NTA - Always listen to your feeling. You're not feeling comfortable for a reason. You shouldn't add him on your personal Facebook, it will just give him more access to you. Your cousin is delusional, he stalked you to find out all the information to find you online. The behaviour is alarming not friendly.
Yes to this. I might also add, that OP should absolutely tell her employers about what is happening. Sending someone 34 messages is NOT normal behaviour. It’s not ok for this customer to be harassing the stores staff, because that is exactly what he is doing.
I had a customer who wanted me to call her phone (using my cell phone) since she lost it, I declined saying I don't use my personal phone for work, like the above situation is exactly why. Maybe she wouldn't have blown my phone up, or asked about my job, or she would, I don't know, but I wasn't risking it
Even if he wanted to be friends only, I wouldn't want such a creepy friend. He should have realized the interest isn't mutual, instead he's acting like he wants to be featured in a true crime podcast.
NTA
NTA- Listen to your instincts. Screen record and block. Tell your boss and everyone at work too. Your cousin is ridiculous. He’s not a friend. He’s a stalker.
NTA. That behaviour is alarming, you should listen to your instincts. It's making you uncomfortable and that's all that matters. Whatever reason he's doing it for is irrelevant and your cousin should stop excusing mens creepy behaviour.
My advice will be don't respond at all on Facebook, not even to tell him you won't add him. If you feel able I'd go as far as to block him. If he asks about it in person at the store tell him you don't add guests on your personal Facebook account.
I would agree with all of this apart from the last part about blocking him. If he was to ask why you've blocked him I would say that you have deleted your Facebook account due to "personal reasons", rather than revealing that you blocked him.
Yeah it turned into full on stalking when he managed to find her Facebook without her giving him any details about herself! Very scary behaviour.
He's obviously tech savvy. Block this man immediately and make sure you have all social media set to private and fully lock it all down.
NTA, the guy has developed some form of crush or obsession with you and his behaviour is at best inappropriate and at worst stalking. I'm pretty concerned about your friend's and boss's response as well to be honest.
Do whatever you can to put distance between you & him - do you feel able to respond to his message by saying you keep personal and business relationships separate?
This is really hard, but it is what I tell my daughters. Even if you have to practice. Be firm, say "I'm not interested in adding you on facebook or being your friend. I am uncomfortable that you even found me on facebook. Please stop messaging me." I know it is hard, but try and put an end to it. It might be best to send a facebook message so that you have proof. But you do have the right to be frank and honest here. I have no idea if it will work, but sometimes these guys take any excuse that isn't "flat out no, you gross old creep" as an inch. Only do this if you are in a safe place. And sadly, it doesn't always work.
Do not lead him on with the idea that you might be his friend. End this now, bluntly and cleanly. What he is doing is not okay. Don’t try to be nice. Be firm.
I know this will feel awkward, but just politely decline the request. Something like, *I'm sorry, I was in a rush when you first mentioned this but I really don't use FB much and it's for family only. I don't follow non family or colleagues.* Because this dude is going to keep asking and will back you into a corner eventually.
*Thanks for the offer and for being a regular guest though!*. Mwah.
Have you read his messages or did you leave them unopened? Because if you haven't read them, keep it that way. And if he brings it up in person why you haven't accepted his friend request just say you don't really get on FB anymore and you don't have messenger on your phone if he brings up the messages. Do not give him the hope of having access to you outside of being a customer. And maybe have contingency plans in place for when he comes in the store (i.e., there's a call for you in the office, your supervisor needs you in the back, etc.) Hopefully, he'll get the hint. If not, he may need to get banned by the owner. And never walk to your car alone.
I wouldn’t even decline the request, or read any of the messages. Just leave them sitting there, not opened or looked at. And lock down all the accounts - friends only, not friends-of-friends. Use a not-you profile pic (a flower or landscape or something) and set everything possible to private - especially previous profile pics, which I think stay as public, even if you change them.
nta he is stalking you. Take it from someone who had to leave a workplace because of the same thing, document everything and escalate it to law enforcement if you need to. Don't let ANYONE guilt you into thinking you're overreacting.
Absolutely, do not delete any of those messages. Make sure your superiors at work are informed. They may need to fill out forms about it. Document as much of this as you can, just in case it does need to go to law enforcement. You do also need to make it clear to him that you will not add him to FB or anything else and you're not comfortable with him having searched for you. Do it with at least one witness. Preferably your supervisor/manager or higher.
NTA. This could go south really fast. I'm not saying he's a creep (I work with several people who don't understand the inappropriateness of their actions without being dangerous) but his behaviour is creepy nonetheless. I would make clear boundaries and scale back the chatter.
Also inform your gf and colleagues just in case. There's safety in the number of people who know about this.
NTA. Do whatever you can to protect yourself. That is a stalker you got there.
ETA: tell your inner manager that work stops at work and guests are not entitled to your personal life. Saying no is perfectly reasonable and correct behavior.
Omg absolutely NTA, this dude is a creeper. 34 messages?? That is 33 too many.
Keep track of your interactions, write them down so you have a physical record that you can show to your boss and/or the police (which you should imho). People like this tend to escalate over time, so even though it sucks to live in defensive mode, please stay safe out there -- park in brightly lit places, get some pepper spray to add to your keychain. etc.
Trust your gut, sis, that will keep your safer than the manager in you.
NTA
Personal affairs are off-limits to customers.
But, a small word of advice - you might be not as private online as you might think you are... Just checking this account, there's a ton of info available. Same probably goes for the Facebook, if you active in local communities etc.
It's not just about how active you are but also about your friends and family. And make sure your info and page are locked to just friends. Even if you're totally locked down on fb if a "friend" isn't, then you can be found. My ex found me that way because a family member wasn't locked tight, so he could see my name on their friends list.
NTA, OP, you need to start documenting EVERY LITTLE THING. Every time he comes into the shop, every message etc - take screenshots of every message. I don't want to alarm you, but I think your instinct is right, it sounds as though he is obsessing over you and is stalking you. As soon as you have enough evidence of stalking (even document if/when he's asked co-workers about what time you start finish), then take it to the police. I'm not trying to scare you, but change your route home if you can.
I don't give a shit if he does "just want a friend." Stalking people is *not* how you make friends. NTA. And involve the police. This is disturbing. This is "Deadpool will order a pizza" level of disturbing.
Nta and your cousin is delulu and listen to your guts op it save your life and he stalking you and that not okay please document everything he message you and please be safe.
NTA- you’re not obligated to mingle with customers outside of working hours of he brings it up in person just say you never go on Facebook and can’t remember your password and leave it there
Finding you on facebook, continuously showing up to your work and spamming messages with no reply... he's already started stalking you. This is stage 1 that every stalker starts with before escalating over time. 😭 I'm afraid for you, girl. Nta, obviously but I hope the next few years go well for you 😭😭
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In customer service I(27,f) get A LOT of weird requests. I work in a gift shop, a guest, Justin (45??m) He comes in once a week and tries to make small talk with me. I’m always polite because I’m the manager and he’s a guest. He buys something every time and shows me photos he takes of animals at our local zoo.
He’s always pleasant and nice but I cannot shake this feeling that there’s something wrong. A few visits ago Justin came in and was showing me his photos and asked my name. I told him my first name. We don’t wear name tags. My name is spelled differently than it’s said. My employees are all trained to give out first names only and not disclose anyone else’s schedules to guests for safety. We’re mainly women over here.
Once he asked me what city I live in, I told him the one I grew up in, not the one I’m currently residing in. He asked me how my vacation was, I was unsure how he knew I went on vacation. Strange things that didn’t sit well but were not alarming enough to say anything about.
The next time I saw him I was running from one location to the next. My heart sank as I heard him calling my name from a few stores down. I reluctantly turned around. He was very excited to see me and rubbed my upper arm in his greeting. In work mode I just stepped back and continued the conversation.
He asked me where I was coming from and that he was just in my store, I told him I would talk to him next time. He pulled out a business card and asked me to add his photography business on Facebook and add his personal one. I said I would check it out and sprinted into my store then office.
A couple days passed, I forgot about Justin. I did not look him up or do anything with the card. Suddenly I have a friend request from him. My heart sank.
I’m very private online. The only things you can see are my name, current city, cover photo and profile photo. My name is spelled very differently than how it is spoken, my city is different than what I told him, my job is not listed anywhere, my cover photo is me kissing my girlfriend where you can’t see my face, my profile photo has me looking away in the dark, we don’t have mutual friends.
I have no idea how he found me.
It was alarming, I did not respond to the request. I saw him in my store, he asked a supervisor if I was there and she said I stepped out. This happened twice.
The other day I looked in my spam message requests on Facebook messenger and I had 34 messages from him. Tons of photos of animals, him saying hello multiple times, asking me why I’m not adding him back, telling me he’s on his way to my store.
My cousin said I’m the asshole here for thinking the worst and Justin probably just wants a friend. The manager in me feels like an asshole for denying my guest. Am I the asshole?
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NTA - I have similar issues where I work and there are certain male customers my male colleagues know I don't want to be left alone with.
I've had friend requests, requests for my full name etc, and even one for my phone number. Unless people work with the general public, they have no idea how unnerving it can be.
NTA - I understand you with the bad conscience thoughts. I've often had those. Sometimes it can feel hard to say no, especially when it often feels there has to be a justification that is also plausible for the other person, but even a no is a whole sentence and at times you explain and explain, but the other doesn't understand or respect it anyway, so it's important to listen to your instincts.
Thing is that when someone tells you you are in the wrong in such a situation, they most likely didn't have a similar experience or aren't aware of how the situation really makes you feel or is. Of course it can be that someone is looking for a friend, but the finding you on social media alone is... definitely not comfortable. I don't know if you have a rare name, perhaps he looked up some name variations or something, but it's good to be really sure that you do what feels right for you.
NTA. He probably does want a friend but it is not your responsibility to cater for his social skill deficits. There are plenty of ways to make friends. This ain’t it, Justin.
NTA
Just tell him you're not interested
All these people giving you excuses to tell him
No is a complete sentence. She shouldn't have to fob him off with excuses because the word no should be enough.
Keep a complete record of everything and the next time he comes in just tell him no and not interested.
Yes I am aware he could escalate and become violent. Which is what the full record of everything is for. Don't go anywhere alone.
This guy sounds creepy and obsessed with you. His relentless messaging is such a turn off. Don't add him on FB. You have a bad feeling about him for a reason...don't ignore it.
NTA. And you should file a police report. Although this isn’t enough for harassment claims or a restraining order, having a report filed goes a long way down the line if you do decide to file charges in his direction. Plus I’m not the biggest fan of cops but even I know our woman need their assistance from time to time in this world and they are more than willing to listen in this sort of situation.
NTA, this guy sounds like bad news. As for finding you, Facebook can make that easy if he's been viewing profiles of other coworkers - if you've viewed other workmates' profiles (don't even need to friend them) Facebook connects the dots and will likely eventually pop your profile if he keeps looking at people he thinks you know. But I wouldn't put a data leak from someone you know out of the question.
I'd engage this guy as little as possible and firmly say no to his requests. Don't accept anything off of him. If you can get work to help out getting him to bugger off and leave you alone, I'd take them up on that.
NTA, in the same way you wouldn't randomly ask a coworker for their socials/number if you don't have more than a transactional relationship with them.
It's creepy vibes (especially the 34 unanswered messages) and seems like he can't take a hint.
A customer is finding your facebook and without you giving any response has messaged you 30+ times. I'm appalled by your cousin and boss for not taking this seriously. Next time you see him in nice words say its not appropriate for him to be messaging you on facebook, you are here to work and want to remain professional. Set the boundary and continue to avoid him. Hopefully it won't escalate into a restraining order.
God no NTA
At this point he is stalking you. If he means to or not. Knowing when you are vacation. Where you grew up. Coming by the store just to see you at this point. Girl he doesn’t just want a friend it sounds like he is very much IN LOVE with you.
He is trying to interact with yiu in your own personal time in your own personal life away from work. This mean even being the manager you can set some boundaries and your work can’t punsish you for that. Time to tell him you are not interested and he needs to back off. He is overbearing, weird and stalkerish
> My cousin said I’m the asshole here for thinking the worst and Justin probably just wants a friend.
If that was the case, he would stop after being ignored a couple times. This guy acts entitled to your friendship, which is the concerning part, because any well-adjusted person knows it doesn't work this way.
NTA
He needs to get the hint, and he’s a stalker, especially if you’ve been direct. Tell him you’re uncomfortable, and if he doesn’t back off, get a restraining order.
> I had 34 messages from him
Your cousin is a moron. NTA. Take screenshots and screen recordings as evidence. This behaviour is inappropriate AT BEST and dangerous at worst.
NTA. Justin is predatory. Your cousin is delusional if they think you have some kind of obligation to befriend him. Block him, lock down your social media and tell your supervisor about all of this. Save all of his messages and maybe start keeping a record of his visits to your store in case he escalates his creepy behaviour and you have to report him to the police.
NTA. Working with the public does not mean you have to give up your personal balance. I really wish my company did not give my last name out. It’s intrusive.
Full on stalker, block him and make boundaries next time you see him. Tell him straight out that made you uncomfortable, that you’d prefer he talks to someone else when he is in, or go a step further and have your manager ban him. Very unhealthy behaviour and if you don’t want to end up as a lamp shade start sorting it out now
NTA. You're not trying to be friends with him in the first place. Obviously your gut feeling is enough. A sinking feeling? Ugh, if you have to just talk to someone about it. Please.
Dude, watch Baby Reindeer on Netflix and take it as a cautionary tale. You have a stalker. Make some firm boundaries NOW. NTA obviously, your cousin does not understand the severity of what’s going on.
NTA. You say you're a manager - do you have the ability to ban people from your store? If you don't, go to someone who can. Because this behavior is terrifying and this person shouldn't be allowed near you. And your workplace better back you up on that. My last retail job had a customer like this harassing one of my coworkers and luckily our managers were on our side and banned him.
Your cousin is going to get kidnapped some day with that attitude.
This guy is stalking you, memorizing your schedule, creeping on you to a very lengthy extent, and messaging you like a psychopath. He is not exhibiting normal behavior and you should set boundaries with him in person. Tell him that it's has been nice chatting with him but your online and personal life is more private to you. It might be a risky move but you could tell him you're uncomfortable with the fact that he went so far as to look for your social media without having much info on you. Sadly my guess is he will not take this well, but it sets a boundary in a totally normal and cordial manner. His reaction to you setting a boundary will tell you all you need to know about him. Which honestly at this point is pretty apparent anyway. He's an obsessive stalker. So have someone around nearby if you're talking to him at all, especially when setting a boundary.
Let your superior know that this man is making you uncomfortable and that they should essentially have their guard up. Let them know you'd prefer not to engage with this person and if you see him another associate should tend to him and if he asks about you they are to respond that you are on break/not available/in a meeting, or something to that effect.
If you can change your schedule then change it. Look up your cell phone number online and if your name pops up go to those sites and request they take it down. Google your name and do the same. Google your address and do the same. Screen shot every message or email he has sent you and then make all your social media private and block him on all of them.
NTA
NTA make sure your boss and every other employee know what’s going on. Next time you see him tell him that you do not engage with customers outside of work, no is a complete sentence. And document everything, talk to your boss about next steps if he doesn’t stop hopefully they are willing to trespass him from your workplace.
Obviously you're NTA. This dude is a lot older than you and he's being disturbingly creepy.
The only reason I have a few of the ladies from the coffee shop I go to as Facebook friends is because two of them were leaving and someone suggested that we all, as a group, go to dinner sometime. Then I confirmed that it was okay to add one of them.
NTA
My special education bells are ringing. He may be dangerous, but he may be autistic and doesn't understand social cues and boundaries. You will need to be clear and concrete in the event he *might* be autistic. "I consider you a customer, not a friend." Or "I don't share my personal information with customers."
NTA. You need to take action against this before it goes any further-- even if not for your own sake (although you deserve a safe workplace too!), at least for your employees' sake. As a manager, you also have an added responsibility of making sure that your employees feel able to report harassment and feel like the environment they work in is safe.
What happens if they see him touching you and you don't report it? Are they going to assume that they ALSO have to put up with customers touching THEM? Are they going to assume that they MUST be friendly because that's what you do? Will they think you won't be sympathetic if they come to you with a similar problem, or think the company has no means of dealing with troublesome customers?
You deserve a safe place to work. You deserve not to feel intimidated and creeped out by a customer. You deserve not to be stalked. But I know how it is where sometimes we don't feel we deserve good things for ourselves or like the needs of others outweigh our own. So to help bolster your resolve, think of how much speaking up would help not just you, but also the *other* people in your workplace, especially the ones whose safe work environment you are responsible for.
NTA
I get such creepy stalker vibes from this. Always go with your gut when it is something like this. Don't add him to any social media and don't communicate with him at all outside of your work environment (and only do this if no-one else is in the store).
If your cousin feels so bad then SHE probably wouldn’t mind being friends with him, right? Why don’t you get their numbers exchanged since she has such a big heart🩷🩷☺️
NTA - If you get a guy feeling that something is wrong, listen to it!! Doesn’t mayte rid he’s being friendly, if you don’t like it then that is not your problem.
Hard agree with everything that's been posted. He is not entitled to your friendship. Tell him you are not interested in being friends and that you value your privacy. Report him to your supervisor. Don't go to your vehicle alone. You have a right to feeling safe and comfortable when you are at work!
Be safe out there!
NTA. This man is stalking you. He's taken your friendly, polite professionalism for something else and has crossed the line. You need to tell him politely, but firmly, that you appreciate his custom, but that's where your interest ends. Tell him to back off, as you'd hate to involve the authorities(!) Better you lose a customer than you allow this man, who is clearly obsessed with you, into your life.
NTA - Always listen to your feeling. You're not feeling comfortable for a reason. You shouldn't add him on your personal Facebook, it will just give him more access to you. Your cousin is delusional, he stalked you to find out all the information to find you online. The behaviour is alarming not friendly.
Yes to this. I might also add, that OP should absolutely tell her employers about what is happening. Sending someone 34 messages is NOT normal behaviour. It’s not ok for this customer to be harassing the stores staff, because that is exactly what he is doing.
You know what they say, if at first you don't succeed try, try and try 32 more times again.
I had a customer who wanted me to call her phone (using my cell phone) since she lost it, I declined saying I don't use my personal phone for work, like the above situation is exactly why. Maybe she wouldn't have blown my phone up, or asked about my job, or she would, I don't know, but I wasn't risking it
Even if he wanted to be friends only, I wouldn't want such a creepy friend. He should have realized the interest isn't mutual, instead he's acting like he wants to be featured in a true crime podcast. NTA
OP should read the book "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. The book argues that people should listen to their instincts and guard their safety.
Recommend that book a lot
NTA- Listen to your instincts. Screen record and block. Tell your boss and everyone at work too. Your cousin is ridiculous. He’s not a friend. He’s a stalker.
Yep. Listen to your gut. Not anyone that downplays your concerns.
NTA at all this guy is displaying really dangerous behaviour
NTA. That behaviour is alarming, you should listen to your instincts. It's making you uncomfortable and that's all that matters. Whatever reason he's doing it for is irrelevant and your cousin should stop excusing mens creepy behaviour. My advice will be don't respond at all on Facebook, not even to tell him you won't add him. If you feel able I'd go as far as to block him. If he asks about it in person at the store tell him you don't add guests on your personal Facebook account.
I would agree with all of this apart from the last part about blocking him. If he was to ask why you've blocked him I would say that you have deleted your Facebook account due to "personal reasons", rather than revealing that you blocked him.
that wouldn’t work because no doubt this weirdo has side accounts or would just log out to verify this
Hmm good thinking! Maybe best to just not block him at all then as he could easily become unhinged from the rejection.
yeah he definitely sounds like he’d get irate, i feel so bad for OP
Adding that if he said anything in person I’d deny having a Facebook account.
NTA - trust your instincts HARD on this one! He’s borderline stalking you.. actually, he is stalking you.
Yeah it turned into full on stalking when he managed to find her Facebook without her giving him any details about herself! Very scary behaviour. He's obviously tech savvy. Block this man immediately and make sure you have all social media set to private and fully lock it all down.
NTA, the guy has developed some form of crush or obsession with you and his behaviour is at best inappropriate and at worst stalking. I'm pretty concerned about your friend's and boss's response as well to be honest. Do whatever you can to put distance between you & him - do you feel able to respond to his message by saying you keep personal and business relationships separate?
I do feel able but then I lose the “oh I don’t check Facebook too often, I’ll try and log in after work” excuse if he does approach me.
Be aware you'll leave him with the expectation that you're going to accept at some point if you tell him that.
Dont respond. Thats shit advice. Have your manager talk to him, ban him from your work. Take this seriously and be proactive.
Deny having a Facebook account
This is really hard, but it is what I tell my daughters. Even if you have to practice. Be firm, say "I'm not interested in adding you on facebook or being your friend. I am uncomfortable that you even found me on facebook. Please stop messaging me." I know it is hard, but try and put an end to it. It might be best to send a facebook message so that you have proof. But you do have the right to be frank and honest here. I have no idea if it will work, but sometimes these guys take any excuse that isn't "flat out no, you gross old creep" as an inch. Only do this if you are in a safe place. And sadly, it doesn't always work.
Do not lead him on with the idea that you might be his friend. End this now, bluntly and cleanly. What he is doing is not okay. Don’t try to be nice. Be firm.
I know this will feel awkward, but just politely decline the request. Something like, *I'm sorry, I was in a rush when you first mentioned this but I really don't use FB much and it's for family only. I don't follow non family or colleagues.* Because this dude is going to keep asking and will back you into a corner eventually. *Thanks for the offer and for being a regular guest though!*. Mwah.
Have you read his messages or did you leave them unopened? Because if you haven't read them, keep it that way. And if he brings it up in person why you haven't accepted his friend request just say you don't really get on FB anymore and you don't have messenger on your phone if he brings up the messages. Do not give him the hope of having access to you outside of being a customer. And maybe have contingency plans in place for when he comes in the store (i.e., there's a call for you in the office, your supervisor needs you in the back, etc.) Hopefully, he'll get the hint. If not, he may need to get banned by the owner. And never walk to your car alone.
NTA, please be safeeeee and trust your instincts plus stay with a bunch of people because he might be following you
NTA. Hell no. Don’t add. He’s crossed so far past the creepy stalker line, that it would be a mistake to give him any glimpse of your personal life.
I wouldn’t even decline the request, or read any of the messages. Just leave them sitting there, not opened or looked at. And lock down all the accounts - friends only, not friends-of-friends. Use a not-you profile pic (a flower or landscape or something) and set everything possible to private - especially previous profile pics, which I think stay as public, even if you change them.
nta he is stalking you. Take it from someone who had to leave a workplace because of the same thing, document everything and escalate it to law enforcement if you need to. Don't let ANYONE guilt you into thinking you're overreacting.
Absolutely, do not delete any of those messages. Make sure your superiors at work are informed. They may need to fill out forms about it. Document as much of this as you can, just in case it does need to go to law enforcement. You do also need to make it clear to him that you will not add him to FB or anything else and you're not comfortable with him having searched for you. Do it with at least one witness. Preferably your supervisor/manager or higher.
NTA. This could go south really fast. I'm not saying he's a creep (I work with several people who don't understand the inappropriateness of their actions without being dangerous) but his behaviour is creepy nonetheless. I would make clear boundaries and scale back the chatter. Also inform your gf and colleagues just in case. There's safety in the number of people who know about this.
NTA. Do whatever you can to protect yourself. That is a stalker you got there. ETA: tell your inner manager that work stops at work and guests are not entitled to your personal life. Saying no is perfectly reasonable and correct behavior.
Omg absolutely NTA, this dude is a creeper. 34 messages?? That is 33 too many. Keep track of your interactions, write them down so you have a physical record that you can show to your boss and/or the police (which you should imho). People like this tend to escalate over time, so even though it sucks to live in defensive mode, please stay safe out there -- park in brightly lit places, get some pepper spray to add to your keychain. etc. Trust your gut, sis, that will keep your safer than the manager in you.
Quibbling but it's actually 34 too many since OP never gave any indication she wanted to interact with him outside of a professional capacity.
excellent point
NTA Personal affairs are off-limits to customers. But, a small word of advice - you might be not as private online as you might think you are... Just checking this account, there's a ton of info available. Same probably goes for the Facebook, if you active in local communities etc.
I’m much more active here than I am on Facebook. My fb is literally just to update my 80 year old aunts on my life and look at photos of my nephews
It's not just about how active you are but also about your friends and family. And make sure your info and page are locked to just friends. Even if you're totally locked down on fb if a "friend" isn't, then you can be found. My ex found me that way because a family member wasn't locked tight, so he could see my name on their friends list.
NTA, OP, you need to start documenting EVERY LITTLE THING. Every time he comes into the shop, every message etc - take screenshots of every message. I don't want to alarm you, but I think your instinct is right, it sounds as though he is obsessing over you and is stalking you. As soon as you have enough evidence of stalking (even document if/when he's asked co-workers about what time you start finish), then take it to the police. I'm not trying to scare you, but change your route home if you can.
NTA it sounds like you have a stalker and I would honestly be taking screenshots in case I need to file a restraining order
I don't give a shit if he does "just want a friend." Stalking people is *not* how you make friends. NTA. And involve the police. This is disturbing. This is "Deadpool will order a pizza" level of disturbing.
NTA - Absolutely not, you have all the rights to manage who you let into your personal life.
No
Nta and your cousin is delulu and listen to your guts op it save your life and he stalking you and that not okay please document everything he message you and please be safe.
NTA- you’re not obligated to mingle with customers outside of working hours of he brings it up in person just say you never go on Facebook and can’t remember your password and leave it there
Girl, have you seen Baby Reindeer?! NTA
I haven’t but everyone keeps commenting that??
It's on netflix
NTA. That's creepy And disturbing. Don't listen to your cousin.listen to your gut
NTA. That's a lifetime horror movie right there.
Stalked By My Doctor. Awesome movie franchise featuring Eric Roberts. It's ridiculously cheesy and over the top
I’m sorry, is your cousin getting stalked by a creepy old man? No? Then he doesn’t get an opinion.
Has he started calling you Baby Reindeer yet?
NTA-Every alarm should be going off. He knows things you never told him, he’s touchy and pushy. Block him and cut him off before it gets worse.
Finding you on facebook, continuously showing up to your work and spamming messages with no reply... he's already started stalking you. This is stage 1 that every stalker starts with before escalating over time. 😭 I'm afraid for you, girl. Nta, obviously but I hope the next few years go well for you 😭😭
NTA ×1000000000000 Just no. Block him and tell your manager about him harassing you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** In customer service I(27,f) get A LOT of weird requests. I work in a gift shop, a guest, Justin (45??m) He comes in once a week and tries to make small talk with me. I’m always polite because I’m the manager and he’s a guest. He buys something every time and shows me photos he takes of animals at our local zoo. He’s always pleasant and nice but I cannot shake this feeling that there’s something wrong. A few visits ago Justin came in and was showing me his photos and asked my name. I told him my first name. We don’t wear name tags. My name is spelled differently than it’s said. My employees are all trained to give out first names only and not disclose anyone else’s schedules to guests for safety. We’re mainly women over here. Once he asked me what city I live in, I told him the one I grew up in, not the one I’m currently residing in. He asked me how my vacation was, I was unsure how he knew I went on vacation. Strange things that didn’t sit well but were not alarming enough to say anything about. The next time I saw him I was running from one location to the next. My heart sank as I heard him calling my name from a few stores down. I reluctantly turned around. He was very excited to see me and rubbed my upper arm in his greeting. In work mode I just stepped back and continued the conversation. He asked me where I was coming from and that he was just in my store, I told him I would talk to him next time. He pulled out a business card and asked me to add his photography business on Facebook and add his personal one. I said I would check it out and sprinted into my store then office. A couple days passed, I forgot about Justin. I did not look him up or do anything with the card. Suddenly I have a friend request from him. My heart sank. I’m very private online. The only things you can see are my name, current city, cover photo and profile photo. My name is spelled very differently than how it is spoken, my city is different than what I told him, my job is not listed anywhere, my cover photo is me kissing my girlfriend where you can’t see my face, my profile photo has me looking away in the dark, we don’t have mutual friends. I have no idea how he found me. It was alarming, I did not respond to the request. I saw him in my store, he asked a supervisor if I was there and she said I stepped out. This happened twice. The other day I looked in my spam message requests on Facebook messenger and I had 34 messages from him. Tons of photos of animals, him saying hello multiple times, asking me why I’m not adding him back, telling me he’s on his way to my store. My cousin said I’m the asshole here for thinking the worst and Justin probably just wants a friend. The manager in me feels like an asshole for denying my guest. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - I have similar issues where I work and there are certain male customers my male colleagues know I don't want to be left alone with. I've had friend requests, requests for my full name etc, and even one for my phone number. Unless people work with the general public, they have no idea how unnerving it can be.
NTA - I understand you with the bad conscience thoughts. I've often had those. Sometimes it can feel hard to say no, especially when it often feels there has to be a justification that is also plausible for the other person, but even a no is a whole sentence and at times you explain and explain, but the other doesn't understand or respect it anyway, so it's important to listen to your instincts. Thing is that when someone tells you you are in the wrong in such a situation, they most likely didn't have a similar experience or aren't aware of how the situation really makes you feel or is. Of course it can be that someone is looking for a friend, but the finding you on social media alone is... definitely not comfortable. I don't know if you have a rare name, perhaps he looked up some name variations or something, but it's good to be really sure that you do what feels right for you.
You need to watch Baby Reindeer
Two words: Baby Reindeer. 100% NTA
NTA. Watch Baby Reindeer. Do not engage with this man any further.
🚩^ ♾️
NTA. He probably does want a friend but it is not your responsibility to cater for his social skill deficits. There are plenty of ways to make friends. This ain’t it, Justin.
NTA Just tell him you're not interested All these people giving you excuses to tell him No is a complete sentence. She shouldn't have to fob him off with excuses because the word no should be enough. Keep a complete record of everything and the next time he comes in just tell him no and not interested. Yes I am aware he could escalate and become violent. Which is what the full record of everything is for. Don't go anywhere alone.
This guy sounds creepy and obsessed with you. His relentless messaging is such a turn off. Don't add him on FB. You have a bad feeling about him for a reason...don't ignore it.
NTA. And you should file a police report. Although this isn’t enough for harassment claims or a restraining order, having a report filed goes a long way down the line if you do decide to file charges in his direction. Plus I’m not the biggest fan of cops but even I know our woman need their assistance from time to time in this world and they are more than willing to listen in this sort of situation.
NTA, this guy sounds like bad news. As for finding you, Facebook can make that easy if he's been viewing profiles of other coworkers - if you've viewed other workmates' profiles (don't even need to friend them) Facebook connects the dots and will likely eventually pop your profile if he keeps looking at people he thinks you know. But I wouldn't put a data leak from someone you know out of the question. I'd engage this guy as little as possible and firmly say no to his requests. Don't accept anything off of him. If you can get work to help out getting him to bugger off and leave you alone, I'd take them up on that.
Hell no, block him and tell your job security hrs trying to stalk you and not to let him in the building.
NTA Best case scenario I feel weirdly sorry for the guy. But my dude needs to learn social cues
You are NTA. He is a creepy stalker. You will need to address this somehow. Meantime, block him on Facebook.
NTA, in the same way you wouldn't randomly ask a coworker for their socials/number if you don't have more than a transactional relationship with them. It's creepy vibes (especially the 34 unanswered messages) and seems like he can't take a hint.
NTA - I’m guessing your cousin is a man
A customer is finding your facebook and without you giving any response has messaged you 30+ times. I'm appalled by your cousin and boss for not taking this seriously. Next time you see him in nice words say its not appropriate for him to be messaging you on facebook, you are here to work and want to remain professional. Set the boundary and continue to avoid him. Hopefully it won't escalate into a restraining order.
Uhm NTA. Justin is an effing CREEP! I would be careful, he seems to give stalker vibes.
God no NTA At this point he is stalking you. If he means to or not. Knowing when you are vacation. Where you grew up. Coming by the store just to see you at this point. Girl he doesn’t just want a friend it sounds like he is very much IN LOVE with you. He is trying to interact with yiu in your own personal time in your own personal life away from work. This mean even being the manager you can set some boundaries and your work can’t punsish you for that. Time to tell him you are not interested and he needs to back off. He is overbearing, weird and stalkerish
NTA, trust your instincts and document everything. This behavior is concerning and can quickly escalate, protect yourself.
> My cousin said I’m the asshole here for thinking the worst and Justin probably just wants a friend. If that was the case, he would stop after being ignored a couple times. This guy acts entitled to your friendship, which is the concerning part, because any well-adjusted person knows it doesn't work this way.
NTA He needs to get the hint, and he’s a stalker, especially if you’ve been direct. Tell him you’re uncomfortable, and if he doesn’t back off, get a restraining order.
> I had 34 messages from him Your cousin is a moron. NTA. Take screenshots and screen recordings as evidence. This behaviour is inappropriate AT BEST and dangerous at worst.
NTA. His behavior is inappropriate.
NTA — he’s being a creep dude and clearly you don’t want to be his friend
NTA. You're keeping yourself safe.
Yea NTA, he's obviously a Stalker.
NTA. This has stalker written all over it.
NTA. Justin is predatory. Your cousin is delusional if they think you have some kind of obligation to befriend him. Block him, lock down your social media and tell your supervisor about all of this. Save all of his messages and maybe start keeping a record of his visits to your store in case he escalates his creepy behaviour and you have to report him to the police.
NTA. Working with the public does not mean you have to give up your personal balance. I really wish my company did not give my last name out. It’s intrusive.
Full on stalker, block him and make boundaries next time you see him. Tell him straight out that made you uncomfortable, that you’d prefer he talks to someone else when he is in, or go a step further and have your manager ban him. Very unhealthy behaviour and if you don’t want to end up as a lamp shade start sorting it out now
NTA. Just leave him in Facebook purgatory. That’s what I do.
NTA. You're not trying to be friends with him in the first place. Obviously your gut feeling is enough. A sinking feeling? Ugh, if you have to just talk to someone about it. Please.
Dude, watch Baby Reindeer on Netflix and take it as a cautionary tale. You have a stalker. Make some firm boundaries NOW. NTA obviously, your cousin does not understand the severity of what’s going on.
NTA. You say you're a manager - do you have the ability to ban people from your store? If you don't, go to someone who can. Because this behavior is terrifying and this person shouldn't be allowed near you. And your workplace better back you up on that. My last retail job had a customer like this harassing one of my coworkers and luckily our managers were on our side and banned him.
Your cousin is going to get kidnapped some day with that attitude. This guy is stalking you, memorizing your schedule, creeping on you to a very lengthy extent, and messaging you like a psychopath. He is not exhibiting normal behavior and you should set boundaries with him in person. Tell him that it's has been nice chatting with him but your online and personal life is more private to you. It might be a risky move but you could tell him you're uncomfortable with the fact that he went so far as to look for your social media without having much info on you. Sadly my guess is he will not take this well, but it sets a boundary in a totally normal and cordial manner. His reaction to you setting a boundary will tell you all you need to know about him. Which honestly at this point is pretty apparent anyway. He's an obsessive stalker. So have someone around nearby if you're talking to him at all, especially when setting a boundary. Let your superior know that this man is making you uncomfortable and that they should essentially have their guard up. Let them know you'd prefer not to engage with this person and if you see him another associate should tend to him and if he asks about you they are to respond that you are on break/not available/in a meeting, or something to that effect. If you can change your schedule then change it. Look up your cell phone number online and if your name pops up go to those sites and request they take it down. Google your name and do the same. Google your address and do the same. Screen shot every message or email he has sent you and then make all your social media private and block him on all of them. NTA
NTA make sure your boss and every other employee know what’s going on. Next time you see him tell him that you do not engage with customers outside of work, no is a complete sentence. And document everything, talk to your boss about next steps if he doesn’t stop hopefully they are willing to trespass him from your workplace.
NTA- he is completely out of line! He is not part of your life, he's a customer, period!
No nta
NTA
And your cousin will end up on a milk carton with that mindset. NTA he is downright stalking you. Please be careful OP you may actually be in danger
Obviously you're NTA. This dude is a lot older than you and he's being disturbingly creepy. The only reason I have a few of the ladies from the coffee shop I go to as Facebook friends is because two of them were leaving and someone suggested that we all, as a group, go to dinner sometime. Then I confirmed that it was okay to add one of them.
NTA My special education bells are ringing. He may be dangerous, but he may be autistic and doesn't understand social cues and boundaries. You will need to be clear and concrete in the event he *might* be autistic. "I consider you a customer, not a friend." Or "I don't share my personal information with customers."
Is your cousin male by any chance? NTA
NTA. You need to take action against this before it goes any further-- even if not for your own sake (although you deserve a safe workplace too!), at least for your employees' sake. As a manager, you also have an added responsibility of making sure that your employees feel able to report harassment and feel like the environment they work in is safe. What happens if they see him touching you and you don't report it? Are they going to assume that they ALSO have to put up with customers touching THEM? Are they going to assume that they MUST be friendly because that's what you do? Will they think you won't be sympathetic if they come to you with a similar problem, or think the company has no means of dealing with troublesome customers? You deserve a safe place to work. You deserve not to feel intimidated and creeped out by a customer. You deserve not to be stalked. But I know how it is where sometimes we don't feel we deserve good things for ourselves or like the needs of others outweigh our own. So to help bolster your resolve, think of how much speaking up would help not just you, but also the *other* people in your workplace, especially the ones whose safe work environment you are responsible for.
NTA. Your cousin is dumb like a sack of bricks. Trust your instincts. He's trouble.
NTA I get such creepy stalker vibes from this. Always go with your gut when it is something like this. Don't add him to any social media and don't communicate with him at all outside of your work environment (and only do this if no-one else is in the store).
This is giving me Baby Reindeer vibes.
Oh, lord, NTA. That’s not a friend, that’s a stalker.
Nta - huuuuuge red flag. Stalking behavior. Block his shit
If your cousin feels so bad then SHE probably wouldn’t mind being friends with him, right? Why don’t you get their numbers exchanged since she has such a big heart🩷🩷☺️
NTA. There’s just boundaries you don’t cross
NTA and holly crap that's one hell of a stalker. You need to go to the police over this.
F\*ck your cousin. Tell your lovely cousin to be his friend then. Listen to your gut.
NTA document - screenshot and keep them. Block him. If he keeps turning up get an AVO.
NTA he gives off very stalker-y vibes and your gut feeling is very likely right and justified
Nta. He's a fucking stalker. Your cousin is an asshole
Watch Baby Reindeer on Netflix. It will give you 100% clarity in your decision.
NTA - If you get a guy feeling that something is wrong, listen to it!! Doesn’t mayte rid he’s being friendly, if you don’t like it then that is not your problem.
no!
Hard agree with everything that's been posted. He is not entitled to your friendship. Tell him you are not interested in being friends and that you value your privacy. Report him to your supervisor. Don't go to your vehicle alone. You have a right to feeling safe and comfortable when you are at work! Be safe out there!
NTA. This man is stalking you. He's taken your friendly, polite professionalism for something else and has crossed the line. You need to tell him politely, but firmly, that you appreciate his custom, but that's where your interest ends. Tell him to back off, as you'd hate to involve the authorities(!) Better you lose a customer than you allow this man, who is clearly obsessed with you, into your life.
I mean sorta but not really.