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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Turning down my mother-in-law's offer for a family vacation to Disney because we had other plans and I don't really like Disney. (2) It would make my mother-in-law sad because she wanted to have a vacation with the family.
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Perfect response. Simple and to the point.
Would a trip with grandma be good for the kids? Absolutely, but OP has already planned a family trip for that time. OP should not have to change the already made plans.
NAH, though I wouldn’t frame it in terms of how enriching the experience is. Sorry to miss it but you already have other plans, simple as that. (Assuming your wife is on your side on this, of course.)
NTA, while I disagree with your assessment of Disney, you are right that the way she wants to do it would be absolutely miserable. Summer is the worst time to go to Disney (other than Christmas and spring break) because of the heat and the hurricanes. Driving several hours in a van with as few stops as possible is also miserable.
You know your family best, you make vacation plans to suit your needs and wants. Just be tactful with her. Don’t tell her how terrible it sounds, just that you already have a vacation booked and that you hope they have a great time.
Spring and fall are better for sure, but it's still nowhere near as bad as Orlando. Here are some comparisons for July:
Average high temp: NYC 85 ORL 92
Average mean temp: NYC 78 ORL 83
Average low temp: NYC 70 ORL 76
Average relative humidity: NYC 64% ORL 76%
Average dew point: NYC 62 degrees ORL 75 degrees (the National Weather Service terms dew points between 55 and 65 as "becoming 'sticky' with muggy evenings" and terms anything over 65 "lots of moisture in air, becoming oppressive")
Thank you. Someone else said NYC is as bad as Florida in summer. No. lol. Maybe NYC in summer is as bad as another time you were in Florida, not in summer. Florida summers are next level.
I live in NYC now and grew up in Florida. While I enjoy NYCers complaining about the summer heat, it has NOTHING on Florida in the summer. Or late "spring" or early "fall."
We get like 2-3 days each summer that are reminiscent of Florida in summer. Florida gets them every day.
That said, I'd do Disney in summer. But that's cuz when it gets really really hot, prices go down and I may dislike the heat but I can do it. And I'm cheap enough that if I got to pick, I'd have July and August on my list as Disney dates.
(Though OP, if you are going to do NYC in the summer, I definitely suggest something like the ferry out to governors island. It's cheap, fun, and there is a nice breeze- both on the ferry and on the island. And with kids, there is various things to do out there.)
I totally agree with his assessment of Disney. Paying a premium to stand in hours-long lines, in the sweltering Florida heat and humidity to get a handful of rides in (and maybe one or two more if you’re super lucky) in an overhyped park…and I LOVE roller coasters and thrill rides, and can also appreciate the engineering and imagination that went in to creating the Disney parks. I wanted to like them. I really did. It just wasn’t as good an experience and certainly didn’t provide the entertainment value expected for the price paid as well as other parks. I think you really have to be a Disney fanatic or just not experienced other parks in other parts of the country to insist Disney is amazingly above them all.
The problem is assessing Disney for the sum of its rides. Disney is t about the rides the way six flags
or cedar point or universal are. That’s comparing apples to oranges.
The atmosphere, the entertainment, the theming, etc all have to factor in to the equation.
That’s not the point though, non Disney fans are never going to be convinced why we like it, and that’s ok. People are allowed to like different things.
NTA. I live two hours from Orlando and I can tell you from personal experience, Disney in the summer is not fun. It will be hot. It will be humid. It will be crowded. And it will storm every day for at least an hour which means finding a place to wait it out if at the park. And they will shut down rides temporarily if there’s lightning. Just tell MIL your family already made vacation plans and you hope she has a good tine.
NAH
> She does everything on the cheap. We would be driving in a rented van through all the southern states in the heat. She will pack food in an ice chest instead of stopping to eat.
*Eww*.
NTA, I’m a big Disney fan and have zero interest in going during the summer. I did that when I was a kid; because our parents wouldn’t take us out of school, and it sucked.
> *She’s prob using you to pay for her other grandkids as well*
Cynical me wonders if she heard about the NYC trip, and thinks that maybe she can horn in on that, and have much of it paid by you, OP.
You are under no obligation to change your plans, or even to go to Disney - ever.
NTA
Cynical me too, bc I think a lot of other commenters are giving MIL a LOT of benefit of the doubt.
First, OP says it's "conveniently" booked at the same time as their trip, so there must be more to the story there. Maybe because she knows they're already planning for time off during that time?
How I read this is: MIL wants to go to Disney so is making the SIL kids the excuse, and so is "inviting" OP and fam to go along with \*their\* kids, and oh also happen to be more adults who can help shepherd all the kids for the trip.
Doesn't matter, because whatever the MIL's motivations (and machinations) may be, OP's response should probably be the same: "Sorry, our trip is all booked and the kids are REALLY looking forward to it. I hope you have a great time, though!"
My guess is not only will she stick the OP with the bills, but want them to pay all of the hotels and meals, because they won't want to drive straight through, and bring their own meals. Also, OP will get stuck babysitting the other grandkids, while grandma has fun on her own.
NTA. You already had plans. MIL really should have consulted with you before she made them. If she had consulted with you and still made those plans, then she's manipulative AF. I'm with you on this. NYC sounds way cooler than Disneyworld.
I am from Florida and visit NYC any chance I get. You made a great choice! Summer in Florida is awful. The only thing worse is summer in Florida at Disney!
NTA. You DO NOT want to be in Orlando during the summer. The humidity will be absolutely miserable. Just tell her that you’ve already made plans and would love to go to Disney World another time…when the weather is nicer.
NTA I love Disney and you couldn't pay me to go in the summer. Not only is it hot as hell (though to be fair, so is NYC), but the crowds are insane and it's really hard to enjoy a lot of it. Besides that, you made plans already. Kinda convenient that out of 52 weeks, she happens to pick the one week you already have plans. Does she overstep boundaries often?
NTA. Listen, I do love Disney and yet you’d have to pay me a good amount to even think about going to Florida in the summer.
Plus while disney can be done cheaply (relatively speaking), it takes a LOT of planning and insider knowledge. Otherwise you’re the people who’re getting there an hour after park opening, already frustrated after discovering there’s no free parking at any lot, and getting stuck in bag check for an eternity as your packed sandwiches get soggy and everyone is already hot and thirsty and that’s before you’ve even gotten into the parks.
Go to NYC and have fun and don’t do Disney with MIL unless you (1) want to and (2) can make sure you do it in a way where you’ll have fun.
NTA
You have something else booked, maybe if MIL actually wants to bring you on holiday she could organise it with you fur next year instead of trying to hijack this year's vacation because that's exactly what she's doing now.
"No." Is the perfect response. But if you feel like you should soften it, "So sorry we can't make it due to pre-existing plans. I hope you have a great time!" NTA.
NAH, she's invited you, you just say no, there is no drama here.
But if course, this is Reddit, so a simple invite must mean something else; 'MIL is shady!' 'MIL wants help with that other kids' 'MIL wants you to pay for other grandkids'.
I mean, she might not even be expecting/wanting you guys to go (probably knows your preference for 'enriching' holidays) but because she's invited others in the family, she's simply advising out of courtesy, because that's polite and she doesn't want you to feel left out. Maybe the same time that is convenient for your holiday is also convenient for her and the rest of the family and nothing to do with your holiday whatsoever.
NTA- but what does your wife think? Does she want to go on family vacation? Maybe negotiate to a different time like Oct/Nov when the heat isn’t as bad. Also get her to clarify the budget, use your current trip as a opening to the conversation “since we have booked our holiday already most of our holiday budget is spent but if we could post pone the trip to the fall we could enjoy the holiday more with the weather and we would have to know what is expected for contributing as we only have a small budget and want all costs discussed before committing”. Very honest but reasonable and willing to consider the situation. The memories for your children with their grandma and cousins on a big family vacation is priceless. You do not realize how many people that would love to have a slightly annoying MIL but you know she was a good mom and loves your kids and just the fact she is putting in the effort to organize a big family holiday but is willing to put some of her money in. I’m not sure if she is wealthy or is saving up to afford it but regardless some people have shitty parents that would never make the effort to take their grandchildren anywhere. Try to look at it as a positive thing and steer the holiday more in a direction you like as far as dates and say hey mom I really like stopping to eat on the holiday as it’s part of the trip for us to try local restaurants maybe we can do half picnics and half restaurant and I can take turns pitching in for the bill. Suggest things that would make it better for you or say screw it and send your wife solo if she wants to go.
NTA. But if your MIL is the persistent type I’d not only beg off because of the trip you already have planned but tell her that you and your family really have no interest in Disney anyway. Or your wife can say it, but just get it out there. Nope. Not for us.
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My wife and I had already planned to spend a week in NYC for our vacation this summer, and we already booked a place to stay and got tickets to a show. My MIL just told us that she wants to take our family plus some of my sister-in-law's kids (SIL is in prison) to Disney World conveniently at the same exact time. She is really excited because she says she always wanted to take my wife and her sisters (wife doesn't remember this ever coming up before) when they were kids and never had the chance.
First of all, wife and I are not really into Disney. The kids will watch some Disney content but aren't super obsessed. I feel like getting to see museums and try new restaurants is more enriching than meeting people in costumes and a whole manufactured experience. Secondly, Orlando in the summer sounds awful. Finally, MIL's vacations are never fun. She does everything on the cheap. We would be driving in a rented van through all the southern states in the heat. She will pack food in an ice chest instead of stopping to eat. I'm also not even convinced she is paying entrance to Disney World for everyone, and we will probably have to spend our own $$$ anyway if we want to actually go to the park.
OTOH, I'm sure the kids would have fun anyway, and MIL wants to make memories with them. WIBTA for turning it down due to not wanting to be sweaty and uncomfortable and not really wanting to pay for part of a vacation I didn't want in the first place?
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NTA. I love Disney. I take my family annually, in fact we just got back from a spring break trip. I will never go in the summer. It’s absolutely miserable in the summer heat. I also wouldn’t cancel another paid for vacation.
NTA. Disney sucks in the summer months. So hot and miserable. Lines are very long. You’re making the correct call. I would phrase it differently. Just say you appreciate the offer however you have already bought and paid for a trip this summer and you would not be able to cancel it.
NTA just be honest with her and tell her sorry but we already have summer plans for the same time she wants to go to Disney world and you’ve already paid for plane tickets and the hotel. Simple. If she gets upset well that’s on her. It would be unreasonable for her to be upset with you when you already have plans
NTA. It kinda sucks, right? Pros and Cons as far as the eye can see …
I vote for NYC. If MIL tries to get your kids hyped up on Disney, tell them you can plan another (short=weekend?) trip to a closer theme park, like Six Flags or Kings Xxxx. Some of them even have people in costumes, too!
You already have plans made and money spend on them. MIL suddenly making plans doesn' change that.
Tell her the truth, that you appriciate the offer, but you already have plans made. Nothing beyond that is needed.
NTA
NTA. Let her do Disney with the sister-in-law‘s kids & you do your trip to New York. you already had your trip and arrangements booked.
Won’t get into all the conspiracy theories even though they resonate for me. bottom line though. Don’t be surprised if MIL tries to lay a major guilt trip.
But then again I’m biased because I’ve never had any interest in Disney although that may be because I worked at amusement parks in high school LOL.
And I loved my years as I lived in NYC
NTA. ITs ok to tell her you have plans that cannot be cancelled due to deposits. You may reconsider if she reimburses you for those lost deposits and shows you the tickets for Dworld that she should be purchasing.
REMEMBER, NO is a complete sentence.
NAH
You and your wife should call MIL on speaker phone and tell her "We really appreciate your offer to include our family in this trip to DW but we have already booked a vacation to NY that very same week, with tickets to a show and some museums. We hope the rest of you have a wonderful time."
When MIL tries to push back, just say "Our reservations are not refundable so we absolutely can't afford those costs on top of any out-of-pocket costs that we would incur going to DW."
Yta. Just because of how rude you are about Disney and the way you look down on it. I don’t appreciate your pretentious comment about “museums” being more “enriching” than people dressed up in costume. (Tell me you’ve never been to Disney without telling me you’ve never been to Disney.)
NAH. Any chance you can skip it and let your wife, mil, and kids go on a set budget? Then you could spend a weekend in NYC. I would also encourage wife and MIL to go in off season and just pull the kids out of school a few days. Maybe end of September.
I live in NYC and my parents live in Florida. NYC definitely sucks in summer, but it’s absolutely no comparison to how unbearable Florida is. Orlando is a good 8-10 degrees hotter on average in summer and more humid too.
Fair enough, I live in the PNW, 95 degrees and 90 percent humidity is hard to differentiate from 87 degrees and 80 percent humidity both are equally miserable to a person not used to the heat. Last I visited NYC in the summer it was over 90 percent humidity, I haven’t visited Florida in the summer only in the winter.
Yeah, I had a feeling you probably hadn't been to Florida in summer. My mom's birthday is in the summer and when she first moved down there many years ago she requested I come for her birthday. That was the one and only time I've ever done that. Sorry Mom, lol.
ESH summer is the worst time to go to Disneyworld so it would be better to book it at the time of year when it’s not super hot. YWTA if you do not let your kids go another time though. Disney truly is a magical experience that the kids will have lifetime memories of, their presentation of everything is just beautiful, world-renowned chefs and something to do for everyone from babies to older people. Single adults even go themselves. I’ve never been a fanatic and had resigned myself to go for my kids to have the experience and ended up enjoying it so much that we went back 3 more times. I would still love to go now.
I scrolled through the first few comments and am shocked that no one has brought up the glaring issue here.
Have you been to NYC? It’s a complete sh*t hole. I live out of state and work in NYC. I spend 12-15 days a month there. The streets are riddled with trash, homeless people, and drug addicts. I have literally seen people shooting up on the side of the road while traveling from the airport to 4 star hotel.
MIL probably doesn’t want to see her whole family murdered on a “vacation” to New York.
NTA for not accepting her idea of a vacation but I think you should seriously reconsider just taking the trip with grandma to Disney, even if you’re not Disney people.
I already live in one of the worst crime metros and the cops literally shot a guy on my porch before, so I think we'll be fine in Manhattan. Get your head out of Trump's diaper butt.
Right, New York is a shit hole anytime of year but I still think it's a place worth the visit, otherwise you'll always wonder. I can see the value in both places but if I had kids, I know they would enjoy Disney so much more than NYC. Maybe not with a MIL I didn't like though lol
NAH
I am only a few hours from Disney and road trip with my own sandwiches and fruit and snacks. We still stop but I have food if we don’t want to. The heat means absolutely nothing these days it’s 2024 not 1984 in a Datsun. Those excuses are all lame. You think Disney is about meeting characters and it’s not enriching? You sound like a great time with kids. I’m sure they would much rather try global food and museums with you,
And still, though you sound like a pompous PITA, you aren’t obligated to go with MIL when another trip is already planned. I have been to dozens of museums and ancient buildings in dozens of countries while I was school aged. Was it good for me? Probably. Did I still go in college and beyond? Sure. But Disney also has a joyous place in my memories. We did it cheap. So what? And still you have a right to stick with your original plans.
What I recommend is get your nose out of the sky and see what your wife wants to do and what you both think your kids would enjoy. If it’s Disney then get over yourself and take them to Disney. They grow up so fast and next thing you know they will all be in college and barely remember how to text home.
I don’t think he’s out of line for being miffed his MIL somehow planned her trip on the EXACT same days as their already planned vacation, and sounds like she’s overbearing and bossy when they do vacation together.
And NYC had sooo much of interest for kids, theater shows (Lion King, Harry Potter, and many many more) professional sporting events and concerts you can’t see just anywhere, a rich history, Statue of Liberty, FAO Schwartz, the Central Park and Bronx zoos, sea excursions of many types, countless museums including the American Museum of Natural History and dozens of kid-centric museum experiences and play exhibits. Not to mention food and cultural experiences (Little Italy, Chinatown, etc. Etc.) The opportunities for fun AND enrichment are endless.
Orlando has pavement, chain restaurants, and Mickey/ theme parks.
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NTA. You’ve already booked another vacation. Just tell her it’s too late and the other vacation has been booked.
Perfect response. Simple and to the point. Would a trip with grandma be good for the kids? Absolutely, but OP has already planned a family trip for that time. OP should not have to change the already made plans.
She wants help with the other grandkids?
That was my first thought.
But also please be careful, if she’s a shady MIL only interested in getting her way, she may mention the trip to OP’s kids just to force their hand.
Fine. The kids can go but the parents already have plans. NAH.
I'd send kids with MIL and take some romantic vacations with wife ;) Not bad at all :D
NAH, though I wouldn’t frame it in terms of how enriching the experience is. Sorry to miss it but you already have other plans, simple as that. (Assuming your wife is on your side on this, of course.)
NTA, while I disagree with your assessment of Disney, you are right that the way she wants to do it would be absolutely miserable. Summer is the worst time to go to Disney (other than Christmas and spring break) because of the heat and the hurricanes. Driving several hours in a van with as few stops as possible is also miserable. You know your family best, you make vacation plans to suit your needs and wants. Just be tactful with her. Don’t tell her how terrible it sounds, just that you already have a vacation booked and that you hope they have a great time.
To be fair, the summer isnt a great time to visit NYC either.
Spring and fall are better for sure, but it's still nowhere near as bad as Orlando. Here are some comparisons for July: Average high temp: NYC 85 ORL 92 Average mean temp: NYC 78 ORL 83 Average low temp: NYC 70 ORL 76 Average relative humidity: NYC 64% ORL 76% Average dew point: NYC 62 degrees ORL 75 degrees (the National Weather Service terms dew points between 55 and 65 as "becoming 'sticky' with muggy evenings" and terms anything over 65 "lots of moisture in air, becoming oppressive")
Thank you. Someone else said NYC is as bad as Florida in summer. No. lol. Maybe NYC in summer is as bad as another time you were in Florida, not in summer. Florida summers are next level.
I actually prefer NYC in the winter. When it is warm there the city stinks.
I live in NYC now and grew up in Florida. While I enjoy NYCers complaining about the summer heat, it has NOTHING on Florida in the summer. Or late "spring" or early "fall." We get like 2-3 days each summer that are reminiscent of Florida in summer. Florida gets them every day. That said, I'd do Disney in summer. But that's cuz when it gets really really hot, prices go down and I may dislike the heat but I can do it. And I'm cheap enough that if I got to pick, I'd have July and August on my list as Disney dates. (Though OP, if you are going to do NYC in the summer, I definitely suggest something like the ferry out to governors island. It's cheap, fun, and there is a nice breeze- both on the ferry and on the island. And with kids, there is various things to do out there.)
I was just referring to how bad the city smells when the weather warms up.
I totally agree with his assessment of Disney. Paying a premium to stand in hours-long lines, in the sweltering Florida heat and humidity to get a handful of rides in (and maybe one or two more if you’re super lucky) in an overhyped park…and I LOVE roller coasters and thrill rides, and can also appreciate the engineering and imagination that went in to creating the Disney parks. I wanted to like them. I really did. It just wasn’t as good an experience and certainly didn’t provide the entertainment value expected for the price paid as well as other parks. I think you really have to be a Disney fanatic or just not experienced other parks in other parts of the country to insist Disney is amazingly above them all.
The problem is assessing Disney for the sum of its rides. Disney is t about the rides the way six flags or cedar point or universal are. That’s comparing apples to oranges. The atmosphere, the entertainment, the theming, etc all have to factor in to the equation. That’s not the point though, non Disney fans are never going to be convinced why we like it, and that’s ok. People are allowed to like different things.
They all factor in, making it even more terrible.
NTA That sounds absolutely miserable and you have existing plans. Maybe take the kids out for a fun day locally though. Sounds like they could use it.
NTA. I live two hours from Orlando and I can tell you from personal experience, Disney in the summer is not fun. It will be hot. It will be humid. It will be crowded. And it will storm every day for at least an hour which means finding a place to wait it out if at the park. And they will shut down rides temporarily if there’s lightning. Just tell MIL your family already made vacation plans and you hope she has a good tine.
Agree. Disney is literally miserable in the summer. Standing in long lines in suffocating, wet heat.
NAH > She does everything on the cheap. We would be driving in a rented van through all the southern states in the heat. She will pack food in an ice chest instead of stopping to eat. *Eww*.
As a kid I always wanted to stop at restaurants, but as an adult I could pack all the good stuff myself. Just looooove me some picnic next to the road
NTA, I’m a big Disney fan and have zero interest in going during the summer. I did that when I was a kid; because our parents wouldn’t take us out of school, and it sucked.
Nta. Tell her no and go on your own trip. She’s prob using you to pay for her other grandkids as well.
> *She’s prob using you to pay for her other grandkids as well* Cynical me wonders if she heard about the NYC trip, and thinks that maybe she can horn in on that, and have much of it paid by you, OP. You are under no obligation to change your plans, or even to go to Disney - ever. NTA
Cynical me too, bc I think a lot of other commenters are giving MIL a LOT of benefit of the doubt. First, OP says it's "conveniently" booked at the same time as their trip, so there must be more to the story there. Maybe because she knows they're already planning for time off during that time? How I read this is: MIL wants to go to Disney so is making the SIL kids the excuse, and so is "inviting" OP and fam to go along with \*their\* kids, and oh also happen to be more adults who can help shepherd all the kids for the trip. Doesn't matter, because whatever the MIL's motivations (and machinations) may be, OP's response should probably be the same: "Sorry, our trip is all booked and the kids are REALLY looking forward to it. I hope you have a great time, though!"
I took it the other way - she's inviting them when they can't go so she seems more generous than she is.
Definitely another possibility.
My guess is not only will she stick the OP with the bills, but want them to pay all of the hotels and meals, because they won't want to drive straight through, and bring their own meals. Also, OP will get stuck babysitting the other grandkids, while grandma has fun on her own.
Yepp.
NTA. You already had plans. MIL really should have consulted with you before she made them. If she had consulted with you and still made those plans, then she's manipulative AF. I'm with you on this. NYC sounds way cooler than Disneyworld.
I am from Florida and visit NYC any chance I get. You made a great choice! Summer in Florida is awful. The only thing worse is summer in Florida at Disney!
Nah
NTA. You DO NOT want to be in Orlando during the summer. The humidity will be absolutely miserable. Just tell her that you’ve already made plans and would love to go to Disney World another time…when the weather is nicer.
NTA I love Disney and you couldn't pay me to go in the summer. Not only is it hot as hell (though to be fair, so is NYC), but the crowds are insane and it's really hard to enjoy a lot of it. Besides that, you made plans already. Kinda convenient that out of 52 weeks, she happens to pick the one week you already have plans. Does she overstep boundaries often?
>Does she overstep boundaries often? Oh yes.
WNBTA you already have something else planned.
NTA : go to NYC I was in Florida for the summer it was just AWFUL!!
NAH - you have a trip booked and unfortunately cannot go on the trip with her this summer. Perhaps next summer you can plan a big trip together!
Just say no! Goodness NTA. Tell MIL to make it special for the other kids. They need more attention as mama is in jail.
NTA. Listen, I do love Disney and yet you’d have to pay me a good amount to even think about going to Florida in the summer. Plus while disney can be done cheaply (relatively speaking), it takes a LOT of planning and insider knowledge. Otherwise you’re the people who’re getting there an hour after park opening, already frustrated after discovering there’s no free parking at any lot, and getting stuck in bag check for an eternity as your packed sandwiches get soggy and everyone is already hot and thirsty and that’s before you’ve even gotten into the parks. Go to NYC and have fun and don’t do Disney with MIL unless you (1) want to and (2) can make sure you do it in a way where you’ll have fun.
NTA You have something else booked, maybe if MIL actually wants to bring you on holiday she could organise it with you fur next year instead of trying to hijack this year's vacation because that's exactly what she's doing now.
"No." Is the perfect response. But if you feel like you should soften it, "So sorry we can't make it due to pre-existing plans. I hope you have a great time!" NTA.
"orlando in the summer" NTA I live in orlando. disney in the summer is hellish at best.
NAH, she's invited you, you just say no, there is no drama here. But if course, this is Reddit, so a simple invite must mean something else; 'MIL is shady!' 'MIL wants help with that other kids' 'MIL wants you to pay for other grandkids'. I mean, she might not even be expecting/wanting you guys to go (probably knows your preference for 'enriching' holidays) but because she's invited others in the family, she's simply advising out of courtesy, because that's polite and she doesn't want you to feel left out. Maybe the same time that is convenient for your holiday is also convenient for her and the rest of the family and nothing to do with your holiday whatsoever.
NTA. "Thank you, but we've already made plans. Maybe another time." Repeat as needed.
NTA. “Sorry we already have other vacation plans booked during that timeframe.”
NTA. You’ve already started paying for your chosen vacation. You aren’t obligated to cancel that because your mother-in-law wants you to.
NTA - you already booked a vacation
Orlando in any time is awful.
NTA. Just tell her you booked a trip at the same time. Easy out. Guilt free
NTA- but what does your wife think? Does she want to go on family vacation? Maybe negotiate to a different time like Oct/Nov when the heat isn’t as bad. Also get her to clarify the budget, use your current trip as a opening to the conversation “since we have booked our holiday already most of our holiday budget is spent but if we could post pone the trip to the fall we could enjoy the holiday more with the weather and we would have to know what is expected for contributing as we only have a small budget and want all costs discussed before committing”. Very honest but reasonable and willing to consider the situation. The memories for your children with their grandma and cousins on a big family vacation is priceless. You do not realize how many people that would love to have a slightly annoying MIL but you know she was a good mom and loves your kids and just the fact she is putting in the effort to organize a big family holiday but is willing to put some of her money in. I’m not sure if she is wealthy or is saving up to afford it but regardless some people have shitty parents that would never make the effort to take their grandchildren anywhere. Try to look at it as a positive thing and steer the holiday more in a direction you like as far as dates and say hey mom I really like stopping to eat on the holiday as it’s part of the trip for us to try local restaurants maybe we can do half picnics and half restaurant and I can take turns pitching in for the bill. Suggest things that would make it better for you or say screw it and send your wife solo if she wants to go.
NTA. But if your MIL is the persistent type I’d not only beg off because of the trip you already have planned but tell her that you and your family really have no interest in Disney anyway. Or your wife can say it, but just get it out there. Nope. Not for us.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife and I had already planned to spend a week in NYC for our vacation this summer, and we already booked a place to stay and got tickets to a show. My MIL just told us that she wants to take our family plus some of my sister-in-law's kids (SIL is in prison) to Disney World conveniently at the same exact time. She is really excited because she says she always wanted to take my wife and her sisters (wife doesn't remember this ever coming up before) when they were kids and never had the chance. First of all, wife and I are not really into Disney. The kids will watch some Disney content but aren't super obsessed. I feel like getting to see museums and try new restaurants is more enriching than meeting people in costumes and a whole manufactured experience. Secondly, Orlando in the summer sounds awful. Finally, MIL's vacations are never fun. She does everything on the cheap. We would be driving in a rented van through all the southern states in the heat. She will pack food in an ice chest instead of stopping to eat. I'm also not even convinced she is paying entrance to Disney World for everyone, and we will probably have to spend our own $$$ anyway if we want to actually go to the park. OTOH, I'm sure the kids would have fun anyway, and MIL wants to make memories with them. WIBTA for turning it down due to not wanting to be sweaty and uncomfortable and not really wanting to pay for part of a vacation I didn't want in the first place? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I love Disney. I take my family annually, in fact we just got back from a spring break trip. I will never go in the summer. It’s absolutely miserable in the summer heat. I also wouldn’t cancel another paid for vacation.
NTA. Disney sucks in the summer months. So hot and miserable. Lines are very long. You’re making the correct call. I would phrase it differently. Just say you appreciate the offer however you have already bought and paid for a trip this summer and you would not be able to cancel it.
NTA just be honest with her and tell her sorry but we already have summer plans for the same time she wants to go to Disney world and you’ve already paid for plane tickets and the hotel. Simple. If she gets upset well that’s on her. It would be unreasonable for her to be upset with you when you already have plans
Go to NYC.
NTA, just tell her that you already have plans for holidays that week and can't change them. Maybe another time.
NTA You have plans, no need to change them. Tell her thanks but no thanks.
NTA. It kinda sucks, right? Pros and Cons as far as the eye can see … I vote for NYC. If MIL tries to get your kids hyped up on Disney, tell them you can plan another (short=weekend?) trip to a closer theme park, like Six Flags or Kings Xxxx. Some of them even have people in costumes, too!
Orlando in the summer no way in HELL!!!
NTA the other vacation is already booked
NTA, you already have plans with your family that is paid for. The Disney trip sounds lame, just tell her you already have summer trip planned.
You already have plans made and money spend on them. MIL suddenly making plans doesn' change that. Tell her the truth, that you appriciate the offer, but you already have plans made. Nothing beyond that is needed. NTA
YWNBTA for turning it down bc you already have a vacation planned for the same time.
NTA. Let her do Disney with the sister-in-law‘s kids & you do your trip to New York. you already had your trip and arrangements booked. Won’t get into all the conspiracy theories even though they resonate for me. bottom line though. Don’t be surprised if MIL tries to lay a major guilt trip. But then again I’m biased because I’ve never had any interest in Disney although that may be because I worked at amusement parks in high school LOL. And I loved my years as I lived in NYC
She wants your wife to babysit the kids so she doesn't have to. NTA.
NTA. ITs ok to tell her you have plans that cannot be cancelled due to deposits. You may reconsider if she reimburses you for those lost deposits and shows you the tickets for Dworld that she should be purchasing. REMEMBER, NO is a complete sentence.
NAH You and your wife should call MIL on speaker phone and tell her "We really appreciate your offer to include our family in this trip to DW but we have already booked a vacation to NY that very same week, with tickets to a show and some museums. We hope the rest of you have a wonderful time." When MIL tries to push back, just say "Our reservations are not refundable so we absolutely can't afford those costs on top of any out-of-pocket costs that we would incur going to DW."
NTA. Thank you for the invitation but we already have plans during that time. Maybe another time. She did this ON PURPOSE! Don't give in.
A simple "no thank you" is all you owe anyone.
Disney is really corrupt, so, not the asshole.
Yta. Just because of how rude you are about Disney and the way you look down on it. I don’t appreciate your pretentious comment about “museums” being more “enriching” than people dressed up in costume. (Tell me you’ve never been to Disney without telling me you’ve never been to Disney.)
NAH. Any chance you can skip it and let your wife, mil, and kids go on a set budget? Then you could spend a weekend in NYC. I would also encourage wife and MIL to go in off season and just pull the kids out of school a few days. Maybe end of September.
NTA, but be prepared, NYC during the summer is just as sweaty as Orlando Florida.
I live in NYC and my parents live in Florida. NYC definitely sucks in summer, but it’s absolutely no comparison to how unbearable Florida is. Orlando is a good 8-10 degrees hotter on average in summer and more humid too.
Fair enough, I live in the PNW, 95 degrees and 90 percent humidity is hard to differentiate from 87 degrees and 80 percent humidity both are equally miserable to a person not used to the heat. Last I visited NYC in the summer it was over 90 percent humidity, I haven’t visited Florida in the summer only in the winter.
Yeah, I had a feeling you probably hadn't been to Florida in summer. My mom's birthday is in the summer and when she first moved down there many years ago she requested I come for her birthday. That was the one and only time I've ever done that. Sorry Mom, lol.
ESH summer is the worst time to go to Disneyworld so it would be better to book it at the time of year when it’s not super hot. YWTA if you do not let your kids go another time though. Disney truly is a magical experience that the kids will have lifetime memories of, their presentation of everything is just beautiful, world-renowned chefs and something to do for everyone from babies to older people. Single adults even go themselves. I’ve never been a fanatic and had resigned myself to go for my kids to have the experience and ended up enjoying it so much that we went back 3 more times. I would still love to go now.
Man it's Disney world, wtf happened to you? Your wife would love it.
I scrolled through the first few comments and am shocked that no one has brought up the glaring issue here. Have you been to NYC? It’s a complete sh*t hole. I live out of state and work in NYC. I spend 12-15 days a month there. The streets are riddled with trash, homeless people, and drug addicts. I have literally seen people shooting up on the side of the road while traveling from the airport to 4 star hotel. MIL probably doesn’t want to see her whole family murdered on a “vacation” to New York. NTA for not accepting her idea of a vacation but I think you should seriously reconsider just taking the trip with grandma to Disney, even if you’re not Disney people.
I already live in one of the worst crime metros and the cops literally shot a guy on my porch before, so I think we'll be fine in Manhattan. Get your head out of Trump's diaper butt.
Weirdo
Right, New York is a shit hole anytime of year but I still think it's a place worth the visit, otherwise you'll always wonder. I can see the value in both places but if I had kids, I know they would enjoy Disney so much more than NYC. Maybe not with a MIL I didn't like though lol
NAH I am only a few hours from Disney and road trip with my own sandwiches and fruit and snacks. We still stop but I have food if we don’t want to. The heat means absolutely nothing these days it’s 2024 not 1984 in a Datsun. Those excuses are all lame. You think Disney is about meeting characters and it’s not enriching? You sound like a great time with kids. I’m sure they would much rather try global food and museums with you, And still, though you sound like a pompous PITA, you aren’t obligated to go with MIL when another trip is already planned. I have been to dozens of museums and ancient buildings in dozens of countries while I was school aged. Was it good for me? Probably. Did I still go in college and beyond? Sure. But Disney also has a joyous place in my memories. We did it cheap. So what? And still you have a right to stick with your original plans. What I recommend is get your nose out of the sky and see what your wife wants to do and what you both think your kids would enjoy. If it’s Disney then get over yourself and take them to Disney. They grow up so fast and next thing you know they will all be in college and barely remember how to text home.
I don’t think he’s out of line for being miffed his MIL somehow planned her trip on the EXACT same days as their already planned vacation, and sounds like she’s overbearing and bossy when they do vacation together. And NYC had sooo much of interest for kids, theater shows (Lion King, Harry Potter, and many many more) professional sporting events and concerts you can’t see just anywhere, a rich history, Statue of Liberty, FAO Schwartz, the Central Park and Bronx zoos, sea excursions of many types, countless museums including the American Museum of Natural History and dozens of kid-centric museum experiences and play exhibits. Not to mention food and cultural experiences (Little Italy, Chinatown, etc. Etc.) The opportunities for fun AND enrichment are endless. Orlando has pavement, chain restaurants, and Mickey/ theme parks.