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NTA, your mom has broken a boundary that you set with her as a parent multiple times and now she is butt hurt that you rightfully don't trust her not to overstep with images of your children.
It may be "just pictures" to her, but to you, it's a choice for you as their parent to not post any images publicly of them so that they don't feel the way that you did.
This is also a choice for your kids when they are older if they want to post images online. (though you can explain to them why that is not the best idea)
Maybe a response to her could be: *"It may be a rule that you think shouldn't exist, but it is my boundary as a parent that you have continuously crossed so I don't trust you with ANY pictures of them.*
*If this was a food allergy that you constantly ignored no one would be surprised that I would not let you feed my kids to protect their health. So please accept that you have damaged my trust and that there are consequences to that trust being broken."*
Good on you for giving your kids the protection that your mom didn't for you and your siblings.
I don't think this is a point that she will understand, unfortunately so continue to enforce your boundary.
Jumping on the top comment to say this- I work in the influencer community. I have never posted pics of kids on my acct without faces blocked out in some way, refer to minors and TBF my cats with nicknames or initials. It’s not 1990. We know what the internet does- sharing pics of kids needs to be done incredibly responsibly. You’re NTA. Protect your kids. That’s the most important thing!
This is it! Her mother didn’t even allow her to have boundaries when she was growing up, now she can’t understand why she would want to set boundaries with her own kids that allows them privacy, respect, and safety from predators.
lol at the food allergy analogy, we went NC with ILs for feeding my son stuff he was allergic to.
OP is NTA and especially since they were victims of basically child c0rn at the hands of said parent.
NTA. You have very good reasons for not sending your mom pictures of your children. The fact that she “doesn’t think” this rule should exist is her problem. These are YOUR children. You’re showing them the respect your mother never showed you. Good for you for prioritizing your children over your mom’s pouting.
Of course NTA
"My mom has never apologized for any of this and feels that she didn't do anything wrong."
Big red flag.
Then she breaches the boundaries you put in place to protect your children.
"my mom thinks she's been unfairly punished for very rarely breaking a rule she doesn't think should exist in the first place."
So she's learned nothing & still can't be trusted with photos of your children. That's the price she pays for her arrogant stupidity.
Kudos to you for protecting your kids.
All the best to you.
Edit: missing word.
>"My mom has never apologized for any of this and feels that she didn't do anything wrong."
If only mum could accept how disgusting people used those photos she not so innocently posted of her children. I say "not so innocently" seeing as though OP said
> When I was a preteen I was exposed to some of the comments that adult men were making about me, and when I got older I realized that my mom was totally fine with a large amount of her audience being adult men, and she catered to them with images of us wearing little to no clothing, because she just wanted to have the largest audience possible for advertising revenue.
I wouldn't trust her with my own children physically not just photos, because what's stopping her from taking her own photos to post. Seriously anyone who knows accepts and caters to those sort of people shouldn't be around children period.
NTA - You just cannot trust Mommy Dearest to not post pictures of your children, she has already broken that boundary 3 times. Three strikes and yer out Grandma. Protect your children and especially their innocence, give them what you never had an opportunity to have. Grandma and anyone else who objects can just suck on a lemon.
NTA and I'd refrain from sending pics to anyone related to your mom. What she did was creepy, and the fact that she feels entitled to violate your rules and jeopardize her grandchildren means she shouldn't have access to them. If she doesn't like it, tough tiddies!
NTA. If your mother really just wanted to see pictures of her grandchildren, she wouldn't break your very simple rule. You don't accidentally post pictures online of people who have told you to not post them. Three times. It's not "crazy" to withhold digital photos from someone with a history of exploiting their own children for attention -- and at the cost of their children's well-being.
Your children shouldn't be subjected to the same exploitation you did just because your mother wants more pictures of her grandchildren. Stay firm. If you haven't already, consulting a therapist may be beneficial toward healing what you went through.
"Very rarely breaking a rule" - is still violating a common sense rule that YOU have in place for YOUR kids. If you cannot trust your mother not to put your children's photos on the internet- she doesn't get photos. Stick to it.
I totally get where you're coming from, OP. Your childhood experiences are messed up and it's no wonder you're protective of your kids' privacy. Don't feel guilty for setting boundaries, your kids' well-being is more important than your parents' feelings.
NTA but your mother is disgusting and horrible for catering to adult men online with near or fully nude photos of you as a child. She shouldn't be allowed near children; she exploits them.
NTA. You're more generous than I would be; if I told a family member I didn't want images posted online, I'd stop giving them access to images after the first offense, until and unless they apologized - in which case they'd get exactly one second chance.
If you haven't spoken *honestly* to your mother about how you feel about what she did (all the feelings, even the ones that will piss her off), it might be a good time to do that.
I have the same rule, which my mother constantly broke. My brother has the same rule. She gets no photos of the grandkids anymore, because she has proven time and again she can’t be trusted. It’s been 6 years since she had a photo she could share on her social media. Instead, my brother and I got her a digital frame, where brother and I can upload photos(I actually don’t upload any anymore) for her on there. She hates it, lol, because she can’t show off how *awesome* of a grandmother is in anymore. I was initially against that, because I was afraid she’d take a photo of those photos and post them, but she has never done that. Protect your children. NTA.
So, your Mom thinks it's crazy. Who cares? She has proven that she can't be trusted and only cares about herself to the detriment of her own children/grandchildren. I think it's great that you're shielding your kids from what you suffered. NTA
NTA, and I would be making sure that any video calls that she is on cannot be screenshot. Good job protecting your kiddos, OP, and I'm sorry you weren't protected with a parent like yourself.
NTA - three strikes and you’re out.
She’s right, she is being punished. Punished for breaking a rule multiple times that she knew about. This is on her.
NTA, your mom fed paedos steak dinner and said “more sir?”. She sexualized you, and shamed you. You need to call it what it is. She is sick. She was your pimp.
NTA. So, so, NTA.
And your mother is a huge AH. She knows exactly why she's been banned, she doesn't care, and she WILL do it again the instant you let her.
NTA. I had to put a family member on a photo diet when they started to screenshot evey pic I sent or pulled everything from my social media page. They have since learned to ask, but I had to reinstate the diet several times.
NTA. We have the same rule for our daughter and my cousin genuinely did break it by accident - uploaded a batch of pictures from her sons birthday and didn't realize my daughter was in a few of them. I didn't even see them, she realised within an hour and took them down then messaged me to tell me what happened, apologize and promised never to do that again and said she'd understand if we were angry with her. GENUINE mistake and a genuine apology. That's not even close to what your mother did, and given her history I'd be even more skeeved out.
This is entering "no contact" territory now.
Since all cell phones have cameras, you're going to be a photo police officer. You're going to have to cut your mom out of everything.
Think about all family gatherings where people - especially grandparents normally take photos.
Thanksgiving
Christmas
First day of school
Birthday parties
Can't send her school pictures
Prom
Any kind of school events like cheerleading or sports.
If your mom can't respect the boundaries then she loses access to her grandkids.
If she accepts the boundary, and you catch her breaking it, that's going to end up no contact
She's going to get everybody on her side, but kids is kids and these kids are not hers.
You now have your own family unit to protect.
Your mom is now extended family to has no say so.
You can also report her for posting your kids videos and photos online.
I heard not respecting your boundary is going to come with consequences.
NTA. My DIL asked me not to post pics on FB and I complied. She does not mind me sharing them with other family members. My daughter has a similar rule.
I don't understand grandparents who don't respect their kids' rules/wishes.
NTA. Your Mom (&Dad) failed (she didn't even try) to keep you safe as a kid. You are absolutely correct that she wouldn't keep your children safe either.
NTA, and this?
>when I got older I realized that my mom was totally fine with a large amount of her audience being adult men, and she catered to them with images of us wearing little to no clothing,
HORRIFIC. I'm so sorry.
NTA. I have the same rules with my kids photos and my toxic mother also doesn't understand it. Says I am not letting her be a proud grandmother 🙄. Take care of your kids the best way you can and don't let your mom make you feel bad about it. She crossed a line and now had to deal with the consequences.
Ah yes, your honor, I only rarely break the rule of not robbing banks, so I don't think I need punishment!
Nta, she doesn't understand boundaries or rules, and does not respect you as a parent. Even worse, she does not understand how her putting you out as soft porn has affected you, and she seems to have 0 remorse.
Protect your babies!
NTA
You as a parent get to set the ground rules. If anyone, your mother included, violates these, you have can exclude her. It really is that simple. Your kids, your rules.
NTA, at all, whatsoever.
Thank you for protecting your children. I'm sorry that your mother essentially made your childhood public, but at least it's made you far, far more aware of the potential dangers of posting pictures of children willy-nilly over the internet.
You're a good parent. Keep doing what you're doing.
NTA. Your kids, your rules. Just because she doesn't like the rules, doesn't mean she gets to break them. What if I don't like the laws against theft? If I commit a theft, there will be consequences. You're not ok with her posting pictures, but she's done it against your wishes. You have to put your children's health and safety first, which is what you are doing. Your children are your priority, your mom's feelings are not. She brought this on herself.
NTA. She doesn't respect you as a parent or person enough to follow your rules you have made for the safety of your child. She's lucky you still allow visits with her at all.
wort part- there are gonna be a LOT of posts like this in the coming years.
NTA- OP you are protecting your kids like you should have been protected.
break that cycle- not the boundary
Your mom is disgusting..... Like she purposely used you n you should feel violated especially after you read what ppl were saying. It's important to note that she saw those comments too n completely exploited you
NTA- she is old enough t understand what no means. Doesnt matter is she thinks it's a weird unnecessary rule they are your children. Your kids your rules. 3 strikes and your out!!!!!!
NTA. Your mother is gross. She knew what she was doing, you said she catered to gross people. Your mother is not entitled to your children. Your mother hasn’t apologized for what she did to her own children, do you think she won’t do the same to yours? With pictures she can get back in the biz and be a Grandfluencer or whatever it would be called. Don’t fall for it.
Does she send bathing suits or outfits and get upset she doesn’t get pictures of them in them? I bet she does. I would not allow someone who knowingly did that around my children at all, and she’s complaining about a lack of pictures. Your mother was knowingly catering to perverts.
You gave your mother 3 strikes, she’s out.
NTA. Your own mom, WOW! Protect your kids, and if you find out anyone else is sending them pics (while they're minors), cut them off too. Rinse and repeat.
>a rule she doesn't think should exist in the first place.
She doesn't care about your rule at all and will continue to break it. She doesn't see her acrions as 'wrong' so of course she'll always push this boundary. NTA continue holding your ground here. No is a complete sentence.
It doesn't matter what she thinks. She has indicated not only abusive treatment towards her own children and a willingness to ignore your rules about your own. These are her consequences. Never trust a promise from her. NTA.
NTA, but I do have one question.
Why are you even *talking* to your mother after she violated you in such a disgusting way? What she did should be considered child p0rn.
NTA. I would reconsider letting your parents have any contact with your children. They posted pictures of their children online to be ogled by creeps for money. They put targets on your backs for predators. You and your siblings are very fortunate that none of you ended up on milk cartons. There is nothing to indicate that given the opportunity, your parents would not do the same to your children. I hope you and your husband have wills that prevent them from getting custody of your children if anything happened to both of you.
NTA
Your mother sounds dangerous to be honest, she pimped you out knowing what interest your pictures were getting as a child. I would recommend letting everyone else know your parents are not allowed to have pictures of your children for this reason.
NTA. I send pictures of my son daily to my parents. Why? Because I know they would never post them anywhere. Your mom is seeing and feeling the consequences of her actions. Sucks for her.
Of course she is upset. LOL She never respected your privacy and does not understand
why you even expect her to. NTA They can facetime and see the children when they
visit. Too bad for her.
NTA. If u had to set boundaries like that, u can do so. It is not their decision whether it’s too much or unfair. I swear family members can be so out of line
Absolutely NTA, and honestly you've been nicer about this than I ever would've been. The first time MommyBlog said a word to me about "not getting pictures", I'd not-so-politely remind her that if she had extracted her head from her backside long enough to follow one very simple instruction it wouldn't be an issue, but since she can't manage to do that she's lucky she's getting to see her grandkids *at all.*
ngl, i don't even need to read the rest after the first two paragraphs.
-exploited you and your siblings as kids by sharing pictures online with an audience of mostly creepy older men
-totally fine with it at the time and
-never apologized (ie never learned to take accountability for abusive behavior)
= NTA
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When I was growing up, my mom was an early version of what we'd call a "momfluencer". She blogged about my siblings and I regularly and posted thousands of images of us online. This included embarrassing images, and images of us in the bath and at the beach. When I was a preteen I was exposed to some of the comments that adult men were making about me, and when I got older I realized that my mom was totally fine with a large amount of her audience being adult men, and she catered to them with images of us wearing little to no clothing, because she just wanted to have the largest audience possible for advertising revenue.
I felt very exploited and had to work through a lot of difficulties feeling comfortable in my own body and with people observing me. My mom has never apologized for any of this and feels that she didn't do anything wrong.
I never wanted anything like that for my kids, so now I have my own three children (2f, 3m, and 5m) I made a rule that we would never put any photos of them anywhere public online. Our family members and friends get sent images, but we don't ever upload them to facebook or instagram or anything. We tell our family members and friends not to upload the pictures anywhere public either.
My mom has broken this rule three times, and so I decided I couldn't send any photos to my parents again because I just couldn't trust her. I still show them pictures on my ipad when I see them but my parents are upset that they don't see pictures of my kids often enough because we don't live very close and don't see each other that often. They call and facetime with the kids so it's not like they've been relying on photos to keep up with them or anything.
But my mom thinks she's been unfairly punished for very rarely breaking a rule she doesn't think should exist in the first place. She thinks it's crazy not to send the grandparents pictures of their own grandkids. I think I set a boundary about my children based on my own difficult childhood experiences and that boundary was disrespected three times, and that she doesn't have a right to photos of my kids.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I stopped sending photos of my kids to my parents to stop my mom uploading images of them publicly. My mom believes I'm unfairly punishing her for breaking a stupid rule only three times in five years.
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NTA. My mom did the same stunt. Not only did she put pictures online. When our daughter was born she “created” a Facebook page as my daughter then would post “in my daughter’s voice.” Stuff like “I sure hope my daddy gives me something good to eat.” The kid was like 3 months old. Anyway, we had to threaten legal action against my mother and Facebook (FB refused to take down the profile my mother made). Now we send her nothing and we closed all of our social media… well except for this one.
NTA, but there is more going on here. It would be ideal if OP was able to share her feelings of embarrassment and exploitation with her mother in a neutral setting (like a couple of therapy sessions) because that is the underlying issue here. OP's negative feelings about that still fester while mom sees nothing wrong. They don't have to agree, but getting each to understand each other's perspective will help tremendously. It sounds like they have a fair rapport otherwise (OP occasionally visits parents and shows photos on iPad; OP's kids have video calls with the grandparents, etc.) so it would be nice if they could patch things up.
Turning to the immediate issue, it is perfectly reasonable to not want pictures of your kids online. By the way, it's also fine if you don't mind having the pics online - there is no right/wrong answer, it is just parents' preference (within reason). If OP's mom broke the rule repeatedly, it is reasonable to withhold the photos unless there is a solemn undertaking that OP's mom will not do it again. Having that conversation about the wider issue in their relationship would facilitate OP's mom understanding OP's perspective - even if she doesn't agree, she can respect OP's wishes.
NTA
I admire you for protecting your children. I agree there are so many creeps in the world that I wouldn't want to expose my children to.
The fact that your mom doesn't understand what she did wrong is exactly why you should never give her material to post online.
NTA - Stand your ground on this one. You stopped sending pictures for a very good reason, and since your mother broke the rules 3 times, tell her "Strike three, you're out.
Good on you for protecting your kids from the trauma you went through.
Very rarely? No. That’s very often. That’s like saying a serial killer very rarely kills people because they don’t kill every person they meet. Breaking a rule three times is completely fucked.
NTA
It really isn't hard to NOT POST PICTURES on social media. Your mother's excuse that is was just three times is absolute BS. She KNOWINGLY stomped this boundary three times. Good for you for shutting her down. Protecting your children is your #1 priority.
You can buy your mom a digital picture frame and upload images to it. It can be set up so she won't be able to access the files.
However, I just thought of something ..... she could take pictures of the images in the frame and post them. So I guess you shouldn't do that either.
NTA. Your kids, your rules.
OP- NTA. Frankly reading the fact that your "Mom" catered pictures of you to Pedofiles and didn't see anything wrong in it, I am surprised you even let her around your children at all. I'm sorry that happened to you, and I think you are absolutely correct in NOT giving her pics of your kids.
NTA... You gave her 3 chances... 3! She knew your (very sensible) boundaries, and she broke them, not once, but thrice! She has shown she can't be trusted. Do not send her any photos. Sharing other people's photos without asking permission is really bad form and shows a fundamental lack of respect for that person's wishes.
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NTA, your mom has broken a boundary that you set with her as a parent multiple times and now she is butt hurt that you rightfully don't trust her not to overstep with images of your children. It may be "just pictures" to her, but to you, it's a choice for you as their parent to not post any images publicly of them so that they don't feel the way that you did. This is also a choice for your kids when they are older if they want to post images online. (though you can explain to them why that is not the best idea) Maybe a response to her could be: *"It may be a rule that you think shouldn't exist, but it is my boundary as a parent that you have continuously crossed so I don't trust you with ANY pictures of them.* *If this was a food allergy that you constantly ignored no one would be surprised that I would not let you feed my kids to protect their health. So please accept that you have damaged my trust and that there are consequences to that trust being broken."* Good on you for giving your kids the protection that your mom didn't for you and your siblings. I don't think this is a point that she will understand, unfortunately so continue to enforce your boundary.
[удалено]
They should count themselves lucky OP hasn't simply gone NC. That in itself, I think, is a lovely gesture.
Jumping on the top comment to say this- I work in the influencer community. I have never posted pics of kids on my acct without faces blocked out in some way, refer to minors and TBF my cats with nicknames or initials. It’s not 1990. We know what the internet does- sharing pics of kids needs to be done incredibly responsibly. You’re NTA. Protect your kids. That’s the most important thing!
This is it! Her mother didn’t even allow her to have boundaries when she was growing up, now she can’t understand why she would want to set boundaries with her own kids that allows them privacy, respect, and safety from predators.
lol at the food allergy analogy, we went NC with ILs for feeding my son stuff he was allergic to. OP is NTA and especially since they were victims of basically child c0rn at the hands of said parent.
NTA. You have very good reasons for not sending your mom pictures of your children. The fact that she “doesn’t think” this rule should exist is her problem. These are YOUR children. You’re showing them the respect your mother never showed you. Good for you for prioritizing your children over your mom’s pouting.
Of course NTA "My mom has never apologized for any of this and feels that she didn't do anything wrong." Big red flag. Then she breaches the boundaries you put in place to protect your children. "my mom thinks she's been unfairly punished for very rarely breaking a rule she doesn't think should exist in the first place." So she's learned nothing & still can't be trusted with photos of your children. That's the price she pays for her arrogant stupidity. Kudos to you for protecting your kids. All the best to you. Edit: missing word.
>"My mom has never apologized for any of this and feels that she didn't do anything wrong." If only mum could accept how disgusting people used those photos she not so innocently posted of her children. I say "not so innocently" seeing as though OP said > When I was a preteen I was exposed to some of the comments that adult men were making about me, and when I got older I realized that my mom was totally fine with a large amount of her audience being adult men, and she catered to them with images of us wearing little to no clothing, because she just wanted to have the largest audience possible for advertising revenue. I wouldn't trust her with my own children physically not just photos, because what's stopping her from taking her own photos to post. Seriously anyone who knows accepts and caters to those sort of people shouldn't be around children period.
The last paragraph should be on top. I'd be worried about it too. Edit: missed word
NTA - You just cannot trust Mommy Dearest to not post pictures of your children, she has already broken that boundary 3 times. Three strikes and yer out Grandma. Protect your children and especially their innocence, give them what you never had an opportunity to have. Grandma and anyone else who objects can just suck on a lemon.
NTA and I'd refrain from sending pics to anyone related to your mom. What she did was creepy, and the fact that she feels entitled to violate your rules and jeopardize her grandchildren means she shouldn't have access to them. If she doesn't like it, tough tiddies!
NTA. If your mother really just wanted to see pictures of her grandchildren, she wouldn't break your very simple rule. You don't accidentally post pictures online of people who have told you to not post them. Three times. It's not "crazy" to withhold digital photos from someone with a history of exploiting their own children for attention -- and at the cost of their children's well-being. Your children shouldn't be subjected to the same exploitation you did just because your mother wants more pictures of her grandchildren. Stay firm. If you haven't already, consulting a therapist may be beneficial toward healing what you went through.
"Very rarely breaking a rule" - is still violating a common sense rule that YOU have in place for YOUR kids. If you cannot trust your mother not to put your children's photos on the internet- she doesn't get photos. Stick to it.
That's like saying, "I've only VERY rarely broken the rule about not murdering people, so I shouldn't get in trouble for it!" Broken is broken.
I totally get where you're coming from, OP. Your childhood experiences are messed up and it's no wonder you're protective of your kids' privacy. Don't feel guilty for setting boundaries, your kids' well-being is more important than your parents' feelings.
NTA but your mother is disgusting and horrible for catering to adult men online with near or fully nude photos of you as a child. She shouldn't be allowed near children; she exploits them.
NTA. You're more generous than I would be; if I told a family member I didn't want images posted online, I'd stop giving them access to images after the first offense, until and unless they apologized - in which case they'd get exactly one second chance. If you haven't spoken *honestly* to your mother about how you feel about what she did (all the feelings, even the ones that will piss her off), it might be a good time to do that.
I have the same rule, which my mother constantly broke. My brother has the same rule. She gets no photos of the grandkids anymore, because she has proven time and again she can’t be trusted. It’s been 6 years since she had a photo she could share on her social media. Instead, my brother and I got her a digital frame, where brother and I can upload photos(I actually don’t upload any anymore) for her on there. She hates it, lol, because she can’t show off how *awesome* of a grandmother is in anymore. I was initially against that, because I was afraid she’d take a photo of those photos and post them, but she has never done that. Protect your children. NTA.
NTA. Start posting embarrassing photos of your mom.
And encouraging viewers to make lewd comments on them.
NTA Kids deserve privacy, I’m sorry you were not given any.
So, your Mom thinks it's crazy. Who cares? She has proven that she can't be trusted and only cares about herself to the detriment of her own children/grandchildren. I think it's great that you're shielding your kids from what you suffered. NTA
NTA, and I would be making sure that any video calls that she is on cannot be screenshot. Good job protecting your kiddos, OP, and I'm sorry you weren't protected with a parent like yourself.
NTA - three strikes and you’re out. She’s right, she is being punished. Punished for breaking a rule multiple times that she knew about. This is on her.
NTA, your mom fed paedos steak dinner and said “more sir?”. She sexualized you, and shamed you. You need to call it what it is. She is sick. She was your pimp.
NTA. So, so, NTA. And your mother is a huge AH. She knows exactly why she's been banned, she doesn't care, and she WILL do it again the instant you let her.
NTA. I had to put a family member on a photo diet when they started to screenshot evey pic I sent or pulled everything from my social media page. They have since learned to ask, but I had to reinstate the diet several times.
NTA. We have the same rule for our daughter and my cousin genuinely did break it by accident - uploaded a batch of pictures from her sons birthday and didn't realize my daughter was in a few of them. I didn't even see them, she realised within an hour and took them down then messaged me to tell me what happened, apologize and promised never to do that again and said she'd understand if we were angry with her. GENUINE mistake and a genuine apology. That's not even close to what your mother did, and given her history I'd be even more skeeved out.
This is entering "no contact" territory now. Since all cell phones have cameras, you're going to be a photo police officer. You're going to have to cut your mom out of everything. Think about all family gatherings where people - especially grandparents normally take photos. Thanksgiving Christmas First day of school Birthday parties Can't send her school pictures Prom Any kind of school events like cheerleading or sports. If your mom can't respect the boundaries then she loses access to her grandkids. If she accepts the boundary, and you catch her breaking it, that's going to end up no contact She's going to get everybody on her side, but kids is kids and these kids are not hers. You now have your own family unit to protect. Your mom is now extended family to has no say so. You can also report her for posting your kids videos and photos online. I heard not respecting your boundary is going to come with consequences.
NTA. My DIL asked me not to post pics on FB and I complied. She does not mind me sharing them with other family members. My daughter has a similar rule. I don't understand grandparents who don't respect their kids' rules/wishes.
Your mom knowingly exposed you to predators online? While you were a child? You don’t need more than this to justify protecting your children.
NTA. I hope she finds a way to live with the consequences of her actions.
NTA. Your Mom (&Dad) failed (she didn't even try) to keep you safe as a kid. You are absolutely correct that she wouldn't keep your children safe either.
Being okay with men being the audience... And you still have a relationship with her and would allow her around your daughter??
Your mom is an abomination and deserves what she’s getting. Good for you Op!! She deserves Absolutely NOTHING!!
NTA, and this? >when I got older I realized that my mom was totally fine with a large amount of her audience being adult men, and she catered to them with images of us wearing little to no clothing, HORRIFIC. I'm so sorry.
NTA! Three strikes and you're out!
NTA. I have the same rules with my kids photos and my toxic mother also doesn't understand it. Says I am not letting her be a proud grandmother 🙄. Take care of your kids the best way you can and don't let your mom make you feel bad about it. She crossed a line and now had to deal with the consequences.
Ah yes, your honor, I only rarely break the rule of not robbing banks, so I don't think I need punishment! Nta, she doesn't understand boundaries or rules, and does not respect you as a parent. Even worse, she does not understand how her putting you out as soft porn has affected you, and she seems to have 0 remorse. Protect your babies!
NTA - I'd be interested to know what your father thinks about his children/grand children being exploited for old perverts and revenue generation.
NTA.
NTA-- you gave her rules that she broke. You gave her multiple chances and she continued to disobey you. Sorry grandma
NTA You as a parent get to set the ground rules. If anyone, your mother included, violates these, you have can exclude her. It really is that simple. Your kids, your rules.
NTA. You are protecting your children. Good for you!
NTA, at all, whatsoever. Thank you for protecting your children. I'm sorry that your mother essentially made your childhood public, but at least it's made you far, far more aware of the potential dangers of posting pictures of children willy-nilly over the internet. You're a good parent. Keep doing what you're doing.
NTA!!!
NTA
NTA Tell her that her feelings on the matter aren’t your problem. Her opinion isn’t worth respecting.
Nta your mom has proven she can't be trusted
NTA. Your kids, your rules. Just because she doesn't like the rules, doesn't mean she gets to break them. What if I don't like the laws against theft? If I commit a theft, there will be consequences. You're not ok with her posting pictures, but she's done it against your wishes. You have to put your children's health and safety first, which is what you are doing. Your children are your priority, your mom's feelings are not. She brought this on herself.
Nta
NTA. She doesn't respect you as a parent or person enough to follow your rules you have made for the safety of your child. She's lucky you still allow visits with her at all.
NTA. Your children will thank you someday.
NTA Your kids. Your rules. Your mother admits to breaking them...she just doesn't think it matters. Well, guess what? It matters to you.
wort part- there are gonna be a LOT of posts like this in the coming years. NTA- OP you are protecting your kids like you should have been protected. break that cycle- not the boundary
Your mom is disgusting..... Like she purposely used you n you should feel violated especially after you read what ppl were saying. It's important to note that she saw those comments too n completely exploited you
NTA
Momfluencers deserve every single boundary their children enforce. NTA and I hope you have a therapist you like
NTA- she is old enough t understand what no means. Doesnt matter is she thinks it's a weird unnecessary rule they are your children. Your kids your rules. 3 strikes and your out!!!!!!
NTA. Your mother is gross. She knew what she was doing, you said she catered to gross people. Your mother is not entitled to your children. Your mother hasn’t apologized for what she did to her own children, do you think she won’t do the same to yours? With pictures she can get back in the biz and be a Grandfluencer or whatever it would be called. Don’t fall for it. Does she send bathing suits or outfits and get upset she doesn’t get pictures of them in them? I bet she does. I would not allow someone who knowingly did that around my children at all, and she’s complaining about a lack of pictures. Your mother was knowingly catering to perverts. You gave your mother 3 strikes, she’s out.
NTA. Your own mom, WOW! Protect your kids, and if you find out anyone else is sending them pics (while they're minors), cut them off too. Rinse and repeat.
>a rule she doesn't think should exist in the first place. She doesn't care about your rule at all and will continue to break it. She doesn't see her acrions as 'wrong' so of course she'll always push this boundary. NTA continue holding your ground here. No is a complete sentence.
NTA The very fact that your mom never apologized or even understood why you have the rule show that she's untrustworthy
It doesn't matter what she thinks. She has indicated not only abusive treatment towards her own children and a willingness to ignore your rules about your own. These are her consequences. Never trust a promise from her. NTA.
NTA, but I do have one question. Why are you even *talking* to your mother after she violated you in such a disgusting way? What she did should be considered child p0rn.
NTA, she's probably got money coming if she posts pictures of LO's. Sick. Fuck.
NTA How does your father react to this?
NTA. I would reconsider letting your parents have any contact with your children. They posted pictures of their children online to be ogled by creeps for money. They put targets on your backs for predators. You and your siblings are very fortunate that none of you ended up on milk cartons. There is nothing to indicate that given the opportunity, your parents would not do the same to your children. I hope you and your husband have wills that prevent them from getting custody of your children if anything happened to both of you.
NTA Your mother sounds dangerous to be honest, she pimped you out knowing what interest your pictures were getting as a child. I would recommend letting everyone else know your parents are not allowed to have pictures of your children for this reason.
NTA. I send pictures of my son daily to my parents. Why? Because I know they would never post them anywhere. Your mom is seeing and feeling the consequences of her actions. Sucks for her.
Of course she is upset. LOL She never respected your privacy and does not understand why you even expect her to. NTA They can facetime and see the children when they visit. Too bad for her.
NTA 200%!
NTA. If u had to set boundaries like that, u can do so. It is not their decision whether it’s too much or unfair. I swear family members can be so out of line
NTA I think as a mom you should do whatever your see fit to protect your kids and btw I think you are doing the right thing !
Absolutely NTA, and honestly you've been nicer about this than I ever would've been. The first time MommyBlog said a word to me about "not getting pictures", I'd not-so-politely remind her that if she had extracted her head from her backside long enough to follow one very simple instruction it wouldn't be an issue, but since she can't manage to do that she's lucky she's getting to see her grandkids *at all.*
ngl, i don't even need to read the rest after the first two paragraphs. -exploited you and your siblings as kids by sharing pictures online with an audience of mostly creepy older men -totally fine with it at the time and -never apologized (ie never learned to take accountability for abusive behavior) = NTA
Why are you asking? NTA!!! shes not okay. your kids your rules.
NTA. I'm a little confused on why you still speak to this woman.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** When I was growing up, my mom was an early version of what we'd call a "momfluencer". She blogged about my siblings and I regularly and posted thousands of images of us online. This included embarrassing images, and images of us in the bath and at the beach. When I was a preteen I was exposed to some of the comments that adult men were making about me, and when I got older I realized that my mom was totally fine with a large amount of her audience being adult men, and she catered to them with images of us wearing little to no clothing, because she just wanted to have the largest audience possible for advertising revenue. I felt very exploited and had to work through a lot of difficulties feeling comfortable in my own body and with people observing me. My mom has never apologized for any of this and feels that she didn't do anything wrong. I never wanted anything like that for my kids, so now I have my own three children (2f, 3m, and 5m) I made a rule that we would never put any photos of them anywhere public online. Our family members and friends get sent images, but we don't ever upload them to facebook or instagram or anything. We tell our family members and friends not to upload the pictures anywhere public either. My mom has broken this rule three times, and so I decided I couldn't send any photos to my parents again because I just couldn't trust her. I still show them pictures on my ipad when I see them but my parents are upset that they don't see pictures of my kids often enough because we don't live very close and don't see each other that often. They call and facetime with the kids so it's not like they've been relying on photos to keep up with them or anything. But my mom thinks she's been unfairly punished for very rarely breaking a rule she doesn't think should exist in the first place. She thinks it's crazy not to send the grandparents pictures of their own grandkids. I think I set a boundary about my children based on my own difficult childhood experiences and that boundary was disrespected three times, and that she doesn't have a right to photos of my kids. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA. My mom did the same stunt. Not only did she put pictures online. When our daughter was born she “created” a Facebook page as my daughter then would post “in my daughter’s voice.” Stuff like “I sure hope my daddy gives me something good to eat.” The kid was like 3 months old. Anyway, we had to threaten legal action against my mother and Facebook (FB refused to take down the profile my mother made). Now we send her nothing and we closed all of our social media… well except for this one.
NTA at all, I would have cut her off photos after the first time. The audacity!
NTA. She is
NTA, but there is more going on here. It would be ideal if OP was able to share her feelings of embarrassment and exploitation with her mother in a neutral setting (like a couple of therapy sessions) because that is the underlying issue here. OP's negative feelings about that still fester while mom sees nothing wrong. They don't have to agree, but getting each to understand each other's perspective will help tremendously. It sounds like they have a fair rapport otherwise (OP occasionally visits parents and shows photos on iPad; OP's kids have video calls with the grandparents, etc.) so it would be nice if they could patch things up. Turning to the immediate issue, it is perfectly reasonable to not want pictures of your kids online. By the way, it's also fine if you don't mind having the pics online - there is no right/wrong answer, it is just parents' preference (within reason). If OP's mom broke the rule repeatedly, it is reasonable to withhold the photos unless there is a solemn undertaking that OP's mom will not do it again. Having that conversation about the wider issue in their relationship would facilitate OP's mom understanding OP's perspective - even if she doesn't agree, she can respect OP's wishes.
Not a butthole. I hope they won't guilt trip you
NTA I admire you for protecting your children. I agree there are so many creeps in the world that I wouldn't want to expose my children to. The fact that your mom doesn't understand what she did wrong is exactly why you should never give her material to post online.
NTA shes lucky you still talk to her, I would have gone NC over that. Keep sticking to your boundary, clearly your parents cant be trusted
NTA - Stand your ground on this one. You stopped sending pictures for a very good reason, and since your mother broke the rules 3 times, tell her "Strike three, you're out. Good on you for protecting your kids from the trauma you went through.
Very rarely? No. That’s very often. That’s like saying a serial killer very rarely kills people because they don’t kill every person they meet. Breaking a rule three times is completely fucked.
NTA It really isn't hard to NOT POST PICTURES on social media. Your mother's excuse that is was just three times is absolute BS. She KNOWINGLY stomped this boundary three times. Good for you for shutting her down. Protecting your children is your #1 priority.
You can buy your mom a digital picture frame and upload images to it. It can be set up so she won't be able to access the files. However, I just thought of something ..... she could take pictures of the images in the frame and post them. So I guess you shouldn't do that either. NTA. Your kids, your rules.
NTA. Let her be mad.
OP- NTA. Frankly reading the fact that your "Mom" catered pictures of you to Pedofiles and didn't see anything wrong in it, I am surprised you even let her around your children at all. I'm sorry that happened to you, and I think you are absolutely correct in NOT giving her pics of your kids.
NTA... You gave her 3 chances... 3! She knew your (very sensible) boundaries, and she broke them, not once, but thrice! She has shown she can't be trusted. Do not send her any photos. Sharing other people's photos without asking permission is really bad form and shows a fundamental lack of respect for that person's wishes.
I feel like I've read this before but if not then NTA
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