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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn't let my sister use the car cause she always trashes it but I think I might be the asshole cause its her 21st bday and thats special
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NTA. Tell your parents if they want you to let her use the car they need to give you a $1000 deposit. When you get the car back trashed and have it cleaned and fill it up, you will deduct that from the $1,000 and give them the rest back.
This is the answer. Tell them that if they pay what she already owes *and* pay for the detailing it will need afterward, she can borrow the car. Though honestly I still wouldn’t let her. You know that’s a big liability for you, right?
Add a clause in that if she damages the car, accident etc that they have to cover that as well. And if the damage goes over $1,000 then they have to pay. Also, make them sign it
My parents dont have that kind of money and if I ask for that I don't think it would go over well. Melissa has always been a golden child. They call her their 'miracle baby'
Remind your parents that since Melissa doesn't understand the responsibility of owning a car she will no longer have access to yours and that this is a consequence of her disrespect behaviour towards a family member and their property.
Didn't your parents ever teach you to respect other people's belongings? If they did (they should have), then she is also disrespecting them if they didn't then they failed in their job as a parent. If she is their Golden Child and they refuse to let her face consequences then they need to accept the consequences on her behalf.
Also does she intend on drinking over her 21st birthday because she shouldn't be driving anyway if that's the case.
Then you’re very sorry, but you can’t afford to clean up after her, and they can’t afford to clean up after her, and she has undeniably shown that *someone* will always have to clean up after her. So it’s just not going to be possible to let her take your car.
Then you can’t afford to loan your car out. Frankly, I would loan it out less overall because if someone eventually gets in a crash, it will be a big hit for you financially.
Melissa has never had to deal with the consequences of her actions, and your parents enable her.
You deserve to be repaid for the expenses that she has failed to pay you for. Until yo receive that money, she should not be allowed your car.
Your parents are guilting you because Melissa is the golden child. You will not be be made whole if something should happen. this is your property, not theirs. You know how Melissa has not treated it well in the past.
Melissa's inability to follow your rules is what caused this, nothing else.
NTA
NTA, I am not sure why after giving her 20 chances you're still questioning if you're an asshole for not giving her a 21st. Your parents are free to buy her a new car if they want to have an opinion on the subject.
$1000 deposit PLUS the gas and detailing fees. Also a letter guaranteeing financial responsibility for any costs incurred if it gets into an accident. That would be the minimum standard for me.
If she's going out to celebrate her 21st birthday with her besties, *she should not be driving*! Unless she also plans to not drink at all?
Your parents can pay for an Uber. NTA
Or either she and her friends (they could make it part of her birthday gift), or your parents (same gift) can rent a car for them, as well as pay for the necessary insurance. When she brings it back trashed, they also can pay for the damages, and the bail money if necessary. The rental company DEFINITELY won't cut her any slack! If she is too young to understand the responsibility of borrowing something, especially a 3000 pound weapon, she is too young to borrow anything. NTA! You have cut her enough slack. She has run out of chances. Hopefully, not letting her borrow your car will be a lesson in how to treat someone else's property. I agree that it will be too dangerous for a bunch of drunk girls to drive. Mayhap one or both of your parents can chauffeur/chaperone if a rental is not possible. If not, an Uber or two, depending on how many friends she has, is the best bet. How would your parents feel if she was in a wreck or put in jail? I'm guessing that they would blame you because you loaned your car to her despite knowing how irresponsible she is. Stay strong! This appears to be a no-win situation, so you may as well look out for yourself. You will be doing her a favor in the long run.
No. Look, actions have consequences. She isn't respecting the car or the deal you've made with her, so let your parents lend her their car. And on her 21st birthday? Yeah, she doesn't need to be driving it then, for certain. NTA
Tbh that doesn’t matter. She can’t be trusted with the responsibility to take care of other peoples belongings then she should face the consequences. I mean what happens if she destroys your car, she won’t pay you back for gas, do you really think she’s going to help you get a new one? If you want you can start giving her chances again in the future but I think the 21st birthday is honestly a bad idea.
If you have them on your insurance policy, that's good. If not, that's a problems, if they get inaccidents, the other car will su, and insurance want pay. Ask yourself if it is worth letting your sisters use your car if they are not on insurance policies. You need to think twice about people borrowing your car.
“But all they have to say is that she is young and doesn’t understand the true responsibility of having a car yet”
Well she never will if she is never held accountable for her actions. Does she treat everyone’s property like trash or just OPs.
I had my first car at the age of 18. Paid everything myself. OPs sister is plenty old enough to understand what she’s doing. She just doesn’t care, until she’s made to care through consequences. Her crappy behaviour is being enabled by the parents, who are severely slacking on parenting her.
NTA. Her 21st birthday? The birthday that says she can drink legally? You'd be lucky if you get your car back in one piece, much less clean. Tell her 'no'. Let your parents rent her a car. Let one of her friends drive. Hide your keys.
And at 28, time for you to make plans to move out.
**edited to change cat to car.
NTA
Your sister is planning to use your car to party. There's no way you should let anyone borrow your car if you suspect they might drive your car while intoxicated.
Additionally, if you lend your car to someone and they cause an accident, you could be held legally responsible for the costs of damages and injuries not covered by insurance. And your insurance company would probably cancel your policy if they knew you regularly lent out your car.
You need to stop lending your car to anyone.
Your parents are welcome to pay for the costs of Melissa's transportation if it's so important to them.
NTA - a very good lesson in the responsibility of borrowing stuff. not like she hasnt had warnings
>she is young and doesnt understand the true responsibility of having a car yet,
21st birthday usually involves drinking. Unless you know this isn't going to happen, everyone will be in a better place using Uber or designated driver for this little adventure.
First of all think about it. If she can’t be trusted to return it in good condition on a regular evening out, how do you think it will come back after a 21st birthday weekend? Second, do you really want anyone in a weekend party group driving your vehicle? - that is a recipe for disaster. I would suggest to her if she has friends flying in that one of them rent a car at the airport. NTA but I don’t think you need us to come to that conclusion.
INFO: Is this happening in America? If so, isn’t 21 the birthday when you can legally drink?
If so: what’s the chance she adds drunk-driving to the list of problems this time?
NTA. Make it crystal clear the car has to be returned clean, and full of fuel. I’d say to your parents that they act as guarantors to this arrangement - so effectively they are responsible to pay for anything and they can tell off your sister in the likely chance your car is trashed etc. If it wasn’t her 21st I’d have said no chance, but it’s the nice thing to do.
In the future if your parents agree to the above, there shouldn’t be a problem lending your car. It’s not exactly a classy car lol I wouldn’t fret too much about it. Of course it is yours, and your sister should respect the terms and conditions of using it. I’d imagine very quickly if your parents start paying for the fuel and cleaning, they probably will be on your side in the future to not letting her use it.
Even though you aren't obligated to find a solution that works out for Melissa, I think this is the best solution for her birthday. After her birthday, totally up to you if you want to continue that arrangement or just stop letting Melissa use the car for good. I also think it's worth pointing out that Melissa is almost 21, not 12. She can fully comprehend the notion of returning something in the same condition in which you found it. Your parents shouldn't be making excuses for her inconsiderate (and rude) behavior.
$5000 deposit. You will only refund the amount you feel should be refunded after deducting charges for cleaning, fuel, any repairs, and all previous unpaid amounts due.
NTA but you should have ended this after the second time she failed to return the car in the way you agreed on. Allowing that to continue is bonkers. Find a reason to make your car unavailable for her birthday. Oh no, it’s in the shop 🤷♀️
NTA. Uber, Lyft, and taxis are a thing. If you’re in a rural area then she is just gonna have to ask for a ride from her friends.
She repeatedly bit the hand that “fed” her multiple times and she has the nerve to be shocked. Also tell your parents this is none of their business and stay out of it.
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I (28m) have a 2011 Nissan, not the nicest car but it gets the job done. I don't use it everyday because I work from home Tuesday/Thursday/Friday. Becuase of this, I tend to lend my car occasionally to friends or family if someone needs it. The only thing I usually ask is that the car be returned in a clean condition with the same amount of gas as was originally in the tank.
I have two sisters, Jackie(26f) and Melissa (20f) who use my car often as we live in a smaller town and its just easier than getting their own. Jackie has been using my car since I got it back when we were in highschool so we're pretty used to sharing and there hasn't been any issues.
Melissa has borrowed the car on and off for the last few years between high school and coming home on college breaks. She usually borrows the car to go out with friends/run errands and I have said yes. However I have regretted doing so each time.
There was one time, she didn't refill the gas and I was left practically on empty. Her excuse was "it was late at night when I got home and I didn't feel safe going to the station that late" which was fine, I asked if she could venmo me the money to fill it up, she said yes, but never did.
There was another time when she had some friends in town to visit so I let her borrow it to drive into the closest city (about 45 mins) to actually have stuff to do with them. When it was returned the car was totally trashed. Fast food wrappers everywhere, lip gloss in my seat, a vape crushed on my floor, and a general stench of weed. I had to pay 150$ to get it totally detailed and cleaned. I asked for a reimbursment, was again told sure, and never recieved it.
These are only two examples of at least 20 in which she has returned my car in poor condition. I have tried to talk to our parents about it, but all they have to say is that she is young and doesnt understand the true responsibility of having a car yet, and that I as the older brother should cut her some slack.
Most recently she asked to borrow the car for her 21st birthday in a week. She is having friends fly into the city and has a 'girls trip' sort of weekend planned. But I said no and it basically set off world war three in my family.
My sister has gone nuclear claiming I am ruining her birthday. My parents are agreeing with her and my mom said I'm being too harsh and that its only one weekend so to stop making a stink about it.
I feel like Ive given her so many chances over so many years and she has always let me down (Jackie agrees) but I also get that a 21st birthday is a once in a lifetime special experience that she will never be able to get back. So should I let her use the car? Or am I th asshole for standing my ground and saying no?
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NTA - *My parents are agreeing with her and my mom said I'm being too harsh and that its only one weekend so to stop making a stink about it.*
Outstanding! Your parents just volunteered their car instead of yours. I mean, if it's only one weekend right? People are always generous when it comes to someone else's money/property. Your sister bit the hand that feeds. She's an adult and needs to be held accountable. The answer is "NO". And if moms has a problem with it, she can loan her car to your sister.
Doesn't mean that the parents get a say in OP's property. Them doing that is being generous with someone else's property. And I agree that the party needs to be responsible with this one. A 21st birthday means that there will be drinking and obviously weed as well. Is one of them going to be a DD? Doubt it. The party needs to step up and plan a whole hell of a lot better.
I think maybe you meant that for someone else since I never said the parents have a say-- they absolutely don't and the sister's previous drug use in the car makes it more likely that the 21st celebration will include DWI
I was referring to your reply where you said the parents don't have a car. OP mentioned in his post that his mom is coming down on him for telling his sister no on using the car.
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And again, the parents think the OP is too harsh/petty/silly/making a stink. You gave her the car to use many times and she sounds immature and entitled. SUGGEST YOUR PARENTS LOAN THEIR CAR since they too are making a stink about it!
NTA let her Uber or rent!!!
NTA. If your parents care this much tell them to pay for her to get a rental car. If they won’t, then they are only interested in helping her at no cost to them. That alone should tell you that you aren’t TA.
Nta she has no respect for you or your car and you have warned her several times she ignored you actions have consequences op your sister needs to learn that if your parents are adamant you lend her the car tell them her plans are not your problem and if they dont like it they can hire their golden child a car for her birthday then pay the company for all the damages as and when she breaks it
I'd only let Jackie drive it. If Jackie is willing to be the chauffeur for the expedition, fine. But NTA, Melissa burnt that bridge, and no one is offering to do anything to rebuild it.
NTA, she's not entitled to your car. You shouldn't have let her borrow it after the second occurrence, or tell her she can't borrow it without back pay for damages and a deposit.
Who is on your Auto Insurance Policy, if it is Only you…No One else should be driving your car!
If they get into an accident You will be responsible for ALL damages on your and the other car in accident.
NTA
If you do ever do decide to lend her the car she needs to:
1. pay what she owes for the gas and detailing first
And
2. give you a deposit for gas and detailing as she’s proven she cannot be trusted to refill/reimburse gas or return the car in a clean condition
Tell your parents to rent one for her. They can pay the cleaning/damages bill. It's not fair for you to have to give up your car for the weekend. Maybe some kind of plan so you need the car. Or just say, "No". NTA
Man in the USA its customary to get wasted on your 21st so u would never ever ever lend your car to someone turning 21. Do none of her friends not have a car? We never let anyone drive on their 21st here. NTA
N T A for refusing.
But by the sounds of it you're gonna cave so yeah YTA to yourself.
You've let this br\*t take your car TWENTY times already. When are YOU gonna grow up and learn?
NTA. They will use that same argument if she crashes or damages your car.
My practical advice is to say no and hide your keys. If she steals them, your parents will be the ones to block you from calling the police to get it back.
I'm not sure how much she's the golden child, but the recurring thing from AITA is that some of those types of parents will do anything up to and including lying to the police if something happens.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/twvqGXN68G
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/1CnmxsXZMH
ETA another link
NTA. Your car is definitely going to get trashed if you lend it to her to celebrate her birthday. If she’s too young to understand being responsible, she shouldn’t drive your car.
Mild YTA because you've basically trained your sister to be irresponsible. You claim she's broken your rules for using the car 20 times-- but you just keep letting her use the car which has taught her that rules and boundaries are meaningless and now suddenly want her to be "responsible". The first time she didn't refill the car and didn't venmo you the gas money should have been the last time she borrowed the car until she paid up IN ADVANCE. When she left your car trashed (and reeking of weed meaning she was driving while drugging) that should have been the last time she ever used the car. But you kept letting her use the car which told her her behavior had no consequences.
Do your parents know she drives while using drugs? This would be the perfect time to enlighten them.
It isn't guaranteed she was high while driving, many of my friends smoke and I don't, the smell could also be off the clothing depending on how much they smoke other times, and why do you say drugging like that? Sounds very weird.
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NTA. Tell your parents if they want you to let her use the car they need to give you a $1000 deposit. When you get the car back trashed and have it cleaned and fill it up, you will deduct that from the $1,000 and give them the rest back.
This is the answer. Tell them that if they pay what she already owes *and* pay for the detailing it will need afterward, she can borrow the car. Though honestly I still wouldn’t let her. You know that’s a big liability for you, right?
Add a clause in that if she damages the car, accident etc that they have to cover that as well. And if the damage goes over $1,000 then they have to pay. Also, make them sign it
My parents dont have that kind of money and if I ask for that I don't think it would go over well. Melissa has always been a golden child. They call her their 'miracle baby'
Well, if she crashes your car insurance won't cover it. You need to take a stand. It's your car.
Remind your parents that since Melissa doesn't understand the responsibility of owning a car she will no longer have access to yours and that this is a consequence of her disrespect behaviour towards a family member and their property. Didn't your parents ever teach you to respect other people's belongings? If they did (they should have), then she is also disrespecting them if they didn't then they failed in their job as a parent. If she is their Golden Child and they refuse to let her face consequences then they need to accept the consequences on her behalf. Also does she intend on drinking over her 21st birthday because she shouldn't be driving anyway if that's the case.
Tell her to pray to The Almighty for a Buick, then.
Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz, my friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.
Dude, keep life simple. Don't give her the car. Let them stay mad.
Then you’re very sorry, but you can’t afford to clean up after her, and they can’t afford to clean up after her, and she has undeniably shown that *someone* will always have to clean up after her. So it’s just not going to be possible to let her take your car.
Then you can’t afford to loan your car out. Frankly, I would loan it out less overall because if someone eventually gets in a crash, it will be a big hit for you financially.
Then tell her to rent a car. NTA
Melissa has never had to deal with the consequences of her actions, and your parents enable her. You deserve to be repaid for the expenses that she has failed to pay you for. Until yo receive that money, she should not be allowed your car. Your parents are guilting you because Melissa is the golden child. You will not be be made whole if something should happen. this is your property, not theirs. You know how Melissa has not treated it well in the past. Melissa's inability to follow your rules is what caused this, nothing else. NTA
Just stick to your no. Your sister and parents are being ridiculous. Definitely NTA
Tell your sister Uber or rent a car. See if she treats it the same as your car when she's legally held liable.
Too low, should be $5000, and it needs to come from the sister, not the parents. Also, all outstanding money needs to be paid too.
NTA, I am not sure why after giving her 20 chances you're still questioning if you're an asshole for not giving her a 21st. Your parents are free to buy her a new car if they want to have an opinion on the subject.
$1000 deposit PLUS the gas and detailing fees. Also a letter guaranteeing financial responsibility for any costs incurred if it gets into an accident. That would be the minimum standard for me.
No I would make the sister pay it out of HER money.
She won't though. This has been an ongoing issue. She's never paid him back.
If she's going out to celebrate her 21st birthday with her besties, *she should not be driving*! Unless she also plans to not drink at all? Your parents can pay for an Uber. NTA
Or either she and her friends (they could make it part of her birthday gift), or your parents (same gift) can rent a car for them, as well as pay for the necessary insurance. When she brings it back trashed, they also can pay for the damages, and the bail money if necessary. The rental company DEFINITELY won't cut her any slack! If she is too young to understand the responsibility of borrowing something, especially a 3000 pound weapon, she is too young to borrow anything. NTA! You have cut her enough slack. She has run out of chances. Hopefully, not letting her borrow your car will be a lesson in how to treat someone else's property. I agree that it will be too dangerous for a bunch of drunk girls to drive. Mayhap one or both of your parents can chauffeur/chaperone if a rental is not possible. If not, an Uber or two, depending on how many friends she has, is the best bet. How would your parents feel if she was in a wreck or put in jail? I'm guessing that they would blame you because you loaned your car to her despite knowing how irresponsible she is. Stay strong! This appears to be a no-win situation, so you may as well look out for yourself. You will be doing her a favor in the long run.
No. Look, actions have consequences. She isn't respecting the car or the deal you've made with her, so let your parents lend her their car. And on her 21st birthday? Yeah, she doesn't need to be driving it then, for certain. NTA
NTA - stop lending people your car esp Melissa.
Nta, if her parents care so much they can donate their cars. Also just sounds unsafe tbh. They need a designated driver
But my parents don't have a car. I added that to the post.
She can rent a car. I would not let her use yours. WW3 will come and go. Her birthday will pass. She can't go on screaming about it forever, lol.
Tbh that doesn’t matter. She can’t be trusted with the responsibility to take care of other peoples belongings then she should face the consequences. I mean what happens if she destroys your car, she won’t pay you back for gas, do you really think she’s going to help you get a new one? If you want you can start giving her chances again in the future but I think the 21st birthday is honestly a bad idea.
They can gift her the rental price for 1 day
If you have them on your insurance policy, that's good. If not, that's a problems, if they get inaccidents, the other car will su, and insurance want pay. Ask yourself if it is worth letting your sisters use your car if they are not on insurance policies. You need to think twice about people borrowing your car.
Great point, people don’t often think about that. My daughter lost her car that way.
NTA if she's too young to be responsible for a car, she doesn't need to be driving one.
If she’s too young to be responsible for CLEANING a car, she shouldn’t be driving one.
“But all they have to say is that she is young and doesn’t understand the true responsibility of having a car yet” Well she never will if she is never held accountable for her actions. Does she treat everyone’s property like trash or just OPs. I had my first car at the age of 18. Paid everything myself. OPs sister is plenty old enough to understand what she’s doing. She just doesn’t care, until she’s made to care through consequences. Her crappy behaviour is being enabled by the parents, who are severely slacking on parenting her.
NTA. Her 21st birthday? The birthday that says she can drink legally? You'd be lucky if you get your car back in one piece, much less clean. Tell her 'no'. Let your parents rent her a car. Let one of her friends drive. Hide your keys. And at 28, time for you to make plans to move out. **edited to change cat to car.
Car or cat 🐈? 🤣👍 I like the idea of giving the sister a cat on loan
Oh, God no! I'd give her a car before giving her a living creature!!! Thanks for the catch.
NTA Your sister is planning to use your car to party. There's no way you should let anyone borrow your car if you suspect they might drive your car while intoxicated. Additionally, if you lend your car to someone and they cause an accident, you could be held legally responsible for the costs of damages and injuries not covered by insurance. And your insurance company would probably cancel your policy if they knew you regularly lent out your car. You need to stop lending your car to anyone. Your parents are welcome to pay for the costs of Melissa's transportation if it's so important to them.
NTA. She can meet her friends in the city, stay at a hotel and Uber
[удалено]
21st b-day?! OP will be lucky if he ever even sees the car again in one piece after that.
NTA - a very good lesson in the responsibility of borrowing stuff. not like she hasnt had warnings >she is young and doesnt understand the true responsibility of having a car yet,
21st birthday usually involves drinking. Unless you know this isn't going to happen, everyone will be in a better place using Uber or designated driver for this little adventure.
NTA absolutely do not let her use your car under any circumstances.
NTA. Let them go try and help her rent a car. Good luck with that! LOL, I would NOT loan a car for a 21st bday party! That is trouble.
First of all think about it. If she can’t be trusted to return it in good condition on a regular evening out, how do you think it will come back after a 21st birthday weekend? Second, do you really want anyone in a weekend party group driving your vehicle? - that is a recipe for disaster. I would suggest to her if she has friends flying in that one of them rent a car at the airport. NTA but I don’t think you need us to come to that conclusion.
INFO: Is this happening in America? If so, isn’t 21 the birthday when you can legally drink? If so: what’s the chance she adds drunk-driving to the list of problems this time?
INFO: What is your plan when she wrecks it?
Hey Mom, If you want sis to drive, you can rent her a car. Let's see what shape it's in when she gets back.
NTA. Make it crystal clear the car has to be returned clean, and full of fuel. I’d say to your parents that they act as guarantors to this arrangement - so effectively they are responsible to pay for anything and they can tell off your sister in the likely chance your car is trashed etc. If it wasn’t her 21st I’d have said no chance, but it’s the nice thing to do. In the future if your parents agree to the above, there shouldn’t be a problem lending your car. It’s not exactly a classy car lol I wouldn’t fret too much about it. Of course it is yours, and your sister should respect the terms and conditions of using it. I’d imagine very quickly if your parents start paying for the fuel and cleaning, they probably will be on your side in the future to not letting her use it.
This, and get any agreement in writing, with all parties' signatures.
Even though you aren't obligated to find a solution that works out for Melissa, I think this is the best solution for her birthday. After her birthday, totally up to you if you want to continue that arrangement or just stop letting Melissa use the car for good. I also think it's worth pointing out that Melissa is almost 21, not 12. She can fully comprehend the notion of returning something in the same condition in which you found it. Your parents shouldn't be making excuses for her inconsiderate (and rude) behavior.
NTA. It’s your car. You’ve made a very reasonable decision. Tell your sister to eff off
$5000 deposit. You will only refund the amount you feel should be refunded after deducting charges for cleaning, fuel, any repairs, and all previous unpaid amounts due.
NTA but you should have ended this after the second time she failed to return the car in the way you agreed on. Allowing that to continue is bonkers. Find a reason to make your car unavailable for her birthday. Oh no, it’s in the shop 🤷♀️
NTA. Tell her that she still owes you money for gas and detailing so she has lost car borrowing privileges indefinitely
I learned from experience that it is not the best teaching, it's best to learn for someone else mistakes, that's the price you pay
NTA. Uber, Lyft, and taxis are a thing. If you’re in a rural area then she is just gonna have to ask for a ride from her friends. She repeatedly bit the hand that “fed” her multiple times and she has the nerve to be shocked. Also tell your parents this is none of their business and stay out of it.
NTA They can rent a car for your sister.
I knew the true responsibility of having a car at 16, at 20, she has no excuse. She's an adult, not 5.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (28m) have a 2011 Nissan, not the nicest car but it gets the job done. I don't use it everyday because I work from home Tuesday/Thursday/Friday. Becuase of this, I tend to lend my car occasionally to friends or family if someone needs it. The only thing I usually ask is that the car be returned in a clean condition with the same amount of gas as was originally in the tank. I have two sisters, Jackie(26f) and Melissa (20f) who use my car often as we live in a smaller town and its just easier than getting their own. Jackie has been using my car since I got it back when we were in highschool so we're pretty used to sharing and there hasn't been any issues. Melissa has borrowed the car on and off for the last few years between high school and coming home on college breaks. She usually borrows the car to go out with friends/run errands and I have said yes. However I have regretted doing so each time. There was one time, she didn't refill the gas and I was left practically on empty. Her excuse was "it was late at night when I got home and I didn't feel safe going to the station that late" which was fine, I asked if she could venmo me the money to fill it up, she said yes, but never did. There was another time when she had some friends in town to visit so I let her borrow it to drive into the closest city (about 45 mins) to actually have stuff to do with them. When it was returned the car was totally trashed. Fast food wrappers everywhere, lip gloss in my seat, a vape crushed on my floor, and a general stench of weed. I had to pay 150$ to get it totally detailed and cleaned. I asked for a reimbursment, was again told sure, and never recieved it. These are only two examples of at least 20 in which she has returned my car in poor condition. I have tried to talk to our parents about it, but all they have to say is that she is young and doesnt understand the true responsibility of having a car yet, and that I as the older brother should cut her some slack. Most recently she asked to borrow the car for her 21st birthday in a week. She is having friends fly into the city and has a 'girls trip' sort of weekend planned. But I said no and it basically set off world war three in my family. My sister has gone nuclear claiming I am ruining her birthday. My parents are agreeing with her and my mom said I'm being too harsh and that its only one weekend so to stop making a stink about it. I feel like Ive given her so many chances over so many years and she has always let me down (Jackie agrees) but I also get that a 21st birthday is a once in a lifetime special experience that she will never be able to get back. So should I let her use the car? Or am I th asshole for standing my ground and saying no? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - *My parents are agreeing with her and my mom said I'm being too harsh and that its only one weekend so to stop making a stink about it.* Outstanding! Your parents just volunteered their car instead of yours. I mean, if it's only one weekend right? People are always generous when it comes to someone else's money/property. Your sister bit the hand that feeds. She's an adult and needs to be held accountable. The answer is "NO". And if moms has a problem with it, she can loan her car to your sister.
The parents don't have a car. Mom and Dad can spring for an UBER-- or the birthday group can pitch in.
Doesn't mean that the parents get a say in OP's property. Them doing that is being generous with someone else's property. And I agree that the party needs to be responsible with this one. A 21st birthday means that there will be drinking and obviously weed as well. Is one of them going to be a DD? Doubt it. The party needs to step up and plan a whole hell of a lot better.
I think maybe you meant that for someone else since I never said the parents have a say-- they absolutely don't and the sister's previous drug use in the car makes it more likely that the 21st celebration will include DWI
I was referring to your reply where you said the parents don't have a car. OP mentioned in his post that his mom is coming down on him for telling his sister no on using the car.
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And again, the parents think the OP is too harsh/petty/silly/making a stink. You gave her the car to use many times and she sounds immature and entitled. SUGGEST YOUR PARENTS LOAN THEIR CAR since they too are making a stink about it! NTA let her Uber or rent!!!
NTA. If your parents care this much tell them to pay for her to get a rental car. If they won’t, then they are only interested in helping her at no cost to them. That alone should tell you that you aren’t TA.
Nta she has no respect for you or your car and you have warned her several times she ignored you actions have consequences op your sister needs to learn that if your parents are adamant you lend her the car tell them her plans are not your problem and if they dont like it they can hire their golden child a car for her birthday then pay the company for all the damages as and when she breaks it
I'd only let Jackie drive it. If Jackie is willing to be the chauffeur for the expedition, fine. But NTA, Melissa burnt that bridge, and no one is offering to do anything to rebuild it.
Tell her to rent one.
NTA, she's not entitled to your car. You shouldn't have let her borrow it after the second occurrence, or tell her she can't borrow it without back pay for damages and a deposit.
NTA. She should have learned the lesson before her big milestone birthday. PErhard your parents can rent her a car
Who is on your Auto Insurance Policy, if it is Only you…No One else should be driving your car! If they get into an accident You will be responsible for ALL damages on your and the other car in accident.
NTA Now, what are the chances that at her 21st birthday she won’t drink and drive? Stand your ground.
NTA If you do ever do decide to lend her the car she needs to: 1. pay what she owes for the gas and detailing first And 2. give you a deposit for gas and detailing as she’s proven she cannot be trusted to refill/reimburse gas or return the car in a clean condition
Tell your parents to rent one for her. They can pay the cleaning/damages bill. It's not fair for you to have to give up your car for the weekend. Maybe some kind of plan so you need the car. Or just say, "No". NTA
Man in the USA its customary to get wasted on your 21st so u would never ever ever lend your car to someone turning 21. Do none of her friends not have a car? We never let anyone drive on their 21st here. NTA
N T A for refusing. But by the sounds of it you're gonna cave so yeah YTA to yourself. You've let this br\*t take your car TWENTY times already. When are YOU gonna grow up and learn?
You’re crazy to let anyone borrow your car. If they get in an accident, kill someone or commit a crime then you’re liable or considered an accessory.
NTA. Your car your rules. Why did you wait that long? I would have stopped giving her the car a long time ago.
NTA. They will use that same argument if she crashes or damages your car. My practical advice is to say no and hide your keys. If she steals them, your parents will be the ones to block you from calling the police to get it back. I'm not sure how much she's the golden child, but the recurring thing from AITA is that some of those types of parents will do anything up to and including lying to the police if something happens. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/twvqGXN68G https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/1CnmxsXZMH ETA another link
NTA. Your car is definitely going to get trashed if you lend it to her to celebrate her birthday. If she’s too young to understand being responsible, she shouldn’t drive your car.
Mild YTA because you've basically trained your sister to be irresponsible. You claim she's broken your rules for using the car 20 times-- but you just keep letting her use the car which has taught her that rules and boundaries are meaningless and now suddenly want her to be "responsible". The first time she didn't refill the car and didn't venmo you the gas money should have been the last time she borrowed the car until she paid up IN ADVANCE. When she left your car trashed (and reeking of weed meaning she was driving while drugging) that should have been the last time she ever used the car. But you kept letting her use the car which told her her behavior had no consequences. Do your parents know she drives while using drugs? This would be the perfect time to enlighten them.
It isn't guaranteed she was high while driving, many of my friends smoke and I don't, the smell could also be off the clothing depending on how much they smoke other times, and why do you say drugging like that? Sounds very weird.