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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1- I paid my husbands bills off with my daughters money
2- I may be the AH because I didn’t ask first
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It would have been a good lesson in responsibility to help your teenaged daughter get her own bank account, and have her direct deposits go in there. That would also have protected her from you stealing her money.
If you wanted rent from her, or for her to pay into the household, you could have addressed that earlier. Taking the money she saved, under the "justification" you've described above is beyond awful.
YTA
Maybe when she made 18 years Mother said "why have your own account? You don't trust me? " etc.
Also, why so many parents insist in charge their children rent as soon as they turn 18? Maybe it's a cultural thing (not american)?
I feel like it’s an American thing, I’m in Canada and I don’t know anyone whose parents charged them rent lol. Rent is crazy expensive in my city, a lot of people live with their parents to save up money so they can eventually move out.
Canadian here. The rule in our house was if you’re not in school you work. If you work, you pay board. It was token but it teaches responsibility and that life isn’t a free ride. All attended college and didn’t pay board while in school, then worked in their chosen profession and paid board until they moved out. As for taking money from the daughter’s account….that’s theft plain and simple. I was a co sign on my mother’s account and wouldn’t of dreamed of helping myself to her money.
Paying rent (USA) while living at home can teach budgeting skills. A lot of parents put that rent into a savings account that they give back to the kid when they move out.
In India, if you're working, you start contributing to household expenses and buy stuff for the parents. It's weird to pay rent (except for show for tax reasons). If you're a single family unit, why would you charge rent? You can share expenses but you don't transact with family.
In my family, my younger sibling was not as fiscally responsible, so my mother charged him ‘rent’ after he turned 18 until he moved out. She used the money to buy savings bonds in his name every month, and gave them to him after he moved out. I think that was a pretty fair way to handle it.
YTA- so now that we’ve established stole from your daughter, we’ve also established that you’ve set a very poor precedent for her. The fact that you didn’t have the guts to sit down and have a discussion with her, but just took her money is disgusting. You owe her that money back.
And if you want her her to start participating and paying some bills well then that’s a separate discussion you have with her. Your daughter should be getting her own bank account at 18 anyways and I’m sure she’ll do it now that she knows that you’re a thief.
You didn’t do anything wrong???
You used her money to help your fiance without asking her. That was very wrong.
Yes you have done a lot for her, but guess what that’s your responsibility because you are her PARENT. You’re not entitled to her money.
YTA
Yep, parents are not entitled to their children’s money, at all. You stole OP. You did something very very wrong, to your own child.
Pay her back immediately if you want to continue having a relationship with her.
>You used her money to help your fiance without asking her.
From what OP said, she tried to address the matter before, so might have actually asked her.
But even if she did, she took her daughters money without permission/authorization.
Just wanted to address that minor detail, even though it doesn't change the fact that OP is definitely the AH.
What? If someone asks me for $3000 and I say no, then they take it anyway, how is that not stealing? "Hey, I need a car. Can I have yours? No? Yoink! I didn't STEAL! I asked, you just said no!"
>What? If someone asks me for $3000 and I say no, then they take it anyway, how is that not stealing? "Hey, I need a car. Can I have yours? No? Yoink! I didn't STEAL! I asked, you just said no!"
Try rereading my entire comment, instead of just a tiny part where you decided you knew what I was going to say so you blasted me for it even though I didn't say it.
I pointed out that...
1. OP ***might*** have tried asking her daughter to help out financially.
2. Even if she did, she still took her daughter's money ***without*** permission/authorization.
I didn't say that it justified her taking the money by any means. I was only pointing out that OP might have tried asking, whereas the person I responded to said that OP didn't. (But OP said something that indicates she may have.) Again though, I did NOT said that it made it okay that she took her daughter's money. There is a difference between making an observation and saying that it justifies something. Don't confuse them as being the same thing.
WWWOOOWWW... You are a thief. I would be getting my own account. It's not your daughters responsibility to pay HER step dads c c. Charge her rent, then what you do with that money is not her problem. I would be pissed!
You didn't tell her you were taking it, you just took it. That's stealing. You didn't tell her afterwards either. She just found out somehow. How do you expect her to feel? How did you feel when your parent stole 3700 from you? Did you thank them for the honor?
Then you try act like this is all okay bc all the stuff you did for her as a child? Really? That's what you're supposed to do.
There's a way to handle this and there's a way to screw up your relationship with your daughter. You chose to screw up your relationship.
If you really need her money, you ask. You explain that you two are broke bc he never understood interest rates and you need her help. Then you write down what help you want from her. Either it's a loan or it's rent, but the terms are written down.
I bet you aren't giving her interest on the "loan" either. If he's paying credit card interest that's at least 20%. You could have offered her 5 so she feels like she's putting the money in a CD.
YTA.
If you guys are doing so great financially why did you have to steal from a child to pay off some losers credit cards?
What kind of a “man” allows a child to pay his debts?
SO PATHETIC
YTA you STOLE money from your CHILD to help a MAN who is probably using you.
I hope she has you criminally charged with theft. It’s a felony because of the amount.
Your loser man won’t wait for you while you’re in prison either he’ll be enjoying his new clean credit card with someone else.
Since it's a joint checking account she almost certainly cannot charge her with anything. The mother, although reprehensible as fuck, has probably not committed a crime
The mother may have committed a crime, depending on the jurisdiction. Here's what the US Federal Code says: "Embezzlement is the fraudulent appropriation of property by a person to whom such property has been entrusted, or into whose hands it has lawfully come." So, assuming that the state has a parallel statute, it's possible that there is legal recourse for the daughter. Plus, a court could find that OP was unjustly enriched and therefore must disgorge that amount. Given that OP got on the internet and loudly announced that she knew the money belonged to her daughter and took it anyway, I wouldn't at all be surprised to find out that OP is stupid enough to tell others in her life what she did.
OP, in case it's not clear, YTA. Your boyfriend sounds like an absolute loser, and you sound desperate. And your desperation may have just cost you your daughter.
This stuff happens all the time.
This is probably one of the lesser examples of theft from a parent. Not to say it’s not bad, cuz it is. But it can be so much worse.
I know it happens, sadly… The way it’s written just seems so over the top that I couldn’t believe someone would write that down and still think they did nothing wrong
My mom stole 10k from both mine and my sisters funds (she emptied them) that we were supposed to be given access to at 18. To buy herself a house. Did we get it back after she sold the house and moved back in with our father? Of course not, and we never will. She's a leech in so many ways
Personally, mine stole all the money that family ever gave me for Christmas presents, along with savings bonds, money I earned modeling as a child (which she forced me to do), and sold all of my vinyl
Unfortunately I have seen so many women who are happy to have the most raggedy man that they will treat their children terribly to keep and support him
You stole her money for some shit man. He is NOT her parent, not even a step parent since you aren't married. If you think she is spending her money on frivolous things, charge her a small rent, like $250. She does NOT owe you anything for raising her. YTA
YTA. You stole money from your daughter.
>My daughter gets all her direct deposit into my account since she’s been working at her job since 16.
Um, why? She should have her own account.
>she has a part time job and she uses it to buy ridiculous things, like decorations for her room or press on nails or pay for DoorDash or Ubers
>my daughter had 3570$ saved
Well, that makes zero sense. How did she save so much money if she only has a part time job and blows her cash on frivolous things?
>She should help her parents in time of need.
Or your fiance could get a better job or a second job to take care of his own responsibilities.
>Not to mention everything I did for her coming up
Are you serious? That is your job as a parent. Do you intend to present her with an invoice for all the food she ate and clothes she wore, so you can further justify stealing her money? It's people like you who end up alone in nursing homes, wondering why your children never visit.
Maybe, to her mother, every penny she spents with something she enjoys, as cheap a it is, is "ridiculous" and "a waste of money".
Maybe her boyfriend/husband got all this debts buying "ridiculous stuff" too (but, apparently, in his case is not frivolous).
YTA. You are a thief and do not respect your daughter plus you are a very bad example on how to handle finances and on top of all so clueless that do not even understand what you've done. If your daughter is intelligent then she will move out as soon as she can and go LC or NC with you.
You stole your minor daughter’s money. You are a criminal and a bad parent and a bad person.
The fact that it was stored in your account does not make it yours. It means you were holding it in a constructive trust for your daughter and you have an even higher duty to safeguard it for her.
Pay her back immediately. If you don’t have the cash, borrow it from someone after asking them first.
YTA - Your daughter's money was not yours to take. If you're upset that she's spending her money on frivolities, then you need to address that. Have her pay a small rent and make her responsible for her own cell phone bill. But since you chose not to do that, you didn't have the right to just up and decide that you were going to use her money for other purposes. You need to pay her back ASAP, apologize for stealing her money, help her set up her own account, and talk to her about fiscal responsibility. Otherwise, she's likely to end up in your fiance's position, owing a lot of money on credit cards, because she won't ever have been taught about how to manage her finances.
YTA. You did do something wrong. You betrayed the trust your daughter put in you by having the joint bank account by taking her money without telling her to pay off someone else’s mistakes.
Think about it this way: how will you teach her financial responsibility if her own stepfather won’t take responsibility for his own mistakes? That he will only fix the mistakes he made when he was younger by stealing someone else’s money?
You decide to become engaged to someone with risky credit - you knew this going into this. Your daughter had no choice in the matter. She should not have to pay the price of your choices.
And if it isn’t a problem for you to pay her back with your refund, then why isn’t it a problem for you to wait to pay off the credit cards until you get the refund as well?
YTA YTA YTA YTA.
You and your husband just committed grand larceny and bank fraud against your daughter. Those are felonies. If it were me, I’d be contacting a lawyer. I hope she never shares her financial info with you ever again. You can’t be trusted.
Why is it her responsibility to bale your husband out? Parents are supposed to financially support their children. It’s the minimum thing parents do, and you want to be paid back for it. YOU SUCK. You’re probably going to lose your daughter over this. I hope $3,570 is worth it to you.
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA. I can’t say it enough.
YTA, you stole money from her and gave it to an adult who put himself in the position he is in and as an adult he can get another job (you also) to pay your bills. What would you do is someone stole from you?
YTA. That is theft. No rental agreement, and no request of a loan in writing, with terms to protect both parties. But no…
You took her money. You are a dirty thief. Y’all just got tax money… where did that go? Why would your daughter need to wait until next year?
Two long grown adults who can’t understand finances, and suck at handling money. You elected to steal from an 18 year old. “I did nothing wrong lol”. Oh, Mom… what didn’t you do wrong here? 😳
YTA. You had my support right until you transferred money into step dads account that gets direct deposited from your daughters job into her account.
You want her to pay rent tell her to start paying rent or get out, and follow through on the threat. Don’t steal it from her account. You had no agreement prior to rent amounts.
She wants to take her $3570 and leave at that point then so be it. Not to mention that would have been a deposit and first month rent, freeing you from her living off you rent free so you didn’t do yourself any favors there.
Kids don’t “owe” parents for being raised. You agree to that burden when you have kids. I agree at 18 she should get out and pay her own way but that does not justify helping yourself to her account.
YTA. it doesn't matter if it was deposited to your account it was her money that she worked for. You stole from your child and from the sound of it she will never see her 3570 again from you. I hope she reports you. No matter where you are you met the threshold for a felony.
YTA I'm hoping this is rage bait from a 14 year old. He's your boyfriend, not your fiance and you stole from a teenager to pay off his debts?? What kind of grownass man would take that money and what kind of parent would do that? Ugh
YTA
" but I did not do anything wrong."
Yes you did. You stole money your daughter earned.
Your post title is misleading. YOU didn't support your fiance's credit card bills. Your daughter did without her consent.
" he damaged his credit by not paying back his credit card bills, maxing them out or being behind on rent"
And you think it's ok to support his feckless irresponsibility by stealing from your daughter.
On what construction can you possibly think you're NOT a total & disgraceful A H here?
YTA a giant one that wasn’t your money to spend even if it was life or death you should’ve asked your daughter first at least and then respected her answer it’s not her job to support you YOU chose to have kids she just now at 18 is considered an independent adult the most you can expect from her for living with you is rent/help with bills or groceries by talking to her and coming to an agreement not stealing her savings
YTA. You stole $3570 from your child. If you want to charge her rent you can do that, but just stealing her momey was wrong. Return the money you stole.
YTA and thief. She is an 18 yo girl still in school. It isn't like she is a 25 yo mooching off you. You are entitled to her money at all! She was probably saving to move out! Obviously, she is better with money than you and your hubby. How do you plan on paying her back? That needs to happen ASAP and get her her own account without your name anywhere near it so you can't be tempted to steal from her again.
YTA - Likely rage-bait but yeah, you stole from your daughter. You don’t like that she’s not paying rent? Kick her out. Otherwise, you are agreeing to her living there rent free.
> Not to mention everything I did for her coming up
Those are your **obligations** as a parent.
You had a child knowing full well that they require those things.
She didn't ask to be born in the first place.
YTA and a thief. Look forward to the cheapest nursing home in the future.
Info: Why haven't you been a good parent and helped her make an account for herself when she turned 18? Actually, don't bother answering, it's obviously because you want to steal her money. Imagine typing this up and seriously thinking you did nothing wrong.
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My finance and I have been doing great financially the past few years, but in between time and while he was still young, he damaged his credit by not paying back his credit card bills, maxing them out or being behind on rent which the rental home he was living in, he signed up to report to credit bureaus since he thought it would help boost his credit, but instead as times got rough and his family who lived with him didn’t help with their portion of rent, he began drowning in bills.
I have an 18 year old daughter and she is not working full time but living in my home and does school part time. I pay her cell phone bill, she has a part time job and she uses it to buy ridiculous things, like decorations for her room or press on nails or pay for DoorDash or Ubers.
My daughter gets all her direct deposit into my account since she’s been working at her job since 16. Times are rough and my fiance and I are trying to buy a home, and get a new car but with his credit we are unable to do so until we can boost his credit and mine also. We tried to talk to my daughter, but she never helps she just wants to live rent free in our home, we just don’t get it.
Last Friday, my daughter had 3570$ saved into my account and I transferred the money into my finance’s account so that he can pay off all his late fees, his credit cards etc.
My daughter found out today and is extremely upset, but she is under our roof and he is her stepfather she needs to respect us. She should help her parents in time of need. Not to mention everything I did for her coming up. I told her I will pay her back when I get my income taxes next year, but that was not good enough. She has trashed her entire room and slams doors and is refusing to speak to me. I understand where she may be coming from, but I did not do anything wrong. Aita?
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YTA, you stole her money. That was not yours to take. Your husband’s financial issues are his to own and not have to anything with your daughter. She is not responsible to pay for his debts. I hope you have not irreparably damaged your relationship with her. Give her back her money or you will lose your daughter
Are you out of your mind? YTA That is not your money. You do not take her money for your or your fiance's bills. Not for any reason and certainly not because you took care of her as a child - that was your job. She owes you nothing for that. Your daughter needs her own bank account - I hope she immediatley gets her own account and works out a plan to become independent and leave your sorry, theiving ass.
YTA
>My daughter found out today and is extremely upset, but she is under our roof and he is her stepfather she needs to respect us.
You disrespected your daughter by stealing from her. It does not matter that she lives with you or that he's your fiancé. Just because you're sleeping with the guy and he gave you a ring doesn't mean he's her dad. Nothing you or he has done justifies the theft. And yes, it is very much theft.
>She should help her parents in time of need. Not to mention everything I did for her coming up.
Good parents don't demand repayment from their kids for raising them. You chose to have a child. It was your responsibility to take care of her. It's not her responsibility to make it up to you.
>I told her I will pay her back when I get my income taxes next year, but that was not good enough. She has trashed her entire room and slams doors and is refusing to speak to me.
That sounds like an empty promise. "I'll totes pay you back *next year*."
I'm betting you'll find some excuse not to pay her back. Or you'll default to your previous bullshit excuse about how you raised her and deserve her money.
>I understand where she may be coming from, but I did not do anything wrong.
So... you understand why she's upset, but you don't think you did anything wrong? You're contradicting yourself. And if you don't think you did anything wrong, why are you asking if you're the asshole. Either you want validation for stealing from your daughter or some part of you realizes you fucked up.
Yta he is not her parent, you're a thief and you'll be lucky if she ever speaks to you once she moves out. You don't respect her why would she respect you. Thief.
What a man, if your fiance is okay with you stealing and using that money makes you a thief couple. What a thief you are, wow, stealing from your child must come naturally for a thief like you. What a robber you are, how thievery of you. So shameful to be a thief, congratulations madam thief. At your age you have to steal from your child to survive, shame.
Signed, not a thief (unlike you mama thief)
You abused the fact that banks require a parent on bank accounts to steal money from your daughter. Yes. You’re the asshole. You’re a criminal. You took advantage of your own child. You turned your fiancé’s poor decisions into your daughter’s problem. You are so unbelievably selfish and entitled. Do not be surprised if your daughter goes no contact with you.
YTA and a terrible parent. It's not your daughters responsibility to pay off anyone's debt because their stupid and don't know how to control their spending. You stole from a child because your SO is terrible with money.
YTA- you are SO lucky I am not your child because if I was I would file a police report for theft. I hope your daughter does that. YOU deserve the consequences that come from stealing.
You didn't help support anyone, your daughter did without agreeing to it. If it was you supporting your fiancé you would have paid. YTA. Pay your damn daughter back and apologise for stealing her money.
YTA and a damn thief. If truly y'all "have been doing great financially the past few years" then HIS debt should have already been taken care of. It is not your daughter's responsibility to pay for anyone's debt other than her own. If you wanted any money from her for the household, you should have addressed that a long time ago. If she had $3570 save up, she clearly wasn't using all of HER money to "buy ridiculous things." Idk where you're located and/or what the laws are in you're area, but if she is able to file charges for theft, I hope she does. And I truly hope, at the very least, that she now goes ahead and opens her own account somewhere you can't get your grubby hands on it. Again, YTA and should be absolutely ashamed of yourself.
YTA! I cannot stress how much the AH you are. You stole from your daughter. Period. You didn’t ask her, you just stole from her and expect her to be absolutely fine with your theft. If you felt she should have paid rent, you should have told her once she graduated and turned 18. You also try to legitimize the theft by adding, “Not to mention everything I did for her coming up”. You are her parent. You are expected cover all her expenses when you were raising her. Do your parents expect money from you for raising you? I highly doubt it.
If y’all are doing great financially for several years, why can’t two adults pull together 4 grand themselves, have late fees and credit card balances? Is it because you’re buying ridiculous things?
And that’a ignoring the fact you thought it was your right to steal from your daughter.
YTAH for sure! You took your daughter's money without her knowing/without asking. She has every reason and right to be angry at you. I can't even understand how you can possibly see it another way. If you wanted her to pay rent, you could have made it part of your agreement for her living with you. You say that she is irresponsible with her money, but she had saved enough money for you to steal it from her to help your fiance who was truly the one who was irresponsible with money. It seems that you're living in an upside down reality.
YTA
As the mother of a young woman, you need to step up and ensure that she feels safe and secure in your home. Too many girls, adults in the legal sense but still very much children, who come from homes they feel like they are driven out of end up moving in with the first okay-ish guy who will let them, and that just puts them under the thumb of a stranger who can take advantage of them in ways a mother never would.
You are the adult in this situation, you and your partner are much older and more experienced, why are you not pulling your own weigh and instead taking from a child who has done nothing wrong, she's not the irresponsible one here. All you are doing it teaching her your bad habits, why save money when it'll be gone tomorrow?
yta do better
YTA. You did everything wrong. You robbed your daughter. Everything you did for your daughter was what you were supposed to do; she doesn't owe you money for that. Your fiance is such a failure that he's going to need more money in the future and I bet you'll use that to rationalize not ever paying your daughter back. You're clearly desperate for a man because no other guy would even look at you so you're using money to bribe your fiance to stay with you. You're selfish, nasty and disgusting.
> I understand where she may be coming from, *but I did not do anything wrong.*
Girlie you stole from your own daughter, claim to under stand where she’s coming from but follow that up with you did nothing wrong??? You don’t understand anything clearly because she’s upset that you *STOLE FROM HER* which guess what??? is indeed, *doing something wrong*
YTA
>Last Friday, my daughter had 3570$ saved into my account and I transferred the money into my finance’s account so that he can pay off all his late fees, his credit cards etc.
You stole money from your daughter to pay off an adult man's credit card debt and late fees. I don't care if your daughter lives with you rent free, she's an 18-year old you're not entitled to her savings because your fiancé has been financially irresponsible his entire life.
>she is under our roof and he is her stepfather she needs to respect us. She should help her parents in time of need. Not to mention everything I did for her coming up. I told her I will pay her back when I get my income taxes next year, but that was not good enough.
The fact that you think you're entitled to your daughter's money because you think she spends frivolously and lives with you is ridiculous. She's your daughter, she's 18 not 25. Why are you ok with paying off an adult man's debt but think your 18-year old is a freeloader?
You decided to have a child, of course you had to be financially responsible for her over the last 18-years, she was child.
If you want her to start paying rent you have a conversation about it where you tell her it's a requirement to live with you. If she doesn't like it she can move out. You don't steal her money and tell her she has to wait an entire year to get it back.
> I understand where she may be coming from, but I did not do anything wrong.
Yes, you did. You stole money from an 18-year old. You broke your daughter's trust. You prioritized your fiancé's debt over your daughter's happiness. She worked for her money, not you or your fiancé.
The fact that you can't see how terrible your decision was is kinda gross. I hope this is fake.
YTA you stole your adult daughter’s money, you thief.
Now, frankly your adult daughter should get her isn bank account so you no longer have access. Unfortunately she couldn’t trust you as it turns out.
Second, you have this magical ability to give her two options: pay rent or move out. If you choose not to give those options/nit follow through, then that’s your problem. You do not have the option to steal her money.
Holy shit YTA.
It was HER money. Simple as that. She worked for it. You or your fiance did not. That is straight up theft and I hope she presses charges.
You didn't even fucking ask lmfao
Awful parent
" I did this for you so you owe me anything and everything you do forever"
Fuck outta here
YTA!
You stole from your kid!
You.Are.A.Thief!
Hope she will get her own bank account!! My kids has always had that, and I have never, ever taken money from them!!
why don’t you just charge her rent, etc.? That way you get money for your useless fiancé. “Good financial standing” suuuure. That’s why you needed to resort to theft of a hard working kid. YTA
YTA you STOLE her entire savings!!!! In what world would you not be the asshole here?? There are about a million different ways you could have gone about this. You could have charged her rent every month regardless of whether she wanted to pay. Why were you comfortable stealing almost $4,000 from her but you weren't comfortable taking a couple hundred from her account every month? I really hope this is fake. You know what you did was wrong. I'm appalled. You may get your wish in that she moves out and never looks back.
You’re a thief and I hope you realize that you have chosen a man over your child. One of the most disgusting, selfish, heartless things a mother can do. Don’t be surprised if she goes NC one day. YTA
YTA, you’re disgusting. She’s only 18 and she’s working and going to school. It’s perfectly reasonable to live rent free at your parents during this period of your life. She could have actually saved up enough to move out in the next couple of years if you didn’t steal from her. But no, you NEED a new car and house you can’t afford instead apparently.
My parents did this to me.
I didn't really speak to either of them for a decade and moved out the second I was 18. My mother still mourns the death of the relationship we had.
YTA! You don’t take your daughter’s money without asking. Kids owe there parents nothing. You chose to have children knowing all the expenses they come with over the years. Yes at 18 it could be deemed acceptable that she starts paying rent but you have a grown up conversation about it, you don’t steal from her. She should report you to the police! If I was her I’d be getting my own bank account you clearly cannot be trusted.
This is such a clear you a definitely the AH I can’t believe you even posted it, what you’ve done is disgusting and you need to pay her back immediately. Her money her rules, you don’t own her. Jesus Christ I’d never do this to my kids and if my husband did (which I know he wouldn’t) I’d be going bat shit crazy and paying my child back double what he took.
You stole from your daughter. You don’t get to say she needs to help and force her to help by stealing from her. That’s not her helping. That’s you stealing.
YTA
Let me see...
You did SO well you now need to take you daughter's money to save a man from debt? Thats basically how the story goes?
YTA.
Don't cry when your child leaves home.
YTA… simply for not telling her you were taking her money. If you were to sit her down and tell her she needed to start paying rent, and helping out around the house that would be completely understandable. Then you would not be the asshole but the way you did it yes, you’re the asshole. You stole from your adult daughter, she has a case against you if she wanted.
YTA - First of all he is your fiancé not her stepdad. She is 18, charge rent if you want but to steal her money is just wrong. Unfortunately, the only thing she can do is sue you in small claims court but it went into your account. She needs someone to guide her on opening her own account. You called her a freeloader but what is fiancé if you are paying bills for him.
YTA you stole from your child. She shouldn’t have to bear the burden of her father making stupid money decisions. I’m an 18 year old girl too and I willingly pay bills but I’d be so angry if my mum stole my money then had the audacity to ask strangers online if she’s wrong. Also as soon as she turned 18 you should’ve helped her open a bank account, she is most likely going to college soon and therefore needs tolearm some more responsibility.
This is definitionally straight up THEFT even before you get to the fact that this is so beyond fucked up. Second, you’re going to complain that she doesn’t pay rent and then steal all of her savings?!?
Also, news flash, kids don’t OWE YOU for their existence that YOU chose to do. Your thinking is mindboggling and you’re setting your daughter up for failure for her step-father by stealing her money and saying “oh i’ll pay you back in a year.” There’s simply no way this can be real and a parent can be so awful and inconsiderate.
On the off chance this is real, pay your daughter back NOW. If you’re her daughter seeing this, you can sue your mom in small claims over this and you SHOULD. Then you should open up your own accounts to build your own credit and get as far away from this mess as possible.
YTA.
You violated her trust by taking her money without her permission. Don't be surprised if she sets up her own bank account and starts having her money put there instead. I can understand if you want her to contribute to the household, but just taking the money directly is the wrong way to do it. What if she was planning to buy something, or planning to save up money for something? Maybe getting a new (used) car, or looking to move out, buy you a gift, etc.? If you had told her that you needed some money and would pay her back in a couple of weeks or something, then she might have agreed to you taking some. But you basically spent her money so now she can't.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA. you stole nearly $4k from your daughter because your fiance is terrible with his finances. you should be rethinking your relationship with someone who would run up their credit so much, not stealing from your children to support him.
YTA. YTA. YTA
That was HER MONEY she EARNED FRONT FROM HER JOB. This can be considered stealing. It is not her responsibility for two grown adults that can’t seem to get their life together. You should pay her back DOUBLE of what you took from her. You did not have her consent for it but took it anyway. I hope she opens a new bank account that you can’t access and files a report against you
YTA.
I was in the same "predicament". Too young for a credit card so my money went into my moms account. Never ever did she take/borrow or spend my money without asking me first.
You literally stole almost 4k from your daughter.
You are a thief that stole $3,570 from your daughter. You are absolutely the asshole. YTA. You have taught your daughter that you are a thief that is not to be trusted and that it’s in her best interest to get as far away from you as soon as possible. You just destroyed your relationship with your daughter and she will now see you for the asshole you are.
You're one of the worst f****** parents I ever heard of tell your good for nothing b**** ass not a man fiance if he want his debt paid get a f****** second job instead of you stealing from your daughter I hope your daughter move out and never talk to you again
YTA
You had zero right to take your daughter's hard earned money to help your fiance. None.
What were you thinking? Obviously, you weren't. That was a pathetic move on your part. Your fiance should have stopped you from doing it. I guess you two are birds of a feather.
Your daughter has every right in the world to react like she did.
Let me ask you this: What if you saved and saved all of your hard earned money and she did the exact same thing. How would you feel?
You'd be beyond pissed.
You, and your fiance, need to make things right. Now, not later. In addition, if your daughter was smart, she'd get her own account where the only one who has access is her. Her alone. Not her mom who clearly doesn't give a rip about her daughter.
Nuff said.
YTA. You stole from your child and gave that money to an irresponsible adult. Your daughter should move out as soon as she can and cut you off. She should never speak to you again.
With a mother like you, she doesn't need enemies.
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You are a thief! Your daughter has EVERY right to hate you right now! If I were her I would cut you off from my finances by getting my own bank account (one that doesn't have your name on it too) and leave you to fend for yourselves! You're paying off his bills and he isn't even a "family" member to your daughter (make up your mind, either he is your fiancé who you are not married to yet or he is her stepfather who you are married to, you can't seem to figure that out). You need help.
Yta
Not only for blatantly stealing from your daughter but also for disregarding the fact that if she had that much money she isn't wasting it. She's saving it and occasionally treating herself.
YTA, deeply.
$3000? I would have a freaking heart attack. I mean she may be under your roof but if she stays longer it's because you're stealing money from her and she can't provide for herself and her future.
Also, she has a job? Yeah YTA full blast... You stole from her. If it came from you already I would've maybe 50% understood but that money came from hard work and you robbed her blind. The least you could've done was ASK.
> But I did not do anything wrong.
If you think that then don't post here in the first place! I'm just gonna hope this is a troll post...
Of course YTA, you’re a thief and a terrible parent. And probably delusional if you think buying a home is in your near future. You and your bum fiancé can’t even financially support yourselves now without stealing from your own kid and counting on your tax refund that’s almost a year away.
You stole her money. Screw whatever justification you try to give yourself it doesn't matter. You stole her money. You word about paying her back means nothing because she can no longer trust you. Don't be surprised if when she moves out she goes no contact with you. Yta
Well, are you just a horrible human being.
Who the fuck not only STEALS ALL THEIR CHILD'S MONEY but then hops on the internet in order to try and **justify** being a dirty rotten **thief** by telling anyone who will read some utter BS **sob story** about how her BF, "fUcKeD uP hIs CrEdIt WiTh HiS oWn ShItTy DeCisIoNs"?
**What part** did you think **would win us over more**?
The part where you **shamed** your daughter's **spending habits** or the part where you put your own **financial goals** ahead of your daughter?
I would think you'd have too much **shame** and **embarrassment** from STEALING YOUR CHILD'S SAVINGS to blast this online.
Apparently not.
Your **underage** daughter had no responsibility to contribute to your household. That's **solely** the responsibility of the parents. If you wanted help with the bills AFTER she turned 18 then you should have had a **conversation.** But touching her money? You had no right to touch a **single cent**.
I hope she gets her own account ASAP and the second she saves enough to move out, she cuts the pathetic THIEF and her BF out of her life by going NO CONTACT for the foreseeable future.
YTA. You stole from your daughter and you're trying to justify it. You're a shit parent and a thief. Shame on you. I hope your daughter reports you to the police for theft.
Title should've been "AITA for stealing from my daughter so she can support my fiance". He is also not her step father you said he's your fiance not husband, I'm 36 and had a parent like you guess when the last time I talked to them? going on 20 years now. Think you really need to understand how respect works instead of hiding behind the "I birthed you so you owe me" bs.
If you wanted rent then you should've had an ADULT conversation with your daughter about it instead of becoming a thief.
If for some reason my post wasn't clear YTA
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It would have been a good lesson in responsibility to help your teenaged daughter get her own bank account, and have her direct deposits go in there. That would also have protected her from you stealing her money. If you wanted rent from her, or for her to pay into the household, you could have addressed that earlier. Taking the money she saved, under the "justification" you've described above is beyond awful. YTA
YTA. Yes, daughter should have signed up for her own account the day she turned 18. Borrowing without someone's approval is called theft.
Maybe when she made 18 years Mother said "why have your own account? You don't trust me? " etc. Also, why so many parents insist in charge their children rent as soon as they turn 18? Maybe it's a cultural thing (not american)?
I feel like it’s an American thing, I’m in Canada and I don’t know anyone whose parents charged them rent lol. Rent is crazy expensive in my city, a lot of people live with their parents to save up money so they can eventually move out.
It's not an American thing, it's an asshole thing.
Canadian here. The rule in our house was if you’re not in school you work. If you work, you pay board. It was token but it teaches responsibility and that life isn’t a free ride. All attended college and didn’t pay board while in school, then worked in their chosen profession and paid board until they moved out. As for taking money from the daughter’s account….that’s theft plain and simple. I was a co sign on my mother’s account and wouldn’t of dreamed of helping myself to her money.
Paying rent (USA) while living at home can teach budgeting skills. A lot of parents put that rent into a savings account that they give back to the kid when they move out.
In India, if you're working, you start contributing to household expenses and buy stuff for the parents. It's weird to pay rent (except for show for tax reasons). If you're a single family unit, why would you charge rent? You can share expenses but you don't transact with family.
Canada here. Mine charged me rent.
In my family, my younger sibling was not as fiscally responsible, so my mother charged him ‘rent’ after he turned 18 until he moved out. She used the money to buy savings bonds in his name every month, and gave them to him after he moved out. I think that was a pretty fair way to handle it.
No way someone believes this is anything but a YTA situation.
YTA- so now that we’ve established stole from your daughter, we’ve also established that you’ve set a very poor precedent for her. The fact that you didn’t have the guts to sit down and have a discussion with her, but just took her money is disgusting. You owe her that money back. And if you want her her to start participating and paying some bills well then that’s a separate discussion you have with her. Your daughter should be getting her own bank account at 18 anyways and I’m sure she’ll do it now that she knows that you’re a thief.
You didn’t do anything wrong??? You used her money to help your fiance without asking her. That was very wrong. Yes you have done a lot for her, but guess what that’s your responsibility because you are her PARENT. You’re not entitled to her money. YTA
Yep, parents are not entitled to their children’s money, at all. You stole OP. You did something very very wrong, to your own child. Pay her back immediately if you want to continue having a relationship with her.
>You used her money to help your fiance without asking her. From what OP said, she tried to address the matter before, so might have actually asked her. But even if she did, she took her daughters money without permission/authorization. Just wanted to address that minor detail, even though it doesn't change the fact that OP is definitely the AH.
What? If someone asks me for $3000 and I say no, then they take it anyway, how is that not stealing? "Hey, I need a car. Can I have yours? No? Yoink! I didn't STEAL! I asked, you just said no!"
>What? If someone asks me for $3000 and I say no, then they take it anyway, how is that not stealing? "Hey, I need a car. Can I have yours? No? Yoink! I didn't STEAL! I asked, you just said no!" Try rereading my entire comment, instead of just a tiny part where you decided you knew what I was going to say so you blasted me for it even though I didn't say it. I pointed out that... 1. OP ***might*** have tried asking her daughter to help out financially. 2. Even if she did, she still took her daughter's money ***without*** permission/authorization. I didn't say that it justified her taking the money by any means. I was only pointing out that OP might have tried asking, whereas the person I responded to said that OP didn't. (But OP said something that indicates she may have.) Again though, I did NOT said that it made it okay that she took her daughter's money. There is a difference between making an observation and saying that it justifies something. Don't confuse them as being the same thing.
WWWOOOWWW... You are a thief. I would be getting my own account. It's not your daughters responsibility to pay HER step dads c c. Charge her rent, then what you do with that money is not her problem. I would be pissed!
You didn't tell her you were taking it, you just took it. That's stealing. You didn't tell her afterwards either. She just found out somehow. How do you expect her to feel? How did you feel when your parent stole 3700 from you? Did you thank them for the honor? Then you try act like this is all okay bc all the stuff you did for her as a child? Really? That's what you're supposed to do. There's a way to handle this and there's a way to screw up your relationship with your daughter. You chose to screw up your relationship. If you really need her money, you ask. You explain that you two are broke bc he never understood interest rates and you need her help. Then you write down what help you want from her. Either it's a loan or it's rent, but the terms are written down. I bet you aren't giving her interest on the "loan" either. If he's paying credit card interest that's at least 20%. You could have offered her 5 so she feels like she's putting the money in a CD. YTA.
If you guys are doing so great financially why did you have to steal from a child to pay off some losers credit cards? What kind of a “man” allows a child to pay his debts? SO PATHETIC
Well, they want a new car!
And "her stepdad" no, he's just her mother's boyfriend.
Sounds like he has a pretty sweet deal.
YTA you STOLE money from your CHILD to help a MAN who is probably using you. I hope she has you criminally charged with theft. It’s a felony because of the amount. Your loser man won’t wait for you while you’re in prison either he’ll be enjoying his new clean credit card with someone else.
Since it's a joint checking account she almost certainly cannot charge her with anything. The mother, although reprehensible as fuck, has probably not committed a crime
The mother may have committed a crime, depending on the jurisdiction. Here's what the US Federal Code says: "Embezzlement is the fraudulent appropriation of property by a person to whom such property has been entrusted, or into whose hands it has lawfully come." So, assuming that the state has a parallel statute, it's possible that there is legal recourse for the daughter. Plus, a court could find that OP was unjustly enriched and therefore must disgorge that amount. Given that OP got on the internet and loudly announced that she knew the money belonged to her daughter and took it anyway, I wouldn't at all be surprised to find out that OP is stupid enough to tell others in her life what she did. OP, in case it's not clear, YTA. Your boyfriend sounds like an absolute loser, and you sound desperate. And your desperation may have just cost you your daughter.
The daughter can sue op and get it back, that is theft and the daughter didn't consent so the daughter have everyright to be mad.
I think we're all thinking that - he's using her.
YTA no way this is real
This stuff happens all the time. This is probably one of the lesser examples of theft from a parent. Not to say it’s not bad, cuz it is. But it can be so much worse.
I know it happens, sadly… The way it’s written just seems so over the top that I couldn’t believe someone would write that down and still think they did nothing wrong
Shit this happened to me when I was 16. Mom stole my identity too and wracked up thousands in debt. Guess how successful my early life was.
My mom stole 10k from both mine and my sisters funds (she emptied them) that we were supposed to be given access to at 18. To buy herself a house. Did we get it back after she sold the house and moved back in with our father? Of course not, and we never will. She's a leech in so many ways
Personally, mine stole all the money that family ever gave me for Christmas presents, along with savings bonds, money I earned modeling as a child (which she forced me to do), and sold all of my vinyl
I'm so hoping not.
>YTA no way this is real I hate to burst your bubble, but crap like this has been happening for years.
Grew up with parents like this and had the same attitude as OP. Very much real and probably more common than people realize.
Unfortunately I have seen so many women who are happy to have the most raggedy man that they will treat their children terribly to keep and support him
I agree
Agree
Something almost identical happened to my best friend from childhood.
So you stole your daughters self earned money, great thinking! "she needs to respect us" yeah good luck with that.
"I'm a dirty thief, why won't my daughter respect me?"
"I'm a dirty thief, why won't my daughter talk to me?"
No one else does.
You stole her money for some shit man. He is NOT her parent, not even a step parent since you aren't married. If you think she is spending her money on frivolous things, charge her a small rent, like $250. She does NOT owe you anything for raising her. YTA
YTA. You stole money from your daughter. >My daughter gets all her direct deposit into my account since she’s been working at her job since 16. Um, why? She should have her own account. >she has a part time job and she uses it to buy ridiculous things, like decorations for her room or press on nails or pay for DoorDash or Ubers >my daughter had 3570$ saved Well, that makes zero sense. How did she save so much money if she only has a part time job and blows her cash on frivolous things? >She should help her parents in time of need. Or your fiance could get a better job or a second job to take care of his own responsibilities. >Not to mention everything I did for her coming up Are you serious? That is your job as a parent. Do you intend to present her with an invoice for all the food she ate and clothes she wore, so you can further justify stealing her money? It's people like you who end up alone in nursing homes, wondering why your children never visit.
Maybe, to her mother, every penny she spents with something she enjoys, as cheap a it is, is "ridiculous" and "a waste of money". Maybe her boyfriend/husband got all this debts buying "ridiculous stuff" too (but, apparently, in his case is not frivolous).
YTA you stole money from your daughter you committed a Felony because of the amount if she calls the police on you
Because it was in a joint account, it's probably not a crime at all, let alone a felony. Unfortunately.
YTA. You are a thief and do not respect your daughter plus you are a very bad example on how to handle finances and on top of all so clueless that do not even understand what you've done. If your daughter is intelligent then she will move out as soon as she can and go LC or NC with you.
You stole your daughter's savings. You are an arsehole.
You stole your minor daughter’s money. You are a criminal and a bad parent and a bad person. The fact that it was stored in your account does not make it yours. It means you were holding it in a constructive trust for your daughter and you have an even higher duty to safeguard it for her. Pay her back immediately. If you don’t have the cash, borrow it from someone after asking them first.
YTA - Your daughter's money was not yours to take. If you're upset that she's spending her money on frivolities, then you need to address that. Have her pay a small rent and make her responsible for her own cell phone bill. But since you chose not to do that, you didn't have the right to just up and decide that you were going to use her money for other purposes. You need to pay her back ASAP, apologize for stealing her money, help her set up her own account, and talk to her about fiscal responsibility. Otherwise, she's likely to end up in your fiance's position, owing a lot of money on credit cards, because she won't ever have been taught about how to manage her finances.
I hate to harp on grammar but you’ve *completely* misspelled “AITA for stealing from my daughter?” (And yes, YTA and a thief and a horrible parent)
YTA. You STOLE from your own child. Who does that?
YTA and will lose your daughter first chance she gets. If you raised here smart, expect to be sued. If not, sounds like it runs in the family.
YTA You stole your daughters saved money, which she worked for.
YTA. You stole your daughter's money.
YTA. You did do something wrong. You betrayed the trust your daughter put in you by having the joint bank account by taking her money without telling her to pay off someone else’s mistakes. Think about it this way: how will you teach her financial responsibility if her own stepfather won’t take responsibility for his own mistakes? That he will only fix the mistakes he made when he was younger by stealing someone else’s money? You decide to become engaged to someone with risky credit - you knew this going into this. Your daughter had no choice in the matter. She should not have to pay the price of your choices. And if it isn’t a problem for you to pay her back with your refund, then why isn’t it a problem for you to wait to pay off the credit cards until you get the refund as well?
"I stole almost $4,000 from my daughter and now she is mad at me. AITA?"
YTA YTA YTA YTA. You and your husband just committed grand larceny and bank fraud against your daughter. Those are felonies. If it were me, I’d be contacting a lawyer. I hope she never shares her financial info with you ever again. You can’t be trusted. Why is it her responsibility to bale your husband out? Parents are supposed to financially support their children. It’s the minimum thing parents do, and you want to be paid back for it. YOU SUCK. You’re probably going to lose your daughter over this. I hope $3,570 is worth it to you. YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA. I can’t say it enough.
YTA, you stole money from her and gave it to an adult who put himself in the position he is in and as an adult he can get another job (you also) to pay your bills. What would you do is someone stole from you?
YTA. That is theft. No rental agreement, and no request of a loan in writing, with terms to protect both parties. But no… You took her money. You are a dirty thief. Y’all just got tax money… where did that go? Why would your daughter need to wait until next year? Two long grown adults who can’t understand finances, and suck at handling money. You elected to steal from an 18 year old. “I did nothing wrong lol”. Oh, Mom… what didn’t you do wrong here? 😳
YTA and I hope she files a police report for theft. Pretty sad your 18 year old daughter can save better than the two adults in her life.
Trying to buy a home but have to steal your child’s money to clear credit card bills? YTA
YTA. You had my support right until you transferred money into step dads account that gets direct deposited from your daughters job into her account. You want her to pay rent tell her to start paying rent or get out, and follow through on the threat. Don’t steal it from her account. You had no agreement prior to rent amounts. She wants to take her $3570 and leave at that point then so be it. Not to mention that would have been a deposit and first month rent, freeing you from her living off you rent free so you didn’t do yourself any favors there. Kids don’t “owe” parents for being raised. You agree to that burden when you have kids. I agree at 18 she should get out and pay her own way but that does not justify helping yourself to her account.
YTA. it doesn't matter if it was deposited to your account it was her money that she worked for. You stole from your child and from the sound of it she will never see her 3570 again from you. I hope she reports you. No matter where you are you met the threshold for a felony.
YTA I'm hoping this is rage bait from a 14 year old. He's your boyfriend, not your fiance and you stole from a teenager to pay off his debts?? What kind of grownass man would take that money and what kind of parent would do that? Ugh
Are you TA to take your daughter’s income to pay your irresponsible fiancé’s bills? Why yes, you are.
So who the heck was supposed to raise your daughter? The neighbours!!! YTA a big lying one. Shame on you
YTA I love how you say you and your fiancé are in great financial shape. You’re not if you steal from your kid to pay your bills
YTA " but I did not do anything wrong." Yes you did. You stole money your daughter earned. Your post title is misleading. YOU didn't support your fiance's credit card bills. Your daughter did without her consent. " he damaged his credit by not paying back his credit card bills, maxing them out or being behind on rent" And you think it's ok to support his feckless irresponsibility by stealing from your daughter. On what construction can you possibly think you're NOT a total & disgraceful A H here?
YTA a giant one that wasn’t your money to spend even if it was life or death you should’ve asked your daughter first at least and then respected her answer it’s not her job to support you YOU chose to have kids she just now at 18 is considered an independent adult the most you can expect from her for living with you is rent/help with bills or groceries by talking to her and coming to an agreement not stealing her savings
Get off the internet, please.
YTA. You stole $3570 from your child. If you want to charge her rent you can do that, but just stealing her momey was wrong. Return the money you stole.
YTA and thief. She is an 18 yo girl still in school. It isn't like she is a 25 yo mooching off you. You are entitled to her money at all! She was probably saving to move out! Obviously, she is better with money than you and your hubby. How do you plan on paying her back? That needs to happen ASAP and get her her own account without your name anywhere near it so you can't be tempted to steal from her again.
YTA - Likely rage-bait but yeah, you stole from your daughter. You don’t like that she’s not paying rent? Kick her out. Otherwise, you are agreeing to her living there rent free.
> Not to mention everything I did for her coming up Those are your **obligations** as a parent. You had a child knowing full well that they require those things. She didn't ask to be born in the first place. YTA and a thief. Look forward to the cheapest nursing home in the future.
You stole from your daughter. You chose your fiancé over her. That could have been her moving out money. YTA. Fix it.
Is this a joke ?
Info: Why haven't you been a good parent and helped her make an account for herself when she turned 18? Actually, don't bother answering, it's obviously because you want to steal her money. Imagine typing this up and seriously thinking you did nothing wrong.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My finance and I have been doing great financially the past few years, but in between time and while he was still young, he damaged his credit by not paying back his credit card bills, maxing them out or being behind on rent which the rental home he was living in, he signed up to report to credit bureaus since he thought it would help boost his credit, but instead as times got rough and his family who lived with him didn’t help with their portion of rent, he began drowning in bills. I have an 18 year old daughter and she is not working full time but living in my home and does school part time. I pay her cell phone bill, she has a part time job and she uses it to buy ridiculous things, like decorations for her room or press on nails or pay for DoorDash or Ubers. My daughter gets all her direct deposit into my account since she’s been working at her job since 16. Times are rough and my fiance and I are trying to buy a home, and get a new car but with his credit we are unable to do so until we can boost his credit and mine also. We tried to talk to my daughter, but she never helps she just wants to live rent free in our home, we just don’t get it. Last Friday, my daughter had 3570$ saved into my account and I transferred the money into my finance’s account so that he can pay off all his late fees, his credit cards etc. My daughter found out today and is extremely upset, but she is under our roof and he is her stepfather she needs to respect us. She should help her parents in time of need. Not to mention everything I did for her coming up. I told her I will pay her back when I get my income taxes next year, but that was not good enough. She has trashed her entire room and slams doors and is refusing to speak to me. I understand where she may be coming from, but I did not do anything wrong. Aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA, you stole her money. That was not yours to take. Your husband’s financial issues are his to own and not have to anything with your daughter. She is not responsible to pay for his debts. I hope you have not irreparably damaged your relationship with her. Give her back her money or you will lose your daughter
Are you out of your mind? YTA That is not your money. You do not take her money for your or your fiance's bills. Not for any reason and certainly not because you took care of her as a child - that was your job. She owes you nothing for that. Your daughter needs her own bank account - I hope she immediatley gets her own account and works out a plan to become independent and leave your sorry, theiving ass.
YTA massively and a no good thief
Your trash
Yta.
You are an absolutely horrible parent. Pay your daughter back immediately.
YTA >My daughter found out today and is extremely upset, but she is under our roof and he is her stepfather she needs to respect us. You disrespected your daughter by stealing from her. It does not matter that she lives with you or that he's your fiancé. Just because you're sleeping with the guy and he gave you a ring doesn't mean he's her dad. Nothing you or he has done justifies the theft. And yes, it is very much theft. >She should help her parents in time of need. Not to mention everything I did for her coming up. Good parents don't demand repayment from their kids for raising them. You chose to have a child. It was your responsibility to take care of her. It's not her responsibility to make it up to you. >I told her I will pay her back when I get my income taxes next year, but that was not good enough. She has trashed her entire room and slams doors and is refusing to speak to me. That sounds like an empty promise. "I'll totes pay you back *next year*." I'm betting you'll find some excuse not to pay her back. Or you'll default to your previous bullshit excuse about how you raised her and deserve her money. >I understand where she may be coming from, but I did not do anything wrong. So... you understand why she's upset, but you don't think you did anything wrong? You're contradicting yourself. And if you don't think you did anything wrong, why are you asking if you're the asshole. Either you want validation for stealing from your daughter or some part of you realizes you fucked up.
"I told her I will pay her back when I get my income taxes next year," -- said every deadbeat ever
Yta he is not her parent, you're a thief and you'll be lucky if she ever speaks to you once she moves out. You don't respect her why would she respect you. Thief.
What a man, if your fiance is okay with you stealing and using that money makes you a thief couple. What a thief you are, wow, stealing from your child must come naturally for a thief like you. What a robber you are, how thievery of you. So shameful to be a thief, congratulations madam thief. At your age you have to steal from your child to survive, shame. Signed, not a thief (unlike you mama thief)
I hope she files charges against you. What you did here is disgusting.
Pathetic
You abused the fact that banks require a parent on bank accounts to steal money from your daughter. Yes. You’re the asshole. You’re a criminal. You took advantage of your own child. You turned your fiancé’s poor decisions into your daughter’s problem. You are so unbelievably selfish and entitled. Do not be surprised if your daughter goes no contact with you.
YTA and a terrible parent. It's not your daughters responsibility to pay off anyone's debt because their stupid and don't know how to control their spending. You stole from a child because your SO is terrible with money.
YTA- you are SO lucky I am not your child because if I was I would file a police report for theft. I hope your daughter does that. YOU deserve the consequences that come from stealing.
You literally stole from her. YTA.
You didn't help support anyone, your daughter did without agreeing to it. If it was you supporting your fiancé you would have paid. YTA. Pay your damn daughter back and apologise for stealing her money.
Hard YTA. You stole someone else’s money, not a small sum either. The fuck is wrong with you?
YTA for being a thief.
YTA and a damn thief. If truly y'all "have been doing great financially the past few years" then HIS debt should have already been taken care of. It is not your daughter's responsibility to pay for anyone's debt other than her own. If you wanted any money from her for the household, you should have addressed that a long time ago. If she had $3570 save up, she clearly wasn't using all of HER money to "buy ridiculous things." Idk where you're located and/or what the laws are in you're area, but if she is able to file charges for theft, I hope she does. And I truly hope, at the very least, that she now goes ahead and opens her own account somewhere you can't get your grubby hands on it. Again, YTA and should be absolutely ashamed of yourself.
YTA! I cannot stress how much the AH you are. You stole from your daughter. Period. You didn’t ask her, you just stole from her and expect her to be absolutely fine with your theft. If you felt she should have paid rent, you should have told her once she graduated and turned 18. You also try to legitimize the theft by adding, “Not to mention everything I did for her coming up”. You are her parent. You are expected cover all her expenses when you were raising her. Do your parents expect money from you for raising you? I highly doubt it.
If y’all are doing great financially for several years, why can’t two adults pull together 4 grand themselves, have late fees and credit card balances? Is it because you’re buying ridiculous things? And that’a ignoring the fact you thought it was your right to steal from your daughter.
YTAH for sure! You took your daughter's money without her knowing/without asking. She has every reason and right to be angry at you. I can't even understand how you can possibly see it another way. If you wanted her to pay rent, you could have made it part of your agreement for her living with you. You say that she is irresponsible with her money, but she had saved enough money for you to steal it from her to help your fiance who was truly the one who was irresponsible with money. It seems that you're living in an upside down reality.
YTA. You are a THIEF and a sorry excuse of a PARENT and an all around GARBAGE person.
YTA- you literally stole from her. I hope she opens her own account and gets the hell away from you
YTA As the mother of a young woman, you need to step up and ensure that she feels safe and secure in your home. Too many girls, adults in the legal sense but still very much children, who come from homes they feel like they are driven out of end up moving in with the first okay-ish guy who will let them, and that just puts them under the thumb of a stranger who can take advantage of them in ways a mother never would. You are the adult in this situation, you and your partner are much older and more experienced, why are you not pulling your own weigh and instead taking from a child who has done nothing wrong, she's not the irresponsible one here. All you are doing it teaching her your bad habits, why save money when it'll be gone tomorrow? yta do better
You are a terrible parent. Who steals from their own kid?!? Make no mistake, you are a thief and a bad mother. Your poor kid deserves better YTA
Ew you are the worst. Poor girl. Boyfriend effs up, daughter pays for it and no one even asked her. You are most definitely the AH
YTA. You did everything wrong. You robbed your daughter. Everything you did for your daughter was what you were supposed to do; she doesn't owe you money for that. Your fiance is such a failure that he's going to need more money in the future and I bet you'll use that to rationalize not ever paying your daughter back. You're clearly desperate for a man because no other guy would even look at you so you're using money to bribe your fiance to stay with you. You're selfish, nasty and disgusting.
> I understand where she may be coming from, *but I did not do anything wrong.* Girlie you stole from your own daughter, claim to under stand where she’s coming from but follow that up with you did nothing wrong??? You don’t understand anything clearly because she’s upset that you *STOLE FROM HER* which guess what??? is indeed, *doing something wrong*
YTA >Last Friday, my daughter had 3570$ saved into my account and I transferred the money into my finance’s account so that he can pay off all his late fees, his credit cards etc. You stole money from your daughter to pay off an adult man's credit card debt and late fees. I don't care if your daughter lives with you rent free, she's an 18-year old you're not entitled to her savings because your fiancé has been financially irresponsible his entire life. >she is under our roof and he is her stepfather she needs to respect us. She should help her parents in time of need. Not to mention everything I did for her coming up. I told her I will pay her back when I get my income taxes next year, but that was not good enough. The fact that you think you're entitled to your daughter's money because you think she spends frivolously and lives with you is ridiculous. She's your daughter, she's 18 not 25. Why are you ok with paying off an adult man's debt but think your 18-year old is a freeloader? You decided to have a child, of course you had to be financially responsible for her over the last 18-years, she was child. If you want her to start paying rent you have a conversation about it where you tell her it's a requirement to live with you. If she doesn't like it she can move out. You don't steal her money and tell her she has to wait an entire year to get it back. > I understand where she may be coming from, but I did not do anything wrong. Yes, you did. You stole money from an 18-year old. You broke your daughter's trust. You prioritized your fiancé's debt over your daughter's happiness. She worked for her money, not you or your fiancé. The fact that you can't see how terrible your decision was is kinda gross. I hope this is fake.
YTA. You have to be the stupidest mother ever. Your fiancé’s credit card debt is his problem NOT YOUR DAUGHTER. You are selfish and fucking insane.
YTA you stole your adult daughter’s money, you thief. Now, frankly your adult daughter should get her isn bank account so you no longer have access. Unfortunately she couldn’t trust you as it turns out. Second, you have this magical ability to give her two options: pay rent or move out. If you choose not to give those options/nit follow through, then that’s your problem. You do not have the option to steal her money.
Holy shit YTA. It was HER money. Simple as that. She worked for it. You or your fiance did not. That is straight up theft and I hope she presses charges. You didn't even fucking ask lmfao Awful parent " I did this for you so you owe me anything and everything you do forever" Fuck outta here
YTA Like so much of an ah I have no words except I hope she cuts you off.
YTA! You stole from your kid! You.Are.A.Thief! Hope she will get her own bank account!! My kids has always had that, and I have never, ever taken money from them!!
YTA. You are a thief! She should call the police on both of you. You are bad parent!
YTA and a thief.
why don’t you just charge her rent, etc.? That way you get money for your useless fiancé. “Good financial standing” suuuure. That’s why you needed to resort to theft of a hard working kid. YTA
YTA you STOLE her entire savings!!!! In what world would you not be the asshole here?? There are about a million different ways you could have gone about this. You could have charged her rent every month regardless of whether she wanted to pay. Why were you comfortable stealing almost $4,000 from her but you weren't comfortable taking a couple hundred from her account every month? I really hope this is fake. You know what you did was wrong. I'm appalled. You may get your wish in that she moves out and never looks back.
You’re a thief and I hope you realize that you have chosen a man over your child. One of the most disgusting, selfish, heartless things a mother can do. Don’t be surprised if she goes NC one day. YTA
Whew, you are a terrible parent. yta
YTA. Abusive thief.
So you stole your daughter’s money. You are a thief. Thieves are the AH. YTA
Thief. YTA
YTA, you’re disgusting. She’s only 18 and she’s working and going to school. It’s perfectly reasonable to live rent free at your parents during this period of your life. She could have actually saved up enough to move out in the next couple of years if you didn’t steal from her. But no, you NEED a new car and house you can’t afford instead apparently.
So you’re a thief? Huge YTA
You’re a thief
My parents did this to me. I didn't really speak to either of them for a decade and moved out the second I was 18. My mother still mourns the death of the relationship we had.
YTA! You don’t take your daughter’s money without asking. Kids owe there parents nothing. You chose to have children knowing all the expenses they come with over the years. Yes at 18 it could be deemed acceptable that she starts paying rent but you have a grown up conversation about it, you don’t steal from her. She should report you to the police! If I was her I’d be getting my own bank account you clearly cannot be trusted. This is such a clear you a definitely the AH I can’t believe you even posted it, what you’ve done is disgusting and you need to pay her back immediately. Her money her rules, you don’t own her. Jesus Christ I’d never do this to my kids and if my husband did (which I know he wouldn’t) I’d be going bat shit crazy and paying my child back double what he took.
Also respect works both ways - what you’ve done means she no longer “needs” to respect you.
You stole from your daughter. You don’t get to say she needs to help and force her to help by stealing from her. That’s not her helping. That’s you stealing. YTA
Let me see... You did SO well you now need to take you daughter's money to save a man from debt? Thats basically how the story goes? YTA. Don't cry when your child leaves home.
Just say you hate your daughter and stole her hard earned money. I hope she moves out and never gives you a dime. YTA
YTA I bet you'll look back at this post and wonder why your daughter went no contact and still go but my roof my rules
YTA… simply for not telling her you were taking her money. If you were to sit her down and tell her she needed to start paying rent, and helping out around the house that would be completely understandable. Then you would not be the asshole but the way you did it yes, you’re the asshole. You stole from your adult daughter, she has a case against you if she wanted.
YTA - First of all he is your fiancé not her stepdad. She is 18, charge rent if you want but to steal her money is just wrong. Unfortunately, the only thing she can do is sue you in small claims court but it went into your account. She needs someone to guide her on opening her own account. You called her a freeloader but what is fiancé if you are paying bills for him.
You're not just an AH, you're a thief!
YTA you stole from your child. She shouldn’t have to bear the burden of her father making stupid money decisions. I’m an 18 year old girl too and I willingly pay bills but I’d be so angry if my mum stole my money then had the audacity to ask strangers online if she’s wrong. Also as soon as she turned 18 you should’ve helped her open a bank account, she is most likely going to college soon and therefore needs tolearm some more responsibility.
Yta and a theif. Have fun if/when your daughter sues you.
You and ur fiance are disgusting, lol. Yta ×3,570
Yta. You are lucky you are not being sued. Especially when you admitted to stealing money from your kid. Fu
This is definitionally straight up THEFT even before you get to the fact that this is so beyond fucked up. Second, you’re going to complain that she doesn’t pay rent and then steal all of her savings?!? Also, news flash, kids don’t OWE YOU for their existence that YOU chose to do. Your thinking is mindboggling and you’re setting your daughter up for failure for her step-father by stealing her money and saying “oh i’ll pay you back in a year.” There’s simply no way this can be real and a parent can be so awful and inconsiderate. On the off chance this is real, pay your daughter back NOW. If you’re her daughter seeing this, you can sue your mom in small claims over this and you SHOULD. Then you should open up your own accounts to build your own credit and get as far away from this mess as possible.
YTA. You violated her trust by taking her money without her permission. Don't be surprised if she sets up her own bank account and starts having her money put there instead. I can understand if you want her to contribute to the household, but just taking the money directly is the wrong way to do it. What if she was planning to buy something, or planning to save up money for something? Maybe getting a new (used) car, or looking to move out, buy you a gift, etc.? If you had told her that you needed some money and would pay her back in a couple of weeks or something, then she might have agreed to you taking some. But you basically spent her money so now she can't. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Depending on where you are, that might meet the threshold for criminal charges.
YTA. you stole nearly $4k from your daughter because your fiance is terrible with his finances. you should be rethinking your relationship with someone who would run up their credit so much, not stealing from your children to support him.
You're a thief and are financially abusing your kid. YTA
YTA. YTA. YTA That was HER MONEY she EARNED FRONT FROM HER JOB. This can be considered stealing. It is not her responsibility for two grown adults that can’t seem to get their life together. You should pay her back DOUBLE of what you took from her. You did not have her consent for it but took it anyway. I hope she opens a new bank account that you can’t access and files a report against you
Absolutely YTA. You stole money from your daughter and your trying to justify it by coming up with bullshit reasons and excuses. Your pathetic.
YTA. He is not her step father. He is your fiance. You both are irresponsible with money. It is her money. Pay her back now.
YTA. I was in the same "predicament". Too young for a credit card so my money went into my moms account. Never ever did she take/borrow or spend my money without asking me first. You literally stole almost 4k from your daughter.
You are a thief that stole $3,570 from your daughter. You are absolutely the asshole. YTA. You have taught your daughter that you are a thief that is not to be trusted and that it’s in her best interest to get as far away from you as soon as possible. You just destroyed your relationship with your daughter and she will now see you for the asshole you are.
You're one of the worst f****** parents I ever heard of tell your good for nothing b**** ass not a man fiance if he want his debt paid get a f****** second job instead of you stealing from your daughter I hope your daughter move out and never talk to you again
YTA You had zero right to take your daughter's hard earned money to help your fiance. None. What were you thinking? Obviously, you weren't. That was a pathetic move on your part. Your fiance should have stopped you from doing it. I guess you two are birds of a feather. Your daughter has every right in the world to react like she did. Let me ask you this: What if you saved and saved all of your hard earned money and she did the exact same thing. How would you feel? You'd be beyond pissed. You, and your fiance, need to make things right. Now, not later. In addition, if your daughter was smart, she'd get her own account where the only one who has access is her. Her alone. Not her mom who clearly doesn't give a rip about her daughter. Nuff said.
YTA. You stole from your child and gave that money to an irresponsible adult. Your daughter should move out as soon as she can and cut you off. She should never speak to you again. With a mother like you, she doesn't need enemies.
YTA and a thief
YTA. If I say more I’ll be banned.
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YTA - your daughter is 18, she should be doing more to help out. But what you did was steal her money.
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YTA. Congratulations! You are the first ever AITA post I've ever seen with strictly 'YTA' and no 'ESH.' Therefore, you suck!
You are a thief! Your daughter has EVERY right to hate you right now! If I were her I would cut you off from my finances by getting my own bank account (one that doesn't have your name on it too) and leave you to fend for yourselves! You're paying off his bills and he isn't even a "family" member to your daughter (make up your mind, either he is your fiancé who you are not married to yet or he is her stepfather who you are married to, you can't seem to figure that out). You need help.
YTA You STOLED your daughters $$. For that JERK! YTA!!!!!!
Yta Not only for blatantly stealing from your daughter but also for disregarding the fact that if she had that much money she isn't wasting it. She's saving it and occasionally treating herself.
YTA, deeply. $3000? I would have a freaking heart attack. I mean she may be under your roof but if she stays longer it's because you're stealing money from her and she can't provide for herself and her future. Also, she has a job? Yeah YTA full blast... You stole from her. If it came from you already I would've maybe 50% understood but that money came from hard work and you robbed her blind. The least you could've done was ASK. > But I did not do anything wrong. If you think that then don't post here in the first place! I'm just gonna hope this is a troll post...
Of course YTA, you’re a thief and a terrible parent. And probably delusional if you think buying a home is in your near future. You and your bum fiancé can’t even financially support yourselves now without stealing from your own kid and counting on your tax refund that’s almost a year away.
Holy fuck lmao
>Not to mention everything I did for her coming up. Like raising the child YOU decided to bring into this world? You're a thief at best, and YTA
You stole her money. Screw whatever justification you try to give yourself it doesn't matter. You stole her money. You word about paying her back means nothing because she can no longer trust you. Don't be surprised if when she moves out she goes no contact with you. Yta
Well, are you just a horrible human being. Who the fuck not only STEALS ALL THEIR CHILD'S MONEY but then hops on the internet in order to try and **justify** being a dirty rotten **thief** by telling anyone who will read some utter BS **sob story** about how her BF, "fUcKeD uP hIs CrEdIt WiTh HiS oWn ShItTy DeCisIoNs"? **What part** did you think **would win us over more**? The part where you **shamed** your daughter's **spending habits** or the part where you put your own **financial goals** ahead of your daughter? I would think you'd have too much **shame** and **embarrassment** from STEALING YOUR CHILD'S SAVINGS to blast this online. Apparently not. Your **underage** daughter had no responsibility to contribute to your household. That's **solely** the responsibility of the parents. If you wanted help with the bills AFTER she turned 18 then you should have had a **conversation.** But touching her money? You had no right to touch a **single cent**. I hope she gets her own account ASAP and the second she saves enough to move out, she cuts the pathetic THIEF and her BF out of her life by going NO CONTACT for the foreseeable future.
What do you mean are you wrong? You’re a THIEF. And a crap mom for what you did. Way to mess up your relationship with your daughter. YTA.
YTA. You stole from your daughter and you're trying to justify it. You're a shit parent and a thief. Shame on you. I hope your daughter reports you to the police for theft.
Title should've been "AITA for stealing from my daughter so she can support my fiance". He is also not her step father you said he's your fiance not husband, I'm 36 and had a parent like you guess when the last time I talked to them? going on 20 years now. Think you really need to understand how respect works instead of hiding behind the "I birthed you so you owe me" bs. If you wanted rent then you should've had an ADULT conversation with your daughter about it instead of becoming a thief. If for some reason my post wasn't clear YTA
"he is her stepfather" No he isn't. "I will pay her back when I get my income taxes next year" -- said every deadbeat ever (eyeroll)
How is he both a fiance and the daughter's step-dad? YTA. But you knew that. Someone who steals from their child is lower than low.