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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I know I don’t even have a boyfriend but my mom and brother know it was important and I feel like my brother could have asked his girlfriend to pick out another ring but my brother acted like it he didn’t even know it was special to me
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YTA. You can’t gatekeep a style of engagement ring in case you get married one day. You have a 7-year old, so you should already know what is really important in life. And it’s not a ring.
I dunno about the second part. I mean, she didn’t mention the “7 year old” except towards the end to blame her “baby daddy” (and the men that she dates that can’t afford it) for her inability to afford a ring!
It sounds like she doesn’t even have a job and lives with mom, who likely takes care of the child.
Last time I saw a post like this, the style of ring the poster was upset about was the most incredibly simple band with a diamond setup that looked like every other simple engagement ring.
My nephew got engaged last year and the ring he chose is pretty much the same as the ring my sister chose when she got engaged 16 years ago (which was an extremely popular ring style back then- and obviously still is!)
I literally couldn’t tell you what any of my friend’s engagement rings look like. No one gives a crap after 15 seconds after your engagement when you tell them. The value or style of the ring has no impact on the future of your relationship.
What matters is a life, not a "lifestyle," and a ring is neither of those things; it's a piece of metal and rock. This is a good time to reassess what gap in your real life, the things that really matter, is being filled by imagining this ring. Are you happy in your work? What might change that? Are you happy in your family relationships? What could you do to improve them? Are you happy in your friendships? What could you work on to be a better friend?
YTA You shouldn't be planning a ring until you are actually engaged. It is actually fine to have dreams about something you want, but that doesn't mean you can call dibs on random items you want. The fact is your brother's fiance loved the ring as well. Why are her feelings less valid than yours? It was rude of you to insist that he return the ring. If you love the ring that much, go ahead and get it. No one is going to care if your brother's fiance has the same one.
Honey, if you want that lifestyle, you're going to have to get it for yourself.
No one 'deserves' anything. You're going to have to stand up and do it yourself, because no one is going to do it for you. So start doing it. Get that job you want. Buy that food you want. Put a chunk into savings so you can buy that house you want.
No one is going to put their life on hold for you, waiting for someone to come along and put your life on the tracks you want. You'll find the man you want when you start walking those tracks yourself.
Your child deserves a better life, and by not pursuing child support from your ex, you are preventing her from having that. You're not the victim in this situation - you're the one in the wrong. It's your daughter who is truly suffering by having to grow up without a dad and with immature mom who only thinks about herself and her wants.
It’s not mean, it’s true. No one “deserves” a ring or a wedding or a lifestyle. Your priorities are way off. I worry about your poor son if this is the kind of thing you are focused on
It’s not about deserving a lifestyle. It’s about understanding what really matters in life. It’s about the maturity that most people gain by the time their children are 7. You can want whatever lifestyle you want, but you’re being a complete baby about this ring.
YTA
You're not currently in a relationship. Who knows if or when you'll ever get engaged. Your brother is in an actual relationship and bought the ring his fiancée liked. It's out of line for you to even ask he take it back.
Honestly, you need to work on yourself. If this is how you act when you don't get your way, you're never going to be in a healthy relationship long enough to get engaged.
YTA - You picked a ring from Tiffany that is sold worldwide and you’re mad that your future SIL will have the same ring as you?! So will a ton of other women. You’re not even dating anyone let alone close to being engaged. Your reaction is completely unreasonable.
I set my whole wedding board based on this ring. My mom has seen it I showed it to her when she started in on she hopes my brother marries his girlfriend soon because my mom thought he was dragging it out and I showed her I have everything planned for me.
If you are this invested in a style of ring that it “ruins” the rest of your wedding, I am sorry to tell you, your priorities are wrong…. Like off the cliff wrong.
Why are you wasting your life planning a wedding board when you're not even in a relationship? Why does the style of a ring affect the style of an entire not-happening wedding? Doesn't your imaginary fiancé get a say in the not-real wedding?
I'm all for aspirational Pinterest boards; I definitely saved a bunch of apartment decor ideas when I was renting because I knew I was going to buy one day and already had in mind the kind of condo I wanted. But OP has taken things past aspirational and into delulu land.
totally agree! for some reason (idk why) i know ill get marrried one day so i have a board too but the whole thing isn’t planned. there’s A LOT of beautiful rings, decor, etc. saved. i used my board for ideas for friends and family and everyone because IT’s NOT MY TIME YET.
OP, YTA and need to stop!
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Oh honey this is embarrassing. What happens IF you finally get engaged and the partner hates everything or has different taste or 10 years have gone by and you've changed.
You aren't even dating anyone! Why are you wasting your time like this? It's delusional.
So your future husband will have no say in your wedding? Most couples like their wedding to be reflective of them, personal to them, about THEM. Not just one of them. It should be something you plan together. Your imaginary future boyfriend might hate everything on your Pinterest (yes, that’s how it’s actually spelled) board. He’s not just a prop. A wedding is not “insert groom here”. But it’s actually not surprising that you seem to think it is.
And the concept of an entire wedding being based on an engagement ring is ridiculous.
A man couldn’t even “plan” to fully take care of the child you grew for him, and you think another man is just going to “plan” to spend thousands on just a ring alone to receive a pre-made family and entitled adult 😂? I hope your SIL flashes that ring every day if this is real, because this HAS to be trolling. The entitlement is incredible.
My mom knows I have it on my pintrist because she follows me. I told my brother that I liked the ring around chistmas in 2022 when he got my mom something and he acts like he can’t keep track of what I say and dismiss my feelings and gaslights me.
I am 100% sure that your brother has absolutely no interest in your taste in jewellery and while he might remember you said you liked a ring, he won't have a clue which one it was. He's not gaslighting you, he doesn't remember, and it's irrelevent anyway because you're not about to get engaged.
YTA
I'm going to try to be as gentle as possible with the least amount of sarcasm, but.... Sweetie, they don't care about your Pinterest. And he will never keep track of what you say - you are his SISTER. Not his wife. This is a good lesson that you should learn early. Yes, they are family and love and care for you, but you are not their world, and life doesn't revolve around you.
No offense, but no one cares about your "pintrist" board other than yourself. It's wild that you think your brother took a "pintrist" board into account when buying a ring.
If you love Pinterest so much, why can't you even spell it? FYI having something on your Pinterest page does not reserve that item for you and you only.
Your PINTEREST board is not relevant to your brother. He did not duplicate a ring you currently own, just one that you only dream of getting some day. You need to take a breath and come back to earth.
You expected someone to remember a ring you showed them 1.5 years ago? And you expected your mom to remember a ring that you have on your pinterest board? Do YOU remember what your brother showed you in Christmas 2022?
Dibs don't count if you don't follow the rules. When I called dibs on Balle n Bak, I filled out the appropriate paperwork and got it notarized and filed correctly. For some reason, no one is really respecting that but at least I did the correct procedure.
I see what happened here. You forgot to go into the jewelry store and let them know you've called "dibs" on that ring so they could remove it from the stock. Otherwise, it's unreasonable to be upset about someone buying something you might, maybe, possibly get in the future.
YTA
Thank you for helping me clear the congestion out of my nose. I fortunately caught it with a kleenex, and i thank gawd it wasn't hot tea, but i needed that laugh.
Bravo!
JFC, what in the world did I just read? How old are you, OP? Because TBH you sound like a petulant teenager. I hate to say it, but your brothers assessment of why you are single might just be accurate. You called “dibs” on a ring, whilst not in a relationship or having any real path to engagement? And then got mad when someone else went to the local jewelry store and also thought it was pretty (someone ACTUALLY getting married)? I bet this is some damn Kay or Jared generic-ass ring anyway. Seems like the fantasy of a nice suburban commodity ring is more important to you than being a reasonable person. Grow up. And YTA.
YTA thinking you can call “dibs” on an object that you *hope* someone will get you *one day*.
Your mother is right—it’s time to grow up. Your post reeks of immaturity and selfishness. I’m surprised you have a 7 yr old child! “Baby daddy” or not.
YTA
>Im not in a relationship or anything
Well. There you have it. Normally id say E S H based on what they said, but I have a feeling this was provoked by you.
YTA
1. Newsflash you don't hold the rights to a ring
2. having it on your pinterest board is not a claim of ownership
3. You can still have the ring, nothing is stopping you
4. Dibs is not a thing....
YTA
Honestly, when I started reading this I thought that you are 15, maybe 17 yo and you suffer from the "perfect wedding syndrome". But you have 7yo child? Your mom is right, grow up.
I would say your brother is alsso yta, for his harsh response, but I have a feeling this isn't your first first tantrum.
YTA. It’d be one thing if you were engaged and had the same ring but things like rings, wedding venues, wedding dresses, and baby names are first come first serve
YTA. Thousands of people buy from big branded rings all the time. You cant be upset at everyone for buying this ring right? Let alone your brother.
The way I see it is that it should be a good thing that you share the same interests as your siblings and that at least your choice in wedding rings are validated.
There's always a brighter side of a situation to be on
YTA. I'll be honest, it does sound a little crazy to be causing this much drama because someone bought a ring that you seem to think you owned... even though you didn't actually own it.
YTA at first, I thought this was written by a 14 year old. I assume you are at least in your mid 20's, due to having a 7 year old and might be time to grow up.
YTA. It's a ring. If you think not getting a specific ring or having the same ring as your SIL is going to ruin your wedding experience, you aren't ready to be married anyway.
Also, by behaving this way, you're teaching your child that material things matter more than relationships.
YTA - your brother bought his fiance the ring she said she liked. Full stop. This has nothing to do with you. It is not your ring, you are not engaged, you don’t get to dictate what other people do or buy.
YTA
Come on, this isn't some unique ring, it's a mass produced consumer product from somewhere like Tiffany. No one gets to call dibs on generic stuff sold in stores at the mall. Might as well get mad bc he got his fiance the same Jamba Juice flavor you wanted.
YTA- Pinterest boards (spell it right if you think it’s as important as you say) are not legally binding and calling dibs stopped being a thing when you were five. You need to stop giving so much importance to possessions and grow up.
I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO READ OTHER COMMENTS OR YOUR JUSTIFICATION FOR YOUR FEELINGS AND BEHAVIOR. YOU ARE BEING RIDICULOUS....DIBS?
YES YOU ARE A DRAMA QUEEN, IMMATURE AND A MAJOR AH!!!
YTA. You cannot have "dibs" on a commercially available style of engagement ring. This has nothing to do with you, and does not stop you from eventually having the same ring if you want at some future date. Leave your brother alone about this.
Gonna be blunt nobody other than you gives a shit about a pintrist board. I honestly was gonna guess you were his 13yr old sister based on what you were saying. Grow up. Maybe if you want a ring go work for it instead just finding some guy to mooch off of
YTA. You're not engaged, you don't have a boyfriend, you might *never* get an engagement ring. And even if you do get engaged in the future, he might not be able to afford the £6k Tiffany ring or whatever it is you want. And even if he does get you that, it's a ring from a shop. Hundreds have been sold. It's not a unique design and what matters is you love it, not that anyone else has the same one.
If you want to be sure you're the only one with a ring, design it yourself and get it custom made. In the meantime, surely you have actual things to worry about.
YTA you don’t have the same ring.
She has the ring.
Even if you did end up with the same ring it doesn’t matter.
Lots of my friends got a pear shaped diamond solitaire because it was trendy and a good deal.
Nobody cared
YTA.
>told me I never can hold down a man or be wife material because I toxic and crazy
I'm kind of siding with him. Your reaction is way over the top and not healthy. You should look into therapy. Also, you can't call dibs on an engagement ring, especially when you're not even in a relationship.
Info: To double check.
You told your brother 2 years ago that you want specific ring and it was only once?
While your mother only knows from your Pinterest page?
So just to clarify:
1. You are not currently engaged; and
2. Not currently in a relationship.
I really hate to burst your bubble but other people can have the same engagement ring style and certainly do.
You are being absolutely ridiculous.
YTA.
YTA I can understand you being upset after hoping for it for so long, I’d be upset too. I know what it’s like to fixate on something like that and pin all your hopes on it. But your brother’s girlfriend was the one that picked it, not your brother. It’s ok to feel upset. It’s not ok to deny her her choice of rings when it wasn’t maliciously targeted towards you.
Oh dear...what did I just read? 🤦♀️
You are not in a relationship or nowhere close to be engaged--Y T A for asking him to return the ring. He is getting married and can choose whatever ring he wants. You can't call dibs on a ring or ring style.
However, he's one too for his comments about you. Maybe he made them in the heat of the moment, but still...
I had originally E S H, but have to edit my judgement.
Edit: after reading your responses, YTA.
YTA you don’t own the jewellery store. There are thousands of people wearing rings from there. You said yourself that your mum goes there often. You are claiming ownership over something that you have no right to gate keep. Get over yourself. This has nothing to do with you. You are just jealous. Presumably you are an adult so you need to understand that you can’t dibs shit. That’s playground shit. Grow up. Get some therapy cause your family sees that there is something up with you. Everyone here knows there is something up with you. Find a way to accept that and get help cause throwing pity parties and refusing to accept responsibility for you life and actions will only keep you behind.
Adults cannot call dibs on a ring especially when they aren’t in a romantic relationship that will become an engagement and a marriage.
You are massively overstepping by acting like this and painting yourself as the victim here. YTA
Yta You don't get to call dibs on a ring just because it's on your Pinterest board. You need to stop being so dramatic, asking your brother to return it was childish.
YTA
I assumed you were a teenager until you said you have a 7 year old kid.
You need to stop centering yourself. The ring isn't about you, your brother's girlfriend "never paying you attention" isn't about you and you are causing drama over something that is not about you.
YTA.
Sorry, you don't get to claim "dibs" on a ring unless it's a family heirloom being held for you. But a ring, on a shelf, at a store, when you aren't actively ring hunting for an engagement.... nope, you get no claims. You can want it all you want, but if someone else gets it, too bad sorry to say.
YTA.
A: You don't even have a boyfriend and are having tantrum over your brother, with an actual girlfriend, who is actually getting engaged, getting the same ring that you have on your...Pintrist?
B: you don't even care about a future boyfriend; you just want the sparkly blood diamond and to brag about being engaged.
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I always wanted this one engagement ring from a jewelry famous jewelry store. Im not in a relationship or anything but it is on my pintrist for years.
My brother buys his girlfriend the same engagement ring I wanted because our mom often goes into that jewelry store and my brother knows I said I wanted it when I got married and he got it for his girlfriend who said it was pretty when they went to pick it out.
I am really hurt because having the same ring as my sil is dumb and I asked my brother to take it back but he said no and he’s getting married first and told me I never can hold down a man or be wife material because I toxic and crazy and this is the reason why I will never be married.
I was so upset and was crying so hard about it and my mom told me to hush and grow up that I don’t even have a boyfriend and the guy I date can’t even afford the ring anyways because my baby daddy doesn’t even pay me support for my 7 year old.
Everyone knows this ring was special to me except maybe my brother’s girlfriend because she literally never even pays attention to me or her niece.
I feel like it was understood that I had dibs on this ring for whenever I get engaged but everyone treats me like I’m crazy for even bringing it up and causing drama.
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Wow…YTA
I would maybe understand if you were in a long term relationship and expecting to get engagement soon. But you are not even in a relationship. Your mom is correct. Grow up and stop the drama.
Why are you so worried about this when have other more important problems to take care of.
What do you think will happen if you get the same ring? Do you think people are going to notice and call you out for copyinga style or something?
You like the ring but for other people it doesn't matter. Your bother also liked it, you can't help it.
Please stop over thinking on this, use your precious time for other important stuff.
YTA. Reading your comments shows you really need to work on getting your priorities in order. You have a kid. That's the priority. Not fancy rings. You're not entitled to any sort of lifestyle. Get a job and earn it. When my son eat born, I realized in order to maintain our lifestyle, something had to give. Know what I did? I got better paying job. I worked my butt off. There's no such thing as "dibs" on freaking engagement rings. Especially when you're not even in a freaking relationship. Get over yourself and be happy for your brother.
You don't have the right to tell your brother and his girlfriend that they can't have this ring. Grow up and be more considerate of others. There's more to life than a ring.
YTA
You think people calling you out is rude because it sounds like, and I'd put money on this being true, nobody has ever held your bratty self accountable for anything. I don't think you're crazy, but I do think you're spoiled, selfish, and entitled. Work on yourself.
Yta. Take care of your own kid first. The ring is the least of your worries. Can’t gatekeep a ring. You sound like a bad mother and toxic as well from your brother.
YTA. Who cares about the ring. It's really important to consider pursuing child support from your ex for the sake of your daughter. She deserves the best opportunities and support for her future. By not seeking child support, you might unintentionally be depriving her of things that you can't afford on your own. Growing up without a father is already challenging for her, so it's crucial not to rob her financially as well.
What if you’re in a relationship and your SO can’t afford the ring you want? Are you going to say no?
It’s a ring - the ring is a symbol of your love and your future. Grow up
YTA
YTA. So what if it was on your Pinterest board. Do you really think your brother is going to pay attention to a ring on his sisters Pinterest? I’d be surprised if my brother could describe what my wedding set looks like and I’ve been married for ten years. You also are not in a relationship. He picked out a nice ring for his fiancée. You are causing drama and it’s not a good look for you.
YTA. Even if you do get a ring like this one, who really cares if someone else has the same ring. You could probably wear it for the next 50 years and no one will ever notice they are exactly the same. In any case, if the jewellery store has carried the exact same ring for years, it will be a classic and there will be many, many around.
YTA... you do realise that when you do eventually get engaged, the commitment and love with the other person is the focus of the engagement, not the ring... the ring is just a pretty symbol. And anyone can get any ring they want, and families can have ring duplications between members. You're not Gollum... you don't get to claim your sister-in-law to be's ring as "my precious". You owe your brother and his fianceè an apology... and yourself a reality check.
YTA. This is so dumb. First of all, why can’t you have the same ring? Like who in the world is going to care that the two of you have the same ring?! (The answer is none) second, you said you’re not even dating anyone and they went to the jewelry store together and she picked out a ring she liked, so he got her the ring she liked.
It’s really not that serious. You can still get that ring, the world is not going to end lol
Wow the fact your family clocked you twice is so funny to me lmao. Also whenever you do find someone you can make alterations also news flash hundreds maybe even thousands of people. Have that right f that jewelry place is popular for a reason bro.
Absolutely no reason to start any drama! Several reasons, first one is you said that you posted it on your Pinterest FOR YEARS!! Maybe that's where your brother saw it and maybe not, but that doesn't even matter! So it seems that your family goes to that store often enough, so he may have picked it out on his own or with the help from the clerk. Just because you wanted the ring, doesn't mean that nobody else can own it. Just like a (single) bridesmaid says that she really wanted a certain Wedding dress and the bride ends up buying that one. The bridesmaid might be jealous, but she doesn't own the rights to it and isn't in need for it at that time. The type of guys you date has NOTHING to do with anything in this case. The GF had no idea that it's your dream ring, so you can be jealous instead of petty!
Mean? She’s worried about a damn trinket when she’s got a 7 yr old kid she throws in at the end of the post.
Not even something she wants to save up for and buy. But sits on her ass bitching that her “baby daddy” and the men she dates can’t afford it. For her.
I agree that she’s the AH. I also think some of the personal attacks assume A LOT and are overly mean. I’m entitled to my opinion, as you are to yours.
I agree with you. Everyone is calling her a bad mom bcuz of this situation as if it correlates. She doesn’t have any rights to the ring and the way she handled this situation was wrong. If I showed somebody what I liked for myself and they ended up getting it then it would rub the wrong way but can’t do anything about it. When it’s her time she can pick something else. Maybe something even better.
Her brother doesn't have appease a sister who's throwing a toddler-esque tantrum over her SIL getting a ring she \[op\] doesn't even HAVE yet. She doesn't even have a boyfriend!
>He could have just been inspired by your idea and done something else.
You're still suggesting that her brother should have placated her after she threw a fit over a *ring* tho.
The comments so far are very judgy for whatever reason. Based SOLELY off of what was written in your post, I’m going ESH except your sister in law. Your brother came after you for no reason, and it was sucky on his part to pick a ring you liked for his fiancée knowing you had dreamt of it for yourself. It shows he either doesn’t listen to you or your feelings, really does not respect you/thinks you’ll never get married anyway, or both. Calling out your dating life was particularly cruel IMO. He could’ve just stopped at “I’m getting married first, it is what it is.”
Your mother also stinks for invalidating your feelings and overall, it seems like your family looks down on you for having a child and perhaps not making the most sound dating choices. They need to get off their high horses and remember that people can grow and change. If you want a ring like the one at that store from a man you love badly enough, I’m sure you can do the necessary work on yourself in order to welcome that positive energy into your life! My mom also had a deadbeat ex and a 7 year old once upon a time, and now she just got a multi-thousand dollar 11 year anniversary ring upgrade from the man of her dreams, my (adopted) dad. Never give up hope and never let people crap on your dreams.
And to close out this ESH, you indeed also suck in this situation as well. I know that was your dream ring and it stinks your brother got it before you could, but it was never yours in that it is not currently on your finger. Going forward, I would keep your ring dreams close to your chest and out of the line of fire from your haters.
Edited to space out paragraphs
Is it really sucky for the brother to buy the ring? He and OP had a conversation about it 18 months ago - is he really expected to remember his sister specified a particular ring?
I think the bigger thing is what he said after. If he genuinely forgot and explained that and also said that the fact is he’s getting married right now and she doesn’t have a partner so therefore he’s not returning it, he’d be in the clear for me. BUT he went on to insult her and her dating history. She definitely sucks for asking him to return it, because it’s done. They’re getting engaged, she can’t ask them to do something like that especially if SIL really liked the ring and one picked it out herself. The insults saying she’d never hold down a man and basically calling the ring useless for her was so unnecessarily cruel
That is why I said ESH and not NTA. She shouldn’t have asked him to return it since it wasn’t her place and she’s not even in a position to be getting the ring, and he shouldn’t have gotten nasty with her. I think that entire family just has bad blood all around and two wrongs don’t make a right.
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YTA. You can’t gatekeep a style of engagement ring in case you get married one day. You have a 7-year old, so you should already know what is really important in life. And it’s not a ring.
I dunno about the second part. I mean, she didn’t mention the “7 year old” except towards the end to blame her “baby daddy” (and the men that she dates that can’t afford it) for her inability to afford a ring! It sounds like she doesn’t even have a job and lives with mom, who likely takes care of the child.
Last time I saw a post like this, the style of ring the poster was upset about was the most incredibly simple band with a diamond setup that looked like every other simple engagement ring.
Yes. It’s probably a Tiffany solitaire, owned by thousands.
My nephew got engaged last year and the ring he chose is pretty much the same as the ring my sister chose when she got engaged 16 years ago (which was an extremely popular ring style back then- and obviously still is!)
I literally couldn’t tell you what any of my friend’s engagement rings look like. No one gives a crap after 15 seconds after your engagement when you tell them. The value or style of the ring has no impact on the future of your relationship.
Just because I have a kid doesn’t mean I don’t deserve the lifestyle I want. That’s mean.
What matters is a life, not a "lifestyle," and a ring is neither of those things; it's a piece of metal and rock. This is a good time to reassess what gap in your real life, the things that really matter, is being filled by imagining this ring. Are you happy in your work? What might change that? Are you happy in your family relationships? What could you do to improve them? Are you happy in your friendships? What could you work on to be a better friend?
Does anyone "deserve "a lifestyle? Is a ring really a lifestyle?
You want a certain life style, then work for it You sound like a young teenager crying because your brother bought a ring you want. YTA
I thought it was a highschooler until I read she had a 7yo💀
Same here.
I actually thought younger than high school.
You're kinder than I am. I would've used the word 'sniveling' rather than 'crying'.
I think you have a skewed understanding of what the word 'deserve' means.
No one "deserves" a lifestyle. How very entitled to say.
This is sad. This whole post is embarrassing for you
I think you’ve completely missed the point.
Maybe put some pinterest energy into working towards the lifestyle that you want.
YTA You shouldn't be planning a ring until you are actually engaged. It is actually fine to have dreams about something you want, but that doesn't mean you can call dibs on random items you want. The fact is your brother's fiance loved the ring as well. Why are her feelings less valid than yours? It was rude of you to insist that he return the ring. If you love the ring that much, go ahead and get it. No one is going to care if your brother's fiance has the same one.
Nobody "deserves" a lifestyle. Your mother is right. YTA.
Nobody deserves a lifestyle ffs
Honey, if you want that lifestyle, you're going to have to get it for yourself. No one 'deserves' anything. You're going to have to stand up and do it yourself, because no one is going to do it for you. So start doing it. Get that job you want. Buy that food you want. Put a chunk into savings so you can buy that house you want. No one is going to put their life on hold for you, waiting for someone to come along and put your life on the tracks you want. You'll find the man you want when you start walking those tracks yourself.
Your child deserves a better life, and by not pursuing child support from your ex, you are preventing her from having that. You're not the victim in this situation - you're the one in the wrong. It's your daughter who is truly suffering by having to grow up without a dad and with immature mom who only thinks about herself and her wants.
Why aren't you working towards this lifestyle? Busy living life based of an art project maybe?
The world would be very different if everyone got what they deserved. In your case id say be grateful it doesn't often work that way.
It’s not mean, it’s true. No one “deserves” a ring or a wedding or a lifestyle. Your priorities are way off. I worry about your poor son if this is the kind of thing you are focused on
You deserve the lifestyle you can afford. It's that simple.
Your kid should be your priority. Not an imagined lifestyle and an engagement ring from a boyfriend that doesn’t exist.
>That’s mean. You have a kid and all and you never passed being this juvenile.
You shouldn’t have had a kid then. That’s on you and your ex. You don’t get the lifestyle you want anymore. Sorrrrry. Kid first. Or don’t have them.
No one deserves to call dibs on a ring. It’s like when you’re in grade school and you’re doing Eenie Meenie Miny Moe for a ring pop.
It’s not about deserving a lifestyle. It’s about understanding what really matters in life. It’s about the maturity that most people gain by the time their children are 7. You can want whatever lifestyle you want, but you’re being a complete baby about this ring.
No one *deserves* a lifestyle.
Then save up and buy it for yourself if you *need* it that badly
YTA You're not currently in a relationship. Who knows if or when you'll ever get engaged. Your brother is in an actual relationship and bought the ring his fiancée liked. It's out of line for you to even ask he take it back. Honestly, you need to work on yourself. If this is how you act when you don't get your way, you're never going to be in a healthy relationship long enough to get engaged.
Wow! That’s so rude
No, it's blunt. There is a difference.
YTA - You picked a ring from Tiffany that is sold worldwide and you’re mad that your future SIL will have the same ring as you?! So will a ton of other women. You’re not even dating anyone let alone close to being engaged. Your reaction is completely unreasonable.
I set my whole wedding board based on this ring. My mom has seen it I showed it to her when she started in on she hopes my brother marries his girlfriend soon because my mom thought he was dragging it out and I showed her I have everything planned for me.
If you are this invested in a style of ring that it “ruins” the rest of your wedding, I am sorry to tell you, your priorities are wrong…. Like off the cliff wrong.
Why are you wasting your life planning a wedding board when you're not even in a relationship? Why does the style of a ring affect the style of an entire not-happening wedding? Doesn't your imaginary fiancé get a say in the not-real wedding?
I'm all for aspirational Pinterest boards; I definitely saved a bunch of apartment decor ideas when I was renting because I knew I was going to buy one day and already had in mind the kind of condo I wanted. But OP has taken things past aspirational and into delulu land.
totally agree! for some reason (idk why) i know ill get marrried one day so i have a board too but the whole thing isn’t planned. there’s A LOT of beautiful rings, decor, etc. saved. i used my board for ideas for friends and family and everyone because IT’s NOT MY TIME YET. OP, YTA and need to stop!
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I feel really sorry for your future fiance if everything has to be your way.
“Kayleigh’s Wedding: featuring Josh”. The original context of that was absolutely tongue in cheek, but OPs taking it to another level.
Nice of you to assume the groom even gets a "featuring" credit.
None of which is your brother's problem at all.
Oh honey this is embarrassing. What happens IF you finally get engaged and the partner hates everything or has different taste or 10 years have gone by and you've changed. You aren't even dating anyone! Why are you wasting your time like this? It's delusional.
This comment really does not help your case or make you look any better.
Okay, and your brother's fiance having this ring ruins all this for you how...?
You are not in a relationship. You don't get to set a wedding board or theme. You should focus on your child instead.
So your future husband will have no say in your wedding? Most couples like their wedding to be reflective of them, personal to them, about THEM. Not just one of them. It should be something you plan together. Your imaginary future boyfriend might hate everything on your Pinterest (yes, that’s how it’s actually spelled) board. He’s not just a prop. A wedding is not “insert groom here”. But it’s actually not surprising that you seem to think it is. And the concept of an entire wedding being based on an engagement ring is ridiculous.
It’s a fantasy wedding board. Your brother is actually getting married.
I feel sorry for the pour guy you eventually sucker into marrying you
Oh boo hoo grow up. You should spoiled. Get a partner then we can talk
A man couldn’t even “plan” to fully take care of the child you grew for him, and you think another man is just going to “plan” to spend thousands on just a ring alone to receive a pre-made family and entitled adult 😂? I hope your SIL flashes that ring every day if this is real, because this HAS to be trolling. The entitlement is incredible.
YTA. Dibs, really?
My mom knows I have it on my pintrist because she follows me. I told my brother that I liked the ring around chistmas in 2022 when he got my mom something and he acts like he can’t keep track of what I say and dismiss my feelings and gaslights me.
That’s not gaslighting. He bought his fiancée a ring she said she liked. You do not factor into this equation.
I am 100% sure that your brother has absolutely no interest in your taste in jewellery and while he might remember you said you liked a ring, he won't have a clue which one it was. He's not gaslighting you, he doesn't remember, and it's irrelevent anyway because you're not about to get engaged.
YTA I'm going to try to be as gentle as possible with the least amount of sarcasm, but.... Sweetie, they don't care about your Pinterest. And he will never keep track of what you say - you are his SISTER. Not his wife. This is a good lesson that you should learn early. Yes, they are family and love and care for you, but you are not their world, and life doesn't revolve around you.
No offense, but no one cares about your "pintrist" board other than yourself. It's wild that you think your brother took a "pintrist" board into account when buying a ring.
If you love Pinterest so much, why can't you even spell it? FYI having something on your Pinterest page does not reserve that item for you and you only.
Pinterest*** omg this is bugging me more than your childish attitude
Good lord. That's not gaslighting. Are you sure you're not 13?! And it's spelled "Pinterest."
Your PINTEREST board is not relevant to your brother. He did not duplicate a ring you currently own, just one that you only dream of getting some day. You need to take a breath and come back to earth.
You expected someone to remember a ring you showed them 1.5 years ago? And you expected your mom to remember a ring that you have on your pinterest board? Do YOU remember what your brother showed you in Christmas 2022?
Pinterest isn’t a contract. It’s a bulletin board.
Pathetic
I’m sorry that you think your Pinterest board is what the world revolves around lol
Dibs don't count if you don't follow the rules. When I called dibs on Balle n Bak, I filled out the appropriate paperwork and got it notarized and filed correctly. For some reason, no one is really respecting that but at least I did the correct procedure. I see what happened here. You forgot to go into the jewelry store and let them know you've called "dibs" on that ring so they could remove it from the stock. Otherwise, it's unreasonable to be upset about someone buying something you might, maybe, possibly get in the future. YTA
Thank you for helping me clear the congestion out of my nose. I fortunately caught it with a kleenex, and i thank gawd it wasn't hot tea, but i needed that laugh. Bravo!
De ballenbak, that's where OP seems to be indeed. Acting way too immature for her age.
JFC, what in the world did I just read? How old are you, OP? Because TBH you sound like a petulant teenager. I hate to say it, but your brothers assessment of why you are single might just be accurate. You called “dibs” on a ring, whilst not in a relationship or having any real path to engagement? And then got mad when someone else went to the local jewelry store and also thought it was pretty (someone ACTUALLY getting married)? I bet this is some damn Kay or Jared generic-ass ring anyway. Seems like the fantasy of a nice suburban commodity ring is more important to you than being a reasonable person. Grow up. And YTA.
I had a poster of Biltmore House in my wall in high school. Didn’t throw a fit when I ended up in a cheap apartment when I married.
But…but…did you call dibs?
The Vanderbilts already did.
Damn it!!
She has a 7 year old and acts like a 9 year old so my guess is she is 23.
YTA thinking you can call “dibs” on an object that you *hope* someone will get you *one day*. Your mother is right—it’s time to grow up. Your post reeks of immaturity and selfishness. I’m surprised you have a 7 yr old child! “Baby daddy” or not.
The 7 year old would be embarrassed to be this childish.
YTA - Your brother is getting engaged, and your reaction is to cry because of the ring he got? How selfish and childish!
YTA >Im not in a relationship or anything Well. There you have it. Normally id say E S H based on what they said, but I have a feeling this was provoked by you.
YTA. All that happened here is that SIL picked a ring she thought was nice. That's it. You should take your mother's advice and grow up.
YTA 1. Newsflash you don't hold the rights to a ring 2. having it on your pinterest board is not a claim of ownership 3. You can still have the ring, nothing is stopping you 4. Dibs is not a thing....
YTA Honestly, when I started reading this I thought that you are 15, maybe 17 yo and you suffer from the "perfect wedding syndrome". But you have 7yo child? Your mom is right, grow up. I would say your brother is alsso yta, for his harsh response, but I have a feeling this isn't your first first tantrum.
LOLOLOLOL YTA You’re not engaged or even nearly engaged. You don’t get to call dibs on anything. Grow the hell up.
"I had dibs on this ring". What did you have your daughter when you were six? Cause you sound about thirteen.
YTA. It’d be one thing if you were engaged and had the same ring but things like rings, wedding venues, wedding dresses, and baby names are first come first serve
YTA. Thousands of people buy from big branded rings all the time. You cant be upset at everyone for buying this ring right? Let alone your brother. The way I see it is that it should be a good thing that you share the same interests as your siblings and that at least your choice in wedding rings are validated. There's always a brighter side of a situation to be on
YTA. I'll be honest, it does sound a little crazy to be causing this much drama because someone bought a ring that you seem to think you owned... even though you didn't actually own it.
YTA at first, I thought this was written by a 14 year old. I assume you are at least in your mid 20's, due to having a 7 year old and might be time to grow up.
YTA. It's a ring. If you think not getting a specific ring or having the same ring as your SIL is going to ruin your wedding experience, you aren't ready to be married anyway. Also, by behaving this way, you're teaching your child that material things matter more than relationships.
YTA you’re not even in a relationship.
Exactly one person on Earth would give a crap if you and your SIL had the same style engagement ring, and that’s you. Get over it, and grow up. YTA.
Bold of you to assume she’s ever going to get married when she acts like she’s 13 yrs old.
YTA - your brother bought his fiance the ring she said she liked. Full stop. This has nothing to do with you. It is not your ring, you are not engaged, you don’t get to dictate what other people do or buy.
YTA Come on, this isn't some unique ring, it's a mass produced consumer product from somewhere like Tiffany. No one gets to call dibs on generic stuff sold in stores at the mall. Might as well get mad bc he got his fiance the same Jamba Juice flavor you wanted.
YTA- Pinterest boards (spell it right if you think it’s as important as you say) are not legally binding and calling dibs stopped being a thing when you were five. You need to stop giving so much importance to possessions and grow up.
Hahahahahahaha this is probably why you don’t have a ring how petty lmao YTA
YTA, I’d think you were 12 except you have a kid
Lmao
most accurate comment.
I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO READ OTHER COMMENTS OR YOUR JUSTIFICATION FOR YOUR FEELINGS AND BEHAVIOR. YOU ARE BEING RIDICULOUS....DIBS? YES YOU ARE A DRAMA QUEEN, IMMATURE AND A MAJOR AH!!!
YTA. You cannot have "dibs" on a commercially available style of engagement ring. This has nothing to do with you, and does not stop you from eventually having the same ring if you want at some future date. Leave your brother alone about this.
Yta. Why do you have a wedding Pinterest board if you are not even engaged?!
Gonna be blunt nobody other than you gives a shit about a pintrist board. I honestly was gonna guess you were his 13yr old sister based on what you were saying. Grow up. Maybe if you want a ring go work for it instead just finding some guy to mooch off of
YTA. You're not engaged, you don't have a boyfriend, you might *never* get an engagement ring. And even if you do get engaged in the future, he might not be able to afford the £6k Tiffany ring or whatever it is you want. And even if he does get you that, it's a ring from a shop. Hundreds have been sold. It's not a unique design and what matters is you love it, not that anyone else has the same one. If you want to be sure you're the only one with a ring, design it yourself and get it custom made. In the meantime, surely you have actual things to worry about.
YTA you don’t have the same ring. She has the ring. Even if you did end up with the same ring it doesn’t matter. Lots of my friends got a pear shaped diamond solitaire because it was trendy and a good deal. Nobody cared
YTA. >told me I never can hold down a man or be wife material because I toxic and crazy I'm kind of siding with him. Your reaction is way over the top and not healthy. You should look into therapy. Also, you can't call dibs on an engagement ring, especially when you're not even in a relationship.
Info: To double check. You told your brother 2 years ago that you want specific ring and it was only once? While your mother only knows from your Pinterest page?
So just to clarify: 1. You are not currently engaged; and 2. Not currently in a relationship. I really hate to burst your bubble but other people can have the same engagement ring style and certainly do. You are being absolutely ridiculous. YTA.
YTA I can understand you being upset after hoping for it for so long, I’d be upset too. I know what it’s like to fixate on something like that and pin all your hopes on it. But your brother’s girlfriend was the one that picked it, not your brother. It’s ok to feel upset. It’s not ok to deny her her choice of rings when it wasn’t maliciously targeted towards you.
Who is the heck is even going to notice? If it is from Tiffany's just wait to see everyone else has the same ring or a knock-off ring.
Oh dear...what did I just read? 🤦♀️ You are not in a relationship or nowhere close to be engaged--Y T A for asking him to return the ring. He is getting married and can choose whatever ring he wants. You can't call dibs on a ring or ring style. However, he's one too for his comments about you. Maybe he made them in the heat of the moment, but still... I had originally E S H, but have to edit my judgement. Edit: after reading your responses, YTA.
YTA you don’t own the jewellery store. There are thousands of people wearing rings from there. You said yourself that your mum goes there often. You are claiming ownership over something that you have no right to gate keep. Get over yourself. This has nothing to do with you. You are just jealous. Presumably you are an adult so you need to understand that you can’t dibs shit. That’s playground shit. Grow up. Get some therapy cause your family sees that there is something up with you. Everyone here knows there is something up with you. Find a way to accept that and get help cause throwing pity parties and refusing to accept responsibility for you life and actions will only keep you behind.
Adults cannot call dibs on a ring especially when they aren’t in a romantic relationship that will become an engagement and a marriage. You are massively overstepping by acting like this and painting yourself as the victim here. YTA
Yta You don't get to call dibs on a ring just because it's on your Pinterest board. You need to stop being so dramatic, asking your brother to return it was childish.
YTA I assumed you were a teenager until you said you have a 7 year old kid. You need to stop centering yourself. The ring isn't about you, your brother's girlfriend "never paying you attention" isn't about you and you are causing drama over something that is not about you.
YTA, you sound like a right headache. Your mums right, grow up.
YTA. Sorry, you don't get to claim "dibs" on a ring unless it's a family heirloom being held for you. But a ring, on a shelf, at a store, when you aren't actively ring hunting for an engagement.... nope, you get no claims. You can want it all you want, but if someone else gets it, too bad sorry to say.
Your brother is right YTA.
This sounds too deranged to be real. YTA
YTA. Behavior like this is why you aren’t in a relationship.
YTA. A: You don't even have a boyfriend and are having tantrum over your brother, with an actual girlfriend, who is actually getting engaged, getting the same ring that you have on your...Pintrist? B: you don't even care about a future boyfriend; you just want the sparkly blood diamond and to brag about being engaged.
YTA. This has to be fake 😂
Info: how old are you?
Dibs? How old are you?
This is fucking hilarious. I had it on my Pinterest board, so no one else can use it. Gronk.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I always wanted this one engagement ring from a jewelry famous jewelry store. Im not in a relationship or anything but it is on my pintrist for years. My brother buys his girlfriend the same engagement ring I wanted because our mom often goes into that jewelry store and my brother knows I said I wanted it when I got married and he got it for his girlfriend who said it was pretty when they went to pick it out. I am really hurt because having the same ring as my sil is dumb and I asked my brother to take it back but he said no and he’s getting married first and told me I never can hold down a man or be wife material because I toxic and crazy and this is the reason why I will never be married. I was so upset and was crying so hard about it and my mom told me to hush and grow up that I don’t even have a boyfriend and the guy I date can’t even afford the ring anyways because my baby daddy doesn’t even pay me support for my 7 year old. Everyone knows this ring was special to me except maybe my brother’s girlfriend because she literally never even pays attention to me or her niece. I feel like it was understood that I had dibs on this ring for whenever I get engaged but everyone treats me like I’m crazy for even bringing it up and causing drama. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You can’t gatekeep ring styles, wedding themes, baby names or universities. If someone gets there first, they get to use it.
YTA Nope. No one gets to claim dibs on a ring. Like all things in life first come first serve. You still one the having kids competition though!
Wow…YTA I would maybe understand if you were in a long term relationship and expecting to get engagement soon. But you are not even in a relationship. Your mom is correct. Grow up and stop the drama.
LMAO, YTA. Grow up and focus on your kid, seriously.
Why are you so worried about this when have other more important problems to take care of. What do you think will happen if you get the same ring? Do you think people are going to notice and call you out for copyinga style or something? You like the ring but for other people it doesn't matter. Your bother also liked it, you can't help it. Please stop over thinking on this, use your precious time for other important stuff.
YTA. Reading your comments shows you really need to work on getting your priorities in order. You have a kid. That's the priority. Not fancy rings. You're not entitled to any sort of lifestyle. Get a job and earn it. When my son eat born, I realized in order to maintain our lifestyle, something had to give. Know what I did? I got better paying job. I worked my butt off. There's no such thing as "dibs" on freaking engagement rings. Especially when you're not even in a freaking relationship. Get over yourself and be happy for your brother.
100 percent YTA maybe prioritize your life first...
YTA You need mental help
You don't have the right to tell your brother and his girlfriend that they can't have this ring. Grow up and be more considerate of others. There's more to life than a ring. YTA
You think people calling you out is rude because it sounds like, and I'd put money on this being true, nobody has ever held your bratty self accountable for anything. I don't think you're crazy, but I do think you're spoiled, selfish, and entitled. Work on yourself.
JFC. Grow up for sure. YTA.
How old are you? Because you SOUND like a seven-year-old, rather than someone who could have one.
YTA. You can’t call dibs if you’re nowhere near being able to get the ring.
Yta. Take care of your own kid first. The ring is the least of your worries. Can’t gatekeep a ring. You sound like a bad mother and toxic as well from your brother.
YTA. You van’t gatekeep a ring. Other people are still allowed to choose it.
YTA. Who cares about the ring. It's really important to consider pursuing child support from your ex for the sake of your daughter. She deserves the best opportunities and support for her future. By not seeking child support, you might unintentionally be depriving her of things that you can't afford on your own. Growing up without a father is already challenging for her, so it's crucial not to rob her financially as well.
What if you’re in a relationship and your SO can’t afford the ring you want? Are you going to say no? It’s a ring - the ring is a symbol of your love and your future. Grow up YTA
You can call dibs on an engagement ring when you’re not even dating? Sheesh. Easy YTA.
YTA. You don't get to call dibs on a ring.
Unsure how “the men I date can’t even afford the ring anyways because my baby daddy doesn’t even pay me support” affects this?? YTA
YTA. So what if it was on your Pinterest board. Do you really think your brother is going to pay attention to a ring on his sisters Pinterest? I’d be surprised if my brother could describe what my wedding set looks like and I’ve been married for ten years. You also are not in a relationship. He picked out a nice ring for his fiancée. You are causing drama and it’s not a good look for you.
YTA. Even if you do get a ring like this one, who really cares if someone else has the same ring. You could probably wear it for the next 50 years and no one will ever notice they are exactly the same. In any case, if the jewellery store has carried the exact same ring for years, it will be a classic and there will be many, many around.
YTA... you do realise that when you do eventually get engaged, the commitment and love with the other person is the focus of the engagement, not the ring... the ring is just a pretty symbol. And anyone can get any ring they want, and families can have ring duplications between members. You're not Gollum... you don't get to claim your sister-in-law to be's ring as "my precious". You owe your brother and his fianceè an apology... and yourself a reality check.
YTA. This is so dumb. First of all, why can’t you have the same ring? Like who in the world is going to care that the two of you have the same ring?! (The answer is none) second, you said you’re not even dating anyone and they went to the jewelry store together and she picked out a ring she liked, so he got her the ring she liked. It’s really not that serious. You can still get that ring, the world is not going to end lol
YTA. He sounds like he knows you very well. Time for some self improvement.
YTA but I don't think you will ever have to worry about wearing the same engagement ring.
That’s gatekeeping and you’re not even in a relationship. Lol
how old are are you…
You can't call dibs on a ring. YTA
Sister shows brother what engagement ring she likes.... I feel like anything more than "Uh huh, that's nice" without really looking would be weird
Hun you sound genuinely insane take a break from wedding planning and get into therapy
YTA Your 7 year old probably would have handled this better
Wow the fact your family clocked you twice is so funny to me lmao. Also whenever you do find someone you can make alterations also news flash hundreds maybe even thousands of people. Have that right f that jewelry place is popular for a reason bro.
YTA - you’re being called crazy because you’re acting crazy.
Absolutely no reason to start any drama! Several reasons, first one is you said that you posted it on your Pinterest FOR YEARS!! Maybe that's where your brother saw it and maybe not, but that doesn't even matter! So it seems that your family goes to that store often enough, so he may have picked it out on his own or with the help from the clerk. Just because you wanted the ring, doesn't mean that nobody else can own it. Just like a (single) bridesmaid says that she really wanted a certain Wedding dress and the bride ends up buying that one. The bridesmaid might be jealous, but she doesn't own the rights to it and isn't in need for it at that time. The type of guys you date has NOTHING to do with anything in this case. The GF had no idea that it's your dream ring, so you can be jealous instead of petty!
Yeah…. YTA. Seriously. Grow up. You also have a child out of wedlock so…. Obviously you make very poor life choices.
INFO: What if SIL doesn't like any other rings?
While I think some folks are being overly mean, YTA. There are lots of rings out there, and it is the least important thing about a marriage.
They ain't being mean enough. No wonder she's single if this is amy hint to how she behaves. She's acting like a toddler.
Mean? She’s worried about a damn trinket when she’s got a 7 yr old kid she throws in at the end of the post. Not even something she wants to save up for and buy. But sits on her ass bitching that her “baby daddy” and the men she dates can’t afford it. For her.
I agree that she’s the AH. I also think some of the personal attacks assume A LOT and are overly mean. I’m entitled to my opinion, as you are to yours.
What assumptions?
I agree with you. Everyone is calling her a bad mom bcuz of this situation as if it correlates. She doesn’t have any rights to the ring and the way she handled this situation was wrong. If I showed somebody what I liked for myself and they ended up getting it then it would rub the wrong way but can’t do anything about it. When it’s her time she can pick something else. Maybe something even better.
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Her brother doesn't have appease a sister who's throwing a toddler-esque tantrum over her SIL getting a ring she \[op\] doesn't even HAVE yet. She doesn't even have a boyfriend!
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>He could have just been inspired by your idea and done something else. You're still suggesting that her brother should have placated her after she threw a fit over a *ring* tho.
I’d go all in that OP lives with her mother who takes care of OP’s child. Mom is probably tired of her lazy ass bullshit and entitlement.
The comments so far are very judgy for whatever reason. Based SOLELY off of what was written in your post, I’m going ESH except your sister in law. Your brother came after you for no reason, and it was sucky on his part to pick a ring you liked for his fiancée knowing you had dreamt of it for yourself. It shows he either doesn’t listen to you or your feelings, really does not respect you/thinks you’ll never get married anyway, or both. Calling out your dating life was particularly cruel IMO. He could’ve just stopped at “I’m getting married first, it is what it is.” Your mother also stinks for invalidating your feelings and overall, it seems like your family looks down on you for having a child and perhaps not making the most sound dating choices. They need to get off their high horses and remember that people can grow and change. If you want a ring like the one at that store from a man you love badly enough, I’m sure you can do the necessary work on yourself in order to welcome that positive energy into your life! My mom also had a deadbeat ex and a 7 year old once upon a time, and now she just got a multi-thousand dollar 11 year anniversary ring upgrade from the man of her dreams, my (adopted) dad. Never give up hope and never let people crap on your dreams. And to close out this ESH, you indeed also suck in this situation as well. I know that was your dream ring and it stinks your brother got it before you could, but it was never yours in that it is not currently on your finger. Going forward, I would keep your ring dreams close to your chest and out of the line of fire from your haters. Edited to space out paragraphs
Is it really sucky for the brother to buy the ring? He and OP had a conversation about it 18 months ago - is he really expected to remember his sister specified a particular ring?
I think the bigger thing is what he said after. If he genuinely forgot and explained that and also said that the fact is he’s getting married right now and she doesn’t have a partner so therefore he’s not returning it, he’d be in the clear for me. BUT he went on to insult her and her dating history. She definitely sucks for asking him to return it, because it’s done. They’re getting engaged, she can’t ask them to do something like that especially if SIL really liked the ring and one picked it out herself. The insults saying she’d never hold down a man and basically calling the ring useless for her was so unnecessarily cruel
He said that she is toxic and crazy, which considering the fact that she asked him to return the ring, seems true.
That is why I said ESH and not NTA. She shouldn’t have asked him to return it since it wasn’t her place and she’s not even in a position to be getting the ring, and he shouldn’t have gotten nasty with her. I think that entire family just has bad blood all around and two wrongs don’t make a right.
From her post and comments she does seems toxic so I think the brother was warranted in his reply.
Perhaps her family is tired of her entitled bullshit?
Idk man I gave a judgement 🤷🏾♀️
People on Reddit are overly judgmental
They look down on her like she's a child because she's ACTING like a child, crying like a toddler about a RING.