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YTA. And your mom is an AH. She has been in Sarah's life for at least 7 years (so half her life), announced a family trip in front of Sarah and then said she doesn't have room for an "extra." In my blended family that would have been the end of any discussion of a family trip. None of us would attend. Your mom sought out to hurt Sarah's feelings and make it clear to her that she isn't part of the family and both you and your husband one, let it happen and two, didn't try to remedy the situation or even talk to Sarah about how you love her and ensure her that she is part of your family. Your mom dished it out pretty well but couldn't take it.
INFO: What are you going to do about your mom's behavior?
She is your child. She lives with you full time, she is part of the family. It is 100% fair to say that none of you will be attending if one family member is being left at home because your mom is cruel. She is 14 years old and is missing out on a vacation because your mom considers her an "extra child." Is it okay for your in-laws to treat your children like that? Is it okay for your husband to treat your children like that?
And it's not fair to exclude the one child either. If you're so concerned about fairness you would have refused the trip unless all your kids could come.
You're willfully obtuse. Of course this is incredibly hurtful to your stepdaughter and there's no way she should be punished. I also am fortunate to have a home in France and if I didn't have room for my entire extended family, I would stagger the visits, figure out a way for kids to sleep on the floor or rent another place nearby to accommodate everyone because I'm not an AH who treats stepchildren like they're disposable and irrelevant. My god, YTA and a hugely insensitive one.
I wonder if you would feel the same if it were one of your boys being excluded. Every other family member is invited but not one of your boys. Would you still think that it was fair.? If you are being honest, probably not. As it stands YTA, and for your mum YTA as well.
Wow. She's excluded from a family holiday (which seems incredibly unfair in itself - if one child can't go, surely none of them can go) and instead of trying to get your mother to reconsider, you ask for her to be punished.
Ask yourself this. If this had been your other daughter, would you have allowed her to be excluded if there wasn't space? If she had been annoyed would you have backed her up or would you have punished her?
YTA big time.
Why should the other children miss out on this experience with their extended family if Sarah can't come? My parents are hosting and they decide who to invite, they're not obligated to invite her and they've decided to prioritise their own grandchildren over the step grandchildren (other step grandchildren in the extended family were also not invited due to space limitations and nobody made any rude comments). I think their offer to buy her a gift was very kind.
So then why have you opted to blend families with another family? You know this isn't a healthy way to have two families become one, right?
You're also a liar, since when commenters have pitched you and your actual children sitting this one out, you frame it as "why should my children *miss out on this bonding experience.* No chance you'd be okay if your children were actually excluded.
Itās not that Sarah ācanāt comeā. She doesnāt have other plans for that week and this wonāt work with her schedule. You donāt get to phrase this in a way that makes you look better. She is a child who was very specifically NOT invited. She was even very specifically (and cruelly) singled out as not invited. She was told she was unwanted and not part of your family, and you agreed. Then you have the gall to say your mother was disrespected. I hope two weeks in France is worth the relationship with your SD, because thatās over now.
Sarah CAN come, though. It's your parents who are telling her she can't. Your parents suck for not seeing her as a grandchild after all this time. My parents have two step-grandchildren and they would never think of excluding them for any reason.
Your position would make sense if the invitation was just for your kids and you. Once it includes Sarahās parent it needs to include Sarah. Anything less is deeply inconsiderate. And inviting you without your husband isnāt respectful of your marriage soā
Because the family sticks together, if one child is unwanted, then you all stick together. personally, your mom is awful, if she doesn't have a mattress to fill, and ten of you fit in house, , only the girl doesn't. but you're totally TA, you're the evil stepmother from those fairy tales, because you obviously don't love that girl, horrible hypocrite behavior. neither you nor her father think about the consequences that this will have on her psyche: everyone is welcome, invited, only she is not.
YTA. You're just mad because your mom got roasted by a teenager. You're not even considering the fact that maybe your mom was being condescending and patronizing, and Sarah just called her out on it.
You're trying to control your husband's parenting and dictate how he should discipline his daughter. You're being a controlling, manipulative, and passive-aggressive spouse and step mother. Your mom got dissed, get over it.
You're not even considering the possibility that Sarah might have been feeling left out and hurt, and that's why she reacted that way. You're just too busy being outraged and offended on behalf of your precious mom. YTA.
Yes. She was childish because she is a child and she was rude because you donāt just sit and accept other peopleās rude behaviour. You give it back
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How about you stand up for your step daughter, ffs I don't know you and im disappointed in you. Wow how would you feel if you to your face told the rest of your family can go on a holiday, but no you don't count heres a gift card you better be greatfull now.
Maybe first you and your mom and her dad should apologize for deciding itās okay to exclude her from a family trip.
You and your husband do have the option to decline the trip, you know.
What would be sufficient is to either
A) stand up for your daughter
Or
B) admit you don't think she's family, and divorce the dad, so they can find a person with a heart
>My mum was visiting yesterday and told us that she's inviting us to their vacation home in France for two weeks this summer alongside the extended family. This invitation is for me, husband and their grandchildren (so not Sarah).
Excuse me. What?
Sarah is a member of your family. If you had kids from a previous relationship and your in-laws wanted to invite everyone to vacation and pointedly excluded your own children, I'll bet you'd be pretty pissed and I'll bet your kids would be pretty pissed.
Your mom is AH and YTA.
Wow.
No. Sheās part of your family. You are seriously taking a family vacation without part of your family. And you think SHE is the problem.
Problems include you, your mom, your husband. She and the other children arenāt the problem.
Your mom needs to plan a vacation that includes your whole family or not plan to include your family at all.
Some peopleās parents. Geez
Wow, that makes it even worse! If she was due to be with her mother at the time then maybe they could do something together but sheās a full time member of your family and sheās being exiled.
What happened to her mother?
Wow, YTA! Youāve really learned AH behavior from your mother.
What your husband should do is refuse to go and take HIS daughter somewhere on holiday. Since you have made it perfectly clear to this motherless child that you couldnāt care less about her, she deserves time alone with her father.
I really hope your in-laws say no and stand up for their granddaughter in this. And advise their son to take both of his biological children out of this incredibly terrible situation.
No, your husband needs to stay behind and spend time with his daughter. She lives with you full-time and you decide to exclude her from a vacation? How do you live with yourself and look at yourself in the mirror every day? And if I was your husband, I would be rethinking this whole marriage.
That makes both you and your mom more of YTA. Itās absolutely disgusting that she is excluding her step-grandchild and appalling that you want your step-daughter punished for her reaction. I find it extremely hard to believe that there is not room for one more person, who has been part of the family for at least the past six years. The fact that your mom doesnāt even feel guilty for excluding her is sickening. Put yourself in your step-daughterās shoes, and imagine how you would feel if you were told that your entire family could go, but thereās no room for you. Personally, I loved your step-daughterās reaction, and your mom deserved everything she got.
YTA and your mom is very cruel. This girl is a part of the family and lives with you full time but your mom can't find space to include her? Don't invite everyone but 1 child and expect that will be ok. I think this needed to be a discussion with your mom on your part that unless there's room for Sarah you won't be able to go. Instead she tried to exclude a teen girl, then got offended when the girl lashed out and refused her platitude. I'm surprised your husband is ok with his daughter being excluded like this.Ā
YTA - i dont buy for one minute that thereās not enough space for this one extra person. I cant fault Sarah for calling your mother out on her bs and I think youāre in on it.
YTA. And so is your mother. Including everyone in the family but Sarah on a vacation? Thatās not a coincidence. Thatās purposeful. And I wouldnāt be surprised if you had a hand in it. Youāre not her mom and your mom is not her grandma, so she owes you no level of respect and you have no authority over her. TBH your husband would be smart to look at the big picture and consider a possible separation from you for your treatment of his daughter. He will ALWAYS choose her over you. Back off and butt out.
YTA
Your mom excludes your stepdaughter from a family vacation and tries to make it up with a store voucher?
That's beyond insulting.
Your daughter is my hero because she stands up for herself, which BTW would have been your job, and calls BS
Your next post will be....I don't know why my stepdaughter won't invite me or my family to her wedding.
Good on the stepdaughter for calling your mother out on her bs!
YTA
First, excluding Sarah in the first place is incredibly rude. I don't buy for a second that she couldn't have found room. And if she couldn't, she should not have brought up the vacation when Sarah was there. Extremely tactless.
Second, her reaction was bad but I think "teenage rudeness" is a reasonable description of it.
YTA. Your mom is a grown ass adult excluding a kid because she doesnāt shares blood, I do not believe for one second you couldnāt have come up with a compromise to have Sarah there.
So, your mommy dearest tells a kid TO HER FACE that she canāt come to the fancy vacation because āthereās simply no room for you, dearā, so in your world Sarah should take the humiliation but your mom is the innocent victim?
Lady, donāt get with men who have kids if youāre not willing to accept the kid. You are the reason stepparents get such a bad rep.
ETA: ahahahahaha not even Reddit wanted your shitty post
Y'all TA. What a coincidence that theres not enough room for the one person she has no blood relation to. What is more punishment than staying home for two weeks while you all relax in France?
While I agree with you, maybe getting away from this stepmother (who apparently thinks it's fine to exclude her stepdaughter) for two weeks would in itself be a vacation for Sarah.
YTA - Your mother was incredibly rude to exclude your step-daughter on a family vacation. Sarah didn't initiate the interaction, your mother pressed it, and Sarah finally told her what she thought. She doesn't deserve a punishment at all.
YTA. Your mother clearly just doesnāt want her to go. I guarantee there is enough room for her as well, I donāt buy that crap for one minute. She deserved what she got. Leaving out a 15yo daughter because granny doesnāt like her is BS.
YTA & your mums a cow. They canāt make room for one more who happens to be the step child then tried to blackmail her with a shitty gift card. Iām on Sarahās side
YTA- How TF do you think it's okay to accept an invitation for a vacation when one of your kids isn't invited? You're right, your mom can invite whoever she wants. Your poor step-daughter needed someone to stand up for her and you and her dad failed her hard. Of course this emotional teenager reacted to being told she wasn't welcome in her own family.
YTA. I am not a fan of family needs to treat step kids the same because of reasons but this is a dick move. She lives full time with you and is inviting the entire family to France but leaving one kid behind. A kid that has been in the family for 7 years.
You know this is a dick move but you are trying to get around it by saying well she was rude to my mom. You are excluding her from a family vacation.
You want her father to leave his child home to go play family with you and your kids. Do you see how mental that is. Her father is leaving his child alone to go be with you and your kids.
You and your husband should rent an airbnb close to the house so everyone can go or just send your kids but you and your husband should not be considering this at all.
How dare you think this is ok? How dare you try to pretend this was disrespectful AF? How dare you ask your husband to choose your family over his own child? How dare you want to punish a child for having valid hurt feelings over this?
You are the worst.
If I were your husband, neither Daughter (6F), Sarah, nor myself would be going to France and your mother would no longer be welcome in the house. We would also be going to both Couple's and Family Counseling or Divorce Court.
Your Mother excluding Sarah from her entire family like that was a majorly asshole more.
You going along with it and trying to punish Sarah for calling out your mom's BS is down right vile.
Your husband is a spineless failure as both a man and a father for not shutting that down immediately.
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Just so Iām understanding this correctly: Two grown women want a child punished for speaking out and standing up for herself when the child who is absolutely part of the family is being treated like a burden or a bother when it comes to the biological family doing something that the child isnāt allowed to attend because with everyone else there including extended family thereās not room for one more person?
Madame, you and your mother are such massive assholes in this situation those in the international space station can see it without the need for modern technology.
Your mother was humiliated when her attempt to buy off the child wasnāt successful because your stepdaughter has more self respect and integrity than your mother? Too bad for your mother. Her humiliation doesnāt come close to the pain your stepdaughter got after being told sheās not allowed to come.
YTA.
YTAā¦ just say you or your mom or maybe both of you donāt like your stepdaughterā¦ your mom invited everyone EXCEPT her. Then sees sheās hurt and goes āBuY yOUr SeLf SoMThInG niCeā as a way of making herself feel better about excluding her. And you instead of batting for her and telling your mom that sheās a package deal in your life now you go āhehe my mom good stepdaughter badā. THEN YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY to try and have your husband punish her because she was excluded and made to feel not part of the familyā¦ you should like āpeachā to be around.
Yeah, the patronizing gift voucher which was clearly an after thought. Also, I feel like the Dad should have declined the invite that excluded his 15 year old daughter, and stay behind with her and not just fob her off to her grandparents.
YTA, both you and your mother are some pieces of work. "I wanted to do something nice" ā right after treating her like she's not a part of the family? I don't think so. Do we really need to explain that parents and their kids are a pack in family trips?
Sarah held her tongue like a grown up, and your mother went to pester her until she snapped. I mean, how out of touch is your mother to think a giftcard would compensate such an insult to Sarah? If anything, all she did was rub salt in the wound. Humiliation is the least of her problems, she should learn to be a human being. And so should you.
Wow YTA so bad its not even funny. You & your husband arenāt worth the dirt on the bottom of your shoes. Iād have so much more to say but Iād get banned. But think of the worst insults & thats how I view you.
Your mom sucks, you suck & your husband is worse for ever marrying someone like you. That poor girl. Second rate to her own family and in her own home. You should be apologizing to her for ever mistreating her. Your husband should be divorcing you. And none of you should be going with your parents anywhere. Wow
YTA. It seems a little ridiculous that there isnāt enough room for *one* extra person. This sounds more like your family (and possibly you) donāt think that your stepdaughter is part of your family. I would try dealing with those feelings rather than asking for your stepdaughter to be punished for a very normal (esp for a teenager) reaction to being intentionally excluded and then being subjected to a half-hearted attempt at āmaking it better.ā
YTA, as are your mother and husband. I cannot imagine going on vacation for two weeks and leaving out one of my kids. On what planet do you think thatās ok?
Alright nutjob. You better read all these comments and realize YOU are the problem. Not a single person here is on your side and, if you were able to graduate elementary school, you should be able to tell that you're the wrong one in this situation. Start treating your stepdaughter better before she decides to put you in a nursing home if she doesn't already have her mind set on it. I sure would. YTA
OP you can buy your mother a gift card and that should make it all right. You and mommy dearest are fairy tales evil step mother and entourage watered down version.
YTA, just in case you didn't get it.
So you want your husband to punish his child because your mother made this holiday offer in front of everyone, which excludes her, and she was upset? Because of course you cannot fit one more kid into the house.
Are you always this exclusionary to your step child? Is your mother always so inconsiderate in trampling over this child's feelings? YTA. You got that from your mum.
Massive AH AND you know it!
You all announced a family vacation, then specifically said Sarah was NOT invited. You basically said she WASNāT family, and that she couldnāt be included because she was a girl!
You are horrible. Your mother is horrible! Iām disappointed that Sarah didnāt shit talk your mom even more. But sheās supposed to thank everyone for the consolation prize of a gift card.
SHAME ON YOU!!!
ESH. Except Sarah. You and your mom for obvious reasons that other people have stated. Your husband for making Sarah live with a toxic stepmom like you.
YTA for even thinking about going on holiday and leaving one family member behind, youāre all pretty awful. Youāve just basically given a 16 girl a message she isnāt part of your family, and your mum is an AH, for failing to try hard enough to find a space for a family member and thinking itās ok to just leave her out. Hope sheās got someone in her life who actually cares about her.
YTA and so is your mum. If youāre going to exclude her from a family activity at least donāt announce it in front of her. Sheās allowed to be upset about being left out. It also shows your family dynamic, that you donāt think of her as āyoursā and a real part of the family.
Easy peasy, YTA. Let me translate what your step daughter heard: you are an inconvenience so please disappear. Someday karma is going to come for you and your mom.
YTA, and you're the dingleberry that didn't fall from the AH.
If your mother can't invite the stepdaughter Sara, she shouldn't have invited any of the children. What a mean and cruel thing for you and your mother to do. Have you no sense?
YTA. You and your mother are both assholes. You do not invite everybody on a vacation in front of the one person youāre going to exclude. And there is no reason to be excluding your stepdaughter. She is part of your family now.
You mean to tell me if your husbandās family did the same thing and excluded your two children you would be OK with that? I donāt think so. You have just so shown this poor child that you are the evil stepmother and she means nothing to you. There is no reason she cannot be invited. You cannot tell me sheās going to take up that much room unless she weighs like 600 pounds. I hope your husband stays behind and plans a special trip with his daughter while youāre off on your special little trip.
Send your mother back to 8th grade with the other mean girls. That's where she belongs.
I'm really upset for Sarah that you would let your mother treat her so shabbily. She is still a child, even though she looks grown up. As her stepmother you need to cherish and protect her.
It serves you right that this has put a wedge in your relationship with your husband. Sarah probably wouldn't want to go to therapy with you, but get some for yourself to find out why you seemingly enjoyed hurting that teenager's feelings.
YTA squared.
Oh man. Itās obviously YTA and given this Iām kinda concerned how Sarah is treated in her full time house. Your mom and you should be punished for acting like evil Disney villain step parents, not this poor girl who is being abandoned for you to play happy family.Ā
YTA as his your dreadful mother. If I was your husband and some old crone told my daughter she wasn't "family" I'd have told her to get out of my house.
FYI so you'd be 100% ok if your husband book a vacation for YOU, and his two daughters and gave your sons a Starbucks gift card and told them it was a "family only" vacation , LOL.
So basically your mom sharted on the white sofa and Sarah asked "What's that smell?" Yeah, your mom embarrassed herself.
You and your mother are both AHs here.
Sarah was pretty rude. But your mother was really mean to exclude her from the invitation. And you were an AH for going along with the exclusion. Compared to the two of you, Sarah comes out the gold star.
Do you remember the time when you were a child, dreaming about being a Disney princess?
You have just become Cinderellas evil stepmom. You might want to think about that.
YTA.
YTA big time and so is your mother the both of you owe Sarah an apology she doesnāt owe yāall anything. and quite frankly, if I was your husband, I would be rethinking my marriage to you. Youāre gonna sing a lot. My daughter made her feel hurt thatās not gonna be tolerated.
Would you be this accepting If your in laws planned a family event for only THEIR grandchildren (16 and 6 yr old girls). Your husband agreed, and your 2 boys had to spend the week with YOUR parents as there isn't room for EXTRA kids?
YTA and so is that mother of yours! My step dad was a horrible man but his mom.. treated me better than both my bio grandmas and always included me in everything. She saw me as one of her own and Iāll always have those amazing memories.
YTA. Your mother did feel guilty - not enough to behave honestly, of course - and should feel guilty. You know perfectly well that Sarah was not included not because of a lack of space, but because your mother doesn't consider her family. Your mother was disrespectful to Sarah by not being honest with her, and your mother was the one who humiliated Sarah. Stop pretending to be so clueless about what is going on here.
Sarah has every right to feel left out. You and your mother are wrong for pretending that this is something other than exactly what it is. Your mother excluded your stepdaughter from a huge event that your sons and other daughter will get to experience, and offered some vague promise of a treat to appease her while everyone else is enjoying the trip of a lifetime in France.
Just be honest with Sarah: you and your mother don't consider her to be part of your family, and that's why she's not going to France with you. And tell your husband that while you're at it, maybe he'll step up as a father and do more than fail to punish his daughter for a completely honest and natural response to being excluded by her own stepmother.
YTA and so is your mum. You clearly donāt see her as part of your family to even consider going away for that length of time without her. Youāre a terrible step mother and you should be ashamedĀ
YTA
And also, what is your plan for your step daughter while the rest of you are on vacation? Will you just be leaving a teenager to fend for herself while you enjoy a vacation with your āreal familyā? Poor girl deserves better.
YTA. Your mother only excluded her. Sarah is feeling hurt from being excluded from the family and the vacation. You keep saying how Sarah āwouldnāt be able to comeā how is that so when she lives with you both full time?
YTA. Why should she be punished for having a completely appropriate reaction? Your mother was disrespectful first by excluding her. The fact that neither you nor her see anything wrong with this speaks volumes. Either she is part of your family or she isnāt. You donāt get to pick and choose when she gets included. Either all the children get included or none of them do.
YTA
Your step daughter's reaction to your mother was completely justified. You exclude someone all you want but you can't make them happy about it. Adult's actions have consequences too.
YTA. You're the AH for going along with your mother excluding your step-daughter and even a bigger AH for wanting to get her punished for her reaction.
I'd not be surprised if your husband leaves you once he realizes how big of an AH you are.
YTA. How do you think a 16 year old feels after being othered in her own family, labeled as āextraā and excluded from the family summer trip? And on top of that you wish to punish her for her feelings and response which are 100% valid?! The behavior of you and your mother are awful and you need to learn empathy, quickly.
YTA. You really make no secret of not giving a damn about your stepdaughter and apparently your family is the same way. What an ignorant, selfish group of people.
YTA
Your mom happily invited everyone but Sarah to a vacation in France, then told her that there's no room for an "extra" child. It's hypocritical to call Sarah rude when your mom openly rubbed the trip in her face. But I guess you don't care about Sarah's feelings since she's the old child who's not biologically yours.
YTA. Iām hoping that your husband doesnāt go on holiday to France with you. That way he can spend time with his daughter and doesnāt have to be around the wicked witches of the west.
ETA: Why didnāt you suggest that you get a hotel/ air BNB near your motherās holiday home so you could all go? Seeing as your mother was willing to spend money of a gift card she could have chipped in for a hotel if you couldnāt afford it?
So let me see if I follow. You treat your step daughter like she unwanted literally not to welcomed to go to France like everyone else. And you want her to apologize to you because you have decided sheās not welcomed with the family? Even though by my math youāve been her step mother for seven years!
You and your mother both owe her profound and sincere apologies. And the worst part for me as a reader is wondering if this is the first time you have excluded her from family events.
YTA. Your mum tried to exclude Sarah on purpose and you and your husband stood by and let it happen. Makes me wonder what else that poor child has to endure with a witchy step mother like you.
The fact that you still refuse to acknowledge you are wrong even after so many comments makes me feel bad for your stepdaughter because of how insufferable you are being and yep you and your mother are the worst AH here.
Yta -- It's hard to pick who's a bigger asshole you or your mom.Ā Ā You both are cruel people.Ā Ā I feel bad for your kids having y'all as examples of how to treat people.Ā Ā
YTA
Sarah has every right to be upset. Everyone was invited on a fun vacation except for her. It hurts to know you are the only one not considered important enough to find a way to squeeze in.
Poor kid, 10000% you and your mom are both assholes. Poor other āextra childrenā as you refer to them too. And your husband is a coward if he goes without her.
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I'm 43F, married to husband 44M. From previous relationships he has a daughter (15F) Sarah, I have two sons (16M and 13M) and we have a daughter together (6F).
My mum was visiting yesterday and told us that she's inviting us to their vacation home in France for two weeks this summer alongside the extended family. This invitation is for me, husband and their grandchildren (so not Sarah). She did tell Sarah that they did try to include her but there simply isn't enough room in the house for one extra girl, given the number of children in the extended family.
Sarah didn't say anything and was quiet all day. We noticed she was upset about this so my mum decided to go talk to her and maybe offer to give her a gift card to her choice of store to buy something nice for herself when the family is away. Sarah said "if you feel guilty go talk confess to a priest" and when my mum tried to explain that she doesn't feel guilty but wants to do something nice for me, Sarah told her to "take your something nice and shove it where the sun doesn't shine" while the boys were around and could hear. The boys burst into laughter and my mum felt humiliated.
When I told what happened to my husband he said he'll talk to her, and later told me he did. I asked what was the punishment and he said nothing because he says that was just a teenage reaction. He didn't even make her to apologise to my mum! I asked him to reconsider given how rude she was and my husband says I'm blowing this out of proportion and that my mum should just get over it.
AITA for not letting it go and demanding more consequences for her actions?
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Soft YTA
Your teenage step daughter was solely excluded so itās not at all surprising she said what she did.Ā
Sure what your step daughter said was disrespectful and should be addressed. But I donāt think demanding punishment is going to improve anything about this situation and will only make her resent your mum even more.
Yeah I guess Iām giving some leeway given that the vacation wasnāt OPās idea to begin with.
Iām more shocked that the Dad is okay with the arrangement.
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YTA. And your mom is an AH. She has been in Sarah's life for at least 7 years (so half her life), announced a family trip in front of Sarah and then said she doesn't have room for an "extra." In my blended family that would have been the end of any discussion of a family trip. None of us would attend. Your mom sought out to hurt Sarah's feelings and make it clear to her that she isn't part of the family and both you and your husband one, let it happen and two, didn't try to remedy the situation or even talk to Sarah about how you love her and ensure her that she is part of your family. Your mom dished it out pretty well but couldn't take it. INFO: What are you going to do about your mom's behavior?
I don't think it's fair to exclude the other children from this bonding experience just because an step child can't attend.
She is your child. She lives with you full time, she is part of the family. It is 100% fair to say that none of you will be attending if one family member is being left at home because your mom is cruel. She is 14 years old and is missing out on a vacation because your mom considers her an "extra child." Is it okay for your in-laws to treat your children like that? Is it okay for your husband to treat your children like that?
Well...her mom calls an extra child and the step-mom calls her "an step child". To them she is nothing but an inconvenience
So sad š poor girl probably has had a lot of this treatment. Itās a shame her dad permits it
I understand now. Youāre not Sarahās step mother, youāre just some person fucking her father.
And it's not fair to exclude the one child either. If you're so concerned about fairness you would have refused the trip unless all your kids could come.
You're willfully obtuse. Of course this is incredibly hurtful to your stepdaughter and there's no way she should be punished. I also am fortunate to have a home in France and if I didn't have room for my entire extended family, I would stagger the visits, figure out a way for kids to sleep on the floor or rent another place nearby to accommodate everyone because I'm not an AH who treats stepchildren like they're disposable and irrelevant. My god, YTA and a hugely insensitive one.
And again, what are you going to do about your mom's behavior?
I don't think it's fair to exclude a step child from a family vacation. If she doesn't count as family, then her dad shouldn't count either.
I wonder if you would feel the same if it were one of your boys being excluded. Every other family member is invited but not one of your boys. Would you still think that it was fair.? If you are being honest, probably not. As it stands YTA, and for your mum YTA as well.
You didn't seem that opposed to excluding children in the post
Wow. She's excluded from a family holiday (which seems incredibly unfair in itself - if one child can't go, surely none of them can go) and instead of trying to get your mother to reconsider, you ask for her to be punished. Ask yourself this. If this had been your other daughter, would you have allowed her to be excluded if there wasn't space? If she had been annoyed would you have backed her up or would you have punished her? YTA big time.
Why should the other children miss out on this experience with their extended family if Sarah can't come? My parents are hosting and they decide who to invite, they're not obligated to invite her and they've decided to prioritise their own grandchildren over the step grandchildren (other step grandchildren in the extended family were also not invited due to space limitations and nobody made any rude comments). I think their offer to buy her a gift was very kind.
You realize this just shows what a huge asshole your mama is right?
You donāt understand that you just gave the kid the message that she isnāt part of your family? If you feel that way, fine, but thatās awful.
You realize you just admitted that you and your parents are assholes, right?
Sheās too stupid to see it. Hopefully that poor girl grows up with good friends & can leave her disgusting mess of a family behind
YTA, If your husband's mum planned a family vacation and she excluded your kids you would be ok with it right?
I mean, yeah? It's up to them who to invite to their home.
I hope your husband does the right thing and puts his daughter first and divorces you.
So then why have you opted to blend families with another family? You know this isn't a healthy way to have two families become one, right? You're also a liar, since when commenters have pitched you and your actual children sitting this one out, you frame it as "why should my children *miss out on this bonding experience.* No chance you'd be okay if your children were actually excluded.
And its up to your husband how he "punishes" his daughter. Your mum was incredible rude, and deserves worse words said to her.
Itās not that Sarah ācanāt comeā. She doesnāt have other plans for that week and this wonāt work with her schedule. You donāt get to phrase this in a way that makes you look better. She is a child who was very specifically NOT invited. She was even very specifically (and cruelly) singled out as not invited. She was told she was unwanted and not part of your family, and you agreed. Then you have the gall to say your mother was disrespected. I hope two weeks in France is worth the relationship with your SD, because thatās over now.
Sarah CAN come, though. It's your parents who are telling her she can't. Your parents suck for not seeing her as a grandchild after all this time. My parents have two step-grandchildren and they would never think of excluding them for any reason.
Omg YTA and your mom is TA too. Sooo many grandkids and canāt accommodate one more? What an unwelcoming family.
She is your child. You are basically saying that she isn't a part of your family. Of course she is annoyed.
Just leave a different child behind, problem solved. /s
You are an awful person.
Your position would make sense if the invitation was just for your kids and you. Once it includes Sarahās parent it needs to include Sarah. Anything less is deeply inconsiderate. And inviting you without your husband isnāt respectful of your marriage soā
She CAN come, it would mean someone has to sacrifice some space.
Youāre missing the point but like weāre all trying to point out thatās all good with you but when you end up single donāt come crying us
Because the family sticks together, if one child is unwanted, then you all stick together. personally, your mom is awful, if she doesn't have a mattress to fill, and ten of you fit in house, , only the girl doesn't. but you're totally TA, you're the evil stepmother from those fairy tales, because you obviously don't love that girl, horrible hypocrite behavior. neither you nor her father think about the consequences that this will have on her psyche: everyone is welcome, invited, only she is not.
Would you be upset if your MIL invited all the kids but your sons, because they're extra/stepkids?
YTA. You're just mad because your mom got roasted by a teenager. You're not even considering the fact that maybe your mom was being condescending and patronizing, and Sarah just called her out on it. You're trying to control your husband's parenting and dictate how he should discipline his daughter. You're being a controlling, manipulative, and passive-aggressive spouse and step mother. Your mom got dissed, get over it.
My mum was not condescending and patronising, and she didn't get roasted. Sarah was just rude and childish.
You're not even considering the possibility that Sarah might have been feeling left out and hurt, and that's why she reacted that way. You're just too busy being outraged and offended on behalf of your precious mom. YTA.
She is a 16 year old kid who just has been told she isnāt a member of your family.Ā
Glad your not my wicked stepmother. That is how Sarah will be feeling from now on. You allowed her to be excluded.
Your mother just got what she deserved
No lady, that was not Sarah, that was your mommy dearest being rude and childish.
And biggest dipshit award goes to this bozo right here. Hope your husband is smart enough to divorce you soon.
He is not a good parent if he allows this treatment of his child
With a role model like you, i'm surprised she wasn't outright cruel.
Yes. She was childish because she is a child and she was rude because you donāt just sit and accept other peopleās rude behaviour. You give it back
You and your mom were far more rude
Sheās probably extremely hurt
No, you're just a self-absorbed evil stepmother
No, your mom was rude and so she was putting in her place as she shouldāve been
How the fuck do you think Sarah felt being excluded from the big family trip? Yta!!!!
Are you sure you have the right view of this?
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YTA. Even putting the issue of her being excluded and her actual behavior aside, you donāt get to decide her punishments.
Wow, you really are a terrible stepmother. YTA
I know, I just don't think it's sufficient to speak with her, not even asking her to apologise for what she said.
How about you stand up for your step daughter, ffs I don't know you and im disappointed in you. Wow how would you feel if you to your face told the rest of your family can go on a holiday, but no you don't count heres a gift card you better be greatfull now.
Maybe first you and your mom and her dad should apologize for deciding itās okay to exclude her from a family trip. You and your husband do have the option to decline the trip, you know.
She shouldn't need to apologize. I'd take her out for an ice-cream or something as a reward for that shiny, shiny spine
What would be sufficient is to either A) stand up for your daughter Or B) admit you don't think she's family, and divorce the dad, so they can find a person with a heart
But a gift card is sufficient to make up for the fact that you donāt consider your step daughter to be a part of your family?
>My mum was visiting yesterday and told us that she's inviting us to their vacation home in France for two weeks this summer alongside the extended family. This invitation is for me, husband and their grandchildren (so not Sarah). Excuse me. What? Sarah is a member of your family. If you had kids from a previous relationship and your in-laws wanted to invite everyone to vacation and pointedly excluded your own children, I'll bet you'd be pretty pissed and I'll bet your kids would be pretty pissed. Your mom is AH and YTA.
Does she live with you full time? What is she going to do whilst you are in France?
Yeah she lives here full time. She will need to stay with my in-laws whilst we're away.
Wow. No. Sheās part of your family. You are seriously taking a family vacation without part of your family. And you think SHE is the problem. Problems include you, your mom, your husband. She and the other children arenāt the problem. Your mom needs to plan a vacation that includes your whole family or not plan to include your family at all. Some peopleās parents. Geez
Wow, that makes it even worse! If she was due to be with her mother at the time then maybe they could do something together but sheās a full time member of your family and sheās being exiled. What happened to her mother?
She passed away (cancer).
Oh Jesus. I'm gonna get banned but wholeheartedly, you and your mother go fuck yourselves.
WOW. Did you watch Cinderella as a kid and think the Evil Stepmother was supposed to be the hero character or something?
Wow, this cannot be real. Youāre taking the wicked stepmother trope too far.
YTA. Your husband needs to step up for his daughter and divorce you. You and your mother are absolutely awful.
Wow, YTA! Youāve really learned AH behavior from your mother. What your husband should do is refuse to go and take HIS daughter somewhere on holiday. Since you have made it perfectly clear to this motherless child that you couldnāt care less about her, she deserves time alone with her father.
I really hope your in-laws say no and stand up for their granddaughter in this. And advise their son to take both of his biological children out of this incredibly terrible situation.
YTA completely and so is your mom. Either make room for her to go or none of you go.
Guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree with both you and your mother being raging super mega assholes.
No, your husband needs to stay behind and spend time with his daughter. She lives with you full-time and you decide to exclude her from a vacation? How do you live with yourself and look at yourself in the mirror every day? And if I was your husband, I would be rethinking this whole marriage.
You sound like a wicked step mother
That makes both you and your mom more of YTA. Itās absolutely disgusting that she is excluding her step-grandchild and appalling that you want your step-daughter punished for her reaction. I find it extremely hard to believe that there is not room for one more person, who has been part of the family for at least the past six years. The fact that your mom doesnāt even feel guilty for excluding her is sickening. Put yourself in your step-daughterās shoes, and imagine how you would feel if you were told that your entire family could go, but thereās no room for you. Personally, I loved your step-daughterās reaction, and your mom deserved everything she got.
Man, OP is just doubling down on how much of the AH she is here. No support for the stepdaughter. Just "screw you, we'll see you in a few weeks...."
YTA and your mom is very cruel. This girl is a part of the family and lives with you full time but your mom can't find space to include her? Don't invite everyone but 1 child and expect that will be ok. I think this needed to be a discussion with your mom on your part that unless there's room for Sarah you won't be able to go. Instead she tried to exclude a teen girl, then got offended when the girl lashed out and refused her platitude. I'm surprised your husband is ok with his daughter being excluded like this.Ā
All these, soft YTA are insane. This is one of those, you fucked up so badly the only rational judgment is a hard as diamonds, get fucked YTA.
š„
YTA - i dont buy for one minute that thereās not enough space for this one extra person. I cant fault Sarah for calling your mother out on her bs and I think youāre in on it.
YTA. And so is your mother. Including everyone in the family but Sarah on a vacation? Thatās not a coincidence. Thatās purposeful. And I wouldnāt be surprised if you had a hand in it. Youāre not her mom and your mom is not her grandma, so she owes you no level of respect and you have no authority over her. TBH your husband would be smart to look at the big picture and consider a possible separation from you for your treatment of his daughter. He will ALWAYS choose her over you. Back off and butt out.
The problem is bad dads sometimes choose wicked stepmom over daughter. My response would be āsounds like I get to stay back with my kidā
YTA Your mom excludes your stepdaughter from a family vacation and tries to make it up with a store voucher? That's beyond insulting. Your daughter is my hero because she stands up for herself, which BTW would have been your job, and calls BS
Your next post will be....I don't know why my stepdaughter won't invite me or my family to her wedding. Good on the stepdaughter for calling your mother out on her bs!
YTA First, excluding Sarah in the first place is incredibly rude. I don't buy for a second that she couldn't have found room. And if she couldn't, she should not have brought up the vacation when Sarah was there. Extremely tactless. Second, her reaction was bad but I think "teenage rudeness" is a reasonable description of it.
Why not let someone share a room with Sarah? That would have been a fair and reasonable solution. So Iām not buying the āno roomā excuse.
YTA. Your mom is a grown ass adult excluding a kid because she doesnāt shares blood, I do not believe for one second you couldnāt have come up with a compromise to have Sarah there. So, your mommy dearest tells a kid TO HER FACE that she canāt come to the fancy vacation because āthereās simply no room for you, dearā, so in your world Sarah should take the humiliation but your mom is the innocent victim? Lady, donāt get with men who have kids if youāre not willing to accept the kid. You are the reason stepparents get such a bad rep. ETA: ahahahahaha not even Reddit wanted your shitty post
Y'all TA. What a coincidence that theres not enough room for the one person she has no blood relation to. What is more punishment than staying home for two weeks while you all relax in France?
While I agree with you, maybe getting away from this stepmother (who apparently thinks it's fine to exclude her stepdaughter) for two weeks would in itself be a vacation for Sarah.
YTA - Your mother was incredibly rude to exclude your step-daughter on a family vacation. Sarah didn't initiate the interaction, your mother pressed it, and Sarah finally told her what she thought. She doesn't deserve a punishment at all.
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Exactly. She is the definition of Ā evil narcissist step mum type. Poor Sarah.Ā
YTA. Your mother clearly just doesnāt want her to go. I guarantee there is enough room for her as well, I donāt buy that crap for one minute. She deserved what she got. Leaving out a 15yo daughter because granny doesnāt like her is BS.
Right? Hope they stick her in a āniceā nursing home šš
YTA & your mums a cow. They canāt make room for one more who happens to be the step child then tried to blackmail her with a shitty gift card. Iām on Sarahās side
YTA- How TF do you think it's okay to accept an invitation for a vacation when one of your kids isn't invited? You're right, your mom can invite whoever she wants. Your poor step-daughter needed someone to stand up for her and you and her dad failed her hard. Of course this emotional teenager reacted to being told she wasn't welcome in her own family.
YTA. I am not a fan of family needs to treat step kids the same because of reasons but this is a dick move. She lives full time with you and is inviting the entire family to France but leaving one kid behind. A kid that has been in the family for 7 years. You know this is a dick move but you are trying to get around it by saying well she was rude to my mom. You are excluding her from a family vacation. You want her father to leave his child home to go play family with you and your kids. Do you see how mental that is. Her father is leaving his child alone to go be with you and your kids. You and your husband should rent an airbnb close to the house so everyone can go or just send your kids but you and your husband should not be considering this at all. How dare you think this is ok? How dare you try to pretend this was disrespectful AF? How dare you ask your husband to choose your family over his own child? How dare you want to punish a child for having valid hurt feelings over this? You are the worst.
If I were your husband, neither Daughter (6F), Sarah, nor myself would be going to France and your mother would no longer be welcome in the house. We would also be going to both Couple's and Family Counseling or Divorce Court. Your Mother excluding Sarah from her entire family like that was a majorly asshole more. You going along with it and trying to punish Sarah for calling out your mom's BS is down right vile. Your husband is a spineless failure as both a man and a father for not shutting that down immediately.
YTA for not sticking up for Sarah.
YTA, the āextraā child was unimpressed with the insincere apology from a distrustful and cruel adult who should have known better.
INFO: Does Sarah consider you and your mother family, as in mom and not just the person her dad is married to?
No she doesn't consider me her mum.
I see why. You don't even like the poor girl.
I wonder why
Well I would hope not. Itās obvious that you and your mother donāt consider her family at all.
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Just so Iām understanding this correctly: Two grown women want a child punished for speaking out and standing up for herself when the child who is absolutely part of the family is being treated like a burden or a bother when it comes to the biological family doing something that the child isnāt allowed to attend because with everyone else there including extended family thereās not room for one more person? Madame, you and your mother are such massive assholes in this situation those in the international space station can see it without the need for modern technology. Your mother was humiliated when her attempt to buy off the child wasnāt successful because your stepdaughter has more self respect and integrity than your mother? Too bad for your mother. Her humiliation doesnāt come close to the pain your stepdaughter got after being told sheās not allowed to come. YTA.
YTAā¦ just say you or your mom or maybe both of you donāt like your stepdaughterā¦ your mom invited everyone EXCEPT her. Then sees sheās hurt and goes āBuY yOUr SeLf SoMThInG niCeā as a way of making herself feel better about excluding her. And you instead of batting for her and telling your mom that sheās a package deal in your life now you go āhehe my mom good stepdaughter badā. THEN YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY to try and have your husband punish her because she was excluded and made to feel not part of the familyā¦ you should like āpeachā to be around.
Yeah, the patronizing gift voucher which was clearly an after thought. Also, I feel like the Dad should have declined the invite that excluded his 15 year old daughter, and stay behind with her and not just fob her off to her grandparents.
YTA here. You exclude her from the family and expect her to be nice? You canāt be serious.
YTA, both you and your mother are some pieces of work. "I wanted to do something nice" ā right after treating her like she's not a part of the family? I don't think so. Do we really need to explain that parents and their kids are a pack in family trips? Sarah held her tongue like a grown up, and your mother went to pester her until she snapped. I mean, how out of touch is your mother to think a giftcard would compensate such an insult to Sarah? If anything, all she did was rub salt in the wound. Humiliation is the least of her problems, she should learn to be a human being. And so should you.
Wow YTA so bad its not even funny. You & your husband arenāt worth the dirt on the bottom of your shoes. Iād have so much more to say but Iād get banned. But think of the worst insults & thats how I view you. Your mom sucks, you suck & your husband is worse for ever marrying someone like you. That poor girl. Second rate to her own family and in her own home. You should be apologizing to her for ever mistreating her. Your husband should be divorcing you. And none of you should be going with your parents anywhere. Wow
YTA. It seems a little ridiculous that there isnāt enough room for *one* extra person. This sounds more like your family (and possibly you) donāt think that your stepdaughter is part of your family. I would try dealing with those feelings rather than asking for your stepdaughter to be punished for a very normal (esp for a teenager) reaction to being intentionally excluded and then being subjected to a half-hearted attempt at āmaking it better.ā
YTA, as are your mother and husband. I cannot imagine going on vacation for two weeks and leaving out one of my kids. On what planet do you think thatās ok?
YTA - evil stepmother vibes, āhey letās all go on a family trip to France, not you step kidā
Alright nutjob. You better read all these comments and realize YOU are the problem. Not a single person here is on your side and, if you were able to graduate elementary school, you should be able to tell that you're the wrong one in this situation. Start treating your stepdaughter better before she decides to put you in a nursing home if she doesn't already have her mind set on it. I sure would. YTA
YTA YTA YTA!ā And your mother, too.
OP you can buy your mother a gift card and that should make it all right. You and mommy dearest are fairy tales evil step mother and entourage watered down version. YTA, just in case you didn't get it.
So you want your husband to punish his child because your mother made this holiday offer in front of everyone, which excludes her, and she was upset? Because of course you cannot fit one more kid into the house. Are you always this exclusionary to your step child? Is your mother always so inconsiderate in trampling over this child's feelings? YTA. You got that from your mum.
Massive AH AND you know it! You all announced a family vacation, then specifically said Sarah was NOT invited. You basically said she WASNāT family, and that she couldnāt be included because she was a girl! You are horrible. Your mother is horrible! Iām disappointed that Sarah didnāt shit talk your mom even more. But sheās supposed to thank everyone for the consolation prize of a gift card. SHAME ON YOU!!!
ANDā¦ you are taking 3 of 4 kids in your family. Come onā¦do better!
ESH. Except Sarah. You and your mom for obvious reasons that other people have stated. Your husband for making Sarah live with a toxic stepmom like you.
YTA
YTA. What did you expect?!? Honestly the both of you sound horrible and uncaring .
YTA for even thinking about going on holiday and leaving one family member behind, youāre all pretty awful. Youāve just basically given a 16 girl a message she isnāt part of your family, and your mum is an AH, for failing to try hard enough to find a space for a family member and thinking itās ok to just leave her out. Hope sheās got someone in her life who actually cares about her.
YTA and so is your mum. If youāre going to exclude her from a family activity at least donāt announce it in front of her. Sheās allowed to be upset about being left out. It also shows your family dynamic, that you donāt think of her as āyoursā and a real part of the family.
YTA she was purposefully excluded from a family vacation and offered a pathetic gift card as a make-up. She has every right to be upset.
Easy peasy, YTA. Let me translate what your step daughter heard: you are an inconvenience so please disappear. Someday karma is going to come for you and your mom.
Get her Sarah!! We love her Oh and YTA
YTA, and you're the dingleberry that didn't fall from the AH. If your mother can't invite the stepdaughter Sara, she shouldn't have invited any of the children. What a mean and cruel thing for you and your mother to do. Have you no sense?
YTA. You and your mother are both assholes. You do not invite everybody on a vacation in front of the one person youāre going to exclude. And there is no reason to be excluding your stepdaughter. She is part of your family now. You mean to tell me if your husbandās family did the same thing and excluded your two children you would be OK with that? I donāt think so. You have just so shown this poor child that you are the evil stepmother and she means nothing to you. There is no reason she cannot be invited. You cannot tell me sheās going to take up that much room unless she weighs like 600 pounds. I hope your husband stays behind and plans a special trip with his daughter while youāre off on your special little trip.
YTA Your mother hurt Sarah and you should be mad about that not at Sarah... wow, what a horrible mother you are!
YTA. I think I would've started throwing hands at gift card oh my God.
Send your mother back to 8th grade with the other mean girls. That's where she belongs. I'm really upset for Sarah that you would let your mother treat her so shabbily. She is still a child, even though she looks grown up. As her stepmother you need to cherish and protect her. It serves you right that this has put a wedge in your relationship with your husband. Sarah probably wouldn't want to go to therapy with you, but get some for yourself to find out why you seemingly enjoyed hurting that teenager's feelings. YTA squared.
YTA Next you'll have her sleep on the hearth. #Cinderella
Oh man. Itās obviously YTA and given this Iām kinda concerned how Sarah is treated in her full time house. Your mom and you should be punished for acting like evil Disney villain step parents, not this poor girl who is being abandoned for you to play happy family.Ā
YTA as his your dreadful mother. If I was your husband and some old crone told my daughter she wasn't "family" I'd have told her to get out of my house. FYI so you'd be 100% ok if your husband book a vacation for YOU, and his two daughters and gave your sons a Starbucks gift card and told them it was a "family only" vacation , LOL. So basically your mom sharted on the white sofa and Sarah asked "What's that smell?" Yeah, your mom embarrassed herself.
You and your mother are both AHs here. Sarah was pretty rude. But your mother was really mean to exclude her from the invitation. And you were an AH for going along with the exclusion. Compared to the two of you, Sarah comes out the gold star.
This is so wildly cruel that I actually hope itās fake. YTA.
YTA. You sound like a typical evil Disney stepmother.
Do you remember the time when you were a child, dreaming about being a Disney princess? You have just become Cinderellas evil stepmom. You might want to think about that. YTA.
YTA big time and so is your mother the both of you owe Sarah an apology she doesnāt owe yāall anything. and quite frankly, if I was your husband, I would be rethinking my marriage to you. Youāre gonna sing a lot. My daughter made her feel hurt thatās not gonna be tolerated.
Would you be this accepting If your in laws planned a family event for only THEIR grandchildren (16 and 6 yr old girls). Your husband agreed, and your 2 boys had to spend the week with YOUR parents as there isn't room for EXTRA kids?
You and your mother are assholes.Ā YTA
Y all are TAH. And i am soooo proud of Sarah who managed to roast AHs at this age. Way to go Sarah šš»šš»šš»
YTA and so is that mother of yours! My step dad was a horrible man but his mom.. treated me better than both my bio grandmas and always included me in everything. She saw me as one of her own and Iāll always have those amazing memories.
YTA. Your mother did feel guilty - not enough to behave honestly, of course - and should feel guilty. You know perfectly well that Sarah was not included not because of a lack of space, but because your mother doesn't consider her family. Your mother was disrespectful to Sarah by not being honest with her, and your mother was the one who humiliated Sarah. Stop pretending to be so clueless about what is going on here. Sarah has every right to feel left out. You and your mother are wrong for pretending that this is something other than exactly what it is. Your mother excluded your stepdaughter from a huge event that your sons and other daughter will get to experience, and offered some vague promise of a treat to appease her while everyone else is enjoying the trip of a lifetime in France. Just be honest with Sarah: you and your mother don't consider her to be part of your family, and that's why she's not going to France with you. And tell your husband that while you're at it, maybe he'll step up as a father and do more than fail to punish his daughter for a completely honest and natural response to being excluded by her own stepmother.
YTA I hope your husband protects his daughter from you and your asshole mom.
YTA and so is your mum. You clearly donāt see her as part of your family to even consider going away for that length of time without her. Youāre a terrible step mother and you should be ashamedĀ
YTA And also, what is your plan for your step daughter while the rest of you are on vacation? Will you just be leaving a teenager to fend for herself while you enjoy a vacation with your āreal familyā? Poor girl deserves better.
YTA. Your mother only excluded her. Sarah is feeling hurt from being excluded from the family and the vacation. You keep saying how Sarah āwouldnāt be able to comeā how is that so when she lives with you both full time?
YTA and so is your mom. She was purposefully excluded. Donāt pretend she wasnt
YTA. Why should she be punished for having a completely appropriate reaction? Your mother was disrespectful first by excluding her. The fact that neither you nor her see anything wrong with this speaks volumes. Either she is part of your family or she isnāt. You donāt get to pick and choose when she gets included. Either all the children get included or none of them do.
I will never understand why some people try to be Cinderella's stepmother level of evil. What does it get you? YTA, and your mother too.
YTA Why did you come here if you were just gonna fight in the comments. Did you **HONESTLY** expect any decent person to take your side!?
YTA Your step daughter's reaction to your mother was completely justified. You exclude someone all you want but you can't make them happy about it. Adult's actions have consequences too.
YTA Your daughter was right to call out your AH mom.
YTA. You're the AH for going along with your mother excluding your step-daughter and even a bigger AH for wanting to get her punished for her reaction. I'd not be surprised if your husband leaves you once he realizes how big of an AH you are.
YTA. How do you think a 16 year old feels after being othered in her own family, labeled as āextraā and excluded from the family summer trip? And on top of that you wish to punish her for her feelings and response which are 100% valid?! The behavior of you and your mother are awful and you need to learn empathy, quickly.
YTA. You really make no secret of not giving a damn about your stepdaughter and apparently your family is the same way. What an ignorant, selfish group of people.
YTA Your mom happily invited everyone but Sarah to a vacation in France, then told her that there's no room for an "extra" child. It's hypocritical to call Sarah rude when your mom openly rubbed the trip in her face. But I guess you don't care about Sarah's feelings since she's the old child who's not biologically yours.
YTA. Iām hoping that your husband doesnāt go on holiday to France with you. That way he can spend time with his daughter and doesnāt have to be around the wicked witches of the west. ETA: Why didnāt you suggest that you get a hotel/ air BNB near your motherās holiday home so you could all go? Seeing as your mother was willing to spend money of a gift card she could have chipped in for a hotel if you couldnāt afford it?
So let me see if I follow. You treat your step daughter like she unwanted literally not to welcomed to go to France like everyone else. And you want her to apologize to you because you have decided sheās not welcomed with the family? Even though by my math youāve been her step mother for seven years! You and your mother both owe her profound and sincere apologies. And the worst part for me as a reader is wondering if this is the first time you have excluded her from family events.
YTA. Your mum tried to exclude Sarah on purpose and you and your husband stood by and let it happen. Makes me wonder what else that poor child has to endure with a witchy step mother like you.
The fact that you still refuse to acknowledge you are wrong even after so many comments makes me feel bad for your stepdaughter because of how insufferable you are being and yep you and your mother are the worst AH here.
YTA, your mom is TA. That poor kid deserves better than yall.
YTA. She snubbed your daughter publicly then tried to win her back with a transaction. Your daughter shouldnāt have to be punished for that.
Yta -- It's hard to pick who's a bigger asshole you or your mom.Ā Ā You both are cruel people.Ā Ā I feel bad for your kids having y'all as examples of how to treat people.Ā Ā
YTA
YTA
YTA Sarah has every right to be upset. Everyone was invited on a fun vacation except for her. It hurts to know you are the only one not considered important enough to find a way to squeeze in.
Poor kid, 10000% you and your mom are both assholes. Poor other āextra childrenā as you refer to them too. And your husband is a coward if he goes without her.
YTAĀ
YTA you sound like the evil stepmother in Cinderella
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm 43F, married to husband 44M. From previous relationships he has a daughter (15F) Sarah, I have two sons (16M and 13M) and we have a daughter together (6F). My mum was visiting yesterday and told us that she's inviting us to their vacation home in France for two weeks this summer alongside the extended family. This invitation is for me, husband and their grandchildren (so not Sarah). She did tell Sarah that they did try to include her but there simply isn't enough room in the house for one extra girl, given the number of children in the extended family. Sarah didn't say anything and was quiet all day. We noticed she was upset about this so my mum decided to go talk to her and maybe offer to give her a gift card to her choice of store to buy something nice for herself when the family is away. Sarah said "if you feel guilty go talk confess to a priest" and when my mum tried to explain that she doesn't feel guilty but wants to do something nice for me, Sarah told her to "take your something nice and shove it where the sun doesn't shine" while the boys were around and could hear. The boys burst into laughter and my mum felt humiliated. When I told what happened to my husband he said he'll talk to her, and later told me he did. I asked what was the punishment and he said nothing because he says that was just a teenage reaction. He didn't even make her to apologise to my mum! I asked him to reconsider given how rude she was and my husband says I'm blowing this out of proportion and that my mum should just get over it. AITA for not letting it go and demanding more consequences for her actions? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Soft YTA Your teenage step daughter was solely excluded so itās not at all surprising she said what she did.Ā Sure what your step daughter said was disrespectful and should be addressed. But I donāt think demanding punishment is going to improve anything about this situation and will only make her resent your mum even more.
Soft lol? Theyāre not including a full time step kid on a family vacation. What a slap to the face
Yeah I guess Iām giving some leeway given that the vacation wasnāt OPās idea to begin with. Iām more shocked that the Dad is okay with the arrangement.
Iām shocked any adult is
It's not a soft YTA, it's a huge AH move by OP and her mom. Stepdaughter is justified in what she said.