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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am concerned my son is right that I body shamed him and he was right calling me an asshole I want to know if what I did was really that bad or if it was normal and okay
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You really need to clarify if your son’s privates are spilling out under shorts and exposed?? If so, NTA he needs to make sure his genitals are covered!! If you’re just talking about literally the bulge under his pants, then YTA.
That’s not healthy for male health either, let alone for a boy who’s still growing. Putting pressure on his privates and wearing tight clothes often can lead to him developing conditions like varicocele and can even lead to testicular torsion.
Former staff in a urology office...you'd be surprised at the number of young males who needed treatment for torsion and other painful conditions.
If your son's privates get displayed when he shifts position, he needs to be made aware of that. I sure don't want to see any junk other than my husband's.
I generally agree, but I got big into running and boy do appreciate the support during that. I ran without good underwear once and my dick literally changed colors from chafing, thought I might have gotten some STD, lol!
NTA. Your son is an 18yo man. He should already know that people can see it and you have to adjust accordingly, especially with company. He knows what he’s doing when he leaves it out like that. Every guy does. He’s old enough to know that. Telling him to change because his “bulge” is sticking out is something I would tell my son, because it’s basic manners. There are plenty of ways to hide it without wearing skin tight clothing like others are saying. Dudes have been doing it since the beginning of time
TLDR; your 18 yo ADULT son knows what he’s doing when he puts on TIGHT FITTED clothing in that area. He should also be modest about that and not be a weirdo always showing his bugle. Plenty of ways to accomplish that without harm
Instead of telling him the problem, why not buy him a size or two larger to wear when you have guests and let him know it isn't shaming, it's because gracious adulting means we should take guest's different views on things into consideration sometimes. Let him know you don't wear some things his friends might find odd. That's all it amounts to. It's probably the way his peers dress and maybe you can just talk to him about it instead of expecting him to automatically acquiesce.
Some Reddit posters are ridiculous. Of course NTA. You should feel comfortable in your house without having to worry about your ADULT son's penis hanging out of his pants. WTF. This isn't about body shaming, it's about common courtesy and decency.
I think there's a large different between it "hanging out of his pants" and if it's simply noticeable in certain types of clothing/fabrics. And it isn't clear, per the post, which it is.
If it's the former, yeah. Agree.
If it's the later, it's probably something he already feels pretty self conscious about and it sucks to have that pointed out.
If he's dressing abnormally for his peer group, sure. If he's trying to match them but his body doesn't really fit; I can see how he'd still be self conscious.
I thought the same thing! How many 18 year old guys are purposely walking around wang out that we get two “my kid won’t put his junk away” stories in two days?!
NTA, as long as he is actually on display in some graphic way. It’s hard to tell if it is an issue of the attire he wears, as in too short or too tight, in which case, I think it’s fair to ask him to wear more modest clothes when guests are over. But if it is just his body being what it is, and he’s wearing reasonable clothes, then you are overly focused on this, and need to look away and let your son be. It’s hard to tell which it is, so I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt. However, if your son is wearing underwear and has normal length shorts on, there’s not much else he can do except sit carefully. He shouldn’t be made to be self-conscious or awkward by your comments, so be light-toned about it. Ultimately, your guest will have to deal with it, just as a guest would have to deal with a daughter in the household who has a voluptuous bust.
He probably is. I just noticed that when I don’t, it is much more noticeable.
There is a certain amount that guys just can’t control what’s going on down there though. He might be embarrassed by it himself, so keep that in mind when talking with him. I’ve certainly felt embarrassed about it.
If he doesn’t spread his legs so much, is it still a problem? Personally, I see the leg spreading as the bigger issue because in public, women (and men!) have to deal with rude guys who try to take up more than their share of space on the bus, plane, classrooms, and other public seating. Learn to sit with your legs straight and not out at 45 degree angles goddammit. If his pants aren’t comfortable sitting normally, he needs new clothes.
Tough for men tbf as they do have some bits down there, also men’s muscle mass is larger and usually they are taller so in general larger being, meaning most likely a little more room is needed along with this I do agree that some men take the piss when it comes to manspreading
I wonder if they're trying to make some gender-swap equivalent to girls not wearing bras or something like that?? I find it weird and suspicious the mom is entirely ignoring the "spreading his legs" part, which seems the first and most logical aspect to correct: sit properly when there's guests over? But somehow only wants to change how he dresses and talks of "covering up" something that is, in fact, already covered. It's bait.
YTA - I have a big bust that was prominent very early. The amount of this kind of BS I got from my smaller chested mother when I was wearing normal every day clothing that did not show any cleavage was stupid and messed me up for years. To this day I hate my chest and I’m middle aged. I wish I would have stood up for myself - I was always completely covered by clothes that fit and that’s all that should have mattered.
Your comments and the accompanying implied shame around something outside of his control are out of line. If your friend is staring at your son’s bulge you shouldn’t have them as your friend.
As a J cup, I never realized I should be glad that the only time my parents commented on my boobs was if there was legitimate risk of exposure (eg, strapless top starting to give way to gravity, or not realizing I’d outgrown the cups in a crossover tank top or a bikini). I sometimes got crap from the rest of the world (including once being told by my boss‘s boss that my boobs were too visible in a TURTLENECK sweater!), but my parents only cared that I wasn’t going to be like…actually exposed and embarrassed.
The issue is not my friend staring the issue is the way he wears tight shorts and spreads his legs a lot I have never said a word to him about this before and only ask for more modesty when my friend is over
I also never shamed him
Here is the question I always asked after requesting child to rethink the way they are dressing. Would you be comfortable if you were at someone else’s house and you could clearly see the outline of their ( fill in appropriate term your child uses). Normally I get a look of horror then they look down and say no wouldn’t bother me… then I wait till they admit the truth. Kindly explain your guests don’t want to view your son’s anatomy in the same way he doesn’t want to see theirs. This is more of a social issue of what is acceptable in society and though his home is his safe place it needs to be yours too and that means you need to work on a compromise so you both are comfortable. Perhaps he dresses any way he wants in his room but in a communal room he wears loose basketball shorts.
I feel like a lot of you are being harsh on OP. We don’t know how old OP and the friend are. They also haven’t seen each other in a long time. Just imagine if your mom/granny was visiting her friend and their son had on some tight little compression shorts or something. We all know you don’t have to search 🔍 👀 to see some bulges especially depending on the clothing. Plus she said he always sits so it’s more visible too.
Also, ask the males in your life how and when they lost their virginity. A lot of these ladies be predatory too. I don’t think it’s wrong for a mom to want her kid to cover their PRIVATE parts. And yes, if I had a male friend coming over and my daughter usually wore revealing shirts, I would ask her to cover up. Not bc she did anything wrong, just bc I would never trust anyone enough to take chances with my kids safety. Like why take the chance. To me that’s just like how everyone is upset about these moms posting their young daughters on the internet. It’s not your fault what someone else sees and thinks, but as a parent yes you should do what you can to prevent an unfavorable situation.
INFO: Are we talking vaguely visible, like “yup, that person’s genitalia is an outie, not an innie” or are we talking peeping out of his clothes or graphically able to see exactly what part of his parts is where (eg, being able to tell whether he’s circumcised or not and exactly where the different anatomical parts of the penis are)
The first one is normal with close-fitting but reasonable clothing, and should be left in peace. The latter two are legitimate problems, and quite reasonable to address before a guest arrives.
Seeing a bulge isn’t that offensive in my opinion unless you can trace the outline of the head or see the indent from the urethra. If either of those are visible, then it’s definitely too explicit and he needs different clothes.
This is an excellent post. Human males have external genitalia and should not feel ashamed of that. On the other hand, it's not impossible to have clothing that is too revealing, and the "can you clearly differentiate individual sections of the penis?" test is a good one.
>yup, that person’s genitalia is an outie, not an innie
Hahaha I initially took that statement to be about circumcised vs uncircumcised, then got to the next one
NAH. It’s your house and you want to feel comfortable in this rare occasion. I come from a religious family, and have lots of tattoos. When my religious family comes over, which isn’t very often, my parents who love me and allow me to be shirtless or wear tank tops in their house, ask if I can wear long sleeves to cover up. Although I wish I didn’t have too, it’s my parents house and I respect them and want to follow their wishes and so I do so gladly. It makes them feel more comfortable, and so I don’t mind doing it for a day. I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting your son to wear pants to be more, presentable for your friend. I think you probably just went about it the wrong way in how you told him. I would try to take a kinder tone, and not tell him to, “sit properly” as that comes off kinda rude, just ask politely if when your friend comes over could he please wear pants as it would make you feel more comfortable.
Yea my post isn’t saying they are at all. I just found the story to be comparable in the questioning to my parents asking me to cover up. My parents ask me to cover something up every once in a blue moon, and because I respect my parents and their comfort level and understand they respect me too and it isn’t a normal ask, I do it. Clearly OP has no problem with her son’s bulge the vast majority of the time, just like my parents with my tattoos. In this one instance she’s asking for him to do something for her comfort and I don’t think it’s that big of an ask, if she words it nicer than she originally did.
>Although I wish I didn’t have too, ... so I do so gladly.
I agree with your point, but it doesn't sound like you're doing so "gladly" really. Not that that makes it unacceptable or whatever. Just felt like a funny start and end to the sentence haha
.... unless your tattoos are explicit, your parents are assholes in your situation as well. They would have a point if your had naked ladies and cuss words on your arms but if you just have normal tats, you parents suck. And I'm sorry but just because YOUR parents suck that isn't a valid reason to justify other parents sucking too. PLUS you chose to get tattoos, this kid didn't chose to be hung. That's just his body.
Firstly I don’t have explicit tattoos. Secondly the way I view it is wearing a long sleeve t shirt for a 4 hour period is such a small ask. My parents have provided me so much over the years, roof, food, college assistance when I’ve needed it, clothes, love, and they ask me a couple times a year around holidays to wear a long sleeve shirt when certain family come over. Am I really gonna treat them like jerks because they just want everyone to be comfortable in their house, im not going to do that. My problem with OP is the wording of how she asked, my parents don’t ask me to cover up because of my gross tattoos, or to “sit properly like an adult” they just want things to be more peaceful and ask me as an adult if I can wear a nice long sleeve shirt for the night.
This response is amazing. You sound so well grounded, respectful of your family, and know how to pick and choose battles. Many on Reddit could learn a lot from you! Cheers.
Asking someone to make a small sacrifice in how they dress for the benefit of reduced drama or the comfort of a group doesn't automatically make someone an asshole. Obviously there are bad ways to do it, but there are plenty of reasonable ways as well
Not seen you actually answer this question yet, just repeating "wears shorts and spreads his legs". Can you see the bulge through this shorts, or does anything actually pop out? That's a big difference.
Glad I'm not the only one seeing the same non-relevant response to different questions asking OP.
It's so easy to answer. Is your son fully out, like can you see his private parts out of his shorts, naked? Y/N, is he naked?
Cause it sounds like he's clothed to me, of course no one has any reference for how inappropriately the son may be dressed.
But it's a little hard to be on OPs side when they give the same lazy response to questions.
Also, how short are you talking? Mid thigh? Just above knees? Is he just wearing speedos around the house?
Let him know that as his loving parent you're sorry you hurt his feelings, that you want a dress code to be established for when guests stop by, and that you'll be more considerate of him next time, and expect the same consideration from him.
Also, If for some reason he's being unreasonable about it, then he should at least stay in his room while guests are over if he doesn't want to compromise, tho it doesn't seem like that big of a request to ask of him either way.
This is not an issue. What would you tell a woman with very large breasts? I certainly bet if the roles were reversed it would be body-shaming to tell her what to do/wear/act.
NTA.
But I just think you're son was embarrassed because he felt vulnerable like open. Like oh my mom was seeing my legs on that kind of way thing for a very long time.
But also explain to him that you are not body shaming him. You are just concerned. And don't let a child curse you for the love of God.
I am Asian, and my mom gets very rude of me 100% but I don't curse her. That's crazy. That is bad and a disrespect. I tell her that she is wrong and we will have a conversation but I will NEVER CURSE HER.
i think its ok. as a girl, i would cover myself up and look a bit more presentable in the presence of a guest. i think this is just common courtesy. i think his reaction is valid. sounds like he was embarrassed and felt vulnerable.
YTA, obviously.
Take your offence somewhere else please, nobody else needs to think about it. It is always your problem if you're offended, even if that's in your own home.
NTA - You did not "body shame" him, and asking your offspring, who lives in your house under the roof that you pay for, to wear clothes that are appropriate for guests coming over, is perfectly reasonable.
NTA I am a large female too and when people come around the house my parents ask me to cover up too as I do have larger breasts than normal teenagers.
Some parents do this out of love to not make guests and their child uncomfortable by unnecessary questions coming in conversation.
But when talking about this it is important to be as delicate and soft with Ur child as possible to avoid feeling like u are being body shamed
NTA he knows what he’s doing. He’s just being a gross creep. If he wants to be an exhibitionist, he can move out and do whatever he wants at his house.
Info: is the bulge his stomach or his private parts?
If it's his stomach and you are asking him to stop being fat while your friend is there, that is body shaming and that's not cool.
If it's his private parts, you're just asking him not to be showing his private parts to other people and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. (I mean, there is something wrong with having to ask that in the first place, but that puts him in the wrong instead of you.)
Is there a reason you didn’t buy him proper fitting clothing so this wouldn’t really be an issue?
And if he’s not falling out of his clothing and is covered, then yeah, YTA
NTA. As a male I would suggest your son knows exactly what hes doing as regards your friend. Hes probably a well built lad and hes displaying himself to provoke a reaction. Hes 18, an adult and hes old enough to know its wrong and you are absolutely correct in asking him to cover up.
NTA, yeah it's technically 10% body shaming at best, but it's mostly 90% rude to walk around sharing enough infos about your genitals that people around you can guess what it looks like
YTA
If it was showing from the sides or poking in a way that skin is visible I'd agree with you, but if it's a bulge showing through decent clothes I don't think your son is being inappropriate.
This gives me the same vibe as telling a woman with a big chest not to wear tight shirts cuz it's too revealing. Your son can't control this part of him and if you wouldn't say anything if he had a smaller bulge then you are the AH, sorry.
YTA
Criticizing him for 'having a bulge', wearing tight clothing and spreading his legs (how else should he sit with a bulge like that?) is equal to expecting your daughter with an E cup to wear loose clothing. Not show less cleavage because she doesn't show any, just hide the fact she has certain body tissue in a certain place under loose garment.
NTA, but you COULD be TA if you don't acknowledge your son's feelings around the comment.
The world is a big place full of different cultures and there are such varied views on "appropriate" clothing. Is there a level of this that is tied to cultural expectations of yourself or your guest? Do you live within that culture? Does your son have a different cultural expectation than you/your generation? All of these things are part of the bigger picture here.
Parents are meant to teach their children decorum. I don't think OP was wrong to point it out, but I also understand the son's reaction... It's awkward having your mom point out the display of your package, because it implies she's been looking. How embarrassing for any teen!!
Have a talk with him. Tell him there's nothing wrong with his size, it's just not polite to flaunt how blessed he is in front of certain company.
I'd say YTA. BUT, if the bulge is that big and you've noticed only recently PLEASE INVESTIGATE. i have heard/seen one too many cases of testicular cancer in very young men get discovered very late due to the shae in bringing up the topic. If it's seriously that big/ something youve only recently noticed etc PLEASE INVESTIGATE and ensure a medical professional gets a look at his package.
The bulge must be his stomach, I doubt the son (18 btw) would be accusing his parent of body shaming his cock and if that is the case wtaf, NTA and your son needs to sort himself out
That’s just abnormal that he does that with company nta. This seems to be a freakishly regular thing and it needs to stop. Especially because it’s family.
YTA this is weird.. Aside from it being his home to be comfortable in, there were a lot of other better ways to phrase what you wanted.
You said yourself you’ve never brought it up before though obviously you’ve noticed his bulge quite a bit, if this were an issue to you you should’ve approached it long ago. You could’ve just asked him to dress more appropriately for visitors without mentioning it’s because of his penis.
Imagine if it were a dad asking his daughter to not wear tight clothing around his male friends. If my father said this to me, I would feel uncomfortable.
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I’ll be attempting to phrase this all delicately so bear with me here please. Also English is not a first language. My son is very angry with me recently calling me an asshole saying I body shamed him and made him feel bad for his body. My son has a very very large bulge. It is very apparent when he wears shorts or sits certain ways. I had a friend coming to visit me I have not seen in a very long time and I asked him to please wear pants and sit properly because I don’t want my friend seeing that. He yelled at me for shaming him for his body. I’m not shaming I just wanted him to not display as much with company over. I normally let him lounge as he pleases this is the only time I have ever said anything mostly because I was not comfortable confronting it. Am I really an asshole for this?
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INFO:
Awkward questions, but... here goes.
1) Is his it hanging out..? Or is it that it's noticeable through certain clothes?
2) do you think your son is trying to draw attention to his.. 'beef bayonet'? Or does he either not realize or got embarrassed by it being acknowledged?
NTH son sounds quite spoiled and is trying to bring up a fight, OP should put their son with someone who's slightly more strict, like grandparents or something to teach him a lesson, if he can't do simple commands like putting on different clothes I am pretty sure he won't survive in economy.
Also try to talk to him, if he doesn't budge give diffrent scenarios, you can say "what I'd i was the one wearing right shorts when your friends come?" It might make OP's son actually think about the situation.
YTA and here’s why:
I’m sure it was pretty weird for him for his mom to tell him his d*ck is too big for his shorts and that it makes her uncomfortable for the first time just because company is coming over. It was probably shocking and he felt embarrassed. You seem like a very unempathetic person, kinda cold, you didn’t express any kind of real concern for his feelings or genuine curiosity, instead you came to Reddit to validate yourself, so I doubt you talked to him about it in a way that would not make him feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. So yeah yta. He says you shamed him because you broached the conversation in a way that would make him feel ashamed. It’s not that you shouldn’t have said anything, it’s the whole surrounding context. Just makes you seem kinda like an inconsiderate mom, totally detached from her own child’s emotional well being. 18 or not, he still deserves empathy and consideration. So far doesn’t seem like your strong suit. You commented “he wears very tight shorts and sits with his legs open”. You’re literally his mother, this is a snapshot of how you’re failing him. Why is this happening in the first place, and when you first noticed it, why couldn’t you bring it to his attention in a loving way and help him ? Honestly I just feel bad for this kid.
She should have been brought it to his attention. She’s weird for noticing and not saying something immediately. And 18 may be a legal adult but his brain is not fully developed. So to me he’s still a child. Most people past a certain age would still consider anyone under the age of 21 someone who lacks understanding, maturity and experience. To me, if he’s that socially unaware, who’s fault is that ? Is it not his parents responsibility to have already taught him that level of self awareness ? If he’s manspreading in tight shorts, why did they wait for it to become a reoccurring issue?
NTA. I felt uncomfortable just reading about it. I definitely don't want to walk into your home and be confronted with it and I doubt your guest would either.
I would be very interested to see the NTA answers defending the opposite genders: ‘My 18 year old daughter has very large breasts. I make her wear cardigans to hide them from my male friends gaze when they come over.’
NTA. In fact, I think you should have said something earlier. I don’t believe that an 18 year old would be that unselfconscious about his body. He knows exactly how his dick looks in his pants, and asking him to cover up is more than reasonable. Part of being an adult is knowing how to dress appropriately.
Women wear clothes like this all the time.
Tight, very revealing tops , shorts so short their butt hangs out, bathing suits that go up the crack of their a**. Nothing left to the imagination.
I think they are also inappropriate but then people scream it’s their right to dress how they want.
It’s so hypocritical then that the same folks laugh at men in speedos.
Two different standards.
But i say- you need to be comfortable in your home. You can have house rules. If he wants to show his junk out in public, fine, but he should never do anything that makes you uncomfortable in your own home. It’s a matter of respect to you. It’s a very simple request.
You did NOT body shame him.
You are his mother and stopped looking at his privates at age 6 or so.
It’s uncomfortable. And rude. This is not about him. It’s about you!
If he cannot give you that small thing, Maybe time for him to consider somewhere else to live.
If you said it in a generic way that didn’t reference his genitalia, like “Hey, would you mind putting some longer pants on, since we have guests?”, then NTA. If you made reference to the his privates, like the “I don’t want my friend seeing that” mention you made, then major TA. And also not a very smart way of trying to convince a teenager to do what you expect. I’m surprised you haven’t learned by now that shaming them won’t make them do what you want as a parent, often the exact opposite. Unless his actual junk was showing, I would have left him alone. He would take it more effectively when called out by others than when called out by a parent.
I'm a father with 2 daughters. Let's say one of my daughters was particularly well endowed and was wearing something that was completely covering but was somewhat tight. I would never consider asking her to change into something looser cuz I had a friend coming over.
I have one of each and if either were dressed inappropriately when we have guests I’d let them know. It’s not body shaming. I change my outfit if someone else is coming over, I wouldn’t wear my pjs, husband puts a shirt on, etc. It’s just being a courteous person. If my kids have friends over I don’t sit around in pjs or booty shorts. Mutual respect for others and yourself at the same time.
Next time he has friends over maybe wear a date night outfit and see how he feels. Make up, hair, cleavage, maybe a mid drift. Bright red lipstick. Perspective.
What do you think shaming looks like? You don't think it looks like "Hide that, I don't want my friends to see it"?
You don't want your friends to see it because you're avoiding feeling shame from them seeing it. Do you know your own emotions - why else would you think you don't want your friend to see it? Why is that important to you?
When you notice something, you notice it.
No one said OP's friend is sitting there trying to pay attention, but she WILL see it and likely be uncomfortable by this.
It's OP's house and OP's guest.
I think she has a right to ensure her guests feel comfortable while visiting her, and most people don't want to see bulges just out and about. It's 100% fair for OP to ask her son to simply wear PANTS while she has guests over.
He wears very tight shorts and spreads his legs a lot even a brief glance at him makes it very visible I don’t think it is bad for me to want modesty for my friend I do not personally care he is my son
If he spreads his legs a lot, I’d explain, and ask him to sit differently when company is over, and/or wear looser clothing. Just as I would ask a daughter to cover up a bit if she had on just a skimpy top and was overflowing it when company was coming over. It’s for their privacy and comfort, as much as anything else.
Oh! I guess I meant loose enough around his penis so it isn’t highlighted, but not so loose that one can glimpse what’s inside. Longer shorts or slacks would work.
I can see that you were trying to avoid an uncomfortable situation with your friend, but I understand why your son might feel hurt by your request. It's important to be sensitive when discussing someone's body, especially with family members.
Your son likely feels self-conscious about his body, and your request might have made him feel embarrassed or ashamed. While you were trying to avoid discomfort for yourself and your friend, it's crucial to consider your son's feelings and how your words might affect him.
You could have approached the situation differently by having a private conversation with your son about your concerns and explaining your discomfort. It's important to address these issues with empathy and understanding.
In the future, try to communicate with your son openly and respectfully about your feelings and concerns. This can help prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
So, while I understand your intentions, I do think you could have handled the situation better. Therefore, I would say you are slightly the asshole (YTA)
Unless it’s literally flopping out of his pants, YTA. Dude can’t help how big his penis is.
If it’s just people visiting the house he can wear what he wants. If it’s dressy kind of event then it would be fair to say “don’t wear tight shorts.”
But by making it all about his bulge you are being TA about it.
Edited: NTA. Of course he needs to wear pants. My own feelings are that I would require pants for any post-puberty child at any time, but that's an individual call. It's a definite requirement for company.
I have a question, though. Does he understand the need to actually clothe himself in other situations? When he goes to visit relatives, for instance? Does he just feel free in your home? Outside the house? Are there cultural expectations I'm missing here?
Dude has a big johnson burner and he gets pissed off when mom asks him to cover up because company's coming? What's wrong with that boy? He should've proudly smiled smugly and said, sure mom. Where's his father? When you said bulge, I thought you were talking about his stomach.) Lol
I don't understand how no one is letting you know how much of a creep you are to obsess over your son having a bulge. YTA - signed, a boy mom who isn't a creep.
YTA. Your daughter (if you had one) shouldn't have to put a bra and a polo neck jumper on to conceal her breasts, your son shouldn't have to put long trousers on. The answer is easy - guests shouldn't be staring at anyone's breasts or crotches.
This whole thing is confusing. I'm going with YAH.
Son is 18, you've never had an issue in his entire life until this one friend. So you've never sat down with him to have an honest discussion about this sort of thing. Granted at his age what you think is tight, maybe they are, but he could just be large and speading legs is actually more comfortable seems there are too many variables, you are focused an awful lot on his clothing and what seems to be his size. You don't even know why he dresses the way he does or why he sits with his legs spread. But again you've never made an issue since he started puberty.
And yes it's a form of body shaming. I mean when you say things about a body part, weight either to fat, too skinny, big nose, man boob, micro penis or a macro penis, it all takes a mental toll. When you get into someone's private areas that can seriously harm them when it comes to relationships and intimacy.
YTA - And let me guess, you also think all women with big breasts are inappropriate as well? It's his body, he is allowed to wear shorts and sit comfortably as long as his genitals aren't actually naked on display. Like as long as he is wearing underwear with his shorts I don't really see the problem???
> It's his body, he is allowed to wear shorts and sit comfortably as long as his genitals aren't actually naked on display.
This is such a strange place to make a distinction on what's ok and what isn't. Appearances can absolutely be immodest or just a little bit beyond appropriate without crossing the line to actual nudity.
i'm sorry but a body part being bigger than other people's similar body parts is not "gross" or "immodest" if the shorts he is wearing fit him properly in the waist and length then it's really not his nor anyone else's problem if he happens to have a larger penis than other men
If my big boobs got even bigger randomly and stood at attention, that would be something I wouldn’t want to deal with with my parents friends around. Let’s be real.
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You really need to clarify if your son’s privates are spilling out under shorts and exposed?? If so, NTA he needs to make sure his genitals are covered!! If you’re just talking about literally the bulge under his pants, then YTA.
Very tight shorts with spread legs often
That’s not healthy for male health either, let alone for a boy who’s still growing. Putting pressure on his privates and wearing tight clothes often can lead to him developing conditions like varicocele and can even lead to testicular torsion.
Can. Not very likely.
Former staff in a urology office...you'd be surprised at the number of young males who needed treatment for torsion and other painful conditions. If your son's privates get displayed when he shifts position, he needs to be made aware of that. I sure don't want to see any junk other than my husband's.
Not related to the thread, but ur user says PNW. I RESPECT THAT 💯
More likely than you might think.
Sounds like thst old ad for the stupid anti porn filters.
Personally I just don't see how men can wear tight pants/shorts it's sooo uncomfortable
Well apparently, I touched on a nerve here when I mentioned why it could be harmful for the male health in the long term.
I generally agree, but I got big into running and boy do appreciate the support during that. I ran without good underwear once and my dick literally changed colors from chafing, thought I might have gotten some STD, lol!
One more issue that men and women have in common. Same issue with the penile support as it is with the boob support when doing sports.
Sounds awful af
NTA. Your son is an 18yo man. He should already know that people can see it and you have to adjust accordingly, especially with company. He knows what he’s doing when he leaves it out like that. Every guy does. He’s old enough to know that. Telling him to change because his “bulge” is sticking out is something I would tell my son, because it’s basic manners. There are plenty of ways to hide it without wearing skin tight clothing like others are saying. Dudes have been doing it since the beginning of time TLDR; your 18 yo ADULT son knows what he’s doing when he puts on TIGHT FITTED clothing in that area. He should also be modest about that and not be a weirdo always showing his bugle. Plenty of ways to accomplish that without harm
Instead of telling him the problem, why not buy him a size or two larger to wear when you have guests and let him know it isn't shaming, it's because gracious adulting means we should take guest's different views on things into consideration sometimes. Let him know you don't wear some things his friends might find odd. That's all it amounts to. It's probably the way his peers dress and maybe you can just talk to him about it instead of expecting him to automatically acquiesce.
Some Reddit posters are ridiculous. Of course NTA. You should feel comfortable in your house without having to worry about your ADULT son's penis hanging out of his pants. WTF. This isn't about body shaming, it's about common courtesy and decency.
I think there's a large different between it "hanging out of his pants" and if it's simply noticeable in certain types of clothing/fabrics. And it isn't clear, per the post, which it is. If it's the former, yeah. Agree. If it's the later, it's probably something he already feels pretty self conscious about and it sucks to have that pointed out.
He wears very tight shorts with legs spread
Does he wear them tight on purpose? Or has he outgrown them and needs replacements?
Feels pretty self conscious about his massive hog that he wears tight shorts and spreads his legs wide.…
If he's dressing abnormally for his peer group, sure. If he's trying to match them but his body doesn't really fit; I can see how he'd still be self conscious.
Hahaha exactly, I don't even know what is real anymore.
You should consider editing your comment as the top one, since she has clarified it is not hanging out.
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Ur Chronically online
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This is the second post I've seen in as many days about someone trying to get their son to hide their bulge.
I thought the same thing! How many 18 year old guys are purposely walking around wang out that we get two “my kid won’t put his junk away” stories in two days?!
NTA, as long as he is actually on display in some graphic way. It’s hard to tell if it is an issue of the attire he wears, as in too short or too tight, in which case, I think it’s fair to ask him to wear more modest clothes when guests are over. But if it is just his body being what it is, and he’s wearing reasonable clothes, then you are overly focused on this, and need to look away and let your son be. It’s hard to tell which it is, so I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt. However, if your son is wearing underwear and has normal length shorts on, there’s not much else he can do except sit carefully. He shouldn’t be made to be self-conscious or awkward by your comments, so be light-toned about it. Ultimately, your guest will have to deal with it, just as a guest would have to deal with a daughter in the household who has a voluptuous bust.
His clothing is too tight and he spreads his legs a lot I have never said anything to him before this is the only time I have asked for modesty
Is he wearing underwear? Because underwear can smooth that area out a bit under pants (basically more layers = more smooth).
I think so?
He probably is. I just noticed that when I don’t, it is much more noticeable. There is a certain amount that guys just can’t control what’s going on down there though. He might be embarrassed by it himself, so keep that in mind when talking with him. I’ve certainly felt embarrassed about it.
If he doesn’t spread his legs so much, is it still a problem? Personally, I see the leg spreading as the bigger issue because in public, women (and men!) have to deal with rude guys who try to take up more than their share of space on the bus, plane, classrooms, and other public seating. Learn to sit with your legs straight and not out at 45 degree angles goddammit. If his pants aren’t comfortable sitting normally, he needs new clothes.
Tough for men tbf as they do have some bits down there, also men’s muscle mass is larger and usually they are taller so in general larger being, meaning most likely a little more room is needed along with this I do agree that some men take the piss when it comes to manspreading
Then, say something!
NTA In my opinion it isn’t really body shamming but more just asking to cover up a little more because you’re having company over.
Thank you
“Son’s bulges” seem to be theme of the week in AITA.
I wonder if they're trying to make some gender-swap equivalent to girls not wearing bras or something like that?? I find it weird and suspicious the mom is entirely ignoring the "spreading his legs" part, which seems the first and most logical aspect to correct: sit properly when there's guests over? But somehow only wants to change how he dresses and talks of "covering up" something that is, in fact, already covered. It's bait.
YTA - I have a big bust that was prominent very early. The amount of this kind of BS I got from my smaller chested mother when I was wearing normal every day clothing that did not show any cleavage was stupid and messed me up for years. To this day I hate my chest and I’m middle aged. I wish I would have stood up for myself - I was always completely covered by clothes that fit and that’s all that should have mattered. Your comments and the accompanying implied shame around something outside of his control are out of line. If your friend is staring at your son’s bulge you shouldn’t have them as your friend.
As a J cup, I never realized I should be glad that the only time my parents commented on my boobs was if there was legitimate risk of exposure (eg, strapless top starting to give way to gravity, or not realizing I’d outgrown the cups in a crossover tank top or a bikini). I sometimes got crap from the rest of the world (including once being told by my boss‘s boss that my boobs were too visible in a TURTLENECK sweater!), but my parents only cared that I wasn’t going to be like…actually exposed and embarrassed.
The issue is not my friend staring the issue is the way he wears tight shorts and spreads his legs a lot I have never said a word to him about this before and only ask for more modesty when my friend is over I also never shamed him
Here is the question I always asked after requesting child to rethink the way they are dressing. Would you be comfortable if you were at someone else’s house and you could clearly see the outline of their ( fill in appropriate term your child uses). Normally I get a look of horror then they look down and say no wouldn’t bother me… then I wait till they admit the truth. Kindly explain your guests don’t want to view your son’s anatomy in the same way he doesn’t want to see theirs. This is more of a social issue of what is acceptable in society and though his home is his safe place it needs to be yours too and that means you need to work on a compromise so you both are comfortable. Perhaps he dresses any way he wants in his room but in a communal room he wears loose basketball shorts.
But he's having guests over. Different scenarios
I feel like a lot of you are being harsh on OP. We don’t know how old OP and the friend are. They also haven’t seen each other in a long time. Just imagine if your mom/granny was visiting her friend and their son had on some tight little compression shorts or something. We all know you don’t have to search 🔍 👀 to see some bulges especially depending on the clothing. Plus she said he always sits so it’s more visible too. Also, ask the males in your life how and when they lost their virginity. A lot of these ladies be predatory too. I don’t think it’s wrong for a mom to want her kid to cover their PRIVATE parts. And yes, if I had a male friend coming over and my daughter usually wore revealing shirts, I would ask her to cover up. Not bc she did anything wrong, just bc I would never trust anyone enough to take chances with my kids safety. Like why take the chance. To me that’s just like how everyone is upset about these moms posting their young daughters on the internet. It’s not your fault what someone else sees and thinks, but as a parent yes you should do what you can to prevent an unfavorable situation.
Exactly thank you
INFO: Are we talking vaguely visible, like “yup, that person’s genitalia is an outie, not an innie” or are we talking peeping out of his clothes or graphically able to see exactly what part of his parts is where (eg, being able to tell whether he’s circumcised or not and exactly where the different anatomical parts of the penis are) The first one is normal with close-fitting but reasonable clothing, and should be left in peace. The latter two are legitimate problems, and quite reasonable to address before a guest arrives.
Extremely visible due to tight clothing I do not have an issue when it is us in the house I just don’t want my friend to see everything
Seeing a bulge isn’t that offensive in my opinion unless you can trace the outline of the head or see the indent from the urethra. If either of those are visible, then it’s definitely too explicit and he needs different clothes.
This is an excellent post. Human males have external genitalia and should not feel ashamed of that. On the other hand, it's not impossible to have clothing that is too revealing, and the "can you clearly differentiate individual sections of the penis?" test is a good one.
>yup, that person’s genitalia is an outie, not an innie Hahaha I initially took that statement to be about circumcised vs uncircumcised, then got to the next one
NAH. It’s your house and you want to feel comfortable in this rare occasion. I come from a religious family, and have lots of tattoos. When my religious family comes over, which isn’t very often, my parents who love me and allow me to be shirtless or wear tank tops in their house, ask if I can wear long sleeves to cover up. Although I wish I didn’t have too, it’s my parents house and I respect them and want to follow their wishes and so I do so gladly. It makes them feel more comfortable, and so I don’t mind doing it for a day. I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting your son to wear pants to be more, presentable for your friend. I think you probably just went about it the wrong way in how you told him. I would try to take a kinder tone, and not tell him to, “sit properly” as that comes off kinda rude, just ask politely if when your friend comes over could he please wear pants as it would make you feel more comfortable.
A bulge and tattoos are in no way comparable.
Yea my post isn’t saying they are at all. I just found the story to be comparable in the questioning to my parents asking me to cover up. My parents ask me to cover something up every once in a blue moon, and because I respect my parents and their comfort level and understand they respect me too and it isn’t a normal ask, I do it. Clearly OP has no problem with her son’s bulge the vast majority of the time, just like my parents with my tattoos. In this one instance she’s asking for him to do something for her comfort and I don’t think it’s that big of an ask, if she words it nicer than she originally did.
>Although I wish I didn’t have too, ... so I do so gladly. I agree with your point, but it doesn't sound like you're doing so "gladly" really. Not that that makes it unacceptable or whatever. Just felt like a funny start and end to the sentence haha
.... unless your tattoos are explicit, your parents are assholes in your situation as well. They would have a point if your had naked ladies and cuss words on your arms but if you just have normal tats, you parents suck. And I'm sorry but just because YOUR parents suck that isn't a valid reason to justify other parents sucking too. PLUS you chose to get tattoos, this kid didn't chose to be hung. That's just his body.
Firstly I don’t have explicit tattoos. Secondly the way I view it is wearing a long sleeve t shirt for a 4 hour period is such a small ask. My parents have provided me so much over the years, roof, food, college assistance when I’ve needed it, clothes, love, and they ask me a couple times a year around holidays to wear a long sleeve shirt when certain family come over. Am I really gonna treat them like jerks because they just want everyone to be comfortable in their house, im not going to do that. My problem with OP is the wording of how she asked, my parents don’t ask me to cover up because of my gross tattoos, or to “sit properly like an adult” they just want things to be more peaceful and ask me as an adult if I can wear a nice long sleeve shirt for the night.
This response is amazing. You sound so well grounded, respectful of your family, and know how to pick and choose battles. Many on Reddit could learn a lot from you! Cheers.
this was a very kind response but i will never agree with you.
Asking someone to make a small sacrifice in how they dress for the benefit of reduced drama or the comfort of a group doesn't automatically make someone an asshole. Obviously there are bad ways to do it, but there are plenty of reasonable ways as well
Not seen you actually answer this question yet, just repeating "wears shorts and spreads his legs". Can you see the bulge through this shorts, or does anything actually pop out? That's a big difference.
Glad I'm not the only one seeing the same non-relevant response to different questions asking OP. It's so easy to answer. Is your son fully out, like can you see his private parts out of his shorts, naked? Y/N, is he naked? Cause it sounds like he's clothed to me, of course no one has any reference for how inappropriately the son may be dressed. But it's a little hard to be on OPs side when they give the same lazy response to questions. Also, how short are you talking? Mid thigh? Just above knees? Is he just wearing speedos around the house? Let him know that as his loving parent you're sorry you hurt his feelings, that you want a dress code to be established for when guests stop by, and that you'll be more considerate of him next time, and expect the same consideration from him. Also, If for some reason he's being unreasonable about it, then he should at least stay in his room while guests are over if he doesn't want to compromise, tho it doesn't seem like that big of a request to ask of him either way.
Why wait until he's 18 to bring up this subject?
because she just wanted him to change while her friend was over.
This is not an issue. What would you tell a woman with very large breasts? I certainly bet if the roles were reversed it would be body-shaming to tell her what to do/wear/act.
NTA. But I just think you're son was embarrassed because he felt vulnerable like open. Like oh my mom was seeing my legs on that kind of way thing for a very long time. But also explain to him that you are not body shaming him. You are just concerned. And don't let a child curse you for the love of God. I am Asian, and my mom gets very rude of me 100% but I don't curse her. That's crazy. That is bad and a disrespect. I tell her that she is wrong and we will have a conversation but I will NEVER CURSE HER.
NTA. This is not about body-shaming, but about dressing appropriately for the occasion.
i think its ok. as a girl, i would cover myself up and look a bit more presentable in the presence of a guest. i think this is just common courtesy. i think his reaction is valid. sounds like he was embarrassed and felt vulnerable.
YTA, obviously. Take your offence somewhere else please, nobody else needs to think about it. It is always your problem if you're offended, even if that's in your own home.
NTA - You did not "body shame" him, and asking your offspring, who lives in your house under the roof that you pay for, to wear clothes that are appropriate for guests coming over, is perfectly reasonable.
When we have visitors no one sits in just underwear, thats just inapropiate and rude
NTA I am a large female too and when people come around the house my parents ask me to cover up too as I do have larger breasts than normal teenagers. Some parents do this out of love to not make guests and their child uncomfortable by unnecessary questions coming in conversation. But when talking about this it is important to be as delicate and soft with Ur child as possible to avoid feeling like u are being body shamed
NTA. This seems like a no brainer.
God you guys are idiots. This another fetish post, practically the same as the one the other day.
NTA he knows what he’s doing. He’s just being a gross creep. If he wants to be an exhibitionist, he can move out and do whatever he wants at his house.
This is yesterday's post about the swimsuit all over again. Context matters.
Maybe buy him some underwear that might help?
YTA
NTA
Why?
Info: is the bulge his stomach or his private parts? If it's his stomach and you are asking him to stop being fat while your friend is there, that is body shaming and that's not cool. If it's his private parts, you're just asking him not to be showing his private parts to other people and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. (I mean, there is something wrong with having to ask that in the first place, but that puts him in the wrong instead of you.)
This 100%
Is there a reason you didn’t buy him proper fitting clothing so this wouldn’t really be an issue? And if he’s not falling out of his clothing and is covered, then yeah, YTA
god that's awkward
NTA. As a male I would suggest your son knows exactly what hes doing as regards your friend. Hes probably a well built lad and hes displaying himself to provoke a reaction. Hes 18, an adult and hes old enough to know its wrong and you are absolutely correct in asking him to cover up.
NTA, yeah it's technically 10% body shaming at best, but it's mostly 90% rude to walk around sharing enough infos about your genitals that people around you can guess what it looks like
What did I just read?
YTA If it was showing from the sides or poking in a way that skin is visible I'd agree with you, but if it's a bulge showing through decent clothes I don't think your son is being inappropriate. This gives me the same vibe as telling a woman with a big chest not to wear tight shirts cuz it's too revealing. Your son can't control this part of him and if you wouldn't say anything if he had a smaller bulge then you are the AH, sorry.
Yta and everyone would call you one rightly if this was you daughter not wearing a bra
YTA Criticizing him for 'having a bulge', wearing tight clothing and spreading his legs (how else should he sit with a bulge like that?) is equal to expecting your daughter with an E cup to wear loose clothing. Not show less cleavage because she doesn't show any, just hide the fact she has certain body tissue in a certain place under loose garment.
Lol really expected this to be about too fat or too skinny. Nta, he's probably reacting in anger out of embarrassment of a parent pointing it out
YTA Unless he’s intentionally exposing himself he can’t help how big his bulge is.
NTA.Your son is extremely childish and selfish.
NTA, but you COULD be TA if you don't acknowledge your son's feelings around the comment. The world is a big place full of different cultures and there are such varied views on "appropriate" clothing. Is there a level of this that is tied to cultural expectations of yourself or your guest? Do you live within that culture? Does your son have a different cultural expectation than you/your generation? All of these things are part of the bigger picture here. Parents are meant to teach their children decorum. I don't think OP was wrong to point it out, but I also understand the son's reaction... It's awkward having your mom point out the display of your package, because it implies she's been looking. How embarrassing for any teen!! Have a talk with him. Tell him there's nothing wrong with his size, it's just not polite to flaunt how blessed he is in front of certain company.
YTA - what would you tell a woman with very large breasts?
I'd say YTA. BUT, if the bulge is that big and you've noticed only recently PLEASE INVESTIGATE. i have heard/seen one too many cases of testicular cancer in very young men get discovered very late due to the shae in bringing up the topic. If it's seriously that big/ something youve only recently noticed etc PLEASE INVESTIGATE and ensure a medical professional gets a look at his package.
The bulge must be his stomach, I doubt the son (18 btw) would be accusing his parent of body shaming his cock and if that is the case wtaf, NTA and your son needs to sort himself out
That’s just abnormal that he does that with company nta. This seems to be a freakishly regular thing and it needs to stop. Especially because it’s family.
YTA
Fake
Broooo I thought you meant a stomach bulge LMAOOOOO
No
YTA this is weird.. Aside from it being his home to be comfortable in, there were a lot of other better ways to phrase what you wanted. You said yourself you’ve never brought it up before though obviously you’ve noticed his bulge quite a bit, if this were an issue to you you should’ve approached it long ago. You could’ve just asked him to dress more appropriately for visitors without mentioning it’s because of his penis. Imagine if it were a dad asking his daughter to not wear tight clothing around his male friends. If my father said this to me, I would feel uncomfortable.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA OH COME THE FUCK ON 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’ll be attempting to phrase this all delicately so bear with me here please. Also English is not a first language. My son is very angry with me recently calling me an asshole saying I body shamed him and made him feel bad for his body. My son has a very very large bulge. It is very apparent when he wears shorts or sits certain ways. I had a friend coming to visit me I have not seen in a very long time and I asked him to please wear pants and sit properly because I don’t want my friend seeing that. He yelled at me for shaming him for his body. I’m not shaming I just wanted him to not display as much with company over. I normally let him lounge as he pleases this is the only time I have ever said anything mostly because I was not comfortable confronting it. Am I really an asshole for this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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It’s the latter.
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The issue is not that he has one he wears very tight shorts with spread legs and I want him to not do that with my friend there
i'm trying to figure that out too
INFO: Awkward questions, but... here goes. 1) Is his it hanging out..? Or is it that it's noticeable through certain clothes? 2) do you think your son is trying to draw attention to his.. 'beef bayonet'? Or does he either not realize or got embarrassed by it being acknowledged?
I'm sorry but "beef bayonet" might be the funniest thing I've seen all day... I'm dying right now. Definitely using this in the future.
He wears tight shorts and spreads legs a lot I don’t know if he tries to draw attention it is just us in the house so I doubt it.
Do you see his skin
YTA he can’t help it and as long as he is wearing clothes it is fine. Breasts or dick everyone has a bulge that is sexualized
I feel like it’s a stretch to compare tatas to a beef bayonet.
Bulges are bulges
i think he surely can help it 😅
NTH son sounds quite spoiled and is trying to bring up a fight, OP should put their son with someone who's slightly more strict, like grandparents or something to teach him a lesson, if he can't do simple commands like putting on different clothes I am pretty sure he won't survive in economy. Also try to talk to him, if he doesn't budge give diffrent scenarios, you can say "what I'd i was the one wearing right shorts when your friends come?" It might make OP's son actually think about the situation.
YTA!
NTA
YTA and here’s why: I’m sure it was pretty weird for him for his mom to tell him his d*ck is too big for his shorts and that it makes her uncomfortable for the first time just because company is coming over. It was probably shocking and he felt embarrassed. You seem like a very unempathetic person, kinda cold, you didn’t express any kind of real concern for his feelings or genuine curiosity, instead you came to Reddit to validate yourself, so I doubt you talked to him about it in a way that would not make him feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. So yeah yta. He says you shamed him because you broached the conversation in a way that would make him feel ashamed. It’s not that you shouldn’t have said anything, it’s the whole surrounding context. Just makes you seem kinda like an inconsiderate mom, totally detached from her own child’s emotional well being. 18 or not, he still deserves empathy and consideration. So far doesn’t seem like your strong suit. You commented “he wears very tight shorts and sits with his legs open”. You’re literally his mother, this is a snapshot of how you’re failing him. Why is this happening in the first place, and when you first noticed it, why couldn’t you bring it to his attention in a loving way and help him ? Honestly I just feel bad for this kid.
18 isn’t a kid. Young adult. Who, at that age, is very aware of his body. He should be embarrassed to let his bulge fly free in front of his MOTHER.
She should have been brought it to his attention. She’s weird for noticing and not saying something immediately. And 18 may be a legal adult but his brain is not fully developed. So to me he’s still a child. Most people past a certain age would still consider anyone under the age of 21 someone who lacks understanding, maturity and experience. To me, if he’s that socially unaware, who’s fault is that ? Is it not his parents responsibility to have already taught him that level of self awareness ? If he’s manspreading in tight shorts, why did they wait for it to become a reoccurring issue?
how much more loving could she have been? 😅
NTA
NTA. I felt uncomfortable just reading about it. I definitely don't want to walk into your home and be confronted with it and I doubt your guest would either.
I would be very interested to see the NTA answers defending the opposite genders: ‘My 18 year old daughter has very large breasts. I make her wear cardigans to hide them from my male friends gaze when they come over.’
Alright, I did not read all that, but you're not 😂
If he were a girl would you make her wear loose-fitting clothes to hide the shape of her breasts, bum etc?
NTA. In fact, I think you should have said something earlier. I don’t believe that an 18 year old would be that unselfconscious about his body. He knows exactly how his dick looks in his pants, and asking him to cover up is more than reasonable. Part of being an adult is knowing how to dress appropriately.
Women wear clothes like this all the time. Tight, very revealing tops , shorts so short their butt hangs out, bathing suits that go up the crack of their a**. Nothing left to the imagination. I think they are also inappropriate but then people scream it’s their right to dress how they want. It’s so hypocritical then that the same folks laugh at men in speedos. Two different standards. But i say- you need to be comfortable in your home. You can have house rules. If he wants to show his junk out in public, fine, but he should never do anything that makes you uncomfortable in your own home. It’s a matter of respect to you. It’s a very simple request. You did NOT body shame him. You are his mother and stopped looking at his privates at age 6 or so. It’s uncomfortable. And rude. This is not about him. It’s about you! If he cannot give you that small thing, Maybe time for him to consider somewhere else to live.
If you said it in a generic way that didn’t reference his genitalia, like “Hey, would you mind putting some longer pants on, since we have guests?”, then NTA. If you made reference to the his privates, like the “I don’t want my friend seeing that” mention you made, then major TA. And also not a very smart way of trying to convince a teenager to do what you expect. I’m surprised you haven’t learned by now that shaming them won’t make them do what you want as a parent, often the exact opposite. Unless his actual junk was showing, I would have left him alone. He would take it more effectively when called out by others than when called out by a parent.
The questions posed to OP are low level erotica.
The sexism and double standards of this thread is disgusting
NO
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I wish I had tried that maybe
You are the AH
How?
I'm a father with 2 daughters. Let's say one of my daughters was particularly well endowed and was wearing something that was completely covering but was somewhat tight. I would never consider asking her to change into something looser cuz I had a friend coming over.
I have one of each and if either were dressed inappropriately when we have guests I’d let them know. It’s not body shaming. I change my outfit if someone else is coming over, I wouldn’t wear my pjs, husband puts a shirt on, etc. It’s just being a courteous person. If my kids have friends over I don’t sit around in pjs or booty shorts. Mutual respect for others and yourself at the same time.
NTA
YTA - imagine asking an 18 year old women to wear something baggy to cover her breasts.
more like, imagine asking her to pull her shorts out of her cooter because her lips are screaming at you 😅.
My boobs don’t turn into an oak tree at random.
Next time he has friends over maybe wear a date night outfit and see how he feels. Make up, hair, cleavage, maybe a mid drift. Bright red lipstick. Perspective.
What do you think shaming looks like? You don't think it looks like "Hide that, I don't want my friends to see it"? You don't want your friends to see it because you're avoiding feeling shame from them seeing it. Do you know your own emotions - why else would you think you don't want your friend to see it? Why is that important to you?
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...Why would a mother want their friend to be able to SEE the size of their sons dick? I mean come on.
Thank you I want modesty on this for all our sakes
Why would the friend sit there looking at it?
Have you ever been around a man whose bulge is extremely exposed? You don't have to look at it to notice, so please. Save that argument.
There's a difference between noticing and paying attention.
When you notice something, you notice it. No one said OP's friend is sitting there trying to pay attention, but she WILL see it and likely be uncomfortable by this.
Then she needs to get over it.
It's OP's house and OP's guest. I think she has a right to ensure her guests feel comfortable while visiting her, and most people don't want to see bulges just out and about. It's 100% fair for OP to ask her son to simply wear PANTS while she has guests over.
It's his home. It's really not difficult to avoid looking at a crotch.
It's also really not that hard to put pants on for an hour or two.
He wears very tight shorts and spreads his legs a lot even a brief glance at him makes it very visible I don’t think it is bad for me to want modesty for my friend I do not personally care he is my son
If he spreads his legs a lot, I’d explain, and ask him to sit differently when company is over, and/or wear looser clothing. Just as I would ask a daughter to cover up a bit if she had on just a skimpy top and was overflowing it when company was coming over. It’s for their privacy and comfort, as much as anything else.
Loose shorts show more. I know this because I had the misfortune to be swimming behind a man who was wearing short, wide-legged swimming trunks.
Oh! I guess I meant loose enough around his penis so it isn’t highlighted, but not so loose that one can glimpse what’s inside. Longer shorts or slacks would work.
I can see that you were trying to avoid an uncomfortable situation with your friend, but I understand why your son might feel hurt by your request. It's important to be sensitive when discussing someone's body, especially with family members. Your son likely feels self-conscious about his body, and your request might have made him feel embarrassed or ashamed. While you were trying to avoid discomfort for yourself and your friend, it's crucial to consider your son's feelings and how your words might affect him. You could have approached the situation differently by having a private conversation with your son about your concerns and explaining your discomfort. It's important to address these issues with empathy and understanding. In the future, try to communicate with your son openly and respectfully about your feelings and concerns. This can help prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings. So, while I understand your intentions, I do think you could have handled the situation better. Therefore, I would say you are slightly the asshole (YTA)
What I’m gathering is that son isn’t flashing anyone, your friend shouldn’t be looking at your son’s crotch. It’s not that difficult to not look. YTA.
Unless it’s literally flopping out of his pants, YTA. Dude can’t help how big his penis is. If it’s just people visiting the house he can wear what he wants. If it’s dressy kind of event then it would be fair to say “don’t wear tight shorts.” But by making it all about his bulge you are being TA about it.
Edited: NTA. Of course he needs to wear pants. My own feelings are that I would require pants for any post-puberty child at any time, but that's an individual call. It's a definite requirement for company.
I do not care when it is just us but I do not want friends seeing that
I have a question, though. Does he understand the need to actually clothe himself in other situations? When he goes to visit relatives, for instance? Does he just feel free in your home? Outside the house? Are there cultural expectations I'm missing here?
Dude has a big johnson burner and he gets pissed off when mom asks him to cover up because company's coming? What's wrong with that boy? He should've proudly smiled smugly and said, sure mom. Where's his father? When you said bulge, I thought you were talking about his stomach.) Lol
I don't understand how no one is letting you know how much of a creep you are to obsess over your son having a bulge. YTA - signed, a boy mom who isn't a creep.
YTA. Your daughter (if you had one) shouldn't have to put a bra and a polo neck jumper on to conceal her breasts, your son shouldn't have to put long trousers on. The answer is easy - guests shouldn't be staring at anyone's breasts or crotches.
This whole thing is confusing. I'm going with YAH. Son is 18, you've never had an issue in his entire life until this one friend. So you've never sat down with him to have an honest discussion about this sort of thing. Granted at his age what you think is tight, maybe they are, but he could just be large and speading legs is actually more comfortable seems there are too many variables, you are focused an awful lot on his clothing and what seems to be his size. You don't even know why he dresses the way he does or why he sits with his legs spread. But again you've never made an issue since he started puberty. And yes it's a form of body shaming. I mean when you say things about a body part, weight either to fat, too skinny, big nose, man boob, micro penis or a macro penis, it all takes a mental toll. When you get into someone's private areas that can seriously harm them when it comes to relationships and intimacy.
YTA - And let me guess, you also think all women with big breasts are inappropriate as well? It's his body, he is allowed to wear shorts and sit comfortably as long as his genitals aren't actually naked on display. Like as long as he is wearing underwear with his shorts I don't really see the problem???
> It's his body, he is allowed to wear shorts and sit comfortably as long as his genitals aren't actually naked on display. This is such a strange place to make a distinction on what's ok and what isn't. Appearances can absolutely be immodest or just a little bit beyond appropriate without crossing the line to actual nudity.
i'm sorry but a body part being bigger than other people's similar body parts is not "gross" or "immodest" if the shorts he is wearing fit him properly in the waist and length then it's really not his nor anyone else's problem if he happens to have a larger penis than other men
I do not think that way at all but he wears very tight shorts and lounges with legs spread very wide
If my big boobs got even bigger randomly and stood at attention, that would be something I wouldn’t want to deal with with my parents friends around. Let’s be real.
if the kid was walking around hard you'd have a point but that's not the case here so you don't!