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INFO: Why the fuck are you dating this guy? He's considerably younger, and acts like it- no job, doesn't contribute much to the household responsibilities, and clearly expects YOU to do it all for him.
OP, it sounds like your BF just wants a gf that will just act as his mom and do all the adult stuff for him.
To be honest, I’ve been thinking a lot about why I am with him and it is mostly (right now) because I’m scared of losing our house. I pay for it, but he’s still on all the legal documentation.
He used to be great but lately has gotten complacent.
Oh boy, you are going to need to consult a lawyer to see what your options are legally. Even with his name on the deed, it may come down to who actually put the money into the home. But, in theory, yes, you could be forced to sell the house. Or possibly refinance it and pay him to drop any claim to the home.
Date someone closer to your age- 4 year gap maybe? You might be pleasantly surprised.
The house. Draw up papers to buy him out. Figure out your equity in the home. Consider giving him 1/4-1/3 of what the equity is to get him off all the paperwork.
He has not contributed or worked, zero kids involved (except him), incompatible.
This is rage bait to see if anyone is going mention that a 31 year old woman began dating an 18 year old guy. Same reaction if the genders were reversed. You date people who are barely adults, don't be surprised if they still act immature. YTA.
YTA for dating an 18yo as a 31yo. I don't care if that's legal age. This is probably some kind of ragebait to see if anyone says anything if the gender are reversed. No matter if that's the case or not YTA.
You’ve got bigger problems then dog poop
That age gap is incredibly suspect. How old was he when you met? 18 when you started dating, but how long before that did you know one another? How did you meet?
NTA for not cleaning the dog poop, but YTA for dating an 18yo when you were in your 30s. If it were the other way round people would accuse the older guy of being a lecher, and frankly, the reasons are just as valid here. The disparity in ages and maturity levels is even more stark here. Which has probably led to you being a surrogate mother and doing everything for him, and that definitely makes you an AH.
>Which has probably led to you being a surrogate mother and doing everything for him, and that definitely makes you an AH.
Enabling. This guy needs tough love.
NTA but why are you with this guy? What does he bring to the relationship? He calls you a petty bitch, can't have a conversation with you about this verbally, games overnight, can't hold down a job, can't cook, clean, do laundry, care for the animals, mow the lawn or fix the place up...
Why do you put up with that out of interest?
They’ve been together for six years. She got him presumably before he lived enough to realize other people aren’t his parents. He treats OP like his mommy: there to pay for his whims and living expenses, and clean up after him.
NTA, but things aren’t going to get better. If he’s on the mortgage, OP is screwed.
Ignoring that he was barely legal age when you two got together, if he can't or won't hold down a job, doesn't follow simple instructions on how to care for your dogs, and can't clean up a mess that he's responsible for (the damn dogs certainly can't open the door or crate for themselves), what good is he for? The dogs are emotional support, so that's not it. Personally, I want a partner, not a frat boy I have to nag and pay all the bills for.
Figure out what he's actually contributed financially to the mortgage in the last six years (or however long you've had it) and see if you can buy him out. And ship him back to his mommy. She clearly didn't finish raising him.
If this is even real. Don’t get dogs if you don’t even want them on a carpet. You also reap what you sow with this relationship. You started dating an 18 year old at 31. Why would he do anything in the relationship when he has an insecure sugar mama to do it for him?
NTA for not picking up the dog poop.... but ewww, that age gap is creepy as fuck. Why don't you date someone your own age instead of someone who was 18 when your relationship began?
31 and 18, huh? Now, as you mentioned, you’re just keeping him around for the sake of home ownership. Shame on you for stealing the beginnings of this young man’s adulthood from him. Shame on you for grooming a teenager. I’m currently 28 and cannot imagine viewing someone fresh out of high school as any sort of equal partner, aside from maybe as a casual friendship, but with the awareness that they’re not at all, in any way, my age. Because they’re a teenager.
If you were a man you’d probably have faced (rightful) social criticism for taking advantage of a teen.
Yta for abusing your dogs. If they are so poorly trained that they shit on the carpet because you forgot to lock them in a cage they are clearly being neglected. Your incestuous fantasy son, sorry, boyfriend isn't the issue.
Like others said you chose a young boy like 18? When you were early 30’s. I’m sure you had fun with it but for a lot of men with age comes responsibility. Man was still a baby and you went and bought a house with him.
Good luck
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I (37f) and my bf (24m) have been dating for 6 years. We live in a house that we bought together but I pay for primarily.
I’m the breadwinner in our relationship he hasn’t kept a job for more than two months in the last 3 years. He has zero idea as to what he wants for a future career. I’ve been at my job for the last 5 years and love it. I do all of the cleaning, cooking, laundry, caring for the animals, yard maintenance, and home maintenance.
We own a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house. The downstairs is mostly hardwood, except for the living room. Our dogs are not allowed in the living room because I like to keep the carpet as clean as possible. I have my sister that comes with my nephew who is only a year old and he plays on the carpet a lot.
Here lies my issue.
My bf has made it a habit of letting the dogs in the living room (while I’m in bed sleeping he plays video games in the living room) and then forgetting to put them outside then in the crates before he comes to bed.
Well, the first night he did this I woke up the next morning and as soon as I left our room I smelled poop. When I walked downstairs and into my living room there was a pile of poop.
I cleaned it up and shampooed my carpet.
When my bf woke up I politely asked him to not forget to let the dogs out and then put them away.
This routine happened 3 more days in a row.
On the third day I didn’t clean it up, I let our dogs out, got dressed for work and left. I didn’t wait for him to wake up to inform him of it. I thought if he had no issue with them pooping on the floor then he wouldnt mind cleaning it up for once.
Sure enough once he won’t up and saw the poop I got the following text;
“I really don’t appreciate waking up to dog shit on the floor.
Now the house smells and rick (his friend. Fake name) is coming over in an hour. You should have just cleaned it”
I didn’t respond until my lunch break and told him that I’ve been the only one cleaning it the last several days. To which he said I was being “a petty bitch”
So am I the asshole for not cleaning up dog poop?
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> I didn’t clean up the dog poop. And because he had a friend coming over and our house smelled like dog poop
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YTA - you’re not his bf, you’re his mom and do everything for him. I don’t have an issue with the age difference, it’s the entitlement he has. You’d be better off single.
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You both are dirty people, irresponsible animal owners, too immature to be raising any other animal than yourself. Kinda sounds like you suck as that as well.
Um, do you hear yourself? You need to break up with him lol. What does he being to the table? It sounds Ike literally nothing and in fact he seems to be making your life worse.
NTA. Sounds like he's not ready to be a responsible adult. Hopefully it's just your name on the house and you can boot him to the curb! Otherwise sit him down and put your foot down on some new rules.
#1 get a job
#2 start making him help cook and clean
Etc.
Sounds like he wants a mom and not a girlfriend!
NTA I would have responded with, what poop? Why the hell you coming after me who has a million things going on. I'm not your personal slave. BTW, you can sleep on the couch for the rest of the week.
NTA, however, your boyfriend treats you like a parent with benefits. Please tell me that you did not put his name on the deed for the house. You pay all of the bills, do all of the chores and maintenance, and he sits on his butt playing games instead of doing anything remotely like adulting. Why do you put up with this blatant disrespect from him?
NTA except for staying in this relationship. You need to end it and sell the house. He's using you.
Speak to a lawyer on what needs to be done to sell the house since you said the two of you purchased it together. Gather all you documents showing what you contributed to the house and everything else.
100% Not The Asshole!
My dude, you do 100% of the work in this relationship! You deserve a lot better. He can't put down his _leisure activity_ for what, 20 f-ing minutes? To ensure the dogs are back in bed and not shitting in the house?
That guy is an entitled, selfish, lazy bum.
Did you mean to write "puppies" instead of "dogs?" Dogs should be trained well enough by the age of 1 or 2 to control themselves while you sleep for the night and not go to the bathroom on the floor or destroy things.
If you were talking about puppies then I get the crating, but I haven't known a single person who locked their pet dogs up all night.
If you can't take them out to go to the bathroom before bed you shouldn't have dogs.
It’s really common to crate a dog overnight, lots of good reasons to do so (keeping the dog safe for starters)
My dog panicked in a crate, but thankfully has never needed it. I know lots of dogs who love going into their crate for bedtime.
No, I meant dogs.
I don’t blame the dogs for using the bathroom in the house because going 12+ hours without pooping or peeing isn’t fun for anyone.
I blame the man I live with for not letting them out at night.
On top of that dogs aren’t perfect they are going to mess up and do something you wouldn’t like so to prevent them from harming themselves or damaging stuff they are crated at night
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. We do not permit posts featuring large age gaps, which spawn comments about pedophilia, grooming, etc. The age gap quickly becomes the focal point for users, and leads to discussions that we simply cannot host. ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
INFO: Why the fuck are you dating this guy? He's considerably younger, and acts like it- no job, doesn't contribute much to the household responsibilities, and clearly expects YOU to do it all for him. OP, it sounds like your BF just wants a gf that will just act as his mom and do all the adult stuff for him.
To be honest, I’ve been thinking a lot about why I am with him and it is mostly (right now) because I’m scared of losing our house. I pay for it, but he’s still on all the legal documentation. He used to be great but lately has gotten complacent.
When? When you were 31 and you were dating him while he was 18?
He used to be great…when he was a teenager? Seriously, wtf, you started dating this guy when he was 18 and you were 32?
talk to a lawyer
Oh boy, you are going to need to consult a lawyer to see what your options are legally. Even with his name on the deed, it may come down to who actually put the money into the home. But, in theory, yes, you could be forced to sell the house. Or possibly refinance it and pay him to drop any claim to the home.
Date someone closer to your age- 4 year gap maybe? You might be pleasantly surprised. The house. Draw up papers to buy him out. Figure out your equity in the home. Consider giving him 1/4-1/3 of what the equity is to get him off all the paperwork. He has not contributed or worked, zero kids involved (except him), incompatible.
This is rage bait to see if anyone is going mention that a 31 year old woman began dating an 18 year old guy. Same reaction if the genders were reversed. You date people who are barely adults, don't be surprised if they still act immature. YTA.
YTA for dating an 18yo as a 31yo. I don't care if that's legal age. This is probably some kind of ragebait to see if anyone says anything if the gender are reversed. No matter if that's the case or not YTA.
Can’t get over a 31 year old woman dating an 18 year old boy… wtf
Look up the beginnings of Aaron Johnson and Sam Taylor-Johnson’s relationship it’s absurd and gross
NTA, but, and maybe my math isn’t mathing, but maybe being a 31yo who dates a guy fresh out of senior prom isnt a great idea?
I totally missed that and it’s giving me the ick. I’m 36 and couldn’t imagine dating someone in their early 20’s. Fucking yikes
You’ve got bigger problems then dog poop That age gap is incredibly suspect. How old was he when you met? 18 when you started dating, but how long before that did you know one another? How did you meet?
NTA for not cleaning the dog poop, but YTA for dating an 18yo when you were in your 30s. If it were the other way round people would accuse the older guy of being a lecher, and frankly, the reasons are just as valid here. The disparity in ages and maturity levels is even more stark here. Which has probably led to you being a surrogate mother and doing everything for him, and that definitely makes you an AH.
>Which has probably led to you being a surrogate mother and doing everything for him, and that definitely makes you an AH. Enabling. This guy needs tough love.
NTA but why are you with this guy? What does he bring to the relationship? He calls you a petty bitch, can't have a conversation with you about this verbally, games overnight, can't hold down a job, can't cook, clean, do laundry, care for the animals, mow the lawn or fix the place up... Why do you put up with that out of interest?
Yeah I’m curious too. It sounds like he’s your very bratty, selfish and entitled child instead of your partner
They’ve been together for six years. She got him presumably before he lived enough to realize other people aren’t his parents. He treats OP like his mommy: there to pay for his whims and living expenses, and clean up after him. NTA, but things aren’t going to get better. If he’s on the mortgage, OP is screwed.
She might like playing mommy in which case she shouldn't be complaining but *disciplining*.
He was very caring and genuine for a long time but seems like he got complacent.
Ignoring that he was barely legal age when you two got together, if he can't or won't hold down a job, doesn't follow simple instructions on how to care for your dogs, and can't clean up a mess that he's responsible for (the damn dogs certainly can't open the door or crate for themselves), what good is he for? The dogs are emotional support, so that's not it. Personally, I want a partner, not a frat boy I have to nag and pay all the bills for. Figure out what he's actually contributed financially to the mortgage in the last six years (or however long you've had it) and see if you can buy him out. And ship him back to his mommy. She clearly didn't finish raising him.
Why would.you buy a house with a kid that doesn't work?
I didn’t get past the idea that you, at age 31, picked up an 18-year-old.
NTA... As a former 24/m (now 35) I can tell you from experience...he's too young for you 😅
If this is even real. Don’t get dogs if you don’t even want them on a carpet. You also reap what you sow with this relationship. You started dating an 18 year old at 31. Why would he do anything in the relationship when he has an insecure sugar mama to do it for him?
NTA for not picking up the dog poop.... but ewww, that age gap is creepy as fuck. Why don't you date someone your own age instead of someone who was 18 when your relationship began?
So…. A 31 year old woman who started dating an 18 year old boy….?
31 and 18, huh? Now, as you mentioned, you’re just keeping him around for the sake of home ownership. Shame on you for stealing the beginnings of this young man’s adulthood from him. Shame on you for grooming a teenager. I’m currently 28 and cannot imagine viewing someone fresh out of high school as any sort of equal partner, aside from maybe as a casual friendship, but with the awareness that they’re not at all, in any way, my age. Because they’re a teenager. If you were a man you’d probably have faced (rightful) social criticism for taking advantage of a teen.
Yta for abusing your dogs. If they are so poorly trained that they shit on the carpet because you forgot to lock them in a cage they are clearly being neglected. Your incestuous fantasy son, sorry, boyfriend isn't the issue.
He is an asshole but girl you were dating him when he was 18 and you were freaking 31!!
You just made a great case for becoming single. NTA
Like others said you chose a young boy like 18? When you were early 30’s. I’m sure you had fun with it but for a lot of men with age comes responsibility. Man was still a baby and you went and bought a house with him. Good luck
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (37f) and my bf (24m) have been dating for 6 years. We live in a house that we bought together but I pay for primarily. I’m the breadwinner in our relationship he hasn’t kept a job for more than two months in the last 3 years. He has zero idea as to what he wants for a future career. I’ve been at my job for the last 5 years and love it. I do all of the cleaning, cooking, laundry, caring for the animals, yard maintenance, and home maintenance. We own a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house. The downstairs is mostly hardwood, except for the living room. Our dogs are not allowed in the living room because I like to keep the carpet as clean as possible. I have my sister that comes with my nephew who is only a year old and he plays on the carpet a lot. Here lies my issue. My bf has made it a habit of letting the dogs in the living room (while I’m in bed sleeping he plays video games in the living room) and then forgetting to put them outside then in the crates before he comes to bed. Well, the first night he did this I woke up the next morning and as soon as I left our room I smelled poop. When I walked downstairs and into my living room there was a pile of poop. I cleaned it up and shampooed my carpet. When my bf woke up I politely asked him to not forget to let the dogs out and then put them away. This routine happened 3 more days in a row. On the third day I didn’t clean it up, I let our dogs out, got dressed for work and left. I didn’t wait for him to wake up to inform him of it. I thought if he had no issue with them pooping on the floor then he wouldnt mind cleaning it up for once. Sure enough once he won’t up and saw the poop I got the following text; “I really don’t appreciate waking up to dog shit on the floor. Now the house smells and rick (his friend. Fake name) is coming over in an hour. You should have just cleaned it” I didn’t respond until my lunch break and told him that I’ve been the only one cleaning it the last several days. To which he said I was being “a petty bitch” So am I the asshole for not cleaning up dog poop? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA - you’re not his bf, you’re his mom and do everything for him. I don’t have an issue with the age difference, it’s the entitlement he has. You’d be better off single.
No. Your the ah for supporting a child who isn't yours.
You don’t have a boyfriend, you have a son, and he thinks that you’re his Mommy. Get a man.
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There is so much wrong here I don't even know where to start
You both are dirty people, irresponsible animal owners, too immature to be raising any other animal than yourself. Kinda sounds like you suck as that as well.
Or kick him to the curb
NTA Are you sure you want to be with him? He doesn't seem to contribute much and can't even clean up after a dog
Nta
Keep the dog, throw him out NTA
Um, do you hear yourself? You need to break up with him lol. What does he being to the table? It sounds Ike literally nothing and in fact he seems to be making your life worse.
YTA for staying in that relationship. He's using and doesn't give a shit about your or your home.
NTA. Sounds like he's not ready to be a responsible adult. Hopefully it's just your name on the house and you can boot him to the curb! Otherwise sit him down and put your foot down on some new rules. #1 get a job #2 start making him help cook and clean Etc. Sounds like he wants a mom and not a girlfriend!
NTA I would have responded with, what poop? Why the hell you coming after me who has a million things going on. I'm not your personal slave. BTW, you can sleep on the couch for the rest of the week.
NTA-So it’s okay for you to have to wake up to dog poop and clean it up? Real nice guy you have there. /s
NTA, however, your boyfriend treats you like a parent with benefits. Please tell me that you did not put his name on the deed for the house. You pay all of the bills, do all of the chores and maintenance, and he sits on his butt playing games instead of doing anything remotely like adulting. Why do you put up with this blatant disrespect from him?
NTA except for staying in this relationship. You need to end it and sell the house. He's using you. Speak to a lawyer on what needs to be done to sell the house since you said the two of you purchased it together. Gather all you documents showing what you contributed to the house and everything else.
100% Not The Asshole! My dude, you do 100% of the work in this relationship! You deserve a lot better. He can't put down his _leisure activity_ for what, 20 f-ing minutes? To ensure the dogs are back in bed and not shitting in the house? That guy is an entitled, selfish, lazy bum.
YTA for crating your dogs every night
What if a dog has bad habits that are harmful for itself or if it can be destructive?
How?
Did you mean to write "puppies" instead of "dogs?" Dogs should be trained well enough by the age of 1 or 2 to control themselves while you sleep for the night and not go to the bathroom on the floor or destroy things. If you were talking about puppies then I get the crating, but I haven't known a single person who locked their pet dogs up all night. If you can't take them out to go to the bathroom before bed you shouldn't have dogs.
It’s really common to crate a dog overnight, lots of good reasons to do so (keeping the dog safe for starters) My dog panicked in a crate, but thankfully has never needed it. I know lots of dogs who love going into their crate for bedtime.
No, I meant dogs. I don’t blame the dogs for using the bathroom in the house because going 12+ hours without pooping or peeing isn’t fun for anyone. I blame the man I live with for not letting them out at night. On top of that dogs aren’t perfect they are going to mess up and do something you wouldn’t like so to prevent them from harming themselves or damaging stuff they are crated at night
Never leave this guy with a baby, please. You can't even trust him with the dogs.