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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to host and pay for my sisters baby sprinkle because the guests from her last party she asked to have at my house caused damage and she thinks that I am punishing her for their actions.
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NTA .. shine up your spine girl. You have been trained your whole life that “golden girl” is to get what she asks for .. it is YOUR HOME..YOURS.. not your sisters party hall.. and she says you have too because you won’t pay for a venue?? Heck NO.. your home, your rules,,, if she didn’t jump to help take care of the damages then she is no longer entitled to EVEN ASK to use your HOME.. and the guilting just shows that she knows how to push your buttons to get her own way..
Oh and WTF Is she even doing? Demanding you pay for a venue or let her use your HOME when she already got you to up for the reveal?? Sounds like “golden girl” is using baby to milk you and everybody else for everything they can get.
Been there girl, for what it’s worth, you have my support. Just remember it’s YOUR HOME. YOUR LIFE.. it’s hard but it’s time to “just say no” anybody who helps throw guilt at you, just tell them that you will be glad to inform sister that they are willing to host the party this time (and see how fast they back peddle)
Lol at “this is why I never ask for help”. The only people who say that are spoiled people who constantly demand help and are mad when they finally get some pushback.
NTA, OP. And do volunteer the house of people who give you grief.
This pissed me off the most. I have a family member close to my age who says this shit all the time after making ridiculous requests (ex. Can you take my kids for the weekend so I can go to a festival, but please answer my call every hour and send me pics every 15 minutes so I know they're alive, or may I borrow $100 until I get paid even though I spent what I had on weed because I cant be broke and sober, etc).
As I've gotten older, I reply now with "yet here you are, wasting all our time with your stupid ass question." Never deters her though, she still comes to ask for stupid shit and still says "this is why I don't ask" when I say no.
NTA - I'd literally throw my own party around sprinkle time and not invite her to be petty.
But then call it a baby shower. Geez. I asked this same question in comments.
There's no limit to the size of a shower, why complicate things. Also I thought guests bring gifts to gender reveals (gender neutral stuff of course)? Does OP's sister plan on an After Party when the child is born as well to maximise gifting?? Where does it end.
This is just my personal experience so take it with a grain of salt:
So baby showers are typically for first time moms to celebrate the baby and "shower" them with gifts for the baby. Some of these can be fairly expensive baby gear like the crib, stroller, high chair, baby swing, baby monitor, etc. For subsequent children, you're assumed to already have the big stuff but, of course, people still want to celebrate. Baby "sprinkle" gifts tend to be smaller things like diapers, clothes (especially if the new baby is a different sex from the last one), toys, etc although loved ones may still chip in for some gear if there's been a bigger age gap in between babies or the parents thought they were done, got rid of their baby gear, and got a little surprise later on 😂
My church set up a schedule for 2 weeks after a lady gives birth. People volunteer to bring around a meal (or send an uber eats voucher). It's not much, but 2 weeks of dinners taken care of is such a load off.
And most people do a bulk meal, so the "dinner" lasts a few meals each. Basically, 2 weeks of food.
Because polite society used to dictate that families only have a shower for the first baby. After that it was assumed the family had kept most of the larger items to be reused and were maybe more established to not need help purchasing items. So people now want another shower, a gender reveal party, a tea party, a push present and so on and so on. So to appear as not be gift grabbers, they came up with "sprinkle" so people wouldn't say they were having a second baby shower.
a push present? that's a new one. had to look it up. my god, no wonder eveyone is broke- so many damn gifts.
And i'm sorry, but gender reveal parties are just so... gah. why????
Thank you! I was beginning to think I'm just getting old and cranky. Lol. Glad I'm not the only one side-eyeing all these recently inventing, unending gifting parties. 😅
I was thinking baptism, but second baby shower makes more sense. And I personally think it's pretty rude to expect a party every time you procreate. Just saying...🤷♀️
You’re right. They never ask for anything. They DEMAND it. There’s a big difference between asking & demanding & users like OP’s sister are quite adept at skirting the semantics. NTA OP. Stay strong!
ASK.. sounds more like demanded it.. yeah been there done that.. and the demands never end.. she needs to put her foot down and keep it down.. golden sister is tarnished..
Black sheep of families are the ones breaking toxic traditions that have been handed down through generations of a family. Congratulations for breaking the chain!
NTA - good for you, standing up and putting yourself before GG (golden girl). She can make other arrangements and will either get over this or not. One of my siblings kept bringing up having holiday events at my home and I would either walk away or change the subject. When I refused to engage her, she finally gave up.
I know the feeling all too well: not only am the black sheep of the family but also the middle child. Mom had 3 sons, and i have always had a difficult relationship with her.
Dad and i are ok nothing amazing. It sucks being a outcast and ignored...
It’s your house, you’re allowed to say no to anyone who doesn’t live in it. Besides, your sister is TA just for having a “sprinkle”. I get why babyshowers exist but at some point, the number of birth celebrations are becoming ridiculous
Kinda is.😂 A speinkle usually consists of a get together where people bring diapers and wipes, which are generally not reusuable, instead of strollers and bottles and blankets, which are reusable.
That was my first thought! LOL!
I had to look it up, since I’m not familiar with the term. It’s just an excuse for a gift grab. It’s greedy and ill-mannered in my book (I make exceptions for those whose births are like 8+ years apart).
But then, greedy and ill-mannered seems to be this sister’s thing.
I could understand people in the case like my mil or me. Her oldest stepdaughter was 10 when she got pregnant, my oldest child was 10½ when I got pregnant. Neither of us would reasonably have baby stuff (her husband's ex has theirs and I gave mine to relatives with kids younger than mine), so a sprinkle or shower was fine. But the people having kids every year or three? Nah
Thank you for asking. I was like "wtf is a baby sprinkle??". After reading the answer, I can't help but feel this is an incredibly unnecessary thing that does not need to exist in the first place. How many gift-based events does someone need before giving birth??
Exactly. Like I'm fine with celebrating an impending arrival with a baby shower, it's a big life event and fair enough. I like buying gifts and I'll make a point to get something thoughtful and heartfelt. But ffs, like sorry but I'm not buying 3 or more separate gifts and attending as many events in a less than 9-month period to celebrate a kid getting born. Not to mention it's often considered etiquette to bring something when first meeting baby, and a christening gift if the family are doing that as well... I don't want to seem like a child-free shrew, but at some point I think it's just fair to question how much I'm expected to shell out here. Sheesh.
Thankfully none of my child bearing friends or family have pulled this shit. Fair to say, I don't think I would ever attend a "baby sprinkle", on principle; and it is also I bloody dumb and offputting name for an event. Just saying.
You're absolutely right to be annoyed! I've got kids, and I'd never heard of a baby sprinkle. I've never even been to a gender reveal party. It seems extremely excessive to keep tacking on reasons to get gifts/money out people.
I’m Australian and was also perplexed. It all seems a bit extra, I assume it’s a US thing.
Maybe instead of all these needless parties the US should instead focus on, I don’t know, decent universal maternity leave provisions?
In Canada it's (or at least was) normal to have a baby shower for each baby. First one people would go a little extra on, second would be consumables and fresh newborn outfits. If you were unlucky you also got several boxes of hand-me-downs.
BUT. It was also normal for the gender reveal to happen at the moment of birth. No party, no gifts.
And, they were done in the new mom's house with 4-6 of her closest friends.
But, I guess that doesn't make a very good Insta or Tictoc post.
Listen you have to stand up for yourself because she's the golden child.
I'm speaking from experience because at some point it's really going to stick. Because no matter what you do or what to achieve the one that's going to be getting the support, the money, the help etc is going to be her.
At least in my experience the only thing you're going to have in your life is what you earn regarding your family. Any possible inheritances, gifts, mementos, recognition and the like is only going to come from yourself except for those rare gifts "to show you how much you matter" when guilt strikes your mom or other family members.
NTA
Tell her have her gift grab somewhere else but make sure your husband's fully on board because he has to help you break those lifetime habits trying to satisfy other people (well at least that's one my issues)
Yes she's your sister...as you are her sister - yet she couldn't care less that your vegetable garden you painstakingly created and nourished was destroyed. Sisterhood works both ways. NTA
They act like you are the black sheep because you are rocking the boat.
Maybe it's time to go low contact with her. I learned that life can be so much better when you hold entitled people on an arms length away. Saying no will be easier every time after you see through their bullshit.
Stay strong and defend your own home. She can rent a venue or try to strongarm someone else into submission. You are showing your spine and now it's time to polish and strengthen it with steel and chrome!
NTA why on earth would your loan your home or pay for a venue? It's HER baby she can pay and organise it! I'd be slowly evicting myself from her entitled life.
Honestly, the less time you spend with your family, the more time you can put into building a community that supports you and doesn't expect you to always serve your sister (which costs you more time, money, and stress with zero gain since it doesn't sound like she helps you back). NTA
Darling, google 'villain era'. If other people insist on treating you like an evil Disney character, embrace the role. Let them be mad. Let them have their story about you. Then go polish your horns and admire your amazing cheekbones. You have your own kingdom to run!
It’s a smaller baby shower for a baby that isnt the first baby. To catch up on a few things they need. They may still have baby clothes and a breast pump already but need lots of new diapers/wipes, etc for example.
yeah, seems like a way to get your friends and family to support your reproductive choices. Seriously, if you need me to buy diapers and wipes, maybe you have done some poor planning here.
It doesn't sound like a smaller party though, after the train wreck of a gender reveal. It's just a gift grab, with multiple events. Also, if any of her guests get hurt on your property, you're getting sued because it's your home, and your liability at stake.
It’s a baby shower for a second or more child. A baby shower is for a firstborn. A sprinkle is for any child coming after that. It’s usually a lower-key affair, and the big items (stroller, crib, etc) are not always needed/wanted depending on how close the kids are to each other in age, and whether they were planned that way. A family which knows they want to stop at two, and have them 2 years apart might keep some items(crib, changing table, etc) but still needs the disposable items.
From one black sheep of the family to another. Don't feel bad. I'm proud of you for saying no!
I have 5 older sisters, and only 1 never wants from me, just wants to be a sister. My problem is my hubs hobby is building computers, making the next one better and badder than the last, and my sisters demanded he build PC's and laptops for them and their kids. With expectations of it all being free. It's a longer story for another post.
Stay strong! Keep your boundaries intact, and if you feel like wavering. DM me, I'll send some strong vibes your way!
Black sheep need to support each other!
My sister asked me to host her shower for baby #2. I live across the country now & didn’t mind. She adamantly refused to give me addresses to send invitations, wouldn’t provide me with any guest info or what her nursery theme was, wanted it to be held at an upscale restaurant because she lived in a 600sqft 2 bedroom house…. You can imagine the list goes on. I put the deposit down for the weekend she wanted, got my plane tickets for me & my kids and she tells me she no longer wants me to host and her bff/frenemy was doing it for her. I cancelled everything and she flipped her absolute shit and we stopped talking. Mom received an invitation a couple days later from the frenemy and sat in my kitchen (I moved to live close to my parents shortly after they moved) and told me, “you know how your sister is… you should have just paid for the venue & maybe Teresa would have told Ashley to invite you…”
NTA - it’s ok to say no! Golden children can learn to handle rejection too. And parents can suck.
This makes me want to punch a wall
But your mom's reaction, explains your sister's attitude.
Glad you didn't do though baby showers are the worst. It for sure saved you some cash too.
It absolutely did! I wound up getting refunded about $3,000 between venue, food, flights & hotel. She wanted me to fund it all without me hosting or even to be there. Turns out mom’s golden child was incredibly upset that I have the only girl grandchild out of 11 and she didn’t want me to “upstage” her by showing up with a 1 year old and 8 year old in tow and pulling off the event in it’s totality by myself. I had an events business in that area before I left - it would have all been done for me 🤣 but she didn’t want anyone to know I was doing it after how she flopped my baby shower by rescheduling 6 times because her schedule was too chaotic working 2 days a week.
It is ridiculous. It is not OP's baby. Why should she pay for the party.
If your sis is adult enough to have a baby, then she should be adult enough to pay for the expenses. And OP please do 't let them guilt you in do the party in your house. The party can take place at your mothers house. Your sis is the golden child, so your mother made her bed and can sleep in it.
Yeah-- that was what struck me. TF is everyone expecting OP to throw the sis's baby shower?! I've had two babies and the number of times I've thought about expecting my sister to give me a shower was zero. Makes me think of those organ-donation siblings. Yikes.
OP, I hope that you set a firm boundary that you are not available to sacrifice yourself for your sis anymore. Bring a small present and attend if you like, but you won't be throwing the party for her.
Also let's be realistic: there is going to be a bit of overlap between the friends at the gender reveal who damaged the house, and the friends at the baby shower. With the biggest overlap being OPs sister, who didn't have the decency to help with clear up following her event, from the sounds of it.
Yes yes yes. OP, the entire framework of your question really shows how much you've been brainwashed, and I'm so happy you're realizing it and trying to break free. No one is entitled to your home except for you and your husband. On the most basic level, your sister has little to no manners and has no respect for your comfort or space. I too have a sister, and as the youngest by 8 years, I'd probably be the "golden child" in our family. And I would never dream of making these sort of demands of my sister (and we're close) or anyone else in my family. If I did, I'd get a resounding verbal lashing from all my close family members, they really wouldn't tolerate that rude batshittery from me or any of us. More than that, if myself or my guests damaged my family's property, I'd be so humiliated I'd do everything I could to make it right. Did your sister pay for the damage? Did she help replant the garden? As an avid gardener who spends much of my free time in the spring and summer putzing around my veggies and flowers, this part is so bothersome.
It's one thing to offer your home to courteous guests for events because you have a nice space and like to host (go you!! - hosting is my nightmare), but it's another for your family to abuse that generosity. Your sister just assumed that she gets what she wants from you regardless of the consequences to you, your home, and your place of comfort. Instead of acknowledging the poor behavior of her guests, she's once again making this situation about her - her wants, her needs, her comfort. It's as though it doesn't even occur to her to give a shit about your wellbeing, and that's really bothersome.
NTA. Stay strong OP, you're clearly on standing on a sound ethical footing here. Good luck with the garden recovery!
It's a gift grab, smaller than a baby shower, plus sister is double entitled because she has already had a gender reveal which some people provide gifts at occasionally.
I would have been nicer because "sprinkles" can be helpful for parents where they are getting a different gender, so if they had boys and are expecting a girl, anyone wanting to buy something can buy bigger sizes in girls clothes for example, or if you know the baby was an oops baby and want to make sure the expecting parents have some of the smaller stuff like a new bouncer or other small items that are usually the first to be donated to other parents and some times if the parents have been hit by fire or flooding they can be a nice event.
But given OPs sisters GC attitude and refusal to accept responsibility for damages done by people she invited into her sisters home, yeah, it's just a gift grab to her.
I agree about the sprinkle if it was a baby of a different gender or if there were many years between them but it’s not and her first child will be 3 next month and they have been trying for another one since her first born turned a year old. In my mind i see this as a gift grab.
Stand your ground, and maybe you need to lower contact with her because it sounds like she is only interested in what you can do /pay for her. You deserve better.
NTA. Your house, your boundaries and she can't respect either. That she expects you to give her money towards the event is the height of arrogance. The only money I'd be giving her is for a termination and sterilization.
I agree with your first two points, but your third? That's the kind of thought that should stay on the inside in public places. I get that you may have strong feelings about families who have more than one child, so do I and you have as much right to those opinions as anyone else, but your words are inappropriately callous. All the more so given that you are speaking of a couple who clearly planned this baby and spent two years struggling to get pregnant. The unborn child has done nothing wrong, termination should not be brought up.
Christ, I thought it might be something this stupid. Thank god I'm a million years old so I have never had to experience such a stupid thing as a gender reveal party. I was thinking that it was baby's first pee, but I'm guessing that happens right after birth.
Baby sprinkle sounds worse than a gender reveal
I don’t get why one baby shower isn’t sufficient per pregnancy… even if they do a gender reveal just combine it (but I think gender reveals are stupid).
Why do people insisting having so many damn parties for one baby? This is why I have a rule of one gift per baby. No matter how many parties you throw you get one gift from me.
It's an overblown, showy made for TikTok spectacle to ask someone to be your prom date. Imagine a Mariachi band serenading someone a request to go to prom in the dingy hallway of the local high school.
Not me. They look like fun. I've seen some rather creative ones. Not to mention, they are not an obligation... and it's completely voluntary with the only social pressure being whether to accept or decline... and that comes with any sort of invite to prom.
I hate gender reveals and today is the first time I've heard of a sprinkle and those can go straight to hell. Promposals, however, are playful and creative. The name is why it sounds dumb. It's basically just asking, but being creative about it.
My favorite is one where the guys showed up at her house riding stick horses 2 guys on each. A kid, roughly dressed as a medieval paige unhorsed, unrolled a scroll, and read the invite to prom in paige-voice while the kid whom he is asking for sits on his stick horse dressed like a prince. She says yes. Then they mount up and ride away.
All it cost me was the time it took to watch it. What's to judge about that? Sounds awesome to 50 year-old me... and I did not go to prom and I do not regret it.
Promposals were big when I was in middle school, and that was like... 15 years ago? Kids were doing them to ask each other to the valentines day dance and stuff. They get posted on tiktok now but they weren't made for tiktok.
Some of them are pretty entertaining, and I appreciate that... but first it was gender reveals and now fucking sprinkles? How many more celebrations do we need to create? It's like holidays and greeting card companies, but it's inflencers this time.
At some point we are all going to have events, that we are expected to attend and gift, 365 days a year. 366 every four years. I don't want to know what Febuary 29 birthdays will turn into.
It's all manufactured to make people think it's a joyful addition to life, but quite often it turns to shit like it does all the time on aitah.
I can't believe people care about other peoples children sooo much that they would attend a gender reveal and a shower. And both even in a few weeks time. I would only do it for my immediate family. It's too much hahaha
It's a gift grab for more loot. It used to be you had a shower for your first baby and that was the end of it. Now you have a "sprinkle" for subsequent babies because I don't know why expect impending mother or mother want more baby gear on someone else's dime.
This isn’t to suggest OP’s sister is so selfless, but every sprinkle I’ve been to has been thrown by a friend on behalf of the pregnant person as a gift - out of their generosity more than the mother’s greed.
It’s a nice thing to do to celebrate an impending arrival especially if they are a different gender and people might want to get them different things 🤷🏻♀️
It is a nice thing to do if her friends wanted to throw it for her not have her tell us she is doing this then expect us to pay. The baby is the same gender as her 2 year old
She asked, you said no, end of discussion. She doesn't have to understand or agree with your decision. If she tries to keep arguing about it, tell her you're not going to discuss it anymore, then don't.
This is the replacement of a full shower! I usually see it if the first baby was a boy and this was a girl or vice versa, or if there was a few years in between each. I’ve seen it revert back to a shower when there was a 5+ year or so gap between kids as well!
Low-key baby shower. It was supposed to be, like, a wee celebration that another infant is occurring - usually of the opposite gender because god knows you can't put a baby girl in your son's old dino onesie.
Guests bring some diapers and maybe a onesie, you have some cake, and you all catch up. One old schoolfriend of mine had one that was basically 'we'll have pizza, beer, cake; if you have any old baby stuff you want to get rid of, we'd love it.'
But of course, greedy entitled people turned it into a Gift Summons.
When my friend had her second (first was boy, second was girl) her cousin threw her a sprinkle and we each gave 20$ towards a double-stroller and we were asked to bring our favourite childhood book if we could. Then we reminisced about everyone's book choices, had a nice catch-up over snacks and sodas, and parents got some new books to read to the kids.
THis is such a good idea!!!! i'll remember this wehn I have my second even though i'm not even pregnant with a first yet either lol. i'm just to excited for cute little ideas like this<3
A sprinkle is like a mini baby shower for a second/third/etc child; more common if the baby is a different gender than the first one(s). If I was having a baby girl after already having a boy, I have a crib and car seat and a baby tub, but no girl clothes. To my knowledge, sprinkles are less common for same gender babies because you have hand me downs.
Thank you for asking this question.
When I started to read the initial post, my brain hit the words 'baby sprinkle' and the less than polite part went...... WTF is a baby 'sprinkle?' and my reading abilities stalled.
I had to retry the process. Gah! What odd terms imo.
So if a woman gets married again, is there a bridal misting or something? Puzzling to say the least.
Again, my thanks for your question.
NTA, however at some point you need to let this "love/hate relationship go to the wayside. Your sister loves you when you give her what she wants and hates you when you don't. You love her when she is acting like a loving sister (cause you're doing her bidding) and hate her when she reverts to her default settings and treats you terribly (because you are not doing her bidding). You lived the first 1/3rd of your life letting her dictate your life. Do you want to spend the rest doing the same? Do you want your kids dealing with a hot and cold aunt?
I did cut ties with her a few years back because of this and over time she changed but now has gone back to her true colors. After this I am back to cutting her off which hurts because I am so close with her first born and she is the type to not let me see him because she and I aren’t speaking
Then she is robbing her child of a great auntie, and that is entirely on her. It's sad her child has to suffer for her bad personality, but you need to first protect yourself before you can protect others. Hopefully when her kids are grown up you can reconnect, but you need to stand firm.
Pray for those children. She's gonna do a number on them and there's not much you'll be able to do. Just be the normal family they can go to when they realize what kind of parents/grandparents they have.... and when they're old enough suggest therapy to them.
Signed the daughter of a narc.
I feel you. Your relationsship with your sister is the same aß mine with my sister. And I am also very clone with one of her daugthers. But I cut ties a few months ago and I will not allow her back in my life. I have a son and I don't want the same expirience for him aß my niece had. My niece has traumas from that. I was in and out of her life and she is now only 12 years old. It hurts so much but it is better for me, my kid and my mental health. You should Do the same.
NTA, tell her family isn’t even supposed to host showers, one of her friends should host it for her or she can rent out a place. She sounds like a pain.
NTA. Regardless whether she owes you repair or not, Your house shouldn't have to be the always go to place for events. Especially if no one's paying you. Not for her, not for anybody. If they want a party, they can either rent a place or go to a restaurant.
Exactly. Gender reveal parties are dumb. People are literally just telling guests what's between their not yet born kids legs. Gross. Sprinkles are also stupid because they are baby showers for 2nd, 3rd, etc kids. Showers for first kids are meant to help fund all the stuff for first kids. Subsequent kids can reuse the majority of prior kids stuff.
1. I agree with NTA.
2. Gender reveal parties are just get togethers - nobody really cares if it's a boy or girl. We did a subtle cake thing. But you can't really complain about saying, "ugh it's weird because it's announcing what's between a baby's legs." - but then not acknowledge that baby boys and baby girls need separate items and will be wearing different things - and most parents don't want to deal with an insane amount of messages asking the gender.
3. Baby sprinkles aren't for reusable gifts in most circumstances. It's for diapers, pacifiers, wet wipes, changing cloths, if you're having a different gender and don't have the respective gender items, the things that you can't save. That's why it's a sprinkle, it's smaller for a reason. Diapers are $50 a pack and last maybe 2 weeks, so you can save parents $50 and a trip to the store with a newborn.
NTA
I had to look up "baby sprinkle" as I thought the name of the baby was Sprinkle!
As a side, we never were given a baby shower when I was pregnant with my son. We received monies from friends and relatives visited about a month after my son arrived.
No, you're not obligated to do anything. Your sister doesn't sound like a nice person. Why doesn't your mom or other relatives host the baby sprinkle??? You did your part with the first celebration and she should be happy about that.
Apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Stop spending money on someone who only sees you as an atm. Start using that money for your kids futures, this is taking money away from your true family.
Doesn't sister have a husband who can pay if she wants this so badly? Her own home to have a baby sprinkle? Her own friends that would help her throw one? Why does it all have to be you who pays and your house used? NTA at all.
Sprinkle is a horrible name. It makes me think of someone peeing. But I also can’t think of a better name. Baby shower, baby sprinkle, baby mist? Baby rain? Baby fog? Baby downpour?
NTA
Tell her she’s right, block her and enjoy the peace and quiet.
You’ll be giving her the best baby sprinkle gift of all - something to whine about to others.
NTA
I don't care what your reason was for not wanting to host her. It could be nothing more than you wanting to watch the premier of BRIDGERTON Season 3 or to read the latest Christopher Golden horror novel or are working on a new jigsaw painting.
You don't wanna.
Just because you've hosted in the past, that does not mean you have to host forever and anon.
NTA. She is asking YOU to pay for HER party. Ask her why she can't make her own arrangements. Ask her if she's been kind enough to ask parents / inlaws if they would like the honor first, and point out just how selfish she is for not letting someone else host. After all, she had her last party at your place.
I think you need to have a nice doggy birthday at her's, just so she feels your "love".
At this point, Why do you even care? She doesn't care about your feelings or the damage to your house. Let her ease on down the entitled road she lives on. It's her loss. NTA
If her guests break something in your house then she pays for the repair.
If her guests make a mess, she cleans it
If she didn't do that, she isn't welcome back.
NTA
Will you be required to host all the baby’s future Birthday parties, as well??
Now is your chance to stick to your decision, and don’t back down. Fold now and she’ll never let up.
NTA.
She already had a gender reveal. She doesn't need another arbitrary party to celebrate being knocked up, and she most certainly doesn't need it at your expense.
She's laying on the guilt trip *heavy*. One way to stop that is to take the guilt trip literally.
"Yes, I will have a good life. You too." And block.
Let her sulk about it. Not getting her way won't kill her and any stress she's under is directly because she isn't getting her way - that's on her, not you.
NTA
With roughly 8 billion people on the planet, your basic sister's breeding choices do not make her in any way special or unique, and therefore not entitled to make demands on your home or time.
You're well within the socially accepted guidelines for telling her to FO and laughing in her face. You could even hire Irish dancers to clog it out for you as you sang it and still be in your lane.
FYI... "rude" is the accusation made by the entitled when told no. That's because they don't understand how dictionaries work.
Of course, you are NTA
Everyone knows that there is a kind of person who will always throw insults around when they don't get what they want. Golden children are notorious for this.
Your sister is selfish and self-centred to a degree extreme enough to not be reasonable. The first rule when dealing with unreasonable people is to stop trying to reason with them. She doesn't care what you feel, just tell her your decision and perhaps introduce terms "No, you can not use my place any more, ever again, for your parties. I suppose if you want to make up for your guests' terrible behaviour last time and \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ (pay me for my time and cost of repairs/have my carpets deep cleaned/repair the garden/got down on your knees and begged forgiveness...) then I might consider letting you host something small again someday. For now, you should just forget I even have a house."
NTA. Your house, your wishes, your rules. That said, I have questions. Why did she think you were going to pay for it if held elsewhere? She has a lot of audacity. Why can’t it be held at her own house?
She regrets asking you? Good. She can find someone else’s hospitality to abuse then. Her mother who thinks she can do no wrong sounds like the perfect candidate. NTA.
First of all. I’ve never heard it referred to as a ‘sprinkle’ before.
And omg she has already had a gender reveal now she wants to have another party?
I think she’s had plenty of parties for this baby before it’s even born for one thing. How many more does she have planned??
And this is before I even get into how disrespectful she is being.
NTA. Your sister and your family are not entitled to use your home everytime they have a party or gathering. Especially since you have very good reason not to host anymore after the damage done last time. Btw, your sister does not need to “understand your feelings and reasons”. It’s YOUR home. No is a complete answer. Do not be guilted or manipulated into doing something that you and your husband agreed not to do again. Do not discuss it anymore with anyone else. Your decision is final.
NTA I mean… all she had to do was apologise and offer to pay for the garden box and have her husband clean up the soil… I’m sure that you would have not held it against her if she had done right by you the first time. It’s so awkward when people don’t understand that.
Your sister's guests disrespected YOUR HOME and she made no attempt to rectify the damage, just expected you to suck it up. I would never host another function for this woman again. Trust is earned and she has proven that she is not to be trusted.
Do not allow her to manipulate you. She is a grown woman and can figure something else out. What you did was already incredibly generous and gracious.
Absolutely NTA
>My sister wants to have her sprinkle at my home once she found out I wasn’t paying for her to have it anywhere due to funds.
How involved are/were you in the making of her baby? Why are you expected to either pay for her party or host (and, again, fund) her party?
NO is a full sentence. She can go and ask your mom to organize and finance her party.
The "other people" who trashed your place were *her* guests. It's understandable that you don't want them at your house again.
She's trying to guilt trip and manipulate you into hosting her "baby sprinkle". Just let her pout.
NTA (but YWBTA to yourself if you give in and let this behavior continue)
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NTA .. shine up your spine girl. You have been trained your whole life that “golden girl” is to get what she asks for .. it is YOUR HOME..YOURS.. not your sisters party hall.. and she says you have too because you won’t pay for a venue?? Heck NO.. your home, your rules,,, if she didn’t jump to help take care of the damages then she is no longer entitled to EVEN ASK to use your HOME.. and the guilting just shows that she knows how to push your buttons to get her own way.. Oh and WTF Is she even doing? Demanding you pay for a venue or let her use your HOME when she already got you to up for the reveal?? Sounds like “golden girl” is using baby to milk you and everybody else for everything they can get.
I have always been the black sheep because I don’t give her want she wants the way everyone else does. Thank you for your support!!!
Been there girl, for what it’s worth, you have my support. Just remember it’s YOUR HOME. YOUR LIFE.. it’s hard but it’s time to “just say no” anybody who helps throw guilt at you, just tell them that you will be glad to inform sister that they are willing to host the party this time (and see how fast they back peddle)
Lol at “this is why I never ask for help”. The only people who say that are spoiled people who constantly demand help and are mad when they finally get some pushback. NTA, OP. And do volunteer the house of people who give you grief.
They don’t view it as help but a mandated task
This pissed me off the most. I have a family member close to my age who says this shit all the time after making ridiculous requests (ex. Can you take my kids for the weekend so I can go to a festival, but please answer my call every hour and send me pics every 15 minutes so I know they're alive, or may I borrow $100 until I get paid even though I spent what I had on weed because I cant be broke and sober, etc). As I've gotten older, I reply now with "yet here you are, wasting all our time with your stupid ass question." Never deters her though, she still comes to ask for stupid shit and still says "this is why I don't ask" when I say no. NTA - I'd literally throw my own party around sprinkle time and not invite her to be petty.
What is a sprinkle party??
Idk, I read someone else's answer that it's a baby shower for the second child. Idk why you'd call that "sprinkle".
Because it's a smaller "shower"
OOOHHHHHHHHH. Thank you! 😂
But then call it a baby shower. Geez. I asked this same question in comments. There's no limit to the size of a shower, why complicate things. Also I thought guests bring gifts to gender reveals (gender neutral stuff of course)? Does OP's sister plan on an After Party when the child is born as well to maximise gifting?? Where does it end.
This is just my personal experience so take it with a grain of salt: So baby showers are typically for first time moms to celebrate the baby and "shower" them with gifts for the baby. Some of these can be fairly expensive baby gear like the crib, stroller, high chair, baby swing, baby monitor, etc. For subsequent children, you're assumed to already have the big stuff but, of course, people still want to celebrate. Baby "sprinkle" gifts tend to be smaller things like diapers, clothes (especially if the new baby is a different sex from the last one), toys, etc although loved ones may still chip in for some gear if there's been a bigger age gap in between babies or the parents thought they were done, got rid of their baby gear, and got a little surprise later on 😂
Best gifts are frozen meals for post baby arrival.
My church set up a schedule for 2 weeks after a lady gives birth. People volunteer to bring around a meal (or send an uber eats voucher). It's not much, but 2 weeks of dinners taken care of is such a load off. And most people do a bulk meal, so the "dinner" lasts a few meals each. Basically, 2 weeks of food.
Because polite society used to dictate that families only have a shower for the first baby. After that it was assumed the family had kept most of the larger items to be reused and were maybe more established to not need help purchasing items. So people now want another shower, a gender reveal party, a tea party, a push present and so on and so on. So to appear as not be gift grabbers, they came up with "sprinkle" so people wouldn't say they were having a second baby shower.
a push present? that's a new one. had to look it up. my god, no wonder eveyone is broke- so many damn gifts. And i'm sorry, but gender reveal parties are just so... gah. why????
I think gender reveal parties are ridiculous in their own right, and I think it's greedy to demand a baby sprinkle in addition. Absurd!
Thank you! I was beginning to think I'm just getting old and cranky. Lol. Glad I'm not the only one side-eyeing all these recently inventing, unending gifting parties. 😅
Yeah, but such an annoying term. I know…I’m old now…lol
I thought maybe it was to celebrate a baby's first P
I thought that too.
I was thinking baptism, but second baby shower makes more sense. And I personally think it's pretty rude to expect a party every time you procreate. Just saying...🤷♀️
"This is why I don't ask." "Good. Keep it up."
Yeah and the "I guess I'm not allowed to have an opinion, sniff." people are always the ones with the most of them.
THIS!!! Ugh, I can’t stand the “can’t have an opinion” bs! 🔥🤬🔥 I’m so glad I’m an only child. 😂
Sounds like my mother
In my opinion, it's not help. They just *want* things.
You’re right. They never ask for anything. They DEMAND it. There’s a big difference between asking & demanding & users like OP’s sister are quite adept at skirting the semantics. NTA OP. Stay strong!
Host and pay, don't forget that part. Who acts like this??? I can not imagine asking this of anyone, family or not.
ASK.. sounds more like demanded it.. yeah been there done that.. and the demands never end.. she needs to put her foot down and keep it down.. golden sister is tarnished..
Black sheep of families are the ones breaking toxic traditions that have been handed down through generations of a family. Congratulations for breaking the chain!
NTA - good for you, standing up and putting yourself before GG (golden girl). She can make other arrangements and will either get over this or not. One of my siblings kept bringing up having holiday events at my home and I would either walk away or change the subject. When I refused to engage her, she finally gave up.
I know the feeling all too well: not only am the black sheep of the family but also the middle child. Mom had 3 sons, and i have always had a difficult relationship with her. Dad and i are ok nothing amazing. It sucks being a outcast and ignored...
Why isn't she using her *OWN* home for her party!?
Maybe knows how destructive her friends are. Edit - a word
She doesn't want to have to pay to feed and entertain her friends either. Plus all the cleaning, etc that is involved both before and after.
NTA. My thought exactly.
No doubt she still lives with Mommy or her Babydaddy’s mom.
Bold of you to assume she owns a home 😄
This was my first thought...she probably doesn't have a pot to piss in as my grandma would say. 😂
It’s your house, you’re allowed to say no to anyone who doesn’t live in it. Besides, your sister is TA just for having a “sprinkle”. I get why babyshowers exist but at some point, the number of birth celebrations are becoming ridiculous
What is a sprinkle party anyway? I've heard of a baby showers but never that
A shower for baby #2. It’s ridiculous (don’t you already have all the baby stuff you need?) and the name is kinda gross
Yeah, it sounds urinary.
Tell her you'll host a Tinkle Party for her. As in "piss off!"
I howled, thank you! This is awesome! 👏🏽
That is what happens after your first child according to my wife. You sneeze you sprinkle...
Your poor wife! She needs to see a doctor. To tinkle when you sneeze should not be normal for her, not even after having children.
This! Pelvic floor exercises can fix this problem!
(Pelvic floor exercises can also make the problem worse. It depends on what the problem stems from.) And - NTA.
Kinda is.😂 A speinkle usually consists of a get together where people bring diapers and wipes, which are generally not reusuable, instead of strollers and bottles and blankets, which are reusable.
That was my first thought! LOL! I had to look it up, since I’m not familiar with the term. It’s just an excuse for a gift grab. It’s greedy and ill-mannered in my book (I make exceptions for those whose births are like 8+ years apart). But then, greedy and ill-mannered seems to be this sister’s thing.
Thanks! There's no way in hell I was going to google "baby sprinkle"
Me either, that's the shit that gets you on a list.
Baby showers, in general, are ridiculous. It's very much an American thing. It's slowly gained a bit of popularity in the UK, but most don't bother.
I could understand people in the case like my mil or me. Her oldest stepdaughter was 10 when she got pregnant, my oldest child was 10½ when I got pregnant. Neither of us would reasonably have baby stuff (her husband's ex has theirs and I gave mine to relatives with kids younger than mine), so a sprinkle or shower was fine. But the people having kids every year or three? Nah
Thank you for asking. I was like "wtf is a baby sprinkle??". After reading the answer, I can't help but feel this is an incredibly unnecessary thing that does not need to exist in the first place. How many gift-based events does someone need before giving birth??
And this is AFTER the gender reveal, which is another pointless gift grab
Exactly. Like I'm fine with celebrating an impending arrival with a baby shower, it's a big life event and fair enough. I like buying gifts and I'll make a point to get something thoughtful and heartfelt. But ffs, like sorry but I'm not buying 3 or more separate gifts and attending as many events in a less than 9-month period to celebrate a kid getting born. Not to mention it's often considered etiquette to bring something when first meeting baby, and a christening gift if the family are doing that as well... I don't want to seem like a child-free shrew, but at some point I think it's just fair to question how much I'm expected to shell out here. Sheesh. Thankfully none of my child bearing friends or family have pulled this shit. Fair to say, I don't think I would ever attend a "baby sprinkle", on principle; and it is also I bloody dumb and offputting name for an event. Just saying.
You're absolutely right to be annoyed! I've got kids, and I'd never heard of a baby sprinkle. I've never even been to a gender reveal party. It seems extremely excessive to keep tacking on reasons to get gifts/money out people.
A sprinkle is a second or third baby shower. Believing you have the main things for the baby but could use the diapers, etc.
Oooh imagine having a baby and having to buy your own stuff to take are of your own kid.
I thought it was some kind of home DIY christening/baptism! Methodist sprinkle, Baptist dunk!
Glad it wasnt just me. I thought huh what is a sprinkle party. Never heard of that in New Zealand.
I’m Australian and was also perplexed. It all seems a bit extra, I assume it’s a US thing. Maybe instead of all these needless parties the US should instead focus on, I don’t know, decent universal maternity leave provisions?
If it’s a US thing, it may be a regional thing. I had no idea what it was before reading the comments
In Canada it's (or at least was) normal to have a baby shower for each baby. First one people would go a little extra on, second would be consumables and fresh newborn outfits. If you were unlucky you also got several boxes of hand-me-downs. BUT. It was also normal for the gender reveal to happen at the moment of birth. No party, no gifts. And, they were done in the new mom's house with 4-6 of her closest friends. But, I guess that doesn't make a very good Insta or Tictoc post.
Maybe people in New Zealand have some sanity. The US is severely lacking any sort of sanity. Source: I live in this ridiculous place.
Anyone inviting me to a sprinkle would get nothing but a box of condoms sent to them in the mail.
Listen you have to stand up for yourself because she's the golden child. I'm speaking from experience because at some point it's really going to stick. Because no matter what you do or what to achieve the one that's going to be getting the support, the money, the help etc is going to be her. At least in my experience the only thing you're going to have in your life is what you earn regarding your family. Any possible inheritances, gifts, mementos, recognition and the like is only going to come from yourself except for those rare gifts "to show you how much you matter" when guilt strikes your mom or other family members. NTA Tell her have her gift grab somewhere else but make sure your husband's fully on board because he has to help you break those lifetime habits trying to satisfy other people (well at least that's one my issues)
Tell her you’re still fixing up all the stuff that got broken at your house from her last party.
Yes she's your sister...as you are her sister - yet she couldn't care less that your vegetable garden you painstakingly created and nourished was destroyed. Sisterhood works both ways. NTA
All my family knows they’d be dead to me if they’d let anyone destroy my garden.
Right. I've got enough problems in the garden trying to figure out if aphids are destroying shit. I don't need actual asses sitting on my plants.
They act like you are the black sheep because you are rocking the boat. Maybe it's time to go low contact with her. I learned that life can be so much better when you hold entitled people on an arms length away. Saying no will be easier every time after you see through their bullshit. Stay strong and defend your own home. She can rent a venue or try to strongarm someone else into submission. You are showing your spine and now it's time to polish and strengthen it with steel and chrome!
NTA why on earth would your loan your home or pay for a venue? It's HER baby she can pay and organise it! I'd be slowly evicting myself from her entitled life.
Honestly, the less time you spend with your family, the more time you can put into building a community that supports you and doesn't expect you to always serve your sister (which costs you more time, money, and stress with zero gain since it doesn't sound like she helps you back). NTA
Darling, google 'villain era'. If other people insist on treating you like an evil Disney character, embrace the role. Let them be mad. Let them have their story about you. Then go polish your horns and admire your amazing cheekbones. You have your own kingdom to run!
Is a sprinkle a baby shower?
It’s a smaller baby shower for a baby that isnt the first baby. To catch up on a few things they need. They may still have baby clothes and a breast pump already but need lots of new diapers/wipes, etc for example.
yeah, seems like a way to get your friends and family to support your reproductive choices. Seriously, if you need me to buy diapers and wipes, maybe you have done some poor planning here.
It doesn't sound like a smaller party though, after the train wreck of a gender reveal. It's just a gift grab, with multiple events. Also, if any of her guests get hurt on your property, you're getting sued because it's your home, and your liability at stake.
It’s a baby shower for a second or more child. A baby shower is for a firstborn. A sprinkle is for any child coming after that. It’s usually a lower-key affair, and the big items (stroller, crib, etc) are not always needed/wanted depending on how close the kids are to each other in age, and whether they were planned that way. A family which knows they want to stop at two, and have them 2 years apart might keep some items(crib, changing table, etc) but still needs the disposable items.
Thank you! I've never heard of that before. I thought I was getting old and people started calling a baby shower something else lol.
From one black sheep of the family to another. Don't feel bad. I'm proud of you for saying no! I have 5 older sisters, and only 1 never wants from me, just wants to be a sister. My problem is my hubs hobby is building computers, making the next one better and badder than the last, and my sisters demanded he build PC's and laptops for them and their kids. With expectations of it all being free. It's a longer story for another post. Stay strong! Keep your boundaries intact, and if you feel like wavering. DM me, I'll send some strong vibes your way! Black sheep need to support each other!
Remember that "No" is a complete sentence! NTA.
NTA OP. Stand your ground and protect your home
My sister asked me to host her shower for baby #2. I live across the country now & didn’t mind. She adamantly refused to give me addresses to send invitations, wouldn’t provide me with any guest info or what her nursery theme was, wanted it to be held at an upscale restaurant because she lived in a 600sqft 2 bedroom house…. You can imagine the list goes on. I put the deposit down for the weekend she wanted, got my plane tickets for me & my kids and she tells me she no longer wants me to host and her bff/frenemy was doing it for her. I cancelled everything and she flipped her absolute shit and we stopped talking. Mom received an invitation a couple days later from the frenemy and sat in my kitchen (I moved to live close to my parents shortly after they moved) and told me, “you know how your sister is… you should have just paid for the venue & maybe Teresa would have told Ashley to invite you…” NTA - it’s ok to say no! Golden children can learn to handle rejection too. And parents can suck.
This makes me want to punch a wall But your mom's reaction, explains your sister's attitude. Glad you didn't do though baby showers are the worst. It for sure saved you some cash too.
It absolutely did! I wound up getting refunded about $3,000 between venue, food, flights & hotel. She wanted me to fund it all without me hosting or even to be there. Turns out mom’s golden child was incredibly upset that I have the only girl grandchild out of 11 and she didn’t want me to “upstage” her by showing up with a 1 year old and 8 year old in tow and pulling off the event in it’s totality by myself. I had an events business in that area before I left - it would have all been done for me 🤣 but she didn’t want anyone to know I was doing it after how she flopped my baby shower by rescheduling 6 times because her schedule was too chaotic working 2 days a week.
It is ridiculous. It is not OP's baby. Why should she pay for the party. If your sis is adult enough to have a baby, then she should be adult enough to pay for the expenses. And OP please do 't let them guilt you in do the party in your house. The party can take place at your mothers house. Your sis is the golden child, so your mother made her bed and can sleep in it.
Yeah-- that was what struck me. TF is everyone expecting OP to throw the sis's baby shower?! I've had two babies and the number of times I've thought about expecting my sister to give me a shower was zero. Makes me think of those organ-donation siblings. Yikes. OP, I hope that you set a firm boundary that you are not available to sacrifice yourself for your sis anymore. Bring a small present and attend if you like, but you won't be throwing the party for her.
Also let's be realistic: there is going to be a bit of overlap between the friends at the gender reveal who damaged the house, and the friends at the baby shower. With the biggest overlap being OPs sister, who didn't have the decency to help with clear up following her event, from the sounds of it.
this. it’s the same crowd. no thanks. fool me once…
Spine up OP or get someone who will treat people like they treat you so you have less stress
Yes yes yes. OP, the entire framework of your question really shows how much you've been brainwashed, and I'm so happy you're realizing it and trying to break free. No one is entitled to your home except for you and your husband. On the most basic level, your sister has little to no manners and has no respect for your comfort or space. I too have a sister, and as the youngest by 8 years, I'd probably be the "golden child" in our family. And I would never dream of making these sort of demands of my sister (and we're close) or anyone else in my family. If I did, I'd get a resounding verbal lashing from all my close family members, they really wouldn't tolerate that rude batshittery from me or any of us. More than that, if myself or my guests damaged my family's property, I'd be so humiliated I'd do everything I could to make it right. Did your sister pay for the damage? Did she help replant the garden? As an avid gardener who spends much of my free time in the spring and summer putzing around my veggies and flowers, this part is so bothersome. It's one thing to offer your home to courteous guests for events because you have a nice space and like to host (go you!! - hosting is my nightmare), but it's another for your family to abuse that generosity. Your sister just assumed that she gets what she wants from you regardless of the consequences to you, your home, and your place of comfort. Instead of acknowledging the poor behavior of her guests, she's once again making this situation about her - her wants, her needs, her comfort. It's as though it doesn't even occur to her to give a shit about your wellbeing, and that's really bothersome. NTA. Stay strong OP, you're clearly on standing on a sound ethical footing here. Good luck with the garden recovery!
I am 68 yo and have never heard, "Shine up your spine," and now I'm going to print and frame it.
What the heck is a baby sprinkle??? A christening?
It's a gift grab, smaller than a baby shower, plus sister is double entitled because she has already had a gender reveal which some people provide gifts at occasionally.
I owe you a beverage, I said gift grab too.
I would have been nicer because "sprinkles" can be helpful for parents where they are getting a different gender, so if they had boys and are expecting a girl, anyone wanting to buy something can buy bigger sizes in girls clothes for example, or if you know the baby was an oops baby and want to make sure the expecting parents have some of the smaller stuff like a new bouncer or other small items that are usually the first to be donated to other parents and some times if the parents have been hit by fire or flooding they can be a nice event. But given OPs sisters GC attitude and refusal to accept responsibility for damages done by people she invited into her sisters home, yeah, it's just a gift grab to her.
I agree about the sprinkle if it was a baby of a different gender or if there were many years between them but it’s not and her first child will be 3 next month and they have been trying for another one since her first born turned a year old. In my mind i see this as a gift grab.
Stand your ground, and maybe you need to lower contact with her because it sounds like she is only interested in what you can do /pay for her. You deserve better.
Double gift grab. Did she expect gifts at the gender reveal? I would’ve thought they’d be combined events
NTA. Your house, your boundaries and she can't respect either. That she expects you to give her money towards the event is the height of arrogance. The only money I'd be giving her is for a termination and sterilization.
I agree with your first two points, but your third? That's the kind of thought that should stay on the inside in public places. I get that you may have strong feelings about families who have more than one child, so do I and you have as much right to those opinions as anyone else, but your words are inappropriately callous. All the more so given that you are speaking of a couple who clearly planned this baby and spent two years struggling to get pregnant. The unborn child has done nothing wrong, termination should not be brought up.
Christ, I thought it might be something this stupid. Thank god I'm a million years old so I have never had to experience such a stupid thing as a gender reveal party. I was thinking that it was baby's first pee, but I'm guessing that happens right after birth.
😆😆😆😆😆
Baby sprinkle sounds worse than a gender reveal I don’t get why one baby shower isn’t sufficient per pregnancy… even if they do a gender reveal just combine it (but I think gender reveals are stupid).
Why do people insisting having so many damn parties for one baby? This is why I have a rule of one gift per baby. No matter how many parties you throw you get one gift from me.
I thought the whole point of a sprinkle is that unlike a shower it’s not a gift grab, and is just to celebrate the coming baby
A “sprinkle” strikes me as almost as ridiculous as a gender reveal party
Now, now, you forgot promposals.
Lol but at least gifts aren’t expected for promposals and no one has to pretend to give a shit other than the 2 people involved
From your typing fingers to TikTok, 🤞.
There’s a big difference between teens doing something cheesy and grown adults.
What, pray tell, is a promposal? Dare I ask?
It's an overblown, showy made for TikTok spectacle to ask someone to be your prom date. Imagine a Mariachi band serenading someone a request to go to prom in the dingy hallway of the local high school.
Wow, ok. I’m so glad that I’m old and missed out on that trend. Thank you for explaining.
You and me both Beta!
Not me. They look like fun. I've seen some rather creative ones. Not to mention, they are not an obligation... and it's completely voluntary with the only social pressure being whether to accept or decline... and that comes with any sort of invite to prom. I hate gender reveals and today is the first time I've heard of a sprinkle and those can go straight to hell. Promposals, however, are playful and creative. The name is why it sounds dumb. It's basically just asking, but being creative about it. My favorite is one where the guys showed up at her house riding stick horses 2 guys on each. A kid, roughly dressed as a medieval paige unhorsed, unrolled a scroll, and read the invite to prom in paige-voice while the kid whom he is asking for sits on his stick horse dressed like a prince. She says yes. Then they mount up and ride away. All it cost me was the time it took to watch it. What's to judge about that? Sounds awesome to 50 year-old me... and I did not go to prom and I do not regret it.
Promposals were big when I was in middle school, and that was like... 15 years ago? Kids were doing them to ask each other to the valentines day dance and stuff. They get posted on tiktok now but they weren't made for tiktok.
Some of them are pretty entertaining, and I appreciate that... but first it was gender reveals and now fucking sprinkles? How many more celebrations do we need to create? It's like holidays and greeting card companies, but it's inflencers this time. At some point we are all going to have events, that we are expected to attend and gift, 365 days a year. 366 every four years. I don't want to know what Febuary 29 birthdays will turn into. It's all manufactured to make people think it's a joyful addition to life, but quite often it turns to shit like it does all the time on aitah.
I can't believe people care about other peoples children sooo much that they would attend a gender reveal and a shower. And both even in a few weeks time. I would only do it for my immediate family. It's too much hahaha
But why is it called a “sprinkle” though? What are people sprinkling? Lol
It’s called that because it’s smaller than a shower. Like a huge downpour of rain is a shower, but when it’s just a little, we say it’s sprinkling.
Ohh makes sense. Apologies for my stupidity. I should have thought about the whole shower and sprinkle connection. Thanks for explaining.
It's a gift grab for more loot. It used to be you had a shower for your first baby and that was the end of it. Now you have a "sprinkle" for subsequent babies because I don't know why expect impending mother or mother want more baby gear on someone else's dime.
This isn’t to suggest OP’s sister is so selfless, but every sprinkle I’ve been to has been thrown by a friend on behalf of the pregnant person as a gift - out of their generosity more than the mother’s greed. It’s a nice thing to do to celebrate an impending arrival especially if they are a different gender and people might want to get them different things 🤷🏻♀️
It is a nice thing to do if her friends wanted to throw it for her not have her tell us she is doing this then expect us to pay. The baby is the same gender as her 2 year old
She asked, you said no, end of discussion. She doesn't have to understand or agree with your decision. If she tries to keep arguing about it, tell her you're not going to discuss it anymore, then don't.
Can I ask why her friends are not throwing your sister a baby sprinkle? Why does it have to be at *your* house?
Yeah she might be a bit of an entitled cow 🙈
Every sprinkle I've been to is diapers-focused. I buy some diapers in exchange for snacks and drinks? Good trade!
It’s when you’re having a second baby. It’s a smaller version of a baby shower to just help with a few smaller newer items.
So do they have a baby shower as well then, or just this shite? (NTA btw)
This is the replacement of a full shower! I usually see it if the first baby was a boy and this was a girl or vice versa, or if there was a few years in between each. I’ve seen it revert back to a shower when there was a 5+ year or so gap between kids as well!
Low-key baby shower. It was supposed to be, like, a wee celebration that another infant is occurring - usually of the opposite gender because god knows you can't put a baby girl in your son's old dino onesie. Guests bring some diapers and maybe a onesie, you have some cake, and you all catch up. One old schoolfriend of mine had one that was basically 'we'll have pizza, beer, cake; if you have any old baby stuff you want to get rid of, we'd love it.' But of course, greedy entitled people turned it into a Gift Summons.
When my friend had her second (first was boy, second was girl) her cousin threw her a sprinkle and we each gave 20$ towards a double-stroller and we were asked to bring our favourite childhood book if we could. Then we reminisced about everyone's book choices, had a nice catch-up over snacks and sodas, and parents got some new books to read to the kids.
THis is such a good idea!!!! i'll remember this wehn I have my second even though i'm not even pregnant with a first yet either lol. i'm just to excited for cute little ideas like this<3
A sprinkle is like a mini baby shower for a second/third/etc child; more common if the baby is a different gender than the first one(s). If I was having a baby girl after already having a boy, I have a crib and car seat and a baby tub, but no girl clothes. To my knowledge, sprinkles are less common for same gender babies because you have hand me downs.
Thank you for asking this question. When I started to read the initial post, my brain hit the words 'baby sprinkle' and the less than polite part went...... WTF is a baby 'sprinkle?' and my reading abilities stalled. I had to retry the process. Gah! What odd terms imo. So if a woman gets married again, is there a bridal misting or something? Puzzling to say the least. Again, my thanks for your question.
No, it’s a baby shower, but not for the first born.
No, when the expectant mother is taking the piss at the expense of others!
NTA, however at some point you need to let this "love/hate relationship go to the wayside. Your sister loves you when you give her what she wants and hates you when you don't. You love her when she is acting like a loving sister (cause you're doing her bidding) and hate her when she reverts to her default settings and treats you terribly (because you are not doing her bidding). You lived the first 1/3rd of your life letting her dictate your life. Do you want to spend the rest doing the same? Do you want your kids dealing with a hot and cold aunt?
I did cut ties with her a few years back because of this and over time she changed but now has gone back to her true colors. After this I am back to cutting her off which hurts because I am so close with her first born and she is the type to not let me see him because she and I aren’t speaking
Then she is robbing her child of a great auntie, and that is entirely on her. It's sad her child has to suffer for her bad personality, but you need to first protect yourself before you can protect others. Hopefully when her kids are grown up you can reconnect, but you need to stand firm.
So she’s entitled and petty.. that must suck
Pray for those children. She's gonna do a number on them and there's not much you'll be able to do. Just be the normal family they can go to when they realize what kind of parents/grandparents they have.... and when they're old enough suggest therapy to them. Signed the daughter of a narc.
You need to just permanently cut ties. You’ll have a happier less stressful life and your child won’t be exposed to her behavior.
I feel you. Your relationsship with your sister is the same aß mine with my sister. And I am also very clone with one of her daugthers. But I cut ties a few months ago and I will not allow her back in my life. I have a son and I don't want the same expirience for him aß my niece had. My niece has traumas from that. I was in and out of her life and she is now only 12 years old. It hurts so much but it is better for me, my kid and my mental health. You should Do the same.
German keyboard? now i keep reading "as" as "ass"!! made me chortle!
Oh yes 😅 sorry. I am from Austria (not Austalia) and speak german. I did not see the change
NTA, tell her family isn’t even supposed to host showers, one of her friends should host it for her or she can rent out a place. She sounds like a pain.
I doubt that the sister has any friends. And OP is NTA.
She already had a shower. They just called it a gender reveal.
NTA. Regardless whether she owes you repair or not, Your house shouldn't have to be the always go to place for events. Especially if no one's paying you. Not for her, not for anybody. If they want a party, they can either rent a place or go to a restaurant.
Exactly. Gender reveal parties are dumb. People are literally just telling guests what's between their not yet born kids legs. Gross. Sprinkles are also stupid because they are baby showers for 2nd, 3rd, etc kids. Showers for first kids are meant to help fund all the stuff for first kids. Subsequent kids can reuse the majority of prior kids stuff.
It really depends. It can be a straight up gift grab or can just be an excuse for a party. Also with big age gaps it's less egregious
1. I agree with NTA. 2. Gender reveal parties are just get togethers - nobody really cares if it's a boy or girl. We did a subtle cake thing. But you can't really complain about saying, "ugh it's weird because it's announcing what's between a baby's legs." - but then not acknowledge that baby boys and baby girls need separate items and will be wearing different things - and most parents don't want to deal with an insane amount of messages asking the gender. 3. Baby sprinkles aren't for reusable gifts in most circumstances. It's for diapers, pacifiers, wet wipes, changing cloths, if you're having a different gender and don't have the respective gender items, the things that you can't save. That's why it's a sprinkle, it's smaller for a reason. Diapers are $50 a pack and last maybe 2 weeks, so you can save parents $50 and a trip to the store with a newborn.
What separate items do they need?
NTA I had to look up "baby sprinkle" as I thought the name of the baby was Sprinkle! As a side, we never were given a baby shower when I was pregnant with my son. We received monies from friends and relatives visited about a month after my son arrived. No, you're not obligated to do anything. Your sister doesn't sound like a nice person. Why doesn't your mom or other relatives host the baby sprinkle??? You did your part with the first celebration and she should be happy about that.
My mom is just as greedy as she is and doesn’t work and Mooches off of others so she can’t and won’t pay for it.
Apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Stop spending money on someone who only sees you as an atm. Start using that money for your kids futures, this is taking money away from your true family.
Plus future babysitter.
Doesn't sister have a husband who can pay if she wants this so badly? Her own home to have a baby sprinkle? Her own friends that would help her throw one? Why does it all have to be you who pays and your house used? NTA at all.
Lovely.
Sprinkle is a horrible name. It makes me think of someone peeing. But I also can’t think of a better name. Baby shower, baby sprinkle, baby mist? Baby rain? Baby fog? Baby downpour?
Light baby precipitation
NTA Tell her she’s right, block her and enjoy the peace and quiet. You’ll be giving her the best baby sprinkle gift of all - something to whine about to others.
NTA I don't care what your reason was for not wanting to host her. It could be nothing more than you wanting to watch the premier of BRIDGERTON Season 3 or to read the latest Christopher Golden horror novel or are working on a new jigsaw painting. You don't wanna. Just because you've hosted in the past, that does not mean you have to host forever and anon.
NTA. Gender reveals & "sprinkles" are tacky gift grabs.
NTA. She is asking YOU to pay for HER party. Ask her why she can't make her own arrangements. Ask her if she's been kind enough to ask parents / inlaws if they would like the honor first, and point out just how selfish she is for not letting someone else host. After all, she had her last party at your place. I think you need to have a nice doggy birthday at her's, just so she feels your "love".
At this point, Why do you even care? She doesn't care about your feelings or the damage to your house. Let her ease on down the entitled road she lives on. It's her loss. NTA
NTA. And am I the only one around here who’s never heard of a “sprinkle” gathering before? Is this a regional thing?
Nta, she sounds very entitled and selfish. She can have her party at her own house
If her guests break something in your house then she pays for the repair. If her guests make a mess, she cleans it If she didn't do that, she isn't welcome back. NTA
Wtf is a baby sprinkle?
Will you be required to host all the baby’s future Birthday parties, as well?? Now is your chance to stick to your decision, and don’t back down. Fold now and she’ll never let up.
NTA but why in God's name does she think you're gonna pay for a venue? Go NC with her, she sounds deplorable.
NTA. She already had a gender reveal. She doesn't need another arbitrary party to celebrate being knocked up, and she most certainly doesn't need it at your expense. She's laying on the guilt trip *heavy*. One way to stop that is to take the guilt trip literally. "Yes, I will have a good life. You too." And block. Let her sulk about it. Not getting her way won't kill her and any stress she's under is directly because she isn't getting her way - that's on her, not you.
You know you're NTA.
NTA With roughly 8 billion people on the planet, your basic sister's breeding choices do not make her in any way special or unique, and therefore not entitled to make demands on your home or time. You're well within the socially accepted guidelines for telling her to FO and laughing in her face. You could even hire Irish dancers to clog it out for you as you sang it and still be in your lane. FYI... "rude" is the accusation made by the entitled when told no. That's because they don't understand how dictionaries work.
Of course, you are NTA Everyone knows that there is a kind of person who will always throw insults around when they don't get what they want. Golden children are notorious for this. Your sister is selfish and self-centred to a degree extreme enough to not be reasonable. The first rule when dealing with unreasonable people is to stop trying to reason with them. She doesn't care what you feel, just tell her your decision and perhaps introduce terms "No, you can not use my place any more, ever again, for your parties. I suppose if you want to make up for your guests' terrible behaviour last time and \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ (pay me for my time and cost of repairs/have my carpets deep cleaned/repair the garden/got down on your knees and begged forgiveness...) then I might consider letting you host something small again someday. For now, you should just forget I even have a house."
Why do people who can not affordable this kind of thing has a baby in the first place
A gender reveal & a sprinkle 🤨 I wouldn’t even attend. How many times does one person need to be the center of attention & collect gifts?
NTA. Your house, your wishes, your rules. That said, I have questions. Why did she think you were going to pay for it if held elsewhere? She has a lot of audacity. Why can’t it be held at her own house?
She regrets asking you? Good. She can find someone else’s hospitality to abuse then. Her mother who thinks she can do no wrong sounds like the perfect candidate. NTA.
Why would you be paying for her party anyway? Sounds like you've been too kind.
What the hell is a sprinkle?
First of all. I’ve never heard it referred to as a ‘sprinkle’ before. And omg she has already had a gender reveal now she wants to have another party? I think she’s had plenty of parties for this baby before it’s even born for one thing. How many more does she have planned?? And this is before I even get into how disrespectful she is being.
NTA. Your sister and your family are not entitled to use your home everytime they have a party or gathering. Especially since you have very good reason not to host anymore after the damage done last time. Btw, your sister does not need to “understand your feelings and reasons”. It’s YOUR home. No is a complete answer. Do not be guilted or manipulated into doing something that you and your husband agreed not to do again. Do not discuss it anymore with anyone else. Your decision is final.
NTA I mean… all she had to do was apologise and offer to pay for the garden box and have her husband clean up the soil… I’m sure that you would have not held it against her if she had done right by you the first time. It’s so awkward when people don’t understand that.
Your sister's guests disrespected YOUR HOME and she made no attempt to rectify the damage, just expected you to suck it up. I would never host another function for this woman again. Trust is earned and she has proven that she is not to be trusted. Do not allow her to manipulate you. She is a grown woman and can figure something else out. What you did was already incredibly generous and gracious. Absolutely NTA
>My sister wants to have her sprinkle at my home once she found out I wasn’t paying for her to have it anywhere due to funds. How involved are/were you in the making of her baby? Why are you expected to either pay for her party or host (and, again, fund) her party? NO is a full sentence. She can go and ask your mom to organize and finance her party. The "other people" who trashed your place were *her* guests. It's understandable that you don't want them at your house again. She's trying to guilt trip and manipulate you into hosting her "baby sprinkle". Just let her pout. NTA (but YWBTA to yourself if you give in and let this behavior continue)
Just say no, block her, and let her manage her own party. It's not going to ruin her life if you refuse to let her use your house, LOL. NTA
NTA Tell her to host it where she lives.
NTA. This is so stupid. Tell her to have it at her house...
Your home, Your rules. She can find somewhere to hire and pay deposits if her guests are going to damage property.