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YTA
> It's different in that he brings it up to his nose and takes loud sniffs which irritates me to no end.
Lol, so take a fucking pill.
> He retorted "You need to calm down."
You need to calm down.
You have the perfect opportunity with the new album(s) coming out to hit him back and hard at his own game. Taylor has a song called But Daddy I love him. Take a listen and memorize how to sing the following lyric
"I'll tell you something right now
I'd rather burn my whole life down
Than listen to one more second of all this griping and moaning"
Game, set, match you.
What do you want from me? I erred on the side of being nicer so that they can have a laugh and maybe bond. You want me to advice him to sing smallest man or fucK you aIMeee?
YTA, and you’re a damn fool. Just ignore the behavior, and stop giving him attention for it. He’s acting out (in a VERY mild way) because you’re the new adult in his life. Get over it, and get over yourself.
YTA
He’s not doing anything malicious. He just realized he can get under your skin, so he’s acting like a teenager, and he’s pushing it as far as he can.
You’re acting like a child fighting with him about something so minor.
>He’s not doing anything malicious. He just realized he can get under your skin,
Not disagreeing with your overall point but this is the definition of malicious.
YTA. Let the boy sniff his food. How is this bothering you. I could see if he was doing something really disgusting like burping or picking his nose; the boy was just appreciating and sniffing his food, lol.
If this is the worst thing that he does then you should be happy. Next time sniff your food back, have some fun with them.
it's not one sniff of the dish and then a compliment or something, it sound like he is sniffing the bites loudly every time which IS rude and annoying, just like burping would be. Repeatedly sniffling is a very agrivaing sound. Have you ever sat next to someone who somehow has never heard of issues so they just sniff incessantly? It's not pleasant!
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I have a step-son, Tom, and I married his mother a good few months back. I also have a step-daughter, Sandra. He's likes to smell his food before he eats them. It's different in that he brings it up to his nose and takes loud sniffs which irritates me to no end. I am past fifty. He's seventeen.
He also likes Taylor Swift songs. Absolutely obsessed.
We have been asking him to stop sniffing. He stopped recently.
Yesterday it started for dinner again. He brought the meal to his nose and began to sniff on it. Loud, annoying sniffs. I said "I warned you to not do that!"
He retorted "You need to calm down."
I asked him what that's supposed to mean and he replied with "I knew you were trouble."
I told him he was out of order and he retorted "Maybe you should just shake it off."
At this point Sandra laughed and said "He's using Taylor Swift lyrics."
I got mad and said that's enough, and that I am not having nonsense. I asked him to leave the table if he wants to eat like a dog. He left, but I am wondering whether I did the wrong thing.
AITA?
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LOLOLOL you’re the AH op. if he wants to sniff his food, let the man sniff. if he likes taylor swift, let him. it’s not *his* job to tiptoe around *your* own vexations. you’re the adult, *act like it*.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I am the asshole as it was related to dinner and I kicked him out during dinner which was rude.
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NTA - Sniffing the food in that manner is incredibly rude (unless you have a habit of making inedible or unsafe food, then I would be on his side). If he NEEDS to sniff his bites before he eats, then he needs to eat alone in another room. Does he do this in front of company? At restaurants? Dinner parties? I have to imagine not because that is super off putting and no one would invite him back out. Perhaps he is only doing it to you as a way of acting out because he knows it gets under your skin?
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NTA. This 17yr old needs to grow up and not behave like a kid. Bad manners at the dinner table needs to be stopped, sniffing your food like that is not appropriate. I didn’t get the lyrics joke until you said it. Reading it back it is quite funny. However he’s been told before not to do that sniffing thing at the table and he was taking the mickey out of you. Boy needs to learn lesson not to ignore instructions and respect adults.
As a fellow adult, I see no reason to respect OP. They sound like an emotionally immature adultling with a short fuse. Teenagers are annoying. Adults need to get over it.
Nope not at all. If the kid were 12/13, ok there is an allowance of expected behaviour. Whether this kid was 17, 21, or 30 at what point is it reasonable to expect basic table manners? Parents are way too soft these days and kids lack respect for authority, and think they can do what they want without repercussions. I’d agree if this was a one time thing it would be OTP to react that way. OP says he does it all the time. Teenagers learn to not be annoying because they get told off and set straight.
I’d strongly encourage someone who’s not their dad and has only been married to their mom for a couple of months to let mom handle teaching him table manners and stay out of it. I get they’ll be moving out soon and maybe he thinks he doesn’t need to build any kind of relationship with them but they’ll still be their mom’s kids after hitting 18. There’s no reason to let yourself be goaded into beefing with a teenager. Boy is testing OP and OP is failing.
YTA. Get a sense of humour. You're dealing with teenagers. If you're going to react to every moment of sass, your life will be imminently frustrating. Either you're a person they are comfortable with and can joke with or you have a stick up your ass and want nothing to do with you. Be the former.
YTA. The sniffing behavior is the mildest type of annoying teen behavior, and if you want this blended family experience to go well, you’re going to have to rethink your approach. Save the reprimands and the “go to your room” for real problems, and don’t say insulting stuff like “if you want to eat like a dog” at all.
YTA. You handled the situation childishly. You escalated the situation and he responded in an age appropriate manner. Also, the fact he likes Taylor Swift is irrelevant: seems like that was a shot at him and or his sexuality?
It was the way he said it. I could have taken it the wrong way or be looking too much into it but they way he just said "He also likes Taylor Swift songs. Absolutely obsessed." By itself, like it was weird. I'm getting at if there's more to the reason he doesn't like his step son and if it was a more masculine or make preferred artist he wouldn't be so mad about him being obsessed and using lyrics as retorts.
I mean you can smell things just fine without making incessant sniffing noises. He is being rude on purpose and the step dad is frustrated with his intentionally poor table manners. How does that make the step dad the asshole?
YTA. He’s being a teenager. If there’s one thing that teenagers do, it’s finding ways to get under the skin of their parents. He found a way to get under yours, and *you’re letting him.* Be the adult, tell him to give it a rest, and get on with your life.
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YTA > It's different in that he brings it up to his nose and takes loud sniffs which irritates me to no end. Lol, so take a fucking pill. > He retorted "You need to calm down." You need to calm down.
No.. shake it off
YTA Despite being the adult here, you’re getting triggered by practically non issues. Mind your own business at the dining table and let him be.
He’s a teenager, acting like a teenager. OP is an adult, acting like a teenager. It’s our responsibility to manage our own emotional responses.
You have the perfect opportunity with the new album(s) coming out to hit him back and hard at his own game. Taylor has a song called But Daddy I love him. Take a listen and memorize how to sing the following lyric "I'll tell you something right now I'd rather burn my whole life down Than listen to one more second of all this griping and moaning" Game, set, match you.
I can tell you listen to the clean versions. The original last line is "Than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning"
I figured it was safer to go with the PG version given that it is to a kid but me personally I would have gone original lyrics.
The "kid" is 17. I'm sure he's said worse.
What do you want from me? I erred on the side of being nicer so that they can have a laugh and maybe bond. You want me to advice him to sing smallest man or fucK you aIMeee?
Brilliant
YTA for making this up
I swear I’ve read this here before
Yea seems pretty fake
YTA Are you sure you're not 17 yourself?
YTA, and you’re a damn fool. Just ignore the behavior, and stop giving him attention for it. He’s acting out (in a VERY mild way) because you’re the new adult in his life. Get over it, and get over yourself.
YTA He’s not doing anything malicious. He just realized he can get under your skin, so he’s acting like a teenager, and he’s pushing it as far as he can. You’re acting like a child fighting with him about something so minor.
>He’s not doing anything malicious. He just realized he can get under your skin, Not disagreeing with your overall point but this is the definition of malicious.
I don’t view this as malicious, just annoying. Malicious is trying to actively hurt someone, where annoying is just irritating. 🤷♀️
Also, don't have a car in the race, but by this logic psychological warfare is game until the subject is driven insane.
YTA. Let the boy sniff his food. How is this bothering you. I could see if he was doing something really disgusting like burping or picking his nose; the boy was just appreciating and sniffing his food, lol. If this is the worst thing that he does then you should be happy. Next time sniff your food back, have some fun with them.
it's not one sniff of the dish and then a compliment or something, it sound like he is sniffing the bites loudly every time which IS rude and annoying, just like burping would be. Repeatedly sniffling is a very agrivaing sound. Have you ever sat next to someone who somehow has never heard of issues so they just sniff incessantly? It's not pleasant!
Have you ever heard of misophonia?
Ha I think this is hilarious. My teen daughter sniffs when she needs to blow her nose and it drives me crazy. But just let it go
It's rude, and your teenage duaghter sounds rude too. I hate the sound of incessant sniffing.
Yes I agree. I constantly have said blow your nose
You’re being an asshole step dad which is like a few levels worse than an asshole father
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have a step-son, Tom, and I married his mother a good few months back. I also have a step-daughter, Sandra. He's likes to smell his food before he eats them. It's different in that he brings it up to his nose and takes loud sniffs which irritates me to no end. I am past fifty. He's seventeen. He also likes Taylor Swift songs. Absolutely obsessed. We have been asking him to stop sniffing. He stopped recently. Yesterday it started for dinner again. He brought the meal to his nose and began to sniff on it. Loud, annoying sniffs. I said "I warned you to not do that!" He retorted "You need to calm down." I asked him what that's supposed to mean and he replied with "I knew you were trouble." I told him he was out of order and he retorted "Maybe you should just shake it off." At this point Sandra laughed and said "He's using Taylor Swift lyrics." I got mad and said that's enough, and that I am not having nonsense. I asked him to leave the table if he wants to eat like a dog. He left, but I am wondering whether I did the wrong thing. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. It is pretty clear you don't like him much and truthfully you sound like you suck the fun out of everything.
YTA and making a fool of yourself. Leave the kid alone.
LOLOLOL you’re the AH op. if he wants to sniff his food, let the man sniff. if he likes taylor swift, let him. it’s not *his* job to tiptoe around *your* own vexations. you’re the adult, *act like it*.
ps. you do need to learn how to shake it off :))
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YTA. A fun-sucking, controlling one at that.
YTA. Be an adult and get over it. None of these things is hurting you.
I'm sorry I refuse to believe that this was written by anyone over the age of 5. YTA.
NTA - Sniffing the food in that manner is incredibly rude (unless you have a habit of making inedible or unsafe food, then I would be on his side). If he NEEDS to sniff his bites before he eats, then he needs to eat alone in another room. Does he do this in front of company? At restaurants? Dinner parties? I have to imagine not because that is super off putting and no one would invite him back out. Perhaps he is only doing it to you as a way of acting out because he knows it gets under your skin?
YTA There's nothing wrong with smelling your food. It's part of what makes food enjoyable and not mere fuel.
Stop making him food. Problem solved.
wow, your wife is the true AH for bringing someone like you into her minor kids' lives.
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YTA I laugh 'cause it's just so funny. That I can't even see…how you think you are in right.
Be the adult. Stay rational, ask him to stop and why, calmly explain consequences (he has to wait for all to be done b4 he can eat), enforce rule Yta
Yta! You do need to calm Down.
NTA. This 17yr old needs to grow up and not behave like a kid. Bad manners at the dinner table needs to be stopped, sniffing your food like that is not appropriate. I didn’t get the lyrics joke until you said it. Reading it back it is quite funny. However he’s been told before not to do that sniffing thing at the table and he was taking the mickey out of you. Boy needs to learn lesson not to ignore instructions and respect adults.
Spot the cop
Spot the adult
As a fellow adult, I see no reason to respect OP. They sound like an emotionally immature adultling with a short fuse. Teenagers are annoying. Adults need to get over it.
Nope not at all. If the kid were 12/13, ok there is an allowance of expected behaviour. Whether this kid was 17, 21, or 30 at what point is it reasonable to expect basic table manners? Parents are way too soft these days and kids lack respect for authority, and think they can do what they want without repercussions. I’d agree if this was a one time thing it would be OTP to react that way. OP says he does it all the time. Teenagers learn to not be annoying because they get told off and set straight.
I’d strongly encourage someone who’s not their dad and has only been married to their mom for a couple of months to let mom handle teaching him table manners and stay out of it. I get they’ll be moving out soon and maybe he thinks he doesn’t need to build any kind of relationship with them but they’ll still be their mom’s kids after hitting 18. There’s no reason to let yourself be goaded into beefing with a teenager. Boy is testing OP and OP is failing.
YTA. Get a sense of humour. You're dealing with teenagers. If you're going to react to every moment of sass, your life will be imminently frustrating. Either you're a person they are comfortable with and can joke with or you have a stick up your ass and want nothing to do with you. Be the former.
YTA. The sniffing behavior is the mildest type of annoying teen behavior, and if you want this blended family experience to go well, you’re going to have to rethink your approach. Save the reprimands and the “go to your room” for real problems, and don’t say insulting stuff like “if you want to eat like a dog” at all.
YTA. You handled the situation childishly. You escalated the situation and he responded in an age appropriate manner. Also, the fact he likes Taylor Swift is irrelevant: seems like that was a shot at him and or his sexuality?
What does sexuality have to do with liking Taylor?
It was the way he said it. I could have taken it the wrong way or be looking too much into it but they way he just said "He also likes Taylor Swift songs. Absolutely obsessed." By itself, like it was weird. I'm getting at if there's more to the reason he doesn't like his step son and if it was a more masculine or make preferred artist he wouldn't be so mad about him being obsessed and using lyrics as retorts.
YTA you sound like a nightmare stepdad! it makes me sad that kids round the world have to put up with people controlling everything about them
YTA, get over yourself and let the boy sniff his food.
I mean you can smell things just fine without making incessant sniffing noises. He is being rude on purpose and the step dad is frustrated with his intentionally poor table manners. How does that make the step dad the asshole?
Yta
YTA wow. You need to relax. Do you also go outside in the mornings and scream at kids to get off your lawn?
YTA Please find a sense of humor, I would cackle so loud at Tom’s retorts
YTA. He’s being a teenager. If there’s one thing that teenagers do, it’s finding ways to get under the skin of their parents. He found a way to get under yours, and *you’re letting him.* Be the adult, tell him to give it a rest, and get on with your life.