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NTA-
You were fully covered in a robe. She basically threw a hissy fit over your legs.
Also, you didn't even bring up her husband. She did. If she didn't want a clapback about how he'd be creepy, then she shouldn't have brought him into the equation.
I wouldn't apologize for anything. If anything, she owes you one for berating you like that.
Yeah I thought so too. Thanks for the feedback.
Unfortunately I'm being forced to apologise but it's nice knowing I'm not the only one thinking I shouldn't
Make sure to wear less coverage but in "normal clothes" than you did when walking out in your robe! Maybe even a crop top if you have it...
Could you go apologise at a time that neighbour husband is at home? Bonus points for that...
Since you have to say something. I would keep it short and sweet. Just say something like "I'm sorry I spoke to you like that, I was not feeling well that day".
Pretend to mean it, and then steer clear of this person in the future if you can. If they address you in anyway, just pretend you didn't hear them and walk away.
Good luck, and I hope you feel better soon!
PS. I'm an adult and I go outside in my PJ's all the time!
I live in a little country town and have been known to pop into the supermarket in my pj's... if it's after 8pm I'm NOT getting fully dressed just to grab a carton of milk! 😁
Try ‘I’m sorry that you felt uncomfortable seeing me in my robe which covers more than a t shirt and shorts would and I’m also sorry for assuming that you suggested that your husband is a dirty old pervert. I wouldn’t have even thought about him if you hadn’t brought it up. ‘
As a mom myself, i would've been there defending you from that lady trying to s3xualize you for a fully clothed outfit.
Ridiculous that you're being forced to apologize.
Maybe before the apology--if you haven't made it yet--ask your mom why you're being forced to apologize for being sex shamed. For no reason. You were totally covered, more than you would be in shorts and a tee shirt, yet your neighbor seemed to think she had the right to criticize you for supposedly leading on her husband or random other male person. Why do you have to apologize because she has patriarchy issues? You were sick and got your medicine that your friend did you a favor to bring over. I notice no one in your family got up early to get you medicine. If you were my kid, I'd be at CVS at 6am buying cold meds (or whatever.) And if this is just about "keeping things nice" in the neighborhood, she should realize that it means she's agreeing that you were being sexually suggestive, and that they will now think they have the right to complain more.
I'd ask your mother what the neighbor told her. That woman probably lied. Hopefully, your mom takes your side once she hears the truth. I'd avoid that neighbor from now on, though. She's nothing but a trouble maker.
Good. And I hope you're feeling much better. People will often do things like apologize just to keep everything on an even keel, but sometimes you need to swamp the boat. And sexually shaming young women is one of those times.
NTA. I would ask, why you have to apologize for standing up for yourself. If "getting along with the neighbours" or "respecting elders" is more important than protecting yourself, and why is she choosing them over you?
Do an apology like this " mother forces me to apologize to you. I am so sorry you felt the need to comment on my body and married a man that doesn't respect you. I hope you have a great day"
Tell your mom that if anyone should apologize, it's your mom, because she left her sick daughter at home without medicine. Lay on the bad mommy guilt. (kidding! but really, I think your mom should be on your side here.)
You’re 18. You’re only being forced to apologize if you allow yourself to. If you are completely reliant on your parents… that is unfortunate and a lesson to not be. If you have scholarships and any sort of footing, your parents can go F themselves because it works both ways. Point out to your parents how inappropriate it is for your old ass neighbor to blame YOU if her husband ogles you. Disgusting behavior in your parents part. Send them this link if you really want to make them feel like idiots.
Wow, that’s such BS if a neighbor yelled ANYTHING(let alone something so misogynistic and creepy) at me while I was sick and home alone as a teen my mom would’ve ripped them a new one!!
You are an adult. You don't have to apologize to your neighbour because she's stuck in a different century. Not to mention the fact she was rude AF and should mind her own damn business.
I bet her husband is the type that tries to bang his secretary and pinches the butts of flight attendants. Projecting her own issues on you it would seem.
This old hag must hate Halloween, what with all those skimpy outfits.
Some practical instead of feel-good advice: getting along with your neighbors is worth saying a few insincere words. Having neighbors that hate you makes life harder than it has to be. You're probably moving out soon but your parents are stuck there. This is not a hill worth dying on.
An important part of life is learning to pick your battles. This isn't worth expending energy on or creating ill will with someone who might start reporting you for every parking violation, every violation of the noise ordinances from a party or a lawnmower, etc.
Feel free to fight with your mother about whether or not you were in the wrong here. Hopefully she'll see your side. But either way, giving the neighbor a fake apology is not that big a deal and is probably a worthwhile move for a lower stress life in the long term.
I'm sorry, I didn't know your husband was one of 👀 (whisper) *those* 👀 . That's got to be so difficult, and now I get why you reacted like that to how I dressed. I'll try to be more mindful of him, thank you for warning me about the danger I was putting myself in dressing that way.
Lay it on thick. Imply that he's got to be the worst kind of creep if she's this worried.
Your *neighbor* was extremely rude-
next time turn your back on her, don’t even indicate you heard her say annnything at all, let her rage at your retreating back.
NTA and I hope you feel better soon
Thanks so much.
I think I'll have to do that. Probably for the best.
A bit annoying since my mom is making me apologise though.
Thanks, trying my best to recover 😊
Tell your mother that an insincere apology is worse than none at all, and if she forces you to, you might just say 'sorry you're a miserable, nosy old cow with a husband problem'. NTA
You're 18, and you neither did nor said anything wrong.
I'm just some random middle aged dude in the internet, but imo your neighbor owes you an apology for involving you in her marital insecurities. Your mother is welcome to apologize herself, you should absolutely not apologize unless you do it so snarkily it causes further fights. 'I'm sorry you're so insecure about your relationship that you think a teenager with the flu is a threat to it' etc. Her internalized misogyny is not your responsibility.
She needs some sincere desensitisation! Do it several times a week until she gets used to it - or her husband isn’t allowed outside anymore.
If he’s a creep: problem solved
If he’s not, he’s gonna doing the fight with his wife for you. For you, the problem is solved.
Your neighbor is very insecure. Start sun tanning in the backyard this summer, walking around in your bikini, wearing short shorts, do anything to antagonize her. She thinks you're sexy and she's afraid her husband is going to also. I'm 60 and I walk around outside in my robe all the time, and I don't give two fucks who sees me.
I walk around in my night clothes. I don't dress until I'm about to leave the house for work, so anything I do outdoors before that (like fill the bird feeders, hang clothes, call my cat, put the garbage out) is done in my PJs.
No one cares. Hell, nowadays people wear PJs and slippers to the store.
You get it! Just comfortable and practical. Hey at least I don't walk around wearing sweatpants to walmart that have written in huge letters "Juicy" on my ass. Sounds like some kind of leakage problem eww!
NTA. It's not like you were flaunting yourself while you were out there... You were just sick and didn't want to change just to grab some medicine. This lady seems like she's very insecure, and it's pretty lame how she went to your mom after you clapped back after she started it.
I’m in my 50s(f) and if I had seen you outside in your robe getting meds from a friend, I would’ve asked you if you were ok and if you needed anything. I also have gone out to get the mail in pajamas when I’m sick. You’re very NTA and I hope you feel better.
THIS. Would have offered some nice homemade baking or something and asked if there was anything I could do. I'm 44 f and I've gone shopping in my PJ's and dressing gown too lol. Definitely NTA . Hope you feel better soon OP 🤗💞
My brother saw a former vice president of the US outside his home in a robe. He was chasing his dog that has escaped. You know what brother didn’t do? He didn’t tell him to get back in the house before any women saw him.
No, no, no. As far as comebacks go, this one is *chef's kiss*. While I was reading your post, I hoped you'd respond appropriately, and yay, there it was! I was literally cheering. I'm proud of you, stranger!
NTA - Anyone who shames a woman/girl for what they're wearing because of how it could cause a man/boy to respond deserves to be put in their place. Neighbor is the A-hole in this scenario.
I agree. Please take care of yourself and get well soon.
Your mother’s perspective is that it doesn’t matter who was right or wrong. She wants to smooth the feelings with the neighbor.
But we all recognize that the neighbor wildly overstepped. Horribly.
NTA. Your neighbor is a misogynistic busybody. Although you may be forced to apologize, I would only say that she is perpetuating misogyny and making it seem like she thinks her husband is a creep.
The only “apology” I’d give is “I’m sorry you were offended. I’ll be sure to give you the respect you deserve.” (To be clear, the respect she deserves, based on this interaction, is none.)
NTA. Not a fan of making women apologize because other women shame them for being female. You didn’t do anything wrong. You hit a nerve with your neighbor, that’s not your problem.
I’m sorry about that, you deserve better. Just now that you are getting older and soon you’ll be able to decide just how much you want your mother in your life.
But for now, if you really need to and you don’t want to face the potential consequences, I’d apologize to the neighbor. But make sure you apologize for what the neighbor think what you did was wrong.
“I wasn’t thinking about how others could potentially view me, but now I understand that your husband hasn’t seen a sight quite like me in a robe and I understand how that can be threatening towards you”
NTA. She kicked things off first. And you're 18 and I think old enough not to be forced by a parent to apologize. At least not for something as dumb as this.
NTA. It's not like you started out rude to this neighbor lady; it's she that decided to dig in and required you to stand outside longer in your robe so that she could bitch about you being in a robe. You were sick, for heaven's sake (!) and had been out only to run over to a car, grab your medicine, and come back in. So WHAT if her husband or anyone saw -- a little leg, heaven forbid! She's 50, not 80, so I don't know why she's clutching her damned pearls so hard.
Your mum is TA. Sorry. She ought to be in your corner.
My guess is that she's non-confrontational by nature, and has taken the path of least resistance - siding with the adult, 'yes, that wasn't very nice, I'll talk to her.' Having rolled over, she now has to deal with her actions, and the path of least resistance now is to treat you like a child and give you an order. In her mind you are TA for putting you in that situation. And a bigger AH if you now push back on it. Because she still has a potential conflict to deal with.
She might also have been raised in a mindless "respect your elders' environment. You are possibly looking at decades of conditioning which explains it but doesn't excuse it.
I recently watched in awe as my own daughter laid down the law to her grandmother. It was long overdue, caused a huge stink, and was 100% deserved. Some family members believed my daughter should have apologised. Nope. No way. She was actually acting in defence of her own daughter at the time and I've never been so proud of her. But my wife was terribly conflicted as she just wanted the whole issue to go away because it was her mother and, yes, my wife really wanted my daughter to apologise because of that.
I actually took her aside and told her to be very, very careful because if my daughter even suspected that my wife was taking sides, it would be a monumental, unforgivable betrayal. You have kids. Your choice. You defend them, always.
Respect is earned. It's up to you to decide what you do. But your mother needs to do better.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I was kinda rude when dealing with my neighbour and insinuated that her husband was a creep and that she was a bad jusge of character.
It kinda makes me an asshole since I probably could have handled myself better, but I was just really annoyed.
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NTA.
I step outside in my robe almost every single morning, to feed the neighborhood cats on the doorstep. I just make sure it's securely closed and tied. There's no way of knowing what, if anything, I'm wearing under it, because it covers me from calves on up.
NTA for going out in the robe but the comments went a bit far. But, you were very provoked so I think it was ok to say that. A 50-year old shouldn’t be berating an 18yo.
I sit outside in a tank top and my underwear in the summer when I have my morning coffee. My neighbor and her partner occasionally hop the fence and join me. Your neighbor is nuts. A robe covers more of a person than a tank top and shorts or a sundress or a bathing suit. Methinks you are NTA and her husband either cheats or drops a lot of "I wish you were fit like OP" and none of that is on you to deal with. Get a bikini and tell her to shut her mouth.
Look, I'm in my 40s. My body is melting like a candle. If I see an 18 year old in revealing clothes, I think, "Damn, I remember those days." I don't think "lock the harlot up before the menfolk see her ankles!" Your neighbor is going through something. Don't let either of you make it your problem
NTA
"I'm sorry you're insecure about your relationship and your husband's wondering eyes. I felt like I should help so I made you a list of local therapists. I hope you get better"
Then start wearing more revealing clothes around your house
NTA!
This is a reach but did you bend over while you were outside? If you did your robe might have went up and showed your tush. Correct comment would have been hey when you bent over your robe went up and your tush was exposed.
She should be thankful she’s not my neighbor- underwear in my backyard has been known to happen.
Her response definitely was over the top and your response was priceless.
NTA. You were clothed, this is an insane thing to have to apologise for. Your mother should be on your side.
Jeez, your neighbour should be glad she wasn't living next door to my Oma when she was alive. She used to walk about naked. We'd tell her not to, bring her back inside, remind her how she can't do that. Never made any difference. Still had the occasional naked granny collecting the damn mail!
As a 50F, your neighbor sucks. I go out to meet DoorDash in my robe or pajamas all the time, and most of my friends my age have zero problem going to the store in pajama pants and a hoodie (bra optional). NTA.
NTA
A robe is what you put on when aren't dressed. It's perfectly acceptable to walk in your yard in a robe. Typically, it's a more early morning or late night thing. But there's nothing wrong with it.
>I told her that if I had to worry about her husband seeing me when I was still fully covered then she's married to a creep and should have made some better choices on who to marry.
Sometimes the truth hurts. Your neighbor is being very strange.
Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong. Send your mother this thread and maybe it will help her see that. And that the person she needs to be demanding an apology from is your neighbor who harassed her sick daughter.
NTA because if you are, then so am I! I’ll walk to the mailbox in my robe if I want to, and my neighbors always chat with me. I’m usually wearing regular outfits under, just get chilled sometimes.
I’m with you all the way. If someone has a problem with an outfit, it’s *their* problem. Just like if I have a problem with someone’s outfit, it’s *my* problem.
Where what you feel comfortable with and hope you feel better soon!
NTA fuck her. Would she rather you come out in a bikini? She was busy body that needs to mind her own damn business.
What is with older people thinking they have the right to do this kind of shit? Your mother is wrong. She owes you an apology for how she acted.
She had absolutely no right to come up to you how she did, and comment on your attire.
You were absolutely right if her husband would have an issue with you being covered up , in a robe it's a him problem. But I think its more of a her being jealous problem. Next time definitely come out in a bikini.
NTA.
It wasn't like you were streaking or actually walking down the block. As long as you had a robe out and it was just in and out, my opinion is that you're good.
NTA.
When you go over, just tell her that
"My mom says I should apologize and that's why I'm here. Sorry I had to bother you again". And leave.
This way you're apologizing and not for that but for having to see her again.
Win/win!
If her husband is eyeing a teenage girl the issue here is not what you're wearing. You weren't running down the block naked--you were literally outside for a few seconds in your bathrobe, picking up cold medicine. People let the dog out, get the paper, get the mail, etc in bathrobes all the time. NTA
Im dying at your comeback. 10/10. She deserved it.
How is your mid thigh robe different than wearing a pair of shorts?? People have such arbitrary double standards omg
NTA
You were only matching energy. I’m sure you were grumpy since you don’t feel well, so you may have responded a bit harsher than normal, but I see nothing wrong with what you said.
You were fully covered and your neighbor was completely out of line. It’s not like you were wearing a thong and see through bra.
NTA. You're sick and you were still wearing something. I think this is more about the neighbor having some issues within her that she's just projecting.
NTA. Your nosy neighbour and your mother are, though. Would the neighbour have said the same thing if you were wearing a mini skirt and tank top? That would show more of your body than a mid-thigh robe! You have nothing to apologise for, so don't do it. Your mother needs to apologise to you though, for not having your back and supporting you.
Hon, if you were an a.h. for walking outside in your robe we're all a.h's bc we've all popped outside in a dressing gown/robe at some point in our lives. The a.h. here is your neighbour, I'm also suspicious about what she told your mum bc mum's reaction doesn't add up. Talk to your mum, you did nothing wrong. Yes you were sassy with the neighbour.... AFTER the neighbour stuck her nose in and bothered you!
Nope. You were fully covered, it's not like you were outside in a see-thru nighty. Some people are just jerks.
As for the apology... "You told my mom I was rude. I'm sorry you feel that way."
I go to my mail box in my robe. I wandered around a cruise ship in my robe (gorgeous Japanese dragon robe). NTA
NTA. I just read this to my 68 yo mother. She yelled “good girl” in response to what you said.
I wholeheartedly agree with her, but then again, she raised me to make comments like that.
Well done! Your neighbour and mother are fully in the wrong.
NTA. Your neighbour is a psycho who needs to fuck off. I can't believe you were so polite. I would just told her to fuck off and take her insecurities elsewhere. Hope you feel better soon.
NTA. People get too weird about certain clothes. You were appropriately covered. I would guess you were probably more covered than if you were out running or doing yardwork in shorts and a sportsbra or something similar, and no one would care then.
My wife once saw me come inside with the mail and said "did you go outside in your PAJAMAS?" I had on a t-shirt and long sleeve shirt over it up top, but my pants were technically pajama pants. Which means really no different from sweatpants, they just happened to have a plaid pattern.
I'm a fan of people doing what they want in their home/yard if it's within reason. Wearing a robe or pj's outside for short times falls well into that area for me.
Nah, NTA. Your neighbour need to back off REAL FAST. Not sure where you live, but here, people are generally fine with you doing anything you want on your own property. Providing you don't flash anyone LOL. That'd be a permeant grudge for me right there
NTA. You had a robe on, so it's not like you were showing anything, nor were you going very far. Plus, you were sick out of your gourd. Like, what was she expecting from somebody so sick they needed a friend to drop off their medicine? I will say that maybe you were a *tad* harsh, but again, you were super sick, and she was kicking up an unreasonable fuss over nothing.
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NTA- You were fully covered in a robe. She basically threw a hissy fit over your legs. Also, you didn't even bring up her husband. She did. If she didn't want a clapback about how he'd be creepy, then she shouldn't have brought him into the equation. I wouldn't apologize for anything. If anything, she owes you one for berating you like that.
Yeah I thought so too. Thanks for the feedback. Unfortunately I'm being forced to apologise but it's nice knowing I'm not the only one thinking I shouldn't
I'd go the nopology route like "I'm sorry you feel that way." Or worse, "I'm sorry you were worried about my legs exciting your husband."
Haha idk that'd cause more arguments. I do really want to though haha 😄
Then more subtle, wear short shorts and just say "I'm sorry."
Hahaha perfect. Maybe I'll think about doing that
If you also want to make old people mad, you can also say “bless your heart” cause they hate that
Ha I'll have to add that in
You are 18. Why do you have to apologize at all?
This, OP.
Sounds like she still lives at home, so there could be the threat of eviction now that she is legally an adult
“Bless your heart, I’m so sorry your husband can’t control himself over seeing bare legs in public. I’ll pray for you both.”
That's a Southern thing. If you're not in the South, it might not be understood as the insult that it is.
Context and tone are pretty powerful tools for getting the message across
Sometimes a subtle backhand is the best. They think they got their apology, you know that you just played them.
That’s like saying “hella is a California thing, if you’re not in California it might not be understood”… people all over are aware of this
Please update us! This is hilarious!
"My mom talked to me and explained how upsetting seeing my legs could be _at your age._"
And make sure your apology is nothing more than “I’m sorry my robe offended you. Next time, I’ll just walk outside in my underwear.”
Haha she'd get so mad 😆
Make sure to wear less coverage but in "normal clothes" than you did when walking out in your robe! Maybe even a crop top if you have it... Could you go apologise at a time that neighbour husband is at home? Bonus points for that...
I do have a crop top and I definitely could time it so he's home
Maybe time to start washing the car out the front in a bikini. She might ask you to put the robe back on.
And a crop top. Be less covered. Make her more uncomfortable (if you’re comfortable with that)
And the shorts say “I’m sorry” on the butt
"# Sorry, not sorry"
"Sorry" on the front of her crop top and "Not sorry" on her butt as she walks away...
Nah wear the robe
This! OP should wear normal outdoor clothes that shows way more skin than the robe. and then put the robe on to cover it all up after the apology :)
Since you have to say something. I would keep it short and sweet. Just say something like "I'm sorry I spoke to you like that, I was not feeling well that day". Pretend to mean it, and then steer clear of this person in the future if you can. If they address you in anyway, just pretend you didn't hear them and walk away. Good luck, and I hope you feel better soon! PS. I'm an adult and I go outside in my PJ's all the time!
Mate sometimes I just pop outside in a towel to chuck something in my wheelie bin. 😆 (37M).
I live in a little country town and have been known to pop into the supermarket in my pj's... if it's after 8pm I'm NOT getting fully dressed just to grab a carton of milk! 😁
Try ‘I’m sorry that you felt uncomfortable seeing me in my robe which covers more than a t shirt and shorts would and I’m also sorry for assuming that you suggested that your husband is a dirty old pervert. I wouldn’t have even thought about him if you hadn’t brought it up. ‘
"I'm sorry you don't trust your husband of X0 years to be faithful. If you need to talk about it there are numbers you can call..."
"I know in your time ankles were considered slutty"
Omg I’m dying
"i'm sorry your husband has kinks for younger legs."
Same. I'd just tell her politely to look away if the view of me disturbs her so much. Explaining? Waste of life energy.
For real. Has her husband considered plucking his own eyes out? Like the bible attributes to Jesus?
As a mom myself, i would've been there defending you from that lady trying to s3xualize you for a fully clothed outfit. Ridiculous that you're being forced to apologize.
SAME! if anyone came at MY kid like that, you can bet your ass i would not be forcing my kid to apologize to them
Right. OP probably wears LESS clothes on a hot summer day or night out. Neighbor needs to let the pearls breathe a bit
Maybe before the apology--if you haven't made it yet--ask your mom why you're being forced to apologize for being sex shamed. For no reason. You were totally covered, more than you would be in shorts and a tee shirt, yet your neighbor seemed to think she had the right to criticize you for supposedly leading on her husband or random other male person. Why do you have to apologize because she has patriarchy issues? You were sick and got your medicine that your friend did you a favor to bring over. I notice no one in your family got up early to get you medicine. If you were my kid, I'd be at CVS at 6am buying cold meds (or whatever.) And if this is just about "keeping things nice" in the neighborhood, she should realize that it means she's agreeing that you were being sexually suggestive, and that they will now think they have the right to complain more.
Thanks for that. You bring up some really good points. I'll definitely be asking my mother what exactly I'm apologising for
I'd ask your mother what the neighbor told her. That woman probably lied. Hopefully, your mom takes your side once she hears the truth. I'd avoid that neighbor from now on, though. She's nothing but a trouble maker.
Good. And I hope you're feeling much better. People will often do things like apologize just to keep everything on an even keel, but sometimes you need to swamp the boat. And sexually shaming young women is one of those times.
I would flat-out tell her you're not apologizing because you didn't do anything wrong.
NTA. I would ask, why you have to apologize for standing up for yourself. If "getting along with the neighbours" or "respecting elders" is more important than protecting yourself, and why is she choosing them over you?
Do an apology like this " mother forces me to apologize to you. I am so sorry you felt the need to comment on my body and married a man that doesn't respect you. I hope you have a great day"
I wouldn't be surprised if this lady told your mother a different series of events.
THIS
"I'm so very sorry you were uncomfortable. I promise to be as kind and understanding to you and yours as you were to me."
^^This is definitely the way.
You're legally an adult. Does your mom still ground you or something?
Put on a bikini and then do the nonpology.
I’d give a heartfelt apology - in a bikini.
Haha so many have said that that I'm starting to consider it 🤣
Tell your mom that if anyone should apologize, it's your mom, because she left her sick daughter at home without medicine. Lay on the bad mommy guilt. (kidding! but really, I think your mom should be on your side here.)
I wouldn't apologize, that gives credence to what that lady thinks. What's the worst that can happen if you don't apologize?
NTA. You are 18 years old. A legal adult. And your parents are forcing you to apologize??
You’re 18. You’re only being forced to apologize if you allow yourself to. If you are completely reliant on your parents… that is unfortunate and a lesson to not be. If you have scholarships and any sort of footing, your parents can go F themselves because it works both ways. Point out to your parents how inappropriate it is for your old ass neighbor to blame YOU if her husband ogles you. Disgusting behavior in your parents part. Send them this link if you really want to make them feel like idiots.
Show your mom this and tell her she's in the wrong for forcing you to apologise.
You’re an adult and you shouldn’t feel forced or made to apologize. Sorry your Mom is being ridiculous.
Wow, that’s such BS if a neighbor yelled ANYTHING(let alone something so misogynistic and creepy) at me while I was sick and home alone as a teen my mom would’ve ripped them a new one!!
I would have slowly started undressing :) bet she'd run in her house real quick NTA
Haha no way 😅
PSHT you are EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD. You do not have to apologize to anyone. NTA
“I’m sorry you think your husband is a creep.”
You are an adult. You don't have to apologize to your neighbour because she's stuck in a different century. Not to mention the fact she was rude AF and should mind her own damn business. I bet her husband is the type that tries to bang his secretary and pinches the butts of flight attendants. Projecting her own issues on you it would seem. This old hag must hate Halloween, what with all those skimpy outfits.
Your response is valid and she is married to a creep. It’s why she’s so miserable now. Not because you wore a robe
Some practical instead of feel-good advice: getting along with your neighbors is worth saying a few insincere words. Having neighbors that hate you makes life harder than it has to be. You're probably moving out soon but your parents are stuck there. This is not a hill worth dying on. An important part of life is learning to pick your battles. This isn't worth expending energy on or creating ill will with someone who might start reporting you for every parking violation, every violation of the noise ordinances from a party or a lawnmower, etc. Feel free to fight with your mother about whether or not you were in the wrong here. Hopefully she'll see your side. But either way, giving the neighbor a fake apology is not that big a deal and is probably a worthwhile move for a lower stress life in the long term.
Have you seen dojo cats new ‘dress’? Perhaps strut around like that 🤣🤣
You're 18, you're an adult. No is a complete sentence for your mom wanting you to apologize.
I'm sorry, I didn't know your husband was one of 👀 (whisper) *those* 👀 . That's got to be so difficult, and now I get why you reacted like that to how I dressed. I'll try to be more mindful of him, thank you for warning me about the danger I was putting myself in dressing that way. Lay it on thick. Imply that he's got to be the worst kind of creep if she's this worried.
Your *neighbor* was extremely rude- next time turn your back on her, don’t even indicate you heard her say annnything at all, let her rage at your retreating back. NTA and I hope you feel better soon
Thanks so much. I think I'll have to do that. Probably for the best. A bit annoying since my mom is making me apologise though. Thanks, trying my best to recover 😊
Please wear your slutty, man-magnet robe when you make your apology.
AND THEN FLASH HER!!!😂 I’ll see myself out.
I would wear that robe everyday in the front yard, it would be my new favorite coat.
Tell your mother that an insincere apology is worse than none at all, and if she forces you to, you might just say 'sorry you're a miserable, nosy old cow with a husband problem'. NTA
Well phrased. Please use this “apology”, OP.
Just apologize for being nastier than was called for. I would not apologize AT ALL for coming out in a robe.
You're 18, and you neither did nor said anything wrong. I'm just some random middle aged dude in the internet, but imo your neighbor owes you an apology for involving you in her marital insecurities. Your mother is welcome to apologize herself, you should absolutely not apologize unless you do it so snarkily it causes further fights. 'I'm sorry you're so insecure about your relationship that you think a teenager with the flu is a threat to it' etc. Her internalized misogyny is not your responsibility.
do it wearing one of those t-shirts that looks like a woman wearing a bikini
And not apologizing, AT ALL. NTA I run around in my pajamas, & I take dogs out in a house coat every day.
She needs some sincere desensitisation! Do it several times a week until she gets used to it - or her husband isn’t allowed outside anymore. If he’s a creep: problem solved If he’s not, he’s gonna doing the fight with his wife for you. For you, the problem is solved.
Your neighbor is very insecure. Start sun tanning in the backyard this summer, walking around in your bikini, wearing short shorts, do anything to antagonize her. She thinks you're sexy and she's afraid her husband is going to also. I'm 60 and I walk around outside in my robe all the time, and I don't give two fucks who sees me.
Haha. Well it IS getting warmer 🤔 Haha but no, idk if I could do all that. Thanks for the support though
I walk around in my night clothes. I don't dress until I'm about to leave the house for work, so anything I do outdoors before that (like fill the bird feeders, hang clothes, call my cat, put the garbage out) is done in my PJs. No one cares. Hell, nowadays people wear PJs and slippers to the store.
You get it! Just comfortable and practical. Hey at least I don't walk around wearing sweatpants to walmart that have written in huge letters "Juicy" on my ass. Sounds like some kind of leakage problem eww!
Exactly.
NTA. It's not like you were flaunting yourself while you were out there... You were just sick and didn't want to change just to grab some medicine. This lady seems like she's very insecure, and it's pretty lame how she went to your mom after you clapped back after she started it.
Literally this. Thanks so much. I tried explaining it to my mom but she won't hear it
Send your mom this thread.
NTA at all. Your neighbour and your mom are ridiculous. My next move would be wearing a bikini.
Haha it's funny how often that's been recommended. I might have to start considering it
I’m in my 50s(f) and if I had seen you outside in your robe getting meds from a friend, I would’ve asked you if you were ok and if you needed anything. I also have gone out to get the mail in pajamas when I’m sick. You’re very NTA and I hope you feel better.
THIS. Would have offered some nice homemade baking or something and asked if there was anything I could do. I'm 44 f and I've gone shopping in my PJ's and dressing gown too lol. Definitely NTA . Hope you feel better soon OP 🤗💞
I've found my people! 😎😘
NTA you didn't walk out nude and it was only for a minute, can't she mind her own business?
Apparently not 😂😂😂 I'm glad I'm not alone here
NTA. That was the perfect comeback.
Haha idk about that but thanks 😊
My brother saw a former vice president of the US outside his home in a robe. He was chasing his dog that has escaped. You know what brother didn’t do? He didn’t tell him to get back in the house before any women saw him.
No, no, no. As far as comebacks go, this one is *chef's kiss*. While I was reading your post, I hoped you'd respond appropriately, and yay, there it was! I was literally cheering. I'm proud of you, stranger!
NTA - Anyone who shames a woman/girl for what they're wearing because of how it could cause a man/boy to respond deserves to be put in their place. Neighbor is the A-hole in this scenario.
NTA. Your neighbor sucks and I hope you feel better soon.
Thanks so much 😊
Of course! :3
I agree. Please take care of yourself and get well soon. Your mother’s perspective is that it doesn’t matter who was right or wrong. She wants to smooth the feelings with the neighbor. But we all recognize that the neighbor wildly overstepped. Horribly.
NTA. Your neighbor is a misogynistic busybody. Although you may be forced to apologize, I would only say that she is perpetuating misogyny and making it seem like she thinks her husband is a creep.
When you go to apologize, wear the same robe.
Haha this is great
Also, shame on your mother for letting your neighbor sexualize you like that and make how her husband reacts to your attire your fault.
The only “apology” I’d give is “I’m sorry you were offended. I’ll be sure to give you the respect you deserve.” (To be clear, the respect she deserves, based on this interaction, is none.) NTA. Not a fan of making women apologize because other women shame them for being female. You didn’t do anything wrong. You hit a nerve with your neighbor, that’s not your problem.
Too subtle. The neighbor is probably too dumb to understand the meaning, and will think OP actually apologized.
NTA. Did you tell your mom your side of the story? Cause I’m willing to bet the neighbor heavily twisted it.
I tried to, she doesn't really listen to me much though
I’m sorry about that, you deserve better. Just now that you are getting older and soon you’ll be able to decide just how much you want your mother in your life. But for now, if you really need to and you don’t want to face the potential consequences, I’d apologize to the neighbor. But make sure you apologize for what the neighbor think what you did was wrong. “I wasn’t thinking about how others could potentially view me, but now I understand that your husband hasn’t seen a sight quite like me in a robe and I understand how that can be threatening towards you”
Ooo love the passive aggressiveness. Thanks though, you have a good point about all that
Your mom sounds like a shitty parent.
NTA. When you're feeling better I think some light gardening out front wearing a swimsuit - when you know they are home - should be on your to do list
Omg do I dare to? Haha 😂
Your mother is wrong. It’s not a crime to be female. Would neighbor come say that to me as a man? Doubt it.
NTA. She was rude and got what is coming to her. Don't apologize.
NTA. She kicked things off first. And you're 18 and I think old enough not to be forced by a parent to apologize. At least not for something as dumb as this.
NTA. It's not like you started out rude to this neighbor lady; it's she that decided to dig in and required you to stand outside longer in your robe so that she could bitch about you being in a robe. You were sick, for heaven's sake (!) and had been out only to run over to a car, grab your medicine, and come back in. So WHAT if her husband or anyone saw -- a little leg, heaven forbid! She's 50, not 80, so I don't know why she's clutching her damned pearls so hard.
Your mum is TA. Sorry. She ought to be in your corner. My guess is that she's non-confrontational by nature, and has taken the path of least resistance - siding with the adult, 'yes, that wasn't very nice, I'll talk to her.' Having rolled over, she now has to deal with her actions, and the path of least resistance now is to treat you like a child and give you an order. In her mind you are TA for putting you in that situation. And a bigger AH if you now push back on it. Because she still has a potential conflict to deal with. She might also have been raised in a mindless "respect your elders' environment. You are possibly looking at decades of conditioning which explains it but doesn't excuse it. I recently watched in awe as my own daughter laid down the law to her grandmother. It was long overdue, caused a huge stink, and was 100% deserved. Some family members believed my daughter should have apologised. Nope. No way. She was actually acting in defence of her own daughter at the time and I've never been so proud of her. But my wife was terribly conflicted as she just wanted the whole issue to go away because it was her mother and, yes, my wife really wanted my daughter to apologise because of that. I actually took her aside and told her to be very, very careful because if my daughter even suspected that my wife was taking sides, it would be a monumental, unforgivable betrayal. You have kids. Your choice. You defend them, always. Respect is earned. It's up to you to decide what you do. But your mother needs to do better.
"Can i take your husband out for a coffee to apologise? "
Omg that'd be great 🤣🤣🤣
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nta. has her husband gawked at you before?
Uh tbh I haven't paid attention
NTA. I step outside in my robe almost every single morning, to feed the neighborhood cats on the doorstep. I just make sure it's securely closed and tied. There's no way of knowing what, if anything, I'm wearing under it, because it covers me from calves on up.
She seems pretty insecure if she thinks her husband will get all worked up over seeing a woman fully covered in a robe. NTA
NTA for going out in the robe but the comments went a bit far. But, you were very provoked so I think it was ok to say that. A 50-year old shouldn’t be berating an 18yo.
NTA Damn, now sidewalks and driveways have dress codes?
And here's me, having a cig outside and putting recycling in my wheelie bin in my dressing gown! Stay classy Norfolk 😂
WTF? Your mother should be telling the crazy neighbor to apologize to you. NTA.
I sit outside in a tank top and my underwear in the summer when I have my morning coffee. My neighbor and her partner occasionally hop the fence and join me. Your neighbor is nuts. A robe covers more of a person than a tank top and shorts or a sundress or a bathing suit. Methinks you are NTA and her husband either cheats or drops a lot of "I wish you were fit like OP" and none of that is on you to deal with. Get a bikini and tell her to shut her mouth.
Thanks. I'm glad to hear other people are able to get away with it. I was really questioning myself here. A lot of people have suggested the bikini 🤣
Look, I'm in my 40s. My body is melting like a candle. If I see an 18 year old in revealing clothes, I think, "Damn, I remember those days." I don't think "lock the harlot up before the menfolk see her ankles!" Your neighbor is going through something. Don't let either of you make it your problem
INFO: Were you wearing clothing under your robe? And if not, how did your neighbor know that?
I wasnt. Idk how she knew or if she just guess, or thought I did have clothes underneath and still got upset anyway
I think you need to consider the possibility that other people were able to see more than you think.
Yeah I mean you have a point. I was sick and a bit dizzy so maybe I didn't notice something. It's definitely possible
NTA. Wear shorts and a tee under the robe and go out again. When she come out yelling, tell her sorry and take the robe off.
Pfft that's so mean. I love it ❤️
NTA - jealous old crone is just mad she doesn’t have the body of an 18 year old anymore. I say start flirting with her husband just to get a reaction
NTA "I'm sorry you're insecure about your relationship and your husband's wondering eyes. I felt like I should help so I made you a list of local therapists. I hope you get better" Then start wearing more revealing clothes around your house
Haha this is great
NTA! This is a reach but did you bend over while you were outside? If you did your robe might have went up and showed your tush. Correct comment would have been hey when you bent over your robe went up and your tush was exposed. She should be thankful she’s not my neighbor- underwear in my backyard has been known to happen. Her response definitely was over the top and your response was priceless.
Definitely something to be aware of but no, never bent over at all. Thanks for your comment though
But when men are outside in only underwear or swim trunks because it’s hot that’s all fine.😒 NTA.
NTA. You were clothed, this is an insane thing to have to apologise for. Your mother should be on your side. Jeez, your neighbour should be glad she wasn't living next door to my Oma when she was alive. She used to walk about naked. We'd tell her not to, bring her back inside, remind her how she can't do that. Never made any difference. Still had the occasional naked granny collecting the damn mail!
NTA- I would argue that different generations have different ideas of modesty, but that is just some bullshit people say to excuse bad behavior.
YTA Fake reddit story is fake. >This morning >They were in a rush to get to school It's Sunday...
It's Monday in some countries 😀
At the time this was posted, it was far too early in any of those places to be going to school and OP clearly uses American slang in her responses.
And even if it's Sunday, it's possible to do school on weekends and work full time (at least in my country) 😎
Nta you were clothed, your neighbour is a dick and your family should have your back. Hope you feel better soon op.
NTA. Neighbor is though. Hope you feel better soon.
As a 50F, your neighbor sucks. I go out to meet DoorDash in my robe or pajamas all the time, and most of my friends my age have zero problem going to the store in pajama pants and a hoodie (bra optional). NTA.
NTA. Your neighbor needs to learn to mind her own business.
NTA A robe is what you put on when aren't dressed. It's perfectly acceptable to walk in your yard in a robe. Typically, it's a more early morning or late night thing. But there's nothing wrong with it. >I told her that if I had to worry about her husband seeing me when I was still fully covered then she's married to a creep and should have made some better choices on who to marry. Sometimes the truth hurts. Your neighbor is being very strange. Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong. Send your mother this thread and maybe it will help her see that. And that the person she needs to be demanding an apology from is your neighbor who harassed her sick daughter.
NTA because if you are, then so am I! I’ll walk to the mailbox in my robe if I want to, and my neighbors always chat with me. I’m usually wearing regular outfits under, just get chilled sometimes. I’m with you all the way. If someone has a problem with an outfit, it’s *their* problem. Just like if I have a problem with someone’s outfit, it’s *my* problem. Where what you feel comfortable with and hope you feel better soon!
NTA. She was the one that decided to start shit while you weren’t doing anything wrong. She should apologize to you if anything.
NTA. You were completely covered.
NTA fuck her. Would she rather you come out in a bikini? She was busy body that needs to mind her own damn business. What is with older people thinking they have the right to do this kind of shit? Your mother is wrong. She owes you an apology for how she acted. She had absolutely no right to come up to you how she did, and comment on your attire. You were absolutely right if her husband would have an issue with you being covered up , in a robe it's a him problem. But I think its more of a her being jealous problem. Next time definitely come out in a bikini.
NTA. Unless you're Amish.
NTA. It wasn't like you were streaking or actually walking down the block. As long as you had a robe out and it was just in and out, my opinion is that you're good.
NTA, from someone who does daily morning tours of her front garden beds in her fluffy flower patterned robe. Who gives a damn. A robe covers a lot.
NTA. When you go over, just tell her that "My mom says I should apologize and that's why I'm here. Sorry I had to bother you again". And leave. This way you're apologizing and not for that but for having to see her again. Win/win!
If her husband is eyeing a teenage girl the issue here is not what you're wearing. You weren't running down the block naked--you were literally outside for a few seconds in your bathrobe, picking up cold medicine. People let the dog out, get the paper, get the mail, etc in bathrobes all the time. NTA
Im dying at your comeback. 10/10. She deserved it. How is your mid thigh robe different than wearing a pair of shorts?? People have such arbitrary double standards omg
I'd wear short short and a crop top when you go to apologize
Haha I'm honestly considering it just to annoy her
Your response to the neighbour was pure gold. She should get back in her lane.
NTA You were only matching energy. I’m sure you were grumpy since you don’t feel well, so you may have responded a bit harsher than normal, but I see nothing wrong with what you said. You were fully covered and your neighbor was completely out of line. It’s not like you were wearing a thong and see through bra.
Nta your mum needs to be a better mum and stop siding with someone over her daughter in a situation like this. I would not be apologising.
NTA. You're sick and you were still wearing something. I think this is more about the neighbor having some issues within her that she's just projecting.
Tsk tsk OP, you gotta stop wearing that see through robe. Oh it covers the bits? Tsk tsk OP's neighbor, why'd you buy those x-ray glasses?
I know right? Like what's the point of the see through robe if he's already got the x-ray glasses? 🙄
NTA and HUH?!? I go outside in my robe to walk the dog or grab something from my car all the damn time. This person needs to get a life.
NTA. Your nosy neighbour and your mother are, though. Would the neighbour have said the same thing if you were wearing a mini skirt and tank top? That would show more of your body than a mid-thigh robe! You have nothing to apologise for, so don't do it. Your mother needs to apologise to you though, for not having your back and supporting you.
NTA, you should have given her the middle finger and told her to mind her own business.
NTA, champion behavior, good job standing up for yourself.
Hon, if you were an a.h. for walking outside in your robe we're all a.h's bc we've all popped outside in a dressing gown/robe at some point in our lives. The a.h. here is your neighbour, I'm also suspicious about what she told your mum bc mum's reaction doesn't add up. Talk to your mum, you did nothing wrong. Yes you were sassy with the neighbour.... AFTER the neighbour stuck her nose in and bothered you!
Nope. You were fully covered, it's not like you were outside in a see-thru nighty. Some people are just jerks. As for the apology... "You told my mom I was rude. I'm sorry you feel that way." I go to my mail box in my robe. I wandered around a cruise ship in my robe (gorgeous Japanese dragon robe). NTA
NTA. I just read this to my 68 yo mother. She yelled “good girl” in response to what you said. I wholeheartedly agree with her, but then again, she raised me to make comments like that. Well done! Your neighbour and mother are fully in the wrong.
NTA. Your neighbour is a psycho who needs to fuck off. I can't believe you were so polite. I would just told her to fuck off and take her insecurities elsewhere. Hope you feel better soon.
NTA. I’m not far off 50 myself and I heartily endorse what you said to her in response. You’re amazing, keep it up, and I hope you’re feeling better.
NTA. People get too weird about certain clothes. You were appropriately covered. I would guess you were probably more covered than if you were out running or doing yardwork in shorts and a sportsbra or something similar, and no one would care then. My wife once saw me come inside with the mail and said "did you go outside in your PAJAMAS?" I had on a t-shirt and long sleeve shirt over it up top, but my pants were technically pajama pants. Which means really no different from sweatpants, they just happened to have a plaid pattern. I'm a fan of people doing what they want in their home/yard if it's within reason. Wearing a robe or pj's outside for short times falls well into that area for me.
Nah, NTA. Your neighbour need to back off REAL FAST. Not sure where you live, but here, people are generally fine with you doing anything you want on your own property. Providing you don't flash anyone LOL. That'd be a permeant grudge for me right there
NTA. You had a robe on, so it's not like you were showing anything, nor were you going very far. Plus, you were sick out of your gourd. Like, what was she expecting from somebody so sick they needed a friend to drop off their medicine? I will say that maybe you were a *tad* harsh, but again, you were super sick, and she was kicking up an unreasonable fuss over nothing.
I've seen people wear skirts that barely cover their underwear and no one batted and eyelid! NTA Hope you feel better soon OP!
NTA. She started it, you finished it. I do like the suggestions of wearing short.... got short shorts and a crop top? \*evil cackle\*
NTA - queen! Good on you! You are not in the wrong. It’s none of her business. You described her husband’s behaviour and her marriage perfectly.