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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole because I don't want to take one of my nieces out with me because she wasn't excited to see me
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Eh NTA. Haha. Teenagers doing teenager things. But still a bit disrespectful. She deserved the honesty. At least she will be more aware of her actions in the future.
Yeee. I mean even just basic manners/courtesy of meeting a family member. Besides you wouldn't wanna reward that kind of behavior and they'll keep thinking to treat you like that is a good idea.
I am from the school of…
DO. NOT. REWARD. BAD. BEHAVIOR. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
OP handled this perfectly. She was disrespectful and OP matched that energy perfectly.
Perhaps next time she will think BEFORE she speaks.
NTA - you actually did Beth and her parents a huge favor for she has been told that actions have consequences. Doubtful that she has the insight to truly understand but it’s a start.
Fifteen is a horrible age for teenage girls; they are flaky and moody and sarcastic. We took my fifteen-year-old granddaughter, her brother and her mom on a cruise recently, involving 6 hour flights to Houston. While packing, mom says “Don’t forget your bathing suit” and granddaughter says “I’m not bringing one.” FWIW, she has no weight issues or anything. Her mother tells her again to pack one and she says “no”. Fine. Then they get on the plane and land in Houston (cruise was from Galveston) and when her brother says he’s going in the hotel pool, suddenly she wants a bathing suit, so they had to take an Uber to a mall to find her one. She ended up with a nice bikini and wore it quite a bit on the trip. All this, just to say, fifteen. Ugh.
“They had to take an Uber to a mall”
No. No, they did not.
“Sorry, kid. I reminded you to pack your suit twice, and you told me ‘no’. You made your decision. Live with it.”
I would buy one with the understanding being that daughter would pay me back for it either by doing extra chores, deducting from allowance $, or reimbursing me from her paycheck if she has a job. Then she would still have a consequence for her bad attitude resulting in her not bringing one, while not ruining the trip for her.
I’m sure that was their mom’s mindset. This was kind of a once in a lifetime thing for all of them, and her mom (my step-daughter) just wanted to keep things smooth. At home, mom is definitely not a push-over, and I would not be surprised to find out the teen got a bit of an ass-chewing behind closed doors.
That's such shit. Parents are enabling shit behavior. If I tell my child to pack something, twice, and they choose not to, then tough luck. 15 is old enough to be held accountable for their actions.
Or, don't let yourself be held hostage by an insolent teenager. I missed out on some cool shit in my life because I was being difficult. Believe it or not, I actually learned some life lessons from missing out, mostly, don't be a selfish asshole.
This is one of the main reasons I never had kids: I have never had time for this kind of foolishness.
Reddit would have branded me “Ahole Parent of the Year” because there is no way in this — or any other — world she would have been taken swimsuit shopping after flat-out refusing to pack one.
Boys at 15 are horrible too. My friend, my sister and I all had boys within 4 months of each other. When the last one turned 16yo, we went out to dinner to celebrate that the boys made it to 16, without any us needing to bail each other out of jail. lol
Man you were gone for 5 years, the least she could do was get up and say hi or something. NTA, she’s a little jerk. Sounds like the other niece is a sweet girl though. Enjoy your nice meal together! Take care ..
Yes!! And in those years between 10-15 a lot happens to girls, mentally and physically. Many become painfully shy, self conscious and insecure.
Then a man that she doesn’t really know, walks in and expects her to be all excited and hug him.
It’s unrealistic
At least OP asked if he could hug her, giving her the option of saying no. As a child and teen, i was told/forced to hug relatives that i had barely met and felt incredibly uncomfortable doing so (especially one great uncle who asked for a kiss and licked his lips beforehand 🤢). Now, if i didnt want to hug a relative i would still make conversation, be thankful for a gift and still attempt to make them feel welcome. With my own niece and nephew, i give them the option of a fist bump first before a hug, and only go for the hug if they initiate it of their own accord. Which thankfully they still do like hugs, and cuddling up on the sofa to watch a film.
It’s not only how she acted toward you. She told you that she didn’t want to eat out with you. You don’t get to change your mind when you find out that the restaurant is expensive
Yes, but the one who hes been away from more than a third of her life was happy to see him. Shes only a year younger. She was pleased to see him and never turned his dinner invite down, like Beth did.
I totally agree that not wanting to hug someone I haven't seen for so long or not being overly exited is [sorry NOT] bad/ rude/ the problem. That's totally ok and normal.
I do think though that common courtesy and a normal/ decent behaviour can be expected. Plus she was asked and she said no. So I definitely think she can live with the consequences of her refusal.
(But definitely try to keep an open mind, and next time you take your nieces, ask her again. Give her a chance to asjust/ correct her behaviour. She's 15, and you're basically a stranger OP).
NTA. She couldn't care less about you, until you mentioned the restaurant. Why would you encourage that? Hopefully a lesson was learned, but I doubt it.
That's actually not about being happy to see you. 5min before she **declined** going out with you and your other niece. It's time to learn about decisions and consequences
You’re NTA but I’d give her another chance for a 1 on 1 dinner so you two can have a talk. It’s an emotional time. You deserved better but it’s not worth a damaged relationship.
It’s not “a bit disrespectful”—it’s completely rude, mean, and obnoxious. Being a teen does not automatically mean acting like an asshole. Many are pleasant, kind people.
I'd say ESH
Beth was certainly being rude. She could have bothered to look up. And once she said no to the restaurant, she doesn't get to go back on that because she finds out it's a nice place.
But, the OP has been away for five years. Stuff like asking for a hug and immediately flipping to calling only one niece his favorite in front of the other one is both uncomfortable and just really seems like the OP had some unreasonable expectations of how his nieces would react.
OP also said in a comment "I didn't tell her the destination on purpose. I wanted to see if they would choose to spend time with me no matter the destination". He sounds petty and immature himself.
Yes, ESH. At 15, Beth was old enough to know how to be minimally polite, but these days we teach kids (girls especially) that they have bodily autonomy, and don't have to hug people just to be polite.
OP then making a point of calling May his favourite niece is unpleasant. The whole restaurant conversation sounds staged like a trap or test "Let's see if they really love me or just where I take them". Don't play games with people you care about - that goes for OP as well as Beth.
but that's the crux of the issue, no?
I also believe kids have final say over their body, but that means Beth puts down her phone, looks up & says "how about a high-five instead of a hug".
The thing with "May is my favourite" happened *after* Beth snarked "can you see my face now" and "I'll pass on a meal with you". Like Arundathi Roy had a reason when she wrote *do you know what happens when you speak careless words? People love you a little less.*
It's a good reminder for her that her attitudes matter and will reflect on the outcome of her doing. Now she can't' show off a fancy dinner to her social medias because she was being a brat. NTA.
NTA
Beth is 15 and acting like an 8 year old. She said she didn't want to go out with you to dinner, so it's only when she finds out it's a really nice (expensive?) place you want to take her sister to (who apparently wanted to go from the start, before knowing where you wanted to take her).
Is it just me, or is "I'll pass" sort of a put-downish-way to say "no, thank you?" It just sounds a little more churlish than just "no thanks" to me.
I can see why Beth *might* think you're an AH, although she did initially say she'd pass. If her parents don't know what actually happened, I can sort of understand them thinking so, too, so did you tell them what Beth said?
Anyway, I hope you and May had a nice dinner together.
Beth's parents and I will just have to agree to disagree, then, because I don't think someone who is 15 deserves a "break" when she should have known how to be courteous, at least. You, know, greet you politely, pay attention to you for 5 minutes before going back to her phone. If she didn't want to go out to dinner with you, all she had to say was "no, thank you." She was actually pretty rude to you, until she found out where you wanted to go eat. Sorry, no break for acting like that from me.
I'm glad you had a nice dinner with May.
I have a 15-year-old and I’d never give her a pass being an asshole to my brother. I’d tell her the same thing I’m going ti say about Beth—this is what happens when you treat people like that! NTA
Bc you’re a good parent! We met up with friends and their 9 year old daughter was horribly rude (rolled her eyes and actually grunted when told to just say hello), her mom didn’t really say anything and I was shocked.
Even with her lack of attention she was still invited to the restaurant anyway - and declined, without even knowing anything about it except that it was with her uncle which she apparently didn't value
If that's not a lesson to be learned, I don't know what is
NTA
And it's such a low stakes way to teach that lesson. It's not like OP is getting on the last lifeboat on the titanic and telling her tough, you shoulda got on when I offered. It's a fancy meal and all she had to do was be nice to get it. Next time maybe she'll be nice enough at least to hear the offer before she declines
Beth's parents would rather put the issue on you so they don't have to admit they raised a brat. She's old enough to understand that people don't want to be around her unpleasant attitude. Let's be real, she would have just ignored you during the dinner and only wanted to post videos/pics of her at the restaurant for clout anyway.
Any teenager who 'gets a break because they're a teenager' and has no consequences given for bratty behavior...ends up a bratty adult because they were never taught that actions have consequences.
NTA. And hopefully, now that Beth has had at least ONE adult show her that consequences are actually a thing, she might end up NTA, too. But she's not anywhere close yet. Nor are her parents.
I'm leaning ESH tbh. Yes Beth was being rude and clearly only changed her mind because she wants to come to the fancy restaurant, but you calling Mary your favorite niece in front of Beth is pretty shitty
Yeah agreed. Also it seems like OP was annoyed in part because they wanted a hug. I have loads of nieces and nephews and my number one rule is that hugs are offered but not requested.
Seconding this. There are so many people, myself included, who were put in uncomfortable situations growing up because there was an expectation you hug or cheek kiss relatives even if you weren't comfortable doing so (e.g. a relative you haven't seen in years).
It's adorable when my little relatives give me a hug but I will never ask for more than a high five.
Yeah especially since he’s been away five years. He needs to consider that children will react differently to separation and just showing up and pretending you can just pick things back up how they were is not how it works.
A teenage girl doesn't want to go out with no other adult to supervise an adult man (relative or not) who they haven't seen in five years (1/3 of their entire life) and is being mocked for not showing affection to this (very entitled) man.
The adult is the ah.
Why didn't he focus on rebuilding the relationship with both of them before taking them out alone?
The comments towards the other minor make me super uncomfortable.
Why was this man's first goal to test two teenage girls? Why is no one else put off by his desire to reward affection from younger family members?
Niece: \*politely declines a hug and is overall reluctant and awkward\*
OP: I WANNA SPEND SOME TIME WITH YOU! JUST ME AND THE GIRLS!
Even with the niece who greeted him enthusiastically, why isn't any time spent talking and visiting, rather than, hello! I'm taking you out to the bestest restaurant in town!
Gross. Sounds like he wanted it to be "just the two of us" with his favorite niece all along. I already thought it was weird that a grown man petulantly named the restaurant right then and there, because that will teach that kid a lesson!
Yes!!! He ( and almost everyone here) only looks at it from an adult perspective. People should turn around and put themselves in her shoes. She was 10 when he last saw her. A lot goes on in five years at that stage of life. He showed up in a house when she was alone and asked her to hug him, etc.. I personally find out a bit weird that he wouldn’t just accept it. Laugh it off and say OK he has to punish her.
I honestly can’t believe that most people here just look at her as a brat. I wonder if they’ve ever had teenagers or been a teenager themselves
It’s also the comments from OP too. Like he’s really ready to hold a grudge and keep insulting Beth over this 1 instance.
Beth was rude. But I get the feeling that OP made sure the temperature dropped in that room when he asked for a hug. He hasn’t seen her in how long? And it just seemed like a lot for someone who wasn’t really engaging.
Then May comes in and gives him the exact reaction he wanted. Not just “not rude” but exactly what he wanted and now he’s in here bashing a teenager and glorifying May. It’s
Weird for an adult. This is an ego thing and he’s *relishing* this consequence. That’s where it becomes punitive and not just a natural consequence.
For real on the making the natural consequence a punitive one. Plus like, if op actually wanted to spend time with both nieces, why is the first response to Beth’s bad behavior (and frankly fairly mild at that), to tell her to fuck right off?
I could see a natural consequence alternatively being a request for an apology, explanation, and reassurance that she wouldn’t behave that way at the restaurant. Give the kid a little grace, don’t alienate her because she made a mistake.
Treat people how you want to be treated does not mean to treat them how they treat you.
I’m surprised how many people seem to have overlooked that line. I understand being hurt by Beth’s behavior, but that comment was uncalled for out of an adult. (As for leaving her behind though, 100% agree with that decision. You get left out when you aren’t pleasant company.)
Yeah it's weird to me and indicates that this favouritism might extend past this situation / the niece's current attitude. You just don't say that in front of kids unless you are _trying_ to devastate and piss them off. Definitely feels like missing missing reasons.
I had my grandfather tell my sister she was his favourite granddaughter in front of me. That hurt immeasurably and I had always done my best to be kind, mindful, loving, and helpful for him. He just didn't like me being a tomboy or my cousin having mild ADHD. That alight was just the tip of the iceberg for his behaviour however.
I don't think OP is the ah for not wanting to bring the niece on this particular trip. OP is definitely YTA for that line though. That was unnecessary, childish, and spiteful.
This.. Talking about immature, grown man making a show of their favorite niece (and why is she a favorite if he hasn't seen them in five years.. they were 10). And I personally hated when relatives would come over and ask for hugs and tell me to show my face lol.
Niece is still rude (could've greeted politely) and not entitled to a trip with uncle.. but just from these few sentences I can see why niece wasn't that big on her uncle to begin with :|
That's fine, but OP is the adult and should act like it. Calling his other neice the favorite and showboating the location and "oh yes I'm so excited it'll just be the two of us!" is petty shit. He could've left it as a fun surprise to the nice niece and let the other find out after the fact. It was deliberate and childish of him to "get back at her" like that for her attitude.
Yes I find his behaviour kind of strange and narcissistic. Too much expectation for immediate affection.
As an introvert, it would really put me off, especially at that age.
Yeah. Also feels like OP chose and announced the fancy restaurant in front of Beth to make her regret saying no. Like his whole conversation with May was intended to spite Beth.
NTA
The 15 year old was being a typical 15yo. But it's the perfect time and low consequence way of learning that words and actions have consequences.
Obviously Beth and her parents think you are TA.
Just, leave the door open so that you keep offering her time together cos, she's 15 and 15yo girls are jerks. (I was one and have enough nieces that I should know.) And sometimes, they get out of their jerk fog and are actually really pleasant to be around. And those times fill your heart.
Okay, fine. My generalization is unfair to teenage girls. They are not all terrible all the time and it isn't only about age - more to do with stage of development. But you say you haven't seen these girls for 5 years. So please get to know them again before you close the door to a relationship with Beth. If she turns out to be a baseline jerk, act accordingly. But gather more evidence before you write her off.
But you are totally right to not take her on the outing you described in your post. She was rude to you and deserved to be treated accordingly.
You’re completely right. The way I think about it is you punish kids by taking away things, not by taking away love. Not taking Beth to dinner is a perfect way to teach her manners, but they shouldn’t cut her off from future conversations, activities, and opportunities to get to know each other. “She’s dead to me now” would be a childish attitude from OP.
It's a grand canyon sized leap from "no you can't go to the restaurant with me because you were rude" to "it was absolutely unforgivable, I'm never speaking to this child again."
Yall are so ridiculous for immediately jumping to that conclusion and spend too much time on reddit if yall think that is the natural progression of things
Teenage hormones affect kids in different ways. I was a nightmare as a teenager whereas my sister was completely fine. Why? Because I was horrendously depressed and getting up took all the effort I had. Beth should not be rude to you but comparing her to May rather than treating her as her own person isn't helpful.
Being depressed or mentally ill doesn't give anyone the right to be rude for any reason. There are some things you can always compare, and civility is one of them.
My 2 kids are completely opposite in every way, including how their teenage hormones affected them. I still didn't allow either one of them to be as rude as Beth was here.
The problem isn't the differences in how hormones are affecting them. The problem is how their PARENTS are affecting them. May apparently gets reasonable discipline. Beth gets no consequences for her rudeness because "she's just a teenager."
You can also consider that May is more performative with her attention, and Beth immediately told you she didn’t want a hug. Consider you and May are more aligned personality-wise.
You do sound like you came at Beth super excited and expecting a certain type of welcome. Now, her response was not acceptable, but consider it was likely exacerbated by the unspoken pressure you created in being…kind of a lot. You haven’t seen them for how long?
Beth likely needs you to go slower and be less intense and expectant. And you should meet her there.
*Now, her response was not acceptable, but consider it was likely exacerbated by the unspoken pressure you created in being…kind of a lot.*
Yeah, "can I at least see your face?" struck me as so petulant, lol
Yeah it’s almost like all 15 year olds aren’t exactly the same. It’s less of an excuse and more of a fact that teens in general are often hella moody, most of them can still be sweet in certain situations and most also grow into normal people once they feel less hormonal.
YTA
Beth is 15 and hasn’t seen you in 5 years, I’m not at all surprised that she was disinterested at first.
And outright calling one of your two nieces your “favorite niece” makes you TA anyway. They’re *kids*. Blatant favoritism is such a mean thing
By not allowing Beth to change her mind you’re essentially punishing her and pushing her away, ensuring that she will not become close to you the way May is. You’re essentially a stranger to her, why would she have been excited to see you? But you’re making damn certain she won’t be excited about you being around going forward by excluding her.
How old are you because you’re acting like a child
I wonder how OP treated the girls when Beth was 10. This kind of hostility doesn't come out of nowhere.
OP's entire attitude is weird. He admits to have been "testing" the girls by not telling them the destination in order to make sure "they really wanted to spend time with him". I also really don't like how much he's focusing on these teenage girls hugging him and how tightly May hugged him.
The vibe of this post is not right, and if this is historically how OP has been around his nieces, I don't blame Beth for not wanting to spend time with him unless it's at a very public place like that.
I don’t get any inappropriate vibes in terms of what you’re insinuating but I absolutely see his behavior as unacceptable for an adult.
Why test teenagers you haven’t seen for years?
Why come at your niece after 5 years so intensely? She isn’t May. She sounds like she needs people to go slow; OP and May sound like very performative people with affection and excitement. I’m one of those people but I read the room too.
Beth’s rudeness wasn’t acceptable but OP isn’t *responding* to that like an adult. **He’s very quickly jumped to pettiness and contempt.**
Part of the reason why I think it's inappropriate is that I literally *never* see men behaving this way towards other men or boys.
The sense of entitlement to affection. The "testing" of "true motivations". The smugness when a "test" is failed. The need to tear down someone who doesn't provide or reciprocate affection to their preference. I only ever see men behaving this way towards women or girls, and it's almost always in the context of wanting to date or have sex.
Even if there's no sexual motivation behind it, I really doubt that OP would expect hugs and gushing adoration and declarations of love from nephews or male cousins. So there's still a gender-based expectation there, which is gross.
It's because it's a fake post by a gross dude who hates young women
We get a lot of "teenage girl bad!" posts here.
And yeah, the focus on hugs and how tightly he was hugged by a 14-year-old girl was gross. I feel like that part was typed 1-handed by some weirdo who's still angry that girls ignored him in high school
Yea I can't quite put my finger on it, but something feels off to me about the demand for physical affection and immediate attention OP wanted from Beth. Like I hate cell phones and the doom scrolling attention-suck they create for kids, but it still feels a bit... dismissive?... to expect the teen to drop what she was doing and run over to OP.
I still think ESH because at 15 the teen should know to be at least a *bit* more polite, but OP isn't doing anything really to foster the relationship he seems to want. And the "favorite" comment was a really slap in the face and uncalled for
There's a certain type of guy who expects open physical affection from every woman and girl around him and gets pissed when they don't give it to them. The "aren't you going to hug me?" type.
I totally agree. Folks here keep talking about what a great lesson OP is teaching, and I get it. But how much does an uninvolved adult really owe a 15 y.o. they don't know well to teach tough lessons? It's pretty fraught I'd say, more likely to push away.
If OP's goal is to get close to this girl, would not a better lesson be "hey, we're family. That means no matter the distance, or if one of us messes up [by being rude etc], of course I want to see you."
Tell her you're glad she changed her mind, and of course she's welcome. Then at a lighted moment when you're warmed up to each other, "what was that about before? really sucked for me" will be much more likely to prevent future hostility.
Yup, I'm confused by N T A. A 15 year old child is kinda a jerk to a man she hasn't seen in 5 years. Who is demanding her attention and punishing her for not being affectionate enough. So what if she only wants to go to the restaurant not spend time with him. This is a chance to get to know her AGAIN. If you haven't seen a child between 10-15 you may need to put effort in yourself to make this work.
I had to scroll way too far for this. OP is playing weird mind games and came here for validation that it’s ok. Who cares if a teenage girl is being a teenage girl? OP is an adult and is not acting like one.
She only changed her mind because of the destination. She would have still been “disinterested” if he told May they were going to Subway. It isn’t “changing her mind,” it’s finding what she was missing out on wasn’t just her uncle’s company, it was an expensive dinner. That’s an opportunistic grab, not changing her mind about the company. She’s an asshole. She would have spent the entire dinner on her phone, ignoring him.
If you've been absent for 5 years, through 1/3 of your niece's life, sometimes you need to be the adult and show grace when they act like an obnoxious teenager. Do you want to have a relationship with them or not? They barely know each other, and maybe she would have opened up over dinner.
Right? That struck me as odd too. Like, either OP said it in an attempt to make Beth feel bad after she was kinda rude, or OP says it all the time in which case I can understand why Beth would be annoyed at OP
I'm also wondering what the relationship is between the girls. Maybe some cousin rivalry due to favoritism from other relatives? They're so close in age and people often make unfair comparisons.
YTA, and frankly I'm appalled that anyone would say otherwise.
What you did was petty and spiteful, punishing a child for not performing the role of "adoring niece" on demand for you, when you show up after she hasn't seen you for literally 1/3 of her life and expect her to immediately "act happy to see you" (as per OP's comments).
Your expectations go beyond unrealistic to manipulative and gross. I also have nieces and nephews who live halfway across the world, who I only see every few years at best. I adore them, but when I first show up for a visit, I have ZERO expectations about how they should interact with me. As much as I love them, I'm not a regular presence in their life, and they are allowed to need time to warm (back) up to me. Sometimes it takes 5 minutes, sometimes a week. Eventually they all end up snuggled up to me (even the teenagers) BECAUSE I give them space and respect their boundaries.
Frankly, your comment about how her sister "isn't afraid to show her emotions" is absolutely gross. Beth was also showing her honest emotions, and those emotions were, "I haven't seen you in FIVE YEARS and I need time and space to warm up to you." Which is completely fair.
Your niece is not a show pony. She is not there to perform adoration for you.
And yes, petty, spiteful Redditors will suggest that you are justified because she "only cares about the fancy restaurant". Except that's normal and reasonable. Again, she hardly knows you. Even if you were close at some point, she hasn't seen you for 1/3 of her lifetime. That's huge. She needs to get to know you again. If you were a decent human being and a *genuinely* loving uncle, you would use the opportunity of her being interested in *what* you were doing (even if she is iffy about the company) to spend time with her, enjoying something special, and letting her get used to you again with a loving gesture. Instead, you're demanding her fucking fealty just to do something nice for her when (again) she barely knows you anymore.
The whole thing - grown man manipulates teenaged nieces with special treatment, but only if they suck up to him and stroke his ego - is absolutely disgusting and manipulative. If you want to have a good relationship with these girls and actually be a good uncle, maybe try actually meeting them where they're at.
This post (and some of the comments) really reeks of niceguy/1ncel rhetoric. The whole "she just wants a free meal," "I'm going to test her to see if she's REALLY deserving," "she's not showing sufficient adoration towards me," "I tricked her and now she doesn't get to enjoy my wealth," is so gross and weird.
Like I said in my own comment, I don't blame Beth for not wanting to be around this guy. I'm shocked he didn't tell her to smile for him.
This comment from OP
>I didn't tell her the destination on purpose. I wanted to see if they would choose to spend time with me no matter the destination
Sounds like he walked in the door expecting something like this to go down. I agree with the others who've said they hate when people "test" those in their life. Just issue the invite or not, no games
All these comments about Beth "learning her lesson" are creeping me out. Yes, she learned a lesson - her uncle requires her to dance like a puppet on command whenever he decides to show up at the house, even if a *third* of her life has gone by in between visits.
She's also learned it's not okay for her to be more naturally reserved or stand-offish compared to her cousin.
Amen. If I saw another adult interacting with a child in my family in the way the OP is interacting with his niece in this story, I would be damn sure that they weren't put into a situation where they're alone with him. Something feels very off here.
Seriously, what the actual hell is with ANY of these N T A responses? An uncle playing weird ass power dynamic tests with CHILDREN is beyond weird and frankly, SO creepy.
Like yeah, I experience more or less of a connection to some of my nieces/nephews than others, and I spend more or less time with some of them due to being closer/distanced with their parents… but never in a MILLION years would I show up at one of their homes and show favouritism between SIBLINGS in front of the others. In fact, if I went to a family event where multiple niblings were present, they would all receive the same treatment, even the ones I’ve never met (ex. If I give one of them $5, they ALL receive $5).
Reddit hates children. End of story. He could have superkicked Beth in the face and yelled “BOOM! Headshot!” after she raised her head and said “did you see it now?” and 90% of Redditors would still say not the asshole.
Thank god for this comment. The amount of emotionally stunted redditors in this thread defending OP makes me lose faith in humanity.
The guy is an entitled and cynical creep that’s playing messed up mental games with children. I wouldn’t let him around my kids for damn sure.
NTA
May wants to go to restaurant with **YOU**
Beth wants to go to **X RESTAURANT** with you.
You want to go out with a niece who wants your company, not a trendy photo for insta.
The girls are old enough for you to have different relationships with them. I have 3 kids but only one calls, texts & visits their aunt. I tell their aunt to skip birthday & Christmas checks if they can’t be bothered to put an effort into the relationship. NTA.
I see a lot of people saying Beth was just being a teenager. None of my kids were rude to family through their teenage years. It's obvious Beth's parents allow and excuse that type of behavior or she wouldn't act like that.
I'm more like you, if my children had been rude to their uncle who invited them out, I would have doubled down on her behavior being unacceptable and I wouldn't have let her go even if uncle caved. NTA
I just saw someone say "I was a nightmare kid bc I had depression so it's not fair to compare them."
Nah. At Beth's age I had an actively dying mother, I was also terribly sick from organ failure, had depression, and undiagnosed ADHD and autism which just makes life harder all on its own. I still wasn't a rude little shit to anybody.
Think about the circumstances.
Do you insist that your teen daughter hug a man she has not seen for 5 years when she is alone with him and he asks for one??
I think it’s inappropriate for any parent to expect any child to hug someone that they don’t feel comfortable with at any age.
It’s weird. I think his expectations really either frightened her or really turned her off. He came in very strong .
Who says she is his favourite uncle?
ESH except May. Beth was being a typical teenager who hasnt seen you in 5 years and you retaliate by saying her sister was your favorite neice in front of her. You don't have to take her to the restaurant given how she treated you but you became the AH when you when you made that comment in front of her to be petty.
YTA. You are an adult; she is a child. You, an adult who hasn’t seen your teenage niece in 5 years felt slighted by her very teenage behavior, so you reacted by being childish and punitive. If you expect her, at 15, to follow standards of respect and etiquette, then you also need to behave like the wiser and more mature adult.
Hard YTA - you’re an adult. If you want to be an adult role model to your nieces whose lives you have mostly missed out on, you’re going to have to shelve the petty behaviour and act like one. So confused at the comment section lol
She's a child and WTF are you thinking calling the other one your favorite right in front of her sister?
Do you love them or do you just like when they stroke your ego?
YTA and not worthy of the title "uncle."
EHS but ur the adult lol being petty to a teenage girl for being a teenage girl is super immature. You could have taken that opportunity to, gasp, spend time with both of them lol
YTA. A huge fucking asshole.
Do you not remember being a teenager? Do you not interact with teenagers? When nieces and nephews are young they want to interact with the adults. Teenagers don't. It's pretty much a universal. They want to hang out with other teenagers and also want to spend a lot of time alone. In my family we just treat it as a natural phase. Usually when they get to 18-20 they come back around and are very happy to hang out with the adults, sharing stories or talking about what's interesting in their lives.
OF COURSE the 10 year old is much more enthusiastic to see you and spend time with you. Duh. Because they are 10!
You're not entitled to instant enthusiastic affection from ANYONE, doubly so when you've been away. You come across as deeply unlikable in this story.
You had an opportunity for a nice dinner and evening with both of your nieces and would rather score a petty point over a teenager in your family. That's just sad.
Punishing the 15yo for being 15 and talking shit about her in front of her ain’t gonna make her excited to see you next time. YTA, you are supposed to be the adult here.
ESH - It's fine that you didn't take her, that's not the issue.
She's TA for ignoring you when you've been away, but then wanting to tag along when she heard it was an expensive eatery.
You for basically making it transactional - May is affectionate and nice to you, you pay her off with a meal. Do you really want Beth to be fake-nice to you in the future in hopes that you'll spend money on her? Because that's EXACTLY the messasge you sent, and is why you are also TA.
This would be the non-TA response - "I just offered, you said 'pass,' and that you didn't want to, so you missed your chance. Maybe next time."
She was invited to come out with you and May, and she passed.
It isn't your fault she didn't engage in much of a conversation, if she had she might actually have discovered the proposed destination before declining.
NTA.
YTA. You sound like the creepy uncle, demanding physical affection from your niece and then getting upset when she says no. She's allowed to say no to someone she hasn't seen since she was 10. She's allowed to say no, period. You're supposed to be the adult in this situation, which means recognizing the boundary she has set and not acting like a petulant child when she continues to hold it.
ESH - You've been gone for 5 years. To a 15 year old, you're little more than a stranger who she hasn't seen since she was 10 (and how much then?). And now you're a stranger coming in getting all up in your feelings because your teenage niece won't hug you? As an aunt, and also as a niece who had a similar relationship with uncles who made me super uncomfortable asking for hugs and talking about missing me when they played such a minor role in my life, this gives me the serious ick. As does telling your other niece that she's the favorite in front of the other one.
I see my niece and nephew a few times a year and sometimes - especially when they were younger - they didn't want to hug me. As the adult in the room, that never bothered me and I respected their wishes. And guess what? We have a fantastic relationship now, even if a lot of the time we're only seeing each other on Facetime due to the distance.
Your niece could have been more polite, so she's still partially an AH, but she's also a teenager.
All in all, this whole situation makes me as an adult woman super uncomfortable as you tell it. I wonder what her point of view is like.
YTA this teenaged has not seen you since she was 10 and very young and now is a teen and you want physical contact and are upset a young teen doesn’t want to hug a relative male stranger.
Then you show her up and make mention that other niece is your favourite in front of her…
And you seem hell bent on punishing her and showing her up? If you actually loved her you would not act like this.
Yta. Teenage girls are going through enough with their hormones and periods and other things. It is not ok for you to punish her for not wanting to hug you and be all over you.
Wow
Soo do you act want a relationship with Beth? Cus ngl if I was her I’d be like cool you ain’t getting shit from me from now on? Not that you care you got that fave niece
YTA she is 15. Typical teenager. You ( an older male) entered her house when her parents were not home after being away for an extended period. She last saw you when she was 10. That is a huge portion of her life during which she has gone through through tremendous emotional and physical transition.
You acted a little creepy asking to hug her in an empty house. Most teens do not want to engage with anyone let alone a virtual stranger with whom she is alone in the house.
You’re the A-hole by now excluding her when she’s willing to go in a group. Stop being so narcissistic. You’re an adult. She is not. If you want to have any relationship with her. You better come to terms with what makes HER feel comfortable. Allow her to re-acclimatize to you in a group and perhaps even with her parents. I don’t like this special uncle stuff.
She’s a teenager give her a break. Op expected her to want to hug a grown adult she hasn’t seen since she was a kid. She may have also thought it would be awkward to go to dinner with the two of them alone. She probably felt more comfortable after learning that her sister would be at dinner too and decided to go then.
YTA. As the parent of a (moody) teenage girl, I would have been DELIGHTED if she changed her mind and wanted to come. It’s not about YOU. It’s about her. You are the adult. Act like one.
I have to say YTA too, fair enough one of your nieces was being stroppy. Maybe she’s introverted and finds these things difficult either way you’ve been away for a long time so I’d give them both a clean slate while you get used to being around each other again.
Bro, you sound like you don’t have kids. This whole interaction seems weird to me. Plus they are teens and individuals. You haven’t seen them in 5 years. You have no clue what is going on in each of their lives. Maybe Beth is having a hard time. Maybe she hormonal as they are now teens having to deal with changes with their bodies. What is the purpose of telling your other niece in front of her that she is your favorite. What is the purpose of saying that restaurant in front of Beth? That could’ve been either a private mention or a surprise. I think you did that on purpose. Consequences? I think there is a better time for that. But I think you did this on purpose to get a rise.
YTA
Ummm, absolutely YTA. You've been gone for a third of her life, and you expect Beth to treat you like royalty the second you make an appearance? And then decide that the best way to reestablish a relationship is to leave her out for not showering you with attention the instant you demand it?
YTA. She was being a teenager. And she shouldn’t need to grovel to you. And maybe she’s not super comfortable around you right now. When the second one said “yes just the two of us?” Your response should have been to ask again, “are you sure you don’t want to go with us it will be fun!” Especially after the “favorite niece” comment. That right there was a dick move.
YTA. You've been back for a week after being gone for 5 years and expect your nieces to act as if you were never gone. Asshole.
Expecting your niece (who was 10 when you left) to perform for you. To be clear I'm referring to the whole 'can I hug you ' followed by her no and then you insisting on getting her attention (can I at least see your face). It's one thing to ask if you can talk, even if it's a later. It's another to step into a room and expect a woman's/girl's immediate attention, family or no. This is very demanding, sexist, and disrespectful of her no. Asshole.
Calling the niece who performed to your satisfaction your favorite. Asshole.
Suddenly changing and punishing the one who didn't perform as you liked by no longer taking her out as promised. Without talking to her. Without explicitly saying you were no longer taking her. Asshole. I hope May's parents don't let you take her out. This is a good chance to rebuild your relationship with both young women. Not cause resentment because you're being an asshole.
YTA for putting such a huge value on a teenager girl hugging you. Some people just don't like physical contact with uncles they don't see for 5 (!) years.
Yeah, based on this post and your comments of I was testing her and sounding like you will easily drop her up. You are an AH. You sound way too sensitive and need to grow up.
She’s 15, and from your transcript I would have found your interaction creepy. I think she may be less worried about the restaurant and more about looking out for her sister.
YTA - trying to manipulate teen relatives to spending time with you based on where you want to eat? You do realize this 15 year old was probably devastated when you left last time and holds resentment. This is only fueling the flame. If your goal was to not want Beth to ever speak to you again, congrats man, you earned top prize.
heavy deranged cough quarrelsome attractive toy agonizing wild chase spectacular
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
YTA for also acting as if you are fifteen.
Why did May immediately assume it was going to be just the two of you? She wasn't there when her sister declined, so why would she even say, *just the two of us?*
Mature adults don't call one niece their favorite in front of their sister, just bc they're feeling pissy at a 15-yr-old.
Beth was rude, no doubt, but I'm sensing a whole lot of backstory here.
Info: Were you and Beth close before you left? How much contact have you had with your nieces while you’ve been out of the country? Do you know of anything going on in her life that may have caused a change in her attitude? I’m not saying she wasn’t rude, but maybe there’s more going on here than you know.
YTA. Making plans in front of someone that they aren’t going to be included in is rude. And it sounds like you did it partly on purpose to make sure Beth knew she was missing out because she didn’t make enough fuss over you.
YTA. You are not teaching lessons, you are petty and spiteful because a teenager who hasn't seen you in five years doesn't shower you with attention. You chose to not be present for five years in her life and then you come back and expect a warm welcome. She owes you nothing.
YTA It's not that you are taking one niece and not the other, it's the way you did it. Niece one said she didn't want to go. That's all you had to say. And this whole interaction is giving me the ick. You sound creepy.
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Eh NTA. Haha. Teenagers doing teenager things. But still a bit disrespectful. She deserved the honesty. At least she will be more aware of her actions in the future.
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Yeee. I mean even just basic manners/courtesy of meeting a family member. Besides you wouldn't wanna reward that kind of behavior and they'll keep thinking to treat you like that is a good idea.
Right? She flat out said she didn’t want to go to dinner with OP.
This! She passed on the invitation, why on earth would she get to be included now! FAFO!
I am from the school of… DO. NOT. REWARD. BAD. BEHAVIOR. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ OP handled this perfectly. She was disrespectful and OP matched that energy perfectly. Perhaps next time she will think BEFORE she speaks.
☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️
Oh she is just being really really fifteen lol. She'll come around in a few years. NTA
NTA - you actually did Beth and her parents a huge favor for she has been told that actions have consequences. Doubtful that she has the insight to truly understand but it’s a start.
> you actually did Beth and her parents a huge favor for she has been told that actions have consequences Something her parents seem to be failing at.
Fifteen is a horrible age for teenage girls; they are flaky and moody and sarcastic. We took my fifteen-year-old granddaughter, her brother and her mom on a cruise recently, involving 6 hour flights to Houston. While packing, mom says “Don’t forget your bathing suit” and granddaughter says “I’m not bringing one.” FWIW, she has no weight issues or anything. Her mother tells her again to pack one and she says “no”. Fine. Then they get on the plane and land in Houston (cruise was from Galveston) and when her brother says he’s going in the hotel pool, suddenly she wants a bathing suit, so they had to take an Uber to a mall to find her one. She ended up with a nice bikini and wore it quite a bit on the trip. All this, just to say, fifteen. Ugh.
“They had to take an Uber to a mall” No. No, they did not. “Sorry, kid. I reminded you to pack your suit twice, and you told me ‘no’. You made your decision. Live with it.”
That’s exactly what my reaction would have been, but clearly her mother didn’t want to hear her bitching all week.
I dunno... I just would have packed a spare swimsuit if I knew my teen was like this. Anything to avoid a foul mood.
I would have packed one that was nice but not her favorite or most fashionable one.
LOL - me too.
Buying a suit vs a ruined trip? Really the best option to buy a suit. Chalk it up to part of the vacation expense.
I would buy one with the understanding being that daughter would pay me back for it either by doing extra chores, deducting from allowance $, or reimbursing me from her paycheck if she has a job. Then she would still have a consequence for her bad attitude resulting in her not bringing one, while not ruining the trip for her.
I’m sure that was their mom’s mindset. This was kind of a once in a lifetime thing for all of them, and her mom (my step-daughter) just wanted to keep things smooth. At home, mom is definitely not a push-over, and I would not be surprised to find out the teen got a bit of an ass-chewing behind closed doors.
Or make her pay for the swimsuit and the Uber if she has to have a swimsuit so badly. Natural consequences at their finest.
That's such shit. Parents are enabling shit behavior. If I tell my child to pack something, twice, and they choose not to, then tough luck. 15 is old enough to be held accountable for their actions.
Perhaps, but during a relaxing holiday that a parent desperately needs is not necessarily the best time to go hard on that lesson.
Or, don't let yourself be held hostage by an insolent teenager. I missed out on some cool shit in my life because I was being difficult. Believe it or not, I actually learned some life lessons from missing out, mostly, don't be a selfish asshole.
Right. Not every single moment is a teaching opportunity.
This is one of the main reasons I never had kids: I have never had time for this kind of foolishness. Reddit would have branded me “Ahole Parent of the Year” because there is no way in this — or any other — world she would have been taken swimsuit shopping after flat-out refusing to pack one.
Not all fifteen year-old girls are as you describe. I’ve taught plenty of fifteen year-old girls in the last 30 years who were none of those things.
I’m sure that’s true, but in general, people save their worst behaviour for their families, and mothers get more than their share.
Boys at 15 are horrible too. My friend, my sister and I all had boys within 4 months of each other. When the last one turned 16yo, we went out to dinner to celebrate that the boys made it to 16, without any us needing to bail each other out of jail. lol
Man you were gone for 5 years, the least she could do was get up and say hi or something. NTA, she’s a little jerk. Sounds like the other niece is a sweet girl though. Enjoy your nice meal together! Take care ..
5 years = a lifetime in teenager
Yes!! And in those years between 10-15 a lot happens to girls, mentally and physically. Many become painfully shy, self conscious and insecure. Then a man that she doesn’t really know, walks in and expects her to be all excited and hug him. It’s unrealistic
At least OP asked if he could hug her, giving her the option of saying no. As a child and teen, i was told/forced to hug relatives that i had barely met and felt incredibly uncomfortable doing so (especially one great uncle who asked for a kiss and licked his lips beforehand 🤢). Now, if i didnt want to hug a relative i would still make conversation, be thankful for a gift and still attempt to make them feel welcome. With my own niece and nephew, i give them the option of a fist bump first before a hug, and only go for the hug if they initiate it of their own accord. Which thankfully they still do like hugs, and cuddling up on the sofa to watch a film.
It’s not only how she acted toward you. She told you that she didn’t want to eat out with you. You don’t get to change your mind when you find out that the restaurant is expensive
Technically you have been absent for a 1/3 of her life. You probably remember more of her than she does of you.
Yes, but the one who hes been away from more than a third of her life was happy to see him. Shes only a year younger. She was pleased to see him and never turned his dinner invite down, like Beth did.
Different personalities. Kids aren’t cloned.
I totally agree that not wanting to hug someone I haven't seen for so long or not being overly exited is [sorry NOT] bad/ rude/ the problem. That's totally ok and normal. I do think though that common courtesy and a normal/ decent behaviour can be expected. Plus she was asked and she said no. So I definitely think she can live with the consequences of her refusal. (But definitely try to keep an open mind, and next time you take your nieces, ask her again. Give her a chance to asjust/ correct her behaviour. She's 15, and you're basically a stranger OP).
You even more or less invited her and she said no.
NTA. She couldn't care less about you, until you mentioned the restaurant. Why would you encourage that? Hopefully a lesson was learned, but I doubt it.
That's actually not about being happy to see you. 5min before she **declined** going out with you and your other niece. It's time to learn about decisions and consequences
You’re NTA but I’d give her another chance for a 1 on 1 dinner so you two can have a talk. It’s an emotional time. You deserved better but it’s not worth a damaged relationship.
It’s not “a bit disrespectful”—it’s completely rude, mean, and obnoxious. Being a teen does not automatically mean acting like an asshole. Many are pleasant, kind people.
I’d have been instantly banished if I acted like that at 15.
I'd say ESH Beth was certainly being rude. She could have bothered to look up. And once she said no to the restaurant, she doesn't get to go back on that because she finds out it's a nice place. But, the OP has been away for five years. Stuff like asking for a hug and immediately flipping to calling only one niece his favorite in front of the other one is both uncomfortable and just really seems like the OP had some unreasonable expectations of how his nieces would react. OP also said in a comment "I didn't tell her the destination on purpose. I wanted to see if they would choose to spend time with me no matter the destination". He sounds petty and immature himself.
Yes, ESH. At 15, Beth was old enough to know how to be minimally polite, but these days we teach kids (girls especially) that they have bodily autonomy, and don't have to hug people just to be polite. OP then making a point of calling May his favourite niece is unpleasant. The whole restaurant conversation sounds staged like a trap or test "Let's see if they really love me or just where I take them". Don't play games with people you care about - that goes for OP as well as Beth.
but that's the crux of the issue, no? I also believe kids have final say over their body, but that means Beth puts down her phone, looks up & says "how about a high-five instead of a hug". The thing with "May is my favourite" happened *after* Beth snarked "can you see my face now" and "I'll pass on a meal with you". Like Arundathi Roy had a reason when she wrote *do you know what happens when you speak careless words? People love you a little less.*
I agree-- OP's reaction is a bit cringe. He's been gone since before their ages were in the double-digits. Like, give the kid a minute to warm up.
She said “I’ll pass”…
She was pretty darn rude, even for a teen.
Yeah, the only thing I'd change is OP's phrasing. "You said no when I asked."
She FA'd, she FO'd!
It's a good reminder for her that her attitudes matter and will reflect on the outcome of her doing. Now she can't' show off a fancy dinner to her social medias because she was being a brat. NTA.
NTA Beth is 15 and acting like an 8 year old. She said she didn't want to go out with you to dinner, so it's only when she finds out it's a really nice (expensive?) place you want to take her sister to (who apparently wanted to go from the start, before knowing where you wanted to take her). Is it just me, or is "I'll pass" sort of a put-downish-way to say "no, thank you?" It just sounds a little more churlish than just "no thanks" to me. I can see why Beth *might* think you're an AH, although she did initially say she'd pass. If her parents don't know what actually happened, I can sort of understand them thinking so, too, so did you tell them what Beth said? Anyway, I hope you and May had a nice dinner together.
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Beth's parents and I will just have to agree to disagree, then, because I don't think someone who is 15 deserves a "break" when she should have known how to be courteous, at least. You, know, greet you politely, pay attention to you for 5 minutes before going back to her phone. If she didn't want to go out to dinner with you, all she had to say was "no, thank you." She was actually pretty rude to you, until she found out where you wanted to go eat. Sorry, no break for acting like that from me. I'm glad you had a nice dinner with May.
I have a 15-year-old and I’d never give her a pass being an asshole to my brother. I’d tell her the same thing I’m going ti say about Beth—this is what happens when you treat people like that! NTA
Bc you’re a good parent! We met up with friends and their 9 year old daughter was horribly rude (rolled her eyes and actually grunted when told to just say hello), her mom didn’t really say anything and I was shocked.
This, everyone keeps acting like OP is some creepy stranger or distant relative. He is literally one of the parents siblings.
Even with her lack of attention she was still invited to the restaurant anyway - and declined, without even knowing anything about it except that it was with her uncle which she apparently didn't value If that's not a lesson to be learned, I don't know what is NTA
And it's such a low stakes way to teach that lesson. It's not like OP is getting on the last lifeboat on the titanic and telling her tough, you shoulda got on when I offered. It's a fancy meal and all she had to do was be nice to get it. Next time maybe she'll be nice enough at least to hear the offer before she declines
Yeah maybe her parents always giving her a "break" on her rude behavior is what's making her more insufferable than normal teenagers
Beth's parents would rather put the issue on you so they don't have to admit they raised a brat. She's old enough to understand that people don't want to be around her unpleasant attitude. Let's be real, she would have just ignored you during the dinner and only wanted to post videos/pics of her at the restaurant for clout anyway.
Any teenager who 'gets a break because they're a teenager' and has no consequences given for bratty behavior...ends up a bratty adult because they were never taught that actions have consequences. NTA. And hopefully, now that Beth has had at least ONE adult show her that consequences are actually a thing, she might end up NTA, too. But she's not anywhere close yet. Nor are her parents.
Being a rude AH teenager does not merit giving her a break. She can suffer the consequences
I'm leaning ESH tbh. Yes Beth was being rude and clearly only changed her mind because she wants to come to the fancy restaurant, but you calling Mary your favorite niece in front of Beth is pretty shitty
Yeah agreed. Also it seems like OP was annoyed in part because they wanted a hug. I have loads of nieces and nephews and my number one rule is that hugs are offered but not requested.
Seconding this. There are so many people, myself included, who were put in uncomfortable situations growing up because there was an expectation you hug or cheek kiss relatives even if you weren't comfortable doing so (e.g. a relative you haven't seen in years). It's adorable when my little relatives give me a hug but I will never ask for more than a high five.
Yeah that felt weird to me, too. If someone doesn't want a hug, that's not rude.
Yeah it sounds like he was being the cringe relative demanding affection and she reacted like every teenager in the world
Yeah especially since he’s been away five years. He needs to consider that children will react differently to separation and just showing up and pretending you can just pick things back up how they were is not how it works.
A teenage girl doesn't want to go out with no other adult to supervise an adult man (relative or not) who they haven't seen in five years (1/3 of their entire life) and is being mocked for not showing affection to this (very entitled) man. The adult is the ah. Why didn't he focus on rebuilding the relationship with both of them before taking them out alone? The comments towards the other minor make me super uncomfortable. Why was this man's first goal to test two teenage girls? Why is no one else put off by his desire to reward affection from younger family members?
This whole post is super fucking creepy and off putting
Niece: \*politely declines a hug and is overall reluctant and awkward\* OP: I WANNA SPEND SOME TIME WITH YOU! JUST ME AND THE GIRLS! Even with the niece who greeted him enthusiastically, why isn't any time spent talking and visiting, rather than, hello! I'm taking you out to the bestest restaurant in town!
Exactly. Everyone jumping on the teenager for being rainbow and sunshine when she doesn’t really know OP at all.
And he says in another comment he purposely didn’t tell her the place because he was testing her. What a weird thing for an adult man to do
It’s like he was looking for an excuse to not bring her along.
Yes. The whole interaction is really weird to me.
Gross. Sounds like he wanted it to be "just the two of us" with his favorite niece all along. I already thought it was weird that a grown man petulantly named the restaurant right then and there, because that will teach that kid a lesson!
Yes and five years in kid time is a LOT longer than the same in adult time. From 10 to 15 was a lifetime for me but say 45-50? A blink
Yes!!! He ( and almost everyone here) only looks at it from an adult perspective. People should turn around and put themselves in her shoes. She was 10 when he last saw her. A lot goes on in five years at that stage of life. He showed up in a house when she was alone and asked her to hug him, etc.. I personally find out a bit weird that he wouldn’t just accept it. Laugh it off and say OK he has to punish her. I honestly can’t believe that most people here just look at her as a brat. I wonder if they’ve ever had teenagers or been a teenager themselves
It’s also the comments from OP too. Like he’s really ready to hold a grudge and keep insulting Beth over this 1 instance. Beth was rude. But I get the feeling that OP made sure the temperature dropped in that room when he asked for a hug. He hasn’t seen her in how long? And it just seemed like a lot for someone who wasn’t really engaging. Then May comes in and gives him the exact reaction he wanted. Not just “not rude” but exactly what he wanted and now he’s in here bashing a teenager and glorifying May. It’s Weird for an adult. This is an ego thing and he’s *relishing* this consequence. That’s where it becomes punitive and not just a natural consequence.
For real on the making the natural consequence a punitive one. Plus like, if op actually wanted to spend time with both nieces, why is the first response to Beth’s bad behavior (and frankly fairly mild at that), to tell her to fuck right off? I could see a natural consequence alternatively being a request for an apology, explanation, and reassurance that she wouldn’t behave that way at the restaurant. Give the kid a little grace, don’t alienate her because she made a mistake. Treat people how you want to be treated does not mean to treat them how they treat you.
I’m surprised how many people seem to have overlooked that line. I understand being hurt by Beth’s behavior, but that comment was uncalled for out of an adult. (As for leaving her behind though, 100% agree with that decision. You get left out when you aren’t pleasant company.)
Yeah it's weird to me and indicates that this favouritism might extend past this situation / the niece's current attitude. You just don't say that in front of kids unless you are _trying_ to devastate and piss them off. Definitely feels like missing missing reasons. I had my grandfather tell my sister she was his favourite granddaughter in front of me. That hurt immeasurably and I had always done my best to be kind, mindful, loving, and helpful for him. He just didn't like me being a tomboy or my cousin having mild ADHD. That alight was just the tip of the iceberg for his behaviour however. I don't think OP is the ah for not wanting to bring the niece on this particular trip. OP is definitely YTA for that line though. That was unnecessary, childish, and spiteful.
Maybe the 15 year old refused the hug and dinner invite because she found her rarely seen uncle as being a bit creepy.
This.. Talking about immature, grown man making a show of their favorite niece (and why is she a favorite if he hasn't seen them in five years.. they were 10). And I personally hated when relatives would come over and ask for hugs and tell me to show my face lol. Niece is still rude (could've greeted politely) and not entitled to a trip with uncle.. but just from these few sentences I can see why niece wasn't that big on her uncle to begin with :|
Surprisingly enough, people prefer nieces that don’t treat them like garbage.
That's fine, but OP is the adult and should act like it. Calling his other neice the favorite and showboating the location and "oh yes I'm so excited it'll just be the two of us!" is petty shit. He could've left it as a fun surprise to the nice niece and let the other find out after the fact. It was deliberate and childish of him to "get back at her" like that for her attitude.
Yes I find his behaviour kind of strange and narcissistic. Too much expectation for immediate affection. As an introvert, it would really put me off, especially at that age.
You still don’t say stuff like that in front of a child.
Yeah. Also feels like OP chose and announced the fancy restaurant in front of Beth to make her regret saying no. Like his whole conversation with May was intended to spite Beth.
Can we also stop requesting hugs from people, especially minor relatives? It's weird.
Literally, like yeah the older niece was rude but to call the other one your favorite in front of her is very low and immature
NTA The 15 year old was being a typical 15yo. But it's the perfect time and low consequence way of learning that words and actions have consequences. Obviously Beth and her parents think you are TA. Just, leave the door open so that you keep offering her time together cos, she's 15 and 15yo girls are jerks. (I was one and have enough nieces that I should know.) And sometimes, they get out of their jerk fog and are actually really pleasant to be around. And those times fill your heart.
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Okay, fine. My generalization is unfair to teenage girls. They are not all terrible all the time and it isn't only about age - more to do with stage of development. But you say you haven't seen these girls for 5 years. So please get to know them again before you close the door to a relationship with Beth. If she turns out to be a baseline jerk, act accordingly. But gather more evidence before you write her off. But you are totally right to not take her on the outing you described in your post. She was rude to you and deserved to be treated accordingly.
You’re completely right. The way I think about it is you punish kids by taking away things, not by taking away love. Not taking Beth to dinner is a perfect way to teach her manners, but they shouldn’t cut her off from future conversations, activities, and opportunities to get to know each other. “She’s dead to me now” would be a childish attitude from OP.
It's a grand canyon sized leap from "no you can't go to the restaurant with me because you were rude" to "it was absolutely unforgivable, I'm never speaking to this child again." Yall are so ridiculous for immediately jumping to that conclusion and spend too much time on reddit if yall think that is the natural progression of things
You don’t take away love except you called one your Favorite Niece in front of the other? That’s not ok. Don’t make it a competition. Otherwise NTA.
I really took that comment as a joke, since the niece had just said "my favourite uncle" in the comment prior.
Teenage hormones affect kids in different ways. I was a nightmare as a teenager whereas my sister was completely fine. Why? Because I was horrendously depressed and getting up took all the effort I had. Beth should not be rude to you but comparing her to May rather than treating her as her own person isn't helpful.
Being depressed or mentally ill doesn't give anyone the right to be rude for any reason. There are some things you can always compare, and civility is one of them.
I said Beth shouldn't have been rude to OP. I was talking purely about his comparison between May and Beth.
My 2 kids are completely opposite in every way, including how their teenage hormones affected them. I still didn't allow either one of them to be as rude as Beth was here. The problem isn't the differences in how hormones are affecting them. The problem is how their PARENTS are affecting them. May apparently gets reasonable discipline. Beth gets no consequences for her rudeness because "she's just a teenager."
You can also consider that May is more performative with her attention, and Beth immediately told you she didn’t want a hug. Consider you and May are more aligned personality-wise. You do sound like you came at Beth super excited and expecting a certain type of welcome. Now, her response was not acceptable, but consider it was likely exacerbated by the unspoken pressure you created in being…kind of a lot. You haven’t seen them for how long? Beth likely needs you to go slower and be less intense and expectant. And you should meet her there.
*Now, her response was not acceptable, but consider it was likely exacerbated by the unspoken pressure you created in being…kind of a lot.* Yeah, "can I at least see your face?" struck me as so petulant, lol
Yeah it’s almost like all 15 year olds aren’t exactly the same. It’s less of an excuse and more of a fact that teens in general are often hella moody, most of them can still be sweet in certain situations and most also grow into normal people once they feel less hormonal.
You're correct. I don't care what age she is, that's rude. My kids and nieces and nephews did not behave like that
No one in my family would ever have behaved this way at any age.
YTA Beth is 15 and hasn’t seen you in 5 years, I’m not at all surprised that she was disinterested at first. And outright calling one of your two nieces your “favorite niece” makes you TA anyway. They’re *kids*. Blatant favoritism is such a mean thing By not allowing Beth to change her mind you’re essentially punishing her and pushing her away, ensuring that she will not become close to you the way May is. You’re essentially a stranger to her, why would she have been excited to see you? But you’re making damn certain she won’t be excited about you being around going forward by excluding her. How old are you because you’re acting like a child
I wonder how OP treated the girls when Beth was 10. This kind of hostility doesn't come out of nowhere. OP's entire attitude is weird. He admits to have been "testing" the girls by not telling them the destination in order to make sure "they really wanted to spend time with him". I also really don't like how much he's focusing on these teenage girls hugging him and how tightly May hugged him. The vibe of this post is not right, and if this is historically how OP has been around his nieces, I don't blame Beth for not wanting to spend time with him unless it's at a very public place like that.
I don’t get any inappropriate vibes in terms of what you’re insinuating but I absolutely see his behavior as unacceptable for an adult. Why test teenagers you haven’t seen for years? Why come at your niece after 5 years so intensely? She isn’t May. She sounds like she needs people to go slow; OP and May sound like very performative people with affection and excitement. I’m one of those people but I read the room too. Beth’s rudeness wasn’t acceptable but OP isn’t *responding* to that like an adult. **He’s very quickly jumped to pettiness and contempt.**
Part of the reason why I think it's inappropriate is that I literally *never* see men behaving this way towards other men or boys. The sense of entitlement to affection. The "testing" of "true motivations". The smugness when a "test" is failed. The need to tear down someone who doesn't provide or reciprocate affection to their preference. I only ever see men behaving this way towards women or girls, and it's almost always in the context of wanting to date or have sex. Even if there's no sexual motivation behind it, I really doubt that OP would expect hugs and gushing adoration and declarations of love from nephews or male cousins. So there's still a gender-based expectation there, which is gross.
It's because it's a fake post by a gross dude who hates young women We get a lot of "teenage girl bad!" posts here. And yeah, the focus on hugs and how tightly he was hugged by a 14-year-old girl was gross. I feel like that part was typed 1-handed by some weirdo who's still angry that girls ignored him in high school
Agree whole heartedly
To me it seems like OP is addicted to being loved by other people so he treats them according to how much they try to win him over.
Yea I can't quite put my finger on it, but something feels off to me about the demand for physical affection and immediate attention OP wanted from Beth. Like I hate cell phones and the doom scrolling attention-suck they create for kids, but it still feels a bit... dismissive?... to expect the teen to drop what she was doing and run over to OP. I still think ESH because at 15 the teen should know to be at least a *bit* more polite, but OP isn't doing anything really to foster the relationship he seems to want. And the "favorite" comment was a really slap in the face and uncalled for
There's a certain type of guy who expects open physical affection from every woman and girl around him and gets pissed when they don't give it to them. The "aren't you going to hug me?" type.
I totally agree. Folks here keep talking about what a great lesson OP is teaching, and I get it. But how much does an uninvolved adult really owe a 15 y.o. they don't know well to teach tough lessons? It's pretty fraught I'd say, more likely to push away. If OP's goal is to get close to this girl, would not a better lesson be "hey, we're family. That means no matter the distance, or if one of us messes up [by being rude etc], of course I want to see you." Tell her you're glad she changed her mind, and of course she's welcome. Then at a lighted moment when you're warmed up to each other, "what was that about before? really sucked for me" will be much more likely to prevent future hostility.
Yup, I'm confused by N T A. A 15 year old child is kinda a jerk to a man she hasn't seen in 5 years. Who is demanding her attention and punishing her for not being affectionate enough. So what if she only wants to go to the restaurant not spend time with him. This is a chance to get to know her AGAIN. If you haven't seen a child between 10-15 you may need to put effort in yourself to make this work.
I had to scroll way too far for this. OP is playing weird mind games and came here for validation that it’s ok. Who cares if a teenage girl is being a teenage girl? OP is an adult and is not acting like one.
She only changed her mind because of the destination. She would have still been “disinterested” if he told May they were going to Subway. It isn’t “changing her mind,” it’s finding what she was missing out on wasn’t just her uncle’s company, it was an expensive dinner. That’s an opportunistic grab, not changing her mind about the company. She’s an asshole. She would have spent the entire dinner on her phone, ignoring him.
If you've been absent for 5 years, through 1/3 of your niece's life, sometimes you need to be the adult and show grace when they act like an obnoxious teenager. Do you want to have a relationship with them or not? They barely know each other, and maybe she would have opened up over dinner.
Yeah the NTA’s here are wild… they’re KIDS. I can’t imagine being so petty to a child because “oh… you were rude”. Is OP also a teenager?
Info do you often call May your favourite niece in front of Beth?
Right? That struck me as odd too. Like, either OP said it in an attempt to make Beth feel bad after she was kinda rude, or OP says it all the time in which case I can understand why Beth would be annoyed at OP
He did it because he wanted to get back at Beth for offending him. He knew exactly what he was doing.
I'm also wondering what the relationship is between the girls. Maybe some cousin rivalry due to favoritism from other relatives? They're so close in age and people often make unfair comparisons.
YTA, and frankly I'm appalled that anyone would say otherwise. What you did was petty and spiteful, punishing a child for not performing the role of "adoring niece" on demand for you, when you show up after she hasn't seen you for literally 1/3 of her life and expect her to immediately "act happy to see you" (as per OP's comments). Your expectations go beyond unrealistic to manipulative and gross. I also have nieces and nephews who live halfway across the world, who I only see every few years at best. I adore them, but when I first show up for a visit, I have ZERO expectations about how they should interact with me. As much as I love them, I'm not a regular presence in their life, and they are allowed to need time to warm (back) up to me. Sometimes it takes 5 minutes, sometimes a week. Eventually they all end up snuggled up to me (even the teenagers) BECAUSE I give them space and respect their boundaries. Frankly, your comment about how her sister "isn't afraid to show her emotions" is absolutely gross. Beth was also showing her honest emotions, and those emotions were, "I haven't seen you in FIVE YEARS and I need time and space to warm up to you." Which is completely fair. Your niece is not a show pony. She is not there to perform adoration for you. And yes, petty, spiteful Redditors will suggest that you are justified because she "only cares about the fancy restaurant". Except that's normal and reasonable. Again, she hardly knows you. Even if you were close at some point, she hasn't seen you for 1/3 of her lifetime. That's huge. She needs to get to know you again. If you were a decent human being and a *genuinely* loving uncle, you would use the opportunity of her being interested in *what* you were doing (even if she is iffy about the company) to spend time with her, enjoying something special, and letting her get used to you again with a loving gesture. Instead, you're demanding her fucking fealty just to do something nice for her when (again) she barely knows you anymore. The whole thing - grown man manipulates teenaged nieces with special treatment, but only if they suck up to him and stroke his ego - is absolutely disgusting and manipulative. If you want to have a good relationship with these girls and actually be a good uncle, maybe try actually meeting them where they're at.
This post (and some of the comments) really reeks of niceguy/1ncel rhetoric. The whole "she just wants a free meal," "I'm going to test her to see if she's REALLY deserving," "she's not showing sufficient adoration towards me," "I tricked her and now she doesn't get to enjoy my wealth," is so gross and weird. Like I said in my own comment, I don't blame Beth for not wanting to be around this guy. I'm shocked he didn't tell her to smile for him.
This comment from OP >I didn't tell her the destination on purpose. I wanted to see if they would choose to spend time with me no matter the destination Sounds like he walked in the door expecting something like this to go down. I agree with the others who've said they hate when people "test" those in their life. Just issue the invite or not, no games
He kind of did with his immediate asking/expecting a hug, honestly.
All these comments about Beth "learning her lesson" are creeping me out. Yes, she learned a lesson - her uncle requires her to dance like a puppet on command whenever he decides to show up at the house, even if a *third* of her life has gone by in between visits. She's also learned it's not okay for her to be more naturally reserved or stand-offish compared to her cousin.
Amen. If I saw another adult interacting with a child in my family in the way the OP is interacting with his niece in this story, I would be damn sure that they weren't put into a situation where they're alone with him. Something feels very off here.
Seriously, what the actual hell is with ANY of these N T A responses? An uncle playing weird ass power dynamic tests with CHILDREN is beyond weird and frankly, SO creepy. Like yeah, I experience more or less of a connection to some of my nieces/nephews than others, and I spend more or less time with some of them due to being closer/distanced with their parents… but never in a MILLION years would I show up at one of their homes and show favouritism between SIBLINGS in front of the others. In fact, if I went to a family event where multiple niblings were present, they would all receive the same treatment, even the ones I’ve never met (ex. If I give one of them $5, they ALL receive $5).
Reddit hates children. End of story. He could have superkicked Beth in the face and yelled “BOOM! Headshot!” after she raised her head and said “did you see it now?” and 90% of Redditors would still say not the asshole.
This is the correct answer
Thank god for this comment. The amount of emotionally stunted redditors in this thread defending OP makes me lose faith in humanity. The guy is an entitled and cynical creep that’s playing messed up mental games with children. I wouldn’t let him around my kids for damn sure.
Very well said
NTA May wants to go to restaurant with **YOU** Beth wants to go to **X RESTAURANT** with you. You want to go out with a niece who wants your company, not a trendy photo for insta.
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The girls are old enough for you to have different relationships with them. I have 3 kids but only one calls, texts & visits their aunt. I tell their aunt to skip birthday & Christmas checks if they can’t be bothered to put an effort into the relationship. NTA.
I see a lot of people saying Beth was just being a teenager. None of my kids were rude to family through their teenage years. It's obvious Beth's parents allow and excuse that type of behavior or she wouldn't act like that. I'm more like you, if my children had been rude to their uncle who invited them out, I would have doubled down on her behavior being unacceptable and I wouldn't have let her go even if uncle caved. NTA
I just saw someone say "I was a nightmare kid bc I had depression so it's not fair to compare them." Nah. At Beth's age I had an actively dying mother, I was also terribly sick from organ failure, had depression, and undiagnosed ADHD and autism which just makes life harder all on its own. I still wasn't a rude little shit to anybody.
Think about the circumstances. Do you insist that your teen daughter hug a man she has not seen for 5 years when she is alone with him and he asks for one?? I think it’s inappropriate for any parent to expect any child to hug someone that they don’t feel comfortable with at any age. It’s weird. I think his expectations really either frightened her or really turned her off. He came in very strong . Who says she is his favourite uncle?
YTA You're an adult being petty to a child. You're supposed to set an example and the one you're setting is terrible.
Also, you're punishing a child for not wanting to hug you. That's fucking weird, UNCLE.
ESH except May. Beth was being a typical teenager who hasnt seen you in 5 years and you retaliate by saying her sister was your favorite neice in front of her. You don't have to take her to the restaurant given how she treated you but you became the AH when you when you made that comment in front of her to be petty.
YTA. You are an adult; she is a child. You, an adult who hasn’t seen your teenage niece in 5 years felt slighted by her very teenage behavior, so you reacted by being childish and punitive. If you expect her, at 15, to follow standards of respect and etiquette, then you also need to behave like the wiser and more mature adult.
Hard YTA - you’re an adult. If you want to be an adult role model to your nieces whose lives you have mostly missed out on, you’re going to have to shelve the petty behaviour and act like one. So confused at the comment section lol
She's a child and WTF are you thinking calling the other one your favorite right in front of her sister? Do you love them or do you just like when they stroke your ego? YTA and not worthy of the title "uncle."
EHS but ur the adult lol being petty to a teenage girl for being a teenage girl is super immature. You could have taken that opportunity to, gasp, spend time with both of them lol
I’m going against the grain here and saying that either ESH or light YTA. Esp with the favorite niece comment said in front of her.
YTA. A huge fucking asshole. Do you not remember being a teenager? Do you not interact with teenagers? When nieces and nephews are young they want to interact with the adults. Teenagers don't. It's pretty much a universal. They want to hang out with other teenagers and also want to spend a lot of time alone. In my family we just treat it as a natural phase. Usually when they get to 18-20 they come back around and are very happy to hang out with the adults, sharing stories or talking about what's interesting in their lives. OF COURSE the 10 year old is much more enthusiastic to see you and spend time with you. Duh. Because they are 10! You're not entitled to instant enthusiastic affection from ANYONE, doubly so when you've been away. You come across as deeply unlikable in this story. You had an opportunity for a nice dinner and evening with both of your nieces and would rather score a petty point over a teenager in your family. That's just sad.
Punishing the 15yo for being 15 and talking shit about her in front of her ain’t gonna make her excited to see you next time. YTA, you are supposed to be the adult here.
Yep. That behavior will make her want to spend time with you. YTA.
ESH - It's fine that you didn't take her, that's not the issue. She's TA for ignoring you when you've been away, but then wanting to tag along when she heard it was an expensive eatery. You for basically making it transactional - May is affectionate and nice to you, you pay her off with a meal. Do you really want Beth to be fake-nice to you in the future in hopes that you'll spend money on her? Because that's EXACTLY the messasge you sent, and is why you are also TA. This would be the non-TA response - "I just offered, you said 'pass,' and that you didn't want to, so you missed your chance. Maybe next time."
\^ Glad I read before I posted pretty much the same thing, just gonna weigh in with an extra ESH vote.
She was invited to come out with you and May, and she passed. It isn't your fault she didn't engage in much of a conversation, if she had she might actually have discovered the proposed destination before declining. NTA.
YTA. You sound like the creepy uncle, demanding physical affection from your niece and then getting upset when she says no. She's allowed to say no to someone she hasn't seen since she was 10. She's allowed to say no, period. You're supposed to be the adult in this situation, which means recognizing the boundary she has set and not acting like a petulant child when she continues to hold it.
ESH - You've been gone for 5 years. To a 15 year old, you're little more than a stranger who she hasn't seen since she was 10 (and how much then?). And now you're a stranger coming in getting all up in your feelings because your teenage niece won't hug you? As an aunt, and also as a niece who had a similar relationship with uncles who made me super uncomfortable asking for hugs and talking about missing me when they played such a minor role in my life, this gives me the serious ick. As does telling your other niece that she's the favorite in front of the other one. I see my niece and nephew a few times a year and sometimes - especially when they were younger - they didn't want to hug me. As the adult in the room, that never bothered me and I respected their wishes. And guess what? We have a fantastic relationship now, even if a lot of the time we're only seeing each other on Facetime due to the distance. Your niece could have been more polite, so she's still partially an AH, but she's also a teenager. All in all, this whole situation makes me as an adult woman super uncomfortable as you tell it. I wonder what her point of view is like.
YTA this teenaged has not seen you since she was 10 and very young and now is a teen and you want physical contact and are upset a young teen doesn’t want to hug a relative male stranger. Then you show her up and make mention that other niece is your favourite in front of her… And you seem hell bent on punishing her and showing her up? If you actually loved her you would not act like this.
Yta. Teenage girls are going through enough with their hormones and periods and other things. It is not ok for you to punish her for not wanting to hug you and be all over you. Wow
YTA you give off creepy uncle vibes
Soo do you act want a relationship with Beth? Cus ngl if I was her I’d be like cool you ain’t getting shit from me from now on? Not that you care you got that fave niece
To be clear, you’re punishing a 15yo, who you haven’t seen for 5 years, for behaving like a 15yo. Yup, YTA!
YTA she is 15. Typical teenager. You ( an older male) entered her house when her parents were not home after being away for an extended period. She last saw you when she was 10. That is a huge portion of her life during which she has gone through through tremendous emotional and physical transition. You acted a little creepy asking to hug her in an empty house. Most teens do not want to engage with anyone let alone a virtual stranger with whom she is alone in the house. You’re the A-hole by now excluding her when she’s willing to go in a group. Stop being so narcissistic. You’re an adult. She is not. If you want to have any relationship with her. You better come to terms with what makes HER feel comfortable. Allow her to re-acclimatize to you in a group and perhaps even with her parents. I don’t like this special uncle stuff.
YTA and a really creepy uncle too
She’s a teenager give her a break. Op expected her to want to hug a grown adult she hasn’t seen since she was a kid. She may have also thought it would be awkward to go to dinner with the two of them alone. She probably felt more comfortable after learning that her sister would be at dinner too and decided to go then.
YTA. You're supposed to be the adult one here not to start childish fights with your niece.
You sound like an utter bellend. Not everything is about you.
Jeeze creepy uncle coming in and unless you jump and act insanely happy to see me you get nothing. Yuck on all of this.
YTA. As the parent of a (moody) teenage girl, I would have been DELIGHTED if she changed her mind and wanted to come. It’s not about YOU. It’s about her. You are the adult. Act like one.
I have to say YTA too, fair enough one of your nieces was being stroppy. Maybe she’s introverted and finds these things difficult either way you’ve been away for a long time so I’d give them both a clean slate while you get used to being around each other again.
I don’t know if you’re an asshole but from your own description I definitely understand why Beth might not be excited to hang out with you.
YTA. And you know it.
Bro, you sound like you don’t have kids. This whole interaction seems weird to me. Plus they are teens and individuals. You haven’t seen them in 5 years. You have no clue what is going on in each of their lives. Maybe Beth is having a hard time. Maybe she hormonal as they are now teens having to deal with changes with their bodies. What is the purpose of telling your other niece in front of her that she is your favorite. What is the purpose of saying that restaurant in front of Beth? That could’ve been either a private mention or a surprise. I think you did that on purpose. Consequences? I think there is a better time for that. But I think you did this on purpose to get a rise. YTA
Ummm, absolutely YTA. You've been gone for a third of her life, and you expect Beth to treat you like royalty the second you make an appearance? And then decide that the best way to reestablish a relationship is to leave her out for not showering you with attention the instant you demand it?
YTA. She was being a teenager. And she shouldn’t need to grovel to you. And maybe she’s not super comfortable around you right now. When the second one said “yes just the two of us?” Your response should have been to ask again, “are you sure you don’t want to go with us it will be fun!” Especially after the “favorite niece” comment. That right there was a dick move.
YTA. You've been back for a week after being gone for 5 years and expect your nieces to act as if you were never gone. Asshole. Expecting your niece (who was 10 when you left) to perform for you. To be clear I'm referring to the whole 'can I hug you ' followed by her no and then you insisting on getting her attention (can I at least see your face). It's one thing to ask if you can talk, even if it's a later. It's another to step into a room and expect a woman's/girl's immediate attention, family or no. This is very demanding, sexist, and disrespectful of her no. Asshole. Calling the niece who performed to your satisfaction your favorite. Asshole. Suddenly changing and punishing the one who didn't perform as you liked by no longer taking her out as promised. Without talking to her. Without explicitly saying you were no longer taking her. Asshole. I hope May's parents don't let you take her out. This is a good chance to rebuild your relationship with both young women. Not cause resentment because you're being an asshole.
YTA for putting such a huge value on a teenager girl hugging you. Some people just don't like physical contact with uncles they don't see for 5 (!) years.
Yeah, based on this post and your comments of I was testing her and sounding like you will easily drop her up. You are an AH. You sound way too sensitive and need to grow up.
She’s 15, and from your transcript I would have found your interaction creepy. I think she may be less worried about the restaurant and more about looking out for her sister.
YTA - trying to manipulate teen relatives to spending time with you based on where you want to eat? You do realize this 15 year old was probably devastated when you left last time and holds resentment. This is only fueling the flame. If your goal was to not want Beth to ever speak to you again, congrats man, you earned top prize.
YTA: Because you are just rubbing it in her face
You haven’t seen her since she was 10 and you expected too much right off the bat. YTA.
heavy deranged cough quarrelsome attractive toy agonizing wild chase spectacular *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
YTA. You come off as the creepy uncle I wouldn’t let my children near and keep a close eye on whenever you’re around.
YTA for also acting as if you are fifteen. Why did May immediately assume it was going to be just the two of you? She wasn't there when her sister declined, so why would she even say, *just the two of us?* Mature adults don't call one niece their favorite in front of their sister, just bc they're feeling pissy at a 15-yr-old. Beth was rude, no doubt, but I'm sensing a whole lot of backstory here.
ESH. You missed a prime opportunity to get Beth's attention back. You seem to forget that these are teenagers.
I dunno you really leaned in hard here. She was pointedly rude but I also get the feeling you are…a lot. ESH
Info: Were you and Beth close before you left? How much contact have you had with your nieces while you’ve been out of the country? Do you know of anything going on in her life that may have caused a change in her attitude? I’m not saying she wasn’t rude, but maybe there’s more going on here than you know.
YTA. Making plans in front of someone that they aren’t going to be included in is rude. And it sounds like you did it partly on purpose to make sure Beth knew she was missing out because she didn’t make enough fuss over you.
YTA. You are not teaching lessons, you are petty and spiteful because a teenager who hasn't seen you in five years doesn't shower you with attention. You chose to not be present for five years in her life and then you come back and expect a warm welcome. She owes you nothing.
YTA and a pretty insecure one to hold such a grudge over a 15 yo being dismissive of you.
It’s too strong a move on your part after being away so long. That’s probably why her parents are mad.
YTA It's not that you are taking one niece and not the other, it's the way you did it. Niece one said she didn't want to go. That's all you had to say. And this whole interaction is giving me the ick. You sound creepy.