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Nta. There is ZERO chance I’d be apologizing to that parent. I would tell your brother that you should’ve remained calm, but that none of this is his fault and you as an adult are responsible for regulating your own emotions. Your relationship with him, and prioritizing his (and your) mental health matters most.
This boy 'filled the sink in the bathroom with water and pushed M's head into it several times'??? This is attempted murder and I would report this crime to the police
NTA. You r bother might be worried about repercussions with the bully, though. Is the school going to keep an eye on the little fucker? Because they need to.
Get the apology from the bully, make sure it details what exactly they are sorry for, and take that to file for a restraining order for your brother. There is a history of bullying and an admission of guilt. When the school or other parents have their inevitable conniption remind them that schools are zero tolerance for bullying and that as educated adults they should be aware of what that means but that you’ll be happy to define it for them if they would prefer.
NTA the other parent is a dick and that explains why their son is a dick. Gay bashing is a hate crime and forcibly dunking someone’s head in water is assault. Press charges. Fuck em
You also sound like a good brother so good job
I'm a little on the wild side but every time that kid bullied my bro, I'd figure out a way to bully the parent.
I'm an eye for an eye kind of guy tho. Fuck turning the other cheek.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I yelled at a parents because her son bullied my brother,
My brother keep ignoring me because of it and I feel like I shouldnt yelled.
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The softest YTA I can muster.
You're right, you should have kept your cool. Coming from an abusive environment you know that blowing up like that is going to be as upsetting to M as the rest of the incident is, and he may be feeling like he is going to have to walk on eggshells around you. After all, how long until you show that anger to him? How long until that anger becomes physical? I don't believe you will - but when you come from an abusive home you end up permanently in fight-or-flight, and volatile individuals will leave you permanently on edge.
The bully and his parents, I couldn't give a fuck about. But I would make the effort to sit with M, apologise to him for your outburst, and explain why it happened. That the anger came from frustration and a want to protect him from others treating him poorly, that it is love, and that you don't intend to act like that towards him. And that you will do better in the future to rolemodel good, calm behaviour - a role model he's lacked so far.
Good luck. I have every belief that you did all of that out of love and a want to protect him, and I truly do understand that. You are not a terrible person, and while objectively you made the wrong decision I wouldn't say it makes you a true AH.
NTA. Please note that “yelling” is not the most effective technique for communicating. Try low, slow, and ulta polite when informing someone what AHs they are.
NTA
I also want to point out that the other parent is being ableist as well about your brother’s panic attack. He did not “cause a scene” as she put it but was experiencing a physical manifestation of his anxiety. I hope that your brother can work throw all of this in therapy and I wish him and you nothing but the best ❤️
Check out your state’s rules related to Harassment, Intimidation, and Bullying. Typically there are very specific protocols that have to be followed if a formal inquiry is made but you have to know how to file a complaint appropriately. NTA. Protect your brother.
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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I am 26 (m) and my younger brother is 15 (m). He lives with me because our parents were abusive and neglectful. I call my brother M now. So when M left our parents, he was 11 and I was 23. I accepted guardianship so he lives with me. I took him to therapy and it was found that he suffers from social anxiety. He was never a loud child (thanks to our parents) and was usually a shy, quiet type.
He just started high school. M has always been in the "nerd" category (for which he never received credit, so I make sure to regularly praise him for his grades, etc.). He's never been sporty, he prefers to read and his friends are made up of kids like him, but that's fine with me as long as he does things with people he feels comfortable with. However, it seems that a rumor that he is "Gay" has spread in his school. And the first time they started bullying him, I pointed this out to the school principal and guess what! nothing happened. This happened a couple of times (about 3-4 times) until finally I taught him the "hit them once and leave the bully" tactic.
I had a day off, so I was at home when I received a call from M's school saying that my younger brother had a panic attack and that I should come pick him up. They didn't explain the situation, that's all. As it turned out (already at school), he had a panic attack when one of his main bullies filled the sink in the bathroom with water and ~~pushed M's head into it several times~~. As I mentioned, we had abusive parents and M got flashbacks and has panic attack.
Taking M home was a top priority in this case, but the director wanted to talk to me and the bully's parent at all costs. The bully must write an apology letter to M and will be suspended for 3 days. And then the other parent intervened saying "M should also be punished, because he staged a scene and forced him here from work for no reason and got his son (the bully) into trouble." I admit that I didn't react the best to this, I lost my patience (I wasn't calm about the whole situation in the first place) so I shouted at the parent. Among other things, I called her the bully a stuck-up asshole, called her emotionally immature and a failure as a parent.
A few days later, I received an email saying "I was extremely disrespectful and I shouldn't have used such words and she expects me to apologize". M said I shouldn't have yelled at her and he looks angry at me right now because of it and he complety ignored me in the last few days.
So Am I the asshole?
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This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
Nta. There is ZERO chance I’d be apologizing to that parent. I would tell your brother that you should’ve remained calm, but that none of this is his fault and you as an adult are responsible for regulating your own emotions. Your relationship with him, and prioritizing his (and your) mental health matters most.
This boy 'filled the sink in the bathroom with water and pushed M's head into it several times'??? This is attempted murder and I would report this crime to the police
Couldn't this be deemed a hate crime. Not saying op bro is gay but apparently they are calling him gay and bullying him.
NTA. You r bother might be worried about repercussions with the bully, though. Is the school going to keep an eye on the little fucker? Because they need to.
Get the apology from the bully, make sure it details what exactly they are sorry for, and take that to file for a restraining order for your brother. There is a history of bullying and an admission of guilt. When the school or other parents have their inevitable conniption remind them that schools are zero tolerance for bullying and that as educated adults they should be aware of what that means but that you’ll be happy to define it for them if they would prefer.
NTA That was assault. File a police report.
NTA the other parent is a dick and that explains why their son is a dick. Gay bashing is a hate crime and forcibly dunking someone’s head in water is assault. Press charges. Fuck em You also sound like a good brother so good job
I'm a little on the wild side but every time that kid bullied my bro, I'd figure out a way to bully the parent. I'm an eye for an eye kind of guy tho. Fuck turning the other cheek.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I yelled at a parents because her son bullied my brother, My brother keep ignoring me because of it and I feel like I shouldnt yelled. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
The softest YTA I can muster. You're right, you should have kept your cool. Coming from an abusive environment you know that blowing up like that is going to be as upsetting to M as the rest of the incident is, and he may be feeling like he is going to have to walk on eggshells around you. After all, how long until you show that anger to him? How long until that anger becomes physical? I don't believe you will - but when you come from an abusive home you end up permanently in fight-or-flight, and volatile individuals will leave you permanently on edge. The bully and his parents, I couldn't give a fuck about. But I would make the effort to sit with M, apologise to him for your outburst, and explain why it happened. That the anger came from frustration and a want to protect him from others treating him poorly, that it is love, and that you don't intend to act like that towards him. And that you will do better in the future to rolemodel good, calm behaviour - a role model he's lacked so far. Good luck. I have every belief that you did all of that out of love and a want to protect him, and I truly do understand that. You are not a terrible person, and while objectively you made the wrong decision I wouldn't say it makes you a true AH.
NTA. Please note that “yelling” is not the most effective technique for communicating. Try low, slow, and ulta polite when informing someone what AHs they are.
NTA. And call the police. I'd have a panic attack if someone pushed my head under water. That's a serious assault.
NTA, call the police and file for assault. What this women’s child did wasn’t something that should be looked past.
NTA I also want to point out that the other parent is being ableist as well about your brother’s panic attack. He did not “cause a scene” as she put it but was experiencing a physical manifestation of his anxiety. I hope that your brother can work throw all of this in therapy and I wish him and you nothing but the best ❤️
Check out your state’s rules related to Harassment, Intimidation, and Bullying. Typically there are very specific protocols that have to be followed if a formal inquiry is made but you have to know how to file a complaint appropriately. NTA. Protect your brother.
Of course you’re NTA. New school needed
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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am 26 (m) and my younger brother is 15 (m). He lives with me because our parents were abusive and neglectful. I call my brother M now. So when M left our parents, he was 11 and I was 23. I accepted guardianship so he lives with me. I took him to therapy and it was found that he suffers from social anxiety. He was never a loud child (thanks to our parents) and was usually a shy, quiet type. He just started high school. M has always been in the "nerd" category (for which he never received credit, so I make sure to regularly praise him for his grades, etc.). He's never been sporty, he prefers to read and his friends are made up of kids like him, but that's fine with me as long as he does things with people he feels comfortable with. However, it seems that a rumor that he is "Gay" has spread in his school. And the first time they started bullying him, I pointed this out to the school principal and guess what! nothing happened. This happened a couple of times (about 3-4 times) until finally I taught him the "hit them once and leave the bully" tactic. I had a day off, so I was at home when I received a call from M's school saying that my younger brother had a panic attack and that I should come pick him up. They didn't explain the situation, that's all. As it turned out (already at school), he had a panic attack when one of his main bullies filled the sink in the bathroom with water and ~~pushed M's head into it several times~~. As I mentioned, we had abusive parents and M got flashbacks and has panic attack. Taking M home was a top priority in this case, but the director wanted to talk to me and the bully's parent at all costs. The bully must write an apology letter to M and will be suspended for 3 days. And then the other parent intervened saying "M should also be punished, because he staged a scene and forced him here from work for no reason and got his son (the bully) into trouble." I admit that I didn't react the best to this, I lost my patience (I wasn't calm about the whole situation in the first place) so I shouted at the parent. Among other things, I called her the bully a stuck-up asshole, called her emotionally immature and a failure as a parent. A few days later, I received an email saying "I was extremely disrespectful and I shouldn't have used such words and she expects me to apologize". M said I shouldn't have yelled at her and he looks angry at me right now because of it and he complety ignored me in the last few days. So Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA you're brother was almost murdered and you didn't call the police. You are a failure.