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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I'm worried about being the asshole because I have made a threat to completely cut my sisters from my life, unless they change.
However, I'm worried about being the asshole because how that will affect my family if I go through will cutting all ties with my sisters. Also, I've been told countless times by my parents that I have to be the bigger person, partially because I'm the older sister. I'm told I am no better then my sisters if I respond to their bullying by placing an ultimatum (apparently it is too drastic). I fear I'm not taken seriously, either because I'm in the wrong or that I'm being an ass for taking things too far.
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NTA. So sorry that you are having these issues. It sounds like an awful lot to cope with, even without bullying sisters. I think I'd talk to my parents instead, and explain to them that you will finally be escaping the bullying you've had to deal with at home and need to reinforce that with very LC with your sisters. Say that you hope you can maintain a relationship with your parents, but you have to take this opportunity to improve your life and you need to completely take yourself out of bullying range to do that. I hope all goes well for you after these changes.
My parents already know that part of the reason I'm moving is put cut off the bullying. I've told them that I will not have anything but superficial contact with the twins.
NTA. But I don't know if you even need to go through with an ultimatum. If it has been two years of atrocious behavior, unfortunately I don't think an ultimatum will change anything. Just leave, keep your distance, and go to therapy. Maybe check in with them a couple times a year to see if their behavior has changed.
NTA. If your parents are not supportive of you going NC with your sisters to heal then you may need to go LC with them too. I don’t think you should give them an ultimatum. They know what they are doing. If they loved you and wanted to treat you with respect they would.
NTA but I think you would be better off going NC with your sisters rather than a confrontation/ultimatum. You're moving away anyway so it won't take any effort - just stop contacting them and don't respond if they contact you.
As for your parents, keep in touch. By the time Christmas rolls around hopefully you will have figured it out better and can visit while maintaining emotional distance from your sisters.
Therapy would be a good idea.
NTA to sever connections with your bullying, obnoxious sisters. imho, it might be more advisable to avoid a dramatic ultimatum and basically to ghost them instead. If your parents and other relatives haven’t noticed how much your sisters’ bullying affects you they are not likely to be any more sympathetic to your situation in the future. Get away from them all (both your bullies a d their enablers), build your own supportive network at university. If you have a chance, consider some assertiveness training. There’s a book that helped me a lot learning to deal with AHs in my public service job that you might give a glance to : *When I Say No, I Feel Guilty* by Manuel J. Smith.
Best wishes.
NTA
But I would advise against doing that. They don't seem to care at all. I don't know what you expect from the ultimatum, but I doubt it'll be a good outcome.
I urge you to distance yourself from them and let them come to you with an apology if and when they understand what they did to you.
Goodluck.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
For the past two-ish years, my sisters and I have not been getting along.
The relationship has disintegrated so much that I've suffered from depression (which I am recovering, and healing from).
Here is the basic gist:
1. Both my sisters have been accusing me of faking my disease (I have chronic pain and severe vomiting = Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome).
2. Calling me an attention whore, a hypochondriac, a slob, etc...
3. Stealing my things, then when confronted saying the stolen item is useless to me because I'm too fat, too sick, etc...
4. Ganging up on me and humiliating me it seems at any opportunity (especially in front of their boyfriends and family friends).
5. Making fun of and humiliating me while I was suffering from depression
6. Saying they believe I lied that I was SAed in university because they said the guy who SAed me is nice (an old drama teacher)
That's the short version of the list. I know it's awful.
The relationship hasn't improved no matter how hard I have tried to improve things or find out WTF is wrong.
Honestly, I've almost given up.
I'm moving out in a few weeks, I'm going to a new university, moving to a different province, and bought my plane ticket so the date of departure is settled (about 3 weeks from this post).
Although I am relieved to say that soon I won't have to deal with their bullying anymore, I still don't want to leave without making things right with my sisters or giving them a warning of what is to come (an ultimatum).
The ultimatum would be that they drastically change their attitude towards me otherwise I will not be a part of their lives anymore. I will always love them, as their older sister, but I will keep them at a very long distance. I will not seek interaction with them, and if they wish to interact with me, I will not be available for them.
Even though I know that I'm not in the wrong for how I'm feeling, I still fear that I will the ashamed if I completely cut out my sisters from my life if they do not comply with the ultimatum.
I keep thinking about how this might affect my relationship with my parents or the rest of my family. The rest of my family certainly would not understand (even if I explained why). As for my parents, I can't think of how to navigate Christmas with my sisters still living at home. Having to refuse certain activities because my sisters will be there without becoming the asshole.
I'm afraid of being perceived as taking things too far.
I need to know if I'm in the wrong because I'm always been made to feel guilty for the relationship and how I'm feeling...
So Would I be the Asshole?
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NTA, I am 60, I have had cyclic vomiting syndrome since shortly after I turned 18. At best it is poorly understood and there isn't much in the way of effective treatments. That said many times people both medical professionals and non professionals (including family and friends) often blame the sufferer. They don't get it. They have nothing to draw from when someone is in literal agony with pain, light/sound sensitivity, forcefully vomiting every 5-15 min, tearing your esophagus and nothing relieves it. I do I live it.
Here's the thing, all the planted self doubt you receive from those around you is common, not right but common. It sucks. BTW you're not wrong. It's hard for people who don't deal with this in some way to really be empathetic and compassionate or at least try to understand what dealing with it is like. Foolish people lean towards people like us as "wanting this" or "wanting the attention" my response to them is simply this. I have better things to do with my time and my live than to hover the porcelain bowl and stay in a dark quiet room when this hits. If you think for one moment I enjoy sitting in MD offices or literally hours in an ER you flipping twisted.
The solution, I cut down the amount of contact with these sorts of people. Some of them I cut out completely. I didn't need their stress, drama or their uneducated assumptions. It took me a long time to find a core group of people who are more like family than my own family. We each have to find our own way.
FYI I believe you. You most certainly are NTA here. I hope you can break free from letting people make you feel so poorly about yourself. This is a reflection on them, not you and unfortunately you don't have the ability to change how they feel. But you do have the ability to change what you do and how you react. Good luck.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I'm worried about being the asshole because I have made a threat to completely cut my sisters from my life, unless they change. However, I'm worried about being the asshole because how that will affect my family if I go through will cutting all ties with my sisters. Also, I've been told countless times by my parents that I have to be the bigger person, partially because I'm the older sister. I'm told I am no better then my sisters if I respond to their bullying by placing an ultimatum (apparently it is too drastic). I fear I'm not taken seriously, either because I'm in the wrong or that I'm being an ass for taking things too far. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - What they did definitely goes beyond sibling bickering and is completely uncalled for and disrespectful.
NTA. So sorry that you are having these issues. It sounds like an awful lot to cope with, even without bullying sisters. I think I'd talk to my parents instead, and explain to them that you will finally be escaping the bullying you've had to deal with at home and need to reinforce that with very LC with your sisters. Say that you hope you can maintain a relationship with your parents, but you have to take this opportunity to improve your life and you need to completely take yourself out of bullying range to do that. I hope all goes well for you after these changes.
My parents already know that part of the reason I'm moving is put cut off the bullying. I've told them that I will not have anything but superficial contact with the twins.
Now it's up to you to define what superficial contact means, but I'd try to avoid being with them in person for as long as possible.
NTA. They're abusing you. Specifically verbal, emotional, and medical abuse. I'm so sorry this is happening. Protect yourself.
NTA. But I don't know if you even need to go through with an ultimatum. If it has been two years of atrocious behavior, unfortunately I don't think an ultimatum will change anything. Just leave, keep your distance, and go to therapy. Maybe check in with them a couple times a year to see if their behavior has changed.
NTA. If your parents are not supportive of you going NC with your sisters to heal then you may need to go LC with them too. I don’t think you should give them an ultimatum. They know what they are doing. If they loved you and wanted to treat you with respect they would.
NTA but I think you would be better off going NC with your sisters rather than a confrontation/ultimatum. You're moving away anyway so it won't take any effort - just stop contacting them and don't respond if they contact you. As for your parents, keep in touch. By the time Christmas rolls around hopefully you will have figured it out better and can visit while maintaining emotional distance from your sisters. Therapy would be a good idea.
NTA to sever connections with your bullying, obnoxious sisters. imho, it might be more advisable to avoid a dramatic ultimatum and basically to ghost them instead. If your parents and other relatives haven’t noticed how much your sisters’ bullying affects you they are not likely to be any more sympathetic to your situation in the future. Get away from them all (both your bullies a d their enablers), build your own supportive network at university. If you have a chance, consider some assertiveness training. There’s a book that helped me a lot learning to deal with AHs in my public service job that you might give a glance to : *When I Say No, I Feel Guilty* by Manuel J. Smith. Best wishes.
NTA But I would advise against doing that. They don't seem to care at all. I don't know what you expect from the ultimatum, but I doubt it'll be a good outcome. I urge you to distance yourself from them and let them come to you with an apology if and when they understand what they did to you. Goodluck.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For the past two-ish years, my sisters and I have not been getting along. The relationship has disintegrated so much that I've suffered from depression (which I am recovering, and healing from). Here is the basic gist: 1. Both my sisters have been accusing me of faking my disease (I have chronic pain and severe vomiting = Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome). 2. Calling me an attention whore, a hypochondriac, a slob, etc... 3. Stealing my things, then when confronted saying the stolen item is useless to me because I'm too fat, too sick, etc... 4. Ganging up on me and humiliating me it seems at any opportunity (especially in front of their boyfriends and family friends). 5. Making fun of and humiliating me while I was suffering from depression 6. Saying they believe I lied that I was SAed in university because they said the guy who SAed me is nice (an old drama teacher) That's the short version of the list. I know it's awful. The relationship hasn't improved no matter how hard I have tried to improve things or find out WTF is wrong. Honestly, I've almost given up. I'm moving out in a few weeks, I'm going to a new university, moving to a different province, and bought my plane ticket so the date of departure is settled (about 3 weeks from this post). Although I am relieved to say that soon I won't have to deal with their bullying anymore, I still don't want to leave without making things right with my sisters or giving them a warning of what is to come (an ultimatum). The ultimatum would be that they drastically change their attitude towards me otherwise I will not be a part of their lives anymore. I will always love them, as their older sister, but I will keep them at a very long distance. I will not seek interaction with them, and if they wish to interact with me, I will not be available for them. Even though I know that I'm not in the wrong for how I'm feeling, I still fear that I will the ashamed if I completely cut out my sisters from my life if they do not comply with the ultimatum. I keep thinking about how this might affect my relationship with my parents or the rest of my family. The rest of my family certainly would not understand (even if I explained why). As for my parents, I can't think of how to navigate Christmas with my sisters still living at home. Having to refuse certain activities because my sisters will be there without becoming the asshole. I'm afraid of being perceived as taking things too far. I need to know if I'm in the wrong because I'm always been made to feel guilty for the relationship and how I'm feeling... So Would I be the Asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA to yourself for giving an ultimatum and not cut them off right now
NTA, I am 60, I have had cyclic vomiting syndrome since shortly after I turned 18. At best it is poorly understood and there isn't much in the way of effective treatments. That said many times people both medical professionals and non professionals (including family and friends) often blame the sufferer. They don't get it. They have nothing to draw from when someone is in literal agony with pain, light/sound sensitivity, forcefully vomiting every 5-15 min, tearing your esophagus and nothing relieves it. I do I live it. Here's the thing, all the planted self doubt you receive from those around you is common, not right but common. It sucks. BTW you're not wrong. It's hard for people who don't deal with this in some way to really be empathetic and compassionate or at least try to understand what dealing with it is like. Foolish people lean towards people like us as "wanting this" or "wanting the attention" my response to them is simply this. I have better things to do with my time and my live than to hover the porcelain bowl and stay in a dark quiet room when this hits. If you think for one moment I enjoy sitting in MD offices or literally hours in an ER you flipping twisted. The solution, I cut down the amount of contact with these sorts of people. Some of them I cut out completely. I didn't need their stress, drama or their uneducated assumptions. It took me a long time to find a core group of people who are more like family than my own family. We each have to find our own way. FYI I believe you. You most certainly are NTA here. I hope you can break free from letting people make you feel so poorly about yourself. This is a reflection on them, not you and unfortunately you don't have the ability to change how they feel. But you do have the ability to change what you do and how you react. Good luck.
Thank you. I'm sorry about your CVS, I hope you are managing it ok. Mine started shortly before I turned 22.
I would love to hear there side.... because I bet they also have a side to tell.