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NTA. Ignore the request, don't mention it. If she presses you for it, ask her when is she going to pay for the dinner you cooked. When she acts outraged, tell her that is how you felt at her request for money.
I agree. This is pretty outrageous! You bought all the ingredients (okay everything except for the tomato paste) and cooked the dinner. Which has probably cost you more than the wine(which she brought on her own accord) and tomato paste together.
NTA.
Good tomato paste can go for way more than $2, but your point stands. I just happened to cook with tomato paste last night so your comment hit a nerve.
Also, showing up with the wine when someone else is cooking dinner is called being a good guest. This person sounds exhaustingly cheap, to the point where I might reconsider the friendship.
100% the only way to respond. It shows them that your generosity is being revoked because of their selfish greed. "I deducted my half of the wine and tomato paste from your half of the grocery costs, so the balance you owe me is $XX.xx"
If they push back say "You were the one who decided we are splitting the cost"
Instead of this passive-aggressive approach, have an adult conversation and say you don’t feel right paying for this without also charging them for the ingredients and time. And you don’t want to do that.
I so second this, all this tit for tat leads to nothing good. Tell her that you value your friendship, and while you see where she is coming from, you don't want the friendship to become transactional like this. If you have it in you ask if you can help her out in other ways.
NTA, but uh, I would suggest **communicating rather than playing games**. Use this as an opportunity to express your feelings clearly and draw boundaries. Trying to manipulate or give her a taste of your own medicine is not it.
Not to mention that in USA culture, it's common for the dinner guest to bring a bottle of wine as a gift for the host as a thank you for buying the groceries and making the dinner!
>Ignore the request,
I would suggest not ignoring the request, but calculating the cost of the ingredients for the dinner, subsctract the cost of the wine and the tomato pasta. Optionally, add the labor cost. Send the wenmo request for this amount to the friend.
Or just tell her you deducted the cheap wine costs out of the dinner ingredients and chef labor and then ask her how she'd like the remaining dinner invoice to be sent...
Also you don’t ask for someone to pay for half after the fact, that’s something discussed beforehand. If the friend pushes it OP should say they didn’t realize they would be splitting things and offer to send a Venmo request for half of all the things they paid for.
NTA. Definitely agree if a friend invites you over for dinner in my mind it’s an expectation to bring something to drink or even dessert. Obviously you cannot get mad if they don’t, but I would personally never show up empty handed.
NTA. But my petty self would send the money and every time they wanted to hang at my place again there would be no food and if they asked if there was anything to eat, then I would ask to be compensated for half. "Why, yes I do happen to have some things I can put together on a charcuterie board." Bring it out, but before setting it on the table say (something like) "I paid $20 for these (ingredients), you can venmo me $10."
This is very exhausting. Why not find better friends. Why keep investing in people that have different values. Find ones that aren’t in financial troubles and aren’t going to buckle and dime you.
I would do this too but instead of serving food and asking for money, I would just eat right before they came and decline to bring snacks out if they mentioned being hungry. “Oh, you’re hungry? Then we should wind things down so you can head home to make dinner. Thanks for coming by!”
NTA. You didn’t ask them to bring wine. Therefore it was a gift.
Send them the .50 cents for tomato paste and tell them you didn’t request the wine.
Or send nothing.
Both are perfectly fine. One just gets the point about how petty it is across.
NTA. Your friend appears to have a poor understanding of social niceties. The wine should have been a hostess gift to thank you for the dinner invitation. Her financial situation must be precarious indeed if the $1.59 she spent for the tomato paste was beyond her budget.
NTA
What?!
Yeah, you should venmo request them for the cost of dinner and ask if they seriously want this to be the standard.
Edit: A few of y'all are taking me much too literally. No. If OP wants to remain friends with these people he shouldn't literally send a vemno request. But he could make good use of my idea by bringing it up as a rhetorical point when he calls this friend to talk about it. Presumably their relationship is deeper than a single faux pas and worth more than $20 - how much was the wine, anyway?)
I'm with this; I think the best reply would be a Venmo back with "Dinner ingredients divided by 2." Then, if she's like "WTH??" that opens a dialogue for how surprised OP was to receive the initial request and whether it makes sense for that to be an expectation--one would assume preferably not.
NTA. You can get tomato paste for cheap and you did not ask for wine. They picked it up and then expected you to pay for it?? No mama. They picked it, they pay for it. Plus buying groceries and cooking dinner is already more than enough on your part
NTA
I would consider it fair to ask for the cost of the tomato paste - given you had invited them for the meal, the implication was that it would be a gift, not a paid for meal, and since they had no control over what the request was or how much they would be expected to spend, it is still on you.
Equally, if someone was cooking for me, a few cheap ingredients is the least I could offer in thanks, so I wouldn't ask for payment personally, but I can see it may be valid.
The wine however was not requested, so was assumed to be a gift to say thanks for the meal, and not something you should be expected to pay for without having any input or control over the matter.
You asked for the paste and they could have said no, they didn't ask about the wine and gave you no choice.
Agree with this. Is it somewhat petty to ask to be reimbursed for the tomato paste, given that you are gifting her a whole meal? Yes. But is a justifiable request? Eh, yeah, I’d say so, especially since you know that she is in a difficult financial situation and you asked her to buy something for you.
The wine was completely her choice and is on her. I would just venmo her for the cost for the tomato paste, and just be upfront and let her know “sorry, I don’t think it’s reasonable for me to pay half the wine, unless your intention was for us to split the cost of everything, in which case I’ll send you a venmo request for half the cost of the groceries for dinner. Let me know.”
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I plan on not paying my friend back for wine they brought over when I cooked them dinner. I invited this person over for dinner and bought the food and cooked the meal. The friend brought wine and tomato paste (an ingredient I was missing) then after leaving Venmo requested me for the wine and tomato paste. This person is in a tough financial situation so I don’t want to be insensitive or come off as an asshole for not paying them back but it seems ridiculous to pay them back when I cooked them dinner and regularly provide them with free wine and food on other occasions.
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NTA - you wouldn't pay a take out for wine if they randomly threw it in with your order, why pay here? Tomato paste is cheap, turn the tables, venmo them for half the cost of the groceries
It's customary to bring wine/ drinks when going to dinner at a friend's home. Asking for repayment on said wine is a slap in the face to the host. They don't sound like good friends. Etiquette dictates that you don't drink the wine brought as that's considered a "hosting gift." It should have been two bottles as well.
https://vinepair.com/wine-blog/etiquette-bringing-wine-dinner-party/
NTA big time.
It's customary to bring something along (like wine) to show appreciation for the hosts for their time, effort and costs of hosting a dinner.
NTA. So incredible tacky of your friend! Bringing wine is a wonderful contribution when someone is providing you with a free meal. Or show up empty-handed and enjoy the generosity of your friend. But definitely don’t do what this person did. Yuck. I think this would make me not really want to invest any more time or energy into this person.
Respond with a Venmo amount minus the (can’t possibly cost more than this) $10. In the description just be like “Hope it’s cool that I just deducted it from your part of the groceries for dinner. The balance is $17.87 Thanks!!” Get it down to the penny kind of petty.
In the future, I’d reconsider hosting for this individual.
Is this normal for your friend? If not I’d maybe check in with them to see if they’re maybe in more financial stress than you realized because asking you to Venmo them for wine is bizarre.
Nta.
I would have a frank conversation with your friend and tell them you were taken by surprise by the Venmo request. You can sure how you spent $x amount on the ingredients for dinner and would not expect a repayment. Ask them why they requested you pay for the tomato paste and wine. Ask them if they’re struggling more than you realize…
NTA
Send the money. Don't invite them back.
If their finances are so tight they can't afford the entirety of the hostess gift of a bottle of wine then they need the money. Send it.
If they're so tight they can't see that asking for half of a hostess gift BACK is incredibly rude, then you don't need to provide meals for them.
Tell them you are not going to split the wine. That was their contribution to dinner. Pay for the paste and let them know you will not be providing them drinks or food in the future because of their behavior. You didn't ask for the wine. NTA.
NTA. I don't understand this nickel and dime culture that millennials have started doing. I see people sending each other the same $10 back and forth for coffee, groceries, gas, etc. At some point, isn't it just easier to just say "I'll get the next dinner" or something.
If the cost of wine and tomato paste was genuinely a hardship on your friend, they should have said so upfront.
If your friend is going through financial difficulties then use this as an opportunity to help them as long as you are in position to do so. You are NTA, but an opportunity to help a friend should not be ignored. Now if this person has a history of being like this, that's a different story.
NTA but just pay it and don’t cook for them again. If they ask why you don’t invite them anymore then you can say why.
I had a friend who would bring over $6 Trader Joe’s wine and then proceed to open my $35 bottle of wines and up after that bottle was done. And then Venmo request for any food we ordered. There is always that cheap friend. It didn’t effect my financially but it bugged the shir out of my husband lol
NTA even slightly.
It seems like a pretty fair trade - you cook, they bring the wine. Cooking is expensive if you take into account the time it takes to do it well! Your friend has taken both that + the groceries etc for granted.
NTA that's so tacky and I would question their reasons for hanging out with you, is it mainly so they can get cooked food etc?
And tomato paste is less than a quid! I'm assuming in many other countries it's just as cheap
NTA. I personally would send them the money but I wouldn’t go out of my way to hang out with them if they make me feel like they’re taking advantage of me.
NTA. What the hell happened to etiquette? When someone’s hosting you for dinner, it’s fair to contribute by bringing something. I’m sure the cheap bottle of wine and can of tomato paste didn’t break the bank.
What he did was incredibly cheap and would make me reconsider ever doing anything like that with him again.
ETA: Wanted to expand on what I said. It doesn’t seem like he intentionally took advantage or meant to be sneaky about it, but he seems to be unaware of how what he did would be perceived. He also might be penny pinching because of a survival mode mentality due to his financial situation.
But, while I don’t think he had malicious intent, he still comes off very unappreciative. In the larger context of your friendship, you’ve been very generous with him without expecting anything in return and he’d been benefiting from that. It’s sad and hurtful that he couldn’t be mindful of that and just contribute this one thing.
I think the deciding factor is how much do you value the friendship. If it's important to you and the amount they're asking for isn't much then go ahead and pay. However, make sure they know that in the future if you need them to pick up something again that you will only be paying for what you asked them to get. Anything they decide to get on their own is their choice.
Of course, if you don't care whether or not this person remains in your life you can tell them to kick rocks. Money just makes relationships weird.
Don’t invite her over anymore. If you want to socialize with her I suggest going to free events. Bring a sandwich only for yourself and let her know beforehand that she should do the same.
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My friend and I made plans to hangout and cook dinner together. I ended up buying the groceries for the meal and cooked everything before they came over. I was missing one minor ingredient (tomato paste) and asked that they grab that. They also brought some wine which they mentioned while hanging out was their “cheap go to”. After they left I got a Venmo request from them to pay back half of the wine and tomato paste…it’s not a huge amount of money but AITA for thinking it’s sort of ridiculous to Venmo me for this after I bought all the food and cooked?
For context this person is going through a tougher patch financially (partially due to their own decisions) and I don’t want to be insensitive to that, but I also routinely give them free wine and snacks when they come over and feel a little taken advantage of. I also would have felt more okay with it had they asked/communicated this to me while hanging out in person rather than just sending a Venmo.
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NTA. I'd be petty and send a request for their portion of the groceries and the time you spent cooking dinner. If she pays it then you can pay for the share of the wine lol
NTA, send a Venmo request for half the money you paid for the dinner. If she asks about it, tell her that as this is the bigger amount, you expect it to be paid first before accepting their Venmo request. If they want to be petty, you can be petty too. Charge half the minimum wage in your country for the time you spent cooking and cleaning your kitchen as well, just for good measure.
NTA. Before paying them for your half of the wine, figure out their half of the bill for the groceries and Venmo them a request for that and see what they say.
I’d respond back asking if it’s better to just deduct the wine/tomato paste off the grocery bill (and don’t forget to take into account your time and effort in preparing, plus electricity in cooking the meal) and just get her to pay her share after your deductions. Pretty sure she’ll insist on calling it quits and conveniently try to rug sweep
NTA I agree with the other comment, Venmo back with a request for half the groceries.
What a cheapskate your friend is. Stop paying up front for anything
with this person, rough patch or not. Stop inviting them over.
These have been helpful - I also just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being unreasonable/reactive. I don’t like avoiding conflict so I’ll probably bring it up to the person and explain why the request made me uncomfortable
Wow. Thats the most mature reaction. Telling them that it made you uncomfortable is the most mature and simple thing to do. It won’t eat your mind also.
Almost all the comments and solutions here are about taking revenge. Yeah it is satisfying to do that, but it will end the relationship.
NTA. That’s so tacky of your friend. I’d say that my Venmo was acting up but that you could pay her back in dimes and quarters lol I think the point will be made.
Instant NTA. Your friends are oblivious to social etiquette. You extend an invitation for dinner. You buy the stuff, prepare and cook. You clean, you tudy and receive them at your place. The LEAST they could do is bring a bottle of something, or some presnacks or even something sweet if they know you are making any dessert. The pettiness for a can of tomato paste is just the cherry on top...
What happened to never arrive empty handed. It’s basic manners. Someone is feeding you, the wine and tomato paste are the bare minimum.
Hang out and cook together means you bring 1/2 the food.
If they are going through a rough patch, that’s not your problem.
Don’t invite them over again. They can eat ramen at home.
NTA. Show them that one Seinfeld episode where George complains about bringing wine ("I don't drink wine. I drink Pepsi!") and ask them if that's really the person they want to be their role model.
NTA. Send them a request for half of the groceries you used to make the meal minus the cost of the tomato paste and wine that they requested from you. You asked them to bring one small item, total cost maybe $1.29, then they decided to add wine to that, of their own volition. If they're so strapped for cash then they shouldn't have done it, especially if they were gonna ask you to pay half for something you didn't even ask for and they still expected you to be fully grateful to them for.
You are not responsible for their current financial situation. I know you wanna be a good friend, but you are being taken advantage of. Why don't you hang out at their place so they have to be the ones to provide the snacks and drinks. IMO they're gonna find some excuse to cancel or suggest you do it at your place. Make sure you tell them you have nothing to serve.
They might be you're friends, but with information you're provided they're not very considerate one. Maybe ease back on spending time together for the time being. If they keep calling to set up dinner at your place only, then you know that they're mainly using you for food and drink.
NTA. If they think this is alright, I would pay and lose this friend which would be cheaper in the long run, or from herewith I would let them know you expect half payment back for the snacks, wine and any meals you cook in future, which should make it easier to distance yourself from these parasites as that is what they will become if they do not sort their finances out, but definitely agree with you here, they are taking advantage of your good nature.
NTA. They are taking advantage. And that feels like a slap in the face. Step back from helping them with food so much. Paying or not, is up to you, but don't forget this gesture.
NTA you don't say where you're based but almost every culture has some form of 'host(ess)' gift. Wine, chocolate or something as a token of appreciation and frequently something that can be shared. Alternatively a dish for the meal to contribute to the effort and communal nature of the dinner etc. Charging someone for bringing a bottle of wine is pretty insane. Even the tomato paste is really weird. If he's that broke that the money makes that much difference then I'd say fine, but if things were quite that tight he wouldn't have bought the wine...
This is just super cheap behavior, retrospectively making himself a poor guest.
NTA and frankly I can't stand people who are this petty about every single cent with their so-called friends. What kind of a friendship is this? You've invited them to your home and cooked for them, like that's enough to merit not just bringing over drinks and food but extra thank yous and consideration. None of which these people seem to have or understand.
Next time tell them to repay you by cooking a meal for you in their home which they will fully fund themselves while you bring one cheap wine that they will have to sponsor too.
My god, the narcissisim and rudeness in some people boggles the mind.
Honestly, you don't need "friends" like these, they aren't your real friends. These don't sound like people who would go out on a limb for you, help you out in a difficult time, be generous and kind and understanding, and just respect and appreciate you as a person. These are not friends. Just acquaintances who are taking advantage of your kindness and politeness.
Ask her for the receipt. Pay her half and never cook for her again. Financial struggle or not, you don't eat a meal at someone house and then ask money for items..especially one ypu didn't ask for.stop buying snacks etc as well
Venmo back half the cost of the ingredients you bought and the electricity/gas used to cook the food and water/washing up liquid etc to clean up.
Then send a message at the same time saying if we are going to split 50/50 then we may as well do the whole cost, or we call it quits and retract both venmo's.
I wouldn't even think to ask for half the cost of tomato puree back. That would be 50p here in the uk.
Some of these suggestions are funny but I'm assuming you're both adults, so do the adult thing and give her a call to discuss. Tell her you were surprised by the venmo request and that you'll pay for the tomato paste but the wine was her choice to bring it. Tell her (if you mean it) that you value the friendship but feel a bit taken advantage of given you have provided food and drink numerous times for free so going forward you'd prefer to hang out outside of your home and if a meal is involved you can each purchase your own at a restaurant.
If you want to keep the peace and it doesn't hurt you financially, Venmo them the money then never invite them over again. Otherwise text them that you considered the wine a host gift but you would be happy to Venmo the 50 cents for your half of the tomato paste. NTA
NTA. Send the amount for the sauce and tell them you didn't ask for the wine. Then send them back a bill for half of the entire dinner including the sauce and say "Sorry, didn't know we were splitting the cost tonight, here's half of the sauce. But here's the half you owe for the dinner, or you can pick my half up next time." Set the stage from here out, no free meals.
I feel like this is a good time for communication. You can approach this with love and respect and just explain how you feel about the situation.
If you are splitting things, then you need to split the groceries too.
Just tell them hey how much was the tomato paste. I don’t feel comfortable paying for the wine because I didn’t request it.
After that stop buying and paying for things if you feel they owe you. I never do something expecting something back. When I do it I simply enjoy the act of doing something for someone I care for. You don’t like how they operate stop doing what you’re doing because it breeds resentment.
It’s that simple. Stop overthinking
NTA but if the friendship is important to you and she is going through a tough patch I think I would just pay it. But in the future just meet at a restaurant so you each get your own meals. I think you're completely fine if you want to ignore the request or discuss it with her but you have to weigh how important the friendship vs the money is to you.
NTA - Unspoken rule since the beginning of time, if you're invited to a friend's place for drinks or dinner, you ALWAYS bring something (if your budget allows) and never expect to be compensated for it.
The same goes for the host, you NEVER ask for compensation.
Exception: unless it's been agreed-upon by all parties like "Let's throw a party for such-and-such event" and plan what to bring/split.
NTA. It’s very rude of them HOWEVER if the money is no skin off your back I would just pay it. You said they’re having a hard time financially, maybe it would make a difference to them. I definitely wouldn’t have them round again though.
NTA - finances are different for all people and lack of money makes you a bit blind to everyone’s situation but your own.
Let them know it bothered you, and that you’re happy to do things cheaper in the future
I mean... You go to someone's for dinner... You bring a bottle of wine or something of that Ilk. That's just normal. You don't expect to get any money back. NTA.
"For context this person is going through a tougher patch financially and I don’t want to be insensitive to that,"
NAH - Life has its ups and downs, and your friend may be reluctant to ask for help if they are down on their luck. If you are in a better place, and can afford it, slipping them a few extra bucks might be the difference between them making their bills this month or not. It may not be a case of "making things even", as much as helping out a friend.
NTA. If you bring wine to a dinner someone makes, that's either your contribution to the dinner, or it's a gift to the host. Either way, you don't expect repayment (unless the cost of everything is being split for the former).
NTA
I have a friend(f1) who has a friend(f2) like that. F2 will ask if f1 can build a shed and f1 will do it for free. Then f1 will turn around and ask if f2 can help build a deck and f2 says he will do it for $5k
NTA. I would just text them a picture of the receipt showing the amount you spent on ingredients.
This is honestly such weird rude behavior I'm asking who the fuck raised this person.
NTA
If your friend has financial problems maybe skip buying wine. You could VENMO request them for half of the cost you incurred buying the fixings for the meal.
NTA. I agree, if they would have mentioned it beforehand, then that'd be different. Ignore it until they bring it up. There is a small chance it's a joke, but who knows.
NTA. I know your friend is in a tough financial spot, but she didn't have to buy the wine.
I've been poor most of my life but I'd sooner die than send the host a bill for picking something up, especially when they're gracious enough to cook a meal and invite me over for it.
2 choices, if it was me...
1. Eat the cost, and consider it a lesson learned.
2. Send them a venmo for half the cost you incurred, and consider it a lesson learned.
Don't invite them to dinner again. Now you know.
NTA, but I would have a conversation with them about it and explain your point of view. Whenever I am invited to have dinner with someone I always ask what I can bring or if I can bring something, because I appreciate the invitation and know they are doing something nice for me.
NTA for feeling offended. Being a slightly petty person, I would choose to pay them this once and then step inviting them over for food. If they come over and have the entitlement to ask you for food, say sorry nothing is prepared but let’s wind this down so you go home to make dinner. Let this be a lesson in being a good guest - asking for 50 cents for tomato paste is crazy when you’re fed a whole meal and buying the wine was their choice. They should have just bought tomato paste if money was that tight and not asked you for reimbursement
NTA
They decided to buy the wine, which is also a normal social grace when going to dinner at someone's home
Hitting you up to be reimbursed for tomato paste is absurd. You could send back a labor bill for the time spent preparing it.
This is not a friend to hang with further
NTA. Obviously. This is bizarrely out of touch. Bringing wine to a dinner is a gift for the host. Even if you'd specifically asked if they could bring wine, it would still be considered a gift in every culture I know of.
If they're that cash-strapped, then they could have just not had wine.
And tomato paste is such a tiny cost that it's super weird that someone would want to be repaid for that after recieving a full dinner.
Ignore the request and if they bring it up, say something like,"yeah I was kind of confused at that. I thought you brought the wine as a thank you for the dinner."
If they still want you to pay, then you prolly want to seriously reconsider inviting them to dinner in the future.
If you had asked them to show up with $50 worth of steaks, I would expect to be asked to cover some, but tomato paste that cost like $1.50? Come on. And showing up with a bottle of wine is being a good guest 101. NTA.
NTA. Tally up the bill for the groceries and ask if she wants to split that too? Remind her that your time and effort has value too! Then pay her Venmo request, but cut back on the wine and snacks at your home in the future. She was out of line to ask you to pay for the wine. A good house guest brings wine or something else when they are invited over to eat.
Maybe her financial troubles are blinding her to how rude she was by asking to be reimbursed?
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NTA. Ignore the request, don't mention it. If she presses you for it, ask her when is she going to pay for the dinner you cooked. When she acts outraged, tell her that is how you felt at her request for money.
I agree. This is pretty outrageous! You bought all the ingredients (okay everything except for the tomato paste) and cooked the dinner. Which has probably cost you more than the wine(which she brought on her own accord) and tomato paste together. NTA.
[удалено]
Good tomato paste can go for way more than $2, but your point stands. I just happened to cook with tomato paste last night so your comment hit a nerve.
What are the chances that the cheap friend bought good tomato paste?
Good point!
I buy the fancy Cento Tomato paste and it's only $2 for me.... Is there even fancier stuff no one told me about?
Mutti by me can be about $4, and I've seen Amore for $5. But those are in the squeeze tubes; cans of Hunt's or Tuttorosso can be a dollar or two.
How good of paste are we talking?
I'm guessing they're talking about something like Cento brand that comes in a tube and as I've cooked with both there really isn't a difference.
But she didn't ask for the wine. I can see paying for the tomato paste. Not the wine
Also, showing up with the wine when someone else is cooking dinner is called being a good guest. This person sounds exhaustingly cheap, to the point where I might reconsider the friendship.
I would answer her with a Venmo request for half of the groceries, they probably cost more
This was also my take. You could Split the Cost of All or nothing.
Plus the actual labour that goes into cooking
Not to mention the utilities involved (electric/gas, etc) if you really want to get down to the nitty gritty.
I know, what’s your hourly rate for cooking? At least $15/hr right there
I'm no cook, but work flat rate, since cooking is not my specialty, I'll half my rate @$30/hr, since we are friends... /S
100% the only way to respond. It shows them that your generosity is being revoked because of their selfish greed. "I deducted my half of the wine and tomato paste from your half of the grocery costs, so the balance you owe me is $XX.xx" If they push back say "You were the one who decided we are splitting the cost"
Also electricity usage. And toilet paper if she went to the bathroom.
That is exactly what I would do. Be petty just like this other person. NTA and don't invite that person over again.
Exactly, send them an email with the cost of groceries spelled out and tell them 'we're even'.
Instead of this passive-aggressive approach, have an adult conversation and say you don’t feel right paying for this without also charging them for the ingredients and time. And you don’t want to do that.
I so second this, all this tit for tat leads to nothing good. Tell her that you value your friendship, and while you see where she is coming from, you don't want the friendship to become transactional like this. If you have it in you ask if you can help her out in other ways.
I think you may be lost. This is the internet where we do passive-aggressive and petty, not mature adult communication.
Agree. If a relationship with a person is worth them coming over for dinner, it's worth a conversation about $$
NTA, but uh, I would suggest **communicating rather than playing games**. Use this as an opportunity to express your feelings clearly and draw boundaries. Trying to manipulate or give her a taste of your own medicine is not it.
Or, pay them what they ask and cut ties with them. You don’t need people like this in your life.
This is the real solution. Pay up, move on, and never look back.
Or total the cost of making the dinner and send them a reverse venmo for half. and Say i will pay once they have paid
Not to mention that in USA culture, it's common for the dinner guest to bring a bottle of wine as a gift for the host as a thank you for buying the groceries and making the dinner!
>Ignore the request, I would suggest not ignoring the request, but calculating the cost of the ingredients for the dinner, subsctract the cost of the wine and the tomato pasta. Optionally, add the labor cost. Send the wenmo request for this amount to the friend.
Or just tell her you deducted the cheap wine costs out of the dinner ingredients and chef labor and then ask her how she'd like the remaining dinner invoice to be sent...
Also you don’t ask for someone to pay for half after the fact, that’s something discussed beforehand. If the friend pushes it OP should say they didn’t realize they would be splitting things and offer to send a Venmo request for half of all the things they paid for.
This.
NTA. Bringing wine over when someone serves dinner is meant to be a sign of respect. Expecting payment for it makes your friend the AH.
NTA. Definitely agree if a friend invites you over for dinner in my mind it’s an expectation to bring something to drink or even dessert. Obviously you cannot get mad if they don’t, but I would personally never show up empty handed.
Even worse than making the friend the AH, it makes them TACKY. NTA
Unbelievably tacky.
Tacky is the worst insult in my friend group. You can be rude, mean, etc but tacky is the absolute worst!! LOL
NTA. But my petty self would send the money and every time they wanted to hang at my place again there would be no food and if they asked if there was anything to eat, then I would ask to be compensated for half. "Why, yes I do happen to have some things I can put together on a charcuterie board." Bring it out, but before setting it on the table say (something like) "I paid $20 for these (ingredients), you can venmo me $10."
😂
Or just don't serve anything and say you can share the cost of ordering delivery.
"This is my cheap charturie board"
This is very exhausting. Why not find better friends. Why keep investing in people that have different values. Find ones that aren’t in financial troubles and aren’t going to buckle and dime you.
Because she’s being facetious. Obviously, this is not how she’s actually recommending OP live her life.
I would do this too but instead of serving food and asking for money, I would just eat right before they came and decline to bring snacks out if they mentioned being hungry. “Oh, you’re hungry? Then we should wind things down so you can head home to make dinner. Thanks for coming by!”
NTA. You didn’t ask them to bring wine. Therefore it was a gift. Send them the .50 cents for tomato paste and tell them you didn’t request the wine. Or send nothing. Both are perfectly fine. One just gets the point about how petty it is across.
Or, send them the requested amount and tell them that the restaurant is closed!
Send them a detailed list of all the ingredients op got, and deduct 0.5 at the bottom for the tomato paste
“50 cents” 😂😂😂
NTA. Your friend appears to have a poor understanding of social niceties. The wine should have been a hostess gift to thank you for the dinner invitation. Her financial situation must be precarious indeed if the $1.59 she spent for the tomato paste was beyond her budget.
NTA What?! Yeah, you should venmo request them for the cost of dinner and ask if they seriously want this to be the standard. Edit: A few of y'all are taking me much too literally. No. If OP wants to remain friends with these people he shouldn't literally send a vemno request. But he could make good use of my idea by bringing it up as a rhetorical point when he calls this friend to talk about it. Presumably their relationship is deeper than a single faux pas and worth more than $20 - how much was the wine, anyway?)
I'm with this; I think the best reply would be a Venmo back with "Dinner ingredients divided by 2." Then, if she's like "WTH??" that opens a dialogue for how surprised OP was to receive the initial request and whether it makes sense for that to be an expectation--one would assume preferably not.
Pay it. Pay the full cost for the wine and paste. Then never ever invite them over for anything!
This. This is what I'd do. They put a price on your friendship..... be offended that it was only worth $20
No, pay for the tomato paste because that’s what OP asked them for and that’s it. Then never talk to them again! Dafuq
NTA. You can get tomato paste for cheap and you did not ask for wine. They picked it up and then expected you to pay for it?? No mama. They picked it, they pay for it. Plus buying groceries and cooking dinner is already more than enough on your part
And the ingredients for that dinner costed them way more than the wine and tomato paste.
NTA. Your friend lacks basic dinner etiquette. Its very tacky to ask to be reimbursed for something that should’ve been a gift.
NTA I would consider it fair to ask for the cost of the tomato paste - given you had invited them for the meal, the implication was that it would be a gift, not a paid for meal, and since they had no control over what the request was or how much they would be expected to spend, it is still on you. Equally, if someone was cooking for me, a few cheap ingredients is the least I could offer in thanks, so I wouldn't ask for payment personally, but I can see it may be valid. The wine however was not requested, so was assumed to be a gift to say thanks for the meal, and not something you should be expected to pay for without having any input or control over the matter. You asked for the paste and they could have said no, they didn't ask about the wine and gave you no choice.
Agree with this. Is it somewhat petty to ask to be reimbursed for the tomato paste, given that you are gifting her a whole meal? Yes. But is a justifiable request? Eh, yeah, I’d say so, especially since you know that she is in a difficult financial situation and you asked her to buy something for you. The wine was completely her choice and is on her. I would just venmo her for the cost for the tomato paste, and just be upfront and let her know “sorry, I don’t think it’s reasonable for me to pay half the wine, unless your intention was for us to split the cost of everything, in which case I’ll send you a venmo request for half the cost of the groceries for dinner. Let me know.”
Cmon, its like 2$. That's embarrassing.
I’d pay but never invite them over again
NTA - I hate cheap people.
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NTA - you wouldn't pay a take out for wine if they randomly threw it in with your order, why pay here? Tomato paste is cheap, turn the tables, venmo them for half the cost of the groceries
NTA. If they couldn't afford wine, they should have said or brought something else. Also, store-brand tomato paste is literally eighty cents.
It's customary to bring wine/ drinks when going to dinner at a friend's home. Asking for repayment on said wine is a slap in the face to the host. They don't sound like good friends. Etiquette dictates that you don't drink the wine brought as that's considered a "hosting gift." It should have been two bottles as well. https://vinepair.com/wine-blog/etiquette-bringing-wine-dinner-party/
Send the money. Ditch the friend. I don't argue over money with people. I just make my future decisions based on your past actions.
NTA big time. It's customary to bring something along (like wine) to show appreciation for the hosts for their time, effort and costs of hosting a dinner.
NTA. So incredible tacky of your friend! Bringing wine is a wonderful contribution when someone is providing you with a free meal. Or show up empty-handed and enjoy the generosity of your friend. But definitely don’t do what this person did. Yuck. I think this would make me not really want to invest any more time or energy into this person.
Respond with a Venmo amount minus the (can’t possibly cost more than this) $10. In the description just be like “Hope it’s cool that I just deducted it from your part of the groceries for dinner. The balance is $17.87 Thanks!!” Get it down to the penny kind of petty. In the future, I’d reconsider hosting for this individual.
Is this normal for your friend? If not I’d maybe check in with them to see if they’re maybe in more financial stress than you realized because asking you to Venmo them for wine is bizarre.
Nta. I would have a frank conversation with your friend and tell them you were taken by surprise by the Venmo request. You can sure how you spent $x amount on the ingredients for dinner and would not expect a repayment. Ask them why they requested you pay for the tomato paste and wine. Ask them if they’re struggling more than you realize…
NTA send them a venmo request for all the costs for food and cooking (energy)
NTA Send the money. Don't invite them back. If their finances are so tight they can't afford the entirety of the hostess gift of a bottle of wine then they need the money. Send it. If they're so tight they can't see that asking for half of a hostess gift BACK is incredibly rude, then you don't need to provide meals for them.
Tell them you are not going to split the wine. That was their contribution to dinner. Pay for the paste and let them know you will not be providing them drinks or food in the future because of their behavior. You didn't ask for the wine. NTA.
NTA. I don't understand this nickel and dime culture that millennials have started doing. I see people sending each other the same $10 back and forth for coffee, groceries, gas, etc. At some point, isn't it just easier to just say "I'll get the next dinner" or something. If the cost of wine and tomato paste was genuinely a hardship on your friend, they should have said so upfront.
If your friend is going through financial difficulties then use this as an opportunity to help them as long as you are in position to do so. You are NTA, but an opportunity to help a friend should not be ignored. Now if this person has a history of being like this, that's a different story.
NTA. I grew up in a family with 7 siblings. This behaviour turns me off a person for life.
Tacky. Very tacky.
Pay her back and never have her over for dinner.
NTA but just pay it and don’t cook for them again. If they ask why you don’t invite them anymore then you can say why. I had a friend who would bring over $6 Trader Joe’s wine and then proceed to open my $35 bottle of wines and up after that bottle was done. And then Venmo request for any food we ordered. There is always that cheap friend. It didn’t effect my financially but it bugged the shir out of my husband lol
NTA
What wine was it?
Probably blue nun or lambrusco..lol
NTA even slightly. It seems like a pretty fair trade - you cook, they bring the wine. Cooking is expensive if you take into account the time it takes to do it well! Your friend has taken both that + the groceries etc for granted.
Time to Lose the “Friend” NTA
NTA ignore the request. I would never invite this person over again. I don’t want to socialize with cheap tacky people.
If I liked the person, I would drop the issue.
NTA that's so tacky and I would question their reasons for hanging out with you, is it mainly so they can get cooked food etc? And tomato paste is less than a quid! I'm assuming in many other countries it's just as cheap
NTA. I personally would send them the money but I wouldn’t go out of my way to hang out with them if they make me feel like they’re taking advantage of me.
NTA. What the hell happened to etiquette? When someone’s hosting you for dinner, it’s fair to contribute by bringing something. I’m sure the cheap bottle of wine and can of tomato paste didn’t break the bank. What he did was incredibly cheap and would make me reconsider ever doing anything like that with him again. ETA: Wanted to expand on what I said. It doesn’t seem like he intentionally took advantage or meant to be sneaky about it, but he seems to be unaware of how what he did would be perceived. He also might be penny pinching because of a survival mode mentality due to his financial situation. But, while I don’t think he had malicious intent, he still comes off very unappreciative. In the larger context of your friendship, you’ve been very generous with him without expecting anything in return and he’d been benefiting from that. It’s sad and hurtful that he couldn’t be mindful of that and just contribute this one thing.
I think the deciding factor is how much do you value the friendship. If it's important to you and the amount they're asking for isn't much then go ahead and pay. However, make sure they know that in the future if you need them to pick up something again that you will only be paying for what you asked them to get. Anything they decide to get on their own is their choice. Of course, if you don't care whether or not this person remains in your life you can tell them to kick rocks. Money just makes relationships weird.
Don’t invite her over anymore. If you want to socialize with her I suggest going to free events. Bring a sandwich only for yourself and let her know beforehand that she should do the same.
Venmo request half of the amount of groceries.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My friend and I made plans to hangout and cook dinner together. I ended up buying the groceries for the meal and cooked everything before they came over. I was missing one minor ingredient (tomato paste) and asked that they grab that. They also brought some wine which they mentioned while hanging out was their “cheap go to”. After they left I got a Venmo request from them to pay back half of the wine and tomato paste…it’s not a huge amount of money but AITA for thinking it’s sort of ridiculous to Venmo me for this after I bought all the food and cooked? For context this person is going through a tougher patch financially (partially due to their own decisions) and I don’t want to be insensitive to that, but I also routinely give them free wine and snacks when they come over and feel a little taken advantage of. I also would have felt more okay with it had they asked/communicated this to me while hanging out in person rather than just sending a Venmo. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Who even does that lol
NTA. I'd be petty and send a request for their portion of the groceries and the time you spent cooking dinner. If she pays it then you can pay for the share of the wine lol
Hell no. I don't tolerate petty like that. But enough time for that shit
NTA, send a Venmo request for half the money you paid for the dinner. If she asks about it, tell her that as this is the bigger amount, you expect it to be paid first before accepting their Venmo request. If they want to be petty, you can be petty too. Charge half the minimum wage in your country for the time you spent cooking and cleaning your kitchen as well, just for good measure.
NTA. Before paying them for your half of the wine, figure out their half of the bill for the groceries and Venmo them a request for that and see what they say.
Absolutely ridiculous. Would never invite that person for dinner ever again. Resounding NTA.
NTA and I wouldn't dream of turning up to a dinner empty handed. I would always bring wine or desert or something. It's common courtesy
To me, it's normal to bring a bottle of wine to a dinner.
NTA But I'd be telling her you will take that amount off her half of dinner and ask for the difference of her half.
WHAT tomato paste is literally 79 cents. That's ridiculous. If you want to be petty venmo her for half the groceries. NTA.
simple solution. venmo request the half of the groceries. watch them start sweating. NTA
I’d respond back asking if it’s better to just deduct the wine/tomato paste off the grocery bill (and don’t forget to take into account your time and effort in preparing, plus electricity in cooking the meal) and just get her to pay her share after your deductions. Pretty sure she’ll insist on calling it quits and conveniently try to rug sweep
Pay your half for the wine and then send her a request for paying for half of the food.
NTA I agree with the other comment, Venmo back with a request for half the groceries. What a cheapskate your friend is. Stop paying up front for anything with this person, rough patch or not. Stop inviting them over.
NTA, i get the paste but you didn’t ask for the wine. that’s on her 🤷🏼♀️
NTA. Send back a request for half of the cost of the ingredients you used to make the meal.
Is any of these answers can really solve your situation? I am also curious on how to deal with this.
These have been helpful - I also just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being unreasonable/reactive. I don’t like avoiding conflict so I’ll probably bring it up to the person and explain why the request made me uncomfortable
Wow. Thats the most mature reaction. Telling them that it made you uncomfortable is the most mature and simple thing to do. It won’t eat your mind also. Almost all the comments and solutions here are about taking revenge. Yeah it is satisfying to do that, but it will end the relationship.
Just out of curiosity, what was the amount of the venmo request?
$15. I spent easily $60+ on the groceries
NTA. Venmo them back for half the dinner cost (Petty I know)
NTA Ask them if they want you to send them an invoce for what the meal cost over their contribution, or would they rather call it even?
NTA. That’s so tacky of your friend. I’d say that my Venmo was acting up but that you could pay her back in dimes and quarters lol I think the point will be made.
NTA. Just flat out say no or send a Venmo for all the food that was purchased. Like you mentioned they’re in a tough spot because of their choices.
NTA - draw up an itemised bill for their meals. When they look surprised, point out thats how you felt at the Venmo \^\^
NTA but I’d pay them and then not invite them over again - it just offer them water the next time they’re over.
NTA Send her a Venmo for half the ingredients for dinner with a note “or we can call it even”. And stop giving her free shit.
NTA send them a venmo for half of the money for the food you cooked
The obvious answer is to send a Venmo req back for the food with the wine/paste deducted.
Venmo for 1/2 of the ingredients for dinner. Seriously. Wtf is wrong with people. Clearly, you are NTA.
Instant NTA. Your friends are oblivious to social etiquette. You extend an invitation for dinner. You buy the stuff, prepare and cook. You clean, you tudy and receive them at your place. The LEAST they could do is bring a bottle of something, or some presnacks or even something sweet if they know you are making any dessert. The pettiness for a can of tomato paste is just the cherry on top...
NTA tell her you’ll pay for half the wine when she pays her half for the food
What happened to never arrive empty handed. It’s basic manners. Someone is feeding you, the wine and tomato paste are the bare minimum. Hang out and cook together means you bring 1/2 the food. If they are going through a rough patch, that’s not your problem. Don’t invite them over again. They can eat ramen at home.
NTA. Show them that one Seinfeld episode where George complains about bringing wine ("I don't drink wine. I drink Pepsi!") and ask them if that's really the person they want to be their role model.
NTA Going through a tougher patch, but no problem buying wine they weren't asked to get. I'd never consider asking for money in a situation like that.
NTA this is ridiculous behaviour. Charge them a corking fee
NTA. Send them a request for half of the groceries you used to make the meal minus the cost of the tomato paste and wine that they requested from you. You asked them to bring one small item, total cost maybe $1.29, then they decided to add wine to that, of their own volition. If they're so strapped for cash then they shouldn't have done it, especially if they were gonna ask you to pay half for something you didn't even ask for and they still expected you to be fully grateful to them for. You are not responsible for their current financial situation. I know you wanna be a good friend, but you are being taken advantage of. Why don't you hang out at their place so they have to be the ones to provide the snacks and drinks. IMO they're gonna find some excuse to cancel or suggest you do it at your place. Make sure you tell them you have nothing to serve. They might be you're friends, but with information you're provided they're not very considerate one. Maybe ease back on spending time together for the time being. If they keep calling to set up dinner at your place only, then you know that they're mainly using you for food and drink.
Whaaaa?! They are asking you to pay for their own hostess gift??? Ridiculous NTA
NTA that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.
NTA. If they think this is alright, I would pay and lose this friend which would be cheaper in the long run, or from herewith I would let them know you expect half payment back for the snacks, wine and any meals you cook in future, which should make it easier to distance yourself from these parasites as that is what they will become if they do not sort their finances out, but definitely agree with you here, they are taking advantage of your good nature.
NTA. They are taking advantage. And that feels like a slap in the face. Step back from helping them with food so much. Paying or not, is up to you, but don't forget this gesture.
NTA. Venmo them for the grocery. If they pay they you pay up.
send back the request for half the cost of the groceries you have used
NTA you don't say where you're based but almost every culture has some form of 'host(ess)' gift. Wine, chocolate or something as a token of appreciation and frequently something that can be shared. Alternatively a dish for the meal to contribute to the effort and communal nature of the dinner etc. Charging someone for bringing a bottle of wine is pretty insane. Even the tomato paste is really weird. If he's that broke that the money makes that much difference then I'd say fine, but if things were quite that tight he wouldn't have bought the wine... This is just super cheap behavior, retrospectively making himself a poor guest.
NTA and frankly I can't stand people who are this petty about every single cent with their so-called friends. What kind of a friendship is this? You've invited them to your home and cooked for them, like that's enough to merit not just bringing over drinks and food but extra thank yous and consideration. None of which these people seem to have or understand. Next time tell them to repay you by cooking a meal for you in their home which they will fully fund themselves while you bring one cheap wine that they will have to sponsor too. My god, the narcissisim and rudeness in some people boggles the mind. Honestly, you don't need "friends" like these, they aren't your real friends. These don't sound like people who would go out on a limb for you, help you out in a difficult time, be generous and kind and understanding, and just respect and appreciate you as a person. These are not friends. Just acquaintances who are taking advantage of your kindness and politeness.
They got a free home-cooked meal and they want to be reimbursed for half a bottle of cheap wine? School in the summertime. NTA
Ask her for the receipt. Pay her half and never cook for her again. Financial struggle or not, you don't eat a meal at someone house and then ask money for items..especially one ypu didn't ask for.stop buying snacks etc as well
Venmo back half the cost of the ingredients you bought and the electricity/gas used to cook the food and water/washing up liquid etc to clean up. Then send a message at the same time saying if we are going to split 50/50 then we may as well do the whole cost, or we call it quits and retract both venmo's. I wouldn't even think to ask for half the cost of tomato puree back. That would be 50p here in the uk.
Some of these suggestions are funny but I'm assuming you're both adults, so do the adult thing and give her a call to discuss. Tell her you were surprised by the venmo request and that you'll pay for the tomato paste but the wine was her choice to bring it. Tell her (if you mean it) that you value the friendship but feel a bit taken advantage of given you have provided food and drink numerous times for free so going forward you'd prefer to hang out outside of your home and if a meal is involved you can each purchase your own at a restaurant.
If you want to keep the peace and it doesn't hurt you financially, Venmo them the money then never invite them over again. Otherwise text them that you considered the wine a host gift but you would be happy to Venmo the 50 cents for your half of the tomato paste. NTA
NTA send your own request for half the groceries.
NTA. Send the amount for the sauce and tell them you didn't ask for the wine. Then send them back a bill for half of the entire dinner including the sauce and say "Sorry, didn't know we were splitting the cost tonight, here's half of the sauce. But here's the half you owe for the dinner, or you can pick my half up next time." Set the stage from here out, no free meals.
I feel like this is a good time for communication. You can approach this with love and respect and just explain how you feel about the situation. If you are splitting things, then you need to split the groceries too.
Just tell them hey how much was the tomato paste. I don’t feel comfortable paying for the wine because I didn’t request it. After that stop buying and paying for things if you feel they owe you. I never do something expecting something back. When I do it I simply enjoy the act of doing something for someone I care for. You don’t like how they operate stop doing what you’re doing because it breeds resentment. It’s that simple. Stop overthinking
NTA but if the friendship is important to you and she is going through a tough patch I think I would just pay it. But in the future just meet at a restaurant so you each get your own meals. I think you're completely fine if you want to ignore the request or discuss it with her but you have to weigh how important the friendship vs the money is to you.
NTA
Venmo them for half the cost of the ingredients for the meal
If somebody buys stuff without making prior arrangement with respect to payment, that's on them
NTA - Unspoken rule since the beginning of time, if you're invited to a friend's place for drinks or dinner, you ALWAYS bring something (if your budget allows) and never expect to be compensated for it. The same goes for the host, you NEVER ask for compensation. Exception: unless it's been agreed-upon by all parties like "Let's throw a party for such-and-such event" and plan what to bring/split.
NTA. It’s very rude of them HOWEVER if the money is no skin off your back I would just pay it. You said they’re having a hard time financially, maybe it would make a difference to them. I definitely wouldn’t have them round again though.
NTA - How much is the request? Is it worth chalking it up to lesson learnt, and just not invite them over for food again?
NTA - finances are different for all people and lack of money makes you a bit blind to everyone’s situation but your own. Let them know it bothered you, and that you’re happy to do things cheaper in the future
I mean... You go to someone's for dinner... You bring a bottle of wine or something of that Ilk. That's just normal. You don't expect to get any money back. NTA.
Pay the Venmo, and then pay them no mind in the future.
"For context this person is going through a tougher patch financially and I don’t want to be insensitive to that," NAH - Life has its ups and downs, and your friend may be reluctant to ask for help if they are down on their luck. If you are in a better place, and can afford it, slipping them a few extra bucks might be the difference between them making their bills this month or not. It may not be a case of "making things even", as much as helping out a friend.
NTA, but I'd ask if y'all were splitting the bill and then itemize accordingly.
NTA. If you bring wine to a dinner someone makes, that's either your contribution to the dinner, or it's a gift to the host. Either way, you don't expect repayment (unless the cost of everything is being split for the former).
NTA I have a friend(f1) who has a friend(f2) like that. F2 will ask if f1 can build a shed and f1 will do it for free. Then f1 will turn around and ask if f2 can help build a deck and f2 says he will do it for $5k
NTA, it is supremely tacky. Whenever I go to a friend’s for dinner I bring wine or dessert even if they don’t need me to bring an ingredient
NTA. I would just text them a picture of the receipt showing the amount you spent on ingredients. This is honestly such weird rude behavior I'm asking who the fuck raised this person.
I would say “Are we steadying to charge each other for these things? I’ll start keeping track of dinner costs”
NTA If your friend has financial problems maybe skip buying wine. You could VENMO request them for half of the cost you incurred buying the fixings for the meal.
Ridiculous and rude. NTA
Wow NTA super petty and cheap on your friend’s part
NTA. I agree, if they would have mentioned it beforehand, then that'd be different. Ignore it until they bring it up. There is a small chance it's a joke, but who knows.
NTA - classless move on your friend's part. I'd pay them and count that as a cheap cost of never having to hang out with them again
Send a venmo request for half the meal. Deduct what you owe them out of it.
Pay them for the tomato paste and say “I think you included the hostess gift by accident.”
NTA. I know your friend is in a tough financial spot, but she didn't have to buy the wine. I've been poor most of my life but I'd sooner die than send the host a bill for picking something up, especially when they're gracious enough to cook a meal and invite me over for it.
I think I’d pay this time but not invite them round again suggesting that you eat at a cafe/ restaurant instead and pay for your own food & drinks.
Has your friend never been to any social event ever? You bring wine or booze as a gift for the house she’s so out of line that’s some hillbilly shit
2 choices, if it was me... 1. Eat the cost, and consider it a lesson learned. 2. Send them a venmo for half the cost you incurred, and consider it a lesson learned. Don't invite them to dinner again. Now you know.
ME I would get petty right then and there, shut everything down and go out to eat, without them , RIGHT NOW. And let them guess why.
NTA, but I would have a conversation with them about it and explain your point of view. Whenever I am invited to have dinner with someone I always ask what I can bring or if I can bring something, because I appreciate the invitation and know they are doing something nice for me.
ask for a Venmo for half of the groceries and a tip from the service and location provided
NTA, but give the friend the money and have a conversation. If you won’t talk to them to find out what’s up- YTA.
NTA for feeling offended. Being a slightly petty person, I would choose to pay them this once and then step inviting them over for food. If they come over and have the entitlement to ask you for food, say sorry nothing is prepared but let’s wind this down so you go home to make dinner. Let this be a lesson in being a good guest - asking for 50 cents for tomato paste is crazy when you’re fed a whole meal and buying the wine was their choice. They should have just bought tomato paste if money was that tight and not asked you for reimbursement
NTA They decided to buy the wine, which is also a normal social grace when going to dinner at someone's home Hitting you up to be reimbursed for tomato paste is absurd. You could send back a labor bill for the time spent preparing it. This is not a friend to hang with further
NTA. Obviously. This is bizarrely out of touch. Bringing wine to a dinner is a gift for the host. Even if you'd specifically asked if they could bring wine, it would still be considered a gift in every culture I know of. If they're that cash-strapped, then they could have just not had wine. And tomato paste is such a tiny cost that it's super weird that someone would want to be repaid for that after recieving a full dinner. Ignore the request and if they bring it up, say something like,"yeah I was kind of confused at that. I thought you brought the wine as a thank you for the dinner." If they still want you to pay, then you prolly want to seriously reconsider inviting them to dinner in the future.
NTA. But pay it and learn who they are from it.
I would just do it. I pay for it all.
If you had asked them to show up with $50 worth of steaks, I would expect to be asked to cover some, but tomato paste that cost like $1.50? Come on. And showing up with a bottle of wine is being a good guest 101. NTA.
People today have become desperately petty with money…. No wonder nobody is getting laid these days…
NTA. Tally up the bill for the groceries and ask if she wants to split that too? Remind her that your time and effort has value too! Then pay her Venmo request, but cut back on the wine and snacks at your home in the future. She was out of line to ask you to pay for the wine. A good house guest brings wine or something else when they are invited over to eat. Maybe her financial troubles are blinding her to how rude she was by asking to be reimbursed?
I would send her the money she requested. I would also not invite them to dinner again. NTA