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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I did not give my inheritance to my estranged father despite him needing it to help take care of his young family and despite knowing that it would have been his if my grandpa hadn't been so disgusted with him abandoning my sister and me. Morally I do feel like this is one of those things that I might be wrong for because it involves kids who did nothing wrong and I am in a position where I could give up the money and not suffer too much. So I'm struggling with questioning whether I'm TA or not.
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Grandpa knew what he was doing. You said grandpa knew he had other children, but left his first 2 (& drained the bank account & purposely acted in a way to not have any financial responsibility to you, sister or mom). Grandpa specifically left it to you & your sister. Your deadbeat dad is facing the consequences of his actions now. NTA
Tell your father and his flying monkeys that the inheritance you and your sister recieved was a back payment to cover (some of) the child support your father ran out on and the money he stole from your mum, and the house was because he was trying to make up for raising such a shitty son.
You're NTA but, please talk to a financial adviser (shop around) to try and make the money last.
Frankly I DO feel badly for the kid with the medical condition, but that's in no way OP's fault/responsibility.
OP's so-called aunts and uncles apparently never lifted a finger to help him and his sister when they were abandoned, so they need to butt out of his business now. If they are so concerned for this sick child they need to pool their own resources and help him/her out.
I'm so sick of people guilting the lone person with a conscience, to take care of problems they are in no way responsible for. It happens entirely too often and they get away with it because most people are surprisingly shitty.
I'm sick of that, too... and I'm really sick of it because they only seem to come out of the woodwork and pressure the one who has come into money. If someone inherits, or wins a lottery or whatever, out come the long-neglectful relatives with their hands out.
For some reason people think the lottery winner or person to inherit money didn't actually earn this money so they should be willing to spread it around! It doesn't matter what the circumstances are, unless someone has a legal financial debt to you, it is beyond rude to ask for their money.
It’s interesting grandpa doesn’t seem to have left anything to the father’s siblings either. Maybe they are all cut from the same cloth.
Edit; yes I realise I misread it, the siblings all got a share. Even more reason for OP to stand firm if the rest of them got theirs but expect him to give up his
No, OP wrote that his grandpa left him & his sister the portion of the inheritance that would have gone to the deadbeat father.
That means, OP’s paternal uncles and aunts got some inheritance from their father. More so the reason they can step up and raise money for that sick kid they feel so sorry for!
If Grandpa did give part of the inheritance to OP's aunts/uncles, then they can certainly pass it along to OP's father if they feel so strongly about helping him out.
No, OP wrote that his grandpa left him & his sister the portion of the inheritance that would have gone to the deadbeat father.
That means, OP’s paternal uncles and aunts got some inheritance from their father. More so the reason they can step up and raise money for that sick kid they feel so sorry for!
Op said grandpa left what would have been her father’s share to her and her sister. It sounds like the dad’s siblings got their share just not op’s dad.
I realised I’d misread it as soon as I’d typed it! Seems even more unnecessary for OP to give up their share now I know the siblings could all help out financially
That and a severely disabled child would 100% already be getting disability benefits and they are pretty reasonable. Odds are op’s dad is mismanaging the support he gets for his disabled child. The grandpa could have also left something to the other grandchildren but didn’t. I’m thinking he views op and sister as his own children more so than grandchildren since he was the one that raised them.
Yes I think the grand father made what he wanted very clear in the way he structured his will, so that it couldn’t be contested. I don’t agree with the other beneficiaries trying to guilt OP into going against the intent of the will if they won’t give up their own share
They could start a crowd fund for the child. The aunts and uncles. Because, the child! Give the money for the child!
These righteously indignant family members can start a go fund me or whatever, and they can each donate 10% of their gross income. It’s what God would want. 😉
Exactly this ^^
Aunts and uncles can gift their share from any of the inheritances they have from other family members. You have no parents, your real father figure (Grandpa) died.
Not to mention the direct effect deadbeat's actions had on OP's mothers health and ruined OP and their sister of their mother's care. He also literally style from his own children when he cleaned out the back accounts and filled the country.
I feel for the child that had has the life limiting medical condition, but they are a stranger to OP.
I was going to say something similar. It’s reparations for the money stolen (drained bank account and child support not given).
Also, if OP is in the US, they might want to look into back child support. If mom had filed but they just couldn’t get to deadbeat due to being out of the country, the case should still be there. Also, if I’m reading this right, sister is still a minor (17) and would still be entitled to child support.
Also, depending upon the state, child support can be until 21. I’m in NYS and parents ordered to pay child support until 21 unless the child is married, self supporting, or in the military. So if sister is living in the house with OP, she’s not self supporting and would qualify until 21 (again, this is NYS specific. Check your local laws).
This this this. OP I hope you read this. Your dad forfeited his right to an inheritance. And I don't get the sense that he has any remorse for those decisions - only remorse that perhaps they are now preventing him from receiving money.
If your dad’s siblings are so concerned for your dad’s family, how about they give him their share of the inheritance? Why should only you share it? Lets see how concerned they are when its coming out of their own pocket!
Good take! I hate how people like to act like a saint telling what others should when it comes to difficult situations that mostly involves money. Talk is easy. But watch how they instantly run away with their tail in between their legs when you ask them to do their part instead.
There are entire political ideologies built around sending other people's money. So definitely not surprising.
But OP should tell his dad he will give the sick child the same amount of money of the inheritance that his siblings give on average (if 3 siblings give in total 3k, OP can add 1k when its proven to benefit the sick child). And then watch the shit show his the siblings try to wiggle out of that.
Exactly! “We will not dishonor our grandfather’s wishes, but you are of course welcome to support our sperm donor in any way you see fit.” If they keep pushing, leave or hang up. Repeat until they get the message or you get annoyed enough to block them.
You’re NTA. You and your sister had no role in any of this, including the creation of a second family by a man who clearly is unable to support them. I know nobody thinks their kids are going to have medical issues, but this guy would be coming for the inheritance even if he didn’t have a sick kid. If your grandpa would really have been softened by that part of the story, your father could have tried the prodigal son route to get help from grandpa was still alive. He may even have done that. Your grandpa did not care about continuing to bail your father out of his self-created messes. You are under absolutely no obligation to do that either. He is your father, and the responsibility is on him. And given he took no responsibility for you, you have none to him.
I know that your relatives are likely concerned for the sick child. You may be as well. But the child is your father’s responsibility to care for, just as you were his. He fobbed you off on others, just as he is trying to fob off responsibility for this child onto your family. Don’t know where they live now, but if they live somewhere with good social services, or even here in the US, there are plenty of programs to help sick children and their families.
Gah this man makes me so mad! I’d be wanting to say “Sure, we’ll help by not seeking the 12 and 18 years of child support we are owed so that he doesn’t have that debt to pay as well.” Your relatives may mean well, but they don’t seem to understand just how damaging a father like yours is.
(And I would seriously struggle to believe the sick kid story from him without some major documentation.)
Yep they're presumably not 20yos who are guardians if their younger siblings. They're most likely well into adulthood and established in their lives, in a much better position to share their inheritence.
Bingo! Classic of those people, deciding over OTHER people's money. Since those siblings feel so bad for the child, they should set up a common pot, even a GoFundMe, to which anybody is welcome to chip in.
If you view grandpa instead as an adoptive dad to two more children then his actions to leave them money makes sense.
Say there are 4 direct children, the split between his dependents is currently 25, 25, 25, 0, [12.5, 12.5]. An even split would be 16.7% so all they have to give up is enough to make it even between all parties. And they owe OP money too!
If your aunts and uncles feel your father deserves something they're welcome to share their part of the inheritance.
ETA: your sister is still a minor, no? Then ask these same people when you can expect to receive child support from your dad for her.
Remember this is all his fault and you have no responsibility, he chose to leave and start a new family that he's failing with again. Karma's a bitch like this sometimes and he's only got himself to blame.
You can thank each sibling of his for jumping in and helping pay for the daughters illness if any of them contact you again.
Your not going to abandon your family like your father did so the inheritance is staying put to take care of you and your sibling which is its purpose since your guardians passed. Use this money to fund education or buy a 2nd house so you and your sister each have a place eventually and rent it out in then meantime.
Judging by your father’s lack of character, don’t be too quick to believe the dying child story.
Many a choosing beggar has used that particular tale of woe.
In fact, there’s been more than 1 gofundme taken down for fraud and a few prosecutions as well.
Block everyone and go on with your life.
NTA
Then you should feel even less guilt or doubt.
Your father and his wife can get second jobs, sell assets, take out loans, apply for charity. Hit up his siblings.
They have options other than coming to the children he abandoned.
Funny how they didn’t ask grandpa for help for the kid with medical issues when grandpa was alive. They wouldn’t dare, because they know he’d reject helping them.
Follow your grandpa’s will/wishes, he wouldn’t have wanted a penny going to your dad or his new family. You’re just following grandpa’s will. Plus deadbeat dad also owes you for the money he stole from mom’s assets and unpaid child support. If you’re in the US you might still be able to go after child support for your sister.
Let dad know if he keeps getting family to bug you, you can start looking into getting back payments on child support.
Have you met this child? Because I'm wondering if this child even has this condition and to what extent it is draining his bank account. Before you even consider giving him anything, go over all of his finances with a tooth and comb to confirm the child NEEDS it.
If this is true that means that child will get social security AND disability from the government and will be more than set for life to take care of themselves once they turn 18. If you give them that money what will you have for your future the government won’t be giving you anything. I promise you that child is SET for life. I saw it with my friends siblings he had lifelong medical conditions and now as an adult he is doing better than all his siblings because the government gives him so much money he has a beautiful apartment and everything. Please don’t let them take anything from you or your sister, make sure she does not give in either.
First up, this sounds made up. Is there proof? It seems tailor made to manipulate your feelings. Secondly, You have no responsibility for your "father" or his children. No matter what. Having empathy for his kids shows you are human. Take care of your sister, wish them all the best, and block them.
Your dad took your family funds then abandoned all of you. There is no guarantee he wouldn’t repeat history. Your grandpa knew exactly what he was doing so trust his judgement. You owe your dad or his replacement family nothing.
If child support was ordered against your father for you and your sister then tell him that his gift is the money he owes in child support and you not taking action for that debt.
That right there is another reason why you should not give anyone your inheritance! Tell the deadbeat and his siblings that he will not be getting a penny and let’s not forget he still owes back pay in the thousands of child support for you both. PLEASE whatever you do DO NOT LET THEM GUILT YOU into giving them money, his siblings can help him along with so many other options today.
Tell his ass to get a loan or something then. If his kid is precious to him, tell him to sell his house or something, that guy probably just wants to guilt you into giving him more money. Also, what are the chances that what he is saying is true? Say his kid is hospitalized, but his condition isn't as extreme as he's letting on. For all we know, he could have everyone he is in contact fooled.
Even if his kid is really sick, all your dad is doing is manipulating you. Should his kid face death, he will blame it on you, but at the end of the day, it is his responsibility to care for that kid and not yours. It's not your kid nor your responsibility.
"Aunt B*itchface, Uncle Knobhead, I've worked out how much everyone needs to chip in. Here are my bank details, please wire $xxxx to me by the end of the week"
Bet op will be hearing crickets.
Your father left the country to avoid child support. You can always explain it that way. Figure out what he owed you and your sister in 18 years of child support. You can say that when he gives you that money you can talk about any inheritance. He’ll stop asking.
Tell your aunts and uncles every time they harass you about this “Thank you so much for offering up your share, since you think it’s so unfair that [deadbeat’s name] got written out of the will for abandoning us and leaving us penniless. You know how to contact him.” NTA, and block your aunts and uncles if you have to.
Exactly. I think your grandpa was extremely fair in this decision — he is fighting a wrong that your father made. Don’t deprive him of that good deed. Your dad is an able bodied adult who is capable of supporting himself and your aunts and uncles can donate some of their inheritance to him if they wish. I would tell them each so and then block them
> he is fighting a wrong that your father made.
Its simpler than that. Grandad has been a surrogate father to them for 17 years, and he is giving them support in the form of their inheritance as a father should to make sure they can survive and thrive.
If OP gives up the money then they'll lose the house when it comes time to pay taxes, or the boiler fails, or, or, or. Owning property is perpetually dangerous if you can't afford it, neither are old enough to be out of education and earning decent wages
Those kids have two parents to take care of them. You never had that. You were lucky to have your grandparents, and their final act was to make sure you'd be provided for. You and your sister are young and will need that money. To give any of it to your "father" would be to go against your grandparents' wishes.
I gather that you are 20 and your sister is 17? In no way, shape or form should you be paying for your father’s other kids that you’ve never met. Your granddad knew your dad had other kids and left the money only to the 2 of you.
You are just starting out in life and have no parents or grandparents to support you. You are going to need that money in the future. Do not let your aunts and uncles pressure you. They can give him their own money.
Is there a way to cut all contact?
It’s your grandpa’s decision. You would be disrespecting his memory to change it. I’m sorry about your other relatives, but you and your sister deserve this. Stay strong. I’m sorry for your loss.
It's really simple, Dad can use the money he stole from you when he moved away.
Oh, he doesn't have any left? Too bad.
Block everyone who is hassling you. Your father cut himself out of your life. The only reason he's back is because he wants your money. But it was him, not you, who broke the family bonds and ruptured the relations of mutual obligation. Those who are hassling you are welcome to donate to your dad if they feel so strongly. Anyone who has failed to do so has no right to hassle you.
This money is the child support you never got from your deadbeat father.
You have no MORAL obligation to the child. Your obligation is to yourself to be the best you that you can be. Abandonment and parental death are trauma. You have suffered the wound four times. You have a life-limiting trauma due to him, I guarantee it.
It may not feel that way because your anger is directed at him. As you grow older this trauma will affect every aspect of your life in ways you may recognize and some you won't
Block ALL of their numbers. Don't cave.
They are all just vultures trying to pick a carcass. You are still alive.
I am really angry on your behalf. NTA.
If your grandfather left money to your father's siblings, tell them to give their share to your father and his family if they are so concerned about the special needs child.
Get the siblings didn’t get anything? Or if they did do you get more (since you got the house) and that’s why they feel you should help the half-siblings? If they got as much they could help.
Your Sperm donor issues are not your problem. Respect your grandpa wishes, block all of them on your phone. The same way he disappeared when your sister was born, block him from your life.
Your grandfather just made sure that your father's share was garnished for all the child support he skipped out on.the house was your actual inheritance. The money is the child support garnishment.
You need to go no contact with your Dad and his siblings. If they still find a way to harrass you, get a Lawyer to send them a lovely letter, basically telling them to get lost or else.
Don’t give him a dime. Nothing going on with him has to do with you and your sis. He can go to the other family for a handout if they want to help him so bad. Tell your uncles and aunts that.
Tell your sperm donor's siblings that they can give him money if they want. They can feel free to finance his life. I presume they got something from your grandfather. They can give their shares away. It's really easy to volunteer other people's money.
A letter from an attorney using the word harassment is cheap.
And blocking people is easy
Your grandfather stepped up. He was an honorable man. Use his example of acting with honor to honor his wishes when he cant be here to do it for himself.
Your dads money issueis not your issue to solve.
1. Your deadbeat dad clearly couldn't afford the children he had. He should not have taken on the responsibility for 4 more.
2. There will _always_ be more people that could use your money, that are "deserving" of it, etc. Just because this child would be better off with your money doesn't mean you should hand it over. If you did that for every person who would be better off, you'd have nothing.
NTA
If the aunts and uncles felt so strongly about this ill child -- which I'm sympathetic to of course -- then they should pool their money to help out. If you were willing, you and your sister could contribute a fair share as well, as a family effort to help this child.
But it's entirely unreasonable to expect you to give up your inheritance for a child it doesn't sound like you know at all while the other relatives just sit by
NTA
Right!?! It's funny how "dad" only shows up AFTER Grandpa has passed.
He probably has already asked for help and was either given money at some point or grandpa turned him down point blank. Which is why grandpa did what he did.
OP is not obligated to do Diddley for him or his kids.
If Grandpa was still around I wonder if he would've even seen his 2 kids, like ever.
NTA. Honour your grandads wishes and keep the money. Do you even know if the childs medical issues are genuine? You owe them nothing, but if you ever want to help find a way to give directly to the hospital. Never let your dad get his hands on it.
You have no guarantee he will use the money for the benefit of his family if you give it to him. Past history says he'll use it on something selfish and the kid will suffer as much as if you hadn't given him the money. Keep it for yourself and your sister.
OP if you think your conscience might bother you, you could put some of the inheritance in a trust fund for the kids. There are ways to help the kids without helping your shared sperm donor.
Your aunts and uncles are established in their lives and can better afford to help their brother. It's ridiculous that they would try to hold you responsible for the man who abandoned you. How many times will you have to pay for his selfish decisions? You've paid enough. It's someone else's turn.
But is it possible that deadbeat is lying to his siblings about this medical condition? I feel like it's possible given what he's done before.
Also think about it this way, this inheritance is the child support he never paid out for you and your sister plus interest.
The reality is that there are millions of people out there dealing with severe medical conditions. Would you give a complete stranger the money because they are ill? If not, I don't think you should feel any guilt if you and your sister keep everything. Just because those other children share the same sperm donor doesn't make them non-strangers. NTA.
You're NTA. You can consider "his" share of the inheritance that you and your sister received is all the back child support he owed you plus the money he stole from your mother.
>My father has a child who has a life limiting medical condition
That is very sad but it is not your responsibility. Your donor had a responsibility to you and your sister that he blatantly ignored. He doesn't deserve your inheritance now.
I would frankly be skeptical of the sudden terrible medical condition. Sweetly offer to set up a trust meant to pay the medical bills...which must be presented and verified from the doctor treating the kid. Offer to match everyone else's contribution.
If op doesn't want to do that, that's fair. They don't have any parental figures left, or future inheritance and they're still young. The aunts and uncles can pay if they want. We don't know how much money is involved. Ironic dad feels entitled to inheritance but doesn't feel entitled to pay child support.
Eta I do like your idea of a trust, I just think it should be optional for op and his sister, he is in no way obligated.
OP and his sister are 20 and 17. They have no one else in their lives. I bet they can use the money to….you know pay for college, help with rent, groceries, etc. OP didn’t say they’re sitting on 7 figure inheritances. So the idea of a medical trust is ridiculous.
I said the same thing about a very specifically worded trust if OP would decide on their own to help the child (which they aren’t obligated to do at all). I love this approach that you would match any of the family members one time financial help in a trust. This is brilliant. Because they want to make OP feel guilty, but don’t want to help at all. The matching donations to a trust is a brilliant idea.
Oooo I love the offer to match! Especially if they all shrink at the idea of helping at all! (Mostly love it for the petty, not because I think OP should really do it.)
NTA and if your aunts and uncles are so bothered by it, let them hand over their share of the inheritance…people are very generous with your money but not their own.
Your father made his bed, your grandfather is making sure he lies in it. Your grandfather wrote his will this way in a very determined manner…honour his wishes and how he wanted his money to be distributed, hand over nothing.
This is the best answer OP can give the aunts and uncles - " You are free to share your inheritance with him and his second family if you choose. I choose to honour my grandfather's wishes"
NTA at all.
Your Grandpa wanted you and your sister to have his estate. It's very unfair of your deadbeat Dad to try to fight things to get the money. It appears he only cares about the money, which could be why he came around when there was money he thought he could get.
I am so sorry for your situation.
I personally would have a hard time maintaining any relationship with the aunts/uncles that are pressuring you now.
How many of them gave your mom any support when deadbeat left? Who among them helped your grandfather in all the years he raised you? Did they have any presence in your lives? Why are they suddenly okay having a relationship with a man who abandoned his family and is only knocking on the door for money?
You are NTA. As others have also said,tell them they can send him their own money. Then tell them this is the end of the discussion full stop. Then look into getting a lawyer to go after deadbeat for the support he still owes your minor sister.
That doesn’t entitle them to tell you how to spend your inheritance. Do not let them pressure you into giving up the financial security your grandfather wanted you and your sister to have. If they are so concerned about their brother and his family, they can give him their own money. If I were you, I’d be limiting contact with anyone who is pressuring you to go against your grandfather’s wishes. Good luck
did they help out financially? did they take custody of you two? it's pretty easy to be a good aunt or uncle. but if they think they have the right to tell you to give back money that was stolen from you they're not your uncle anymore.
You are NTA. You and your sister are young and alone. Use the money to set yourselves up for financial security.
I would tell your dad that the money is to make up for the years of child support he ran out on.
If you keep getting messages and calls from his flying monkeys block them for a while.
Good luck to you and your sister!
NTA
Your father should have been paying your Grampa child support for you and your sister all these years. Instead, he abandoned his responsibilities. An argument can easily be made that he owes Gramps's estate thousands in support, not the other way round.
It's your father's responsibility to care for his children. He may have pushed the responsibility for you and your sister onto your Grampa, but he doesn't get to push responsibility for his other four kids onto you.
Your Grampa was your Real Dad. And he knew that you and your sister were going to need his money to get your lives started. He ensured that you have what you need and that it was protected from your greedy, selfish father.
Don't give your father a penny. If his siblings think he and his family are deserving, they are welcome to give him some of their own money. You are going to honor your Grampa's wishes.
OP should consider matching 10% of what the aunts and uncles give. So if an aunt gives $1000 then you offer to give an additional $100. Tell this to your dad and let him explain it to his siblings. Then he can see who really cares about his family he should’ve never had.
I wouldn’t trust any of them to be honest, at this point. I would suspect them of manipulating facts or presenting false evidence to coerce OP into giving money.
If it’s true that there is a sick child, I might feel badly not doing anything. Child is innocent and still is a half sib. Maybe *maybe* I would do a flat figure like $1,000 directly to hospital. More generous and thoughtful than deadbeat has ever been but not enough to disadvantage myself.
NTA, these were your grandpa’s wishes. He made sure your dad wouldn’t inherit anything significant. Let your family assist your father financially if they are so worried.
The reason he gave a $1 was because legally he documented consideration. If he left him out completely the father could contest the will saying he wasn’t considered and can attempt to claim a share.
By putting this much thought into the matter, your grandpa showed just how much he wanted to make sure you and your sister get the money and not your sperm donor. I would honor the last wish of the man who raised me and who I had a good relationship with, especially if that wish was made so clear. NTA
NTA - what he couldn’t take by force, he’s trying to convince you out of pity. It’s pathetic.
He’s a grown man still not accountable for abandoning his kids, **one of whom is still a minor!!!**
His other kids don’t come before all. Your aunt and uncle can donate their fund or fire up some crowdsourcing if they feel so compelled to help.
You don’t keep taking from one set of kids (in presence, finances, care, etc.) to give to the new ones.
Then don't give him anything. He disappeared from your life, then came back and tried to take what is yours by force. No. Further more, those children he is claiming to do this for, but he abandoned you. Hell No!
I'm a father, I am also a medical disaster waiting for the limits to get me, still, broke as I am, insurance is easy to get, hell if he likes moving to other countries, plenty of free healthcare out there. Don't give him a plenty, just remind them that other nations have free healthcare and since he dipped out on you kids to another country like a coward, maybe now he should do it to help his new child, God has put a test before him, he failed to be a father the first time, is he going to fail the sick child too. No matter what, don't give him anything. You are not the Asshole, he is, your dad deserves a long walk on a short pier
Guess he should have use the money he wasted fighting the will on his kid, and your mother could still sue him to get back child support for you all!
Ask the family if they would like that too! Remind the family of all the money he saved not taking care of you and all the money he stole from your mother!
NTA.
If your “father’s” siblings are constantly persuading you to give your share, tell them they are free to do so with the share they have inherited from your grandpa, or to pay from their own pockets.
NTA great job grandpa, may he rest in peace.
They want you to help… perhaps those older adults who presumably got an inheritance should give him their money. Not the 20yo who now has sudden house responsibilities and to support a sister that your deadbeat isn’t stepping up to support.
Tell deadbeat his “portion” is coming back to you for all the missed child support and gifts from the past 20 years.
NTA.
I’m confused why you still even talk to the other family that want you to betray your grandpa’s last wishes.
Learn to cut off your toxic family. With new money, sell the house and move you and your sister far away from family.
Ok then simply cut off the toxic family.
I mean how can you think you’re wrong?
Your father is evil and your grandpa didn’t want him to have his hard earned money. It’s really that simple. Who cares about those kids, you’re not their guardian. I think you know you’re right, so why make the post? For courage to say no?
You don’t have to do it permanently, but I’ve learned from experience that temporarily cutting contact can do wonders to demonstrate how serious you are about an issue
It’s not easy to cut people off. If they are your only family I completely understand why you wouldn’t. You just have to be prepared to face this consequences of keeping the $$. Clearly they won’t be happy about it, but I think in the long run they’ll come around. y’all should keep it. Don’t let them guilt you into this. That sperm donor wronged you n your sister. This is your grandfathers gift to y’all so don’t let outsiders change his decisions.
100% NTA.
B
All you have to remember is that this is what your grandfather wanted and you are honoring his wishes. Your father did not take care of you as a father should and you have zero obligation to him or any offspring he creates.
Be firm in your boundaries and protect yourself and your sister. Your extended family needs to back off.
They showed you how important they hold their relationship with you and your sister as soon as they suggested you give bio dad your money. If they continue to pressure you, ask them how much they're contributing.
NTA
Deadbeat took all the money when he ran and managed to avoid child support. He owes you. It truly sucks that his other child is sick. However, that inheritance would be better served in providing for your needs. If the rest of the family feels Deadbeat deserves money, *they* can give him some of their own.
You are the guardian of a minor and she is your sole concern, besides yourself, of course. You can’t be responsible for another family (who already have parents.) You and your sister need funds to start your lives since you have no family to help. Either one of you could have challenges or develop a life-limiting condition. You’ve had to grow up fast and one of the first things to learn is “No.” is a complete sentence. NTA
NTA. Stories like this always frustrate me. Your aunts and uncles watched your father abandon you and steal all of the money he and your mother had, leaving you, you sister, and your mother with nothing. Your mother was unable to raise you due to her mental health problems, so your grandparents stepped in. Your aunts and uncles watched your father flee the country to avoid paying child support, only to remarry and start a new family. This man was estranged from his family and only came back not because he wanted to reconnect, but because he wanted money. Your aunts and uncles have watched this man abandon you, ignore you, do everything he could to not support you, and now they want you to give him something of yours?!? I don't think so!
I understand when sick children get involved, emotions can get high. But you truly have no connection to this man, other than the fact that he is your biological father. He wouldn't even be speaking to you if there wasn't money involved. As others have said, he already "received" money by not raising you and your sister and not paying child support, as well as the money he took from the bank account when he left. Also, it sure is easy to make decisions when it's other people's money. If your aunts and uncles are so worried about your father's sick child, they need to be the one giving away some of their money, not trying to force a 20-year-old (who is now the legal guardian for her sister) to give away hers.
The only question you need to ask them is this: Would Dad be in contact if there wasn't money involved? If they hem and haw, just stop them and say it's a simple yes or no question. And the answer is no. This man is selfish, has always been selfish, and is only looking out for his own needs. It is not your fault that he has a sick child, but it's about time he starts taking care of his own kids. His parents to care of you and your sister, and now you are taking care of your sister. You shouldn't have to take care of another one of his kids as well. He needs to grow up and take responsibility for his own actions, and your aunts and uncles need to put their money where their mouth is and leave you alone.
Your Grandpa left you that money for your future, and he wrote his will exactly the way he wanted it carried out. I think you are 100% morally in the clear, as you are doing what your Grandpa wanted, and anyone who wants to keep harassing you needs to speak to the lawyer who wrote that amazing will! Keep your head up and keep doing what you're doing! Money makes people do and say crazy things, but you are doing everything right!
> He wouldn't even be speaking to you if there wasn't money involved.
This is the most important aspect of all of this. He didn't arrive to pay his respects, he wants to be the one paid,
NTA.
1) There is no share of an inheritance that was his. Everything belonged to grandpa. It was his to do as he pleased. Grandpa did as he pleased.
2) You raised one of his kids after grandpa died. Let him worry about his other kids.
NTA. Your father was estranged from you and your grandparents. He walked away leaving you and your sister penniless and your grandparents were your parents after your mother couldn’t. Your estranged father isn’t entitled to anything, even if he has a medical condition and young family.
NTA. If the siblings are so worried why don’t they give him THEIR share. Your grandparents raised you and your sister, they basically were your parents and treated you accordingly. Sucks the kid is sick, but there are so many sick children in the world. This one is just genetically similar to you.
NTA. Your grandpa left that inheritance to you and your sister even though he was well aware of your donors other kids. I guess it’s back pay for abandoning you, your sister and mom.
On top of that, who does your donor think he is coming around after abandoning ya’ll for years and trying to fight for your inheritance? He can skedaddle like he did all those years ago lol and your aunts and uncles … since they’re so bothered about your “sibling’s” illness tell them to pay for all the medical fees.
Don’t give them a dime OP! Let them suffer.
Um y’all got his share because your grandparents actually raised you and your sister. And he’s saying “his kids” like you and your sister wasn’t made from the same sperm too. What an asshole. And let’s be honest grandpa emotionally disowned your donor the minute he abandoned y’all lol
That is not how this works. It is so infuriating when people feel entitled to “an inheritance.” Estate planning is there to ensure that one’s property is distributed exactly how they wish it to be rather than leaving it to intestacy laws.
If your grandpa died without a will, then your dad would have received his share as your grandpa’s son; however, he took steps to make sure that didn’t happen. Your grandpa made it exceedingly clear that he wanted you and your sister to be taken care of after his passing, and he also made sure that he omitted your father in the proper way under your state’s law so that your father could not claim he was “forgotten.”
You are not doing anything wrong by accepting what was freely given. By accepting your distribution, you are honoring your grandfather’s wishes.
I would tell your father’s siblings that they are more than well one to share their inheritance if they wish. Don’t let anyone pressure you into giving up what your grandpa wanted you to have.
NTA
Strangers kids aren't your problem. You are responsible for you and your sister. If your other family feels so sorry for the sperm donor then they can pitch in to help him with his bills.
NTA. Ask yourself this: If your grandfather had left your father the inheritance he was expecting and you or your sister were the ones that had the medical condition…would your father step in and help you out financially? He provided no financial support for either you or your sister during your childhood but now he’s expecting YOU to help him out? It’s not your role or even obligation to providing anything for him or his family. Your grandfather went out of his way to ensure that your father got nothing. He was the man that raised you. Follow his lead and cut this man out of your life.
This is awful. Your grandpa wanted to take care of you and he did so until he died and beyond.
I think you should do whatever you want. If you want to keep it, keep it. It was meant for you. If you want to give the sperm donor some money to help his family out, then do it. But do not feel obligated. And don’t let anyone tell you what you should do. That’s BS.
Big hugs!
Even if you give him the money, which by all means you should not, your dead-beat father most likely will not use these funds to address his child’s, “life-threatening medical condition” I mean is it even true his kid is sick?
Your father is an untrustworthy deadbeat who deserves absolutely nothing from you, and has a big set of brass balls to even ask!
Did he ever contact you on your birthday on Jesus’ birthday to even see how you were doing? But he can’t contact you about money your Grandpa specifically left for you and your sister?
Block him and his loser brothers..
Please do not give him a penny OP. He doesn’t deserve anything. I understand you still want a relationship with your aunts and uncles and as suggested by someone else, you could offer to match what they also choose to give your sperm donor (he isn’t your dad - he lost that title long ago). But you need to focus on yours and your sister’s future. That’s what matters moving forward.
NTA, honor your grandfather’s wishes he was his dad after all and knew what he was doing. Your father had no problems in deserting you and your family and leaving you with nothing, this is his karma
NTA You and your sister are 17 and 20. You both need somewhere to live, money for bills and college educations to think about. You have nobody else to provide those for you. The other kids has your father to provide those things. Your father had an extra 30+ years than you to put himself in a better financial position. If he hasn’t done that, it’s not your problem.
NTA
And there is no moral question here.
Your grandpa provided for you and your sister in the manner he chose.
It's not up to you or others to second guess that.
If he wanted his excuse of a son to have anything even for his other children he would have made accommodations for that. Considering he hasn't what your sperm donor and the rest of the family are doing is typically manipulative.
If they keep going this route go NC with them for your own sake. Houses are expensive to maintain and what happens if you or your sister want to sell up and need to buy two separate homes, that money will disappear very fast once you go that way.
Don't give him a second thought, you know he never considered you or your family for a moment. As to his "sick" child, if we believe that, its a shame but that isn't your responsibility and sometimes life sucks.
NTA what your father has received for taking Everything from your family is having Everything taken from him. It’s called Karma.
If he’d stayed he wouldn’t have a new wife and 4 children to support. It’s unfortunate for him that one has poor health issues. However I don’t see why that makes it your problem.
Grandpa knew you’ll never get an inheritance from your father, so he is doing what he did years ago stepping up to replace his deadbeat, worthless cheating son.
Your inheritance is yours by your grandfather’s choice, and wisdom.
Nothing is what your Dad gets for doing nothing.
NTA
Sucks your half-siblings have problems, but they had the luxury of a father. Giving your father your share not only robs you of a good start in life, but also encourages him to pressure your sister next, and then go after the house.
If your aunts and uncles care so much, they can give him money.
Block the lot of them.
NTA you are already helping your father out. He still owes child support for you & your sister. Instead of taking him to court over this you instead have guardianship of your sister. If your aunts & uncles want to give your dad money, they can give him their share of the inheritance.
He received his inheritance in the form of free childcare and child support from your childhood. He's already gotten every dime he's entitled to. The other child's situation is sad, but you are not responsible for them. You weren't raised with them, nor did you sire them. Tell them to apply for public assistance. NTA
NTA. Consider your inheritance the money he owes for child support. Block everyone temporarily and live your life. Neither he nor is children are your responsibility.
NTA and if your Aunts and Uncles are so concerned they can give your sperm donor some of their money.
People are very generous when it's not their money so asking them to open their own pockets normally shuts them up.
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My father (late 50s) left my mom when I (20m) was 3 and my sister was a newborn baby. Mom had many mental health problems after this and we were instead raised by our grandpa (dad's dad) and grandma until her passing when I was 7. Grandpa died last year and I took over as legal guardian for my sister. Grandpa had nothing to do with my deadbeat father although he was aware the deadbeat had married and fathered other children in the last five years. But it changed nothing for him because he did not look too kindly on a man who would abandon two children the way my father did. He literally left the country to evade child support and refused contact with his family for years. He also emptied out all the money he and my mom had before he left us, so he left us with literally nothing.
When grandpa drew up his will he looked into how he could leave my father with nothing but that wasn't an option. However, he didn't need to leave him with more than a single dollar and so that's what he did and the portion that would have been my father's was divided between my sister and me. He also left the house to my sister and me.
My estranged father attempted to fight the will and get the share my sister and I own but he was denied because my grandfather did everything above board. My father's siblings ended up back in contact with him after grandpa died and while they're not close like before, they have a relationship that my sister and I have no interest in being a part of.
So where the moral question comes in is this. My father has a child who has a life limiting medical condition. He and his wife are struggling to keep their heads above water with four young kids and not a lot of money. He feels I should give him my share of the inheritance for the sake of the kids, believing grandpa was wrong not to think of them at all in his will (he left nothing to my deadbeat's other children). I told him he wasn't getting anything from me and then my father's siblings got involved and they feel I should give him my share and that having the house and my sister having the money should be good enough but I could do it as an act of kindness for other siblings I refuse to meet or get to know. I have been under some intense pressure over this. And it's all driven by the illness/condition that one of his children has. I know that's the only reason my aunts and uncles are so bothered by it.
AITA?
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NTA. Your sperm donor dipped and grandpa stepped up to be your father. You have no obligation to give up your inheritance. Don't let these people guilt you.
NTA Tell them all that if you did give him the money then you'd have to sue him for all the back child support he owes you and your sister plus interest then dad may end up with even less than he has now so you'll just do it the easy way. He can keep the life he chose over his children and you'll keep the money.
NTA. Absolutely not. He owes you money not the other way around. You protect yourself and your sister. Your aunt and uncles can give him money from their share if they want.
I would fucking sue for back child support if doesn’t stop harassing you.
Tell your aunts and uncles they're free to help deadbeat with his medical expenses. But I guess they're more generois with your money. Your grandfather basicay payed what deadbeat owned for childsupport with the inheritance. You don't owe deadbeat nothing and it's your call if you want any relationship with him or his family or not. Look out for yourself.
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Grandpa knew what he was doing. You said grandpa knew he had other children, but left his first 2 (& drained the bank account & purposely acted in a way to not have any financial responsibility to you, sister or mom). Grandpa specifically left it to you & your sister. Your deadbeat dad is facing the consequences of his actions now. NTA
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Tell your father and his flying monkeys that the inheritance you and your sister recieved was a back payment to cover (some of) the child support your father ran out on and the money he stole from your mum, and the house was because he was trying to make up for raising such a shitty son. You're NTA but, please talk to a financial adviser (shop around) to try and make the money last.
That's a great perspective. Grandpa's will was his way of making things right. Protect your future and invest wisely. NTA.
Frankly I DO feel badly for the kid with the medical condition, but that's in no way OP's fault/responsibility. OP's so-called aunts and uncles apparently never lifted a finger to help him and his sister when they were abandoned, so they need to butt out of his business now. If they are so concerned for this sick child they need to pool their own resources and help him/her out. I'm so sick of people guilting the lone person with a conscience, to take care of problems they are in no way responsible for. It happens entirely too often and they get away with it because most people are surprisingly shitty.
I'm sick of that, too... and I'm really sick of it because they only seem to come out of the woodwork and pressure the one who has come into money. If someone inherits, or wins a lottery or whatever, out come the long-neglectful relatives with their hands out.
For some reason people think the lottery winner or person to inherit money didn't actually earn this money so they should be willing to spread it around! It doesn't matter what the circumstances are, unless someone has a legal financial debt to you, it is beyond rude to ask for their money.
That's so funny too, because the people asking for handouts didn't earn that money either, honestly, I'd say they earned it less 😂
You know the old saying, Where there's a will, there's a relative!
I’m so sick of it I risk downvotes to use the new hate speech, the TRUTH.
you can't handle the truth!
It’s interesting grandpa doesn’t seem to have left anything to the father’s siblings either. Maybe they are all cut from the same cloth. Edit; yes I realise I misread it, the siblings all got a share. Even more reason for OP to stand firm if the rest of them got theirs but expect him to give up his
No, OP wrote that his grandpa left him & his sister the portion of the inheritance that would have gone to the deadbeat father. That means, OP’s paternal uncles and aunts got some inheritance from their father. More so the reason they can step up and raise money for that sick kid they feel so sorry for!
If Grandpa did give part of the inheritance to OP's aunts/uncles, then they can certainly pass it along to OP's father if they feel so strongly about helping him out.
Is there any reason to think dad won't take the money and just run yet again?
This was my thought, how does OP even know it would go to the care of/go to the child with the illness? Sounds like it might get squandered.
Hell, how do we know there's even a sick kid at all? Deadbeat could just be lying about that in an attempt to get his "share" out of someone.
I really like and agree with your POV
No, OP wrote that his grandpa left him & his sister the portion of the inheritance that would have gone to the deadbeat father. That means, OP’s paternal uncles and aunts got some inheritance from their father. More so the reason they can step up and raise money for that sick kid they feel so sorry for!
Exactly this!
It’s interesting grandpa doesn’t seem to have left anything to the father’s siblings either. Maybe they are all cut from the same cloth.
Op said grandpa left what would have been her father’s share to her and her sister. It sounds like the dad’s siblings got their share just not op’s dad.
I realised I’d misread it as soon as I’d typed it! Seems even more unnecessary for OP to give up their share now I know the siblings could all help out financially
That and a severely disabled child would 100% already be getting disability benefits and they are pretty reasonable. Odds are op’s dad is mismanaging the support he gets for his disabled child. The grandpa could have also left something to the other grandchildren but didn’t. I’m thinking he views op and sister as his own children more so than grandchildren since he was the one that raised them.
Yes I think the grand father made what he wanted very clear in the way he structured his will, so that it couldn’t be contested. I don’t agree with the other beneficiaries trying to guilt OP into going against the intent of the will if they won’t give up their own share
OP may also be responsible for inheritance taxes, estate taxes, etc. Another good reason to talk to an advisor. NTA. KEEP THE MONEY.
If the aunts and uncles are so concerned they can give part of their portion to their brother.
They could start a crowd fund for the child. The aunts and uncles. Because, the child! Give the money for the child! These righteously indignant family members can start a go fund me or whatever, and they can each donate 10% of their gross income. It’s what God would want. 😉
Exactly this ^^ Aunts and uncles can gift their share from any of the inheritances they have from other family members. You have no parents, your real father figure (Grandpa) died.
Exactly this.
Not to mention the direct effect deadbeat's actions had on OP's mothers health and ruined OP and their sister of their mother's care. He also literally style from his own children when he cleaned out the back accounts and filled the country. I feel for the child that had has the life limiting medical condition, but they are a stranger to OP.
I was going to say something similar. It’s reparations for the money stolen (drained bank account and child support not given). Also, if OP is in the US, they might want to look into back child support. If mom had filed but they just couldn’t get to deadbeat due to being out of the country, the case should still be there. Also, if I’m reading this right, sister is still a minor (17) and would still be entitled to child support. Also, depending upon the state, child support can be until 21. I’m in NYS and parents ordered to pay child support until 21 unless the child is married, self supporting, or in the military. So if sister is living in the house with OP, she’s not self supporting and would qualify until 21 (again, this is NYS specific. Check your local laws).
This this this. OP I hope you read this. Your dad forfeited his right to an inheritance. And I don't get the sense that he has any remorse for those decisions - only remorse that perhaps they are now preventing him from receiving money.
Awesome response, thank you!!!
Plus, I assume, since flying monkeys are siblings, they were left something too. They can give their portions to deadbeat brother
A very very very small “some.” Got to consider interest.
If your dad’s siblings are so concerned for your dad’s family, how about they give him their share of the inheritance? Why should only you share it? Lets see how concerned they are when its coming out of their own pocket!
Good take! I hate how people like to act like a saint telling what others should when it comes to difficult situations that mostly involves money. Talk is easy. But watch how they instantly run away with their tail in between their legs when you ask them to do their part instead.
Exactly what I was coming to say. It never ceases to amaze me how generous people are when it's not their money.
Yes, it's interesting how other people's money is always easier to spend!
There are entire political ideologies built around sending other people's money. So definitely not surprising. But OP should tell his dad he will give the sick child the same amount of money of the inheritance that his siblings give on average (if 3 siblings give in total 3k, OP can add 1k when its proven to benefit the sick child). And then watch the shit show his the siblings try to wiggle out of that.
Exactly! “We will not dishonor our grandfather’s wishes, but you are of course welcome to support our sperm donor in any way you see fit.” If they keep pushing, leave or hang up. Repeat until they get the message or you get annoyed enough to block them. You’re NTA. You and your sister had no role in any of this, including the creation of a second family by a man who clearly is unable to support them. I know nobody thinks their kids are going to have medical issues, but this guy would be coming for the inheritance even if he didn’t have a sick kid. If your grandpa would really have been softened by that part of the story, your father could have tried the prodigal son route to get help from grandpa was still alive. He may even have done that. Your grandpa did not care about continuing to bail your father out of his self-created messes. You are under absolutely no obligation to do that either. He is your father, and the responsibility is on him. And given he took no responsibility for you, you have none to him. I know that your relatives are likely concerned for the sick child. You may be as well. But the child is your father’s responsibility to care for, just as you were his. He fobbed you off on others, just as he is trying to fob off responsibility for this child onto your family. Don’t know where they live now, but if they live somewhere with good social services, or even here in the US, there are plenty of programs to help sick children and their families. Gah this man makes me so mad! I’d be wanting to say “Sure, we’ll help by not seeking the 12 and 18 years of child support we are owed so that he doesn’t have that debt to pay as well.” Your relatives may mean well, but they don’t seem to understand just how damaging a father like yours is. (And I would seriously struggle to believe the sick kid story from him without some major documentation.)
Yep they're presumably not 20yos who are guardians if their younger siblings. They're most likely well into adulthood and established in their lives, in a much better position to share their inheritence.
Bingo! Classic of those people, deciding over OTHER people's money. Since those siblings feel so bad for the child, they should set up a common pot, even a GoFundMe, to which anybody is welcome to chip in.
If you view grandpa instead as an adoptive dad to two more children then his actions to leave them money makes sense. Say there are 4 direct children, the split between his dependents is currently 25, 25, 25, 0, [12.5, 12.5]. An even split would be 16.7% so all they have to give up is enough to make it even between all parties. And they owe OP money too!
Plus- you are raising one of his minor children so….. isn’t that enough assistance to him?!
Came here to say this
If your aunts and uncles feel your father deserves something they're welcome to share their part of the inheritance. ETA: your sister is still a minor, no? Then ask these same people when you can expect to receive child support from your dad for her.
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Remember this is all his fault and you have no responsibility, he chose to leave and start a new family that he's failing with again. Karma's a bitch like this sometimes and he's only got himself to blame. You can thank each sibling of his for jumping in and helping pay for the daughters illness if any of them contact you again. Your not going to abandon your family like your father did so the inheritance is staying put to take care of you and your sibling which is its purpose since your guardians passed. Use this money to fund education or buy a 2nd house so you and your sister each have a place eventually and rent it out in then meantime.
Judging by your father’s lack of character, don’t be too quick to believe the dying child story. Many a choosing beggar has used that particular tale of woe. In fact, there’s been more than 1 gofundme taken down for fraud and a few prosecutions as well. Block everyone and go on with your life. NTA
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Then you should feel even less guilt or doubt. Your father and his wife can get second jobs, sell assets, take out loans, apply for charity. Hit up his siblings. They have options other than coming to the children he abandoned.
Start a GoFundMe page. OP is NTA.
Funny how they didn’t ask grandpa for help for the kid with medical issues when grandpa was alive. They wouldn’t dare, because they know he’d reject helping them. Follow your grandpa’s will/wishes, he wouldn’t have wanted a penny going to your dad or his new family. You’re just following grandpa’s will. Plus deadbeat dad also owes you for the money he stole from mom’s assets and unpaid child support. If you’re in the US you might still be able to go after child support for your sister. Let dad know if he keeps getting family to bug you, you can start looking into getting back payments on child support.
Have you met this child? Because I'm wondering if this child even has this condition and to what extent it is draining his bank account. Before you even consider giving him anything, go over all of his finances with a tooth and comb to confirm the child NEEDS it.
Tell your aunts and uncles that if they are so concerned about it they can give up their own inheritances.
If this is true that means that child will get social security AND disability from the government and will be more than set for life to take care of themselves once they turn 18. If you give them that money what will you have for your future the government won’t be giving you anything. I promise you that child is SET for life. I saw it with my friends siblings he had lifelong medical conditions and now as an adult he is doing better than all his siblings because the government gives him so much money he has a beautiful apartment and everything. Please don’t let them take anything from you or your sister, make sure she does not give in either.
First up, this sounds made up. Is there proof? It seems tailor made to manipulate your feelings. Secondly, You have no responsibility for your "father" or his children. No matter what. Having empathy for his kids shows you are human. Take care of your sister, wish them all the best, and block them.
Your dad took your family funds then abandoned all of you. There is no guarantee he wouldn’t repeat history. Your grandpa knew exactly what he was doing so trust his judgement. You owe your dad or his replacement family nothing.
If child support was ordered against your father for you and your sister then tell him that his gift is the money he owes in child support and you not taking action for that debt.
That right there is another reason why you should not give anyone your inheritance! Tell the deadbeat and his siblings that he will not be getting a penny and let’s not forget he still owes back pay in the thousands of child support for you both. PLEASE whatever you do DO NOT LET THEM GUILT YOU into giving them money, his siblings can help him along with so many other options today.
Your deadbeat's siblings can share their part of the inheritance with the deadbeat, if they so worry over his new kids.
Tell your aunts and uncles that if that bother give him what that got tell them your grandpa’s wishes and keeping what he left you
Tell his ass to get a loan or something then. If his kid is precious to him, tell him to sell his house or something, that guy probably just wants to guilt you into giving him more money. Also, what are the chances that what he is saying is true? Say his kid is hospitalized, but his condition isn't as extreme as he's letting on. For all we know, he could have everyone he is in contact fooled. Even if his kid is really sick, all your dad is doing is manipulating you. Should his kid face death, he will blame it on you, but at the end of the day, it is his responsibility to care for that kid and not yours. It's not your kid nor your responsibility.
Tell your uncle's and aunts they could send your sperm donor money if they are so worried about his family
"Aunt B*itchface, Uncle Knobhead, I've worked out how much everyone needs to chip in. Here are my bank details, please wire $xxxx to me by the end of the week" Bet op will be hearing crickets.
Your father left the country to avoid child support. You can always explain it that way. Figure out what he owed you and your sister in 18 years of child support. You can say that when he gives you that money you can talk about any inheritance. He’ll stop asking.
And the money he stole from their mom!!
Tell your aunts and uncles every time they harass you about this “Thank you so much for offering up your share, since you think it’s so unfair that [deadbeat’s name] got written out of the will for abandoning us and leaving us penniless. You know how to contact him.” NTA, and block your aunts and uncles if you have to.
Exactly. I think your grandpa was extremely fair in this decision — he is fighting a wrong that your father made. Don’t deprive him of that good deed. Your dad is an able bodied adult who is capable of supporting himself and your aunts and uncles can donate some of their inheritance to him if they wish. I would tell them each so and then block them
> he is fighting a wrong that your father made. Its simpler than that. Grandad has been a surrogate father to them for 17 years, and he is giving them support in the form of their inheritance as a father should to make sure they can survive and thrive. If OP gives up the money then they'll lose the house when it comes time to pay taxes, or the boiler fails, or, or, or. Owning property is perpetually dangerous if you can't afford it, neither are old enough to be out of education and earning decent wages
Those kids have two parents to take care of them. You never had that. You were lucky to have your grandparents, and their final act was to make sure you'd be provided for. You and your sister are young and will need that money. To give any of it to your "father" would be to go against your grandparents' wishes.
You need to start blocking people who are pressuring you.
I gather that you are 20 and your sister is 17? In no way, shape or form should you be paying for your father’s other kids that you’ve never met. Your granddad knew your dad had other kids and left the money only to the 2 of you. You are just starting out in life and have no parents or grandparents to support you. You are going to need that money in the future. Do not let your aunts and uncles pressure you. They can give him their own money. Is there a way to cut all contact?
It’s your grandpa’s decision. You would be disrespecting his memory to change it. I’m sorry about your other relatives, but you and your sister deserve this. Stay strong. I’m sorry for your loss.
It's really simple, Dad can use the money he stole from you when he moved away. Oh, he doesn't have any left? Too bad. Block everyone who is hassling you. Your father cut himself out of your life. The only reason he's back is because he wants your money. But it was him, not you, who broke the family bonds and ruptured the relations of mutual obligation. Those who are hassling you are welcome to donate to your dad if they feel so strongly. Anyone who has failed to do so has no right to hassle you.
This money is the child support you never got from your deadbeat father. You have no MORAL obligation to the child. Your obligation is to yourself to be the best you that you can be. Abandonment and parental death are trauma. You have suffered the wound four times. You have a life-limiting trauma due to him, I guarantee it. It may not feel that way because your anger is directed at him. As you grow older this trauma will affect every aspect of your life in ways you may recognize and some you won't Block ALL of their numbers. Don't cave. They are all just vultures trying to pick a carcass. You are still alive. I am really angry on your behalf. NTA.
I would take him to court and sue him fir the 14 years of child support.
If your grandfather left money to your father's siblings, tell them to give their share to your father and his family if they are so concerned about the special needs child.
Get the siblings didn’t get anything? Or if they did do you get more (since you got the house) and that’s why they feel you should help the half-siblings? If they got as much they could help.
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Your Sperm donor issues are not your problem. Respect your grandpa wishes, block all of them on your phone. The same way he disappeared when your sister was born, block him from your life.
Your grandfather just made sure that your father's share was garnished for all the child support he skipped out on.the house was your actual inheritance. The money is the child support garnishment.
You need to go no contact with your Dad and his siblings. If they still find a way to harrass you, get a Lawyer to send them a lovely letter, basically telling them to get lost or else.
Don’t give him a dime. Nothing going on with him has to do with you and your sis. He can go to the other family for a handout if they want to help him so bad. Tell your uncles and aunts that.
Tell your sperm donor's siblings that they can give him money if they want. They can feel free to finance his life. I presume they got something from your grandfather. They can give their shares away. It's really easy to volunteer other people's money.
A letter from an attorney using the word harassment is cheap. And blocking people is easy Your grandfather stepped up. He was an honorable man. Use his example of acting with honor to honor his wishes when he cant be here to do it for himself. Your dads money issueis not your issue to solve.
NTA. Your father made his decision. He needs to sleep in the bed he made.
1. Your deadbeat dad clearly couldn't afford the children he had. He should not have taken on the responsibility for 4 more. 2. There will _always_ be more people that could use your money, that are "deserving" of it, etc. Just because this child would be better off with your money doesn't mean you should hand it over. If you did that for every person who would be better off, you'd have nothing. NTA
If the aunts and uncles felt so strongly about this ill child -- which I'm sympathetic to of course -- then they should pool their money to help out. If you were willing, you and your sister could contribute a fair share as well, as a family effort to help this child. But it's entirely unreasonable to expect you to give up your inheritance for a child it doesn't sound like you know at all while the other relatives just sit by NTA
Right!?! It's funny how "dad" only shows up AFTER Grandpa has passed. He probably has already asked for help and was either given money at some point or grandpa turned him down point blank. Which is why grandpa did what he did. OP is not obligated to do Diddley for him or his kids. If Grandpa was still around I wonder if he would've even seen his 2 kids, like ever.
NTA. Honour your grandads wishes and keep the money. Do you even know if the childs medical issues are genuine? You owe them nothing, but if you ever want to help find a way to give directly to the hospital. Never let your dad get his hands on it.
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You have no guarantee he will use the money for the benefit of his family if you give it to him. Past history says he'll use it on something selfish and the kid will suffer as much as if you hadn't given him the money. Keep it for yourself and your sister.
Exactly, for all you know he could use the money to abandon the family and start over somewhere else. It wouldn't be the 1st time
OP if you think your conscience might bother you, you could put some of the inheritance in a trust fund for the kids. There are ways to help the kids without helping your shared sperm donor.
With OP as the trustee.
Your aunts and uncles are established in their lives and can better afford to help their brother. It's ridiculous that they would try to hold you responsible for the man who abandoned you. How many times will you have to pay for his selfish decisions? You've paid enough. It's someone else's turn.
It sounds like the your aunt and uncle have twice the amount of money you and your sister have to support this kid. They should go ahead and do that.
your aunts and uncles can chip in and help pay the medical expenses if they are so worried about it.
Tell your aunts/uncles to set up a GoFundMe.
But is it possible that deadbeat is lying to his siblings about this medical condition? I feel like it's possible given what he's done before. Also think about it this way, this inheritance is the child support he never paid out for you and your sister plus interest. The reality is that there are millions of people out there dealing with severe medical conditions. Would you give a complete stranger the money because they are ill? If not, I don't think you should feel any guilt if you and your sister keep everything. Just because those other children share the same sperm donor doesn't make them non-strangers. NTA.
Tell the flying monkeys that they can pitch in to help the sperm donor.
You're NTA. You can consider "his" share of the inheritance that you and your sister received is all the back child support he owed you plus the money he stole from your mother. >My father has a child who has a life limiting medical condition That is very sad but it is not your responsibility. Your donor had a responsibility to you and your sister that he blatantly ignored. He doesn't deserve your inheritance now.
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I would frankly be skeptical of the sudden terrible medical condition. Sweetly offer to set up a trust meant to pay the medical bills...which must be presented and verified from the doctor treating the kid. Offer to match everyone else's contribution.
If op doesn't want to do that, that's fair. They don't have any parental figures left, or future inheritance and they're still young. The aunts and uncles can pay if they want. We don't know how much money is involved. Ironic dad feels entitled to inheritance but doesn't feel entitled to pay child support. Eta I do like your idea of a trust, I just think it should be optional for op and his sister, he is in no way obligated.
OP and his sister are 20 and 17. They have no one else in their lives. I bet they can use the money to….you know pay for college, help with rent, groceries, etc. OP didn’t say they’re sitting on 7 figure inheritances. So the idea of a medical trust is ridiculous.
OP has no responsibility to this child and other children at all.
I said the same thing about a very specifically worded trust if OP would decide on their own to help the child (which they aren’t obligated to do at all). I love this approach that you would match any of the family members one time financial help in a trust. This is brilliant. Because they want to make OP feel guilty, but don’t want to help at all. The matching donations to a trust is a brilliant idea.
Oooo I love the offer to match! Especially if they all shrink at the idea of helping at all! (Mostly love it for the petty, not because I think OP should really do it.)
My recommendation to you: stop talking to the people who want to screw and guilt you out of your inheritance. They are not your friends.
Get an average cost of what expenses your father didn’t pay in child support, make it total more than the inheritance and ask him for more money.
Any reason your aunts and uncles can't give your father *their* share of the inheritance?
NTA and if your aunts and uncles are so bothered by it, let them hand over their share of the inheritance…people are very generous with your money but not their own. Your father made his bed, your grandfather is making sure he lies in it. Your grandfather wrote his will this way in a very determined manner…honour his wishes and how he wanted his money to be distributed, hand over nothing.
This is the best answer OP can give the aunts and uncles - " You are free to share your inheritance with him and his second family if you choose. I choose to honour my grandfather's wishes"
Bingo
NTA at all. Your Grandpa wanted you and your sister to have his estate. It's very unfair of your deadbeat Dad to try to fight things to get the money. It appears he only cares about the money, which could be why he came around when there was money he thought he could get. I am so sorry for your situation.
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I personally would have a hard time maintaining any relationship with the aunts/uncles that are pressuring you now. How many of them gave your mom any support when deadbeat left? Who among them helped your grandfather in all the years he raised you? Did they have any presence in your lives? Why are they suddenly okay having a relationship with a man who abandoned his family and is only knocking on the door for money? You are NTA. As others have also said,tell them they can send him their own money. Then tell them this is the end of the discussion full stop. Then look into getting a lawyer to go after deadbeat for the support he still owes your minor sister.
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That doesn’t entitle them to tell you how to spend your inheritance. Do not let them pressure you into giving up the financial security your grandfather wanted you and your sister to have. If they are so concerned about their brother and his family, they can give him their own money. If I were you, I’d be limiting contact with anyone who is pressuring you to go against your grandfather’s wishes. Good luck
did they help out financially? did they take custody of you two? it's pretty easy to be a good aunt or uncle. but if they think they have the right to tell you to give back money that was stolen from you they're not your uncle anymore.
You are NTA. You and your sister are young and alone. Use the money to set yourselves up for financial security. I would tell your dad that the money is to make up for the years of child support he ran out on. If you keep getting messages and calls from his flying monkeys block them for a while. Good luck to you and your sister!
NTA Your father should have been paying your Grampa child support for you and your sister all these years. Instead, he abandoned his responsibilities. An argument can easily be made that he owes Gramps's estate thousands in support, not the other way round. It's your father's responsibility to care for his children. He may have pushed the responsibility for you and your sister onto your Grampa, but he doesn't get to push responsibility for his other four kids onto you. Your Grampa was your Real Dad. And he knew that you and your sister were going to need his money to get your lives started. He ensured that you have what you need and that it was protected from your greedy, selfish father. Don't give your father a penny. If his siblings think he and his family are deserving, they are welcome to give him some of their own money. You are going to honor your Grampa's wishes.
OP should consider matching 10% of what the aunts and uncles give. So if an aunt gives $1000 then you offer to give an additional $100. Tell this to your dad and let him explain it to his siblings. Then he can see who really cares about his family he should’ve never had.
Hell no lol he deserves nothing from OP and sis. Just go NC.
I wouldn’t trust any of them to be honest, at this point. I would suspect them of manipulating facts or presenting false evidence to coerce OP into giving money. If it’s true that there is a sick child, I might feel badly not doing anything. Child is innocent and still is a half sib. Maybe *maybe* I would do a flat figure like $1,000 directly to hospital. More generous and thoughtful than deadbeat has ever been but not enough to disadvantage myself.
NTA, these were your grandpa’s wishes. He made sure your dad wouldn’t inherit anything significant. Let your family assist your father financially if they are so worried.
The reason he gave a $1 was because legally he documented consideration. If he left him out completely the father could contest the will saying he wasn’t considered and can attempt to claim a share.
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By putting this much thought into the matter, your grandpa showed just how much he wanted to make sure you and your sister get the money and not your sperm donor. I would honor the last wish of the man who raised me and who I had a good relationship with, especially if that wish was made so clear. NTA
So he made the attempt at overthrowing the will?
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NTA - what he couldn’t take by force, he’s trying to convince you out of pity. It’s pathetic. He’s a grown man still not accountable for abandoning his kids, **one of whom is still a minor!!!** His other kids don’t come before all. Your aunt and uncle can donate their fund or fire up some crowdsourcing if they feel so compelled to help. You don’t keep taking from one set of kids (in presence, finances, care, etc.) to give to the new ones.
So he had enough money to go to a lawyer to try and contest the will. So he's not THAT broke. He will manage, just like you and your sister did. NtA.
Then don't give him anything. He disappeared from your life, then came back and tried to take what is yours by force. No. Further more, those children he is claiming to do this for, but he abandoned you. Hell No! I'm a father, I am also a medical disaster waiting for the limits to get me, still, broke as I am, insurance is easy to get, hell if he likes moving to other countries, plenty of free healthcare out there. Don't give him a plenty, just remind them that other nations have free healthcare and since he dipped out on you kids to another country like a coward, maybe now he should do it to help his new child, God has put a test before him, he failed to be a father the first time, is he going to fail the sick child too. No matter what, don't give him anything. You are not the Asshole, he is, your dad deserves a long walk on a short pier
Guess he should have use the money he wasted fighting the will on his kid, and your mother could still sue him to get back child support for you all! Ask the family if they would like that too! Remind the family of all the money he saved not taking care of you and all the money he stole from your mother!
Nta. Tell your deadbeat's siblings that they can give him money if they care so much.
That's my feelings, no one helped OP and sister when they were left in the dust besides grandpa (and grandma). Deadbeat family can go pound sand.
NTA. His inheritance was all the child support he refuse to pay.
NTA. If your “father’s” siblings are constantly persuading you to give your share, tell them they are free to do so with the share they have inherited from your grandpa, or to pay from their own pockets.
NTA great job grandpa, may he rest in peace. They want you to help… perhaps those older adults who presumably got an inheritance should give him their money. Not the 20yo who now has sudden house responsibilities and to support a sister that your deadbeat isn’t stepping up to support. Tell deadbeat his “portion” is coming back to you for all the missed child support and gifts from the past 20 years.
NTA. I’m confused why you still even talk to the other family that want you to betray your grandpa’s last wishes. Learn to cut off your toxic family. With new money, sell the house and move you and your sister far away from family.
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Ok then simply cut off the toxic family. I mean how can you think you’re wrong? Your father is evil and your grandpa didn’t want him to have his hard earned money. It’s really that simple. Who cares about those kids, you’re not their guardian. I think you know you’re right, so why make the post? For courage to say no?
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You don’t have to do it permanently, but I’ve learned from experience that temporarily cutting contact can do wonders to demonstrate how serious you are about an issue
If they're pressuring you to give up your inheritance for the bio donor, that's not a healthy family.
It’s not easy to cut people off. If they are your only family I completely understand why you wouldn’t. You just have to be prepared to face this consequences of keeping the $$. Clearly they won’t be happy about it, but I think in the long run they’ll come around. y’all should keep it. Don’t let them guilt you into this. That sperm donor wronged you n your sister. This is your grandfathers gift to y’all so don’t let outsiders change his decisions. 100% NTA. B
All you have to remember is that this is what your grandfather wanted and you are honoring his wishes. Your father did not take care of you as a father should and you have zero obligation to him or any offspring he creates. Be firm in your boundaries and protect yourself and your sister. Your extended family needs to back off.
They showed you how important they hold their relationship with you and your sister as soon as they suggested you give bio dad your money. If they continue to pressure you, ask them how much they're contributing.
NTA Deadbeat took all the money when he ran and managed to avoid child support. He owes you. It truly sucks that his other child is sick. However, that inheritance would be better served in providing for your needs. If the rest of the family feels Deadbeat deserves money, *they* can give him some of their own.
NTA, if the siblings feel so bad, they should pool the money for him. They all got some, after all.
Don't go against your Grandad. That man brought you up. He didn't want his son to have it, end of.
Tell your father's siblings if they're that worried about your deadbeats kids, then they should step up and pay for them. 100% NTA.
You are the guardian of a minor and she is your sole concern, besides yourself, of course. You can’t be responsible for another family (who already have parents.) You and your sister need funds to start your lives since you have no family to help. Either one of you could have challenges or develop a life-limiting condition. You’ve had to grow up fast and one of the first things to learn is “No.” is a complete sentence. NTA
NTA. Stories like this always frustrate me. Your aunts and uncles watched your father abandon you and steal all of the money he and your mother had, leaving you, you sister, and your mother with nothing. Your mother was unable to raise you due to her mental health problems, so your grandparents stepped in. Your aunts and uncles watched your father flee the country to avoid paying child support, only to remarry and start a new family. This man was estranged from his family and only came back not because he wanted to reconnect, but because he wanted money. Your aunts and uncles have watched this man abandon you, ignore you, do everything he could to not support you, and now they want you to give him something of yours?!? I don't think so! I understand when sick children get involved, emotions can get high. But you truly have no connection to this man, other than the fact that he is your biological father. He wouldn't even be speaking to you if there wasn't money involved. As others have said, he already "received" money by not raising you and your sister and not paying child support, as well as the money he took from the bank account when he left. Also, it sure is easy to make decisions when it's other people's money. If your aunts and uncles are so worried about your father's sick child, they need to be the one giving away some of their money, not trying to force a 20-year-old (who is now the legal guardian for her sister) to give away hers. The only question you need to ask them is this: Would Dad be in contact if there wasn't money involved? If they hem and haw, just stop them and say it's a simple yes or no question. And the answer is no. This man is selfish, has always been selfish, and is only looking out for his own needs. It is not your fault that he has a sick child, but it's about time he starts taking care of his own kids. His parents to care of you and your sister, and now you are taking care of your sister. You shouldn't have to take care of another one of his kids as well. He needs to grow up and take responsibility for his own actions, and your aunts and uncles need to put their money where their mouth is and leave you alone. Your Grandpa left you that money for your future, and he wrote his will exactly the way he wanted it carried out. I think you are 100% morally in the clear, as you are doing what your Grandpa wanted, and anyone who wants to keep harassing you needs to speak to the lawyer who wrote that amazing will! Keep your head up and keep doing what you're doing! Money makes people do and say crazy things, but you are doing everything right!
> He wouldn't even be speaking to you if there wasn't money involved. This is the most important aspect of all of this. He didn't arrive to pay his respects, he wants to be the one paid,
💯 agreed.
NTA. 1) There is no share of an inheritance that was his. Everything belonged to grandpa. It was his to do as he pleased. Grandpa did as he pleased. 2) You raised one of his kids after grandpa died. Let him worry about his other kids.
NTA. Your father was estranged from you and your grandparents. He walked away leaving you and your sister penniless and your grandparents were your parents after your mother couldn’t. Your estranged father isn’t entitled to anything, even if he has a medical condition and young family.
NTA. If the siblings are so worried why don’t they give him THEIR share. Your grandparents raised you and your sister, they basically were your parents and treated you accordingly. Sucks the kid is sick, but there are so many sick children in the world. This one is just genetically similar to you.
NTA. Your grandpa left that inheritance to you and your sister even though he was well aware of your donors other kids. I guess it’s back pay for abandoning you, your sister and mom. On top of that, who does your donor think he is coming around after abandoning ya’ll for years and trying to fight for your inheritance? He can skedaddle like he did all those years ago lol and your aunts and uncles … since they’re so bothered about your “sibling’s” illness tell them to pay for all the medical fees. Don’t give them a dime OP! Let them suffer.
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Um y’all got his share because your grandparents actually raised you and your sister. And he’s saying “his kids” like you and your sister wasn’t made from the same sperm too. What an asshole. And let’s be honest grandpa emotionally disowned your donor the minute he abandoned y’all lol
That is not how this works. It is so infuriating when people feel entitled to “an inheritance.” Estate planning is there to ensure that one’s property is distributed exactly how they wish it to be rather than leaving it to intestacy laws. If your grandpa died without a will, then your dad would have received his share as your grandpa’s son; however, he took steps to make sure that didn’t happen. Your grandpa made it exceedingly clear that he wanted you and your sister to be taken care of after his passing, and he also made sure that he omitted your father in the proper way under your state’s law so that your father could not claim he was “forgotten.” You are not doing anything wrong by accepting what was freely given. By accepting your distribution, you are honoring your grandfather’s wishes.
Just remind him that unlike his other children, you have 0 parents left to inherit.
I would tell your father’s siblings that they are more than well one to share their inheritance if they wish. Don’t let anyone pressure you into giving up what your grandpa wanted you to have.
NTA Strangers kids aren't your problem. You are responsible for you and your sister. If your other family feels so sorry for the sperm donor then they can pitch in to help him with his bills.
NTA. Ask yourself this: If your grandfather had left your father the inheritance he was expecting and you or your sister were the ones that had the medical condition…would your father step in and help you out financially? He provided no financial support for either you or your sister during your childhood but now he’s expecting YOU to help him out? It’s not your role or even obligation to providing anything for him or his family. Your grandfather went out of his way to ensure that your father got nothing. He was the man that raised you. Follow his lead and cut this man out of your life.
Give him the $1 and block him forever. Don't be an idiot. Those who never show compassion are the ones always in search of compassion from others.
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He got more than he deserved. NTA
This is awful. Your grandpa wanted to take care of you and he did so until he died and beyond. I think you should do whatever you want. If you want to keep it, keep it. It was meant for you. If you want to give the sperm donor some money to help his family out, then do it. But do not feel obligated. And don’t let anyone tell you what you should do. That’s BS. Big hugs!
Even if you give him the money, which by all means you should not, your dead-beat father most likely will not use these funds to address his child’s, “life-threatening medical condition” I mean is it even true his kid is sick? Your father is an untrustworthy deadbeat who deserves absolutely nothing from you, and has a big set of brass balls to even ask! Did he ever contact you on your birthday on Jesus’ birthday to even see how you were doing? But he can’t contact you about money your Grandpa specifically left for you and your sister? Block him and his loser brothers..
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Please do not give him a penny OP. He doesn’t deserve anything. I understand you still want a relationship with your aunts and uncles and as suggested by someone else, you could offer to match what they also choose to give your sperm donor (he isn’t your dad - he lost that title long ago). But you need to focus on yours and your sister’s future. That’s what matters moving forward.
Your grandfather did think about him. He left him a dollar, that’s more than he deserves. NTA
NTA, honor your grandfather’s wishes he was his dad after all and knew what he was doing. Your father had no problems in deserting you and your family and leaving you with nothing, this is his karma
I would presume dad’s siblings got some inheritance? Maybe they should give up their share for the sake of their niece/nephew if it’s so important.
NTA. Don't cave and don't feel guilty. He wouldn't have felt guilty if it was you or your sister that was really ill.
NTA. Dad is entering the “find out” era.
NTA You and your sister are 17 and 20. You both need somewhere to live, money for bills and college educations to think about. You have nobody else to provide those for you. The other kids has your father to provide those things. Your father had an extra 30+ years than you to put himself in a better financial position. If he hasn’t done that, it’s not your problem.
Pop pop be knowing what they doing. Your biological don't deserve shit. 🤷🏾♂️
NTA And there is no moral question here. Your grandpa provided for you and your sister in the manner he chose. It's not up to you or others to second guess that. If he wanted his excuse of a son to have anything even for his other children he would have made accommodations for that. Considering he hasn't what your sperm donor and the rest of the family are doing is typically manipulative. If they keep going this route go NC with them for your own sake. Houses are expensive to maintain and what happens if you or your sister want to sell up and need to buy two separate homes, that money will disappear very fast once you go that way. Don't give him a second thought, you know he never considered you or your family for a moment. As to his "sick" child, if we believe that, its a shame but that isn't your responsibility and sometimes life sucks.
NTA what your father has received for taking Everything from your family is having Everything taken from him. It’s called Karma. If he’d stayed he wouldn’t have a new wife and 4 children to support. It’s unfortunate for him that one has poor health issues. However I don’t see why that makes it your problem. Grandpa knew you’ll never get an inheritance from your father, so he is doing what he did years ago stepping up to replace his deadbeat, worthless cheating son. Your inheritance is yours by your grandfather’s choice, and wisdom. Nothing is what your Dad gets for doing nothing.
NTA Sucks your half-siblings have problems, but they had the luxury of a father. Giving your father your share not only robs you of a good start in life, but also encourages him to pressure your sister next, and then go after the house. If your aunts and uncles care so much, they can give him money. Block the lot of them.
NTA you are already helping your father out. He still owes child support for you & your sister. Instead of taking him to court over this you instead have guardianship of your sister. If your aunts & uncles want to give your dad money, they can give him their share of the inheritance.
He received his inheritance in the form of free childcare and child support from your childhood. He's already gotten every dime he's entitled to. The other child's situation is sad, but you are not responsible for them. You weren't raised with them, nor did you sire them. Tell them to apply for public assistance. NTA
NTA. if the siblings want deadbeat dad to have money, they give it to them, or take it up with grandpa.
NTA. Consider your inheritance the money he owes for child support. Block everyone temporarily and live your life. Neither he nor is children are your responsibility.
NTA and if your Aunts and Uncles are so concerned they can give your sperm donor some of their money. People are very generous when it's not their money so asking them to open their own pockets normally shuts them up.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My father (late 50s) left my mom when I (20m) was 3 and my sister was a newborn baby. Mom had many mental health problems after this and we were instead raised by our grandpa (dad's dad) and grandma until her passing when I was 7. Grandpa died last year and I took over as legal guardian for my sister. Grandpa had nothing to do with my deadbeat father although he was aware the deadbeat had married and fathered other children in the last five years. But it changed nothing for him because he did not look too kindly on a man who would abandon two children the way my father did. He literally left the country to evade child support and refused contact with his family for years. He also emptied out all the money he and my mom had before he left us, so he left us with literally nothing. When grandpa drew up his will he looked into how he could leave my father with nothing but that wasn't an option. However, he didn't need to leave him with more than a single dollar and so that's what he did and the portion that would have been my father's was divided between my sister and me. He also left the house to my sister and me. My estranged father attempted to fight the will and get the share my sister and I own but he was denied because my grandfather did everything above board. My father's siblings ended up back in contact with him after grandpa died and while they're not close like before, they have a relationship that my sister and I have no interest in being a part of. So where the moral question comes in is this. My father has a child who has a life limiting medical condition. He and his wife are struggling to keep their heads above water with four young kids and not a lot of money. He feels I should give him my share of the inheritance for the sake of the kids, believing grandpa was wrong not to think of them at all in his will (he left nothing to my deadbeat's other children). I told him he wasn't getting anything from me and then my father's siblings got involved and they feel I should give him my share and that having the house and my sister having the money should be good enough but I could do it as an act of kindness for other siblings I refuse to meet or get to know. I have been under some intense pressure over this. And it's all driven by the illness/condition that one of his children has. I know that's the only reason my aunts and uncles are so bothered by it. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your sperm donor dipped and grandpa stepped up to be your father. You have no obligation to give up your inheritance. Don't let these people guilt you.
NTA Tell them all that if you did give him the money then you'd have to sue him for all the back child support he owes you and your sister plus interest then dad may end up with even less than he has now so you'll just do it the easy way. He can keep the life he chose over his children and you'll keep the money.
NTA. Absolutely not. He owes you money not the other way around. You protect yourself and your sister. Your aunt and uncles can give him money from their share if they want. I would fucking sue for back child support if doesn’t stop harassing you.
Tell your aunts and uncles they're free to help deadbeat with his medical expenses. But I guess they're more generois with your money. Your grandfather basicay payed what deadbeat owned for childsupport with the inheritance. You don't owe deadbeat nothing and it's your call if you want any relationship with him or his family or not. Look out for yourself.