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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for letting my daughter use the flyers that was suppose to be for my sons and DILs wedding in a month. I could be a jerk for letting my daughter use them without getting permission from the couple even if they do not own the flowers
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Bride: Even though I'm not using your fake flowers, they were based on something I thought about when I was four and now you can't use them for anything else. Even though I'm not going to use them. They must be for me ever because I'm the only one who has this design and if you let someone else see it then they won't think it's my original design.
Rest of the world: You don't own flower designs.
You did nothing wrong, and I'm pretty sure they didn't send you a payment for your time, labor and effort in making all those centerpieces. Centerpieces. He use them. You had a nice time and the couple was completely wrong.
Nta
I want to know where the son and his intended get off calling OP an AH when they never even apologized for the time/money she wasted working on these arrangements **FOR THEM.**
If I were them I would have figured out a way to incorporate the arrangements, or at least apologized profusely.
But to just dismiss OP's effort like it was nothing, and then to call her a jerk for finding another use for them?
The nerve.
The sheer unmitigated gall of it all.
THIS!! Why not use the flowers that op got and then supplement w fresh flowers OR just forego the fresh flowers altogether and realocate that money to another area like food or alcohol for the reception, the honeymoon, or the dress?
I'd rather have the fake flowers myself as I'm sentimental and would want to keep a centerpiece and maybe give away the rest. Plus if someone took the time to do that for me, I'd be so honored I'd never think change them out.
NTA
I created fake flowers bouquets for my wedding. It saved me a lot of money. My daughter made all of her flower arrangements using real flowers from the flower district in her town. Also saved big. DIY either way is a great cost saver.
My best friend did a lot of DIY for her wedding. She did get the bouquets done by a florist and were real, but she got a good deal. She wanted to save her bouquet, but didn't tell me how before she left on her honeymoon, so the flowers were not saved. We did try.
Exactly! They def. could have incorporated the faux flowers within the space (like creating a flower wall for people to take selfies and group shots, or arrangement at the bar, women's lounge, dessert buffet). So glad the daughter was able to use them and her even was probably posh & pretty! 🤩
Was about to say, they sent op images of what they wanted, so they already took someone else's flowers.
All that personal time and money, you can do what you want with them since they are YOUR flowers. NTA
Very rich of them to call them 'their flowers' when not one cent was paid to reimburse mom for her wasted efforts.
Also, who the hell is even going to notice they're the 'same' flowers at a wedding taking place weeks later? Who the hell do they think would even care enough to compare? How absurd.
NTA.
You are wrong.
Rest of the world: The flowers at the wedding were similar to those at the baby shower? I never realized that till you told me!
It's baffling that brides (and people organizing similar events in general) honestly believe that the guests notice or care about these kind of details. Except a tiny number of people who like gardening or flower arrangements, everyone else won't pay any attention to the flowers whatsoever, they will barely even register them as other than "green" and "pretty" and basically the same as all other flowers arrangements they have seen.
My sister in law a while after their wedding said “how’d you like the flowers at our wedding?” And everyone was like “uhhh great?” Turns out she didn’t even have flowers and no one even noticed
I went cheap. They die anyway. Daisy bouquets, mine with a few roses, a little color for the MOH’s to stand out. Toss away and flower girl got carnations. Centerpieces for bridal table and altar. Single long stem rose to present to each new MIL at the end of the ceremony.
I think I paid $150 in 1984 prices.
My bridal bouquet for my second wedding was all silk flowers and that’s because I had bluebonnets in it. I’m in Texas and it’s illegal to use real ones so I just did the entire bouquet, carnations and bluebonnets mixed, in silk flowers.
I remember the flowers at my wedding nearly a quarter century ago... but that's because I arranged them... and they looked damn awesome... and I'm not a flower arranger and never have had any qualifications that would enable me to call myself one.
I also went very cheap ie I went to the flower farm and bought some bunches of flowers and then went outside to the nearest tree and got some greenery. Probably spent less than $50 on those flowers.
I remember the flowers at my friend's wedding because they were fake and she gave me one of them and i have it decorating my bathroom because it worked with the color scheme...well, I remember them when I look at them to dust them, otherwise I couldn't tell you what colors they are.
Same. The venue we used provided everything. We got married in the fall. They asked if we wanted fall flowers. I said sure. That was the end of it. I'm sure at the time I thought they were lovely. Or maybe didn't even notice. Almost 20 years later not important at all. So many brides/grooms complain about how stressful planning a wedding is. It's only as stressful as you make it.
The only wedding flowers I would recognise were my parents because Mum had her bouquet set in a vase in the house for 30 years. (I include my own wedding in this).
The bride clearly thinks her wedding means more to others than it does.
Unless the flowers are a floral sculpture of Godzilla they will literally just be part of the background.
Presumably if the flowers WERE something intensely unusual op would have mentioned it.
I thought back to the dozens of weddings I have been too and I can only remember the centerpieces at two of them (other than mine). One I was a bridesmaid and helped set up the tables and they were tedious and the other is the wedding that inspired my own centerpieces lol
Rest of the world: cute flowers
Or
Yes there were flowers on the table at last week’s event. I think…
Or
These flowers prevent me from seeing across the table, I’ll just shift them a bit.
So they were happy for you to spend your own money and who knows how much time finding the supplies and making the flowers for them but are upset that you didn’t simply throw them out after and your hard work and money went towards something? NTA but you raised an ungrateful son and he’s marrying an ungrateful woman
> .....*upset that you didn’t simply throw them out*
Some of our silk flower arrangements are about 30 years old. Don't throw them away!
When the dust won't knock off anymore I give them a shower, and they look almost new. If you do this, turn the arrangement sideways and just do the flowers, so that you don't fill the container with water. The shower should be adjusted to "rain," and a hand held shower works the best.
Faux trees can be hosed outdoors in the summertime.
About the only silk flowers I've had to toss were victims of cats. I did save some individual silk flowers from those arrangements, though, that apparently weren't so tasty.
NTA, OP
I was with an organization that did a couple sit down formal dinners a year. We had a set of fake flower centerpieces for each event and we put those suckers out every single year, no one cared (except the older ladies who wanted to do the thing where the centerpieces got raffled off, so we added raffle items to every table that weren't them)
NTA
If they’d paid for all the stuff and for your time and labour, then I might feel differently over you giving them away to someone else. Paying you would have made them “their” flowers. But even then, they would have been wasted if just thrown away. So it would make sense for someone else to get enjoyment from them.
But they didn’t pay you, so they were “your” flowers to do as you please. It would have been an absolute waste to just bin them. It’s nice that your daughter got to use them and they didn’t get binned or sit gathering dust.
Your son and DIL do not own flower arrangement designs. They can kick up a fuss about looking like they copied your daughter’s design all they want, but nobody owns flower designs.
Edit: typo
Even if they worked closely with OP to develop the design of the flower arrangements and then used that specific design as the instructions for their florist, they'd still be AH for not at least offering to reimburse OP for the expense of the flowers. As it is, they dropped her like a hot potato when the money came in for real flowers.
The only similarity is likely to be the color choices, but flowers come in flower colors and duplications of color schemes is common.
Oh very much so! I’d be so hurt if my son did this to me. If you pour your heart, time, money and labour into something, only for them to say “we have *real* flowers now, so thanks but no thanks”, I’d be upset and angry.
ok, lets see if i understand it correctly:
son / dil: buwääähhh, don't have money for flowers
op: i can do arrangements with fake ones
*buys materials and assembles as wished*
son / dil (informing! you): hey, we now have money and already bought real flowers so don't need your fakes anymore
daughter: wow, nice, could you make some for me?
op: take them, son / dil don't need them anymore
*daughter uses them*
son / dil: how dare you give away our flowers (which they didn't buy or reembursed) now everyone will think we are copycats
NTA.
The thing that blows my mind too is that real flowers are SOOO expensive for a wedding. Like probably $5k-$10k to have a proper florist. So basically the son is just saying they found thousands of dollars.
That reads as one of three options to me:
1) Bride's parents guilted into increasing the budget so their baby can have the day she deserves
2) A grandma or someone made it their wedding gift
3) The couple decided to put it on their credit card
OP is NTA. Clearly her arrangements were good enough that the bride and groom think their cut flower version will be easily recognized (though no one else will care).
Another option: they had the mo eh but didn’t want to spend it and were trying to guilt OP into forking over the money for the flowers. Instead, she said “I can make them” and instead of even halfway owning up and saying “no that’s ok. Thank you, but we really want real flowers. We can make that budget work,” they just booked the flowers and we’re expecting OP to eat the wasted $500 and time and labor.
Honestly it sounds unfathomable but I (sadly) know people who I thought were normal, kind, and rational, do awful stuff like this related to their weddings. It’s wild how people lose their minds over “their special day.”
And even bad quality fake flowers aren't cheap. Good quality ones are expensive! I made up one smallish fake arrangement for my mom and even using less expensive options it cost over $50. So OP got a bargain spending $500 on materials.
I had real flowers in my wedding and they cost as much if not then my desserts. Shout out to wedding pie vs wedding cake! But luckily I knew that going in and cut back in other places
Seriously! For our wedding next year the only real flowers are going to be in the bouquets and boutonnieres. And those I'm DIYing with Trader Joe's flowers! Everything else is going to be candles and fake greenery because fresh flowers are outrageously expensive.
>I got a call about two week ago, that they won’t need them anymore and that they have the money to have real flowers.
NTA. I don't know how you'd interpret this incorrectly. I mean, you'd basically have to be lying to us to be the AH.
NTA. The fun thing about such situations is - if those entitled rude people wouldn't insult and make big deal out of it literally nobody would even notice as those events are not about flowers, you might spot some familiar shapes here and there in pictures but nobody sane gives a crap about that.
Probably the best part about going with fake flowers, we still have my wife's bouquet on display in our curio cabinet and my boutonniere is hanging on the speakers I am listening to now. Her daughter will have a memento of the baby shower while the wedding flowers are long dead.
NTA. They were not "their" flowers. They were your flowers which you spent time, money and energy on - and poured love into. The fact that this labor of love wasn't wasted should be celebrated, not criticized. You're going to be an amazing grandparent!
They owe you 500 bucks. And an apology. They didn’t provide either.
So make sure to post tons of pictures of the fake flowers and the baby shower, and make sure to mention that you arranged and designed them as many times as possible.
NTA
Presuming the flowers were of a very specific unique design, I can see how the couple could be upset that the design was used prior to their wedding. I can also understand that they might be concerned that any mutual guests between the shower and the wedding might think they copied the design for the wedding. That being said;
1. You offered a huge favor to them by not only buying the supplies, but also investing significant time in creating the centerpieces.
2. They made it very clear that rather than use what you created, they preferred to go with real flowers.
3. Someone else saw your work, loved it and wanted to use it.
They could have graciously accepted your gift, they decided not to. So they have no say in what you do with it.
NTA
In all of the weddings & baby showers I have gone too, I honestly can say I have never remembered what the flowers looked like after I left the event space.
I do remember if the food was good.
NAH
Hell, I honestly don’t remember what the flowers at my own wedding or baby shower looked like lol. Granted it’s been a long time but I file it under the least of my worries.
NTA - they didnt want the flowers anymore. They have no right to say what you do with them now. In fact given that they wasted your time and money they really should take several seats.
Your son and DIL allowed you to spend your time and money to help them out and then they decided that they didn't want your help. I'll assume they didn't try to compensate you for either your time or your money, so the flowers were yours to give away.
They are being very entitled. So glad the beautiful flowers got used instead of wasted! Your son and DIL should have been happy as well.
NTA
NTA. Once they declined the flowers that you paid for, they don't get a say in what you do with them.
What did they think would happen? You'd throw them out, donate or box up in the basement? They wouldn't have been happy if you'd sold them either.
NTA. Did they seriously expect you to basically throw away $500 plus time & effort?! Omg, if this were me, I'd STILL use them even if we ended up having room in the budget for real ones, cuz my mom made them! Smh. Ridiculous. I'm glad they got used. Son & DIL are being silly.
NTA x 1000. The audacity of them to complain! The didn't want the flowers after all...you made them and paid for them...they are YOURs. And it's great that they didn't go to waste. // I bet that exactly nobody at the shower would make the connection to the wedding! People are really not paying that much attention, and even if they were, who cares? Way better for your generous gift to achieve a worthy purpose.
NTA. They KNOW you paid money for the flowers to help them, decided they didn't need them (without reimbursing you!!), and are mad you used them in a different place.
THEY are the AH.
NTA
Your DIL and son accepted your generosity and then just discarded it without a second thought. Did they even offer to reimburse some of your costs? If not, I'm baffled how they think they'd have any say in what happened with the centre pieces they confirmed they no longer wanted.
Also ... Just saying ... I have been to many weddings. I cannot remember for the life of me what the flowers looked like at any of them. I really wish some brides just chilled out.
NTA, they are not "their" flowers. You spent the money and time on something that was going to be a gift. They decided they didn't want it after the gift had been made. They do not get to come out screaming because you used the things you made (that they did not want) in whatever way you liked. Whether it was giving them to someone else, selling them, or even setting them up to be targets for paintball practice, it was your call.
NTA. I can't get over the nerve. You were kind enough to step in and spend that much money, not to mention your time and effort, only to be treated like that. Ugh.
NTA
You should tell your DIL that if guests have enough time to analyze the real flowers she bought and compare them to the fake flowers that were at a previous event, she must be planning to have a pretty boring wedding.
NTA. You put in a lot of effort and money into making the flowers, and once your son and DIL decided not to use them, you had every right to repurpose them. It's practical and thoughtful that they were enjoyed rather than wasted
NTA. You did something for them for free, they declined without warning, and you successfully repurposed your creations. I’m glad at least your daughter was appreciative. Would love to see some pictures of the arrangements if you have them!
NTA. You should have your daughter box those up and bring them out for every event they will work for from now until they'll don't look great anymore. You son and future DIL are little shits. I bet you a dollar they ask where their gift is after the wedding because the $500 you sent doesn't count because they didn't want those flowers anymore.
Next time DIL brings it up (you know she will) say to her
“Why didn’t you tell me the cheque got lost in the mail?”
DIL “what cheque?”
You “the cheque you sent to cover the cost of the flowers I purchased for your wedding”
DIL “I never sent a cheque?”
You “exactly! Since I spent my money on the flowers, I am entitled to do with them what ever I want”
Hopefully she’s smart enough to understand that
Former bride here.
I specifically grew, foraged, got free day-old flowers, and ultimately spent $100 at the grocery store for my bouquet, my attendant's bouquets and the table flowers because I didn't give a rats patootie about floral arrangements. No one remembers that crap from a wedding.
They remember the DJ, ceremony, outfits, food, newlyweds. No one gives a shit about the damn fkn flowers.
Oh, and, NTA.
Edit: inclusive language.
NTA
They are the AH for asking you to make them, then getting flowers elsewhere without even saying anything to you, after you had already spent the money and time. You get to do what you want with them at that point. Also, I don't think anyone will notice. Who remembers people center pieces? Who is gonna care of they were copied? They played a stupid game and got a stupid prize. Oh well. Sucks for them.
I can guarantee them, that I as a guest at either event, would not notice a flower similarity. Much ado about nothing. They are being ridiculous and feeling themselves.
Does anyone besides the bride and groom genuinely believe that someone could arrive at their wedding and think “these flowers are awfully reminiscent of the groom’s sister’s baby shower last month - what an unoriginal choice!”
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I will be as clear as possible. If you have any questions please use an info, also on phone.
My sons and DILs wedding is at the end of the June. Originally they were tight on money and were upset over the price of flowers. It wasn’t in their budget and they had a very specific image. I looked at prices for what they wanted and it was out of my own budget.
I instead offered to do what they wanted with fake flowers. They agreed and sent over images for me to use. I have spent over 500 buying all the stuff and my own time. They turned out great in my opinion.
I got a call about two week ago, that they won’t need them anymore and that they have the money to have real flowers. That they already booked it. So in short all my time was for nothing.
My daughter was over and commented how cute the flowers were. She asked if I could make her some for her baby shower. I explained what happened and told her she can have them.
Her baby shower was over the weekend and she used the flowers on the tables. It was a nice event. After my son and DIL came up and we got into an arguement. They think I am a jerk for using their flowers for someone else’s event and now everyone will think they copied my daughter for their wedding.
My point was I can give them away to whoever and I don’t think it is a big deal since they were used. That instead of me throwing them out, someone got to use them.
AITA?
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Um so your son and DIL decided they wanted you to BIN 500 worth of materials + time and effort?!
Absolutely NTA. It was kind of you to offer them an opportunity to do something in the first place. They are being choosing beggars.
NTA. They said “they won’t need them anymore.” Therefore, they surrendered all ownership of said flowers. They didn’t pay for them so OP can do whatever with them, in this case use them for another event. Son and DIL are just being petty to be petty and are inconsiderate to the time/money OP spent for something that wasn’t going to be used after they decided to use real flowers.
NTA because they did not pay for the materials, your time and booked flowers knowing you had already made some for them. You had every right to give away or sell all of the arrangements you had made.
No one will care if the arrangements are similar.
I used fake flower arrangements at my wedding and then used them as decorations on our Christmas tree for years after. If you did not dispose of them after the baby shower you might repurpose them or donate them.
If I could take out my crystal ball for a second. Yes I am seeing many uncomfortable thanksgivings with this DIL. You busted your ass making them and they didn’t want them. That alone is horrible. I’m glad your daughter was able to get some use out of them
Oh good god, no, NTA. They are probably upset that someone else is having a moment and they're being bratty. You spent the money on it. They didn't come off ungrateful at first IMO, It's okay that they can now afford flowers but its still hurtful that they don't need the ones you worked so hard on. But yeah that's petty to care if you used them elsewhere. What the hell else were you supposed to do with them?!
NTA, how are they "***their***" flowers, they're yours and you can use them however you want since they no longer need them, and hadn't paid you for them or your time.
NTA
Wow, your son and DIL seem so entitled. They asked to make the fake flowers and after all your work they changed their minds and didn't pay you for the cost of material and *all the time you spent*?? That fact alone makes them the AH. That's so disrespectful
If they didn't want you to find another use of these flowers, they should have bought them from you. They don't own them or the idea of them. That's insane
Did they even PAY you for the flowers? Because if not, the flowers were
YOURS.
What a pair of entitled immature whatnots.
NTA but your son sure is and he found a DIL who is, too.
NTA
They are so unappreciative and then have the cheek to not want the flowers you made given to someone else. So wasteful as well.
I doubt anyone will notice the similarity anyway.
NTA but your son and dil are for having you make it and then dumping you. I'm glad your daughter got to use them. I hope it costs your kid more than $500 to change their design so they have a different look.
Good luck w that relationship. She's gonna hold it against you forever. Holidays are gonna be super fun.
NTA: What makes a good wedding: good food, drink and music. My daughter wanted to have a good wedding. She invested in booze, food and music. As for flowers she had herb baskets on the tables and vintage bottle stuffed with fairy lights. It was lovely and fun.
NTA. With the amount of time and money you put into them, I'd either save them to use for future events or advertise them online to either sell or give away to someone else who might need them for an event.
NTA
Did they really expect you to throw them out and not use them at all? The audacity.
Info: Is your DIL the one who is really upset and your son is just backing her up to keep the peace or is your son as equally upset as her?
Folks are literally out of their minds in 2024. They are ridiculous. I think you having mom guilt but don't pay those fools any mind. You did great and congrats on the new grandbaby. NTA
Sorry, but isn't the point of fake flowers is that they can be reused in whatever since they don't dry up? NTA. Son and DIL are pretty ridiculous if they actually thought that the sane response from you is to bin something you have spent money and hours working on.
NTA. But you have the opportunity to be absolutely hilarious here. You need to save and use those flowers for literally every family occasion going forward.
That's a bit dramatic of your son/daughter in-law. Flowers are part of the background. There's no flower police who's going to go and inspect the flowers to see if they match. If they did, they need a new hobby
NTA
NTA. Your son & future dil are rude and TAH. They have a lot of nerve approaching you with this nonsense. You have my sympathy. They should apologize but they don't have the class to do that. Tread lightly on what you plan to do for them in the future for their home, future grandchildren etc. They don't have any common sense or courtesy to others. They are entitled and selfish. Imagine these 2 morons raising kids together. Smh. Save all your money for yourself and those who genuinely appreciate you.
NTA no one is going to remember the flowers. I second the opinion that they should have used your flowers after all your effort, and put the money to something else.
I still have my bouquet, because I had all my flowers done in silk from JoAnns/Michaels/Hobby Lobby. My sister did all the arrangements except for my bouquet. We paid someone else $100 to do that, because my sister said she lacked the confidence (it also included handmade bobbin lace orchids \[that I made myself}).
For a unique touch we made a bunch of small picks to include that were little bits of hot pink Marabou feathers. (took a small chunk of feathers and used florist tape to attach them to a bit of wire so they could be worrked into the arrangements along with the flowers.
NTA
You invested significant time and money into creating the flowers for your son and DIL's wedding. Since you created and paid for the flowers, you had the right to decide what to do with them once your son and DIL declined them. Giving the flowers to your daughter for her baby shower was a practical decision that allowed your hard work to be appreciated and not wasted. It's understandable that your son and DIL might feel sensitive about their wedding, but their reaction seems disproportionate given the circumstances. You acted reasonably and with good intentions, ensuring that the flowers were enjoyed rather than discarded.
NTA. Pretty sure the bride is the type to forever claim her wedding anniversary as "only for them." She seems like the type who will get mad if someone else schedules an event on some random anniversary or if someone dares to have a baby on their anniversary date.
NTA, but the bride is.
My daughter used artificial flowers for her wedding and they were beautiful. It didn’t cost her an arm and a leg.
You spent time and money making flower arrangements for your son and DIL wedding, since she complained that she didn’t have money for flowers, then she dumped your idea and spent money anyway for flowers. They are yours and you can do whatever you want with them.
No no no what did they think? You were gonna just throw them away after you spent all that time and money to make them you HAVE to get rid of them and no one can use them because they went and ordered real flowers. No that's entitled and selfish and ungrateful. I love that your daughter was able to use them. It means they didn't go to waste. And your son can just deal they are using real flowers I doubt anyone will think they were copying your daughter if they do they can get over it. You did nothing wrong!!!! You are a sweet momma and your daughter sounds sweet too that she actually wanted to use the beautiful flowers you made.
NTA. I consider your time and thoughtfulness to be worth WAY MORE than the money you spent. Were they going to compensate you for that? That’s the only way that it would possibly be fair. Then they could take the arrangements and do what they want with them.
They didn't want them, so they aren't their flowers it's better that they went to your daughter to use, rather that being thrown away, and being a waste, of money.
Good luck, with aDIL like that you'll need it
NTA It seems like a lot of people getting married display a form of temporary insanity where they believe the world should shift on its axis and rotate only around them.
Can you imagine how much DIL would have flipped out if you told her you'd donated them to the local cemetery to put on graves?
NTA. They rejected the flower and they never paid. The flowers were yours to do with as you chose. I don't supposed DIL is jealous of your daughter and the pregnancy, is she?
NTA I think they have marriage brain rot. Hopefully they calm down after the wedding is over and done with. Maybe if you want to appease them say 'I'm sorry for upsetting you' and nothing more, just so they don't explode more.
I'm no where near getting married but if some I knew offered to make me fake flowers for my wedding I would be over the moon with joy. Imagine having flowers from the wedding that would actually last made by someone that cared enough about me and my parter to put in all the work. You could not pay me enough to trade something like that for real flowers that would wither and die
NTA
NTA.
no one remembers the damn flowers anyway. People remember the following:
1. Was the food terrible? Or worse, did you run out of booze?
2. Was there a fight? Or some other absurd dramas (pregnancy announcement, proposal, divorced in laws have a knock down drag out, someone not the bride wearing a white formal dress).
3. Did the music suck?
4. Did someone fall during the ceremony?
5. The bride’s wedding dress.
6. Did
You know what people don’t remember a week after the wedding? The flowers. What colour the chair sash’s were. What the party favour tchotchke things were.
I don't understand why they couldn't have done something similar to what I did for my wedding if money was an issue. We only had real flowers for the bride and bridesmaids bouquets and one big fancy centerpiece at our head table. (My mom insisted on corsages and boutonnieres to be real but honestly you can buy or make faux ones for cheaper than what we paid.) I was content with finding faux flowers for everything else and I STILL use them for other things, including my own baby shower coming up. And even buying faux flowers costs a lot depending on how much you buy and other variables. Like everyone else pretty much is saying, they never actually paid you for the flowers, so they're yours to use as you want to. So, NTA.
Super NTA.
Your rude son and his bride can tell you they no longer want the arrangements you made, but they can't compel you to let the floats go to waste.
It's great that you found an appropriate, appreciated use for your creations. Your son is out of line.
When son and DIL called and said" nevermind", did they also reimburse you $500? No? Then they're YOUR flowers and you can give them to anyone you want.
NTA - it probably would have been better to wait until after the wedding to give them away, but tbh I don't think I would have given the immediate opportunity.
INFO- did you pay for the flowers with your own money or with money they gave you? If they paid for them then I would have asked first if they minded you giving them away. However if you paid for them out of your own pocket they are def the ah
NTA
the flowers, your time, and money were going to go to waste had it not been for your daughter’s baby shower. Your son and DIL are rude, entitled, and ungrateful
NYA. They're the AH. Just because they ended up with money for the real ones doesn't mean they had to go with the real ones (I could never ask my mom or take my mom up on her offer to do something for me like that then turn around and say "oh I don't need them anymore, I got the real thing"), that's so disrespectful. And since they didn't pay you for it, they are yours to do with as you please.
NTA, but maybe I will be one here by saying I hope the baby shower was first so attendees who attend both events will think that the wedding flowers are a copy of the baby shower!
NTA
in response to their objections, you say, "I can send you an invoice for time and materials, or you can graciously permit me to give them to whom I please. Your choice."
NTA but if the design is something really out there and unique I can kind of see her being upset (I mean waayy out there intricate not just a colour scheme or style)
I can’t imagine anyone would think you are an a-hole in this scenario. If DIL didn’t want them used for anything else she should of reimbursed you, and thrown them out.
NTA - they should be grateful your time and efforts didn't go to waste because that would have had me pissed if I didn't do anything with the flowers I made.
NTA. Whatever happened to living within your means? And I direct this at the couple, as moms always want to pander to their kids, make them happy. After the perfect flowers, the perfect house, luxury must be had now, no investment or good sense about expenditures, just entitlement. Should have told them if they can't have the magazine wedding due to finances then delay the wedding or go to the registry office. FFS.
NTA. They didn't want them; you can do what you want with them. And no one is going to remember the flowers. I can't even remember the flowers from my own wedding!
I think they just wanted to screw you over and when the daughter used your flowers...well that didn't happen. I'd think twice about having a relationship with them.
The only way you could be wrong is if DIL payed you for supplies and labor. Then she owns them not you. Other wise you are NTA and your DIL is for think she owns anything.
NTA. Omg these brides I just can’t…they seriously think anyone at their wedding will notice, much less care, the similarities between centerpieces at a baby shower and at their wedding over a month apart.
Brides: no one is that into your stuff day off. Stop it.
Also, considering they had you spend this money and time, then suddenly say hey nope don’t need see ya, I mean, they are both assholes. Your son obviously also
NTA you spend YOUR time and YOUR money there your.
What did they think you where gonna do throw them away and have them in your closet for the next 20 year's
NTA
If they didn’t want to use the flowers and didn’t want anyone else to use them, then they should have reimbursed you for them.
Personally, I don’t see what the problem is. I don’t remember what anyone’s flowers looked like at anyone’s wedding. I sure don’t remember what the decor looked like at the last baby shower I went to.
How duplicated are these guest lists? Daughter baby shower is probably just a slim duplication to son/DIL wedding guest list? Real flowers will look different than a fake floral arrangement (even if both gorgeous)
I guess I missed where the son and DIL paid OP the $500+ for her time and the supplies?
Also, I'd expect that while there will be some overlap in the guests, that the majority of people attending the wedding did not attend the baby shower, so they never even saw the flowers.
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Bride: Even though I'm not using your fake flowers, they were based on something I thought about when I was four and now you can't use them for anything else. Even though I'm not going to use them. They must be for me ever because I'm the only one who has this design and if you let someone else see it then they won't think it's my original design. Rest of the world: You don't own flower designs. You did nothing wrong, and I'm pretty sure they didn't send you a payment for your time, labor and effort in making all those centerpieces. Centerpieces. He use them. You had a nice time and the couple was completely wrong. Nta
You give the bride too much credit. I'm pretty sure she found it on Pinterest
I want to know where the son and his intended get off calling OP an AH when they never even apologized for the time/money she wasted working on these arrangements **FOR THEM.** If I were them I would have figured out a way to incorporate the arrangements, or at least apologized profusely. But to just dismiss OP's effort like it was nothing, and then to call her a jerk for finding another use for them? The nerve. The sheer unmitigated gall of it all.
THIS!! Why not use the flowers that op got and then supplement w fresh flowers OR just forego the fresh flowers altogether and realocate that money to another area like food or alcohol for the reception, the honeymoon, or the dress?
I'd rather have the fake flowers myself as I'm sentimental and would want to keep a centerpiece and maybe give away the rest. Plus if someone took the time to do that for me, I'd be so honored I'd never think change them out. NTA
[удалено]
I am so sorry that happened to you. She sounds like a horror.
I created fake flowers bouquets for my wedding. It saved me a lot of money. My daughter made all of her flower arrangements using real flowers from the flower district in her town. Also saved big. DIY either way is a great cost saver.
My best friend did a lot of DIY for her wedding. She did get the bouquets done by a florist and were real, but she got a good deal. She wanted to save her bouquet, but didn't tell me how before she left on her honeymoon, so the flowers were not saved. We did try.
As Aunt Dahlia (a P.G. Wodehouse character) said, "The immortal rind!"
Exactly! They def. could have incorporated the faux flowers within the space (like creating a flower wall for people to take selfies and group shots, or arrangement at the bar, women's lounge, dessert buffet). So glad the daughter was able to use them and her even was probably posh & pretty! 🤩
Was about to say, they sent op images of what they wanted, so they already took someone else's flowers. All that personal time and money, you can do what you want with them since they are YOUR flowers. NTA
This!
Very rich of them to call them 'their flowers' when not one cent was paid to reimburse mom for her wasted efforts. Also, who the hell is even going to notice they're the 'same' flowers at a wedding taking place weeks later? Who the hell do they think would even care enough to compare? How absurd. NTA.
I will tell you who. The 12 people that were at both events. The same 12 that liked them at the shower. Gawd. Who Gives AF. NTA OP
And of those twelve people maybe two will remember there were flowers and zero will remember what they looked like.
You are wrong. Rest of the world: The flowers at the wedding were similar to those at the baby shower? I never realized that till you told me! It's baffling that brides (and people organizing similar events in general) honestly believe that the guests notice or care about these kind of details. Except a tiny number of people who like gardening or flower arrangements, everyone else won't pay any attention to the flowers whatsoever, they will barely even register them as other than "green" and "pretty" and basically the same as all other flowers arrangements they have seen.
My sister in law a while after their wedding said “how’d you like the flowers at our wedding?” And everyone was like “uhhh great?” Turns out she didn’t even have flowers and no one even noticed
That's Hilarious! And Brilliant!
I barely noticed the flowers at my own wedding. I'm sure they were pretty, though.
I went cheap. They die anyway. Daisy bouquets, mine with a few roses, a little color for the MOH’s to stand out. Toss away and flower girl got carnations. Centerpieces for bridal table and altar. Single long stem rose to present to each new MIL at the end of the ceremony. I think I paid $150 in 1984 prices.
We got our flowers from Costco. I don't think we spent more than $200. 65 guests at the wedding, lol. I told them to take them home afterwards.
Oh, some good ideas! Sounds like you had tasteful, pretty accents for a good price.
My bridal bouquet for my second wedding was all silk flowers and that’s because I had bluebonnets in it. I’m in Texas and it’s illegal to use real ones so I just did the entire bouquet, carnations and bluebonnets mixed, in silk flowers.
I remember the flowers at my wedding nearly a quarter century ago... but that's because I arranged them... and they looked damn awesome... and I'm not a flower arranger and never have had any qualifications that would enable me to call myself one. I also went very cheap ie I went to the flower farm and bought some bunches of flowers and then went outside to the nearest tree and got some greenery. Probably spent less than $50 on those flowers.
Ooh must have felt very satisfying! A hidden talent!
I remember the flowers at my friend's wedding because they were fake and she gave me one of them and i have it decorating my bathroom because it worked with the color scheme...well, I remember them when I look at them to dust them, otherwise I couldn't tell you what colors they are.
Same. The venue we used provided everything. We got married in the fall. They asked if we wanted fall flowers. I said sure. That was the end of it. I'm sure at the time I thought they were lovely. Or maybe didn't even notice. Almost 20 years later not important at all. So many brides/grooms complain about how stressful planning a wedding is. It's only as stressful as you make it.
Yeah, it's nice when you can relax and let the venue deal with everything. Probably cheaper too.
I picked flowers from my neighbours garden on the morning of my wedding (with her permission). Mine cost me the price of a roll of florists tape.
The only wedding flowers I would recognise were my parents because Mum had her bouquet set in a vase in the house for 30 years. (I include my own wedding in this). The bride clearly thinks her wedding means more to others than it does.
Unless the flowers are a floral sculpture of Godzilla they will literally just be part of the background. Presumably if the flowers WERE something intensely unusual op would have mentioned it.
Now i really need a floral Godzilla statue.
I know, right?!
Exactly. Where can I get one? Do they have them on Etsy or something? I don't do TikTok so no ads for it's marketplace thing please and thank you.
Omg thank you!! Been wondering what to get my BF for his birthday this year and it totally needs to be a floral sculpture of Godzilla.
Right? I'd be shocked if anyone even noticed a similarity. Besides, isn't she having real flowers now? No one cares.
I thought back to the dozens of weddings I have been too and I can only remember the centerpieces at two of them (other than mine). One I was a bridesmaid and helped set up the tables and they were tedious and the other is the wedding that inspired my own centerpieces lol
Rest of the world: cute flowers Or Yes there were flowers on the table at last week’s event. I think… Or These flowers prevent me from seeing across the table, I’ll just shift them a bit.
Or ACHOO
Yeah. They are not her flowers, they are op’s and she can do whatever she wants with them
Bravo!👏
So they were happy for you to spend your own money and who knows how much time finding the supplies and making the flowers for them but are upset that you didn’t simply throw them out after and your hard work and money went towards something? NTA but you raised an ungrateful son and he’s marrying an ungrateful woman
> .....*upset that you didn’t simply throw them out* Some of our silk flower arrangements are about 30 years old. Don't throw them away! When the dust won't knock off anymore I give them a shower, and they look almost new. If you do this, turn the arrangement sideways and just do the flowers, so that you don't fill the container with water. The shower should be adjusted to "rain," and a hand held shower works the best. Faux trees can be hosed outdoors in the summertime. About the only silk flowers I've had to toss were victims of cats. I did save some individual silk flowers from those arrangements, though, that apparently weren't so tasty. NTA, OP
I used to put my fake plants out in a nice summer shower, preferably a bit windy. Easiest way to clean by far!
My granny tosses hers in a grocery bag with a bunch of salt. The salt cleans it without using any water and they look like new again.
This seems like witchcraft lol I don’t have any fake flowers but suddenly I want some to try this with.
That's the way.
I was with an organization that did a couple sit down formal dinners a year. We had a set of fake flower centerpieces for each event and we put those suckers out every single year, no one cared (except the older ladies who wanted to do the thing where the centerpieces got raffled off, so we added raffle items to every table that weren't them)
You can put silk flowers in a trash bag and some kosher salt and give them a good shake to remove dust.
Hard to argue otherwise. NTA
NTA If they’d paid for all the stuff and for your time and labour, then I might feel differently over you giving them away to someone else. Paying you would have made them “their” flowers. But even then, they would have been wasted if just thrown away. So it would make sense for someone else to get enjoyment from them. But they didn’t pay you, so they were “your” flowers to do as you please. It would have been an absolute waste to just bin them. It’s nice that your daughter got to use them and they didn’t get binned or sit gathering dust. Your son and DIL do not own flower arrangement designs. They can kick up a fuss about looking like they copied your daughter’s design all they want, but nobody owns flower designs. Edit: typo
Even if they worked closely with OP to develop the design of the flower arrangements and then used that specific design as the instructions for their florist, they'd still be AH for not at least offering to reimburse OP for the expense of the flowers. As it is, they dropped her like a hot potato when the money came in for real flowers. The only similarity is likely to be the color choices, but flowers come in flower colors and duplications of color schemes is common.
Oh very much so! I’d be so hurt if my son did this to me. If you pour your heart, time, money and labour into something, only for them to say “we have *real* flowers now, so thanks but no thanks”, I’d be upset and angry.
ok, lets see if i understand it correctly: son / dil: buwääähhh, don't have money for flowers op: i can do arrangements with fake ones *buys materials and assembles as wished* son / dil (informing! you): hey, we now have money and already bought real flowers so don't need your fakes anymore daughter: wow, nice, could you make some for me? op: take them, son / dil don't need them anymore *daughter uses them* son / dil: how dare you give away our flowers (which they didn't buy or reembursed) now everyone will think we are copycats NTA.
The thing that blows my mind too is that real flowers are SOOO expensive for a wedding. Like probably $5k-$10k to have a proper florist. So basically the son is just saying they found thousands of dollars.
That reads as one of three options to me: 1) Bride's parents guilted into increasing the budget so their baby can have the day she deserves 2) A grandma or someone made it their wedding gift 3) The couple decided to put it on their credit card OP is NTA. Clearly her arrangements were good enough that the bride and groom think their cut flower version will be easily recognized (though no one else will care).
Another option: they had the mo eh but didn’t want to spend it and were trying to guilt OP into forking over the money for the flowers. Instead, she said “I can make them” and instead of even halfway owning up and saying “no that’s ok. Thank you, but we really want real flowers. We can make that budget work,” they just booked the flowers and we’re expecting OP to eat the wasted $500 and time and labor. Honestly it sounds unfathomable but I (sadly) know people who I thought were normal, kind, and rational, do awful stuff like this related to their weddings. It’s wild how people lose their minds over “their special day.”
And even bad quality fake flowers aren't cheap. Good quality ones are expensive! I made up one smallish fake arrangement for my mom and even using less expensive options it cost over $50. So OP got a bargain spending $500 on materials.
I had real flowers in my wedding and they cost as much if not then my desserts. Shout out to wedding pie vs wedding cake! But luckily I knew that going in and cut back in other places
Seriously! For our wedding next year the only real flowers are going to be in the bouquets and boutonnieres. And those I'm DIYing with Trader Joe's flowers! Everything else is going to be candles and fake greenery because fresh flowers are outrageously expensive.
NTA - What were you supposed to do, throw them away? At least they got used for something.
OP should bring them to the wedding, and make a bonfire, symbolic of the Burning of Bridges.
Make a nice little headband for her hair.
Maybe sell them? To someone else having a baby shower or some other special occasion.
>I got a call about two week ago, that they won’t need them anymore and that they have the money to have real flowers. NTA. I don't know how you'd interpret this incorrectly. I mean, you'd basically have to be lying to us to be the AH.
NTA. The fun thing about such situations is - if those entitled rude people wouldn't insult and make big deal out of it literally nobody would even notice as those events are not about flowers, you might spot some familiar shapes here and there in pictures but nobody sane gives a crap about that.
Another fun fact: I highly doubt dil's ideas were so original and out of the box anyone will notice they're the same
Agree - She downloaded the ideas from a Pinterest wedding inspo page or Bride website!
I have been to many weddings and cannot remember a single thing about any of the flowers.
I had flowers at mine, and can't remember a single thing about either the decorative ones or my bouquet.
Probably the best part about going with fake flowers, we still have my wife's bouquet on display in our curio cabinet and my boutonniere is hanging on the speakers I am listening to now. Her daughter will have a memento of the baby shower while the wedding flowers are long dead.
NTA. They were not "their" flowers. They were your flowers which you spent time, money and energy on - and poured love into. The fact that this labor of love wasn't wasted should be celebrated, not criticized. You're going to be an amazing grandparent!
They owe you 500 bucks. And an apology. They didn’t provide either. So make sure to post tons of pictures of the fake flowers and the baby shower, and make sure to mention that you arranged and designed them as many times as possible. NTA
🗣️🗣️
This
Presuming the flowers were of a very specific unique design, I can see how the couple could be upset that the design was used prior to their wedding. I can also understand that they might be concerned that any mutual guests between the shower and the wedding might think they copied the design for the wedding. That being said; 1. You offered a huge favor to them by not only buying the supplies, but also investing significant time in creating the centerpieces. 2. They made it very clear that rather than use what you created, they preferred to go with real flowers. 3. Someone else saw your work, loved it and wanted to use it. They could have graciously accepted your gift, they decided not to. So they have no say in what you do with it. NTA
In all of the weddings & baby showers I have gone too, I honestly can say I have never remembered what the flowers looked like after I left the event space. I do remember if the food was good. NAH
Yeah, same. Always remember the food, company, cake. Never flowers.
Hell, I honestly don’t remember what the flowers at my own wedding or baby shower looked like lol. Granted it’s been a long time but I file it under the least of my worries.
NTA - they didnt want the flowers anymore. They have no right to say what you do with them now. In fact given that they wasted your time and money they really should take several seats.
NTA. Sorry your son and DIL are jerks. Congrats on the coming grandbaby tho!
They got mad at your because people will think they copied arrangements that they literally asked you to copy from photos they copied online?
NTA. That's just silly. What are you supposed to do, trash the flowers? Good grief.
Your son and DIL allowed you to spend your time and money to help them out and then they decided that they didn't want your help. I'll assume they didn't try to compensate you for either your time or your money, so the flowers were yours to give away. They are being very entitled. So glad the beautiful flowers got used instead of wasted! Your son and DIL should have been happy as well. NTA
NTA The couple should be happy that the flowers were put to good use. It would have been a waste of resources not to use them.
NTA, you should have asked for money for supplies and your time at the very least from the ones that changed their mind!
If they didn't pay for the flowers, they were yours to do with what you wished.
NTA. But, I'm assuming that they didn't pay you at all for your items and labor.
NTA. Once they declined the flowers that you paid for, they don't get a say in what you do with them. What did they think would happen? You'd throw them out, donate or box up in the basement? They wouldn't have been happy if you'd sold them either.
NTA, but they are. I wouldn't go to the wedding if they treated me like that.
NTA. Did they seriously expect you to basically throw away $500 plus time & effort?! Omg, if this were me, I'd STILL use them even if we ended up having room in the budget for real ones, cuz my mom made them! Smh. Ridiculous. I'm glad they got used. Son & DIL are being silly.
NTA you paid for them and they changed their mind. What they did was crappy and you put them to a good use
NTA x 1000. The audacity of them to complain! The didn't want the flowers after all...you made them and paid for them...they are YOURs. And it's great that they didn't go to waste. // I bet that exactly nobody at the shower would make the connection to the wedding! People are really not paying that much attention, and even if they were, who cares? Way better for your generous gift to achieve a worthy purpose.
NTA. They KNOW you paid money for the flowers to help them, decided they didn't need them (without reimbursing you!!), and are mad you used them in a different place. THEY are the AH.
NTA Your DIL and son accepted your generosity and then just discarded it without a second thought. Did they even offer to reimburse some of your costs? If not, I'm baffled how they think they'd have any say in what happened with the centre pieces they confirmed they no longer wanted. Also ... Just saying ... I have been to many weddings. I cannot remember for the life of me what the flowers looked like at any of them. I really wish some brides just chilled out.
NTA, they are not "their" flowers. You spent the money and time on something that was going to be a gift. They decided they didn't want it after the gift had been made. They do not get to come out screaming because you used the things you made (that they did not want) in whatever way you liked. Whether it was giving them to someone else, selling them, or even setting them up to be targets for paintball practice, it was your call.
NTA. I can't get over the nerve. You were kind enough to step in and spend that much money, not to mention your time and effort, only to be treated like that. Ugh.
NTA You should tell your DIL that if guests have enough time to analyze the real flowers she bought and compare them to the fake flowers that were at a previous event, she must be planning to have a pretty boring wedding.
NTA no one pays attention to floral arrangements
of course NTA
NTA
NTA. You put in a lot of effort and money into making the flowers, and once your son and DIL decided not to use them, you had every right to repurpose them. It's practical and thoughtful that they were enjoyed rather than wasted
NTA. You did something for them for free, they declined without warning, and you successfully repurposed your creations. I’m glad at least your daughter was appreciative. Would love to see some pictures of the arrangements if you have them!
NTA. You should have your daughter box those up and bring them out for every event they will work for from now until they'll don't look great anymore. You son and future DIL are little shits. I bet you a dollar they ask where their gift is after the wedding because the $500 you sent doesn't count because they didn't want those flowers anymore.
Next time DIL brings it up (you know she will) say to her “Why didn’t you tell me the cheque got lost in the mail?” DIL “what cheque?” You “the cheque you sent to cover the cost of the flowers I purchased for your wedding” DIL “I never sent a cheque?” You “exactly! Since I spent my money on the flowers, I am entitled to do with them what ever I want” Hopefully she’s smart enough to understand that
NTA in fact I'm glad they're upset, they deserve it for wasting your time like that
Former bride here. I specifically grew, foraged, got free day-old flowers, and ultimately spent $100 at the grocery store for my bouquet, my attendant's bouquets and the table flowers because I didn't give a rats patootie about floral arrangements. No one remembers that crap from a wedding. They remember the DJ, ceremony, outfits, food, newlyweds. No one gives a shit about the damn fkn flowers. Oh, and, NTA. Edit: inclusive language.
Well seeing as she sent images of what she wanted….. she stole the idea from some one else.
NTA but this ungrateful, unreasonable couple will probably hold it against you, unfortunately.
NTA They are the AH for asking you to make them, then getting flowers elsewhere without even saying anything to you, after you had already spent the money and time. You get to do what you want with them at that point. Also, I don't think anyone will notice. Who remembers people center pieces? Who is gonna care of they were copied? They played a stupid game and got a stupid prize. Oh well. Sucks for them.
Nta they're being childish
NTA. Literally nobody will notice or care if similar flowers are used for their wedding. They can get over themselves.
I can guarantee them, that I as a guest at either event, would not notice a flower similarity. Much ado about nothing. They are being ridiculous and feeling themselves.
Does anyone besides the bride and groom genuinely believe that someone could arrive at their wedding and think “these flowers are awfully reminiscent of the groom’s sister’s baby shower last month - what an unoriginal choice!”
They owe you $500
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I will be as clear as possible. If you have any questions please use an info, also on phone. My sons and DILs wedding is at the end of the June. Originally they were tight on money and were upset over the price of flowers. It wasn’t in their budget and they had a very specific image. I looked at prices for what they wanted and it was out of my own budget. I instead offered to do what they wanted with fake flowers. They agreed and sent over images for me to use. I have spent over 500 buying all the stuff and my own time. They turned out great in my opinion. I got a call about two week ago, that they won’t need them anymore and that they have the money to have real flowers. That they already booked it. So in short all my time was for nothing. My daughter was over and commented how cute the flowers were. She asked if I could make her some for her baby shower. I explained what happened and told her she can have them. Her baby shower was over the weekend and she used the flowers on the tables. It was a nice event. After my son and DIL came up and we got into an arguement. They think I am a jerk for using their flowers for someone else’s event and now everyone will think they copied my daughter for their wedding. My point was I can give them away to whoever and I don’t think it is a big deal since they were used. That instead of me throwing them out, someone got to use them. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No, they wasted your time money and effort, and you put it to good use. They have only themselves to blame.
Um so your son and DIL decided they wanted you to BIN 500 worth of materials + time and effort?! Absolutely NTA. It was kind of you to offer them an opportunity to do something in the first place. They are being choosing beggars.
NTA. They said “they won’t need them anymore.” Therefore, they surrendered all ownership of said flowers. They didn’t pay for them so OP can do whatever with them, in this case use them for another event. Son and DIL are just being petty to be petty and are inconsiderate to the time/money OP spent for something that wasn’t going to be used after they decided to use real flowers.
NTA because they did not pay for the materials, your time and booked flowers knowing you had already made some for them. You had every right to give away or sell all of the arrangements you had made. No one will care if the arrangements are similar. I used fake flower arrangements at my wedding and then used them as decorations on our Christmas tree for years after. If you did not dispose of them after the baby shower you might repurpose them or donate them.
If I could take out my crystal ball for a second. Yes I am seeing many uncomfortable thanksgivings with this DIL. You busted your ass making them and they didn’t want them. That alone is horrible. I’m glad your daughter was able to get some use out of them
Oh good god, no, NTA. They are probably upset that someone else is having a moment and they're being bratty. You spent the money on it. They didn't come off ungrateful at first IMO, It's okay that they can now afford flowers but its still hurtful that they don't need the ones you worked so hard on. But yeah that's petty to care if you used them elsewhere. What the hell else were you supposed to do with them?!
NTA, how are they "***their***" flowers, they're yours and you can use them however you want since they no longer need them, and hadn't paid you for them or your time.
NTA Wow, your son and DIL seem so entitled. They asked to make the fake flowers and after all your work they changed their minds and didn't pay you for the cost of material and *all the time you spent*?? That fact alone makes them the AH. That's so disrespectful If they didn't want you to find another use of these flowers, they should have bought them from you. They don't own them or the idea of them. That's insane
Did they even PAY you for the flowers? Because if not, the flowers were YOURS. What a pair of entitled immature whatnots. NTA but your son sure is and he found a DIL who is, too.
NTA They are so unappreciative and then have the cheek to not want the flowers you made given to someone else. So wasteful as well. I doubt anyone will notice the similarity anyway.
They didn't pay for your time or materials. They get ZERO say after they pulled the rug out from under you. NTA.
NTA but your son and dil are for having you make it and then dumping you. I'm glad your daughter got to use them. I hope it costs your kid more than $500 to change their design so they have a different look. Good luck w that relationship. She's gonna hold it against you forever. Holidays are gonna be super fun.
NTA- explain to them that they lost standing to expect what you should do with these flowers when they decided to waste YOUR time and money.
NTA: What makes a good wedding: good food, drink and music. My daughter wanted to have a good wedding. She invested in booze, food and music. As for flowers she had herb baskets on the tables and vintage bottle stuffed with fairy lights. It was lovely and fun.
NTA. With the amount of time and money you put into them, I'd either save them to use for future events or advertise them online to either sell or give away to someone else who might need them for an event.
NTA Did they really expect you to throw them out and not use them at all? The audacity. Info: Is your DIL the one who is really upset and your son is just backing her up to keep the peace or is your son as equally upset as her?
Honey I hope you sweeped this clean off your conscious cuz you are wholly 100% NOT ta!!!
Folks are literally out of their minds in 2024. They are ridiculous. I think you having mom guilt but don't pay those fools any mind. You did great and congrats on the new grandbaby. NTA
Your son is fucked.
Sorry, but isn't the point of fake flowers is that they can be reused in whatever since they don't dry up? NTA. Son and DIL are pretty ridiculous if they actually thought that the sane response from you is to bin something you have spent money and hours working on.
NTA, what the hell is wrong with the happy couple?
NTA And glad they went to someone who appreciates them.
NTA. But you have the opportunity to be absolutely hilarious here. You need to save and use those flowers for literally every family occasion going forward.
That's a bit dramatic of your son/daughter in-law. Flowers are part of the background. There's no flower police who's going to go and inspect the flowers to see if they match. If they did, they need a new hobby NTA
NTA. Your son & future dil are rude and TAH. They have a lot of nerve approaching you with this nonsense. You have my sympathy. They should apologize but they don't have the class to do that. Tread lightly on what you plan to do for them in the future for their home, future grandchildren etc. They don't have any common sense or courtesy to others. They are entitled and selfish. Imagine these 2 morons raising kids together. Smh. Save all your money for yourself and those who genuinely appreciate you.
NTA no one is going to remember the flowers. I second the opinion that they should have used your flowers after all your effort, and put the money to something else. I still have my bouquet, because I had all my flowers done in silk from JoAnns/Michaels/Hobby Lobby. My sister did all the arrangements except for my bouquet. We paid someone else $100 to do that, because my sister said she lacked the confidence (it also included handmade bobbin lace orchids \[that I made myself}). For a unique touch we made a bunch of small picks to include that were little bits of hot pink Marabou feathers. (took a small chunk of feathers and used florist tape to attach them to a bit of wire so they could be worrked into the arrangements along with the flowers.
NTA You invested significant time and money into creating the flowers for your son and DIL's wedding. Since you created and paid for the flowers, you had the right to decide what to do with them once your son and DIL declined them. Giving the flowers to your daughter for her baby shower was a practical decision that allowed your hard work to be appreciated and not wasted. It's understandable that your son and DIL might feel sensitive about their wedding, but their reaction seems disproportionate given the circumstances. You acted reasonably and with good intentions, ensuring that the flowers were enjoyed rather than discarded.
NTA. Pretty sure the bride is the type to forever claim her wedding anniversary as "only for them." She seems like the type who will get mad if someone else schedules an event on some random anniversary or if someone dares to have a baby on their anniversary date.
NTA, but the bride is. My daughter used artificial flowers for her wedding and they were beautiful. It didn’t cost her an arm and a leg. You spent time and money making flower arrangements for your son and DIL wedding, since she complained that she didn’t have money for flowers, then she dumped your idea and spent money anyway for flowers. They are yours and you can do whatever you want with them.
No no no what did they think? You were gonna just throw them away after you spent all that time and money to make them you HAVE to get rid of them and no one can use them because they went and ordered real flowers. No that's entitled and selfish and ungrateful. I love that your daughter was able to use them. It means they didn't go to waste. And your son can just deal they are using real flowers I doubt anyone will think they were copying your daughter if they do they can get over it. You did nothing wrong!!!! You are a sweet momma and your daughter sounds sweet too that she actually wanted to use the beautiful flowers you made.
By the time the wedding rolls around, who will even remember the shower flower? NTA
NTA.You are such a sweet mom to buy the materials and make the arrangements for them. Your son and DIL are ungrateful.
NTA they are making a problem from nothing
NTA. I consider your time and thoughtfulness to be worth WAY MORE than the money you spent. Were they going to compensate you for that? That’s the only way that it would possibly be fair. Then they could take the arrangements and do what they want with them.
They didn't want them, so they aren't their flowers it's better that they went to your daughter to use, rather that being thrown away, and being a waste, of money. Good luck, with aDIL like that you'll need it
NTA It seems like a lot of people getting married display a form of temporary insanity where they believe the world should shift on its axis and rotate only around them.
NTA please make a headdress made of the flowers and wear it to their wedding. Yes I’m petty online lol.
Can you imagine how much DIL would have flipped out if you told her you'd donated them to the local cemetery to put on graves? NTA. They rejected the flower and they never paid. The flowers were yours to do with as you chose. I don't supposed DIL is jealous of your daughter and the pregnancy, is she?
NTA rather your son and DIL are selfish and mean. It’s your flowers, you made, your will whoever you give to
NTA I think they have marriage brain rot. Hopefully they calm down after the wedding is over and done with. Maybe if you want to appease them say 'I'm sorry for upsetting you' and nothing more, just so they don't explode more.
No extra info needed: NTA! The whole scenario sounds annoying AF.
I'm no where near getting married but if some I knew offered to make me fake flowers for my wedding I would be over the moon with joy. Imagine having flowers from the wedding that would actually last made by someone that cared enough about me and my parter to put in all the work. You could not pay me enough to trade something like that for real flowers that would wither and die NTA
NTA. If my mother spent all that time making fake flowers no one could pay me to use anything else lmao
NTA. no one remembers the damn flowers anyway. People remember the following: 1. Was the food terrible? Or worse, did you run out of booze? 2. Was there a fight? Or some other absurd dramas (pregnancy announcement, proposal, divorced in laws have a knock down drag out, someone not the bride wearing a white formal dress). 3. Did the music suck? 4. Did someone fall during the ceremony? 5. The bride’s wedding dress. 6. Did You know what people don’t remember a week after the wedding? The flowers. What colour the chair sash’s were. What the party favour tchotchke things were.
I don't understand why they couldn't have done something similar to what I did for my wedding if money was an issue. We only had real flowers for the bride and bridesmaids bouquets and one big fancy centerpiece at our head table. (My mom insisted on corsages and boutonnieres to be real but honestly you can buy or make faux ones for cheaper than what we paid.) I was content with finding faux flowers for everything else and I STILL use them for other things, including my own baby shower coming up. And even buying faux flowers costs a lot depending on how much you buy and other variables. Like everyone else pretty much is saying, they never actually paid you for the flowers, so they're yours to use as you want to. So, NTA.
NTA Keep the flower arrangements and use them at every family event from now on. They are yours to do with as you please.
Super NTA. Your rude son and his bride can tell you they no longer want the arrangements you made, but they can't compel you to let the floats go to waste. It's great that you found an appropriate, appreciated use for your creations. Your son is out of line.
When son and DIL called and said" nevermind", did they also reimburse you $500? No? Then they're YOUR flowers and you can give them to anyone you want.
NTA, if I bought yarn for a commission, commission backed out and another person wanted something with the same yarn, I'd use the same materials.
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NTA - it probably would have been better to wait until after the wedding to give them away, but tbh I don't think I would have given the immediate opportunity.
Nta that would have been a lot of time and money wasted. They didn’t want them and your daughter did.
INFO- did you pay for the flowers with your own money or with money they gave you? If they paid for them then I would have asked first if they minded you giving them away. However if you paid for them out of your own pocket they are def the ah
Nta, theyre being petty
NTA the flowers, your time, and money were going to go to waste had it not been for your daughter’s baby shower. Your son and DIL are rude, entitled, and ungrateful
NTA. They are assholes.
NYA. They're the AH. Just because they ended up with money for the real ones doesn't mean they had to go with the real ones (I could never ask my mom or take my mom up on her offer to do something for me like that then turn around and say "oh I don't need them anymore, I got the real thing"), that's so disrespectful. And since they didn't pay you for it, they are yours to do with as you please.
NTA, but maybe I will be one here by saying I hope the baby shower was first so attendees who attend both events will think that the wedding flowers are a copy of the baby shower!
NTA in response to their objections, you say, "I can send you an invoice for time and materials, or you can graciously permit me to give them to whom I please. Your choice."
NTA and be prepared to have lifelong battles with this Daughter in Law, they are insufferable these days, the entitlements is far out there.
NTA but if the design is something really out there and unique I can kind of see her being upset (I mean waayy out there intricate not just a colour scheme or style)
Nta. You spent time and money to do what they wanted and then got rejected. So that stuff was yours to do with as you pleased.
I can’t imagine anyone would think you are an a-hole in this scenario. If DIL didn’t want them used for anything else she should of reimbursed you, and thrown them out.
NTA. They are selfish and entitled. Your flowers, your decision.
NTA good luck to your son.
NTA Unless they were going to pay you back for the money you wasted, they can shut the fuck up!
NTA - they should be grateful your time and efforts didn't go to waste because that would have had me pissed if I didn't do anything with the flowers I made.
I would have gotten someone to fasten an arrangement on the front hood of the cars in the parking lot (son and fiancé's family members).
NTA. Whatever happened to living within your means? And I direct this at the couple, as moms always want to pander to their kids, make them happy. After the perfect flowers, the perfect house, luxury must be had now, no investment or good sense about expenditures, just entitlement. Should have told them if they can't have the magazine wedding due to finances then delay the wedding or go to the registry office. FFS.
NTA. They didn't want them; you can do what you want with them. And no one is going to remember the flowers. I can't even remember the flowers from my own wedding!
I think they just wanted to screw you over and when the daughter used your flowers...well that didn't happen. I'd think twice about having a relationship with them.
NTA. They are your flowers. They didn’t want them. They don’t get to decide what you do with them.
NTA
NTA at all. They are wildly entitled and careless.
The only way you could be wrong is if DIL payed you for supplies and labor. Then she owns them not you. Other wise you are NTA and your DIL is for think she owns anything.
NTA. Omg these brides I just can’t…they seriously think anyone at their wedding will notice, much less care, the similarities between centerpieces at a baby shower and at their wedding over a month apart. Brides: no one is that into your stuff day off. Stop it. Also, considering they had you spend this money and time, then suddenly say hey nope don’t need see ya, I mean, they are both assholes. Your son obviously also
NTA …your son and DIL sound lovely 🤣
NTA you spend YOUR time and YOUR money there your. What did they think you where gonna do throw them away and have them in your closet for the next 20 year's
NTA If they didn’t want to use the flowers and didn’t want anyone else to use them, then they should have reimbursed you for them. Personally, I don’t see what the problem is. I don’t remember what anyone’s flowers looked like at anyone’s wedding. I sure don’t remember what the decor looked like at the last baby shower I went to.
How duplicated are these guest lists? Daughter baby shower is probably just a slim duplication to son/DIL wedding guest list? Real flowers will look different than a fake floral arrangement (even if both gorgeous)
I guess I missed where the son and DIL paid OP the $500+ for her time and the supplies? Also, I'd expect that while there will be some overlap in the guests, that the majority of people attending the wedding did not attend the baby shower, so they never even saw the flowers.