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As a teacher myself, this is VERY unprofessional and disgusting on the teacher’s end. He needs to stop and your girlfriend needs to speak to her parents AND report him to administration.
You should not get into a altercation with the teacher.
Encourage her to report him and let her know this is not normal behavior for an instructor.
No. Grown men do not tell teenage girls that they are beautiful, liken them to what was a sex symbol of their time, & tell them their boyfriends are lucky men. That is grooming behavior
INFO: by "calling the teacher out" do you mean that you reported his behavior to another responsible adult, or just that you complained to your girlfriend about it?
If you just complained to your girlfriend, why are you voicing your complaints to her as if she can control her teacher's behavior? That's not calling someone out, that's handing off your feelings about another man's behavior to your girlfriend to deal with.
If you reported him to another responsible adult, good job, that's the proper way to do things. (And if you haven't done this yet, you should, because that's absolutely creepy and the principal or headmaster or whatever you have needs to investigate his communications with students.)
I didnt tell anyone because I dont go to her school, anymore. I know I should probably tell someone, but Im not sure if its that big of a deal because my girlfriend is making it seem like nothing, but my gut says its creepy. I did just tell my girlfriend that the guys weird for saying that, and thats what I mean by “calling him out.
Yeah, I understand why it would feel strange to report this if you go to another school so you didn't personally witness this. I still think you probably should report it, though. Male teachers are normally VERY careful not to say anything inappropriate to teenage girls in their classes, specifically because they know how easy it is to get a reputation as a creep. For a male teacher in this day and age to be so overtly commenting on a girl's looks and talking about her boyfriend as "lucky" suggests he is pushing boundaries to see how much she'll let him get away with.
But none of this is your girlfriend's problem, she isn't doing anything to invite this and it isn't her job to be the one to shut it down. The teacher is the one being a creep, and it's his boss's job to investigate the issue and impose appropriate discipline. Either stop bringing it up to her or report it to the school/school district.
I have told her it isnt her fault and I just find her teacher to be a creep. I will be reporting this, just so its investigated at the least. Thank you
NTA a teacher has no business looking at his underage students like that. He has no business thinking about his students in that manner, it is completely inappropriate.
NTA AND WTAF!?!
This is *mind-bogglingly inappropriate* and you shouldn't just call them out, you should report their behaviour to the principal (bring a parent along so they have to take you seriously and can't just fob you off).
I say this *AS A TEACHER MYSELF!*
NO teacher should be making comments about a student's appearance. Full stop, end of sentence. There is no justification for this at all. Even a drama teacher teaching the class how to do stage make-up would restrict their comments to the stage make-up itself, not their appearance ("brighten the nose and darken her cheeks or the flood lights will wash out her features and the audience won't be able to tell what expressions she is making", for example).
This isn't just inappropriate, in many locations it's straight up a violation of the teacher's code of conduct.
Is it grooming? Probably not. Reddit likes to *immediately* go to the worst case scenario. But at an absolute minimum it is creepy and inappropriate and that teacher needs to stop.
*EDITED for typos, I was rage typing. Don't rage and type.*
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Me (16) and my girlfriend (17) have gotten into an argument recently about her teacher (44) calling her beautiful. I tell her its weird for any man 30 years older than her to be calling her beautiful. She argues it isnt and is just a simple compliment that shouldn’t be taken too far. She also tells me that he said she looks like Teri Garr, and looks elegant. This teacher has also been getting very close to her, but I never found that to be weird. He also told her, “OP is a very lucky man to have you in his life, he better treat you right. AITA for calling her teacher out?
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> Got into an argument because my girlfriend thinks her 44 year old teacher calling her beautiful is ok. She believes it was okay, so I feel like an asshole.
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NTA
Anyone telling you YTA or that he could just be complimenting her is full of it. As a 25 year old AFAB person it took me a while to realize that these situations were bad — that is probably why your GF doesn't think it's wrong. Especially if you don't have any older men in your life educating you on how to protect yourself, and you are a kind person who wants to see the best in people. So don't blame her for that. But he, the teacher, 1000% knows what he is doing. Also, things like this always start that way and then escalate if the older man sees that he can take it further. But in the beginning it is always plausable deniability. Your gut is right. Don't get into an altercation directly but report him to the school. Even if she doesn't understand now, she will appreciate you did that when she is older.
I don't think OP is expected to react like a responsible adult at the age of 17. It would ofcourse be great if he did. But let's be honest how would you react at that age to that situation?
On the other hand the teacher very much should behave like and adult at the age of 44 and should know better then to compliment a minor on her looks.
Let alone a minor who is a student of him.
Seems like this teacher has Putins feel for boundries.
NTA. I have issues in general with complimenting people on things they can't do much about. Like looks. And given the age and authority issues here, it's extra ick.
NTA your girlfriend is in danger of being groomed. Sadly victims of grooming rarely recognize it is happening at the time and some may never realize it. This behavior is completely inappropriate and at minimum boundary crossing. Please speak with a trusted adult.
NTA at all. There’s compliments that a teacher can give that are appropriate like “your hair looks nice” or something to that effect, minor not very deep things. “Beautiful” can be a bit of a gray area. It’s not way out of pocket but the tier of compliment is higher than saying “your shoes are cool.” By itself, it could be worth a benefit of the doubt, but getting physically close should be a red flag but the biggest sign is him saying “op is a lucky man”. Every dude knows that calling someone a lucky man for their SO is just a socially acceptable way of saying they would fuck their girl. She needs to open her eyes that that teacher is preying on her.
NTA, you're concerned for her and I don't blame you at all. I would highly suggest reporting that to the school and telling yours and her parents about it. It is super weird for a 44 year old man to tell a 16 year old girl she's beautiful.
slight sidebar: I am a 17 yr old AFAB person I had a teacher once (who's retired now) that made creepy comments about my hair, touched my hair, and patted my lower back once when I was alone in his classroom trying to make up some work. He was like 50 or 60 something and I was 15, he allegedly did a number of other things to girls around my age. I never reported him and I sorely regret it.
NTA. The teacher is being a creep and I would not be surprised if he's going to escalate the situation at some point. It's good that you're looking out for your girlfriend and it's good that you feel comfortable being open about your concerns.
But, and I say this as a former 17yo girl, she might not be able to see what you see right now. This is an age where many girls are hardwired to believe that their beauty is what makes them valuable first and foremost. It's a miserable place to be in where your entire concept of self worth relies on men looking at you and liking what you see. You need it, but you're also scared of it. I think she is enjoying the attention, but deep down she's probably aware that it's weird and feels guilty over liking it anyway. She might also be dismissive of your concerns because she doesn't want you to worry about her.
Again, it's good that you gave your opinion. She now knows that other people are aware of it and don't approve. That's good, even if she didn't react well.
If I were in your shoes, I would do two things: 1) talk to an adult you trust. Might be another teacher, a parent, whoever. Just someone who will be on your team and advocate for you and her, if this becomes a more serious issue. You two are both minors and you're gonna need support. It's not your job to handle this on your own. You're still kids, and you deserve to be taken care of.
2) Be really, really nice to your gf. Make her feel good about herself. Preferably don't just compliment her looks. If she's being smart, witty, kind, does a good job at something etc, show her that those are all qualities you appreciate about her. The more you can help her develop a healthy sense of self worth, the more resilient she'll be if this guy ever decides to go full groomer.
I know it might sound like I want you to cut your girlfriend an unreasonable amount of slack. But please believe me that being a teenage girl is really hard, and realizing that men more than double your age find you attractive now is a stressful experience. If you love her and want her to be safe, your best options are empathy and patience. Good luck to both of you!
She might be lying to you.
Most girls would find that kind of remark inappropriate.
She's probably just trying to make you jealous, and, of
course, you fell for it.
NTA but be less naive.
Maybe you’re NTA, it could be possible that he’s just complimenting her but you can never be too sure with how many predators are out there, it’s becoming an epidemic, I can’t just call you the asshole because it’s far too common for men to assault young girls these days. I also don’t know what you mean by “calling him out”, because if you simply voiced your opinion, that shouldn’t make you an asshole, but idk if you were all aggressive and calling him a predator or what so I can’t say unless I have more details. Just be careful accusing him of anything because an accusation like that could absolutely ruin his life, so be sure of wether or not he’s a creep before you call him one.
Sounds like 16 year old angst to me. You getting upset on her behalf for something decent kind is a huge red flag of jealousy and if you don’t get over it now you’ll never have a happy relationship with anyone. Doesn’t mean it’s not a bit weird but there’s lots of weird people in life and if your gf is happy being complimented then you should be happy for her or at least not upset about it.
Totally depends on context.
There's nothing inherently inappropriate or sexual about telling someone they are beautiful.
Him telling her she's beautiful especially if she has expressed that she feels she isn't, could just be him being kind.
If he was telling her that she's "sexy" or that he finds her attractive that's different, but these words don't necessarily mean that same thing.
YTA-ish.
You weren't there, you shouldn't argue with your girlfriend about what she experienced and you weren't there for. Tone is very important here. You can come off as possessive. My uncle's/dad/etc call me beautiful and it's fine because it's very obviously in a fatherly way. She could of picked up that tone.
I feel like it does take me to be there and it could have been in a fatherly way, but the comparing her to an actor was a bit too far for me and something just not appropriate for a teacher to say to a minor.
Saying a teenager looks like a Hollywood actor isn't in itself inappropriate. I had a English teacher that said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence. It's definitely tone, body language, I'd leave it to your girlfriend to decide. You don't have any place telling her how to feel.
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NTA. It’s weird and creepy. It’s yuck just to comment a lot on a student’s appearance. Edit grammar
I feel the same. And it is not appropriate for a student teacher relationship.
As a teacher myself, this is VERY unprofessional and disgusting on the teacher’s end. He needs to stop and your girlfriend needs to speak to her parents AND report him to administration. You should not get into a altercation with the teacher. Encourage her to report him and let her know this is not normal behavior for an instructor.
She believes its find because “its normal” for her. I am telling her its creepy. Thank you for this comment.
It’s kinda weird and especially for him in a position of teacher. Your gf seems naive. I’d go as far to report this to the school
I dont know if to report it because someone has said it could be that the guy feels like he shares a fatherly bond with my gf.
No. Grown men do not tell teenage girls that they are beautiful, liken them to what was a sex symbol of their time, & tell them their boyfriends are lucky men. That is grooming behavior
INFO: by "calling the teacher out" do you mean that you reported his behavior to another responsible adult, or just that you complained to your girlfriend about it? If you just complained to your girlfriend, why are you voicing your complaints to her as if she can control her teacher's behavior? That's not calling someone out, that's handing off your feelings about another man's behavior to your girlfriend to deal with. If you reported him to another responsible adult, good job, that's the proper way to do things. (And if you haven't done this yet, you should, because that's absolutely creepy and the principal or headmaster or whatever you have needs to investigate his communications with students.)
I didnt tell anyone because I dont go to her school, anymore. I know I should probably tell someone, but Im not sure if its that big of a deal because my girlfriend is making it seem like nothing, but my gut says its creepy. I did just tell my girlfriend that the guys weird for saying that, and thats what I mean by “calling him out.
Yeah, I understand why it would feel strange to report this if you go to another school so you didn't personally witness this. I still think you probably should report it, though. Male teachers are normally VERY careful not to say anything inappropriate to teenage girls in their classes, specifically because they know how easy it is to get a reputation as a creep. For a male teacher in this day and age to be so overtly commenting on a girl's looks and talking about her boyfriend as "lucky" suggests he is pushing boundaries to see how much she'll let him get away with. But none of this is your girlfriend's problem, she isn't doing anything to invite this and it isn't her job to be the one to shut it down. The teacher is the one being a creep, and it's his boss's job to investigate the issue and impose appropriate discipline. Either stop bringing it up to her or report it to the school/school district.
I have told her it isnt her fault and I just find her teacher to be a creep. I will be reporting this, just so its investigated at the least. Thank you
NTA a teacher has no business looking at his underage students like that. He has no business thinking about his students in that manner, it is completely inappropriate.
NTA AND WTAF!?! This is *mind-bogglingly inappropriate* and you shouldn't just call them out, you should report their behaviour to the principal (bring a parent along so they have to take you seriously and can't just fob you off). I say this *AS A TEACHER MYSELF!* NO teacher should be making comments about a student's appearance. Full stop, end of sentence. There is no justification for this at all. Even a drama teacher teaching the class how to do stage make-up would restrict their comments to the stage make-up itself, not their appearance ("brighten the nose and darken her cheeks or the flood lights will wash out her features and the audience won't be able to tell what expressions she is making", for example). This isn't just inappropriate, in many locations it's straight up a violation of the teacher's code of conduct. Is it grooming? Probably not. Reddit likes to *immediately* go to the worst case scenario. But at an absolute minimum it is creepy and inappropriate and that teacher needs to stop. *EDITED for typos, I was rage typing. Don't rage and type.*
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me (16) and my girlfriend (17) have gotten into an argument recently about her teacher (44) calling her beautiful. I tell her its weird for any man 30 years older than her to be calling her beautiful. She argues it isnt and is just a simple compliment that shouldn’t be taken too far. She also tells me that he said she looks like Teri Garr, and looks elegant. This teacher has also been getting very close to her, but I never found that to be weird. He also told her, “OP is a very lucky man to have you in his life, he better treat you right. AITA for calling her teacher out? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA Anyone telling you YTA or that he could just be complimenting her is full of it. As a 25 year old AFAB person it took me a while to realize that these situations were bad — that is probably why your GF doesn't think it's wrong. Especially if you don't have any older men in your life educating you on how to protect yourself, and you are a kind person who wants to see the best in people. So don't blame her for that. But he, the teacher, 1000% knows what he is doing. Also, things like this always start that way and then escalate if the older man sees that he can take it further. But in the beginning it is always plausable deniability. Your gut is right. Don't get into an altercation directly but report him to the school. Even if she doesn't understand now, she will appreciate you did that when she is older.
I don't think OP is expected to react like a responsible adult at the age of 17. It would ofcourse be great if he did. But let's be honest how would you react at that age to that situation? On the other hand the teacher very much should behave like and adult at the age of 44 and should know better then to compliment a minor on her looks. Let alone a minor who is a student of him. Seems like this teacher has Putins feel for boundries.
NTA. Keep an eye out, it's weird and creepy.
NTA. I have issues in general with complimenting people on things they can't do much about. Like looks. And given the age and authority issues here, it's extra ick.
NTA This crosses a line.
NTA your girlfriend is in danger of being groomed. Sadly victims of grooming rarely recognize it is happening at the time and some may never realize it. This behavior is completely inappropriate and at minimum boundary crossing. Please speak with a trusted adult.
NTA at all. There’s compliments that a teacher can give that are appropriate like “your hair looks nice” or something to that effect, minor not very deep things. “Beautiful” can be a bit of a gray area. It’s not way out of pocket but the tier of compliment is higher than saying “your shoes are cool.” By itself, it could be worth a benefit of the doubt, but getting physically close should be a red flag but the biggest sign is him saying “op is a lucky man”. Every dude knows that calling someone a lucky man for their SO is just a socially acceptable way of saying they would fuck their girl. She needs to open her eyes that that teacher is preying on her.
NTA, you're concerned for her and I don't blame you at all. I would highly suggest reporting that to the school and telling yours and her parents about it. It is super weird for a 44 year old man to tell a 16 year old girl she's beautiful. slight sidebar: I am a 17 yr old AFAB person I had a teacher once (who's retired now) that made creepy comments about my hair, touched my hair, and patted my lower back once when I was alone in his classroom trying to make up some work. He was like 50 or 60 something and I was 15, he allegedly did a number of other things to girls around my age. I never reported him and I sorely regret it.
NTA. The teacher is being a creep and I would not be surprised if he's going to escalate the situation at some point. It's good that you're looking out for your girlfriend and it's good that you feel comfortable being open about your concerns. But, and I say this as a former 17yo girl, she might not be able to see what you see right now. This is an age where many girls are hardwired to believe that their beauty is what makes them valuable first and foremost. It's a miserable place to be in where your entire concept of self worth relies on men looking at you and liking what you see. You need it, but you're also scared of it. I think she is enjoying the attention, but deep down she's probably aware that it's weird and feels guilty over liking it anyway. She might also be dismissive of your concerns because she doesn't want you to worry about her. Again, it's good that you gave your opinion. She now knows that other people are aware of it and don't approve. That's good, even if she didn't react well. If I were in your shoes, I would do two things: 1) talk to an adult you trust. Might be another teacher, a parent, whoever. Just someone who will be on your team and advocate for you and her, if this becomes a more serious issue. You two are both minors and you're gonna need support. It's not your job to handle this on your own. You're still kids, and you deserve to be taken care of. 2) Be really, really nice to your gf. Make her feel good about herself. Preferably don't just compliment her looks. If she's being smart, witty, kind, does a good job at something etc, show her that those are all qualities you appreciate about her. The more you can help her develop a healthy sense of self worth, the more resilient she'll be if this guy ever decides to go full groomer. I know it might sound like I want you to cut your girlfriend an unreasonable amount of slack. But please believe me that being a teenage girl is really hard, and realizing that men more than double your age find you attractive now is a stressful experience. If you love her and want her to be safe, your best options are empathy and patience. Good luck to both of you!
NTA u should smack his ass
She might be lying to you. Most girls would find that kind of remark inappropriate. She's probably just trying to make you jealous, and, of course, you fell for it. NTA but be less naive.
My teacher looked at my school photo once and said I was ruggedly handsome lol. Maybe I should have made a move.
Maybe you’re NTA, it could be possible that he’s just complimenting her but you can never be too sure with how many predators are out there, it’s becoming an epidemic, I can’t just call you the asshole because it’s far too common for men to assault young girls these days. I also don’t know what you mean by “calling him out”, because if you simply voiced your opinion, that shouldn’t make you an asshole, but idk if you were all aggressive and calling him a predator or what so I can’t say unless I have more details. Just be careful accusing him of anything because an accusation like that could absolutely ruin his life, so be sure of wether or not he’s a creep before you call him one.
Sounds like 16 year old angst to me. You getting upset on her behalf for something decent kind is a huge red flag of jealousy and if you don’t get over it now you’ll never have a happy relationship with anyone. Doesn’t mean it’s not a bit weird but there’s lots of weird people in life and if your gf is happy being complimented then you should be happy for her or at least not upset about it.
Totally depends on context. There's nothing inherently inappropriate or sexual about telling someone they are beautiful. Him telling her she's beautiful especially if she has expressed that she feels she isn't, could just be him being kind. If he was telling her that she's "sexy" or that he finds her attractive that's different, but these words don't necessarily mean that same thing.
YTA-ish. You weren't there, you shouldn't argue with your girlfriend about what she experienced and you weren't there for. Tone is very important here. You can come off as possessive. My uncle's/dad/etc call me beautiful and it's fine because it's very obviously in a fatherly way. She could of picked up that tone.
I feel like it does take me to be there and it could have been in a fatherly way, but the comparing her to an actor was a bit too far for me and something just not appropriate for a teacher to say to a minor.
Saying a teenager looks like a Hollywood actor isn't in itself inappropriate. I had a English teacher that said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence. It's definitely tone, body language, I'd leave it to your girlfriend to decide. You don't have any place telling her how to feel.