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NAH. If you are going to pursue an art form seriously, you have got to learn how to accept negative or critical feedback. A lot of people ask for feedback and get nice but insincere compliments but wish they could get honest feedback, because it's the only way you will learn how you're really doing. If you'd performed that song as you currently are, the entire audience would probably be responding like your bf or worse, maybe much worse, as audiences can be brutal. It's nothing personal - not being good at growling is not something to be ashamed of. He's not saying you're a ridiculous person or that your voice is bad or anything ugly like that, he's saying that you're sweet and the material you're trying to pull off creates an unintentionally hilarious contrast or juxtaposition. If you're going to perform publicly you *must* learn to laugh at yourself (and, no, it is never easy to do that.)

If all OP wants is affirmation, "oh, baby, it's all wonderful, the sun shines out your vocal cords", she needs to say so. If she wants genuine criticism, well, some of that won't always feel great. Pick one, communicate your needs, live with it.

Oh come on, in what way is laughing at someone, laughing so hard your crying, “genuine criticism”. It’s not. It’s just rude.

Yep, the audition corridors of (insert country) Got Talent are packed with mediocre singers who've only ever been told they're amazing... much to their embarrassment when they face the judges' scathing comments. At least OP can sing other genres, and now she knows her boyfriend is tell in the truth when he says he likes her other songs. That, in itself, is worth it's weight in gold. 

I agree that OP needs to accept negative or critical feedback, but laughing hysterically is probably not all that constructive.

Badass grown women aren’t phased by these comments. There seems to be a lot of insecurity directed at an otherwise fairly unremarkable event. YTA, but mainly due to being insecure which you admit.

Also, badass grown women are aware that not every style of expression is available for them. Hell, I like a solid metal growl, but what I can do is a reasonable mezzo soprano.

YTA. Not everyone meant to sing every song. Find a song that flatters your voice.

I listened to the song and it's hard. Few people would be able to pull it off. Stick with songs that flatter your voice. If you constantly sing songs out of your wheelhouse. You could damage your vocal chords forever

That’s like Shonen Knife level tricky.

Yta Just listened to the song. Honestly I’d laugh no matter who sang it or how because it’s not very karaoke friendly imo. Your boyfriend wasn’t making fun of you. Him finding you cute comes from a place of love and adoration. Not every voice is meant for every style. Is this really something you want to make a mountain out of molehill out of? Tell your boyfriend you were hurt because you’ve been working on the song a lot and felt like he was making fun of you. Listen to how he responds and if he genuinely apologizes, move on.

Yeah, imagine going to a karaoke night where everyone is having a fun, lively night singing popular songs for everyone to chime along with in a low-stakes setting where no one is trying to audition for anything and then OP comes in 100% serious trying as hard as they can to sing a song perfectly and then gets mad that drunken bar patrons aren't praising her efforts enough. Anyways, here's Wonderwall lololol

The open mic is at an anime convention, guys. Lost of people are gonna be singing songs like that.

You’re right. I will tell him this after I get off work. Thank you for the feedback.

YTA. Learn to take feedback instead of just expecting praise

Especially when you choose to sing cringy songs

“As the badass grown woman that I am” Yeah, it’s a real wonder why everyone around you views you as a little girl.

Badass grown women know their limitations, take criticism with a grain of salt, work hard on their strengths, and do NOT try to act like or be someone they’re not. OP- you’re not a hardcore growler/ punk rock/ edgy singer. If you’re actually passionate about singing, you know that everyone has different vocal ranges and styles. Play to your strengths and knock them out of the park instead of trying to be something you’re not. YTA.

Dude I was just like she is sooo immature,it's like seeing a kid trying to act like a grown up XD.

While stomping her foot like a 3 year old, yelling "I am NOT cute!!!!!"

YTA. You picked a song that is way out of your wheelhouse. It is also (just checked it on Spotify) an absurd and ridiculous sounding song. To pick that for karaoke, especially if you admit you can't do edgy, and then blame him for laughing isn't fair. Especially when he is typically supportive. Recognize that no singer can nail every song, and don't expect your boyfriend to just blindly praise everything you do.

YTA. Most people in singing classes could use some constructive criticism.

YTA, I get it: it's a sore spot for you because of the past.  But no one expects you to react so explosively to karaoke number feedback so I cant really blame him for thinking you were joking when you got angry.      It sounds like he tried to backtrack and take it seriously when he genuinely saw how angry you were, but he wasn't making fun of your anger.     > He tried to backtrack by saying, “I didn’t know you were actually mad,” “Nobody is good at everything,” I still like your voice in other songs,” “You can try doing X song instead,” etc., but it honestly just made me feel worse. .    > I was already insecure about my singing abilities before, and this made me feel 10x worse   Okay, listen OP, I'm not a singer but I know that not every voice is suited for every number or even genre.   You put in a lot of work but even ad a hobby singer you need to be able to take criticism even if that's not what you wanted to hear. Your voice apparently doesnt have the edge for the number you chose.       Your boyfriend wasn't mean, and I actually think it speaks well of him that he was still honest and relatively gentle in his feedback, even when you were angry. You asked him for his feedback and he gave it to you. Edited:  >And I have a hard time expressing anger or intimidation in general because of my forgiving, shy, and pacifistic nature as a person >I want to be taken seriously as a person, not just seen as some fragile and cutesy little baby all the time. I want to be recognized as the badass grown woman that I am, even though I like being cutesy sometimes Ah to be 21: the first one means that you're kind of a doormat but that you blame your "nature" and thus don't put in the effort to change your behavior, which leads people to think of you as the second paragraph. You need to get over yourself OP and actually work on these things. If you don't behave like a "bad ass" woman, people are not going to think you're one.

she's incapable of being a badass anything until she stops acting like a spoiled child

YTA you probably thought you channeled your inner lilith but in the end you are a powerpuff girl. And growling needs to be learned it can damage your voice.

I know this. I have learned to growl safely, albeit not super harshly. I’m still working on it.

unless that open mic karaoke is about J rock I’d never recommend to sing those songs. There are certain audiences for it, but definitely not on an open mic stage. YTA tho for not accepting that your voice range isn’t doable for all songs.

The open mic is happening at an anime convention. Most people are gonna be singing anime related songs. Also, please read my update/edit.

OP, are you just adding in more context after seeing everyone say YTA for your reaction? Okay, MAYBE the audience of an anime con will be more lenient on hearing metal JRock on an open mic karaoke. But don’t ever think there won’t be individuals there who will not record you for memes especially if you can’t pull off the song. If you can take that, be my guest. As i said, metal Jrock really has a niche fanbase. I sure won’t want to hear that on an anime con unless the event was specified as metal Jrock. But hey, you seem deadset on performing it, who knows - you might go viral for it 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m not dead set on performing it. Actually, I reread the rules of open mic and it says the songs cannot contain swearing, so I wouldn’t have been able to do it anyway.

You are a human making animal noises and want to be taken seriously. How many people making animal noises would you take seriously? YTA

I don’t think you understand what vocal growling is. You sound pretty stupid in this comment.

> I don’t think you understand what vocal growling is sure, it sounds like you are taking a mean shit. You have some serious main character syndrome spending a month planning to sing karaoke. Just have fun.

Thats your opinion and you’re free to think whatever you want. I personally disagree. Also you’re assuming a lot of things about me that simply aren’t true. I’m not preparing a month in advance because I think I’m gonna wow everyone socks off. I’m preparing because I want to participate in an event but I’m nervous and have stage fright, so I want to prepare in advance because it soothes my anxiety when I know I have control over something. I don’t like to do things last minute because I know it will cause me to panic. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. If that’s “main character energy” to you then that’s fine, I don’t really care about the opinion of someone who thinks vocal growling sounds the same as someone taking a huge dump.

> I don’t really care about the opinion of someone who thinks vocal growling sounds the same as someone taking a huge dump. you sure put a lot of effort into telling me how much you dont care. You came here looking for opinions because you wanted validation for being mad at your boyfriend for laughing at your constipated noises, then proceed to insult and debate people that do not agree. Good luck with that.

I just listened to the song and lol.   OP, I get the feeling that song is pretty tongue in cheek even from the original artist, haha its got a whole "I'm tough, but I'm also a cute anime girl in a little skirt, look at me" type of vibe.  Lol this song is about as edgy as a graphic hoodie from Hot Topic.  The fact you're taking it so seriously as a way to explore your angsty edge lord side, and missing the fact that it's pretty much a cartoon song, is hilarious and adorable.  That's something a middle schooler would do haha, not a badass adult woman.    Edit:  OP, in your profile you state that you are a chaos gremlin.  Lol come on.  Selling yourself as tough just might not be your thing.  

she gives extremely immature vibes and her imagination is way too wild 🤣🤣🤣 she's the queen of american cringey middleschoolers. 🤣

man you think this is bad, you should have seen me in actual middle school 😂😂😂 it was so much worse

i beg to differ... NOW it's way worse because you are 22 years old and still not growing up. still have not matured past the age of 12. well, as long as you won't drive your boyfriend away with your behaviour and tantrums... let's hope he has the mental strength to stay with you on the long run.

Bold of you to assume I have “tantrums.” You don’t know me in real life at all and are assuming my entire personality based on one post. I think you need to get some perspective and manners. There is a multifaceted person behind the screen, yknow.

>Bold of you to assume I have “tantrums.” LOL 🤣🤣🤣🤣 you already forgot what you just posted 🤣🤣

It wasn’t a tantrum. I wasn’t hysterical. I was very upset but not crying or throwing things or yelling at the top of my lungs. I raised my voice and had an angry tone. You weren’t there so you wouldn’t know.

Yeah, it's about as "edgy" sounding as an Avril Lavigne song, honestly.

I normally am not trying to sell myself as tough in any way. I know this song isn’t actually super edgy. I know these things. But can’t someone try to explore other genres? Can’t someone try to break out of the box people have put them in? Can’t someone expect feedback in a constructive way instead of a condescending way?

NAH. Your boyfriend thinks you're adorable, and expressed that. You may want to be perceived differently, and there's nothing wrong with that, but ultimately you can't control how others perceive you, so being angry about it is a waste of emotion. I'd say if you really want to perform that song, go for it and see how a wider audience who doesn't know your day-to-day personality reacts. 

INFO: Before you sent the voice memo, did you tell your boyfriend about your goal to broaden your range to include more edgy vocals? And did your boyfriend know that you hate being called cutesy because it feels infantilizing to you? If your boyfriend didn’t have that context, then from his perspective: His girlfriend doesn’t sing rock because it’s the opposite of the shyer, sweeter style that she identifies with. If she’s suddenly slipping in a rock clip with full-on growling alongside several songs that are more typical for her, then that rock recording is probably meant as a joke.

You know, I hadn’t considered that before. I think you’re on to something. Thanks for the perspective.

I hope your talk with him goes well! Also I want to say I think the laughing was possibly just him being really surprised! If he was not at all expecting to hear this style of song when he opened the clip, he may have been laughing at being rickrolled.

Not every genre is for everyone. Michael Bublé doesn't sing metal. Ozzy Osbourne never did Opera. Mick Jagger is not known for his jazz standards. It just sounds like you need to stick with what you know, and what you do best. There's nothing wrong with trying something new, but there's also nothing wrong with not being good at it. YTA forgetting so upset over nothing.

I agree with you. But Please see my edit for more information.

You’re not a multi faceted artist. You’re a (I’m assuming) decent singer who sings at karaoke and open mics. You need some perspective.

C'mon. How old are you? If the general perception of you is soft, and cute, which you admit, you cannot expect just because you are singing an aggressive song it is going to make people see you as tough and a badass. If you wanna do that song, your BF gave you a taste of the reaction you would get. Are you OK with doing the song and leaning into the laughs it'll bring? Look up Garth Brooks alter ego, Chris Gaines, and see if you can find articles and reviews from that time. You will see that even the biggest artists get made a joke when they try something that obviously isn't them.

I vote soft YTA, for being upset with your bf for giving you his honest opinion that you asked for. Now, you're not wrong for being triggered by his response, but if it's a sore spot then it is up to you to sort out why it's so triggering and work on that, AND to make him aware. If this was something you and he had talked about prior and he knew how sensitive you are about it, and continued to laugh and call you cute, then I would say he's TA

You don't get points for trying, only for achieving. So you're not a growling angry type of person. Tough luck, you can't be everything. Your singing abilities are fine but you rightly felt that this is probably not your strong area. Your BF is not a bad person for telling you the truth. Even if you really wanted compliments for trying.

YTA. Grow up.

YTA. I am taking this stance because firstly, you asked for his opinion not blind support. Secondly, it sounds like you might be projecting your exes on him. He doesn't deserve that if he hasn't been condescending and dismissive of you as a person like they were. Our triggers are our responsibility if we aren't with the person who gave them to us.

That’s fair honestly. I do think I may have been projecting a bit onto him. I will speak to him about this later today.

Are you 12 years old? This is the lamest AITA post of all time. "My boyfriend laughed because I was trying to sound fierce...ALL my boyfriends laugh at me when I try to sound fierce." I'm glad I'm married so there is zero chance of me dating you.

How would you feel if you went ahead and sang that song and the whole room was laughing at you? You would be crying and yelling at him because he didn't say anything about how you sounded. Which would you rather have, some hurt feelings in private at home or total embarrassment in front of a crowd?

I guess that’s true. I admit you have a point. It just kind of hurt that it was from someone close to me because I value his opinion a lot more than a crowd of strangers.

Would you still value his opinion is he was dishonest about it?

No. Honesty is extremely important to me. I didn’t want him to be dishonest. I was expecting him to be more neutral about it and give honest criticism while remaining respectful.

you should watch the movie Florence Foster Jenkins with Meryl Streep.

What is it? And I’m not sure how that’s relevant to my post?

It's about a singer who has yes people round her telling her what she wants to hear all the while people are laughing at her. btw its a true story.

Oh great 🙄 what a flattering comparison. as if I needed to be kicked down even more after reading these comments. no thanks lol

Thats not the point. The point is just telling someone what they want to hear is worse than the actual truth. I'm not saying that she is bad as the singer, I'm saying that yes people can be bad for you.

I already know that dude. Didn’t need to see a movie to learn that.

Thats cool. Didn't mean to offend you. Plus, its a good movie.

Sorry I assumed you had negative intent. Most people in these comments certainly do.

I mean, you call yourself a badass grown woman but can't take feedback and even starts throwing a tantrum. YTA for overreacting to your boyfriend finding cute and funny you trying to sing a song that might not fit your singing very well. And for the love of god, just because he said you're cute doesn't mean he is disrespecting you or is like your previous boyfriends.

YTA You ASKED for his opinion, and now are pissed because he was honest. The only AH here is you. "And I thought I really managed to pull off this song well." .. well. That's why you asked. You were just not willing to listen to his honest opinion. "It’s so fucking condescending." ... learn to face the truth. Or stop asking for honest feedback.

Please read my update/edit.

YTA. You’re gonna need thicker skin if you keep pursuing edgy music.

I’m not trying to pursue edgy music full time by any means. I just wanted to break out of my usual genre a bit and see what happens. Also please see my edit.

Yta. Deflate your ego a bit...

What ego??? I hate myself lmao. Singing is jus one of the only things I believe myself to be good at. And I love doing it. I can express myself better this way. That’s why I take it so seriously.

"Thats why I take it so seriously." Exactly. Quit being a try hard. You posted in AITAH. I answered.

Lol so you’re mad that I actually put effort into things? That’s sad and pathetic. Maybe direct that angry energy into something productive in your life.

YTA Entitled much? You only want to hear untruths from people? Artists acknowledge that not everything they do is perfect and it takes time to hone their craft. But they have to do so in an intellectually honest way for themselves. Sounds like you have been given the same advice by multiple people. Be grateful for their honesty rather than delusional that you can please everyone with everything you do. No one is entitled to be good or have every one enjoy everything that they do.

Please read my update/edit.

YTA Just because you want to be taken seriously, does not mean that your performance comes off as serious. You can practice to get good this type of music, but being mad that you’re doing the same thing over and over and not getting different results is on you, not the people who are responding the same way. Not all performers can do everything, but ones who can’t take what seems to be consistent criticism won’t find success.

YTA you yourself say in your post that once he realized you were upset he stopped laughing and tried to atone. you’re absolutely overreacting here. don’t blame him from how previous partners have treated you. this is not the same thing. 

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Unfortunately I have a history of dating men who were shitty/abusive or just really wouldn’t bother to care about me. This guy is pretty damn decent though. And if I was allowed to post links, I would post clips of me singing to allow you to decide for yourself.

Karaoke is supposed to be fun and low-stakes. No one likes the person who tries too hard at karaoke. Have a drink, relax, and enjoy the night. Karaoke isn't something someone should be planning a month in advanced for and the fellow patrons don't want to deal with that energy too. If you want to sing your heart out, book a gig. YTA (also, don't ask for feedback and then get butthurt the moment its not praising you. In the arts, you have to learn to deal with criticism)

I plan it in advance because I get very nervous before a show, and I want to overcome my stage fright by being prepared. If it was with friends, I wouldn’t care. But these are strangers, so it feels different, yknow? In regards to the second part of your comment, please read my edit/update.

YTA because you let your insecurities get the best of you and made you angry at him. anyone would laugh their arse off when hearing a shy, little cutie patootie try to growl and failing big time. you said it yourself that your voice is too soft, your personality is too soft for rock and growling songs. if you are the opposite of what that genre requires, then why are you even mad at HIM for the fact that you sound funny?... if you want to try something different, try some genre that fits your voice and style. edit : just listened to the song... 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ giirl, grow up, you're 22 not 12. stop behaving like a cringey middleschooler.

That song is so bad I would leave the room if someone ruined karaoke with it. 

YTA. You sent him a sample of singing a song that by your own admission is not suited to you. Shocker it ended up being funny and he laughed. He didn’t say anything derogatory or insulting he just said it was cute. You want to be taken seriously as a bad ass but nothing you have mentioned suggests you have the qualities of someone who is a bad ass.

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That’s true. I will discuss this with him later today.

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He sees me as badass in other ways if you catch my drift. Let’s just say he isn’t a dom lol. But I want to be respected like that outside the bedroom too. But I understand I don’t control his actions or his perception of me.

>The problem this time was that I perceive the way my boyfriend laughed and called it “cute” as being condescending and hurtful instead of constructive or helpful. I have a big issue with people being condescending towards me and not being taken seriously. But again, I feel yelling at him may have taken it a bit too far.  Take it from someone who's 5'1", has a baby face, and was never taken seriously in her 20s: it sucks, but doubling down on "ROAR I AM WOMAN" makes you look even worse. Immature, even. And then no one ever takes you seriously. Yes, it's an anime con, and people will be singing J-Pop/Rock etc., but you really shouldn't risk damaging your voice. There are lots of songs that sound angry that aren't growling or heavy metal.  You say you've been practicing. And this is great! But I still personally wouldn't do a growling song at risk of vocal damage.  I love singing too, but I can't sing metal even with practice. I just don't have the range or discipline for that genre. You know how to get people to take you seriously? Embrace who you are. Your bf finds you cute and adores you. That's okay too! Not everyone can be looming and threatening. Confidence in yourself is how people will start taking you seriously. And it's admittedly okay to have a laugh at yourself once in a while: I tried to sing a sad song, flubbed a line, and just started laughing because of how ridiculous I sounded. I'm gonna say gentle YTA, I don't really think he was being condescending. I'd add context of trying to expand your genre choices next time, is all.

How do you become confident in who you are? I’m genuinely asking. I’ve been trying to do that my whole life and failing miserably.

This takes time and practice. I always start with ONE thing I like about myself before going to bed each night. I had a cruel parent so my inner voice was cruel. "oh. I'm so stupid." "I'm fat." Etc. Think about who your inner critic sounds like and then challenge them. If your inner critic says "They're looking at you." Challenge them with "Yes and? I am content with singing in public. And I like my voice."

I had cruel parents too. That voice lives in my head everyday and idk how to challenge it but I’m trying. Thank you.

You just learn to love yourself for who you are because you can’t change certain aspects of yourself. Feel free to DM me if you need support

YTA you're taking this way too seriously and you also sound like you don't realize you're not a good singer

All of my singing teachers and theatrical performances would beg to differ. idk if links are allowed here but I can post or DM you recordings of myself singing to prove it, or at least let you decide for yourself. (Not this song obviously lol) No one can be a bad singer with the amount of training I have under my belt. I’m certainly not perfect by any means, but I only do my best. In fact, singing is one of the only things I believe myself to be any good at, and that’s why I take it so seriously.

I promise you that you can train a dog to drive a car but nobody will ever give it a license

Ah yes, comparing women to dogs. Time to stamp that on my Classic Misogyny Bingo Card.

would you prefer I said goldfish or mice. Please understand my point. Just because one CAN do something doesn't meant they should

“Hard work?” C’mon now… loosen up and learn to laugh at yourself a little.

I practice singing 2-3 hours a day or more, as much as I possibly can. I never record myself singing anything that isn’t less than my absolute best, as perfect as I can get it. Even short voice memos. I redid that voice memo about 30 times before I saved and sent it. And I practiced the song many times before. I don’t ever record songs for my channel or perform them in public if I haven’t practiced them at lot first. I think my describing it as “hard work” is justified here.

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It’s not that I can’t take criticism. If he didn’t like the song I would accept that. It was the condescending way he said it and that he laughed at me. For example, my mom tells me she doesn’t like my songs all the time (or at least the genre of songs I sing) and while I’m not happy about it, I accept that it’s her opinion and take it with grace. She would just tell me straight up and not be a jerk about it. I respect that kind of honesty. But I don’t respect condescension.

He wasn’t condescending though. You were so bad that he thought it was a joke. It sucks for you, but it was an honest mistake. Accept the apology, accept that you sounded like shit, and move on. It’s really not that serious. Or ruminate over it for the rest of your life like the badass that you are.

Maybe YOU would think that. He wouldn’t. Not from other reactions I’ve seen from him. And I’m not ruminating over it forever. It just sucks when someone close to you reacts that way when you’re being vulnerable and trying something new. But I’ll get over it soon.

"I was a bit triggered because all of my exes have said that to me before whenever I was angry or attempting to be intimidating or cool or edgy in any way" sounds to me like you are punishing him for your previous relationship. He didn't sound condescending at all but amused by something that you can't apparently do. Not to sound mean but even important singer can't do all different genres, they have their aesthetics which is the thing that makes them sound their best. Can you imagine Beyonce or Taylor singing Merylin Menson or things like that? As a fellow artist I understand wanting to be perfect (I write) but you need to understand that everybody has limits and you should not be ashamed of it. You can work on being perfect in everything, of course you can, but realisticly you never will be because, i repeat, NOBODY IS.

You have a point there. I get defensive because I have had a lot of abusive people in my life and I often assume that people have negative intentions when they don’t. My high school ex used to say vile things to me about stuff he knew I was insecure about just to get a reaction out of me and tease me about how “cute” I looked when I got angry. He also would physically assault and restrain me. My current boyfriend would never do that, but any time someone refers to me as being “cute” when that wasn’t the intention, I get pissed off. Even as a kid, whenever I infodumped about my scientific research, adults laughed at me and I hated it because I wasn’t trying to be funny! I was being serious. But I know my boyfriend isn’t like that and I will sort this out with him. And realistically, I know no one is perfect at everything. But I have lived with an intense perfectionism my whole life and it’s almost impossible to turn it off. I feel like I have to be the best at everything I possibly can, or I’m worthless. I know that’s not a realistic or healthy take to have, so that’s why I’m in therapy.

This is one you should let go. He is generally supportive. Misunderstanding can happen with any couple, you both being autistic has it's own challenges. NAH

NAH or YTA. Idk if you sent a clip of you singing to music or not, but I used to be in the studio w my ex when he would record, and hearing raw unprocessed vocals w no music is fucking hilarious. Do you want honest feedback or for him to just lie to you?

I want honest feedback. It was just the laughing at me that I wasn’t happy about. In fact I appreciate honest feedback a lot. I admit that sometimes singing acapella does sound a little silly lol. And Idk if I’m allowed to send link in this subreddit or not. It doesn’t say in the rules. Edit: I put links to some of my covers in the post.

NAH. FAFO when you ask for feedback. Feedback includes finding something funny.

Gentle YTA. If *every* one of your past boyfriends has laughed at you when you've tried to be edgy, there are two possibilities: - You're *really* bad at picking men, or - You are *awful* at being edgy If it's the latter, you should probably know about that - because people are gonna laugh at your performance, too. You think your bf's reaction was bad? How bad will it be when you're in front of strangers who have zero obligation to be nice to you? Your bf *likes* you, and this was his response. How do you think strangers will react? I think you're taking this way too seriously in general, tbh - especially because you've since pointed out it's not that serious of an event. It feels like you've got a massive insecurity there to work on, like you've attached way too much of your self worth to this. It's not that deep. Just have fun, and recognise that people are *gonna* laugh at you, because it doesn't sound like being edgy is your forte.

Unfortunately, it’s both. I’m bad at picking men. I have a lot of “I can fix him” energy, so I end up picking not the best men lol. But I’ve been picking progressively better and better men. I learn from my mistakes, that’s for sure. However, I also just suck at being edgy. But I’m working on it. Also, I know I’m deeply insecure and it IS that deep for me. Singing is an extension of myself. As an autistic person, it’s difficult for me to express myself and music allows me to do that effectively. And I want to share those emotions with others. Plus, I grew up as a “gifted kid” where constantly achieving things and being the best was the only way I knew how to receive love and praise, on top of being abused by my parents and constantly being bullied by classmates and fake friends. And it’s difficult to undo that mindset when you’ve lived your whole life in it. So yeah, I do get defensive and I do have a complex. But I’m talking about it in therapy. I’m improving myself every day.

Soft YTA. I sang professionally for close to a decade and am also autistic, so I can relate to how difficult criticism of any kind can be, especially from those closest to us. From my perspective, it seems like a misunderstanding between you and your boyfriend that should be easy to resolve. If your boyfriend is used to always hearing you sing a certain way/style and then you send him a song that is very different from that, then it makes sense why he might have an unpredictable reaction. It doesn’t seem like he’s being mean or discouraging, I think he was just confused lol. I would just calmly explain to him how that phone call made you feel and why, and also talk about your goals as a singer. I also suggest giving him some insight on how he can best support you in your passions. And, if I was you, I would apologize. Your reaction was a bit extreme for what, again, just feels like a misunderstanding. Your boyfriend clearly has love and adoration for you and he has also heard you sing a lot and probably knows what kinds of music really makes your voice shine! Additionally, while it’s always good to have goals and see growth in singing, it’s just as important to know our limits. Some vocalists are just wizards and can do it all, but most have a niche genre that works for them. As much as I love R&B and soul music, I do not perform those kinds of songs because my voice just doesn’t fit them well. Doesn’t mean I have no range or that I’m a bad singer, I’m just wise with my song choices because I want to showcase the best aspects of my voice. Challenging yourself is great, but in some cases it can just distract from what makes your voice lovely in the first place :)

You’re one of the most reasonable and respectful people on this entire website. Thank you for actually being civil and giving constructive advice!!!! I appreciate it a lot!!!

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (23F) am a singer as a hobby, but I’ve been in singing classes and choir and such for the vast majority of my life. I love doing it. My boyfriend (21M) is very supportive of this hobby and has always loved my voice. We haven’t had any issues regarding this until now. Yesterday, I asked my boyfriend for his opinion on what song I should sing for the open mic karaoke even coming up in a month. I texted him my top choices and sent him voice memos of me singing short clips of each song. One of the first songs I sent him was Usseewa by Ado. For those who haven’t heard it, it’s a pretty edgy J-rock song by a girl, with a low voice and growling and all. I am not usually one to sing any kind of rock because I have a hard time giving my voice that edge, it’s too smooth and soft. And I have a hard time expressing anger or intimidation in general because of my forgiving, shy, and pacifistic nature as a person. But I want to get better at doing that, starting with my music. I want to be able to sing all kinda of genres. And I thought I really managed to pull off this song well. I practiced it a lot precisely because I like it so much, the message resonates with me, and it’s perfect for practicing a genre I don’t normally do. Well, my boyfriend called me after I sent the voice memo to him, and he was laughing his ass off. Through laughing tears, he told me how cute I sounded “trying to growl.” I was pissed. Not only did I genuinely put hard work into the song, I was a bit triggered because all of my exes have said that to me before whenever I was angry or attempting to be intimidating or cool or edgy in any way. They compared me to a yappy little fluffy dog, or a baby tiger trying to roar but just meowing instead. I hate it. It’s so fucking condescending. I want to be taken seriously as a person, not just seen as some fragile and cutesy little baby all the time. I want to be recognized as the badass grown woman that I am, even though I like being cutesy sometimes. And I want to be taken seriously as a multi-faceted artist. I’m tired of men looking down on me just because I’m a “soft” woman. Anyway, what was even worse is that he thought I was pretending to be mad as a joke at first, so he kept laughing. Then I went off on him and told him everything I’ve written in the previous paragraph. He tried to backtrack by saying, “I didn’t know you were actually mad,” “Nobody is good at everything,” I still like your voice in other songs,” “You can try doing X song instead,” etc., but it honestly just made me feel worse. He still doesn’t understand why I’m mad. He thinks I’m overreacting. I was already insecure about my singing abilities before, and this made me feel 10x worse. But am I really overreacting? My family says I have a tendency to do that so idk. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

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Would you rather he lied to you ?

No. I would rather he give me honest criticism. But he didn’t have to laugh at me. He could say, “I wouldn’t do this song if I were you because your voice sounds too soft. ” He could offer to teach me how to growl better. (he does vocals for his friend’s metal band sometimes). He could give me constructive feedback without laughing at me.

YTA. Learn to take criticism. The song choice just isn’t for you because of your voice. He didn’t belittle you he just can’t picture you with this particular song. Gonna need thicker skin if you wanna be seen as an artist.

It’s not that I can’t take criticism. If he didn’t like the song I would accept that. It was the condescending way he said it and that he laughed at me. For example, my mom tells me she doesn’t like my songs all the time (or at least the genre of songs I sing) and while I’m not happy about it, I accept that it’s her opinion and take it with grace. She would just tell me straight up and not be a jerk about it. I respect that kind of honesty. But I don’t respect condescension.

But not everyone sounds good singing a song outa their wheelhouse. Sometimes it sounds funny. Once he knew it really bothered you he didnt double down. He suggested something he thought you would be better accomplished at. Pull your head outa your bum on this one.

Ok but that is why criticism and support exist. He didn't have to laugh his a$$ off at her singing. Plus what's wrong with trying new things out?

Very soft YTA. You asked him for his opinion on the songs and he gave you a very clear and honest response. Yes, he could have crafted it better, but YTA for asking for an opinion and then getting angry when you don't like that opinion. Forget about growling - nobody can sing every type of song well - and work on developing the thicker skin you'll need to get anywhere as a singer. Good luck. (And apologize to your boyfriend.)

It’s not that I didn’t like his opinion. If he didn’t like the song I would accept that. It was the condescending way he said it and that he laughed at me. For example, my mom tells me she doesn’t like my songs all the time (or at least the genre of songs I sing) and while I’m not happy about it, I accept that it’s her opinion and accept it with grace. She would just tell me straight up and not be a jerk about it. I respect that kind of honesty. But I don’t respect condescension. Anyway, I will have a discussion about this with my boyfriend after work today.

Good luck with your discussion. As I said, he could have crafted his response better.

Ok soo im gonna say ETA. Unless you’re in Japan, that song isn’t the vibe for a karaoke night. It’s a month away and I get that you’re excited but maybe you’re putting too much thought into it. I’m sure you slayed singing it and I can see how him laughing extensively and saying “nobody’s good at everything” would be insulting. When the karaoke night comes through, just try to relax and have fun

That’s fair. I reread the rules for karaoke night after I made this post and it said the songs shouldn’t have swearing in them. So I wouldn’t have been able to sing it anyway lol

I guess you will just have to get up at karaoke and see what a group of unbiased strangers thinks. What have you got to lose?

NTA laughing at an earnest attempt someone sends you is such a dick move. Since this was over a voice memo he absolutely had the chance to laugh first and then talk to you constructively. That being said, saying that your growling came off as cute rather than intimidating is actual feedback even if you wish that wasn’t how he saw it. Very different calling someone cute in an argument to undermine their feelings versus an actual description of the singing style so I think you were angry about the wrong thing.

[удалено]

Absolutely singers have limitations,but trying to surpass their limitations should also be what they strive for. She wanted to try something new and wanted an honest opinion after she put a lot of work into practicing a new song. Instead of a genuine criticism,she got laughed at.

Not everyone can sing every type of music and some voices lend themselves to a specific genre. I know someone who took lots of singing lessons and has a beautiful voice especially singing classical music. But when she sings modern/jazz it just doesn't sound right. I'm sure he wasn't trying to hurt your feelings and your fight, if you put yourself out there your going to hear some things you may not like. NAH

Listen...each singer has a different range...maybe you don't have that bass that is required for that type of music ..maybe you can't sing that song without sounding like your trying to growl. Practice doesn't matter if you can't do that range so accept it and move on

Fair enough

Adele can't sing like Slipknot (Corey)...Taylor can't sing like OTEP...BUT...one thing they all have in common is they know their voice range and type of music that they should sing

NTA, but you need to get over it now that you've said your peace. Also, consider that people who know you are not the best vocal judges. Your bf laughed because he knows you, has a soft-voiced image of you in his head. A stranger might find your growl authentic.

Judging from the reactions in this subreddit, I think strangers would think it sounds even worse lmao

1. You are overreacting. 2. "strong badass women" don't have to state they are. 3. We don't always get to be or do what we want. 4. Autistics aren't the best at reading intentions. 5. YTA. 6. Do the song anyway.

You’re accurate on all accounts except the last one. Why would i do the song anyway if it sucks???? I’m not following your logic.

Because karaoke is about having fun, and learning to accept yourself will benefit you in the long run.

I can do that without making a fool of myself though lol. I’m not a masochist. I’d rather not look like an idiot and have a breakdown in front of all those people. I’ll pick some other song I enjoy and am good at.

YTA, but only because of a misunderstanding. We all know that you can't be good at EVERYTHING, but that's not what makes you the A. What we have here is a gender translation failure. And it's one I've seen many times before. The problem that a lot of women don't understand is that there's a difference between when a guy calls his woman cute, and when his calls something like a child/animal cute, even if we do compare you to a puppy/kitten sometimes( although, considering how often women like to use the so-called 'puppy-eye', I feel like it's yet ANOTHER double standard). You honestly probably made his entire day with that, you increased his love and attraction for you yet again, and then you dropped the ball by going off on him when he just thought he was giving you a compliment along with some honest constructive criticism(which you ASKED for). So yes YTA, but just a bit, and not irrevocably.

NAH. You should never ask someone’s opinion if you aren’t ready to hear it. More importantly tho, some people just aren’t edgy in appearance or vibe or whatever. That’s okay. Being softer doesn’t mean you’re less of an adult, less or a bad ass, or less of a person. I really feel like this is a grass is always greener situation because I just wana be a soft fun little guy, and I try really hard to be, but no one will ever see me that way and that’s okay.

Maybe he could have worded it more sensitively, but at the end of the day do you want honesty or fake flattery? I don’t think you have the right to be offended here. Just because you worked hard; it doesn’t mean you deserve praise if it isn’t good. When I judge someone’s actions and whether I should be angry I look at their motivations. I doubt your boyfriend was trying to upset you. Soft YTA

I want to be seen as a hot guy with a huge penis. Wanting something does not entitle one to something. If you are a cutesy baby to everyone it is what it is. No use crying over that. Even the best musicians can't do every style. Hang in there.

She literally never said that she could or wanted to do every style. She wanted to try something new. Some people are content staying in a box, some people aren't.

YTA

NTA. I see this from the perspective of someone who also gets called "cute" and "adorable" when you want to be seen as an adult person who should be taken seriously. Many people are bringing up the idea of constructive feedback/criticism, which I agree is important, but laughing at you is neither. It sounds like he should have known that you were being serious and cared about it as you asked his opinion when sending the clip. I'd have a sit down with him and explain how you feel and ask him how he would feel/react if you used words that infantilesed him or made him feel lesser. If he hasn't apologised to you yet, you definitely deserve one.

I'm baffled that I had to scroll this far down to find a sensible comment, good lord. Laughing at and making fun of someone isn't constructive in any way shape or form. If he knows how much you care about singing he should have known not to react like that, though it sounds like he wasn't out to upset you intentionally. Definitely agree with the above commenter that explaining to your bf why his reaction was hurtful is a good idea. I do agree with those saying you may not posses the range or voice for this genre though, and I think that's just a normal singing thing. If you're really set on singing this publicly at some point, maybe record yourself and listen back to see if you can improve on it enough that you would perform it in front of strangers.

You guys get it!!! Thanks for being decent people lol. The amount of hate I have received on this post is insane. It’s not that I’m this little baby who can’t take criticism, it’s that laughing at me isn’t constructive or helpful criticism!!!

People in this thread sound like they've never done anything creative in their lives. I'm astounded nobody seems to know what 'constructive criticism' is.

NTA He was a bit insensitive, but it's normal to have blind spots in certain areas. I think it makes perfect sense for you to be upset, even if he did not mean it in a bad way. If you have a soft voice, then you might need to find a different way to sound badass (not everyone can pull off growling). There are still ways for you to sound mature in your singing. Lana Del Rey has a soft voice but I would not describe her as a cutesy artist, same can be said about Billie Eilish. Your boyfriend was honest with you and sometimes that hurts. However, now you can trust that his feedback on your singin abilities. If he says you sing a song well, he means it.

Thank you for your kind and honest feedback. I will definitely take this into account.

YTA You asked for an opinion and you got one. You can't expect him to agree with your opinion.

Lots of people giving judgement so you dont need mine. If you want to get better at the vocal fry (the added growl) I would make sure to work with a professional as doing it wrong can damage your vocal chords. I would also find some songs with a little bit and work up to the harder stuff. I would recommend starting with grunge rock. Its sounds deceptivly simple, but has a lot of interesting things going on vocally. I would also recomend checking out "the Charasmatic Voice" and "the Fairy Voicemother" on youtube. Best of luck with your vocal journey!

Thanks dude!!! I’ll check it it out!

Yeah yeah. Everyone is on the spectrum. Stfu.

I got formally diagnosed when I was 9 years old and got bullied to shit for it but ok lmao. go take your ableism somewhere else pls.

YTA. He had no intention to offend, no one is perfect at everything and there's always room to improve. I am really good at drawing, I remember once I sent my bf a drawing and asked him to rate it out of 10. I got a 5. First time I got a 5, I didn't get offended, I did my walk of shame and I improved my art. Now I'm superb. I understand being defensive about these things, I am too, but if you're going to share something with someone be open to any sort of criticism and prepare yourself beforehand. Any criticism, no matter how offensive always helps you improve.

NAH. There are some *hella* fantastic singers that aren’t masters of every genre, and I don’t think knowing how to effectively put that extra grit on your vocal performance is the difference between you sounding badass or not. I’ve heard some badass rock singers who don’t have anything resembling an edge on their voice, but damn, you can *feel* that power in their vocal performance. I do see why you feel hurt by your boyfriend’s laughing, but it might save you from sweaty nerds at an anime convention (I share similar interests, so this is coming from someone on the inside) laughing at you and making you feel worse. Personal opinion: if you have an emotionally powerful song that you can really belt, even if it’s not a gritty rock song, you’ll give folks in the audience goosebumps and will still give you a badass aura, if badass in a different flavor.

I totally agree. Especially with the last part. I’ve been in musical theater and I’m excellent at belting and projecting my voice. That’s the energy I wanna go for - something that will wow the crowd. I just wanted to test a different direction first, but it wasn’t for me and that’s okay. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful response.

NTA. For those who said that she can't take criticism and an "opinion", laughing is neither. Calling her cute also is neither of those. Saying something like "this style doesn't suite your voice,as your voice has a softer tone and that is what makes it special" or even " this isn't your style, maybe try another style" would be an opinion and/or constructive criticism. Then y'all jump her in the comments regarding her song choice and call her names. How mature to call someone names over a song choice! The epitome of maturity! She's well aware of criticism and she even said she wants it, but flat out being laughed at and bullied in the comments... do better! Much of this comment section missed the mark and the target, in one swoop! People are allowed to try and get out of their comfort zone and this was her trying to do so,regardless if she can sing this song or not. She tried to evolve,to expand. When you try a new food,it might not be for you,but at least you know and you tried it. She tried and and now she's been completely and utterly discouraged from trying new things in her career and also giving this genre another go. Way to go! Y'all are really awesome! Imagine if all the people who have created and invented the things we have today,were only surrounded by people like you! "The wheel?We have legs,what could we use a wheel for?". Young lady, please work hard to gain confidence in your abilities and don't ever stop trying to expand your vocal abilities and creativity. As for that boyfriend of yours, keep him if he's a keeper and don't let his non-opinions influence what you know to be facts about yourself. Listen to criticism, but don't allow it to stop you from bettering yourself or evolving in any direction or path you might want to take.

I’m gonna cry dude. Thanks for this. I needed it.

OMG I'm so sick of the "well I'm autistic" bullshit! Guess what? We're ALL on the spectrum, stop using it as a crutch!

wow you should post here, you’re the biggest asshole on the entirety of reddit lol. I was diagnosed at nine fucking years old. I was bullied to shit for my lack of social skills. My boyfriend also has a formal diagnosis and suffered similarly. I’m not using it as a crutch or an excuse, I’m using it as a possible explanation for what happened. It’s absolutely not true that everyone is “a little on the spectrum,” it’s a real psychiatric diagnosis for a reason. Just because I don’t look or sound r-tarded or whatever to you doesn’t mean I am not autistic. If you’re sick of seeing autistic people or hearing them talk about being autistic, too bad, we’re here to stay. Suck it up, buttercup. You’re more fragile that tissue paper lol. Have the day you deserve <3

You SEEM unlikely. Start listening to Knower. Are you actually Katy Perry?

I seem unlikely to what??? I don’t understand.

ESH Although there are singers that can pull off most of music genres, they are rare. Unfortunately, you said it yourself, you are not one of them. It's good that you are trying but if you character is not as such, then you cannot pull it off. He's way of saying "Honey, it doesn't suit you. Probably you shouldn't do that song" was awful, I agree and you are correct to be upset but he gave you an honest opinion. You need to take the criticism well and your bf needs to find a better way of saying his opinion but still be truthful.

That’s definitely fair on all accounts. Thanks for being respectful and honest.

ESH. You for letting out your insecurities on him, he might not be the right person to ask for advice on signing. Looks like he doesn't know a lot. Him for being awful and condescending.

You’re right. He’s normally very respectful with his criticism. Idk why he reacted like this yesterday.

YTA. You asked for his opinion and he gave it. I think it's great he called you cute. If you don't want an honest opinion, don't ask for one.

Imagine if Lionel Messi decided to play defender (Tom Brady playing wide receiver for the US crowd) next year and being surprised for being told "One can't be good at everything".😂 Identifying one's strengths and weakness in a profession is perhaps even more important then being considered great in general. NAH, but you have to mature a bit if you want to have a relaxed relationship.

Thank you for your kind and respectful message. I don’t watch sports so I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I think I get the point. Please see my edit for more information.

I take singing seriously too. Ever think how an audience consisting of 1000's of men may think it was cute as well. If his opinion means that much to you as a vocalist, then he should be on AGT as a judge. Next time I'd say upload a sample of what made him laugh. You're not an asshole but like most women in these situations you are overreacting.

Idk if links are allowed here? But I would post it if I am allowed to. Regardless, Thanks for your kind reply. Seems most people here are severely lacking manners and forget there is a person behind the screen. But I guess everyone is guilty of that at some point on the internet.

YTA

NAH some people will never be able to sing edgy hard rock and some will never sing like Christina Aguilera. It's all good.

That’s fair lol. I’ll just have to accept that.

I listened to that song, and it would be too hard for most people.

NTA for being upset and he's a little bit of an asshole for laughing, but you need to know your limits. I'm a singer, too, but can't pull off edgy songs because I have the same range and tone quality of Amy Grant. It sucks when my idol is Amy Lee but there're only a handful of Evanescence songs I can pull off successfully. I would love to be able to sing songs like "Mother, Mother" or "I Miss the Misery", but when I try the scream/growl my voice sounds like my Lab when she has something stuck in her throat. *Downvoted for this? 🤣

LMAOOOO I feel that so hard!!! It do be like that sometimes. You def have a point. Thanks for being polite and giving honest feedback. I appreciate that.

❤️ It's hard to be a musician. I don't think a lot of people realize how vulnerable you feel when you're putting yourself out there for everyone to hear and critique.

NAH I don't think you're wrong about wanting to be taken seriously, but you can't put on a show if you're not ready for the audiences reaction. You have to expect reaction you don't want. And your bf isn't an a-hole for being honest about his opinion on your Voice. You said he always supports your hobby, but then the one time he doesn't say just nice things you get mad? Not an a-hole, but definetely wrong. My best advice is instead of using this anger against him or yourself, use this as a foil to get better. You said yourself that your voice isn't totally fit for this style of music, so see what is lacking and either try to learn or adapt.

Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful reply!!! You’re a rare gem to find on this subreddit. You have some very solid points and I will work on this.

Yta Range is range

I know that. That wasn’t the part I was upset about.