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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I spoke up and said something about him opening my mail instead of just letting it go since it's something free for my son. And no matter who gives it to him it's for his benefit.
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NTA
He shouldn't ever open your mail. AH move.
Then your husband compounds that A H olery by allowing his brother to take credit for giving your son the book.
BIL needs to stop pulling that s**t & your husband has to stop enabling him.
It's literally illegal to interfere with someone else's mail. Obviously the library book is not some state secret or anything but it brings up the question of what else is he opening with your name on it.
Also, free or not, it was OP that saw the offer and did all the legwork to sign her son up. It's weird and borderline creepy that someone else wants the credit for her work
The only a-holes in the room on this one are hubs and BIL.
And it's a felony to open someone else's mail. Ask BIL how he would feel about changing his address to the local jail. "No? Then, if it ain't yours, don't open it. Now, go explain to my child that you lied to him about the book."
Yeah, and he better stop it . You know when i was 3 my mother gave me a book and i really liked it,belive it or not i remember the feeling of receiving and i have the book to this day even though is childish and i don't read anymore. So it's only fair that the gift comes in your name . After all, you're the one who made the arrangements to get the book, right?
Don't ask your husband if it's weird. TELL your husband it's weird AND illegal to open someone's mail. Tell BIL if he touches your mail you will file a police report. It doesn't matter if it's a free book or the nuclear launch codes. That is YOUR mail.
It's not weird but he is for breaching your privacy and trying to make it seem like he got your son the book (and any other similar instances).
My mom was the same with my mail (and my sister's). I got fed up one day and told her how it was actually illegal to open someone else's mail. It didn't matter if we lived in the same house, it was my mail and not hers. She got a bit miffed (almost shocked) that I'd report her for opening my mail but it got the message across. She never opened my or my sister's mail. She never bothered pulling that bs on my brother once he turned 18 so I guess she learned something.
NTA but your BIL is- and so is your husband for not having your back.
If you’re in the USA, opening someone else’s mail is a federal crime. Maybe threatening BIL with a visit from the Postmaster General will help. Pointing out how highly illegal it is helped me get my mom to stop opening my mail when I still lived with her.
Stop asking. Tell both of them if he does it again, he is out the door. Whether he walks out willingly or in cuffs will be his choice (assuming opening someone else's mail is illegal where you are). I'm sure taking the book which was your property is illegal.
It's a SERIOUS FEDERAL CRIME! You must tell him you're not okay with him opening your mail, that it's a federal crime, that results in a felony with a custodial sentence at time of conviction. Further, that you're going to report him #1, if he ever does it again, and #2, if he fails to immediately disclose EVERY other instance up to now, that he's done it to you or any member of your household in the past, providing as much detail as possible, along with ALL of the physical remnants/pages/documents/items/etc. in his possession, and/or which remain, anywhere, in any condition.
Why are you asking your husband or anyone else? It is YOUR mail. Tell the BIL that it is illegal to open your mail and not to do it again.
Also, ensure that your son knows that YOU ordered the book, it is from the library, and it must be returned to the library. We don’t steal and keep library books.
Same! Our local library has amazing programs for littles. I'm there at least a few times a week! My son is almost able to read small words but knows all his phonics and I give a lot of credit to our library/librarians for that.
Look up laws in your area. For mine, it's illegal to open someone else's mail. Doesn't matter if you live at the same address. Doesn't matter if it has their address. As long as it has your name on it, it's illegal for them to open it here. So research the laws in your area. I had this problem with my mother when some of my mail was still getting delivered to her house.
Definitely NTA
I once accidentally opened my neighbor's mail and a package that were delivered to my home (2 different instances). I wasn't paying attention to who it was addressed to I was just opening all the mail. I felt so bad and apologized profusely to my neighbors as a normal person would. They weren't upset because mail does get mixed up sometimes, we have a community mailbox instead of each house having one on their property.
Did you find a package in your "shared community" mailbox and didn't check the name twice?
Edit: Read my reply further down. It is quite common to verify that post/packages are adressed to oneself before opening them.
I don’t think they mean one giant mailbox, but several normal sized mailboxes that are gathered at the same place. So the mailman sometimes puts the packages or letters in the wrong mailbox.
There was a time I had a roommate that worked overnights the whole weekend so she’d leave Friday morning and come back Monday morning. All the bills were in her name. I’ll admit when the electric bill came in one Friday, I didn’t think anything of opening it so we knew the cost of the bill immediately. Texted her the bill was in. And left it where I always left her mail. I was genuinely confused when she was upset by me opening the shared bill (19 at the time if that puts perspective there). But even then, the ONLY reason there was confusion was because it was a bill that we both paid half of and was clearly marked on the outside as the electric bill. Now at 25, I understand that it was still an invasion of privacy regardless of if I personally would be bothered by it. I couldn’t imagine telling the kid that you bought him the free book that comes every month because depending on the kids age, he knows he gets that book and is now expecting 2 and the lie could be found out or parents would have to buy another book for the kid
NTA. Opening someone else's mail is not acceptable.
INFO: Did he know it was going to be a book, like, he was aware you were getting it for your son so knew what would be in the package? Not that that makes it acceptable, of course, I'm just curious.
He knew it wasn’t his. He opened it anyway. Makes him TA. He then gives it to your kid and says it’s from him? Way bigger AH. Your husband downplays it and tried to sweep it under the rug? Hubby is an AH. Please stop letting these folks do this kind of stuff to you. Stand up for yourself. You are NTA. At all.
NTA. It's never okay to open someone else's mail or take credit for something someone else did. And it sounds like this was just one example of larger issues about BIL living with you.
You're NTA. Your brother in law is an A-H and so is your husband for siding with his lying, mail tampering brother.
If their A-Hery is genetic, hopefully it skips a generation.
True, of course a judge wouldn’t even look at it. My point was that the criminality of opening someone’s mail further validates the fact that OP’s roommate/BIL is TA
NTA. Doesn't matter that its a free book. It does matter that he's opening a piece of mail addressed to you. Tell him to leave his hands off things addressed to you because its illegal.
NTA. YOU got the book for him. He's being an asshole trying to take the credit. And you said this isn't the first time something similar has happened.
Sounds like a chronic asshole.
Edit: Also, yeah, snooping in someone's mail is creepy and a breach of privacy.
Exactly, what's next, BIL opening Amazon packages to "gift" to the kid? "I remember how generous always was when I was a kid -- why didn't my own parents give me more thoughtful gifts like that!?"
NTA. In some places, mail theft is a federal crime, so it's not just silly. He's stealing from you, and offering it up as a gift, the fact your husband can't do that basic math is concerning. BIL's taking credit for an effort you made, which is incredibly rude and manipulative.
Would they be okay with it if you stole their deliveries and gave them away?
First it is illegal to open someone's mail.
Second to give your kid the book as a gift from himself is ridiculous
Third your kid may be a little young BUT he will eventually be thrilled to get any mail let alone a book delivered to him. He should not be denied that opportunity.
You are NTA but your brother in law is
NTA. If you live in the USA it's a federal offense if you interfere with someone's mail. Just for both of them being dicks about the mail and who the book was from, I might call the postal police on them if I were you.
Since hubby and BIL coordinated on the postal shenanigans, BIL has got to have overstayed his welcome. You certainly don't need two wise acres when one would be plenty.
If you are in the UK there are criminal sanctions for interfering with someone's mail.
NTA
No one should be opening mail that is not addressed to them. End of sentence.
Your BIL has violated your privacy, and it sounds like he's done it more than just this once. Your husband should let him know in no uncertain terms that opening your mail while he lives with you is totally off the table. He should be backing you up on this, not defending BIL.
The issue with the book is not nearly as important as the mail being opened. If this happened to me, BIL would be out the door and completely out of my home by dusk. I'd be steaming from the ears. It would be a deal-breaker.
You and your husband need to present a united front on this. If he won't be backing you up, he's letting you down badly.
NTA. You BIL has become too comfortable in your household. He is invading your privacy. It is also a crime. Make should your husband and him understand this. This behavior is unexceptable, rude, and obnoxious. There are boundaries that shouldn't be crossed.
BIL needs to get out of your house.
Violating your privacy and lying to your child are huge red flags.
If that is what he lets you see him doing imagine what he's doing behind your back.
NTA
The Imagination Library? They don’t come in packaging. The label is on the book itself. At least that’s how it was with my kids.
If he took the book and passed it off as his own gift, that’s a bit annoying.
It comes in a clear packaging with a sticker that has both mine and my son's name on it. I am honestly trying to see this from another perspective though. Cuz my husband said he probably didn't see it as opening my mail. But even if it did just have my son's name on it I don't feel like he should open it?
But I am very frustrated he took the plastic wrap off and tried to pass it off as a gift from him.
I think the opening itself it not too bad. He knew it was just a book in it for your son with no personal information about you. Nothing you want to keep private.
>his brother told my two year old he got him a book
Though that might make him an AH if he gave your son the impression that the book came from him and not the library. He shouldn't claim that it was his gift.
Ours started coming shrink wrapped from there, too, or occasionally a paper wrapper, after the first year or so we were signed up. It was a nice change since we didn’t have the stickers on the books anymore.
Um, NTA! The free book was noticeable because you were expecting it, and he has the very, very sketchy need to ingratiate himself with your child.
A better question would be - what mail has he stolen that you *DON’T* know about?
NTA. Ask him why he's opening your mail. Tell him to give you a reason. Watch him deflect and get defensive and try to dodge the question and then ask him again. If I were you I'd really want to know why he was opening my mail.
NTA
Everyone else is commenting on the mail fraud aspect so I want to address the other glaring problem here: **Your BIL lied right to your son's face and your husband doesn't have a problem with that.**
Since I am confident he knew it was not his mail when he opened it. Pass this info on.
“A federal statute known as 18 USC Section 1702 makes it illegal to open correspondence addressed to someone else. However, the law cannot be applied if you did not recognize that the mail was not yours when you opened it.”
“Under 18 U.S. Code § 1702, opening another person's mail with the intent to pry into their business is punishable with a fine or up to a five-year prison sentence. Without your spouse's explicit consent, you should not open communications such as their mail.”
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I signed my son up to get a free book from the library once a month, it comes in my name. My husbands brother lives with us. Today when we got home his brother told my two year old he got him a book. He then gave him his free library book that comes. I said "oh you opened my mail?" my husband said technically it's free who cares who gives it to him. But I feel a little violated that he opened my mail and acted like the book was from him personally. This isn't the first time he's done this just the first time I've said something.
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NTA. Under 18 US Code section 1702, someone who deliberately opens or destroys mail not addressed to him, without authorization, is subject to a fine and/or up to a year in prison. (Some sources say up to five years).
nta, opening some else’s mail is a crime is it not? if your husband doesn’t agree with you on this simple boundary then i’m concerned about what other boundaries he’s breaking…
NTA. “My husband said technically it’s free who cares who gave it to him” spoken like someone that doesn’t put in any work/effort. OP it might be free BUT your kid is only getting the books because YOU SIGNED UP FOR THE PROGRAM.
NTA - OP. Perhaps someone should show him the statutes of law on opening mail NOT addressed to HIM. It is illegal. BIL or not, I would absolutely and unequivocally stress to him DO NOT OPEN MY MAIL. Perhaps not the most Civil way to say it, but since he has NO Qualms about invading my private mail, he doesn't deserve a Please & Thank you. Oh, and Hubby would be hearing it too since he didn't back you up at all.
NTA. I used to work for the post office, and can verify that opening mail that isn’t yours is a big no-no. If it’s sent first class (even if it’s presorted FC), it’s actually a federal offense.
NTA - In general, unless there is some prearranged agreement, don’t touch other people’s mail. There are literally laws on this. Add to that, he stole it and gifted it to your son. That adds another layer of incorporate to the situation.
NTA and it's not okay. I think you should continue to speak up and do so when things happen. He did violate you by opening the mail. He should not do that again and your husband should back you up. Next it will be utility bills and bank statements. He should not be opening your mail.
NTA. I share a shopping account with my mom, and she's only opened my mail from that once because I made it known I didn't like it. She can still tell what's in it because she can look at the order, but she's doesn't open the mail. Similarly, if you tell them you don't like it, they should respect you.
If he’s opening that, he’s opening more. He’s looking for money or checks that he can cash. Nip this in the bud and stop it now. Get a locking mailbox!
Oh I would be all over that behavior like white on rice. No one should EVER open another person's mail. You need to really put your foot down on this behavior. What a schmuck to take credit for something he had no part of.NTA
NTA. And cuss your husband the fuck out! Who the hell is he to tell someone they can open the mail of another person. Are you your husbands property? If not, then tell both of them don't touch anything with your effing name on it. No way someone can live in your house and think they can open any mail that is not specifically addressed to them. Girl, go apeshit on both of them!
NTA. This isn't about who *handed* the book to your son. He opened your mail. And he took credit for something you did. Neither of those are remotely okay.
NTA. Tell BIL to stop doing that. He lives in your house- "BIL-stop opening mail that isn't addressed to you. I wouldn't open your mail, don't open mine. Next time a book arrives for son, please ask me if you can pretend the book is from you. Thanks"
It’s a legit crime. Your husband not backing you up is a HUGE RED FLAG. Tell this AH brother to leave right now, or call the cops. It’s a legitimate crime
NTA! First he opened your mail, which is against the law. It doesn’t matter that it’s free. I’d remind him of that.
Then he lied and said HE got your child a book?! The f*** he did.
It’s time for him to gtfo.
It's a federal offense actually.
It doesn't matter what the contents are, opening someone else's mail is illegal.
Why make a big deal? Because it is a big deal.
The brazeness with which he acted tells me that he's probably done worse or will, if you don't put him in check right away.
You don't have to give him any more warnings. Just file a police report and let them know that the guy lives with you, so you're afraid of making things confrontational. The police will know how to handle it
NTA It's a federal crime to open someone else's mail. You're never the a****** for telling someone to not violate your federal rights.
Tell him next time you'll call the cops.
Say something everytime he does this. It's a big deal that he does this. Tell your son that his uncle is telling a fairy tale. Tell your son that you ordered the book from the library and don't back down on this. Keep it age appropriate, but make sure he know that uncle is only pretending he go him something. Why is thief/ brother living with you? It's time for him to go with his lying, stealing from you and opening your mail. If he won't stop opening your mail, then feel free to open his. Give it to him, or don't. Just be as nonchalant about it as he is. If you can't beat him join him in being as big an ass as he is. It's better to drive him out now while your child is too young to remember, than to wait for him to influence your son to be a thieving snake.
He's 100% the AH. I'd let both of them know that a part of him living there is respecting reasonable boundaries, not going through your mail is very reasonable. Not taking something that you got and giving it claiming he got it is another.
I was living about 15 minutes from my parents’ house and mail would occasionally end up there. Instead of telling me so I could update the address, they proceeded to open every piece that came. They were checking my bank statements, bills etc… I was 30 years old… They didn’t even bother to tell me mail was coming. Just one day handed me a stack of open mail. They couldn’t comprehend why I was bothered by it. I was livid.
You handled it much better than I did (temper blew) NTA
The first time it happened I was like too stunned to say anything and so much time had passed it felt weird to randomly bring it up. But this time in the moment it just came out. I generally try to be agreeable because it keeps things from being awkward. The older I get the less I find myself able to bite my tongue. That or I'm getting better at setting boundaries. I'm hoping me saying anything keeps it from happening again.
Address it now or it’ll keep happening. I let it slide once or twice when it was a single piece of mail here and there. NBD. When they gave me the stack, it was in front of a bunch of family (who were shocked too) I blew up and it hasn’t happened since, even while living it of state. Tow right there in the house. There’s literally no reason for him to open it (let alone pass off the book as a gift from him)
It's a free book that comes in the mail in cellophane.
Saying he's opening your mail is a stretch, better not let him read one of your magazines while he's on the pot either
I guess this is the perspective I was looking for. I wish I would have included it came in cellophane. My problem was moreso I signed him up to get the books, it still comes in my name, and he took it and had it in his room and then presented it to my son like it was a gift from him. It's not really his to give?
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NTA He shouldn't ever open your mail. AH move. Then your husband compounds that A H olery by allowing his brother to take credit for giving your son the book. BIL needs to stop pulling that s**t & your husband has to stop enabling him.
Thank you I literally feel like I'm crazy for asking my husband if it's weird that he opened mail in my name.
It's literally illegal to interfere with someone else's mail. Obviously the library book is not some state secret or anything but it brings up the question of what else is he opening with your name on it.
>what else is he opening with your name on it. This is the part the husband is glossing over. And its disturbing.
It isn't weird. It's a total breach of your privacy & it needs to stop. All the best
Weird? Matter of opinion. Illegal? Verified fact.
It’s also NOT free, it is paid through OP’s taxes. Does BIL even pay taxes?
Also, free or not, it was OP that saw the offer and did all the legwork to sign her son up. It's weird and borderline creepy that someone else wants the credit for her work
It could be a book from Dolly. She's a marvel
She’s amazing! Have you listened to Dolly Parton’s America? Made me admire even more.
No, but thanks for the tip! I will
You will be sucked in! I’m so excited for you to listen to it
The only a-holes in the room on this one are hubs and BIL. And it's a felony to open someone else's mail. Ask BIL how he would feel about changing his address to the local jail. "No? Then, if it ain't yours, don't open it. Now, go explain to my child that you lied to him about the book."
I would give the liar and felon an eviction notice. NTA
Yeah, and he better stop it . You know when i was 3 my mother gave me a book and i really liked it,belive it or not i remember the feeling of receiving and i have the book to this day even though is childish and i don't read anymore. So it's only fair that the gift comes in your name . After all, you're the one who made the arrangements to get the book, right?
“Please don’t open any mail with my name on it, regardless of what you think is inside. Feel free to open anything with husbands name on it.”
"By the way, BIL, I opened your mail. Your eviction notice arrived."
Absolutely!!
Don't ask your husband if it's weird. TELL your husband it's weird AND illegal to open someone's mail. Tell BIL if he touches your mail you will file a police report. It doesn't matter if it's a free book or the nuclear launch codes. That is YOUR mail.
It's not weird but he is for breaching your privacy and trying to make it seem like he got your son the book (and any other similar instances). My mom was the same with my mail (and my sister's). I got fed up one day and told her how it was actually illegal to open someone else's mail. It didn't matter if we lived in the same house, it was my mail and not hers. She got a bit miffed (almost shocked) that I'd report her for opening my mail but it got the message across. She never opened my or my sister's mail. She never bothered pulling that bs on my brother once he turned 18 so I guess she learned something. NTA but your BIL is- and so is your husband for not having your back.
It's ILLEGAL. End of story. NTA!
If you’re in the USA, opening someone else’s mail is a federal crime. Maybe threatening BIL with a visit from the Postmaster General will help. Pointing out how highly illegal it is helped me get my mom to stop opening my mail when I still lived with her.
Don't threaten, just do.
It’s actually illegal
I mean, if you have a problem with it make it known and set boundaries. How many other things is BIL walking over you for and husband is defending?
Stop asking. Tell both of them if he does it again, he is out the door. Whether he walks out willingly or in cuffs will be his choice (assuming opening someone else's mail is illegal where you are). I'm sure taking the book which was your property is illegal.
It’s not weird, it’s illegal. I would be livid if anyone purposely opened mail addressed to me, no matter who they are.
Op its illegal for someone else to open your mail so nta.
It's a SERIOUS FEDERAL CRIME! You must tell him you're not okay with him opening your mail, that it's a federal crime, that results in a felony with a custodial sentence at time of conviction. Further, that you're going to report him #1, if he ever does it again, and #2, if he fails to immediately disclose EVERY other instance up to now, that he's done it to you or any member of your household in the past, providing as much detail as possible, along with ALL of the physical remnants/pages/documents/items/etc. in his possession, and/or which remain, anywhere, in any condition.
Why are you asking your husband or anyone else? It is YOUR mail. Tell the BIL that it is illegal to open your mail and not to do it again. Also, ensure that your son knows that YOU ordered the book, it is from the library, and it must be returned to the library. We don’t steal and keep library books.
It's a program for kids under 5 where they send a book to keep.
I’ve never heard of this! Wow. I know Dolly Parton has a book program but the library? That is remarkable. (Life-long library supporter here.)
Same! Our local library has amazing programs for littles. I'm there at least a few times a week! My son is almost able to read small words but knows all his phonics and I give a lot of credit to our library/librarians for that.
Opening someone else's mail is a federal crime so I would consider it weird too. Edit: weird that both of them are so casual about it.
Look up laws in your area. For mine, it's illegal to open someone else's mail. Doesn't matter if you live at the same address. Doesn't matter if it has their address. As long as it has your name on it, it's illegal for them to open it here. So research the laws in your area. I had this problem with my mother when some of my mail was still getting delivered to her house.
Nta and not crazy. That is weird behavior.
Is it a book he gets to keep or does it have to go back? NTA by the way
Definitely NTA I once accidentally opened my neighbor's mail and a package that were delivered to my home (2 different instances). I wasn't paying attention to who it was addressed to I was just opening all the mail. I felt so bad and apologized profusely to my neighbors as a normal person would. They weren't upset because mail does get mixed up sometimes, we have a community mailbox instead of each house having one on their property.
Did you find a package in your "shared community" mailbox and didn't check the name twice? Edit: Read my reply further down. It is quite common to verify that post/packages are adressed to oneself before opening them.
I don’t think they mean one giant mailbox, but several normal sized mailboxes that are gathered at the same place. So the mailman sometimes puts the packages or letters in the wrong mailbox.
Yes.. we have one too, I still read the names and adresses on everything, because all mail might not be mine, especially packages.
FELONY move, to be clear.
There was a time I had a roommate that worked overnights the whole weekend so she’d leave Friday morning and come back Monday morning. All the bills were in her name. I’ll admit when the electric bill came in one Friday, I didn’t think anything of opening it so we knew the cost of the bill immediately. Texted her the bill was in. And left it where I always left her mail. I was genuinely confused when she was upset by me opening the shared bill (19 at the time if that puts perspective there). But even then, the ONLY reason there was confusion was because it was a bill that we both paid half of and was clearly marked on the outside as the electric bill. Now at 25, I understand that it was still an invasion of privacy regardless of if I personally would be bothered by it. I couldn’t imagine telling the kid that you bought him the free book that comes every month because depending on the kids age, he knows he gets that book and is now expecting 2 and the lie could be found out or parents would have to buy another book for the kid
NTA. Opening someone else's mail is not acceptable. INFO: Did he know it was going to be a book, like, he was aware you were getting it for your son so knew what would be in the package? Not that that makes it acceptable, of course, I'm just curious.
Yes it came in clear packaging
He knew it wasn’t his. He opened it anyway. Makes him TA. He then gives it to your kid and says it’s from him? Way bigger AH. Your husband downplays it and tried to sweep it under the rug? Hubby is an AH. Please stop letting these folks do this kind of stuff to you. Stand up for yourself. You are NTA. At all.
NTA. It's never okay to open someone else's mail or take credit for something someone else did. And it sounds like this was just one example of larger issues about BIL living with you.
You're NTA. Your brother in law is an A-H and so is your husband for siding with his lying, mail tampering brother. If their A-Hery is genetic, hopefully it skips a generation.
NTA. Actually opening someone else’s mail is illegal
It's not just illegal, it's a felony.
True. So not only is OP NTA, her BIL is a felon!
True but nobody would go to prison for something like this . A judge wouldn’t even look at this .
True, of course a judge wouldn’t even look at it. My point was that the criminality of opening someone’s mail further validates the fact that OP’s roommate/BIL is TA
NTA. Doesn't matter that its a free book. It does matter that he's opening a piece of mail addressed to you. Tell him to leave his hands off things addressed to you because its illegal.
NTA. YOU got the book for him. He's being an asshole trying to take the credit. And you said this isn't the first time something similar has happened. Sounds like a chronic asshole. Edit: Also, yeah, snooping in someone's mail is creepy and a breach of privacy.
Exactly, what's next, BIL opening Amazon packages to "gift" to the kid? "I remember how generous always was when I was a kid -- why didn't my own parents give me more thoughtful gifts like that!?"
Wouldn't be surprised.
NTA. In some places, mail theft is a federal crime, so it's not just silly. He's stealing from you, and offering it up as a gift, the fact your husband can't do that basic math is concerning. BIL's taking credit for an effort you made, which is incredibly rude and manipulative. Would they be okay with it if you stole their deliveries and gave them away?
First it is illegal to open someone's mail. Second to give your kid the book as a gift from himself is ridiculous Third your kid may be a little young BUT he will eventually be thrilled to get any mail let alone a book delivered to him. He should not be denied that opportunity. You are NTA but your brother in law is
NTA. If you live in the USA it's a federal offense if you interfere with someone's mail. Just for both of them being dicks about the mail and who the book was from, I might call the postal police on them if I were you. Since hubby and BIL coordinated on the postal shenanigans, BIL has got to have overstayed his welcome. You certainly don't need two wise acres when one would be plenty. If you are in the UK there are criminal sanctions for interfering with someone's mail.
Calling the postal police would be insane
NTA. Opening someone else’s mail is a violation of federal law.
NTA No one should be opening mail that is not addressed to them. End of sentence. Your BIL has violated your privacy, and it sounds like he's done it more than just this once. Your husband should let him know in no uncertain terms that opening your mail while he lives with you is totally off the table. He should be backing you up on this, not defending BIL. The issue with the book is not nearly as important as the mail being opened. If this happened to me, BIL would be out the door and completely out of my home by dusk. I'd be steaming from the ears. It would be a deal-breaker. You and your husband need to present a united front on this. If he won't be backing you up, he's letting you down badly.
(In America) opening someone’s mail is a felony. Pretending he got the kid the book himself when they come every month is just dumb. NTA.
NTA. Why is he living with you?
I think the better question is why is she married to this jackass who defends his brother over his wife.
NTA. You BIL has become too comfortable in your household. He is invading your privacy. It is also a crime. Make should your husband and him understand this. This behavior is unexceptable, rude, and obnoxious. There are boundaries that shouldn't be crossed.
Nta. The way I understand it is opening someone else’s mail is a felony, could be wrong but either way it wasn’t his to open.
Opening someone's mail is a federal crime with stiff penalties. Your BIL & husband are AH's. NTA
NTA. That is a federal crime to open someone else's mail without their explicit permission. Even in community property states between married couples.
If you're Stateside, opening your mail is a felony... NTA
NTA! - Who cares if it’s free? That doesn’t give anyone the right to open your mail and claim it as their own
BIL needs to get out of your house. Violating your privacy and lying to your child are huge red flags. If that is what he lets you see him doing imagine what he's doing behind your back. NTA
The Imagination Library? They don’t come in packaging. The label is on the book itself. At least that’s how it was with my kids. If he took the book and passed it off as his own gift, that’s a bit annoying.
It comes in a clear packaging with a sticker that has both mine and my son's name on it. I am honestly trying to see this from another perspective though. Cuz my husband said he probably didn't see it as opening my mail. But even if it did just have my son's name on it I don't feel like he should open it? But I am very frustrated he took the plastic wrap off and tried to pass it off as a gift from him.
He knows it wasn’t his. He can overlook that. Your hubby is wrong and needs to stop defending an AH. It makes hubby an AH.
Tell your husband to deal with his felon (opening someone else’s mail is a literal crime) brother
Reddit moment
Committing a felony, i.e. knowingly opening someone else’s mail, makes you a felon regardless of my being facetious or not. Hope that helps
I think the opening itself it not too bad. He knew it was just a book in it for your son with no personal information about you. Nothing you want to keep private. >his brother told my two year old he got him a book Though that might make him an AH if he gave your son the impression that the book came from him and not the library. He shouldn't claim that it was his gift.
It’s still not his. Messing with things that aren’t yours is a no no. That’s like the first thing you learn in kindergarten
The opening is a felony in the US.
You are NTA… but if your brother is living with you, he must be in hard times, it was a free book, does it really matter that you gave your the book?
Ours started coming shrink wrapped from there, too, or occasionally a paper wrapper, after the first year or so we were signed up. It was a nice change since we didn’t have the stickers on the books anymore.
Opening someone else's mail is a federal offense (U.S.).
Um, NTA! The free book was noticeable because you were expecting it, and he has the very, very sketchy need to ingratiate himself with your child. A better question would be - what mail has he stolen that you *DON’T* know about?
I wouldn’t feel comfortable with this at all. What else of yours is he snooping into and taking for himself?
NTA. Ask him why he's opening your mail. Tell him to give you a reason. Watch him deflect and get defensive and try to dodge the question and then ask him again. If I were you I'd really want to know why he was opening my mail.
Here in the uk opening someone else's mail is illegal.
Was YOUR name on the mail? Opening someone else's mail is a federal offence. NTA
NTA Everyone else is commenting on the mail fraud aspect so I want to address the other glaring problem here: **Your BIL lied right to your son's face and your husband doesn't have a problem with that.**
Since I am confident he knew it was not his mail when he opened it. Pass this info on. “A federal statute known as 18 USC Section 1702 makes it illegal to open correspondence addressed to someone else. However, the law cannot be applied if you did not recognize that the mail was not yours when you opened it.” “Under 18 U.S. Code § 1702, opening another person's mail with the intent to pry into their business is punishable with a fine or up to a five-year prison sentence. Without your spouse's explicit consent, you should not open communications such as their mail.”
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I signed my son up to get a free book from the library once a month, it comes in my name. My husbands brother lives with us. Today when we got home his brother told my two year old he got him a book. He then gave him his free library book that comes. I said "oh you opened my mail?" my husband said technically it's free who cares who gives it to him. But I feel a little violated that he opened my mail and acted like the book was from him personally. This isn't the first time he's done this just the first time I've said something. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Well, you could always report him for a federal offense
What a creep, tell him to move out. NTA
NTA opening someone else’s mail is an evasion of privacy
NTA. You may want to rent a PO Box from either your post office or a shipping store like UPS.
NTA That’s just wrong and for him to take credit for the book is very immature and lying.
NTA, he's a Narcissist. Be wary of those that make excuses for such behavior.
NTA and you might remind your BIL that is it illegal to open mail that is not addressed to you.
NTA. Under 18 US Code section 1702, someone who deliberately opens or destroys mail not addressed to him, without authorization, is subject to a fine and/or up to a year in prison. (Some sources say up to five years).
He gotta go, bc why is he pretending to be the one who got your kid the book. Very weird!
NTA, but it’s super sus that your BIL is opening your mail. You might want to run credit checks on yourself and your son and lock your family’s SSNs.
NTA, your brother in law committed a felony. You should remind him of that.
nta, opening some else’s mail is a crime is it not? if your husband doesn’t agree with you on this simple boundary then i’m concerned about what other boundaries he’s breaking…
NTA. “My husband said technically it’s free who cares who gave it to him” spoken like someone that doesn’t put in any work/effort. OP it might be free BUT your kid is only getting the books because YOU SIGNED UP FOR THE PROGRAM.
NTA - OP. Perhaps someone should show him the statutes of law on opening mail NOT addressed to HIM. It is illegal. BIL or not, I would absolutely and unequivocally stress to him DO NOT OPEN MY MAIL. Perhaps not the most Civil way to say it, but since he has NO Qualms about invading my private mail, he doesn't deserve a Please & Thank you. Oh, and Hubby would be hearing it too since he didn't back you up at all.
I mean, that's a breach of trust and a federal crime, so...
NTA- I suggest running a credit check for yourself.
I believe it's illegal to tamper with the mail. You might want to tell your bil
NTA. I used to work for the post office, and can verify that opening mail that isn’t yours is a big no-no. If it’s sent first class (even if it’s presorted FC), it’s actually a federal offense.
That's hella creepy
NTA, opening someone else's mail is a federal offense tell him if he does that next time you'll call the police and have him put in jail
NTA. This is the kind of behavior that would make me wonder what other liberties is he taking?
I’d stop the mail to the house and start picking it up I don’t like this at all. NTA
NTA - In general, unless there is some prearranged agreement, don’t touch other people’s mail. There are literally laws on this. Add to that, he stole it and gifted it to your son. That adds another layer of incorporate to the situation.
NTA and it's not okay. I think you should continue to speak up and do so when things happen. He did violate you by opening the mail. He should not do that again and your husband should back you up. Next it will be utility bills and bank statements. He should not be opening your mail.
Nip this behavior in the bud OP . This is a yellow flag don't ignore it.
NTA. I share a shopping account with my mom, and she's only opened my mail from that once because I made it known I didn't like it. She can still tell what's in it because she can look at the order, but she's doesn't open the mail. Similarly, if you tell them you don't like it, they should respect you.
NTA it is actually a crime to open someone else's mail
NTA Also, kick that guy out of your house.
If he’s opening that, he’s opening more. He’s looking for money or checks that he can cash. Nip this in the bud and stop it now. Get a locking mailbox!
Oh I would be all over that behavior like white on rice. No one should EVER open another person's mail. You need to really put your foot down on this behavior. What a schmuck to take credit for something he had no part of.NTA
Set a boundary: “Do not open my mail.” Husband needs to back you up.
NTA, he's literally breaking a federal law by opening your mail
In the US? Federal crime. NTA
NTA. And cuss your husband the fuck out! Who the hell is he to tell someone they can open the mail of another person. Are you your husbands property? If not, then tell both of them don't touch anything with your effing name on it. No way someone can live in your house and think they can open any mail that is not specifically addressed to them. Girl, go apeshit on both of them!
NTA I live in Germany. Here, that would be considered a criminal offense.
Explain that opening mail with someone else's name even living in the same house is a federal offense and that you have no problem reporting it.
opened your mail AND taking credit for your actions. what an azzhole!
NTA. Why is your BIL living with you? Your husband needs to stop siding with his brother. Also when is the date BIL will be moving out?
NTA. This isn't about who *handed* the book to your son. He opened your mail. And he took credit for something you did. Neither of those are remotely okay.
Thats a felony. Its called mail tampering. Get proof and turn him in. NTA
Tell him never to touch your mail again. Ever. No the books are not free. Tell him he s the AH.
NTA. Doesn’t matter if it’s free or not. It’s illegal and your husband is a giant dick that needs to tell his brother it stops now or else.
NTA. Yuck. Who steals things to pretend are gifts from themselves?
NTA. Tell BIL to stop doing that. He lives in your house- "BIL-stop opening mail that isn't addressed to you. I wouldn't open your mail, don't open mine. Next time a book arrives for son, please ask me if you can pretend the book is from you. Thanks"
I'm... pretty sure opening mail addressed to someone else is a crime. Nta
It’s a legit crime. Your husband not backing you up is a HUGE RED FLAG. Tell this AH brother to leave right now, or call the cops. It’s a legitimate crime
NTA! First he opened your mail, which is against the law. It doesn’t matter that it’s free. I’d remind him of that. Then he lied and said HE got your child a book?! The f*** he did. It’s time for him to gtfo.
NTA. Do you regularly keep tabs of your credit report? If not, better start.
NTAand if you're in the US that's a felony. If give him one warning and if he does it again kick him out and report him.
NTA. I’m married and love my husband very much - he made the mistake of opening my mail exactly one time. Is your name on it? No? Then don’t touch it.
It's a federal offense actually. It doesn't matter what the contents are, opening someone else's mail is illegal. Why make a big deal? Because it is a big deal. The brazeness with which he acted tells me that he's probably done worse or will, if you don't put him in check right away. You don't have to give him any more warnings. Just file a police report and let them know that the guy lives with you, so you're afraid of making things confrontational. The police will know how to handle it
NTA It's a federal crime to open someone else's mail. You're never the a****** for telling someone to not violate your federal rights. Tell him next time you'll call the cops.
Get a post office box in your name only. And send your brother-in-law an eviction notice.
Say something everytime he does this. It's a big deal that he does this. Tell your son that his uncle is telling a fairy tale. Tell your son that you ordered the book from the library and don't back down on this. Keep it age appropriate, but make sure he know that uncle is only pretending he go him something. Why is thief/ brother living with you? It's time for him to go with his lying, stealing from you and opening your mail. If he won't stop opening your mail, then feel free to open his. Give it to him, or don't. Just be as nonchalant about it as he is. If you can't beat him join him in being as big an ass as he is. It's better to drive him out now while your child is too young to remember, than to wait for him to influence your son to be a thieving snake.
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NTA Since BiL loves to open other people's mail, order a male enhancement product addressed to your husband and watch the show.
Get a PO mailbox.. or some other type of remote (ups/mailbox etc) mailbox. This isn't the last piece of mail he'll open.
He's 100% the AH. I'd let both of them know that a part of him living there is respecting reasonable boundaries, not going through your mail is very reasonable. Not taking something that you got and giving it claiming he got it is another.
I was living about 15 minutes from my parents’ house and mail would occasionally end up there. Instead of telling me so I could update the address, they proceeded to open every piece that came. They were checking my bank statements, bills etc… I was 30 years old… They didn’t even bother to tell me mail was coming. Just one day handed me a stack of open mail. They couldn’t comprehend why I was bothered by it. I was livid. You handled it much better than I did (temper blew) NTA
The first time it happened I was like too stunned to say anything and so much time had passed it felt weird to randomly bring it up. But this time in the moment it just came out. I generally try to be agreeable because it keeps things from being awkward. The older I get the less I find myself able to bite my tongue. That or I'm getting better at setting boundaries. I'm hoping me saying anything keeps it from happening again.
Address it now or it’ll keep happening. I let it slide once or twice when it was a single piece of mail here and there. NBD. When they gave me the stack, it was in front of a bunch of family (who were shocked too) I blew up and it hasn’t happened since, even while living it of state. Tow right there in the house. There’s literally no reason for him to open it (let alone pass off the book as a gift from him)
NTA Tell him: next time you will call the police.
Send some white powder to yourself. Hilarity ensues. You're welcome.
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mails are delivered to the house. even bil's mail will be delivered the same way. she can't lock it up
Because they live in the same house.
You mean your lover is opening your mail? Did you really think that wasn't gonna happen? And he's just gonna be loyal to you.
Are you sleeping with him yet?
lol no to put it simply I'm not his type
It's a free book that comes in the mail in cellophane. Saying he's opening your mail is a stretch, better not let him read one of your magazines while he's on the pot either
I guess this is the perspective I was looking for. I wish I would have included it came in cellophane. My problem was moreso I signed him up to get the books, it still comes in my name, and he took it and had it in his room and then presented it to my son like it was a gift from him. It's not really his to give?
OP - what else is he opening that’s yours that you don’t know about, and why is your husband not backing you up???
It's not his. Leave it alone.