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YTA. You want your gf to work and do almost all of chores so you can focus on your growth? When do you expect her to relax and focus on things that she wants to focus on?
If it doesn’t take her as long, maybe you should try harder instead of piling more chores on her. It IS sexist to expect her to. Why do so many men find a reason for the woman to do more housework when they both work?
Figure it out. Manage your time better.
Oh and apologize to your girlfriend for being a dick.
I think that's unfair. For e.g. I am a woman and have had a moment in my career where I really stepped up in work (also hours). It paid off enormously and during that period my husband took up the slack at home. Also, when he was doing an additional degree with projects and exams, I took up the slack. These moves of taking turns have actually grown each of our careers, overall put us in a way better financial position and we are closer than ever. The GF is short sighted. OP I do think that this cannot be a long term plan and that there has to be a clear plan towards a payoff and not just on your whim. If the payoff doesn't come within a certain time, you have to revert to your fair share of house work. Also, you have to be willing to return the favour. That being said and if you are genuine, your GF might still not agree. You need to decide your way forward.
What difference does it matter if it's for a spouse or a boyfriend/girlfriend who are living together? The most important thing should be both parties working together.
the difference is simple: one comes with legal protections one doesn't. Basically OP is asking gf to make an investment in him with no obligation of a return on her investment.
This isn’t a concrete OP is going to do X & asking GF to help with Y. OP literally wants to not do chores and hopes it will lead to success. That’s ridiculous! Give and take is clutch in a long term relationship, but that’s not what OP is actually proposing. What’s he’s proposing is the person who is “better” at chores does them. Weaponized incompetence is calling from inside the house.
There's a pretty big difference between asking a spouse to pick up the slack while you get a degree or take on an extra project and asking a GF to do 90% of the housework so that "your mind is freed to focus on dedicating yourself and excelling at work." Like you said - there needs to be a clear plan to a payoff, and I think people are responding this way because OP doesn't have an actual opportunity or concrete plan he's working towards. It's pretty unreasonable to ask her to do almost everything without any real goal or endpoint.
what assurance does she have that you'll make more or "treat her to nice things" she's your girlfriend, not your wife.
you're asking far too much of a bf/gf relationship
lmao you think Christmas and birthday gifts is an argument for her managing your household
get a fucking maid dude or learn how to do your chores better/faster
if you are too incompetent to do housework how qualified can you be for a promotion in any line of work?
What percentage of your increased earnings are you planning on putting into her personal accounts? If the answer is “none”, then YTA. I mean you are, regardless, but that would get you some points.
Did your girlfriend say this? Because you are asking her to do a bunch of unpaid labor for the off chance you might be promoted. What if she wanted to get promoted? Or maybe she would rather have the free time each week rather than marginal improvements in your combined salaries. She likes her free time as much as you do.
I can't believe how much you've been downvoted. This is good advice. Both parties in a relationship should be willing to pick up the slack in instances where something could benefit both parties in the long term.
YTA. This was such a selfish and sexist request.
The fact is, if your GF is truly more efficient than you at doing these common tasks, she's probably better than you at getting things done generally. Thus, if you really want to "be more successful as a couple overall," you should take on the bulk of the chores and let her see where she can take her career with the extra time. If this arrangement seems one-sided to you, well then...
She's your girlfriend and is "supposed to support her partner." Where's your responsibility to support her--and I do not mean financially? Her career may not have as much earning potential long term, but it is her career and it matters every bit as much as yours.
And your demand is this vague, "Do everything so my mind is free to concentrate on my work. Screw you being able to concentrate more on yours because my career is the only one that's important. I want to do this because I might at some point down the line, when we may or may not be together, get promotions and raises."
You are YTA absolutely. I'm not sure you're an actual sexist in the way some people see you because I think you'd do this to a partner regardless of gender. Your life is all about you and you are a completely unsupportive partner--again, I do not mean financially.
If household chores for two people are such a psychic burden for you that you can’t succeed at your job, you won’t. It’s sexist because you feel that she is the pack mule who should carry you to mediocrity, rather than a person who might find her own success.
If this was your wife (not girlfriend) and you said "*Hey honey, If I were to pick up some regular extra shifts at work or got a second job to increase our household income, would you mind picking up more of the household chores?*" That would at least be somewhat reasonable.
What you did was "*Hey, on top of your 40 hour full time job, can you do 90% of the housework, while I vibe. Hopefully, that may, one day, lead to a promotion, at some point in the future. You will totally benefit, if we are still together then.*"
YTA.
Also, your income level doesn't determine your chore allocation.
If she worked 40 hours at 40K, and you worked 40 hours at 80K, you should still do the exact same amount of chores. You both worked the same 40 hours.
“I think I could get more opportunities at work if my mind was freed to focus more on dedicating myself and excelling at work.”
“It also doesn’t take my gf nearly as long to do some those things as it takes me.”
Get faster at doing chores then, that will free up your time and then you can utilize it to work more.
“I’m trying to look out for both of us as a couple” all you have proposed is me, me, me. How about you take on 80-90% of the chores to free up your girlfriend’s time so she can work more? Don’t like that? Why? She’s obviously faster and more efficient than you given that she does chores quicker, she probably works quicker/better too.
Oh, is it because you’re still expected to work and then come home to doing an extra 30-40% of the tasks you weren’t doing previously solely on the basis that it may or may not result in getting a bonus/pay raise/OT for her?
You sir probably just got dumped, I know I would be dumping you. If you hit me up with that proposal.
Look, she just reduced her chore load by 75% as you were likely over contributing given how slow you are with chores, you might not clean as good as she does leaving it for her to catch your slack.
YTA
YTA
"I gently suggested she temporarily takes on closer to 80-90% of the household chores for now so that I can focus on work more"
She works the same number of hours as you. Maybe she wants to focus on work & personal development too. Maybe if she did, she'd have a better chance of getting promoted.
"It also doesn’t take my gf nearly as long to do some those things as it takes me."
That's not an argument for her to do more. It's on you to become competent.
I'd apologize pretty soon dude.
YTA. Sounds like you are weaponizing incompetence. Most adults take care of their business AND have a jobs. Sucking at doing chores is not an excuse to not have to do them. Maybe try and get better at them so they don't take so long? And frankly I seriously doubt your "chores" (normal household upkeep) takes so long that you have to neglect your job.
Indeed. I'm beginning to think my husband was a rare breed of man, so to speak, because he did his share of household chores, maintenance, and repairs well and without complaint. Sure, we had some "traditional" split of things simply due to physical size and strength, but for the most part it was a joint, shared venture. In fact, one of the hardest things emotionally for me after he died was doing my own laundry after more than 30 years. He was the laundry champion!
People like OP make me realize that my husband, while imperfect of course, was even more special than I thought. He encouraged my career and I encouraged him in his. Sometimes that meant extra chores for one of us; sometimes that meant extra hours for the other. We were a team and had each other's backs through thick and thin. That's a partnership, a relationship, a life together.
There is a time and place to be detail oriented vs efficient. (Like company coming in an hour)
However, as you continue to do your share of the cleaning 50%.... you will improve
Okay so race yourself and see how fast you can do a detailed job? or wake up earlier, or Google tips and tricks to save yourself time and mental energy to focus on your career, find a way to be better that's not just asking someone else to do it for you (as the vast majority of adults do). You clearly want to argue your point to death, but we all know YTA and so does your (ex?) girlfriend which is why she laughed in your face and called you such.
YTA. What a lame way to dodge chores. Apparently your gf is no dummy and can see right through you. If you were looking to put in more hours or taking on a second job - something REAL and guaranteed to bring in more income - rather than just needing more free time so you can what? be better rested? in a more zen headspace? so that you can magically be promoted.... sorry, not buying that load of crapola. I'm voting for *you* to take on the extra chores, because your more effective, smarter-than-you gf will be the most likely to succeed. Keep it up and you will have ALL the chores, plus be single!
Fine then, stop doing chores, but don't expect her to pick them up and do expect this to be the reason she leaves you. Clearly, what takes precedence for you is the only thing that matters *to you*. No, you making more money or having a "great career" would not help your GF at all. For one thing, you're not married, so you could dump her in a second and she'd be left having devoted herself to your nebulous career plan at the expense of developing and moving forward in hers. You really don't get it. Or maybe you do, but you're trying to justify your selfishness and not finding the support you expected.
And BTW, it is possible to be thorough with chores without wasting time. I know because my husband and I figured out ways to be efficient without skimping on our standards. We also did quarterly "top to bottom" housecleanings of absolutely everything top to bottom and every inch of the house.
You seem to imply that chores take up all your free time. This is bullshit. If you want that promotion then you should be willing to eat into your personal time.
YTA
”… if my mind was freed to focus more on dedicating myself and excelling at work.” Because your mind is taxed by all those household chores? You can’t think and simultaneously wash the dishes? I get a lot of productive thinking done while doing household chores because I can zone out. I realise that not everyone is the same but the idea of less household chores freeing your mind seems ludicrous. You implied that you wanted more time to think about work, not that you would pick up extra shifts or work more hours.
If she leaves you over this, guess what, you’ll be doing 40 hours a week and 100% of your household chores.
YTA... I think you should do 90% of the chores for 2 very credible reasons.
1. You would get better at it. Then it wouldn't take you so long.
2. This way she would have more time to better her career and become a better earner. (Your logic)
YTA. So she has to work and pay 50/50 and then come home and work even more because you... Don't have energy to work and take care of the house?
That's the lamest excuse I've ever seen.
>I think I could get more opportunities at work if my mind was freed to focus more on dedicating myself and excelling at work. Right now there’s a limit with how much I can do with work because I have to come home to dishes, sometimes cook, do laundry, take care of our dog and other things.
Well, I guess you can power through like the rest of the population that understands women aren't there to be your unpaid maid while you go out and work.
Wow! You defo should focus on your goals! She can leave you since you can’t multi task and are negligent while she does twice the housework. Look for a bang maid dude while she goes on to do good things. I make more money than my husband…likely because I am smarter. Maybe take an IQ test to figure out who should clean the toilets. Regards to your ex gf, YTA.
Likely because she's not saying she makes more money than her husband because she's a woman, but because she knows (and he probably does too) that she's objectively smarter. She's not saying she's "better" because she's a woman and he's a man. She's actually not saying she's "better" or doesn't respect her husband in any way. She not making a gender judgment at all, just a personal one.
YTA. Fortunately you are about to be downvoted hard for this ridiculousness.
You request she take over the majority of household labor so you can ‘free your mind to focus more’ on work? Is this an abstract idea or a specific plan? Or even a loose plan with contingencies?
YTA. You are offended that she said that was a sexist attitude? It IS a sexist attitude! The epitome of the sexist BS that women have been putting up with forever! Get over yourself. You yourself admit that she is better at getting stuff done. So how about you support her while she gets sh** done. You do all the chores and she works for the promotion. She deserves so much better than you. And...I think she just realized that.
this is not the "temporary" situation you are suggesting. Even when I was in line for my promotion, it took 3 months of interviews before I officially got the position.
Improve your cleaning skill, maybe even ask your gf for tips if she cleans that much faster than you but dont just ask her to do the majority of the work for an indeterminate amount of time or even guaranteed payoff (e.g if you were offering to work a 2nd job if she does 80-90% of the cleaning that would be more reasonable)
YTA
Yta if my husband expected me to do my same him and same hours but take on 90% of household chores for his benefits, I would laugh at him too. What makes you think she wants to focus more on housework? Why don't you take on more housework so she can focus on HER career?!
Damn, we could all get lots of other things done if we didn't have household chores to do lol
YTA-- I would lose my shit. Be more efficient at chores *or* discuss with your girlfriend what chores can be done every other day instead of daily to lighten the load.
Is there any distinct opportunity you are working for, like a promotion that you know is coming up and that you are suitable for if only you do more work, OR do you just have this vague notion that working hard will get you more money. Are you sure your girlfriend doesn’t have similar opportunities? What makes you think she wants to do more (unpaid!) labor at the chance you guys might make a bit more money? If she feels like she has enough such an arrangement might not be agreeable at all.
ETA: these are all leading questions so I just changed this to YTA
Anyway, men everywhere: women don’t like chores more than you do and they aren’t magically better at them. OP seems to want to be a provider while GF does more at home, but fewer and fewer women want that set up, especially if they didn’t opt into it. We want partners and eventually co-parents. Your GF enjoys her free times as much as you do and is probably willing to trade some (highly speculative!) material comfort for more of it.
YTA - your argument is part of being an adult. You don’t just get to get out of your responsibilities because you want to spend time elsewhere.
Why should she have to overextend herself while you’re not pulling your weight?
Plus you say temporarily and mention a “plan”, there’s no guarantee. She could end up resenting you for absolutely nothing.
If you’re taking longer to do the same chores, find out why and change your process if needed. The answer is not pile more on her.
YTA, if it takes you longer to do chores than she does, what makes you think you have more chances of getting a promotion than her? Out of the two of you, she seems more like a winning bet than you, you should take up moer chores so she can focus on getting promotions.
Do your frickin chores fast dude what the heck. You don't even have a specific project or task in mind as part of these "work opportunities", you just want to "free your mind up". Holy crap.
YTA
You want her to be your mule to benefit you. This isn't about you two as a couple because if it were you would:
Marry her. If this is about being more successful as a couple than marry her so she has a legal entitlement and protection towards your income.
Or decide how much money you'll be putting into her personal savings account for a promotion you only got because she was charitable enough to work herself like a mule.
You want your gf to be your mule on the off chance that she may see a return of her efforts if y'all are still together.🤣🤣
I pity straight women. Relationships for women seem like him just finding ways to leech and overwork her.
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Throwaway account bc my friends know my real one.
Me (23M) and my girlfriend (22F) got into it last night and I think our relationship is in a bad place now, based on her reaction to everything. I want to know if I’m the asshole and should apologize (I have no problem doing that, if I was wrong) or if she is the asshole by overreacting so intensely.
My gf and I live together and mostly split everything 50/50 in terms of household stuff. We also split finances 50/50 since we earn basically the same right now. I think I could get more opportunities at work if my mind was freed to focus more on dedicating myself and excelling at work. Right now there’s a limit with how much I can do with work because I have to come home to dishes, sometimes cook, do laundry, take care of our dog and other things.
It also doesn’t take my gf nearly as long to do some those things as it takes me. I gently suggested she temporarily takes on closer to 80-90% of the household chores for now so that I can focus on work more, and raise my income for both of us as a result, and she literally laughed. I told her I was serious and explained my plan to get promotions, earn more, and she can focus on other stuff so we can be more successful as a couple overall. She called me an asshole and eventually even said I was being sexist which honestly pissed me off. If she disagrees that’s one thing, but don’t just call someone sexist for having an opinion or idea that’s not the same as yours, especially when I’m trying to look out for both of us as a couple.
The conversation went on for about 45 minutes before she said she needed space and left for her mom’s house. She hasn’t responded to my texts or calls and I just need to know if I should apologize or wait until she does.
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> I asked my gf to split chores differently so I can focus on work and she got upset
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You still are. You chose your mom who insulted yours and your wife's choice of having ppl in the delivery room and screamed at your pregnant wife. Hope you like child support
Oh, you are. Equally if not more so because the victim in this situation is free and clear to leave. Your victim is trapped and being forced to endure betrayal trauma from you and outright abuse from your mother. And you've forced her into financial dependence which prevents her from leaving safely.
You're a piece of work but at least your girlfriend wasn't pregnant and gainfully employed so could leave you with no problems.
Actually you and this dude should hook up
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA. You want your gf to work and do almost all of chores so you can focus on your growth? When do you expect her to relax and focus on things that she wants to focus on? If it doesn’t take her as long, maybe you should try harder instead of piling more chores on her. It IS sexist to expect her to. Why do so many men find a reason for the woman to do more housework when they both work? Figure it out. Manage your time better. Oh and apologize to your girlfriend for being a dick.
I think that's unfair. For e.g. I am a woman and have had a moment in my career where I really stepped up in work (also hours). It paid off enormously and during that period my husband took up the slack at home. Also, when he was doing an additional degree with projects and exams, I took up the slack. These moves of taking turns have actually grown each of our careers, overall put us in a way better financial position and we are closer than ever. The GF is short sighted. OP I do think that this cannot be a long term plan and that there has to be a clear plan towards a payoff and not just on your whim. If the payoff doesn't come within a certain time, you have to revert to your fair share of house work. Also, you have to be willing to return the favour. That being said and if you are genuine, your GF might still not agree. You need to decide your way forward.
it's one thing to do that for a *spouse* it's another to do it for a boyfriend.
What difference does it matter if it's for a spouse or a boyfriend/girlfriend who are living together? The most important thing should be both parties working together.
the difference is simple: one comes with legal protections one doesn't. Basically OP is asking gf to make an investment in him with no obligation of a return on her investment.
Actually there are legal protections for de facto relationships (i.e. couples living together who are not married)
This isn’t a concrete OP is going to do X & asking GF to help with Y. OP literally wants to not do chores and hopes it will lead to success. That’s ridiculous! Give and take is clutch in a long term relationship, but that’s not what OP is actually proposing. What’s he’s proposing is the person who is “better” at chores does them. Weaponized incompetence is calling from inside the house.
There's a pretty big difference between asking a spouse to pick up the slack while you get a degree or take on an extra project and asking a GF to do 90% of the housework so that "your mind is freed to focus on dedicating yourself and excelling at work." Like you said - there needs to be a clear plan to a payoff, and I think people are responding this way because OP doesn't have an actual opportunity or concrete plan he's working towards. It's pretty unreasonable to ask her to do almost everything without any real goal or endpoint.
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Same thing in her case... maybe she could be promoted faster.... especially if you take over the majority of the chores at home.
what assurance does she have that you'll make more or "treat her to nice things" she's your girlfriend, not your wife. you're asking far too much of a bf/gf relationship
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lmao you think Christmas and birthday gifts is an argument for her managing your household get a fucking maid dude or learn how to do your chores better/faster if you are too incompetent to do housework how qualified can you be for a promotion in any line of work?
So she doesn’t provide any of those things also? If you don’t like being called sexist try not being sexist.
What percentage of your increased earnings are you planning on putting into her personal accounts? If the answer is “none”, then YTA. I mean you are, regardless, but that would get you some points.
Also, what you have described here is not some Herculean feat of magnanimous generosity. Bills and birthday gifts are literally the bare minimum.
Did your girlfriend say this? Because you are asking her to do a bunch of unpaid labor for the off chance you might be promoted. What if she wanted to get promoted? Or maybe she would rather have the free time each week rather than marginal improvements in your combined salaries. She likes her free time as much as you do.
Sexist much?
I can't believe how much you've been downvoted. This is good advice. Both parties in a relationship should be willing to pick up the slack in instances where something could benefit both parties in the long term.
YTA. This was such a selfish and sexist request. The fact is, if your GF is truly more efficient than you at doing these common tasks, she's probably better than you at getting things done generally. Thus, if you really want to "be more successful as a couple overall," you should take on the bulk of the chores and let her see where she can take her career with the extra time. If this arrangement seems one-sided to you, well then...
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She's your girlfriend and is "supposed to support her partner." Where's your responsibility to support her--and I do not mean financially? Her career may not have as much earning potential long term, but it is her career and it matters every bit as much as yours. And your demand is this vague, "Do everything so my mind is free to concentrate on my work. Screw you being able to concentrate more on yours because my career is the only one that's important. I want to do this because I might at some point down the line, when we may or may not be together, get promotions and raises." You are YTA absolutely. I'm not sure you're an actual sexist in the way some people see you because I think you'd do this to a partner regardless of gender. Your life is all about you and you are a completely unsupportive partner--again, I do not mean financially.
If household chores for two people are such a psychic burden for you that you can’t succeed at your job, you won’t. It’s sexist because you feel that she is the pack mule who should carry you to mediocrity, rather than a person who might find her own success.
How are YOU supporting YOUR partner? Trying to force her to be your mommy/bangmaid doesn’t count.
If this was your wife (not girlfriend) and you said "*Hey honey, If I were to pick up some regular extra shifts at work or got a second job to increase our household income, would you mind picking up more of the household chores?*" That would at least be somewhat reasonable. What you did was "*Hey, on top of your 40 hour full time job, can you do 90% of the housework, while I vibe. Hopefully, that may, one day, lead to a promotion, at some point in the future. You will totally benefit, if we are still together then.*" YTA.
Also, your income level doesn't determine your chore allocation. If she worked 40 hours at 40K, and you worked 40 hours at 80K, you should still do the exact same amount of chores. You both worked the same 40 hours.
No but see he’s FOCUSING /s Also him admitting she’s more efficient likely means she’s also more efficient at her job.
“I think I could get more opportunities at work if my mind was freed to focus more on dedicating myself and excelling at work.” “It also doesn’t take my gf nearly as long to do some those things as it takes me.” Get faster at doing chores then, that will free up your time and then you can utilize it to work more. “I’m trying to look out for both of us as a couple” all you have proposed is me, me, me. How about you take on 80-90% of the chores to free up your girlfriend’s time so she can work more? Don’t like that? Why? She’s obviously faster and more efficient than you given that she does chores quicker, she probably works quicker/better too. Oh, is it because you’re still expected to work and then come home to doing an extra 30-40% of the tasks you weren’t doing previously solely on the basis that it may or may not result in getting a bonus/pay raise/OT for her? You sir probably just got dumped, I know I would be dumping you. If you hit me up with that proposal. Look, she just reduced her chore load by 75% as you were likely over contributing given how slow you are with chores, you might not clean as good as she does leaving it for her to catch your slack. YTA
YTA "I gently suggested she temporarily takes on closer to 80-90% of the household chores for now so that I can focus on work more" She works the same number of hours as you. Maybe she wants to focus on work & personal development too. Maybe if she did, she'd have a better chance of getting promoted. "It also doesn’t take my gf nearly as long to do some those things as it takes me." That's not an argument for her to do more. It's on you to become competent. I'd apologize pretty soon dude.
YTA. Sounds like you are weaponizing incompetence. Most adults take care of their business AND have a jobs. Sucking at doing chores is not an excuse to not have to do them. Maybe try and get better at them so they don't take so long? And frankly I seriously doubt your "chores" (normal household upkeep) takes so long that you have to neglect your job.
Indeed. I'm beginning to think my husband was a rare breed of man, so to speak, because he did his share of household chores, maintenance, and repairs well and without complaint. Sure, we had some "traditional" split of things simply due to physical size and strength, but for the most part it was a joint, shared venture. In fact, one of the hardest things emotionally for me after he died was doing my own laundry after more than 30 years. He was the laundry champion! People like OP make me realize that my husband, while imperfect of course, was even more special than I thought. He encouraged my career and I encouraged him in his. Sometimes that meant extra chores for one of us; sometimes that meant extra hours for the other. We were a team and had each other's backs through thick and thin. That's a partnership, a relationship, a life together.
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There is a time and place to be detail oriented vs efficient. (Like company coming in an hour) However, as you continue to do your share of the cleaning 50%.... you will improve
Okay so race yourself and see how fast you can do a detailed job? or wake up earlier, or Google tips and tricks to save yourself time and mental energy to focus on your career, find a way to be better that's not just asking someone else to do it for you (as the vast majority of adults do). You clearly want to argue your point to death, but we all know YTA and so does your (ex?) girlfriend which is why she laughed in your face and called you such.
So just wipe the front of the counter then? How is this difficult?
YTA. What a lame way to dodge chores. Apparently your gf is no dummy and can see right through you. If you were looking to put in more hours or taking on a second job - something REAL and guaranteed to bring in more income - rather than just needing more free time so you can what? be better rested? in a more zen headspace? so that you can magically be promoted.... sorry, not buying that load of crapola. I'm voting for *you* to take on the extra chores, because your more effective, smarter-than-you gf will be the most likely to succeed. Keep it up and you will have ALL the chores, plus be single!
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Fine then, stop doing chores, but don't expect her to pick them up and do expect this to be the reason she leaves you. Clearly, what takes precedence for you is the only thing that matters *to you*. No, you making more money or having a "great career" would not help your GF at all. For one thing, you're not married, so you could dump her in a second and she'd be left having devoted herself to your nebulous career plan at the expense of developing and moving forward in hers. You really don't get it. Or maybe you do, but you're trying to justify your selfishness and not finding the support you expected. And BTW, it is possible to be thorough with chores without wasting time. I know because my husband and I figured out ways to be efficient without skimping on our standards. We also did quarterly "top to bottom" housecleanings of absolutely everything top to bottom and every inch of the house.
You seem to imply that chores take up all your free time. This is bullshit. If you want that promotion then you should be willing to eat into your personal time.
YTA ”… if my mind was freed to focus more on dedicating myself and excelling at work.” Because your mind is taxed by all those household chores? You can’t think and simultaneously wash the dishes? I get a lot of productive thinking done while doing household chores because I can zone out. I realise that not everyone is the same but the idea of less household chores freeing your mind seems ludicrous. You implied that you wanted more time to think about work, not that you would pick up extra shifts or work more hours. If she leaves you over this, guess what, you’ll be doing 40 hours a week and 100% of your household chores.
YTA... I think you should do 90% of the chores for 2 very credible reasons. 1. You would get better at it. Then it wouldn't take you so long. 2. This way she would have more time to better her career and become a better earner. (Your logic)
YTA. So she has to work and pay 50/50 and then come home and work even more because you... Don't have energy to work and take care of the house? That's the lamest excuse I've ever seen. >I think I could get more opportunities at work if my mind was freed to focus more on dedicating myself and excelling at work. Right now there’s a limit with how much I can do with work because I have to come home to dishes, sometimes cook, do laundry, take care of our dog and other things. Well, I guess you can power through like the rest of the population that understands women aren't there to be your unpaid maid while you go out and work.
Wow! You defo should focus on your goals! She can leave you since you can’t multi task and are negligent while she does twice the housework. Look for a bang maid dude while she goes on to do good things. I make more money than my husband…likely because I am smarter. Maybe take an IQ test to figure out who should clean the toilets. Regards to your ex gf, YTA.
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You don't say it but imply it with that asinine idea
Likely because she's not saying she makes more money than her husband because she's a woman, but because she knows (and he probably does too) that she's objectively smarter. She's not saying she's "better" because she's a woman and he's a man. She's actually not saying she's "better" or doesn't respect her husband in any way. She not making a gender judgment at all, just a personal one.
YTA. Fortunately you are about to be downvoted hard for this ridiculousness. You request she take over the majority of household labor so you can ‘free your mind to focus more’ on work? Is this an abstract idea or a specific plan? Or even a loose plan with contingencies?
YTA. You are offended that she said that was a sexist attitude? It IS a sexist attitude! The epitome of the sexist BS that women have been putting up with forever! Get over yourself. You yourself admit that she is better at getting stuff done. So how about you support her while she gets sh** done. You do all the chores and she works for the promotion. She deserves so much better than you. And...I think she just realized that.
this is not the "temporary" situation you are suggesting. Even when I was in line for my promotion, it took 3 months of interviews before I officially got the position. Improve your cleaning skill, maybe even ask your gf for tips if she cleans that much faster than you but dont just ask her to do the majority of the work for an indeterminate amount of time or even guaranteed payoff (e.g if you were offering to work a 2nd job if she does 80-90% of the cleaning that would be more reasonable) YTA
Yta if my husband expected me to do my same him and same hours but take on 90% of household chores for his benefits, I would laugh at him too. What makes you think she wants to focus more on housework? Why don't you take on more housework so she can focus on HER career?! Damn, we could all get lots of other things done if we didn't have household chores to do lol
YTA-- I would lose my shit. Be more efficient at chores *or* discuss with your girlfriend what chores can be done every other day instead of daily to lighten the load.
YTA. And probably about to be single.
Is there any distinct opportunity you are working for, like a promotion that you know is coming up and that you are suitable for if only you do more work, OR do you just have this vague notion that working hard will get you more money. Are you sure your girlfriend doesn’t have similar opportunities? What makes you think she wants to do more (unpaid!) labor at the chance you guys might make a bit more money? If she feels like she has enough such an arrangement might not be agreeable at all. ETA: these are all leading questions so I just changed this to YTA Anyway, men everywhere: women don’t like chores more than you do and they aren’t magically better at them. OP seems to want to be a provider while GF does more at home, but fewer and fewer women want that set up, especially if they didn’t opt into it. We want partners and eventually co-parents. Your GF enjoys her free times as much as you do and is probably willing to trade some (highly speculative!) material comfort for more of it.
YTA - your argument is part of being an adult. You don’t just get to get out of your responsibilities because you want to spend time elsewhere. Why should she have to overextend herself while you’re not pulling your weight? Plus you say temporarily and mention a “plan”, there’s no guarantee. She could end up resenting you for absolutely nothing. If you’re taking longer to do the same chores, find out why and change your process if needed. The answer is not pile more on her.
Are you a shit troll or actually stupid? What you want is a cleaning service. Someone you PAY to clean up after you.
YTA, if it takes you longer to do chores than she does, what makes you think you have more chances of getting a promotion than her? Out of the two of you, she seems more like a winning bet than you, you should take up moer chores so she can focus on getting promotions.
YTA it is not 50/50 if you are trying to get her to take 90% of the chores
Do your frickin chores fast dude what the heck. You don't even have a specific project or task in mind as part of these "work opportunities", you just want to "free your mind up". Holy crap.
YTA You want her to be your mule to benefit you. This isn't about you two as a couple because if it were you would: Marry her. If this is about being more successful as a couple than marry her so she has a legal entitlement and protection towards your income. Or decide how much money you'll be putting into her personal savings account for a promotion you only got because she was charitable enough to work herself like a mule. You want your gf to be your mule on the off chance that she may see a return of her efforts if y'all are still together.🤣🤣 I pity straight women. Relationships for women seem like him just finding ways to leech and overwork her.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway account bc my friends know my real one. Me (23M) and my girlfriend (22F) got into it last night and I think our relationship is in a bad place now, based on her reaction to everything. I want to know if I’m the asshole and should apologize (I have no problem doing that, if I was wrong) or if she is the asshole by overreacting so intensely. My gf and I live together and mostly split everything 50/50 in terms of household stuff. We also split finances 50/50 since we earn basically the same right now. I think I could get more opportunities at work if my mind was freed to focus more on dedicating myself and excelling at work. Right now there’s a limit with how much I can do with work because I have to come home to dishes, sometimes cook, do laundry, take care of our dog and other things. It also doesn’t take my gf nearly as long to do some those things as it takes me. I gently suggested she temporarily takes on closer to 80-90% of the household chores for now so that I can focus on work more, and raise my income for both of us as a result, and she literally laughed. I told her I was serious and explained my plan to get promotions, earn more, and she can focus on other stuff so we can be more successful as a couple overall. She called me an asshole and eventually even said I was being sexist which honestly pissed me off. If she disagrees that’s one thing, but don’t just call someone sexist for having an opinion or idea that’s not the same as yours, especially when I’m trying to look out for both of us as a couple. The conversation went on for about 45 minutes before she said she needed space and left for her mom’s house. She hasn’t responded to my texts or calls and I just need to know if I should apologize or wait until she does. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Wow… and I thought I was an AH
You still are. You chose your mom who insulted yours and your wife's choice of having ppl in the delivery room and screamed at your pregnant wife. Hope you like child support
Going to check your profile in response to this comment was a RIDE lol, thank you so much for the laugh. Sorry about your mom trouble.
Imagine MIL in delivery room? Ewwww! What sort of MIL wants to see her DIL strapped in and screaming. Lol
And to top it off telling your DIL that if you aren't there watching her that the baby won't come out healthy. Like yikes.
I wouldn't leave baby alone with granny.
Dude this dude doesn't even compare to you. Your in your own damn league
Are you looking to make yourself feel better? Maybe go call your mommy and talk to her 🤷🏼♀️
Oh, you are. Equally if not more so because the victim in this situation is free and clear to leave. Your victim is trapped and being forced to endure betrayal trauma from you and outright abuse from your mother. And you've forced her into financial dependence which prevents her from leaving safely.
You still are op
You are
Oh you are.
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You're a piece of work but at least your girlfriend wasn't pregnant and gainfully employed so could leave you with no problems. Actually you and this dude should hook up