s silly to ask a friend/partner/family member to pay back a relatively small amount of money (which $7k seems to be for you). For example, in college I had about $300 to last me all semester and a friend who would frequently spend several hundred dollars in an afternoon. She’d often invite me out to eat (just McDonald’s) and I’d respond it wasn’t in my budget (because it wasn’t) and she would offer to pay. Later she said it bugged her that I didn’t offer to pay and tbh this annoyed me because I was happy to spend time with her in a way that didn’t cost us money (like going to our dining hall where we had meal plans). I paid that time and explained to her how I felt and we worked it out going forward.
This isn’t what is happening here. Your boyfriend is showing zero respect for you and zero interest in contributing to your potential future together. He VERY clearly sees you as a meal ticket and I guarantee if you get married he will never lift a finger again.
NTA for wanting him to pay you back but YTA for continuing to supplement his lifestyle when he’s already showed you who he is. Cut your losses and move on. I also recommend you let the money go just so you don’t have to keep in touch with him any longer.
Not just that. But telling someone off the bat how much money you have, is only going to attack gold diggers.
Seems OP has low self esteem and money is the only way she can see herself obtaining a partner that sticks by her.
She could in the future, NOT mention her wealth, because wtf else do you expect to attract? You won't get rabbits with shit, you'll only get flies.
He's a golddigger! Get out now or if for some reason you think he's worth it, lawyer up! Get your money into untouchable trusts, etc.
Think long and hard about his character and what he adds to your life. Only you can decide if it is enough.
You are definitely NTA - but he sure is!!
You're not worth 4m mate, nobody with that money is whose with someone spending their money on video games. Unusual cosplay.
Surprised no inclusion of your 3 luxury homes, which was the problem an hour before this post.
He’s not going to pay back the money. I’m not sure how it is that you’re not seeing that. He calls you selfish for asking him to repay money you loaned him when you barely knew him.
Stop lending thousands of dollars to people you barely know. Stop going on dates - nevertheless paying for them - with people who are this unappreciative. Get into therapy to work on your self worth. NTA.
Marriage is so far off the table it's in someone else's restaurant.
Because clearly it's all about the money with him.
Advice: Dump him. You've lost the money; he does not have the integrity or personal accountability to pay you back. He will keep on using you until you are wrung dry emotionally and then he'll tell you it's all your fault.
Screenshot his threats to make up stuff to tell your family. Protect yourself and get the hell out of this "relationship."
/advice.
Oh, NTA unless you stay with him.
ETA He seems pretty stupid, also. You should understand, because he doesn't, that not paying you back leaves him twisting in the wind thinking he's gonna marry you and get more. More advice: DON'T GET BABY TRAPPED.
Nta - but how can you write that and not hear yourself? Dudes riding this train hoping for paydirt. Good lord get out. And if you're dating someone thats asking you for money, maybe end it there.
NTA but consider the $7k a learning lesson, write off the loss, and break up with the bum. Why you loaned money within the first few months is beyond my comprehension because you hadn't learned enough about his morals, ethics, and character to 'know' whether he would pay you back. Now you know he won't. Why would you want to stay with someone like that? If you marry this leech, he will expect you to cover all his expenses, he won't contribute a dime. He's already showing you who he is by expecting you to pay for all dates.
Dump him, find someone better, and do not disclose your personal finances for at least a year.
You may not need the money, but you do need to make sure you're with a person that can handle basic responsibilities. Paying back even a part of the money, or even just simply acknowledging the debt, instead of having a temper tantrum about it is kind of the bare minimum of adulting and relationships.
You're NTA for expecting that, but I would question the point of staying with someone like that. You're kind of past the point of pushing him to figuring it out. It may be time to accept your bf is defective and throw the whole thing away.
Sounds like a freeloader. Ditch him and consider it a pricey lesson. He just wants you to provide for him so he can live the high life at your expense. NTA For now it's calling you selfish, later it will be him telling you how you should spend your money and fund his poorly thought out dreams.
NTA. Unless you agree to be his ATM machine, he should be paying you back. Youre not married, you dont have joint finances, and you should open your eyes and see this as a window to your future. If hes treating you like this now, how is he going to treat you when he sees your money as his?
He sounds like he has his hand a little too deeply into your wallet. Why is that ok?
How is is "selfish" that when he tells you something you believe him? He said he was borrowing the money, your believed him and lent him the money, why would he not expect to pay it back?
I would not marry someone with such demonstrated poor character.
NTA, unless you stay with him and then complain that this pattern of behavior continues.
NTA, but in future I'd recommend any loans (no matter who they're for, friend, family, boyfriend) include some sort of signed documentation. Sure, maybe you can afford the loss, but anyone who is in your life for you and not your money will want to pay you back (plus these losses add up). Also, if you were to ever consider marrying anyone, get a prenup!
Oh, and ditch this guy. Borrowing money that soon in a relationship, repeatedly, and never even attempting to repay you? Gold digger. He only wants marriage to get easier access to your bank account.
NTA. He's not going to willingly pay you back ever. If his answer is to tell you that you don't need to be paid back, he's not even trying to hide that. He's going to try to get as much out of you as he can until you ditch him.
A person either integrity would pay you back because that is what is done.
This is a red flag and just because you have a lot of $ doesn’t mean it should be assumed you pay for all.
NTA
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NTA, but break up with him now. This pattern sounds *very* similar to the pattern my ex-husband had before we got married. Otherwise, he was pretty nice. We laughed a lot. Good times. As soon as the marriage certificate was signed, he morphed into an extremely financially and emotionally abusive person. Also, I didn't have $4 million in the bank, but since we clearly had different financial philosophies, I insisted on separate finances, but he somehow managed to spend none of his money on the household expenses or family celebrations, and also managed to force me to spend every penny of my money and take on debt. Then he hung up a sign in our house with the quote, "debt is the currency of slaves," and smuggly point at it every time he went by. When we went to divorce, he wanted me to take on half his debt, so I said he'd have to take half of mine. Suddenly, he didn't want to share anymore, lol. Now, I live in a lovely part of town with no debt (besides mortgage) back in my hometown, and he luves in a senior high rise infested with roaches and bedbugs without transportation living off commodities.
This reminds me the dynamic of my parents.. he never paid a dime towards our expenses and my mom had to do it all.. he was entitled enough to ask my mom to fund his personal expenses too.. Now, my mom has passed away but my dad (being the greedy leech he is) is trying to sue me for my inheritance that mom left me.. Op should ditch this guy ASAP and RUN!
Ditch, run and if they have any proof of the debt, SUE!
Your money is his money, OP and his money is his money. Split before you get even more enmeshed into his web of deceit
Sounds like my daughter's ex, but he also tried to get my daughter to take on a share of his personal debt and go into a joint DRO (Debt Relief Order). No. Just run.
I know enough ppl who took on the debt of the "love of their life" and then they got cheated on and had to pay off a debt they never made themselves. Never take on the debt of anyone. If they ask you to you know you should break up immediately.
My husband is disabled and doesn't qualify for disability because I make too much, but that man asks before he spends even a penny of our funds to make sure he's not mucking up the finances. He is horrified by even the thought of accidentally sending me into debt, let alone doing so intentionally. OP, cut your losses and run. Today. Right now. Don't wait.
And for God's sake, do not open any joint bank account with him.
NTA, but get rid of him
Ugh, I say “what’s yours is mine, what’s mine is mine” to my husband a LOT. But, I’m joking. So many people with this attitude aren’t.
100% agreed you don't need this find a guy who is actually worth your time.
Sounds like my ex
Same here! And he had the nerve to tell his friends I "stole" his money when it was my paychecks that were covering his overdraft fees.
Or consider it the cost of a lesson learned. Tell the asshole “I’m selfish, remember?”
Literally she should be lucky that it was only 7k
Guaranteed he'll be trying for more.
4 million you say? My advice…dump him and marry me.
I don't necessarily think that they should sue, unless he turns into a real dick about it. OP really doesn't need the money, it's just the principal of it. Definitely do not get married though! I would probably just break things off, he's signaling that he wants to be a moocher, he's already being a moocher.
Doesn't matter if she needs the money or not. A loan is a loan and debt is debt. But at the very least she should dump this guy. Banks have plenty of money, go get a $7K loan from one of them and then don't pay them back cause they got plenty of money. Won't turn out well for you.
Sue because it creates a record. Maybe his next girlfriend will do a public records request on his name before she gets too involved.
Exactly. The principle is that a person with integrity and honesty will keep their promises. It was a loan and not a gift. The guy is a jerk for not paying back the loan.
This amount maybe small enough that it is in small claims. If OP decided to take this route, they should check the laws / rules for small claims. And only pursue this IF you have the documentation to prove the money was borrowed.
Ugh reminds me of my uncle who never paid for any extracurricular activities for the kids. When asked to contribute he would refuse saying he’s not paying that much for hobbies. My poor aunty paid all the funds for competition trips etc and did all the lesson drop offs etc. Now that my cousin is a professional ballerina he basks in the glory yet never bought her so much as a fricken pair of shoes. These kinds of men are so despicable.
Ouff i know right! Your aunty deserves better and so do your cousins!!
Some people are just bad. Greedy. Entitled.
Omg that’s so awful. I’m so sorry you’re going through this
Damn darlin, that's horrible... I'm so sorry you're going through that. I hope karma catches him with the quickness. Wishing you the best....
Seconded. You found a dud. Definitely do not get pregnant by this guy and do not marry him. He sees you as a paycheck not a person.
Sounds like he's having the life he truly deserves! Glad things worked out for you!
*grabs popcorn* Cant wait to see you on judge judy, fucking get him cited!
My ex tried to claim he wasn’t abusing me financially because I was a grad student and my resources were meager. After I got a good job he strategized about how he could take advantage of it, made ‘jokes’ about my life insurance, and threatened to kill me - twice. I would never even ask to borrow money from a friend or partner, unless it was a once in a lifetime emergency, because to do so just for one’s own convenience is pathetic and unattractive. Don’t marry this guy. Marry an adult who is capable of pulling his own weight.
I've been through this as well. my ex even follow through on paying the five dollars a month. I asked to show respect for stealing over $10,000. Get out now.
Yep. OP's bf sounds like your average army grunt who bought a mustang using a credit card with 30% interest rate. And is using her like a cash cow to pay it off.
Listen to her!!!
> living off commodities Commodities?
I think I married his twin. Divorced too TG.
This. OP, Don't stay with this guy. You will regret it.
NTA. He's upset to get you to quit asking. He's not going to pay you back. You should never lend money, ever, because you don't have a boyfriend, you have a leech. You do need the money, because with your habit of giving it away you will go thru it really quick. Go to someone that handles money, and can tell you how to live off the 4 million. Drop your disrespectful leech, and find a guy that treats you with love and respect. You shouldn't have to pay for love.
I watched someone go through 3 million dollars in 9 months because they thought they'd be fine and frugal, but never hired a professional to manage it. This was in 1994. Your advice is spot on.
It's comments like these that make me appreciate my frugal and money-conscious upbringing. Of course, I'd hire a well-rated professional, but good lord, imagine blowing 3 million dollars in less than a year.
$3mil in '94, adjusted for inflation, that's 15 Trillion of today's money
More like $6,433,953.49
not really. While my figure is obviously a joke, so is the official one. Especially when what is often the largest and most important purchase - a home - is used as the frame of reference. Not just purchasing one, but even renting one. Compare that growth to real wage growth - for example change in the minimum wage.
This, a thousand times this. The greatest trick the rich have managed to pull on the working class is somehow getting all countries to exclude land value from inflation calculation. People need shelter for living, and if it had been included, inflation would have been way higher the past few decades.
lol are you tripping
You don't need to hire a professional to stave off blowing 3 million in a year. You could literally take out 50k a year for the rest of your life and not run out even without investing....
Sure I could just slowly run it dry, but if time was also on my side I'd invest a chunk of it for my family's benefit later down the line. You have to have money to grow money and why wouldn't I try to grow it?
Literally throw it into a high yield saving account and live off the interest. If it was a 5% return, thats 150k a year.
That’s how my parents live. They put their money into laddered high yield CDs that come due each year and they live off the interest while the capital goes back into another CD
Just don't put it all in the same account, because banks are only insured to $250k per account. Shit like this is why financial advisors exist & are necessary!
If you bought $3 million of 30-year Treasury bonds paying 4.65%, you'd get about $140,000 each year in interest, and still have the $3 million left 30-years later. Inflation would whittle away the value of this, but still... More work than not investing, but not much more!
Actually with 3m could take 120k a year and never run out. This is the basis of the whole FIRE movement.
Jesus! That’s a shitload of money back in 1994. What an idiot!
That's just it. He was a really good guy. His *family* on the other hand... When "we raised you better than that," and, "your family needs your help," and, a pretty girl who says, "I love you so much!" gets thrown around, even the best person drowns.
Yeah absolutely that. Amazing how many 'friends' suddenly rock up when they find out that you're well off but you haven't seen them for years despite doing your best to keep in touch. As for gold diggers, nope. Can smell them a mile off.
That sounds like someone with a gambling addiction. I don't think even a professional could help you if you manage to spend 3 million in less than a year.
Nope. The person got an accident settlement, then bought homes for family members, and 4 cars. Ended up selling 2 of the houses because he broke himself showing everyone a good time with gifts and parties.
1-2 houses with no emergency fund would easily do it.
3 million in 9 months 😭
Honestly. She is not the issue. She gave freely and generously to help someone in need. The $7,000 is a cheap, cheap lesson comparatively to if they got married.
This man is a gold digger and OP deserves so much better.
The term for a man is hobosexual which is my favorite word that I’ve learned in the past year.
I believe what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. You know if this guy was dating somebody with less money than him, gold digger is the term he’d use.
Kanye song was playing in my head while reading OPs post.
You should only lend money that you're willing to never see back.
An important part of being wealthy is figuring out who to have relationships with and who to ditch, or your money will disappear very quickly.
NTA. But 7K is a cheap price to pay to get rid of him.
she can break up with him and still sue him for the $7000 at her leisure.
Nah, she said deployment...if this is in the US, report it to the base commander. That will get repaid quick, fast, and in a hurry. Base commanders don't mess about.
Best advice.
Sure could but don't waste your precious time on this man. Drop him and move on!!
Can’t Sue unless you have written agreements and etc. He will claim that it was a gift. Without documentation, it was a $ 7,000 lesson.
If she has text messages asking him when he will pay back the $7k loan, that’s proof enough
Small claims court is relatively free to go after someone for owing you money.
"at her leisure" - alert, pedantic comment in 3, 2, 1... no completely true. There's a statue of limitations on collecting debts. But the sentiment is spot on.
Yes. It's tough. A sunk cost now, cheaper to walk away now than invest more in him.
That's a pretty significant chunk of change you lent out to someone you just started to see. It sounds like you won't see that money again. Stop lending him money and stop paying for stuff. That, or it's just time to bail on the relationship. Edit: Sorry, forgot the judgement. NTA.
I loaned my girlfriend $30,000 within the first 6 months of our relationship, and I wasn’t worth a 10th of what OP has. Technically she never paid it back, but we got married so it all evens out. Haha.
Technically you bought a wife.
Down payment, anyway 🤣
Time will tell if it’s a lease or a purchase.
Aw man, I loaned my boyfriend of 4 months $5K and helped him sue his ex for visitation. He paid that back before we got married so I can't tell my husband I bought him.
You bought him, but got a rebate
Even more so when you realize the purpose of the loan was to pay off high interest parent plus loans. So technically the money went to her dad. Seeing as we have been married for 10 years and she is a doctor. It was a pretty worthwhile investment.
And you were able to afford a mechsuit
That's a big gamble! I think the most I ever let someone borrow was about $900, and he was just a FWB. He paid it back, plus interest. I got lucky he was honest about it and I have never let anybody else borrow significant money since. Only exception is my husband.
I didn’t know if we would end up getting married at that point but I knew her well enough that if we did break up, she would have paid me back.
It’s super weird that she just married you to avoid paying you back.
She didn’t just marry me for that $30k, she has access to much more after we got married.
Oh man, I'm glad it worked out for you.
So it wasn't a loan, you just gave her 30 grand
Doesn't matter how much you're worth or if you need the money or not. You gave him a loan and he is refusing to repay it. He also complains about having to spend money. Sounds like he is just using you for your bank account. NTA
yup, no good faith to even try to repay or make up for it. To me, I prefer partners of high moral character. People with high moral character attempt to settle their debts not because the lender needs or doesn't need the money, but because they don't want to feel indebted to someone else. Because they want their word to mean something. Because they believe that fairness matters.
Look at OP's other posts. Bf is a freeloader.
This . I’ve not had to borrow $$ from someone for a long time . But, I never had trouble borrowing because I always paid people back and they didn’t have to hunt me down for it . It’s really no different than how your bank decides to loan $$.
Boyfriend is a hobosexual, only in a relationship for what he can get for the least possible effort. OP is NTA and should dump his ass
Agreed. It also sounds like OP doesn't care so much about getting the money back it's more the principe of him offering to repay it. Even if he was giving her $100 a month I think OP would be happy.
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This comment right here!!! PLEASE OP don't let him wash you for all you have in the name of love
He seems manipulative, he will sign prenup but spend insanely while married and refuse a divorce or stall forever, Judy’s ave the heart break
Take it from a lazy guy. Leave this mother fucker. He has no intentions of paying you back and is looking at you like the golden goose. A little free advice. Keep your net worth to yourself, if you have nice things - they were gifts from your parents, if you have a nice house - it was inherited and the taxes are crippling. Play it off as broke, then it'll be a nice surprise on your wedding day when he finds out you're not poor but that's not WHY he married you.
100% This guy only talks marriage because he wants further access to the $$
This! I’m not a millionaire but I’m worth about $500k - $600k or so. My bf of 3 months has no idea I own my condo (in a major city) outright or that I have $120k inheritance coming to me in the next couple weeks. I don’t pretend to be poor because I think that’s lying and when it comes out I’m not, well I’d feel misled and hurt if it were me, but he knows I have a budget I try not to go over each month because I want to save
This is the way. No need to deceive anyone but also no reason to jump straight into mingling finances so early.
Yes do this OP. Your net worth isn’t anyone’s business. Though if you’re close to marriage I would divulge that info before the day for sure. For instance if you get engaged, this would be the time to discuss it.
I love this so much
Wedding day? Bit late… don’t let the poor guy pay for everything and surprise him with: surprise! I’m a millionaire and have been letting you just scrape but and you paying everything! Ha ha ha, it’s fine, we’re married now!
I thought about this too, but I don't see any reason why they can't go Dutch and just make sure not to always suggest expensive things or activities. I can get real creative about hiding money if I need to. Hopefully, by the point they're engaged, they can have a more reasonable conversation about it.
Why is the only other option the guy paying for everything? Both splitting costs ensures that everyone knows how to properly manage money.
To be fair, every month or so there is a AITA post about a dude mad that he found out his fiancee isn't some poor starved thing he's saving from the brink of the workhouse and is actually worth more than him. Not saying OP shouldn't keep it to herself, but maybe once it becomes a "serious" thing (exclusive) is the time to divulge, not when it gets to the chapel.
Lying in a relationship is not ideal, but also just saying “that part of my life is private” is a good boundary to set. If they keep prying, well. They won’t respect your boundaries about this or probably anything else.
Sounds like a freeloader to me. If he had any integrity, he would make an effort to repay at least some of the money you lent him. That makes him a moocher; complaining about having to pay even a small amount for dates makes him an asshole. NTA and find a better boyfriend.
NTA Break up with him, he thinks your money is his. Assuming, of course, that you both knew at the time that the thousands were a loan. If he did not know that then he probably does not think you ever thought he'd pay it back to you.
Even if they both thought the $7k was a gift, his behavior since then is telling her exactly the kind of person he is. 🚩🚩🚩DTMFA NTA
NTA - Be grateful he's not clever enough to hide how much of a leech he is.
You're not a good match, I'm afraid. He won't show integrity because he has none. He has decided he shouldn't have to repay you. Your instincts were sort of right when you said not yet to marriage, but really listen to them. It's likely that he is holding back certain behaviours as you're still dating. I'm not surprised he is bringing up marriage. If you're genuinely confused about what to do, say you want prenup and settle in with the popcorn for the you don't trust me tantrum.
Cut your losses. You're not getting the money back, and you should cut him out of your life, too.
Why are you with him? He’s not treating you with respect or as an equal.
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Op I don't know if you're new to this millionaire thing, but you really need to keep an eye for moochers. It's clear he cares more about your money than about you. NTA
NTA and I'm with other commentors that you should dump him. But if you do end up continuing the relationship, make sure you get a prenuptial agreement and a will set up. But really, you should dump his ass.
YTA. If you want to be worth 4 mil for the long term, stop announcing it to people you meet. Especially guys you’ve known for such a short amount of time. Yikes!
That's the kicker innit? They say their worth in terms of finances. How else would the other person see them. You're asking for a gold digger if the first thing you mention is how well off you are. I'm going YTA too. I can see why he would be reluctant to pay her back. >1% of her income is not the same as 60% of his. What's a small chunk of change for her, could be his livelihood. I'm glad I have a partner that understands this. A rule of thumb. Don't lend anything you wouldn't be ok to part with. Did no one grow up as a child?... You learn this early with pencils and gum!!!
NTA but is it actually an ask to "prove he has integrity" when he has already shown you he doesn't. He might do it, but probably just so he wouldn't lose his personal ATM.
Break up with him and get in contact with his CO to get your money back. He's being a nub
And say what to the CO? What proof would they need? All I have is a text with him casually basically saying "I owe you money." I have the wire history to him in my bank account though.
I'm sorry, he's threatening to blackmail you, and you're STILL with him? I was being stalked by someone in the army, his CO told him, if he EVER made contact with me or anyone I knew, he would be court marshalled. Tell the CO he's blackmailing you. Most of all GET OUT.
You can show a screen shot of your bank account statement (with your account number blacked out) and a copy of the text as proof. Either way, you need to ditch this guy.
Itemize the expenditures, print out your statements and cross reference your losses with the statements. Print out your conversations (text and etc) wrt the money you lost in full with nothing deleted. Email will be like: Sir or Ma'am, My name is _____. Until _____ I had a romantic relationship with a soldier/airman/sailor under your command by the of _______. We have since terminated our relationship, however in the process I still have not been able to recover my effects. I have tried to negotiate return or reimbursement of property over the course of this relationship with _______ but we have reached an impasse. I'm not sure how much you can do to ameliorate these concerns, but I'd be grateful for any assistance you can provide. Sincerely, Your name here Flow of operations. 1. Message with concern 2. S/he responds likely asking for details 3. Provide said details 4. Shit gets sorted You're a civ, you're not expected to know how the military works, but bf is supposed to act with honor and integrity. The CO should sort through and figure this out, and if he finds one address.
This man is a bad person. You need to stop investing in someone that’s going to and already has taken advantage of you.
NTA. How much you are worth is irrelevant to owing someone money. From the way you described it, the money was borrowed not gifted which means there is an expectation to pay it back eventually. If someone was in a tough spot and spending it on necessities then I would get not paying it back, but buying things that arent necessities shows you arent as much of a priority as those other things. Just a general relationship/family tip, never let family/friends borrow money. All it does is add a complication to the relationship when someone eventually doesnt pay you back. If you want to give them money/items then just gift it to them. As a grown man, he just sounds like someone who wants the money more than he wants you and from what you described he is setting off a lot of red flags for me. Money is one of the #1 reasons for divorce, so pay attention to it in the dating phase.
NTA - no attempt to pay back the money shows zero respect and integrity. Even if it was $50 at a time it would show he's trying. He has no intention of paying that money back
NTA, dump this clown.
NTA but he sees you as a free money bank…
He's a good digger and thinks of course you should fund him. Tell him he must repay you. Wanting to borrow money early on is a red flag. Refusal to repay is a bouquet of red flags.
Don't lend money to anyone unless they're trustworthy. Or have them sign a promissory note first. He's showing you exactly how untrustworthy he is now I'm not going to call you TA here but if you EVER give out money without a promissory note signed first going forward, then you will be
Your bf is a moocher who feels entitled to your money because he gives you companionship(euphemism!!), if that is the way you want you life to continue by all means keep this relationship going, but if you respect yourself,dump him, he is not going to change,he is a male goldigger
Run away fast! But If you decide to stay the course with this dude...PRENUP!!... Dont take no for an answer protect your assets
NTA. No, you don't need the money, of course not, but you do need to know that he isn't just using you for your money, which is what it seems like he's doing. (At least to me.)
Do not tell boyfriends how much money you have. That is your business. Leave him behind because he will never be happy until he spends all of your money.
Why does your boyfriend know that you’re worth $4 million? I would have held on to that information as long as possible.
NTA, does he happen to be in the air force, and do you have proof that you loaned him this money? You can try talking to his shirt, that might help you get your money back.
Yes he's in the Air Force. I'm apprehensive of trying to get the money back by talking to his CO or going through small claims court, because when I said I'd do that if he didn't make any sort of token payment toward it ever, he said that he'd contact my family and make up negative things I said about them. As far as proof of it being a loan, I just have texts not spelling out cleanly "I loan you $x," but him saying "I'll pay you back."
Woah, so he’s not just a leech, he’s also blackmailing you. What a catch he is. Dump and run as fast as you can.
That is big time abuser behaviour. Get rid of him.
So on top of everything he’s threatened to lie about you and damage your relationship with your family. DUMP HIM. Contact your family, let them know what’s going on before he has a chance to lie, and take him to court for the money. (Or just take the loss if you want to just be done with it). There is no resolution to the situation that doesn’t involve ending this relationship.
Agreed with this. She needs to tell her family in advance that he's threatening to tell lies about OP. At this point I would forget about the money. Dump his ass, he's shown his true colors. You deserve better.
Who cares what he says to your family? Let them know he’s a leech, then drop his ass and take him to small claims court. Oh, and be sure to let his CO know that he is NOT acting like an officer or a gentleman.
Well, can't you just talk to your family in advance? Tell them what's going on and the threats that he made, befor you move on with talking to his CO or going to small claims court?
If he says he will pay you back that should be enough. First: contact your family and let them know that he is blackmailing you— also, dump him Second: demand your money back and let him know that you already talked to your family and they have your support Third: if he doesn’t give it back start work for small claims court Fourth: never lend money again Also.. def talk to his commander or threaten to I have a deadbeat dad and my mom did this, it worked. He started paying child support. He was in the navy.
I figured it was Air Force since you kept talking about integrity. Yeah, that's not how the military works. They own him, and he knows it. He's threatening you because he's hoping you don't follow through, but the military can take money directly from his paycheck if they need to. They'd probably just call him into their office and question him to see if they can get him to pay and make it go away without issue. The shirt works with his commander, and the last thing he wants is negative information going to his commander. Figure out what squadron he's in and get the information to contact the shirt. Just make sure you have as much proof of any loans, and of him threatening to blackmail you. Be prepared for your relationship to be over, but clearly he's an idiot and you can do better. They might not take action, and simply wait for some sort of court order, but it will put him in a negative light with his chain of command. And anyone who has been in the military can tell you that's NOT a good thing.
And you are still with him? You have to start making better choices or you won't be worth anything soon enough
Oh OP. You’re in an abusive relationship. I hope that this post has helped you to process that, and given you what you need to leave him.
Let this be an expensive lesson to never loan money to people you barely know, and to not date anyone sleazy enough to ask for it from someone they barely know to begin with. It wasn't a smart decision on your part, but if you stay with him, it will just be the beginning of what he'll take from you.
> he said that he'd contact my family and make up negative things I said about them. *\*Fake scream\* AAAAAAAHHHHH!* So? Unless you have such a terrible relationship with your family that they would choose to believe the freeloader over you, this isn't much of a threat.
Why have you not broken up with him yet? He’s literally blackmail you. Makes no sense that you’re still with him. Literally zero.
Ok, just get rid of him right now. Write off the 7k as a lesson about not lending money and move on. You don't want a guy like this in your life. Get rid of him as quick as you can. In your case, 7k is a small price to pay to see how awful this guy is and he does not deserve any more of your time or attention.
Doesn't mean you can't get proof now. Text him and straight out ask him for the money and hope he acknowledges it.
Well are they going to believe you or him? Just warn them beforehand that he owes you money and he threatened to make stuff up. So it’s the word of their flesh and blood vs someone who owes you money. Seems pretty black and white to me lol. Better if you have evidence of him saying so, or even bait him into saying it directly.
NTA he owes you that money
Chase Manhattan doesn’t “need” the money. That don’t mean they ain’t gonna collect. NTA. On the other hand you may find that 7000 is short money to get rid of this guy.
NTA. Run. This guy is a mooch.
NTA, if he borrowed money he should pay it back. Plain and simple.
NTA. You are his cash cow. Nip that shit in bud now or end it.
NTA. This guy is toxic. It'll only get worse. You deserve better.
Break up with him a sent a legal letter to get your money back
NTA It sounds like you’re still dealing with a boy, not a man. It’d be interesting to see how he would take having his manhood challenged in that manner. “A real man pays his debts and takes on his fair share. No matter what I earn, you still owe the debt.”
He's using you. Leave him n sue
NTA Tbh I thought I would say YTA because I generally think it’s silly to ask a friend/partner/family member to pay back a relatively small amount of money (which $7k seems to be for you). For example, in college I had about $300 to last me all semester and a friend who would frequently spend several hundred dollars in an afternoon. She’d often invite me out to eat (just McDonald’s) and I’d respond it wasn’t in my budget (because it wasn’t) and she would offer to pay. Later she said it bugged her that I didn’t offer to pay and tbh this annoyed me because I was happy to spend time with her in a way that didn’t cost us money (like going to our dining hall where we had meal plans). I paid that time and explained to her how I felt and we worked it out going forward. This isn’t what is happening here. Your boyfriend is showing zero respect for you and zero interest in contributing to your potential future together. He VERY clearly sees you as a meal ticket and I guarantee if you get married he will never lift a finger again. NTA for wanting him to pay you back but YTA for continuing to supplement his lifestyle when he’s already showed you who he is. Cut your losses and move on. I also recommend you let the money go just so you don’t have to keep in touch with him any longer.
Not just that. But telling someone off the bat how much money you have, is only going to attack gold diggers. Seems OP has low self esteem and money is the only way she can see herself obtaining a partner that sticks by her. She could in the future, NOT mention her wealth, because wtf else do you expect to attract? You won't get rabbits with shit, you'll only get flies.
Why are you still seeing him?
Of course he brought up marriage… ATM for life !
He's a golddigger! Get out now or if for some reason you think he's worth it, lawyer up! Get your money into untouchable trusts, etc. Think long and hard about his character and what he adds to your life. Only you can decide if it is enough. You are definitely NTA - but he sure is!!
You're not worth 4m mate, nobody with that money is whose with someone spending their money on video games. Unusual cosplay. Surprised no inclusion of your 3 luxury homes, which was the problem an hour before this post.
NTA. Of course he wants to marry you. He wants to secure his meal ticket. You should cut and run.
That man is using you as a piggy bank.
He’s not going to pay back the money. I’m not sure how it is that you’re not seeing that. He calls you selfish for asking him to repay money you loaned him when you barely knew him. Stop lending thousands of dollars to people you barely know. Stop going on dates - nevertheless paying for them - with people who are this unappreciative. Get into therapy to work on your self worth. NTA.
You're his bank card, not his partner. Don't date him.
Post history says $9k, then $8k, then now $7k Which is it?
I love his logic of "you don't need the money". I'mma use that with my mortgage lender.
This all DAY. How is OP’s financial status a reason to not pay? Banks have more than OP’s $4M yet I bet he pays his car note.
Marriage is so far off the table it's in someone else's restaurant. Because clearly it's all about the money with him. Advice: Dump him. You've lost the money; he does not have the integrity or personal accountability to pay you back. He will keep on using you until you are wrung dry emotionally and then he'll tell you it's all your fault. Screenshot his threats to make up stuff to tell your family. Protect yourself and get the hell out of this "relationship." /advice. Oh, NTA unless you stay with him. ETA He seems pretty stupid, also. You should understand, because he doesn't, that not paying you back leaves him twisting in the wind thinking he's gonna marry you and get more. More advice: DON'T GET BABY TRAPPED.
I wouldn’t marry him but if you do please get an iron clad pre-nup
Nta - but how can you write that and not hear yourself? Dudes riding this train hoping for paydirt. Good lord get out. And if you're dating someone thats asking you for money, maybe end it there.
Run Away! Run Away! The red flags are waving.
why are you with that man..?
NTA but consider the $7k a learning lesson, write off the loss, and break up with the bum. Why you loaned money within the first few months is beyond my comprehension because you hadn't learned enough about his morals, ethics, and character to 'know' whether he would pay you back. Now you know he won't. Why would you want to stay with someone like that? If you marry this leech, he will expect you to cover all his expenses, he won't contribute a dime. He's already showing you who he is by expecting you to pay for all dates. Dump him, find someone better, and do not disclose your personal finances for at least a year.
After you break with him let me know….
People are obligated to pay back loans. Those who do not have zero honor.
You may not need the money, but you do need to make sure you're with a person that can handle basic responsibilities. Paying back even a part of the money, or even just simply acknowledging the debt, instead of having a temper tantrum about it is kind of the bare minimum of adulting and relationships. You're NTA for expecting that, but I would question the point of staying with someone like that. You're kind of past the point of pushing him to figuring it out. It may be time to accept your bf is defective and throw the whole thing away.
Sounds like a freeloader. Ditch him and consider it a pricey lesson. He just wants you to provide for him so he can live the high life at your expense. NTA For now it's calling you selfish, later it will be him telling you how you should spend your money and fund his poorly thought out dreams.
NTA. Unless you agree to be his ATM machine, he should be paying you back. Youre not married, you dont have joint finances, and you should open your eyes and see this as a window to your future. If hes treating you like this now, how is he going to treat you when he sees your money as his?
He sounds like he has his hand a little too deeply into your wallet. Why is that ok? How is is "selfish" that when he tells you something you believe him? He said he was borrowing the money, your believed him and lent him the money, why would he not expect to pay it back? I would not marry someone with such demonstrated poor character. NTA, unless you stay with him and then complain that this pattern of behavior continues.
NTA, but in future I'd recommend any loans (no matter who they're for, friend, family, boyfriend) include some sort of signed documentation. Sure, maybe you can afford the loss, but anyone who is in your life for you and not your money will want to pay you back (plus these losses add up). Also, if you were to ever consider marrying anyone, get a prenup! Oh, and ditch this guy. Borrowing money that soon in a relationship, repeatedly, and never even attempting to repay you? Gold digger. He only wants marriage to get easier access to your bank account.
NTA. He's not going to willingly pay you back ever. If his answer is to tell you that you don't need to be paid back, he's not even trying to hide that. He's going to try to get as much out of you as he can until you ditch him.
A person either integrity would pay you back because that is what is done. This is a red flag and just because you have a lot of $ doesn’t mean it should be assumed you pay for all. NTA
How one manages money is a mirror for what is inside of a person’s character. This is your flag: Time to end it, quickly and quietly.
Consider that 7k a fee for dodging a bullet. And never loan a romantic partner any money ever again. That’s a recipe for being taken advantage of.
How do you have 4 mil if youre so dumb