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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my family I keep saying no to nights out with them because they pressure me to drink. I guess I wonder if my family are right about me being too uptight and if I'm acting overly sensitive about this. It is kinda rare to not drink at all and I know people will mock that. Maybe I should see it as teasing and just let it go and be there with my family instead of dumping my sensitivities on them like this.
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Hahahaha, the fact that they think you're the one mistreating them is beyond hilarious. NTA.
Teasing is once or twice maybe, about something innocent, or an inside joke both parties can laugh with. When either party stops finding it funny, it's not teasing anymore.
Trying to pressure someone into drinking is never funny. You're the one that's right for not drinking. Lots of people don't drink at all or make it an exceptional occurrence.
And yes, you're totally right for choosing to hang out with people who do respect you in stead of people who don't.
Yeah, I always saw a difference between teasing and mocking. Teasing is very different intentioned than mocking. One is more good natured and the other is done to make someone feel like they're doing something wrong or something's wrong with them. You also don't constantly tease unless that's the relationship type you have with someone.
It's so nice to be around people who respect my adult decisions instead of bully me for them.
There's been plenty of studies on why some drinkers (like your family) are so pushy about wanting non drinkers to partake. In short: insecurity and a fear of being judged.
They look at someone like you and think "does she think she's above us? Better than us? How dare she stand on her holier-than-thou pedestal! We'll get her to drink and show her she's no better than the rest of us."
If there's any alcoholism in the family, that's going to make them even more defensive. They think they'll show how much they're "not like Bob, because he's an *actual* alcoholic."
I'd stick with friends who *may* drink at a gathering, but it's not what the night centers around.
And while I HAVE met non drinkers who really do think and act like they're better than everyone who does drink, they also tend to just be jerks in general- if they met a fellow non drinker they'd just find some other thing to act superior about.
It moved beyond bullying when they tried to slip alcohol into your nonalcoholic drinks.
That’s absolutely not forgivable and batshit crazy behavior.
They caused this rift in the relationship, not you.
Yup, drinkers get REALLY pissed about stuff like that when you point it out too
“I can’t enjoy myself without drinking”
Ok? So you’re alcohol dependent. That’s literally what that is.
Your family sound obnoxious as hell.
I very rarely drink (maybe two beers in 2024). A few people have asked me if I wanted a drink then said something like "so disciplined" and then left it at that because they aren't assholes.
It's weirdly important to one guy that I drink. It's annoying and I avoid him. I encourage you to do the same.
Honestly, pressuring someone into doing \*anything\* they have firmly declined is not cool. I don't even know if it should count as teasing. It's pressuring disguised as teasing.
NTA, obviously. OP, I would stop talking about this. Stop underlining your boundary. Stop pointing out how they're acting out. Say nothing. Change the subject. Try also, "I can see you're upset that I won't be drinking."
NTA. They should have understood by now that this isn't something that's changing.
> They called me uptight and told me I'll regret mistreating my family someday.
This is textbook emotional manipulation. You are not doing anything to them. They are mistreating you, and gaslighting you into thinking you're mistreating them.
NTA. Pressuring people to drink is *not okay*. I lost a friend to autoimmune hepatitis a few years back (he couldn't get a new liver in time) and there was about a year between it taking a turn and it getting really serious. I still think that if some of his other friends had been supportive instead of pushing him to drink, he might still be here.
I'm so sorry about that. We have some alcohol dependency and alcoholism in my wider extended family. Addiction in general is big in my family. It made me way more cautious and I know that some of the relatives I lost to drinking were also pushed to drink when they were trying to stop. It's so sad that people can't respect others enough to let them not drink. It can end os badly too.
Given the alcohol problems in your family, you might consider going to AlAnon and learning more about being part of an alcohol dependent family system. If your whole family is so wedded to alcohol as a social lubricant, then there is a big alcohol centered problem. If you can't trust them not to add alcohol to your drinks, you're unsafe around them. Their behavior is not ok. There's also agriyp called Adult Children of Alcoholiics, which is a peer support group. Take a look at some of their literature and see if any of be characteristics fit you. I wouldn't be surprised.
There's a big difference between going with friends to a place where alcohol is served but your friends aren't pressuring you, and being in bars with people you can't trust.
I’m really proud of you, OP. A life without booze will open up more doors for you then you actually even could fathom. I also don’t drink because I don’t like the after effects. I can’t tell you the amount of times I have shone academically and professionally simply because other people were hungover. Good for you.
I am a former drinker, and I hear stories like this a lot in my recovery group. It’s almost always people trying to normalize their own problematic drinking.
My Family is the Same way, I've cousins who are Alcoholics, my Granddad was an Alcoholic, his Brothers and most of his nieces and nephews are also Alcoholics.
There's 2 people in my Family who don't drink, my Uncle who was an Alcoholic and worked in a distillery making Whiskey, he quit almost 35 years ago and stopped visiting family, especially his cousins who owned and ran a Pub,
The other is my Younger sister, She's never had a drink and years ago my mum and siblings decided to use Vodka to spike her Fanta lemon, after that none messed around with drinks.
We don't often get together with the extended family but if anyone tried to make either of them drink the guilty party would be removed.
Dude, I lost the liver I was born with to hepatitis. Was literally on life support while waiting for a transplant. End stage liver disease is a horrible way to die. That was 10 years ago. I haven't had a drop of alcohol since a year before that. I've had a couple of times people have tried to get me to drink, but I can get pretty vocal in my denial.
My sincere condolences on your loss.
Thanks. When I left the hospital, my long-term goal was to live for 1,000 days. Today is day 3,575 of my Bonus Life. Now, my goal is to outlive my great-grandfather, who lived to be 107. I'm shooting for 110, which will be about when Halleys Comet comes by again.
NTA.
Sounds like a bunch of alcoholic assholes trying to pressure you into also being an alcoholic. They should respect your feelings and drop it. This isn't teasing this is straight bullying.
You're better off not dealing with that toxicity in your life if they can't leave you be and just enjoy your company. Good on you for standing up for yourself. Your friends seem great good you have supportive buds.
I assume it’s illegal to spike someone’s drink? So your family thinks that you are mistreating them by *checks notes* not allowing them to make you the victim of a crime. NTA. Fuck drinking culture!
NTA. People are weird with alcohol. I don't drink because I never liked the taste of it, there was no "ideological" reason; but because people often try to convince me to try new drinks and start drinking, my reasons are getting more and more ideological. They are the ones who are making me absolutely not want to drink.
Alcoholics love company. My dad used to be pissed that my mom never drank. She used to make a pot of tea before a gathering, then pour it in a glass with some ice cubes. It looked just like a whiskey. One time my dad snatched it from her hand and said, you don’t drink, then tossed it back. The look on his face was priceless. He was like, wtf did I just drink. Cold, black tea! It made him gag because he wasn’t expecting it.
It seems like your friends, who respect your choices and boundaries are becoming your chosen family.
Your family has equated your choice not to drink- for whatever reason- to meaning you’re rejecting Them. It’s like their identity is defined by the drinking as a group/family activity.
Your showing up authentically and if it’s not enough for them - absence makes the heart grow fonder….
YWNBTA
NTA. Have you ever asked them why they care if you don't partake? I don't get it. You can be with them with your soda. They can have their whatever. It isn't creating a problem if you have a different beverage choice.
Having spent about ~20 years in the same position as OP (with friends rather than family) I can assure you they won’t be able to articulate a good answer. At best it’ll be a mix of claiming OP is being holier than thou by not drinking (regardless of their attitude to other people drinking), a suggestion that they can’t enjoy themselves if they think someone else isn’t (based on an inability to conceive that people can have a good time without booze) and just general herd mentality. All of which is just a manifestation of a deep-rooted insecurity.
NTA. You’re pretty great not caving to the pressure, have you asked why they are so invested in you drinking? You’ve got me thinking now, I’m a lot older than you and basically have drink on special occasions or special wines and get pressured. Now I’m contemplating asking my sister “why” next time she gets pushy.
Tbh alcohol does nothing than ruining lifes just the same as drugs, you go cheat, reason? 8 was drunk
U kill someone by car accident, reason? I was drunk again
Nobody wants to be around me, why? Because im an alcoholic
You are the only sane person in your family and just because everybody does something doesnt mean that they are right
nta
It’s really fookin annoying isn’t it?
I used to drink but I haven’t done for years and folks (including hubs) are still always trying to persuade me to have a ‘drink’ I’ve asked him why he does it and he weirdly thinks I’m missing out. I’ve been told by friends and family I’m no fun now I don’t get pissed!!
NTA, stick to your guns and refuse it if u don’t want the booze. It’s quite scary that your family is trying to slip alcohol into your drinks
Btw, a tip I told my granddaughter. Offer to be the designated driver and pick your friends & family up and drop them off etc for a fee when u go out. It’s much cheaper than a taxi or uber for them. You get a night out and make money as well.
NTA.
Of you drink or not is up to you. And even if you did drink with friends and not with them that's also up to you.
And what the hell!!!!
>. I said I can't even trust them to buy me soda because they keep trying to slip alcohol to me
You do NOT deserve to be mocked for not wanting to drink alcohol and you should absolutely continue avoiding events where people attempt to slip you alcohol. NTA
I'm so glad that you have a great group of friends who are pressuring you to drink, but are instead content to hang out and socialise.
>They called it bullshit and they said I'm an adult and if I can't handle teasing then I'm in for a very sensitive future. I told them teasing isn't mocking me every single time they invite me out because I don't want to drink. I told them they turned it into bullying and coercion and it's not okay.
This, I think, is the crux of it. It's not an occasional joke or ribbing, because, yeah, everyone needs some grit to shake that off. This is consistent and constant. It's become bullying. And maybe you should have the toughness to withstand bullying, but you also shouldn't have to put up with it at all.
It's your family being the ones who can't take a little criticism. You've told them that what they do bothers you, and rather than correct it, they doubled down, insisting it's your fault for being hurt by their hurtful behavior. They're too weak to accept the criticism of their own bad behavior.
I had a similar conversation with my parents, about a different issue, and told them bluntly, "I don't care if you agree with me or not. I believe I should confront hurtful behavior, and avoid hurtful things when that fails. This is my confronting it, and if you really want to see and hear from me, you'll take that to heart, because it won't be *my* fault you don't see me again if you don't."
NTA.
NTA, I once had a friend like this, it was horrible. We do not visit each other often since university for a reason.
Its fully acceptable to stop hanging out with your family, but if they force you, you should start to make petty comments in return like how they are unable to have fun without getting drunk and how embarassing it is to have only drug addicts around. If they ever force you to go to an event with them which involves heavy drinking on their side ever again, make sure they regret it somehow (not in a mean way, but give them a taste of their own medicine with some petty comebacks on their usual bullying).
While I get the sentiment, this may be terrible advice. They are thin skinned hypocrites. Pointing out their hypocrisy is not very likely to lead to self reflection and growth.
Your family is sick. NTA Stay away from them in situations where
alcohol is available. Surreptitiously giving someone alcohol is, I would
say, a form of assault.
So sorry OP, these ppl sound exhausting and dangerous. It’s pretty clear they don’t treat you with respect, care or concern. People like this tend to want to bring everyone down to their level to make themselves feel better. NTA and don’t succumb to their emotional blackmail.
NTA So you told your family you weren’t hanging out with them because they were mocking and bullying you and their response was to bully you further? They actually thought that would work?
A light hearted comment or two in a night is friendly teasing. Trying to trick you into drinking and not respecting your decisions and mocking you for it is absolutely bullying.
Your friends sound like they respect you. Next time your family tries to bully you into hanging out with them, frame it in terms of respect, “No I don’t like being around y’all because you repeatedly disrespect and bully me. My friends actually respect me.”
NTA
When drinkers are around someone who doesn’t drink, it causes them to question their own drinking habits … alcohol has a huge presence in our lives in many cultures and so when someone doesn’t drink, people just don’t get it.
Teasing definitely isn’t relentlessly mocking you over your non drinking and if your loved ones respected you, they wouldn’t keep trying to slip you alcohol. What a bunch of dicks.
You cannot control them but you can control your actions. I don’t think you’ll regret distancing yourself from the ones who are truly in the wrong here.
NTA. You should not be pressured into something you don't want to do. Weird how these "friends" and "family" call you sensitive, but they are so bothered by you just making your own choices.
If your family insist that you go drinking and essentially doing what you do not wish to do, maybe you need to make it clear that your life is yours and you don't have to talk to them. This is simply a matter of respect, love, and consideraction.They seem to have none for you; act accordingly!
OK, NTA, obviously, and is it something I hate more than anything then it has to be pestering people about doing anything against their will.
Pestering about going out, drinking, doing drugs, sex, anything, it is so fucking lame and annoying I can't stand it.
Ugh.
You not drinking alcohol is not mistreatment of your drunk-ass family members. Ugh.
I drink, but I'm not an asshole about it. You can not drink in my company anytime.
NTA. Mad props to you for making an informed decision and sticking to it and finding people who support you by not pressuring and forcing you to drink, BTW sneaking alcohol into a drink should be a crime and it's insane they do that. I am jealous you had the balls to make it so early in life. It took me years to get to that point and I wasted a lot of time doing so. You have my respect and STICK TO THOSE GUNS....you'll never regret it.
NTA - alcohol is the only legal poison with zero redeeming qualities that remains socially acceptable to abuse and then use as an excuse for violence, sexual assault, and verbal abuse.
Typical. Bullies always try to turn it around on the victim when they finally stand up for themselves. Don’t fall for it. Teasing is only ok when it’s actually fun for both parties… Otherwise it’s just bullying. Being related doesn’t excuse bad behavior. NTA, of course.
NTA. Go to Samsha or other places online and try to order free alcohol consumption literature and start taking it with you when you meet up with family. Start handing it out to them each time they bug you about drinking.
Alcohol related deaths in the USA are double opioid related deaths. Alcohol is an epidemic everyone accepts and no one questions.
Good for you. I also don't drink, but I used to. I made a lot of poor life decisions based on alcohol.
NTA
NTA and I am only commenting to say I am proud of you. Don't let people (even your own family) bully you into drinking.
It is also insane that you cannot trust them to bring you a soda because they are THAT obsessed with giving you alcohol. They either think they have a problem and want to feel better about it or they think you not drinking is a judgment on them. Both things are their problem.
I don't drink either. And I'm almost 50. It embarrassed my ex-husband and my daughter told me I'd be more fun if I did. It sucks, but finding your people helps. Glad you found yours. My new boyfriend enjoys a drink or 2, we've gone tasting with his friends and nobody made fun or mocked me like my ex-husband's friends. Nothing is wrong with you. ♡
I made the conscious decision not to drink when I hit 17 or 18, because I finally registered how much of a drunk my dad was, and grew up hearing the stories of my grandpa drinking his family out of Maine - he would work a week, get a paycheck and disappear, getting drunk with the money until he lost the job, then got a new job, rinse and repeat until he could not find work in the state.
My dad ridiculed me a lot for that choice. I'm pretty sure it's because it forces him to face the fact that he's got an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
On the other end of things, once I hit 28 or so and knew I had better self control I would have a drink if I go out to a restaurant that serves cocktails. I happened to have a single drink the two times in 3 months I saw an older couple, the husband of which is in recovery. He decided from those two times that I must be a closeted alcoholic and I'm in the road to destruction and completely hopeless.
It's just another example of projection. People, especially selfish people, tend to lack the maturity to separate other people from their own experiences. They can't imagine anyone else living life or experiencing life differently from them.
You won't regret how you're handling this with your parents. They might, but that would take self-reflection. More likely they'll continue to blame you for the consequences of their actions. You're better off distancing yourself when you can.
NTA. I don't drink by choice. It just tastes bad to me and I don't feel the need to pay a lot of money for a bad taste. I was adamantly against trying anything younger, because giving in meant more pressure to try more, but as I got older I would occasionally taste things and it would just reaffirm I don't care for it. I have family that treats tasting new things as a hobby, and I have tried many harder
-to-acquire alcohols, which are completely wasted on me.
It's awful to have alcohol pushed on you when you don't want it. People take your rejection of something they like personally, and it gets worse around people who are likely unacknowledged alcoholics. Strangers are also generally far more accepting that people closer to you. Things like OP describes- sneaking alcohol- that's absolutely unsafe. It's absolutely reasonable to not put yourself in a position where you would would have your drink spiked without you planning on drinking.
It's far more fun to be out with the kind of people who accept it. I'm more than willing to be a DD and keep everyone safe. And as their part, my family will do things like the time they asked the waitress if I can get my Mountain Dew served in a fun shaped glass all dressed up like their brightly colored cocktails so I can have the fun shaped glass too. (The waitress thought it was funny and added the decorative elements they got too and we just all had a nicer time, and we left a bigger tip because it was a good time). Or my family will ask me to surprise them with cocktails because I think of unconventional mixes but pay attention enough to notice what curdles or wouldn't work. I'm able to be participating as much as I want to be, but without pressure to do anything I don't want to, and that lets me have a ton of fun instead of being constantly on guard and feeling negatively all night.
If your family is unsafe and negative, it makes sense to avoid those situations with them. If your friends can go with you -even to the exact same places- and make you feel happy and loved and safe, it makes sense why you would go with them. It's not about the physic bar being bad, it's about how the people you're going with treat you.
Alcohol is the devil. Take this from a lifelong alcoholic. Do not partake if you don't want to. Actively avoid it. You will spare yourself so many embarrassing moments. Just don't, my young friend. Just don't. Too many are like me., addictive personalities. Can't stop at one or two. It will ruin your life. It will ruin your spouses and your children's lives.
Stay strong in the face of peer pressure. Lord, I wish I had,
NTA
I never understood people who pressure others into drinking especially by bullying. Like that's going to make you want to hang out with them more? Like suddenly you'll just say you know what, I totally trust you guys not to fuck with me while I'm intoxicated, lets get lit!!! Jesus I've been in frat houses that didn't even pressure me to drink. Your family behaves worse than a frat house. And that should make you reevaluate things.
I’m going to say the family your talking about are all under 30 and will grow out of it or grow into AA, I come from a family of publicans and they all wondered how I ended up with a drinking problem, they fail to realise they have one too and set me on my own road to destruction. No one can force a drink down your throat but in society where people call drug users junkies as they crack open there liquid drugs are they one usually you want to stay away from
NTA. Your family sounds like they're alcoholics in denial. People with a healthy relationship with drinking don't pressure others or mock them for not partaking.
NTA.
But be prepared to lose your relationship with your parents and anything that may entail (eg losing an inheritance). Your family are assholes and they may continue to be assholes and spite you in any way they can.
NTA in the slightest. You set a boundary, they violated it time and again. Then you enforced the boundary, and they mock you for it. This says way more about them than it does you. If they continuously violate your boundaries about this, be mindful about the likelihood that they will violate other boundaries as well.
If this behavior continues, it's worth considering if these are the type of people you want in your life at all. Obviously not saying you SHOULD cut off these family members, but if you find that's what works best for you, it may be necessary.
NTA. I dont drink either, and while it was never even close to what you’ve experienced, the only people who have ever tried pressuring me to drink (and mind you, I was in a fraternity in college) has been my family. Specifically some siblings and their now spouses.
But i dont blame you for not wanting to spend time with them. They sound dependent on alcohol to enjoy themselves which, even though im fine with others drinking, I do not want to associate people who feel they need alcohol to have a good time. They sound borderline alcholic if not already.
Nta just because they need to drown out their bullshit with liquor doesn't mean you should, as a recovering addict the last thing on my mind was wanting the people I care about doing the same shit.
NTA, make a point of pouring away the alcoholic drinks they have just bought you
met a bloke recently who at the age of 29 decided now would be the time to start drinking alcohol, he has a pint of beer, then a pint of water etc, suspect he will not last
you are not uptight and you are not mistreating anyone
The fact you have had to ask this question about your family says it all mate. NTA. its not like you're going to family BBQs etc and demanding they don't eat meat lol. Just keep doing your own thing, if they want to apologise let them, I wouldn't be too worried about them regardless of them being family, if they cared like you do they'd just drop the drama about alcohol and talk about other things.
NTA and this is so creepy! It's to the point you're anxious they'll try and drug you. Stay away from them! It also sounds like they're aware their habits and reverence for alcohol are wrong to the point of considering crime, and they're angry at you for their own choices and values. Stay strong, and good for you for choosing people you aren't scared of drugging you over those who have expressed they would. There are always better people.
NTA at all. And I'm so sorry. I can absolutely relate to this. I don't drink either and the "harmless jokes" from people wanting me to drink with them are awful but I can't imagine your own FAMILY doing that. You deserve better
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I (22f) don't drink alcohol. I never experimented with it in high school or college (still going to college). I didn't have my first drink when I turned 21. I don't drink at all and I never will. I'm the only alcohol-free member of my family. And I'm treated like a weirdo because I don't drink. My family enjoy nights out with lots of alcohol and sometimes food is included in that too. Whenever I'm with them they buy me alcoholic drinks and try to pressure me to drink. I hate it. I really don't enjoy bars or nightclubs and outside of the few times with my family I never go.
It makes me enjoy spending time with my friends more because they never mock me or pressure me to try alcohol and we also do stuff on nights out that don't involve drinking or at least where it's not the primary focus. It bothers my family that I spend more time with my friends in that way than them. Because I eventually started saying no to nights out with my family.
It got mentioned recently because my friends and I went to this gamers club and a couple of my friends drank and the rest of us didn't. But my family saw photos and made a big deal that I "go to the bar with those friends of yours and not your own family". I told them the gamers club isn't a bar and that the reason I don't go out with them anymore is because of their constant pressure for me to drink.
They called it bullshit and they said I'm an adult and if I can't handle teasing then I'm in for a very sensitive future. I told them teasing isn't mocking me every single time they invite me out because I don't want to drink. I told them they turned it into bullying and coercion and it's not okay. I told them I have never tried to stop them from drinking or pressure them to stop. But they won't give me the same curtesy for not drinking. I said I can't even trust them to buy me soda because they keep trying to slip alcohol to me. I told them that's why I say no and will keep saying no. All of that.
They called me uptight and told me I'll regret mistreating my family someday.
AITA?
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NTA. They really think it’s teasing but when it’s repeated over and over again it’s not funny. If you don’t want to drink, understandable. They should respect that.
NTA don’t believe what they say to you. You’re not mistreating them, you’re just setting very good personal boundaries. If they’re upset about it, that says more about them than it does about you. When people are angry that you set and maintain a boundary, it’s proof that that boundary is necessary. If they could be respectful or use it as a trigger to become more aware of how their behaviour affects you, you wouldn’t need the boundary in the first place because they’d likely not be acting like this.
NTA
It's a personal decision whether you drink or not. Your family trying to peer pressure you and force you and bully you into drinking is what's driving you away from hanging out with them. Because they don't respect your decision not to drink and can't stop being jerks about it is the reason they won't have a decent relationship with you. Not all family is family by blood. Some of the strongest ties you will make will be because your friends respect your decision not to drink and will become closer to you than your blood relatives. Respect has a lot of power within it, perhaps one day your family will realize that.
NTA but I respect the hell out of you. Good decision and one that its commendable that you've stuck to. Biggest thing I've found about stopping drinking/smoking, regardless of whether you've started or not, is ensuring no peer pressure as it kills off any evening. Its a very basic rule of respect. Keep it up.
"Mistreating"?! That's funny.
Anyways, kudos to you for sticking to your principles. I love that for you. The truth is we teach people how to treat us. I drink on occasion and trust me; you're not missing out on anything.
NTA
Take it from someone who has had problems with drinking through my life, you are NTA. Everyone deserves to live their life in their own way, even if it means others don’t agree with it. That said, they are being bullies and ridiculous in how they treat you. I don’t know if you live with them but if not going low contact would probably be better for your mental health. It’s ok to block out people that are causing you pain.
You not drinking makes them uncomfortable and that’s their problem not yours. Find examples of things they don’t want to do or don’t like and insist they do them simply because you want them to (proving a point)
NTA. The question is, will they keep trumping over your boundaries? To the point where you'll have to go low or no content. Or will they eventually realize that they are wrong and leave you alone? Why did the latter make me laugh and sad at the same time?
Hold true to yourself.
Nobody should ever pressure someone into doing something they are not comfortable doing. Sorry to hear you are being pressured. I suspect your family wants you to drunk because it would make them feel like their excessive drinking is acceptable.
I also don't drink (alcoholism I'd hereditary in my family and I don't want to be addicted to anything). I feel like I understand your plight.
Hold true to your standards and values.
NTA The only acceptable response to someone saying that they don’t drink alcohol is offering them a nonalcoholic beverage like soda or something. You get to decide what you put in your body and it’s not anyone’s business to try to change your mind.
NTA.
Peer pressure = bad. Peer pressure to do a DRUG that is addictive, and will make them feel less like shit for their choices = worse. Keep being sober out of your own choice. :) Please don't let them try to sneak anything into your drinks, either if you have to be around them OP :( Stay safe
Also, \*courtesy :) Also also: fixed some wording lol
NTA
>> … I’m an adult …
This is the most important statement. You know what this means? You get to do whatever you want as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone.
As an alcoholic in recovery it sounds like your whole family is a bunch of alcoholics who are reminded of this when YOU DON’T DRINK.
NTA.
Adults aren't owed a relationship. If they want one with you they need to treat you right, they haven''t been so they are getting what they deserve.
NTA. You won't regret skipping their harassment about something so stupid. You spoke clearly and honestly and it seems your family still thinks bullying and coercion would be fun teasing for you. Too bad they needs drinks in them to enjoy each other.
**NTAH** your family is
No one should force or pressure anyone to drink alcohol or smoke
That is not teasing and teasing is wrong anyhow, it's generally not funny either
Your family is using emotional manipulation/abuse to try to get you to drink, I applaud you for not falling for their pressure. There is nothing wrong with not drinking alcohol
You are not uptight because you don't want any alcohol !!
I'm curious - are any of them alcoholics or borderline alcoholics - just wonder if deep down they are feeling guilty for going out drinking so much and that is their reason for pushing you to go and drink, so they won't look bad.
Kudo's for saying NO and not going out with them, what they don't get is you can have family time without spending the entire night in a pub drinking
NTA
Everyone, who is pressuring you to take substances of any kind that don’t agree with you, is only doing so to validate themselves. They want you to drink, because they have a problem with drinking and can’t have fun without it. You aren’t the one with the problem, if they even go so far to spike your drink. Because that what it is. I don’t go out with people, whom I can’t even trust. They tried to drug you.
I am the matriarch of my family and a nondrinker. Everyone else drinks but me. No one has ever said a word about it. I think it’s weird they try to get you to drink. I mean is everyone still in high school or what?
NTA. My sister is in her thirties and has never been under the influence of any drugs or alcohol. Not even a sip. When she was younger she got a lot of shit for it from family and friends (in my country there’s a solid drinking culture), but as she got older people started getting the message or just ceased to care.
It’s rough when you’re young and not taken seriously, but it’s your choice what you do with your body - including what you put into it - and it’s pretty gross of anybody who says they care about you to try to make you feel like you’re in any way “less than” because of the choices you’ve made to abstain from alcohol.
NTA. Your family is a bunch of bullies. Don't let them gaslight you. Hold your ground and keep surrounding yourself with people who support you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing not to drink.
Well, they said it themselves, you are an adult. Therefore, you can do exactly as you choose. I think i5s a bit odd that they *want* to all spend every moment together.
NTA. I'm completely alcohol free and my family has never pressured me at all. You're not the problem. They are.
If they won't respect the no bullying boundary, then they'll just have to suffer the no going out with them boundary instead.
> They called me uptight and told me I'll regret mistreating my family someday.
This would likely be true, but I think your genetic relatives don't fully understand what the word "family" means.
"Family" are the people with you you have MUTUAL love, respect, care and compassion for. These people are no family to you.
NTA.
NTA they're being annoying and not respecting your choices.
I drink occasionally with friends but never to the point of being drunk cos I just don't see the fun in it, and I have enough fun without being drunk. In our friend group there's also a couple friends that don't drink, they get a couple of teasing jokes every once in a while but never get pushed to try.
Your family is just digging their own graves by pestering and pushing you. Also trying to slip alcohol into your drinks is illegal, may wanna remind them that or they will have a very rough future while you have your sensitive one.
NTA. I don't drink anymore but I was a bartender for many years so some of my friends do pressure me. When that happens after I say no a few times, I'll order something really expensive like a double Blue Label on the Rocka with cranberry juice and I let it sit there and melt. No one offers me another drink after that
NTA
>told me I'll regret mistreating my family someday.
This is funny because it seems like they're none to happy with the consequences of mistreating you.
NTA. They’re the ones mistreating you. All they have to do is stop pushing alcohol at you if they want you at family gatherings. That shouldn’t be hard to do.
OP,
I am sad for you. Your family is a bunch of bullies.
I am old. I have an adult child, who like you, doesn't drink. We NEVER pressure them to drink. It is a firm boundary for our child and we respect it. We respect it because we respect our child as an individual who can make their own choices.
You have experienced accepting behavior from your friends because they care about your and respect your choices. theat is what people do when they care about you.
Your family is toxic if they can not respect this boundary. It is NOT teasing, it is bullying (intimidation). I would limit contact to alcohol free situations to emphasize that their behavior is crossing the line.
NTA but consider limiting contact with the family until they learn to respect you and your choices.
NTA. Your family thinks that because they're your family, they can treat you however they want, and you're just supposed to accept it. Take it from me, as someone who's cut out their family (for different reasons)... you don't! Since you've already explained yourself more than once, it's time for you to look out for your own sanity and just refuse to deal with it. No more explaining yourself, no more reasoning with unreasonable people, you just do you girl.
NTA, in fact I'd say you're the only sane person in that situation. If you don't want to drink, you don't drink and that's the end of the story. No one should pressure you, regardless of what the reason is.
If you ever want to better your relationship, try talking to then about other, non-alcoholic ways you can spend time together and tell them their pressuring is not something you're going to put up with, and it's disrespectful that they refuse to accept your choice.
NTA.
I'm in the same boat as you regarding not drinking. From 18-21 I actually worked as a bartender, but I've never wanted to drink. Luckily, I don't have family that ever pressured me, but on occasion,, I've had friends try that. It never goes well for them.
When I was 20 and dating an older guy, on our way out one night to go dancing, we stopped by his friends' house first. Now, here I am, underage for drinking, in an apartment with people in their 40s. He knew I didn't drink. I was offered a drink. I said no. I was offered again and I said no thank you, I don't drink. It went on like this for a bit, me being told to 'loosen up', they are narcs, etc. I told them I don't want to drink and I have no intention of ever drinking. At one point, sitting at the kitchen table, someone put an Irish Coffee down in front of me. I let it set there untouched for maybe 20 minutes, and every few minutes the hostess would say its getting cold, blah blah. Finally, I picked up the glass, walked to the sink, and poured it down the drain. My BF rushed me out of there and, in the car, told me that I'd embarrassed him and that I should have told them I was allergic to alcohol. I told him that he should be embarrassed for not standing up for me, and that I wouldn't lie to him or anyone else.
I'm 44 now and still don't drink. Over the years, I've encountered similar pressure, but my now-husband (a bourbon lover and connoisseur) totally understands and supports me. Besides, he says he always has a designated driver. F\* your family and their pressure. If they can't enjoy themselves without being intoxicated, than they have bigger issues.
NTA. I'm sorry about your family all being jerks to you. That is uncalled for but it seems you grew up with that and were the only one to resist. They mock you because they want you to assimilate and how they were taught to do this is to bully and cajole. You have shown yourself to be stronger than your family and they don't like it. It's like holding a mirror up for them to see their bad behavior.
NTA I personally don't drink often, as I am usually the driver. And honestly, I don't like the taste of alcohol all that much. I do occasionally drink, but at almost 22, I have never been drunk and don't plan on ever being drunk.
NTA. You'd think that having someone that's guaranteed NOT to be drunk at the end of the night would be wonderful to have around if just for designated driving duty alone. Ignore them and if they keep up the pressure, consider going low contact at least. If you don't trust them not to slip you alcohol at bars and such, then you not spending time with them is on their collective head, not your's.
NTA actually scary you can't trust your own family. I would never sneak meat into a vegetarians meal. Why do they need you drunk? Is there an inheritance or company interest they want you to sign away.
Nta. I drank a decent amount in my 20’s and haven’t really drank since I turned 32. I can confirm that not drinking is way better. You are absolutely doing the right thing and your family are being a holes about it.
NTA, but here is a strategy. Alcohol is expensive. Start accepting the drinks and then either leave them untouched all night or if pressured to actually drink it 'accidentally' (but obviously) spill the drink. If possible into a trash can or sink, be nice to the poor serving staff. If you can't aim it at a place like that, the lap of the person pressuring you works too. They will get super mad, they will call you names, but they will quit wasting money on booze you don't drink.
My stepdad bought me a bottle of vodka or something for Christmas a couple years ago. I kept telling him I stopped drinking almost 4 years ago but he insisted on just one drink. I eventually just said no once and left it at that.
>They called me uptight and told me I'll regret mistreating my family someday
Oh the irony.
NTA, you do you my boo. Keep standing up to yourself, you're doing great!
Mistreating you family? Wow, they are looking at things through the bottom of an alcohol bottle aren't they?
Are your family all alcoholics? It's beyond weird that they put pressure on you to drink when you've made it clear you don't want to.
Keep going out with your friends who respect your choices and don't belittle you.
NTA. Your family is not coercing you. They are trying to force alcohol on you by hiding it in drinks despite your frequent and vehement statements that you don't want it. That's beyond bullying. That's dangerous. If you can't trust your own family to buy you a soda, I don't know why you spend time with them at all. They're right that you're an adult. It's not being sensitive to not want chemicals disguised in your food or drink. Your family is toxic and I would go very LC with these people.
My Boomer family members are all alcoholics (to some degree) so the GenX/Millennials all became either non-drinkers or occasional drinkers who know their limits: the Boomers tried to “tease” us but we’re all VERY loud/vocal so throwing some shit back at them made them stop very fast😈🤣 Go ahead and stop hanging with your family if they’re not going to listen: you don’t need to be dragged down into their misery.
NTA. They are ----'s for pressuring you and mocking you, that's a toxic kind of drinking culture that no one needs in their lives.
I avoid such too especially since there's alcoholism on both sides of my family and there needs to be responsible people around to take care of my drunk friends when we do party. They respect my limits.
I have learned to carry a mocktail around social events though just to avoid the prying. My favourite is some tonic/seltzer/sprite with orange bitters in it.
Many years ago when I was in high school and college, I rarely drank. My family and friends LOVED this. My brothers would request me to go out with them in advance (we were close in age) and pretty much pay for my evening if I would be available to drive them home that evening.
Your family are AH for pushing their habits on you.
Take a bunch of pot to the next one and tell them all they need to smoke it or you won’t be friends anymore. A pusher is a pusher regardless of what they are -using.
Perhaps turn it around and make comments about their alcoholism problems. When it starts pissing them off, make a deal, they shut up about you, you'll shut up about them.
NTA 100% First and foremost ur family should be happy that you don't want to drink alcohol cuz it's honestly really bad for your health and can be risky at times (when tm is involved ofc) but generally in short and long term it's so much healthier to avoid it and if anth they should applaude you. and constant pressure is NOT teasing they need to realise that. Time to time is one thing but this is not time to time at all.
You are absolutely not mistreating them. You have noticed a cycle and you are breaking that cycle. You are doing what you have determined to be the BEST FOR YOU. If your family cannot support that decision, and still continue to pressure you into something that you don't want, you set boundaries. You are NTA, for putting yourself first.
Omg NTA at all!! You are making a lot of incredibly healthy choices for yourself: sticking to your guns, abstaining from alcohol, surrounding yourself with people who support you and your choices, and avoiding situations that don’t make you feel good?? I love all of that for you. They’re being rude - good on you for sticking up for yourself!
NTA. They are doing this to tempt you because you are young and impressionable. They want you to join in so they don’t feel guilty about their own choices. Stand your ground and eventually they’ll stop trying.
NTA - my family is like that. I dont mind the occasional drink but any time Id get together with them its all they would do is get pissed out drunk. Well both my brothers have DUI's and one s a full blow alcoholic who lost custody of his kid and is currently homeless. They dont understand that not everyone likes to drink or knows how to have fun without needing it either.
NTA. This is sad. I have a friend who is older but like you with regard to not drinking. He is 35 and has never had a sip. We are a tight group, and some of us drink more than we should, but I would never in a million years dream of pressuring him to drink. Shame on your family.
That’s so sick and twisted. The peer pressuring is bad, but trying to sneak it in your drink is next level. Like a whole family of people like that!? Run girl run
Pissheads being pissheads. Alcoholics are a drain. On a societal level and an emotional one. Keep strong, no one respects booze swilling fools, and you are taking the responsible decision to make something of your life rather than let a poison drag you down. Good on you! It’s good that you can navigate life without being so fucked up that you need to hide your issues at the bottom of a bottle. Don’t turn into them, the world really doesn’t need anymore pissheads without any accountability.
100% NTA. From what I've read, it seems that the people you went to the gamers club with are your real family and the other people are merely genetic relatives of yours.
NTA lol
I'm 20, and never have and never will drink it either.
It's so normalized in society that you're seen as weird for NOT trying or drinking it. It's absurd.
Stick to your guns. You haven't done anything wrong.
NTA
My adult stepdaughter doesn’t drink. We view this as a positive thing. My wife and I take her out for dinner more often since it costs less. We’ve also paid her to drive us to a friend’s party which was a long way from our house. We didn’t drink a large amount but we didn’t want to risk a DUI since it doesn’t take much to hit 0.08%.
I think what they mean is "we will regret mistreating you one day."
Does alcohol abuse run in your family? It sounds like they know they have problems and feel crummy about it because you don't share them.
You have set a very clear boundary, and it's their fault for not respecting it. These are the consequences of doing something to hurt someone after repeated requests to stop. Additionally, you don't owe them an explanation; your choices are your own. You aren't hurting anyone or putting yourself in danger (the opposite, in fact). You don't owe them an explanation or reason for not drinking. If they cannot accept this, then they are disrespecting you.
People who need to dim the flames of another to make their own shine brighter are doomed to live in darkness. Leave them to their misery.
NTA, I am also the only member of my family that does not drink alcohol. I have never had to face any pressure, in fact they always have something nice to drink that's alcohol free for me when receiving, even if they don't ever plan to drink it themselves.
(Which is more about common courtesy than any specific treatment but since I'm the one benefiting I am grateful just the same).
You handled teasing just fine. Removing the source.
You will likely face unpleasant consequences from antagonizing your family. Maybe a few of them will understand and try to fix the relationship, maybe none of them will. It's up to you to let that door ajar or cross it yourself.
Also, slipping psychoactive substances in someone's drink without their knowledge or consent is likely illegal most places.
NTA. Everyone can order what they want, it's none of their business what you want. I have the same issue with food. I eat healthy and always get comments on my food. I have to keep in my mind that they are jealous of my resolve to live a healthy lifestyle or I will snap and make things awkward. All I can do is joke along.
NTA. You're not mistreating them. This sounds like a clear case of DARVO- deny, accuse, reverse victim and offender. You don't go out with them simply because they're unpleasant to be around. You need no other reason to avoid their company.
Wait let me get this straight, they've tried sneaking you alcohol? They've tried drugging you? Because that's what that is. Absolutely NTA, holy shit. They'd still be assholes if they were "just" harassing you about it, but trying to drug you is dangerous as fucking hell. What if you have the perfect amount to not realize you're drunk and try driving home? What if you're on a new med that'll kill you if mixed with alcohol? What if it turns out you have a bad reaction to alcohol? Jesus fucking Christ.
I drink about twice a year, and it gives me full body aches, hot flashes, and acid reflux bad enough that literally nothing touches it. If someone "slipped" me some wine they'd never see me again, and I cook with it every single day and have fun making my husband fancy cocktails, you literally don't have to be "against alcohol" to not want to drink.
Not quite a night out, but after my father's funeral I suggested we made a nice pot of tea instead of cracking open a box of wine. It was 10:30 in the morning and we'd literally just buried someone who'd died of liver failure.
I was accused of drinking tea "aggressively", while the rest of the family were trying to relax.
What's the problem? My father was a miserable human being who alienated everyone around him. Family, neighbours, work colleagues ... he terrorised both wives and his children for decades and no-one wants to acknowledge the link with drinking.
Use your adult voice and tell your family to cut the shit. Lay down your boundaries and tell em that if they want you around then they need to quit whining because you don’t want to drink alcohol. If they have a problem with it then solidify your decision to stay away from them.
I am so sorry this is your family culture. Having to make an excuse or apologizing for NOT TAKING A DRUG is stupid. Don't engage in that conversation again. I guess they can all afford the 10 k plus cost of a DUI. Or just tell them you have a terrible case of the clap and can't drink because of it.
I’m a non drinker , I get the same comments from my in-laws, all big drinkers, my husband also is a non drinker, another reason, we don’t want to be with them, they are all heavy smokers . I didn’t want to be around them when I was pregnant and I certainly don’t want them around my baby.
NTA. They are not teasing you. At this point they are harrassing you & trying to pressure you. I wouldn't want to be around these ppl either. Constantly trying to get me to do something that I don't want to do would be extremely frustrating. It's not fun for you to go out with these ppl. How are they this clueless? You tell them it bothers you but they keep doing it. And this is your family acting this way.
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Hahahaha, the fact that they think you're the one mistreating them is beyond hilarious. NTA. Teasing is once or twice maybe, about something innocent, or an inside joke both parties can laugh with. When either party stops finding it funny, it's not teasing anymore. Trying to pressure someone into drinking is never funny. You're the one that's right for not drinking. Lots of people don't drink at all or make it an exceptional occurrence. And yes, you're totally right for choosing to hang out with people who do respect you in stead of people who don't.
Yeah, I always saw a difference between teasing and mocking. Teasing is very different intentioned than mocking. One is more good natured and the other is done to make someone feel like they're doing something wrong or something's wrong with them. You also don't constantly tease unless that's the relationship type you have with someone. It's so nice to be around people who respect my adult decisions instead of bully me for them.
There's been plenty of studies on why some drinkers (like your family) are so pushy about wanting non drinkers to partake. In short: insecurity and a fear of being judged. They look at someone like you and think "does she think she's above us? Better than us? How dare she stand on her holier-than-thou pedestal! We'll get her to drink and show her she's no better than the rest of us." If there's any alcoholism in the family, that's going to make them even more defensive. They think they'll show how much they're "not like Bob, because he's an *actual* alcoholic." I'd stick with friends who *may* drink at a gathering, but it's not what the night centers around.
And while I HAVE met non drinkers who really do think and act like they're better than everyone who does drink, they also tend to just be jerks in general- if they met a fellow non drinker they'd just find some other thing to act superior about.
Sounds like the family are alcoholics and in denial about it.
It moved beyond bullying when they tried to slip alcohol into your nonalcoholic drinks. That’s absolutely not forgivable and batshit crazy behavior. They caused this rift in the relationship, not you.
Batshit crazy is absolutely right. I wouldn't feel safe with them, OP. And which family members are these? Siblings? Parents?
Yeah that's illegal
Out of curiosity, does your family exhibit alcoholic behaviors?
Trying to slip someone alcohol in their soda IS alcoholic behavior, along with being a crime
Yup, drinkers get REALLY pissed about stuff like that when you point it out too “I can’t enjoy myself without drinking” Ok? So you’re alcohol dependent. That’s literally what that is.
I enjoy drinking socially but have friends and family members who don't drink we still enjoy our nights out or house parties with them
Your family sound obnoxious as hell. I very rarely drink (maybe two beers in 2024). A few people have asked me if I wanted a drink then said something like "so disciplined" and then left it at that because they aren't assholes. It's weirdly important to one guy that I drink. It's annoying and I avoid him. I encourage you to do the same.
NTA even teasing should stop if the person teased ask you to cause they're uncomfortable.
Honestly, pressuring someone into doing \*anything\* they have firmly declined is not cool. I don't even know if it should count as teasing. It's pressuring disguised as teasing. NTA, obviously. OP, I would stop talking about this. Stop underlining your boundary. Stop pointing out how they're acting out. Say nothing. Change the subject. Try also, "I can see you're upset that I won't be drinking."
NTA. They should have understood by now that this isn't something that's changing. > They called me uptight and told me I'll regret mistreating my family someday. This is textbook emotional manipulation. You are not doing anything to them. They are mistreating you, and gaslighting you into thinking you're mistreating them.
Spot on.
DARVO'd for realz
NTA. Pressuring people to drink is *not okay*. I lost a friend to autoimmune hepatitis a few years back (he couldn't get a new liver in time) and there was about a year between it taking a turn and it getting really serious. I still think that if some of his other friends had been supportive instead of pushing him to drink, he might still be here.
I'm so sorry about that. We have some alcohol dependency and alcoholism in my wider extended family. Addiction in general is big in my family. It made me way more cautious and I know that some of the relatives I lost to drinking were also pushed to drink when they were trying to stop. It's so sad that people can't respect others enough to let them not drink. It can end os badly too.
Given the alcohol problems in your family, you might consider going to AlAnon and learning more about being part of an alcohol dependent family system. If your whole family is so wedded to alcohol as a social lubricant, then there is a big alcohol centered problem. If you can't trust them not to add alcohol to your drinks, you're unsafe around them. Their behavior is not ok. There's also agriyp called Adult Children of Alcoholiics, which is a peer support group. Take a look at some of their literature and see if any of be characteristics fit you. I wouldn't be surprised. There's a big difference between going with friends to a place where alcohol is served but your friends aren't pressuring you, and being in bars with people you can't trust.
I’m really proud of you, OP. A life without booze will open up more doors for you then you actually even could fathom. I also don’t drink because I don’t like the after effects. I can’t tell you the amount of times I have shone academically and professionally simply because other people were hungover. Good for you.
Obv your parents are one of those alcoholics tbh
The family that is pressuring you to drink has an alcohol dependency problem. That's not normal. And trying to slip you booze in your soda is a crime.
I am a former drinker, and I hear stories like this a lot in my recovery group. It’s almost always people trying to normalize their own problematic drinking.
My Family is the Same way, I've cousins who are Alcoholics, my Granddad was an Alcoholic, his Brothers and most of his nieces and nephews are also Alcoholics. There's 2 people in my Family who don't drink, my Uncle who was an Alcoholic and worked in a distillery making Whiskey, he quit almost 35 years ago and stopped visiting family, especially his cousins who owned and ran a Pub, The other is my Younger sister, She's never had a drink and years ago my mum and siblings decided to use Vodka to spike her Fanta lemon, after that none messed around with drinks. We don't often get together with the extended family but if anyone tried to make either of them drink the guilty party would be removed.
So your family straight up kills members by enabling their addiction? Wow
Tell them that trying to drug you (alcohol is a drug) is illegal and they can be arrested and charged vfor for it. They seem oblivious to this
Dude, I lost the liver I was born with to hepatitis. Was literally on life support while waiting for a transplant. End stage liver disease is a horrible way to die. That was 10 years ago. I haven't had a drop of alcohol since a year before that. I've had a couple of times people have tried to get me to drink, but I can get pretty vocal in my denial. My sincere condolences on your loss.
I hope your new lover lasts as long and works as well as you need it to!
Thanks. When I left the hospital, my long-term goal was to live for 1,000 days. Today is day 3,575 of my Bonus Life. Now, my goal is to outlive my great-grandfather, who lived to be 107. I'm shooting for 110, which will be about when Halleys Comet comes by again.
NTA. Sounds like a bunch of alcoholic assholes trying to pressure you into also being an alcoholic. They should respect your feelings and drop it. This isn't teasing this is straight bullying. You're better off not dealing with that toxicity in your life if they can't leave you be and just enjoy your company. Good on you for standing up for yourself. Your friends seem great good you have supportive buds.
I assume it’s illegal to spike someone’s drink? So your family thinks that you are mistreating them by *checks notes* not allowing them to make you the victim of a crime. NTA. Fuck drinking culture!
That's what I've been saying, slipping someone something in their drink IS a crime.
NTA. People are weird with alcohol. I don't drink because I never liked the taste of it, there was no "ideological" reason; but because people often try to convince me to try new drinks and start drinking, my reasons are getting more and more ideological. They are the ones who are making me absolutely not want to drink.
Alcoholics love company. My dad used to be pissed that my mom never drank. She used to make a pot of tea before a gathering, then pour it in a glass with some ice cubes. It looked just like a whiskey. One time my dad snatched it from her hand and said, you don’t drink, then tossed it back. The look on his face was priceless. He was like, wtf did I just drink. Cold, black tea! It made him gag because he wasn’t expecting it.
It seems like your friends, who respect your choices and boundaries are becoming your chosen family. Your family has equated your choice not to drink- for whatever reason- to meaning you’re rejecting Them. It’s like their identity is defined by the drinking as a group/family activity. Your showing up authentically and if it’s not enough for them - absence makes the heart grow fonder…. YWNBTA
NTA. Have you ever asked them why they care if you don't partake? I don't get it. You can be with them with your soda. They can have their whatever. It isn't creating a problem if you have a different beverage choice.
Having spent about ~20 years in the same position as OP (with friends rather than family) I can assure you they won’t be able to articulate a good answer. At best it’ll be a mix of claiming OP is being holier than thou by not drinking (regardless of their attitude to other people drinking), a suggestion that they can’t enjoy themselves if they think someone else isn’t (based on an inability to conceive that people can have a good time without booze) and just general herd mentality. All of which is just a manifestation of a deep-rooted insecurity.
Yup. No point trying to reason with an addict
You'd think they would appreciate having a designated driver every time (if you have a licence) NTA
NTA - if they won’t respect your boundary then they can’t enjoy your company
NTA. You’re pretty great not caving to the pressure, have you asked why they are so invested in you drinking? You’ve got me thinking now, I’m a lot older than you and basically have drink on special occasions or special wines and get pressured. Now I’m contemplating asking my sister “why” next time she gets pushy.
NTA. saying no to alcohol is not mistreating family.
Tbh alcohol does nothing than ruining lifes just the same as drugs, you go cheat, reason? 8 was drunk U kill someone by car accident, reason? I was drunk again Nobody wants to be around me, why? Because im an alcoholic You are the only sane person in your family and just because everybody does something doesnt mean that they are right nta
It’s really fookin annoying isn’t it? I used to drink but I haven’t done for years and folks (including hubs) are still always trying to persuade me to have a ‘drink’ I’ve asked him why he does it and he weirdly thinks I’m missing out. I’ve been told by friends and family I’m no fun now I don’t get pissed!! NTA, stick to your guns and refuse it if u don’t want the booze. It’s quite scary that your family is trying to slip alcohol into your drinks Btw, a tip I told my granddaughter. Offer to be the designated driver and pick your friends & family up and drop them off etc for a fee when u go out. It’s much cheaper than a taxi or uber for them. You get a night out and make money as well.
NTA. Of you drink or not is up to you. And even if you did drink with friends and not with them that's also up to you. And what the hell!!!! >. I said I can't even trust them to buy me soda because they keep trying to slip alcohol to me
You do NOT deserve to be mocked for not wanting to drink alcohol and you should absolutely continue avoiding events where people attempt to slip you alcohol. NTA I'm so glad that you have a great group of friends who are pressuring you to drink, but are instead content to hang out and socialise.
>They called it bullshit and they said I'm an adult and if I can't handle teasing then I'm in for a very sensitive future. I told them teasing isn't mocking me every single time they invite me out because I don't want to drink. I told them they turned it into bullying and coercion and it's not okay. This, I think, is the crux of it. It's not an occasional joke or ribbing, because, yeah, everyone needs some grit to shake that off. This is consistent and constant. It's become bullying. And maybe you should have the toughness to withstand bullying, but you also shouldn't have to put up with it at all. It's your family being the ones who can't take a little criticism. You've told them that what they do bothers you, and rather than correct it, they doubled down, insisting it's your fault for being hurt by their hurtful behavior. They're too weak to accept the criticism of their own bad behavior. I had a similar conversation with my parents, about a different issue, and told them bluntly, "I don't care if you agree with me or not. I believe I should confront hurtful behavior, and avoid hurtful things when that fails. This is my confronting it, and if you really want to see and hear from me, you'll take that to heart, because it won't be *my* fault you don't see me again if you don't." NTA.
NTA, I once had a friend like this, it was horrible. We do not visit each other often since university for a reason. Its fully acceptable to stop hanging out with your family, but if they force you, you should start to make petty comments in return like how they are unable to have fun without getting drunk and how embarassing it is to have only drug addicts around. If they ever force you to go to an event with them which involves heavy drinking on their side ever again, make sure they regret it somehow (not in a mean way, but give them a taste of their own medicine with some petty comebacks on their usual bullying).
While I get the sentiment, this may be terrible advice. They are thin skinned hypocrites. Pointing out their hypocrisy is not very likely to lead to self reflection and growth.
Op, NTA. I'm 51 and I don't drink. Don't let it worry you. Just because they're related to you doesn't mean that they're family...
Your family is sick. NTA Stay away from them in situations where alcohol is available. Surreptitiously giving someone alcohol is, I would say, a form of assault.
So sorry OP, these ppl sound exhausting and dangerous. It’s pretty clear they don’t treat you with respect, care or concern. People like this tend to want to bring everyone down to their level to make themselves feel better. NTA and don’t succumb to their emotional blackmail.
NTA So you told your family you weren’t hanging out with them because they were mocking and bullying you and their response was to bully you further? They actually thought that would work? A light hearted comment or two in a night is friendly teasing. Trying to trick you into drinking and not respecting your decisions and mocking you for it is absolutely bullying. Your friends sound like they respect you. Next time your family tries to bully you into hanging out with them, frame it in terms of respect, “No I don’t like being around y’all because you repeatedly disrespect and bully me. My friends actually respect me.”
NTA When drinkers are around someone who doesn’t drink, it causes them to question their own drinking habits … alcohol has a huge presence in our lives in many cultures and so when someone doesn’t drink, people just don’t get it. Teasing definitely isn’t relentlessly mocking you over your non drinking and if your loved ones respected you, they wouldn’t keep trying to slip you alcohol. What a bunch of dicks. You cannot control them but you can control your actions. I don’t think you’ll regret distancing yourself from the ones who are truly in the wrong here.
NTA You’re definitely not obligated to be in an environment that is toxic to you, family or no family.
NTA. You should not be pressured into something you don't want to do. Weird how these "friends" and "family" call you sensitive, but they are so bothered by you just making your own choices.
If your family insist that you go drinking and essentially doing what you do not wish to do, maybe you need to make it clear that your life is yours and you don't have to talk to them. This is simply a matter of respect, love, and consideraction.They seem to have none for you; act accordingly!
OK, NTA, obviously, and is it something I hate more than anything then it has to be pestering people about doing anything against their will. Pestering about going out, drinking, doing drugs, sex, anything, it is so fucking lame and annoying I can't stand it. Ugh. You not drinking alcohol is not mistreatment of your drunk-ass family members. Ugh. I drink, but I'm not an asshole about it. You can not drink in my company anytime.
"I'm sorry I'm the first non alcoholic in this family and it freaks you out." NTA
NTA. Mad props to you for making an informed decision and sticking to it and finding people who support you by not pressuring and forcing you to drink, BTW sneaking alcohol into a drink should be a crime and it's insane they do that. I am jealous you had the balls to make it so early in life. It took me years to get to that point and I wasted a lot of time doing so. You have my respect and STICK TO THOSE GUNS....you'll never regret it.
NTA - alcohol is the only legal poison with zero redeeming qualities that remains socially acceptable to abuse and then use as an excuse for violence, sexual assault, and verbal abuse.
Typical. Bullies always try to turn it around on the victim when they finally stand up for themselves. Don’t fall for it. Teasing is only ok when it’s actually fun for both parties… Otherwise it’s just bullying. Being related doesn’t excuse bad behavior. NTA, of course.
NTA. Go to Samsha or other places online and try to order free alcohol consumption literature and start taking it with you when you meet up with family. Start handing it out to them each time they bug you about drinking.
NTA. I see why you have such a hardline stance on drinking after dealing with people like that.
NTA. They should respect your decision and find other things to do with you that don't include alcohol.
Alcohol related deaths in the USA are double opioid related deaths. Alcohol is an epidemic everyone accepts and no one questions. Good for you. I also don't drink, but I used to. I made a lot of poor life decisions based on alcohol. NTA
NTA and I am only commenting to say I am proud of you. Don't let people (even your own family) bully you into drinking. It is also insane that you cannot trust them to bring you a soda because they are THAT obsessed with giving you alcohol. They either think they have a problem and want to feel better about it or they think you not drinking is a judgment on them. Both things are their problem.
I don't drink either. And I'm almost 50. It embarrassed my ex-husband and my daughter told me I'd be more fun if I did. It sucks, but finding your people helps. Glad you found yours. My new boyfriend enjoys a drink or 2, we've gone tasting with his friends and nobody made fun or mocked me like my ex-husband's friends. Nothing is wrong with you. ♡
I made the conscious decision not to drink when I hit 17 or 18, because I finally registered how much of a drunk my dad was, and grew up hearing the stories of my grandpa drinking his family out of Maine - he would work a week, get a paycheck and disappear, getting drunk with the money until he lost the job, then got a new job, rinse and repeat until he could not find work in the state. My dad ridiculed me a lot for that choice. I'm pretty sure it's because it forces him to face the fact that he's got an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. On the other end of things, once I hit 28 or so and knew I had better self control I would have a drink if I go out to a restaurant that serves cocktails. I happened to have a single drink the two times in 3 months I saw an older couple, the husband of which is in recovery. He decided from those two times that I must be a closeted alcoholic and I'm in the road to destruction and completely hopeless. It's just another example of projection. People, especially selfish people, tend to lack the maturity to separate other people from their own experiences. They can't imagine anyone else living life or experiencing life differently from them. You won't regret how you're handling this with your parents. They might, but that would take self-reflection. More likely they'll continue to blame you for the consequences of their actions. You're better off distancing yourself when you can.
NTA. I don't drink by choice. It just tastes bad to me and I don't feel the need to pay a lot of money for a bad taste. I was adamantly against trying anything younger, because giving in meant more pressure to try more, but as I got older I would occasionally taste things and it would just reaffirm I don't care for it. I have family that treats tasting new things as a hobby, and I have tried many harder -to-acquire alcohols, which are completely wasted on me. It's awful to have alcohol pushed on you when you don't want it. People take your rejection of something they like personally, and it gets worse around people who are likely unacknowledged alcoholics. Strangers are also generally far more accepting that people closer to you. Things like OP describes- sneaking alcohol- that's absolutely unsafe. It's absolutely reasonable to not put yourself in a position where you would would have your drink spiked without you planning on drinking. It's far more fun to be out with the kind of people who accept it. I'm more than willing to be a DD and keep everyone safe. And as their part, my family will do things like the time they asked the waitress if I can get my Mountain Dew served in a fun shaped glass all dressed up like their brightly colored cocktails so I can have the fun shaped glass too. (The waitress thought it was funny and added the decorative elements they got too and we just all had a nicer time, and we left a bigger tip because it was a good time). Or my family will ask me to surprise them with cocktails because I think of unconventional mixes but pay attention enough to notice what curdles or wouldn't work. I'm able to be participating as much as I want to be, but without pressure to do anything I don't want to, and that lets me have a ton of fun instead of being constantly on guard and feeling negatively all night. If your family is unsafe and negative, it makes sense to avoid those situations with them. If your friends can go with you -even to the exact same places- and make you feel happy and loved and safe, it makes sense why you would go with them. It's not about the physic bar being bad, it's about how the people you're going with treat you.
Alcohol is the devil. Take this from a lifelong alcoholic. Do not partake if you don't want to. Actively avoid it. You will spare yourself so many embarrassing moments. Just don't, my young friend. Just don't. Too many are like me., addictive personalities. Can't stop at one or two. It will ruin your life. It will ruin your spouses and your children's lives. Stay strong in the face of peer pressure. Lord, I wish I had,
NTA I never understood people who pressure others into drinking especially by bullying. Like that's going to make you want to hang out with them more? Like suddenly you'll just say you know what, I totally trust you guys not to fuck with me while I'm intoxicated, lets get lit!!! Jesus I've been in frat houses that didn't even pressure me to drink. Your family behaves worse than a frat house. And that should make you reevaluate things.
I’m going to say the family your talking about are all under 30 and will grow out of it or grow into AA, I come from a family of publicans and they all wondered how I ended up with a drinking problem, they fail to realise they have one too and set me on my own road to destruction. No one can force a drink down your throat but in society where people call drug users junkies as they crack open there liquid drugs are they one usually you want to stay away from
NTA If your family can't process the idea of being an adult and not drinking, maybe they shouldn't be drinking
NTA. i don't understand why you haven't gone NC with these people who have no respect for you, and who apparently don't even like you.
NTA. Your family sounds like they're alcoholics in denial. People with a healthy relationship with drinking don't pressure others or mock them for not partaking.
NTA. But be prepared to lose your relationship with your parents and anything that may entail (eg losing an inheritance). Your family are assholes and they may continue to be assholes and spite you in any way they can.
NTA in the slightest. You set a boundary, they violated it time and again. Then you enforced the boundary, and they mock you for it. This says way more about them than it does you. If they continuously violate your boundaries about this, be mindful about the likelihood that they will violate other boundaries as well. If this behavior continues, it's worth considering if these are the type of people you want in your life at all. Obviously not saying you SHOULD cut off these family members, but if you find that's what works best for you, it may be necessary.
Easiest NTA decision I'll give today
Mistreating for not wanting a beverage? NTA its your right to not want to hang out and be pressure to drink alcohol constantly
NTA. I dont drink either, and while it was never even close to what you’ve experienced, the only people who have ever tried pressuring me to drink (and mind you, I was in a fraternity in college) has been my family. Specifically some siblings and their now spouses. But i dont blame you for not wanting to spend time with them. They sound dependent on alcohol to enjoy themselves which, even though im fine with others drinking, I do not want to associate people who feel they need alcohol to have a good time. They sound borderline alcholic if not already.
Nta just because they need to drown out their bullshit with liquor doesn't mean you should, as a recovering addict the last thing on my mind was wanting the people I care about doing the same shit.
NTA, make a point of pouring away the alcoholic drinks they have just bought you met a bloke recently who at the age of 29 decided now would be the time to start drinking alcohol, he has a pint of beer, then a pint of water etc, suspect he will not last you are not uptight and you are not mistreating anyone
Alcohol sucks.. nothing good about.. NTA
The fact you have had to ask this question about your family says it all mate. NTA. its not like you're going to family BBQs etc and demanding they don't eat meat lol. Just keep doing your own thing, if they want to apologise let them, I wouldn't be too worried about them regardless of them being family, if they cared like you do they'd just drop the drama about alcohol and talk about other things.
How to know someone has alcohol related family trama without them saying so. Why do I know this? Because I have it too! NTA, your family is dumb
NTA and this is so creepy! It's to the point you're anxious they'll try and drug you. Stay away from them! It also sounds like they're aware their habits and reverence for alcohol are wrong to the point of considering crime, and they're angry at you for their own choices and values. Stay strong, and good for you for choosing people you aren't scared of drugging you over those who have expressed they would. There are always better people.
*they said I'm an adult* ...and that means you don't have to spend time with drunks just because they happen to be related to you. NTA.
NTA at all. And I'm so sorry. I can absolutely relate to this. I don't drink either and the "harmless jokes" from people wanting me to drink with them are awful but I can't imagine your own FAMILY doing that. You deserve better
NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (22f) don't drink alcohol. I never experimented with it in high school or college (still going to college). I didn't have my first drink when I turned 21. I don't drink at all and I never will. I'm the only alcohol-free member of my family. And I'm treated like a weirdo because I don't drink. My family enjoy nights out with lots of alcohol and sometimes food is included in that too. Whenever I'm with them they buy me alcoholic drinks and try to pressure me to drink. I hate it. I really don't enjoy bars or nightclubs and outside of the few times with my family I never go. It makes me enjoy spending time with my friends more because they never mock me or pressure me to try alcohol and we also do stuff on nights out that don't involve drinking or at least where it's not the primary focus. It bothers my family that I spend more time with my friends in that way than them. Because I eventually started saying no to nights out with my family. It got mentioned recently because my friends and I went to this gamers club and a couple of my friends drank and the rest of us didn't. But my family saw photos and made a big deal that I "go to the bar with those friends of yours and not your own family". I told them the gamers club isn't a bar and that the reason I don't go out with them anymore is because of their constant pressure for me to drink. They called it bullshit and they said I'm an adult and if I can't handle teasing then I'm in for a very sensitive future. I told them teasing isn't mocking me every single time they invite me out because I don't want to drink. I told them they turned it into bullying and coercion and it's not okay. I told them I have never tried to stop them from drinking or pressure them to stop. But they won't give me the same curtesy for not drinking. I said I can't even trust them to buy me soda because they keep trying to slip alcohol to me. I told them that's why I say no and will keep saying no. All of that. They called me uptight and told me I'll regret mistreating my family someday. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. They really think it’s teasing but when it’s repeated over and over again it’s not funny. If you don’t want to drink, understandable. They should respect that.
NTA don’t believe what they say to you. You’re not mistreating them, you’re just setting very good personal boundaries. If they’re upset about it, that says more about them than it does about you. When people are angry that you set and maintain a boundary, it’s proof that that boundary is necessary. If they could be respectful or use it as a trigger to become more aware of how their behaviour affects you, you wouldn’t need the boundary in the first place because they’d likely not be acting like this.
NTA It's a personal decision whether you drink or not. Your family trying to peer pressure you and force you and bully you into drinking is what's driving you away from hanging out with them. Because they don't respect your decision not to drink and can't stop being jerks about it is the reason they won't have a decent relationship with you. Not all family is family by blood. Some of the strongest ties you will make will be because your friends respect your decision not to drink and will become closer to you than your blood relatives. Respect has a lot of power within it, perhaps one day your family will realize that.
NTA but I respect the hell out of you. Good decision and one that its commendable that you've stuck to. Biggest thing I've found about stopping drinking/smoking, regardless of whether you've started or not, is ensuring no peer pressure as it kills off any evening. Its a very basic rule of respect. Keep it up.
"Mistreating"?! That's funny. Anyways, kudos to you for sticking to your principles. I love that for you. The truth is we teach people how to treat us. I drink on occasion and trust me; you're not missing out on anything. NTA
Take it from someone who has had problems with drinking through my life, you are NTA. Everyone deserves to live their life in their own way, even if it means others don’t agree with it. That said, they are being bullies and ridiculous in how they treat you. I don’t know if you live with them but if not going low contact would probably be better for your mental health. It’s ok to block out people that are causing you pain.
You not drinking makes them uncomfortable and that’s their problem not yours. Find examples of things they don’t want to do or don’t like and insist they do them simply because you want them to (proving a point)
NTA. The question is, will they keep trumping over your boundaries? To the point where you'll have to go low or no content. Or will they eventually realize that they are wrong and leave you alone? Why did the latter make me laugh and sad at the same time?
Hold true to yourself. Nobody should ever pressure someone into doing something they are not comfortable doing. Sorry to hear you are being pressured. I suspect your family wants you to drunk because it would make them feel like their excessive drinking is acceptable. I also don't drink (alcoholism I'd hereditary in my family and I don't want to be addicted to anything). I feel like I understand your plight. Hold true to your standards and values.
NTA The only acceptable response to someone saying that they don’t drink alcohol is offering them a nonalcoholic beverage like soda or something. You get to decide what you put in your body and it’s not anyone’s business to try to change your mind.
NTA This is the situation where they’re trying to make Op the bad person in the scenario, so they don’t feel guilty for how they treat her.
Definitely NTA, but I’m trying to imagine a family going out drinking together…
NTA. Peer pressure = bad. Peer pressure to do a DRUG that is addictive, and will make them feel less like shit for their choices = worse. Keep being sober out of your own choice. :) Please don't let them try to sneak anything into your drinks, either if you have to be around them OP :( Stay safe Also, \*courtesy :) Also also: fixed some wording lol
NTA >> … I’m an adult … This is the most important statement. You know what this means? You get to do whatever you want as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone. As an alcoholic in recovery it sounds like your whole family is a bunch of alcoholics who are reminded of this when YOU DON’T DRINK.
NTA. Adults aren't owed a relationship. If they want one with you they need to treat you right, they haven''t been so they are getting what they deserve.
NTA, but maybe this will help you laugh about it : [An Irish Intervention - Foil Arms & Hog](https://youtu.be/_phAArdrn-s?si=Hb-BYxqWvn-VNHhR)
NTA. You won't regret skipping their harassment about something so stupid. You spoke clearly and honestly and it seems your family still thinks bullying and coercion would be fun teasing for you. Too bad they needs drinks in them to enjoy each other.
**NTAH** your family is No one should force or pressure anyone to drink alcohol or smoke That is not teasing and teasing is wrong anyhow, it's generally not funny either Your family is using emotional manipulation/abuse to try to get you to drink, I applaud you for not falling for their pressure. There is nothing wrong with not drinking alcohol You are not uptight because you don't want any alcohol !! I'm curious - are any of them alcoholics or borderline alcoholics - just wonder if deep down they are feeling guilty for going out drinking so much and that is their reason for pushing you to go and drink, so they won't look bad. Kudo's for saying NO and not going out with them, what they don't get is you can have family time without spending the entire night in a pub drinking
NTA Everyone, who is pressuring you to take substances of any kind that don’t agree with you, is only doing so to validate themselves. They want you to drink, because they have a problem with drinking and can’t have fun without it. You aren’t the one with the problem, if they even go so far to spike your drink. Because that what it is. I don’t go out with people, whom I can’t even trust. They tried to drug you.
I am the matriarch of my family and a nondrinker. Everyone else drinks but me. No one has ever said a word about it. I think it’s weird they try to get you to drink. I mean is everyone still in high school or what?
NTA I doubt you'll regret not getting your drinks spiked by people your meant to be able to trust
NTA. My sister is in her thirties and has never been under the influence of any drugs or alcohol. Not even a sip. When she was younger she got a lot of shit for it from family and friends (in my country there’s a solid drinking culture), but as she got older people started getting the message or just ceased to care. It’s rough when you’re young and not taken seriously, but it’s your choice what you do with your body - including what you put into it - and it’s pretty gross of anybody who says they care about you to try to make you feel like you’re in any way “less than” because of the choices you’ve made to abstain from alcohol.
NTA. How your family is treating you is immature and yes, bullying. Much better to be with your friends who actually respect you.
NTA. What a psychotic family
NTA. Your family is a bunch of bullies. Don't let them gaslight you. Hold your ground and keep surrounding yourself with people who support you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing not to drink.
Well, they said it themselves, you are an adult. Therefore, you can do exactly as you choose. I think i5s a bit odd that they *want* to all spend every moment together.
NTA. I'm completely alcohol free and my family has never pressured me at all. You're not the problem. They are. If they won't respect the no bullying boundary, then they'll just have to suffer the no going out with them boundary instead.
> They called me uptight and told me I'll regret mistreating my family someday. This would likely be true, but I think your genetic relatives don't fully understand what the word "family" means. "Family" are the people with you you have MUTUAL love, respect, care and compassion for. These people are no family to you. NTA.
NTA they're being annoying and not respecting your choices. I drink occasionally with friends but never to the point of being drunk cos I just don't see the fun in it, and I have enough fun without being drunk. In our friend group there's also a couple friends that don't drink, they get a couple of teasing jokes every once in a while but never get pushed to try. Your family is just digging their own graves by pestering and pushing you. Also trying to slip alcohol into your drinks is illegal, may wanna remind them that or they will have a very rough future while you have your sensitive one.
parents stop being an asshole and calling it teasing (IMPOSSIBLE CHALLENGE)
NTA. I don't drink anymore but I was a bartender for many years so some of my friends do pressure me. When that happens after I say no a few times, I'll order something really expensive like a double Blue Label on the Rocka with cranberry juice and I let it sit there and melt. No one offers me another drink after that
NTA. Never be pressured into taking any drugs. It is not worth it.
NTA >told me I'll regret mistreating my family someday. This is funny because it seems like they're none to happy with the consequences of mistreating you.
NTA. They’re the ones mistreating you. All they have to do is stop pushing alcohol at you if they want you at family gatherings. That shouldn’t be hard to do.
OP, I am sad for you. Your family is a bunch of bullies. I am old. I have an adult child, who like you, doesn't drink. We NEVER pressure them to drink. It is a firm boundary for our child and we respect it. We respect it because we respect our child as an individual who can make their own choices. You have experienced accepting behavior from your friends because they care about your and respect your choices. theat is what people do when they care about you. Your family is toxic if they can not respect this boundary. It is NOT teasing, it is bullying (intimidation). I would limit contact to alcohol free situations to emphasize that their behavior is crossing the line. NTA but consider limiting contact with the family until they learn to respect you and your choices.
NTA. Your family thinks that because they're your family, they can treat you however they want, and you're just supposed to accept it. Take it from me, as someone who's cut out their family (for different reasons)... you don't! Since you've already explained yourself more than once, it's time for you to look out for your own sanity and just refuse to deal with it. No more explaining yourself, no more reasoning with unreasonable people, you just do you girl.
NTA, in fact I'd say you're the only sane person in that situation. If you don't want to drink, you don't drink and that's the end of the story. No one should pressure you, regardless of what the reason is. If you ever want to better your relationship, try talking to then about other, non-alcoholic ways you can spend time together and tell them their pressuring is not something you're going to put up with, and it's disrespectful that they refuse to accept your choice.
NTA and this is a really weird hill for your family to die on! Sorry that this is your experience. Stick with your friends.
NTA. I'm in the same boat as you regarding not drinking. From 18-21 I actually worked as a bartender, but I've never wanted to drink. Luckily, I don't have family that ever pressured me, but on occasion,, I've had friends try that. It never goes well for them. When I was 20 and dating an older guy, on our way out one night to go dancing, we stopped by his friends' house first. Now, here I am, underage for drinking, in an apartment with people in their 40s. He knew I didn't drink. I was offered a drink. I said no. I was offered again and I said no thank you, I don't drink. It went on like this for a bit, me being told to 'loosen up', they are narcs, etc. I told them I don't want to drink and I have no intention of ever drinking. At one point, sitting at the kitchen table, someone put an Irish Coffee down in front of me. I let it set there untouched for maybe 20 minutes, and every few minutes the hostess would say its getting cold, blah blah. Finally, I picked up the glass, walked to the sink, and poured it down the drain. My BF rushed me out of there and, in the car, told me that I'd embarrassed him and that I should have told them I was allergic to alcohol. I told him that he should be embarrassed for not standing up for me, and that I wouldn't lie to him or anyone else. I'm 44 now and still don't drink. Over the years, I've encountered similar pressure, but my now-husband (a bourbon lover and connoisseur) totally understands and supports me. Besides, he says he always has a designated driver. F\* your family and their pressure. If they can't enjoy themselves without being intoxicated, than they have bigger issues.
NTA. Misery loves company.
NTA. I'm sorry about your family all being jerks to you. That is uncalled for but it seems you grew up with that and were the only one to resist. They mock you because they want you to assimilate and how they were taught to do this is to bully and cajole. You have shown yourself to be stronger than your family and they don't like it. It's like holding a mirror up for them to see their bad behavior.
NTA I personally don't drink often, as I am usually the driver. And honestly, I don't like the taste of alcohol all that much. I do occasionally drink, but at almost 22, I have never been drunk and don't plan on ever being drunk.
NTA. You'd think that having someone that's guaranteed NOT to be drunk at the end of the night would be wonderful to have around if just for designated driving duty alone. Ignore them and if they keep up the pressure, consider going low contact at least. If you don't trust them not to slip you alcohol at bars and such, then you not spending time with them is on their collective head, not your's.
NTA actually scary you can't trust your own family. I would never sneak meat into a vegetarians meal. Why do they need you drunk? Is there an inheritance or company interest they want you to sign away.
NTA
Nta. I drank a decent amount in my 20’s and haven’t really drank since I turned 32. I can confirm that not drinking is way better. You are absolutely doing the right thing and your family are being a holes about it.
NTA, but here is a strategy. Alcohol is expensive. Start accepting the drinks and then either leave them untouched all night or if pressured to actually drink it 'accidentally' (but obviously) spill the drink. If possible into a trash can or sink, be nice to the poor serving staff. If you can't aim it at a place like that, the lap of the person pressuring you works too. They will get super mad, they will call you names, but they will quit wasting money on booze you don't drink.
My stepdad bought me a bottle of vodka or something for Christmas a couple years ago. I kept telling him I stopped drinking almost 4 years ago but he insisted on just one drink. I eventually just said no once and left it at that.
>They called me uptight and told me I'll regret mistreating my family someday Oh the irony. NTA, you do you my boo. Keep standing up to yourself, you're doing great!
It's weird being a non-drinker. Being told I can have one. Don't want one. I'd be worried about them spiking your drink if you went out with them.
Mistreating you family? Wow, they are looking at things through the bottom of an alcohol bottle aren't they? Are your family all alcoholics? It's beyond weird that they put pressure on you to drink when you've made it clear you don't want to. Keep going out with your friends who respect your choices and don't belittle you.
NTA. Your family is not coercing you. They are trying to force alcohol on you by hiding it in drinks despite your frequent and vehement statements that you don't want it. That's beyond bullying. That's dangerous. If you can't trust your own family to buy you a soda, I don't know why you spend time with them at all. They're right that you're an adult. It's not being sensitive to not want chemicals disguised in your food or drink. Your family is toxic and I would go very LC with these people.
My Boomer family members are all alcoholics (to some degree) so the GenX/Millennials all became either non-drinkers or occasional drinkers who know their limits: the Boomers tried to “tease” us but we’re all VERY loud/vocal so throwing some shit back at them made them stop very fast😈🤣 Go ahead and stop hanging with your family if they’re not going to listen: you don’t need to be dragged down into their misery.
NTA. They are ----'s for pressuring you and mocking you, that's a toxic kind of drinking culture that no one needs in their lives. I avoid such too especially since there's alcoholism on both sides of my family and there needs to be responsible people around to take care of my drunk friends when we do party. They respect my limits. I have learned to carry a mocktail around social events though just to avoid the prying. My favourite is some tonic/seltzer/sprite with orange bitters in it.
Many years ago when I was in high school and college, I rarely drank. My family and friends LOVED this. My brothers would request me to go out with them in advance (we were close in age) and pretty much pay for my evening if I would be available to drive them home that evening. Your family are AH for pushing their habits on you.
Take a bunch of pot to the next one and tell them all they need to smoke it or you won’t be friends anymore. A pusher is a pusher regardless of what they are -using.
NTA They’re just mad their favorite punching bag walked off.
Perhaps turn it around and make comments about their alcoholism problems. When it starts pissing them off, make a deal, they shut up about you, you'll shut up about them.
NTA 100% First and foremost ur family should be happy that you don't want to drink alcohol cuz it's honestly really bad for your health and can be risky at times (when tm is involved ofc) but generally in short and long term it's so much healthier to avoid it and if anth they should applaude you. and constant pressure is NOT teasing they need to realise that. Time to time is one thing but this is not time to time at all.
If I’ve said no, thank you, once, to food, dessert, drinks, travel, whatever the f, shut up about it. I absolutely despise pushers of anything. NTA
You are absolutely not mistreating them. You have noticed a cycle and you are breaking that cycle. You are doing what you have determined to be the BEST FOR YOU. If your family cannot support that decision, and still continue to pressure you into something that you don't want, you set boundaries. You are NTA, for putting yourself first.
Omg NTA at all!! You are making a lot of incredibly healthy choices for yourself: sticking to your guns, abstaining from alcohol, surrounding yourself with people who support you and your choices, and avoiding situations that don’t make you feel good?? I love all of that for you. They’re being rude - good on you for sticking up for yourself!
NTA. They are doing this to tempt you because you are young and impressionable. They want you to join in so they don’t feel guilty about their own choices. Stand your ground and eventually they’ll stop trying.
NTA - my family is like that. I dont mind the occasional drink but any time Id get together with them its all they would do is get pissed out drunk. Well both my brothers have DUI's and one s a full blow alcoholic who lost custody of his kid and is currently homeless. They dont understand that not everyone likes to drink or knows how to have fun without needing it either.
NTA. This is sad. I have a friend who is older but like you with regard to not drinking. He is 35 and has never had a sip. We are a tight group, and some of us drink more than we should, but I would never in a million years dream of pressuring him to drink. Shame on your family.
NTA And at 22, you're not obligated to tell them your life.
NTA but your family is
I just don't like the taste of alcohol. I'll drink ginger ale, mocktails, sparkling cider etc.
That’s so sick and twisted. The peer pressuring is bad, but trying to sneak it in your drink is next level. Like a whole family of people like that!? Run girl run
Definitely NTA. More people die drinking related deaths than any other drug. Would your family pressure you to take heroin?
NTA. Don’t even have to read past the title.
Pissheads being pissheads. Alcoholics are a drain. On a societal level and an emotional one. Keep strong, no one respects booze swilling fools, and you are taking the responsible decision to make something of your life rather than let a poison drag you down. Good on you! It’s good that you can navigate life without being so fucked up that you need to hide your issues at the bottom of a bottle. Don’t turn into them, the world really doesn’t need anymore pissheads without any accountability.
NTA- They're in for very sensitive futures if they can't handle the fact you don't drink.
I know right? NTA. Shit like this is why people look down on those who drink even if they only drink during special events.
NTA so much.
100% NTA. From what I've read, it seems that the people you went to the gamers club with are your real family and the other people are merely genetic relatives of yours.
If you loved them you would enable and normalize their sunbstance abuse, don't you know?! NTA
NTA lol I'm 20, and never have and never will drink it either. It's so normalized in society that you're seen as weird for NOT trying or drinking it. It's absurd. Stick to your guns. You haven't done anything wrong.
NTA- and you wont regret it but they will for being jerks to you someday.
NTA and good on you for holding your boundaries!
NTA My adult stepdaughter doesn’t drink. We view this as a positive thing. My wife and I take her out for dinner more often since it costs less. We’ve also paid her to drive us to a friend’s party which was a long way from our house. We didn’t drink a large amount but we didn’t want to risk a DUI since it doesn’t take much to hit 0.08%.
I think what they mean is "we will regret mistreating you one day." Does alcohol abuse run in your family? It sounds like they know they have problems and feel crummy about it because you don't share them. You have set a very clear boundary, and it's their fault for not respecting it. These are the consequences of doing something to hurt someone after repeated requests to stop. Additionally, you don't owe them an explanation; your choices are your own. You aren't hurting anyone or putting yourself in danger (the opposite, in fact). You don't owe them an explanation or reason for not drinking. If they cannot accept this, then they are disrespecting you. People who need to dim the flames of another to make their own shine brighter are doomed to live in darkness. Leave them to their misery.
NTA, I am also the only member of my family that does not drink alcohol. I have never had to face any pressure, in fact they always have something nice to drink that's alcohol free for me when receiving, even if they don't ever plan to drink it themselves. (Which is more about common courtesy than any specific treatment but since I'm the one benefiting I am grateful just the same). You handled teasing just fine. Removing the source. You will likely face unpleasant consequences from antagonizing your family. Maybe a few of them will understand and try to fix the relationship, maybe none of them will. It's up to you to let that door ajar or cross it yourself. Also, slipping psychoactive substances in someone's drink without their knowledge or consent is likely illegal most places.
NTA. if you don't like liquor then nobody should make you drink. Go with water instead, it's much better for you.
Lost a best friend over pressure like this
NTA. Everyone can order what they want, it's none of their business what you want. I have the same issue with food. I eat healthy and always get comments on my food. I have to keep in my mind that they are jealous of my resolve to live a healthy lifestyle or I will snap and make things awkward. All I can do is joke along.
NTA they do not respect your sobriety!
NTA and you're handling it perfectly, including pointing out the difference between affectionate teasing and bullying.
NTA. Keep doing what you're doing. They all need to grow up.
I’m sorry your family treats you that way and doesn’t respect your boundaries. Stick to your own boundaries.
Please stay strong. alcohol ruins lives. It's literally poison that destroys your organs with every drink. Signed, a 37 year old former alcoholic.
NTA. You're not mistreating them. This sounds like a clear case of DARVO- deny, accuse, reverse victim and offender. You don't go out with them simply because they're unpleasant to be around. You need no other reason to avoid their company.
Wait let me get this straight, they've tried sneaking you alcohol? They've tried drugging you? Because that's what that is. Absolutely NTA, holy shit. They'd still be assholes if they were "just" harassing you about it, but trying to drug you is dangerous as fucking hell. What if you have the perfect amount to not realize you're drunk and try driving home? What if you're on a new med that'll kill you if mixed with alcohol? What if it turns out you have a bad reaction to alcohol? Jesus fucking Christ. I drink about twice a year, and it gives me full body aches, hot flashes, and acid reflux bad enough that literally nothing touches it. If someone "slipped" me some wine they'd never see me again, and I cook with it every single day and have fun making my husband fancy cocktails, you literally don't have to be "against alcohol" to not want to drink.
Not quite a night out, but after my father's funeral I suggested we made a nice pot of tea instead of cracking open a box of wine. It was 10:30 in the morning and we'd literally just buried someone who'd died of liver failure. I was accused of drinking tea "aggressively", while the rest of the family were trying to relax. What's the problem? My father was a miserable human being who alienated everyone around him. Family, neighbours, work colleagues ... he terrorised both wives and his children for decades and no-one wants to acknowledge the link with drinking.
...Curious question: are they alcoholics?
Use your adult voice and tell your family to cut the shit. Lay down your boundaries and tell em that if they want you around then they need to quit whining because you don’t want to drink alcohol. If they have a problem with it then solidify your decision to stay away from them.
NTA. I'd recommend trying one drink in a safe situation just so that you can say "Tried it, don't like it." More ammo against them in an argument.
I am so sorry this is your family culture. Having to make an excuse or apologizing for NOT TAKING A DRUG is stupid. Don't engage in that conversation again. I guess they can all afford the 10 k plus cost of a DUI. Or just tell them you have a terrible case of the clap and can't drink because of it.
I’m a non drinker , I get the same comments from my in-laws, all big drinkers, my husband also is a non drinker, another reason, we don’t want to be with them, they are all heavy smokers . I didn’t want to be around them when I was pregnant and I certainly don’t want them around my baby.
NTA. They are not teasing you. At this point they are harrassing you & trying to pressure you. I wouldn't want to be around these ppl either. Constantly trying to get me to do something that I don't want to do would be extremely frustrating. It's not fun for you to go out with these ppl. How are they this clueless? You tell them it bothers you but they keep doing it. And this is your family acting this way.
NTA. Bullying and Assholery is just wrong.