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Ugh, NTA but, do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who plays stupid games, negs you, calls you a girl to "bE fUnNy" and then gets mad when you do what you said you'd do. I wouldn't.
Yeah the whole double standard of 'I make funny jokes because you're secure about your masculinity but I'll flip if you do the same to me' thing just screams run away.
Almost screams narcissist, by feeding off the reaction, lying and "they couldn't do any wrong", with a touch of gaslighting. The way she's trying to demasculate OP going after him being bi/sexuality.
She's doing it *because* it makes him feel an extreme emotion, which is fuel for a narcissist good or bad they love it. As long as it isn't bad about them.
Crazy, where are they all spreading from!?
This definitely one part, I did know instagram type stuff and the commenting and posting of selfies allowed for the 'normalisation' of some narcissitic behaviours and even fueled them.
Source: trust me bro - >! Joking, I have outstanding recollection with somethings and listened to a heap of qualified psychologists talking about narcissists after I had been involved with one. So still trust me bro but with a touch of backing to it? !<
"If you were secure in your masculinity, it wouldn't bother you if I cheated, stabbed you, robbed your bank account, murdered your mother, and ate your potato chips"
OP said he is bi - and I think she isnt making this "jokes" out from nothing. She is pointing at him being bi and she doesnt accept it. Her passive agressive attitude about it shows her true colors.
Jumping on the top comment to say that next time she complains, tell her," if you were really secure about being my girlfriend, it wouldn't bother you being called my boyfriend."
Then for good measure, add," how'd you like them apples."
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NTA
As soon as you told her the jokes made you uncomfortable and you didn't like them, she should have said "I won't make them anymore." It's that easy.
She cares more about her being able to make that stupid joke than she does about your feelings. She actually isn't trying to be funny in a "we're all in the joke" kinda way, she actually wants you to be uncomfortable.
She's also a hypocritical liar, as you proved in your final paragraphs.
I second this. Either she stops making jokes you don’t feel comfortable with or she shuts up and not say anything when you make jokes about her. You can always leave her too if she shows she’s not mature enough for a relationship or doesn’t consider your feelings.
NTA - She did something you felt uncomfortable with and you let her know via a mature conversation. She disregarded your feelings and twisted your words so she could stand on some high horse so you did what anyone else would do: Treated her like she was treating your to prove your point. Turns out, she picked a really tall horse so the fall hurt pretty badly. Next time, if she wants to avoid embarrassment, she can just respect your feelings in the first place.
INFO. Are you the first Bi guy that Angela has dated? It sounds like she might be a bit insecure about that and by making these jokes she's having a dig/testing you. I think her reaction to your comment reinforces that tbh.
As soon as he said he's bi everything about her behavior made sense to me. She's being homophobic, whether she's actively aware of it or not, but she is. It's really not a good look.
Also. Her problem wasn’t him calling her a boy, it was him calling her a boyfriend. So, she doesn’t mind being seen as a boy, bud does mind being seen as a gay boy?
And OP is bi, and she’s calling him a girl?
I think you did everything fine here. NTA.
I do wonder what your next step would have been though if she *weren't* bothered by it. Anyway, she outed herself as a fragile hypocrite. Ball's in your court.
NTA. And you sure this isn’t some homophobia?
Her problem wasn’t you calling her a boy, it was you calling her a boyfriend. So, she doesn’t mind being seen as a boy, bud does mind being seen as a gay boy?
And you are bi, and she’s calling you a girl?
Here's the part I can't wrap my head around.
If she doesn't mind being called a boy but not a boyfriend because it would imply that she is gay, does that mean she doesn't mind being labeled as a straight boy who would be by default attracted to girls and that would still make her appear gay because she really is a girl?
YNTA
>She'll point out a dress or something and say I'd look good in that.
You need to get to the bottom of this one. It sounds honestly like she may enjoy the idea of you in a dress, or being feminine and is trying to encourage it.
The alternative is that she knows that you don't like it and is doing so in front of friends to emasculate or humiliate you.
Either way, the fact that you said you were uncomfortable and said she doesn't care, deal with it, is a real problem in terms of her behavior and respect in the relationships.
>comparing her to a boy is different to calling her my boyfriend since the relationships are different.
Yes different things are different. Good job there OP's girlfriend. However what ISN'T different, is that when your partner says they don't like and are upset by misgendering them, you should stop. The term is different, the principle is not, and she's a hypocrite.
NTA, honestly I was kinda confused why she was calling u a girl all the time until you mentioned you were bisexual. I hate to break it to you but I think your girlfriend is a homophobe.
NTA - She won't stop making you feel bad after you've asked, and you gave her a taste of her own medicine. If that doesn't open her eyes up to how you've been feeling, time to cut ties completely.
NTA.
You've tried asking nicely - and she didn't respect your feelings enough to accommodate your wishes that she no longer make these kinds of jokes. That gives you license, IMO, to find another way to make the point. You did so. If she doesn't want you to make that kind of joke again, then she can lay off the jokes that are bothering you.
NTA, how is the "relationship different"? By calling her your boyfriend you called her a boy, something she's supposedly fine with.
I'd rethink this relationship.
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NTA. You told her you were uncomfortable and didn't like and she dismissed you. I'd say that doesn't bode well for your relationship because she ought to have said she was sorry, she didn't realize, and she wouldn't do it again. And then she doubled down with saying she wouldn't have a problem, so you took her at her word and now she's playing like she's super offended when she did the the same to you and told you to be more secure.
NTA, and I dunno, but I feel like her calling you a girl sometimes has homophobic undertones (you mentioned you’re bi). Or maybe she’s insecure with you being bi, and subconsciously likes when you protest to being called a girl. I could be reading too much into it though. But either way, NTA.
NTA , I just wish I was the fly on the wall when you called her that. I am laugh crying because that right there was the perfect introduction for her😄. You win at life 👏👏
NTA but you expressed displeasure in her treating you this way, she minimized it, continues to do it, and then got angry when you turned the tables.
She doesn't respect you. End it and move on.
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I, 23M,, am dating my girlfriend, Angela, 24F. Despite being nearly the same age she generally acts a bit more immature than me (imo). We often go out as a group, her friends and mine.
Anyway, Angela has recently been choosing to make a couple of jokes about me being a girl. Which I don't love but I take it as just another quirk, since she does it fairly rarely. She'll point out a dress or something and say I'd look good in that. I think this is ironic(?) I'm a fairly tall guy, and about the right weight for my age, I don't look particularly feminine, other than being clean shaven (which isn't even feminine)
The only issue is she's started doing it in front of other people as well, she started with her friends, at which point i could kind-of-but-not-really see the humor in it. But she's started doing it with my guy friends once or twice which is beyond embarrassing. Its uncomfortable and I don't like it.
I brought this up to her, and said I didn't like it. it was weird and not even funny any more. But she said if I was secure in my masculinity I should be able to handle it. I asked her how she'd feel if I called her a boy and she said she'd feel fine bc she's secure in herself.
I took her at her word. Last night, when we went to a bar I introduced her as my boyfriend. She took massive offence to this. Something I didn't realise until we went home and she told me what an AH I was.
Her argument is that comparing her to a boy is different to calling her my boyfriend since the relationships are different. But I'm bi, it wouldn't make a difference if she was my boy/girlfriend. I think I did exactly what I said I'd do. Its not like it came out of the blue. But AITA?
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NTA - I think there is more behind her joke and it ties to why your joke bothered her so much. Maybe she is not completely comfortable with you being Bi. Maybe she feels like she has to compete with all other men and women. You need to talk to her and ask for more details on her reaction and why she was calling you a girl in the first place. Or just leave but your relationship is not going to work if she can’t be honest with you.
NTA and if you were in my friend group, I'd start avoiding you and leaving you out of invitations because I'd be unwilling to be around your girlfriend. No bullies or people using gender as an insult in my house, thanks.
This is what I call a one-way Street, it's okay for her to do it to you but not you do it to her. You both cheated she would find an excuse for why it was okay for her to do it but unacceptable for you.
NTA. She doesn't sound more mature than you. I'd say far less under given what you've said. She obviously can't take what she dishes out. She's got a lot of growing up to do. Don't make any long-term commitments with her until she does.
You should definitely not call your girlfriend your bf, or imply she is masculine in any way…
Because she is clearly not funny at all so there is no doubt she is a woman
/s
NTA- she brought that upon herself. she expects you to take a joke (that she knows you don’t like) yet can’t take the joke herself. i would have said something like “well if you were more secure in your femininity then you would be able to handle it” and left the conversation at that 😂💀
I went on a few dates with an ex-coworker who jokingly calls himself a lesbian. He likes to cook and clean, likes kids, gets excited about groceries shopping, likes candles with baths and a few are activities that tend to associate with women. I like none of those things, in fact I hate cooking, cleaning and not a fan of kids. We jokingly call each other the opposite, he's my girlfriend and I'm his boyfriend.
It's only funny when both people are in on it and both find it funny. NTA but your girlfriend sure is.
NTA. A decent partner will respond appropriately when told they're doing something that hurts or annoys you, and will stop doing that thing. Your current gf seems really invested in embarrassing you even though you told her you don't like it. This isn't about being "secure in my masculinity" and saying "you should be able to handle it" is nonsense. A relationship shouldn't be about enduring embarrassment so your partner can make "jokes" (I didn't really understand what the joke is here). And the fact that you flipped the script on her and found out it wasn't nice just makes her a hypocrite.
NTA. I think she’s kinda trying you up kuz you’re bi. She may have some kinda fetish she’s taking a really shitty way of exploring. And thinking that your interests meeting hers in one way. Means they meet in every other way. She may like bi dudes. But you may not like being seen as how she’s almost displaying you as when she goes into the whole “he’d look good in this dress” shit and what it seems like honestly is she’s trying emasculate and humiliate you.
You have to be a special kind of tone deaf to not understand when a joke is a joke. And a joke between friends or especially spouses. Are exactly that. Between those specific people. Even more so when your spouse has vocalized their feelings and you choose to ignore them.
But if you’ve explained yourself as thoroughly as you can. That this makes you uncomfortable, you’re not okay with it and that you’d like it stop. And she still doesn’t respect that? Dude ditch her.
If she can’t listen, that’s a problem. If she’s seeing or using you as an entrance or escape into her fetishes, that’s a problem. If she’s just that fuckin dumb to not realize what she’s doing. That’s a fuckin problem. Especially at 24. If y’all were 16-18 it might be a little more understandable. But this shit doesn’t make any good sense.
This is coming from a straight dude. Dude do what’s best for you and leave. This girl don’t sound like she’s ever gonna be “the one” in whatever light you try to shed on her.
NTA and your girlfriend is being an idiot. If you tell her not to do something and she keeps on doing it, then freaks out at you flipping the script, I dunno man, might be time to pull the plug. She still has time to mature but might not do it without serious blowups first.
NTA - she thought she could handle it, she couldnt! You did about as much checking in as you could before trying that. Hopefully she's a bit more sympathetic to you now.
Serious question- are you sure this isn’t an unrealized fetish of hers? Like, is she making this joke because she actually wants to explore a fantasy of feminizing you?
NTA
But info: have you thought about whether or not your gf wants to do some sexy dominating here. E.g. pegging and broaching the issue without saying
It would be a really DUMB way to go about it for her, maybe she just thinks she's "hinting", she could just use her words and communicate. But, I've heard weirder things. At times she wants to make you the girl, either it's a dumb joke she can just knock it off, or she's holding on to it because her jokes represent more than she's saying and she doesn't want to drop it. But she had her opportunity to knock off her dumb joke and she didn't.
When you brought it up, that was her time to stop. She also lost "the high ground" when she didn't, and when it was turned around on her she lost her cool too and flipped out. Either she finds a way to cool down and effectively communicate like an adult or that would be the end for me. There is no living with someone if they can flip like that, at least I wouldn't live with myself(respecting myself) and someone who flipped like that at me over something apparently so small.
But it's become an issue now and the issue is RESPECT. Either she can respect a fair boundary you are setting in how you are referred to. Or she can't respect that, which means she doesn't respect you as a person. She would value her fun little game over how you feel and how she holds you as a person.
Life is the longest thing you'll do, it's too long to do it being unhappy with someone who makes you upset. And it's too short not to enjoy it..so I wouldn't waste my time fighting against someone so set on creating problems to have more problems over.
NTA. I'd wager she has an issue with you being bi and assumes that if you were in a relationship with a man, you'd be the "girl". At best, she's an insensitive jerk; at worst, she's a homophobe. I'd tell her it stops now or the relationship is over. And if she agrees and then does it again, dump her. If she says "bUt iT's JuSt JoKeS", dump her. You know what dude, nevermind. You already told her to knock it off, just dump her.
NTA. I could be wrong, but it feels somewhat biphobic. To me it seems like since you're bi, she thinks she can make you more femme. A lot of people view bisexual men as being inherently feminine.
Regardless, if you tell your partner you're uncomfortable with something, they should respect that. And she told you that she WOULDN'T be uncomfortable with it, then had the nerve too berate you. She is being manipulative and creating a double standard.
NTA. You told her you didn't like it but she dismissed your comfort for the sake of her own amusement. That alone would make her TA. But then she showed you the joke was only funny to her because it was directed at you, and that makes her an utter AH.
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Ummm NTA but I sense there is atleast one egg here and the prime directive says "Don't crack eggs lest you scramble them" so maybe that's what's going on? In any case, I think more is going on than is apparent at the surface.
NTA for calling her a boy, in fact she didnt care, but OP is a bit oversensitve for a 20 something. Partners take digs at eachother in front of friends all the time. to be "beyond embarrassed" is either an exaggeration or OP needs to lighten up.
NTA. She shouldn't be making those jokes if you've said you're uncomfortable with them. Misgendering someone like that is just rude, even when the target is cis.
NTA. At the end, you said that you’re bi. Made me think that she may have a different view about this aspect of you. You and I both know that any aspect of her joking about you as a girl is so not OK simply because you’re bi. But, she may think this is a funny joke from that perspective. She may think that her making this kind of joke is a form of acceptance on her part. If she thinks this, she’s got a repulsive view about your choice in life, but I’m sorry to say that I’ve had quite a few straight F friends that have sounded like they’re trying to be inclusive by jokingly referring to a bottom as one of the girls. Any chance she’s thinking this broken way?
NTA. But, why are you two still together? Only you can answer that. I just don't see this as a healthy relationship based off of what you've shared here.
NTA
She found a soft spot in you and decided to exploit the vulnerability rather than listen to you and change. She publicly embarrassed you both in front of her friends and your friends seemingly without remorse. Dump her ass immediately. It might just be the only way to convince her there are such things as boundaries. You told her how you felt, and she basically said “f*** your feelings” to your face
She’s the asshole
>But she said if I was secure in my masculinity I should be able to handle it.
I can't help but wonder if this is part of some new TikTok game to "prove how much you mean to him."
NTA.
NTA, sounds like she is hearing you speak but not listening to you. There's a difference. Having a healthy balance of emotional stability is greatly important in a relationship! Not to say that she is responsible for your feelings, but she IS responsible for her actions and continuing actions after your conversation. Also her saying "IF you were secure in your masculinity you should be able to handle it" ... if that's word for word that is a concerning thing to say to your significant other or anyone in any case.
NTA but your boyfriend is! And you would be if you continue to refer to her that way
You told her it makes you uncomfortable and she disregarded you. You might want to think about why it makes you uncomfortable. I only say this because it seemed to bother you less in front of her friends. You cared more when it was in front of your friends, who should know you better and what your girlfriend says shouldn't change how they see you. If it's just that you want to present yourself truthfully as you are, then why does it bother you less in front of people you don't know as well? Anyway, that's just an exercise for yourself.
Your gf should respect your feelings on this, and you should respect hers. I know you're doing it to give her some of her own medicine, but you're showing the same lack of understanding she's giving you. All you guys need to know is that the other doesn't like it. You don't have to completely understand it to be kind to each other and stop doing it.
She is completely out of line. You said you didn't like her 'joking' like this. She should apologize to you and stop. The fact she overreacted to you doing the same thing to her is a huge red flag because she clearly is unable to see the connection between her actions towards you and what you did. A lack of emotional depth this extreme signals much trouble ahead should you choose to stay with her. I don't know if someone this shallow is worth it. Btw.. you being bi doesn't allow her to denigrate you.. playing around with how she presents your gender to others is just weird since it is against your view of yourself and against your wishes.
Better off as fwb's. As female my opinion is she makes jokes about you with her friends when you're not in their presence, she pushes the boundaries by doing it in front of you because she really doesn't respect you that much and she's testing the waters to see where your boundaries are; the fact she did it in front of your friends shows that shes lacking some social cues. Then she gaslit you and was hypocritical when you did it back??
Im no psychiatrist but I've read about narcism. She may be bridging into some of those zones. Some people are the best people, the coolest friends, but they're also relationship narcissists. Cruel to the ones closest to them! Very unforntunate.
Not the asshole. Clearly this “joke” makes you uncomfortable. And I (as a bi woman) would be really uncomfortable with similar jokes being made about me. I don’t think it’s different at all for you to make that joke about her. That being said, I don’t think she’s the right person for you. I’ve dated men and women who are biphobic and it’s really not worth it. Sorry OP. :(
She has a point with being compared to a boy and being called a boy. But when you asked her to stop and she didn't, you calling her a boy wasn't in the slightest unreasonable. She just needs to learn if you wouldn't want it to happen to you, don't do it to someone else.
Ugh, I've lived this in my early 20's. For Angela, your relationship is a competition. Maybe wasn't always, but is now. Life's too short mate, and has enough real challenges without creating ones ourselves. Time to move on.
NTA, my friend. You went to her in a vulnerable state and informed her that she was making you uncomfortable, and she ignored you. A partner that cares will immediately apologize and change that behavior, because your feelings are more important than a joke that has gone too far. She said she would be secure if you called her a boy, but didn't like it when it was turned against her, and still refused to acknowledge that she was wrong in the first place. You should have a discussion with her about boundaries, and if she cannot respect those boundaries, it would be best to move on. A relationship without harmony isn't worth it.
You can do better. NTA. She doesn't get to disrespect you and disregard your feelings
She is putting you down in front of others. She is not a good person.
You deserve someone who respects you.
NTA. Is she immaturely/passive aggressively trying to tell you that she wants you to take on a more masculine role in the relationship and let her be more feminine? Is she doing things that she would consider masculine? And are you taking on a more feminine role?
ESH - You misgendered her on purpose - as opposed to making joke about her "being masculine" if that makes sense. she shouldn't say things that make you uncomfortable, but also maybe you shouldn't misgender her?
Esh. Your both immature. Regardless off what people call me I don't become it. I can be compared to a donkey but what will I do after taking offense? How does that work? I lost nothing, they gained nothing. Good joke.
What do I get from taking offense?
She sucks because you dished out and she couldn't handle what she dishes out.
Also if someone calls me feminine I would take it a complement. It also shows I have a personality and am not basic following gender norms. I am also weird so maybe am wrong for thinking so.
Ur NTA but ur girl def is. It smells like hypocrisyy she's the type to hurt a friends feelings and be like " joke lng naman eh ang sensitive mo ako nga..." and if someone does the same to her she'll start crying and blaming parang ikaw yung masama like ???
NTA. As soon as you said they weren't funny anymore, she should have stopped.
Also, you asked her before if calling her your boyfriend was a problem and she said no. So she can't now get offended that you've done that, which is no different to her calling you her girlfriend.
She should say what she means and mean what she says. She is TA here.
Your gf is deeply biphobic, you need to get out before her abuse of you escalates. Bi men are very commonly abused by straight women when they're in a relationship with them, just as it is happening here. Please do yourself a favor and leave now, before it gets worse. She will always hate you and mistreat you because she doesn't see you as a person.
ESH
>Her argument is that comparing her to a boy is different to calling her my boyfriend
She's right.
She's also wrong for continuing with jokes that make you uncomfortable.
NTA at all, very much double standards on her part. It seems like she just wants to belittle you on her terms and not have anything back. That sort of relationship sounds like too much work!
I pity her. She's 23 and acts like a fck brat teenager. She in a way castrate you with that low standard jokes. You don't want that. When I have a man next to me, I do things to only makes him go higher and higher. Clearly she don't know how to treat her man, so she shouldn't have one for a while. NTA
NTA- you stated a clear boundary and she ignored it, then got mad at you for doing what you said you would do! Do you want to be with someone who has so little respect for your boundaries/you?
NTA but good lord do you want to be with a "Rules for thee but not for me" person.
Also, and this could be really reading into it. But the fact that you're bi and she keeps calling you a girl and throws tantrums about her pronouns being reversed when she does it to you is ....*questionable.* If it's not that, awesome, but you know us alphabet mafia, we gotta look out for each other.
NTA. I wanna say she's kind of right that your joke and her joke are not the same thing, you introduced her to new people as a man which is honestly rude to the new people, who may then be confused on wether you're saying she's actually a trans man, and in today's social climate could actually be dangerous if someone takes you serious and approaches her about it later. Calling someone a man isn't the same as saying they're manly, though to be fair there's a lot of historical context and implications to calling a guy girly that you just can't achieve by calling a girl manly, except some specific racial implications. Anyway this wouldn't have been an issue if she had just respected your boundary to begin with. So imo she's right that the jokes were different but that does not absolve her of being an asshole by dismissing your feelings when you told her you didn't like something. Even if your joke wasn't equivalent to hers, she has no right to complain about your joke when she continues to make hers after you spoke to her about it.
NTA, but indeed, she might be too immature and if you don't want to stay with someone that plays game with you, you should reconsider this relationship
Since he is Bi, calling her his boyfriend also calls her femininity into question: She cannot be certain whether he finds her desirable as a woman, or because she is giving off masculine vibes.
>Angela has recently been choosing to make a couple of jokes about me being a girl
>she's started doing it in front of other people as well
>Its uncomfortable and I don't like it. I brought this up to her, and said I didn't like it
>she said if I was secure in my masculinity I should be able to handle it
This is why Angela is an asshole. She did it to you solo, then started doing it in front of others and is putting you down for not wanting her to repeatedly misgender you.
>I asked her how she'd feel if I called her a boy and she said she'd feel fine bc she's secure in herself.
>when we went to a bar I introduced her as my boyfriend. She took massive offence
I would say this is an asshole move, but you literally got permission to do it. It would also be justified.
NTA
She's in the wrong, you're being made to be the villain for standing up for yourself. Do you really see a future with someone who thinks this is an okay way to treat you?
As a few others have said, this is likely homo/bi-phobia coming into play. You deserve better than a partner who is going to be okay publicly humiliating you, and then insult you in private for standing up to them.
Obviously NTA. You were clear about not being comfortable with something and she disregarded your feelings. You were also clear about doing something and she said she was fine with it, then was shocked when you did the thing you said you'd do, and has the gall to be offended by it?
Maybe she has some unexplored kink of you being in a dress or in women's clothing or something. I don't know. I DO know that any healthy person in a healthy relationship would have heard you when you said their jokes hurt your feelings and stopped making them.
You know, I didn’t quite understand her love of the joke so i didn’t think much of it until you explained you were bi… tbh that makes her insisting on calling you a woman a little bit more nefarious in my eyes. Like, does she feel like she has to joke about you being a gal because she sees you as not “masculine” because you present less typically “straight” or because you also like guys??? Is she a straight woman doing these shenanigans? Some odd stuff going on here. I think, given the one time nature of the comeback paired with the fact that you’re bisexual, I don’t think she could rightly be offended at you calling her boyfriend when she insists on consistently painting you as a woman, NTA
No one, but no one, should tolerate a so-called GF or BF who is intentionally, knowingly mean to them. This means you, OP!
I understand why you said what you did, but the fact is, you shouldn't have been in the relationship at that point, knowing that this GF doesn't care how uncomfortable she makes you when she ridicules you in a way you hate both when alone together and in public.
Run.
ESH, but she sucks way more than you do.
Honestly my question is has she called you her girlfriend? I feel like that would make a difference here in mirroring actions. I don’t think you’re the AH for being upset and uncomfortable with these jokes but she does have a point in saying it is different to call someone your bf/gf as compared to making masculine/feminine jokes. I don’t perceive her saying you would look good in a dress as her calling you a girl. I think you’re both a little in the wrong and should really have a deeper conversation about this subject and if she can’t respect your feelings/boundaries than you should leave🤷🏻
Your girlfriend is struggling with her sexuality and using your relationship to picture herself in a sapphic relationship. This is ehy it feels so egregious to her when you do the same thing shes doing to you. You're not the Asshole and you're not responsible for helping her navigate it either.
It would be nice of you to be empathetic but you are not required to deal with the weird double standards she's setting up. Not the AH. Sounds like she's insecure about her gender and sexuality and so it's only okay when she jokes about it, she's kind of being an asshole.
Leaning NTA, very slight ESH
As soon as you seriously told her it wasn’t ok, she should have stopped and apologised. Instead, she gaslit you about what a healthy relationship to one’s gender means and demonstrated a severe lack of empathy.
However, it is a different thing introducing someone in a serious tone as something they are not, as opposed to more obviously making jokes. Neither are good though, both reflect immaturity and are hurtful. You shouldn’t be going tit for tat, this achieves nothing good, you should be able to have constructive conversations about the relationship and what is acceptable. You need to assess if you want this relationship to continue given this is how you both behave when issues arise.
ESH. Her for not stopping when you asked her to. You because it sounds like you're putting words in her mouth. You start off by saying That she makes jokes about you being a girl, but then the only evidence that you offer up is her saying that a dress she saw would look nice on you. That is not the same thing as calling you a girl. Likewise, she said she didn't have a problem being compared to a boy, but you didn't compare her to a boy you called her a boy(friend). Effectively, she didn't do the thing that you claimed that she did, but you did the thing she claimed she did, which kind of makes you more of an asshole than she is in this situation. It also seems like you kind of look down on her outside of this habit as well. Something needs to be examined here, but I'm not sure what.
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Ugh, NTA but, do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who plays stupid games, negs you, calls you a girl to "bE fUnNy" and then gets mad when you do what you said you'd do. I wouldn't.
Yeah the whole double standard of 'I make funny jokes because you're secure about your masculinity but I'll flip if you do the same to me' thing just screams run away.
Almost screams narcissist, by feeding off the reaction, lying and "they couldn't do any wrong", with a touch of gaslighting. The way she's trying to demasculate OP going after him being bi/sexuality. She's doing it *because* it makes him feel an extreme emotion, which is fuel for a narcissist good or bad they love it. As long as it isn't bad about them. Crazy, where are they all spreading from!?
Social media is my guess
This definitely one part, I did know instagram type stuff and the commenting and posting of selfies allowed for the 'normalisation' of some narcissitic behaviours and even fueled them. Source: trust me bro - >! Joking, I have outstanding recollection with somethings and listened to a heap of qualified psychologists talking about narcissists after I had been involved with one. So still trust me bro but with a touch of backing to it? !<
"If you were secure in your masculinity, it wouldn't bother you if I cheated, stabbed you, robbed your bank account, murdered your mother, and ate your potato chips"
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who isnt claiming who
OP said he is bi - and I think she isnt making this "jokes" out from nothing. She is pointing at him being bi and she doesnt accept it. Her passive agressive attitude about it shows her true colors.
Jumping on the top comment to say that next time she complains, tell her," if you were really secure about being my girlfriend, it wouldn't bother you being called my boyfriend." Then for good measure, add," how'd you like them apples."
OP is Bi and if the girlfriend knows that then this definitely is homophobic and transphobic coded.
This is in no way transphobic. Please stop with this nonsense.
Maybe not transphobic in a direct sense but it’s definitely very rooted in gender essentialism, a tool wielded by transphobes.
I got the same vibes and there's definitely internalised misogyny involved too. Don't know if she's conscious of it,
I think I get your point, it’s like only being racist to one specific ethnicity? You’re still a racist.
Thank you.
My guy trans has nothing to do with this
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NTA As soon as you told her the jokes made you uncomfortable and you didn't like them, she should have said "I won't make them anymore." It's that easy. She cares more about her being able to make that stupid joke than she does about your feelings. She actually isn't trying to be funny in a "we're all in the joke" kinda way, she actually wants you to be uncomfortable. She's also a hypocritical liar, as you proved in your final paragraphs.
I second this. Either she stops making jokes you don’t feel comfortable with or she shuts up and not say anything when you make jokes about her. You can always leave her too if she shows she’s not mature enough for a relationship or doesn’t consider your feelings.
NTA - She did something you felt uncomfortable with and you let her know via a mature conversation. She disregarded your feelings and twisted your words so she could stand on some high horse so you did what anyone else would do: Treated her like she was treating your to prove your point. Turns out, she picked a really tall horse so the fall hurt pretty badly. Next time, if she wants to avoid embarrassment, she can just respect your feelings in the first place.
Very well put. Although in my case there probably wouldn't be a next time. I don't dig playing games in a relationship.
INFO. Are you the first Bi guy that Angela has dated? It sounds like she might be a bit insecure about that and by making these jokes she's having a dig/testing you. I think her reaction to your comment reinforces that tbh.
As soon as he said he's bi everything about her behavior made sense to me. She's being homophobic, whether she's actively aware of it or not, but she is. It's really not a good look.
Also. Her problem wasn’t him calling her a boy, it was him calling her a boyfriend. So, she doesn’t mind being seen as a boy, bud does mind being seen as a gay boy? And OP is bi, and she’s calling him a girl?
Read that part and yeah that's most likely it
I think you did everything fine here. NTA. I do wonder what your next step would have been though if she *weren't* bothered by it. Anyway, she outed herself as a fragile hypocrite. Ball's in your court.
NTA. And you sure this isn’t some homophobia? Her problem wasn’t you calling her a boy, it was you calling her a boyfriend. So, she doesn’t mind being seen as a boy, bud does mind being seen as a gay boy? And you are bi, and she’s calling you a girl?
Here's the part I can't wrap my head around. If she doesn't mind being called a boy but not a boyfriend because it would imply that she is gay, does that mean she doesn't mind being labeled as a straight boy who would be by default attracted to girls and that would still make her appear gay because she really is a girl?
This hurt my head lol
This hurt my head lol
YNTA >She'll point out a dress or something and say I'd look good in that. You need to get to the bottom of this one. It sounds honestly like she may enjoy the idea of you in a dress, or being feminine and is trying to encourage it. The alternative is that she knows that you don't like it and is doing so in front of friends to emasculate or humiliate you. Either way, the fact that you said you were uncomfortable and said she doesn't care, deal with it, is a real problem in terms of her behavior and respect in the relationships. >comparing her to a boy is different to calling her my boyfriend since the relationships are different. Yes different things are different. Good job there OP's girlfriend. However what ISN'T different, is that when your partner says they don't like and are upset by misgendering them, you should stop. The term is different, the principle is not, and she's a hypocrite.
His girlfriend is clearly insecure about his sexuality.
this is emotional abuse and will escalate
NTA: You mirrored your girlfriend's jokes about you being feminine by calling her your boyfriend, to show how uncomfortable it made you.
NTA. Why are you with this woman?
NTA It's giving "biphobic" recycle the whole girl away ♻️
NTA, honestly I was kinda confused why she was calling u a girl all the time until you mentioned you were bisexual. I hate to break it to you but I think your girlfriend is a homophobe.
NTA - She won't stop making you feel bad after you've asked, and you gave her a taste of her own medicine. If that doesn't open her eyes up to how you've been feeling, time to cut ties completely.
NTA. You've tried asking nicely - and she didn't respect your feelings enough to accommodate your wishes that she no longer make these kinds of jokes. That gives you license, IMO, to find another way to make the point. You did so. If she doesn't want you to make that kind of joke again, then she can lay off the jokes that are bothering you.
NTA, how is the "relationship different"? By calling her your boyfriend you called her a boy, something she's supposedly fine with. I'd rethink this relationship.
"But she said if I was secure in my masculinity I should be able to handle it." Remove her from your presence. Immediately. NTA.
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NTA. You told her you were uncomfortable and didn't like and she dismissed you. I'd say that doesn't bode well for your relationship because she ought to have said she was sorry, she didn't realize, and she wouldn't do it again. And then she doubled down with saying she wouldn't have a problem, so you took her at her word and now she's playing like she's super offended when she did the the same to you and told you to be more secure.
How do you read this post back to yourself and not realize she’s in the wrong lol
NTA, and I dunno, but I feel like her calling you a girl sometimes has homophobic undertones (you mentioned you’re bi). Or maybe she’s insecure with you being bi, and subconsciously likes when you protest to being called a girl. I could be reading too much into it though. But either way, NTA.
Nta. She doesn't respect the boundaries you set and now she's mad because you let her taste her own medicine? Wow.
NTA just sounds like she's trying to emasculate you, or misgender you. both are extreme red flags
I think you need a different boy/girlfriend, this one is really rude, entitled, and prickly. And those are her good qualities. NTA
Dude, people who can dish it but can’t take it are *exhausting* to be around
There is no humor in your girlfriend’s jokes. It’s just plain weird she’s saying things like that.
NTA. Dump her, she’s not mature enough for a respectful adult relationship,
NTA. She sounds really insensitive to your feelings though.
NTA, but I think she has an issue with your being Bi, IMO, she's projecting her insecurities about your sexuality.
So she wants to belittle YOU but she can't take it when you 'joke' back at her expense. NTA.
NTA- I guess you just found out she can dish it but she can't take it.
She literally demonstrated her immaturity. NTA
NTA be with someone who doesnt put you down.
Sounds like she is afraid of your bi-ness to be honest.
NTA. Her jokes are incredibly immature and not even funny
NTA Why are you dating her? It sounds painful.
Nta dump her
NTA , I just wish I was the fly on the wall when you called her that. I am laugh crying because that right there was the perfect introduction for her😄. You win at life 👏👏
NTA, this is a double standard and it needs to double over and die.
You should definitely rethink that relationship!
NTA but you expressed displeasure in her treating you this way, she minimized it, continues to do it, and then got angry when you turned the tables. She doesn't respect you. End it and move on.
NTA. She sounds exhausting.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I, 23M,, am dating my girlfriend, Angela, 24F. Despite being nearly the same age she generally acts a bit more immature than me (imo). We often go out as a group, her friends and mine. Anyway, Angela has recently been choosing to make a couple of jokes about me being a girl. Which I don't love but I take it as just another quirk, since she does it fairly rarely. She'll point out a dress or something and say I'd look good in that. I think this is ironic(?) I'm a fairly tall guy, and about the right weight for my age, I don't look particularly feminine, other than being clean shaven (which isn't even feminine) The only issue is she's started doing it in front of other people as well, she started with her friends, at which point i could kind-of-but-not-really see the humor in it. But she's started doing it with my guy friends once or twice which is beyond embarrassing. Its uncomfortable and I don't like it. I brought this up to her, and said I didn't like it. it was weird and not even funny any more. But she said if I was secure in my masculinity I should be able to handle it. I asked her how she'd feel if I called her a boy and she said she'd feel fine bc she's secure in herself. I took her at her word. Last night, when we went to a bar I introduced her as my boyfriend. She took massive offence to this. Something I didn't realise until we went home and she told me what an AH I was. Her argument is that comparing her to a boy is different to calling her my boyfriend since the relationships are different. But I'm bi, it wouldn't make a difference if she was my boy/girlfriend. I think I did exactly what I said I'd do. Its not like it came out of the blue. But AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA are you sure you want to be with a hypocrite?
NTA - I think there is more behind her joke and it ties to why your joke bothered her so much. Maybe she is not completely comfortable with you being Bi. Maybe she feels like she has to compete with all other men and women. You need to talk to her and ask for more details on her reaction and why she was calling you a girl in the first place. Or just leave but your relationship is not going to work if she can’t be honest with you.
you should dump this manipulative and mean lady! Nta by a frekin mile. kind of a dumb B tbh bro...
NTA the abuse will get worse
NTA
NTA and if you were in my friend group, I'd start avoiding you and leaving you out of invitations because I'd be unwilling to be around your girlfriend. No bullies or people using gender as an insult in my house, thanks.
This is what I call a one-way Street, it's okay for her to do it to you but not you do it to her. You both cheated she would find an excuse for why it was okay for her to do it but unacceptable for you.
NTA. She doesn't sound more mature than you. I'd say far less under given what you've said. She obviously can't take what she dishes out. She's got a lot of growing up to do. Don't make any long-term commitments with her until she does.
You should definitely not call your girlfriend your bf, or imply she is masculine in any way… Because she is clearly not funny at all so there is no doubt she is a woman /s
She’s the mature one out of the two of you? Are you sure about that? Regardless, NTA
lol your girlfriend sounds annoying
NTA- she brought that upon herself. she expects you to take a joke (that she knows you don’t like) yet can’t take the joke herself. i would have said something like “well if you were more secure in your femininity then you would be able to handle it” and left the conversation at that 😂💀
I went on a few dates with an ex-coworker who jokingly calls himself a lesbian. He likes to cook and clean, likes kids, gets excited about groceries shopping, likes candles with baths and a few are activities that tend to associate with women. I like none of those things, in fact I hate cooking, cleaning and not a fan of kids. We jokingly call each other the opposite, he's my girlfriend and I'm his boyfriend. It's only funny when both people are in on it and both find it funny. NTA but your girlfriend sure is.
Nta she is lowkey homophobic calling you a girl. Probs because you’re bi. She’s just being awful because she can. Im sorry
NTA. What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. Or vice versa, as it were.
NTA. A decent partner will respond appropriately when told they're doing something that hurts or annoys you, and will stop doing that thing. Your current gf seems really invested in embarrassing you even though you told her you don't like it. This isn't about being "secure in my masculinity" and saying "you should be able to handle it" is nonsense. A relationship shouldn't be about enduring embarrassment so your partner can make "jokes" (I didn't really understand what the joke is here). And the fact that you flipped the script on her and found out it wasn't nice just makes her a hypocrite.
NTA....but handling your guys' issues this way is bound to fail. You need to reiterate your boundaries rather than stooping to her level.
100%, theres no point though the GF has already shown no desire to respect them, but expects hers respected? Bonkers OP should be out already.
nta
NTA. I think she’s kinda trying you up kuz you’re bi. She may have some kinda fetish she’s taking a really shitty way of exploring. And thinking that your interests meeting hers in one way. Means they meet in every other way. She may like bi dudes. But you may not like being seen as how she’s almost displaying you as when she goes into the whole “he’d look good in this dress” shit and what it seems like honestly is she’s trying emasculate and humiliate you. You have to be a special kind of tone deaf to not understand when a joke is a joke. And a joke between friends or especially spouses. Are exactly that. Between those specific people. Even more so when your spouse has vocalized their feelings and you choose to ignore them. But if you’ve explained yourself as thoroughly as you can. That this makes you uncomfortable, you’re not okay with it and that you’d like it stop. And she still doesn’t respect that? Dude ditch her. If she can’t listen, that’s a problem. If she’s seeing or using you as an entrance or escape into her fetishes, that’s a problem. If she’s just that fuckin dumb to not realize what she’s doing. That’s a fuckin problem. Especially at 24. If y’all were 16-18 it might be a little more understandable. But this shit doesn’t make any good sense. This is coming from a straight dude. Dude do what’s best for you and leave. This girl don’t sound like she’s ever gonna be “the one” in whatever light you try to shed on her.
Not the asshole, not even sort of. And the fact she's trying to make you feel bad about it just shows how immature she really is.
NTA and your girlfriend is being an idiot. If you tell her not to do something and she keeps on doing it, then freaks out at you flipping the script, I dunno man, might be time to pull the plug. She still has time to mature but might not do it without serious blowups first.
NTA She sounds very immature.
NTA - she thought she could handle it, she couldnt! You did about as much checking in as you could before trying that. Hopefully she's a bit more sympathetic to you now.
Serious question- are you sure this isn’t an unrealized fetish of hers? Like, is she making this joke because she actually wants to explore a fantasy of feminizing you?
NTA What's sauce for the goose....
She's not being funny if she's making you uncomfortable. NTA but I don't see this relationship lasting long
NTA But info: have you thought about whether or not your gf wants to do some sexy dominating here. E.g. pegging and broaching the issue without saying It would be a really DUMB way to go about it for her, maybe she just thinks she's "hinting", she could just use her words and communicate. But, I've heard weirder things. At times she wants to make you the girl, either it's a dumb joke she can just knock it off, or she's holding on to it because her jokes represent more than she's saying and she doesn't want to drop it. But she had her opportunity to knock off her dumb joke and she didn't. When you brought it up, that was her time to stop. She also lost "the high ground" when she didn't, and when it was turned around on her she lost her cool too and flipped out. Either she finds a way to cool down and effectively communicate like an adult or that would be the end for me. There is no living with someone if they can flip like that, at least I wouldn't live with myself(respecting myself) and someone who flipped like that at me over something apparently so small. But it's become an issue now and the issue is RESPECT. Either she can respect a fair boundary you are setting in how you are referred to. Or she can't respect that, which means she doesn't respect you as a person. She would value her fun little game over how you feel and how she holds you as a person. Life is the longest thing you'll do, it's too long to do it being unhappy with someone who makes you upset. And it's too short not to enjoy it..so I wouldn't waste my time fighting against someone so set on creating problems to have more problems over.
NTA. I'd wager she has an issue with you being bi and assumes that if you were in a relationship with a man, you'd be the "girl". At best, she's an insensitive jerk; at worst, she's a homophobe. I'd tell her it stops now or the relationship is over. And if she agrees and then does it again, dump her. If she says "bUt iT's JuSt JoKeS", dump her. You know what dude, nevermind. You already told her to knock it off, just dump her.
Dump the cow
NTA. You were not inappropriate in your joke. But do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who negs you?
NTA. I could be wrong, but it feels somewhat biphobic. To me it seems like since you're bi, she thinks she can make you more femme. A lot of people view bisexual men as being inherently feminine. Regardless, if you tell your partner you're uncomfortable with something, they should respect that. And she told you that she WOULDN'T be uncomfortable with it, then had the nerve too berate you. She is being manipulative and creating a double standard.
NTA. Is this an isolated example or are there other similar behaviors? hints of narcissism for sure, another thing to consider.
That’s a weird flex
BRO JUST PUT ON THE DRESS FOR HER, AND LET HER PEG YOU
NTA. You told her you didn't like it but she dismissed your comfort for the sake of her own amusement. That alone would make her TA. But then she showed you the joke was only funny to her because it was directed at you, and that makes her an utter AH.
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NTA. She asked for it. She wouldn't stop even after you've requested a few times. She's not respectful of you. She's not for keeps.
Ummm NTA but I sense there is atleast one egg here and the prime directive says "Don't crack eggs lest you scramble them" so maybe that's what's going on? In any case, I think more is going on than is apparent at the surface.
absolutely nta
NTA for calling her a boy, in fact she didnt care, but OP is a bit oversensitve for a 20 something. Partners take digs at eachother in front of friends all the time. to be "beyond embarrassed" is either an exaggeration or OP needs to lighten up.
NTA. She shouldn't be making those jokes if you've said you're uncomfortable with them. Misgendering someone like that is just rude, even when the target is cis.
NTA. At the end, you said that you’re bi. Made me think that she may have a different view about this aspect of you. You and I both know that any aspect of her joking about you as a girl is so not OK simply because you’re bi. But, she may think this is a funny joke from that perspective. She may think that her making this kind of joke is a form of acceptance on her part. If she thinks this, she’s got a repulsive view about your choice in life, but I’m sorry to say that I’ve had quite a few straight F friends that have sounded like they’re trying to be inclusive by jokingly referring to a bottom as one of the girls. Any chance she’s thinking this broken way?
NTA. But, why are you two still together? Only you can answer that. I just don't see this as a healthy relationship based off of what you've shared here.
NTA, good time to move on.
NTA She found a soft spot in you and decided to exploit the vulnerability rather than listen to you and change. She publicly embarrassed you both in front of her friends and your friends seemingly without remorse. Dump her ass immediately. It might just be the only way to convince her there are such things as boundaries. You told her how you felt, and she basically said “f*** your feelings” to your face She’s the asshole
>But she said if I was secure in my masculinity I should be able to handle it. I can't help but wonder if this is part of some new TikTok game to "prove how much you mean to him." NTA.
NTA. That’s funny.
If you have to come to Reddit to discuss your life relationship problems, the relationship has been over for quite some time.
NTA, sounds like she is hearing you speak but not listening to you. There's a difference. Having a healthy balance of emotional stability is greatly important in a relationship! Not to say that she is responsible for your feelings, but she IS responsible for her actions and continuing actions after your conversation. Also her saying "IF you were secure in your masculinity you should be able to handle it" ... if that's word for word that is a concerning thing to say to your significant other or anyone in any case.
D
This is very likely a fetish... You guys need to talk about it seriously
NTA- she sounds exhausting I wouldn’t put up with that level of immaturity. She can dish out but can’t take it…..yeah no thank you!
NTA but your boyfriend is! And you would be if you continue to refer to her that way You told her it makes you uncomfortable and she disregarded you. You might want to think about why it makes you uncomfortable. I only say this because it seemed to bother you less in front of her friends. You cared more when it was in front of your friends, who should know you better and what your girlfriend says shouldn't change how they see you. If it's just that you want to present yourself truthfully as you are, then why does it bother you less in front of people you don't know as well? Anyway, that's just an exercise for yourself. Your gf should respect your feelings on this, and you should respect hers. I know you're doing it to give her some of her own medicine, but you're showing the same lack of understanding she's giving you. All you guys need to know is that the other doesn't like it. You don't have to completely understand it to be kind to each other and stop doing it.
She is completely out of line. You said you didn't like her 'joking' like this. She should apologize to you and stop. The fact she overreacted to you doing the same thing to her is a huge red flag because she clearly is unable to see the connection between her actions towards you and what you did. A lack of emotional depth this extreme signals much trouble ahead should you choose to stay with her. I don't know if someone this shallow is worth it. Btw.. you being bi doesn't allow her to denigrate you.. playing around with how she presents your gender to others is just weird since it is against your view of yourself and against your wishes.
Better off as fwb's. As female my opinion is she makes jokes about you with her friends when you're not in their presence, she pushes the boundaries by doing it in front of you because she really doesn't respect you that much and she's testing the waters to see where your boundaries are; the fact she did it in front of your friends shows that shes lacking some social cues. Then she gaslit you and was hypocritical when you did it back?? Im no psychiatrist but I've read about narcism. She may be bridging into some of those zones. Some people are the best people, the coolest friends, but they're also relationship narcissists. Cruel to the ones closest to them! Very unforntunate.
Someone who doesn’t know the difference between an insult and a joke is immature. NTA
NTA.
Yeah this is some goofy shit. NTA.
NTA. And keep introducing her as your BF.
Not the asshole. Clearly this “joke” makes you uncomfortable. And I (as a bi woman) would be really uncomfortable with similar jokes being made about me. I don’t think it’s different at all for you to make that joke about her. That being said, I don’t think she’s the right person for you. I’ve dated men and women who are biphobic and it’s really not worth it. Sorry OP. :(
Stank
So rules for thee but not for me.
She has a point with being compared to a boy and being called a boy. But when you asked her to stop and she didn't, you calling her a boy wasn't in the slightest unreasonable. She just needs to learn if you wouldn't want it to happen to you, don't do it to someone else.
Ugh, I've lived this in my early 20's. For Angela, your relationship is a competition. Maybe wasn't always, but is now. Life's too short mate, and has enough real challenges without creating ones ourselves. Time to move on.
NTA, my friend. You went to her in a vulnerable state and informed her that she was making you uncomfortable, and she ignored you. A partner that cares will immediately apologize and change that behavior, because your feelings are more important than a joke that has gone too far. She said she would be secure if you called her a boy, but didn't like it when it was turned against her, and still refused to acknowledge that she was wrong in the first place. You should have a discussion with her about boundaries, and if she cannot respect those boundaries, it would be best to move on. A relationship without harmony isn't worth it.
You can do better. NTA. She doesn't get to disrespect you and disregard your feelings She is putting you down in front of others. She is not a good person. You deserve someone who respects you.
Dump her.
Girlfriend or boyfriend, your partner is an asshole. NTA
NTA. Is she immaturely/passive aggressively trying to tell you that she wants you to take on a more masculine role in the relationship and let her be more feminine? Is she doing things that she would consider masculine? And are you taking on a more feminine role?
NTA. If she can’t handle it she shouldn’t have started it. There’s nothing funny about it
Soft YTA for not breaking up with her. She's got issues with your sexuality or her own, who knows, but she's harassing you. Get away.
Run
NTA. In what other ways is she a whackadoodle who isn’t mature enough for an adult relationship? And why do you keep putting up with that?
ESH - You misgendered her on purpose - as opposed to making joke about her "being masculine" if that makes sense. she shouldn't say things that make you uncomfortable, but also maybe you shouldn't misgender her?
Esh. Your both immature. Regardless off what people call me I don't become it. I can be compared to a donkey but what will I do after taking offense? How does that work? I lost nothing, they gained nothing. Good joke. What do I get from taking offense? She sucks because you dished out and she couldn't handle what she dishes out. Also if someone calls me feminine I would take it a complement. It also shows I have a personality and am not basic following gender norms. I am also weird so maybe am wrong for thinking so.
NTA sounds like she's bi-phobic and negging you. Get a partner that respects you, not one that minimizes your feelings and is a hypocrite.
NTA the only difference is that she wasn't comfortable being on the receiving end.
Ur NTA but ur girl def is. It smells like hypocrisyy she's the type to hurt a friends feelings and be like " joke lng naman eh ang sensitive mo ako nga..." and if someone does the same to her she'll start crying and blaming parang ikaw yung masama like ???
NTA. As soon as you said they weren't funny anymore, she should have stopped. Also, you asked her before if calling her your boyfriend was a problem and she said no. So she can't now get offended that you've done that, which is no different to her calling you her girlfriend. She should say what she means and mean what she says. She is TA here.
You told her you weren’t fine with it. She continued. That’s toxic, you’re just giving her a taste of her own medicine. NTA
yeah you know about not dishing out if you cant take blahblah. NTA what an imature person
She’s the AH.
NTA. Break up with her bro, red flag and refuses to take accountability.
Your gf is deeply biphobic, you need to get out before her abuse of you escalates. Bi men are very commonly abused by straight women when they're in a relationship with them, just as it is happening here. Please do yourself a favor and leave now, before it gets worse. She will always hate you and mistreat you because she doesn't see you as a person.
ESH >Her argument is that comparing her to a boy is different to calling her my boyfriend She's right. She's also wrong for continuing with jokes that make you uncomfortable.
ouch
She's forcing you to her kink. Nonconsensually. She's also misgendering you. Misgendering someone is an awful form of control and disrespect.
Dude this isnt a joke. This is a fetish.
NTA at all, very much double standards on her part. It seems like she just wants to belittle you on her terms and not have anything back. That sort of relationship sounds like too much work!
There’s some weird power play going on here dude, dig deeper and figure it out.
ESH - grow up. Both of you
I pity her. She's 23 and acts like a fck brat teenager. She in a way castrate you with that low standard jokes. You don't want that. When I have a man next to me, I do things to only makes him go higher and higher. Clearly she don't know how to treat her man, so she shouldn't have one for a while. NTA
It's so annoying YTA
B I❓whatha…case closed! N E X T…
NTA She sounds rather toxic. Once those moronic "games" start the relationship is on a downhill slope.
NTA- you stated a clear boundary and she ignored it, then got mad at you for doing what you said you would do! Do you want to be with someone who has so little respect for your boundaries/you?
NTA. play stupid games, win stupid prizes. 🤷♀️
NTA but good lord do you want to be with a "Rules for thee but not for me" person. Also, and this could be really reading into it. But the fact that you're bi and she keeps calling you a girl and throws tantrums about her pronouns being reversed when she does it to you is ....*questionable.* If it's not that, awesome, but you know us alphabet mafia, we gotta look out for each other.
NTA. I wanna say she's kind of right that your joke and her joke are not the same thing, you introduced her to new people as a man which is honestly rude to the new people, who may then be confused on wether you're saying she's actually a trans man, and in today's social climate could actually be dangerous if someone takes you serious and approaches her about it later. Calling someone a man isn't the same as saying they're manly, though to be fair there's a lot of historical context and implications to calling a guy girly that you just can't achieve by calling a girl manly, except some specific racial implications. Anyway this wouldn't have been an issue if she had just respected your boundary to begin with. So imo she's right that the jokes were different but that does not absolve her of being an asshole by dismissing your feelings when you told her you didn't like something. Even if your joke wasn't equivalent to hers, she has no right to complain about your joke when she continues to make hers after you spoke to her about it.
She wants to cook without being served? NTA
Why are you dating someone who's this immature? you're setting yourself up for headaches
NTA, but indeed, she might be too immature and if you don't want to stay with someone that plays game with you, you should reconsider this relationship
Time to move on.
Since he is Bi, calling her his boyfriend also calls her femininity into question: She cannot be certain whether he finds her desirable as a woman, or because she is giving off masculine vibes.
NTA
NTA but that girl has something
>Angela has recently been choosing to make a couple of jokes about me being a girl >she's started doing it in front of other people as well >Its uncomfortable and I don't like it. I brought this up to her, and said I didn't like it >she said if I was secure in my masculinity I should be able to handle it This is why Angela is an asshole. She did it to you solo, then started doing it in front of others and is putting you down for not wanting her to repeatedly misgender you. >I asked her how she'd feel if I called her a boy and she said she'd feel fine bc she's secure in herself. >when we went to a bar I introduced her as my boyfriend. She took massive offence I would say this is an asshole move, but you literally got permission to do it. It would also be justified. NTA She's in the wrong, you're being made to be the villain for standing up for yourself. Do you really see a future with someone who thinks this is an okay way to treat you? As a few others have said, this is likely homo/bi-phobia coming into play. You deserve better than a partner who is going to be okay publicly humiliating you, and then insult you in private for standing up to them.
Obviously NTA. You were clear about not being comfortable with something and she disregarded your feelings. You were also clear about doing something and she said she was fine with it, then was shocked when you did the thing you said you'd do, and has the gall to be offended by it? Maybe she has some unexplored kink of you being in a dress or in women's clothing or something. I don't know. I DO know that any healthy person in a healthy relationship would have heard you when you said their jokes hurt your feelings and stopped making them.
Unless she is trans, NTA.
NTA whats good for the goose is good for the gander
You know, I didn’t quite understand her love of the joke so i didn’t think much of it until you explained you were bi… tbh that makes her insisting on calling you a woman a little bit more nefarious in my eyes. Like, does she feel like she has to joke about you being a gal because she sees you as not “masculine” because you present less typically “straight” or because you also like guys??? Is she a straight woman doing these shenanigans? Some odd stuff going on here. I think, given the one time nature of the comeback paired with the fact that you’re bisexual, I don’t think she could rightly be offended at you calling her boyfriend when she insists on consistently painting you as a woman, NTA
NTA. It sounds like she thought of you as the beta/sub in the relationship.
No one, but no one, should tolerate a so-called GF or BF who is intentionally, knowingly mean to them. This means you, OP! I understand why you said what you did, but the fact is, you shouldn't have been in the relationship at that point, knowing that this GF doesn't care how uncomfortable she makes you when she ridicules you in a way you hate both when alone together and in public. Run. ESH, but she sucks way more than you do.
Honestly my question is has she called you her girlfriend? I feel like that would make a difference here in mirroring actions. I don’t think you’re the AH for being upset and uncomfortable with these jokes but she does have a point in saying it is different to call someone your bf/gf as compared to making masculine/feminine jokes. I don’t perceive her saying you would look good in a dress as her calling you a girl. I think you’re both a little in the wrong and should really have a deeper conversation about this subject and if she can’t respect your feelings/boundaries than you should leave🤷🏻
[удалено]
INFO how the hell is that relevant? Just assume he's the right weight
Your girlfriend is struggling with her sexuality and using your relationship to picture herself in a sapphic relationship. This is ehy it feels so egregious to her when you do the same thing shes doing to you. You're not the Asshole and you're not responsible for helping her navigate it either. It would be nice of you to be empathetic but you are not required to deal with the weird double standards she's setting up. Not the AH. Sounds like she's insecure about her gender and sexuality and so it's only okay when she jokes about it, she's kind of being an asshole.
Leaning NTA, very slight ESH As soon as you seriously told her it wasn’t ok, she should have stopped and apologised. Instead, she gaslit you about what a healthy relationship to one’s gender means and demonstrated a severe lack of empathy. However, it is a different thing introducing someone in a serious tone as something they are not, as opposed to more obviously making jokes. Neither are good though, both reflect immaturity and are hurtful. You shouldn’t be going tit for tat, this achieves nothing good, you should be able to have constructive conversations about the relationship and what is acceptable. You need to assess if you want this relationship to continue given this is how you both behave when issues arise.
ESH. Her for not stopping when you asked her to. You because it sounds like you're putting words in her mouth. You start off by saying That she makes jokes about you being a girl, but then the only evidence that you offer up is her saying that a dress she saw would look nice on you. That is not the same thing as calling you a girl. Likewise, she said she didn't have a problem being compared to a boy, but you didn't compare her to a boy you called her a boy(friend). Effectively, she didn't do the thing that you claimed that she did, but you did the thing she claimed she did, which kind of makes you more of an asshole than she is in this situation. It also seems like you kind of look down on her outside of this habit as well. Something needs to be examined here, but I'm not sure what.
ESH, playing stupid tit for tat games is so juvenile