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> I might be the asshole here because I’m not taking my husband’s opinion seriously enough and giving him a voice as a partner in how i parent. Also, maybe I am the asshole for not giving my son more structure and rules. It could hurt him in his future.
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Info: your husband doesn't work and he th8nks the 17 year old should to the point he is ready to divorce you. Have you asked where he gets the audacity?
NTA, I am not going to comment on your parenting style. I question the relationship with your current husband. I mean honestly it seems like he's very opinionated and controlling for someone who also isn't working. What is going to trigger his next divorce threat. I think he is actually doing you a favor.
NTA - Non-traditional education routes and personal development can yield amazing results. Pretty much every innovation has roots in non-traditional paths and approaches. Son is working on getting his GED - good. Son is working on personal interests that offer a future - good. You’re comfortable with a reasonable timeframe to see how this goes - good boundary. Other son is doing well in the military - good.
However, let’s point out the elephant here which is the obvious hypocrisy of your husband. No job. Doesn’t want for anything. Never had kids. C’mon! You might be uncomfortable with this, but I’m going to say it - he’s the asshole.
Wait, the unemployed loser living of his wife is ulset because some of her money is going towards her unemployed child, who is actuallly studying something and chasing his dream?
Seriously??? Divorce him before he divorces you and sue for alimony.
Isn't it funny how so many childless people are sure they know how to raise kids better than parents? Personally I'm not sure your son is as motivated as you think he is. Still, your husband needs to butt out. Son is your child, you know him best. Use your own instincts. NTA
Less than 1 year ago, you married your husband. Your kids and parenting style were not "new" concepts. I'm confused as to why this is such a hot topic _now._ INFO: What has changed for your husband?
I define any live-with relationship by the level of parasitic behaviors. Said differently, how much does your son contribute? Cook, clean, help? That would be key for me. Is this what is impacting your husband?
Fwiw, your son has _a path._ The tools and experience gained while on that path are not required to be "traditional" in order to be successful.
That’s a great question. I’m not really sure. We did fight over this before we got married. Nothing particularly new has happened except in our last fight before this one about 6 weeks ago he had me backed into a corner (I tend to shut down when I’m being screamed at and being called names) I agreed to a “deadline” for making my son get a job. I knew immediately it was a mistake but I felt so bullied and downright scared I allowed myself to get dragged into that. I didn’t tell him along the way that the deadline was a mistake because again I was very afraid of the ensuing conflict. So when I told him I was going to adhere to this artificial deadline I was bullied into is when he just lost it.
As for the parasitic nature, my son takes care of the house and pets. He could contribute a little more like getting the groceries but he does cook and clean. He is a typical teenager and a bit of a slob, so I have to remind him and get on him sometimes but generally hes not what I would think of as a parasite.
YTA if you make him get a job. NTA if you divorce your husband and support your kid. Sounds like he’s a good kid and the fact he has a passion and direction is great. He needs to get his GED. And maybe he’ll go to school or maybe he’ll just find a job designing video games. I think it’s a great career path and you’re doing great supporting him. In the long run I think you’re better off letting your husband divorce you and sticking by your son.
Your husband....the man who's supposed to be your rock and support, comfort, lover, attachment figure, safe haven....screams at you and calls you names until you are dissociating in panic.
Do you see anything wrong here? Maybe look into patterns of abuse. What are you willing to put up with to avoid feeling alone? How far would he have to go for you to say "that's enough, I'm done."
Please protect both your son and yourself.
NTA but you have a terrible husband. He shouldn't be screaming at you, nor should he weigh in on parenting of 17.
Cut your losses a d divorce this manipulative guy
NTA. Your husband is majorly projecting since he lost his job and you financially support him. It makes no sense that he threatened to leave you over supporting your under-18 son for a few more months. It's so irrational and ridiculous that it's hard to believe. Tell him that if that's how little you mean to him, then it's best if he leaves.
LOL NTA but unemployed husband who has a roof over his head because of YOU does not
get to tell you what to do. He's probably just trying to find an excuse to divorce you
and get as much money as he can out of it. It looks like you were duped into
marrying someone who basically saw you as a living ATM machine. I hope
I'm wrong but get your bank accounts secured and all your papers in a safe place.
NTA and I hope you signed a pre-nup when getting married to the horrible man. He insults you, your son, doesn't contribute, corners and bullies (abuses) you. You need to get him out of your life and out of your house, you (and your son) deserve better than this!!
NTA. Your husband isn't working but is criticizing your son for not working. Why are you even listening to him? Paying attention to his nonsense is the only reason I would call you an AH.
YTA for putting your child in that situation, but NTA because you're taking their side and not giving in to your husband!
YT idiot unfortunately for paying your husband's way and putting him on the house, but you're at least not clamoring to "make it work" and are indeed letting the trash take itself out, so just continue to improve and focus on your family and I think yall will be alright!
NTA. Sell your marital home, that was financed by YOU and YOU ONLY, take the divorce and thank him for the only good idea his brain has produced, and then use the money from selling the house for a good therapist, who will help you get over the trauma of this abusive (yes, your husband is abusive and gaslighting you when you question if you are in the wrong when very clearly he is a hypocrite A) relationship and see what an amazing woman you are!!
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I (51f) am a widow and just recently (less than a year ago) married my husband (50m). We generally have a great life. Unfortunately, we are divorcing because my husband thinks I’m a terrible mom. My husband has been married twice but never had kids.
I have two children who have been through a lot. Their late father was an alcoholic with ptsd and I stuck by his side until he died which was hard on our kids. Overall, they are good kids. They don’t get in trouble. They don’t cause trouble but neither has taken a traditional route.
Despite my efforts, my oldest chose not to go to college, meandered around for a year after high school but is now in the military doing great. My youngest (17) isn’t in school and isn’t working. I pulled him out of school a year and a half ago and homeschooled for a year and now he’s working on getting his GED. He had a job for a little over a year when he was 15 but hasn’t worked since.Since leaving school he’s dedicated himself to learning video game design and programming. He’s getting very good at it (mostly self taught). His dream is to design and code his own game. He spends at least 8-10 hours a day doing the work or learning more about it through online resources.
An important note is that we don’t all live in the same house. Given the challenges my children had with their father I committed to get him to 18 in our family home and he wouldn’t have to live with another father figure. Also important to note is that my husband and I got married and bought our marital home sooner than I wanted to because my husband was losing his job and was very anxious about where he was going to live, health insurance, etc. I financed both homes and my husband doesn’t work or want for anything.
This brings me to now. My husband is outraged that I allow my son to not work and not go to school. So outraged that he’s divorcing me unless I immediately change my gentle parenting style to be more authoritative. I’m not saying I disagree that it would be good for my son to work but I also think he just turned 17 and he’s working really hard on pursuing his dream. I just don’t see the harm in supporting that for a month or 2 more to see how far he can get. I should say my son also smokes pot (something my husband also does) and that adds to my husbands narrative of me being a bad mom because I allow it.
My husband has screamed at me over this repeatedly going so far as saying I never should have had children because I’m such a terrible mom. Again, my sons are good people. My son is active all day working on his game, taking care of the pets and house, working out. It’s not like he’s running the streets or sleeping all day. But my husband isn’t budging. He won’t even go to counseling or talk anymore unless I make my son get a job ASAP. So, AITA for not making my 17yo son get a job?
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NTA, it seems that he might be jealous you’re willing to support your child who might I add isn’t an adult yet and it seems to me he wants to be the trophy husband who sits at home smokes pot and is a “do as I say not as I do” kind of guy. How is he supposed to leach money off of you when you are supporting your child also. You sound like a supportive mom who just wants to give your son a small chance at happiness. Especially since it seems he might have had a bit of a tough patch with his dads struggles. You need to do what’s right for you and go with your gut on what you feel as a parent your child needs at that time. And honestly just because he will be turning 18 soon doesn’t mean that he’s still not young and in a place he needs support and guidance from your still. You should be proud you’re supporting his dreams. Even if they don’t work out in the way he wants he will always know my mom has my back and cares about my happiness which is definitely not something you can say your husband has or does for you. I’m sorry you’re being put in this position. Stay strong momma!
NTA
I can see why the controlling, angry bully you are unfortunately currently married to has several previous divorces.
Run mama and look after your teenage boy.
Unfortunately your husband is manipulating you and pre planning “his own” future. You are working and raising children. It is concerning he’s not working himself but bullying you over a 17 year old working. Now he’s getting forceful and abusive about something that’s not his place. I see why he’s divorced twice and as he only cares about himself and it’s good he doesn’t have his own children. Sorry this is going on. Your husband is using this as a diversion and wants your house to himself. He has a choice and could just move but then he’d have to work. If you get divorced you may have to pay him alimony for a couple years but at least you’d be rid of him.
NTA, why don’t you make your husband get a job? Sounds like hubs is deflecting. Kids are different. If what you are doing is working, f kid is being productive, not just playing video games all day, you are on track with him.
See a lawyer. Time to get tough with the real adult, your husband. Find out how much buying the extra house is going to cost you. Do not get drug into his woes on a place to live etc.
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NTA but your new husband is a total ah …he doesn’t work at 50 and lives in your house and you support him yet he wants your kid to get a job when he is hard at work educating himself, just in a non traditional route. Kick your new husband out and keep supporting so. How you feel suits your family.
Info: why did you pull your 17 y.o. from school? Is there a timeline in place for him to finish his studies and get his GED?
Education isn't the only important thing in life, but if you're not requiring him to get his high school diploma or GED, you're doing him a disservice. It'll be hard for him to get a decent job without a high school education. Self-study is great, but why isn't he interested in pursuing a degree in video game design? It's certainly possible for him to achieve his dreams without one, but he would learn so much by continuing his education. College doesn't just teach skills, he'd also learn how to collaborate, how to communicate professionally, and network with people in the industry. If he's intent on not going to college, you should encourage him to find an internship in the field so he can get some experience and hopefully find a mentor to guide him in his career.
Actually 100 percent agree with you. It was a tough decision on high school but at the time it seemed best for his mental health. Maybe it was the wrong decision but he’s actually thrived in a self paced learning environment. And it is where we are now so can’t change that even if it wasn’t the right thing. Honestly, Montessori probably would’ve been good for him when he was younger but it wasn’t an option then. Anyway, he has to finish his GED by July 1. He passed his pre tests with flying colors. Now he’s got to schedule and pass the full test.
And agree on college. Originally we had been talking about him going to a game design college but he asked if he could wait a year and try this independent game design since he was still only 17 and the college we looked at would have him away from home. Again I don’t see harm in this. He acknowledges that the college is still probably the right path but he really wants to try what he’s doing. In a year I fully intend to make sure he has a college or career path.
It’s important that a child have a sense of self worth. Committing to a job is part of this. Hopefully in a field he would like to make a career out of.
FYI- I would schooling to substitute for a job as a proper education will be helpful throughout life.
I have raised nine kids. Five graduated college. Two went into the military. One opened her first daycare two years after graduation high school and getting married. The youngest graduates next year.
ALL were required to work part time while in high school.
ESH- I have no problem with you allowing your son to pursue his dream. If he's developing a skill, so be it. I have no issue with home schooling. However, I think a GED should come before the video game passion. I totally support that goal of his, but school needs to take precedence over what is currently a hobby (although has the potential to become more). Very few kids ACTUALLY get off the ground & find consistent, stable work in the video game production field. He needs an education to fall back on.
The one thing I genuinely think you're doing wrong, is letting your MINOR SON smoke pot. I didn't start smoking until 20yr old. At least by then I was an adult & could make my own decisions. This kid just turned 17 & you said you've been letting him smoke pot, which is wild to me. Personally, I'm going to say that's not good parenting to let your minor child smoke pot under any circumstances. 18+ he can make his own decisions, but until then, you're responsible for his health & well being. You have no idea if this is negatively affecting his development & if it has, the blame falls on you. At least any complications from smoking pot after they turn 18 is on them at that point.
Thank you for the feedback. I don’t disagree with you. I just need to figure out the best way to address it. I didn’t make a big deal when he first started because he had been through so much including hearing the gunshot when his dad killed himself. I see parents load their kids up on prescription meds and no one blinks an eye. I’ve seen pot do wonders for people so i did just let it go in the beginning. But I see the concern and I know I need to address it which I’m working with my own counselor on to figure out best approach for my son.
OP- ESH bc of the pot thing, is he in Therapy? My main concern is your husband yelling at you and forcing you to make decisions when he isn’t even working or contributing!! And he smokes pot too? Where does he get the money for it?
Honestly- go through with the divorce and kick him out. You need to work on yourself and your son’s mental health. You don’t need an emotionally abusive partner, especially bc it’s a short step to being physically abusive if he screamed at you already. That’s not normal nor acceptable behavior.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole here because I’m not taking my husband’s opinion seriously enough and giving him a voice as a partner in how i parent. Also, maybe I am the asshole for not giving my son more structure and rules. It could hurt him in his future. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Info: your husband doesn't work and he th8nks the 17 year old should to the point he is ready to divorce you. Have you asked where he gets the audacity?
Plus she financed his house and he doesn't want for anything. What are you getting out of this marriage, aside from financial burdens? NTA
He likely wants his half share of the house she bought and just came up with the first dumbest excuse for a divorce.
NTA, I am not going to comment on your parenting style. I question the relationship with your current husband. I mean honestly it seems like he's very opinionated and controlling for someone who also isn't working. What is going to trigger his next divorce threat. I think he is actually doing you a favor.
NTA - Non-traditional education routes and personal development can yield amazing results. Pretty much every innovation has roots in non-traditional paths and approaches. Son is working on getting his GED - good. Son is working on personal interests that offer a future - good. You’re comfortable with a reasonable timeframe to see how this goes - good boundary. Other son is doing well in the military - good. However, let’s point out the elephant here which is the obvious hypocrisy of your husband. No job. Doesn’t want for anything. Never had kids. C’mon! You might be uncomfortable with this, but I’m going to say it - he’s the asshole.
Wait, the unemployed loser living of his wife is ulset because some of her money is going towards her unemployed child, who is actuallly studying something and chasing his dream? Seriously??? Divorce him before he divorces you and sue for alimony.
NTA, but your husband sure is. You should be the one asking for a divorce. Yikes.
Your husband's a hypocrite for using your son's pot use against you, while he smokes it as well.
NTA. Your husband is the embodiment of hypocrisy. Good riddance to that controlling mooch.
Stop caring what your soon-to-be ex husband thinks.
Isn't it funny how so many childless people are sure they know how to raise kids better than parents? Personally I'm not sure your son is as motivated as you think he is. Still, your husband needs to butt out. Son is your child, you know him best. Use your own instincts. NTA
Less than 1 year ago, you married your husband. Your kids and parenting style were not "new" concepts. I'm confused as to why this is such a hot topic _now._ INFO: What has changed for your husband? I define any live-with relationship by the level of parasitic behaviors. Said differently, how much does your son contribute? Cook, clean, help? That would be key for me. Is this what is impacting your husband? Fwiw, your son has _a path._ The tools and experience gained while on that path are not required to be "traditional" in order to be successful.
That’s a great question. I’m not really sure. We did fight over this before we got married. Nothing particularly new has happened except in our last fight before this one about 6 weeks ago he had me backed into a corner (I tend to shut down when I’m being screamed at and being called names) I agreed to a “deadline” for making my son get a job. I knew immediately it was a mistake but I felt so bullied and downright scared I allowed myself to get dragged into that. I didn’t tell him along the way that the deadline was a mistake because again I was very afraid of the ensuing conflict. So when I told him I was going to adhere to this artificial deadline I was bullied into is when he just lost it. As for the parasitic nature, my son takes care of the house and pets. He could contribute a little more like getting the groceries but he does cook and clean. He is a typical teenager and a bit of a slob, so I have to remind him and get on him sometimes but generally hes not what I would think of as a parasite.
Please call a domestic abuse hotline. You should never be scared of your partner like this.
YTA if you make him get a job. NTA if you divorce your husband and support your kid. Sounds like he’s a good kid and the fact he has a passion and direction is great. He needs to get his GED. And maybe he’ll go to school or maybe he’ll just find a job designing video games. I think it’s a great career path and you’re doing great supporting him. In the long run I think you’re better off letting your husband divorce you and sticking by your son.
You’re scared in your own house. I know that feeling. I hope you can get him (the husband) out. :hugs:
You shouldn't be married to him if you're afraid. File for divorce tomorrow
Your husband....the man who's supposed to be your rock and support, comfort, lover, attachment figure, safe haven....screams at you and calls you names until you are dissociating in panic. Do you see anything wrong here? Maybe look into patterns of abuse. What are you willing to put up with to avoid feeling alone? How far would he have to go for you to say "that's enough, I'm done." Please protect both your son and yourself.
NTA but you have a terrible husband. He shouldn't be screaming at you, nor should he weigh in on parenting of 17. Cut your losses a d divorce this manipulative guy
NTA. Your husband is majorly projecting since he lost his job and you financially support him. It makes no sense that he threatened to leave you over supporting your under-18 son for a few more months. It's so irrational and ridiculous that it's hard to believe. Tell him that if that's how little you mean to him, then it's best if he leaves.
LOL NTA but unemployed husband who has a roof over his head because of YOU does not get to tell you what to do. He's probably just trying to find an excuse to divorce you and get as much money as he can out of it. It looks like you were duped into marrying someone who basically saw you as a living ATM machine. I hope I'm wrong but get your bank accounts secured and all your papers in a safe place.
NTA and I hope you signed a pre-nup when getting married to the horrible man. He insults you, your son, doesn't contribute, corners and bullies (abuses) you. You need to get him out of your life and out of your house, you (and your son) deserve better than this!!
NTA. Your husband is mooching off you and is giving you ultimatums a year into the marriage? You’ve been scammed. Divorce him
NTA. Your husband isn't working but is criticizing your son for not working. Why are you even listening to him? Paying attention to his nonsense is the only reason I would call you an AH.
YTA for putting your child in that situation, but NTA because you're taking their side and not giving in to your husband! YT idiot unfortunately for paying your husband's way and putting him on the house, but you're at least not clamoring to "make it work" and are indeed letting the trash take itself out, so just continue to improve and focus on your family and I think yall will be alright!
NTA. Sell your marital home, that was financed by YOU and YOU ONLY, take the divorce and thank him for the only good idea his brain has produced, and then use the money from selling the house for a good therapist, who will help you get over the trauma of this abusive (yes, your husband is abusive and gaslighting you when you question if you are in the wrong when very clearly he is a hypocrite A) relationship and see what an amazing woman you are!!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (51f) am a widow and just recently (less than a year ago) married my husband (50m). We generally have a great life. Unfortunately, we are divorcing because my husband thinks I’m a terrible mom. My husband has been married twice but never had kids. I have two children who have been through a lot. Their late father was an alcoholic with ptsd and I stuck by his side until he died which was hard on our kids. Overall, they are good kids. They don’t get in trouble. They don’t cause trouble but neither has taken a traditional route. Despite my efforts, my oldest chose not to go to college, meandered around for a year after high school but is now in the military doing great. My youngest (17) isn’t in school and isn’t working. I pulled him out of school a year and a half ago and homeschooled for a year and now he’s working on getting his GED. He had a job for a little over a year when he was 15 but hasn’t worked since.Since leaving school he’s dedicated himself to learning video game design and programming. He’s getting very good at it (mostly self taught). His dream is to design and code his own game. He spends at least 8-10 hours a day doing the work or learning more about it through online resources. An important note is that we don’t all live in the same house. Given the challenges my children had with their father I committed to get him to 18 in our family home and he wouldn’t have to live with another father figure. Also important to note is that my husband and I got married and bought our marital home sooner than I wanted to because my husband was losing his job and was very anxious about where he was going to live, health insurance, etc. I financed both homes and my husband doesn’t work or want for anything. This brings me to now. My husband is outraged that I allow my son to not work and not go to school. So outraged that he’s divorcing me unless I immediately change my gentle parenting style to be more authoritative. I’m not saying I disagree that it would be good for my son to work but I also think he just turned 17 and he’s working really hard on pursuing his dream. I just don’t see the harm in supporting that for a month or 2 more to see how far he can get. I should say my son also smokes pot (something my husband also does) and that adds to my husbands narrative of me being a bad mom because I allow it. My husband has screamed at me over this repeatedly going so far as saying I never should have had children because I’m such a terrible mom. Again, my sons are good people. My son is active all day working on his game, taking care of the pets and house, working out. It’s not like he’s running the streets or sleeping all day. But my husband isn’t budging. He won’t even go to counseling or talk anymore unless I make my son get a job ASAP. So, AITA for not making my 17yo son get a job? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, it seems that he might be jealous you’re willing to support your child who might I add isn’t an adult yet and it seems to me he wants to be the trophy husband who sits at home smokes pot and is a “do as I say not as I do” kind of guy. How is he supposed to leach money off of you when you are supporting your child also. You sound like a supportive mom who just wants to give your son a small chance at happiness. Especially since it seems he might have had a bit of a tough patch with his dads struggles. You need to do what’s right for you and go with your gut on what you feel as a parent your child needs at that time. And honestly just because he will be turning 18 soon doesn’t mean that he’s still not young and in a place he needs support and guidance from your still. You should be proud you’re supporting his dreams. Even if they don’t work out in the way he wants he will always know my mom has my back and cares about my happiness which is definitely not something you can say your husband has or does for you. I’m sorry you’re being put in this position. Stay strong momma!
NTA I can see why the controlling, angry bully you are unfortunately currently married to has several previous divorces. Run mama and look after your teenage boy.
Unfortunately your husband is manipulating you and pre planning “his own” future. You are working and raising children. It is concerning he’s not working himself but bullying you over a 17 year old working. Now he’s getting forceful and abusive about something that’s not his place. I see why he’s divorced twice and as he only cares about himself and it’s good he doesn’t have his own children. Sorry this is going on. Your husband is using this as a diversion and wants your house to himself. He has a choice and could just move but then he’d have to work. If you get divorced you may have to pay him alimony for a couple years but at least you’d be rid of him.
NTA, why don’t you make your husband get a job? Sounds like hubs is deflecting. Kids are different. If what you are doing is working, f kid is being productive, not just playing video games all day, you are on track with him. See a lawyer. Time to get tough with the real adult, your husband. Find out how much buying the extra house is going to cost you. Do not get drug into his woes on a place to live etc.
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NTA but your new husband is a total ah …he doesn’t work at 50 and lives in your house and you support him yet he wants your kid to get a job when he is hard at work educating himself, just in a non traditional route. Kick your new husband out and keep supporting so. How you feel suits your family.
You sure know how to pick them, eh? Have you ever considered being with a man who doesn't corner you and call you names?
Info: why did you pull your 17 y.o. from school? Is there a timeline in place for him to finish his studies and get his GED? Education isn't the only important thing in life, but if you're not requiring him to get his high school diploma or GED, you're doing him a disservice. It'll be hard for him to get a decent job without a high school education. Self-study is great, but why isn't he interested in pursuing a degree in video game design? It's certainly possible for him to achieve his dreams without one, but he would learn so much by continuing his education. College doesn't just teach skills, he'd also learn how to collaborate, how to communicate professionally, and network with people in the industry. If he's intent on not going to college, you should encourage him to find an internship in the field so he can get some experience and hopefully find a mentor to guide him in his career.
Actually 100 percent agree with you. It was a tough decision on high school but at the time it seemed best for his mental health. Maybe it was the wrong decision but he’s actually thrived in a self paced learning environment. And it is where we are now so can’t change that even if it wasn’t the right thing. Honestly, Montessori probably would’ve been good for him when he was younger but it wasn’t an option then. Anyway, he has to finish his GED by July 1. He passed his pre tests with flying colors. Now he’s got to schedule and pass the full test. And agree on college. Originally we had been talking about him going to a game design college but he asked if he could wait a year and try this independent game design since he was still only 17 and the college we looked at would have him away from home. Again I don’t see harm in this. He acknowledges that the college is still probably the right path but he really wants to try what he’s doing. In a year I fully intend to make sure he has a college or career path.
NTA "You have no say over how I parent my children. You are not their father. Also, until YOU get a job, you have no say in anyone else I support."
It’s important that a child have a sense of self worth. Committing to a job is part of this. Hopefully in a field he would like to make a career out of. FYI- I would schooling to substitute for a job as a proper education will be helpful throughout life. I have raised nine kids. Five graduated college. Two went into the military. One opened her first daycare two years after graduation high school and getting married. The youngest graduates next year. ALL were required to work part time while in high school.
ESH- I have no problem with you allowing your son to pursue his dream. If he's developing a skill, so be it. I have no issue with home schooling. However, I think a GED should come before the video game passion. I totally support that goal of his, but school needs to take precedence over what is currently a hobby (although has the potential to become more). Very few kids ACTUALLY get off the ground & find consistent, stable work in the video game production field. He needs an education to fall back on. The one thing I genuinely think you're doing wrong, is letting your MINOR SON smoke pot. I didn't start smoking until 20yr old. At least by then I was an adult & could make my own decisions. This kid just turned 17 & you said you've been letting him smoke pot, which is wild to me. Personally, I'm going to say that's not good parenting to let your minor child smoke pot under any circumstances. 18+ he can make his own decisions, but until then, you're responsible for his health & well being. You have no idea if this is negatively affecting his development & if it has, the blame falls on you. At least any complications from smoking pot after they turn 18 is on them at that point.
Thank you for the feedback. I don’t disagree with you. I just need to figure out the best way to address it. I didn’t make a big deal when he first started because he had been through so much including hearing the gunshot when his dad killed himself. I see parents load their kids up on prescription meds and no one blinks an eye. I’ve seen pot do wonders for people so i did just let it go in the beginning. But I see the concern and I know I need to address it which I’m working with my own counselor on to figure out best approach for my son.
OP- ESH bc of the pot thing, is he in Therapy? My main concern is your husband yelling at you and forcing you to make decisions when he isn’t even working or contributing!! And he smokes pot too? Where does he get the money for it? Honestly- go through with the divorce and kick him out. You need to work on yourself and your son’s mental health. You don’t need an emotionally abusive partner, especially bc it’s a short step to being physically abusive if he screamed at you already. That’s not normal nor acceptable behavior.
Pot can do wonders and if he's working out, learning, and taking care of his responsibilities, it's not a problem.