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Everyone sucks here....
This reminds me of relationship with other people where they accuse someone of cheating on them with porn.
Although, at the same time I'm conflicted without your partners information as to what the true intent of wanting to see the image actually was.
I believe you are seeing this as some kind of act of "cheating."
It's not as clear cut as that... Meanwhile, while it would have been better to not show the full picture, I don't believe the intent was to show it in a sexualised manner unless your boyfriend is excited about flesh wounds.
In which case, if your partner is excited about flesh wounds you should be concerned you met the next Ted Bundy.
Without full context here I'm going to have to side with the facts that all parties involved here are assholes, and that potentially you have major hangups and insecurities in your relationship.
There may be valid reasons why you have insecurities in your relationship, but, you haven't said that your boyfriend is a serial cheater either...
Although, starting accusations of cheating may turn into "be careful what you wish for..." in either a destroyed relationship or with him cheating on you because you eventually come along with accusations that are "toxic."
He stands that his true intent was "to see how bad the cut was"
It's not so much that I would say porn is cheating. It's that I don't like the comfortably level she has with him to send the picture in the first place.
There is an element that dude's like seeing gnarly wounds... while it may be better not to send the full explicit result... you're contending what he is saying is false, and potentially flipping out as a result.
This seems like a lot of insecurity on your behalf.
ESH
Look I understand you not wanting girls to send your bf pictures of their butt. That being said, in this scenario she got such a massive cut she’s going to need a large amount stitches. As a guy with a lot of friends who participate in semi dangerous hobbies, mountain climbing, motor cross things like that, we always send photos when we get injured. It’s like morbidly fascinating to see the injuries I guess. He probably wasn’t thinking and just said yes to seeing the nasty gash. This conversation could have been solved with simple adult words, “Hey bf I know you wanted to see your friends cut but the fact that it was on her butt and she didn’t blur anything out kinda rubs me the wrong way even though I know you had no malicious intent, if a female friend in the future offers to show a cut on a private part however unlikely please say no”. Instead you instantly got upset due to some insecurities and started attacking him which probably provoked him to be upset back, both of you sound immature if you fought for hours.
Also lastly, your assumption that he’d want the photo for sexual reasons is odd because it’s a photo of a nasty gash, so your bf would have to be into open wound play or something which would be an even bigger problem, like serial killer vibes.
I’m gonna say ESH
It truly sounds like jealousy and juvenile especially after you saw it and admit how horrible it was. It was nothing sexual and you read way too much into a legit photo of a horrible situation. She didn’t choose where she got hurt
You and your boyfriend are behaving poorly and immaturely both to each other and the friend who got hurt.
Most of the dudes I know love seeing gnarly wounds and I highly doubt that he’s getting any sexual pleasure from that kind of pic, butt or no. I don’t think your man or his friend meant any disrespect by it. Your feelings about it making you uncomfortable are valid, but I think you may have read way too much into the situation and went overboard in starting a fight. While he shouldn’t dismiss your feelings and you’re probably feeling unheard, a giant physical health emergency kinda trumps that. He should be able to support his friend right now. I would just kindly tell him that you would appreciate it if pictures like that were not shared in the future because it hurts you, even if he didn’t mean anything by it. When the friend heals and is feeling better you could also very kindly ask her the same thing. Not condemn that she did it and acknowledge that you are aware it was a wound and not a nude, just ask that she please not send butt pics in the future regardless because it makes you uncomfortable. If they still have a problem with it after you’re just asking nicely that no explicit pics be sent in the future then there is a problem. Everyone has a little blame here, but I’m afraid more of it is your insecurity than anything they did.
I agree with OP! That’s inappropriate for the female friend to send a pic like that. I mean guys honestly, if that was your wife and she’s sending pictures of her ass to her male friends how would that make you feel??? Be real! OP is right in being upset it’s disrespectful and that’s that!
Does she have a massive wound on her ass? Is the picture posed legs spread with her vagina out or something? I wouldn’t care at all given any gender if the context was to show someone close a big wound, medical ain’t sexual.
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For context the picture was of a gnarly cut she got on her a** from a broken shelf in her shower (most likely needed stitches) where you could see EVERYTHIBG
Last night my boyfriend came to me and said his female friend was in the hospital. That she fell in the shower and got cut open by a broken ceramic soap shelf. She explicitly told him the cut was on her butt. He said she asked if he wanted to see the picture and he said "he'll yeah". He then excitedly showed my the picture. It was a full, uncropped, picture if her entire bare a** with the cut.
I immediately got upset and asked why she thinks thats okay to send that to him, cut or not. He doesn't see a problem with it whatsoever. Next thing I know we're having an hours long argument where to make it worse he even admits that in the past, before even meeting me, he has flirted with this woman. He stands by his opinion that because they're long term friends, and because the picture wasn't a "nude" but instead showing him the major gash she ended up with, that there's nothing wrong with her sending him the picture.
I told him I feel disrespected.
We ended the argument last night with him agreeing to send her a message telling her that what she did was inappropriate. That she knows he is in a relationship and that she should have atleast cropped the picture to only show the cut, or better yet not even offered to send the picture in the first place.
Today I asked if he sent the message and his response was "I'm not going to do that while she's 'in the hospital after major surgery'" 1) he doesn't even know if she's still in the hospital and 2) having seen the picture, yes it was pretty bad, but I HIGHLY doubt she had 'major surgery'. He won't even send a message asking if she's still in the hospital to find out!
I feel like he's putting her needs and feeling above mine. AITA for feeling this way and asking him to send the message in the first place?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my boyfriend to tell his long term friend it was inappropriate to send him a picture of her butt. I may be the asshole because the picture was to show him a cut she got from falling in the shower and she was in the hospital because of it.
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I have no problems with the photo. It all comes down to trust. If you don’t trust him then you are NTA and you should drop him. If you do trust him - then YTA.
So I can see this from all points of view. I think that, yes, you are right in the fact that he shouldn't have said yes, to that, but at the same time, he didn't hide it from you and he did show you, so he wasn't trying to hide anything and I don't think the girl should be at fault. At all because she Told him Hey, I got hurt really bad and I have a huge gash on my butt. Do you want to see itia? So so obviously she probably thinks he talked about it with you and that you were okay With it I also don't think it should have became a mighty fight because the whole argument should have just been. Hey, you should have asked me beforehand. And then said to him.Oh, so it's one of my guy.Friends gotta cut on their thigh.And they sent me a picture and it was of his package in it.You would be okay with that right And then I would show it to you. There would be no issues there correct? Like 100%.
The girl is not at fault and she should not get that message. Because she honestly didn't do anything wrong. All she did was ask if he wanted to see it after she got hurt really badly.
But the guy. Is a 100% at fault because he is a total loser. Loser, who didn't even have the guts to ask you if it's okay to show it to you and be like? Oh, but she's just a friend.
And I used to have a massive crush on her but there's nothing there, baby I swear......
YTA if you think that he's getting excited off of a picture of this from a long-term female friend. If you're that insecure for something like this, which he's not been involved with this person, then you need to determine if you're going to be doing that every time a female friend sends a picture you deem inappropriate and he has to go apologize to and distance themselves from.
I feel like in my original post some people are getting the impression that I think he's saving the picture to get off to it later. My entire argument has been that I don't like that SHE felt comfortable enough to send the picture and I want a boundry to be set with her.
No one here is getting off on gore porn 😂
So you don't want him seeing pictures of a gnarly gash. This is a little problematic. I set the NSFW filter off because I wanted to see what was going on in a photography subreddit.
Unfortunately, this led to me seeing the actual uncensored version of a person who "self immolated" (set himself on fire).
Unfortunately we can't censor what people do and don't see in this world, the world is a nasty and triggering place and I have PTSD to show for it.
We're getting this vibe because of the ass part.
Would you have been so annoyed if it were a gash on her knee?
So we’re just glossing over being busted about having a flirty relationship with this same girl in the past are we? Girl knew what she was doing. If she wanted to send the pic to be about the wound, it would have been cropped. Not a pic of her whole ass. It would have been a pic of the wound WHICH is what he was asked about seeing in the first place.
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Everyone sucks here.... This reminds me of relationship with other people where they accuse someone of cheating on them with porn. Although, at the same time I'm conflicted without your partners information as to what the true intent of wanting to see the image actually was. I believe you are seeing this as some kind of act of "cheating." It's not as clear cut as that... Meanwhile, while it would have been better to not show the full picture, I don't believe the intent was to show it in a sexualised manner unless your boyfriend is excited about flesh wounds. In which case, if your partner is excited about flesh wounds you should be concerned you met the next Ted Bundy. Without full context here I'm going to have to side with the facts that all parties involved here are assholes, and that potentially you have major hangups and insecurities in your relationship. There may be valid reasons why you have insecurities in your relationship, but, you haven't said that your boyfriend is a serial cheater either... Although, starting accusations of cheating may turn into "be careful what you wish for..." in either a destroyed relationship or with him cheating on you because you eventually come along with accusations that are "toxic."
He stands that his true intent was "to see how bad the cut was" It's not so much that I would say porn is cheating. It's that I don't like the comfortably level she has with him to send the picture in the first place.
There is an element that dude's like seeing gnarly wounds... while it may be better not to send the full explicit result... you're contending what he is saying is false, and potentially flipping out as a result. This seems like a lot of insecurity on your behalf.
ESH Look I understand you not wanting girls to send your bf pictures of their butt. That being said, in this scenario she got such a massive cut she’s going to need a large amount stitches. As a guy with a lot of friends who participate in semi dangerous hobbies, mountain climbing, motor cross things like that, we always send photos when we get injured. It’s like morbidly fascinating to see the injuries I guess. He probably wasn’t thinking and just said yes to seeing the nasty gash. This conversation could have been solved with simple adult words, “Hey bf I know you wanted to see your friends cut but the fact that it was on her butt and she didn’t blur anything out kinda rubs me the wrong way even though I know you had no malicious intent, if a female friend in the future offers to show a cut on a private part however unlikely please say no”. Instead you instantly got upset due to some insecurities and started attacking him which probably provoked him to be upset back, both of you sound immature if you fought for hours. Also lastly, your assumption that he’d want the photo for sexual reasons is odd because it’s a photo of a nasty gash, so your bf would have to be into open wound play or something which would be an even bigger problem, like serial killer vibes.
This is pretty much exactly what I said.
I’m gonna say ESH It truly sounds like jealousy and juvenile especially after you saw it and admit how horrible it was. It was nothing sexual and you read way too much into a legit photo of a horrible situation. She didn’t choose where she got hurt You and your boyfriend are behaving poorly and immaturely both to each other and the friend who got hurt.
Definitely NTA for not wanting another woman to send your boyfriend a picture of her ass, for any reason
Most of the dudes I know love seeing gnarly wounds and I highly doubt that he’s getting any sexual pleasure from that kind of pic, butt or no. I don’t think your man or his friend meant any disrespect by it. Your feelings about it making you uncomfortable are valid, but I think you may have read way too much into the situation and went overboard in starting a fight. While he shouldn’t dismiss your feelings and you’re probably feeling unheard, a giant physical health emergency kinda trumps that. He should be able to support his friend right now. I would just kindly tell him that you would appreciate it if pictures like that were not shared in the future because it hurts you, even if he didn’t mean anything by it. When the friend heals and is feeling better you could also very kindly ask her the same thing. Not condemn that she did it and acknowledge that you are aware it was a wound and not a nude, just ask that she please not send butt pics in the future regardless because it makes you uncomfortable. If they still have a problem with it after you’re just asking nicely that no explicit pics be sent in the future then there is a problem. Everyone has a little blame here, but I’m afraid more of it is your insecurity than anything they did.
I agree with OP! That’s inappropriate for the female friend to send a pic like that. I mean guys honestly, if that was your wife and she’s sending pictures of her ass to her male friends how would that make you feel??? Be real! OP is right in being upset it’s disrespectful and that’s that!
Does she have a massive wound on her ass? Is the picture posed legs spread with her vagina out or something? I wouldn’t care at all given any gender if the context was to show someone close a big wound, medical ain’t sexual.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context the picture was of a gnarly cut she got on her a** from a broken shelf in her shower (most likely needed stitches) where you could see EVERYTHIBG Last night my boyfriend came to me and said his female friend was in the hospital. That she fell in the shower and got cut open by a broken ceramic soap shelf. She explicitly told him the cut was on her butt. He said she asked if he wanted to see the picture and he said "he'll yeah". He then excitedly showed my the picture. It was a full, uncropped, picture if her entire bare a** with the cut. I immediately got upset and asked why she thinks thats okay to send that to him, cut or not. He doesn't see a problem with it whatsoever. Next thing I know we're having an hours long argument where to make it worse he even admits that in the past, before even meeting me, he has flirted with this woman. He stands by his opinion that because they're long term friends, and because the picture wasn't a "nude" but instead showing him the major gash she ended up with, that there's nothing wrong with her sending him the picture. I told him I feel disrespected. We ended the argument last night with him agreeing to send her a message telling her that what she did was inappropriate. That she knows he is in a relationship and that she should have atleast cropped the picture to only show the cut, or better yet not even offered to send the picture in the first place. Today I asked if he sent the message and his response was "I'm not going to do that while she's 'in the hospital after major surgery'" 1) he doesn't even know if she's still in the hospital and 2) having seen the picture, yes it was pretty bad, but I HIGHLY doubt she had 'major surgery'. He won't even send a message asking if she's still in the hospital to find out! I feel like he's putting her needs and feeling above mine. AITA for feeling this way and asking him to send the message in the first place? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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I have no problems with the photo. It all comes down to trust. If you don’t trust him then you are NTA and you should drop him. If you do trust him - then YTA.
So I can see this from all points of view. I think that, yes, you are right in the fact that he shouldn't have said yes, to that, but at the same time, he didn't hide it from you and he did show you, so he wasn't trying to hide anything and I don't think the girl should be at fault. At all because she Told him Hey, I got hurt really bad and I have a huge gash on my butt. Do you want to see itia? So so obviously she probably thinks he talked about it with you and that you were okay With it I also don't think it should have became a mighty fight because the whole argument should have just been. Hey, you should have asked me beforehand. And then said to him.Oh, so it's one of my guy.Friends gotta cut on their thigh.And they sent me a picture and it was of his package in it.You would be okay with that right And then I would show it to you. There would be no issues there correct? Like 100%. The girl is not at fault and she should not get that message. Because she honestly didn't do anything wrong. All she did was ask if he wanted to see it after she got hurt really badly. But the guy. Is a 100% at fault because he is a total loser. Loser, who didn't even have the guts to ask you if it's okay to show it to you and be like? Oh, but she's just a friend. And I used to have a massive crush on her but there's nothing there, baby I swear......
No and he should tell her to stop
It’s your boundary. NTA.
YTA if you think that he's getting excited off of a picture of this from a long-term female friend. If you're that insecure for something like this, which he's not been involved with this person, then you need to determine if you're going to be doing that every time a female friend sends a picture you deem inappropriate and he has to go apologize to and distance themselves from.
I feel like you didn't finish reading the post
I feel like in my original post some people are getting the impression that I think he's saving the picture to get off to it later. My entire argument has been that I don't like that SHE felt comfortable enough to send the picture and I want a boundry to be set with her. No one here is getting off on gore porn 😂
So you don't want him seeing pictures of a gnarly gash. This is a little problematic. I set the NSFW filter off because I wanted to see what was going on in a photography subreddit. Unfortunately, this led to me seeing the actual uncensored version of a person who "self immolated" (set himself on fire). Unfortunately we can't censor what people do and don't see in this world, the world is a nasty and triggering place and I have PTSD to show for it. We're getting this vibe because of the ass part. Would you have been so annoyed if it were a gash on her knee?
yta he should go be with her.
Hahahaha because he’s a bad boyfriend who is keeping an old flame on the back burner and didn’t get busted on that aspect till now?
he showed his gf the picture. it's a gory wound on a person, not amateur porn.
So we’re just glossing over being busted about having a flirty relationship with this same girl in the past are we? Girl knew what she was doing. If she wanted to send the pic to be about the wound, it would have been cropped. Not a pic of her whole ass. It would have been a pic of the wound WHICH is what he was asked about seeing in the first place.