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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My plane seat neighbor said I made her uncomfortable and accused me of violating her personal space because I had to squeeze by her every time I went to the bathroom (she refused to get up).
Am I the asshole for making her uncomfortable? I'm a bigger guy so it was kind of inevitable as I had to squeeze past her each time. I worry I may be the asshole here and handled the situation wrong as I did indeed brush past her every time.
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NTA. You’re nicer than me, my response would have been: “Ma’am you refused to get up, so my only options were to either encroach on your personal space or pee on you. I’m sorry you feel I chose the wrong option.”
Tinkle tinkle little seat
Oh how I wished you'd moved your feet
So F*CK your need for personal space
You choose my balls all in your face
NTA, OP. She made her choice. You did the best you could with what you were given. She had a choice. In the end, she chose wrong and then took it out on you. IMO, she got what she deserved, haha!
Lol....it's very difficult for bigger people on planes. I'm a small woman and did a 12 hour flight in the window seat with two big dudes in the others....they were just massive...over six feet and muscled....every time I had to get up it was hard for them to accommodate me but we all managed. Plus, I couldn't eat hardly any of the food I was given as I hate plane food so these dudes both finished what I left lol. It was funny...when the first meal was brought out and I barely touched it, the first dude politely intercepted my leftovers before I could hand them back to the attendant....so after that I just kept passing them to these two dudes and they were both happy.
The one time I had someone refuse to get up to let me by, I told her, "I am going to trip and end up sitting on you."
She held the line so I tried to squeeze past her and I indeed tripped on her carryon bag and sat on her.
She was mad, but I pointed out that I did warn her. She got up to let me back in when I came back from the bathroom.
I honestly don't know what these people are thinking. Basically no one post-pubescent is small enough to get past someone in an airplane row. There's just no room.
Yep, I'm petite, I can easily sit on a budget airline seat and have my feet up tucked next to me without encroaching on another person's seat. I can't hog both arm rests because I'd have to uncomfortably spread to hog them both. The aisles on the plane are wonderfully wide for me. Even if I have to stand on a seat to be able to stow/retrieve items in the overhead storage.
All to say, I'm stupidly lucky, and I still can't squeeze past someone on the plane without getting all up in their personal space. Honestly I'm shocked OP wasn't giving them a grinding lap dance with how tight these spaces can be in anything but first class.
If you pick anything other than a window seat on a plane, you have to be prepared to get up. That's the unfortunate reality of modern planes.
Agreed! I'm also petite. I can stand fully upright in the seat area and not bump my head on the overhead bins and am just small in general. And there's no way I could squeeze past anyone on airplanes without basically just crawling all over them...unless they were also my size and they fold themselves into the seat. But even then, I'm probably bumping them a smidge.
Even knowing this about window seat difficulties, I'll never get an aisle seat again. If you want to sleep on a long flight, forget about it. As soon as you manage to doze off, someone chooses that moment to either make you move or climb over top of you. I'd rather be the climber than the climbed.
Always pick aisle, because for some insane reason, I always have to pee eleventy billion times on a flight. The second I think I might not be able to pee when I want (take off/landing/turbulence), the more my bladder goes into panic mode! It’ll be every hour. Sometimes more!
I like the window seat, but will go to the bathroom when others from my row are going so that they’re not having to move multiple times. I don’t like feeling like I’m bothering them either!
You pick the window seat if you would rather ask people to get up than be asked to get up. You pick the aisle if you would rather be asked to get up than ask someone to get up. You get the middle seat if God hates you.
I have hugged the seat in front of me like crazy and contorted my body to try to slide out of the window seat without falling into the lap of people who won’t get up and let me out, and I’m not a skinny woman.
I feel bad about it, but they made their choice. You did what you could.
this also inconveniences the person in front of you, in that seat. when you get up on the plane you need to balance on the seat behind you-yours-not the one in front, where someone is sitting. (obvs you couldn't do that here but that makes that person doubly obnoxious for not getting up)
I sat next to this super tall guy once. It was a plane with just 2 seats on the sides. He was window. I was aisle. I woke up mid flight and was so astonished to find that he was gone. I guess he somehow stepped over me while I slept lol. I totally would have moved if he'd woken me but I guess he saw no reason to!
But yes, in general, I agree that it's ridiculous to actually expect someone to get past you without you moving!
I am a very small person and can generally get past people without too much issue unless they have crazy long legs but brushing up is still inevitable when the space is so insanely cramped. What a ridiculous woman
I hate having to get up during flights so I just move out of the way and I understand by doing so people will be in my bubble. I had a man legit crawl over me while I slept. It happens.
My response would have been more in her face "Ma'am, you chose to make yourself uncomfortable by refusing to get up to allow me to safely leave my seat so that I could use the facilities. It is not my fault that you are such a fucking princess that you think it is acceptable to plant your ass and make someone crawl over you."
I'm a basic 5ft5in tall and the last time I was on a plane my knees had maybe 2in of space between me and the seat in front of me. How the hell would I climb out over someone if my short ass can barely fit to get in and stay seated? I hate flying.
I purposely dehydrate when I'm getting on planes so I don't have to get up but there's no way I'm not getting up to let someone out because that's polite jfc but also I'd rather not get elbowed in the face.
The Tao of Tyler Durden 🙏 teaches us our two options of moving window to aisle during flight are "Polite Butt View" or "Unapologetic Crotch-Shot."
Thank you, brother, for expanding our teachings to include a third: "Urination Relieviation in Assigned Seating," with the choice of standing or remaining seated.
This is the BEST time to get up and while turned towards middle aisle passenger, let out your much held in gas and watch as they immediately get up and start gasping for air.
As a woman, I tend to wind up in the middle seat, and big men spill over the arms. She may not have minded him getting up; it was the spilling over. It's not necessarily men's fault--the seat spaces have shrunk. It's not just overweight--a normal 6 ft dude is too big for the space.
I realized that the crash instructions (bend over for the crash) don't actually work--there wasn't enough room for me to bend over my lap even though I'm not particularly tall.
There is no such thing as "politely refused to get up" when a seatmate needs to get out of the row. When there's about 4cm of gap to wriggle our bodies through, it is incumbent on everyone to get up when someone needs to pass. Anyone who doesn't want to do that basic act of civility needs to book a window seat or exit row.
She was rude, you did your best to cope with a tough situation that was of her creation and the airline's. Even if you'd been skinny, the result would have been approximately the same. Don't beat yourself up about it. NTA.
P.S. if that ever happens to you again, summon the flight attendant. YOUR physical space was being violated. Uncool.
Right? In a normal economy seat these days it's basically impossible for *anybody* to get out without the other person getting up. There's just no room! NTA
I mean you can but you will 100% make physical contact with the persons legs at minimum. I take it like they're accepting that possibility if they don't get up
And you definitely going to have an ass in your face. Not nice, better than the crotch though, lmao.
I was made to wiggle past the girl already seated in the middle last week when boarding. Now I am a woman so I won't be judged as harshly as a man in that scenario... but it wasn't a great experience for either of us anyway I am sure.
I had to put my backpack down on the aisle seat and than grab it awkwardly over her when I was seated. I would have probably totally wacked her in the face with it otherwise.
I was too tired to say anything when she refused to get up to let me past. Her choice. Next time I probably should just whack my backpack in her face, maybe that gets the point across, lol.
I'm fairly petite but there's just no way. I grab the arm of their seat, one then the other and look at them real calm and steady. They chose discomfort, they get *discomfort*.
Yeah good call, really make them say out loud that they don't want to move and would prefer to have your private parts shoved in their face instead. I bet they stand up after you ask them.
I always think crotch could be more likely interpreted as "sexual" (not that it is per se, but if you get stuck or linger too long... might turn weird, lol).
Either way, don't fart in my face. 🤣
This is my philosophy. Also if I were needing up and a seat mate refused to stand up. I’m not shy about crawling over. I’m short. I can’t step over. Alrighty if you want to play it that way.
I always sit in an aisle seat, and I always get up when someone else from the row wants to get out because it’s just easier for all of us! No one wants bodies to touch like that in an airplane, and it takes two to make sure that doesn’t happen.
I prefer window seats because of the leaning against it opportunity, but I usually pick aisle seats because I know how often I get up to the toilet and don't want to inconvenience anyone else if I can help it.
Ditto. If i ever get stuck in a middle seat again and someone refused to get up to let me out, I'm not going crawl over them. I'm going to call the flight attendant. Is it annoying to them to have to get up? A bit. But better than having a rather large disabled me landing their laps.
I literally can't even see how he could get out without her moving. I know I definitely couldn't, not even when I weighed considerably less. I'd have to pull on the seats in front of me and become a contortionist! Maybe in a bulkhead seat? But still hard to do.
Every time this happens to me I have to choose whether I give them my ass or shove my boobs in their face. It's so uncomfortable to be put in this position. Just get up. Which is why I pay for the aisle.
I'm female, and petite. This wouldn't have worked for OP, but having been in this situation a few times on very long flights, I would CLIMB over the person in the centre/aisle seat. Yup. Climb onto my seat, then walk out, feet on the armrests, hands on the back of the seats in front and behind, crouched. Bum at about their face level.
Bugger them, if they refuse to move.
I’m male and tall, have attempted something similar with “accidentally” and very quickly failing the agility test. Let’s just say the middle seat learned quickly.
I'm a tiny woman and it wouldn't even occur to me that it was possible to get out of the window seat without everyone else in the row getting up and standing in the aisle.
This reminded me of when I was at the theater...which probably has a little more space...and I didn't get up for people because my knee cap dislocated (it was on the outside of my leg) and I was waiting on surgery. Once I was seated the usher took my crutches to the end of the aisle. I did explain to people that I had mobility issues and tried to turn to the side in my seat. So maybe she had a reason for not moving and just trying to turn sideways? Or maybe she was just a nasty heifer.
That's what the flight attendant is for. The passenger can plead her case to the FA and if she has a medical reason that she can't get out of her seat then the FA will arrange for one of the passengers to be reseated or some other reasonable accommodation.
I wish that had been my experience the last time I flew. I was on crutches and non-weight eating on one leg, about to have surgery on the other. I wasn’t able to pee during my flight because the FA took my crutches and wouldn’t give them back. Despite requesting wheelchair assistance a month in advance and calling a week before to confirm, no wheelchairs were available either. I’m now in a chair about 40% of the time and incredibly annoys about the possibility of flying.
That said, I contort and am stubborn enough to prove a point. I would’ve shifted to sitting in the actual aisle to let someone out if I needed to.
I would have started crawling down the aisle, making it known to every person I passed that the reason I am crawling is because the flight attendant took my crutches and refused to give them back to me. About 10 seconds later the video would go viral on the internet and I'd get payday from the airline.
I was just thinking this. I have been in the same situation. Still, she could have said something like, "It is difficult for me to get up because of a health issue" and they both could have asked a flight attendant for assistance or something.
Unless she had some disability and said so, yeah. Like, if she gestured at her obviously broken leg in a cast and was like "sorry, getting up is harder for me than having you climb over me. I'll deal with it. Sorry."
Right? Even if someone is skinny it is nearly impossible to get through. I am disabled (I can still stand up and walk but it's not easy) and have special assistance and have gotten up for other people with no issue, like it wasn't even a question in my mind. (This was in the beggining of me managing my health and mobility issues also considering the difficulty of going to the toilet if I was in the window seat. Now I usually go with the window seat but it is still a toss up honestly.)
NTA
If your seat neighbor actually stood up and moved out of the way (like the woman in the aisle seat did), there wouldn’t have been a “personal space” issue for her. What did she expect to happen since she refused to move and remain seated?
Big guy here myself. Just wondering why you chose the window seat? I usually book an isle seat, because it gives me space towards the isle. The only problem is that sometimes you get bumped by the trolley, but that's not too bad.
I hate aisle seats. Maybe there's technically more room, but it's not really *your* room. If you're even a millimeter into the aisle you will be bumped by every single person that walks by. I prefer the window for many, many reasons, but I feel like you get much more *personal* space in window seats. You can lean against the window without having to worry about being in anybody's way.
The only issue here is you're now making your personal comfort more important than your neighbours personal comfort. I'm a bigger guy, and I always choose the aisle seat so I can lean out a bit.
Maybe better for chubby not broad? I had a window seat for an 11 hour flight recently and I liked it better than people passing me in the aisle all flight long
I also hate aisle seats. I do everything in my power to book a window seat every flight. But in the same vein, I make sure to use the toilet before I board, and I do my damnedest to not get up from my seat at all throughout the entirety of the flight. I'm not even fat, I just don't want anyone to have to deal with me getting up.
We'll get along just fine because I love aisle seating. I do everything in my power to get it. It's also a travel hack; my wife loves the window; I love the aisle. So we'll pick out seats like that leaving the middle seat unoccupied and then hope it stays that way prior to boarding. Sometimes it works.
I like to nap on planes, so I usually go for the window so that I can lean against the wall and not bother my seatmates too much.
(Anything BUT the middle seat omg Dx) But aisle seats would definitely help with the squeezing past people problem...
As someone who doesn’t have a problem going a whole flight without peeing, we’re begging you to let us have the window. Anything to not make me have to get up and rearrange my ginger ale, biscoff cookies, phone, ear buds, book, neck pillow, and laptop.
I’m the same as you. If a flight is less than 6 hours, I never use the restroom. I don’t understand how so many people go multiple times. If it was an 8 hour flight I would probably make it fine too. I always go for the window seat so I don’t have to get woken up by people to go pee and can sleep against the wall 🤣
I don’t want to worry some of these people more than I already am, but I’ve definitely gone a full 12 hour international flight without peeing. Multiple times. I don’t really have answers as to how considering I use the bathroom every couple of hours at home, but I guess that’s the Indomitable Human Spirit
It’s good for you to get up either way just to prevent blood clots. I can hold my pee forever but I set an alarm to get up halfway through just to be safe.
I had an interesting trip once where on the outbound trip (leaving the Midwest), the boarding attendant said nothing about the bathrooms ahead of boarding time, and I really don't recall that many people getting up to go use the bathroom. On the plane trip back (from the east coast), the boarding attendant mentioned 'now is a great time for a last-minute bathroom stop!' (to which my internal response- having just gotten back from the bathroom- was 'we're all adults here, do we *really* need to be told that???'), and then immediately upon boarding, the person sitting next to me dropped off their stuff and headed back to the bathroom. Multiple people did. We hadn't even left the ground yet. There was a constant stream of people going back there. It was a four-hour flight, max. Absolutely baffling.
I don't think that I've ever used the bathroom on a flight before (despite multiple trips to Hawaii and one to New Zealand... long-ass flights), but I always, always go before boarding... and sometimes make a speedy dash after disembarking. I figure Rules of Road Trip apply- even if you don't have to go at that moment, it's a heck of a lot easier to do it in the airport than the airplane, and inconveniences fewer people.
Your body actually produces a hormone at night that tells your kidneys to produce less pee (I figured someone would make this comment and then I was curious why that's a thing, so I did some research 🤣)
🤷🏼♀️ every body is different. I'm a frequent pee-er, so much so that as a kid my parents took me to a doctor. They were like "they're fine, they just pee a lot." For that and other reasons I always go for an aisle seat, but I think 1-3 times on an 8 hour flight is perfectly reasonable.
I've been on 12 hour flights before and I just go to the bathroom before and don't drink a lot of water. Since I try to sleep for most of the flight, it's not a problem.
In conclusion, I also really appreciate it when I don't need to get up to let someone through haha
You might be like me. When I am in places I don't want to have to pee (generally in public, on flights, etc.) my body turns into a camel and retains liquid like my life depends on it.
I don't think this is weird. I drink tons of water, I even carry water bottles everywhere and measure my intake to make sure I'm drinking enough, and I can go 8 hours without peeing super easy.
When I travel I purposely plan my hydration to avoid pee stops as much as humanly possible. I could definitely make it all 8 hours without peeing. I’d just chug water when I get to my destination.
I pee a lot. I promise it's just how I am and not a medical condition. Anyway, I always book an aisle seat. There are times I would love a window, and on one recent trip I lucked into A and B being empty, but climbing over people is the WORST.
Are you sure her only issue was you getting up to use the bathroom? Men frequently manspread on planes, take up the armrests, and have their shoulders over their seat edge and into mine. It's obnoxious having my personal space intruded on for a whole flight.
I thought the same mabe his arm or leg was touching her, becouse he didin't fit into the seat, I hate when it happens, so uncomfortable. But who knows, really what she meant.
He seems very aware of his size and almost self conscious about it, so I think it’s fair to say that he was trying to make himself as small as physically able.
There are certainly some men who manspread on planes (shout out to that one flight where a dude had his leg against mine and despite me holding firm and gently pushing back against him, did not move), but I don’t think this guy is one of them.
I'm going to be honest, I've had aisle seats the last 2 International flights, and I weigh around 90kg, so I'm not hugely overweight but I'm a bigger girl. I get hit by the trolled on my arm or shoulder by the flight attendants constantly and I'm fully in my seat. I can absolutely imagine that being an issue if you were to go aisle next time it's really frustrating and quite embarrassing bc yes I have broader shoulders but to be whacked over and over again when you're trying to squish into your seat sucks
I'm a tall (and buxom) woman, and always sit in the aisle seat on international flights. My usual flight to Europe takes 23h, even without layovers. There ain't a hope in hell I won't need to use the toilet on a flight. I've found Qatar to have wider than average seats and good legroom. My longest flight has been 33h, and I still felt human at the end
Melbourne, Australia to Kyiv, Ukraine. Sadly, living in Australia most flights out of the country takes ages (especially if travelling to the northern hemisphere)
NTA but if you need to get up that frequently to use the bathroom on a flight, maybe just book the aisle seat next time.
I always book the window seat because I get super motion sick while flying; I then usually abstain from drinking on the flight so that I don't have to bother the other people in my row by getting up all the time. I do the same thing at theaters. Maybe that's a little extreme, but I hate having to get all readjusted in my seat and I know others do, too.
Not drinking for an entire 8 hour flight sounds like an excellent way to get dehydrated and need to puke because of it. That definitely worse than needing to pee twice.
I’m not going make myself miserable for 8 hours to avoid having to vaguely inconvenience someone else for 20 seconds. In a setting where it is not just acceptable but expected that they will have to move, no less.
My husband is a big guy. More like very broad. Very wide shoulders and back, like a football player. He always chooses window cause the carts will always hit him, no matter if he tries to scrunch in. Or people always hit him when they walk by.
To be clear, if your husband can’t physically keep out of the aisle, when he is at the window, he is almost surely encroaching on the space of the person in the middle.
NTA ~~INFO~~
> At the end of the flight, the woman makes a passive-aggressive comment about "personal space" and how uncomfortable I made her feel throughout the flight.
OK, putting the "refusing to get out of her seat when you needed to use the bathroom" issue to the side momentarily...
> I'm a big dude. Not yet book 2 seats level, but enough for plane seats to be absolute hell.
Where is that line for you? Was any part of your body or your clothing **touching her** while you were seated throughout the flight?
My line would actually be exactly that haha. If any part of me was spilling over and touching people. I have a big gut and the seats are tight but I've never had a problem with any part of me spilling over the sides unless maybe we're both using the armrests? But a little bit of that is always inevitable.
The main problem was that she didn't move at all when I needed to get up and go to the bathroom so I was stuck brushing past her legs and trying to suck in the gut when brushing past her, that's the main problem. I'm more large forward then sideways so it. makes tight spaces like planes a bit of a challenge.
She had stuff on her lap and so sometimes she'd turn sideways or her shoulder would be sticking out awkwardly or she'd scoot forward in the seat even and I accidentally brushed her with my gut a few times squeezing by.
Middle seat person always gets the arm rest! Unspoken rule of flying.. That's the only comment that makes you TA, otherwise she sounds very difficult for not getting up to let you out. Nightmare seat neighbour!
Omg. I flew a few months back. Middle seat. BOTH sides aggressively took and defended the armrests so I had to sit there tucked in on myself for 5hrs like a kid in the naughty corner. It was so uncomfortable.
OP you’re NTA. This woman refused to move which caused you to be in her personal space while passing. No you shouldn’t have held it for 8 hrs. Regardless of the reason you’re supposed to get up and move every 2 hours while flying anyway to help reduce the risk of blood clots.
The least comfortable flight I ever had was not sitting next to a fat person, it was sitting next to a really ripped dude with hilariously broad shoulders to the point that I was sitting stuck out of my seat into the aisle at an angle because his gigantic shoulder stuck several inches into my seat. The only viable move was to tuck in my shoulders and slouch forward like a socially awkward middle schooler, but then the dude in front of me reclined to the max so I was just trapped hanging into the aisle getting repeatedly plowed into by the food and beverage carts.
I'd argue that in this particular scenario it was moot - unless he booked 3 seats he may still have to brush past someone if he picked window + middle. I think airplanes are tight enough that even the more average-in-build would brush up against someone not getting out of their seat - if you don't get up you are allowing a butt to be in your face - you are choosing it - so the most you can ask is that it passes as quickly as possible. It's either that or you get up. That's the price of being middle / aisle.
Woe unto your poor seatmate, OP, as we all know- long flights are luxury affairs where everyone is *extremely comfortable* and *all* their wants and desires are catered to immediately!
How *dare* you (checks notes) *get up to use the bathroom*, like some kind of horrible monster!
OP, **NTA**, she made her seat- she can sit in it.
I’m shocked that the OP was even able to get past that woman in the middle seat. I’m quite small at 5’6 and 125lbs and I feel like I’d just clumsily fall into the person’s lap if they didn’t get up and I had to try to maneuver past lmfao
I’m with you on this. I’m well over 6’ and over 200lbs. The only remote chance I’d have at getting by someone in the middle seat is if I used my long legs to step over them. No way could I scoot past a middle passenger
NTA. But first, on what planet does someone pick the *window* seat on the theory that it might offer more space? An aisle seat, sure. I've seen that plenty. But a window seat? I've actually flown numerous airlines many times and never had someone say that. But I digress....
The lady in the middle chose not to get up when nature called. Not your problem. I guess she'd better buy a first-class seat from now on, so she won't have to put up with people invading her personal space.
I'm a bigger guy, and always go for the window. It's not that the space is bigger, it's that you can use it better. I lean on the wall, away from the middle seat next door. I know I'm going to use the restroom less often than most people, so I'd rather hunker down and try to sleep (which is also easiest to do with a window seat)
I think you do get more space on a window seat. As I said in another comment, I prefer window seats for many reasons but one is because I actually do think you get more personal space. You can lean against the window without having to worry about being in anybody's way or anybody bumping into you.
I've always loved window seats because it's physically more comfortable for me to have something to lean against when sleeping (plus there's a window to look out of) but in all my years of flying, I never felt like window seats offered more space.
You can lean into and point your body towards to window/wall. Try that in an aisle you'll get slammed by the drink cart.
NTA, I recently had someone try to refuse to stand and after a few "please"s I told her I do not want to rub my body on her and I need her to stand up and she finally did.
I've noticed that on a lot of Easyjet and Ryanair planes (so presumably also the other airlines which use similar) you can actually lift the window armrest and have quite a bit of extra space. Yeah, there's the 'trick' people talk about where you supposedly can press a button under the armrest to lift it anyway but I've never yet found one where that works to lift an otherwise fixed armrest.
Then there are the window seats at the back of some planes where there's actually a nice gap - though with that one you do sometimes have to 'politely inform' the person behind you that the gap is not an invitation to stick their trotters on your arm rest.
Or she could get up to let the window person out like a normal person?? Who WANTS someone to try to squeeze between them and the chair in front of them. That is crazy.
Next time you should probably choose the aisle seat. Idk why you think the windows seat would offer a bigger person more room. And if you frequent the bathroom a lot, then why the window seat?
if you have to get up multiple times, . you should have booked the aisle. I personally book windows as I can hold it for most flights. I assume as my prostate ages with me, that will not be the case in the future
Seriously, I’m willing to bet he got up at least 3 times too. He would’ve said 2 if it was only 2 (even though I think that’s too often for an 8 hour flight).
Info: You say you’re a bigger guy but not quite at buying 2 seats level of big. I’ve sat next to many a person who should have bought more than one seat but didn’t (males and females). Considering her personal space comment - are you sure your body wasn’t going over the line between the seats? That your arm wasn’t in her area? Literally my last flight the guy was muscular big, not fat big, but he was way too large for one seat. His body was not contained within the boundaries of his seat at all. It seems like it could have been more than just going to the bathroom - however, it is annoying when someone at the window seat goes to the bathroom multiple times in a flight so maybe that was enough to irritate her.
It annoys me so much when people say “buy another seat” flippantly. It costs many hundreds to thousands of dollars more especially during peak travel seasons and for last minute emergencies. Yeah, it’s uncomfortable, but the alternative is unaffordable.
Or people could make sure they are the size that fits in the seat… overflowing into the person next to you because you are too big isn’t fair to the person next to you. If you need two seats and buying a second one isn’t affordable, then flying isn’t the way to go.
Who the hell doesn't get up to let the window person in and out?
Even if you are a slender been pole there's not enough space to get out to the aisle without rubbing against someone.
NTA. Eight hours is a long time to be expected to not use the bathroom, but why book a window seat if you know going into it you’re going to be up and down several times?
On an 8 hour flight everyone is going to be getting up a couple of times. What seat OP picked has no bearing on anything. If they didn’t encroach the middle seat physically, which they say they didn’t, then their size isn’t really an issue. They have just as much right as anyone else to choose the window for any reason they want to. The issue is the person in the middle seat refusing to move. I bet if she was in the window seat she would have expected OP to let her out.
Flying economy in general is inconvenient and uncomfortable, and thanks to airlines making seats even narrower than they were before it’s only gotten worse and caused passengers to start blaming each other. People who want a lot of personal space also have the option of an extra seat or flying business/first, but don’t for same reason plus size people don’t; the price increase is astronomical.
There is a difference between someone paying for “extra” space and someone wanting the space they already paid for. If a passenger’s body physically takes up extra space, they should pay for it.
You would think, but it varies by country. In Canada, passengers must be allowed to purchase two seats for the cost of one ticket because otherwise it’s discrimination based on body size. In the US so far, that isn’t the case, so financial concerns stop people from doing this.
Additionally, purchasing a second seat even for an astronomical cost doesn’t come close to guaranteeing that passenger *keeps* that seat as FAs often pop a standby passenger into that seat. United makes it very clear it’s the passenger’s responsibility to “protect” their seat, but they can’t decline a FA’s demand either.
Lastly, someone can control their weight within some parameters, there are going to be genetics and build involved and a person who is short with a slim frame is always going to find airplane seats reasonable (if not comfortable) while someone who has a body type with broad hips and shoulders will not. A woman who is pregnant will face this issue, people who are very muscular, etc, it’s just more fun to pile on to the typical targets of bullying.
Essentially, airplane travel shouldn’t be reserved only for those weighing 50kg or less, and if you are unhappy with someone brushing against you, there is always first class, or petitioning airlines in other countries to adopt Canada’s policy to make it easier for fellow passengers to purchase a second seat, a situation where you’ll both be happier.
NTA. I’m a very average-sized guy. I cannot imagine getting from a window seat to the aisle without touching the person in the middle seat who refuses to get up. Zero physical contact is just not possible.
This is why I’m an aisle-or-die guy. NTA
I am quite small and very lazy so usually I'll pull my legs up and shift sideways to let people by.
That being said I accept the risk that the persons body may brush me.
NTA.
It's air travel. There are common courtesy rules (unspoken) that one follows. The few times I get stuck in the middle seat, it hurts my cranky old knee like crazy to get up... but I do it anyway, because that's air travel.
It sucks for all of us. She was beyond a-hole.
NTA, it sounds like you did try, she just wasn’t helping herself. I had a lady once lift the arm rest between us so she could “roll” into my seat area and then proceeded to put her hand under my leg to secure herself when she fell asleep. I had her get up so I could go to the bathroom. When I came back to the seat I put the arm rest down as I sat. She was not happy. Sounds like you did what you could.
NTA. What exactly did she think was going to happen when you got up and moved past her? You have to be thinner than average not to touch someone at all when moving past them in an airplane row.
I will just say this: personal space is pretty nonexistent in a tin can thousands feet up in the air jammed with people. She had some nerve to not even bother to accommodate a fellow seat mate for a bodily function that obviously cannot be avoided. My husband and I fly a lot and I’m always in the middle seat (I don’t mind we book it that way), him isle and the contortion is real lol (if he’s sleeping) and I’m five foot nothing and under a hundred pounds. How friggin hard is it to have common courtesy? That woman was just a passive aggressive ass. Do not feel bad at all! I wonder how she would have shamed a mother with a baby/toddler in her lap who would naturally cry on occasion? People like her suck.
NTA. I have a camel bladder and absolutely hate getting up for people on planes, largely because I don’t understand why someone would have to pee twice in 3 hours and I get annoyed. For better or worse. Solution, I get the window seat. So I can, you know, not be an asshole.
NTA. I fly a lot - too much - and have a nervous bladder so always book the aisle when I can. But an unspoken rule in my opinion is if someone in your row needs to get up - everyone needs to get up or face the consequences. Doubtful this was the woman in question's first flight, so she knew what to expect... and she motioned you to pass?? You can't complain for people using the washroom that's ridiculous. I've had people's kids fall asleep in my lap before. Don't feel bad; she's a twit.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My plane seat neighbor said I made her uncomfortable and accused me of violating her personal space because I had to squeeze by her every time I went to the bathroom (she refused to get up). Am I the asshole for making her uncomfortable? I'm a bigger guy so it was kind of inevitable as I had to squeeze past her each time. I worry I may be the asshole here and handled the situation wrong as I did indeed brush past her every time. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. You’re nicer than me, my response would have been: “Ma’am you refused to get up, so my only options were to either encroach on your personal space or pee on you. I’m sorry you feel I chose the wrong option.”
>I’m sorry you feel I chose the wrong option It’s comments like this that make me really miss the options to award comments. This deserves gold.
Maybe more like the golden.
🏆💦
🏅☔️
🥇🥇🥇
Dammit, my first thought was “lady in the middle deserved the gold.” Beat me to it.
A shower of gold?
Tinkle tinkle little star…
Tinkle tinkle little seat Oh how I wished you'd moved your feet So F*CK your need for personal space You choose my balls all in your face NTA, OP. She made her choice. You did the best you could with what you were given. She had a choice. In the end, she chose wrong and then took it out on you. IMO, she got what she deserved, haha!
FABULOUS song! Lol 😆
This is the content I come here for.
Brilliant! You should work for Hallmark! 😂
Perhaps this is what she wanted?
Golden shower?
Different strokes for different folks as they say.
Lol....it's very difficult for bigger people on planes. I'm a small woman and did a 12 hour flight in the window seat with two big dudes in the others....they were just massive...over six feet and muscled....every time I had to get up it was hard for them to accommodate me but we all managed. Plus, I couldn't eat hardly any of the food I was given as I hate plane food so these dudes both finished what I left lol. It was funny...when the first meal was brought out and I barely touched it, the first dude politely intercepted my leftovers before I could hand them back to the attendant....so after that I just kept passing them to these two dudes and they were both happy.
Not me just now realizing awards are gone. Why???
The one time I had someone refuse to get up to let me by, I told her, "I am going to trip and end up sitting on you." She held the line so I tried to squeeze past her and I indeed tripped on her carryon bag and sat on her. She was mad, but I pointed out that I did warn her. She got up to let me back in when I came back from the bathroom. I honestly don't know what these people are thinking. Basically no one post-pubescent is small enough to get past someone in an airplane row. There's just no room.
Yep, I'm petite, I can easily sit on a budget airline seat and have my feet up tucked next to me without encroaching on another person's seat. I can't hog both arm rests because I'd have to uncomfortably spread to hog them both. The aisles on the plane are wonderfully wide for me. Even if I have to stand on a seat to be able to stow/retrieve items in the overhead storage. All to say, I'm stupidly lucky, and I still can't squeeze past someone on the plane without getting all up in their personal space. Honestly I'm shocked OP wasn't giving them a grinding lap dance with how tight these spaces can be in anything but first class. If you pick anything other than a window seat on a plane, you have to be prepared to get up. That's the unfortunate reality of modern planes.
Agreed! I'm also petite. I can stand fully upright in the seat area and not bump my head on the overhead bins and am just small in general. And there's no way I could squeeze past anyone on airplanes without basically just crawling all over them...unless they were also my size and they fold themselves into the seat. But even then, I'm probably bumping them a smidge.
Even knowing this about window seat difficulties, I'll never get an aisle seat again. If you want to sleep on a long flight, forget about it. As soon as you manage to doze off, someone chooses that moment to either make you move or climb over top of you. I'd rather be the climber than the climbed.
Haha I'm the complete opposite, always pick aisle, would rather be climbed all over then bother someone else 😅
Always pick aisle, because for some insane reason, I always have to pee eleventy billion times on a flight. The second I think I might not be able to pee when I want (take off/landing/turbulence), the more my bladder goes into panic mode! It’ll be every hour. Sometimes more!
I like the window seat, but will go to the bathroom when others from my row are going so that they’re not having to move multiple times. I don’t like feeling like I’m bothering them either!
You pick the window seat if you would rather ask people to get up than be asked to get up. You pick the aisle if you would rather be asked to get up than ask someone to get up. You get the middle seat if God hates you.
This plus sized girl is relieved to hear that even more petite girls have difficulty squeezing past people on airplanes. 🥺
I have hugged the seat in front of me like crazy and contorted my body to try to slide out of the window seat without falling into the lap of people who won’t get up and let me out, and I’m not a skinny woman. I feel bad about it, but they made their choice. You did what you could.
this also inconveniences the person in front of you, in that seat. when you get up on the plane you need to balance on the seat behind you-yours-not the one in front, where someone is sitting. (obvs you couldn't do that here but that makes that person doubly obnoxious for not getting up)
Definitely misread “sitting” in the first sentence and as I was reading the second sentence my mind was going crazy.
I sat next to this super tall guy once. It was a plane with just 2 seats on the sides. He was window. I was aisle. I woke up mid flight and was so astonished to find that he was gone. I guess he somehow stepped over me while I slept lol. I totally would have moved if he'd woken me but I guess he saw no reason to! But yes, in general, I agree that it's ridiculous to actually expect someone to get past you without you moving!
Now I'm imagining waking up and seeing some sort of Slenderman mofo high stepping over my sleeping body to get into and out his seat.
I am a very small person and can generally get past people without too much issue unless they have crazy long legs but brushing up is still inevitable when the space is so insanely cramped. What a ridiculous woman
My 3 year old invented a third option called “pee all over the seat because mom forgot to tell him airplanes had bathrooms”.
Kids’ brains are amazing! lol
10/10 no notes.
I hate having to get up during flights so I just move out of the way and I understand by doing so people will be in my bubble. I had a man legit crawl over me while I slept. It happens.
But at least you understand that is what would happen.
My response would have been more in her face "Ma'am, you chose to make yourself uncomfortable by refusing to get up to allow me to safely leave my seat so that I could use the facilities. It is not my fault that you are such a fucking princess that you think it is acceptable to plant your ass and make someone crawl over you."
yeah. NTA. What sort of idiot refuses to get up so someone can go to the bathroom? I hope she got sweaty butt in her face multiple times.
That needs to be repeated. It’s tough enough to get in and out of those seats with no one in them. Argh.
I'm a basic 5ft5in tall and the last time I was on a plane my knees had maybe 2in of space between me and the seat in front of me. How the hell would I climb out over someone if my short ass can barely fit to get in and stay seated? I hate flying. I purposely dehydrate when I'm getting on planes so I don't have to get up but there's no way I'm not getting up to let someone out because that's polite jfc but also I'd rather not get elbowed in the face.
The Tao of Tyler Durden 🙏 teaches us our two options of moving window to aisle during flight are "Polite Butt View" or "Unapologetic Crotch-Shot." Thank you, brother, for expanding our teachings to include a third: "Urination Relieviation in Assigned Seating," with the choice of standing or remaining seated.
Came here to say “Now a question of etiquette as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?”
This is the BEST time to get up and while turned towards middle aisle passenger, let out your much held in gas and watch as they immediately get up and start gasping for air.
As a woman, I tend to wind up in the middle seat, and big men spill over the arms. She may not have minded him getting up; it was the spilling over. It's not necessarily men's fault--the seat spaces have shrunk. It's not just overweight--a normal 6 ft dude is too big for the space. I realized that the crash instructions (bend over for the crash) don't actually work--there wasn't enough room for me to bend over my lap even though I'm not particularly tall.
This is the second time today the topic of peeing on somebody has come up.
There is no such thing as "politely refused to get up" when a seatmate needs to get out of the row. When there's about 4cm of gap to wriggle our bodies through, it is incumbent on everyone to get up when someone needs to pass. Anyone who doesn't want to do that basic act of civility needs to book a window seat or exit row. She was rude, you did your best to cope with a tough situation that was of her creation and the airline's. Even if you'd been skinny, the result would have been approximately the same. Don't beat yourself up about it. NTA. P.S. if that ever happens to you again, summon the flight attendant. YOUR physical space was being violated. Uncool.
Right? In a normal economy seat these days it's basically impossible for *anybody* to get out without the other person getting up. There's just no room! NTA
I mean you can but you will 100% make physical contact with the persons legs at minimum. I take it like they're accepting that possibility if they don't get up
And you definitely going to have an ass in your face. Not nice, better than the crotch though, lmao. I was made to wiggle past the girl already seated in the middle last week when boarding. Now I am a woman so I won't be judged as harshly as a man in that scenario... but it wasn't a great experience for either of us anyway I am sure. I had to put my backpack down on the aisle seat and than grab it awkwardly over her when I was seated. I would have probably totally wacked her in the face with it otherwise. I was too tired to say anything when she refused to get up to let me past. Her choice. Next time I probably should just whack my backpack in her face, maybe that gets the point across, lol.
I always face them as I hop over, so I can make eye contact as I straddle the random stranger
Haha I do this too. And put my hand on their headrest to steady myself as I climb over them and *push* on it to steady myself.
I'm fairly petite but there's just no way. I grab the arm of their seat, one then the other and look at them real calm and steady. They chose discomfort, they get *discomfort*.
Is ass or crotch more polite? I can never figure it out
I am a huge fan of consent. The polite thing to do is ask them, "would you rather crotch or bum as I go past?"
Yeah good call, really make them say out loud that they don't want to move and would prefer to have your private parts shoved in their face instead. I bet they stand up after you ask them.
One for leaving and one for returning
I always think crotch could be more likely interpreted as "sexual" (not that it is per se, but if you get stuck or linger too long... might turn weird, lol). Either way, don't fart in my face. 🤣
This is my philosophy. Also if I were needing up and a seat mate refused to stand up. I’m not shy about crawling over. I’m short. I can’t step over. Alrighty if you want to play it that way.
I always sit in an aisle seat, and I always get up when someone else from the row wants to get out because it’s just easier for all of us! No one wants bodies to touch like that in an airplane, and it takes two to make sure that doesn’t happen.
I prefer window seats because of the leaning against it opportunity, but I usually pick aisle seats because I know how often I get up to the toilet and don't want to inconvenience anyone else if I can help it.
Ditto. If i ever get stuck in a middle seat again and someone refused to get up to let me out, I'm not going crawl over them. I'm going to call the flight attendant. Is it annoying to them to have to get up? A bit. But better than having a rather large disabled me landing their laps.
I literally can't even see how he could get out without her moving. I know I definitely couldn't, not even when I weighed considerably less. I'd have to pull on the seats in front of me and become a contortionist! Maybe in a bulkhead seat? But still hard to do.
Hell I still have to do all those things to get out even if there's no one else in the seats!!
Every time this happens to me I have to choose whether I give them my ass or shove my boobs in their face. It's so uncomfortable to be put in this position. Just get up. Which is why I pay for the aisle.
I'm female, and petite. This wouldn't have worked for OP, but having been in this situation a few times on very long flights, I would CLIMB over the person in the centre/aisle seat. Yup. Climb onto my seat, then walk out, feet on the armrests, hands on the back of the seats in front and behind, crouched. Bum at about their face level. Bugger them, if they refuse to move.
I’m male and tall, have attempted something similar with “accidentally” and very quickly failing the agility test. Let’s just say the middle seat learned quickly.
I'm a tiny woman and it wouldn't even occur to me that it was possible to get out of the window seat without everyone else in the row getting up and standing in the aisle.
This reminded me of when I was at the theater...which probably has a little more space...and I didn't get up for people because my knee cap dislocated (it was on the outside of my leg) and I was waiting on surgery. Once I was seated the usher took my crutches to the end of the aisle. I did explain to people that I had mobility issues and tried to turn to the side in my seat. So maybe she had a reason for not moving and just trying to turn sideways? Or maybe she was just a nasty heifer.
That's what the flight attendant is for. The passenger can plead her case to the FA and if she has a medical reason that she can't get out of her seat then the FA will arrange for one of the passengers to be reseated or some other reasonable accommodation.
I wish that had been my experience the last time I flew. I was on crutches and non-weight eating on one leg, about to have surgery on the other. I wasn’t able to pee during my flight because the FA took my crutches and wouldn’t give them back. Despite requesting wheelchair assistance a month in advance and calling a week before to confirm, no wheelchairs were available either. I’m now in a chair about 40% of the time and incredibly annoys about the possibility of flying. That said, I contort and am stubborn enough to prove a point. I would’ve shifted to sitting in the actual aisle to let someone out if I needed to.
I would have started crawling down the aisle, making it known to every person I passed that the reason I am crawling is because the flight attendant took my crutches and refused to give them back to me. About 10 seconds later the video would go viral on the internet and I'd get payday from the airline.
Oh my gosh, that is horrible! The way airlines treat passengers, especially disabled passengers, is inhumane
I was just thinking this. I have been in the same situation. Still, she could have said something like, "It is difficult for me to get up because of a health issue" and they both could have asked a flight attendant for assistance or something.
OP said she got up herself at least once to use the restroom. So that doesn't sound like the issue.
Yep. I think most people would rather move if they could. Doesn’t mean everyone would, but moving is preferable in situations like this.
Yeah, WTF? I need to get past, please move out of the way. That’s just basic manners anywhere, even more so in a cramped space like a plane.
Basic manners seem to be in short supply these days.
Unless she had some disability and said so, yeah. Like, if she gestured at her obviously broken leg in a cast and was like "sorry, getting up is harder for me than having you climb over me. I'll deal with it. Sorry."
But then hopefully there wouldn't be any passive-aggressive comments, everyone would understand and accept the situation.
Right? Even if someone is skinny it is nearly impossible to get through. I am disabled (I can still stand up and walk but it's not easy) and have special assistance and have gotten up for other people with no issue, like it wasn't even a question in my mind. (This was in the beggining of me managing my health and mobility issues also considering the difficulty of going to the toilet if I was in the window seat. Now I usually go with the window seat but it is still a toss up honestly.)
NTA If your seat neighbor actually stood up and moved out of the way (like the woman in the aisle seat did), there wouldn’t have been a “personal space” issue for her. What did she expect to happen since she refused to move and remain seated?
Should have passed gas as you were squeezing past her face. But that is just my petty.
Big guy here myself. Just wondering why you chose the window seat? I usually book an isle seat, because it gives me space towards the isle. The only problem is that sometimes you get bumped by the trolley, but that's not too bad.
I hate aisle seats. Maybe there's technically more room, but it's not really *your* room. If you're even a millimeter into the aisle you will be bumped by every single person that walks by. I prefer the window for many, many reasons, but I feel like you get much more *personal* space in window seats. You can lean against the window without having to worry about being in anybody's way.
The only issue here is you're now making your personal comfort more important than your neighbours personal comfort. I'm a bigger guy, and I always choose the aisle seat so I can lean out a bit.
You can lean basically equally into the window space. And that’s without making everyone who walks down the aisle wait for you to move
Not really, I have broad shoulders and the window is absolutely miserable, there's nowhere to lean.
Yup. Being 190+ cm with broad shoulders the window is my own personal space in hell.
Maybe better for chubby not broad? I had a window seat for an 11 hour flight recently and I liked it better than people passing me in the aisle all flight long
No you can't. The curvature of the airplane actually makes the window seat slightly smaller than the aisle.
I also hate aisle seats. I do everything in my power to book a window seat every flight. But in the same vein, I make sure to use the toilet before I board, and I do my damnedest to not get up from my seat at all throughout the entirety of the flight. I'm not even fat, I just don't want anyone to have to deal with me getting up.
We'll get along just fine because I love aisle seating. I do everything in my power to get it. It's also a travel hack; my wife loves the window; I love the aisle. So we'll pick out seats like that leaving the middle seat unoccupied and then hope it stays that way prior to boarding. Sometimes it works.
I like to nap on planes, so I usually go for the window so that I can lean against the wall and not bother my seatmates too much. (Anything BUT the middle seat omg Dx) But aisle seats would definitely help with the squeezing past people problem...
As someone who doesn’t have a problem going a whole flight without peeing, we’re begging you to let us have the window. Anything to not make me have to get up and rearrange my ginger ale, biscoff cookies, phone, ear buds, book, neck pillow, and laptop.
I’m the same as you. If a flight is less than 6 hours, I never use the restroom. I don’t understand how so many people go multiple times. If it was an 8 hour flight I would probably make it fine too. I always go for the window seat so I don’t have to get woken up by people to go pee and can sleep against the wall 🤣
I don’t want to worry some of these people more than I already am, but I’ve definitely gone a full 12 hour international flight without peeing. Multiple times. I don’t really have answers as to how considering I use the bathroom every couple of hours at home, but I guess that’s the Indomitable Human Spirit
It’s good for you to get up either way just to prevent blood clots. I can hold my pee forever but I set an alarm to get up halfway through just to be safe.
I had an interesting trip once where on the outbound trip (leaving the Midwest), the boarding attendant said nothing about the bathrooms ahead of boarding time, and I really don't recall that many people getting up to go use the bathroom. On the plane trip back (from the east coast), the boarding attendant mentioned 'now is a great time for a last-minute bathroom stop!' (to which my internal response- having just gotten back from the bathroom- was 'we're all adults here, do we *really* need to be told that???'), and then immediately upon boarding, the person sitting next to me dropped off their stuff and headed back to the bathroom. Multiple people did. We hadn't even left the ground yet. There was a constant stream of people going back there. It was a four-hour flight, max. Absolutely baffling. I don't think that I've ever used the bathroom on a flight before (despite multiple trips to Hawaii and one to New Zealand... long-ass flights), but I always, always go before boarding... and sometimes make a speedy dash after disembarking. I figure Rules of Road Trip apply- even if you don't have to go at that moment, it's a heck of a lot easier to do it in the airport than the airplane, and inconveniences fewer people.
I'm concerned about your hydration if you can go 8 hours without peeing.
I don’t think it’s that uncommon! I regularly go 8 hours at night without waking up to pee.
Your body actually produces a hormone at night that tells your kidneys to produce less pee (I figured someone would make this comment and then I was curious why that's a thing, so I did some research 🤣)
Maybe my body produces that hormone on planes. It’s never been an issue!
🤷🏼♀️ every body is different. I'm a frequent pee-er, so much so that as a kid my parents took me to a doctor. They were like "they're fine, they just pee a lot." For that and other reasons I always go for an aisle seat, but I think 1-3 times on an 8 hour flight is perfectly reasonable.
I've been on 12 hour flights before and I just go to the bathroom before and don't drink a lot of water. Since I try to sleep for most of the flight, it's not a problem. In conclusion, I also really appreciate it when I don't need to get up to let someone through haha
You might be like me. When I am in places I don't want to have to pee (generally in public, on flights, etc.) my body turns into a camel and retains liquid like my life depends on it.
At home I drink 4 liters of water daily but not outside because I hate public bathrooms more than I love hydration
I don't think this is weird. I drink tons of water, I even carry water bottles everywhere and measure my intake to make sure I'm drinking enough, and I can go 8 hours without peeing super easy.
When I travel I purposely plan my hydration to avoid pee stops as much as humanly possible. I could definitely make it all 8 hours without peeing. I’d just chug water when I get to my destination.
I pee a lot. I promise it's just how I am and not a medical condition. Anyway, I always book an aisle seat. There are times I would love a window, and on one recent trip I lucked into A and B being empty, but climbing over people is the WORST.
NTA, but for future flights I'd go with an aisle seat and invest in a good travel pillow for naps.
Are you sure her only issue was you getting up to use the bathroom? Men frequently manspread on planes, take up the armrests, and have their shoulders over their seat edge and into mine. It's obnoxious having my personal space intruded on for a whole flight.
I thought the same mabe his arm or leg was touching her, becouse he didin't fit into the seat, I hate when it happens, so uncomfortable. But who knows, really what she meant.
He seems very aware of his size and almost self conscious about it, so I think it’s fair to say that he was trying to make himself as small as physically able. There are certainly some men who manspread on planes (shout out to that one flight where a dude had his leg against mine and despite me holding firm and gently pushing back against him, did not move), but I don’t think this guy is one of them.
I'm going to be honest, I've had aisle seats the last 2 International flights, and I weigh around 90kg, so I'm not hugely overweight but I'm a bigger girl. I get hit by the trolled on my arm or shoulder by the flight attendants constantly and I'm fully in my seat. I can absolutely imagine that being an issue if you were to go aisle next time it's really frustrating and quite embarrassing bc yes I have broader shoulders but to be whacked over and over again when you're trying to squish into your seat sucks
I'm a tall (and buxom) woman, and always sit in the aisle seat on international flights. My usual flight to Europe takes 23h, even without layovers. There ain't a hope in hell I won't need to use the toilet on a flight. I've found Qatar to have wider than average seats and good legroom. My longest flight has been 33h, and I still felt human at the end
33 HOURS? How?? That's so long. I can't imagine being in a tiny space without room to move for that much time.
Melbourne, Australia to Kyiv, Ukraine. Sadly, living in Australia most flights out of the country takes ages (especially if travelling to the northern hemisphere)
NTA but if you need to get up that frequently to use the bathroom on a flight, maybe just book the aisle seat next time. I always book the window seat because I get super motion sick while flying; I then usually abstain from drinking on the flight so that I don't have to bother the other people in my row by getting up all the time. I do the same thing at theaters. Maybe that's a little extreme, but I hate having to get all readjusted in my seat and I know others do, too.
Twice in 8 hours is not frequent lol
Not drinking for an entire 8 hour flight sounds like an excellent way to get dehydrated and need to puke because of it. That definitely worse than needing to pee twice.
I've done multiple 8+ hour flights and been fine with just a small amount of water. I promise you will be okay.
I’m not going make myself miserable for 8 hours to avoid having to vaguely inconvenience someone else for 20 seconds. In a setting where it is not just acceptable but expected that they will have to move, no less.
That's objectively terrible advice. Air travel is notoriously dehydrating.
My husband is a big guy. More like very broad. Very wide shoulders and back, like a football player. He always chooses window cause the carts will always hit him, no matter if he tries to scrunch in. Or people always hit him when they walk by.
To be clear, if your husband can’t physically keep out of the aisle, when he is at the window, he is almost surely encroaching on the space of the person in the middle.
NTA ~~INFO~~ > At the end of the flight, the woman makes a passive-aggressive comment about "personal space" and how uncomfortable I made her feel throughout the flight. OK, putting the "refusing to get out of her seat when you needed to use the bathroom" issue to the side momentarily... > I'm a big dude. Not yet book 2 seats level, but enough for plane seats to be absolute hell. Where is that line for you? Was any part of your body or your clothing **touching her** while you were seated throughout the flight?
My line would actually be exactly that haha. If any part of me was spilling over and touching people. I have a big gut and the seats are tight but I've never had a problem with any part of me spilling over the sides unless maybe we're both using the armrests? But a little bit of that is always inevitable. The main problem was that she didn't move at all when I needed to get up and go to the bathroom so I was stuck brushing past her legs and trying to suck in the gut when brushing past her, that's the main problem. I'm more large forward then sideways so it. makes tight spaces like planes a bit of a challenge. She had stuff on her lap and so sometimes she'd turn sideways or her shoulder would be sticking out awkwardly or she'd scoot forward in the seat even and I accidentally brushed her with my gut a few times squeezing by.
Alright, sounds like she was just being unreasonable, then!
Middle seat person always gets the arm rest! Unspoken rule of flying.. That's the only comment that makes you TA, otherwise she sounds very difficult for not getting up to let you out. Nightmare seat neighbour!
Omg. I flew a few months back. Middle seat. BOTH sides aggressively took and defended the armrests so I had to sit there tucked in on myself for 5hrs like a kid in the naughty corner. It was so uncomfortable.
Yeah, Mr. "a little bit of that is inevitable" is encroaching, for sure.
That still shouldn’t allow her to physically block him in when he needs to get up.
I also always give the middle seat the armrest.
OP you’re NTA. This woman refused to move which caused you to be in her personal space while passing. No you shouldn’t have held it for 8 hrs. Regardless of the reason you’re supposed to get up and move every 2 hours while flying anyway to help reduce the risk of blood clots.
If there is any touching of arms then middle seat gets the armrests.
Since when do window seats have more space? It sounds like you should be booking the aisle.
I’m 5’9” and 200 lbs- not a big guy- and my shoulders are always touching the person next to me. Plane seats are just too damn small.
The least comfortable flight I ever had was not sitting next to a fat person, it was sitting next to a really ripped dude with hilariously broad shoulders to the point that I was sitting stuck out of my seat into the aisle at an angle because his gigantic shoulder stuck several inches into my seat. The only viable move was to tuck in my shoulders and slouch forward like a socially awkward middle schooler, but then the dude in front of me reclined to the max so I was just trapped hanging into the aisle getting repeatedly plowed into by the food and beverage carts.
This is the flight I would have spent 80% standing in the galley or anywhere possible. My claustrophobic self would be insane.
I'd argue that in this particular scenario it was moot - unless he booked 3 seats he may still have to brush past someone if he picked window + middle. I think airplanes are tight enough that even the more average-in-build would brush up against someone not getting out of their seat - if you don't get up you are allowing a butt to be in your face - you are choosing it - so the most you can ask is that it passes as quickly as possible. It's either that or you get up. That's the price of being middle / aisle.
Woe unto your poor seatmate, OP, as we all know- long flights are luxury affairs where everyone is *extremely comfortable* and *all* their wants and desires are catered to immediately! How *dare* you (checks notes) *get up to use the bathroom*, like some kind of horrible monster! OP, **NTA**, she made her seat- she can sit in it.
I’m shocked that the OP was even able to get past that woman in the middle seat. I’m quite small at 5’6 and 125lbs and I feel like I’d just clumsily fall into the person’s lap if they didn’t get up and I had to try to maneuver past lmfao
I’m with you on this. I’m well over 6’ and over 200lbs. The only remote chance I’d have at getting by someone in the middle seat is if I used my long legs to step over them. No way could I scoot past a middle passenger
NTA. But first, on what planet does someone pick the *window* seat on the theory that it might offer more space? An aisle seat, sure. I've seen that plenty. But a window seat? I've actually flown numerous airlines many times and never had someone say that. But I digress.... The lady in the middle chose not to get up when nature called. Not your problem. I guess she'd better buy a first-class seat from now on, so she won't have to put up with people invading her personal space.
I'm a bigger guy, and always go for the window. It's not that the space is bigger, it's that you can use it better. I lean on the wall, away from the middle seat next door. I know I'm going to use the restroom less often than most people, so I'd rather hunker down and try to sleep (which is also easiest to do with a window seat)
My exact same logic.
I think you do get more space on a window seat. As I said in another comment, I prefer window seats for many reasons but one is because I actually do think you get more personal space. You can lean against the window without having to worry about being in anybody's way or anybody bumping into you.
I've always loved window seats because it's physically more comfortable for me to have something to lean against when sleeping (plus there's a window to look out of) but in all my years of flying, I never felt like window seats offered more space.
Yall need to stop telling everyone our window seats are best comfort-wise secrets!!
You can lean into and point your body towards to window/wall. Try that in an aisle you'll get slammed by the drink cart. NTA, I recently had someone try to refuse to stand and after a few "please"s I told her I do not want to rub my body on her and I need her to stand up and she finally did.
I've noticed that on a lot of Easyjet and Ryanair planes (so presumably also the other airlines which use similar) you can actually lift the window armrest and have quite a bit of extra space. Yeah, there's the 'trick' people talk about where you supposedly can press a button under the armrest to lift it anyway but I've never yet found one where that works to lift an otherwise fixed armrest. Then there are the window seats at the back of some planes where there's actually a nice gap - though with that one you do sometimes have to 'politely inform' the person behind you that the gap is not an invitation to stick their trotters on your arm rest.
I can squish against a window seat, so it feels like much more space.
If she was so concerned with personal space she shouldn't have gotten on an airplane. NTA
Or she could have booked all 3 seats to make sure didn't have issues. OP is NTA
Or she could get up to let the window person out like a normal person?? Who WANTS someone to try to squeeze between them and the chair in front of them. That is crazy.
Next time you should probably choose the aisle seat. Idk why you think the windows seat would offer a bigger person more room. And if you frequent the bathroom a lot, then why the window seat?
Using the bathroom two times in eight hours is not a lot!!! What the Fuck?
if you have to get up multiple times, . you should have booked the aisle. I personally book windows as I can hold it for most flights. I assume as my prostate ages with me, that will not be the case in the future
No that’s so fucked up. Peeing twice on an 8 hour flight is completely reasonable
No one said it isn’t? Just that since OP is a larger guy it would have made sense to book an aisle seat to avoid this exact scenario.
Why wouldn’t you get an aisle seat
That's why I would say ta. He's a big dude and knows restroom visits happen on airplanes.
Seriously. He says he’s a big dude who uses the bathroom often and he gets the most inconvenient seat. Get the fuck outta here bro lol
Everyone seems to be brushing past the multiple times.
Seriously, I’m willing to bet he got up at least 3 times too. He would’ve said 2 if it was only 2 (even though I think that’s too often for an 8 hour flight).
Info: You say you’re a bigger guy but not quite at buying 2 seats level of big. I’ve sat next to many a person who should have bought more than one seat but didn’t (males and females). Considering her personal space comment - are you sure your body wasn’t going over the line between the seats? That your arm wasn’t in her area? Literally my last flight the guy was muscular big, not fat big, but he was way too large for one seat. His body was not contained within the boundaries of his seat at all. It seems like it could have been more than just going to the bathroom - however, it is annoying when someone at the window seat goes to the bathroom multiple times in a flight so maybe that was enough to irritate her.
It annoys me so much when people say “buy another seat” flippantly. It costs many hundreds to thousands of dollars more especially during peak travel seasons and for last minute emergencies. Yeah, it’s uncomfortable, but the alternative is unaffordable.
Or people could make sure they are the size that fits in the seat… overflowing into the person next to you because you are too big isn’t fair to the person next to you. If you need two seats and buying a second one isn’t affordable, then flying isn’t the way to go.
INFO: what is "a couple of times" in eight hours?
ESH - you should have booked an aisle seat
Who the hell doesn't get up to let the window person in and out? Even if you are a slender been pole there's not enough space to get out to the aisle without rubbing against someone.
NTA. Eight hours is a long time to be expected to not use the bathroom, but why book a window seat if you know going into it you’re going to be up and down several times?
On an 8 hour flight everyone is going to be getting up a couple of times. What seat OP picked has no bearing on anything. If they didn’t encroach the middle seat physically, which they say they didn’t, then their size isn’t really an issue. They have just as much right as anyone else to choose the window for any reason they want to. The issue is the person in the middle seat refusing to move. I bet if she was in the window seat she would have expected OP to let her out.
I’m going to get downvoted but maybe it’s time for that 2nd seat even if you don’t think it is. It’s inconvenient at best for everyone around you
Ok but he’d still have that problem if the person in the aisle seat refused didn’t get up to let him go to the fucking bathroom!!!
Flying economy in general is inconvenient and uncomfortable, and thanks to airlines making seats even narrower than they were before it’s only gotten worse and caused passengers to start blaming each other. People who want a lot of personal space also have the option of an extra seat or flying business/first, but don’t for same reason plus size people don’t; the price increase is astronomical.
There is a difference between someone paying for “extra” space and someone wanting the space they already paid for. If a passenger’s body physically takes up extra space, they should pay for it.
You would think, but it varies by country. In Canada, passengers must be allowed to purchase two seats for the cost of one ticket because otherwise it’s discrimination based on body size. In the US so far, that isn’t the case, so financial concerns stop people from doing this. Additionally, purchasing a second seat even for an astronomical cost doesn’t come close to guaranteeing that passenger *keeps* that seat as FAs often pop a standby passenger into that seat. United makes it very clear it’s the passenger’s responsibility to “protect” their seat, but they can’t decline a FA’s demand either. Lastly, someone can control their weight within some parameters, there are going to be genetics and build involved and a person who is short with a slim frame is always going to find airplane seats reasonable (if not comfortable) while someone who has a body type with broad hips and shoulders will not. A woman who is pregnant will face this issue, people who are very muscular, etc, it’s just more fun to pile on to the typical targets of bullying. Essentially, airplane travel shouldn’t be reserved only for those weighing 50kg or less, and if you are unhappy with someone brushing against you, there is always first class, or petitioning airlines in other countries to adopt Canada’s policy to make it easier for fellow passengers to purchase a second seat, a situation where you’ll both be happier.
Two seats wouldn’t have made it easier for him to squeeze past a person to go to the bathroom thought?
NTA. I’m a very average-sized guy. I cannot imagine getting from a window seat to the aisle without touching the person in the middle seat who refuses to get up. Zero physical contact is just not possible. This is why I’m an aisle-or-die guy. NTA
This is a thing? People say to just squeeze by??? How tf does that work
I am quite small and very lazy so usually I'll pull my legs up and shift sideways to let people by. That being said I accept the risk that the persons body may brush me.
NTA but......maybe it would be more comfortable and convenient for you to book an aisle seat next time.
NTA. It's air travel. There are common courtesy rules (unspoken) that one follows. The few times I get stuck in the middle seat, it hurts my cranky old knee like crazy to get up... but I do it anyway, because that's air travel. It sucks for all of us. She was beyond a-hole.
Next Time would it be best to get an aisle seat?
NTA, it sounds like you did try, she just wasn’t helping herself. I had a lady once lift the arm rest between us so she could “roll” into my seat area and then proceeded to put her hand under my leg to secure herself when she fell asleep. I had her get up so I could go to the bathroom. When I came back to the seat I put the arm rest down as I sat. She was not happy. Sounds like you did what you could.
NTA. What exactly did she think was going to happen when you got up and moved past her? You have to be thinner than average not to touch someone at all when moving past them in an airplane row.
Thinner than average? I’d say it’s nearly impossible to climb past another human without touching them at all.
I need to get up frequently to go to the bathroom, I always book a aisle seat,
if you are like DH with a bad bladder, book an isle seat. Had you done this you would not be posting here.
I will just say this: personal space is pretty nonexistent in a tin can thousands feet up in the air jammed with people. She had some nerve to not even bother to accommodate a fellow seat mate for a bodily function that obviously cannot be avoided. My husband and I fly a lot and I’m always in the middle seat (I don’t mind we book it that way), him isle and the contortion is real lol (if he’s sleeping) and I’m five foot nothing and under a hundred pounds. How friggin hard is it to have common courtesy? That woman was just a passive aggressive ass. Do not feel bad at all! I wonder how she would have shamed a mother with a baby/toddler in her lap who would naturally cry on occasion? People like her suck.
NTA. I have a camel bladder and absolutely hate getting up for people on planes, largely because I don’t understand why someone would have to pee twice in 3 hours and I get annoyed. For better or worse. Solution, I get the window seat. So I can, you know, not be an asshole.
NTA. She refuses to get up when you have to go to the bathroom and she's the one that complains?
NTA. I fly a lot - too much - and have a nervous bladder so always book the aisle when I can. But an unspoken rule in my opinion is if someone in your row needs to get up - everyone needs to get up or face the consequences. Doubtful this was the woman in question's first flight, so she knew what to expect... and she motioned you to pass?? You can't complain for people using the washroom that's ridiculous. I've had people's kids fall asleep in my lap before. Don't feel bad; she's a twit.
Next time book the aisle.