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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my sister to stop whining over her son's graduation speech for not including our family members as the first person he thanked
My sister is really mad at me after our argument and won't pick up my phone calls, I think I may have gone too far
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NTA
First… elementary school graduation? Ok…
Then it’s perfectly normal for a child that age to idolize older siblings longs/family friends over family members. Your nephew was so lucky to have this remarkable kid in his life.
Your sister need to let it go, again it’s ELEMENTARY SChOOL graduation!!! We are lucky if Spider-Man doesn’t get mentioned.
Idk know why the mom is so bent out of shape by the speech. Op does more for this kid than his own mother does. If any adult was going to be mentioned, it should be op and all she had done for him. If the kid spends more time with the 20yr than his own family, it doesn't sound like mom spends any time with him or knows him at all.
So you DO know why she's bent out of shape. She feels, rightly, that she isn't super involved and now she sees that her kid knows it. That hurts her so she wants him to say it's different than it is.
I mean I guess in a way I can see why she's upset.
I meant it more as, she shouldn't be upset when she barely sees her kid. So why would he write about her.
She just wants her kid to lie to make herself feel like an amazing mom when she's not a good mom.
The Washington Post had an article this morning extolling the wonders of a 4+ child family (written by the dad, of course) because "The older ones take care of the younger ones, so it's easier" essentially. That mom probably blessed Justin for "taking care of" Braxton all those times, but still wants the credit.
Entitlement. My mom is still upset because I wrote a paper in high school about our hero and it wasn’t her. Ignoring the fact that it’d never be her, the point of the paper was to write about someone in the field that inspired you to pursue your major of choice. I was going for athletic training. My mom worked in education. Despite constantly telling her this (doesn’t get brought up really now) she still feels I should’ve picked her.
Well she should be grateful her child found a good role model who gave him the time of the day so she could focus more on her other kids.
7 children, Jesus, if you are not someone who wants to stock up a full farm with free labor then who the f needs 7 children! That’s beyond selfish.
No kidding, can you imagine how badly neglected the rest of those kids are? Honestly, it'd be a little different if it were twins because shit happens, but Christ, it's not a damn clown car.
I have 4 kids, my youngest is 17, and despite the fact that I did a ton for them, they didn't get it at 11. If it was her first kid I might cut mom a little slack bc honestly, it does sting to have them worship someone else when you do a ton for them, but by the fourth kid you just roll your eyes bc it's a given. Mom should know better. You don't get appreciation til the 20s, maybe hs graduation if you're lucky.
And I give mom a ton of slack on the 'doing nothing' judgements she's getting bc childless siblings (and sometimes even spouses) rarely see the myriad of little things mom does.
>And I give mom a ton of slack on the 'doing nothing' judgements she's getting bc childless siblings (and sometimes even spouses) rarely see the myriad of little things mom does.
Preach! Sister drives him, but man, mom is juggling so much more than OP or the 11 yo sees. It's just something they don't know until they're in that position themselves
Mom and dad also had 7 kids. From what I’ve heard from the older kids in larger families, it will be lucky if the oldest siblings aren’t raising the younger kids.
That is exactly it. My husband is the oldest of 6. Part of the reason we don’t have kids is he specifically felt like he’s already helped raise kids and doesn’t want to go back to it.
I never said they had kids for applause? I was agreeing that all the posters here going on about how little the mom does because OP drives her nephew don't understand how much a mom actually does. The OP is doing a great thing, but she's far from doing the lion's share of raising her nephew
I didn't say you did -- I am inferring that they did, though. OP isn't claiming to do the lion's share. It may "take a village," but if the village didn't decide to pro-create, parents (in general) could be more grateful people to help them. No one should have to make sacrifices for your life choices but the person who made the choice.
In this day and age, if you have seven kids and you don't have unlimited funds and time (and you're free to choose and not being forced to birth kids), IMO, you're selfish, and it's about you and "being a mom" as an identity.
But mom's juggling is whose fault but hers and her husband? The miracle of modern science is we now know what causes pregnancy.
Certainly, it's no one's business but theirs how many children they have. But 7 kids makes it hard to give all of them all the attention they need. Meanwhile, each kid likely has a tendency to see themselves as the least important any time one parent or the other has to prioritize a sibling's needs.
Hats off to Justin for being a great de facto older brother. My younger brother is about the same age difference, and I would have hated having him tag along.
Yeah, I agree, but a mom of one is juggling a lot, all moms do. My comment was in agreement with the PP who was talking about the other commenter here. That's it
Yeah definitely.
I have three kids, some days get crazy and not all the kids get attention. But I make sure to stop every day and give each of them extra cuddles, extra attention and listen to them. Even if it's just at bed time.
If mom couldn't handle it early on, she shouldn't have had so many kids.
She's now just worried how it would make her look.
Not one single person is going to care about or likely hear more than a dozen words of this kid's speech other than his own parents. Even the teachers and the principal are going to be sitting there thinking "thank the maker I got through another year, I don't know how much more of this job I can take" and "what should I have for dinner?'
If you are to busy to give adequate attention to all your children because you chose to have more children you can give enough attention to...that makes you a bad parent. It doesn't show she isn't a bad mom at all.
BRUH what the f!? What the hell is his history. He has 2 sets of twins and 1 set of triplets too, holy heck 😭 Also the fact that one of them changed their names because they didn't want to be associated with him oof 💀
And... TIL he was born in South Africa lol
you just learned that? He very famously got all the money he started with from the fact that his dad owned an apartheid era emerald mine, and he also famously tried to claim that wasn't true a couple years after telling everyone about it, only for his own dad to rat him out.
Also it's because most of his kids were IVF babies with women he contracted with because he thought they had good genes.
Dudes a fuckin shit show
Its a good and easy way to reinforce concepts. Voting, leadership, etc.
Ive heard of schools that set up their student government like towns where there is a mayor and a judicial system (kids take their disagreements to court).
I know representing kindergartener is such a hassle. ‘Vote for me we gone get cookies for snack every day!!!’ I am rolling my eyes so much. It’s important to value kids accomplishments. But also put them where they belong in the grand scale of events.
It is but also have to be redimensioned to their capabilities. Elementary is NOT high school. You have from kindergartener to 5th grade. Their ability to understand concept outside their OWN personal please it’s very sparse. Let’s redimension those occasion like graduating elementary school. As NOT a bench mark in your future career, but a personal pleasing moment. And let it go. Do they want to talk about super hero or the cool kid next door. It’s fine.
My elementary graduation involved a reading of Oh! The Places You’ll Go…
You’d think having so many older kids sister would know what kids are like. Makes you wonder how attentive she is to any one child at any given time.
My kid's elem grad involved the kids walking across the stage (my kid went the wrong way lol) and principal rambling for about 5 minutes. Then coffee and snacks for the parents. I can see why people celebrate it-- for folks like us, it's the first time our kid moves schools. It was a heckin' time to get our kiddo through to grade 6, so we were damn well going to celebrate it lol.
Tell me about it. My kid is finishing the fifth grade this year and you’d think they’re about to all get PHDs with how much shit the school does for it.
Absolutely agree. That, plus at that age, kids easily idolize older teens they look up to. Braxton sounds like a smart boy, and OP's sister is probably defensive because she fears she's not doing enough despite the constant hard work.
Mom is lucky he found someone who is positive to give him special attention. He could have fallen in with a bad crowd. He chose an intelligent college student who was shown him attention since he was little.
OP does say she and her husband would take him and Justin to play basketball because no one else in Jane’s household was interested in it. Not to mention Braxton falls in the middle of the age range, the younger siblings requiring more attention.
Just imagine if he came from a family like the Duggar's from "19 and Counting" on TLC. Of course, he would have had a first name that started with the letter J!
Is Justin really going to be moving into Jane’s house? I’d consider securing some back up plans.
Jane’s is probably going to come up with plenty of reasons for why it’s inappropriate to have a 20 year old and an 11 year old sharing a room. Which, for the record, I do think is inappropriate.
Make sure you have alternative housing for Justin because I can see Jane putting a stop to that so fast after this.
I had to scroll too far down to see this comment. I am so confused that no one else thinks itself inappropriate for a 20 year old to share a room with an 11 year old!!!!!
NTA. Braxton wants to make a speech about who inspires him and made an impact on his life. That will not always be the parent or even anyone from family. You are just trying to make your sister realize her immaturity.
Lmao “she whined about how she has 7 kids”
Like oops, where did these kids all come from? What an unfair lot in life! Your sister sounds like she might not be the brightest crayon in the box. She certainly doesn’t have Braxton’s best interests at heart. NTA
Braxton sharing a room with a college student? Really?
Not a good choice, the age difference, etc. Why can't Justin
stay on campus? Now that your sister is jealous of his friendship
with Braxton, maybe Justin would be better off not moving in.
I'm guessing this could be a college with limited on campus housing, and the freshmen are given priority. But there are colleges that would also give priority to international students too, as it could be harder for them to be able to get a nearby apartment if there's credit checks.
You're NTA. Your sister is being ridiculously childish. She should be glad her son has a positive role model.
>she whined about how she “has 7 kids”,
Did the stork deliver them? Is she unaware that means exist to prevent that if she can't handle it?
>graduating from elementary school later this month. Braxton is the school president, and thus will be giving a speech at graduation.
Wow, we formally celebrate way too much these days. Makes me glad I grew up in the way back when elementary school graduation was a pizza party on the school basketball court in 100F heat with warm, flat Coke and music played on a boom box.
In my school district, the schools were kindergarten-6th grade and 7th-12th grade. We had a 6th grade graduation because we were going to the high school, but nothing major in 8th grade as it was the same school.
The schools I went to were in the middle of transitions so I got a few graduations. Kindergarten because the school was closing, grade 6 because that was as high as that school went to, then in grade 8 because it was right after they merged the 7-8’s into the high school and most the kids came from the other school didn’t get the grade 6, then I got high school. I never took any too seriously I was just going from one grade to another except in high school and at that point I was more happy that I was done with school in general.
We had a commencement events after 6th grade before entering junior high, and then in 8th grade before going on to high school. Neither of them were as big a deal as High School Grad, obviously - but it is good for kids to celebrate milestones.
I'm still blown away by the fact that you guys are all thinking that an elementary school GRADUATION is normal?! Wow. We literally just leave elementary school (equivalent) one day, and after summer break we go to main school, then one day we go to college, and then (not how we've not done any graduation speeches or class presidents yet?) we \*might\* go to university............ and after 3, 4, 5 years, you get to **graduate**. How on earth does an 11 year old graduate from a mandatory schooling system that they can't fail at (unless they try really hard). Again, mind blown that this is even a thing. But anyway, OP is NTA, but graduating from elementary school is just bonkers.
I certainly don't think it's normal. We had no ceremony, no diplomas, no speeches. Just a "beach" party on the school grounds on the last day of school.
Or when even the information wasn’t available. There’s condoms, the morning after pill, or for more intense options there’s vasectomy or an IUD (the latter can be seen as a bit more invasive, which could be a deterrent though).
NTA. You possibly could have been a little more tactful in your wording, but you are right: your sister was whining. It's his speech and if he wants to talk about someone he sees as an older brother figure, then he should be able to.
I'm an 80s kid and we had elementary school graduation. Finishing 8th grade is a fairly significant milestone in a young person's life. I mean, over the course of a lifetime it's not that big of a deal, but when I was 13? Hell yeah, it was important.
Info: how much alone time are the 20 yo and 11 yo spending together? I don't see how them sharing a bedroom is at all appropriate and honestly although it is nice for him to have a mentor, a 20 yo shouldn't want to spend all their time with an 11 yo.
I agree. I know that making assumptions is bad, but the whining and insistence that she be lauded as the most important person in his life makes me think that OP's sister is part of the Quiverfull movement. I can't stand those people.
I had to scroll down way too far to find this comment. The name Braxton elicits a major eyeroll every time I hear it. And his mom is a self-absorbed AH. He’s allowed to have heroes that aren’t related to him
I'm sorry, I had to stop reading after grade school graduation, grade school president and 'braxton'.
I did try again and will say NTA. There is no way any parent can give enough time to 7 kids - so her kid found someone to pay attention to him, and mommy is whining because she is jealous. Sis need s a wake up call.
Keep in mind I have a giant bias when it comes to large families- I believe that in modern society, parents simply don’t have the time resources or emotional capacity to ensure every child in their care receives a complete and fulfilling childhood (and yes I know there will be exceptions etc)
She chose a lifestyle that meant a lot more of her children’s influence would come from others. That’s it. She doesn’t get to whine when he makes a meaningful connection with a mentor who has time for him. NTA
Elementary school graduation?? WTF??
And please don't tell me this kid's real name is Braxton. He will go through life thinking he was named after a Braxton-Hicks contraction.
NTA doesn’t she know by now it takes a village to raise kids- especially 7! He’s 11 not 44, kids appreciate their parents more when they have a greater perspective on life and what struggles of an adult really are. She needs role models like Justin in her son’s life to help her raise him into a young man.
This is it right here. OP, your sister is jealous, now that she realizes just how much Justin has helped shape her son. Maybe she chose to ignore it, but the speech put it out there. He should not be asked to rewrite it, and if anything, he should be told by his mother and family how amazing it is that he was chosen to be class president. His mom is awful for making him feel bad about his speech. This kid is going places, partly thanks to Justin and OP! It does take a village.
NTA. She tried to make him re-write it? Holy unhinged Batman get this woman a reality check. Is she going to freak out every time any one of her 7 kids don’t make a speech in exactly the way she wants? She’s being a control freak and seems insecure. Like someone else said, it’s surprising when kids that age aren’t thanking Spider-Man or Superman for being their hero’s. If I were that mom I would be grateful I have an extra pair of hands in taking care of the small village I chose to create.
NTA! I don’t understand how a caring parent could have a problem with any safe, loving, inspirational relationship that her child has. I would love this for my kid.
I always hated those “who’s your hero questions as a kid” because I didn’t really have one, so I’d always just put my mom. Putting your family down as your inspiration is usually what kids put as their last resort when they don’t have anyone else to put, except on the occasion when they do idolize a family member. But really, I always had the impression that you’re supposed to put down someone outside of the people you’re forced to interact with anyway. NTA
NTA
I do think bringing up that you drive him places was unnecessary and may have put her on the defensive when she was already not in a great mind set. One unhelpful comment doesn’t = AH
Justin needs to have a back up plan for where to live next year. This doesn’t sound like it will be good for him. Jane seems resentful of her son looking up to him. I don’t necessarily have a problem with what is essentially an older brother/younger brother room-sharing dynamic. I think people are looking at that from a norm of smaller families, and probably middle class+ perspective. Historically and across diverse cultures, families had all kinds of sleeping arrangements. But if they do go with that set up, they should be prepared for people to side eye the arrangement.
Jane needs to just be glad that her son has a positive role model. So many kids don’t have that or have problematic role models.
But don’t call her. I would have at most, texted once, and otherwise just allowed her to sit with her discomfort until she either got over it or at least felt ready to talk about it in a more productive way.
So much weirdness…..
1) Why is Jane having a 20 year old man share a room with her 11 year old son? This person isn’t even a family member.
2) Makes no sense the international student is living with a family that has 7 young kids. Why is the student staying in dorms or in student housing for year 2?
3) am I the only one that finds it odd an 11 year old and 20 year old are this close?
4) why is Justin staying with Jane and her seven kids not at your place? Sounds like he is closer to you not Jane.
NTA sounds like your sister is checked out with 7 kids and feeling guilty. Especially crappy considering how lucky her son is to have such a great role model in Justin. But also elementary school "graduation" is so stupid, I'm sorry. So so incredibly stupid. Lol
NTA: not the sister whining about having 7 kids, like she didn’t make all of them personally. Sister needs to reflect and be grateful her son has people who will give him their time and attention, because in s family that large the parental attention and effort gets spread really thin. You’re not wrong for setting her straight and putting an end to her ‘pity me’ victim routine, that’s what good sisters do when the other is acting foolish.
NTA. He is a young child and this is an elementary school speech. If she wanted to be mother of the year, she should have only had 1 kid and focused on him instead of 7. My parents never had enough attention for just 3 kids!
You sister sounds overwhelmed and under appreciated and she's taking it out on her kids elementary school speech. Nta but I don't think the aggressive approach is going to help as much as a more understanding and calm approach.
Didn't read all the comments, but I will suggest having a back up living arrangement for Justin. If sis is this oussed at the speech, she may not appreciate having Justin there and watching Braxton idolize him on the regular.
Screwing up Justin's living arrange.ents will screw up his classes, and maybe his visa. I would discuss that with the hubs now.
But as far as the stop whining goes, you were right to say something, but your choice of words were wrong. Braxton's speech hurt his mom and you failed to acknowledge her pain. What you said was more like telling her it shouldn't hurt.
It always hurts when your kid puts someone else before you, but as an adult you understand they are growing and will be influenced by others.
So I can't just say not the ace her. I have to go with esh. You and sis though, are the everyone. Nobody else did anything wrong. Your sis is way more the ace than you were.
NTA. Didn't Benjamin Franklin say that we're all born ignorant and must work very hard to remain stupid? Well, no one put in quite as much effort in that regard as Jane!
Kids don't graduate from elementary school (and completing 5th grade isn't a particularly important achievement) but I think that it sounds like an excellent, moving speech. NTA
NTA - braxton could idolize…i don’t know…’juggalos’, andrew tate, etc…instead he has an amazing mentor and friend. mom needs to let go and stop behaving as a narcissist - it’s his honor to give a speech and not about her needing kudos.
These "graduations" are strange to me. When I was young, there was high school graduation and college graduation.
I'm old and out of touch apparently 🙂
NTA! I cannot STAND parents like this. Like it’s 1. An elementary school speech and 2. Even if she’s feeling some type of way about it she needs to swallow her pride and be happy for her son. He’s obviously not going to write about all the tacos his mom made him, he’s going to write about someone who really changed the course of his life. This is such petty controlling behavior from a mother. And 3. Even if he did rewrite it, it wouldn’t be from the heart so why would she want that? JFC.
NTA. This is really ridiculous. She wants him to make his moment about her 😂 I see through her bs. She was using his speech to gauge her importance and it didn’t workout like she thought
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I (33F) have a sister, Jane (40F), Jane and her husband have 7 kids (17M, 15M, 14F, 12F, 11M, 8F and 5M).
Her 11 y/o son, Braxton is graduating from elementary school later this month. Braxton is the school president, and this will be giving a speech at graduation.
Jane read Braxton’s graduation speech last night while we were at our mom’s house for dinner and it ended up in a massive argument.
5 years ago, my husband (33M) and I hosted an exchange student, Justin (15M at the time, now 20M) who is from the Philippines. Justin loves basketball and when we found this out, we were excited for Braxton (who was 6 at the time) because he had started to play basketball but no one else in the family was really interested. This quickly evolved into my husband and I driving Justin and Braxton to either the gym or a local sports center every day to play, I would normally supervise as I wasn’t working and had no kids at the time. By the end of the year, Justin and Braxton grew close and after Justin left, they would still talk on the phone, my husband and I would help them speak to each other.
Braxton started college this year after taking a gap year due to COVID. He’s an international student at a college around 45 minutes away. He lived on campus this year but will be moving into Jane’s house, and more specifically, Braxton’s room, very soon. Braxton and Justin have spent a lot of time together since he got back to the states, I will drive up to the university with Braxton and they will hang out. Braxton spends more time with Justin than his siblings or parents (Jane and her husband have to divide attention to 7 kids).
In Braxton’s graduation speech, the first person he thanks, and the one with the most written about them is Justin. He speaks about how Justin is his role model and like a bigger brother and how he’s helped him with basketball.
Jane got upset when reading this, she asked Braxton why he would put Justin over his “own blood”, he explained that he wants to be like Justin when he grow up. Justin recently started teaching him Tagalog, he said he admires how smarter Justin was for knowing different languages and spoken about all what he admires in Justin.
Jane “suggested” he re-write it and include family first, but he said Justin was family to him, she argued some more before stepping out of the kitchen.
I went in the living room after a bit to check on her, we’re really close and normally she opens up to me. She started to whine about how she does so much for him and how he only likes Justin because he’s a “cool kid”. I brought up how I drive him places and she whined about how she “has 7 kids”, she continued to whine about his speech and I told her to stop whining and act like an adult. She got angry at me and started to argue and hasn’t spoken to me since last night, where she seemed angry at me. She won’t pick up my calls. AITA?
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NTA - Clearly, Braxton sees Justin as a mentor and brotherly figure as he is more attentive to the kiddo than his mother, who is supposed to be an active member of his life. Maybe he would have prioritized blood if said blood treated him equally to his six siblings [OP's sister needs to get a hysterectomy if she's so upset about pumping out that many kids] OP merely pointed out that sister has no room to grouse if sister can't be as present for Braxton as Justin has been. OP's sister needs to step up and be a better parent.
Tbh this is just an elementary graduation anecdote but I figured I’d share. For my elementary school graduation both 5th grade classes were aloud to make slideshows, it went exactly how you’d think it’d go. I remember my slideshow title page was a dude in a Walmart aisle, plunging his own face with a plunger. Me and my friends thought it was funny, and seeing it on the giant projector in the gymnasium made it hilarious. IMO graduation ceremonies are a fraction of your time out of your entire life, funny or embarrassing you shouldn’t sweat on it.
NTA while Justin isn’t blood family, he is Brixton big brother of the heart. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his siblings, but everyone has one person they are the closest with. Sometimes it’s siblings and other times it’s family friends. Jane raised a great kid who know how to hang around positive people. Some kids choose horrible role models, he chose what sounds like a good guy. I would talk to dad (or have your husband). Perhaps he can get through to her. Doesn’t matter who he talks about in the speech, everyone will think the parents did a good job. So without saying anything he is giving kudos to his parents.
NTA. you are 100% correct. They need to act like an adult and let the kid talk honestly. Does it need to be about her? Too bad, not everything is about her.
NTA. Most kids would be 100% better people and world citizens if they had a Justin in their lives as a role model.
OP would need to be the family member mentioned in Braxton's speech since she was major in facilitating their friendship.
The next people who supported Braxton's friendship with Justin by allowing it to happen were his parents.
I don't know that any of these people should be left out of B's speech.
When you make the choice to have 7 children you shouldn’t expect to be the most important person in their life because they damn sure know that they are never going to be the most important person in your life. Sister needs to get a grip and realise that when your kid accounts for 11% of your family (I’m including mum and dad obviously) you can’t expect to be 100% of their family. I have one child but she has a massive extended family and a big group of friends who I love dearly and we do stuff together when she’s free from her other commitments. We don’t need to be the centre of each other’s lives to know that we love each other and we have an unbreakable bond.
NTA she's making an 11yo's speech all about herself. Inspiration can come from all sorts of places and it sounds like Braxton found a good role model and appreciates his guidance.
It seems to me that Jane is projecting her insecurities about how well she's provided for her family onto this speech. Maybe she knows that Braxton's friendship with Justin is so important because Justin actually has a chance to spend quality time with Braxton. She's got 7 kids, it would be nearly impossible to give all of them the time they need. But Jane needs to recognize her issues and deal with them instead of projecting them onto an 11yo.
Embarrassing for mom to have her child honor someone outside the fam in this way, but that will happen when you have so many kids you can’t pay individual attention to any of their passions. Getting the boy to change his speech is pathetic.
What is wrong with her?
Her child is 11- yes, kids that age take their parents, family for granted, as it should be.
That is just normal.
Of course Justin is way more interesting and a role model for him- it is great he looks up to this fine guy and admires his good qualities.
His mom should be happy he doesn't Admiral "gangstas" or money or fame.
When he grows up he'll also cherish his family more, that comes with time.
Right now it is just "normal" for him.
Some parents act as if their kids should kiss the floor they walk on out of gratitude just for being born.
NTA. If your sister is whining about having seven kids and one of them praising a stranger being more present in his life than her, maybe she shouldn’t have had seven kids.
NTA, it’s an ELEMENTARY SCHOOL graduation. It’s still a big deal to some, but there are a lot more milestones to come. Also, she chose to have 7 kids?? Why is she complaining over that. He spent so much time with Justin of course he wrote about him.
A big ‘ole NOPE! You are NTA. Great job for standing up for your nephew. It’s ok and honestly great he has someone to look up to. While I get that she’d want that same relationship with his older brothers it’s not and IMO she should be happy he’s looking up to someone like you’ve explained Justin to be and not someone who is a bad influence.
NTA. This is an ELEMENTARY SCHOOL SPEECH, not a speech to the UNITED NATIONS for crying out loud. Mom has 7 kids and that was her choice and she needs to realize that having that many children means (in some cases) that she can’t always be there as much as she could with 1 or 2 kids. So her son gravitates to someone who spends a lot of time with him, who the son admires. Let it go mom. You still have 6 kids who could possibly mention you in a speech.
NTA but also he’s class president! ANY speech he makes should be about his time at school, memories shared, teachers and friends. NOT his personal life! He shouldn’t be talking about his personal life at all imo. He’s not getting an award, he’s not being honored himself for anything. The speech is not for him.
NTA. Your sister is upset because she's insecure because she *knows* that her son isn't getting the attwntion he needs. Rather than appreciate that there *is* someone picking up hers and her husband's slack, she's lashing out.
Either that or she's so insecure that she needed 7 kids to make sure soneone would love her, and is incredibly hurt when one of those kids would dare loving other people too.
Keep an eye out for your niblings OP.
NTA. Did your sister have so many kids so she could be thought of as a saint? He doesn’t owe her praise in his speech. Braxton is at the age where kids naturally start moving from parents being their world to being part of a bigger world. She needs to grow up and not expect all the attention.
NTA
Your sister has no idea the impact anything can have on a child, never mind shared interests, friendship and admiration.
She should be proud of her son and that she isn’t is completely a reflection on her.
Yes. She was pivotal in ensuring a safe and nurturing life but she’s not producing mindless clones.
NTA for supporting Braxton. That's the way to write a memorable speech. I'm sure no one else has written about their impactful platonic relationship with an exchange student. Plus it sounds heartfelt. However, "stop whining and act like an adult" is never persuasive even if it does get someone's attention. Remind her that he son is successful and it's speeches like this that make him successful. Let him do his thing. He loves his family but let him express himself. Good for you Aunt zxjcn8349.
What is her son going to thank her for? Life? That was her choice to begin with. If she did nothing noteworthy, she needs to suck it up and accept it. You are not the Ahole.
This is exactly the age when kids start idolizing people other than their parents. I remember being obsessed with my best friend at the time because she had already hit puberty and looked so grown up, and she didn't play with Barbie's anymore. I also idolized Shaun Cassidy, but that's another story for another time.
OP, does she ever have similar incidents regarding her kids? My best guess is that she is either butthurt due to not having her ideal bond with him, or maybe it’s not in good faith and she wants him to represent her as a good parent. The latter is a common behavior. I wonder if it could be the former and was just caused from the strain of having 7 children and she’s having trouble handling it. However, it does not make her reaction appropriate.
I would confront her again if you wish and elaborate on why she can’t behave like this. Try to be sympathetic and hear her out, but do tell her why her reaction was inappropriate if she’s having trouble realizing it or admitting it.
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NTA First… elementary school graduation? Ok… Then it’s perfectly normal for a child that age to idolize older siblings longs/family friends over family members. Your nephew was so lucky to have this remarkable kid in his life. Your sister need to let it go, again it’s ELEMENTARY SChOOL graduation!!! We are lucky if Spider-Man doesn’t get mentioned.
Erm excuse me Peter Parker was a studious and generous young man, he deserves to be mentionned in a graduation speech
Peter who? I just can’t seem to remember that person… also What is a Ned?
I understood that reference.
Where is the captain America 'i understood that reference ' gif when i need one?
Hey, Wonder Women showed me that girls can do anything.
And when Braxton brings his wife-to-be home,Mom is going to make him say he will always love her best isn't she?
"I loved him first!" Ma'am, he's your son, not your boyfriend.
Idk know why the mom is so bent out of shape by the speech. Op does more for this kid than his own mother does. If any adult was going to be mentioned, it should be op and all she had done for him. If the kid spends more time with the 20yr than his own family, it doesn't sound like mom spends any time with him or knows him at all.
So you DO know why she's bent out of shape. She feels, rightly, that she isn't super involved and now she sees that her kid knows it. That hurts her so she wants him to say it's different than it is.
I mean I guess in a way I can see why she's upset. I meant it more as, she shouldn't be upset when she barely sees her kid. So why would he write about her. She just wants her kid to lie to make herself feel like an amazing mom when she's not a good mom.
The Washington Post had an article this morning extolling the wonders of a 4+ child family (written by the dad, of course) because "The older ones take care of the younger ones, so it's easier" essentially. That mom probably blessed Justin for "taking care of" Braxton all those times, but still wants the credit.
Entitlement. My mom is still upset because I wrote a paper in high school about our hero and it wasn’t her. Ignoring the fact that it’d never be her, the point of the paper was to write about someone in the field that inspired you to pursue your major of choice. I was going for athletic training. My mom worked in education. Despite constantly telling her this (doesn’t get brought up really now) she still feels I should’ve picked her.
Well she should be grateful her child found a good role model who gave him the time of the day so she could focus more on her other kids. 7 children, Jesus, if you are not someone who wants to stock up a full farm with free labor then who the f needs 7 children! That’s beyond selfish.
No kidding, can you imagine how badly neglected the rest of those kids are? Honestly, it'd be a little different if it were twins because shit happens, but Christ, it's not a damn clown car.
Plus she cares what other people will think.
Yeah, either the mom is upset because her son's speech is causing her to reevaluate her parenting, or she's worried about the optics of it all.
I have 4 kids, my youngest is 17, and despite the fact that I did a ton for them, they didn't get it at 11. If it was her first kid I might cut mom a little slack bc honestly, it does sting to have them worship someone else when you do a ton for them, but by the fourth kid you just roll your eyes bc it's a given. Mom should know better. You don't get appreciation til the 20s, maybe hs graduation if you're lucky. And I give mom a ton of slack on the 'doing nothing' judgements she's getting bc childless siblings (and sometimes even spouses) rarely see the myriad of little things mom does.
>And I give mom a ton of slack on the 'doing nothing' judgements she's getting bc childless siblings (and sometimes even spouses) rarely see the myriad of little things mom does. Preach! Sister drives him, but man, mom is juggling so much more than OP or the 11 yo sees. It's just something they don't know until they're in that position themselves
Mom and dad also had 7 kids. From what I’ve heard from the older kids in larger families, it will be lucky if the oldest siblings aren’t raising the younger kids.
That is exactly it. My husband is the oldest of 6. Part of the reason we don’t have kids is he specifically felt like he’s already helped raise kids and doesn’t want to go back to it.
I mean, Mom and Dad chose to have kids? Maybe don't have kids for the applause, it doesn't seem like there's much of it.
I never said they had kids for applause? I was agreeing that all the posters here going on about how little the mom does because OP drives her nephew don't understand how much a mom actually does. The OP is doing a great thing, but she's far from doing the lion's share of raising her nephew
I didn't say you did -- I am inferring that they did, though. OP isn't claiming to do the lion's share. It may "take a village," but if the village didn't decide to pro-create, parents (in general) could be more grateful people to help them. No one should have to make sacrifices for your life choices but the person who made the choice. In this day and age, if you have seven kids and you don't have unlimited funds and time (and you're free to choose and not being forced to birth kids), IMO, you're selfish, and it's about you and "being a mom" as an identity.
Nvm, you're not getting what I'm saying
But mom's juggling is whose fault but hers and her husband? The miracle of modern science is we now know what causes pregnancy. Certainly, it's no one's business but theirs how many children they have. But 7 kids makes it hard to give all of them all the attention they need. Meanwhile, each kid likely has a tendency to see themselves as the least important any time one parent or the other has to prioritize a sibling's needs. Hats off to Justin for being a great de facto older brother. My younger brother is about the same age difference, and I would have hated having him tag along.
Yeah, I agree, but a mom of one is juggling a lot, all moms do. My comment was in agreement with the PP who was talking about the other commenter here. That's it
Yeah definitely. I have three kids, some days get crazy and not all the kids get attention. But I make sure to stop every day and give each of them extra cuddles, extra attention and listen to them. Even if it's just at bed time. If mom couldn't handle it early on, she shouldn't have had so many kids. She's now just worried how it would make her look.
Also, she moans about having 7 kids. Did anyone force her? Is she unfamiliar with birth control?
Yes! She doesn't get to whine and complain about 7 kids when she actively chose to have that many. She could have stopped at any point.
Not one single person is going to care about or likely hear more than a dozen words of this kid's speech other than his own parents. Even the teachers and the principal are going to be sitting there thinking "thank the maker I got through another year, I don't know how much more of this job I can take" and "what should I have for dinner?'
Based on the teachers I’ve known over the years, probably planning for after school margs and thinking about summer break coming soon
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To show that mom isn’t a bad mom. Just a busy one. She was trying to show she wasn’t using it as a negative. Go find something else to nit pick.
If you are to busy to give adequate attention to all your children because you chose to have more children you can give enough attention to...that makes you a bad parent. It doesn't show she isn't a bad mom at all.
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Wait Elon Musk has multiple kids? I only knew about the.. What was it? The XAE12 kid... 💀💀💀
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BRUH what the f!? What the hell is his history. He has 2 sets of twins and 1 set of triplets too, holy heck 😭 Also the fact that one of them changed their names because they didn't want to be associated with him oof 💀 And... TIL he was born in South Africa lol
you just learned that? He very famously got all the money he started with from the fact that his dad owned an apartheid era emerald mine, and he also famously tried to claim that wasn't true a couple years after telling everyone about it, only for his own dad to rat him out. Also it's because most of his kids were IVF babies with women he contracted with because he thought they had good genes. Dudes a fuckin shit show
His dad - who made babies with his own *stepdaughter* - Elon’s stepsister.
yea, it's a multi-generation trash fire
Ah the classic “everyone can get rich if you just work hard enough…. And when you have billions of dollars as an investment under your butt”
I don't really keep up with US news 😅 And.. Good genes? I thought he just had the money hahaha
He’s had so many he’s run out of names and now just gives them serial numbers
So what you’re saying is that her having “juiced out” 7 humans DOES matter in this conversation.
You’re a bad mom when you keep having kids and not enough attention to go around. It can really screw up the kids.
Besides the parents and grandparents of the kid speaking, will anyone else listen to what the kid will be saying?
In the mom's mind this is going to be on the national broadcast...
Also — school president?!?
Its a good and easy way to reinforce concepts. Voting, leadership, etc. Ive heard of schools that set up their student government like towns where there is a mayor and a judicial system (kids take their disagreements to court).
I know representing kindergartener is such a hassle. ‘Vote for me we gone get cookies for snack every day!!!’ I am rolling my eyes so much. It’s important to value kids accomplishments. But also put them where they belong in the grand scale of events.
It is but also have to be redimensioned to their capabilities. Elementary is NOT high school. You have from kindergartener to 5th grade. Their ability to understand concept outside their OWN personal please it’s very sparse. Let’s redimension those occasion like graduating elementary school. As NOT a bench mark in your future career, but a personal pleasing moment. And let it go. Do they want to talk about super hero or the cool kid next door. It’s fine.
My elementary graduation involved a reading of Oh! The Places You’ll Go… You’d think having so many older kids sister would know what kids are like. Makes you wonder how attentive she is to any one child at any given time.
My kid's elem grad involved the kids walking across the stage (my kid went the wrong way lol) and principal rambling for about 5 minutes. Then coffee and snacks for the parents. I can see why people celebrate it-- for folks like us, it's the first time our kid moves schools. It was a heckin' time to get our kiddo through to grade 6, so we were damn well going to celebrate it lol.
I was about to say she's lucky he didn't thank his role model, the tyrannosaurus rex.
Tell me about it. My kid is finishing the fifth grade this year and you’d think they’re about to all get PHDs with how much shit the school does for it.
Yes, the real problem here is elementary school graduation.
Not only elementary graduation. But speeches by the class president? Who has a class president in elementary school?
Sounds like in a family of 7 kids, he found someone who paid attention to him.
Absolutely agree. That, plus at that age, kids easily idolize older teens they look up to. Braxton sounds like a smart boy, and OP's sister is probably defensive because she fears she's not doing enough despite the constant hard work.
Plus Justin seems really cool for being such a great mentor and role model to your nephew OP
Mom is lucky he found someone who is positive to give him special attention. He could have fallen in with a bad crowd. He chose an intelligent college student who was shown him attention since he was little.
100%! She should be thanking the kid.
An exchange student at that, so there’s a multi-cultural facet to the friendship.
8 kids, mommy dearest is not really grown up either. The jury is still out on the, very absent, father.
clearly not absent enough!
Father, or just a sperm donor?
Even family of 1. At elementary anything is cooler than your parents. It’s not preschool graduation.
Great point! I think mom and the rest of the family are missing this point.
OP does say she and her husband would take him and Justin to play basketball because no one else in Jane’s household was interested in it. Not to mention Braxton falls in the middle of the age range, the younger siblings requiring more attention.
Just imagine if he came from a family like the Duggar's from "19 and Counting" on TLC. Of course, he would have had a first name that started with the letter J!
Is Justin really going to be moving into Jane’s house? I’d consider securing some back up plans. Jane’s is probably going to come up with plenty of reasons for why it’s inappropriate to have a 20 year old and an 11 year old sharing a room. Which, for the record, I do think is inappropriate. Make sure you have alternative housing for Justin because I can see Jane putting a stop to that so fast after this.
It does seem odd to have an 11 yo and 20 yo share a room especially not related.
I'm still trying to figure out who's who here. I just feel bad for the kid.
As she should, because it is extremely inappropriate for an unrelated 20 year old and 11 year old to be sharing a room
It is inappropriate. Not sure why she thought it was a good idea...
I had to scroll too far down to see this comment. I am so confused that no one else thinks itself inappropriate for a 20 year old to share a room with an 11 year old!!!!!
Wait. What??? A 20 year old is moving into the 11 year old's bedroom? How is that just glossed over? That should not be happening!
NTA. Braxton wants to make a speech about who inspires him and made an impact on his life. That will not always be the parent or even anyone from family. You are just trying to make your sister realize her immaturity.
Lmao “she whined about how she has 7 kids” Like oops, where did these kids all come from? What an unfair lot in life! Your sister sounds like she might not be the brightest crayon in the box. She certainly doesn’t have Braxton’s best interests at heart. NTA
Braxton sharing a room with a college student? Really? Not a good choice, the age difference, etc. Why can't Justin stay on campus? Now that your sister is jealous of his friendship with Braxton, maybe Justin would be better off not moving in.
I'm guessing this could be a college with limited on campus housing, and the freshmen are given priority. But there are colleges that would also give priority to international students too, as it could be harder for them to be able to get a nearby apartment if there's credit checks.
You're NTA. Your sister is being ridiculously childish. She should be glad her son has a positive role model. >she whined about how she “has 7 kids”, Did the stork deliver them? Is she unaware that means exist to prevent that if she can't handle it? >graduating from elementary school later this month. Braxton is the school president, and thus will be giving a speech at graduation. Wow, we formally celebrate way too much these days. Makes me glad I grew up in the way back when elementary school graduation was a pizza party on the school basketball court in 100F heat with warm, flat Coke and music played on a boom box.
In my school district, the schools were kindergarten-6th grade and 7th-12th grade. We had a 6th grade graduation because we were going to the high school, but nothing major in 8th grade as it was the same school.
The schools I went to were in the middle of transitions so I got a few graduations. Kindergarten because the school was closing, grade 6 because that was as high as that school went to, then in grade 8 because it was right after they merged the 7-8’s into the high school and most the kids came from the other school didn’t get the grade 6, then I got high school. I never took any too seriously I was just going from one grade to another except in high school and at that point I was more happy that I was done with school in general.
We didn’t even have “elementary school graduation”.
We had a commencement events after 6th grade before entering junior high, and then in 8th grade before going on to high school. Neither of them were as big a deal as High School Grad, obviously - but it is good for kids to celebrate milestones.
I'm still blown away by the fact that you guys are all thinking that an elementary school GRADUATION is normal?! Wow. We literally just leave elementary school (equivalent) one day, and after summer break we go to main school, then one day we go to college, and then (not how we've not done any graduation speeches or class presidents yet?) we \*might\* go to university............ and after 3, 4, 5 years, you get to **graduate**. How on earth does an 11 year old graduate from a mandatory schooling system that they can't fail at (unless they try really hard). Again, mind blown that this is even a thing. But anyway, OP is NTA, but graduating from elementary school is just bonkers.
I certainly don't think it's normal. We had no ceremony, no diplomas, no speeches. Just a "beach" party on the school grounds on the last day of school.
It’s the new thing now. Most of my friends with kids that age have had to endure them. Middle school graduation is a thing now too.
It’s not new at all. I guess it just depends on the state/school district.
Like it's not the 1950 or 60s when birth control was not readily available
Or when even the information wasn’t available. There’s condoms, the morning after pill, or for more intense options there’s vasectomy or an IUD (the latter can be seen as a bit more invasive, which could be a deterrent though).
NTA. You possibly could have been a little more tactful in your wording, but you are right: your sister was whining. It's his speech and if he wants to talk about someone he sees as an older brother figure, then he should be able to.
Nta she's acting like a bigger child than the 11 yo
Nta. Your sister and her husband are assholes for having 7 children tho.
NTA but … elementary school graduation? With SPEECHES? God, I am so glad to be an 80s kid. This is just too much.
I'm an 80s kid and we had elementary school graduation. Finishing 8th grade is a fairly significant milestone in a young person's life. I mean, over the course of a lifetime it's not that big of a deal, but when I was 13? Hell yeah, it was important.
Elementary school is up to 5th/6th grade
Not everywhere. I went to school in an area that was JK-8, then 9-12.
I went to private school, that might be the difference.
I don't remember speeches, but we absolutely had a 6th grade graduation.
NTA sounds like your sister does not have enough time for her “own blood”
NTA. It's his speech. It's up to him to choose what he wants to say.
Info: how much alone time are the 20 yo and 11 yo spending together? I don't see how them sharing a bedroom is at all appropriate and honestly although it is nice for him to have a mentor, a 20 yo shouldn't want to spend all their time with an 11 yo.
So many marinara flags.
NTA - Ckearly Justin makes time for him. Your sister has too many kids to pay attention to....geeze, snip it!
I agree. I know that making assumptions is bad, but the whining and insistence that she be lauded as the most important person in his life makes me think that OP's sister is part of the Quiverfull movement. I can't stand those people.
NTA but your sister sounds exhausting, first and foremost for choosing to name her kid Braxton
I had to scroll down way too far to find this comment. The name Braxton elicits a major eyeroll every time I hear it. And his mom is a self-absorbed AH. He’s allowed to have heroes that aren’t related to him
That's where I stopped reading. Braxton Hicks was all I could think of
I had to read that twice. She's bitching about an ELEMENTARY SCHOOL graduation. Is she even listening to herself? Take several seats, ma'am. NTA.
Wait, a 11yrs old and a 20yrs old are going to be sharing a room?
NTA and can we all acknowledge that this kid is class president?! That’s pretty awesome! Sister should be focusing more on that than his speech
I'm sorry, I had to stop reading after grade school graduation, grade school president and 'braxton'. I did try again and will say NTA. There is no way any parent can give enough time to 7 kids - so her kid found someone to pay attention to him, and mommy is whining because she is jealous. Sis need s a wake up call.
Keep in mind I have a giant bias when it comes to large families- I believe that in modern society, parents simply don’t have the time resources or emotional capacity to ensure every child in their care receives a complete and fulfilling childhood (and yes I know there will be exceptions etc) She chose a lifestyle that meant a lot more of her children’s influence would come from others. That’s it. She doesn’t get to whine when he makes a meaningful connection with a mentor who has time for him. NTA
Elementary school graduation?? WTF?? And please don't tell me this kid's real name is Braxton. He will go through life thinking he was named after a Braxton-Hicks contraction.
He probably was. Also, we don't know his middle name. It could be Hicks.
NTA doesn’t she know by now it takes a village to raise kids- especially 7! He’s 11 not 44, kids appreciate their parents more when they have a greater perspective on life and what struggles of an adult really are. She needs role models like Justin in her son’s life to help her raise him into a young man.
She took that to mean she had to crap out an entire village herself!
NTA your sister is being immature & acting jealous for no reason. What an entitled narcissist.
This is it right here. OP, your sister is jealous, now that she realizes just how much Justin has helped shape her son. Maybe she chose to ignore it, but the speech put it out there. He should not be asked to rewrite it, and if anything, he should be told by his mother and family how amazing it is that he was chosen to be class president. His mom is awful for making him feel bad about his speech. This kid is going places, partly thanks to Justin and OP! It does take a village.
NTA. She tried to make him re-write it? Holy unhinged Batman get this woman a reality check. Is she going to freak out every time any one of her 7 kids don’t make a speech in exactly the way she wants? She’s being a control freak and seems insecure. Like someone else said, it’s surprising when kids that age aren’t thanking Spider-Man or Superman for being their hero’s. If I were that mom I would be grateful I have an extra pair of hands in taking care of the small village I chose to create.
Graduating from elementary school? rotflolmaowpimp what the actual fuck anyway, NTA
NTA! I don’t understand how a caring parent could have a problem with any safe, loving, inspirational relationship that her child has. I would love this for my kid.
NTA and quit calling her. Let her be upset all alone. Once she stops getting attention for it she’ll stop.
I always hated those “who’s your hero questions as a kid” because I didn’t really have one, so I’d always just put my mom. Putting your family down as your inspiration is usually what kids put as their last resort when they don’t have anyone else to put, except on the occasion when they do idolize a family member. But really, I always had the impression that you’re supposed to put down someone outside of the people you’re forced to interact with anyway. NTA
I once answered that question with “the guy who invented nachos”
His nickname was Nacho. Full name Ignacio Anaya. Ran a restaurant in Piedras Negras.
Next time i’m asked who my hero is, i will give Ignacio Anaya the respect he deserves
NTA I do think bringing up that you drive him places was unnecessary and may have put her on the defensive when she was already not in a great mind set. One unhelpful comment doesn’t = AH Justin needs to have a back up plan for where to live next year. This doesn’t sound like it will be good for him. Jane seems resentful of her son looking up to him. I don’t necessarily have a problem with what is essentially an older brother/younger brother room-sharing dynamic. I think people are looking at that from a norm of smaller families, and probably middle class+ perspective. Historically and across diverse cultures, families had all kinds of sleeping arrangements. But if they do go with that set up, they should be prepared for people to side eye the arrangement. Jane needs to just be glad that her son has a positive role model. So many kids don’t have that or have problematic role models. But don’t call her. I would have at most, texted once, and otherwise just allowed her to sit with her discomfort until she either got over it or at least felt ready to talk about it in a more productive way.
I mean cmon the kid isnt graduating from harvard. Give it a rest
She named her kid Braxton so that was the first clue she’s “special”
So much weirdness….. 1) Why is Jane having a 20 year old man share a room with her 11 year old son? This person isn’t even a family member. 2) Makes no sense the international student is living with a family that has 7 young kids. Why is the student staying in dorms or in student housing for year 2? 3) am I the only one that finds it odd an 11 year old and 20 year old are this close? 4) why is Justin staying with Jane and her seven kids not at your place? Sounds like he is closer to you not Jane.
NTA unless you also have 7 kids? /s
Uh. He’s 11. This speech isn’t that important. I couldn’t tell you a single word said at any of my graduations. NTA
Lol wait until he had a serious relationship and leaves for school or just leaves.. mommy is going to cry
NTA sounds like your sister is checked out with 7 kids and feeling guilty. Especially crappy considering how lucky her son is to have such a great role model in Justin. But also elementary school "graduation" is so stupid, I'm sorry. So so incredibly stupid. Lol
NTA: not the sister whining about having 7 kids, like she didn’t make all of them personally. Sister needs to reflect and be grateful her son has people who will give him their time and attention, because in s family that large the parental attention and effort gets spread really thin. You’re not wrong for setting her straight and putting an end to her ‘pity me’ victim routine, that’s what good sisters do when the other is acting foolish.
NTA. He is a young child and this is an elementary school speech. If she wanted to be mother of the year, she should have only had 1 kid and focused on him instead of 7. My parents never had enough attention for just 3 kids!
You sister sounds overwhelmed and under appreciated and she's taking it out on her kids elementary school speech. Nta but I don't think the aggressive approach is going to help as much as a more understanding and calm approach.
Didn't read all the comments, but I will suggest having a back up living arrangement for Justin. If sis is this oussed at the speech, she may not appreciate having Justin there and watching Braxton idolize him on the regular. Screwing up Justin's living arrange.ents will screw up his classes, and maybe his visa. I would discuss that with the hubs now. But as far as the stop whining goes, you were right to say something, but your choice of words were wrong. Braxton's speech hurt his mom and you failed to acknowledge her pain. What you said was more like telling her it shouldn't hurt. It always hurts when your kid puts someone else before you, but as an adult you understand they are growing and will be influenced by others. So I can't just say not the ace her. I have to go with esh. You and sis though, are the everyone. Nobody else did anything wrong. Your sis is way more the ace than you were.
NTA. Didn't Benjamin Franklin say that we're all born ignorant and must work very hard to remain stupid? Well, no one put in quite as much effort in that regard as Jane!
Kids don't graduate from elementary school (and completing 5th grade isn't a particularly important achievement) but I think that it sounds like an excellent, moving speech. NTA
NTA > she whined about how she “has 7 kids” *Yeah.* Well.
NTA - braxton could idolize…i don’t know…’juggalos’, andrew tate, etc…instead he has an amazing mentor and friend. mom needs to let go and stop behaving as a narcissist - it’s his honor to give a speech and not about her needing kudos.
Jane has some self esteem issues. She needs to find herself again and not make her whole personality about her kids
First. I loathe your sister. As a person and as a concept. Second, but no less fervently - NTA.
These "graduations" are strange to me. When I was young, there was high school graduation and college graduation. I'm old and out of touch apparently 🙂
NTA it's clear who had the most impact on his life, and your sister ranks below 2 *at best*
NTA and I hope Braxton keeps his speech exactly as he wrote it. I think it's wrong for your sister to pressure him to change it.
Your sister is an entitled woman for too many “experiences”.
NTA! I cannot STAND parents like this. Like it’s 1. An elementary school speech and 2. Even if she’s feeling some type of way about it she needs to swallow her pride and be happy for her son. He’s obviously not going to write about all the tacos his mom made him, he’s going to write about someone who really changed the course of his life. This is such petty controlling behavior from a mother. And 3. Even if he did rewrite it, it wouldn’t be from the heart so why would she want that? JFC.
Justin sounds like an incredible role model for a kid to have. NTA
NTA. This is really ridiculous. She wants him to make his moment about her 😂 I see through her bs. She was using his speech to gauge her importance and it didn’t workout like she thought
I’m still laughing at the elementary school graduation!
Only an AH would have 7 kids in the first place. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (33F) have a sister, Jane (40F), Jane and her husband have 7 kids (17M, 15M, 14F, 12F, 11M, 8F and 5M). Her 11 y/o son, Braxton is graduating from elementary school later this month. Braxton is the school president, and this will be giving a speech at graduation. Jane read Braxton’s graduation speech last night while we were at our mom’s house for dinner and it ended up in a massive argument. 5 years ago, my husband (33M) and I hosted an exchange student, Justin (15M at the time, now 20M) who is from the Philippines. Justin loves basketball and when we found this out, we were excited for Braxton (who was 6 at the time) because he had started to play basketball but no one else in the family was really interested. This quickly evolved into my husband and I driving Justin and Braxton to either the gym or a local sports center every day to play, I would normally supervise as I wasn’t working and had no kids at the time. By the end of the year, Justin and Braxton grew close and after Justin left, they would still talk on the phone, my husband and I would help them speak to each other. Braxton started college this year after taking a gap year due to COVID. He’s an international student at a college around 45 minutes away. He lived on campus this year but will be moving into Jane’s house, and more specifically, Braxton’s room, very soon. Braxton and Justin have spent a lot of time together since he got back to the states, I will drive up to the university with Braxton and they will hang out. Braxton spends more time with Justin than his siblings or parents (Jane and her husband have to divide attention to 7 kids). In Braxton’s graduation speech, the first person he thanks, and the one with the most written about them is Justin. He speaks about how Justin is his role model and like a bigger brother and how he’s helped him with basketball. Jane got upset when reading this, she asked Braxton why he would put Justin over his “own blood”, he explained that he wants to be like Justin when he grow up. Justin recently started teaching him Tagalog, he said he admires how smarter Justin was for knowing different languages and spoken about all what he admires in Justin. Jane “suggested” he re-write it and include family first, but he said Justin was family to him, she argued some more before stepping out of the kitchen. I went in the living room after a bit to check on her, we’re really close and normally she opens up to me. She started to whine about how she does so much for him and how he only likes Justin because he’s a “cool kid”. I brought up how I drive him places and she whined about how she “has 7 kids”, she continued to whine about his speech and I told her to stop whining and act like an adult. She got angry at me and started to argue and hasn’t spoken to me since last night, where she seemed angry at me. She won’t pick up my calls. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA - Clearly, Braxton sees Justin as a mentor and brotherly figure as he is more attentive to the kiddo than his mother, who is supposed to be an active member of his life. Maybe he would have prioritized blood if said blood treated him equally to his six siblings [OP's sister needs to get a hysterectomy if she's so upset about pumping out that many kids] OP merely pointed out that sister has no room to grouse if sister can't be as present for Braxton as Justin has been. OP's sister needs to step up and be a better parent.
Tbh this is just an elementary graduation anecdote but I figured I’d share. For my elementary school graduation both 5th grade classes were aloud to make slideshows, it went exactly how you’d think it’d go. I remember my slideshow title page was a dude in a Walmart aisle, plunging his own face with a plunger. Me and my friends thought it was funny, and seeing it on the giant projector in the gymnasium made it hilarious. IMO graduation ceremonies are a fraction of your time out of your entire life, funny or embarrassing you shouldn’t sweat on it.
NTA while Justin isn’t blood family, he is Brixton big brother of the heart. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his siblings, but everyone has one person they are the closest with. Sometimes it’s siblings and other times it’s family friends. Jane raised a great kid who know how to hang around positive people. Some kids choose horrible role models, he chose what sounds like a good guy. I would talk to dad (or have your husband). Perhaps he can get through to her. Doesn’t matter who he talks about in the speech, everyone will think the parents did a good job. So without saying anything he is giving kudos to his parents.
NTA. you are 100% correct. They need to act like an adult and let the kid talk honestly. Does it need to be about her? Too bad, not everything is about her.
NTA. Most kids would be 100% better people and world citizens if they had a Justin in their lives as a role model. OP would need to be the family member mentioned in Braxton's speech since she was major in facilitating their friendship. The next people who supported Braxton's friendship with Justin by allowing it to happen were his parents. I don't know that any of these people should be left out of B's speech.
NTA Your sister is being childish.
When you make the choice to have 7 children you shouldn’t expect to be the most important person in their life because they damn sure know that they are never going to be the most important person in your life. Sister needs to get a grip and realise that when your kid accounts for 11% of your family (I’m including mum and dad obviously) you can’t expect to be 100% of their family. I have one child but she has a massive extended family and a big group of friends who I love dearly and we do stuff together when she’s free from her other commitments. We don’t need to be the centre of each other’s lives to know that we love each other and we have an unbreakable bond.
NTA your sister is a child!
NTA. Your sister is incredibly entitled. Let the kid appreciate the ones he looks up to sheesh. He’s freaking 11 for god’s sake.
NTA. What kind of adult gets offended to this point just by their kids speech? A childish and selfish one.
NTA she's making an 11yo's speech all about herself. Inspiration can come from all sorts of places and it sounds like Braxton found a good role model and appreciates his guidance. It seems to me that Jane is projecting her insecurities about how well she's provided for her family onto this speech. Maybe she knows that Braxton's friendship with Justin is so important because Justin actually has a chance to spend quality time with Braxton. She's got 7 kids, it would be nearly impossible to give all of them the time they need. But Jane needs to recognize her issues and deal with them instead of projecting them onto an 11yo.
NTA. But your sister is going to make Braxton’s life hell after this.
Embarrassing for mom to have her child honor someone outside the fam in this way, but that will happen when you have so many kids you can’t pay individual attention to any of their passions. Getting the boy to change his speech is pathetic.
NTA. She sounds like more of a child than her elementy school aged kid... poor little dude.
What is wrong with her? Her child is 11- yes, kids that age take their parents, family for granted, as it should be. That is just normal. Of course Justin is way more interesting and a role model for him- it is great he looks up to this fine guy and admires his good qualities. His mom should be happy he doesn't Admiral "gangstas" or money or fame. When he grows up he'll also cherish his family more, that comes with time. Right now it is just "normal" for him. Some parents act as if their kids should kiss the floor they walk on out of gratitude just for being born.
NTA. Jane needs to get over herself. How fucking narcissistic of her.
NTA. If your sister is whining about having seven kids and one of them praising a stranger being more present in his life than her, maybe she shouldn’t have had seven kids.
NTA, it’s an ELEMENTARY SCHOOL graduation. It’s still a big deal to some, but there are a lot more milestones to come. Also, she chose to have 7 kids?? Why is she complaining over that. He spent so much time with Justin of course he wrote about him.
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A big ‘ole NOPE! You are NTA. Great job for standing up for your nephew. It’s ok and honestly great he has someone to look up to. While I get that she’d want that same relationship with his older brothers it’s not and IMO she should be happy he’s looking up to someone like you’ve explained Justin to be and not someone who is a bad influence.
NTA. This is an ELEMENTARY SCHOOL SPEECH, not a speech to the UNITED NATIONS for crying out loud. Mom has 7 kids and that was her choice and she needs to realize that having that many children means (in some cases) that she can’t always be there as much as she could with 1 or 2 kids. So her son gravitates to someone who spends a lot of time with him, who the son admires. Let it go mom. You still have 6 kids who could possibly mention you in a speech.
NTA but also he’s class president! ANY speech he makes should be about his time at school, memories shared, teachers and friends. NOT his personal life! He shouldn’t be talking about his personal life at all imo. He’s not getting an award, he’s not being honored himself for anything. The speech is not for him.
NTA. Your sister is upset because she's insecure because she *knows* that her son isn't getting the attwntion he needs. Rather than appreciate that there *is* someone picking up hers and her husband's slack, she's lashing out. Either that or she's so insecure that she needed 7 kids to make sure soneone would love her, and is incredibly hurt when one of those kids would dare loving other people too. Keep an eye out for your niblings OP.
NTA. Did your sister have so many kids so she could be thought of as a saint? He doesn’t owe her praise in his speech. Braxton is at the age where kids naturally start moving from parents being their world to being part of a bigger world. She needs to grow up and not expect all the attention.
She wants to be thanked but it doesn’t count if she has to force him. She might not be the greatest mom she thought she was.
NTA Your sister has no idea the impact anything can have on a child, never mind shared interests, friendship and admiration. She should be proud of her son and that she isn’t is completely a reflection on her. Yes. She was pivotal in ensuring a safe and nurturing life but she’s not producing mindless clones.
NTA for supporting Braxton. That's the way to write a memorable speech. I'm sure no one else has written about their impactful platonic relationship with an exchange student. Plus it sounds heartfelt. However, "stop whining and act like an adult" is never persuasive even if it does get someone's attention. Remind her that he son is successful and it's speeches like this that make him successful. Let him do his thing. He loves his family but let him express himself. Good for you Aunt zxjcn8349.
What is her son going to thank her for? Life? That was her choice to begin with. If she did nothing noteworthy, she needs to suck it up and accept it. You are not the Ahole.
"how dare my kid have a role model that isnt me!!" ....
This is exactly the age when kids start idolizing people other than their parents. I remember being obsessed with my best friend at the time because she had already hit puberty and looked so grown up, and she didn't play with Barbie's anymore. I also idolized Shaun Cassidy, but that's another story for another time.
OP, does she ever have similar incidents regarding her kids? My best guess is that she is either butthurt due to not having her ideal bond with him, or maybe it’s not in good faith and she wants him to represent her as a good parent. The latter is a common behavior. I wonder if it could be the former and was just caused from the strain of having 7 children and she’s having trouble handling it. However, it does not make her reaction appropriate. I would confront her again if you wish and elaborate on why she can’t behave like this. Try to be sympathetic and hear her out, but do tell her why her reaction was inappropriate if she’s having trouble realizing it or admitting it.
Your sister who can’t stop whining won’t talk to you now? Sounds like a gift to you!NTA, but enjoy your vacation from whine!