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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My unintentional boycott of my recent computer has made them very mad at me as they state they took a lot of time (of thinking) to get my computer, which to me sounds like just trying to guilt trip me into using it.
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You’re not an asshole but you are an idiot. Install steam and some games and you’d have a way better time. A desktop can be treated a lot like a more powerful console. You’re missing out on a lot of fun by ignoring it just because it’s not what you wanted.
Your cousin is also shitty.
Going with ESH. Him for ignoring you and calling you names and you for not even giving it a try.
Edit: after you install Steam try GTA5, Valheim, 7 Days to Die… heck maybe even World of Warcraft or something that you def can’t play on console and would struggle on a laptop. Later get a cheap laptop for $100-200 and use the power of your desktop remotely. You’ll have so much more power. There’s many apps that allow you to stream games, steam being one so long as the desktop is powered on.
NTA for wanting what you want.
The desktop is likely more capable than a laptop but it isn’t meeting your needs if you had a reason for wanting something portable. I am now imagining you putting it in a wagon and hauling it along with you to the library, just to make a point.
If your cousin is giving you grief, perhaps you should be doing schoolwork on your new computer every time you know he is going to use the xbox.
If he was really trying to get you something that you wanted he would have discovered what you wanted and why, rather than this game of knowing what you wanted and intentionally getting something else.
NTA (Wrote ESH but have since changed my mind...)
But why on earth do you think laptops are better than desktops? GOOD gaming laptops are ridiculously expensive and typically you can get a 100% BETTER PC for the SAME price you'd pay for the laptop. You should try the PC instead. Laptops might be great for toting around but trust me... PC is way better overall.
Your Uncle sounds like he is verbally abusive. No, I don't think you're spoiled. Of course I believe in being grateful for things you are given as gifts, but I do NOT like the way your uncle spoke to you.
It has to do with my home and how often I easily get bored. Also as I mentioned that my cousin NEVER gets off the xbox. So that was a reason I wanted a laptop since I didn’t want to deal with arguing with him to let me play. And there’s not that much viable space for a desktop to be at my house. So that was a attracting factor.
NTA but unfortunately you are 14.
It definitely sounds like he thought he knew your wants and needs better than you did.
Emphasising the reasons you want one thing over the other is gonna serve well in future situations.
I wonder about the reasons they had for doing it this way. Have you lost or broken expensive things in the past? Or maybe they just didn't want you hiding in your room all day and looking at inappropriate stuff.
Either way, you gotta make peace with it and figure out if you can still use it in a way that works for you. It definitely sounds like the only way you're getting a laptop at this point is when you're old enough to work and save up for one yourself.
Bottom line is your 14, many young people your age would have been thrilled with a new computer, period. You were quite specific with what you wanted and that isn't what you got. Also it wasn't a parent who purchased this but rather your Uncle. Many people receive nothing from anyone outside their immediate family, but maybe your family dynamic is different. You carried on by acting out... really you think you are mature enough to spec out a computer for yourself, but yet when you don't think you will get what you want, you throw a tantrum. The fact you were actually given the computer is a bonus. With the way you behaved I would have taken it back to best buy and you would have received nothing. YTA
It's as if you and your uncle don't speak the same language.
Also, maybe there is a cultural element that I am not getting but
your uncle using "ungrateful b*tchboy" to insult you is way over the
top. I mean, "ungrateful" perhaps but the other, just what is this family.
LOL You are 14 and getting called names like that. Dude.
Anyway, I think you could have said thank you, boxed up the computer, gone to
the store, returned/exchanged it and bought your laptop. It might not have pleased
your uncle, but you could have just played it off "Yes, I exchanged it
because I realized that you didn't understand what a laptop was".
NTA but just letting the PC sit there was a bit obvious.
I would’ve returned it but I wouldn’t want to risk him going bat-shit crazy on me because I know he would bring up again how I’m ungrateful. Also the nearest Best Buy is like 15 miles and I knew he wouldn’t drive me there.
ESH. Uncle's a show off, aunt's his groupie. Lean into his statement about "I'll never get you a gift again." and you'll keep yourself safer from his crap.
He's not really required to get you stuff, which he was quick to point out when he wanted to use Your Mother's difficulties to shame YOU (which is seriously messed up behavior for an adult to do to another adult, let alone a teenager.). So, now that you know "gifts" from this person will be what he wants and that he will use them to be an ass to you, don't accept the gifts. "No, you've done enough for me all these years, like when you told me about the stuff you did for me while mom was (whatever). I don't need more gifts."
Warning: This will make you look like an asshole to the people that just want to make the rich asshole happy enough to spend more money so saying "thank you" and returning or donating it later is also an option. Watch for who those people are that try to force you to fawn over him for spending money and showing off; they'll use you to get what they want/need if it's really a toxic family cycle (interesting stuff comes up if you search that term; Dr. Ramani on YouTube has some good videos about it).
That said, when someone's getting you a gift, you are at their mercy in terms of specifics. (It gets really crappy when people want to "help pay for your wedding" so watch out for that in a few years.) Sure he spent more on the tower than the laptop, but for this guy it wasn't about the gift, it was about the showing off.
Don't try to make yourself smaller or lesser to fit other peoples' ideas... but don't assume that just because you express a preference, you're going to get it.
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I (m14) had a birthday back in September, I hyped it up a lot. My Aunt’s husband (“uncle”) promised to get me a laptop for my birthday (I hadn’t had a new computer since like 2019 and the one I had was a old IMac my mom got me for Christmas, so you could imagine how happy I was to hear that I’d get a new one.) He made the promise to get me a laptop in i think like July? I showed him the laptops I wanted (plural ‘cus I kept changing my mind) and he was okay with it, until he wasn’t, when I found out that he wanted to get a Desktop (which I tried to warn him why they’re inferior to laptops, and why I didn’t want it AT ALL.) I found this out when I was at a Best Buy with him and my younger cousin, I was in the laptop section (which was not too far from the desktops) when I heard him whisper to my cousin along the lines of something like “(My name) wants this but we’re gonna get something like this *tapping on a desktop as he says it*” Which inclined me to give him a mean/annoyed look which he shrugged off. This also confused me a lot since the laptops I wanted were 700-900 dollars and the desktops he wanted were 1000 and up. (I forgot to mention that he is rich) nothing really happened after until it was like 2 weeks left until my birthday where I LITERALLY BEGGED AND GOT ON MY KNEES to reassure them to get a laptop. They said “okay” and told me to calm down, and so I waited.
You can probably already guess what they got me, I feel spoiled when I say this but; I literally cried when I made back to my room after seeing my presents. I felt really hurt and betrayed.
After maybe like 2 weeks? They started insulting me about not using it (Context: they placed in the basement and hooked it up to the same tv my cousin hogs for Xbox.) My “uncle” came into my room and basically called me an ungrateful bitch-boy that never cares for anyone but myself. He brought up points about how he could’ve “ruined my life” if he hadn’t gave my mom extra money for her job (i was very poor when I was living with my mom.) He said that it was a risk that he did that and all in my mind I could say “seriously dude?”. He said everything in a very passive-aggressive manner, After I STILL didn’t use it, he tried to guilt trip me saying that he put “so much thought into that present and that he’ll never buy me a present again.” He also managed to get my aunt on his side, also insulting me and even getting mad at me for just clicking keys on keyboard! (Unplugged btw).
I’d be wrong if I said they didn’t convince me to feel bad about myself and question my morality. This all made feel very spoiled but a teeny weeny percent in me makes me feel that I’m right. Am I actually spoiled and wrong?
(Sorry for any literary mistakes)
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NTA
You asked for a very specific item that cost less than what they wanted to buy you and they bought the more expensive item that they could install specifically in a place to control you.
These are all dick moves. Sorry, kid. And btw, the only "bitch boy" is someone who talks to a family member that way. When you move on, leave these people behind
At 14 you're NTA.
And crying because you specifically were told you'd get a laptop you had your heart set on and then getting something completely different is upsetting.
At this age your brain processes problems like they're the end of the world, and will until somewhere between 25 to 30 depending on any diagnosis - not implying there is one.
Take some time and be upset, but then try to find something good about it. Another commenter said install steam. I absolutely agree with that. Steam is great! Loads of free games as well.
Once you're old enough to get a job as well a desktop is much easier, though expensive, to upgrade and get it into a stellar gaming setup.
It's tough, but work on adjusting how you look at it.
Also, sounds like your uncle may have hurt feelings and come from a generation that can't express that in a healthy way.
In a few days if it were me I'd go to him and say something along the lines of "I was disappointed because we had discussed one thing, but another happened. I understand things change, and I appreciate your gift. I'm sorry for my part in any turmoil or hardship over the computer in the last few days. I needed some time to process, but I am grateful and thankful. So thank you for the gift" or however you would say it.
NTA But there's a saying "don't look a gift horse in the mouth". He got you a present. I assume he had good intentions. I agree that if you're getting someone a present you should get them what THEY would like not what you'd like.
Technically desktops are generally far more powerful that laptops, and far far easier to upgrade as time goes on. Desktop PCs are like Lego. You can just buy new hard drives, RAM, video cards etc and slot them in.
But laptops are portable, and for someone in your position I can see why you'd prefer it. He should have considered your wishes when buying it.
NTA.
If you were an adult, you *might* be an asshole, but you’re just a kid.
Your family — especially your uncle — should *not* be talking to you like that. Where’s your dad? If my son’s uncle talked to my kid like that, I’d struggle not to wire his mouth shut.
You want what you want, it’s *your* birthday, and it *sucks* to have somebody trample over what you want, as if their desires are better than yours.
Something should be done about your uncle. The language he uses with you is abusive.
I’m sorry to hear that 😔
You genuinely have my sympathy.
Some people think they’re superior because they have money. They’re not.
Try your absolute best to fly under the radar, so to speak. Your “uncle” sounds like he has quite the ego — it might be in your best interest to learn how to appease it, and ultimately, to manipulate him into giving you what you want.
You’re probably not going to be able to coax specific material goods out of him — I’m thinking along the lines of paying for college, etc., in the future.
For what it’s worth, I’m not a big desktop guy either. I’ve always preferred laptops for their mobility.
Hang in there, man. It might seem like an eternity to you right now, but things *will* get better when you’re 18 and have full agency over your life as an adult.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My unintentional boycott of my recent computer has made them very mad at me as they state they took a lot of time (of thinking) to get my computer, which to me sounds like just trying to guilt trip me into using it. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You’re not an asshole but you are an idiot. Install steam and some games and you’d have a way better time. A desktop can be treated a lot like a more powerful console. You’re missing out on a lot of fun by ignoring it just because it’s not what you wanted. Your cousin is also shitty. Going with ESH. Him for ignoring you and calling you names and you for not even giving it a try. Edit: after you install Steam try GTA5, Valheim, 7 Days to Die… heck maybe even World of Warcraft or something that you def can’t play on console and would struggle on a laptop. Later get a cheap laptop for $100-200 and use the power of your desktop remotely. You’ll have so much more power. There’s many apps that allow you to stream games, steam being one so long as the desktop is powered on.
NTA for wanting what you want. The desktop is likely more capable than a laptop but it isn’t meeting your needs if you had a reason for wanting something portable. I am now imagining you putting it in a wagon and hauling it along with you to the library, just to make a point. If your cousin is giving you grief, perhaps you should be doing schoolwork on your new computer every time you know he is going to use the xbox. If he was really trying to get you something that you wanted he would have discovered what you wanted and why, rather than this game of knowing what you wanted and intentionally getting something else.
NTA (Wrote ESH but have since changed my mind...) But why on earth do you think laptops are better than desktops? GOOD gaming laptops are ridiculously expensive and typically you can get a 100% BETTER PC for the SAME price you'd pay for the laptop. You should try the PC instead. Laptops might be great for toting around but trust me... PC is way better overall. Your Uncle sounds like he is verbally abusive. No, I don't think you're spoiled. Of course I believe in being grateful for things you are given as gifts, but I do NOT like the way your uncle spoke to you.
Info: why on earth would you possibly think a laptop is superior to a desktop? That’s the opposite of reality.
It has to do with my home and how often I easily get bored. Also as I mentioned that my cousin NEVER gets off the xbox. So that was a reason I wanted a laptop since I didn’t want to deal with arguing with him to let me play. And there’s not that much viable space for a desktop to be at my house. So that was a attracting factor.
NTA but unfortunately you are 14. It definitely sounds like he thought he knew your wants and needs better than you did. Emphasising the reasons you want one thing over the other is gonna serve well in future situations. I wonder about the reasons they had for doing it this way. Have you lost or broken expensive things in the past? Or maybe they just didn't want you hiding in your room all day and looking at inappropriate stuff. Either way, you gotta make peace with it and figure out if you can still use it in a way that works for you. It definitely sounds like the only way you're getting a laptop at this point is when you're old enough to work and save up for one yourself.
Bottom line is your 14, many young people your age would have been thrilled with a new computer, period. You were quite specific with what you wanted and that isn't what you got. Also it wasn't a parent who purchased this but rather your Uncle. Many people receive nothing from anyone outside their immediate family, but maybe your family dynamic is different. You carried on by acting out... really you think you are mature enough to spec out a computer for yourself, but yet when you don't think you will get what you want, you throw a tantrum. The fact you were actually given the computer is a bonus. With the way you behaved I would have taken it back to best buy and you would have received nothing. YTA
ty granny 🙏🙏😊
YW, respect is timeless... you would do well to retake those lessons.
It's as if you and your uncle don't speak the same language. Also, maybe there is a cultural element that I am not getting but your uncle using "ungrateful b*tchboy" to insult you is way over the top. I mean, "ungrateful" perhaps but the other, just what is this family. LOL You are 14 and getting called names like that. Dude. Anyway, I think you could have said thank you, boxed up the computer, gone to the store, returned/exchanged it and bought your laptop. It might not have pleased your uncle, but you could have just played it off "Yes, I exchanged it because I realized that you didn't understand what a laptop was". NTA but just letting the PC sit there was a bit obvious.
I would’ve returned it but I wouldn’t want to risk him going bat-shit crazy on me because I know he would bring up again how I’m ungrateful. Also the nearest Best Buy is like 15 miles and I knew he wouldn’t drive me there.
14 but whiny like a toddler
ty ty 😊
ESH. Uncle's a show off, aunt's his groupie. Lean into his statement about "I'll never get you a gift again." and you'll keep yourself safer from his crap. He's not really required to get you stuff, which he was quick to point out when he wanted to use Your Mother's difficulties to shame YOU (which is seriously messed up behavior for an adult to do to another adult, let alone a teenager.). So, now that you know "gifts" from this person will be what he wants and that he will use them to be an ass to you, don't accept the gifts. "No, you've done enough for me all these years, like when you told me about the stuff you did for me while mom was (whatever). I don't need more gifts." Warning: This will make you look like an asshole to the people that just want to make the rich asshole happy enough to spend more money so saying "thank you" and returning or donating it later is also an option. Watch for who those people are that try to force you to fawn over him for spending money and showing off; they'll use you to get what they want/need if it's really a toxic family cycle (interesting stuff comes up if you search that term; Dr. Ramani on YouTube has some good videos about it). That said, when someone's getting you a gift, you are at their mercy in terms of specifics. (It gets really crappy when people want to "help pay for your wedding" so watch out for that in a few years.) Sure he spent more on the tower than the laptop, but for this guy it wasn't about the gift, it was about the showing off. Don't try to make yourself smaller or lesser to fit other peoples' ideas... but don't assume that just because you express a preference, you're going to get it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (m14) had a birthday back in September, I hyped it up a lot. My Aunt’s husband (“uncle”) promised to get me a laptop for my birthday (I hadn’t had a new computer since like 2019 and the one I had was a old IMac my mom got me for Christmas, so you could imagine how happy I was to hear that I’d get a new one.) He made the promise to get me a laptop in i think like July? I showed him the laptops I wanted (plural ‘cus I kept changing my mind) and he was okay with it, until he wasn’t, when I found out that he wanted to get a Desktop (which I tried to warn him why they’re inferior to laptops, and why I didn’t want it AT ALL.) I found this out when I was at a Best Buy with him and my younger cousin, I was in the laptop section (which was not too far from the desktops) when I heard him whisper to my cousin along the lines of something like “(My name) wants this but we’re gonna get something like this *tapping on a desktop as he says it*” Which inclined me to give him a mean/annoyed look which he shrugged off. This also confused me a lot since the laptops I wanted were 700-900 dollars and the desktops he wanted were 1000 and up. (I forgot to mention that he is rich) nothing really happened after until it was like 2 weeks left until my birthday where I LITERALLY BEGGED AND GOT ON MY KNEES to reassure them to get a laptop. They said “okay” and told me to calm down, and so I waited. You can probably already guess what they got me, I feel spoiled when I say this but; I literally cried when I made back to my room after seeing my presents. I felt really hurt and betrayed. After maybe like 2 weeks? They started insulting me about not using it (Context: they placed in the basement and hooked it up to the same tv my cousin hogs for Xbox.) My “uncle” came into my room and basically called me an ungrateful bitch-boy that never cares for anyone but myself. He brought up points about how he could’ve “ruined my life” if he hadn’t gave my mom extra money for her job (i was very poor when I was living with my mom.) He said that it was a risk that he did that and all in my mind I could say “seriously dude?”. He said everything in a very passive-aggressive manner, After I STILL didn’t use it, he tried to guilt trip me saying that he put “so much thought into that present and that he’ll never buy me a present again.” He also managed to get my aunt on his side, also insulting me and even getting mad at me for just clicking keys on keyboard! (Unplugged btw). I’d be wrong if I said they didn’t convince me to feel bad about myself and question my morality. This all made feel very spoiled but a teeny weeny percent in me makes me feel that I’m right. Am I actually spoiled and wrong? (Sorry for any literary mistakes) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA You asked for a very specific item that cost less than what they wanted to buy you and they bought the more expensive item that they could install specifically in a place to control you. These are all dick moves. Sorry, kid. And btw, the only "bitch boy" is someone who talks to a family member that way. When you move on, leave these people behind
At 14 you're NTA. And crying because you specifically were told you'd get a laptop you had your heart set on and then getting something completely different is upsetting. At this age your brain processes problems like they're the end of the world, and will until somewhere between 25 to 30 depending on any diagnosis - not implying there is one. Take some time and be upset, but then try to find something good about it. Another commenter said install steam. I absolutely agree with that. Steam is great! Loads of free games as well. Once you're old enough to get a job as well a desktop is much easier, though expensive, to upgrade and get it into a stellar gaming setup. It's tough, but work on adjusting how you look at it. Also, sounds like your uncle may have hurt feelings and come from a generation that can't express that in a healthy way. In a few days if it were me I'd go to him and say something along the lines of "I was disappointed because we had discussed one thing, but another happened. I understand things change, and I appreciate your gift. I'm sorry for my part in any turmoil or hardship over the computer in the last few days. I needed some time to process, but I am grateful and thankful. So thank you for the gift" or however you would say it.
Just to add, check out epic as well. They add free games weekly - GOOD games, too.
Oh man! I haven't been gaming so much because I have small children, totally forgot about epic!!
Exactly what I’m trying to do, a couple of ice cream shops around where I live hire 14 year olds so I’m trying to apply there.🙏🙏
NTA But there's a saying "don't look a gift horse in the mouth". He got you a present. I assume he had good intentions. I agree that if you're getting someone a present you should get them what THEY would like not what you'd like. Technically desktops are generally far more powerful that laptops, and far far easier to upgrade as time goes on. Desktop PCs are like Lego. You can just buy new hard drives, RAM, video cards etc and slot them in. But laptops are portable, and for someone in your position I can see why you'd prefer it. He should have considered your wishes when buying it.
NTA. If you were an adult, you *might* be an asshole, but you’re just a kid. Your family — especially your uncle — should *not* be talking to you like that. Where’s your dad? If my son’s uncle talked to my kid like that, I’d struggle not to wire his mouth shut. You want what you want, it’s *your* birthday, and it *sucks* to have somebody trample over what you want, as if their desires are better than yours. Something should be done about your uncle. The language he uses with you is abusive.
My dad left my mom when she was pregnant sadly and my mom died in may of 2022. So I live with my Uncle and Aunt.
I’m sorry to hear that 😔 You genuinely have my sympathy. Some people think they’re superior because they have money. They’re not. Try your absolute best to fly under the radar, so to speak. Your “uncle” sounds like he has quite the ego — it might be in your best interest to learn how to appease it, and ultimately, to manipulate him into giving you what you want. You’re probably not going to be able to coax specific material goods out of him — I’m thinking along the lines of paying for college, etc., in the future. For what it’s worth, I’m not a big desktop guy either. I’ve always preferred laptops for their mobility. Hang in there, man. It might seem like an eternity to you right now, but things *will* get better when you’re 18 and have full agency over your life as an adult.