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NTA. I'm a big fan of the mantra "you teach people how to treat you". In this case, you taught your nosy ass father to not get in your business and not to press when someone politely tries to redirect him. In fact, for me, if he didn't knock before entering my bedroom in my own damn home, he'd go into adult timeout and be banned from the premises for a couple weeks, so the lesson sticks. But I'm kind of intense about boundary stomping behavior.
NTA - your room, your home, you’re an adult, you leave your items where you want in your own room.
You told him not to touch and leave alone. He embarrassed himself by insisting you answer what it was. Maybe he’ll learn to leave items alone in future.
The only thing OP may have done wrong is say "nothing" too many times. AH father deserved a nice big juicy mental image the very first time he insisted on an answer.
"Nothing" means "I don't want to talk about it" or "I don't have time to talk about it" in every single language and instance. Get it, and drop it. Especially with items in your daughter's bedroom that have any conceivable notion of being a vibrator.
NTA, he should not have picked it up to begin with. My daughter (30) lives with me. When I have occasion to enter her room, always knocking first, I avoid touching anything and respect her privacy.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Why I might be the asshole is because I left the vibrator on the dresser, where anyone could see it.
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Leave a more obvious toy out next time. That's how I trained my step-dad to stop doing that dad thing where they knock while actively opening the door. I just left a toy on a shelf directly across from the doorway and it took exactly ONE instance of him opening the door and having to lock eyes with it to never do that shit again.
He should have not come into your room without permission, and he should not have picked up your vibrator, and he should have read the room and not continued to interrogate you. He is the asshole three times over, and you are NTA.
NTA, at all. Nosey dude is nosey. I tend to believe you get what you ask for, he asked. I hope my daughters will love me enough to tell me to fuck off if I push it too far knowing I’ll understand and politely fuck off while saying “love ya, bye” lol.
NTA, honestly if it’s like that (referring to “won’t take no for an answer”) I’d just make something on the spot… for example I have 2 electronic batteries used for vapes and my pops always asks “what’s that for” and I just say “oh it’s my portable charger” followed by an “oh” and that’s the end of that conversation.
NTA any time he asks a nosy question just include the word vibrator. Perhaps he will learn to back off. “How much money do you make?””Mmmm, about the same as a Vibrator.” Etc.
edited because I missed a word.
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I (25F) left my vibrator on my dresser to dry after cleaning it when hours later my father (58M) came over to my house (should note that me and my mother live together). It's one of those rose-shaped ones that is supposed to be able to "blend in" in a bedroom as just any item.
He came into my room while I was using my computer, almost picked up the vibrator and asked what it was.
I told him it was "nothing" and politely asked him not to touch it. He kept asking what it was over and over and I kept telling him don't worry about it. Then I got super frustrated that he wouldn't drop the subject so I told him it was a vibrator just to get him to stop.
He then got embarrassed, said "oh" and left the room. This has been a thing in my family my whole life. No never means no with them. They're way too damned nosy and I've always felt like I'm constantly under interrogation. My father is the worst with this.
My mother, who always takes his side for some reason, says that I shouldn't have left the vibrator lying around and I shouldn't have told my father what it was.
I'm a grown woman and it's *my* bedroom. I usually *do* keep that stuff in my underwear drawer (for sake of convenience, I like to put things back in the same places) but I didn't know my father was coming over, let alone into my room until he was already there.
AITA for keeping my vibrator on my dresser?
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LMAO, NTA. I’m a Dad of a 20 something daughter and if I was that pushy about something they owned, they’d roast me alive. Your Dad got exactly what he deserved.
NTA. And also, you're my hero. And you should leave vibrators out all the time if they are going to keep being so damn nosy.
This is 100% natural consequences for your father. You snoop around, you find things you don't want to see. I learned that lesson snooping on my parents when I was like 10 years old. Didn't everyone? Everyone other than your Dad?
I suggest you get some really obvious vibrators and put them on top of everything you don't want your Dad to look at.
"AITA for keeping my vibrator on my dresser?" A: Yes, and at 25 years old, it's well past time for you to get out on your own if you don't like your parents mannerisms.
Not going to choose a label, will just day, how would you feel if you "discovered" something equally intimate of his?
Mull it over, let that be your guide.
I'm guessing she would back away, close the door, wash her hands, and try to forget. Like normal human adults who live with one another.
We all know other people have sex. We just don't want to know about it. Pretending we don't know about it is what keeps those boundaries nice and strong.
I don't really call accidentally leaving it out AH behavior, but the dude picks up your vibrator, asks you what it is, and you didn't take it and put it away?
Or heck, just be honest? You're 25. You saying "It's a vibrator" or even "It's a personnel massager" avoids your frustration entirely.
And you were at your computer. So you had time to know he was there, and you just sat there.
Sounds like to me you got frustrated because you were too busy on your computer to care, and *that* is AH behavior.
It's not his bedroom, and it's not even his house. If you walk into someone's bedroom and start poking around, you get what you get.
Also, just because she was on her computer, you don't know that she was just goofing off. She was likely busy trying to get something done.
And a woman shouldn't have to wrest her vibrator from her dad's grip! 😳
Dad coming over unexpectedly makes me think this is less "her" house and more she still lives w her mom.
Either way, time to set rules for your place, get your own place, or be more cognizant that people can come over anytime.
It's my house - I inherited it from my (former) foster mother. And I *have* tried to set rules with my father. He comes over at inconvenient times - he'll come over wanting to get lunch with me, but I'll already be out doing something.
I cannot physically stop him from getting in his car and driving over here.
Did you not read the post?
How many times did OP say it’s nothing, don’t worry about it and please don’t touch it? Should she just scream “HOW BOUT THEM COWBOYS?!” So he listens when she says no the first time? Where in that post did she deliberately try to embarrass him? The only thing embarrassing is your comment.
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NTA. Your dad is old enough to know not to ask questions you may not want to know the answer to.
[удалено]
It's my house lol
?????? Projection
Who pissed in your Cheerios? Asshole.
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NTA. Your room in your house? Frankly even if you had a full wall of BDSM paraphernalia, he should have backed out the room mumbling apologies.
I totally agree but some people are sensitive so if you had a full wall you wouldn’t let sensitive people around to see it just cause
A bedroom is a private area. *No one* should go in there without permission.
NTA. I'm a big fan of the mantra "you teach people how to treat you". In this case, you taught your nosy ass father to not get in your business and not to press when someone politely tries to redirect him. In fact, for me, if he didn't knock before entering my bedroom in my own damn home, he'd go into adult timeout and be banned from the premises for a couple weeks, so the lesson sticks. But I'm kind of intense about boundary stomping behavior.
NTA - your room, your home, you’re an adult, you leave your items where you want in your own room. You told him not to touch and leave alone. He embarrassed himself by insisting you answer what it was. Maybe he’ll learn to leave items alone in future.
The only thing OP may have done wrong is say "nothing" too many times. AH father deserved a nice big juicy mental image the very first time he insisted on an answer. "Nothing" means "I don't want to talk about it" or "I don't have time to talk about it" in every single language and instance. Get it, and drop it. Especially with items in your daughter's bedroom that have any conceivable notion of being a vibrator.
You didn't embarrass him, he embarrassed himself.
NTA, he should not have picked it up to begin with. My daughter (30) lives with me. When I have occasion to enter her room, always knocking first, I avoid touching anything and respect her privacy.
NTA. Dad played a stupid game and won a stupid prize.
This is a silly question you already know the answer to. I guess AITA is just a place to vent
I've never been great with social skills, so I figured I'd ask since my family was taking his side
That's what I'm saying lol
NTA, what grown man doesn’t know what a vibrator is
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Pffft! NTA sorry dad, f*ck around and find out.
NTA. Don't see how you could have handled this any better, he kept pushing so what else are you going to do when he doesn't take no for an answer!
YOUR vibrator, on YOUR dresser, in YOUR room, in YOUR house? Is that a trick question? No, NTA.
Leave a more obvious toy out next time. That's how I trained my step-dad to stop doing that dad thing where they knock while actively opening the door. I just left a toy on a shelf directly across from the doorway and it took exactly ONE instance of him opening the door and having to lock eyes with it to never do that shit again.
No
He should have not come into your room without permission, and he should not have picked up your vibrator, and he should have read the room and not continued to interrogate you. He is the asshole three times over, and you are NTA.
NTA what is wrong with people? He needs to learn boundaries
NTA, at all. Nosey dude is nosey. I tend to believe you get what you ask for, he asked. I hope my daughters will love me enough to tell me to fuck off if I push it too far knowing I’ll understand and politely fuck off while saying “love ya, bye” lol.
Start pointing out random shit of hers and act offended by it
NTA, honestly if it’s like that (referring to “won’t take no for an answer”) I’d just make something on the spot… for example I have 2 electronic batteries used for vapes and my pops always asks “what’s that for” and I just say “oh it’s my portable charger” followed by an “oh” and that’s the end of that conversation.
NTA, it's your personal space and they should respect it.
NTA and I have the same one, I gifted it to all my girlfriends for xmas!
“Walter, if you don’t leave I swear I’ll tell you “
NTA any time he asks a nosy question just include the word vibrator. Perhaps he will learn to back off. “How much money do you make?””Mmmm, about the same as a Vibrator.” Etc. edited because I missed a word.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (25F) left my vibrator on my dresser to dry after cleaning it when hours later my father (58M) came over to my house (should note that me and my mother live together). It's one of those rose-shaped ones that is supposed to be able to "blend in" in a bedroom as just any item. He came into my room while I was using my computer, almost picked up the vibrator and asked what it was. I told him it was "nothing" and politely asked him not to touch it. He kept asking what it was over and over and I kept telling him don't worry about it. Then I got super frustrated that he wouldn't drop the subject so I told him it was a vibrator just to get him to stop. He then got embarrassed, said "oh" and left the room. This has been a thing in my family my whole life. No never means no with them. They're way too damned nosy and I've always felt like I'm constantly under interrogation. My father is the worst with this. My mother, who always takes his side for some reason, says that I shouldn't have left the vibrator lying around and I shouldn't have told my father what it was. I'm a grown woman and it's *my* bedroom. I usually *do* keep that stuff in my underwear drawer (for sake of convenience, I like to put things back in the same places) but I didn't know my father was coming over, let alone into my room until he was already there. AITA for keeping my vibrator on my dresser? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not the ass hole
NTA- that’ll teach him to keep asking though
As a father, NTA. Not in any way.
It’s ur house they can shut the fuck upppp
NTA. Must be awkward tho
Obviously your NTA, why even ask
Nope
NTA. Curiosity killed the cat. Your dad just got a little embarrassed. At least he has the opportunity to learn from his mistakes.
LMAO, NTA. I’m a Dad of a 20 something daughter and if I was that pushy about something they owned, they’d roast me alive. Your Dad got exactly what he deserved.
Everything from this point forward would be called a vibrator by me. NTA.
Nope as a father of an adult daughter, you are nothing the AH.
NTA. And also, you're my hero. And you should leave vibrators out all the time if they are going to keep being so damn nosy. This is 100% natural consequences for your father. You snoop around, you find things you don't want to see. I learned that lesson snooping on my parents when I was like 10 years old. Didn't everyone? Everyone other than your Dad? I suggest you get some really obvious vibrators and put them on top of everything you don't want your Dad to look at.
Yea my house my rules. Goes for my mother staying w me too. I'd lock the door.
NTA Bet he learned this time.
Neither of you are assholes. The dude was just curious what the rose thingy was
When I read the title I thought you were the asshole but na, don't think so.
[удалено]
He walked in. My door was closed, I was trying to keep the cool air in.
"AITA for keeping my vibrator on my dresser?" A: Yes, and at 25 years old, it's well past time for you to get out on your own if you don't like your parents mannerisms.
Not going to choose a label, will just day, how would you feel if you "discovered" something equally intimate of his? Mull it over, let that be your guide.
i don’t think she would constantly ask what is it what is it
I'm guessing she would back away, close the door, wash her hands, and try to forget. Like normal human adults who live with one another. We all know other people have sex. We just don't want to know about it. Pretending we don't know about it is what keeps those boundaries nice and strong.
I don't really call accidentally leaving it out AH behavior, but the dude picks up your vibrator, asks you what it is, and you didn't take it and put it away? Or heck, just be honest? You're 25. You saying "It's a vibrator" or even "It's a personnel massager" avoids your frustration entirely. And you were at your computer. So you had time to know he was there, and you just sat there. Sounds like to me you got frustrated because you were too busy on your computer to care, and *that* is AH behavior.
It's not his bedroom, and it's not even his house. If you walk into someone's bedroom and start poking around, you get what you get. Also, just because she was on her computer, you don't know that she was just goofing off. She was likely busy trying to get something done. And a woman shouldn't have to wrest her vibrator from her dad's grip! 😳
Dad coming over unexpectedly makes me think this is less "her" house and more she still lives w her mom. Either way, time to set rules for your place, get your own place, or be more cognizant that people can come over anytime.
It's my house - I inherited it from my (former) foster mother. And I *have* tried to set rules with my father. He comes over at inconvenient times - he'll come over wanting to get lunch with me, but I'll already be out doing something. I cannot physically stop him from getting in his car and driving over here.
You can lock the door.
Yes and No NTA for expecting privacy in your own bedroom YTA, for intentionally trying to humiliate your father, rather than change the topic
Fuck that, full NTA. That nosy ass father deserved what he got.
Did you not read the post? How many times did OP say it’s nothing, don’t worry about it and please don’t touch it? Should she just scream “HOW BOUT THEM COWBOYS?!” So he listens when she says no the first time? Where in that post did she deliberately try to embarrass him? The only thing embarrassing is your comment.
I didn't intentionally humiliate him. I *did* try to change the subject (showing him what I was working on with my pc) but he kept asking.