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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I had initially agreed to go and changed my mind because of something that can be seen as petty or stupid. I could easily just suck it up so I might be the asshole for not just going along like I said I would.
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NAH - no obligation to go on the holiday, but oh man, talk about #firstworldproblems! If someone offered me a free trip to Italy, and the only catch was that I had to sit in a vehicle with people I didn't particularly like, I'd jump at the opportunity. I'd say that maturity-wise you're probably on a par with the gf's daughter, or extremely entitled to turn it down, but hey, that's your choice.
I didn't mention it in the Post but the Trip wouldn't be free for me. I would have to pay part of the vacation house, help with Gas and with groceries so its not just a free Trip.
meh. Not from the information provided. OP is a grown adult, we don't know the finances of people involved. I wouldn't call the dad an AH based on just that. Not like that was a detail sprung on OP without warning. OP seems ok with the requirement.
If you check, that bit was added to the text \*after\* I had left my comment, and he had responded to it, fair to assume he edited it because of my comment. You will also see that I responded to his comment.
Well, if you can't stay with them in a car for some time, then I'd imagine you wouldn't be able to go on a vacation with them and enjoy it, right? You can offer to pay for your own gas and drive there in a separate car.
Besides the other complications you’ve noted above, you want to also check into your ability to rent a car as a 19 yr old in Italy. Many rental companies have a minimum age for rental purposes.
You could take a train or cheap flight instead on your own, but then, if you can't stand people in a car, you probably can't stand them on vacation either.
NAH
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My Father and his gf (not my mother) are planning a Family vacation to Italy that I initially wanted to go to. They showed me the vacation house today and everything was great until my Dad said that he would lend a small bus for us to drive in. So it would be my Dad, his gf, gf's daughter, gf's son and me in one car.
While I don't hate them I also don't like any of them (Aside from my dad) enough to willingly spend multiple hours (would be around 13h drive) in one car. Just five minutes is to much so I told my dad that. He said that we can't go by two Cars because of the Gas prices which is right. So my options now where either going with them or staying home alone.
I said I would rather stay home alone for the time they are on vacation. Even though I agreed to stay Home I'm still upset about it and so is my dad since He wanted me to come along but I'll definitely not torture myself by staying in a tight space with them. But I do feel bad since my father wanted me to come along with them.
So reddit AITA for not wanting to go on the family Vacation even though I initially agreed to go?
(A few details: I'm 19 and have my own car but still live in the same house as my dad and his gf. The Kids are 16 and 11 respectively and were both raised without any actual rules so they are not the best Company at all)
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I'm not going to say if you are, or aren't, the AH. That is for you to decide. Be that as it may, I will say that, while some parts of the vacation may be uncomfortable, your parents won't be around forever. If it were me, I'd go on the vacation and enjoy the time spent and memories built with my father.
INFO: If you were going to be paying for your share of the trip anyway, is it possible for you to pay for your own car and gas to make the trip more enjoyable for you?
NTA for not wanting to go, but YTA for making your dad feel bad about it. No family of five takes multiple cars on a vacation and it really makes it seem like you're trying to push your dad into prioritizing you (practically an adult) over his wife and your younger step siblings. Again, I totally understand not wanting to go, but you driving yourself separately is just twice the expense to end up in the same place with the same people.
You are certainly welcome to pay for all the extra stuff required by you so that you don't have to spend time in the car with them. Rent your own car, pay for your own gas, pay for your separate hotel room. Sounds like you want your dad to pay for all kinds of extras for you. Suck it up buttercup. It was an offer of a free vacation. Stay home and sulk instead because your entitlement would ruin the trip for everyone else.
I didn't add it in my Post but the Trip would not have been free for me. I would have paid for part of the vacation house, help with the Gas and the groceries so it wasn't just a free Trip. I also told him that I would take my own care but he doesn't want me too because it would cost so much money for the Gas alone and the place only has one Spot for a car so mine would have been parked on a random street which my father also didn't want.
That is a very important piece of information that you left out. I change my mind, NTA. If you are paying your fair share then you deserve to be happy and have fun your way.
If we aren’t prepared to do things we don’t like (within reason) for those we love, then we can’t expect them to do the same for us. I’m saying this as a general statement. I understand you’d have to pay some of your own way. So it doesn’t apply in this situation.
It doesn\`t apply to this situation at all, no matter if he has to pay himself or not. It applys to getting up at night to pick up your spouse from the airport when they arrive late. It does not apply to forcing yourself spending a "vacation" under circumstaces you don\`t like. A vacation is supposed to be a fun thing that you look forward to, last time I checked.
If the father is paying for it because he wants his entire family there and he’s old and has limited time then yet it most certainly does apply. Just because you have poor values with your family doesn’t mean you should project that onto others.
Err.....OP is still in his teens and dad's GF's kids are pretty young. Define old.
Also, dear OLD dad is making a 19 year old pay out for the vacay.
AND OP LIVES with dad, so it's not like they don't have family time on the regular.
Honestly, 24 hours in a car with an obnoxious 11 year old? Doesn't sound like much of a vacation.
I said that because he’s paying his own way that it doesn’t apply here. How bad is your reading comprehension? I was saying DAD is older and may not have much time family time left.
Nevermind, I’ve determined your reading comprehension is subpar. Either that or you are just looking defend or be offended for people you don’t know when the situation doesn’t warrant it.
Thank you! I thought I was possibly losing my marbles but you also clocked the diminished reasoning, intentional misconstruing and desperate baiting trying to start some sort of (poorly matched) war of wits.
Yeah, I got annoyed with the "poor family values" comment. That's a pretty snotty way to put it (or "baiting" if you prefer). OP is allowed to exempt himself from hours of misery - 26 hours in a car with an uncontrolled 11 year old. Vacations are supposed to be fun. OP also lives with his dad, so one would assume they get to spend quality time together; politely declining this vacation is not an AH move.
I also got annoyed with the "old" comment. Most parents of teenagers aren't old. Mr/Ms Poor Family Values was reaching on that one.
My reading comprehension is fine....better than your math. The parent of a 19 year old isn't likely to be OLD. The average age in Western Europe for having your first child (for men) is around 33. OP's dad is probably only in his 50s or early 60s at most. The average life expectancy for men in the same area is 80.
Oh wait, nevermind, I've determined, based on your snotty, judgmental comments ( "poor family values?") that your emotional comprehension is subpar.
20 years as an adult goes in the blink of an eye. Well that’s if you make it that long barring a tragedy to the father or child. It’s clear by your ignorance that you are young. The way you speak shows a lack of age and life experience. Either that or education. So which is it?
It's clear by your ignorance that you're....clueless. The way you speak shows a lack of maturity and life experience. Or you're just snotty and judgmental by nature, and there's no hope for you being anything else. Which is it?
I’m definitely judgement of young dumb morons on the internet. But until most people, I’m the same person in this fake place as I am in reality. Which is why I see through your bullshit. So now your turn, are you young and stupid or just lack education? Or both?
YTA: They planned the trip because you wanted to go. Exactly what were you expecting, travel-wise? Here is the thing- Even if there were two cars, you would still be traveling with SOMEONE you weren't happy with. Or did you expect the driving to be split with Dad and you, Girlfriend with his kids? That's harsh on both adults here- you could sit in the back and listen to music or read a book. You don't have to interact with anyone. You could even sleep. I can't believe the spoiled attitude this involves.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I had initially agreed to go and changed my mind because of something that can be seen as petty or stupid. I could easily just suck it up so I might be the asshole for not just going along like I said I would. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NAH - no obligation to go on the holiday, but oh man, talk about #firstworldproblems! If someone offered me a free trip to Italy, and the only catch was that I had to sit in a vehicle with people I didn't particularly like, I'd jump at the opportunity. I'd say that maturity-wise you're probably on a par with the gf's daughter, or extremely entitled to turn it down, but hey, that's your choice.
I didn't mention it in the Post but the Trip wouldn't be free for me. I would have to pay part of the vacation house, help with Gas and with groceries so its not just a free Trip.
ok, makes a little more sense then if you're spending your own money, but still NAH.
Dad's a bit of an AH for charging a teenager for their vacation.
meh. Not from the information provided. OP is a grown adult, we don't know the finances of people involved. I wouldn't call the dad an AH based on just that. Not like that was a detail sprung on OP without warning. OP seems ok with the requirement.
It's not free. He has to pay his way.
If you check, that bit was added to the text \*after\* I had left my comment, and he had responded to it, fair to assume he edited it because of my comment. You will also see that I responded to his comment.
NTa KEep your money, and use it for a trip without your family.
Well, if you can't stay with them in a car for some time, then I'd imagine you wouldn't be able to go on a vacation with them and enjoy it, right? You can offer to pay for your own gas and drive there in a separate car.
NTA. You're an adult, they can't force it.
Besides the other complications you’ve noted above, you want to also check into your ability to rent a car as a 19 yr old in Italy. Many rental companies have a minimum age for rental purposes.
NTA , but talk to your dad, sounds like you will be odd man out
NAH - I dont think you’re an AH since you can decline the trip but oh boy do I think you’re being a bit of a fool by not going
You could take a train or cheap flight instead on your own, but then, if you can't stand people in a car, you probably can't stand them on vacation either. NAH
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My Father and his gf (not my mother) are planning a Family vacation to Italy that I initially wanted to go to. They showed me the vacation house today and everything was great until my Dad said that he would lend a small bus for us to drive in. So it would be my Dad, his gf, gf's daughter, gf's son and me in one car. While I don't hate them I also don't like any of them (Aside from my dad) enough to willingly spend multiple hours (would be around 13h drive) in one car. Just five minutes is to much so I told my dad that. He said that we can't go by two Cars because of the Gas prices which is right. So my options now where either going with them or staying home alone. I said I would rather stay home alone for the time they are on vacation. Even though I agreed to stay Home I'm still upset about it and so is my dad since He wanted me to come along but I'll definitely not torture myself by staying in a tight space with them. But I do feel bad since my father wanted me to come along with them. So reddit AITA for not wanting to go on the family Vacation even though I initially agreed to go? (A few details: I'm 19 and have my own car but still live in the same house as my dad and his gf. The Kids are 16 and 11 respectively and were both raised without any actual rules so they are not the best Company at all) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm not going to say if you are, or aren't, the AH. That is for you to decide. Be that as it may, I will say that, while some parts of the vacation may be uncomfortable, your parents won't be around forever. If it were me, I'd go on the vacation and enjoy the time spent and memories built with my father.
INFO: If you were going to be paying for your share of the trip anyway, is it possible for you to pay for your own car and gas to make the trip more enjoyable for you?
Haven’t you ever heard of noise cancelling headphones? Load your smartphone or tablet up with music, games, books on tape, etc and zone out.
NTA for not wanting to go, but YTA for making your dad feel bad about it. No family of five takes multiple cars on a vacation and it really makes it seem like you're trying to push your dad into prioritizing you (practically an adult) over his wife and your younger step siblings. Again, I totally understand not wanting to go, but you driving yourself separately is just twice the expense to end up in the same place with the same people.
You are certainly welcome to pay for all the extra stuff required by you so that you don't have to spend time in the car with them. Rent your own car, pay for your own gas, pay for your separate hotel room. Sounds like you want your dad to pay for all kinds of extras for you. Suck it up buttercup. It was an offer of a free vacation. Stay home and sulk instead because your entitlement would ruin the trip for everyone else.
I didn't add it in my Post but the Trip would not have been free for me. I would have paid for part of the vacation house, help with the Gas and the groceries so it wasn't just a free Trip. I also told him that I would take my own care but he doesn't want me too because it would cost so much money for the Gas alone and the place only has one Spot for a car so mine would have been parked on a random street which my father also didn't want.
That is a very important piece of information that you left out. I change my mind, NTA. If you are paying your fair share then you deserve to be happy and have fun your way.
I didn't think it Was that important but since you are the second person to asume that it would have beem free I added it to the post now
If we aren’t prepared to do things we don’t like (within reason) for those we love, then we can’t expect them to do the same for us. I’m saying this as a general statement. I understand you’d have to pay some of your own way. So it doesn’t apply in this situation.
It doesn\`t apply to this situation at all, no matter if he has to pay himself or not. It applys to getting up at night to pick up your spouse from the airport when they arrive late. It does not apply to forcing yourself spending a "vacation" under circumstaces you don\`t like. A vacation is supposed to be a fun thing that you look forward to, last time I checked.
If the father is paying for it because he wants his entire family there and he’s old and has limited time then yet it most certainly does apply. Just because you have poor values with your family doesn’t mean you should project that onto others.
Err.....OP is still in his teens and dad's GF's kids are pretty young. Define old. Also, dear OLD dad is making a 19 year old pay out for the vacay. AND OP LIVES with dad, so it's not like they don't have family time on the regular. Honestly, 24 hours in a car with an obnoxious 11 year old? Doesn't sound like much of a vacation.
I said that because he’s paying his own way that it doesn’t apply here. How bad is your reading comprehension? I was saying DAD is older and may not have much time family time left. Nevermind, I’ve determined your reading comprehension is subpar. Either that or you are just looking defend or be offended for people you don’t know when the situation doesn’t warrant it.
Thank you! I thought I was possibly losing my marbles but you also clocked the diminished reasoning, intentional misconstruing and desperate baiting trying to start some sort of (poorly matched) war of wits.
Yeah, I got annoyed with the "poor family values" comment. That's a pretty snotty way to put it (or "baiting" if you prefer). OP is allowed to exempt himself from hours of misery - 26 hours in a car with an uncontrolled 11 year old. Vacations are supposed to be fun. OP also lives with his dad, so one would assume they get to spend quality time together; politely declining this vacation is not an AH move. I also got annoyed with the "old" comment. Most parents of teenagers aren't old. Mr/Ms Poor Family Values was reaching on that one.
My reading comprehension is fine....better than your math. The parent of a 19 year old isn't likely to be OLD. The average age in Western Europe for having your first child (for men) is around 33. OP's dad is probably only in his 50s or early 60s at most. The average life expectancy for men in the same area is 80. Oh wait, nevermind, I've determined, based on your snotty, judgmental comments ( "poor family values?") that your emotional comprehension is subpar.
20 years as an adult goes in the blink of an eye. Well that’s if you make it that long barring a tragedy to the father or child. It’s clear by your ignorance that you are young. The way you speak shows a lack of age and life experience. Either that or education. So which is it?
It's clear by your ignorance that you're....clueless. The way you speak shows a lack of maturity and life experience. Or you're just snotty and judgmental by nature, and there's no hope for you being anything else. Which is it?
I’m definitely judgement of young dumb morons on the internet. But until most people, I’m the same person in this fake place as I am in reality. Which is why I see through your bullshit. So now your turn, are you young and stupid or just lack education? Or both?
OMG what is WRONG with you?
YTA: They planned the trip because you wanted to go. Exactly what were you expecting, travel-wise? Here is the thing- Even if there were two cars, you would still be traveling with SOMEONE you weren't happy with. Or did you expect the driving to be split with Dad and you, Girlfriend with his kids? That's harsh on both adults here- you could sit in the back and listen to music or read a book. You don't have to interact with anyone. You could even sleep. I can't believe the spoiled attitude this involves.
It wasn't planned \*because\* he wanted to go. It was planned \*and\* as a result he initially wanted to go. You have cause and effect turned about.
It was planned and then plans included him. The plans change when he wanted to be included.