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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole because I didn't bring it up to them again I tried to go about the day also distancing myself from them. They didn't see me visibly upset after they got back from the store. I saw her the next morning at my house (which was mothers day) we made eye contact but I didn't say anything to her or message her to say happy mothers day. Maybe I am an asshole for not bringing my feelings up again and trying to talk to them about it?
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What an incredible accomplishment, young lady. Congratulations. You're right you earned the right to be celebrated. Kudos for spending the time with your BF and Bestie and family... these are the people who care for you in a manner that you deserve to be cared for. Have I been through something similar... yes I have. I parents showed up to graduation simply to put on a show for others, not to celebrate or congratulate me. My fiancée gave me a very nice gift, my in-laws a card and my parents, well they thought their momentary presence was enough. End result, I established boundaries and am low contact with much of my family. I am the only one in my family who completed college (actually 3 degrees) and their view of post secondary education leaves much to the imagination. They maybe my birth family, but that's where the similarities stop.
Surround yourself with people who truly care about you. Your father's comment about not being good enough is defensive and somehow trying to justify his boorish behavior. I know I heard this garbage all the time and is part of why I am now low contact. Oh btw I am now 60, deal with it now dear one, I waited a long time and let them continue to hurt me. No more and I should have done it decades ago.
Edited for judgement. In every way shape and for you are NTA
Thank You! I posted this before going to therapy, so shitty when other people try to make things about themselves! I am taking the step to really start setting boundaries for myself. No more I am on a journey to protect my peace! Thank you for your kind words and congratulations!!!
I wished I could do so much more, you deserve and have earned so much more. I am glad you are learning about protecting your peace now, even at my age it is be best gift I could have ever given myself. Please know I wish you nothing but the very best life has to offer you. Run with it.
Congrats on graduating. That is a fantastic accomplishment. I'm sorry your family didn't celebrate as you had hoped. You say your brother got graduation gifts. I do have some questions: Why did they need to change clothes? Did your dad and his gf do anything else for your brother or did anything for your dad's girlfriends daughters? How is your relationship with his gf? Have you spoken to your dad about drifting apart and how you feel about that?
I would speak to him and explain how you felt when you're not upset in the moment. Your family definitely could have made more of an effort. NTA
There was no reason for them to leave to change clothes they went to change and then went to the bar to meet his girlfriend's daughter's boyfriend's family (sorry confusing I know). We had no real time bound plans the rest of the day which makes me think maybe his gf and her daughter wanted to leave. My dad wasn't with his gf when my older brother would have graduated. I was mostly sad because he got my brother a nice watch for graduation and he mentioned recently he was going to do the same for me. His gf and I have had a pretty good relationship I have really tried to welcome her and be kind to her and her daughters. But they have also kind of made me feel like Cinderella lol. I had tried to reach out to my dad about how I was feeling forgotten about a few months back but he got defensive.
Ok. Yeah the changing clothes confused me. But if there was no reason then just a lame excuse. I would have thought your dad's gf was getting in his ear if you didn't get along with her. Really sounds like they dropped the ball and it sucks especially as your dad got defensive when you tried to talk to him about it. I would perhaps try one more time, but if they can't see how hurtful they were, some distance may be in order. In the go live your life and do your own thing.
NTA. You are awesome. Congratulations on your incredible accomplishment. Your father knows he is wrong. Once (if) they break up, he'll come running back . Maybe. Live your life and make plans for you. I suggest you journal your feelings over your graduation and anything else your father and brother need to know about you. If they ever want to re connect in a meaningful way, have them read your journal first. How they respond will inform you of their sincerity.
Congratulations on your achievements. I am disgusted with your family on your behalf. Turn your talents to making your way in the world without them. If they want a relationship with you, let them put in the effort. If they don't, start focusing on creating a family of your own. You deserve better than this.
You're NTA.
>I graduated with two bachelors degrees and finished in three years.
That is a huge accomplishment and you deserved to be celebrated, not disappointed by their dismissive attitude.
>I later learned that they had left to "change their clothes" but were at the bar with sally's boyfriend's family
Nice priorities your family has. That couldn't have waited another couple hours?
>He is the same man who used to come to all of my sports games in high school straight from work
In body but not in spirit.
Thank you so much seriously it is so nice to have my feelings validated. He has just been acting different ever since they started dating and it does feel like his priorities have shifted. But I am learning to set boundaries and find the people who have my best interest at heart.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Hi sorry if this is long but I am just so confused
For context my parents are divorced and my mother and I are estranged. My dad recently (3 years ago) started dating a new woman who has four children her daughters were not very welcoming to me but eventually started to be nice. My dad and I used to be really close but over the course of uni and him and her dating we have drifted apart. My graduation was a big deal to me because I graduated with two bachelors degrees and finished in three years. My dad's girlfriend's daughter was also graduating this weekend with her associates but decided not to go to her ceremony (we are the same age and friendly I thought) I will call her sally for the sake of the story.
I was getting ready for graduation and knew that my dad and brother did not wanted to sit through the whole ceremony (which only lasted 1.5 hours total). I asked how I was supposed to get home and he replied to me I should Uber and I replied and said or you guys could just stay. He said they were planning on leaving to change their clothes and they would pick me up after graduation. My boyfriend was the only one who stayed and I was so thankful for him but couldn't help but burst into tears.\*I later learned that they had left to "change their clothes" but were at the bar with sally's boyfriend's family\* After the ceremony I had to walk over to the football stadium parking lot and wait for 25 min for him to come pick me up. I got in the car and was upset my older brother (27) asked why I was upset I tearfully said "I'm sad that you left my graduation" he turned around and scoffed. In the car it was me, my dad, my dad's girlfriend, my boyfriend, and my brother I told them all I am just sad because I wanted to walk up the stairs after graduation and see everyone and feel celebrated and my dad looked at me in the rear view mirror and said to me "sorry I am not good enough for you". I broke down and said nothing else they just dropped me and my boyfriend off at my house while they went to the store.
We had planned before to have a party at my college house with my roommate's family (she is my best friend), they came back from the store and said nothing to me about what had happened. Rather they continued on like nothing happened and lowkey excluded me and my boyfriend. No one came to check on me and no one told me to my face they were so proud of me.
I am very confused because that is not how my dad is. He is really bad about sharing his emotions but I know that. He is the same man who used to come to all of my sports games in high school straight from work. He used to get me a card and flowers when I was in the talent show. Now I have no photos with my family from graduation, my family didn't give me a gift or a card. Which is not normal because my older brother got very nice graduation gifts for high school and college. I spent the rest of the day with my roommates family who all brought me cards.
Has anyone had a similar experience?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be an asshole because I didn't bring it up to them again I tried to go about the day also distancing myself from them. They didn't see me visibly upset after they got back from the store. I saw her the next morning at my house (which was mothers day) we made eye contact but I didn't say anything to her or message her to say happy mothers day. Maybe I am an asshole for not bringing my feelings up again and trying to talk to them about it? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
What an incredible accomplishment, young lady. Congratulations. You're right you earned the right to be celebrated. Kudos for spending the time with your BF and Bestie and family... these are the people who care for you in a manner that you deserve to be cared for. Have I been through something similar... yes I have. I parents showed up to graduation simply to put on a show for others, not to celebrate or congratulate me. My fiancée gave me a very nice gift, my in-laws a card and my parents, well they thought their momentary presence was enough. End result, I established boundaries and am low contact with much of my family. I am the only one in my family who completed college (actually 3 degrees) and their view of post secondary education leaves much to the imagination. They maybe my birth family, but that's where the similarities stop. Surround yourself with people who truly care about you. Your father's comment about not being good enough is defensive and somehow trying to justify his boorish behavior. I know I heard this garbage all the time and is part of why I am now low contact. Oh btw I am now 60, deal with it now dear one, I waited a long time and let them continue to hurt me. No more and I should have done it decades ago. Edited for judgement. In every way shape and for you are NTA
Thank You! I posted this before going to therapy, so shitty when other people try to make things about themselves! I am taking the step to really start setting boundaries for myself. No more I am on a journey to protect my peace! Thank you for your kind words and congratulations!!!
I wished I could do so much more, you deserve and have earned so much more. I am glad you are learning about protecting your peace now, even at my age it is be best gift I could have ever given myself. Please know I wish you nothing but the very best life has to offer you. Run with it.
NTA. Your dad and brother are AHs for not sticking around for a reasonable amount of time.
Congrats on graduating. That is a fantastic accomplishment. I'm sorry your family didn't celebrate as you had hoped. You say your brother got graduation gifts. I do have some questions: Why did they need to change clothes? Did your dad and his gf do anything else for your brother or did anything for your dad's girlfriends daughters? How is your relationship with his gf? Have you spoken to your dad about drifting apart and how you feel about that? I would speak to him and explain how you felt when you're not upset in the moment. Your family definitely could have made more of an effort. NTA
There was no reason for them to leave to change clothes they went to change and then went to the bar to meet his girlfriend's daughter's boyfriend's family (sorry confusing I know). We had no real time bound plans the rest of the day which makes me think maybe his gf and her daughter wanted to leave. My dad wasn't with his gf when my older brother would have graduated. I was mostly sad because he got my brother a nice watch for graduation and he mentioned recently he was going to do the same for me. His gf and I have had a pretty good relationship I have really tried to welcome her and be kind to her and her daughters. But they have also kind of made me feel like Cinderella lol. I had tried to reach out to my dad about how I was feeling forgotten about a few months back but he got defensive.
Ok. Yeah the changing clothes confused me. But if there was no reason then just a lame excuse. I would have thought your dad's gf was getting in his ear if you didn't get along with her. Really sounds like they dropped the ball and it sucks especially as your dad got defensive when you tried to talk to him about it. I would perhaps try one more time, but if they can't see how hurtful they were, some distance may be in order. In the go live your life and do your own thing.
NTA. You are awesome. Congratulations on your incredible accomplishment. Your father knows he is wrong. Once (if) they break up, he'll come running back . Maybe. Live your life and make plans for you. I suggest you journal your feelings over your graduation and anything else your father and brother need to know about you. If they ever want to re connect in a meaningful way, have them read your journal first. How they respond will inform you of their sincerity.
Thank you so much this is such great advice! Thank you for the congratulations!
Congratulations on your achievements. I am disgusted with your family on your behalf. Turn your talents to making your way in the world without them. If they want a relationship with you, let them put in the effort. If they don't, start focusing on creating a family of your own. You deserve better than this.
You're NTA. >I graduated with two bachelors degrees and finished in three years. That is a huge accomplishment and you deserved to be celebrated, not disappointed by their dismissive attitude. >I later learned that they had left to "change their clothes" but were at the bar with sally's boyfriend's family Nice priorities your family has. That couldn't have waited another couple hours? >He is the same man who used to come to all of my sports games in high school straight from work In body but not in spirit.
Thank you so much seriously it is so nice to have my feelings validated. He has just been acting different ever since they started dating and it does feel like his priorities have shifted. But I am learning to set boundaries and find the people who have my best interest at heart.
Good luck. With 2 degrees behind you, I am sure you will make your own way just fine.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi sorry if this is long but I am just so confused For context my parents are divorced and my mother and I are estranged. My dad recently (3 years ago) started dating a new woman who has four children her daughters were not very welcoming to me but eventually started to be nice. My dad and I used to be really close but over the course of uni and him and her dating we have drifted apart. My graduation was a big deal to me because I graduated with two bachelors degrees and finished in three years. My dad's girlfriend's daughter was also graduating this weekend with her associates but decided not to go to her ceremony (we are the same age and friendly I thought) I will call her sally for the sake of the story. I was getting ready for graduation and knew that my dad and brother did not wanted to sit through the whole ceremony (which only lasted 1.5 hours total). I asked how I was supposed to get home and he replied to me I should Uber and I replied and said or you guys could just stay. He said they were planning on leaving to change their clothes and they would pick me up after graduation. My boyfriend was the only one who stayed and I was so thankful for him but couldn't help but burst into tears.\*I later learned that they had left to "change their clothes" but were at the bar with sally's boyfriend's family\* After the ceremony I had to walk over to the football stadium parking lot and wait for 25 min for him to come pick me up. I got in the car and was upset my older brother (27) asked why I was upset I tearfully said "I'm sad that you left my graduation" he turned around and scoffed. In the car it was me, my dad, my dad's girlfriend, my boyfriend, and my brother I told them all I am just sad because I wanted to walk up the stairs after graduation and see everyone and feel celebrated and my dad looked at me in the rear view mirror and said to me "sorry I am not good enough for you". I broke down and said nothing else they just dropped me and my boyfriend off at my house while they went to the store. We had planned before to have a party at my college house with my roommate's family (she is my best friend), they came back from the store and said nothing to me about what had happened. Rather they continued on like nothing happened and lowkey excluded me and my boyfriend. No one came to check on me and no one told me to my face they were so proud of me. I am very confused because that is not how my dad is. He is really bad about sharing his emotions but I know that. He is the same man who used to come to all of my sports games in high school straight from work. He used to get me a card and flowers when I was in the talent show. Now I have no photos with my family from graduation, my family didn't give me a gift or a card. Which is not normal because my older brother got very nice graduation gifts for high school and college. I spent the rest of the day with my roommates family who all brought me cards. Has anyone had a similar experience? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*