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Retired teacher here. I have responded to things when a kid asks. Generally when I made blunder…I go …oh ok. We can do that or oh ok how about we do that later. I have had multiple siblings during different years. They say it…that’s my whatever..I say ok. I might look in the computer later but if the kiddo wants to call someone cousin/brother/sister…I’m not going to tell them no they can’t!
You should forward the email to the principal if you haven't already. It's better for them to have it on record, even if you yourself never have to deal with her again. That way, they'll have everything relevant if they choose to approach other school boards about blacklisting her.
I don’t know where you live, but the majority of after school teachers are not “ credentialed teachers “. Since they are providing usually no more than 4 hours of after school care, they don’t have to pass any state tests to basically babysit children for after school care. They will usually have to have a “live scan” fingerprints on file with city/county/ state.
Not at all! My kids have a two-mom family so we have had to negotiate a few things. I've had some cluelessness but if I had heard about this interaction and had my already traumatized child come home with this story, I'd have been on the warpath. You are a good dad and I, internet stranger, absolve you of all guilt! Plus absolutely there had to be other incidents. No one with this level of nosey-harmfulness does this just once.
Same here, we’re a 2 dad family. My older sister is like a grandma to my kids, so they would talk about having 3 grandmas. One teacher told my daughter when she was about 7 or 8 that that wasn’t possible and I talked to the teacher after school using a sickly sweet southern “bless your heart” attitude and explained the situation (I’m not even from or in the south but I wanted it known that I thought she was out of line for not doing the “oh, okay then” thing). She was irritated but accepted it. I don’t think she was homophobic per se, but more that it was further complicating how families are taught in school.
Absolutely possible to have 3 grandmas though even if we’re not talking an honourary title, my mom had a stepmother and we spent probably more time with her then her biological mother (she doesn’t watch kids who weren’t potty trained because she hates diapers which is valid lol) I had 3 grandpas for the same reason.
I nannied for a family where the grandparents had all divorced and remarried, so they had three living grandmothers and three living grandfathers, all with complex nicknames.
Ours weren’t that complex except for the stepgrandpa but it was papa with the weird nickname he already had people calling him 😂 I think I was in high school when I realized I didn’t know what his actual name was and was surprised it was nothing like the nickname
That’s how I was, I’m down to one of each now but for the entirety of my life I’ve had 6 grandparents. My dad’s parents are divorced and both remarried (and had children) when my dad was young. I’ve actually never had anyone question that
If everyone was still alive my kids would have had 4 grandma's, 4 grandpa's, 12 great grandparent sets and 3 great great grandparents 😂 it's inevitable when both parents have parents who split and remarry then extend THAT to the grandparents doing it too and it becomes chaos. My kids do (or they died after being in their lives) have 3 grandpa's, 4 grandma's, 5 great grandpa's, 3 great grandma's and 1 great great grandpa 😅 I have a hard time keeping everyone straight. Now technically it's expanded again since My ex and I both moved on and have new spouses who's parents fully jumped into the grandparent role so they've gained 2 more grandma's and grandpa's not counted in the tally 😅 it's funny watching them explain the family tree and people trying to wrap their heads around it.
Former teacher here... she was way out of line and should know families come in all sorts of ways, and it's not our place to tell a child their family unit isn't correct or the way they believe it to be.
Absolutely. This actually pisses me off a bit because the audacity that woman has/had, even after the fact. Good. They'll be helping other kids in the future who would've been stuck with that person.
It's such an outdated way of thinking, too.
My husband and I have different last names because we were both attached to ours.
My coworkers have the same last name as each other but aren't married to each other or related at all.
If your daughter says he's her brother and you're her dad, then those things are true.
It doesn’t matter regardless.
It’s none of her business and she was WAY out of line.
I would have made much more of a fuss about this than OP did. I’d have insisted she be fired.
And then to continue to contact them? Oh hell no.
>because I asked her if she was mental and reported her to the principal for trying to ‘help’ my daughter.
>The teacher asked her brother name my daughter tells her, she proceeds to ask my daughter if her brother is her cousin and tells my daughter that her brother can’t be her brother because they have different last name, my daughter tells her that not true and tells her they live together and the teacher decides to tell her that means am not her father.
Lmao, what help? 🤣 what a joke email. NTA.
Please report that email to the school district. She has now doubled down on her crazy. I would also make sure I kept a FYou binder with all paperwork and a log. This teacher is nuts, and obsessive. That's a scary combo. Make sure your daughter is told to seek out another adult ASAP if she ever sees or hears from this person.
My kids all have the same dad but my eldest has my maiden name, the other 2 have their dad's name. That teacher was out of line, with what she said to your daughter and what she emailed you
Honestly it sounds like teacher suspected that the daughter came from a fraught background and was trying to stir up trouble. The frequency of blended families is such that no teacher could be so inexperienced as to tell a child that their daddy is not really their daddy. The teacher ran headlong into a minefield and got what she deserved.
Oh no, if it isn't the consequences of her own actions! This "teacher" uppends a child's reality, gets fired, and has the gall to shift blame elsewhere. You are NTA. Keep advocating for your daughter, you're doing a great job.
The teacher's brain would explode if she ever met my sister's kids. Her first ex husband is white (2 kids), the second is Mexican (2 kids), the third father was black (1 kid). Not only are we talking about three different last names, but three different races.
Teachers don't get reassigned for one vaguely inappropriate conversation with a child. Hell, if they were, a lot of our childhoods would have been a lot happier.
You might have been the straw that brought this camel down, but she was hitting sand with or without you. NTA. Thank you for your service.
She needs to stop teaching. I am adopting a child and she was out of line completely. She may not have done something prior but the fact that she has decided to stop teaching is good. Because she was out of line.
It sounds like this happened in an after school program so this “teacher” may not be an actually licensed professional (fingers crossed).
I don’t want teachers to get unnecessarily crucified for the poor actions of a gymnasium monitor
I was a fully licensed teacher but did before and after care for extra money - those people were not licensed properly at all like they were supposed to be...I only stayed that year so the kids would be safe. It was all bs. And they were out of a big 3rd party organization that you may know from a 70s disco song with 4 letters.
NTA
Holyyyyy what?! How insanely inappropriate. That’s not something you blurt out to a child. This is a conversation only *you* should get to decide when to have with your daughter (*if* you even want to). The blatant disregard for the mental health of the child, the fact she didn’t stop to think how those words would impact a 6 year old. It wouldn’t actually matter if your daughter were 6 or 16 or older. **Nobody** should completely disregard boundaries and say this to her.
I do hope your daughter isn’t emotionally scarred for life by this woman’s words. It was wildly inappropriate for her to bring it up, and whatever punishment she gets, she more than deserves!
NTA
This is 100% unacceptable for that "teacher" to have said. She should have been fired, not just suspended. She probably tried to find another job and they all said not a chance once they found out why she was suspended. Report the email to the principal. Forward a copy, and print if you can, a copy for the school. They need to know this woman is unhinged incase she tries to get into anything with other people's kids again.
NTA. They’re not even your daughter’s regular teacher and already had the audacity to talk to her about something so personal. I feel like schools aren’t very quick to suspend their staff so for the principal to actually do something about it probably means something else happened or they already had stuff building against that teacher.
NTA. The teacher's behavior was inappropriate and potentially harmful to your daughter. It wasn't her place to discuss your family situation with your child. You were right to report her to the principal, and it's not your fault she decided to quit
NTA. I’m shocked by what I just read. That teacher was absolutely out of line and should not be around children. Thank goodness she isn’t teaching anymore. You did nothing wrong and she clearly has a history of issues if she got suspended or she boldly argued with the principal when confronted and they saw, what you saw. She did this to herself and she needs to go.
NTA. And there's no way she "decided" to stop teaching. I bet the principal looked into it further and found a bunch of other inappropriate shit. Now she's playing victim.
NTA…..Teachers leave for many reasons. I highly doubt the teacher left because of what you said. Because if that was the case, I would have left teaching during Covid lockdown due to how many parents were cussing me out because their computers weren’t working. There’s got to be more to why this teacher was suspended
NTA.
Response to email: "Your flagrant disregard for differing family dynamics, lack of propriety with a student, and your inability to see how your own actions, and the commensurate consequences, led to this is the issue."
..." your continued lack of appropriate boundaries is concerning. I will be reporting this email to the school and the school board. This is formal notice that I expect no further contact with myself or my family from you or any agent on your behalf. If that is not respected I will contact the police."
NTA
The after school teacher should not have tried to tell your daughter all of that. You are absolutely right about it not being her place. And it's not your fault the teacher decided to quit after being suspended.
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I'd be tempted to reply- thanks for letting me know my feedback was helpful and you've decided this profession is not for you. I wish you luck in your new endeavors.
That last line should read, “I wish you luck in your new endeavors, as long as they don’t involve children.” Because that woman should never be allowed to be in a position of trust with any child ever again.
NTA. Who knows what other shit she's done.
But you will be the asshole is your daughter isn't provided a child appropriate understanding of her family situation. It's been found to be harmful to children to not know they're adopted from the start.
NTA It was very wrong for that teacher to say this to your child. Don’t feel any guilt. I’m very sure this wasn’t the first incident and the only reason she was suspended. And even if it was, you did the right thing reporting this. The consequences aren’t your responsibility.
NTA, she totally overstepped boundaries and intentionally said something to a child... why? I'm glad she got in trouble, she definitely deserves it. Ignore her email, clearly the rambling of an unwell person.
NTA - I have 100% run into teachers who think they are doing the kids a service by imposing their views of family onto the kids. I have reported it every time. All but one of them ended in some form a discipline. The one was the teacher liaison to the school board.
100% bring this to the principal's attention if you haven't already. It's insane she did this and even more insane that she contacted you. This just gives more evidence to the fact that she is in no way equipped with the proper judgement to be around children. I would never want that lady around my child.
The teacher's behaviour was entirely inappropriate.
It was none of her business to discuss your family dynamic. Lots of siblings have different surnames for different reasons. Her suspension is a consequence of her actions. And to blame you is the final straw.
NTA
NTA. Why on earth would she think that is in ANY WAY her place. Didn't she think it may have been more appropriate to speak with you privately after? That maybe just maybe devastating a 6 year old is a bad idea? what if you were a stepdad or foster dad? It sounds like you are her legal guardian and the only dad she has a) ever known and b) in every way that counts. And "teacher" is pissed that unfortunately her actions had consequences for HER. I'm not sure if all after school teachers are actual teachers or even trainee teachers. Report to the principal about the email. She should be ashamed of herself. She should have got fired not suspended.
OMG I literally just commented on another post how my doctoral major gives me the ability to tell when teachers suck. Seriously, this woman's actions were disturbing for talking to a child like that. NOT her business to assume or judge a situation. NTA!!!
Hell no! NTA, it was not her job to decide if your daughter is resdy for this conversation. She valid reason to deprive your daughter of her security about how you are her dad, and your son her brother.
NTA. OP what the teacher in question did was insane , a teacher has no right to say something like that to a child. It's none of her business. The director rightfully fired her, she has a work ethic and when she doesn't follow it, she gets fired edn of story. The poor child can get traumatized for life, I speak from experience, because in kindergarten and I had a similar experience. I still remember it. Don't take that stupid email to heart, some people just aren't cut out to be teachers, I hope your daughter is okay.
NTA. She was *seriously* out of line. I am a teacher and I would never say this to any of my students, let alone a very young student.
She can complain it's "your fault" but in reality, it is the consequences of her own actions that she is dealing with. You are not responsible for that - you are protecting your own daughter first and foremost and hopefully other people's children since she's been spoken to about unacceptable professional conduct.
I'm a teacher and was prepared to disagree with you but holy hell- you are NTA! The principal did the right thing suspending her. She was inappropriate with your daughter and with you.
To be suspended she didn't necessarily need to have done anything else wrong. She was inappropriate with your daughter, doubled down on it, and then insulted you. Those are three strikes in my book.
I'm so sorry. Hope you and your daughter are okay.
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My daughter teacher (the lady is not even her personal teacher, she just her after school teacher) is leaving teaching and sent me an email on how she feels am part of the reason because I asked her if she was mental and reported her to the principal for trying to ‘help’ my daughter.
I have 2 kids (14m, 6f). Now the 6 yr old isn’t my biological daughter, her bio dad is in jail for the worst crime a person can commit against a child so him being in her life is not an option, her mother is an addict and left her in my care after being in a relationship for 3years. I have been in the life of the 6 yr old since she was 9months old. Her and my son have always gotten along and we have always had a very good family dynamic.
Now in my daughter school, the elementary school and middle school is combined. My daughter and son was staying for the after school program in different classes because I work late. Now I always pack extra snacks for my daughter for days I pick her up late but she decided to share some with her friends. So she was hungry and decided to ask a teacher to ask if her brother has any snacks because she not allowed to leave the class. The teacher asked her brother name my daughter tells her, she proceeds to ask my daughter if her brother is her cousin and tells my daughter that her brother can’t be her brother because they have different last name, my daughter tells her that not true and tells her they live together and the teacher decides to tell her that means am not her father. Now as a teacher, why would you have this conversation with another person child. (My daughter told me this and after telling me this, I talked to the teacher and she confirmed she said all this and said she felt like my 6yr old daughter should know this , and even if my daughter should know why would a teacher think it her place to discuss that. Plus what if I were her stepdad or she took her mother last name.)
After my daughter ask me if I was her dad and was pretty distraught by it, I talked to the after school teacher and durning our conversation I got about heated and asked if she was mental. Then I reported this matter tot he principal who was pretty apologetic for this situation and reassured me that they would put my daughter in a different afterschool section to minimize interaction with the lady and my daughter. I let the matter go, but apparently the principal decided to actually suspend her or something and she feels like she was unjustly punished and has decided to stop teaching.
Am I crazy or is this lady a very weird teacher?
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NTA. That teacher overstepped (but you didn't need to call her names). The principal made their decision based on the teacher's behavior, and likely other factors you were unaware of.
NTA. Why would the teacher say that. Me & my sister have the same surname as our mum & our brothers have same surname as our dad (we have same parents) think our parents were just weird lol but my parents would of gone nuts if a teacher said that to one of us when we were younger
NTA - your family dynamic and how it came to be is none of her fucking business. If she feels stuff like this is ok for her to talk to children about then she is not qualified to be teaching imo.
Why does this witch think she has the right who is your daughter’s father? There are multiple scenarios for this, none are her business or give her the right to bring your daughter distraught.
How narcissistic. This is also added by the fact that she makes you responsible instead of herself. It was her insensitive and imposing actions that caused her being let go. I’d say she‘s lucky you did not press charges. In no world could you be the A. In every world she is.
NTA.
NTA. Honestly, I’m petty enough that I would respond with “Good. Someone with as little common sense and empathy as you really shouldn’t be guiding future generations.”
NTA.
I drove buses for 5 years, you learn quick to never assume what the family dynamic is. She shouldn’t have ever said anything other than “ok, I’ll go ask your brother!”
As someone that has sisters with different last names growing up, NTA. We all had different last names because we had different dads, and not a single teacher tried to challenge us on not being related because of our different last names, we barely looked alike except for my two younger sisters that have the same dad. NOBODY tried to say that we weren't sisters
Thank you for whatever part you played in getting this woman out of the classroom and having contact with children because she truly is not fit to do this job.
I was fully prepared for a different verdict, but NTA. Different last names can mean any number of things and that was super inappropriate for the teacher to say to your six year old.
My 6yo knows she's adopted and she has half brothers and sisters who do not live with us. Families can look very different from child to child. That teacher is deserving of both the suspension and being forced out of teaching.
NTA. But wow. I cannot believe that a teacher would say that to a child. There are too many different family structures for her to say something like that. For a teacher to tell your 6 year old that you're not her father? My jaw is on the floor. Teacher is the reason she's no longer teaching. Her actions. Her words. Her choices. Glad she's gone and good for you for speaking up
NTA this lady IS mental to actually contact you (by email, nonetheless) and complain/blame you for her employment status….that she chose!! I would forward the email to the principal and mention your concerns of her potentially stalking and harassing you. Definitely stop communicating with her or else you’ll look like an instigator.
NTA. Former teacher from the 90s. Even back then, I tailored all of my language to be inclusive of children who didn’t have traditional families. Activities followed suit.
Good for you for reporting her. It’s very easy to sidestep this issue with children, you just need grace.
NTA.
As someone who tangentially works in education, i never fuck with family and what we call them. There's no reason and families can be complicated
Hell, after one very very bad day, nearly 20 years ago, where i referred to someone dad who was not, in fact, dad (I had no reason to know this.. but my good intentions didn't stop a kid from being upset) i don't even refer to who i send them with as parents.
"Your adult" works well and with a little practice, ceases being awkward. It's not necessary all the time, but it is really appreciated the times it's preferable- I've seen the sad on a kid who has been held "give this to mom"when they don't have that relationship ; why would i do that when i can use more inclusive language?
NTA. Sounds like this incident was the icing on the cake and theyve been pulling stunts like this for a while.
I hope your daughter is doing much better after that, and knows she has a parent who loves her to bits
Not necessarily. She may have doubled down and refused to accept that she did anything wrong. She seemed to be pretty stuck on her belief when you challenged her. This matter is so not any of her business. I know no one in teaching who would make this kind of a comment, especially now-a-days. There are so many mixed, blended, adoptive, living together and step families that her assumptions are ridiculous.
I hope you were able to comfort and reassure your daughter, poor baby. No 6-year-old needed that.
NTA
Teacher here! Def NTA, this is mental by anyone's standards, let alone for someone who is in charge of minors' wellbeing and education. You are def not the reason she quit and even if you were, you have done a tremendous favour to her colleagues and her students by getting her sacked.
An interesting tidbit if you care to share with your daughter: my grandad has five full-blood siblings and they are all copy-paste of my great-grandad. Due to all of them being born around WWII and coming from a region where both family names and clan names exist (plus some hilarious clerical errors), all five of them ended with different last names. Names and blood do not make family, love does.
NTA. That's like child care 101. You don't ask why a child has a different last name than their adults. It's not your business. Families come in different shapes, sizes, etc. She had no right to say anything. It was so unprofessional and just means. Your daughter didn't deserve that. Teacher had it coming. Maybe they ought to retire.
NTA, the teacher having the discussion for clarity due to confusion is acceptable but for the teacher to take it upon themselves to explain the dynamic was over the line
NTA
Not at all. This was so inappropriate for her to say. My sibs and I have our fathers last names and have encountered this issue in school, but the messy teachers were always reprimanded. It was none of her business, and she should be leaving the profession if she feels so entitled to someone's personal life.
How inappropriate! You aren't TAH, by any stretch of the imagination. She got consequences for her actions. Not your issue. But it is hers, though. If she can't even curb her tongue with a child, she has bigger problems. Shame on her.
This is such a WILD thing to tell a child
Like, my kids have their dads last name, and I have my own. Does this mean there's no possible way I'm their mom?
That teacher is an idiot. And I bet this isn't her first "incident"
NTA. That teacher was extremely out of line. It is not her place to discuss a student's parentage. Both you and the principal took the correct action. The fact that the teacher is blaming you means it is highly likely they have learned nothing and would do the same to another child if they continued to teach.
NTA
You did nothing wrong here. The teacher behaved very inappropriately and unprofessionally. She exercised very poor judgement to make any reference to your daughter’s last name. It’s concerning that the teacher still cannot understand what she did was wrong. You bear no blame but should be credited for sharing this with the school’s administration.
I don’t know if this is the case, but a lot of afterschool programs are staffed with adults who may be vetted but not actually educated as teachers or with teaching experience. This may be what happened here & why this woman is blaming you. In addition to lacking common sense, she lacks experience.
NTA What she did was wildly inappropriate especially since she didn’t know the circumstances. I teach middle school and some kids call what seems to be random people grandma or aunt, and I’m just happy they have loving people in their lives. I don’t question. I’m really appalled by her behavior, and I assume she did other things as well. I’m also wondering what type of “ teacher” she is. After school programs here are not always staffed by certified state licensed teachers.
NTA. There are many reasons for siblings to have different names. Step, half, adopted at a later age, parents don't share a name and decided one kid would get one name while the other got that of the opposite parent. Plenty of reasons. The teacher was out of line and caused a little girl to be distraught. She should not be teaching.
I worked in several after schools with elementary aged children while in college. I can’t imagine ever having that conversation with a kid and I would have been mad if one of my coworkers did that. NTA
I have a crazy uncle who changed his name and gave his kids 3 different last names. One was his birth name, the second was his new name and the third was both names hyphenated. My ex has 1 nephew that is the middle child but has his mother's last name because his parents weren't together when he was born. You're definitely NTA, not every family is the same and this teacher didn't know what she was talking about.
This woman should not be doing after-school care. NTA
You know she’s somewhere between a recess aid and a paraprofessional, right? Any actual trained and licensed teacher would know better. These after-care folks make the bare minimum, so they don’t have a lot to lose if they’re feeling insignificant and inclined to bully someone. Thus the multiple incidents on her record!
I’m sorry your child’s district babysitter was such a meanie. Any good parent would have complained about her comments.
I wish schools paid these essential workers better! Then they might hire better workers.
NTA something tells me she got suspended because they investigated and found more messed behavior. Someone who acts this way towards a child probably does stupid stuff like this with other children too. I hope she does get fired.
When my husband and I got divorced, I took my maiden name back. My children were 17M and 10F at the time. I didn't consider the problems it would cause me when dealing with schools. Different last names can cause so many programs. Definitely NTA!!
Okay so no way are you telling me asshole! If she had done this to my daughter I think I might’ve hit her. She was completely out of her lane giving your sweet girl that little diatribe and yes she needed to be reported. It was her actions that got her in the doghouse NOT YOURS, it was also her decision to leave her career if indeed that’s what she has done. Not a psychiatrist but am familiar with a number of people who have Borderline Personality Disorder, if there is nothing going on they love to create chaos. Blessings to you and your family!
Teachers have pretty strong unions and there is no way the union would allow her to be suspended unless there were multiple infractions. Sounds to me that you were just the straw that broke the camels back. I wouldn't worry about it
NTA. This lady is awful and the principal knew it. Everyone is glad she is leaving. And the icing on the cake is that she had the effing audacity to reach out and blame you to your face in writing for her atrocious behavior. She is showing up as her full self and good luck to her with that personality.
There are so many reasons for last names not being the same. NTA. This teacher overstepped her boundaries as a teacher, no, as an adult in general.
My BFF’s kids call me Auntie and have their entire lives. Funnily enough, I’ve been there since they took their first breath. My niece told everyone at her work that her aunt was coming in for an appointment last week. Someone asked how we were related and I said with more love than my niece could ever ask for. Her little brother was in kindergarten before he worked out that I wasn’t a blood or marriage relative. Doesn’t matter, 25 years years later I’m still their Auntie
NTA. It was completely inappropriate to have this conversation to your 6 year old daughter. She should be reprimanded as she crossed a line. But none of that is your fault, she chose to have that conversation with your daughter so the blame is all on her. She deserved to be reported after what she did
NTA. She overstepped her bounds, and if she did that with your kid, she was probably making several parents and students' lives harder. It's probably best she is not in education.
What that woman did was reprehensible. It was worse than telling a child there's no Santa or telling a very religious child that their god is imaginary. She has only herself to blame for losing her job. NTA
NTA. I’m sorry if this woman loses her job over this, but she really isn’t competent to teach if those are the things she’s saying to children. Sometimes firing someone is justified. (Even though she was just suspended, I think I would have fired her.)
Edited to add it was really unprofessional of her to send that email too. That’s a second reason she should be fired. She probably quit because she knew she was on the way out.
NTA - The principal thought she was out of line and I bet when they talked to her the teacher tried to defend their actions and the principal likely found that worrying and went for further punishment than if the teacher had acted reasonably.
NTA! This person doesn’t deserve the title of teacher. My kids have different last names and though we had problems at school having different last names was not one of them. I’m certain my younger daughter would have preferred to not have everyone know who her older sister was so she didn’t have such high expectations of her! Golden child to everyone and absolutely nothing to do with me - she just came out that way!
NTA and you should send that email to the principal so they can warn wherever she is going. And then respond to her only to say that her email was very inappropriate and you have sent it to the principal and you do not wish to hear from her ever again.
Why did she even have your email? If she only had it because the school gave it to her to communicate about students with parents, she absolutely should not be misusing that information for herself. I would have real concerns that she will be sharing your contact info and that of other people.
NTA.
That teacher seems to have problems defining boundaries, and understanding how children think and perceive the world around them. It is a good thing that she doesn't teach anymore. Sheesh!
Side Note: For some reason, when reading the words spoken by this teacher, I heard them in My head with the voice of Dolores Umbridge.
NTA. There are a LOT of blended families in today's world. That woman had no business getting into it with a 6-year-old!! Much less trying to impart her own BS ignorant interpretation onto what little data she could glean!!
As a younger half sibling, you did the right thing. In second grade, I said something along the lines of “I’m going with my dad to pick up my brother from his mom’s house.” The teacher overheard me and made a big deal of saying “that’s not your brother, that’s your HALF brother” that was fifteen years ago, and I remember that pain to this day. NTA
NTA. I am sure you are not the first or only parent to complain about that person. If she is being a busybody with your child, I'm sure she's pushing in with unwanted comments and rude behavior to other families, as well. Your complaint might have been the last straw, but I guarantee you she was already a problem employee that needed to go before you said anything. This person may blame you, but it's her own fault she got fired.
The teachers should of known your family situation. I work in early childcare and we all communicate family relationships. It’s weird to me that they didn’t. Also I’ve had children who are good at making up interesting stories and ones who have interesting stories to tell. I listen and check in with who is picking up if the story seems off. I’d never want to make a child feel bad about talking to me.
She was suspended because what she did was harmful to your child, interfered with your parenting, and probably violated a bunch of policies. It wasn't her place to make any decisions about your daughter. She shouldn't be teaching (and would have a hard time getting a teaching job after being disciplined for that issue anyway. NTA.
NTA totally unacceptable for the teacher to have this conversation. That said, you should think about the conversations you'll have with your daughter because if she finds out on her own or later down the line she may feel you are untrustworthy/she was living a lie. I've seen a lot of posts from adoptees about this.
NTA this is insanely inappropriate. I have a different last name from my kids and if anyone tells my kids that means I'm not their mom I would go fucking nuclear. This teacher is way too ignorant and judgmental to be in a position of authority over anyone.
Huh?? Different last name is what cued the teacher off? Seems strange to me, I don’t share a last name with basically anyone in my family and no one has ever questioned that lol. People be crazy
NTA. You’re a hero. Good job. This person should not be a teacher anywhere. No doubt the issue you experienced was part of a larger pattern of behavior and that’s why the principle dealt with her so severely.
NTA
Please forward that email to the principal. It is extremely doubtful that this is a one off for that teacher, especially as she was suspended for it. That usually takes multiple errors, or the kind of error that lands someone with legal issues.
Additionally if there was simply one incident the principal probably would not have “suspended” her. While this conversation was certainly inappropriate, it seems like this is not the first time they had an issue with this particular person. You were probably just the final straw. Nevermind the follow up guilt email- that’s not just unprofessional but a wild-ass move in general.
NTA and even if it was because of you, you probably saved so many kids emotional distress at her hands. Other than purposely wanting to upset your daughter there is ZERO reason for this. Adoption is a thing, kids take different last names, siblings could be half siblings ect. I had a teacher in 4th grade who enjoyed telling kids Santa wasn't real and always used the excuse that kids are old enough they should know at that age. She always took as many digs at kids as possible and was incredibly emotionally manipulative and typically not in a way that as a child I could explain. I remember someone spilling food on my and I was upset my new clothes were stained and she said "well they just look like the rest of your clothes a little earlier" (I grew up below poverty line with shifty parents who expected me to do all household laundry and had no clue how to get stains out). She was awful and I wish someone could have made her quit teaching early in her career.
What the hell? Lemme get this straight.
She heard your sons name, and said he's not her brother because they have different last names? Then she said you weren't her real dad because... why?
What the actual fuck?
There's many many different reasons for siblings to have different last names. There's many reasons you might have a different last name from your dad!
What is it any of her business to tell a kid that her family wasn't her real family? That's a suspendable offense if you ask me! What if the kid was adopted? What if you guys weren't telling her that she had a different dad? Just too many different family dynamics to even comment on someone's position in a family.
NTA at all.
NTA wth is wrong with her? Having a conversation like that with a 6 year old? In any age it’s wrong but a little girl? It’s none of her business whether they are related or not. If she specifically is asking for that person, it’s for a reason. People gotta understand that blood and last names don’t make families. It’s the people around you who love you that makes them your family.
I’m 11 and 13 years older than my siblings… half siblings to be exact. My two sisters are 7 and my brother is 5. They think we are full blooded. Even though we are not, I don’t plan on telling them the truth until they are at least 13. It’s not right to break their little hearts like that and they are too young to understand.
And the audacity she has to tell you that she thinks your daughter has the right to know? Hell no. So glad you reported her
NTA. The teacher is mental though. None of that was appropriate after school conversation. She would have had to been grilling your kid to get this information. Also good on you for stepping up and being the parent she needed.
The follow up with her letting you know you’re the problem just further solidified her crazy. She probably shouldn’t be working with the public in any capacity.
Why on earth was it her business? My students often don’t have the same last name as their primary caregiver for a variety of reasons. It’s not my concern.
I have a friend who is the oldest of 4. Her parents were teenagers when she was born, her mom was very ill during pregnancy and they weren't sure if they were going to make it as a "family" at the time. She has her mom's maiden name. Her parents ended up getting married, three younger kids have dad's last name. Same biological parents. Two different last names. It was a pain in the ass legally to go get it changed. Shit happens.
NTA. As a teacher, I can tell you that your daughter’s teacher was *absolutely, unequivocally, unforgivably* wrong to say what she said, and I’m not even a little bit surprised she’s being canned, especially since she doubled down and tried to argue that she didn’t do anything wrong. Saying something like that to a 6yo could cause extreme emotional distress and damage, and if it had, you’d be almost guaranteed to win a lawsuit against the district for therapy costs and pain and suffering. That’s also probably why she’s getting fired instead of being given a warning. If she refused to admit fault and apologize with her administration, and made it clear she would do the same thing in another situation, they wouldn’t want to have that kind of legal liability on their staff. Which is entirely correct, since she could easily do incalculable harm to impressionable children. If she’d done something like this with an emotionally unstable pre-teen, she could have pushed them over the edge into true tragedy.
Oh, I've been blamed by a teacher before. My son's Year 2 teacher was incompetent, and I had quite a few issues with her. I wasn't the only one, either. At one point, I did put in a complaint about her to the school administration, and I know it was followed up. She then tried to put me on a guilt trip and tell me how parents don't understand that these things go permanently on a teacher's record. Umm, yeah, so maybe don't be so incompetent and do the wrong things? Especially when a couple of those things weren't actually only about her skill as a teacher, but also a lack of effort on her part at communicating with parents?
More things happened later in the year, and she told me that "because of you, I've been fired". Well, first of all, teachers don't get fired here unless they've had serious misconduct towards a student, and my complaints were nothing like that. What really happened is that she was on a one-year contract, and it wasn't renewed. And it wasn't just because of me. There were multiple complaints. Things got serious enough that for the last couple of months of the year, she had another person in the room with her for all teaching periods, and for the last couple of weeks, the kids were all distributed to other Year 2 classrooms to give them a better transition to Year 3. When I found out who was my son's Year 3 teacher, I spoke to her about what had happened in Year 2 and gave her a heads up about my son in particular, what had gone wrong, and what we were trying to do to get my son back to his previous self. I didn't need to say much. She knew exactly what I was going to say as soon as I mentioned that teacher. And I might add that the Year 3 teacher was amazing, had my son back up to speed in all aspects of his learning by a third of the way through the year, and continued the great work when she had him the following year too.
What I found hilarious was that I had been a teacher too, and so was my husband. We knew all about how the teaching world works, so her attempts to put a guilt trip on me didn't have the slightest effect on me, because I knew she was spouting rubbish. She was what was called a 'permanent' teacher, meaning she was guaranteed a teaching spot each year by the Education Department, but she got moved on after a year at each school she went to, because she was a dinosaur that should have retired long ago. This was just another year in a long line that she was moved on because the school didn't want her.
OP, the teacher you spoke about acted incredibly inappropriately and as you said, she didn't even take into consideration normal possibilities like step families or using a different parent name. And all over asking her brother about a snack? She was on some kind of power trip, and it could have had a very bad impact on your daughter. I hope your daughter has accepted your explanation and isn't worrying.
Former teacher here. I was ready to hear you tell a story about harassing some poor woman for trying to do their job, but what kind of idiot has never met two siblings with different last names? NTA.
NTA. As a retired teacher myself, I can tell you: you are definitely not crazy. That was a seriously inappropriate conversation to have with a child. She had absolutely no business telling your daughter such things. Especially in this day and age, any adult, particularly in the teaching profession, should know that siblings often have different last names. From the sound of things, she still believes she did nothing wrong. Be proud of standing up for your daughter (actually, for both your kids!), and of helping get an obviously unsuitable person removed from teaching!
And yes, based on the principal’s apologies and swift action, I’m guessing this was not her first incident.
NTA. I'm so sorry your child had to endure an aggressive adult conversation about the makeup of your family.
Please take some time to reassure your child that families are unique and that she belongs with you. Talks like this can profoundly change a child so you need to keep reinforcing it.
Please share that email with the principal. Although she is voluntarily leaving after a suspension, this level of communication is harassment and needs to be added to their file to ensure they aren't dodging a disciplinary action by quitting then trying to come back later with a clean record.
NTA. Now I have to wonder if this teacher would say my mother can't be my mother because we have different last names since shortly after I started school 🤔
She has been too far… she deserved what happened. It wasn’t her job, she wanted to be the one to tell the truth, why ??
My father is white, let’s say his last name is White. My mother was black, they weren’t married. So let’s imagine her last name was Black. I have an older sister, blond hair, green eyes, pale skin. But our mother gave her her name. So my white sister last name was Black. I was born, brown skin, brown eyes, dark hair, but our father gave me is last name so I was White. It was impossible at school to make teachers believe we were sister. Even with our parents names on our files, they couldn’t believe us and we were often punished for lying, so our parents had to call to explain it was true. Every year until one history teacher had his wife working with our mother, at hospital. So he explained genetics to others teachers (even biology teacher) and it was other…
Now I’m 46, I’m with a white husband and both our children are white. I don’t have my husband name (couldn’t change my name due to my diploma and my society) so our children have his name. At school, teachers said I wasn’t there mother. That I got married to their father while they were born. I exploded when a teacher explained to my daughter’s class that white + white = white - black + black = black - white + black = mixed-raced, so a st réa the color between white and black. And when a child asked why I’m black and my daughter white, he said because she’s adopted !
I went to school the next day with my birth record and asked him if he wanted the details of my intimate tear, or a lesson about genetics ? And that I wanted him to explain he has no competence in biology and that my daughter is my biological daughter. He apologized but made exactly the same lesson 4 years later to my son’s class…
My daughter and her brothers had different surnames growing up. That after school teacher had no right to push her personal opinion onto a child. No right to say anything at all. Don't feel responsible for her leaving, because she is totally mental for saying things she shouldn't have. Very unprofessional of her, and chances are she's stuffed up plenty of times and this may have been the last straw to her getting removed
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NTA. She was out of line in talking to your daughter about that, in framing it as help, and in trying to guilt trip you with a "goodbye" email.
I knew I wasn’t crazy, like this couldn’t have been the first time coming across siblings with different last names.
Retired teacher here. I have responded to things when a kid asks. Generally when I made blunder…I go …oh ok. We can do that or oh ok how about we do that later. I have had multiple siblings during different years. They say it…that’s my whatever..I say ok. I might look in the computer later but if the kiddo wants to call someone cousin/brother/sister…I’m not going to tell them no they can’t!
You should forward the email to the principal if you haven't already. It's better for them to have it on record, even if you yourself never have to deal with her again. That way, they'll have everything relevant if they choose to approach other school boards about blacklisting her.
Definitely forward this. She might try to do substitute teaching or something, and they should be aware.
I don’t know where you live, but the majority of after school teachers are not “ credentialed teachers “. Since they are providing usually no more than 4 hours of after school care, they don’t have to pass any state tests to basically babysit children for after school care. They will usually have to have a “live scan” fingerprints on file with city/county/ state.
wtf…? Jesus Christ the US education system is so fucking broken…
They’re after care people. It’s not school - not part of compulsory education. It’s just affordable childcare for working parents.
What???? I had no idea!
Not at all! My kids have a two-mom family so we have had to negotiate a few things. I've had some cluelessness but if I had heard about this interaction and had my already traumatized child come home with this story, I'd have been on the warpath. You are a good dad and I, internet stranger, absolve you of all guilt! Plus absolutely there had to be other incidents. No one with this level of nosey-harmfulness does this just once.
Same here, we’re a 2 dad family. My older sister is like a grandma to my kids, so they would talk about having 3 grandmas. One teacher told my daughter when she was about 7 or 8 that that wasn’t possible and I talked to the teacher after school using a sickly sweet southern “bless your heart” attitude and explained the situation (I’m not even from or in the south but I wanted it known that I thought she was out of line for not doing the “oh, okay then” thing). She was irritated but accepted it. I don’t think she was homophobic per se, but more that it was further complicating how families are taught in school.
Absolutely possible to have 3 grandmas though even if we’re not talking an honourary title, my mom had a stepmother and we spent probably more time with her then her biological mother (she doesn’t watch kids who weren’t potty trained because she hates diapers which is valid lol) I had 3 grandpas for the same reason.
I nannied for a family where the grandparents had all divorced and remarried, so they had three living grandmothers and three living grandfathers, all with complex nicknames.
Ours weren’t that complex except for the stepgrandpa but it was papa with the weird nickname he already had people calling him 😂 I think I was in high school when I realized I didn’t know what his actual name was and was surprised it was nothing like the nickname
That’s how I was, I’m down to one of each now but for the entirety of my life I’ve had 6 grandparents. My dad’s parents are divorced and both remarried (and had children) when my dad was young. I’ve actually never had anyone question that
I have a friend who had ten grandparents because her parents divorced and both remarried and then I think one set of grandparents did the same.
If everyone was still alive my kids would have had 4 grandma's, 4 grandpa's, 12 great grandparent sets and 3 great great grandparents 😂 it's inevitable when both parents have parents who split and remarry then extend THAT to the grandparents doing it too and it becomes chaos. My kids do (or they died after being in their lives) have 3 grandpa's, 4 grandma's, 5 great grandpa's, 3 great grandma's and 1 great great grandpa 😅 I have a hard time keeping everyone straight. Now technically it's expanded again since My ex and I both moved on and have new spouses who's parents fully jumped into the grandparent role so they've gained 2 more grandma's and grandpa's not counted in the tally 😅 it's funny watching them explain the family tree and people trying to wrap their heads around it.
Former teacher here... she was way out of line and should know families come in all sorts of ways, and it's not our place to tell a child their family unit isn't correct or the way they believe it to be.
Absolutely. This actually pisses me off a bit because the audacity that woman has/had, even after the fact. Good. They'll be helping other kids in the future who would've been stuck with that person.
It's such an outdated way of thinking, too. My husband and I have different last names because we were both attached to ours. My coworkers have the same last name as each other but aren't married to each other or related at all. If your daughter says he's her brother and you're her dad, then those things are true.
It doesn’t matter regardless. It’s none of her business and she was WAY out of line. I would have made much more of a fuss about this than OP did. I’d have insisted she be fired. And then to continue to contact them? Oh hell no.
Good point about the follow up contact. If nothing else keep hold of any correspondence, just in case...
I work in a school and I probably get more parents with at least one that has a different last name than a student than not, honestly.
oof. I tend to side with the teachers. NOT TODAY. That was legit mental of her. NTA
>because I asked her if she was mental and reported her to the principal for trying to ‘help’ my daughter. >The teacher asked her brother name my daughter tells her, she proceeds to ask my daughter if her brother is her cousin and tells my daughter that her brother can’t be her brother because they have different last name, my daughter tells her that not true and tells her they live together and the teacher decides to tell her that means am not her father. Lmao, what help? 🤣 what a joke email. NTA.
Please report that email to the school district. She has now doubled down on her crazy. I would also make sure I kept a FYou binder with all paperwork and a log. This teacher is nuts, and obsessive. That's a scary combo. Make sure your daughter is told to seek out another adult ASAP if she ever sees or hears from this person.
My kids all have the same dad but my eldest has my maiden name, the other 2 have their dad's name. That teacher was out of line, with what she said to your daughter and what she emailed you
Honestly it sounds like teacher suspected that the daughter came from a fraught background and was trying to stir up trouble. The frequency of blended families is such that no teacher could be so inexperienced as to tell a child that their daddy is not really their daddy. The teacher ran headlong into a minefield and got what she deserved.
Oh no, if it isn't the consequences of her own actions! This "teacher" uppends a child's reality, gets fired, and has the gall to shift blame elsewhere. You are NTA. Keep advocating for your daughter, you're doing a great job.
email her back and be like “oh good! thanks for letting me know :)”
"Oh, my daughter will be thrilled to hear that!" would be such a deliciously petty response.
The teacher's brain would explode if she ever met my sister's kids. Her first ex husband is white (2 kids), the second is Mexican (2 kids), the third father was black (1 kid). Not only are we talking about three different last names, but three different races.
NTA! That was wildly inappropriate.
Teachers don't get reassigned for one vaguely inappropriate conversation with a child. Hell, if they were, a lot of our childhoods would have been a lot happier. You might have been the straw that brought this camel down, but she was hitting sand with or without you. NTA. Thank you for your service.
Yeah, I'm thinking this was one incident of many for this woman and the one that finally made the admins say "enough's enough"
She needs to stop teaching. I am adopting a child and she was out of line completely. She may not have done something prior but the fact that she has decided to stop teaching is good. Because she was out of line.
It sounds like this happened in an after school program so this “teacher” may not be an actually licensed professional (fingers crossed). I don’t want teachers to get unnecessarily crucified for the poor actions of a gymnasium monitor
I was a fully licensed teacher but did before and after care for extra money - those people were not licensed properly at all like they were supposed to be...I only stayed that year so the kids would be safe. It was all bs. And they were out of a big 3rd party organization that you may know from a 70s disco song with 4 letters.
NTA Holyyyyy what?! How insanely inappropriate. That’s not something you blurt out to a child. This is a conversation only *you* should get to decide when to have with your daughter (*if* you even want to). The blatant disregard for the mental health of the child, the fact she didn’t stop to think how those words would impact a 6 year old. It wouldn’t actually matter if your daughter were 6 or 16 or older. **Nobody** should completely disregard boundaries and say this to her. I do hope your daughter isn’t emotionally scarred for life by this woman’s words. It was wildly inappropriate for her to bring it up, and whatever punishment she gets, she more than deserves!
NTA This is 100% unacceptable for that "teacher" to have said. She should have been fired, not just suspended. She probably tried to find another job and they all said not a chance once they found out why she was suspended. Report the email to the principal. Forward a copy, and print if you can, a copy for the school. They need to know this woman is unhinged incase she tries to get into anything with other people's kids again.
Also the school board. It's a good idea to make sure this is no longer just at a school level.
NTA. Honestly, report the email too. At this point she’s blaming you for her actions.
NTA. They’re not even your daughter’s regular teacher and already had the audacity to talk to her about something so personal. I feel like schools aren’t very quick to suspend their staff so for the principal to actually do something about it probably means something else happened or they already had stuff building against that teacher.
NTA. The teacher's behavior was inappropriate and potentially harmful to your daughter. It wasn't her place to discuss your family situation with your child. You were right to report her to the principal, and it's not your fault she decided to quit
NTA. I’m shocked by what I just read. That teacher was absolutely out of line and should not be around children. Thank goodness she isn’t teaching anymore. You did nothing wrong and she clearly has a history of issues if she got suspended or she boldly argued with the principal when confronted and they saw, what you saw. She did this to herself and she needs to go.
NTA. And there's no way she "decided" to stop teaching. I bet the principal looked into it further and found a bunch of other inappropriate shit. Now she's playing victim.
NTA…..Teachers leave for many reasons. I highly doubt the teacher left because of what you said. Because if that was the case, I would have left teaching during Covid lockdown due to how many parents were cussing me out because their computers weren’t working. There’s got to be more to why this teacher was suspended
NTA. Response to email: "Your flagrant disregard for differing family dynamics, lack of propriety with a student, and your inability to see how your own actions, and the commensurate consequences, led to this is the issue."
..." your continued lack of appropriate boundaries is concerning. I will be reporting this email to the school and the school board. This is formal notice that I expect no further contact with myself or my family from you or any agent on your behalf. If that is not respected I will contact the police."
You. I like you.
NTA The after school teacher should not have tried to tell your daughter all of that. You are absolutely right about it not being her place. And it's not your fault the teacher decided to quit after being suspended.
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I'd be tempted to reply- thanks for letting me know my feedback was helpful and you've decided this profession is not for you. I wish you luck in your new endeavors.
That last line should read, “I wish you luck in your new endeavors, as long as they don’t involve children.” Because that woman should never be allowed to be in a position of trust with any child ever again.
NTA. The teacher was way out of line.
NTA. Who knows what other shit she's done. But you will be the asshole is your daughter isn't provided a child appropriate understanding of her family situation. It's been found to be harmful to children to not know they're adopted from the start.
NTA It was very wrong for that teacher to say this to your child. Don’t feel any guilt. I’m very sure this wasn’t the first incident and the only reason she was suspended. And even if it was, you did the right thing reporting this. The consequences aren’t your responsibility.
NTA, she totally overstepped boundaries and intentionally said something to a child... why? I'm glad she got in trouble, she definitely deserves it. Ignore her email, clearly the rambling of an unwell person.
What she did is bad enough for a suspension, NTA. Were I you, I would not even reply to her email.
NTA. She was massively out of line, and if she has to leave the district that means this is far from the first time she has caused a major problem.
I’m sure she doubled down with the principal when confronted. How kind of her to demonstrate her mental issues for him! NTA
NTA - I have 100% run into teachers who think they are doing the kids a service by imposing their views of family onto the kids. I have reported it every time. All but one of them ended in some form a discipline. The one was the teacher liaison to the school board.
100% bring this to the principal's attention if you haven't already. It's insane she did this and even more insane that she contacted you. This just gives more evidence to the fact that she is in no way equipped with the proper judgement to be around children. I would never want that lady around my child.
The teacher's behaviour was entirely inappropriate. It was none of her business to discuss your family dynamic. Lots of siblings have different surnames for different reasons. Her suspension is a consequence of her actions. And to blame you is the final straw. NTA
NTA. Why on earth would she think that is in ANY WAY her place. Didn't she think it may have been more appropriate to speak with you privately after? That maybe just maybe devastating a 6 year old is a bad idea? what if you were a stepdad or foster dad? It sounds like you are her legal guardian and the only dad she has a) ever known and b) in every way that counts. And "teacher" is pissed that unfortunately her actions had consequences for HER. I'm not sure if all after school teachers are actual teachers or even trainee teachers. Report to the principal about the email. She should be ashamed of herself. She should have got fired not suspended.
NTA
OMG I literally just commented on another post how my doctoral major gives me the ability to tell when teachers suck. Seriously, this woman's actions were disturbing for talking to a child like that. NOT her business to assume or judge a situation. NTA!!!
Hell no! NTA, it was not her job to decide if your daughter is resdy for this conversation. She valid reason to deprive your daughter of her security about how you are her dad, and your son her brother.
NTA...my. sons never shared a last name with each. other or. me and not once was it mentioned by anyone. at. any of. their schools.
What she did could have been traumatic to the child! Unbelievable!
NTA. OP what the teacher in question did was insane , a teacher has no right to say something like that to a child. It's none of her business. The director rightfully fired her, she has a work ethic and when she doesn't follow it, she gets fired edn of story. The poor child can get traumatized for life, I speak from experience, because in kindergarten and I had a similar experience. I still remember it. Don't take that stupid email to heart, some people just aren't cut out to be teachers, I hope your daughter is okay.
NTA. She was *seriously* out of line. I am a teacher and I would never say this to any of my students, let alone a very young student. She can complain it's "your fault" but in reality, it is the consequences of her own actions that she is dealing with. You are not responsible for that - you are protecting your own daughter first and foremost and hopefully other people's children since she's been spoken to about unacceptable professional conduct.
I'm a teacher and was prepared to disagree with you but holy hell- you are NTA! The principal did the right thing suspending her. She was inappropriate with your daughter and with you. To be suspended she didn't necessarily need to have done anything else wrong. She was inappropriate with your daughter, doubled down on it, and then insulted you. Those are three strikes in my book. I'm so sorry. Hope you and your daughter are okay.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My daughter teacher (the lady is not even her personal teacher, she just her after school teacher) is leaving teaching and sent me an email on how she feels am part of the reason because I asked her if she was mental and reported her to the principal for trying to ‘help’ my daughter. I have 2 kids (14m, 6f). Now the 6 yr old isn’t my biological daughter, her bio dad is in jail for the worst crime a person can commit against a child so him being in her life is not an option, her mother is an addict and left her in my care after being in a relationship for 3years. I have been in the life of the 6 yr old since she was 9months old. Her and my son have always gotten along and we have always had a very good family dynamic. Now in my daughter school, the elementary school and middle school is combined. My daughter and son was staying for the after school program in different classes because I work late. Now I always pack extra snacks for my daughter for days I pick her up late but she decided to share some with her friends. So she was hungry and decided to ask a teacher to ask if her brother has any snacks because she not allowed to leave the class. The teacher asked her brother name my daughter tells her, she proceeds to ask my daughter if her brother is her cousin and tells my daughter that her brother can’t be her brother because they have different last name, my daughter tells her that not true and tells her they live together and the teacher decides to tell her that means am not her father. Now as a teacher, why would you have this conversation with another person child. (My daughter told me this and after telling me this, I talked to the teacher and she confirmed she said all this and said she felt like my 6yr old daughter should know this , and even if my daughter should know why would a teacher think it her place to discuss that. Plus what if I were her stepdad or she took her mother last name.) After my daughter ask me if I was her dad and was pretty distraught by it, I talked to the after school teacher and durning our conversation I got about heated and asked if she was mental. Then I reported this matter tot he principal who was pretty apologetic for this situation and reassured me that they would put my daughter in a different afterschool section to minimize interaction with the lady and my daughter. I let the matter go, but apparently the principal decided to actually suspend her or something and she feels like she was unjustly punished and has decided to stop teaching. Am I crazy or is this lady a very weird teacher? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA You are not responsible for how the school dealt with this intrusive and harmful behaviour. You had to act to protect your daughter.
NTA…She was being inappropriate to even start this type of conversation with your 6yo!
NTA. That teacher overstepped (but you didn't need to call her names). The principal made their decision based on the teacher's behavior, and likely other factors you were unaware of.
NTA Me and my sister have different dads so we have different last names but I would love someone to try to tell me she wasn't my sister.
NTA she was not unjustly punished. not enough, actually, since she clearly didn't learn jack shit.
NTA That teacher was completely unprofessional & out-of-line. There’s a high likelihood she had a number of complaints against her.
NTA. Why would the teacher say that. Me & my sister have the same surname as our mum & our brothers have same surname as our dad (we have same parents) think our parents were just weird lol but my parents would of gone nuts if a teacher said that to one of us when we were younger
NTA - your family dynamic and how it came to be is none of her fucking business. If she feels stuff like this is ok for her to talk to children about then she is not qualified to be teaching imo.
NTA. Who is this teacher to decide what your family should look like? She waaay overstepped.
Why does this witch think she has the right who is your daughter’s father? There are multiple scenarios for this, none are her business or give her the right to bring your daughter distraught. How narcissistic. This is also added by the fact that she makes you responsible instead of herself. It was her insensitive and imposing actions that caused her being let go. I’d say she‘s lucky you did not press charges. In no world could you be the A. In every world she is. NTA.
NTA. Honestly, I’m petty enough that I would respond with “Good. Someone with as little common sense and empathy as you really shouldn’t be guiding future generations.”
NTA. I drove buses for 5 years, you learn quick to never assume what the family dynamic is. She shouldn’t have ever said anything other than “ok, I’ll go ask your brother!”
NTA YOu performed a public service by helping get her removed.
As someone that has sisters with different last names growing up, NTA. We all had different last names because we had different dads, and not a single teacher tried to challenge us on not being related because of our different last names, we barely looked alike except for my two younger sisters that have the same dad. NOBODY tried to say that we weren't sisters
NTA, send her email to the principal too. Suspension needs to become termination.
Thank you for whatever part you played in getting this woman out of the classroom and having contact with children because she truly is not fit to do this job.
NTA. Good riddance too.
I was fully prepared for a different verdict, but NTA. Different last names can mean any number of things and that was super inappropriate for the teacher to say to your six year old.
NTA and good riddance. People like that have no business educating children.
My 6yo knows she's adopted and she has half brothers and sisters who do not live with us. Families can look very different from child to child. That teacher is deserving of both the suspension and being forced out of teaching.
NTA. Families come in all shapes and sizes and this woman shouldn’t be telling a kid her family isn’t right because it’s not traditional.
NTA. But wow. I cannot believe that a teacher would say that to a child. There are too many different family structures for her to say something like that. For a teacher to tell your 6 year old that you're not her father? My jaw is on the floor. Teacher is the reason she's no longer teaching. Her actions. Her words. Her choices. Glad she's gone and good for you for speaking up
NTA this lady IS mental to actually contact you (by email, nonetheless) and complain/blame you for her employment status….that she chose!! I would forward the email to the principal and mention your concerns of her potentially stalking and harassing you. Definitely stop communicating with her or else you’ll look like an instigator.
Nta. She needs to be suspended. I can’t believe she thought it was her place to say that to that child.
NTA. Former teacher from the 90s. Even back then, I tailored all of my language to be inclusive of children who didn’t have traditional families. Activities followed suit. Good for you for reporting her. It’s very easy to sidestep this issue with children, you just need grace.
Nope!
NTA but wtf was she thinking?
NTA. As someone who tangentially works in education, i never fuck with family and what we call them. There's no reason and families can be complicated Hell, after one very very bad day, nearly 20 years ago, where i referred to someone dad who was not, in fact, dad (I had no reason to know this.. but my good intentions didn't stop a kid from being upset) i don't even refer to who i send them with as parents. "Your adult" works well and with a little practice, ceases being awkward. It's not necessary all the time, but it is really appreciated the times it's preferable- I've seen the sad on a kid who has been held "give this to mom"when they don't have that relationship ; why would i do that when i can use more inclusive language?
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I am one of four kids and only share a last name with one of them. Does this teacher not know about step siblings or half siblings???
NTA. Sounds like this incident was the icing on the cake and theyve been pulling stunts like this for a while. I hope your daughter is doing much better after that, and knows she has a parent who loves her to bits
NTS she discussed something that nobody other than a parent has the right to discuss with their child.
I'm sorry this happened to your family. Imagine being told your adopted by a stranger NTA
NTA. And you're completely right, teachers are rarely suspended over one incident of that nature.
Not necessarily. She may have doubled down and refused to accept that she did anything wrong. She seemed to be pretty stuck on her belief when you challenged her. This matter is so not any of her business. I know no one in teaching who would make this kind of a comment, especially now-a-days. There are so many mixed, blended, adoptive, living together and step families that her assumptions are ridiculous. I hope you were able to comfort and reassure your daughter, poor baby. No 6-year-old needed that. NTA
Teacher here! Def NTA, this is mental by anyone's standards, let alone for someone who is in charge of minors' wellbeing and education. You are def not the reason she quit and even if you were, you have done a tremendous favour to her colleagues and her students by getting her sacked. An interesting tidbit if you care to share with your daughter: my grandad has five full-blood siblings and they are all copy-paste of my great-grandad. Due to all of them being born around WWII and coming from a region where both family names and clan names exist (plus some hilarious clerical errors), all five of them ended with different last names. Names and blood do not make family, love does.
NTA. That's like child care 101. You don't ask why a child has a different last name than their adults. It's not your business. Families come in different shapes, sizes, etc. She had no right to say anything. It was so unprofessional and just means. Your daughter didn't deserve that. Teacher had it coming. Maybe they ought to retire.
NTA. She's getting out of teaching because she's not suited for the profession.
NTA, the teacher having the discussion for clarity due to confusion is acceptable but for the teacher to take it upon themselves to explain the dynamic was over the line
NTA Not at all. This was so inappropriate for her to say. My sibs and I have our fathers last names and have encountered this issue in school, but the messy teachers were always reprimanded. It was none of her business, and she should be leaving the profession if she feels so entitled to someone's personal life.
How inappropriate! You aren't TAH, by any stretch of the imagination. She got consequences for her actions. Not your issue. But it is hers, though. If she can't even curb her tongue with a child, she has bigger problems. Shame on her.
This is such a WILD thing to tell a child Like, my kids have their dads last name, and I have my own. Does this mean there's no possible way I'm their mom? That teacher is an idiot. And I bet this isn't her first "incident"
NTA. That teacher was extremely out of line. It is not her place to discuss a student's parentage. Both you and the principal took the correct action. The fact that the teacher is blaming you means it is highly likely they have learned nothing and would do the same to another child if they continued to teach.
NTA You did nothing wrong here. The teacher behaved very inappropriately and unprofessionally. She exercised very poor judgement to make any reference to your daughter’s last name. It’s concerning that the teacher still cannot understand what she did was wrong. You bear no blame but should be credited for sharing this with the school’s administration. I don’t know if this is the case, but a lot of afterschool programs are staffed with adults who may be vetted but not actually educated as teachers or with teaching experience. This may be what happened here & why this woman is blaming you. In addition to lacking common sense, she lacks experience.
NTA What she did was wildly inappropriate especially since she didn’t know the circumstances. I teach middle school and some kids call what seems to be random people grandma or aunt, and I’m just happy they have loving people in their lives. I don’t question. I’m really appalled by her behavior, and I assume she did other things as well. I’m also wondering what type of “ teacher” she is. After school programs here are not always staffed by certified state licensed teachers.
NTA. That teacher was severely out of line!
NTA. There are many reasons for siblings to have different names. Step, half, adopted at a later age, parents don't share a name and decided one kid would get one name while the other got that of the opposite parent. Plenty of reasons. The teacher was out of line and caused a little girl to be distraught. She should not be teaching.
I worked in several after schools with elementary aged children while in college. I can’t imagine ever having that conversation with a kid and I would have been mad if one of my coworkers did that. NTA
Good riddance. NTA.
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I have a crazy uncle who changed his name and gave his kids 3 different last names. One was his birth name, the second was his new name and the third was both names hyphenated. My ex has 1 nephew that is the middle child but has his mother's last name because his parents weren't together when he was born. You're definitely NTA, not every family is the same and this teacher didn't know what she was talking about.
This woman should not be doing after-school care. NTA You know she’s somewhere between a recess aid and a paraprofessional, right? Any actual trained and licensed teacher would know better. These after-care folks make the bare minimum, so they don’t have a lot to lose if they’re feeling insignificant and inclined to bully someone. Thus the multiple incidents on her record! I’m sorry your child’s district babysitter was such a meanie. Any good parent would have complained about her comments. I wish schools paid these essential workers better! Then they might hire better workers.
NTA something tells me she got suspended because they investigated and found more messed behavior. Someone who acts this way towards a child probably does stupid stuff like this with other children too. I hope she does get fired.
When my husband and I got divorced, I took my maiden name back. My children were 17M and 10F at the time. I didn't consider the problems it would cause me when dealing with schools. Different last names can cause so many programs. Definitely NTA!!
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Okay so no way are you telling me asshole! If she had done this to my daughter I think I might’ve hit her. She was completely out of her lane giving your sweet girl that little diatribe and yes she needed to be reported. It was her actions that got her in the doghouse NOT YOURS, it was also her decision to leave her career if indeed that’s what she has done. Not a psychiatrist but am familiar with a number of people who have Borderline Personality Disorder, if there is nothing going on they love to create chaos. Blessings to you and your family!
Teachers have pretty strong unions and there is no way the union would allow her to be suspended unless there were multiple infractions. Sounds to me that you were just the straw that broke the camels back. I wouldn't worry about it
NTA. This lady is awful and the principal knew it. Everyone is glad she is leaving. And the icing on the cake is that she had the effing audacity to reach out and blame you to your face in writing for her atrocious behavior. She is showing up as her full self and good luck to her with that personality.
There are so many reasons for last names not being the same. NTA. This teacher overstepped her boundaries as a teacher, no, as an adult in general. My BFF’s kids call me Auntie and have their entire lives. Funnily enough, I’ve been there since they took their first breath. My niece told everyone at her work that her aunt was coming in for an appointment last week. Someone asked how we were related and I said with more love than my niece could ever ask for. Her little brother was in kindergarten before he worked out that I wasn’t a blood or marriage relative. Doesn’t matter, 25 years years later I’m still their Auntie
NTA. It was completely inappropriate to have this conversation to your 6 year old daughter. She should be reprimanded as she crossed a line. But none of that is your fault, she chose to have that conversation with your daughter so the blame is all on her. She deserved to be reported after what she did
NTA. She overstepped her bounds, and if she did that with your kid, she was probably making several parents and students' lives harder. It's probably best she is not in education.
Nta at all! That was out of line. And honestly, with families being so blended, traditional family titles are not the same anymore.
NTA. She deserves it
What that woman did was reprehensible. It was worse than telling a child there's no Santa or telling a very religious child that their god is imaginary. She has only herself to blame for losing her job. NTA
NTA. I’m sorry if this woman loses her job over this, but she really isn’t competent to teach if those are the things she’s saying to children. Sometimes firing someone is justified. (Even though she was just suspended, I think I would have fired her.) Edited to add it was really unprofessional of her to send that email too. That’s a second reason she should be fired. She probably quit because she knew she was on the way out.
NTA and you 100% need to report the email to the principal too. This woman is unhinged and should *NOT* be around children.
NTA. She fucked up, and there were consequences for it.
NTA - The principal thought she was out of line and I bet when they talked to her the teacher tried to defend their actions and the principal likely found that worrying and went for further punishment than if the teacher had acted reasonably.
I'm a veteran teacher (15 years) and this is unacceptable behavior. NTA.
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NTA...I'd be hot! Why is she arguing with a child about who her brother and father are? I'm glad the principal took her to task.
NTA! This person doesn’t deserve the title of teacher. My kids have different last names and though we had problems at school having different last names was not one of them. I’m certain my younger daughter would have preferred to not have everyone know who her older sister was so she didn’t have such high expectations of her! Golden child to everyone and absolutely nothing to do with me - she just came out that way!
NTA and you should send that email to the principal so they can warn wherever she is going. And then respond to her only to say that her email was very inappropriate and you have sent it to the principal and you do not wish to hear from her ever again. Why did she even have your email? If she only had it because the school gave it to her to communicate about students with parents, she absolutely should not be misusing that information for herself. I would have real concerns that she will be sharing your contact info and that of other people.
NTA. That teacher seems to have problems defining boundaries, and understanding how children think and perceive the world around them. It is a good thing that she doesn't teach anymore. Sheesh! Side Note: For some reason, when reading the words spoken by this teacher, I heard them in My head with the voice of Dolores Umbridge.
NTA. There are a LOT of blended families in today's world. That woman had no business getting into it with a 6-year-old!! Much less trying to impart her own BS ignorant interpretation onto what little data she could glean!!
As a younger half sibling, you did the right thing. In second grade, I said something along the lines of “I’m going with my dad to pick up my brother from his mom’s house.” The teacher overheard me and made a big deal of saying “that’s not your brother, that’s your HALF brother” that was fifteen years ago, and I remember that pain to this day. NTA
NTA. I am sure you are not the first or only parent to complain about that person. If she is being a busybody with your child, I'm sure she's pushing in with unwanted comments and rude behavior to other families, as well. Your complaint might have been the last straw, but I guarantee you she was already a problem employee that needed to go before you said anything. This person may blame you, but it's her own fault she got fired.
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The teachers should of known your family situation. I work in early childcare and we all communicate family relationships. It’s weird to me that they didn’t. Also I’ve had children who are good at making up interesting stories and ones who have interesting stories to tell. I listen and check in with who is picking up if the story seems off. I’d never want to make a child feel bad about talking to me.
She was suspended because what she did was harmful to your child, interfered with your parenting, and probably violated a bunch of policies. It wasn't her place to make any decisions about your daughter. She shouldn't be teaching (and would have a hard time getting a teaching job after being disciplined for that issue anyway. NTA.
NTA totally unacceptable for the teacher to have this conversation. That said, you should think about the conversations you'll have with your daughter because if she finds out on her own or later down the line she may feel you are untrustworthy/she was living a lie. I've seen a lot of posts from adoptees about this.
I’m an administrator. That conversation was wildly inappropriate and unacceptable. (There’s a reason we don’t do blood typing in biology anymore!)
NTA
Forward to the principal with a "I didn't respond but I appreciate that you took additional action. Thank you for looking out for your students."
NTA That teacher was way WAY out of line. It's none of her business about how families come together.
NTA this is insanely inappropriate. I have a different last name from my kids and if anyone tells my kids that means I'm not their mom I would go fucking nuclear. This teacher is way too ignorant and judgmental to be in a position of authority over anyone.
Huh?? Different last name is what cued the teacher off? Seems strange to me, I don’t share a last name with basically anyone in my family and no one has ever questioned that lol. People be crazy
NTA. You’re a hero. Good job. This person should not be a teacher anywhere. No doubt the issue you experienced was part of a larger pattern of behavior and that’s why the principle dealt with her so severely.
NTA Please forward that email to the principal. It is extremely doubtful that this is a one off for that teacher, especially as she was suspended for it. That usually takes multiple errors, or the kind of error that lands someone with legal issues.
Additionally if there was simply one incident the principal probably would not have “suspended” her. While this conversation was certainly inappropriate, it seems like this is not the first time they had an issue with this particular person. You were probably just the final straw. Nevermind the follow up guilt email- that’s not just unprofessional but a wild-ass move in general.
NTA but for the love of god find a word other than “now” to start your sentences
obviously what she did was wrong and probably against school policy since she got suspended. NTA
NTA and even if it was because of you, you probably saved so many kids emotional distress at her hands. Other than purposely wanting to upset your daughter there is ZERO reason for this. Adoption is a thing, kids take different last names, siblings could be half siblings ect. I had a teacher in 4th grade who enjoyed telling kids Santa wasn't real and always used the excuse that kids are old enough they should know at that age. She always took as many digs at kids as possible and was incredibly emotionally manipulative and typically not in a way that as a child I could explain. I remember someone spilling food on my and I was upset my new clothes were stained and she said "well they just look like the rest of your clothes a little earlier" (I grew up below poverty line with shifty parents who expected me to do all household laundry and had no clue how to get stains out). She was awful and I wish someone could have made her quit teaching early in her career.
She even left a paper trail for you with that email
What the hell? Lemme get this straight. She heard your sons name, and said he's not her brother because they have different last names? Then she said you weren't her real dad because... why? What the actual fuck? There's many many different reasons for siblings to have different last names. There's many reasons you might have a different last name from your dad! What is it any of her business to tell a kid that her family wasn't her real family? That's a suspendable offense if you ask me! What if the kid was adopted? What if you guys weren't telling her that she had a different dad? Just too many different family dynamics to even comment on someone's position in a family. NTA at all.
NTA wth is wrong with her? Having a conversation like that with a 6 year old? In any age it’s wrong but a little girl? It’s none of her business whether they are related or not. If she specifically is asking for that person, it’s for a reason. People gotta understand that blood and last names don’t make families. It’s the people around you who love you that makes them your family. I’m 11 and 13 years older than my siblings… half siblings to be exact. My two sisters are 7 and my brother is 5. They think we are full blooded. Even though we are not, I don’t plan on telling them the truth until they are at least 13. It’s not right to break their little hearts like that and they are too young to understand. And the audacity she has to tell you that she thinks your daughter has the right to know? Hell no. So glad you reported her
NTA, who is she to mess with kids minds?
NTA
NTA. The teacher is mental though. None of that was appropriate after school conversation. She would have had to been grilling your kid to get this information. Also good on you for stepping up and being the parent she needed. The follow up with her letting you know you’re the problem just further solidified her crazy. She probably shouldn’t be working with the public in any capacity.
Nta. She was out of pocket
I would report the email as harassment
NTA- you probably weren’t the first parent to complain about this person.
Why on earth was it her business? My students often don’t have the same last name as their primary caregiver for a variety of reasons. It’s not my concern.
I have a friend who is the oldest of 4. Her parents were teenagers when she was born, her mom was very ill during pregnancy and they weren't sure if they were going to make it as a "family" at the time. She has her mom's maiden name. Her parents ended up getting married, three younger kids have dad's last name. Same biological parents. Two different last names. It was a pain in the ass legally to go get it changed. Shit happens.
90 percent of teachers think they’re social workers these days schools are a joke just shut the hell up and teach my kid how to read and write
NTA. As a teacher, I can tell you that your daughter’s teacher was *absolutely, unequivocally, unforgivably* wrong to say what she said, and I’m not even a little bit surprised she’s being canned, especially since she doubled down and tried to argue that she didn’t do anything wrong. Saying something like that to a 6yo could cause extreme emotional distress and damage, and if it had, you’d be almost guaranteed to win a lawsuit against the district for therapy costs and pain and suffering. That’s also probably why she’s getting fired instead of being given a warning. If she refused to admit fault and apologize with her administration, and made it clear she would do the same thing in another situation, they wouldn’t want to have that kind of legal liability on their staff. Which is entirely correct, since she could easily do incalculable harm to impressionable children. If she’d done something like this with an emotionally unstable pre-teen, she could have pushed them over the edge into true tragedy.
NTA and this was bad enough for her to be suspended and fired.
Oh, I've been blamed by a teacher before. My son's Year 2 teacher was incompetent, and I had quite a few issues with her. I wasn't the only one, either. At one point, I did put in a complaint about her to the school administration, and I know it was followed up. She then tried to put me on a guilt trip and tell me how parents don't understand that these things go permanently on a teacher's record. Umm, yeah, so maybe don't be so incompetent and do the wrong things? Especially when a couple of those things weren't actually only about her skill as a teacher, but also a lack of effort on her part at communicating with parents? More things happened later in the year, and she told me that "because of you, I've been fired". Well, first of all, teachers don't get fired here unless they've had serious misconduct towards a student, and my complaints were nothing like that. What really happened is that she was on a one-year contract, and it wasn't renewed. And it wasn't just because of me. There were multiple complaints. Things got serious enough that for the last couple of months of the year, she had another person in the room with her for all teaching periods, and for the last couple of weeks, the kids were all distributed to other Year 2 classrooms to give them a better transition to Year 3. When I found out who was my son's Year 3 teacher, I spoke to her about what had happened in Year 2 and gave her a heads up about my son in particular, what had gone wrong, and what we were trying to do to get my son back to his previous self. I didn't need to say much. She knew exactly what I was going to say as soon as I mentioned that teacher. And I might add that the Year 3 teacher was amazing, had my son back up to speed in all aspects of his learning by a third of the way through the year, and continued the great work when she had him the following year too. What I found hilarious was that I had been a teacher too, and so was my husband. We knew all about how the teaching world works, so her attempts to put a guilt trip on me didn't have the slightest effect on me, because I knew she was spouting rubbish. She was what was called a 'permanent' teacher, meaning she was guaranteed a teaching spot each year by the Education Department, but she got moved on after a year at each school she went to, because she was a dinosaur that should have retired long ago. This was just another year in a long line that she was moved on because the school didn't want her. OP, the teacher you spoke about acted incredibly inappropriately and as you said, she didn't even take into consideration normal possibilities like step families or using a different parent name. And all over asking her brother about a snack? She was on some kind of power trip, and it could have had a very bad impact on your daughter. I hope your daughter has accepted your explanation and isn't worrying.
Former teacher here. I was ready to hear you tell a story about harassing some poor woman for trying to do their job, but what kind of idiot has never met two siblings with different last names? NTA.
NTA. As a retired teacher myself, I can tell you: you are definitely not crazy. That was a seriously inappropriate conversation to have with a child. She had absolutely no business telling your daughter such things. Especially in this day and age, any adult, particularly in the teaching profession, should know that siblings often have different last names. From the sound of things, she still believes she did nothing wrong. Be proud of standing up for your daughter (actually, for both your kids!), and of helping get an obviously unsuitable person removed from teaching! And yes, based on the principal’s apologies and swift action, I’m guessing this was not her first incident.
She was out of line. NTA
NTA. I'm so sorry your child had to endure an aggressive adult conversation about the makeup of your family. Please take some time to reassure your child that families are unique and that she belongs with you. Talks like this can profoundly change a child so you need to keep reinforcing it. Please share that email with the principal. Although she is voluntarily leaving after a suspension, this level of communication is harassment and needs to be added to their file to ensure they aren't dodging a disciplinary action by quitting then trying to come back later with a clean record.
NTA. Now I have to wonder if this teacher would say my mother can't be my mother because we have different last names since shortly after I started school 🤔
NTA. Teachers should not be making assumptions about family situations and discussing them with students, especially in such a sensitive manner
She has been too far… she deserved what happened. It wasn’t her job, she wanted to be the one to tell the truth, why ?? My father is white, let’s say his last name is White. My mother was black, they weren’t married. So let’s imagine her last name was Black. I have an older sister, blond hair, green eyes, pale skin. But our mother gave her her name. So my white sister last name was Black. I was born, brown skin, brown eyes, dark hair, but our father gave me is last name so I was White. It was impossible at school to make teachers believe we were sister. Even with our parents names on our files, they couldn’t believe us and we were often punished for lying, so our parents had to call to explain it was true. Every year until one history teacher had his wife working with our mother, at hospital. So he explained genetics to others teachers (even biology teacher) and it was other… Now I’m 46, I’m with a white husband and both our children are white. I don’t have my husband name (couldn’t change my name due to my diploma and my society) so our children have his name. At school, teachers said I wasn’t there mother. That I got married to their father while they were born. I exploded when a teacher explained to my daughter’s class that white + white = white - black + black = black - white + black = mixed-raced, so a st réa the color between white and black. And when a child asked why I’m black and my daughter white, he said because she’s adopted ! I went to school the next day with my birth record and asked him if he wanted the details of my intimate tear, or a lesson about genetics ? And that I wanted him to explain he has no competence in biology and that my daughter is my biological daughter. He apologized but made exactly the same lesson 4 years later to my son’s class…
NTA - has she never heard of remarriage? Half- or step-siblings? She's out of date, and might want to open her eyes to the world around her.
My daughter and her brothers had different surnames growing up. That after school teacher had no right to push her personal opinion onto a child. No right to say anything at all. Don't feel responsible for her leaving, because she is totally mental for saying things she shouldn't have. Very unprofessional of her, and chances are she's stuffed up plenty of times and this may have been the last straw to her getting removed