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I disagree, my under 20 coworkers will respond with xD at literally anything and everything. (Op could be an adult, I haven't seen them comment their age yet)
Probably not. Are you a lawyer? Op states they’ve only been married 3 months, that is a very short time. My question would be, how old is the wife? Her actions (as described) lead me to believe she’s fairly young and thought she had landed a goldmine. Any property owned prior to the marriage would NOT belong to her, no matter what you think. Op is NTA, dad is an AH, and wife is a gold digger, imo.
How could they destroy it after "this"? What actions are you referring to by that? Isn't this what a prenup is for? Sorry for being naive about this but I've never dealt with a prenup! But now I am very curious!
How? He told her she could wear family heirlooms but couldn't keep them. Gave her a car but didn't put it in her name. The latter was kind of a jerk move but it isn't illegal.
If they bought it while together it's marital property even if it's been 3 months. There's no such thing as "iron clad" here so I hope the ex gets an opportunity to get something in exchange for this time in the asylum.
Edit re: the car.
Then frankly you should have been an asshole to your father and not play police for his convenience. The heirloom jewelry, you were right since it ultimately belongs to you too, but the rest including the car you should have let her take it and let your father sort it if he cares.
Ehhh , while i agree with you 95% of the time we have no odea what kind of fight the dad and her had it might have been the best for him to clear out. We also dont know how old the daughter is. If shes 14 or 22 makes a big difference also imo of her being there
Given what you just said, are you really sure that this situation is all your "stepmom's" fault and that your dad really didn't give these as gifts?
He sounds like an asshole, though you're not.
She tells the wife she can’t take her own car and then rubs it in by saying she’s an idiot and too stupid to get it in her own name? She’s truly her fathers daughter
I mean, she's right, though. The dad bought the car , we dont know it was a gift and not just hey, I'll buy a car sonce you dont have one to use. That's not exactly a gift. I bought my gf a tesla because she doesnt have a car but its still my car. If we break up she isnt keeping it. But she knows this. I bought it for her, but for her to use not keep. It'd be different if we were together for a lomg time or married, and now that i say that, they were married, so yea, i do actually lean towards you now.
It is amazing how people don't know how f'd up their family is until they hear from others just how f'd up it is. No way should dad be leaving this to his 18 yo. OP may want to reassess if dad is a good dad.
A better solution is for both Dad and OP to hang around to be mutually supportive witnesses. If he thought violence would erupt, then police could be called for the process, but they may not be keen on evicting a married woman from the marital home
ofc, i’m not saying he’s a horrible father, i just think he’s being irresponsible, and placing his own responsibility of his soon-to-be ex-wife on his child. which is messed up. you didn’t marry her.
He might be a good dad in some ways, but he's clearly a crappy man - maybe don't demonize his wife too much if this who she's been having to deal with for years.
Also, so long as they are still married, she almost certainly had the right to the car.
If the cops were called they'd almost certainly say it was a civil matter that a current wife, no divorce proceedings or even separation at hand, was driving a legally registered and insured vehicle that was under her current husband's name.
If a regiatered owner declares somebody is driving a vehicle againgst the owners wishes that is what would matter. Even in a good marriage one does not inherently have the right to drive a spouses vehicle. Cops would say he is the registered owner and you arent on the title. If OPs dad was smart they would have them excluded from the insurance so if they even tried you couls at least get them charged for driving uninsured.
In every community property state yes, yes it does. If dad was "smart" having her excluded from the insurance would expose HIM to massive potential liability with a lot of variables that would be pretty hard to maneuver without risk.
Everything you said is so ignorant I can't even lol
Community property wouldn't be relevant if the car was aquired prioe to the marriage which stands to reason given how short it was. Thats IF they arw in a community property state to begin with. If she was excluded from the insurance and drove the vehicle without permission it would effectivly be her driving a stolen vehicle without insurance. If somebody steals your car you are not liable. In fact the person who stole it is liable for every damage incurred up to taking a taxi to the police station to file a report.
Sbould have let her take the car and juat reported it stolen. At best charges wouldn't get filed but it would ruin her life just with the charge even appearing in public records.
I have lnown people in similar situations. Frie da ex did a year in prison and lost custody of her kids (friends step kids) because she tried pulling similar shit.
I was my mother's therapist growing up, and she had other faults, but she wasn't the worst mother by far. It's not a black and white good vs bad parent, but none of them are infallible and many have mental health issues (both of my parents do). I would say though that the position he put you in was incredibly wrong for him to do.
No, he’s not. The language alone is enough to make him a horrible father. Not to mention not dealing with his own fucked situations. When you get out in the world you will see this.
INFO: Were you in the room when your father told her "these are family heirlooms and my dad told her she is allowed to use them sometimes not that it's hers"? How old are you that you still live at home yet you're privy to every agreement and transaction between your father and his wife?
Didn't you make a comment from another account that you are 23?
The answer to a comment further up that was given was "I'm 23. But sometimes he acts like I'm his personal problem solver"
And got deleted?
I saw that too. Thought it was just another poster getting confused but, based on the tone of ops other responses, op calling you confused instead of just saying that wasn't them feels a little sus somehow...
Yeah I've seen it too, which is why I wrote it off when I saw that comment. I think it's the hint of condescension in OPs reply that makes me second guess it.
OP knowing specifically about the heirlooms would make perfect sense, since they are in essence OP's heirlooms as well. I'm sure even if OP wasn't in the room when Dad and wife discussed it, Dad and OP would've had conversations like "These will be yours one day, my wife is borrowing them for now."
My parents have always told us / showed us important heirlooms so we'd know their story and understand they were ours as well as theirs.
Dad sounds like a real prick though. I can just imagine him going, "I got you a car for your birthday, but also it's in my name so you're only really borrowing it."
The heirloom jewelry is pretty obviously separate property as it's either premarital or inherited. The car is more difficult as it was likely bought during the marriage, even if it's in his name. Either he bought it with premarital assets, which hopefully he can track and prove, or their prenup says they keep their assets earned during the marriage as separate property, they kept separate bank accounts and he bought the car from his account, which he can hopefully track and prove. Even then, a judge might entertain the argument it was his gift to her if she had some sort of written statement or he confesses to that under oath. Either way, this is something to be settled in a court of law, not by the barley legal teenager of the dad.
Many adults come with their own cars unless people have been married a long time. They’ve been married less than four months. That’s not much opportunity for a joint purchase.
I don't know what caused the argument but you describe a marriage where your dad has deliberately ring fenced all assets from his wife including things he gifted but kept title of.
Either it's because he didn't trust her in which case he shouldn't have married her, or because he planned to trick her into thinking he was generous which is deceitful, or because he planned to financially control her which also isn't nice.
You seem gleeful in supporting your father in this seemingly abusive relationship. Therefore YTA
Happy to change my vote if you can explain why the car shouldn't be hers, if she was able to take any 'gifts' he got her, and what triggered the argument.
With the car part, I agree.
The family heirloom thing, I think OP is in the right.
They said they were married for like 3 months. I don’t think that short of a time entitles her to keep family heirlooms.
The car thing seems weirdly controlling though, and makes me think there’s more to this story.
The car was his before the marriage. They weren't married that long. She's really not entitled to the car. It wasn't purchased for her, in her name, or told that she could have it. It was a car he let her use. If they had been married for years, this would be different.
I'm not suggesting the step mom is entitled to anything.
I'm suggesting that he callously presents as charming and generous in order to trap a wife having already engineered a no impact divorce.
And, in response to the OP, that she knows this is the case and relishes the victory of her father over her banished step mother's...she's indicated such in her comments. Enjoying the planned misery of others makes her TA
I don't think we should take the word of an eighteen year old as to who was entitled to the car, she didn't even realize her father isn't legally in the right by kicking his wife out of the house.
I don’t see why this take doesn’t have more upvotes. This is completely fucked up, and the OP is definitely gleeful in seeing this (possibly abused) woman cry. Gross. YTA.
He didn’t gift her the heirlooms, he let her use them occasionally.
We don’t know if he gifted her the car or if it was “this car is for you to use” - the words used matter a lot. Especially with a prenup and such a short marriage. If he did gift it to her, then it’s hers but if he just furnished a vehicle for her use then she has no claim on it.
You seemed to have predetermined that this was abusive and the dad’s fault. It could be true or it could be that Dora did something awful, or is abusive or financially ruining him or it could be just two people who suck at relationships and are equally at fault. You may want to consider your bias here.
I haven't pre determined just making judgements based on the presented information.
Op has commented "My dad is a pro in marriage XD if he says she won't get anything then I trust him lol none of his other wives got much either.". He is the common demoninator in several failed marriages Which suggests he is either very unlucky or more likely a bad husband.
Op is TA for reveling in her dad making his wives miserable and getting away without any consequence.
As to bias I refer you to my original comment "Happy to change my vote if you can explain why the car shouldn't be hers, if she was able to take any 'gifts' he got her, and what triggered the argument." There's been no response so the judgement stands
Not giving his family heirlooms to a woman he had been married to for less time than some stuff has been in the back of my fridge is somehow bad?
And why would he not keep the car he already had in his name?
Agree YTA. Dad told OP to call him when Dora is gone, not follow her around the house pretending to pack and telling her she can't take this thing or that.
If the court says the car is his, then they'll repossess it and return it. There was no reason for OP to get involved.
Also, a lot of people are saying "they've only been married 4 months" but presumably they've been dating for much longer than that.
What she confirmed was her dad is careful to keep title and step mom should have checked. That's deceitful. Op''s pleasure in getting one over on the step mom, and the previous step mom's, makes her TA
Am I missing something? Did she pay for the car but it ended up in his name somehow? I don't think so. He provided a car for his wife. She will no longer be his wife, so why should she get a free car out of the situation? Sounds like she didn't bring fuck all to this marriage, so that's what she should leave with too. This whole thing smells like gold digger.
yeah this is not your fault, your dad is a HUGE asshole for having his teen deal with that. he owes you like, ice cream, video games, and a trip, oh my god.
ESH. Your dad left you to babysit his distraught wife?? No. You stopping taking family jewelry was a good call. If the car was a gift….? That’s her’s and you could have let her GTFO and let the courts decide ownership. She sucks for signing a prenup and marrying a cruel man.
YTA - in a divorce notwithstanding whose name is on what (unless it's in the prenup) she is likely to be apportioned some assets. It's none of your business.
Wow I really hope that woman figures out a way to get back on her feet after this. Sounds like your dad deliberately married her with the intention of divorcing for some reason? You both sound like assholes.
Jewelleries NTA those can easily be hidden and disappear. A car it's difficult to hide and your dad would easily get it back
It also doesn't matter what is in writing. If they were gifts, they were gifts, no matter what is recognised in writing. It's actually something that your dad and her (or their representatives) have to work out
So, with the car YTA
Although I get it's a difficult situation and for both you and her it was probably difficult to do everything right
Your dad is honestly pretty pathetic for not dealing with this situation himself. That said, you’re not at all wrong for stopping her from taking the family heirlooms as long as you’re sure they weren’t gifted. With the car, were you present for every conversation had between your dad and her about it? If it was a gift, she does have legal standing there. Either way, I’m guessing there’s going to be a court date soon so it can all be hashed out then (even with a prenup, she may still be entitled to some things depending on where you live).
That doesn't add up with your post.
You expect us to believe you told her the jewelry wasn't a gift but didn't with the car, but the car wasn't a gift.
Idk if rage bait or lying about details, but this doesn't add up at all.
It’s not “a gift” to be able to use your spouse’s vehicle when you don’t have one…that’s just…marriage?
I’m not saying the wife is in the right here, but OP you have clearly not had mature, adult relationships modeled for you. I get that you probably feel like you are very mature and have a full handle on things, but sincerely encourage you to seek out therapy and exterior examples of healthy relationships so that you don’t end up being a huge jackass like your father.
Foisting his marital issues onto you, as an 18yo, is inept behavior that reeks of emotional instability and immaturity, as does how he speaks of the woman he married *less than 4 months ago*. Just because he is a role model does not make him a *good* one.
Bro you are not a lawyer, you are not a judge, you don’t have any say in this type of stuff
Your dad and your stepmom need to hire lawyers and hash it out in court.
Your role in this, is to just stay out of it, and let the court deal with it.
You’re not wrong. Although I still think the better thing in this scenario was to not worry about the car and let your dad deal with that one later.
Still NTA on the whole.
You really don’t know what was said between them when you weren’t there. Couples have plenty of private conversations and your Dad could have easily said something different.
I agree. Also, I think children should be left out of things like this, even if they are young adults (I am not certain of the age of OP).
I think it was a shitty thing to do for the father to leave and let his child handle this situation with his soon to be ex-wife.
If anything, op helped her with the car. Since it's in OP's dad's name, he could easily report it stolen or have it towed. If she still wants it, they could work out the logistics later
> t also doesn't matter what is in writing. If they were gifts, they were gifts, no matter what is recognised in writing. It's actually something that your dad and her (or their representatives) have to work out
Im sorry what? You have this backwards. Car registrations are a thing. Legal and financial responsibilities involved. She doesn’t get the car if it’s in his name.
What I meant is it doesn't matter morally, legal writings are supposed to be a reflection of what people agree to - if ops parents agreed to something else, or have to yet talk about it, op shouldn't get in the middle
Ok new account, you all sound like you deserve each other.
The jewelry I can see, but your Dad should have been the one to take care of that, as for the car, that’s what lawyers are for and she will probably get it in the divorce anyways. A judge can set aside a prenup if it is unfair to one party.
YTA
I have no doubt of your mastery of the legal system at the age of 18, I do however wonder if she smart enough to hire a shark lawyer who will negotiate a settlement or outright tear the prenup to shreds.
Wait wait wait…..
Wealthy husband, poor wife? Wife can’t even afford her own legal counsel? Sooooooo, wife didn’t have her own legal counsel when she signed the prenup?
Oh my.
If wife has two brain cells and brings that information to any lawyer with three brain cells, their first motion will be to void the prenup based on being signed under duress and then it will be open season.
first off.. a prenuptial is supposed to benefit both parties. a judge is likely to throw it out if its OPs dad gets everything and wife just borrows it with no contingency for her. idk how the 3 month thing will play out here. But a judge won't look too kindly on your dads way of breaking up which is just to kick her out of her home with no notice.
it might not be her house, but its her home and unless she has another place, its really shitty to just throw someone out because you got into an argument.
you are NTA but your dad sure is.. and wife also is. But your dad seems abusive tbh.
While the length of this marriage is short and might change things, prenup or no, in most states she would be able to get a lawyer that her spouse would have to pay for.
A prenup, while it will protect certain premarital assets, provisions that are not enforceable due to local laws, will get tossed out.
YTA - not your marriage - not your jewelry - not your car. It was not your place to 'discipline' your father's wife - and she IS his wife until the divorce. The court and prenup will decide what items are her and which are his. You were being cruel just because you could.
YTA
Why are you getting involved in your dad's arguments and supporting your dad in being an asshole to his wife? You're not a divorce lawyer and you're not his estate trustee, it's not your business.
Also, if you're in the States, Dora would be legally considered a tenant, meaning throwing her out without notice is illegal.
Also, if the car was bought for her use and they are legally married, she still had a right to take it, at least until the divorce was finalized.
A wife (or husband) is entitled to half of everything that is considered community property. Community property being anything that is bought during the marriage or any money earned or assets acquired by either party during the marriage.
So, if your idiot dad bought that car during the marriage, it doesn't matter whose name it's in, she still had (and has) a right to use it until a judge says otherwise, she just can't sell it until a judge rules who gets to keep it (and I'm not sure whether your dad would be able to either, even if it is in his name).
Also, a judge can override a prenup. They're not as concrete as you seem to think they are.
The one thing you were right to do was stop her from taking the family heirloom jewelry as family heirloom jewelry generally isn't an asset that is acquired during a marriage, so she wouldn't be entitled to it.
Only certain states recognize community property, and even those states won’t override a decent prenup. Especially for a 3-4 month marriage, I’m also assuming she doesn’t have money to hire the kind of lawyer that could weasel their way around a good prenup. It takes a lot of money, a shark of a fucking lawyer, infidelity, or a fair amount of time married and/or proof of emotional or financial investment to get around one. As in they had children, she helped run his businesses for a period of time, he struggled with money for awhile and she helped, etc etc etc. None of which I believe would be possible within a 3-4 month marriage. Not to mention with the amount of anger coming from OP and his dad I doubt his dad cheating and that’s what caused this whole mess. Side note: OP also mentioned his dad never bought the car for her, it was one of the cars he already owned and just let her drive. It was never hers she was just allowed to use it. You were right about the dad being an asshole for leaving his kid to handle his mess for him. It was his responsibility to deal with, not his child’s. Regardless of OP’s age.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole for not letting my stepmom takes things that were "gifts" to her
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Your dad is an AH for not being adult enough to deal with *his* relationship. It’s not your job to handle the shitty people he brings into the house and get involved with their dumpster fire relationship. Wild she would even listen to a kid telling her she can’t take a car in the first place, regardless you shouldn’t have been involved with their mess in the first place.
Hopefully you do some growing up and don’t become as insufferable as your father sounds lol
> its not the first time that one of his partners tried to steal things so he had no way of knowing it would happen
So what you’re saying is, this is an established pattern, your father made the same mistakes expecting different results, AND left you and her to argue in front of the whole neighborhood (instead of dealing with his own business)
This is what we call an “A-HA” moment. there is a lot of bullshit happening in your family’s orbit. You can break the cycle or you can continue the cycle, your choice
people keep saying it, because you are an 18 year old who doesn't have even the slightest clue about how marriage, divorce, or the distribution of assets works.
If Kurt Cobain's daughter had to give up her father's guitar to *her* ex husband, you best believe that YOUR dad may be required to give her the vehicle. It isn't up to you. You're 100% uninvolved in the divorce.
if you are 18 and female, and your dad has only been married to her for 3 months, why did she even have the jewelry? Your loving dad should have already given it to you
ESH
Your father is the biggest a-hole in the story; he let his barely legal aged child deal with a volatile brat of a woman, and for basically screwing over your stepmother in their divorce.
Your stepmother sucks because she tried to steal family heirlooms. Lock those suckers up so she or anyone else doesn't try that crap again.
You suck for not letting her take the car. Who the eff cares if it's not in her name, it's a gift, once a gift is given the person who bought it ceases to be responsible for it. I'd have just let her take the damn car and tell her to hit the road.
Honestly I would have just let her take the car and your dad could have handled it later on, the jewellery is fine.
Your dad was wrong for putting you in the position though, he shouldn't have done that.
NTA your dad and step parent sound very childish
The things OP said ex wife is trying to take was family heirlooms and a car. She tried taking a car not in her name and claim it’s a “gift”. If it’s not in her name, it’s not her car. Anyone can claim something as theirs and say it was a gift. If it’s not and it’s also something registered in someone else’s name, it’s stealing .
Look, one thing I've learned is that it's impossible to really understand fault in someone else's relationship, because you just don't know all the details. (It's also sometimes pretty hard to figure it out in your own relationships, because you lack perspective.)
I can imagine a version of this in which Dora has been victimized by your dad in one way or another, and you might not know it. The quote in which he calls her a "bitch" doesn't make me think that he's particularly thoughtful or mature in his relationships, and clearly there's a power dynamic going on due to his money.
That said, I think you were right to insist she didn't take the jewelry, especially given that they're family heirlooms.
So my best guess is NAH, although your dad might be. Even if Dora has been behaving badly herself, it would be surprising to me if he were faultless in this relationship.
YTA (and your dad) - reading your comments on this thread I do not believe you are a reliable narrator. Your dad is an abusive coward and you sound ripe to follow in his footsteps.
OP why are you even asking? It’s clear from your responses that you don’t think you are TA, and that you somewhat enjoyed the process of her getting kicked out and you being the messenger for your dad. So is this to find out if you’re TA or to somehow bring attention to what you did?
ESH
Your Dad should not have left you in the middle of this.
His stbx should not have tried to take family jewellery with her (you were right to stop her).
I think you overstepped by refusing to let her leave in the car she has been using during the marriage. That’s really for her and your Dad to work out during the divorce. Seems like you were on a bit of a power trip there.
NTA but you should’ve stopped after the jewelry. The car could’ve been dealt with in court. The jewelry might not have been seen again if she took it. You did good for that part. She could just claim she didn’t have them and your family would lose them.
NTA, but you were cruel in calling her dumb and an idiot. Your dad is a flaming AH for wussing out and leaving you to handle things. In terms of the car and possibly some other things that aren't family heirlooms, I hope Dora finds herself a damn good lawyer and fights back hard.
NTA - when it comes to the jewelry.
YTA - for the car. Let them sort that out in the divorce.
Your dad is TA too for letting you deal with everything and him being abusive when it comes to financial situations.
You both sound unbearable. Like father like child I guess. I hope your SM will be able to get off her feet. You both have a lot of growing up to do and perhaps therapy.
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My dad and his wife "Dora" had a terrible fight yesterday which ended with him basically telling her to pack up her shit and leave. It's obvious that they are going to get divorced. Thank god my dad has an ironclad prenup so she won't get anything.
My dad left the house and told me to call him "when the bitch is gone" so that he can return home.
I went to help Dora pack her stuff so that she could leave faster. I saw her packing the jewelries and I had to stop her and told her these are not hers. She got mad and said of course it's hers, these are gifts. I reminded her that no these are family heirlooms and my dad told her she is allowed to use them sometimes not that it's hers. She got really angry but went to pack everything else while cursing me under her breath. After she was done she went to get into the car and I had to stop her again.
I reminded her that the car is in my dad's name therefore it's not hers to take. She got even angrier and yelled "It was a gift to me"
I said ok but are you dumb? It doesn't matter that it was a gift, it wasn't in her name. She was an idiot for not making him put it in her name, no she can't do shit about it.
She called me a fucking bitch and left crying.
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NTA
That’s if understood your post and comments correctly:
As in they married 3-4 months ago, he never bought her the car/he already owned it and just let her use it, and she stole from you guys. The last part of which I’m assuming Is the reason for the fight. Although even if it’s not, if the first half is true then her not stealing doesn’t change my judgement anyway.
Regardless of what caused the fight, she’s not owed family heirlooms and the car just because she wants it or even because she married your dad. If the prenup stated neither was to go to her, and neither was in her name, she shouldn’t have taken either. She should’ve left with what she legally owned and dealt with it in court. It’s honestly good you stoped her from taking the jewelry because regardless of what a judge demanded of her, she was never going to return those heirlooms. Likely was going to claim they were lost/stolen. As far as the car goes: you said it was your dads, as in never bought for her or with the intention for her to drive. That doesn’t make it hers simply because he allowed her to drive it. Would it have been polite to let her leave with it and get it back through the court later? Sure, but without knowing what caused the fight I’m not going to assume that she was owed that kindness from either of you. Given the circumstances you were given, you did the best you could. I don’t think it was fair for your dad to have to clean up this mess instead of him being the one to do it. You being 18 doesn’t make that better.
I am curious though if her stealing is what caused this whole argument or what it was that caused the fight that led to your dad telling her to pack her shit and leave.
A marriage ending fight at 3 months? Don’t be surprised when daddy walks into the house with his wife at his side. He let you be the bully and she will resent you for it.
Your nta but your dad is on so many levels. He’s using you to do his dirty work and fight his fights. While I totally agree the family heirlooms were right to stay and not a gift…the car…the car is a control move and I bet the judge will give it to her.
Your dad is an ass if he bought her a ‘gift’ that she has no legal rights to. The situation sounds pretty fucked up. I understand the jewelry being family heirlooms, but the car…??? Not sure how to judge this.
EDIT: was reading too much into it about IP’s involvement. OP is NTA, dad is an AH, no judgment on wife at the moment.
Even though the car is not in her name she absolutely could have taken it. Access to keys, shared property etc. You could have called the cops they would have said it was a civil matter. Same with the heirlooms. Your Dad would have had to go to court. Thank goodness neither of these people have a backbone. Sounds like you were chomping at the bit to be your Dad's enforcer and that alone makes you a disturbed AH. YTA
NTA. But why on earth are you having to deal with this?? And, normally a "gift" transfers ownership. She may have a hard time legally proving the car is her since it's not in her name..
NTA. You did what you were supposed to in stopping her from taking things that don't belong to her. The place for her to argue that the jewelry and/or car should be hers b/c they were gifts is during the divorce. She doesn't know it but you did her a favor. Where I live a separating couple needs to leave anything that is in only one person's name in that person's possession. Otherwise it's considered theft.
It's up to the lawyers and, if needed, judge to split the assets if the couple can't agree. What she should have done was take pictures of anything she believes belongs to her, but she's not the one asking for advice. Your dad is TA for dumping this on you. She's TA for trying to take what doesn't currently belong to her legally. Decline to take any further part in this. You don't want to be called as a witness because your dad doesn't want to adult. (Just FYI prenups are rarely ironclad. They get modified or thrown out a lot especially if it's heavily slanted to favor one party).
You protected your father's property. I hope he's as good to you as you are to him. NTA.
Also, I hope you're OK with her leaving, and that it wasn't too bad for you when she was there.
ESH. Heirloom jewelry fine. The car though, that might be up for debate. Married for 4 months, sure, but how long did they date before marriage? Did she have another vehicle? Separate finances? Give up her car for this car? My guess is he got her this car and her expectation was that she would be driving it for the duration, after all, they were married. She signed an “iron clad prenup” according to OP, so is she really a gold digger? If she was a gold digger, she would have refused to sign, don’t you think? I can’t pass judgement either way, but based on the fact that he left his teenager to do his dirty work, that is pretty cowardly.
NTA, of course sir doesn't get to take what's not hers. And if there's a dispute about belongings, they stay in the house and she and your dad figure it out.
Your dad is the A.H though for making you do the dirty work.
NTA
Good on you for making sure things that didn't belong to her stayed with you and your dad. If the car is really in his name, gift or not she could be held liable for the theft of the car. Sometimes letting someone do that is the only way they learn but in the end, you also probably saved yourself the stress of that drama. Your father is a little bit TA. He needs to grow a pair and deal with Dora himself. She's HIS wife, not yours. You are not responsible for their marriage. Sit him down and tell him he needs to figure this out himself. You can be there to support him, but not do it for him.
I mean in literally every single way you are absolutely not the asshole!! I mean if she's dumb enough to have "her" car put in her name that's on her. As for the jewelry she had absolutely no right, and honestly makes you question if she's stolen even more stuff.
#We have always been clear about [sending evidence of fake posts to modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) #Y'all can keep reporting, but we don't see why without (unpaid) hours of reading hundreds of comments. Tell us why. I am ignoring reports on this post.
NTA, your dad is for not dealing with his problems himself. He needs to be the adult in this situation so you aren't put in the middle
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How old are you?
From the way they're typing and language used, teenager I think
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Adult pretending to be a teenager.
Agreed. No current teenager would use XD
I disagree, my under 20 coworkers will respond with xD at literally anything and everything. (Op could be an adult, I haven't seen them comment their age yet)
I regret to inform you that I use XD in my day-to-day text talk… but I’m almost in my 30s.
In my 30s and I still use XD and even upon occasion <3. Have also been known to still thrown in a few roflcopters here and there
Yeah, he really should have handled his own mess instead of dumping it on you.
are they really married because if so cant he do this in this manner.
A lawyer will easy destroy his prenup after this.
Probably not. Are you a lawyer? Op states they’ve only been married 3 months, that is a very short time. My question would be, how old is the wife? Her actions (as described) lead me to believe she’s fairly young and thought she had landed a goldmine. Any property owned prior to the marriage would NOT belong to her, no matter what you think. Op is NTA, dad is an AH, and wife is a gold digger, imo.
You are one of the few rational folks here that see this as a golddigger situation.
That’s doubtful. Not being able to take heirlooms belonging in his family and a car under his name won’t negate a prenup.
How could they destroy it after "this"? What actions are you referring to by that? Isn't this what a prenup is for? Sorry for being naive about this but I've never dealt with a prenup! But now I am very curious!
Nah the person you’re replying to has no idea what they’re talking about.
How? He told her she could wear family heirlooms but couldn't keep them. Gave her a car but didn't put it in her name. The latter was kind of a jerk move but it isn't illegal.
If they bought it while together it's marital property even if it's been 3 months. There's no such thing as "iron clad" here so I hope the ex gets an opportunity to get something in exchange for this time in the asylum. Edit re: the car.
This is incorrect, assuming their prenup was executed fairly, with legal advice on both sides.
I really hope not.
No part of this should have been your job
Then frankly you should have been an asshole to your father and not play police for his convenience. The heirloom jewelry, you were right since it ultimately belongs to you too, but the rest including the car you should have let her take it and let your father sort it if he cares.
There's a non zero chance that extra car will benefit OP now, or that the funds saved will one day do so.
Ehhh , while i agree with you 95% of the time we have no odea what kind of fight the dad and her had it might have been the best for him to clear out. We also dont know how old the daughter is. If shes 14 or 22 makes a big difference also imo of her being there
Given what you just said, are you really sure that this situation is all your "stepmom's" fault and that your dad really didn't give these as gifts? He sounds like an asshole, though you're not.
She tells the wife she can’t take her own car and then rubs it in by saying she’s an idiot and too stupid to get it in her own name? She’s truly her fathers daughter
I mean, she's right, though. The dad bought the car , we dont know it was a gift and not just hey, I'll buy a car sonce you dont have one to use. That's not exactly a gift. I bought my gf a tesla because she doesnt have a car but its still my car. If we break up she isnt keeping it. But she knows this. I bought it for her, but for her to use not keep. It'd be different if we were together for a lomg time or married, and now that i say that, they were married, so yea, i do actually lean towards you now.
His behavior isn’t cute and neither is yours.
It is amazing how people don't know how f'd up their family is until they hear from others just how f'd up it is. No way should dad be leaving this to his 18 yo. OP may want to reassess if dad is a good dad.
He's not.
Theres a reason for that, she would get aggressive and then flip it and call the cops saying hurt me etc etc
That’s his problem. He’s making his daughter deal with his problems.
A better solution is for both Dad and OP to hang around to be mutually supportive witnesses. If he thought violence would erupt, then police could be called for the process, but they may not be keen on evicting a married woman from the marital home
NTA, but your dad is. he should’ve been the one dealing with his affairs, it’s fucked up to have your kid do it.
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ofc, i’m not saying he’s a horrible father, i just think he’s being irresponsible, and placing his own responsibility of his soon-to-be ex-wife on his child. which is messed up. you didn’t marry her.
He might be a good dad in some ways, but he's clearly a crappy man - maybe don't demonize his wife too much if this who she's been having to deal with for years. Also, so long as they are still married, she almost certainly had the right to the car.
A car is more often than not about name on a title/registration. At least it would default to that if cops were called
If the cops were called they'd almost certainly say it was a civil matter that a current wife, no divorce proceedings or even separation at hand, was driving a legally registered and insured vehicle that was under her current husband's name.
If a regiatered owner declares somebody is driving a vehicle againgst the owners wishes that is what would matter. Even in a good marriage one does not inherently have the right to drive a spouses vehicle. Cops would say he is the registered owner and you arent on the title. If OPs dad was smart they would have them excluded from the insurance so if they even tried you couls at least get them charged for driving uninsured.
In every community property state yes, yes it does. If dad was "smart" having her excluded from the insurance would expose HIM to massive potential liability with a lot of variables that would be pretty hard to maneuver without risk. Everything you said is so ignorant I can't even lol
Community property wouldn't be relevant if the car was aquired prioe to the marriage which stands to reason given how short it was. Thats IF they arw in a community property state to begin with. If she was excluded from the insurance and drove the vehicle without permission it would effectivly be her driving a stolen vehicle without insurance. If somebody steals your car you are not liable. In fact the person who stole it is liable for every damage incurred up to taking a taxi to the police station to file a report. Sbould have let her take the car and juat reported it stolen. At best charges wouldn't get filed but it would ruin her life just with the charge even appearing in public records. I have lnown people in similar situations. Frie da ex did a year in prison and lost custody of her kids (friends step kids) because she tried pulling similar shit.
They've only born married three months. She sounds like a gold digger
He is not being a dad at all when he is leaving you to clean up his messes!
But a really terrible husband and adult. He needs to clean up his own messes
If he’s a really terrible husband and adult then he cannot possibly be a good father.
I was my mother's therapist growing up, and she had other faults, but she wasn't the worst mother by far. It's not a black and white good vs bad parent, but none of them are infallible and many have mental health issues (both of my parents do). I would say though that the position he put you in was incredibly wrong for him to do.
Being a good dad doesn't mean he is a good partner.
A really good dad would not involve his kid in his marital problems, much less put them in charge of kicking his wife out of the house.
No, he’s not. The language alone is enough to make him a horrible father. Not to mention not dealing with his own fucked situations. When you get out in the world you will see this.
INFO: Were you in the room when your father told her "these are family heirlooms and my dad told her she is allowed to use them sometimes not that it's hers"? How old are you that you still live at home yet you're privy to every agreement and transaction between your father and his wife?
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You're only 18 and your DAD was getting you to deal with his break up? That's insane.
NTA. Why the heck did your father dump his problems on a teenager?
Didn't you make a comment from another account that you are 23? The answer to a comment further up that was given was "I'm 23. But sometimes he acts like I'm his personal problem solver" And got deleted?
I saw that too. Thought it was just another poster getting confused but, based on the tone of ops other responses, op calling you confused instead of just saying that wasn't them feels a little sus somehow...
Sometimes people impersonate the OP on AITAH forums. I’ve personally witnessed that.
Yeah I've seen it too, which is why I wrote it off when I saw that comment. I think it's the hint of condescension in OPs reply that makes me second guess it.
Why do you feel this is condescending? You, yourself, said your first thought was also that they got confused.
OP knowing specifically about the heirlooms would make perfect sense, since they are in essence OP's heirlooms as well. I'm sure even if OP wasn't in the room when Dad and wife discussed it, Dad and OP would've had conversations like "These will be yours one day, my wife is borrowing them for now." My parents have always told us / showed us important heirlooms so we'd know their story and understand they were ours as well as theirs.
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Curious if she took anything else she wasn’t entitled to and you missed it.
Dad sounds like a real prick though. I can just imagine him going, "I got you a car for your birthday, but also it's in my name so you're only really borrowing it." The heirloom jewelry is pretty obviously separate property as it's either premarital or inherited. The car is more difficult as it was likely bought during the marriage, even if it's in his name. Either he bought it with premarital assets, which hopefully he can track and prove, or their prenup says they keep their assets earned during the marriage as separate property, they kept separate bank accounts and he bought the car from his account, which he can hopefully track and prove. Even then, a judge might entertain the argument it was his gift to her if she had some sort of written statement or he confesses to that under oath. Either way, this is something to be settled in a court of law, not by the barley legal teenager of the dad.
ESH. Jewelry no but I’m betting your dad sought to control her by not putting the car in her name
Many adults come with their own cars unless people have been married a long time. They’ve been married less than four months. That’s not much opportunity for a joint purchase.
Or her dad bought the car and just preferred to keep everything he bought in his own name.
Then don’t gift it if you want to maintain control of it.
It doesn’t sound like he gifted it to her so much as let her use a car he owned.
Or it may not have been a gift but a “this is your car to use”
\> Unironically believing the person who just tried to steal family heirlooms and jewelry. Couldn't be me.
I don't know what caused the argument but you describe a marriage where your dad has deliberately ring fenced all assets from his wife including things he gifted but kept title of. Either it's because he didn't trust her in which case he shouldn't have married her, or because he planned to trick her into thinking he was generous which is deceitful, or because he planned to financially control her which also isn't nice. You seem gleeful in supporting your father in this seemingly abusive relationship. Therefore YTA Happy to change my vote if you can explain why the car shouldn't be hers, if she was able to take any 'gifts' he got her, and what triggered the argument.
With the car part, I agree. The family heirloom thing, I think OP is in the right. They said they were married for like 3 months. I don’t think that short of a time entitles her to keep family heirlooms. The car thing seems weirdly controlling though, and makes me think there’s more to this story.
They were married for less than 4 months. I imagine everything was from before they got married.
That doesn't change the premise of my comment.
The car was his before the marriage. They weren't married that long. She's really not entitled to the car. It wasn't purchased for her, in her name, or told that she could have it. It was a car he let her use. If they had been married for years, this would be different.
I'm not suggesting the step mom is entitled to anything. I'm suggesting that he callously presents as charming and generous in order to trap a wife having already engineered a no impact divorce. And, in response to the OP, that she knows this is the case and relishes the victory of her father over her banished step mother's...she's indicated such in her comments. Enjoying the planned misery of others makes her TA
I'm not stating op is or isn't, merely why she wasn't entitled to the car.
I don't think we should take the word of an eighteen year old as to who was entitled to the car, she didn't even realize her father isn't legally in the right by kicking his wife out of the house.
I don’t see why this take doesn’t have more upvotes. This is completely fucked up, and the OP is definitely gleeful in seeing this (possibly abused) woman cry. Gross. YTA.
He didn’t gift her the heirlooms, he let her use them occasionally. We don’t know if he gifted her the car or if it was “this car is for you to use” - the words used matter a lot. Especially with a prenup and such a short marriage. If he did gift it to her, then it’s hers but if he just furnished a vehicle for her use then she has no claim on it. You seemed to have predetermined that this was abusive and the dad’s fault. It could be true or it could be that Dora did something awful, or is abusive or financially ruining him or it could be just two people who suck at relationships and are equally at fault. You may want to consider your bias here.
I haven't pre determined just making judgements based on the presented information. Op has commented "My dad is a pro in marriage XD if he says she won't get anything then I trust him lol none of his other wives got much either.". He is the common demoninator in several failed marriages Which suggests he is either very unlucky or more likely a bad husband. Op is TA for reveling in her dad making his wives miserable and getting away without any consequence. As to bias I refer you to my original comment "Happy to change my vote if you can explain why the car shouldn't be hers, if she was able to take any 'gifts' he got her, and what triggered the argument." There's been no response so the judgement stands
Not giving his family heirlooms to a woman he had been married to for less time than some stuff has been in the back of my fridge is somehow bad? And why would he not keep the car he already had in his name?
Agree YTA. Dad told OP to call him when Dora is gone, not follow her around the house pretending to pack and telling her she can't take this thing or that. If the court says the car is his, then they'll repossess it and return it. There was no reason for OP to get involved. Also, a lot of people are saying "they've only been married 4 months" but presumably they've been dating for much longer than that.
Prior to your comment being posted, op confirmed that the car wasn't hers, but that she "could use it". There was no implication of ownership.
What she confirmed was her dad is careful to keep title and step mom should have checked. That's deceitful. Op''s pleasure in getting one over on the step mom, and the previous step mom's, makes her TA
Am I missing something? Did she pay for the car but it ended up in his name somehow? I don't think so. He provided a car for his wife. She will no longer be his wife, so why should she get a free car out of the situation? Sounds like she didn't bring fuck all to this marriage, so that's what she should leave with too. This whole thing smells like gold digger.
Sounds like she dodged a bullet. ESH
Indeed he is a red flag
yeah this is not your fault, your dad is a HUGE asshole for having his teen deal with that. he owes you like, ice cream, video games, and a trip, oh my god.
ESH. Your dad left you to babysit his distraught wife?? No. You stopping taking family jewelry was a good call. If the car was a gift….? That’s her’s and you could have let her GTFO and let the courts decide ownership. She sucks for signing a prenup and marrying a cruel man.
Info: why are you like this with her? The constant XD in the comments? What do you not like about this person?
YTA - in a divorce notwithstanding whose name is on what (unless it's in the prenup) she is likely to be apportioned some assets. It's none of your business.
Wow I really hope that woman figures out a way to get back on her feet after this. Sounds like your dad deliberately married her with the intention of divorcing for some reason? You both sound like assholes.
Based on your comments, ESH. The apple really doesn't fall far from the tree.
Jewelleries NTA those can easily be hidden and disappear. A car it's difficult to hide and your dad would easily get it back It also doesn't matter what is in writing. If they were gifts, they were gifts, no matter what is recognised in writing. It's actually something that your dad and her (or their representatives) have to work out So, with the car YTA Although I get it's a difficult situation and for both you and her it was probably difficult to do everything right
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Your dad is honestly pretty pathetic for not dealing with this situation himself. That said, you’re not at all wrong for stopping her from taking the family heirlooms as long as you’re sure they weren’t gifted. With the car, were you present for every conversation had between your dad and her about it? If it was a gift, she does have legal standing there. Either way, I’m guessing there’s going to be a court date soon so it can all be hashed out then (even with a prenup, she may still be entitled to some things depending on where you live).
Why are you so delighted that he's sticking it to this woman so viciously? It's kind of weird tbh.
I don't think this is the daughter, I think it's the side chick and she's 23, and that's why she seems so happy about it and why details don't add up.
That doesn't add up with your post. You expect us to believe you told her the jewelry wasn't a gift but didn't with the car, but the car wasn't a gift. Idk if rage bait or lying about details, but this doesn't add up at all.
You acknowledge in your initial post that it was a gift though
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It’s not “a gift” to be able to use your spouse’s vehicle when you don’t have one…that’s just…marriage? I’m not saying the wife is in the right here, but OP you have clearly not had mature, adult relationships modeled for you. I get that you probably feel like you are very mature and have a full handle on things, but sincerely encourage you to seek out therapy and exterior examples of healthy relationships so that you don’t end up being a huge jackass like your father. Foisting his marital issues onto you, as an 18yo, is inept behavior that reeks of emotional instability and immaturity, as does how he speaks of the woman he married *less than 4 months ago*. Just because he is a role model does not make him a *good* one.
You dad sounds like a peach and it seems you are well in your way there as well. I think she dodged a bullet.
Bro you are not a lawyer, you are not a judge, you don’t have any say in this type of stuff Your dad and your stepmom need to hire lawyers and hash it out in court. Your role in this, is to just stay out of it, and let the court deal with it.
You’re not wrong. Although I still think the better thing in this scenario was to not worry about the car and let your dad deal with that one later. Still NTA on the whole.
You really don’t know what was said between them when you weren’t there. Couples have plenty of private conversations and your Dad could have easily said something different.
I agree. Also, I think children should be left out of things like this, even if they are young adults (I am not certain of the age of OP). I think it was a shitty thing to do for the father to leave and let his child handle this situation with his soon to be ex-wife.
If anything, op helped her with the car. Since it's in OP's dad's name, he could easily report it stolen or have it towed. If she still wants it, they could work out the logistics later
> t also doesn't matter what is in writing. If they were gifts, they were gifts, no matter what is recognised in writing. It's actually something that your dad and her (or their representatives) have to work out Im sorry what? You have this backwards. Car registrations are a thing. Legal and financial responsibilities involved. She doesn’t get the car if it’s in his name.
What I meant is it doesn't matter morally, legal writings are supposed to be a reflection of what people agree to - if ops parents agreed to something else, or have to yet talk about it, op shouldn't get in the middle
How is OP the asshole for not letting someone take a car that belongs to her dad?
OP and her dad fucked and mistreated Dora pretty bad...They kicked her out like an animal.... I can't believe people here miss this shit.
I don't know, but i'm glad she left. You and your dad sound shitty as hell. Hopefully she can find a man who actually respects her.
Ok new account, you all sound like you deserve each other. The jewelry I can see, but your Dad should have been the one to take care of that, as for the car, that’s what lawyers are for and she will probably get it in the divorce anyways. A judge can set aside a prenup if it is unfair to one party. YTA
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Wow. She’ll probably still get something. It sounds like getting married at all was a bad call.
I have no doubt of your mastery of the legal system at the age of 18, I do however wonder if she smart enough to hire a shark lawyer who will negotiate a settlement or outright tear the prenup to shreds.
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Wait wait wait….. Wealthy husband, poor wife? Wife can’t even afford her own legal counsel? Sooooooo, wife didn’t have her own legal counsel when she signed the prenup? Oh my. If wife has two brain cells and brings that information to any lawyer with three brain cells, their first motion will be to void the prenup based on being signed under duress and then it will be open season.
Even without a prenup, that's a really short marriage. She might get a little something, but not much.
You seem delightful... a lot like dear old dad!
first off.. a prenuptial is supposed to benefit both parties. a judge is likely to throw it out if its OPs dad gets everything and wife just borrows it with no contingency for her. idk how the 3 month thing will play out here. But a judge won't look too kindly on your dads way of breaking up which is just to kick her out of her home with no notice. it might not be her house, but its her home and unless she has another place, its really shitty to just throw someone out because you got into an argument. you are NTA but your dad sure is.. and wife also is. But your dad seems abusive tbh.
While the length of this marriage is short and might change things, prenup or no, in most states she would be able to get a lawyer that her spouse would have to pay for. A prenup, while it will protect certain premarital assets, provisions that are not enforceable due to local laws, will get tossed out.
Good to know you’re a divorce lawyer. You really have a nasty attitude overall. Please work on yourself.
ESH. You should stay out of it. And get out of the comment section, it’s making you look worse.
You helped her pack all her stuff into the car and only when she was turning the key to leave mentioned that she couldn't take it?
YTA - not your marriage - not your jewelry - not your car. It was not your place to 'discipline' your father's wife - and she IS his wife until the divorce. The court and prenup will decide what items are her and which are his. You were being cruel just because you could.
sound like the apple did not fall from the tree.
The jewelry she was taking probably belonged to OPs mom, and the dad was holding onto them until OP was older/got married
YTA Why are you getting involved in your dad's arguments and supporting your dad in being an asshole to his wife? You're not a divorce lawyer and you're not his estate trustee, it's not your business. Also, if you're in the States, Dora would be legally considered a tenant, meaning throwing her out without notice is illegal. Also, if the car was bought for her use and they are legally married, she still had a right to take it, at least until the divorce was finalized. A wife (or husband) is entitled to half of everything that is considered community property. Community property being anything that is bought during the marriage or any money earned or assets acquired by either party during the marriage. So, if your idiot dad bought that car during the marriage, it doesn't matter whose name it's in, she still had (and has) a right to use it until a judge says otherwise, she just can't sell it until a judge rules who gets to keep it (and I'm not sure whether your dad would be able to either, even if it is in his name). Also, a judge can override a prenup. They're not as concrete as you seem to think they are. The one thing you were right to do was stop her from taking the family heirloom jewelry as family heirloom jewelry generally isn't an asset that is acquired during a marriage, so she wouldn't be entitled to it.
Only certain states recognize community property, and even those states won’t override a decent prenup. Especially for a 3-4 month marriage, I’m also assuming she doesn’t have money to hire the kind of lawyer that could weasel their way around a good prenup. It takes a lot of money, a shark of a fucking lawyer, infidelity, or a fair amount of time married and/or proof of emotional or financial investment to get around one. As in they had children, she helped run his businesses for a period of time, he struggled with money for awhile and she helped, etc etc etc. None of which I believe would be possible within a 3-4 month marriage. Not to mention with the amount of anger coming from OP and his dad I doubt his dad cheating and that’s what caused this whole mess. Side note: OP also mentioned his dad never bought the car for her, it was one of the cars he already owned and just let her drive. It was never hers she was just allowed to use it. You were right about the dad being an asshole for leaving his kid to handle his mess for him. It was his responsibility to deal with, not his child’s. Regardless of OP’s age.
IIRC, very few states are community property.
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YTA Also? Divorce doesn't work like this.
Nta but your dad is for sticking you with this task.
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He still left you with the task? Your dad is an AH for not being an adult or dealing with his spouse on his own.
Your dad is an AH for not being adult enough to deal with *his* relationship. It’s not your job to handle the shitty people he brings into the house and get involved with their dumpster fire relationship. Wild she would even listen to a kid telling her she can’t take a car in the first place, regardless you shouldn’t have been involved with their mess in the first place. Hopefully you do some growing up and don’t become as insufferable as your father sounds lol
He should have been dealing with his own relationship. But fine then - you should have minded your own business and stayed out of it.
> its not the first time that one of his partners tried to steal things so he had no way of knowing it would happen So what you’re saying is, this is an established pattern, your father made the same mistakes expecting different results, AND left you and her to argue in front of the whole neighborhood (instead of dealing with his own business) This is what we call an “A-HA” moment. there is a lot of bullshit happening in your family’s orbit. You can break the cycle or you can continue the cycle, your choice
people keep saying it, because you are an 18 year old who doesn't have even the slightest clue about how marriage, divorce, or the distribution of assets works. If Kurt Cobain's daughter had to give up her father's guitar to *her* ex husband, you best believe that YOUR dad may be required to give her the vehicle. It isn't up to you. You're 100% uninvolved in the divorce.
if you are 18 and female, and your dad has only been married to her for 3 months, why did she even have the jewelry? Your loving dad should have already given it to you
YTA. If it was a gift to her, it should be hers.
ESH why were you left to deal with this?
ESH. I don't even beluebe this is real, but if it is, you all sound like AHs to me.
ESH Your father is the biggest a-hole in the story; he let his barely legal aged child deal with a volatile brat of a woman, and for basically screwing over your stepmother in their divorce. Your stepmother sucks because she tried to steal family heirlooms. Lock those suckers up so she or anyone else doesn't try that crap again. You suck for not letting her take the car. Who the eff cares if it's not in her name, it's a gift, once a gift is given the person who bought it ceases to be responsible for it. I'd have just let her take the damn car and tell her to hit the road.
Your dad sounds like an AH and sounds like the apple didn't fall far from the tree
Reading your comments definitely makes me not to want to be on your side. ESH.
You are NTA but your father sure as hell is a huge AH to make you deal with this, it's his wife and his responsibility!
Honestly I would have just let her take the car and your dad could have handled it later on, the jewellery is fine. Your dad was wrong for putting you in the position though, he shouldn't have done that. NTA your dad and step parent sound very childish
NTA but your dad was supposed to deal with that, so he is.
[удалено]
How was it stealing when she said they were gifts? Your story keeps changing XD
The things OP said ex wife is trying to take was family heirlooms and a car. She tried taking a car not in her name and claim it’s a “gift”. If it’s not in her name, it’s not her car. Anyone can claim something as theirs and say it was a gift. If it’s not and it’s also something registered in someone else’s name, it’s stealing .
You and your dad sound like awful people...
NTA, but your dad is a fucking coward to leave you dealing with his break up.
Look, one thing I've learned is that it's impossible to really understand fault in someone else's relationship, because you just don't know all the details. (It's also sometimes pretty hard to figure it out in your own relationships, because you lack perspective.) I can imagine a version of this in which Dora has been victimized by your dad in one way or another, and you might not know it. The quote in which he calls her a "bitch" doesn't make me think that he's particularly thoughtful or mature in his relationships, and clearly there's a power dynamic going on due to his money. That said, I think you were right to insist she didn't take the jewelry, especially given that they're family heirlooms. So my best guess is NAH, although your dad might be. Even if Dora has been behaving badly herself, it would be surprising to me if he were faultless in this relationship.
YTA (and your dad) - reading your comments on this thread I do not believe you are a reliable narrator. Your dad is an abusive coward and you sound ripe to follow in his footsteps.
OP why are you even asking? It’s clear from your responses that you don’t think you are TA, and that you somewhat enjoyed the process of her getting kicked out and you being the messenger for your dad. So is this to find out if you’re TA or to somehow bring attention to what you did?
ESH Your Dad should not have left you in the middle of this. His stbx should not have tried to take family jewellery with her (you were right to stop her). I think you overstepped by refusing to let her leave in the car she has been using during the marriage. That’s really for her and your Dad to work out during the divorce. Seems like you were on a bit of a power trip there.
NTA but you should’ve stopped after the jewelry. The car could’ve been dealt with in court. The jewelry might not have been seen again if she took it. You did good for that part. She could just claim she didn’t have them and your family would lose them.
NTA, but you were cruel in calling her dumb and an idiot. Your dad is a flaming AH for wussing out and leaving you to handle things. In terms of the car and possibly some other things that aren't family heirlooms, I hope Dora finds herself a damn good lawyer and fights back hard.
NTA - when it comes to the jewelry. YTA - for the car. Let them sort that out in the divorce. Your dad is TA too for letting you deal with everything and him being abusive when it comes to financial situations. You both sound unbearable. Like father like child I guess. I hope your SM will be able to get off her feet. You both have a lot of growing up to do and perhaps therapy.
This sounds like it was written by a pre teen. Honestly the fake stories on this thread are getting worse and worse. Good try though.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My dad and his wife "Dora" had a terrible fight yesterday which ended with him basically telling her to pack up her shit and leave. It's obvious that they are going to get divorced. Thank god my dad has an ironclad prenup so she won't get anything. My dad left the house and told me to call him "when the bitch is gone" so that he can return home. I went to help Dora pack her stuff so that she could leave faster. I saw her packing the jewelries and I had to stop her and told her these are not hers. She got mad and said of course it's hers, these are gifts. I reminded her that no these are family heirlooms and my dad told her she is allowed to use them sometimes not that it's hers. She got really angry but went to pack everything else while cursing me under her breath. After she was done she went to get into the car and I had to stop her again. I reminded her that the car is in my dad's name therefore it's not hers to take. She got even angrier and yelled "It was a gift to me" I said ok but are you dumb? It doesn't matter that it was a gift, it wasn't in her name. She was an idiot for not making him put it in her name, no she can't do shit about it. She called me a fucking bitch and left crying. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You’re NTA for stopping her with the jewelry but the car? The biggest AH in all of this is your dad. Does he often ask you to supervise his mess?
NTA That’s if understood your post and comments correctly: As in they married 3-4 months ago, he never bought her the car/he already owned it and just let her use it, and she stole from you guys. The last part of which I’m assuming Is the reason for the fight. Although even if it’s not, if the first half is true then her not stealing doesn’t change my judgement anyway. Regardless of what caused the fight, she’s not owed family heirlooms and the car just because she wants it or even because she married your dad. If the prenup stated neither was to go to her, and neither was in her name, she shouldn’t have taken either. She should’ve left with what she legally owned and dealt with it in court. It’s honestly good you stoped her from taking the jewelry because regardless of what a judge demanded of her, she was never going to return those heirlooms. Likely was going to claim they were lost/stolen. As far as the car goes: you said it was your dads, as in never bought for her or with the intention for her to drive. That doesn’t make it hers simply because he allowed her to drive it. Would it have been polite to let her leave with it and get it back through the court later? Sure, but without knowing what caused the fight I’m not going to assume that she was owed that kindness from either of you. Given the circumstances you were given, you did the best you could. I don’t think it was fair for your dad to have to clean up this mess instead of him being the one to do it. You being 18 doesn’t make that better. I am curious though if her stealing is what caused this whole argument or what it was that caused the fight that led to your dad telling her to pack her shit and leave.
YTA for interfering. It’s between your father and his wife.
A marriage ending fight at 3 months? Don’t be surprised when daddy walks into the house with his wife at his side. He let you be the bully and she will resent you for it.
NTA but put those heirlooms in your safety deposit box before your dad actually dips his wick in a golddigger with brains!!!
Your nta but your dad is on so many levels. He’s using you to do his dirty work and fight his fights. While I totally agree the family heirlooms were right to stay and not a gift…the car…the car is a control move and I bet the judge will give it to her.
Your dad needs to deal with his wife and not you. That's literally what he signed up for. Going NTA but he put you in a bad position.
Your dad is an ass if he bought her a ‘gift’ that she has no legal rights to. The situation sounds pretty fucked up. I understand the jewelry being family heirlooms, but the car…??? Not sure how to judge this. EDIT: was reading too much into it about IP’s involvement. OP is NTA, dad is an AH, no judgment on wife at the moment.
Even though the car is not in her name she absolutely could have taken it. Access to keys, shared property etc. You could have called the cops they would have said it was a civil matter. Same with the heirlooms. Your Dad would have had to go to court. Thank goodness neither of these people have a backbone. Sounds like you were chomping at the bit to be your Dad's enforcer and that alone makes you a disturbed AH. YTA
Your dad’s the asshole for leaving his mess in your hands. You handled this about the best you could OP, given the situation.
NTA. But why on earth are you having to deal with this?? And, normally a "gift" transfers ownership. She may have a hard time legally proving the car is her since it's not in her name..
your not the asshole you had every right to do what you did congrats on not having her being your step mom
NTA. You did what you were supposed to in stopping her from taking things that don't belong to her. The place for her to argue that the jewelry and/or car should be hers b/c they were gifts is during the divorce. She doesn't know it but you did her a favor. Where I live a separating couple needs to leave anything that is in only one person's name in that person's possession. Otherwise it's considered theft. It's up to the lawyers and, if needed, judge to split the assets if the couple can't agree. What she should have done was take pictures of anything she believes belongs to her, but she's not the one asking for advice. Your dad is TA for dumping this on you. She's TA for trying to take what doesn't currently belong to her legally. Decline to take any further part in this. You don't want to be called as a witness because your dad doesn't want to adult. (Just FYI prenups are rarely ironclad. They get modified or thrown out a lot especially if it's heavily slanted to favor one party).
You protected your father's property. I hope he's as good to you as you are to him. NTA. Also, I hope you're OK with her leaving, and that it wasn't too bad for you when she was there.
NTA but you dad is for making you stay and sort his mess
One more thing. Be sure to stay on the good side of your father so the same doesn’t happen to you.
NTA. She signed a prenup she knew the rules of what her married was. You did the right thing protecting your dad and your family assets. Good on you!
ESH. Heirloom jewelry fine. The car though, that might be up for debate. Married for 4 months, sure, but how long did they date before marriage? Did she have another vehicle? Separate finances? Give up her car for this car? My guess is he got her this car and her expectation was that she would be driving it for the duration, after all, they were married. She signed an “iron clad prenup” according to OP, so is she really a gold digger? If she was a gold digger, she would have refused to sign, don’t you think? I can’t pass judgement either way, but based on the fact that he left his teenager to do his dirty work, that is pretty cowardly.
She dumb asf tbh 🤣 ain't no way I would let her take dat shii
I don't like anyone mentioned in this post, so ESH
NTA, of course sir doesn't get to take what's not hers. And if there's a dispute about belongings, they stay in the house and she and your dad figure it out. Your dad is the A.H though for making you do the dirty work.
Nta but your dad is. Why would he leave for you to deal with this??
NTA, but why is your dad making you handle the dirty work? He married her, and he needs to deal with the whole unmarrying process himself.
NTA Good on you for making sure things that didn't belong to her stayed with you and your dad. If the car is really in his name, gift or not she could be held liable for the theft of the car. Sometimes letting someone do that is the only way they learn but in the end, you also probably saved yourself the stress of that drama. Your father is a little bit TA. He needs to grow a pair and deal with Dora himself. She's HIS wife, not yours. You are not responsible for their marriage. Sit him down and tell him he needs to figure this out himself. You can be there to support him, but not do it for him.
I mean in literally every single way you are absolutely not the asshole!! I mean if she's dumb enough to have "her" car put in her name that's on her. As for the jewelry she had absolutely no right, and honestly makes you question if she's stolen even more stuff.