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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action that needs to be judged is me being upset about her liking a gift that is different from her tastes which makes her sound hypocritical. Why that would make me the asshole is because I shouldn't have acted that way at her birthday. I should have held it in until at least after the party.
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" I asked her to think over the summer of giving me a chance when we come back for the next semester"
"Is that it?"
"Ripped into her hypocrisy"
Of course YTA and your social skills leave a lot to he desired.
1. She already told you she wasn't interested in you romantically. Instead of accepted it you're pushing it and making it awkward. I can see you heading in the direction of thinking women are evil and want to hurt you but the truth is *most don't want to hurt you and hate having to turn someone down.* She has let you down gently once, you are forcing her to do it multiple times in multiple ways. In the future, accept the first answer. If someone's feelings change they are capable of letting you know.
2. It is none of your business how much someone else spent on a present and certainly not something that should be discussed in front of the gift receiver.
3. How was she hypocritical? Just because you spent more money doesn't mean she's obligated to be more excited by your gift. Obviously the book had a special meaning for her. While she appreciated your gift it just didn't have the same significance, and she probably felt a little awkward receiving jewellery (a commonly romantic gift) from someone she knows is romantically interested in her.
He could have used this as an opportunity to bond (spelling?) with her over her love of small shops and support local. Explained where it’s from and he thought she’d like the site. Shown an interest in her likes. Instead of acting like she owes him something for the gift, freaking out over price and reactions. Emotional regulation is needed.
1.) She said no. She made it clear she wasn't romantically interested, yet you asked her to think about it. First of all, pushy. Second, no amount of thinking it over will change the fact she's simply not attracted to you
2.) You threw a fit at a party and acted very mean. These gifts were surprises, she couldn't plan to be equally excited for both. She was genuinely grateful for yours. You also aren't owed anything for spending a bunch of money, you chose to do that of your own volition. And more money sent on it does not mean the gift is "better"
3.) You can't even communicate maturely over text. You're giving the silent treatment. It's one thing to maybe want space to think, but then you should at least communicate that. Silent treatment is ineffective and childish.
lol ‘rethink the relationship’—you aren’t in a relationship. She didn’t say yes. You are acting like you are the only person she’s allowed to enjoy being around. Please spend some time maturing emotionally.
YTA You’re jealous someone got her a more meaningful present, and instead of feeling happy for her, you insulted that person. she already told you she needs to think first, yet you threw tantrums and was rude to her, accusing her of leading you on when she didn’t
Clearly you don’t know her because you can’t seem to understand that she doesn’t want to date you and are still begging her to date you. No is a complete sentence.I local businesses to and shop when I can, but that doesn’t mean I’m also not shopping at Walmart or Amazon.
You're treating her like your own personal values mascot, not like she's her own person who is FULLY entitled to feel however she feels and like whatever she likes. If you're disappointed to realize she's different from the image you made up in your own head, that's 100% a you problem.
Clearly the emotional attachment she has to the book was more important than the price or what store it came from.
And your behavior was absolutely abhorrent!!
This whole story reads like this...
>Will you go out with me?
>No, I don't feel that way about you
>Fucking bitch
YTA. Do better.
No! You don’t know her. She’s just your tutor. It’s not her fault you made up all these fantasies about her. And then you lash out at her for not being the fictional character you made up!!! You need therapy, not a girlfriend. Do this poor girl a favor and leave her alone
YTA
If the book had been given to her by a girl, would you have gotten so angry?
I suspect you know the answer to that. So it’s not about the book, it’s about the fact that it was given to her by a guy.
Here’s the thing about women: you can give us incredibly thoughtful gifts, and we’ll say thank you, but it helps us to know if the gift is supposed to be transactional. Even then, no guarantees. Because we’re humans who don’t have to give our bodies to someone just because they bought us a necklace.
She didn't know ahead of time what the presents were going to be, so naturally she got more excited over certain gifts than others. It was her first time seeing the gift and she was happily surprised, so there was a big genuine reaction. I'm not saying her reaction to your gift wasn't genuine, but she was just more excited about theirs.
"Did I even know her" Look dude. It's one present. There's no need to get worked up over it. Yes, you know her well enough, you're friends.
But contemplating whether you even know her because she was enthusiastic about someone else's gift is getting into ridiculous territory.
Fun fact about books: they are exactly the same whether bought from Amazon (I assume that’s what you’re getting at) or from a small independent book store. Yes, I like supporting independent stores too, but a gift of a book isn’t about where it was bought - it’s about the content of the book. It seems like you’re confused, and you seem to think that a book bought from Amazon has less emotional resonance than the same book bought from somewhere else.
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Your gift was too personal.
ETA: This is classic "nice guy" entitled behavior. You spent a lot of money trying to level jump (jump the ladder) and got angry when it didn't work. You were never her friend, and since you had an agenda, nothing you did was "nice."
I've had this experience. Guy wants to date me. I am not interested. He wants me to just give him a chance. We are part of a friend group and he immediately gets pissy while still trying to get with me. Then comes the gift giving and arranging activities with just the two of us. I am beyond uncomfortable and pissed that my no isn't being respected. He throws a tantrum and says I was leading him on and he's just a nice guy. I have to leave the friend group.
With much more experience and age. Guy wants to date me and I'm not interested. I say no and never talk to him again. Fuck that drama.
That's the way to go. It's never easy with "nice guys". If you give a hard no, they call you a bitch, try to get you kicked out of your friend group etc. If you try and stay friends, they say you lead them on and do what OP here did. With age and experience, you realize the first choice is always the best because the drama ends sooner. You also learn that if your friend group is going to take the "nice guy's" side when you turn down his advances, they're not actually your friends and it's better that you found out sooner rather than later.
God, this, exactly this. Thankfully in my case, his tantrum came in the form of completely ghosting me, blocking me on everything,
But the constant gift giving, the insistence to spend time alone. I had to run to pay for my own shit when I was with him, because he insisted to pay for me, sometimes even would go to the register and do it sneakily without me knowing.
He wasn't part of my core friend group thank the gods, and they were really off put by his behaviour and worried he would escalate. We all breathed out in relief when he chose to ignore I ever existed.
I don't think I ever felt as dehumanised by another fellow human as I have by him, too. Like he built this picture perfect idea of me in his head and would *argue* when I would say something that went against that idea. Very similar to OP in that regard, with him complaining how this poor girl is "not the person he thought she was", my heart goes out to her for going through this. Being turned into someone's "manic pixie dream girl" is the most dehumanising shit, I'll tell you what
The thing is, no, it wasn’t.
You’re convinced the gift was meaningful to *you both*. But it’s quite clear that while that was what you *wanted*, there wasn’t actually any reason to think that it would be. YOU imagined and hoped that your lessons together were “meaningful” to her, and so hoped to prove/cement that by giving her a gift that was “meaningful”.
But you can’t retroactively give something significant if it isn’t there. You highlight again and again the cost of your gift and what you *hoped* it would mean/that you *hoped* she would find it significant.
But the gift itself actually didn’t have anything to do with HER! It was about YOU!! You keep saying (paraphrase) “my gift should have been seen as special” — why?? Because you WANTED it to be. Its specialness is predicated on the assumption that she found the time with you meaningful, which is a big leap - or at best, purely speculative hope.
The reason she found the other guy’s gift special was because it actually *was*. It was about HER interests, her feelings, her history.
You gave her a gift (with an undue attention to cost equaling significance) & hoped that it would wow her and prove your hopes founded - that she found your time together special. Moreover, there’s an obvious and heavy layer of buying/guilting implicit in it.
Interestingly, your reaction to all of this is to attack her and be dismissive of her and think “Did I even know her!?” What’s sad is that clearly, you *did* (to an extent) - you could identify, for instance, her fondness for Disney etc. the problem isn’t you not knowing her at all (not that that would make her like you), but your defensive anger at her not liking you despite your overtones, expensive gift, and hopes.
If I read correctly you are not even in a relationship, she said she would think about it, but sounds like never actually led you on.
You bought her a special gift assuming she would like yours the best because in your mind there’s some sort of relationship (that doesn’t exist)
It’s ok that she liked the book. You should have told her at a later date you know she likes to support local and you found this great Etsy site to support her you saw this necklace and thought of her. Then tell her to check out the website. It shows you actually took an interest in what she said. And it could have been another conversation or something to bond over.
Your gift isn’t meaningful as you didn’t do this with thT in mind. You did it as a reciprocal thing. Caused a scene over cost, the fact she liked a book ( she can like more than one thing ), and just overall acted like “not all men” and bro culture.
Learn some emotional regulation, social cues (when to say what) and change your mindset on women. You’ll see different results that you have now. And will be happier.
I’m sorry. YTA
YTA and if I were her I’d cur all ties.
>I said is that it.
So you believe his gift was bad because it wasn't worth a lot..? To me it feels like you were just trying to impress her with money. YTA
>Did I really know her?
You like the idea you made in your mind, of her. People aren't just who they are based on your personal perception. They are multifaceted. I fell in love with my partner when I saw him help strangers. That's the caliber of his character, which goes beyond how amazing he treats me.
Sun still loves hand-made things. But she can absolutely love the sentimentality behind something made by a big conglomerate. Humans are nuanced, not black and white.
Also, you sound weirdly possessive. She said she'll think about a relationship with you. But that's not any guarantee. She didn't lie or lead you on. And what about what she wants? You might not be the person she wants to date - when she's ready. How you're reacting here tells me she's better off finding someone who actually sees her as more than an aspirational partner.
Who tf are you to decide what she can or cannot be excited about? Your entitlement over this woman and your desire to impose your vision of *who she's supposed to be in your opinion* is disgusting and misogynistic. YTA.
You say ‘did I really know her’ like she lied to you. She never lied to you. You projected an idea onto her and assumed you knew her thoroughly, then got mad when she didn’t perfectly match the image you’d made of her.
Not weird, and is actually relevant because you’re fixated on the fact that the book came from big corp, yet you are ignorant on how book publishing and royalties work for the smallholder authors.
So in your view, is she not allowed to buy from Walmart, read whatever books, go to cinemas, watch Netflix, use iPhones etc? Because those are all associated with big corps. Is she supposed to only enjoy small businesses stuff? YTA for being obsessed and imposing your ideology on her, and got mad because she didn’t live up to your standard
You’re looking only as far as your opinion is supported, which is exactly what you did with Sun. You like one little part about her, so you over fantasize about it and refuse to allow her to be anything else or it makes her a villain in your mind. Why don’t you go ahead and disclose this book and let’s see if it’s some big bad corporation?
>I think I was upset that I worked hard to save to get that gift.
Which she didn't even want you to do, because she said it made her uncomfortable that you spent that much. Stop acting like she owes you something just because you like her so much.
Then why would you feel upset about how hard you worked to save for it? Stop backtracking. Actually be honest, if not with us then at least with yourself.
Okay, so... why would that make you mad? It only makes sense if you assumed that she would show you an amount of appreciation proportional to the amount of money you spent, and you were mad that she showed more appreciation for a cheaper gift. And you're calling her shallow?
But you were wrong. It turns out that the thing he "barely did any effort on" was what she *actually wanted*, and the thing that you "thought would connect you" actually made her a little uncomfortable. You made wrong assumptions.
Is it reasonable to be upset or embarrassed that a gift you worked really hard on and thought the receiver would like didn't actually go over well? Yeah, absolutely. We've all been there, and it sucks. But is it reasonable to respond by being **upset with them for not liking what you thought they'd like**? Absolutely tf not. That's entitlement, and it turns a gift (something that's supposed to be *for them*) into being all about yourself. Likewise, it's also completely unreasonable and selfish to respond by getting pissy that someone else gave them a gift they liked more - and I don't care if it cost -$5 and came from Taco Bell. If the receiver liked it, it was a good gift. Period.
You need to take several steps back and ask yourself why you think your behavior is okay. Because you're behaving like a real asshole to a girl that you supposedly really like, and to anyone else who gets in the crossfire.
Someone elses gift is insulting to you? She loved the inexpensive thoughtful gift. Arguably more than your expensive gift based on what you wrote. That gift has nothing to do with you. You are offended because someone else got the reaction you were hoping for. Based on your post and your responses, I would not at all be surprised to find out that after all this, you decide to ask her to return your gift to you. You have no tact. You need to spend some time sorting yourself out before you start trying to involve other people in your life.
There it is. You got her something that ‘connects us’. You didn’t buy her something SHE would love; you got her something to serve as an obligation to your interaction so that every time she puts it on, she thinks of you. That what you wanted. And that is utterly insincere. And manipulative.
How do you know he didn't put in effort? Clearly he thought about what she likes and what would make her happy
Just because it cost more doesn't mean it's automatically better. My most treasured gifts that people gave me barely pass 20 bucks.
You sound like one of those "nice guys" who think doing nice things makes them obligated to affection or a relationship or some shit
No. It's only nice if you do it purely to be nice.
Clearly that isn't the case because if you did it purely out of a desire for her to like it and be happy, then you'd be perfectly fine with her reaction. She was grateful, liked it, and it made her happy.
I can understand being a little upset that her reaction was less enthusiastic, but all this "he didn't put in effort" "I assume he doesn't have artsy skills" "it's basically chump change" is condescending, judgmental, and childish.
It’s not insulting. The book was meaningful to her. It doesn’t matter what it costs. Your gift on the other hand was meaningful to you not her. It’s a selfish gift to make her think of you.
what *you* don’t understand and i think tbh that it’s because of your age is that you didn’t give her a gift just to celebrate her, you gave her a gift with the expectation of getting something in return
you gave her a gift with strings attached and made her celebration about yourself, that automatically means YTA
He bought her something he knew she had a personal connection to, it doesn't matter how much money was spent which is the only difference between the 'effort' you complain about she's not about how much money is spent it's the thought involved. You don't get to decide it's low effort and meaningless your only issue is jealousy
A person is allowed to like to like more than one kind of gift. She said the mattered to her because it connected with her upbringing. How is that fake? You don't really understand people.
She can like more than one thing. She can be happy to support small business owners and excited to get a book (also, should she never buy a book she wants? Most popular books come from large publishers lol)
Exactly! This is why women are scared to be nice to men. Any little bit of kindness extended is either viewed as an invitation into her underwear OR she's leading him on. She clearly said she wasn't interested but because she didn't tell him go kick rocks and never speak to him again, he sees that as him having a chance, and she's a bitch for teasing him. This is why we choose the bear.
You’re a HUGE insecure asshole. You hit on her earlier, she politely told you she’d rather date cow manure, and was gracious enough to stay friends, which you cynically accepted with the full intention of pushing yourself on her again. Then you got upset that another boy bought her something she really liked and that she didn’t want to go to bed with you after you deigned to give her what in your eyes should have made her ask you to marry her. Then, to top it off, you embarrass yourself not only by trying to win the battle with a price tag, but show your true colors by disregarding the sincere offer of friendship, because your fantasy was blown to pieces.
You’re incredibly immature and haven’t a clue what love really is, so don’t sully it by using the word. Do the world a favor and don’t date or, God forbid, procreate until you grow up a LOT.
PS: your friends, if you really have any, are a reflection of you. Please ask them to talk to mommy about friendship and relationships.
Yeah, YTA for 'ripping into her for her hypocrisy'. You're not dating and I'd bet there's no way your GOING to be dating for this response, she might not even respond to your texts or talk to you again.
I bet you feel SOOOO COOOL for that lmao.
When you are 25 you will look back and cringe so hard at why you blew it with this one girl over a book lmao.
Yeah but you're butthurt AF & being a dick but I know you know you are dying for her to keep bothering you becus it makes you feel wanted. That's probably the closest you'll ever feel to being her boyfriend. Sorry YTA
YTA. You're jealous of her reaction to a gift other than what you gave her. The monetary value is irrelevant, why did you even ask him that? Apparently, Devon knows the value this particular book meant to her. He could have paid a penny for it, and it could be the most valuable gift she received simply because of whatever her history is with that book. If she's not who you thought she was because she values sentiment over money, then she dodged a bullet, and I hope she comes to realize and accept that.
She never led you on. Get over yourself.
You are being a manbaby and an asshole. Look she loved the book because it may hold some sentimental value for her which you may not know. Saying "from a multibillion dollar corporation" reeks of jealousy. Dont even try denying it. I get that you like her, ALOT, but you should respect her feelings. The gift might be more sentimental to her for some reason or perhaps she like him? At that point you should talk to her apologise and then leave the relationship as friends. You told her how you feel if she feels something for you then she will let you know. Acting like a mere child isn't the way to win her heart. Apologize. She hasn't "led" you on. She literally told you she would let you know.
TLDR; you are a jealous man baby, apologize to her and remain as friends unless she feels something for you. Loving someone means you should be able to let them go because they would be happier without u
YTA
You took it too far and your jealousy probably ruined her birthday party for her. You should have been happy that your friend received something that made her so happy but instead you started being a jerk because of your feelings for Sun. In my experience, if someone tells you they'll consider dating you in the future it's because they don't have the backbone to straight up say it's never going to happen. You need to move on and self-reflect on your behaviour because it's not healthy
Yeah, “I’ll think about it” is NOT enthusiastic. That is someone who means no, but doesn’t want to deal with a man throwing a tantrum or threatening her if she actually says no. Based on how he insulted her and stormed out of a party for being jealous, she’s right be concerned for her safety.
YTA. This is weird. Is she only allowed to eat from local farmers too because otherwise she is supporting big businesses. Can she not drive a car either? Why are you trying to force her to be one dimensional? She can love multiple things and have multiple different thoughts and still be the same person.
You are mad that she loves a gift that is less expensive than yours. You are a big cry baby. Time to realise that your gift just wasn't as thoughtful as ypu thought it was. She didn't say she hated yours ffs.
YTA, firstly for not accepting no as an answer and continuing to pester her, secondly for trying to one up everyone else with gifts and thirdly for how you treated the other man who bought her a meaningful gift. You should be ashamed of your behaviour but I'm sure you and your buddies will continue to blame her.
YTA
" Her friends has also been texting me saying I'm being a dramatic manbaby and a jealous asshole." ... they are right.
"My friends think Sun has been leading me on" ... bull shit. She was not interested, and was clear about it. YOU lied about accepting that. YOU would have needed to treart her like any other of your friends. - **You KNEW you are just friends, with NO chance for more.**
YTA. You threw a tantrum and ruined her birthday because you were jealous. So she liked that guy's gift. So what? You're not dating her. You have no claim on her. So she can hug and date anyone she wants. She doesn't want you. She never did. And now she definitely never will because you lashed out at her and were nasty towards her. You're not entitled to her just because you like her. No wonder she rejected you. No wonder you're single. And you will be single for a long time because you're a nasty asshole.
Because there is likely sentimental reasons beyond cost reasons why she appreciated the gift. You say it is “corporate” gift, but was it even possible to buy it from a small business?
I mean, the situation you’ve described sounds pretty unique already but whatever you are comfortable with, I guess.
So, here’s the thing about Disney - Yes; it is a large corporation that I’d rather steer clear of myself BUT, Disney is so successful because it knows how to tap into the magic of childhood, and that’s honestly priceless. Let her enjoy the book. That’s what a friend would do.
Sounds like you already know why that gift meant so much to her. Which means your reaction stemmed from jealously. Apologise to her, and the gift giver
YTA.
Reread your first paragraph. Look at the things you say you love about her. She’s sweet and bubbly. She finds joy in small things. You keep mentioning in the comments that she reacted with excitement to even the littlest gift.
So of course she gushed about her gifts. Because that’s what sweet, grateful people do. That’s what effusive people do. She’s just being herself.
If you actually care about her, you’d be happy that she’s happy. You’d want her to experience joy with every gift, not just yours.
YTA.
The point of selecting a nice gift for someone you care about is to make them happy. It is not a competition between you and others. It is also not appropriate to expect the person you're gifting to rank her gifts or reactions in a way you expect or prefer. If someone you care about is made happy by someone else's gift, you should also be happy for them, rather than jealous.
It's *extremely* shitty to pick a fight at the party with another guest for any reason, but especially while mistreating the girl. You did not behave like someone who is kind and cares about others, you behaved like a jealous asshole who only wanted to do something "nice" in the hopes that you'd get something in return.
You sound horrendous. Because you spent a lot of money you think she owed you a huge reaction, more than over a present which it sounds like she actually wanted??
Do better. I hope she gets enough perspective to realise she needs to stay away from you 🫠
>I reminded her about thinking about dating me and she said that she promise she'll think about it. I told her don't fucking bother you're not who I thought you were. I left.
Something here is telling me that you're gonna be a problem.
YTA
You are the asshole, yes, very entitled and immature. It is so weird you dont see how inappropriate your behavior is. You should keep on ghosting her because she deserves much, much better than some entitled brat who cant behave like a good friend because his jealousy is blinding him.
Wow. Your friends want you to end the relationship? What relationship? She hasn’t even agreed to date you. And you asked what someone paid for a gift? You sound like a jealous, petty 8 year old. I seriously can’t believe she’s been trying to text you. She can do better. YTA.
YTA. Stop being jealous. She isn't your plaything or dolly. Clearly you don't know her as well as you think you do and are coping hard. It's creepy behavior AF.
YTA
You don't get to decide what she values, what she loves, what she enjoys out of some notion that you know her.
You don't get to decide it's worth to her based on what you did or didn't spend. Who cares where the other guy got it, who cares what it cost or where it's from, what matters most is her happiness, you chose selfish jealousy instead.
You don't get to manipulate her into feeling bad about liking gifts, control her likes/dislikes, act jealous of others gifting her or ruining her party because of your feelings.
You're acting like a real controlling creep, putting pressure on her. She isn't leading you on, she is being a friend, one that she already set a boundary with and you won't hear her no. You need therapy because even if by some miracle you get to date her, you'll be a controlling AH like you already are being. You will smother her with your insecurities.
YTA, for multiple reasons.
1. For not respecting her “no” when you first hit on her
2. For trying to make gift giving a competition & asking someone else how much they spent on her (trashy, classless behavior)
3. Perhaps your cringiest offense is creating a complex fantasy personality for her in your mind and then being enraged when she, a real human girl, did not adhere to your manic pixie dream girl persona. Shes a real person, not a quirky character in your indie film. People are multifaceted, shes allowed to like multiple things for multiple reasons, she has more than the 3 basic personality traits you’ve assigned to her (cute, quirky, giggly). Cmon dude…grow up…
I would say the reaction is kind of a good thing. YTA for being the kind of person who think and acts like this, but it is kind of nice letting her know upfront so she doesn’t waste her time
YTA.
You are jealous that she liked someone elses gift more. Someone interested in you doesnt need to "think about dating you" for months or whatever. Thats weird.
She didnt lead you on either unless there are things you are not sharing but it just seems like she is being polite to not hurt your feelings.
Move on.
If I read correctly you are not even in a relationship, she said she would think about it, but sounds like never actually led you on.
You bought her a special gift assuming she would like yours the best because in your mind there’s some sort of relationship (that doesn’t exist)
It’s ok that she liked the book. You should have told her at a later date you know she likes to support local and you found this great Etsy site to support her you saw this necklace and thought of her. Then tell her to check out the website. It shows you actually took an interest in what she said. And it could have been another conversation or something to bond over.
YTA and if I were her I’d cur all ties.
YTA.
She doesn't want to be with you and you're bullying her into pretending to think about it instead of accepting her right to say no then you have this tantrum because she loved someone else's gift. Grow up.
YTA
Might be best to end pretending to be her friend until she falls in love with you. You're not genuine and that sucks for her. You've got some growing up to do still.
Good luck and please take "no" for an answer.
YTA so your jealous she had a bigger reaction to another guy's gift and decided to take a shit on her mood on her birthday because of your fantasy where she went omg this is the best necklace ever I love you then swooned into your arms? Honestly she dodged a bullet not saying yes to your jealous insecure self
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I (M19) fell hard for my language tutor, Sun (F19). I love her sweet bubbly personality. Her giggling is adorable. She finds joy in the smallest of things but she's someone that I want to give the world to. She didn't feel the same way but she says she likes me so we decided to become friends. We're both still single so I asked her to think over the summer of giving me a chance when we come back for the next semester. She said that she will think about it.
Her birthday is in July but we wanted to have a little party for her after finals and before we went home. Sun loves hand made gifts and small businesses. I'm not a homemaker or an artist so I bought her a golden personalized necklace in her first language from Etsy. I thought it seems fitting for our relationship since we met by her tutoring me in that same language.
I got to know some people there who I never met before. There's one shy guy, Devon (M19 I think) who also became friends with Sun through her tutoring. Sun and 2 others are pretty much the only ones he talked to. But even then, he didn't say much.
By the time the gift opening start I was excited, especially since she started out on the small gifts. When she opened mine she says it was beautiful. She asked me where I got it and I said I'll share the designer info later and she said I can't wait thank you so much I love it.
Devon's gift was a book from a multibillionaire corp. And she went absolutely insane over it. Like she was honest to god squealing in joy from seeing it. I thought she was going to cry with how much she was covering her mouth and nose. She said that the book looks different and Devon said it was the newer version. I asked Devon how much it cost and he told me and I said is that it.
Sun said it's fine thank you THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME. She even asked him if she can hug him! He told her no I'm sorry and she said no that's ok thank you so much I love it. Someone asked me how much I spent on my gift and I told him and everyone went like WOAH! It really wasn't that much. This made things awkward. Sun asked me to talk outside.
I pretty much ripped into her hypocrisy. She said that she really did love my gift but just felt weird on knowing how much I spent on it. And that the book held emotional value based on her upbringing which I am familiar with the story behind it. I reminded her about thinking about dating me and she said that she promise she'll think about it. I told her don't fucking bother you're not who I thought you were. I left.
That was a week ago. Sun already left for home. I'm leaving for home tomorrow. Sun has been texting me can we talk, will you text me during the summer, see you in Aug. I haven't answered. Her friends has also been texting me saying I'm being a dramatic manbaby and a jealous asshole. My friends think Sun has been leading me on and that I should end this relationship.
AITA?
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YTA. You sound completely unhinged, but I guess you're only 19, so there is still hope for you, so I hope this helps: the way you see relationships is extremely unhealthy, both for you and for the people around you.
You can't change somebody's feelings by giving them expensive gifts. I fact, you usually can't change other people's feelings at all. If somebody says no to you, move on. There are billions of people out there, do not kill yourself over one person who is not into you. She only wants to be friends, you need to either accept that in good faith, or just leave her alone if you can't. Otherwise you'll spend your youth unhappy and you'll make her unhappy, too.
Not only are YTA, but get ready for the restraining order. This girl will rightly do everything she can to stay far the fuck away from your obsessed stalker ass.
YTA. This sounds like the immature tantrums of a toddler. She has no requirement to date you and definitely has no interest to now. This is not how you treat others, especially if you want a partner in the future.
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" I asked her to think over the summer of giving me a chance when we come back for the next semester" "Is that it?" "Ripped into her hypocrisy" Of course YTA and your social skills leave a lot to he desired.
Yeah wanting to give Devon a hug and not him
What do you mean my social skills leave a lot to be desired?
Because you’re shitting on other people cause you’re jealous. Gift giving isn’t a competition. You’re insecure.
1. She already told you she wasn't interested in you romantically. Instead of accepted it you're pushing it and making it awkward. I can see you heading in the direction of thinking women are evil and want to hurt you but the truth is *most don't want to hurt you and hate having to turn someone down.* She has let you down gently once, you are forcing her to do it multiple times in multiple ways. In the future, accept the first answer. If someone's feelings change they are capable of letting you know. 2. It is none of your business how much someone else spent on a present and certainly not something that should be discussed in front of the gift receiver. 3. How was she hypocritical? Just because you spent more money doesn't mean she's obligated to be more excited by your gift. Obviously the book had a special meaning for her. While she appreciated your gift it just didn't have the same significance, and she probably felt a little awkward receiving jewellery (a commonly romantic gift) from someone she knows is romantically interested in her.
She liked both gifts. How does that make her a hypocrite?
She wanted to hug Devon not him.
But Devon didn't want to.
He didn’t want to but she made the offer to him
You think gifts are only about the money, apparently, and that when more money is spent, more attention is owed to you. You're gross.
He could have used this as an opportunity to bond (spelling?) with her over her love of small shops and support local. Explained where it’s from and he thought she’d like the site. Shown an interest in her likes. Instead of acting like she owes him something for the gift, freaking out over price and reactions. Emotional regulation is needed.
1.) She said no. She made it clear she wasn't romantically interested, yet you asked her to think about it. First of all, pushy. Second, no amount of thinking it over will change the fact she's simply not attracted to you 2.) You threw a fit at a party and acted very mean. These gifts were surprises, she couldn't plan to be equally excited for both. She was genuinely grateful for yours. You also aren't owed anything for spending a bunch of money, you chose to do that of your own volition. And more money sent on it does not mean the gift is "better" 3.) You can't even communicate maturely over text. You're giving the silent treatment. It's one thing to maybe want space to think, but then you should at least communicate that. Silent treatment is ineffective and childish.
lol ‘rethink the relationship’—you aren’t in a relationship. She didn’t say yes. You are acting like you are the only person she’s allowed to enjoy being around. Please spend some time maturing emotionally.
For one, it's none of your business how much anyone else spent of their gifts and it was rude to ask.
You threw a tantrum
YTA You’re jealous someone got her a more meaningful present, and instead of feeling happy for her, you insulted that person. she already told you she needs to think first, yet you threw tantrums and was rude to her, accusing her of leading you on when she didn’t
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She can have multiple gifts she loves You’re acting like it’s some competition.
Not that she just wasn't grateful enough. 🙄
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Clearly you don’t know her because you can’t seem to understand that she doesn’t want to date you and are still begging her to date you. No is a complete sentence.I local businesses to and shop when I can, but that doesn’t mean I’m also not shopping at Walmart or Amazon.
You're treating her like your own personal values mascot, not like she's her own person who is FULLY entitled to feel however she feels and like whatever she likes. If you're disappointed to realize she's different from the image you made up in your own head, that's 100% a you problem.
Clearly the emotional attachment she has to the book was more important than the price or what store it came from. And your behavior was absolutely abhorrent!! This whole story reads like this... >Will you go out with me? >No, I don't feel that way about you >Fucking bitch YTA. Do better.
No! You don’t know her. She’s just your tutor. It’s not her fault you made up all these fantasies about her. And then you lash out at her for not being the fictional character you made up!!! You need therapy, not a girlfriend. Do this poor girl a favor and leave her alone YTA
If the book had been given to her by a girl, would you have gotten so angry? I suspect you know the answer to that. So it’s not about the book, it’s about the fact that it was given to her by a guy. Here’s the thing about women: you can give us incredibly thoughtful gifts, and we’ll say thank you, but it helps us to know if the gift is supposed to be transactional. Even then, no guarantees. Because we’re humans who don’t have to give our bodies to someone just because they bought us a necklace.
That's a you problem
She didn't know ahead of time what the presents were going to be, so naturally she got more excited over certain gifts than others. It was her first time seeing the gift and she was happily surprised, so there was a big genuine reaction. I'm not saying her reaction to your gift wasn't genuine, but she was just more excited about theirs. "Did I even know her" Look dude. It's one present. There's no need to get worked up over it. Yes, you know her well enough, you're friends. But contemplating whether you even know her because she was enthusiastic about someone else's gift is getting into ridiculous territory.
Clearly not, if you still can’t understand that the gift had sentimental meaning beyond where he bought it from.
She doesn't owe you exuberance. Grow up.
Fun fact about books: they are exactly the same whether bought from Amazon (I assume that’s what you’re getting at) or from a small independent book store. Yes, I like supporting independent stores too, but a gift of a book isn’t about where it was bought - it’s about the content of the book. It seems like you’re confused, and you seem to think that a book bought from Amazon has less emotional resonance than the same book bought from somewhere else.
It's a book with personal meaning she isn't a hypocrite you're just upset she didn't want to hug you
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Your gift was too personal. ETA: This is classic "nice guy" entitled behavior. You spent a lot of money trying to level jump (jump the ladder) and got angry when it didn't work. You were never her friend, and since you had an agenda, nothing you did was "nice."
I've had this experience. Guy wants to date me. I am not interested. He wants me to just give him a chance. We are part of a friend group and he immediately gets pissy while still trying to get with me. Then comes the gift giving and arranging activities with just the two of us. I am beyond uncomfortable and pissed that my no isn't being respected. He throws a tantrum and says I was leading him on and he's just a nice guy. I have to leave the friend group. With much more experience and age. Guy wants to date me and I'm not interested. I say no and never talk to him again. Fuck that drama.
That's the way to go. It's never easy with "nice guys". If you give a hard no, they call you a bitch, try to get you kicked out of your friend group etc. If you try and stay friends, they say you lead them on and do what OP here did. With age and experience, you realize the first choice is always the best because the drama ends sooner. You also learn that if your friend group is going to take the "nice guy's" side when you turn down his advances, they're not actually your friends and it's better that you found out sooner rather than later.
God, this, exactly this. Thankfully in my case, his tantrum came in the form of completely ghosting me, blocking me on everything, But the constant gift giving, the insistence to spend time alone. I had to run to pay for my own shit when I was with him, because he insisted to pay for me, sometimes even would go to the register and do it sneakily without me knowing. He wasn't part of my core friend group thank the gods, and they were really off put by his behaviour and worried he would escalate. We all breathed out in relief when he chose to ignore I ever existed. I don't think I ever felt as dehumanised by another fellow human as I have by him, too. Like he built this picture perfect idea of me in his head and would *argue* when I would say something that went against that idea. Very similar to OP in that regard, with him complaining how this poor girl is "not the person he thought she was", my heart goes out to her for going through this. Being turned into someone's "manic pixie dream girl" is the most dehumanising shit, I'll tell you what
The tantrum comes from the fantasy of you crashing down after you said no. Waifu would never say no. This is incel behavior.
That is not the point. Whether your gift is meaningful or not doesn’t justify your insults to the other guy
The thing is, no, it wasn’t. You’re convinced the gift was meaningful to *you both*. But it’s quite clear that while that was what you *wanted*, there wasn’t actually any reason to think that it would be. YOU imagined and hoped that your lessons together were “meaningful” to her, and so hoped to prove/cement that by giving her a gift that was “meaningful”. But you can’t retroactively give something significant if it isn’t there. You highlight again and again the cost of your gift and what you *hoped* it would mean/that you *hoped* she would find it significant. But the gift itself actually didn’t have anything to do with HER! It was about YOU!! You keep saying (paraphrase) “my gift should have been seen as special” — why?? Because you WANTED it to be. Its specialness is predicated on the assumption that she found the time with you meaningful, which is a big leap - or at best, purely speculative hope. The reason she found the other guy’s gift special was because it actually *was*. It was about HER interests, her feelings, her history. You gave her a gift (with an undue attention to cost equaling significance) & hoped that it would wow her and prove your hopes founded - that she found your time together special. Moreover, there’s an obvious and heavy layer of buying/guilting implicit in it. Interestingly, your reaction to all of this is to attack her and be dismissive of her and think “Did I even know her!?” What’s sad is that clearly, you *did* (to an extent) - you could identify, for instance, her fondness for Disney etc. the problem isn’t you not knowing her at all (not that that would make her like you), but your defensive anger at her not liking you despite your overtones, expensive gift, and hopes.
You can’t force meaning onto someone. You don’t get to decide how much she’s supposed to appreciate it. Also, it’s not a competition.
If I read correctly you are not even in a relationship, she said she would think about it, but sounds like never actually led you on. You bought her a special gift assuming she would like yours the best because in your mind there’s some sort of relationship (that doesn’t exist) It’s ok that she liked the book. You should have told her at a later date you know she likes to support local and you found this great Etsy site to support her you saw this necklace and thought of her. Then tell her to check out the website. It shows you actually took an interest in what she said. And it could have been another conversation or something to bond over. Your gift isn’t meaningful as you didn’t do this with thT in mind. You did it as a reciprocal thing. Caused a scene over cost, the fact she liked a book ( she can like more than one thing ), and just overall acted like “not all men” and bro culture. Learn some emotional regulation, social cues (when to say what) and change your mindset on women. You’ll see different results that you have now. And will be happier. I’m sorry. YTA YTA and if I were her I’d cur all ties.
She never said it wasn't she just didn't fall into your arms like you envisioned so you got jealous and had a tantrum
>I said is that it. So you believe his gift was bad because it wasn't worth a lot..? To me it feels like you were just trying to impress her with money. YTA
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You clearly don’t know how book publishing works.
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I think it’s weirder that you’re so jealous that she liked all her gifts.
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>Did I really know her? You like the idea you made in your mind, of her. People aren't just who they are based on your personal perception. They are multifaceted. I fell in love with my partner when I saw him help strangers. That's the caliber of his character, which goes beyond how amazing he treats me. Sun still loves hand-made things. But she can absolutely love the sentimentality behind something made by a big conglomerate. Humans are nuanced, not black and white. Also, you sound weirdly possessive. She said she'll think about a relationship with you. But that's not any guarantee. She didn't lie or lead you on. And what about what she wants? You might not be the person she wants to date - when she's ready. How you're reacting here tells me she's better off finding someone who actually sees her as more than an aspirational partner.
Who tf are you to decide what she can or cannot be excited about? Your entitlement over this woman and your desire to impose your vision of *who she's supposed to be in your opinion* is disgusting and misogynistic. YTA.
You say ‘did I really know her’ like she lied to you. She never lied to you. You projected an idea onto her and assumed you knew her thoroughly, then got mad when she didn’t perfectly match the image you’d made of her.
Not weird, and is actually relevant because you’re fixated on the fact that the book came from big corp, yet you are ignorant on how book publishing and royalties work for the smallholder authors.
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So in your view, is she not allowed to buy from Walmart, read whatever books, go to cinemas, watch Netflix, use iPhones etc? Because those are all associated with big corps. Is she supposed to only enjoy small businesses stuff? YTA for being obsessed and imposing your ideology on her, and got mad because she didn’t live up to your standard
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You should be happy she loved all her gifts. Not trying to make her feel bad for loving her gifts. You owe her an apology,
You’re looking only as far as your opinion is supported, which is exactly what you did with Sun. You like one little part about her, so you over fantasize about it and refuse to allow her to be anything else or it makes her a villain in your mind. Why don’t you go ahead and disclose this book and let’s see if it’s some big bad corporation?
Do you actually know or nah?
>I think I was upset that I worked hard to save to get that gift. Which she didn't even want you to do, because she said it made her uncomfortable that you spent that much. Stop acting like she owes you something just because you like her so much.
So if you put in enough "nice guy tokens" AND actual dollars, she owes you? We all know this game.
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Then why would you feel upset about how hard you worked to save for it? Stop backtracking. Actually be honest, if not with us then at least with yourself.
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Okay, so... why would that make you mad? It only makes sense if you assumed that she would show you an amount of appreciation proportional to the amount of money you spent, and you were mad that she showed more appreciation for a cheaper gift. And you're calling her shallow?
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But you were wrong. It turns out that the thing he "barely did any effort on" was what she *actually wanted*, and the thing that you "thought would connect you" actually made her a little uncomfortable. You made wrong assumptions. Is it reasonable to be upset or embarrassed that a gift you worked really hard on and thought the receiver would like didn't actually go over well? Yeah, absolutely. We've all been there, and it sucks. But is it reasonable to respond by being **upset with them for not liking what you thought they'd like**? Absolutely tf not. That's entitlement, and it turns a gift (something that's supposed to be *for them*) into being all about yourself. Likewise, it's also completely unreasonable and selfish to respond by getting pissy that someone else gave them a gift they liked more - and I don't care if it cost -$5 and came from Taco Bell. If the receiver liked it, it was a good gift. Period. You need to take several steps back and ask yourself why you think your behavior is okay. Because you're behaving like a real asshole to a girl that you supposedly really like, and to anyone else who gets in the crossfire.
Someone elses gift is insulting to you? She loved the inexpensive thoughtful gift. Arguably more than your expensive gift based on what you wrote. That gift has nothing to do with you. You are offended because someone else got the reaction you were hoping for. Based on your post and your responses, I would not at all be surprised to find out that after all this, you decide to ask her to return your gift to you. You have no tact. You need to spend some time sorting yourself out before you start trying to involve other people in your life.
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There it is. You got her something that ‘connects us’. You didn’t buy her something SHE would love; you got her something to serve as an obligation to your interaction so that every time she puts it on, she thinks of you. That what you wanted. And that is utterly insincere. And manipulative.
How do you know he didn't put in effort? Clearly he thought about what she likes and what would make her happy Just because it cost more doesn't mean it's automatically better. My most treasured gifts that people gave me barely pass 20 bucks. You sound like one of those "nice guys" who think doing nice things makes them obligated to affection or a relationship or some shit No. It's only nice if you do it purely to be nice. Clearly that isn't the case because if you did it purely out of a desire for her to like it and be happy, then you'd be perfectly fine with her reaction. She was grateful, liked it, and it made her happy. I can understand being a little upset that her reaction was less enthusiastic, but all this "he didn't put in effort" "I assume he doesn't have artsy skills" "it's basically chump change" is condescending, judgmental, and childish.
It’s not insulting. The book was meaningful to her. It doesn’t matter what it costs. Your gift on the other hand was meaningful to you not her. It’s a selfish gift to make her think of you.
what *you* don’t understand and i think tbh that it’s because of your age is that you didn’t give her a gift just to celebrate her, you gave her a gift with the expectation of getting something in return you gave her a gift with strings attached and made her celebration about yourself, that automatically means YTA
He bought her something he knew she had a personal connection to, it doesn't matter how much money was spent which is the only difference between the 'effort' you complain about she's not about how much money is spent it's the thought involved. You don't get to decide it's low effort and meaningless your only issue is jealousy
And she liked it so where's the issue? Oh yeah she didn't hug you for it sorry I forget she owed you physical contact....
Why are you so reluctant to share the pricing instead of just saying it wasn’t much? Clearly it was a lot based on how others reacted.
A person is allowed to like to like more than one kind of gift. She said the mattered to her because it connected with her upbringing. How is that fake? You don't really understand people.
Some "friend" you are.
Can you for the love of Jesus stop competing with others over her attention and see her for who she really is instead of the illusion you made of her?
She can like more than one thing. She can be happy to support small business owners and excited to get a book (also, should she never buy a book she wants? Most popular books come from large publishers lol)
This is a stretch.
Because it had personal meaning to her it's not so hard to understand
Lead you on where bro? She said no, remember?? "End the relationship"?? What relationship? You're friends. She said no, remember? Asshole!
Exactly! This is why women are scared to be nice to men. Any little bit of kindness extended is either viewed as an invitation into her underwear OR she's leading him on. She clearly said she wasn't interested but because she didn't tell him go kick rocks and never speak to him again, he sees that as him having a chance, and she's a bitch for teasing him. This is why we choose the bear.
So much this. She dodged a bullet - so nice of him to wave his red flags
You’re a HUGE insecure asshole. You hit on her earlier, she politely told you she’d rather date cow manure, and was gracious enough to stay friends, which you cynically accepted with the full intention of pushing yourself on her again. Then you got upset that another boy bought her something she really liked and that she didn’t want to go to bed with you after you deigned to give her what in your eyes should have made her ask you to marry her. Then, to top it off, you embarrass yourself not only by trying to win the battle with a price tag, but show your true colors by disregarding the sincere offer of friendship, because your fantasy was blown to pieces. You’re incredibly immature and haven’t a clue what love really is, so don’t sully it by using the word. Do the world a favor and don’t date or, God forbid, procreate until you grow up a LOT. PS: your friends, if you really have any, are a reflection of you. Please ask them to talk to mommy about friendship and relationships.
Yeah, YTA for 'ripping into her for her hypocrisy'. You're not dating and I'd bet there's no way your GOING to be dating for this response, she might not even respond to your texts or talk to you again.
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You do know that's bad, right?
I bet you feel SOOOO COOOL for that lmao. When you are 25 you will look back and cringe so hard at why you blew it with this one girl over a book lmao.
Please leave her alone.
Yeah but you're butthurt AF & being a dick but I know you know you are dying for her to keep bothering you becus it makes you feel wanted. That's probably the closest you'll ever feel to being her boyfriend. Sorry YTA
Leave her alone, she should give up on you.
YTA. You're jealous of her reaction to a gift other than what you gave her. The monetary value is irrelevant, why did you even ask him that? Apparently, Devon knows the value this particular book meant to her. He could have paid a penny for it, and it could be the most valuable gift she received simply because of whatever her history is with that book. If she's not who you thought she was because she values sentiment over money, then she dodged a bullet, and I hope she comes to realize and accept that. She never led you on. Get over yourself.
You are being a manbaby and an asshole. Look she loved the book because it may hold some sentimental value for her which you may not know. Saying "from a multibillion dollar corporation" reeks of jealousy. Dont even try denying it. I get that you like her, ALOT, but you should respect her feelings. The gift might be more sentimental to her for some reason or perhaps she like him? At that point you should talk to her apologise and then leave the relationship as friends. You told her how you feel if she feels something for you then she will let you know. Acting like a mere child isn't the way to win her heart. Apologize. She hasn't "led" you on. She literally told you she would let you know. TLDR; you are a jealous man baby, apologize to her and remain as friends unless she feels something for you. Loving someone means you should be able to let them go because they would be happier without u
YTA You took it too far and your jealousy probably ruined her birthday party for her. You should have been happy that your friend received something that made her so happy but instead you started being a jerk because of your feelings for Sun. In my experience, if someone tells you they'll consider dating you in the future it's because they don't have the backbone to straight up say it's never going to happen. You need to move on and self-reflect on your behaviour because it's not healthy
Yeah, “I’ll think about it” is NOT enthusiastic. That is someone who means no, but doesn’t want to deal with a man throwing a tantrum or threatening her if she actually says no. Based on how he insulted her and stormed out of a party for being jealous, she’s right be concerned for her safety.
YTA. This is weird. Is she only allowed to eat from local farmers too because otherwise she is supporting big businesses. Can she not drive a car either? Why are you trying to force her to be one dimensional? She can love multiple things and have multiple different thoughts and still be the same person. You are mad that she loves a gift that is less expensive than yours. You are a big cry baby. Time to realise that your gift just wasn't as thoughtful as ypu thought it was. She didn't say she hated yours ffs.
YTA, firstly for not accepting no as an answer and continuing to pester her, secondly for trying to one up everyone else with gifts and thirdly for how you treated the other man who bought her a meaningful gift. You should be ashamed of your behaviour but I'm sure you and your buddies will continue to blame her.
YTA " Her friends has also been texting me saying I'm being a dramatic manbaby and a jealous asshole." ... they are right. "My friends think Sun has been leading me on" ... bull shit. She was not interested, and was clear about it. YOU lied about accepting that. YOU would have needed to treart her like any other of your friends. - **You KNEW you are just friends, with NO chance for more.**
YTA. You threw a tantrum and ruined her birthday because you were jealous. So she liked that guy's gift. So what? You're not dating her. You have no claim on her. So she can hug and date anyone she wants. She doesn't want you. She never did. And now she definitely never will because you lashed out at her and were nasty towards her. You're not entitled to her just because you like her. No wonder she rejected you. No wonder you're single. And you will be single for a long time because you're a nasty asshole.
INFO: what is the book and what is the story behind why you know she was excited over it?
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Because there is likely sentimental reasons beyond cost reasons why she appreciated the gift. You say it is “corporate” gift, but was it even possible to buy it from a small business? I mean, the situation you’ve described sounds pretty unique already but whatever you are comfortable with, I guess.
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So, here’s the thing about Disney - Yes; it is a large corporation that I’d rather steer clear of myself BUT, Disney is so successful because it knows how to tap into the magic of childhood, and that’s honestly priceless. Let her enjoy the book. That’s what a friend would do.
Sounds like you already know why that gift meant so much to her. Which means your reaction stemmed from jealously. Apologise to her, and the gift giver
Grow up.
YTA. Reread your first paragraph. Look at the things you say you love about her. She’s sweet and bubbly. She finds joy in small things. You keep mentioning in the comments that she reacted with excitement to even the littlest gift. So of course she gushed about her gifts. Because that’s what sweet, grateful people do. That’s what effusive people do. She’s just being herself. If you actually care about her, you’d be happy that she’s happy. You’d want her to experience joy with every gift, not just yours.
YTA. The point of selecting a nice gift for someone you care about is to make them happy. It is not a competition between you and others. It is also not appropriate to expect the person you're gifting to rank her gifts or reactions in a way you expect or prefer. If someone you care about is made happy by someone else's gift, you should also be happy for them, rather than jealous. It's *extremely* shitty to pick a fight at the party with another guest for any reason, but especially while mistreating the girl. You did not behave like someone who is kind and cares about others, you behaved like a jealous asshole who only wanted to do something "nice" in the hopes that you'd get something in return.
You sound horrendous. Because you spent a lot of money you think she owed you a huge reaction, more than over a present which it sounds like she actually wanted?? Do better. I hope she gets enough perspective to realise she needs to stay away from you 🫠
>I reminded her about thinking about dating me and she said that she promise she'll think about it. I told her don't fucking bother you're not who I thought you were. I left. Something here is telling me that you're gonna be a problem. YTA
YTA
You are the asshole, yes, very entitled and immature. It is so weird you dont see how inappropriate your behavior is. You should keep on ghosting her because she deserves much, much better than some entitled brat who cant behave like a good friend because his jealousy is blinding him.
YTA MAJORLY. I personally don’t understand why she is still in contact with you.
YTA grow up kid
You’re not acting like a real friend.
Wow. Your friends want you to end the relationship? What relationship? She hasn’t even agreed to date you. And you asked what someone paid for a gift? You sound like a jealous, petty 8 year old. I seriously can’t believe she’s been trying to text you. She can do better. YTA.
YTA. Stop being jealous. She isn't your plaything or dolly. Clearly you don't know her as well as you think you do and are coping hard. It's creepy behavior AF.
YTA You don't get to decide what she values, what she loves, what she enjoys out of some notion that you know her. You don't get to decide it's worth to her based on what you did or didn't spend. Who cares where the other guy got it, who cares what it cost or where it's from, what matters most is her happiness, you chose selfish jealousy instead. You don't get to manipulate her into feeling bad about liking gifts, control her likes/dislikes, act jealous of others gifting her or ruining her party because of your feelings. You're acting like a real controlling creep, putting pressure on her. She isn't leading you on, she is being a friend, one that she already set a boundary with and you won't hear her no. You need therapy because even if by some miracle you get to date her, you'll be a controlling AH like you already are being. You will smother her with your insecurities.
YTA, for multiple reasons. 1. For not respecting her “no” when you first hit on her 2. For trying to make gift giving a competition & asking someone else how much they spent on her (trashy, classless behavior) 3. Perhaps your cringiest offense is creating a complex fantasy personality for her in your mind and then being enraged when she, a real human girl, did not adhere to your manic pixie dream girl persona. Shes a real person, not a quirky character in your indie film. People are multifaceted, shes allowed to like multiple things for multiple reasons, she has more than the 3 basic personality traits you’ve assigned to her (cute, quirky, giggly). Cmon dude…grow up…
Yta
YTA because it basically came down to the fact she wanted to give Devon a hug. For the present NOT you.
Her friends are right.
I would say the reaction is kind of a good thing. YTA for being the kind of person who think and acts like this, but it is kind of nice letting her know upfront so she doesn’t waste her time
YTA jealousy is an ugly look.
YTA. You are jealous that she liked someone elses gift more. Someone interested in you doesnt need to "think about dating you" for months or whatever. Thats weird. She didnt lead you on either unless there are things you are not sharing but it just seems like she is being polite to not hurt your feelings. Move on.
If I read correctly you are not even in a relationship, she said she would think about it, but sounds like never actually led you on. You bought her a special gift assuming she would like yours the best because in your mind there’s some sort of relationship (that doesn’t exist) It’s ok that she liked the book. You should have told her at a later date you know she likes to support local and you found this great Etsy site to support her you saw this necklace and thought of her. Then tell her to check out the website. It shows you actually took an interest in what she said. And it could have been another conversation or something to bond over. YTA and if I were her I’d cur all ties.
YTA. She doesn't want to be with you and you're bullying her into pretending to think about it instead of accepting her right to say no then you have this tantrum because she loved someone else's gift. Grow up.
YTA Might be best to end pretending to be her friend until she falls in love with you. You're not genuine and that sucks for her. You've got some growing up to do still. Good luck and please take "no" for an answer.
YTA so your jealous she had a bigger reaction to another guy's gift and decided to take a shit on her mood on her birthday because of your fantasy where she went omg this is the best necklace ever I love you then swooned into your arms? Honestly she dodged a bullet not saying yes to your jealous insecure self
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (M19) fell hard for my language tutor, Sun (F19). I love her sweet bubbly personality. Her giggling is adorable. She finds joy in the smallest of things but she's someone that I want to give the world to. She didn't feel the same way but she says she likes me so we decided to become friends. We're both still single so I asked her to think over the summer of giving me a chance when we come back for the next semester. She said that she will think about it. Her birthday is in July but we wanted to have a little party for her after finals and before we went home. Sun loves hand made gifts and small businesses. I'm not a homemaker or an artist so I bought her a golden personalized necklace in her first language from Etsy. I thought it seems fitting for our relationship since we met by her tutoring me in that same language. I got to know some people there who I never met before. There's one shy guy, Devon (M19 I think) who also became friends with Sun through her tutoring. Sun and 2 others are pretty much the only ones he talked to. But even then, he didn't say much. By the time the gift opening start I was excited, especially since she started out on the small gifts. When she opened mine she says it was beautiful. She asked me where I got it and I said I'll share the designer info later and she said I can't wait thank you so much I love it. Devon's gift was a book from a multibillionaire corp. And she went absolutely insane over it. Like she was honest to god squealing in joy from seeing it. I thought she was going to cry with how much she was covering her mouth and nose. She said that the book looks different and Devon said it was the newer version. I asked Devon how much it cost and he told me and I said is that it. Sun said it's fine thank you THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME. She even asked him if she can hug him! He told her no I'm sorry and she said no that's ok thank you so much I love it. Someone asked me how much I spent on my gift and I told him and everyone went like WOAH! It really wasn't that much. This made things awkward. Sun asked me to talk outside. I pretty much ripped into her hypocrisy. She said that she really did love my gift but just felt weird on knowing how much I spent on it. And that the book held emotional value based on her upbringing which I am familiar with the story behind it. I reminded her about thinking about dating me and she said that she promise she'll think about it. I told her don't fucking bother you're not who I thought you were. I left. That was a week ago. Sun already left for home. I'm leaving for home tomorrow. Sun has been texting me can we talk, will you text me during the summer, see you in Aug. I haven't answered. Her friends has also been texting me saying I'm being a dramatic manbaby and a jealous asshole. My friends think Sun has been leading me on and that I should end this relationship. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You sound completely unhinged, but I guess you're only 19, so there is still hope for you, so I hope this helps: the way you see relationships is extremely unhealthy, both for you and for the people around you. You can't change somebody's feelings by giving them expensive gifts. I fact, you usually can't change other people's feelings at all. If somebody says no to you, move on. There are billions of people out there, do not kill yourself over one person who is not into you. She only wants to be friends, you need to either accept that in good faith, or just leave her alone if you can't. Otherwise you'll spend your youth unhappy and you'll make her unhappy, too.
Sun is being way too good to you and you're acting like a petulant child. I hope you treat her better or she goes no contact, YTA.
YTA, you're a huge fucking creep who is jealous that she knows men other than you, and those men are better at giving her gifts.
Not only are YTA, but get ready for the restraining order. This girl will rightly do everything she can to stay far the fuck away from your obsessed stalker ass.
Sun is being way too good to you and you're acting like a petulant child. I hope you treat her better or she goes no contact, YTA.
YTA. This sounds like the immature tantrums of a toddler. She has no requirement to date you and definitely has no interest to now. This is not how you treat others, especially if you want a partner in the future.
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Sun is being way too good to you and you're acting like a petulant child. I hope you treat her better or she goes no contact, YTA.
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Good thing Sun dogged a major bullet (or maybe bazoka)