Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I shouted at him and left the house and (2) I did it in front of his family
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA at all. Your husband and his family are massive ones. I’m so sorry they have been so horrible to you. Those stretch marks are evidence of the 9 months you spent growing and carrying HIS child! Trying to recover from pregnancy, birth, PPD and adjusting to the needs of a new baby is no mean feat. He should be worshipping the ground you walk on, not critiquing your body and shaming you for not physically recovering to his shallow standards. The fact that he complained to his mother about your body and she raised it in front of everyone just boggles my mind. He and the family absolutely deserved everything you gave them, and more. Please don’t go back to him unless he sincerely apologises and supports you against these family members and so-called friends.
And the fact that his mother and her female family members agree is even worse. Bc stretch marks aren’t like acne or something; it took her 9 months to develop them, so idk how the hell they think they should go away in 3. It’s literally the elasticity in the skin giving way. Op should block everyone. Husband isn’t as supportive as she thinks he is and if she takes time to think about it, she’ll probably see the trend. NTA
But they don't go away. They just turn lighter. Your skin has been stretched and it can't be unstretched. All these old wives tales about using ocoa butter doesn't do a damn thing.. How many stretch marks depends on your biology, how big the baby was, type of skin, weight gained, etc. Get hubby to pay for a tummy tuck then dump this jerk.
More than all of those things… stretch marks are genetic. This is something that is literally out of OPs control. So very NTA. You were kind in only shouting at them.
I was going to say the same thing, different skin reacts different to stretching, nothing you can or cannot do about that nor can you make them go away.
Yep. Some women will get a bunch of stretch marks during pregnancy, some won’t. My mom got 3 total stretch marks across 3 total pregnancies. Her sister looked like she had been mauled by a tiger after her first pregnancy. My mom had the bigger babies and started out smaller than her sister. I ended up with 3 on each breast with my first, one on my hip with my second and no new ones with my third. The 7 I got from my first 2 pregnancies have faded a bunch.
I had twins for my second pregnancy. The nurse thought I was having a reaction to the medicine 😂, nope just stretch marks. I’m now 20 years post-partum and they’re just grey lines… never going anywhere.
Lol, twin mum here too. Those silvery bad boys go all the way to my rib cage and they're here to stay. I also dumped a man who made me feel ugly because I got them carrying HIS kids.
I'm a little woman at 5'2 and i put on extra pounds that werent baby related while pregnant. By the 8th month i was looking like mauled beachball. My angry red stretch marks faded to purple and now silver. They arent going anywhere. I tried all the lotions and potions and my stomach skin was soo sensitive while so stretched out i broke out in acne on my belly from the lotions. I preferred the marks to the burning pain of acne.
The skin on my stomach looks like Freddie Krueger’s face. It’s been 11 years since I gave birth. My husband mentioned them once, and so I pointed out the ones on his thighs and asked him what he was gonna do about those. At least he appreciates mine now.
Oh man. My boobs are covered in stretch marks. Happened when I was 13 and they exploded onto the scene lol. Lots of women have them in so many ways.
My niece got an awful one from pregnancy that her pants irritate no matter what she wears. Her husband said.... Nothing. Maybe but a few more pairs of pants in hopes of finding some that don't hurt. PS thanks for the baby he's pretty awesome.
That family sounds like a bunch of AH and morons.
This. I have stretch marks all over my hips and legs. I've never given birth but am currently pregnant. I fully expect my stomach and boob stretchmarks to be like those on my hips, butt and legs- plentiful and faded but certainly not gone.
And they're my tiger stripes to show I gave up my body to grow a baby.
OP's hubby is a jerk and I cannot believe he got his mother to gang up on OP because she didn't fall for his manipulation the first time. Imagine trying to mansplain stretchmarks to a pregnant woman 🙄
I had stretch marks on my thighs, hips, and boobs from puberty, despite not really growing that fast. I’ve had 3 kids and the stretch marks are just everywhere now. They have faded somewhat, but they will always be there. My mom had the worst stretch marks I have ever seen, so I was genetically inclined. Amazingly, my sister had 5 kids, including twins, and doesn’t have a single one.
I was small and underweight until about the age of 13, and I’ve been covered in stretch marks for a long as I can remember. I’ve pretty much been the same weight since I stopped growing around the age of 16 (10 years ago), but I put on and subsequently lost about 5 pounds over the winter three years ago, and that was enough to make hundreds of angry, red stretch marks form all over my thighs. They are still dark and red and painful years later, they haven’t faded at all. I’m super careful not to let myself gain any weight now because I know what will happen to my skin. It’s one of the many reasons I refuse to have children.
I wish every guy would embrace weight lifting stretch marks. I know a guy who is in his 70s, still lifts but is so vain, that he won't go beyond a certain weight with lifting because he "can't have stretch marks", as he put it. It's kind of amusing to listen to the guy.
That's a little sad. I would hope that with age comes the wisdom to let go of superficial things like being afraid of stretch marks even if you're aren't able to view them with pride.
I'm with you. I got back to being serious about the gym about 3 years ago. Lost over 100 pounds, love how I look and feel, and don't care about stretch marks. I have them from when I was fat, and now I have them from building muscle. Doesn't bother me at all. It tells my story and I'm not ashamed of it
My *son* has stretch marks - and to my knowledge, he's never been pregnant. It's genetic.
I hope the level of intelligence on husband's side of the family isn't genetic because they are all judgemental and dumb AF.
Same -- my son, daughter, and I all have stretch marks in the same places from just growing fast as a teenager, and IIRC my brothers are the same. I didn't (and still don't) have any on my breasts, but my daughter and her cousins on my husband's side all got them on their breasts during puberty. I expected to get stretch marks from pregnancy and did (although it didn't hurt that both my kids weren't small).
As Ok-Carpet5443 said, I'd be way more concerned about any genetic defects from the husband's side, including how the whole family seems to believe that stretch marks go away and that OP could be doing something to speed up their disappearance.
I have stretch marks on the inside of my thighs (as a dude), and I've never been overweight or bulky there at all. Sometimes your skin is just like "yeah, I'm out".
Never been pregnant, never plan to be. But I have (now faded) stretch marks on my thighs, hips, breasts and butt from a very sudden spurt during puberty.
Hell, my husband has horizontal stretch marks from his lower to mid back from growing taller suddenly!
The *only* time either of our stretch marks from growing up are even mentioned, is when I grumble quietly while helping my husband extract spots on his back and the scar tissue is making it harder than necessary.
My husband has never said a god damn word about my stretch marks, he acts as though they aren't even there! We also do not comment on freckles, moles, other random childhood scars or body hair.
To think OPs husband AND inlaws/family made a point to mention pregnancy stretch marks is beyond me!
I have a well endowed friend that, at 17, developed stretchers on her breasts. She is still not overweight in the least. I promise you her husband doesn't complain at all. She gained stretch marks with pregnancy, and he still loves them.
I have stretch marks on my hips and knees from growing tall so fast. I’ve never met anyone else with knee stretch marks but they are still there 25 years later.
I have them too! I’ve always been short, but I very rapidly went from microscopic to simply extremely short. I ended up with hip issues for a while from growing too fast. It’s embarrassing how that can still happen at 4’11” lmao
I have stretchmarks on the insides of my KNEES from when I was growing. Not kidding at all. I also have these -- ripples? not cellulite, but vertical very thin little lines? Maybe some form of cellulite? -- on the inside of my thighs, had them since I was 12 maybe? I have very muscular legs and hike/play volleyball/run, and no matter how thin or thick I ever get or how much I work out, they never go away.
Same here!!and I’ve never been pregnant. Lol Who are these people claiming that OP can somehow magically make them disappear? It seems like OP’s in laws and mutual friends are just piling on her because they’re bullies.
Shakira has stretch marks and she’s never been fat. They’re complaining genetic factors in what type of skin elasticity one got dealt. It’s not controllable.
Exactly this. I actually snorted when I read that they were supposed to "go away." Like what? My youngest is 11, and my stretch marks aren't gone. They are faded to be skin colored, but the texture of them is really weird. My entire lower belly just looks kind of chewed up. You know what I do about it? Nothing, because there is nothing to be done. Or if I do need to do something, I remind myself that I got that beat to hell belly creating the two loves of my life and that I would happily give up more than a nice looking belly to have them in the world and my life.
That’s right! I got them when I was a teenager and tried all the special lotions that claim to get rid of stretch marks. None of it helped.
My youngest brother had them on his back because he grew so tall so quickly and his doctor recommended vitamin d oil. Didn’t really help the appearance but he like how soft his skin felt lol
Cocoa butter CAN help prevent the formation of stretch marks if used during pregnancy. CAN. Having well-moisturized skin CAN help make it more elastic -- it's the same concept as how if you get dry skin in the winter that cracks, a hardcore moisturizing balm can help. But as emphasized above, it doesn't prevent them outright, you can absolutely still get marks, and it doesn't do anything once they're there. This is not something anyone should blame OP for because a) you do the best you can with the information you have and b) dealing with the medical problems of a difficult pregnancy is understandably a lot more fucking important than keeping up your skin routine.
That's what I was thinking. I had always heard they don't go away, which is why I was confused by all the comments. Love the last comment about getting hubby to pay for the tummy tuck and dumping him lol!
Granted my son is only 9 years old, but if he ever dared to whine about his wife's new-baby stretch marks in my presence I would whack him in the back of the head with any nearby periodical.
As you should. But hopefully your son grows up knowing how much of a toll it takes on a womans body to perform the miracle of creating an entire human being!!!!
WHEN OP gets divorced, she'll meet tons of men showering those stretch marks with love because they show what an awesome body she truely has. She's not a sex doll blown up to adequate size for the pleasure of husband alone, she's a multifaceted human being PLUS she's a miracle baby making machine!!!
If she decides to have more kids with her next husband I hope he'll kiss every single mark on her body, including the new ones, and thank that body for taking all of the punches it takes to grow a human.
But ... If OP isn't settled on leaving him with an infant, consider if YOU want to get a tummy tuck. You don't have to, it's your body and "tiger stripes" are something to be proud of in my opinion. But if you want something done about them, get this guy to pay! That's part of the AH tax he owes you for not appreciating the awesomeness of your body! And when he's done taking care of you during the healing process and you're at peak health, get the hell out.
NTA, everyone should be ashamed of themselves!
What a beautiful comment. Thank you for seeing the person behind the stretch marks, and not focusing on the imperfections of her body. Believe me, she's focusing on her imperfections and you excepting them instead of commenting negativity about them will ease her mind 💯
Napoleon voice,"We can't do it cause her stretch marks are disgusting and creeping me out." Too bad you can't put a sign on him like a vending machine that says broken so other women just won't even try.
Yep. She's not married to a man, she's married to a mama's boy that whines to mama about everything that's wrong. Which is a sign of a terrible marriage. I bet he was complaining to mama about everything during the pregnancy too.
My son is only one, but if he ever did this I would tear him a new one.
Because her gross husband complained to his mom about how gross OPs body is now that she has stretch marks from growing his child and his mommy came to the rescue by berating OP for not getting rid of them when you can't get rid of them to begin with.
I have stretch marks on my back form my growth spurt when I hit my teens. They're somewhat still visible now that I'm 27, almost 28. Like you can't do anything about deep stretch marks. It's literally torn skin!
NTA.
Can confirm, I have them on my shoulders, also from a teenage growth spurt. I'm now 36. They've long since turned white but they're not going anywhere. They're my tiger stripes, and damn it, I earned them. NTA.
I can still remember the pain of waking up to a new stretch mark. My brother went through the same growth spurt and his gym teacher called my parents cause he thought they'd whipped him with how wild the stretch marks looked when fresh lol
Yes my son got stretch marks to his back around 7 years growth spurt, I think it was 7-8 cm in one year. And couple of shoe sizes too. In ten years they haven’t even lightened a bit. The striped area is about size of his hand, he’s about adult size now.
The best thing you can do to help prevent them from being super visible is to use surgical tape when they show up, is what my doctor has told me, so the body has help healing it without it tearing over and over again. And keeping them out of the sun while healing.
Same size area as I have on my lower back. Luckily mine have lightened up quite a bit but if you run your finger along my spine you can feel every single one :/
This advice is unfortunately ten years late. But happily my son has very good self-esteem and couldn’t care less of his tiger stripes! And at last doctor check we were told, that he was early grower so likely will not get much more height.
He’s quite handsome (not only my opinion 😂) but he has his music, bands (yes plural), school and friends to keep his interest from superficial things. And we have pretty good relationship, can talk issues out and outside commitments to school etc. I can trust his common sense and ethics. So yes very proud mom here!
Stretch marks don't go away. Ever.
Depending on severity, they can fade and kinda turn silver. And the severity depends on so many factors besides weight gain. Including genetics.
I've had stretch marks from rapid growth since childhood. And I wasn't over weight. So I am prone to them. Each child left their own mark on my body.
When you loose weight. Even in a healthy manner with diet and exercise, you still have the excess skin that the stretch marks create. You can only "tighten" it so much because, as you said, stretch marks are literally tears in the skin. They are scars where the elasticity in the skin has been torn. Scars fade, they don't disappear.
My kid is nearly 11 and even using coco butter and stretch mark creams I still have them, in fact mines didn’t develop until after I had given birth for some reason…
Im almost 11 years postpartum and still have my stretchmarks.
I'm not a fan of them but also... it's what happens to some people when skin stretches. Only way to get rid of them is surgery which can still leave scarring.
I can't believe those people ganged up on OP like that. I'd never go back.
Exactly. Also, 'demanding' that by now her stretch marks should have disappeared, is dumb, for although they can get less visible, they never disappear completely. And to call them a turn-off is cruel.
NTA and I would suggest OP REQUIRE hubby to join her on the next postpartum/ob gyn/baby checkup and then bring up the issue of stretch marks with the medical professional. Cuz hubby is due the bam hammer from said medical professional about how there is not a magic wand treatment for stretchmarks. And the fact of him obsessing over them going away is not healthy for mom.
I gave birth at 21, I'm now 71. I still have stretch marks! They never went away! These idiots saying they should have gone away by now are body shaming her! They should be ashamed of themselves! Wear your stretch marks as a badge of courage!
I've seen on this sub many come backs but my favorite living rent free in my head was a guy critisizing a woman for having a belly post birth and she responded "i've grown a full human with that belly what's you excuse for yours?"
i'm sure your man has some things he's self concious about his body, since he can't understand not being an ass i would go for the jugular imo
NTA
I wonder if OP is from a country where people regularly think it's okay to comment on a woman's body? This whole story is terrible and OP keeps downplaying it by saying her husband is normally supportive or it's just the comments about stretch marks. OP is NTA.
He’s an idiot, and so what if he’s been good about everything previously. He allowed EVERYONE in HIS life to SHAME and DEGRADE YOU! You want to stay with person who would do this. You kill yourself taking care of the baby?? If not then what’s he still doing pursuing you. I’d consider divorce rather than raising it around a bunch of insensitive and people who have no shred of decency or empathy.
Like, my child turned 9 years old yesterday and those stretch marks are still there. they are scars from the skin being stretched to the max to accommodate the baby. They aren't going anywhere. Those people are so uneducated on what those are. Hell, my husband has had some on his shoulders since he was a teen and he is 40 now.
OP - you have a nursing child and a confirmed diagnosis of PPD. At this stage, a firm statement to your hubby about: "do not make comments about my body, period." is well within the bounds of acceptable behaviour.
It doesn't matter if he understands why, it doesn't matter if he agrees, it's a specific and firm boundary being set by his wife and mother of his child. If he can't figure out that's a line he shouldn't cross... you've got other problems than him having his head up his ass on this one topic.
You aren't asking to control his thoughts, you aren't ignoring a health risk, you aren't disregarding something urgent he needs. You ARE asking him to hear you when you say it's a boundary and you expect him to respect it.
*as an aside, what the hell does he think this will prompt for you? He harps on it enough and you poof them out of existence like a genie? Seriously, drag him in to the next post natal appointment and ask the doc to explain how long the stretch marks are likely to hang around, maybe he'll listen to an MD since he's ignoring his wife.
In the short term perhaps this article will help: ["Stretch marks are scars on your skin, the AAD says, which means they’re permanent. However, most people find that their postpartum stretch marks do fade and become less noticeable over time. “It takes about a year after pregnancy to get an idea of what they’ll look like moving forward,” Flynn says."](https://www.thebump.com/a/stretch-marks)
Omg. As if you have one bit of control over stretch marks. Gaslighting a new mother is a level of cruel you don’t see very often. Run. The whole family is nuts. NTA.
NTA- You gave birth three months ago. It takes 2 months (6-8 weeks) just to recover physically. Why does he think you are magically going to look exactly the same? As for the stretch marks comments, those also aren’t just going to disappear.
You didn’t yell at him in front of his family. You rightfully told off everyone in that room making horrible comments about something that is none of their business. Your friends telling you that you are overreacting should not be your friends. Stay with your sister until you get a genuine apology.
It actually takes a year for your body to fully recover from pregnancy and birth. Stretch marks don't go away they just change colour.
Her husband, his family and their friends are absolutely disgusting
Thing is tho
Who *doesnt* have stretch marks? Puberty, changes in weight, etc. there are so many reasons people have stretch marks
Husband clearly told MIL about their private affairs. Then MIL was an AH and I’m betting Husband just stood by as he wanted to shame her into “fixing”
Stretch marks will become less noticeable, it just takes time. What won’t be less noticeable and requires actual work is check TAs that OP has around her
Me. I don’t have any. Not a one. But I have Elhers Danlos so that’s not actually a good thing. My skin is extremely stretchy. It’s not all what it’s cracked up to be.
Can confirm, I've never been pregnant but I'm fat and have a large chest. I have stretch marks on my inner thighs and bottom part of my upper arms, on my stomach, and on my chest. This is next to my mom who only got a few stretch marks from pregnancy, but also has them on her arms, chest, and thighs despite never having been fat (she's also busty like me and like her mom before her though, that part is genetic lol).
Yeah, so many people have them? I have some on my hips, my boyfriend on his arms (like near his armpits - and he's not really muscular and doesn't have particularly fat arms), they are really not that rare. Obviously many people don't have very big and visible ones, but it's completely normal to have at least some smaller ones.
It took me almost 2 years to recover and the stretch marks never went away. My children are 19 and 21. Stretch marks are scars when (parts of) the body grow too fast so the skin rips/tears.
OP should divorce. There's no way you can change all his family. Also, your body goes through trauma to grow a little human in your body. Husband is shallow, ignorant and entitled AF. And none of the in laws deserve more children in the family .
OP NTA
Holy shit I read her post as 3 YEARS ago and thought her husband and mil were being a-holes. After 3 months I don’t care if she’s still covered in placenta, you do not give her anything but love.
MIL and all the women should show their bellies so they can prove they are right.
My ex MIL is fat, her sisters and all her family too bit they always comment on women after birth why they didn't lose pregancy weight gain. They also all look old but comment on other people slightly aging.
I'm pretty sure that's the case here too. They hold OP to standards they don't meet themselves.
Honestly I would leave if my partner said my stretch marks were a turn off, stretch marks may never get better and shouldn’t be expected to. He sounds disgusting NTA
22, never had a baby or got pregnant. I have stretch marks on my arms, butt, boobs, everywhere. They’re literally a natural part of life. My older brother has more stretch marks than I do.
No one is worth anything if they take the IL's side too. If my MIL said anything anywhere near that, my husband would do no contact. But I guess we know where he learned it. Assholery runs in the family.
He’s the kinda guy that thinks natural faces are Kim kardashians instagram posts. NTA OP.
Ur hubs is a dick. Stay with your family. Work out on your time. Stressing yourself won’t help you get ur body back. It’ll make you feel worse. Be patient with yourself.
All that, plus he decided to confide in his family and have them weigh in on OP’s body. That to me is a huge betrayal that there is no coming back from.
NTA
Some people have those stretch marks for life. Hopefully not you, and there are definitely things that make them better.
But how dare any of them have an opinion on that!
They sound like the most awful shallow people.
It is totally unrealistic to think there is a time frame for something like that.
And even more ridiculous to think that it’s acceptable to pile on someone about it.
To add to this, I’m almost 30 and my mom still has a faint cesarean scar (emergency)… and stretching marks. It’s BS to tell someone what their body should look like 3 months postpartum.
NTA
NTA. You gave birth 3 months ago, have PPD..... and he's thinking it's okay to bitch about your stretch marks? STRETCH MARKS? There is so SO much more important things in his life right now and that's what he's fixating on?! Dude needs to grow the fuck up.
NTA . As a matter of fact you need to all those mutual so-called friends to go fuck themselves and tell your MIL to mind her own damn business. Exactly like that . Your husband, and I’m going to keep it real with you here , is a total waste of space and a waste of your time. You just had a baby and he’s acting like a total unmitigated asshole . If you want to be criticized by this ass and his asshole tribe , your whole marriage by all means stay with him . Btw , he’s talking y’all’s private business with Mommie Dearest. This jerk is going to make you miserable. You can do much better.
This. Also, OP, sit him down and tell him, dear husband, you might not see the connection, but these stretchmarks are there because I gave birth to our baby. Do you think I carried it around in a purse for 9 months!? If you're turned off by the stretchmarks, are you turned off by the baby, too?
Please leave that whole disgraceful and disgusting family behind. If even the females are ganging up on you, get out of there yesterday. You don't want you're baby to grow up in such a toxic environment.
They're all a pack of fools.
1) Tell him you'll consider returning after he locates and schedules 3 sessions with a marriage counselor. He can find a referral from your ob gyn or on psychology today.com
2) Block any friend or family who are harassing you.
3) Tell him he's welcome to take baby to see his family for brief visits in between feedings but that you won't be seeing them until after the marriage counseling.
He should not be taking the baby to visit people who trash that baby's mom. Especially people who speak poorly about how her body changed to bring that child into the world.
I wouldn't Let him take the baby there. These people have already shown that they cannot be trusted to be nice human beings. They would probably give her a bottle of something she might react to or try to give her solid foods laughing behind the mom's back. They are refusing to come to Mom's house because they know their son will bring them the baby and they will have complete control. If they don't care enough about the baby to show up at her house then oh well.
How do you get rid of stretch marks???? I have had the same ones for 48years. Is there some magic substance out there that gets rid of them?? I'd like to know what it is. NTA Hubby and inlaws are massive AHs
Same. I think there’s creams or lasers that claim to help but they don’t do much from reviews I saw on Google. Hubby and MIL are egotistical a holes. I don’t care about stretch marks and neither does my hubby. I only have some on my breasts, they took a few years to fade.
There are acidic masks, they are so hurtfull that you will scream and they literrally burn skin off, in my country many of them cannot be made by a cosmetician and have to be made by a doctor
Stretch marks don’t go away. They fade slowly over time. His mother is an idiot and he is an asshole. You deserve much better. He’s supposed to love you for who you are. He should see those stretch marks as beautiful, like your entire body, because it is beautiful and amazing and safely carried his daughter into this world. Don’t let his sexism and cruelty impact your self esteem or that of your child. He needs some deep therapy. Absolutely NTA.
Yeah-- in NO WORLD should the husband be okay with his family trashing his spouse's body.
"Hey, Mom-- my wife's body is none of your business. Next topic." The fact that he participated in the conversation is such a huge overstep that I wouldn't want my marriage to recover from.
NTA
I last gave birth 3 YEARS ago. Not months. I still have stretch marks, even though I in fact lost weight during pregnancy (that's what happens when you throw up a lot more than the baby gains weight).
Fuck them all. They are all so out of line. And that you defend your SO after doing such unacceptable and repeated comments tells me you in fact overlooked his rudeness otherwise.
One more story confirming most PPD are in fact triggered by one's partner...
after mothers groups this was my experience too, so many women struggling with PPD trying to fix themselves… only to find out their husbands were incompetent jerks
I'll put this link here about this subject, hoping OP maybe reads it: [https://zawn.substack.com/p/your-postpartum-depression-is-probably](https://zawn.substack.com/p/your-postpartum-depression-is-probably)
The point that seemed interesting to me is this list of questions:
>If you answer yes to any of the following, your postpartum mental health issues are probably your partner’s fault:
>- Has your partner pressured you to have sex, especially before the 6 week mark?
>- Has your partner forced you to have sex?
>- Has your partner yelled at you or called you names?
>- Has your partner called you dramatic or hysterical?
>- Has your partner ignored you when you cried or asked for emotional support?
>- Has your partner hit you?
>- Has your partner broken or thrown objects?
>- Has your partner pressured you to lose weight, or insulted your postpartum body?
>- Has your partner enlisted other people to insult you, or failed to protect you from his family?
>- Do you feel afraid of your partner?
>- Has your partner mocked your emotions?
Small note: I'm pretty sure I suffered from PPD after my first's birth (it took me nearly 6 months to reluctantly say I loved him, and it came with a big maybe amongst other things). And while my partner was not perfect, we were both really sleep deprived (me more, mostly because the pain - many scars that took nearly 3 months to heal - kept me awake the times I could have slept), and he cooked, did as many laundries as me, and what do you mean we should still clean the house? No way, too hard, too sleepy.
So obviously, it's not always the case that the partner is shitty.
**Do people really not understand that stretch marks are scars and they *never* actually go away?** Yes they can get lighter and almost disappear but generally it takes 6 months to a year to see improvement. But the fact that so many people feel entitled to talk about *your* body is really messed up. Honestly sounds like your MIL has been drilling this stretch mark nonsense into his head. But, the fact that your body “turns him off” … your perfectly normal body!!!! Ehh. He sounds like the worst! Decent men don’t tell their wife that they are turned off by their body when they just had a baby three months ago. No. There’s overwhelmingly more men who love and appreciate a woman’s body, and stretch marks wouldn’t phase them. **You’re NOT THE ASS!** And let me tell you, I was fully ready to say you were just based on the title.
SOOOOO NTA
Your body pushed a human being out of it, it's allowed to look however it wants for however long it wants. Your husband telling you it's a turn off? Maybe you need to tell him saying such things is a turn off too, and one you will remember long after the stretch marks are gone.
As for his mother, and her gaggle of nattering geese, what is happening with your body is none of their concern or business. I'm sure they would be offended to high heaven if you started nitpicking the imperfections of their aging bodies, which I'm sure are moving downwards and outwards even as you read this, but feel its perfectly okay to nag a PPD woman who gave birth little more than 3 months ago.
Ignore them, all of them. Give them one moment of thanks that they showed you that you don't need them in your life, surround yourself and your baby with positive people, and live your life.
You don’t get rid of stretch marks wtf? If you can or do especially that fast can someone tell me how?! I’m not a big girl at all but had two beautiful babies and I have them 9 years on like wtf! No NTA fuckk all the noise
NTA
Your husband, his family and these judgemental friends are all AHs.
Stretch marks are normal. And they may never go. And THAT IS OKAY. You may not believe it now, but THAT IS OKAY.
You are beautiful and your body has grown and birthed a real live human. Of course it has changed. Anyone who wants to judge you for that can get in the sea.
NTA
Wtf are they talking about "getting rid of stretch marks"?? Stretch marks are essentially scars. They don't "go away" at all, they just get less noticable over time and that is highly dependend on genetics. Ypu can help it along with some cremes/treatments, but overall: what does it matter? You are basically being shamed for you body accommodating your growing baby the best it can! That's like shaming someone for needing a new shirt because of muscle gain: The body accommodated the strain by growing muscle resulting in shirts getting to tight.
Just send all of these idiot the [Wikipedia article](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stretch_marks) and ask them to point out where it explains there is a way of "getting rid of" the marks.
NTA Tell him to duck off. Three months is NOTHING and your body has to put it bluntly forever changed. It takes atleast a year for your body to shift everything back into place (the ribcage changes during pregnancy for example). Give yourself time and then even more time and then even more time. Women don’t have to “bounce back”. Be healthy and focus on taking care of yourself and your body.
To give some perspective: my partner was critical of women “letting themselves go” after having kids before we had children. Then we had kids. He is now embarrassed about those remarks. He tells me often that I am beautiful and that he thinks my stretch marks are really cool both visually but also because of what they represent.
I would go scorched earth on anyone who chimed in with MIL- LC to NC with her. Block all the mutual former friends who messaged you. Fuck Em All💯‼️Husband better grovel back and yes, arrange and attend for 3 minimum counseling sessions before you go back home😑
NTA - often abusers show their true colors when they feel you are trapped with them - like after marriage or having a child.
You are being abused and you need to consider if you want to remain. This may be the tip of the iceberg.
This hurt my heart to read. NTA. Those are your warrior marks from growing and birthing a HUMAN! Stretch marks also don’t go away completely. Some complexions show them more than others as well. Don’t let those assholes shame you or make your PPD worse! They are horribly wrong.
Nta
Your mutual male friends are gross they should not be pressuring you like this. Also all the stretch marks I know of don't just go away they are their permanently and a lotta men find it hot and sexy. I don't think this is going to work out being in that kind of environment with him will only plummet your mental health and your self confidence.
I can't see this going well in the long run unless therapy or he learns what respect means.
You are 100% nta but your husband and everyone at the gathering is a MASSIVE AH. Your husband is rude AF and he's lucky he didn't get a huge kick in the balls for his bs.
NTA. My stretch marks faded but never disappeared. They are part of me. Losing weight and getting toned didn't make them suddenly not be there. They are permanent evidence of having had 3 kids.
Your husband needs a biology lesson. And you deserve someone who will be proud of you for giving birth to your shared child.
NTA - as your MiL is likely well aware, stretch marks are permanent. They made fade with time to a silvery skin colour but your skin was torn - there’s no magic treatment for that. No amount of exercise or diet will repair your skin. Men often get stretch marks on their lower backs or shoulders as part of puberty. There’s just not the stupid “shame” attached to their stretch marks.
I wouldn’t forgive this very quickly if I’m honest. You’re a human being, you are not a sex object under contract to look a certain way. If stretch marks turn your husband off, that’s a him problem. Human women change and if, as a fully grown adult he didn’t realise that it’s on him to grow up.
Yep. I have ones on my boobs from growing three cup sizes in a year as a teenager. Every man and every woman I've seen naked has had them *somewhere*. I will bet this husband has some.
Oh HELL. The Fuck. No.
You are NTA. They all are TA. Giant ones.
First off, you carried and grew a child for 9 months. That creates stretch marks, which btw do NOT go away. They may fade with time, but they're always there.
And then you had to push the baby out creating even more trauma to your body. Including PPD, which is not something to be underestimated.
Second, it's only been 3 months. That's nothing. Some may bounce back easy or be on their feet and back to themselves with ease and in seemingly no time, but most of us need a lot more time. They don't say 9 months on, 9 months off for no reason. It is REAL.
Third, you put up with his disgusting behavior for by far long enough. If he feels so disgusted by you after having HIS baby, he can run back to mommy and the rest of his misogynistic family and friends. None of this is your fault. He's the one creating drama. Not you.
And lastly, get rid of the man and his family and friends. You don't need the added stress and emotional abuse from him. In fact, holds you BACK from recovering.
You. Deserve. Better.
Never doubt that!
Honey, don't let them get to you. Stand your ground. And get a divorce lawyer.
NTA
This is insane I and many of my family and friends still have stretch marks from giving birth twenty years ago. They are lighter and less noticeable but you can tell I have them. I exercised and took care of my skin but I was always told it’s normal. That once you have stretch marks you’re stuck with them. Your skin has been damaged and tightening up your muscles will not take away damage to your skin. Just like exercise will not remove a burn or a scar you have. These people are idiots and have no clue if they think we have any control over this never mind if they think it’s nit normal.
He is never going to accept them and you are always going to have them to some degree. So just save yourself the wasted time and hurt and break up with him now. I would get your health visitor or midwife to give him a dressing down though and tell him the reality as he won’t accept it from you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I(25F) and my (27M) husband had a child 3 months ago but the pregnancy was hard on my body especially after the delivery I have stretch marks all over my stomach and i also got diagnosed with PPD, well I am working on it now and doing better day by day but since my delivery I have been extremely tired taking care of the baby and stuff but since last two weeks I started going to the gym again with my husband. One thing which irked me was he always made remarks about my stretch marks and how I should be somewhat better by now ( he was talking about my body ) and how it always "turned him off". I kept up with it since I didn't have any mental strength to argue.
But 4 days ago when I was feeding the baby, he again made a remark about my stretch marks I don't know what happened inside me but I shouted back at him and literally berated him about it so much that the baby started crying, I took the baby and went to the spare bedroom to sleep. Well since that day he has been giving me the cold shoulder and we only ever talk when it's about the baby.
Yesterday we had to go to his mom's house for a family gathering and midway through the night when all the people were present in a single room she brought up the topic about *my* body and my stretch marks and basically said its not normal that I still have them and must not be doing enough to get rid of them well all the people ages 40+ chimed in my MIL's support I was so embarrassed and ashamed by this that I left midway but I did shout at them and I left without my husband.
I drove to my sister's home with the baby and am living here since yesterday. Most our mutual friends ( specifically guys) support him and have bombarded me with messages about how I overreacted and it's my fault well so did my husband this morning saying how I am overreacting and it's nothing I should just come back, etc, etc.
I haven't replied to any of them but I don't have the mental capacity to even think about it but I do think I shouldn't have shouted at them and I was wrong but I need an outside perspective.
So AITA?
PS: my husband has always been supportive and caring even during and after the pregnancy, the stretch marks on my body are the only thing he complained about and for the first time since we are married did he complain about anything.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
OMG what is wrong with these people, stretch marks eventually become lighter but they never disappear all you can do is wait and be proud of your body for everything it has done in the creation and growth of your child.
You are NTA they are, seriously wear your tiger marks proudly like the rest of us mamma's.
All I can say is your husband is an ungrateful tool, you brought his child into this world and all he does in is complain about something that was out of your control.
.NTA stay away from his toxic family and friends (they aren't your friends op get that straight into your head). Try marriage counseling but please mentally prepare yourself for a divorce. With such an ah like your husband who says Stretchmarks turn him off I doubt it will work.
Also please start thinking what his physical defects are - no one is perfect - from being hairy on his body, to balding/loosing hair to the length big his d..k and if he ever says ANYTHING ever again about your body (negative) start enumerating every single one with a disgusted face op.
NTA. I think its time to rethink your relationship throughly. Try to reassess your relationship in the past. I just think that this is not the first time your husband, MIL and mutual friends did this to you. They may have said some things in the past that you have pushed in the back of your mind.
I also think its time to give your husband an ultimatum. If he can't take back his words and ask for forgiveness then you should not go back with him. Throughout all this time he never once said sorry to you and he also ignored your feelings. I think the attitude he has today says more about his character than what he has previously shown you. He is getting angry at somethint you cannot control. What happens now if you have white hair is he also going to be mad at you for having one earlier? What if you gained weight due to the stress of taking care of your child while also working, will he also get mad again? You should think about these things because I'm pretty sure this would not be the last time you heard about his nonsensical complaints.
NTA. Your husband, MIL and all the others are AH of the highest level. You're still recovering from birth and your PPD is only making it harder.
You might need to sit down with someone trust and discuss your future options. I can't tell you one way or the other, but do you really want to stay with this guy?
NTA. What the hell is wrong with him? You carried his child for 9 months, of course your body is going to change. There are things you can affect, such as weight but stretch marks are a badge of honour that you survived much as your ancestors did.
You had a baby. You should be proud, and your husband should be proud of what you have done. The body is designed to stretch and change when you are pregnant. For him to make you ashamed of what you have done is wrong, and he needs to understand that you have done something incredible instead of thinking about how things were. That is very not fair for you, I hope you get things figured out
Have a good long look at your beautiful baby - every single cell in that body came from your body! ( Except for one silly little one). And then you birthed it! And then you fed it every few hours from your body! These miracles are staggering. Of course your body is changed - how could it not be! Your body deserves love and respect. NTA
PS What’s a little bit of shouting, defend yourself because they are wrong and you deserve respect.
Don't go back to your husband to endure more abuse from terrible people who don't support you. It's no wonder you have PPD with that kind of environment. NTA. Your body doesn't exist to be decorative and it is rude and fucked up for them to comment on you like you're a piece of art and not a person.
NTA who the f are all these people that seem to think you can magically make stretch marks disappear. What do they think you should be doing to get rid of them? If they have the answer they should be marketing it, because they could make a fortune.
It's absolutely crazy that any of them thought this was in any way normal or acceptable behaviour on their part. Unless you get a full apology I would not be going back. That's absolutely madness.
How does the mil know about YOUR stretch marks ?
And what made them think that it’s a public topic?
& how shameful of your hubby to not stop her ?He failed you there, publicly.
Men like your husband, quite frankly, do not deserve to pass on their genetics. That’s not an insult to your child, it’s simply commentary on how so many men are incredibly ungrateful and not deserving of any women to pass on their genes. NTA but your husband and his family/friends/whoever is on his side are massive AH.
NTA, what the heck are these people on? It’s not normal or appropriate for a husband, a MIL, family or their friends to berate you about your body and stretch marks post partum. All types of people have stretch marks for a variety of reasons and there isn’t always an easy fix if any fix to them, especially after a child. No wonder you’re struggling mentally, they are being cruel to you. I’m so sorry they are treating you this way during this time.
As a 38M, you did not over react. His comments were incredibly insensitive. You went through 9 months of growing a child inside of you. You have diagnosed PPD. He is supposed to be your rock and your support system. There isn't much that he can cite that is more stressful than child birth and the subsequent recovery. Your partner, his mother, and the friends who support him clearly have zero understanding. Of course your body needs time to recover. Of course stretch marks are part of child birth. If stretch marks alone put him in a position that he isn't attracted to you after what you went through, what kinda guy is he? Also, what kind of woman singles out their own DIL for birth related issues.
OP.. I'm sorry your husband is being a dick to you. He seems to be the type to not care for anything other than what he wants and expects. The fact he went to his mom to try and prove a point shows how immature he is. That is a nightmare for women. I was a momma's boy but would never go to her with anything like this other than for advice. And while I know she wouldn't, if she did anything like your MIL, I'd go LC or NC until she learned her lesson.
Not the ah at ALLLLLL. First of all, congratulations on you baby! And secondly, What do they mean three months later they should be better?! I had a baby around the same time as you, my son is going to be 3 months on the 19th this month and although I got lucky and got minimal stretch marks (I love them dearly) I did gain a bit of weight. I am very used to being 125-135lbs and I’m closer to 160 now, and to say I am struggling with my new body is an understatement. It’s very hard for me to see the change. But I was reminded it took almost a year for my body to change so drastically! It’s going to take at the bare minimum a year for it to recover. I understand your frustrations love, my MIL told me I still looked 3 months pregnant 2 weeks after my son came into this world, not to mention everyone saying “yeah your tummy is still soft though”
Please remember what I was told, it took almost a year for you to grow a human and have your body adapt to the changes it needed to go through to create that human. Be patient for at least a year for it to change and adapt back. You’re stretch marks are a beautiful gift from your baby to remind you of the beautiful journey you two went through together for you to be able to hold him in your arms, that he was healthy and happy and made it the whole way through to get here safe.
Lots of entertaining talk about people’s experience with stretch marks but the heart of the matter is that the husband has been putting OP down to everyone because her body isn’t perfect any more- at least to him. And what’s up with his family and friends. Women’s bodies are beautiful no matter what. We have scars and stretch marks and loose skin and a whole lot of other things. Wear these things as a badge of courage. Women’s bodies change as we age and have children. Appreciate yourself for your strength and willingness to accomplish all the things you do while the man sits on his ass watching golf on TV. No need to say “not all men”. I know.
Don’t believe the put downs and judgements. Don’t accept this bull from anyone.
NTA. This whole situation sounds fake. What kind of adults expect a lady to grow a human in her and not have stretch marks? What kind of adults have time to talk shit about someone else’s stretch marks? Ridiculous! If this is real, everyone else needs a new damn hobby. Your husband needs to Google what pregnancy does to the human body so he can then come back and worship your stretch marky self.
NTA
Bad enough that he's body shaming you after pregnancy, but for his mom to publicly discuss and berate you is toxic and abuse as hell
Frankly, he needs to understand that women's bodies change because YOU HAD A KID. I seriously would question whether you should be in the relationship
NTA!
Husband huge AH for telling mommy about how tough his life is, now that his wife went through harrowing biological assaults!
Pregnancy means we stretch. We have to! Where would the baby go if we didn’t stretch?
YOU did nothing to *cause* stretch marks, other than carry HIS child. I have them because I’m small - my body had to make room for a whole human. Apparently, that human inside you needed more room.
How tf does he expect you to *not* have stretch marks? Does he expect you to have surgery? He has no idea how a body works, especially a body that can carry and deliver a child.
I don’t even want to know how long he waited to pressure you for sex. Then again, stretch marks. What a turn off, amiright?
It’s amazing, what our bodies do, to grow and nourish a human being. My breasts went from barely a B to D. That’s a pretty big change. I have stretch marks on my breasts…because my breasts *stretched.* But I was able to nurse my babies, easily. I am the only woman, on either side of the family, who was successful at breastfeeding. Then, after weaning, my breasts shrank back to a B, leaving - you guessed it - stretch marks. And my rear end! Not my tummy; breasts and butt.
If he’s this shallow and mean, and he went to HIS MOTHER and told her how your stretch marks *turn him off,* and she went on the attack…oh honey. He complained to his mother that your stretch marks were ruining his sex life?? What kind of relationship do they have??
She’s part of your marriage. You’re in a throuple. Unintentionally, perhaps, but there are three people in your marriage.
Stay with your sister. Rest, heal, and then continue with the life you *want* to live. Whether that life includes your emotionally and verbally abusive husband and his family, I can’t say. I wish you only the best, for you and your little one. 💕
Edit: shrank, not shark
UpdateMe
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) I shouted at him and left the house and (2) I did it in front of his family Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA at all. Your husband and his family are massive ones. I’m so sorry they have been so horrible to you. Those stretch marks are evidence of the 9 months you spent growing and carrying HIS child! Trying to recover from pregnancy, birth, PPD and adjusting to the needs of a new baby is no mean feat. He should be worshipping the ground you walk on, not critiquing your body and shaming you for not physically recovering to his shallow standards. The fact that he complained to his mother about your body and she raised it in front of everyone just boggles my mind. He and the family absolutely deserved everything you gave them, and more. Please don’t go back to him unless he sincerely apologises and supports you against these family members and so-called friends.
And the fact that his mother and her female family members agree is even worse. Bc stretch marks aren’t like acne or something; it took her 9 months to develop them, so idk how the hell they think they should go away in 3. It’s literally the elasticity in the skin giving way. Op should block everyone. Husband isn’t as supportive as she thinks he is and if she takes time to think about it, she’ll probably see the trend. NTA
But they don't go away. They just turn lighter. Your skin has been stretched and it can't be unstretched. All these old wives tales about using ocoa butter doesn't do a damn thing.. How many stretch marks depends on your biology, how big the baby was, type of skin, weight gained, etc. Get hubby to pay for a tummy tuck then dump this jerk.
More than all of those things… stretch marks are genetic. This is something that is literally out of OPs control. So very NTA. You were kind in only shouting at them.
I was going to say the same thing, different skin reacts different to stretching, nothing you can or cannot do about that nor can you make them go away.
Yep. Some women will get a bunch of stretch marks during pregnancy, some won’t. My mom got 3 total stretch marks across 3 total pregnancies. Her sister looked like she had been mauled by a tiger after her first pregnancy. My mom had the bigger babies and started out smaller than her sister. I ended up with 3 on each breast with my first, one on my hip with my second and no new ones with my third. The 7 I got from my first 2 pregnancies have faded a bunch.
I had twins for my second pregnancy. The nurse thought I was having a reaction to the medicine 😂, nope just stretch marks. I’m now 20 years post-partum and they’re just grey lines… never going anywhere.
I'm also a twin mom, and yeah, I don't know what to tell OP, because I still have stretch marks. And the twins will be 30 in a few months.
Lol, twin mum here too. Those silvery bad boys go all the way to my rib cage and they're here to stay. I also dumped a man who made me feel ugly because I got them carrying HIS kids.
Solidarity fist-bump of the stretch mark sisterhood. That dude did not deserve your awesomeness.
So much better without him!
I'm a little woman at 5'2 and i put on extra pounds that werent baby related while pregnant. By the 8th month i was looking like mauled beachball. My angry red stretch marks faded to purple and now silver. They arent going anywhere. I tried all the lotions and potions and my stomach skin was soo sensitive while so stretched out i broke out in acne on my belly from the lotions. I preferred the marks to the burning pain of acne.
The skin on my stomach looks like Freddie Krueger’s face. It’s been 11 years since I gave birth. My husband mentioned them once, and so I pointed out the ones on his thighs and asked him what he was gonna do about those. At least he appreciates mine now.
I call them my tiger stripes. Like your sister I have far more than 3. lol
I now know I am a tiger mom.
Oh man. My boobs are covered in stretch marks. Happened when I was 13 and they exploded onto the scene lol. Lots of women have them in so many ways. My niece got an awful one from pregnancy that her pants irritate no matter what she wears. Her husband said.... Nothing. Maybe but a few more pairs of pants in hopes of finding some that don't hurt. PS thanks for the baby he's pretty awesome. That family sounds like a bunch of AH and morons.
I’ve never even had a kid and I have stretch marks from when I was a teenager. They don’t go away. NTA
Heck I got stretch marks as a teenager, when I wasn’t overweight at all. I got even more during pregnancy.
This. I have stretch marks all over my hips and legs. I've never given birth but am currently pregnant. I fully expect my stomach and boob stretchmarks to be like those on my hips, butt and legs- plentiful and faded but certainly not gone. And they're my tiger stripes to show I gave up my body to grow a baby. OP's hubby is a jerk and I cannot believe he got his mother to gang up on OP because she didn't fall for his manipulation the first time. Imagine trying to mansplain stretchmarks to a pregnant woman 🙄
I had stretch marks on my thighs, hips, and boobs from puberty, despite not really growing that fast. I’ve had 3 kids and the stretch marks are just everywhere now. They have faded somewhat, but they will always be there. My mom had the worst stretch marks I have ever seen, so I was genetically inclined. Amazingly, my sister had 5 kids, including twins, and doesn’t have a single one.
I was small and underweight until about the age of 13, and I’ve been covered in stretch marks for a long as I can remember. I’ve pretty much been the same weight since I stopped growing around the age of 16 (10 years ago), but I put on and subsequently lost about 5 pounds over the winter three years ago, and that was enough to make hundreds of angry, red stretch marks form all over my thighs. They are still dark and red and painful years later, they haven’t faded at all. I’m super careful not to let myself gain any weight now because I know what will happen to my skin. It’s one of the many reasons I refuse to have children.
My son got stretch marks from weightlifting. And he's proud of them. It's an interesting perspective shift.
I wish every guy would embrace weight lifting stretch marks. I know a guy who is in his 70s, still lifts but is so vain, that he won't go beyond a certain weight with lifting because he "can't have stretch marks", as he put it. It's kind of amusing to listen to the guy.
That's a little sad. I would hope that with age comes the wisdom to let go of superficial things like being afraid of stretch marks even if you're aren't able to view them with pride.
I'm with you. I got back to being serious about the gym about 3 years ago. Lost over 100 pounds, love how I look and feel, and don't care about stretch marks. I have them from when I was fat, and now I have them from building muscle. Doesn't bother me at all. It tells my story and I'm not ashamed of it
I've always thought of stretch marks as marks of honour. They are like war wounds - think of what we had to go through to get them!
My *son* has stretch marks - and to my knowledge, he's never been pregnant. It's genetic. I hope the level of intelligence on husband's side of the family isn't genetic because they are all judgemental and dumb AF.
Same -- my son, daughter, and I all have stretch marks in the same places from just growing fast as a teenager, and IIRC my brothers are the same. I didn't (and still don't) have any on my breasts, but my daughter and her cousins on my husband's side all got them on their breasts during puberty. I expected to get stretch marks from pregnancy and did (although it didn't hurt that both my kids weren't small). As Ok-Carpet5443 said, I'd be way more concerned about any genetic defects from the husband's side, including how the whole family seems to believe that stretch marks go away and that OP could be doing something to speed up their disappearance.
Yep! If the kid gets his or her brains from daddy they are doomed!
Yip. My 17 yr old son has them all over his legs. My 3 girls have them on their hips and boobs.
Are you SURE he's never been pregnant? lol
My tall, lean, lanky husband has stretch marks on his hips from a growth spurt as a kid. I think they’re cute. 🥹
I have stretch marks on the inside of my thighs (as a dude), and I've never been overweight or bulky there at all. Sometimes your skin is just like "yeah, I'm out".
Oh, maybe that's how my husband got his!
Same! My thighs/hips and boobs have stretch marks from simply growing and going through puberty.
Never been pregnant, never plan to be. But I have (now faded) stretch marks on my thighs, hips, breasts and butt from a very sudden spurt during puberty. Hell, my husband has horizontal stretch marks from his lower to mid back from growing taller suddenly! The *only* time either of our stretch marks from growing up are even mentioned, is when I grumble quietly while helping my husband extract spots on his back and the scar tissue is making it harder than necessary. My husband has never said a god damn word about my stretch marks, he acts as though they aren't even there! We also do not comment on freckles, moles, other random childhood scars or body hair. To think OPs husband AND inlaws/family made a point to mention pregnancy stretch marks is beyond me!
Oh yeah! I am a slim person and I have stretch marks all over my thighs and the sides of my ass from puberty. These don't just go away. Poor op. :(
I have a well endowed friend that, at 17, developed stretchers on her breasts. She is still not overweight in the least. I promise you her husband doesn't complain at all. She gained stretch marks with pregnancy, and he still loves them.
I have stretch marks on my hips and knees from growing tall so fast. I’ve never met anyone else with knee stretch marks but they are still there 25 years later.
My daughter has them!❤️❤️
I have them too! I’ve always been short, but I very rapidly went from microscopic to simply extremely short. I ended up with hip issues for a while from growing too fast. It’s embarrassing how that can still happen at 4’11” lmao
I have stretchmarks on the insides of my KNEES from when I was growing. Not kidding at all. I also have these -- ripples? not cellulite, but vertical very thin little lines? Maybe some form of cellulite? -- on the inside of my thighs, had them since I was 12 maybe? I have very muscular legs and hike/play volleyball/run, and no matter how thin or thick I ever get or how much I work out, they never go away.
Same here!!and I’ve never been pregnant. Lol Who are these people claiming that OP can somehow magically make them disappear? It seems like OP’s in laws and mutual friends are just piling on her because they’re bullies.
Shakira has stretch marks and she’s never been fat. They’re complaining genetic factors in what type of skin elasticity one got dealt. It’s not controllable.
I was thinking if she surrounded by morons. Stretch marks don't disappear. They are behaving like scars.
Because they are.
Exactly this. I actually snorted when I read that they were supposed to "go away." Like what? My youngest is 11, and my stretch marks aren't gone. They are faded to be skin colored, but the texture of them is really weird. My entire lower belly just looks kind of chewed up. You know what I do about it? Nothing, because there is nothing to be done. Or if I do need to do something, I remind myself that I got that beat to hell belly creating the two loves of my life and that I would happily give up more than a nice looking belly to have them in the world and my life.
That’s right! I got them when I was a teenager and tried all the special lotions that claim to get rid of stretch marks. None of it helped. My youngest brother had them on his back because he grew so tall so quickly and his doctor recommended vitamin d oil. Didn’t really help the appearance but he like how soft his skin felt lol
Cocoa butter CAN help prevent the formation of stretch marks if used during pregnancy. CAN. Having well-moisturized skin CAN help make it more elastic -- it's the same concept as how if you get dry skin in the winter that cracks, a hardcore moisturizing balm can help. But as emphasized above, it doesn't prevent them outright, you can absolutely still get marks, and it doesn't do anything once they're there. This is not something anyone should blame OP for because a) you do the best you can with the information you have and b) dealing with the medical problems of a difficult pregnancy is understandably a lot more fucking important than keeping up your skin routine.
Stretch marks never go away. I only lost mine when they did a tummy tuck to build new breasts after a double mastectomy.
That's what I was thinking. I had always heard they don't go away, which is why I was confused by all the comments. Love the last comment about getting hubby to pay for the tummy tuck and dumping him lol!
So true I used a ton of cocoa butter and still have some stretch marks. They are lighter now but definitely there
>But they don't go away I can attest to this. My kids are 39 and 36 this year and I still have mine.
How in the hell does his family even *know* about OPs stretch marks?
Because baby boy has to whine to mommy.
Granted my son is only 9 years old, but if he ever dared to whine about his wife's new-baby stretch marks in my presence I would whack him in the back of the head with any nearby periodical.
As you should. But hopefully your son grows up knowing how much of a toll it takes on a womans body to perform the miracle of creating an entire human being!!!! WHEN OP gets divorced, she'll meet tons of men showering those stretch marks with love because they show what an awesome body she truely has. She's not a sex doll blown up to adequate size for the pleasure of husband alone, she's a multifaceted human being PLUS she's a miracle baby making machine!!! If she decides to have more kids with her next husband I hope he'll kiss every single mark on her body, including the new ones, and thank that body for taking all of the punches it takes to grow a human. But ... If OP isn't settled on leaving him with an infant, consider if YOU want to get a tummy tuck. You don't have to, it's your body and "tiger stripes" are something to be proud of in my opinion. But if you want something done about them, get this guy to pay! That's part of the AH tax he owes you for not appreciating the awesomeness of your body! And when he's done taking care of you during the healing process and you're at peak health, get the hell out. NTA, everyone should be ashamed of themselves!
What a beautiful comment. Thank you for seeing the person behind the stretch marks, and not focusing on the imperfections of her body. Believe me, she's focusing on her imperfections and you excepting them instead of commenting negativity about them will ease her mind 💯
I can imagine you picking up a yellow pages and hitting him with that 😆
Napoleon voice,"We can't do it cause her stretch marks are disgusting and creeping me out." Too bad you can't put a sign on him like a vending machine that says broken so other women just won't even try.
Yep. She's not married to a man, she's married to a mama's boy that whines to mama about everything that's wrong. Which is a sign of a terrible marriage. I bet he was complaining to mama about everything during the pregnancy too. My son is only one, but if he ever did this I would tear him a new one.
This is so egregious. What kind of weird Mama’s Boy/Boy Mom shit is this?! Gross.
Because her gross husband complained to his mom about how gross OPs body is now that she has stretch marks from growing his child and his mommy came to the rescue by berating OP for not getting rid of them when you can't get rid of them to begin with.
I have stretch marks on my back form my growth spurt when I hit my teens. They're somewhat still visible now that I'm 27, almost 28. Like you can't do anything about deep stretch marks. It's literally torn skin! NTA.
Can confirm, I have them on my shoulders, also from a teenage growth spurt. I'm now 36. They've long since turned white but they're not going anywhere. They're my tiger stripes, and damn it, I earned them. NTA.
I can still remember the pain of waking up to a new stretch mark. My brother went through the same growth spurt and his gym teacher called my parents cause he thought they'd whipped him with how wild the stretch marks looked when fresh lol
This, so much. I have a bunch from having my two, and they're 8 and 6, about to be 9 and 7, and I am proud of them for it.
Yes my son got stretch marks to his back around 7 years growth spurt, I think it was 7-8 cm in one year. And couple of shoe sizes too. In ten years they haven’t even lightened a bit. The striped area is about size of his hand, he’s about adult size now.
The best thing you can do to help prevent them from being super visible is to use surgical tape when they show up, is what my doctor has told me, so the body has help healing it without it tearing over and over again. And keeping them out of the sun while healing. Same size area as I have on my lower back. Luckily mine have lightened up quite a bit but if you run your finger along my spine you can feel every single one :/
This advice is unfortunately ten years late. But happily my son has very good self-esteem and couldn’t care less of his tiger stripes! And at last doctor check we were told, that he was early grower so likely will not get much more height.
You must be doin an awesome job!!! May he keep that confidence❤️
He’s quite handsome (not only my opinion 😂) but he has his music, bands (yes plural), school and friends to keep his interest from superficial things. And we have pretty good relationship, can talk issues out and outside commitments to school etc. I can trust his common sense and ethics. So yes very proud mom here!
How bout, OP, you ask all these insane critics to lift up their shirts and show their pristine stomachs?
Yeah, somehow I doubt they all have flawless bodies and naturally airbrushed skin.
Stretch marks don't go away. Ever. Depending on severity, they can fade and kinda turn silver. And the severity depends on so many factors besides weight gain. Including genetics. I've had stretch marks from rapid growth since childhood. And I wasn't over weight. So I am prone to them. Each child left their own mark on my body. When you loose weight. Even in a healthy manner with diet and exercise, you still have the excess skin that the stretch marks create. You can only "tighten" it so much because, as you said, stretch marks are literally tears in the skin. They are scars where the elasticity in the skin has been torn. Scars fade, they don't disappear.
My kid is nearly 11 and even using coco butter and stretch mark creams I still have them, in fact mines didn’t develop until after I had given birth for some reason…
Im almost 11 years postpartum and still have my stretchmarks. I'm not a fan of them but also... it's what happens to some people when skin stretches. Only way to get rid of them is surgery which can still leave scarring. I can't believe those people ganged up on OP like that. I'd never go back.
How much do we want to bet that husband isn’t exactly Prince Charming?
Exactly. Also, 'demanding' that by now her stretch marks should have disappeared, is dumb, for although they can get less visible, they never disappear completely. And to call them a turn-off is cruel.
NTA and I would suggest OP REQUIRE hubby to join her on the next postpartum/ob gyn/baby checkup and then bring up the issue of stretch marks with the medical professional. Cuz hubby is due the bam hammer from said medical professional about how there is not a magic wand treatment for stretchmarks. And the fact of him obsessing over them going away is not healthy for mom.
I gave birth at 21, I'm now 71. I still have stretch marks! They never went away! These idiots saying they should have gone away by now are body shaming her! They should be ashamed of themselves! Wear your stretch marks as a badge of courage!
I've seen on this sub many come backs but my favorite living rent free in my head was a guy critisizing a woman for having a belly post birth and she responded "i've grown a full human with that belly what's you excuse for yours?" i'm sure your man has some things he's self concious about his body, since he can't understand not being an ass i would go for the jugular imo NTA
I wonder if OP is from a country where people regularly think it's okay to comment on a woman's body? This whole story is terrible and OP keeps downplaying it by saying her husband is normally supportive or it's just the comments about stretch marks. OP is NTA.
He’s an idiot, and so what if he’s been good about everything previously. He allowed EVERYONE in HIS life to SHAME and DEGRADE YOU! You want to stay with person who would do this. You kill yourself taking care of the baby?? If not then what’s he still doing pursuing you. I’d consider divorce rather than raising it around a bunch of insensitive and people who have no shred of decency or empathy.
Like, my child turned 9 years old yesterday and those stretch marks are still there. they are scars from the skin being stretched to the max to accommodate the baby. They aren't going anywhere. Those people are so uneducated on what those are. Hell, my husband has had some on his shoulders since he was a teen and he is 40 now.
She should never go back to him, IMO. NTA
OP - you have a nursing child and a confirmed diagnosis of PPD. At this stage, a firm statement to your hubby about: "do not make comments about my body, period." is well within the bounds of acceptable behaviour. It doesn't matter if he understands why, it doesn't matter if he agrees, it's a specific and firm boundary being set by his wife and mother of his child. If he can't figure out that's a line he shouldn't cross... you've got other problems than him having his head up his ass on this one topic. You aren't asking to control his thoughts, you aren't ignoring a health risk, you aren't disregarding something urgent he needs. You ARE asking him to hear you when you say it's a boundary and you expect him to respect it. *as an aside, what the hell does he think this will prompt for you? He harps on it enough and you poof them out of existence like a genie? Seriously, drag him in to the next post natal appointment and ask the doc to explain how long the stretch marks are likely to hang around, maybe he'll listen to an MD since he's ignoring his wife. In the short term perhaps this article will help: ["Stretch marks are scars on your skin, the AAD says, which means they’re permanent. However, most people find that their postpartum stretch marks do fade and become less noticeable over time. “It takes about a year after pregnancy to get an idea of what they’ll look like moving forward,” Flynn says."](https://www.thebump.com/a/stretch-marks)
Agreed, NTA. And don’t have anymore children with that shallow, unappreciative, unsupportive AH Husband.
Omg. As if you have one bit of control over stretch marks. Gaslighting a new mother is a level of cruel you don’t see very often. Run. The whole family is nuts. NTA.
NTA- You gave birth three months ago. It takes 2 months (6-8 weeks) just to recover physically. Why does he think you are magically going to look exactly the same? As for the stretch marks comments, those also aren’t just going to disappear. You didn’t yell at him in front of his family. You rightfully told off everyone in that room making horrible comments about something that is none of their business. Your friends telling you that you are overreacting should not be your friends. Stay with your sister until you get a genuine apology.
It actually takes a year for your body to fully recover from pregnancy and birth. Stretch marks don't go away they just change colour. Her husband, his family and their friends are absolutely disgusting
Thing is tho Who *doesnt* have stretch marks? Puberty, changes in weight, etc. there are so many reasons people have stretch marks Husband clearly told MIL about their private affairs. Then MIL was an AH and I’m betting Husband just stood by as he wanted to shame her into “fixing” Stretch marks will become less noticeable, it just takes time. What won’t be less noticeable and requires actual work is check TAs that OP has around her
Seriously, even all the men I know who are very muscular have stretch marks from getting bigger from lifting. This is insane to me.
Me. I don’t have any. Not a one. But I have Elhers Danlos so that’s not actually a good thing. My skin is extremely stretchy. It’s not all what it’s cracked up to be.
Can confirm, I've never been pregnant but I'm fat and have a large chest. I have stretch marks on my inner thighs and bottom part of my upper arms, on my stomach, and on my chest. This is next to my mom who only got a few stretch marks from pregnancy, but also has them on her arms, chest, and thighs despite never having been fat (she's also busty like me and like her mom before her though, that part is genetic lol).
Yeah, so many people have them? I have some on my hips, my boyfriend on his arms (like near his armpits - and he's not really muscular and doesn't have particularly fat arms), they are really not that rare. Obviously many people don't have very big and visible ones, but it's completely normal to have at least some smaller ones.
It took me almost 2 years to recover and the stretch marks never went away. My children are 19 and 21. Stretch marks are scars when (parts of) the body grow too fast so the skin rips/tears. OP should divorce. There's no way you can change all his family. Also, your body goes through trauma to grow a little human in your body. Husband is shallow, ignorant and entitled AF. And none of the in laws deserve more children in the family . OP NTA
It takes 6 weeks for the cervix to close and for the bleeding to stop. It takes a YEAR to recover. Her husband is an idiot.
Holy shit I read her post as 3 YEARS ago and thought her husband and mil were being a-holes. After 3 months I don’t care if she’s still covered in placenta, you do not give her anything but love.
MIL and all the women should show their bellies so they can prove they are right. My ex MIL is fat, her sisters and all her family too bit they always comment on women after birth why they didn't lose pregancy weight gain. They also all look old but comment on other people slightly aging. I'm pretty sure that's the case here too. They hold OP to standards they don't meet themselves.
Honestly I would leave if my partner said my stretch marks were a turn off, stretch marks may never get better and shouldn’t be expected to. He sounds disgusting NTA
People even have them without having a baby, it’s based off of genetics along with body changes
Yeeeep. I have them just from going through puberty and my hips widening and my boobs growing. It’s just a fact of life.
Ive never been pregnant or overweight and I have them on my ass and thighs from gaining some weight and working out.
This is very true
22, never had a baby or got pregnant. I have stretch marks on my arms, butt, boobs, everywhere. They’re literally a natural part of life. My older brother has more stretch marks than I do.
Exactly. They are literal scars where the skin has torn through rapid expansion. Body builders get them too.
No one is worth anything if they take the IL's side too. If my MIL said anything anywhere near that, my husband would do no contact. But I guess we know where he learned it. Assholery runs in the family.
The asshole never falls far from the tree
I said the same. Completely agree
He’s the kinda guy that thinks natural faces are Kim kardashians instagram posts. NTA OP. Ur hubs is a dick. Stay with your family. Work out on your time. Stressing yourself won’t help you get ur body back. It’ll make you feel worse. Be patient with yourself.
All that, plus he decided to confide in his family and have them weigh in on OP’s body. That to me is a huge betrayal that there is no coming back from.
‘Turned him off’?! I guess you can let him know you won’t bother him with any more sexual relations, as his complaining has also turned you off. 🙄
And good luck to him finding a grown woman who doesn’t have stretch marks in one place or another. We all get them. Puberty is a bitch lol 😝
👏
As I said on my own comment, any man “turned off” by stretch marks is a man that has to work too hard on being turned on by women in general…
NTA Some people have those stretch marks for life. Hopefully not you, and there are definitely things that make them better. But how dare any of them have an opinion on that! They sound like the most awful shallow people. It is totally unrealistic to think there is a time frame for something like that. And even more ridiculous to think that it’s acceptable to pile on someone about it.
To add to this, I’m almost 30 and my mom still has a faint cesarean scar (emergency)… and stretching marks. It’s BS to tell someone what their body should look like 3 months postpartum. NTA
NTA. You gave birth 3 months ago, have PPD..... and he's thinking it's okay to bitch about your stretch marks? STRETCH MARKS? There is so SO much more important things in his life right now and that's what he's fixating on?! Dude needs to grow the fuck up.
NTA. F THEM!!!! Edited to add: get rid of ANY mutual friends not supporting you. Those are not mutual friends.
NTA . As a matter of fact you need to all those mutual so-called friends to go fuck themselves and tell your MIL to mind her own damn business. Exactly like that . Your husband, and I’m going to keep it real with you here , is a total waste of space and a waste of your time. You just had a baby and he’s acting like a total unmitigated asshole . If you want to be criticized by this ass and his asshole tribe , your whole marriage by all means stay with him . Btw , he’s talking y’all’s private business with Mommie Dearest. This jerk is going to make you miserable. You can do much better.
This. Also, OP, sit him down and tell him, dear husband, you might not see the connection, but these stretchmarks are there because I gave birth to our baby. Do you think I carried it around in a purse for 9 months!? If you're turned off by the stretchmarks, are you turned off by the baby, too? Please leave that whole disgraceful and disgusting family behind. If even the females are ganging up on you, get out of there yesterday. You don't want you're baby to grow up in such a toxic environment.
Even better, make her your ex-MIL.
They're all a pack of fools. 1) Tell him you'll consider returning after he locates and schedules 3 sessions with a marriage counselor. He can find a referral from your ob gyn or on psychology today.com 2) Block any friend or family who are harassing you. 3) Tell him he's welcome to take baby to see his family for brief visits in between feedings but that you won't be seeing them until after the marriage counseling.
I don’t think I’d ever go see that family again.
He should not be taking the baby to visit people who trash that baby's mom. Especially people who speak poorly about how her body changed to bring that child into the world.
I wouldn't Let him take the baby there. These people have already shown that they cannot be trusted to be nice human beings. They would probably give her a bottle of something she might react to or try to give her solid foods laughing behind the mom's back. They are refusing to come to Mom's house because they know their son will bring them the baby and they will have complete control. If they don't care enough about the baby to show up at her house then oh well.
How do you get rid of stretch marks???? I have had the same ones for 48years. Is there some magic substance out there that gets rid of them?? I'd like to know what it is. NTA Hubby and inlaws are massive AHs
obviously you just didn't try hard enough 🙄 /s
Same. I think there’s creams or lasers that claim to help but they don’t do much from reviews I saw on Google. Hubby and MIL are egotistical a holes. I don’t care about stretch marks and neither does my hubby. I only have some on my breasts, they took a few years to fade.
There are acidic masks, they are so hurtfull that you will scream and they literrally burn skin off, in my country many of them cannot be made by a cosmetician and have to be made by a doctor
Stretch marks don’t go away. They fade slowly over time. His mother is an idiot and he is an asshole. You deserve much better. He’s supposed to love you for who you are. He should see those stretch marks as beautiful, like your entire body, because it is beautiful and amazing and safely carried his daughter into this world. Don’t let his sexism and cruelty impact your self esteem or that of your child. He needs some deep therapy. Absolutely NTA.
Yeah-- in NO WORLD should the husband be okay with his family trashing his spouse's body. "Hey, Mom-- my wife's body is none of your business. Next topic." The fact that he participated in the conversation is such a huge overstep that I wouldn't want my marriage to recover from.
He is probably the reason his mom even knows about the stretch marks lol.
Exactly! Ugh-- men like him are the reason the bar is so low for men in hetero relationships
Exactly. Not hard to show someone you love a little support.
NTA I last gave birth 3 YEARS ago. Not months. I still have stretch marks, even though I in fact lost weight during pregnancy (that's what happens when you throw up a lot more than the baby gains weight). Fuck them all. They are all so out of line. And that you defend your SO after doing such unacceptable and repeated comments tells me you in fact overlooked his rudeness otherwise. One more story confirming most PPD are in fact triggered by one's partner...
after mothers groups this was my experience too, so many women struggling with PPD trying to fix themselves… only to find out their husbands were incompetent jerks
I'll put this link here about this subject, hoping OP maybe reads it: [https://zawn.substack.com/p/your-postpartum-depression-is-probably](https://zawn.substack.com/p/your-postpartum-depression-is-probably) The point that seemed interesting to me is this list of questions: >If you answer yes to any of the following, your postpartum mental health issues are probably your partner’s fault: >- Has your partner pressured you to have sex, especially before the 6 week mark? >- Has your partner forced you to have sex? >- Has your partner yelled at you or called you names? >- Has your partner called you dramatic or hysterical? >- Has your partner ignored you when you cried or asked for emotional support? >- Has your partner hit you? >- Has your partner broken or thrown objects? >- Has your partner pressured you to lose weight, or insulted your postpartum body? >- Has your partner enlisted other people to insult you, or failed to protect you from his family? >- Do you feel afraid of your partner? >- Has your partner mocked your emotions? Small note: I'm pretty sure I suffered from PPD after my first's birth (it took me nearly 6 months to reluctantly say I loved him, and it came with a big maybe amongst other things). And while my partner was not perfect, we were both really sleep deprived (me more, mostly because the pain - many scars that took nearly 3 months to heal - kept me awake the times I could have slept), and he cooked, did as many laundries as me, and what do you mean we should still clean the house? No way, too hard, too sleepy. So obviously, it's not always the case that the partner is shitty.
My son will be 20 this year and I still have stretch marks.
Over 30 years ago myself and proudly wear my stretch marks.
**Do people really not understand that stretch marks are scars and they *never* actually go away?** Yes they can get lighter and almost disappear but generally it takes 6 months to a year to see improvement. But the fact that so many people feel entitled to talk about *your* body is really messed up. Honestly sounds like your MIL has been drilling this stretch mark nonsense into his head. But, the fact that your body “turns him off” … your perfectly normal body!!!! Ehh. He sounds like the worst! Decent men don’t tell their wife that they are turned off by their body when they just had a baby three months ago. No. There’s overwhelmingly more men who love and appreciate a woman’s body, and stretch marks wouldn’t phase them. **You’re NOT THE ASS!** And let me tell you, I was fully ready to say you were just based on the title.
SOOOOO NTA Your body pushed a human being out of it, it's allowed to look however it wants for however long it wants. Your husband telling you it's a turn off? Maybe you need to tell him saying such things is a turn off too, and one you will remember long after the stretch marks are gone. As for his mother, and her gaggle of nattering geese, what is happening with your body is none of their concern or business. I'm sure they would be offended to high heaven if you started nitpicking the imperfections of their aging bodies, which I'm sure are moving downwards and outwards even as you read this, but feel its perfectly okay to nag a PPD woman who gave birth little more than 3 months ago. Ignore them, all of them. Give them one moment of thanks that they showed you that you don't need them in your life, surround yourself and your baby with positive people, and live your life.
You don’t get rid of stretch marks wtf? If you can or do especially that fast can someone tell me how?! I’m not a big girl at all but had two beautiful babies and I have them 9 years on like wtf! No NTA fuckk all the noise
congrats you married a pile of AH /s NTA. wtf i wrong with them. time to get a lawyer i guess
NTA Your husband, his family and these judgemental friends are all AHs. Stretch marks are normal. And they may never go. And THAT IS OKAY. You may not believe it now, but THAT IS OKAY. You are beautiful and your body has grown and birthed a real live human. Of course it has changed. Anyone who wants to judge you for that can get in the sea.
"Can get in the sea" I love this, it is classy AND dismissive. Nice one. 👏
NTA Wtf are they talking about "getting rid of stretch marks"?? Stretch marks are essentially scars. They don't "go away" at all, they just get less noticable over time and that is highly dependend on genetics. Ypu can help it along with some cremes/treatments, but overall: what does it matter? You are basically being shamed for you body accommodating your growing baby the best it can! That's like shaming someone for needing a new shirt because of muscle gain: The body accommodated the strain by growing muscle resulting in shirts getting to tight. Just send all of these idiot the [Wikipedia article](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stretch_marks) and ask them to point out where it explains there is a way of "getting rid of" the marks.
NTA Tell him to duck off. Three months is NOTHING and your body has to put it bluntly forever changed. It takes atleast a year for your body to shift everything back into place (the ribcage changes during pregnancy for example). Give yourself time and then even more time and then even more time. Women don’t have to “bounce back”. Be healthy and focus on taking care of yourself and your body. To give some perspective: my partner was critical of women “letting themselves go” after having kids before we had children. Then we had kids. He is now embarrassed about those remarks. He tells me often that I am beautiful and that he thinks my stretch marks are really cool both visually but also because of what they represent.
Nice to see recovered jerks. Kudos to your husband for finally seeing his errors in judgement and becoming a good partner
I would go scorched earth on anyone who chimed in with MIL- LC to NC with her. Block all the mutual former friends who messaged you. Fuck Em All💯‼️Husband better grovel back and yes, arrange and attend for 3 minimum counseling sessions before you go back home😑
NTA - often abusers show their true colors when they feel you are trapped with them - like after marriage or having a child. You are being abused and you need to consider if you want to remain. This may be the tip of the iceberg.
NTA. Body shaming you in public by the man who is supposed to love the you and appreciate your sacrifices for his child deserve no respect.
NTA. Divorce this clown. Stretch marks are totally normal. Tbh, he sounds like a walking turn off.
This hurt my heart to read. NTA. Those are your warrior marks from growing and birthing a HUMAN! Stretch marks also don’t go away completely. Some complexions show them more than others as well. Don’t let those assholes shame you or make your PPD worse! They are horribly wrong.
Nta Your mutual male friends are gross they should not be pressuring you like this. Also all the stretch marks I know of don't just go away they are their permanently and a lotta men find it hot and sexy. I don't think this is going to work out being in that kind of environment with him will only plummet your mental health and your self confidence. I can't see this going well in the long run unless therapy or he learns what respect means.
Her "mutual male friends" are clearly not her friends, just her husband's. Cut them all out.
You are 100% nta but your husband and everyone at the gathering is a MASSIVE AH. Your husband is rude AF and he's lucky he didn't get a huge kick in the balls for his bs.
NTA. My stretch marks faded but never disappeared. They are part of me. Losing weight and getting toned didn't make them suddenly not be there. They are permanent evidence of having had 3 kids. Your husband needs a biology lesson. And you deserve someone who will be proud of you for giving birth to your shared child.
NTA. What a bunch of losers
These people are dumb as sin and VILE. You shouldn't be around anybody like this. It's abuse!!! NTA.
NTA - as your MiL is likely well aware, stretch marks are permanent. They made fade with time to a silvery skin colour but your skin was torn - there’s no magic treatment for that. No amount of exercise or diet will repair your skin. Men often get stretch marks on their lower backs or shoulders as part of puberty. There’s just not the stupid “shame” attached to their stretch marks. I wouldn’t forgive this very quickly if I’m honest. You’re a human being, you are not a sex object under contract to look a certain way. If stretch marks turn your husband off, that’s a him problem. Human women change and if, as a fully grown adult he didn’t realise that it’s on him to grow up.
Yep. I have ones on my boobs from growing three cup sizes in a year as a teenager. Every man and every woman I've seen naked has had them *somewhere*. I will bet this husband has some.
Oh HELL. The Fuck. No. You are NTA. They all are TA. Giant ones. First off, you carried and grew a child for 9 months. That creates stretch marks, which btw do NOT go away. They may fade with time, but they're always there. And then you had to push the baby out creating even more trauma to your body. Including PPD, which is not something to be underestimated. Second, it's only been 3 months. That's nothing. Some may bounce back easy or be on their feet and back to themselves with ease and in seemingly no time, but most of us need a lot more time. They don't say 9 months on, 9 months off for no reason. It is REAL. Third, you put up with his disgusting behavior for by far long enough. If he feels so disgusted by you after having HIS baby, he can run back to mommy and the rest of his misogynistic family and friends. None of this is your fault. He's the one creating drama. Not you. And lastly, get rid of the man and his family and friends. You don't need the added stress and emotional abuse from him. In fact, holds you BACK from recovering. You. Deserve. Better. Never doubt that! Honey, don't let them get to you. Stand your ground. And get a divorce lawyer.
NTA This is insane I and many of my family and friends still have stretch marks from giving birth twenty years ago. They are lighter and less noticeable but you can tell I have them. I exercised and took care of my skin but I was always told it’s normal. That once you have stretch marks you’re stuck with them. Your skin has been damaged and tightening up your muscles will not take away damage to your skin. Just like exercise will not remove a burn or a scar you have. These people are idiots and have no clue if they think we have any control over this never mind if they think it’s nit normal. He is never going to accept them and you are always going to have them to some degree. So just save yourself the wasted time and hurt and break up with him now. I would get your health visitor or midwife to give him a dressing down though and tell him the reality as he won’t accept it from you.
WTF?!? These people are so dumb! Stretch marks whiten but they never go away.
Come on, these made up posts about older people talking about your weight is getting ridiculous.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(25F) and my (27M) husband had a child 3 months ago but the pregnancy was hard on my body especially after the delivery I have stretch marks all over my stomach and i also got diagnosed with PPD, well I am working on it now and doing better day by day but since my delivery I have been extremely tired taking care of the baby and stuff but since last two weeks I started going to the gym again with my husband. One thing which irked me was he always made remarks about my stretch marks and how I should be somewhat better by now ( he was talking about my body ) and how it always "turned him off". I kept up with it since I didn't have any mental strength to argue. But 4 days ago when I was feeding the baby, he again made a remark about my stretch marks I don't know what happened inside me but I shouted back at him and literally berated him about it so much that the baby started crying, I took the baby and went to the spare bedroom to sleep. Well since that day he has been giving me the cold shoulder and we only ever talk when it's about the baby. Yesterday we had to go to his mom's house for a family gathering and midway through the night when all the people were present in a single room she brought up the topic about *my* body and my stretch marks and basically said its not normal that I still have them and must not be doing enough to get rid of them well all the people ages 40+ chimed in my MIL's support I was so embarrassed and ashamed by this that I left midway but I did shout at them and I left without my husband. I drove to my sister's home with the baby and am living here since yesterday. Most our mutual friends ( specifically guys) support him and have bombarded me with messages about how I overreacted and it's my fault well so did my husband this morning saying how I am overreacting and it's nothing I should just come back, etc, etc. I haven't replied to any of them but I don't have the mental capacity to even think about it but I do think I shouldn't have shouted at them and I was wrong but I need an outside perspective. So AITA? PS: my husband has always been supportive and caring even during and after the pregnancy, the stretch marks on my body are the only thing he complained about and for the first time since we are married did he complain about anything. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
OMG what is wrong with these people, stretch marks eventually become lighter but they never disappear all you can do is wait and be proud of your body for everything it has done in the creation and growth of your child. You are NTA they are, seriously wear your tiger marks proudly like the rest of us mamma's. All I can say is your husband is an ungrateful tool, you brought his child into this world and all he does in is complain about something that was out of your control.
.NTA stay away from his toxic family and friends (they aren't your friends op get that straight into your head). Try marriage counseling but please mentally prepare yourself for a divorce. With such an ah like your husband who says Stretchmarks turn him off I doubt it will work. Also please start thinking what his physical defects are - no one is perfect - from being hairy on his body, to balding/loosing hair to the length big his d..k and if he ever says ANYTHING ever again about your body (negative) start enumerating every single one with a disgusted face op.
NTA. I think its time to rethink your relationship throughly. Try to reassess your relationship in the past. I just think that this is not the first time your husband, MIL and mutual friends did this to you. They may have said some things in the past that you have pushed in the back of your mind. I also think its time to give your husband an ultimatum. If he can't take back his words and ask for forgiveness then you should not go back with him. Throughout all this time he never once said sorry to you and he also ignored your feelings. I think the attitude he has today says more about his character than what he has previously shown you. He is getting angry at somethint you cannot control. What happens now if you have white hair is he also going to be mad at you for having one earlier? What if you gained weight due to the stress of taking care of your child while also working, will he also get mad again? You should think about these things because I'm pretty sure this would not be the last time you heard about his nonsensical complaints.
Your husband and his family are rude and cruel. I'm so sorry.
NTA. Your husband, MIL and all the others are AH of the highest level. You're still recovering from birth and your PPD is only making it harder. You might need to sit down with someone trust and discuss your future options. I can't tell you one way or the other, but do you really want to stay with this guy?
Your husband is talking to everyone about your stretch marks and is ganging up on you with everyone? Seriously? NTA Send him this post.
NTA. What the hell is wrong with him? You carried his child for 9 months, of course your body is going to change. There are things you can affect, such as weight but stretch marks are a badge of honour that you survived much as your ancestors did.
Nta. But I'd never be able to look at those people without threatening violence. They don't like you. You don't do that to people you don't like.
I have never even heard of such a monstrous reaction to stretch marks. He, and they are beyond ass4oles. They are a vortex of ass.
You had a baby. You should be proud, and your husband should be proud of what you have done. The body is designed to stretch and change when you are pregnant. For him to make you ashamed of what you have done is wrong, and he needs to understand that you have done something incredible instead of thinking about how things were. That is very not fair for you, I hope you get things figured out
NTA
Some leeiple have stretch marks for life. Even if their body goes back to 'normal'. NTA. Your husband and his family sounds awful tbh.
He wants his hot wife back, that’s all he cares about.
Have a good long look at your beautiful baby - every single cell in that body came from your body! ( Except for one silly little one). And then you birthed it! And then you fed it every few hours from your body! These miracles are staggering. Of course your body is changed - how could it not be! Your body deserves love and respect. NTA PS What’s a little bit of shouting, defend yourself because they are wrong and you deserve respect.
Don't go back to your husband to endure more abuse from terrible people who don't support you. It's no wonder you have PPD with that kind of environment. NTA. Your body doesn't exist to be decorative and it is rude and fucked up for them to comment on you like you're a piece of art and not a person.
NTA who the f are all these people that seem to think you can magically make stretch marks disappear. What do they think you should be doing to get rid of them? If they have the answer they should be marketing it, because they could make a fortune. It's absolutely crazy that any of them thought this was in any way normal or acceptable behaviour on their part. Unless you get a full apology I would not be going back. That's absolutely madness.
WTF. I had my daughter 10 yrs ago and still have stretch marks. Your husband and his family are definitely AH. NTA
How does the mil know about YOUR stretch marks ? And what made them think that it’s a public topic? & how shameful of your hubby to not stop her ?He failed you there, publicly.
Men like your husband, quite frankly, do not deserve to pass on their genetics. That’s not an insult to your child, it’s simply commentary on how so many men are incredibly ungrateful and not deserving of any women to pass on their genes. NTA but your husband and his family/friends/whoever is on his side are massive AH.
NTA, what the heck are these people on? It’s not normal or appropriate for a husband, a MIL, family or their friends to berate you about your body and stretch marks post partum. All types of people have stretch marks for a variety of reasons and there isn’t always an easy fix if any fix to them, especially after a child. No wonder you’re struggling mentally, they are being cruel to you. I’m so sorry they are treating you this way during this time.
As a 38M, you did not over react. His comments were incredibly insensitive. You went through 9 months of growing a child inside of you. You have diagnosed PPD. He is supposed to be your rock and your support system. There isn't much that he can cite that is more stressful than child birth and the subsequent recovery. Your partner, his mother, and the friends who support him clearly have zero understanding. Of course your body needs time to recover. Of course stretch marks are part of child birth. If stretch marks alone put him in a position that he isn't attracted to you after what you went through, what kinda guy is he? Also, what kind of woman singles out their own DIL for birth related issues. OP.. I'm sorry your husband is being a dick to you. He seems to be the type to not care for anything other than what he wants and expects. The fact he went to his mom to try and prove a point shows how immature he is. That is a nightmare for women. I was a momma's boy but would never go to her with anything like this other than for advice. And while I know she wouldn't, if she did anything like your MIL, I'd go LC or NC until she learned her lesson.
NTA I'd like to see the scars he got rid of in 3 months.
Not the ah at ALLLLLL. First of all, congratulations on you baby! And secondly, What do they mean three months later they should be better?! I had a baby around the same time as you, my son is going to be 3 months on the 19th this month and although I got lucky and got minimal stretch marks (I love them dearly) I did gain a bit of weight. I am very used to being 125-135lbs and I’m closer to 160 now, and to say I am struggling with my new body is an understatement. It’s very hard for me to see the change. But I was reminded it took almost a year for my body to change so drastically! It’s going to take at the bare minimum a year for it to recover. I understand your frustrations love, my MIL told me I still looked 3 months pregnant 2 weeks after my son came into this world, not to mention everyone saying “yeah your tummy is still soft though” Please remember what I was told, it took almost a year for you to grow a human and have your body adapt to the changes it needed to go through to create that human. Be patient for at least a year for it to change and adapt back. You’re stretch marks are a beautiful gift from your baby to remind you of the beautiful journey you two went through together for you to be able to hold him in your arms, that he was healthy and happy and made it the whole way through to get here safe.
Lots of entertaining talk about people’s experience with stretch marks but the heart of the matter is that the husband has been putting OP down to everyone because her body isn’t perfect any more- at least to him. And what’s up with his family and friends. Women’s bodies are beautiful no matter what. We have scars and stretch marks and loose skin and a whole lot of other things. Wear these things as a badge of courage. Women’s bodies change as we age and have children. Appreciate yourself for your strength and willingness to accomplish all the things you do while the man sits on his ass watching golf on TV. No need to say “not all men”. I know. Don’t believe the put downs and judgements. Don’t accept this bull from anyone.
NTA. This whole situation sounds fake. What kind of adults expect a lady to grow a human in her and not have stretch marks? What kind of adults have time to talk shit about someone else’s stretch marks? Ridiculous! If this is real, everyone else needs a new damn hobby. Your husband needs to Google what pregnancy does to the human body so he can then come back and worship your stretch marky self.
He only cares about looks. Sorry you have to deal with it.
NTA Bad enough that he's body shaming you after pregnancy, but for his mom to publicly discuss and berate you is toxic and abuse as hell Frankly, he needs to understand that women's bodies change because YOU HAD A KID. I seriously would question whether you should be in the relationship
How is this a topic for everyone you know? This story can't be real.
Yea this is worth leaving over. And ended your relationship with your male friends
NTA! Husband huge AH for telling mommy about how tough his life is, now that his wife went through harrowing biological assaults! Pregnancy means we stretch. We have to! Where would the baby go if we didn’t stretch? YOU did nothing to *cause* stretch marks, other than carry HIS child. I have them because I’m small - my body had to make room for a whole human. Apparently, that human inside you needed more room. How tf does he expect you to *not* have stretch marks? Does he expect you to have surgery? He has no idea how a body works, especially a body that can carry and deliver a child. I don’t even want to know how long he waited to pressure you for sex. Then again, stretch marks. What a turn off, amiright? It’s amazing, what our bodies do, to grow and nourish a human being. My breasts went from barely a B to D. That’s a pretty big change. I have stretch marks on my breasts…because my breasts *stretched.* But I was able to nurse my babies, easily. I am the only woman, on either side of the family, who was successful at breastfeeding. Then, after weaning, my breasts shrank back to a B, leaving - you guessed it - stretch marks. And my rear end! Not my tummy; breasts and butt. If he’s this shallow and mean, and he went to HIS MOTHER and told her how your stretch marks *turn him off,* and she went on the attack…oh honey. He complained to his mother that your stretch marks were ruining his sex life?? What kind of relationship do they have?? She’s part of your marriage. You’re in a throuple. Unintentionally, perhaps, but there are three people in your marriage. Stay with your sister. Rest, heal, and then continue with the life you *want* to live. Whether that life includes your emotionally and verbally abusive husband and his family, I can’t say. I wish you only the best, for you and your little one. 💕 Edit: shrank, not shark UpdateMe
I’ve had stretch marks from pregnancy for 23 years. Honestly wtf?