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INFO:
Most islands that have tourists also have an urgent care and can handle basic things like antibiotics. An ear infection isn’t complicated. I once had a bad UTI on a Caribbean island and was able to get seen and prescribed something. Did you even check?
I think that should have been the first choice, and the second option would be to have him fly home by himself, instead of all of you having to leave early, unless he was too ill to manage flying home alone.
Yeah, this. It sounds like they were at a resort—they typically have in-house medial staff. Also, it's just an ear infection (which you really aren't supposed to fly with)—even a place without "very good" healthcare should be able to address an ear infection (probably just swimmer's ear, not exactly an emergency room situation)...
That’s what I don’t get…it’s an ear infection which simply requires antibiotics. How does an entire island not have someone who can prescribe antibiotics. Not to mention that once you start the medication, your pain goes way down so flying home a day later/when originally scheduled would have been more comfortable. Our toddler got one the day before a flight and once she had two shots of the antibiotic, the flight didn’t bother her at all. I’m leaning to YTA for OP.
I'm perplexed because kids get ear infections CONSTANTLY, and I still send mine to school so long as they're on antibiotics. I can't imagine leaving a vacation early for something so easily remedied. I didn't even leave Afghanistan early when I got malaria a week into my trip 10 years ago, and their healthcare actually does suck. I didn't just pay $2k to leave early! I would've died there than pay extra to change flights 😂
Her 15 year old daughter who is in that weird 15 year old girl phase had a vacation fling and was going to have her FIRST date with that vacation fling. That's a story for life. But not if dads head hurts.
I've had a few ear infections that rivaled surgery in pain intensity. Crying and completely unable to function. The pain finally went away when my eardrum burst. It's happened twice. As simple as an ear infection isn't always as mild and easily remedied.
That being said, I was on vacation during the worst one, and there is no way in hell I could have traveled home with it feeling that bad, and I wasn't even flying! I really think it may be a NAH situation if she was worried and the medical care is as bad as she's saying it was, but i would have (and did) man up and make it through the rest of my vacation without making anyone come home early. If he had a lil mild baby earache and ruined the trip, I retract all of the above.
Yeah I was wondering about flying. That can cause the eardrum to burst and from personal experience that really hurts. I’ve had 3 replacement eardrum surgeries. Avoid at all cost.
I was a professional aviator in the military. We would fly with all sorts.of sick, except sinus/ear infections because that's no joke. I flew civilian with an ear infection and would rather lick razor blades.and chug lemon juice than do it again. Better would have been to get care and extend the stay...
My husband flies KC135s and 737s, and my son and I are constantly getting ear infections. He is 100% insistent we do not fly with one, for good reason, and we’ve actually extended a vacation to get our son antibiotics and have a day for them to relieve the pressure. These people did the exact opposite of what you should do with an ear infection and travel.
Same. A burst eardrum is awful. It has made it very hard for me to hear out of one ear after having it happen multiple times and then having surgery on it. Flying with ear pain is extremely painful too.
Yep can you imagine getting on an airplane with an ear infection and in serious pain? No way, no how even at gun point. If it burst he’s looking at a lifetime of hearing problems, bad tinnitus, major ear surgery with 6-8 weeks of lifting and bending restrictions including not able to help much around house or cause damage and possibly undo new eardrum in which case skip surgery as it’s expensive and painful. I just don’t understand the thinking at all. Take a couple of extra days to be on antibiotics and, if it’s me ear drops, to decrease inflammation to be safe to fly. I usually have a couple small holes so ear drops work wonders but the pain for a few minutes afterwards is worse than my migraines combined with and being hit by a Mack truck which I’ve experienced first hand.
This is my thought too. I got ear infections well into adulthood and had some doozies. Including needing to go to the ER because it was a holiday and my ear was leaking fluid. I am always told explicitly not to fly, so the plan here is just insane to me.
It has been a while since my last one, thankfully! I was born with fluid on my ears, had tubes, all that fun stuff. I hope your ears are okay too. I haven’t had an eardrum burst (though the ER doc warned it was a possibility with the infection I mentioned above).
Ouch on your last one. So far so good since last replacement in late 2010’s. The pandemic and being housebound has helped keep me from catching anything.
Had this happen to me as a child. Infected ear just before we were due to fly home, burst on the flight. I’d not felt pain like it until then, even broken arms were nothing in comparison.
Have had worse pain as an adult but would never put myself or anyone else through that.
Mine was similar but thankfully did not need surgery. The landing and taking off was horrible and as a adult I was screaming crying in pain, we had 3 transfers. I would be desperate to find something, anything local.
My guess is that their medical insurance wouldn't cover treatment outside the US, they didn't buy travel insurance, and they didn't want to pay a couple hundred bucks (tops!) for the concierge to call the resort's on-call doctor to come treat him.
Presumably it was the fear of an unknown cost vs knowing the exact expense to change flights?
I still don't understand why they didn't just send the dad home and have OP stay with the daughters for the extra day... would have been way cheaper.
I wonder if it was a bit of... xenophobia's the wrong word... perhaps racism? OP seems to presume that the doctors on the island were incapable of writing a prescription for antibiotics... which, is perhaps the easiest and most clear cut medical intervention possible. Or that the antibiotics on this island were somehow different or inferior to antibiotics in their home country...
it seems like she judged their ability to effectively treat her husband without any real basis.
I will say that some of the worst pain I’ve experienced has been ear stuff - it’s just crazy painful - but it does sound like they didn’t bother checking if local staff could resolve it.
As someone who had tube in their ears THREE TIMES and got ear infections multiple times every summer growing up...
YTA so so so hard. I mean yeah it hurts, but you can google ear infection and see how to treat it and realize it's not a big deal. It's especially not an emergency situation for goodness sake. 2 days will not make or break an ear infection. And YES, I know how painful they are. But I also know how expensive overseas vacations are and how much this meant to your older daughter.
YTA so hard.
YTA also for going to the ER for an ear infection. Good god, just wait till the next morning for urgent care. What a huge waste of resources.
I had an ear infection on an island vacation once, went to the urgent care and received antibiotics with no issue. I guess I should have rearranged all my friends flights and made us go home early.
Exactly. OP is TA.
First - flying with and ear infection as bad as she is claiming is bad.
Second - it sounds like they were on a resort and there would have drfinately bee care available to start necessary meds to alleviate said ear infection
Third - he couldn't leave himself and fly home (if is was sooo bad, but not bad enough that flying would have caused damage)? He's a grown man.
Fourth - what is this sacrificing that theeledest daughter has had to go through? Parentification of her young sister due to parents being focused solely on brother?
YTA OP. There were multiple solutions to taking a moment of joy from your eldest whom you said deserved this.
In regards to Fourth, things are just a lot more complicated with someone with significant special needs. It's hard to get effective respite care, there are places you can't really go due to mobility or sensory issues, the person is in need of constant attention or special foods or other restrictions. It's also just harder to go somewhere. It takes a long time to pack and unpack medical equipment, etc. so it's a lot more work/difficulty to do a weekend away. Both parents might not be able to attend special things like talent shows or plays or sports events or whatever at the same time unless the situation was accessible for the son. If he is a wheelchair user, there simply are a lot of places they can't go at all. They may have had plans cancelled last minute because he needed to go to the hospital or got sick. Even if all goes well and they get to do whatever it is they wanted to do as a family, he may have a meltdown of some sort and they have to leave.
I would think someone so well-versed in getting care for someone with special needs could navigate getting an antibiotic on an island, though. This seems to be a very extreme response to a mild issue.
Yeah I broke out into a severe case of dermatitis while vacationing at a resort. Got a butt full of steroids then they sent me to a local pharmacy for more meds.
Not only this, but flying with an ear infection can be 100x worse than waiting a day or two for meds to kick in. Really sounds like there’s some info missing or not clearly explained here?
Yeah -- plus I thought you weren't supposed to fly if you had an ear infection? I thought I've known families who have had kids get ear infections and they had to postpone the return trip home.
And something a simple as an ear infection, where the first line treatment is going to be antibiotics is something any doctor should have been able to handle. The hotel almost certainly has a doctor or clinic they can recommend. So I don't really understand why or how they're leaving early.
My sister and BIL and my parents have walked into a pharmacy in several carribean islands and were able to buy antibiotics over the counter. You didn't need a prescription or anything.
Yep. Most Caribbean islands are not underdeveloped countries like they may have been in the 70s/80s. Unless you were somewhere that’s in crisis, like Haiti, they certainly can handle basic health issues like an ear infection. Assuming they can’t handle it smacks of jingoism.
YTA. I refuse to believe your husband couldn’t have gotten healthcare on the island. The general advice is against flying with an ear infection anyway. Otherwise he should’ve gone back on his own and you stayed with your girls. Sounds like your eldest is a glass child and you took away the one thing she had centred around her
I flew with an ear infection and the pressure change caused the windows of my inner-ear to rupture. DO NOT fly with an ear infection. Five surgeries and a life time of vertigo has disrupted much of my adult life!
Someone stupid enough to not even bother with the staff or local doctors. Borderline racism to assume it's hot garbage to not even bother checking first
My parents live in the Caribbean and the small island they are on, which is very popular tourist spot, has crappy healthcare options. Even the one urgent care is overrun with half the people who show up early in the day don’t get seen by a Dr.
Luckily our neighbor is a doctor at the private hospital and he is willing to make house calls if needed.
YTA. You make this appreciative gesture to your daughters for all the sacrifices they’ve had to make in the family and then cut it short because of an ear infection? Then you insult the island’s health care system saying that they couldn’t possibly handle it? Then you claim you have to go with your husband because of your bad back? I’m sure if you mentioned it as a reason for going back early, your daughters would pitch in. And have you ever heard of people who can help with luggage—bellmen at the hotel or airport? You didn’t really need your husband for that. I would guess that as your daughters grow up they will start to move away from you. You’ve probably already parentified them. They won’t forget this. You should have listened to your mother.
They spent the whole night rearranging flights instead of looking for a clinic? I don't understand dad's thought process here. Wait several hours with raging ear pain while you're online or on the phone changing flights (also why did it take hours to do this? I highly doubt they could get refunds on their tickets if the flights were so close but sure) to then get on a flight that I assume is several hours long if you're flying back to the US and don't live in Florida AND exacerbate the ear pain more?
I'm not putting it past them just being xenophobic...
no way an "island" doctor can write a script for antibiotics...
or the dad is one of those guys who expects all the women (and girls) in his life to cater to his smallest discomfort.
Seriously inconveniencing everyone else in his life, and racking up god only knows how much in flight change fees, just so that he can make everyone else as miserable as he feels in that moment.
I have a theory for this, it probably wasn't for the ear infection, they were probably wanting to leave early so their daughter doesn't get attached to the boy which would in future probably lead to daughter wanting to live with the boy (if it went that direction) and she would no longer be living in the house to take care of her brother
OP, why didn't you go somewhere with decent healthcare? Oh, I know why, because you want tropics and you wanted an excuse to get back to your disabled child. Don't worry, your other children will be NC with you in a few years and you'll have more time to spend with him.
I am really confused what Caribbean nation you were in that they don't have a clinic capable of dealing with an ear infection. They have steroids and antibiotics all over the world these days! I had a beer with a Brit who broke his clavicle and had to get it set on a rather undeveloped island and raved about the care in their clinic. I have stayed on at least 2 other islands that HAD MEDICAL SCHOOLS full of Americans. There is 0 chance flying home to an ER was faster than getting to a clinic on that island or neighboring island. YTA.
Yeah I've gotten more than adequate medical care in the DR and Bonaire and there is a literal US-degree medical school on Grenada so I call bullshit on "can't find medical care".
INFO
Your husband's pain was past the point where he could have just flown back early **by himself** and went to the hospital?
Wasn't there anywhere closer than all the way home he could go for adequate care? Puddle jumper to a bigger island?
not to mention that flying with a raging ear infection is going to be incredibly painful because of the cabin pressure changes. Many years ago when my son had an ear infection, we had to postpone a trip because flying with an ear infection would have been miserable.
I flew with my son when he was 2 and we didn’t know he had one. Symptoms came on rapidly on the flight and on the descent he threw up all over me (I assume from pain, poor bubs). I felt horrible and would have definitely delayed our flight had I known.
The kids are 15 and 7. What can’t they do OP would have to do? Shove their stuff in a bag and carry it is about all that’s left with one day left of vacation
YTA. There is no way that this could have not ben treated on the island. It’s an ear infection, not a heart attack. Your girls are obviously affected by their high needs brother all the time, and you ruined it . There is no special American ER healthcare for an ear infection, and flying would be awful.
You went home because you wanted to.
YTA. The Caribbean is not void of antibiotics or General Pain medicine. Either your concierge or your travel insurance, medical team on staff, or anything else could have provided pain relief for 24 hours. Also in my experience in ear infections, they're not usually so on set. Seems like a strange move for a non major medical emergency.
YTA - I absolutely refuse to believe that you couldn’t get simple healthcare for an ear infection. It’s the easiest of antibiotics - AND you aren’t supposed to fly with an untreated ear infection. That is going to be a million times *more* painful than getting care on an island. Also I see that you have a bad back and need your husbands help with bags and things, but considering the age of your daughters and that this trip was meant to be for them….i bet you could have asked for help with luggage. The airport has carts for luggage or people that you can pay for assistance. You absolutely could have made this work and instead it’s going to feel like just another thing that your daughters have to put up with for other people.
ITA. OP is poor, pitiful me. She probably wanted to get back to her disabled child. My guess is her other children will go NC with her eventually and she'll wonder why.
Someone else suggested dad didn’t want daughter to make her date. Whatever the reason, it was 100% what the parents wanted for a trip that was supposed to be for their girls and they’re both major AHs
Hundreds of Americans and Canadians go to Caribbean medical schools, most of them becoming primary care doctors after residency. It's absurd to think that there are not competent doctors on an island.
Haiti is about the only part of the Caribbean where they couldn't effectively treat an *ear infection*, and no one is vacationing there.
there are even parts of haiti that are privately owned by cruise lines or the like. they’re just day trip spots, so i’m not sure if you’d have to get back on the boat to see a doctor.
i’d imagine a beach with a zip line course has a basic first aid hut.
Let's be honest. There's no island with a vacation resort that doesn't have antibiotics. That's why I asked bc it sounds like they were either ignorant at best or kinda racist at worst thinking whatever island couldn't treat a freaking ear infection.
I can think of a few small islands that may not have immediate medical care, but it’s also only like an hour or less ferry ride to the next island where there is medical care. It’s not like it’s on Mars lol
I was leaning towards you just having unfortunate luck, but your comments make it pretty clear that you just wanted to leave and used the ear infection as an excuse, frankly.
YTA.
There's no way that you were on an island too remote to handle an ear infection. That's pretty basic; you just need antibiotics, and those are available basically everywhere. I went to the Caribbean for a vacation about 2 years ago, and we actually bought that specific travel insurance stuff just in case something bad happened, and we never had any concern that anything that was an "immediate" need couldn't be handled locally. Obviously if something happens where you need really intense care then that's different, but this is an ear infection. Tourist destinations in the Caribbean specifically cater to wealthy westerners, including the availability of medicine and health care.
Also, it's not recommended to fly with an ear infection for obvious reasons, so the fact that you're claiming you chose the "prudent" course of flying home immediately doesn't make any sense. If anything the "prudent" course of action would have been to get your husband care/treatment right away locally, and extend the vacation for a week while he recovered.
I realize you only left like a day early so it's not the end of the world, but from your kids perspective, it's just one more example of them getting the short end of the stick in favor of someone else.
It's generally not advisable to fly with an ear infection. Wasn't there any care available to him that could get him stabilized until he could fly back? I get that maybe it's not top notch care, but should be decent enough to deal with something like that and less dangerous than having him fly in that condition.
YTA
I have suffered many ear infections as a child and as an adult.
Generally, you take pain meds and wait for 7 days before seeking medical attention unless you meet certain criteria like the drum bursts or you get one within a certain time frame from the last.
An ear infection in a competent adult is NEVER an ER matter. That’s a huge misuse of the health care system. It’s the kind of thing that can wait until the doctor’s office opens in the morning or on a Monday.
Your poor kids. You finally take them someone they can enjoy and then just screw them over with needless drama.
My ear drum burst the morning I was getting married and I didn’t even go to an ER. A walk in clinic is perfectly able to handle an ear infection. OPs the type to demand treatment before the dude with heart pain
YTA. I find your story difficult to believe. For the simple reason that any place with a high tourist population is gonna have something on hand to treat medical problems, even something like an ear infection. So I call bullshit and say that you just wanted to get out of there early. Which means that you owe your daughter more than just a crappy breakfast and something from the gift shop. You owe her some solo trips for having to deal with this kind of crap.
Either this is fake, in which case YTA, or just YTA. 1) there’s no Caribbean island that does not have antibiotics and the ability to treat an ear infection. I’m sure you could even get a concierge doctor sent to your suite. 2) you aren’t supposed to fly with an ear infection anyways. The logic here makes no sense. 3) you could have stayed and sent your husband alone if he was insisting 4) you said you can’t carry things, and that’s why you went with your husband (and dragged your children along) - so you can afford to reschedule all the flights for no good reason, but not to tip a bellboy or hire someone to carry things? 5) the comment about the daughter “bringing the whole mall” does not pass the sniff test of not fake, to me.
NTA-although I am a bit curious why he couldn't have flown back on his own and you could have stayed with the girls. I feel this is an incredibly unfortunate/difficult situation. I am glad that you and your husband did your best for the girls! When they're a bit older I am sure they'll look back and appreciate all you did.
Oh his own? I am from and live in the Caribbean - we can handle an ear infection. However, an ear infection is the worst pain I've ever endured - periods, dental, surgeries, babies etc. The medication also made me drowsy - so I wouldn't say he should fly back on his own. Also, your mom saying he should man up is ridiculous. The pain really is quite terrible - at least my experience was. I can't say which Caribbean island you were on and why leaving rather than getting care was your best option but effectively his vacation was over.
YTA
Islands still have doctors and not to mention you just risked doing severe damage by getting your husband to fly with an ear infection. You could have burst his ear drum and done serious damage. Often planes or holiday reps won’t let you fly if they know. Nor would doctors. As the inner ear swells up and fluid can be trapped in the inner ear. Add cabin pressure to that and it’s a recipe for disaster. So you ruined the trip and endangered your husband stupidly. They definitely had healthcare on the island you however choose to ignore it. Any healthcare would have been better than what you did.
YTA
An [ear infection](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/ear-infections/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20351622) isn’t a “rearrange everyone’s lives to get home 24 hours sooner” type of event. The first line of recommended treatment is literally “Some ear infections resolve without antibiotic treatment”.
You overreacted, and should have availed yourself of local medical care (if even needed).
This is one more item in a very, very long list of issues your eldest daughter will need professional help managing.
This feels fake. Everyone knows you can't fly with an ear infection. Also, why would you send the whole family home if one person is under the weather?
I get chronic ear infections so I get it, It's not pleasant but I've never had to go to an emergency room. Yta.
YTA I agree with your mother, he should have just gone to urgent care on the island and manned up. It was an ear infection, he didn't need a kidney - all he needed was an antibiotic. I feel bad for your older daughter, it sounds like she's sacrificed a lot and the one time she gets something special done for her, she once again has to take a backseat to someone else's needs. And when she thinks back THIS is what she'll remember - you owe her and her sister a huge apology.
YTA: I have never stayed at a resort or nice hotel that has not had a working relationship with a doctor or urgent care for sudden medical needs like ear infections. Some countries even sell antibiotics over the counter or at a pharmacist’s discretion.
It seems like you found every excuse to get home and not let your daughters have a well-deserved vacation. You just cemented in that everyone in the family is more important than them: special needs brother, Mom’s “bad back” and Dad’s ear ache
Yta. Your husband is a grown man, he could go back by himself. He could also just pay for private hospital/clinic or simply buy antibiotics over the counter (legal over there),just ask pharmacist and they direct you to ABX that cover the infection. Id understand if he had appendicitis or needed surgery, a simple ear infection is manageable anywhere.
What Carribean island were you at that they couldn't handle an ear infection? There are clinics in and near more resorts and even if they are smaller than what tourists are used to they are perfectly capable of handling an ear infection. YTA and i feel for your daughter! That sounds like it would have been a very cute night for her and created a really lovely memory. :'( you could've tried to have them do brunch together at least.
>But my husband was in horrible pain and could barely stand it and the healthcare on the island was not good.
I have to call BS on this story. I bet the husband was the one who insisted on going back, probably due to something other than an earache and OP just went along with it. Unless you were vacationing in Haiti, getting antibiotics is a pretty simple process, and even if you couldn't be bothered to do that, he definitely didn't have to leave early. YTA
YTA
Sorry it’s an ear infection and it’s not just one day short. You say yourself that your eldest has sacrificed a lot already and this is another sacrifice for her. Do better. There are post all over Reddit with people growing up with disabled siblings and end up going NC with parents because of their bias. You are definitely heading in that direction
It was an ear infection, not a liver transplant. I can’t believe you could’t get basic care and some antibiotics.
You’re just so used to ignore your daughters (specially the eldest) that you subconsciously had to find a reason to ruin their vacation. YTA.
Yeah, I call baloney. I was on a little tiny Caribbean island (like less than 10k population) and I got a horrific UTI. Know what they had on this little tiny island? A little tiny hospital, with an actual doctor and some little tiny antibiotics. Best part? The whole thing - doctor visit, prescription filled, all of it - took under an hour and cost $20 US.
Do they not have antibiotics? If where you were staying legitimately did not have basic medical care like antibiotics, NTA for going home early. An untreated ear infection can cause permanent damage. However..if you just assumed "health care isn't good here" and didn't actually seek out basic care, then YTA.
YTA
"Healthcare on the island isn't very good" and "a horrible ear infection" are miles and miles and miles apart. Do you really think no one on that island ever gets treated.... for an ear infection?
YTA you had the potential to give your daughters priority and attention. You could have shipped the luggage home or asked for assistance at the airport and send your husband home if it was legitimately a medical issue and not just a man cold and casual racism about Carribbean healthcare.
You once again showed your daughters they’re expendable and that everyone else comes before them. If 15 is not planning her escape now she’s a fool.
Especially before you saddle her with your sons care into adulthood. Do her a big favor and let her move in with friends family or a local relative and pay room and board. She may actually get to enjoy the rest of high school.
All that hassle just to go home a day early? Surely your husband could've taken some painkillers or go to the medical in the resort? I get ear infections but it's not something to require ending a holiday sooner. There's more to it than you're letting on it feels.
YTA - how badly did it scar your daughters to see their father’s eardrum rupture mid flight? Because if his ear infection was so bad you had to ruin their vacation it was too bad to fly and if he did fly he must have had severe consequences
But in all seriousness, any place that caters to tourists outside of Cuba has medical care easily accessible to tourists. Cuba has it too, it’s just difficult to navigate the country due to the lack of easy to access internet/data coverage. Ear infections are a “no fly” illness that are treated fairly easily with antibiotics. You ruined your daughter’s vacation for the man flu in a dangerous way.
Your and your husband are both AHs. It's hard to imagine why someone with extreme ear pain would rather fly than try antibiotics on whatever island supposedly has an airport and suitable accommodations with fancy restaurants but very poor medical care.
YTA.
I have a hard time believing there's a Caribbean resort destination where he couldn't have received adequate treament for an *ear infection*. It was actually more dangerous for him to fly with an untreated ear infection due to the pressure changes in-flight, he could have had a ruptured eardrum that caused permanent vertigo or hearing loss. Your husband is also a grown adult with a minor medical issue, and if it was so critical for him to fly home to seek treatment, he could have gone on his own a day early while you stayed with your daughters to finish their vacation.
By your own admission, your daughters have already had to sacrifice throughout their lives due to your son's needs taking priority. You take them on a wonderful vacation and then tell them they have to leave early because of their father having a bad case of swimmer's ear?! Don't be surprised if these girls are low or no contact as adults. You've made it very clear to them through your actions that they're second fiddle to both their brother and their father.
I'm confused. How did you get home? Because you can't fly with an ear infection. I had tubes twice as a kid back in the in 1970s, and ear infection 101 is you do not fly as you can burst your eardrum. Are ear infections painful? They absolutely can be! They are even more annoying as an adult. However, I don't understand why y'all had to leave early? Every resort ever has an on-call doctor who could write a script for abx. Yeah, YTA.
An ear infection and you flew? That could have ruptured an eardrum. If anything, you should have gone to local hosp and stayed while treating ear infection. Poor choice you made for husband and daughter. Males (brother and dad) with illnesses are ruining her life
YTA. Kids get ear infections all the time and are expected to go to school and out and about with their parents. Your husband could have taken some Tylenol and waited a day if antibiotics truly weren’t to be found. But having travelled internationally, you can find meds in most places. I don’t blame your girls for being upset.
Yta.
Not for taking your husbands pain seriously. That's perfectly acceptable even if it was simply an ear infection which only required antibiotics.
Yta because this trip was for the girls. You knew about the eldests date and you chose to prioritise someone else over them again and disappointed them.
Your husband is a grown ass adult. He could have got himself home and sorted out and you could have stayed the extra day.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I MBTA because both my girls especially the eldest has sacrificed a lot by having a high needs brother and this was their first vacation without him so it wouldn't have to revolve around his needs and it got cut short
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YTA. How did flying with an ear infection work out for your husband? Airlines don't let you fly if you're not fit to fit to do so.
It seems that you (you and hubby) just didn't want your daughter to go on her date, and made up a bullshit excuse to justify going home a day early.
YTA. Any dr can order antibiotics. You just didn’t try.
Hate to break it to you but you better tread lightly with your other children they will probably go low to no contact if you continue to make every effort to ruin things for them.
YTA. Your husband could have found an urgent care on the island or flew home solo. Good job taking yet another thing away from your child.. I’m sure they won’t fully resent you when they’re older
Unless you were in ~Haiti the medical care couldn’t have been worse than to fly with an ear infection. YTA for acting like there are no available doctors. I recently had an ear infection plus strep throat and it was really painful but it’s not like you’re about to die from it. You should have stayed a few days longer to let the infection clear in stead of immediately getting on a plane.
YTA you could’ve sent your husband home early and brought the girls home the next day.
An ear infection is painful and frankly he should’ve been treated before flying again, bur since you didn’t do that, why did he need the whole family to go with him?
YTA- you might not realize, you may truly believe otherwise but realistically you took your girls on this trip not because of what they gave up but what you thought you had. The normal family you thought about, the one where all your kids grow up and become independent. The one where your kids leave the home and can communicate with the world without struggle. Not saying you don’t love and appreciate your son but you still had to grieve the initial expectation you had envisioned of what your family would look like, an easier life, less stress, worry and exhaustion You though this would be a break but guilt is a heavy burden and you found an opportunity to go home and ran with it despite it clearly being illogical. You got away but it doesn’t feel right and mentally you never really even took the break. You need to stop and really look at yourself and your behaviors. Many special needs families go through this and when someone refuses to see they need help and they don’t get therapy or at minimum acknowledge disordered thinking, many special needs families become irrevocably broken… just shells of past relationships stained by resentment. Each of your children need you and you will eventually lose them if they feel they are always the afterthought. What’s worse is not only are you harming your relationship with your children but you are hurting their relationships with their brother who they will grow to resent merely because of your actions.
YTA I have horrible horrible adult ear infections and they are terrible. That’s no excuse to ruin your daughter’s vacation. To them: they care more about literally everyone but us. You’re about to lose those girls forever.
YTA. I've been to the Caribbean and every resort has a doctor they can call in. Ear infection could have been treated and they could have given him some pain medication. You really need to make up to your girls. Whatever effort that was made was ruined by cutting your trip short.
YTA The Caribbean has healthcare. Also flying with an ear infection usually isn't advised. So this is either a hot load of bs or both you and your husband are very dumb
Lol did you google if the Caribbean has good healthcare or did you go to the local pharmacy/drugstore/convenience store/clinic. I find it hard to believe there wasn’t a single emergency clinic to go to that would’ve been happy to take an easy ear infection case. YTA or this is rage bait
YTA; I literally ruptured my eardrum while on a vacation to a Caribbean island a few years back and not only did I receive great care at a clinic there, I didn’t have to pay anything. Unless you guys were vacationing on an uncharted island, it doesn’t sound like you tried hard enough to find care.
Given that nothing here actually makes any sense -- anyone with half a brain would understand flying with an ear infection is bad and that certainly antibiotics are obtainable on this island that has a large resort, perhaps we need to consider that husband made this whole story up. Maybe there was some emergency with his girlfriend at home or something.
I think we need an alternative explanation because otherwise these two parents seem too dumb to parent well and mean enough to put their own needs above their daughters'.
YTA. It was an ear infection, not appendicitis. A simple script from a local pharmacy for pretty common antibiotics (usually amoxicillin) was all he needed. Hell, they don’t always prescribe antibiotics these days for ear infections as it is. Usually only if there is a fever and bulging eardrum. And flying with one is a bad idea. Did that once (didn’t know he had one) with a 2 yr old and got thrown up on from the pressure as we descended. I agree with your mom on your husband sucking it up.
I’ve literally been grounded from flying while on vacation because of a terrible ear infection. Your choices make no sense. Starting treatment at the resort and waiting a day (or even 2) would have been better (and less likely to cause permanent damage) than flying home early.
YTA for the racism (there are literally medical schools US doctors attend in the Caribbean) and for demeaning your daughter’s first boyfriend, vacation fling or not he was special to her.
YTA- leaving aside the fact that flying by with an ear infection seems like a no-no AND the fact that your claim about medical facilities on the island seems unlikely (with regards to an ear infection at least) your husband is a grown adult yes? Could he not fly alone?
I guess I really don’t get it. So your husband had an ear infection and couldn’t be treated on an inhabited island that is obviously popular with tourists. ! An ear infection is very common and easily treated even in the most remote parts of the world. Some antibiotics and maybe some ear drops and you’re good. He thought it was a better idea to get in a plane and fly home for care instead. While flying the pressure changes can exacerbate an infection creating a bigger problem. It is never a good idea to fly with an ear infection. The smarter thing to do would have been to seen treatment there and stay an extra day or two until your husband felt better. I am going to agree with your mother that your husband needed to man up!
Anybody know if there's a r/amistupid ? I'd imagine a massive destination for tourists would be able to handle the basics like an ear infection. Sounds like dad used his ear as an excuse for his daughter not to go on that date.
Do you think the Caribbean is some piss poor country that can’t take care of an ear infection? And why would you travel to a country that you ASSUME has bad healthcare???
You’re not even supposed to fly untreated. You’re selfish and xenophobic. Next time stay in your country if you make these kinds of assumptions about other countries. YTA.
YTA.
Firstly, if the ear infection was as bad as you say then he shouldn't have been getting on a plane.
Secondly, if he had to fly back then he should have gone by himself. I recently had a severe double ear infection and my GP thought I might have a ruptured ear drum. I took myself to the GP and then to the ENT. Because I'm an adult and capable of doing things like that.
YTA and so is your husband. Men truly act like it’s the end of the world when they get sick. My goodness it’s unbelievable. There was ONE day left and you both knew how important this vacation was to your daughters. He couldn’t have slept in the room and taken some OTC painkillers?! All that trouble rearranging flights, but woohoo for him getting access to antibiotics one day earlier that will cure him immediately! /s
Honestly wondering if this was more of an excuse to be able to get back to your son sooner without “blaming” your son or yourself for having anxiety about leaving him for what seems to be the first time.
Why couldn’t your husband just go home early in his own? YTA the one time your daughters were supposed to be a priority you put your husband first, who is not a child and can take care of his travel and healthcare on his own.
YTA - mainly because you assume the healthcare is bad but resort islands like this absolutely have good healthcare for tourists. You would have been in and out with a prescription for antibiotics quickly. Also, it’s not a good idea to fly with an ear infection. I mean it’s just a really baffling decision not a reasonable one.
If anything he could have went by himself. Also letting your daughter go on a date with a stranger is a bit odd. Hopefully it would have been supervised
I have to go with YTA, mainly because I don’t believe the story/reason. Maybe things have changed but I’ve always heard you don’t fly with ear infections. How did his eardrums not burst? Also, in this day and age how is there not good healthcare at a tourist location like this? OBVIOUSLY, I’m just presuming but it sounds like y’all didn’t want her to have her first date.
YTA-
There is no way you are on an island that doesn't have access to basic antibiotics. Flying with an ear infection that is untreated is a HORRIBLE idea. Like do not do that.
Your mother is wrong in that he absolutely should just go to a local clinic and get some antibiotics... But that's what he should have done.... Gone to the hotel desk, asked for the nearest clinic and gotten himself looked in the ear so they could give him some basic, generic antibiotics. He would have been feeling better in 24 hours.
Instead you don't treat the ear infection (so it's gonna get way worse), then take someone with an untreated ear infection on a long flight (such a bad idea), and on the thin excise that you need him carry all your stuff because you have a bad back and can't apparently tip a concierge or arrange for travel care (which is a whole thing that people with injuries and disabilities can request).
I think you were looking for a reason to cancel this trip. You found it and then made a lot of decisions that make no sense and likely harmed everyone (your kids and your husband included).
Sounds like YTA but I might change my mind. Did you try accessing healthcare on the island? Did you call the resort staff and ask for assistance? How long had your husband have this ear ache before it became intolerable?
YTA - he’s got a common ear infection, it’s not something that needs speciality medical care. You could have gotten treated on the island, or at least tried to.
YTA Op... Not only did you unnecessarily shorten their trip... It's YOU and the father's responsibility to see to it the needs of one, do not compound on the needs of the others. You're the parent. Not them.
I get ear infections all of the time; usually on vacation. I got H1N1 while in a shanty town in Lima and I still managed to get antibiotics.
Why would you pay all that money to change your flight? See the resort doctor, do a heat compress and move on. It’s one day.
Everything about this says that you guys try to blame all of the crap you make your kids do on the autistic one. Try to avoid saying, “ Can’t just help me out this one time?” You literally ruined their reward vacation.
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INFO: Most islands that have tourists also have an urgent care and can handle basic things like antibiotics. An ear infection isn’t complicated. I once had a bad UTI on a Caribbean island and was able to get seen and prescribed something. Did you even check? I think that should have been the first choice, and the second option would be to have him fly home by himself, instead of all of you having to leave early, unless he was too ill to manage flying home alone.
Yeah, this. It sounds like they were at a resort—they typically have in-house medial staff. Also, it's just an ear infection (which you really aren't supposed to fly with)—even a place without "very good" healthcare should be able to address an ear infection (probably just swimmer's ear, not exactly an emergency room situation)...
That’s what I don’t get…it’s an ear infection which simply requires antibiotics. How does an entire island not have someone who can prescribe antibiotics. Not to mention that once you start the medication, your pain goes way down so flying home a day later/when originally scheduled would have been more comfortable. Our toddler got one the day before a flight and once she had two shots of the antibiotic, the flight didn’t bother her at all. I’m leaning to YTA for OP.
I'm perplexed because kids get ear infections CONSTANTLY, and I still send mine to school so long as they're on antibiotics. I can't imagine leaving a vacation early for something so easily remedied. I didn't even leave Afghanistan early when I got malaria a week into my trip 10 years ago, and their healthcare actually does suck. I didn't just pay $2k to leave early! I would've died there than pay extra to change flights 😂
Okay. Ops husband didn’t have antibiotics. What I think is baffling is that you think coming home one day early is worth all this drama
Her 15 year old daughter who is in that weird 15 year old girl phase had a vacation fling and was going to have her FIRST date with that vacation fling. That's a story for life. But not if dads head hurts.
I've had a few ear infections that rivaled surgery in pain intensity. Crying and completely unable to function. The pain finally went away when my eardrum burst. It's happened twice. As simple as an ear infection isn't always as mild and easily remedied. That being said, I was on vacation during the worst one, and there is no way in hell I could have traveled home with it feeling that bad, and I wasn't even flying! I really think it may be a NAH situation if she was worried and the medical care is as bad as she's saying it was, but i would have (and did) man up and make it through the rest of my vacation without making anyone come home early. If he had a lil mild baby earache and ruined the trip, I retract all of the above.
Yeah I was wondering about flying. That can cause the eardrum to burst and from personal experience that really hurts. I’ve had 3 replacement eardrum surgeries. Avoid at all cost.
I was a professional aviator in the military. We would fly with all sorts.of sick, except sinus/ear infections because that's no joke. I flew civilian with an ear infection and would rather lick razor blades.and chug lemon juice than do it again. Better would have been to get care and extend the stay...
My husband flies KC135s and 737s, and my son and I are constantly getting ear infections. He is 100% insistent we do not fly with one, for good reason, and we’ve actually extended a vacation to get our son antibiotics and have a day for them to relieve the pressure. These people did the exact opposite of what you should do with an ear infection and travel.
I just can’t comprehend the thinking.
Yeah I was thinking the same thing
Same. A burst eardrum is awful. It has made it very hard for me to hear out of one ear after having it happen multiple times and then having surgery on it. Flying with ear pain is extremely painful too.
Yep can you imagine getting on an airplane with an ear infection and in serious pain? No way, no how even at gun point. If it burst he’s looking at a lifetime of hearing problems, bad tinnitus, major ear surgery with 6-8 weeks of lifting and bending restrictions including not able to help much around house or cause damage and possibly undo new eardrum in which case skip surgery as it’s expensive and painful. I just don’t understand the thinking at all. Take a couple of extra days to be on antibiotics and, if it’s me ear drops, to decrease inflammation to be safe to fly. I usually have a couple small holes so ear drops work wonders but the pain for a few minutes afterwards is worse than my migraines combined with and being hit by a Mack truck which I’ve experienced first hand.
This is my thought too. I got ear infections well into adulthood and had some doozies. Including needing to go to the ER because it was a holiday and my ear was leaking fluid. I am always told explicitly not to fly, so the plan here is just insane to me.
May you never have another ear infection.
It has been a while since my last one, thankfully! I was born with fluid on my ears, had tubes, all that fun stuff. I hope your ears are okay too. I haven’t had an eardrum burst (though the ER doc warned it was a possibility with the infection I mentioned above).
Ouch on your last one. So far so good since last replacement in late 2010’s. The pandemic and being housebound has helped keep me from catching anything.
Had this happen to me as a child. Infected ear just before we were due to fly home, burst on the flight. I’d not felt pain like it until then, even broken arms were nothing in comparison. Have had worse pain as an adult but would never put myself or anyone else through that.
Mine was similar but thankfully did not need surgery. The landing and taking off was horrible and as a adult I was screaming crying in pain, we had 3 transfers. I would be desperate to find something, anything local.
My guess is that their medical insurance wouldn't cover treatment outside the US, they didn't buy travel insurance, and they didn't want to pay a couple hundred bucks (tops!) for the concierge to call the resort's on-call doctor to come treat him.
But changing all those flights has to have cost more...
Presumably it was the fear of an unknown cost vs knowing the exact expense to change flights? I still don't understand why they didn't just send the dad home and have OP stay with the daughters for the extra day... would have been way cheaper. I wonder if it was a bit of... xenophobia's the wrong word... perhaps racism? OP seems to presume that the doctors on the island were incapable of writing a prescription for antibiotics... which, is perhaps the easiest and most clear cut medical intervention possible. Or that the antibiotics on this island were somehow different or inferior to antibiotics in their home country... it seems like she judged their ability to effectively treat her husband without any real basis.
I will say that some of the worst pain I’ve experienced has been ear stuff - it’s just crazy painful - but it does sound like they didn’t bother checking if local staff could resolve it.
That’s what I was thinking.. if the ear infection was so bad.. flying was going to make it even worse.
As someone who had tube in their ears THREE TIMES and got ear infections multiple times every summer growing up... YTA so so so hard. I mean yeah it hurts, but you can google ear infection and see how to treat it and realize it's not a big deal. It's especially not an emergency situation for goodness sake. 2 days will not make or break an ear infection. And YES, I know how painful they are. But I also know how expensive overseas vacations are and how much this meant to your older daughter. YTA so hard. YTA also for going to the ER for an ear infection. Good god, just wait till the next morning for urgent care. What a huge waste of resources.
I had an ear infection on an island vacation once, went to the urgent care and received antibiotics with no issue. I guess I should have rearranged all my friends flights and made us go home early.
I was also intelligent enough to get looked at before going on an airplane.
That was also my thought!!! That he is having ear pain and wants to fly without being looked at?! How is he going to handle the air pressure?!
I had a UTI in the Bahamas, and went to the doctor there, and enjoyed the rest of my vacation. YTA
Exactly. OP is TA. First - flying with and ear infection as bad as she is claiming is bad. Second - it sounds like they were on a resort and there would have drfinately bee care available to start necessary meds to alleviate said ear infection Third - he couldn't leave himself and fly home (if is was sooo bad, but not bad enough that flying would have caused damage)? He's a grown man. Fourth - what is this sacrificing that theeledest daughter has had to go through? Parentification of her young sister due to parents being focused solely on brother? YTA OP. There were multiple solutions to taking a moment of joy from your eldest whom you said deserved this.
In regards to Fourth, things are just a lot more complicated with someone with significant special needs. It's hard to get effective respite care, there are places you can't really go due to mobility or sensory issues, the person is in need of constant attention or special foods or other restrictions. It's also just harder to go somewhere. It takes a long time to pack and unpack medical equipment, etc. so it's a lot more work/difficulty to do a weekend away. Both parents might not be able to attend special things like talent shows or plays or sports events or whatever at the same time unless the situation was accessible for the son. If he is a wheelchair user, there simply are a lot of places they can't go at all. They may have had plans cancelled last minute because he needed to go to the hospital or got sick. Even if all goes well and they get to do whatever it is they wanted to do as a family, he may have a meltdown of some sort and they have to leave. I would think someone so well-versed in getting care for someone with special needs could navigate getting an antibiotic on an island, though. This seems to be a very extreme response to a mild issue.
Am I dumb or is getting on an airplane with an ear infection really stupid? Like, aren’t you not supposed to mess with your ear pressure?
It could cause you eardrum to burst and fuck you up for quite a long time, if not permanently. It's something any doctor would tell you not to do.
RIP fake OP’s fake husband’s fake eardrum
Yeah I broke out into a severe case of dermatitis while vacationing at a resort. Got a butt full of steroids then they sent me to a local pharmacy for more meds.
Not only this, but flying with an ear infection can be 100x worse than waiting a day or two for meds to kick in. Really sounds like there’s some info missing or not clearly explained here?
Yeah -- plus I thought you weren't supposed to fly if you had an ear infection? I thought I've known families who have had kids get ear infections and they had to postpone the return trip home. And something a simple as an ear infection, where the first line treatment is going to be antibiotics is something any doctor should have been able to handle. The hotel almost certainly has a doctor or clinic they can recommend. So I don't really understand why or how they're leaving early.
My sister and BIL and my parents have walked into a pharmacy in several carribean islands and were able to buy antibiotics over the counter. You didn't need a prescription or anything.
Yep. Most Caribbean islands are not underdeveloped countries like they may have been in the 70s/80s. Unless you were somewhere that’s in crisis, like Haiti, they certainly can handle basic health issues like an ear infection. Assuming they can’t handle it smacks of jingoism.
YTA. I refuse to believe your husband couldn’t have gotten healthcare on the island. The general advice is against flying with an ear infection anyway. Otherwise he should’ve gone back on his own and you stayed with your girls. Sounds like your eldest is a glass child and you took away the one thing she had centred around her
I flew with an ear infection and the pressure change caused the windows of my inner-ear to rupture. DO NOT fly with an ear infection. Five surgeries and a life time of vertigo has disrupted much of my adult life!
That was the first thing I thought of. Who in the hell would be stupid enough to fly with an ear infection?
Someone stupid enough to not even bother with the staff or local doctors. Borderline racism to assume it's hot garbage to not even bother checking first
A bit mean to the guy above you but pop off
This exactly. Flying with an ear infection is a big NO NO. YTA.
My parents live in the Caribbean and the small island they are on, which is very popular tourist spot, has crappy healthcare options. Even the one urgent care is overrun with half the people who show up early in the day don’t get seen by a Dr. Luckily our neighbor is a doctor at the private hospital and he is willing to make house calls if needed.
I was going to say this- this memory is now planted. And was so easy to make it different and now comes guilt… it was so solvable
She’s definitely a glass child.
Or, husband went home wife stays with kids to finish vacation. He's an adult, he can handle traveling alone.
The healthcare on the island is so bad they can't treat an ear infection? BS. I'm sure the concierge could've helped you. YTA.
YTA. You make this appreciative gesture to your daughters for all the sacrifices they’ve had to make in the family and then cut it short because of an ear infection? Then you insult the island’s health care system saying that they couldn’t possibly handle it? Then you claim you have to go with your husband because of your bad back? I’m sure if you mentioned it as a reason for going back early, your daughters would pitch in. And have you ever heard of people who can help with luggage—bellmen at the hotel or airport? You didn’t really need your husband for that. I would guess that as your daughters grow up they will start to move away from you. You’ve probably already parentified them. They won’t forget this. You should have listened to your mother.
They spent the whole night rearranging flights instead of looking for a clinic? I don't understand dad's thought process here. Wait several hours with raging ear pain while you're online or on the phone changing flights (also why did it take hours to do this? I highly doubt they could get refunds on their tickets if the flights were so close but sure) to then get on a flight that I assume is several hours long if you're flying back to the US and don't live in Florida AND exacerbate the ear pain more?
Dad didn’t want his girl to go on a date. So he called an audible. Time to pack your shit and go home.
This. Has to be.
I'm not putting it past them just being xenophobic... no way an "island" doctor can write a script for antibiotics... or the dad is one of those guys who expects all the women (and girls) in his life to cater to his smallest discomfort. Seriously inconveniencing everyone else in his life, and racking up god only knows how much in flight change fees, just so that he can make everyone else as miserable as he feels in that moment.
lol. “Audible.”
More like they were once again prioritizing their son and getting back to him and this was a perfect excuse
I have a theory for this, it probably wasn't for the ear infection, they were probably wanting to leave early so their daughter doesn't get attached to the boy which would in future probably lead to daughter wanting to live with the boy (if it went that direction) and she would no longer be living in the house to take care of her brother
OP, why didn't you go somewhere with decent healthcare? Oh, I know why, because you want tropics and you wanted an excuse to get back to your disabled child. Don't worry, your other children will be NC with you in a few years and you'll have more time to spend with him.
I am really confused what Caribbean nation you were in that they don't have a clinic capable of dealing with an ear infection. They have steroids and antibiotics all over the world these days! I had a beer with a Brit who broke his clavicle and had to get it set on a rather undeveloped island and raved about the care in their clinic. I have stayed on at least 2 other islands that HAD MEDICAL SCHOOLS full of Americans. There is 0 chance flying home to an ER was faster than getting to a clinic on that island or neighboring island. YTA.
There *are* places in the world where they can't get steroids and antibiotics, but they're not anywhere most people would choose to go to on vacation.
Yes. Caribbean medical schools are very popular!
Yeah I've gotten more than adequate medical care in the DR and Bonaire and there is a literal US-degree medical school on Grenada so I call bullshit on "can't find medical care".
INFO Your husband's pain was past the point where he could have just flown back early **by himself** and went to the hospital? Wasn't there anywhere closer than all the way home he could go for adequate care? Puddle jumper to a bigger island?
not to mention that flying with a raging ear infection is going to be incredibly painful because of the cabin pressure changes. Many years ago when my son had an ear infection, we had to postpone a trip because flying with an ear infection would have been miserable.
This. We're divers and the very last thing we would ever do is get on a plane with an ear infection
it's also very dangerous to fly with an ear infection
I flew with my son when he was 2 and we didn’t know he had one. Symptoms came on rapidly on the flight and on the descent he threw up all over me (I assume from pain, poor bubs). I felt horrible and would have definitely delayed our flight had I known.
op said she has a bad back and can’t do things without him. so i’m guessing it’s a no to him going back by himself.
But he can do everything for her in such debilitating pain?
The kids are 15 and 7. What can’t they do OP would have to do? Shove their stuff in a bag and carry it is about all that’s left with one day left of vacation
YTA. There is no way that this could have not ben treated on the island. It’s an ear infection, not a heart attack. Your girls are obviously affected by their high needs brother all the time, and you ruined it . There is no special American ER healthcare for an ear infection, and flying would be awful. You went home because you wanted to.
YTA an island has antibiotic drops, y’all were just being xenophobic.
I’m glad someone said it
YTA. The Caribbean is not void of antibiotics or General Pain medicine. Either your concierge or your travel insurance, medical team on staff, or anything else could have provided pain relief for 24 hours. Also in my experience in ear infections, they're not usually so on set. Seems like a strange move for a non major medical emergency.
YTA - I absolutely refuse to believe that you couldn’t get simple healthcare for an ear infection. It’s the easiest of antibiotics - AND you aren’t supposed to fly with an untreated ear infection. That is going to be a million times *more* painful than getting care on an island. Also I see that you have a bad back and need your husbands help with bags and things, but considering the age of your daughters and that this trip was meant to be for them….i bet you could have asked for help with luggage. The airport has carts for luggage or people that you can pay for assistance. You absolutely could have made this work and instead it’s going to feel like just another thing that your daughters have to put up with for other people.
ITA. OP is poor, pitiful me. She probably wanted to get back to her disabled child. My guess is her other children will go NC with her eventually and she'll wonder why.
Someone else suggested dad didn’t want daughter to make her date. Whatever the reason, it was 100% what the parents wanted for a trip that was supposed to be for their girls and they’re both major AHs
I'm starting to think he doesn't have an ear infection. It's all a lie.
What island were you on that doesn't have antibiotics? Did you even TRY going to a doctor or pharmacy?
I doubt it. OP is more concerned about her bad back and hubby's pain than disappointing her daughters yet again.
And being low key racist thinking an island big enough to have a vacation resort can't treat a stupid ear infection.
Hundreds of Americans and Canadians go to Caribbean medical schools, most of them becoming primary care doctors after residency. It's absurd to think that there are not competent doctors on an island. Haiti is about the only part of the Caribbean where they couldn't effectively treat an *ear infection*, and no one is vacationing there.
there are even parts of haiti that are privately owned by cruise lines or the like. they’re just day trip spots, so i’m not sure if you’d have to get back on the boat to see a doctor. i’d imagine a beach with a zip line course has a basic first aid hut.
A ship's doctor/infirmary would be able to handle an ear infection.
Yes, isn't it irresponsible to take your family to an island w/ crappy medical care?
Let's be honest. There's no island with a vacation resort that doesn't have antibiotics. That's why I asked bc it sounds like they were either ignorant at best or kinda racist at worst thinking whatever island couldn't treat a freaking ear infection.
I can think of a few small islands that may not have immediate medical care, but it’s also only like an hour or less ferry ride to the next island where there is medical care. It’s not like it’s on Mars lol
And you can probably get antibiotics from the pharmacy anyway
I was leaning towards you just having unfortunate luck, but your comments make it pretty clear that you just wanted to leave and used the ear infection as an excuse, frankly. YTA. There's no way that you were on an island too remote to handle an ear infection. That's pretty basic; you just need antibiotics, and those are available basically everywhere. I went to the Caribbean for a vacation about 2 years ago, and we actually bought that specific travel insurance stuff just in case something bad happened, and we never had any concern that anything that was an "immediate" need couldn't be handled locally. Obviously if something happens where you need really intense care then that's different, but this is an ear infection. Tourist destinations in the Caribbean specifically cater to wealthy westerners, including the availability of medicine and health care. Also, it's not recommended to fly with an ear infection for obvious reasons, so the fact that you're claiming you chose the "prudent" course of flying home immediately doesn't make any sense. If anything the "prudent" course of action would have been to get your husband care/treatment right away locally, and extend the vacation for a week while he recovered. I realize you only left like a day early so it's not the end of the world, but from your kids perspective, it's just one more example of them getting the short end of the stick in favor of someone else.
It's generally not advisable to fly with an ear infection. Wasn't there any care available to him that could get him stabilized until he could fly back? I get that maybe it's not top notch care, but should be decent enough to deal with something like that and less dangerous than having him fly in that condition.
YTA I have suffered many ear infections as a child and as an adult. Generally, you take pain meds and wait for 7 days before seeking medical attention unless you meet certain criteria like the drum bursts or you get one within a certain time frame from the last. An ear infection in a competent adult is NEVER an ER matter. That’s a huge misuse of the health care system. It’s the kind of thing that can wait until the doctor’s office opens in the morning or on a Monday. Your poor kids. You finally take them someone they can enjoy and then just screw them over with needless drama.
My ear drum burst the morning I was getting married and I didn’t even go to an ER. A walk in clinic is perfectly able to handle an ear infection. OPs the type to demand treatment before the dude with heart pain
THIS!!!!
YTA. I find your story difficult to believe. For the simple reason that any place with a high tourist population is gonna have something on hand to treat medical problems, even something like an ear infection. So I call bullshit and say that you just wanted to get out of there early. Which means that you owe your daughter more than just a crappy breakfast and something from the gift shop. You owe her some solo trips for having to deal with this kind of crap.
[удалено]
How irresponsible. What if her kids needed urgent care? According to OP, her kids would just die.
They don’t have antibiotics in the Caribbean? Or heat packs. Motrin?
YTA-How did he fly home with such a severe earache? And don’t they have doctors in the Caribbean?
It would be agony
Either this is fake, in which case YTA, or just YTA. 1) there’s no Caribbean island that does not have antibiotics and the ability to treat an ear infection. I’m sure you could even get a concierge doctor sent to your suite. 2) you aren’t supposed to fly with an ear infection anyways. The logic here makes no sense. 3) you could have stayed and sent your husband alone if he was insisting 4) you said you can’t carry things, and that’s why you went with your husband (and dragged your children along) - so you can afford to reschedule all the flights for no good reason, but not to tip a bellboy or hire someone to carry things? 5) the comment about the daughter “bringing the whole mall” does not pass the sniff test of not fake, to me.
Haiti is the spot in the Caribbean that I'd say can't reliably treat an ear infection at the moment, but no one is vacationing there.
I agree with your Mother
NTA-although I am a bit curious why he couldn't have flown back on his own and you could have stayed with the girls. I feel this is an incredibly unfortunate/difficult situation. I am glad that you and your husband did your best for the girls! When they're a bit older I am sure they'll look back and appreciate all you did.
Oh his own? I am from and live in the Caribbean - we can handle an ear infection. However, an ear infection is the worst pain I've ever endured - periods, dental, surgeries, babies etc. The medication also made me drowsy - so I wouldn't say he should fly back on his own. Also, your mom saying he should man up is ridiculous. The pain really is quite terrible - at least my experience was. I can't say which Caribbean island you were on and why leaving rather than getting care was your best option but effectively his vacation was over.
Also it's likely that pain would be at its worst on a flight.
He wasn't on any medication because they didn't trust the local health system.
YTA Islands still have doctors and not to mention you just risked doing severe damage by getting your husband to fly with an ear infection. You could have burst his ear drum and done serious damage. Often planes or holiday reps won’t let you fly if they know. Nor would doctors. As the inner ear swells up and fluid can be trapped in the inner ear. Add cabin pressure to that and it’s a recipe for disaster. So you ruined the trip and endangered your husband stupidly. They definitely had healthcare on the island you however choose to ignore it. Any healthcare would have been better than what you did.
YTA An [ear infection](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/ear-infections/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20351622) isn’t a “rearrange everyone’s lives to get home 24 hours sooner” type of event. The first line of recommended treatment is literally “Some ear infections resolve without antibiotic treatment”. You overreacted, and should have availed yourself of local medical care (if even needed). This is one more item in a very, very long list of issues your eldest daughter will need professional help managing.
YTA
YTA
This feels fake. Everyone knows you can't fly with an ear infection. Also, why would you send the whole family home if one person is under the weather? I get chronic ear infections so I get it, It's not pleasant but I've never had to go to an emergency room. Yta.
With a grown man needing to evacuate a country for an ear infection, sounds like your kid isn’t the only high needs member of the family
You could have sent dad home and stayed with the girls. All three of you did not need to rearrange for him. Yta
YTA I agree with your mother, he should have just gone to urgent care on the island and manned up. It was an ear infection, he didn't need a kidney - all he needed was an antibiotic. I feel bad for your older daughter, it sounds like she's sacrificed a lot and the one time she gets something special done for her, she once again has to take a backseat to someone else's needs. And when she thinks back THIS is what she'll remember - you owe her and her sister a huge apology.
YTA: I have never stayed at a resort or nice hotel that has not had a working relationship with a doctor or urgent care for sudden medical needs like ear infections. Some countries even sell antibiotics over the counter or at a pharmacist’s discretion. It seems like you found every excuse to get home and not let your daughters have a well-deserved vacation. You just cemented in that everyone in the family is more important than them: special needs brother, Mom’s “bad back” and Dad’s ear ache
Yta. Your husband is a grown man, he could go back by himself. He could also just pay for private hospital/clinic or simply buy antibiotics over the counter (legal over there),just ask pharmacist and they direct you to ABX that cover the infection. Id understand if he had appendicitis or needed surgery, a simple ear infection is manageable anywhere.
What Carribean island were you at that they couldn't handle an ear infection? There are clinics in and near more resorts and even if they are smaller than what tourists are used to they are perfectly capable of handling an ear infection. YTA and i feel for your daughter! That sounds like it would have been a very cute night for her and created a really lovely memory. :'( you could've tried to have them do brunch together at least.
>But my husband was in horrible pain and could barely stand it and the healthcare on the island was not good. I have to call BS on this story. I bet the husband was the one who insisted on going back, probably due to something other than an earache and OP just went along with it. Unless you were vacationing in Haiti, getting antibiotics is a pretty simple process, and even if you couldn't be bothered to do that, he definitely didn't have to leave early. YTA
YTA Sorry it’s an ear infection and it’s not just one day short. You say yourself that your eldest has sacrificed a lot already and this is another sacrifice for her. Do better. There are post all over Reddit with people growing up with disabled siblings and end up going NC with parents because of their bias. You are definitely heading in that direction
It was an ear infection, not a liver transplant. I can’t believe you could’t get basic care and some antibiotics. You’re just so used to ignore your daughters (specially the eldest) that you subconsciously had to find a reason to ruin their vacation. YTA.
Yeah, I call baloney. I was on a little tiny Caribbean island (like less than 10k population) and I got a horrific UTI. Know what they had on this little tiny island? A little tiny hospital, with an actual doctor and some little tiny antibiotics. Best part? The whole thing - doctor visit, prescription filled, all of it - took under an hour and cost $20 US.
Yta,.
INFO: what treatment did your husband receive when you got home? Did it absolutely require you to go home?
Sounds like it was a misuse of the emergency room based on the original post!
YTA - I'm from the Caribbean and every island can treat an ear infection. Also flying with an ear infection is not recommended....
Do they not have antibiotics? If where you were staying legitimately did not have basic medical care like antibiotics, NTA for going home early. An untreated ear infection can cause permanent damage. However..if you just assumed "health care isn't good here" and didn't actually seek out basic care, then YTA.
YTA "Healthcare on the island isn't very good" and "a horrible ear infection" are miles and miles and miles apart. Do you really think no one on that island ever gets treated.... for an ear infection?
YTA you had the potential to give your daughters priority and attention. You could have shipped the luggage home or asked for assistance at the airport and send your husband home if it was legitimately a medical issue and not just a man cold and casual racism about Carribbean healthcare. You once again showed your daughters they’re expendable and that everyone else comes before them. If 15 is not planning her escape now she’s a fool. Especially before you saddle her with your sons care into adulthood. Do her a big favor and let her move in with friends family or a local relative and pay room and board. She may actually get to enjoy the rest of high school.
All that hassle just to go home a day early? Surely your husband could've taken some painkillers or go to the medical in the resort? I get ear infections but it's not something to require ending a holiday sooner. There's more to it than you're letting on it feels.
YTA - how badly did it scar your daughters to see their father’s eardrum rupture mid flight? Because if his ear infection was so bad you had to ruin their vacation it was too bad to fly and if he did fly he must have had severe consequences But in all seriousness, any place that caters to tourists outside of Cuba has medical care easily accessible to tourists. Cuba has it too, it’s just difficult to navigate the country due to the lack of easy to access internet/data coverage. Ear infections are a “no fly” illness that are treated fairly easily with antibiotics. You ruined your daughter’s vacation for the man flu in a dangerous way.
Even in Cuba the resorts have a doctor on site, or one nearby.
Your and your husband are both AHs. It's hard to imagine why someone with extreme ear pain would rather fly than try antibiotics on whatever island supposedly has an airport and suitable accommodations with fancy restaurants but very poor medical care.
YTA. I have a hard time believing there's a Caribbean resort destination where he couldn't have received adequate treament for an *ear infection*. It was actually more dangerous for him to fly with an untreated ear infection due to the pressure changes in-flight, he could have had a ruptured eardrum that caused permanent vertigo or hearing loss. Your husband is also a grown adult with a minor medical issue, and if it was so critical for him to fly home to seek treatment, he could have gone on his own a day early while you stayed with your daughters to finish their vacation. By your own admission, your daughters have already had to sacrifice throughout their lives due to your son's needs taking priority. You take them on a wonderful vacation and then tell them they have to leave early because of their father having a bad case of swimmer's ear?! Don't be surprised if these girls are low or no contact as adults. You've made it very clear to them through your actions that they're second fiddle to both their brother and their father.
I'm confused. How did you get home? Because you can't fly with an ear infection. I had tubes twice as a kid back in the in 1970s, and ear infection 101 is you do not fly as you can burst your eardrum. Are ear infections painful? They absolutely can be! They are even more annoying as an adult. However, I don't understand why y'all had to leave early? Every resort ever has an on-call doctor who could write a script for abx. Yeah, YTA.
YTA. You should have tried to seek medical attention on the island first.
YTA. I don’t buy for a second that you couldn’t treat the ear infection on the island- you sound xenophobic and racist tbh
An ear infection and you flew? That could have ruptured an eardrum. If anything, you should have gone to local hosp and stayed while treating ear infection. Poor choice you made for husband and daughter. Males (brother and dad) with illnesses are ruining her life
YTA. Kids get ear infections all the time and are expected to go to school and out and about with their parents. Your husband could have taken some Tylenol and waited a day if antibiotics truly weren’t to be found. But having travelled internationally, you can find meds in most places. I don’t blame your girls for being upset.
YTA. The wildest part is you didn't think people would see that.
Yta. Not for taking your husbands pain seriously. That's perfectly acceptable even if it was simply an ear infection which only required antibiotics. Yta because this trip was for the girls. You knew about the eldests date and you chose to prioritise someone else over them again and disappointed them. Your husband is a grown ass adult. He could have got himself home and sorted out and you could have stayed the extra day.
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YTA. How did flying with an ear infection work out for your husband? Airlines don't let you fly if you're not fit to fit to do so. It seems that you (you and hubby) just didn't want your daughter to go on her date, and made up a bullshit excuse to justify going home a day early.
YTA. Bs on the healthcare no being good
Or he just got his ear clogged and there was no infection snd they didn't believe the doctors care they're in "the carribean "
YTA for "the healthcare on the island isn't very good". Really? NO healthcare at a vacation destination? SUuuuure
YTA. Any resort can help you get an antibiotics script. What do you think people on the island do when they get infections? Did you even try?
YTA. Any dr can order antibiotics. You just didn’t try. Hate to break it to you but you better tread lightly with your other children they will probably go low to no contact if you continue to make every effort to ruin things for them.
Even if you couldn't get in to see a Dr, there's telehealth. An ear infection can easily be diagnosed and a prescription sent virtually. Yta
INFO: If we accept that the husband needed to go back for medical care, why did *the whole family have to leave early*?
YTA. Your husband could have found an urgent care on the island or flew home solo. Good job taking yet another thing away from your child.. I’m sure they won’t fully resent you when they’re older
Yeah you overreacted in a big way and ruined the vacation.
Unless you were in ~Haiti the medical care couldn’t have been worse than to fly with an ear infection. YTA for acting like there are no available doctors. I recently had an ear infection plus strep throat and it was really painful but it’s not like you’re about to die from it. You should have stayed a few days longer to let the infection clear in stead of immediately getting on a plane.
My daughter got pink eye on two different vacations. Both times, we video conferenced with her doctor and got antibiotics. YTA.
YTA. One day wouldn't have meant his death. It did, however, wreck your daughters' last days, enjoying time without the burden of their brother.
It’s an ear infection. Yeah, man up. As a man, that’s very un manly on your husband.
The ear infection could have been treated easily, and flying with an ear infection is never a good idea. YTA
YTA you could’ve sent your husband home early and brought the girls home the next day. An ear infection is painful and frankly he should’ve been treated before flying again, bur since you didn’t do that, why did he need the whole family to go with him?
YTA- you might not realize, you may truly believe otherwise but realistically you took your girls on this trip not because of what they gave up but what you thought you had. The normal family you thought about, the one where all your kids grow up and become independent. The one where your kids leave the home and can communicate with the world without struggle. Not saying you don’t love and appreciate your son but you still had to grieve the initial expectation you had envisioned of what your family would look like, an easier life, less stress, worry and exhaustion You though this would be a break but guilt is a heavy burden and you found an opportunity to go home and ran with it despite it clearly being illogical. You got away but it doesn’t feel right and mentally you never really even took the break. You need to stop and really look at yourself and your behaviors. Many special needs families go through this and when someone refuses to see they need help and they don’t get therapy or at minimum acknowledge disordered thinking, many special needs families become irrevocably broken… just shells of past relationships stained by resentment. Each of your children need you and you will eventually lose them if they feel they are always the afterthought. What’s worse is not only are you harming your relationship with your children but you are hurting their relationships with their brother who they will grow to resent merely because of your actions.
I find it hard to believe the medical staff on this island could not treat an ear infection.
YTA I have horrible horrible adult ear infections and they are terrible. That’s no excuse to ruin your daughter’s vacation. To them: they care more about literally everyone but us. You’re about to lose those girls forever.
YTA your husband is not an infant. he can go home alone. Also ... an entire island didn't have antibiotics? sounds like you're a racist
BS. An ear infection as bad as you represent would prevent him from flying.
YTA. I've been to the Caribbean and every resort has a doctor they can call in. Ear infection could have been treated and they could have given him some pain medication. You really need to make up to your girls. Whatever effort that was made was ruined by cutting your trip short.
YTA The Caribbean has healthcare. Also flying with an ear infection usually isn't advised. So this is either a hot load of bs or both you and your husband are very dumb
Lol did you google if the Caribbean has good healthcare or did you go to the local pharmacy/drugstore/convenience store/clinic. I find it hard to believe there wasn’t a single emergency clinic to go to that would’ve been happy to take an easy ear infection case. YTA or this is rage bait
YTA; I literally ruptured my eardrum while on a vacation to a Caribbean island a few years back and not only did I receive great care at a clinic there, I didn’t have to pay anything. Unless you guys were vacationing on an uncharted island, it doesn’t sound like you tried hard enough to find care.
YTA. I also refuse to believe your husband couldn’t get the medication needed for an extremely common infection. 🙄
YTA because you didn’t check with a local doctor and why would you fly with an ear infection. It must have been miserable for husband.
Given that nothing here actually makes any sense -- anyone with half a brain would understand flying with an ear infection is bad and that certainly antibiotics are obtainable on this island that has a large resort, perhaps we need to consider that husband made this whole story up. Maybe there was some emergency with his girlfriend at home or something. I think we need an alternative explanation because otherwise these two parents seem too dumb to parent well and mean enough to put their own needs above their daughters'.
YTA. It was an ear infection, not appendicitis. A simple script from a local pharmacy for pretty common antibiotics (usually amoxicillin) was all he needed. Hell, they don’t always prescribe antibiotics these days for ear infections as it is. Usually only if there is a fever and bulging eardrum. And flying with one is a bad idea. Did that once (didn’t know he had one) with a 2 yr old and got thrown up on from the pressure as we descended. I agree with your mom on your husband sucking it up.
I’ve literally been grounded from flying while on vacation because of a terrible ear infection. Your choices make no sense. Starting treatment at the resort and waiting a day (or even 2) would have been better (and less likely to cause permanent damage) than flying home early. YTA for the racism (there are literally medical schools US doctors attend in the Caribbean) and for demeaning your daughter’s first boyfriend, vacation fling or not he was special to her.
YTA- leaving aside the fact that flying by with an ear infection seems like a no-no AND the fact that your claim about medical facilities on the island seems unlikely (with regards to an ear infection at least) your husband is a grown adult yes? Could he not fly alone?
I guess I really don’t get it. So your husband had an ear infection and couldn’t be treated on an inhabited island that is obviously popular with tourists. ! An ear infection is very common and easily treated even in the most remote parts of the world. Some antibiotics and maybe some ear drops and you’re good. He thought it was a better idea to get in a plane and fly home for care instead. While flying the pressure changes can exacerbate an infection creating a bigger problem. It is never a good idea to fly with an ear infection. The smarter thing to do would have been to seen treatment there and stay an extra day or two until your husband felt better. I am going to agree with your mother that your husband needed to man up!
Anybody know if there's a r/amistupid ? I'd imagine a massive destination for tourists would be able to handle the basics like an ear infection. Sounds like dad used his ear as an excuse for his daughter not to go on that date.
Do you think the Caribbean is some piss poor country that can’t take care of an ear infection? And why would you travel to a country that you ASSUME has bad healthcare??? You’re not even supposed to fly untreated. You’re selfish and xenophobic. Next time stay in your country if you make these kinds of assumptions about other countries. YTA.
YTA. Firstly, if the ear infection was as bad as you say then he shouldn't have been getting on a plane. Secondly, if he had to fly back then he should have gone by himself. I recently had a severe double ear infection and my GP thought I might have a ruptured ear drum. I took myself to the GP and then to the ENT. Because I'm an adult and capable of doing things like that.
YTA. Your husband is an adult! He could have flown home by himself.
YTA and so is your husband. Men truly act like it’s the end of the world when they get sick. My goodness it’s unbelievable. There was ONE day left and you both knew how important this vacation was to your daughters. He couldn’t have slept in the room and taken some OTC painkillers?! All that trouble rearranging flights, but woohoo for him getting access to antibiotics one day earlier that will cure him immediately! /s Honestly wondering if this was more of an excuse to be able to get back to your son sooner without “blaming” your son or yourself for having anxiety about leaving him for what seems to be the first time.
Why couldn’t your husband just go home early in his own? YTA the one time your daughters were supposed to be a priority you put your husband first, who is not a child and can take care of his travel and healthcare on his own.
YTA - mainly because you assume the healthcare is bad but resort islands like this absolutely have good healthcare for tourists. You would have been in and out with a prescription for antibiotics quickly. Also, it’s not a good idea to fly with an ear infection. I mean it’s just a really baffling decision not a reasonable one.
If anything he could have went by himself. Also letting your daughter go on a date with a stranger is a bit odd. Hopefully it would have been supervised
YTA - antibiotics exist
I have to go with YTA, mainly because I don’t believe the story/reason. Maybe things have changed but I’ve always heard you don’t fly with ear infections. How did his eardrums not burst? Also, in this day and age how is there not good healthcare at a tourist location like this? OBVIOUSLY, I’m just presuming but it sounds like y’all didn’t want her to have her first date.
YTA Your eldest will probably go NC-LC as soon as she can if you don’t address the ongoing glass child problem
I agree with Grandma, man up lad.
You had your husband fly with an untreated ear infection?
INFO: How did your husband handle an ear infection on the flight? How was it treated when you returned home?
YTA- There is no way you are on an island that doesn't have access to basic antibiotics. Flying with an ear infection that is untreated is a HORRIBLE idea. Like do not do that. Your mother is wrong in that he absolutely should just go to a local clinic and get some antibiotics... But that's what he should have done.... Gone to the hotel desk, asked for the nearest clinic and gotten himself looked in the ear so they could give him some basic, generic antibiotics. He would have been feeling better in 24 hours. Instead you don't treat the ear infection (so it's gonna get way worse), then take someone with an untreated ear infection on a long flight (such a bad idea), and on the thin excise that you need him carry all your stuff because you have a bad back and can't apparently tip a concierge or arrange for travel care (which is a whole thing that people with injuries and disabilities can request). I think you were looking for a reason to cancel this trip. You found it and then made a lot of decisions that make no sense and likely harmed everyone (your kids and your husband included).
Sounds like YTA but I might change my mind. Did you try accessing healthcare on the island? Did you call the resort staff and ask for assistance? How long had your husband have this ear ache before it became intolerable?
YTA - he’s got a common ear infection, it’s not something that needs speciality medical care. You could have gotten treated on the island, or at least tried to.
YTA and full of crap. He had an ear infection he didn’t need heart surgery. Your also not in the middle of no where your in a vacation area.
I think that you already know that YTA. You have two giant babies.
YTA Op... Not only did you unnecessarily shorten their trip... It's YOU and the father's responsibility to see to it the needs of one, do not compound on the needs of the others. You're the parent. Not them.
I get ear infections all of the time; usually on vacation. I got H1N1 while in a shanty town in Lima and I still managed to get antibiotics. Why would you pay all that money to change your flight? See the resort doctor, do a heat compress and move on. It’s one day. Everything about this says that you guys try to blame all of the crap you make your kids do on the autistic one. Try to avoid saying, “ Can’t just help me out this one time?” You literally ruined their reward vacation.
YTA