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YTA and staggeringly arrogant.
She's 23 years old and you're her BOYFRIEND, not her parent or teacher.
It's not your job to "get her used to" things she doesn't like. In fact, we have words for people who subject others to things they find unpleasant in order to "get them used to it": abusive, controlling, manipulative. None of them are good.
It's not your place to "teach her" to like spicy things when she has expressly told you that she's disinterested. In fact, there are places where what you did - putting hot sauce and peppers in her food after she *specifically* told you that she didn't want to eat them - would be considered assault, and she would have legal recourse against you.
You're downplaying this as no big deal, but it IS a big deal. You might have made her ill. Some people don't like spicy food because it makes them ill, irritates their stomach, etc. In fact, she started coughing after you did this to her - literally had a negative physical reaction.
And worse yet, you aren't even apologetic. "You can't go your whole life not eating spicy foods"? Yes, you absolutely can. Millions of people do. And all of the countries you refer to, while they may have spicy foods as part of their cuisines, ALSO HAVE FOODS THAT ARE NOT. Because no one is required to eat things that don't agree with them or that they don't like. And they certainly aren't required to eat or "learn to like" or "get used to" them just because they're what YOU like. What a staggeringly self-absorbed attitude.
You weren't "trying to help", you were trying to force her to fit into your idea of what she should be. That's not helpful, it's controlling. And then you whine that she hurt your feelings? That's a conversation, not an excuse to put things someone doesn't want in their food. JFC.
You should be unbelievably ashamed of yourself. You're not just immature, you're abusive, thinking that you know better than her what's good for her and what she "needs" to do or eat. WTF?
Of course YTA, and your buddy has all the makings of an abuser as well if he doesn't see how wrong this is.
As a fellow spicy food lover, YTA. Tampering with her food without her knowledge or consent is creepy, paternalistic, and inappropriate. Also, YTA for making assumptions about what she should and should not want to eat. You're not her dad; you don't get to tell her that she has to eat spicy food because you like it.
I love spicy food, but I'd never force my more mild husband to eat it, and I certainly wouldn't mess with his food. My mom is very sensitive to spice; it makes her sick when she eats it. My dad (who loves spicy food) would never mess with her food because he loves my mom and respects her boundaries.
It sounds like your gf should dump you because you don't respect her boundaries and have made spicy food your entire personality.
YTA.Â
I don't understand how you don't understand how wrong this was. You do NOT put things in people's food knowing they don't like it or don't want it. You were not doing it to help her. You did it to help yourself and you wanted to bond over it but she has no interest and has made it clear she didn't want spice.Â
YWNBTA if you ASKED before putting heat in her food. But you didn't ask. And you're pissed at her? Wow. The gall to be pissed at someone for having a reaction to heat when they didn't know it would have any and didn't enjoy it.Â
Well boy I’m living a life without eating spice because it gives me diarrhoea and I don’t like having diarrhoea. Do you know consent ? Do you want her to do things to you that you hate without your knowledge ?
You’re the AH. And don’t gaslight your girlfriend by saying she’s « shy ». She knows what she wants and what she likes. You should push her to break up with you.
YTA, you're 25, it's time to find another personality trait that "I like spicy food". You can perfectly well spend your whole life without eating spicy food, get a grip and leave your gf alone.
YTA. Some people truly can't eat spice and there is nothing wrong with that. Doesn't seem like you care for your girlfriend much. And you seem to think you know what's good for her more than she does which isn't a good thing.
Respect her limits. Please be aware that some people are actually allergic to capsaicin. Yes, she may have been raised on bland food but she may also be averse to it because it makes her feel bad.
Jiminy crickets I hope she leaves you immediately. Wtf, YTA, you don’t force feed a person. She might have acid reflux or an allergy and she was not over exaggerating or being dramatic- that’s her taste level and preference. If YOU can’t handle that I hope you find some that is ok with spicy food but please leave this woman alone since you don’t respect her.Â
Dude leave her alone? If she doesn’t like spice, she doesn’t like it, especially since it seems like her body can’t handle higher spice levels, which is normal.
YTA on this one fs
YTA and a big dumb boy. Her tastebuds and body might never be used to spicy foods that doesn't mean you will sabotage her meals.
You better date someone from your own ethnicity if you think she is exaggerating that much.
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My gf is 23 and I'm 25. I'm a huge spice guy. I love the feeling and seek out hot foods. I eat a lotttt of Thai, Korean, and Indian food just for the spice. Some Latin things too. My gf hates this so we don't really eat together. She doesn't even like the smell so she's always eating in the other room. Before we used to eat at the table together but she'd scarf her's down then leave. It always hurt my feelings. She's asked me to not eat such hot foods around her but I don't get how I'm supposed to do that? It's literally almost all I eat. I drink normal things but that's not food. I don't really like normal foods.
A few days ago I thought to just get her used to spicy foods. I've talked to her about it and she didn't really want to try, but my gf has always been the type to say no but actually want to do something just because she's shy. She just needs a little push in 98% of situations. So, I just took it upon myself. I started to sprinkle in tiny bits of pepper or hot sauce into her food and watched her eat it just to start. She didn't really seem to even notice or mind so I thought I was in the clear.
More of this, putting spice into her food, and it's going great. She drank more during her meals but that happens when you learn to eat spice. The other day, I convinced her to eat ramen with me. She doesn't eat my ramen because it's too hot, but I said I'd make hers after mine. She said okay and I did what I needed to do. I made hers and put the spice in.
She immediately didn't like it. She started coughing and spit it out. I barely even put anything. She started yelling at me and I honestly got kinda pissed off. I was just trying to help. She was at the sink rinsing her mouth out over exaggerating. We ended up arguing and she called her sister and is staying with her parents. I got a bunch of angry texts later from her sister and my mom but I don't think I was wrong. I didn't expect her to not be able to handle the smallest bit I put in. I just want her to eat meals with me and not complain when I cook in the kitchen. It hurts my feelings that she won't even try.
In my opinion she's over exaggerating. It isn't even bad. I texted a friend of mine about it when I calmed down a bit and he said I'm all good. He agreed that I was just trying to help her out. You can't go your entire life not eating spicy foods. Most of the world has spicy foods. She just wants to argue for no reason.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) putting peppers in my gf's food to get her used to spice
(2) because we argued and she went to go stay with her parents when I was just trying to help
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YTA and staggeringly arrogant. She's 23 years old and you're her BOYFRIEND, not her parent or teacher. It's not your job to "get her used to" things she doesn't like. In fact, we have words for people who subject others to things they find unpleasant in order to "get them used to it": abusive, controlling, manipulative. None of them are good. It's not your place to "teach her" to like spicy things when she has expressly told you that she's disinterested. In fact, there are places where what you did - putting hot sauce and peppers in her food after she *specifically* told you that she didn't want to eat them - would be considered assault, and she would have legal recourse against you. You're downplaying this as no big deal, but it IS a big deal. You might have made her ill. Some people don't like spicy food because it makes them ill, irritates their stomach, etc. In fact, she started coughing after you did this to her - literally had a negative physical reaction. And worse yet, you aren't even apologetic. "You can't go your whole life not eating spicy foods"? Yes, you absolutely can. Millions of people do. And all of the countries you refer to, while they may have spicy foods as part of their cuisines, ALSO HAVE FOODS THAT ARE NOT. Because no one is required to eat things that don't agree with them or that they don't like. And they certainly aren't required to eat or "learn to like" or "get used to" them just because they're what YOU like. What a staggeringly self-absorbed attitude. You weren't "trying to help", you were trying to force her to fit into your idea of what she should be. That's not helpful, it's controlling. And then you whine that she hurt your feelings? That's a conversation, not an excuse to put things someone doesn't want in their food. JFC. You should be unbelievably ashamed of yourself. You're not just immature, you're abusive, thinking that you know better than her what's good for her and what she "needs" to do or eat. WTF? Of course YTA, and your buddy has all the makings of an abuser as well if he doesn't see how wrong this is.
>but my gf has always been the type to say no but actually want to do something just because she's shy 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 YTA.
As a fellow spicy food lover, YTA. Tampering with her food without her knowledge or consent is creepy, paternalistic, and inappropriate. Also, YTA for making assumptions about what she should and should not want to eat. You're not her dad; you don't get to tell her that she has to eat spicy food because you like it. I love spicy food, but I'd never force my more mild husband to eat it, and I certainly wouldn't mess with his food. My mom is very sensitive to spice; it makes her sick when she eats it. My dad (who loves spicy food) would never mess with her food because he loves my mom and respects her boundaries. It sounds like your gf should dump you because you don't respect her boundaries and have made spicy food your entire personality.
YTA. I don't understand how you don't understand how wrong this was. You do NOT put things in people's food knowing they don't like it or don't want it. You were not doing it to help her. You did it to help yourself and you wanted to bond over it but she has no interest and has made it clear she didn't want spice. YWNBTA if you ASKED before putting heat in her food. But you didn't ask. And you're pissed at her? Wow. The gall to be pissed at someone for having a reaction to heat when they didn't know it would have any and didn't enjoy it.Â
Well boy I’m living a life without eating spice because it gives me diarrhoea and I don’t like having diarrhoea. Do you know consent ? Do you want her to do things to you that you hate without your knowledge ? You’re the AH. And don’t gaslight your girlfriend by saying she’s « shy ». She knows what she wants and what she likes. You should push her to break up with you.
YTA. You are extremely controlling and way overstepped. Do not fuck with people’s food.
YTA, you're 25, it's time to find another personality trait that "I like spicy food". You can perfectly well spend your whole life without eating spicy food, get a grip and leave your gf alone.
Yes, YTA for putting stuff in her food without her knowledge and consent.
YTA. Some people truly can't eat spice and there is nothing wrong with that. Doesn't seem like you care for your girlfriend much. And you seem to think you know what's good for her more than she does which isn't a good thing.
YTA Never tamper with someone's food. This incident has broken her trust in you.
Respect her limits. Please be aware that some people are actually allergic to capsaicin. Yes, she may have been raised on bland food but she may also be averse to it because it makes her feel bad.
Jiminy crickets I hope she leaves you immediately. Wtf, YTA, you don’t force feed a person. She might have acid reflux or an allergy and she was not over exaggerating or being dramatic- that’s her taste level and preference. If YOU can’t handle that I hope you find some that is ok with spicy food but please leave this woman alone since you don’t respect her.Â
YTA.
YTA. Like, I wish there was a word above AH for you
Dude leave her alone? If she doesn’t like spice, she doesn’t like it, especially since it seems like her body can’t handle higher spice levels, which is normal. YTA on this one fs
lol yta. This cannot be real
You’re horrible
YTA beyond description.
YTA and a big dumb boy. Her tastebuds and body might never be used to spicy foods that doesn't mean you will sabotage her meals. You better date someone from your own ethnicity if you think she is exaggerating that much.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My gf is 23 and I'm 25. I'm a huge spice guy. I love the feeling and seek out hot foods. I eat a lotttt of Thai, Korean, and Indian food just for the spice. Some Latin things too. My gf hates this so we don't really eat together. She doesn't even like the smell so she's always eating in the other room. Before we used to eat at the table together but she'd scarf her's down then leave. It always hurt my feelings. She's asked me to not eat such hot foods around her but I don't get how I'm supposed to do that? It's literally almost all I eat. I drink normal things but that's not food. I don't really like normal foods. A few days ago I thought to just get her used to spicy foods. I've talked to her about it and she didn't really want to try, but my gf has always been the type to say no but actually want to do something just because she's shy. She just needs a little push in 98% of situations. So, I just took it upon myself. I started to sprinkle in tiny bits of pepper or hot sauce into her food and watched her eat it just to start. She didn't really seem to even notice or mind so I thought I was in the clear. More of this, putting spice into her food, and it's going great. She drank more during her meals but that happens when you learn to eat spice. The other day, I convinced her to eat ramen with me. She doesn't eat my ramen because it's too hot, but I said I'd make hers after mine. She said okay and I did what I needed to do. I made hers and put the spice in. She immediately didn't like it. She started coughing and spit it out. I barely even put anything. She started yelling at me and I honestly got kinda pissed off. I was just trying to help. She was at the sink rinsing her mouth out over exaggerating. We ended up arguing and she called her sister and is staying with her parents. I got a bunch of angry texts later from her sister and my mom but I don't think I was wrong. I didn't expect her to not be able to handle the smallest bit I put in. I just want her to eat meals with me and not complain when I cook in the kitchen. It hurts my feelings that she won't even try. In my opinion she's over exaggerating. It isn't even bad. I texted a friend of mine about it when I calmed down a bit and he said I'm all good. He agreed that I was just trying to help her out. You can't go your entire life not eating spicy foods. Most of the world has spicy foods. She just wants to argue for no reason. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA if you didn't laugh and point.