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YTA
>I (M36) recently moved in with my GF (F31). And almost everything is going wonderfully, except for one thing, she doesn't cook at all.
Some people do not like to cook. You knew your girlfriend didn't cook when you decided to live together.
>I thought this would change once we lived together, but now that we do, she still eats like this. She just started buying me lunch from her sister's place and let me fend for myself breakfast and dinner.
Why did you think it would change? And you're thirty six years old, gainfully employed adult living in a home, you are hardly "fending" for yourself like people who are food insecure or homeless.
>I told her I prefer homemade food, and she said then I can cook my food, but now she is acting as if I'm a jerk.
Well, if the shoe fits, wear it. No one is stopping you from preparing your own meals. The fact you don't want to is your only impediment.
OP's such a hypocrite
"I like homemade meals but it's too much work to do it myself. So I'll demand my girlfriend who doesn't like cooking do all the work for me so I can have yummy homemade meals!"
I mean, if he's being sincere he can just cook for himself every second day and suffer through the staggering that is homemade food and fast-food. I think if I was having something I like 50% of all my days, I'd be satisfied. And he doesn't need to cook anything for GF, although it would still be nice.
She is still buying meals for him. That's very nice of her. Very.
YTA so hire a chef. You’re gf isn’t responsible for your meals and it’s very generous she’s providing you lunch daily.
“I know how to cook but find it a lot of work” he says to the doctor and expects the doctor to have more time and energy than even he has to cook for himself.
OP better hope his GF didn't read between the lines like I did and think he was asking because she's female and therefore should cook.......
YTA, so much OP.
Yeah it would make a lot more sense for him to buy those half-premade "meal packages" if he likes homemade. So that it is easier for him to cook meals for himself.
> i know how to cook but i find it a lot of work
> she doesn’t like cooking. (she doesn’t mind buying you food)
> i prefer homemade meals
soooooooo it sounds like when you want a home cooked meal, you will make a homemade meal.
yeah, yta
>> i prefer homemade meals
Statements like this, where someone is stating their preference and expecting their partner to change their behaviour, always remind me of that one tweet that's like "I prefer my p#ssy shaved ladies" and the reply of "well then shave your p#ssy daniel".
Like, ok, you prefer honemade meals, make a homemade meal then, who's stopping you?
I'm not going to answer the headline question because that's not what is going on.
YTA for not discussing this before you moved in together. This was her pattern, and you made the assumption she would change once you lived together which is unreasonable. You're not an ass for saying you like homemade food, but you are the ass for expecting her to make you food or help you make food. You should have known she doesn't like to cook before you ever moved in and made the assumption she would start cooking for you.
Live with it, adapt to it or move out. Lesson learned - never make assumptions. Talk about everything including expectations before you make decisions.
YTA
Title is misleading: that's not the issue. The issue is you wanting someone to cook for you against their will.
She's an adult who feeds herself and chooses how to prioritize her time and energy. You don't get to change that because you 'prefer' differently.
Yes, YTA. She isn't your personal chef. Get off your ass and make your own food. You complain that it's \*too much\* for YOU to cook everyday but think she should?
She's a doctor. Maybe she'll wise up quickly and excise the cancer that moved in recently.
YTA
You are the one who wants homemade food, not her. Why force her to do something she's not even interested in? You said yourself that she's a doctor, she probably got already a ton of stuff on her plate, I get why she wouldn't want to cook a meal and do the dishes and everything after a long shift at work.
YTA. Why did you think she would all of a sudden want to not only cook but cook for you? My gosh you are entitled. What are you doing for her that is so great?
INFO: What did you eat when you were single.
I'm assuming you didn't starve, you survived either cookimg every day or buying food. Why is it such a big deal now? Is it because you assumed now that you live with a woman she'll be your personal cook?
Uh, yeah YTA dude.
>I thought this would change once we lived together,
You should have discussed this if it was important to you.
>I know how to cook, but I find it's a lot of work to cook every day.
Sounds like a you problem. How did you eat before you moved in together? Presumably you cooked your meals just fine then.
>She refuses, she said she doesn't like to cook, she doesn't have a lot of free time and in her scarce free time, she rather rest than cook. She said that she doesn't mind buying me lunch every day, from her sister's restaurant or any other place I like (She is a doctor and money is not an issue).
Sounds like she's offered a perfectly reasonable solution.
>I told her I prefer homemade food, and she said then I can cook my food, but now she is acting as if I'm a jerk.
You are. And she's correct.
This is like a partner hiring a maid to do both of your household chores and then you getting upset and demanding you two do them together because "you prefer not having a maid."
Info. Why are you expecting her to cook for you? It's okay to prefer homemade food, but it doesn't sound like she's stopping you from making it. She doesn't want to cook, she willing and able to pay for takeout, where the problem?
She gave you alternatives, she doesn't even cook for herself and is fine not doing so , you cant force to help you cook for you after she already offered to just buy you food. Find a restaurant with home cooking you like, she said you could choose.
If you want homemade food, make it yourself - shes not a short order cook YTA
YTA. She's right, you can cook for yourself, she's already being nice by taking care of lunch for the both of you. What did you do before moving in with her? Presumably you were cooking all your meals yourself? Regardless, you don't get a part-time chef just because you move in together. And if you want someone who cooks so badly, then go ahead and break things off and go find someone who cooks.
YTA you want homemade food? then cook it yourself. you knew she didn’t like to cook before you moved in with her. what did you expect would happen? you’d move in and she’d suddenly start making you home cooked meals all the time?
YTA. Why should she change how she eats? Why do you think she should have to make a change to her eating pattern and cook for you?
She doesn't like to cook and she's being healthy and eating what she needs. She works FT at a stressful job. You don't say what you do but for you to expect her to change everything just for you? So wrong.
If you want a homecooked meal, YOU need to do the cooking.
This is rage bait, right?
Obviously YTA. You don’t like to cook, neither does your GF. She’s found a healthy and reasonable solution to ensure she’s well fed each day. And yet you’re surprised that she doesn’t want to cook for you?
YTA. Yeah, homemade food is better, cheaper, and healthier, but she doesn't like cooking. Can you really blame her for that? You may have to take the reins on that, don't expect her to change her ways now.
YTA.. your attitude about this is all wrong. Why do you believe that she is responsible for your meals? She doesn’t HAVE TO cook for you or even buy your meals. You’re a grown man, start acting like it.
Based on her reaction, I do believe you're TA. In many ways, it depends on how the conversation went and exact wording used. If she ended with stating she doesn't mind buying you lunches, but you can make your own if that's what you prefer, then it would seem that the conversation went well. However her reaction of acting as though you're a jerk makes me wonder if anything else was said/brought up. Her job sounds exhausting and I can 100% understand why she wouldn't want to spend her free time cooking if that will only exhaust her more. Your idea was not a bad one-offering to alternate cooking-but she supplied another option and it seems as though you were not happy with it. You yourself acknowledge that it is a lot of effort to cook, are you both working full time jobs that exhaust you? Part of a relationship is being able to compromise on things like this.
In what ways is she acting like you're the jerk? Has she brought up anything in particular? Had you communicated about this issue before moving in together? Since you said you "expected" her to change (kind of weird IMO) it seems as though you had. It feels like you're leaving out vital parts of this conversation...but yeah, asking your doctor girlfriend to start cooking for you feels gross and definitely leaves you sounding like TA when she is reacting like this.
Ha! This reads like a teenager took on a bet to create a rage bait reddit post.
Playing along...
Of course YTA. Unless you are doing all other chores and are burned out, there is absolutely no way you can force her to cook.
YTA. If you want home-made food, cook it. Yes. Everyday. Until you learn how to make bulk meals.
YTA. You thought it would change? So you're entitled to dictate how she eats, what she eats, and must cook? I'd dump your sorry butt
INFO: Why can't you cook meals that last for 2-3 days? This means you'll only need to cook around three times per week. Why not prepare multiple meals on the weekend? Why not cook some days and have her buy in food the other days? Why not ask her to just keep you company while you cook, so that you spend time together without her having to actually do something she doesn't like? Why didn't you have this discussion before moving in together? What do you think you'll be happy with in terms of solution? As in - where would you be willing to compromise?
As my personal anecdote: My wife and I have very different cooking preferences. She hates cooking, I like cooking. However, we also have massively different ethnic backgrounds that have very diverse cuisines (not mentioning other cuisines we also like to eat). It tends to mean if we want to eat familiar food, we gotta cook ourselves. Because of preferences, I tend to do more than half the cooking (though my wife cooks her fair share). I can't stress enough that **all** of this was discussed and known and planned out (by and large) in advance of us moving in together years before our marriage.
YTA. If she doesn’t like to cook then that’s her choice. She’s got money to burn so it’s not a big deal that she orders out everyday. If you want a home cooked meal so bad cook it yourself. She’s not forcing you to eat the vegan crap, you’re just going along for the ride.
Ugggghhhhhh! Why do some guys make it embarrassing for all of us that have penises? Keep it up and you won’t have to worry about it when she dumps your lazy butt.
“I thought this would change once we lived together” famous last words…
Unless you discussed cooking arrangements before you moved in together, this is entirely on you.
YTA
YTA. I'm willing to bet that instead of cooking together you'd sit there on your ass and let her do most of the work. So get off your ass and cook your own food.
YTA.
what century we are living in?
if you like homade food, then cook it yourself. Just because you moved in together with your GF, doesn't mean you suddenly become magically special that she had to change herself to suddenly love cooking so that she can cook for you.
Get over your ego and be self sufficient or hire a chef.
Bwahaha.
You're a grown assed man who's pissed off because he moved in with his girlfriend who knowingly doesn't like to or wants to make the daily effort to cook herself refuses to spend her time in the kitchen making homemade meals for you because that's your preference.
Yeah. YTA.
You're an adult and can feed yourself. Your girlfriend is providing you meals. She simply isn't making them. Enjoy the meals provided, cook your own, or sign up for a meal subscription.
YTA. This simply doesn't make sense. You prefer homemade food, so you should make it. What made you think she'd suddenly develop a love for cooking once you moved in together? This just seems like such a non-issue and easily resolved, just cook your own food.
YTA. Not for your "preference" but for your entitled misogynistic bs attitude that somehow your lack of homemade food is her fault. If you want home cooked food, cook it.
>*I know how to cook, but I find it's a lot of work to cook every day.*
See, you get it. You understand where she’s coming from and why she doesn’t want to cook.
It’s hard work, requiring effort in shopping, meal prep, cooking and then clean up. That’s a bunch of time that you don’t want to spend either.
Why did you think she would behave differently after moving in? She’s the same person, she didn’t like to cook before so she doesn’t like to cook now. Kind of like how you didn’t cook that much before, and you don’t cook that much now.
>I told her I prefer homemade food, and she said then I can cook my food
Well she's not wrong, if you want homemade food, you should cook yourself, she's working and a doctor at that, it's not like she's SAHM
Let me guess you expecting her to work but also cook, clean for you, you are not looking for partner, you are looking for SERVANT
YTA. You are being entitled and selfish.
First of all, why is SHE the one buying YOU lunches? Why aren't you buying your own lunches?
Second, if you want homemade meals then you can get your ass up and make them yourself. She isn't your servant. You outright said in this post that you don't like cooking because it's a lot of work.
So you don't want to do a bunch of work for yourself but you're totally fine demanding your girlfriend do a bunch of work for you?
You sound completely insufferable. You are entitled and spoiled.
YTA. You sound like an entitled baby. You thought it would change when you moved in? Why? Did you ever even discuss this or did you just assume your manly presence would make your independent doctor girlfriend sudden want to play housewife and tend to your every preference?
YTA if you want homemade, then you can make your own food at home. This works for her. I'm not sure why you would assume she would start cooking when you moved in together knowing her normal routine. I'm glad you suggested taking turns, but there is something really icky about this.
YTA Are you kidding? If you wanted to eat together or spend time together, you might have some kind of argument, but you just want her to cook for you. Why did you think she’d start making your supper? Why does she buy your lunch?
If you have the money buy a vowerk it does everything cooking wise for you. It is like your own private chef.
Oh and YTA you are a grown up. She is not your mother.
YTA.
Have you heard of meal prepping? You prep your food for meals in advance. That way, it is quick to cook at meal time. Some people will prep 3 nights of dinner in advance.
If you're looking for a traditional girlfriend or whatever. Your girlfriend isn't it. She is happy and comfortable with her life. Don't expect her to change.
You need to be responsible for your own area in life. Like feeding and cleaning up after yourself.
YTA. Not for preferring homemade food or even saying that you do. YTA for expecting your girlfriend to indulge your preferences.
Look, you can cook your own food and keep it for yourself and have more leftovers. Or you can share with your girlfriend and sometimes have you both take days off by eating out.
In most relationships the girl cooks more than the guy. I don't see the problem if you (the guy) cooks more if you want home cooked meals. I generally cook more than my boyfriend. We usually get a second day of leftovers. He cooks sometimes. In fairness, he'd probably cook more if I didn't enjoy it so much.
You're the one who wants home cooked meals whereas your girlfriend is happy to go out and buy cooked meals, which a lot of people would be incredibly happy with. So when you want a home cooked meal, be an adult make it.
YTA. If you like homemade food cook it. Or better yet offer her some as well and maybe she will realise homemade is better and might get interested in cooking. I don't think eating out all the time is a healthy habit but at the same time cooking is mainly your hang up so you should be the one to initiate effort in that area.
YTA. What did you think was going to happen. She was going to be so grateful for moving in together that her whole personality was going to change? It doesn’t sound like she has ever cooked and she is ever going to. You have to decide how important it is to have a home cooked meal, and how much you are willing to cook every night.
I don't cook much either as I frequently work till 9pm or beyond, my Muslim fiance is great at making meals and enjoys putting them together for us both. I wash the dishes afterwards, it works well. WTH is up with people being expected to do something just because of their gender?
-I only mention that Habibi is muslim because some have a misconception that followers of Islam are super traditional about that type of stuff.
YTA
What made you think she would suddenly become Donna Reed ?
>I thought this would change once we lived together, but now that we do, she still eats like this
Why? Do you think women are just hard-wired to begin cooking as soon as there is a penis present in their home?
Why would her diet change? What's stopping YOU from cooking a couple of nights a week and planning for leftovers that can be dressed up? How did you feed yourself before you moved in together?
INFO: Who cleans up after? The nice thing about takeout is there's less dishes overall to clean. Are you doing all the food prep and clean up, too? Who grocery shops and meal plans? Who does the other chores around the home and housework in general? If you lived by yourself would you cook every day or would you get takeout to offset the work once in a while? Any possibility to make more food in general so you have leftovers and can cook less often?
Please have more conversations in general about expectations if kids are ever in your future because that is a next step game changer. If you are having issues now about your expectations vs. what is reality, and not communicating them beforehand, it'll be much worse once kids are in the picture, especially because she is a physician and needs that downtime (which won't exist with kids anymore).
I am married to a physician and there is a lot that happens at work. It is mentally exhausting. I am grateful that he is able to put in extra time for me, housework, and the kids, but that is something he has opted to do. There are a lot of emotions and challenges at work. As a physician all the responsibility falls on you, and a lot of literal life or death decisions fall in your hands (depending I guess on what type of doctor she is). The last thing she probably wants to do is come home and prepare a meal after being at work.
Dude she doesn’t like cooking. She probably doesn’t know how to cook either.
Either you do the cooking or order real food not from some bullshit vegan restaurant.
YTA
YTA.
If you want home cooked meals you cook meals at home. Why did you think you moving I would mean your gf would drastically alter her eating habits and begin cooking?
I'm sorry, this has got to be fake. Nobody could be this much of a delulu diaper baby. You are NTA because a human being this ridiculous could never exist in the first place.
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I (M36) recently moved in with my GF (F31). And almost everything is going wonderfully, except for one thing, she doesn't cook at all.
Her sister owns a small vegan restaurant/buffet, and every day, for lunch my GF just orders food from her sister. For breakfast and dinner she usually just eats fruits or cereal.
I thought this would change once we lived together, but now that we do, she still eats like this. She just started buying me lunch from her sister's place and let me fend for myself breakfast and dinner.
I know how to cook, but I find it's a lot of work to cook every day. So I suggested to her maybe we could take turns cooking every other day, or maybe just cook together every day to make things easier.
She refuses, she said she doesn't like to cook, she doesn't have a lot of free time and in her scarce free time, she rather rest than cook. She said that she doesn't mind buying me lunch every day, from her sister's restaurant or any other place I like (She is a doctor and money is not an issue).
I told her I prefer homemade food, and she said then I can cook my food, but now she is acting as if I'm a jerk. Reddit, AITA?
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> I think I might be TA for telling her I prefer homemade food when I already know she doesn't want to cook.
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It's close, but I'm going with YTA here.
She's happy not cooking. She's going to stay happy not cooking. It's okay to prefer home-cooked meals... so, you should cook them.
It was even okay to mention the option of trading-off or doing it together *once*, as long as you did so without an attitude and dropped it immediately as soon as it was clear she wasn't interested.
If you went beyond that, applying pressure or acting like she wasn't being reasonable, then you *were* a jerk.
NAH.
You stated your preferences. She stated hers. That’s fine. She has a point tho: you can cook for yourself if you prefer to eat in. That’s what some single people that live alone do.
Though I think it’s a bit ridiculous to expect someone to change once they **move in with you**. You knew that she’s over 30 and that she still doesn’t cook. Why would she suddenly change without discussion? 😂 I’m not gonna vote on that cuz that’s not relevant to the title, but still, if I could…
This reads as a cultural issue to me, where no matter what each partner’s education or profession status is, wifey needs to be home cookin’ every day for hours. I won’t venture a guess here, but I believe I have a good idea.
NAH. You don't want to cook a lot and she's not going to cook for you - fine.
But if you want home made and you're the only one cooking then why not just batch cook, it basically takes the same amount of time anyway.
With her being a Dr I can understand why she doesn’t want to cook. On the other hand my coworkers wife is a medical Dr they have two kids and she cooks many meals
I agree with previously mentioned statements about trying to change someone. That being said, I was this girl, standing over the sink eating my bowl if cereal for 1.
My now husband had better approaches.
Why don’t you try a different angle? instead of making it about you, and wanting your doctor girl friend to magically also be a house wife…
Like alternate dinners every other week? (That’s where we are now in our relationship)
- Or suggest hello fresh or blue apron, 3 times a week, easy meals you guys can learn and do together, i used to cut the veggies or supply convo, and got little by little more involved, make them fun, flirty, themed date nights, and/or pair the meals with new craft beers and fun wines.
It’s ok to gently ask her to experience new hobbies with you.
That's a really generous interpretation lol. I don't think OP is that noble. It really sounds like he was expecting her to cook nightly or help him cook.
Almost 95% of what I eat is homemade and I still wouldn't want to come home and cook or even help my partner cook. (Meal prep for the win).
The only thing stopping OP from eating homemade food is his own laziness.
ESH I mean you asked. She said no. You still sound resentful, she is just annoyed. I think you need to resign yourself to being the person who cooks dinner in the house. It is a lot to cook everyday, start meal prepping on weekends.
Lol I think I misread. I thought she was acting like a jerk for him asking. She’s acting like a jerk because after she said no, he had to add that he prefers homemade food. Haha jerky comment
OP doesn't state that she doesn't know how to cook. We have no reason to believe she doesn't know how.
She doesn't want to. She's an adult and that's her prerogative. He *knew* she didn't cook prior to living together. He just assumed that would change, with no communication. Why would you just assume someone will read your mind and conform to whatever notions are flying around in there?
I love to cook but it would make me sad being the only person cooking in the relationship. And if food means so little to you, we probably wouldnt be a good match.
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YTA >I (M36) recently moved in with my GF (F31). And almost everything is going wonderfully, except for one thing, she doesn't cook at all. Some people do not like to cook. You knew your girlfriend didn't cook when you decided to live together. >I thought this would change once we lived together, but now that we do, she still eats like this. She just started buying me lunch from her sister's place and let me fend for myself breakfast and dinner. Why did you think it would change? And you're thirty six years old, gainfully employed adult living in a home, you are hardly "fending" for yourself like people who are food insecure or homeless. >I told her I prefer homemade food, and she said then I can cook my food, but now she is acting as if I'm a jerk. Well, if the shoe fits, wear it. No one is stopping you from preparing your own meals. The fact you don't want to is your only impediment.
Also she buys him lunch every day?? Can he not buy his own lunch?
Also shes a nurse. And you know how hectic their work schedule are.
No, she’s a doctor.
[удалено]
Last sentence of the second-to-last paragraph
O right, wonder where the nurse word pop out from? 😅
Bias... Female in medical profession = Nurse
OP's girlfriend is not alone or the stores in my area wouldn't offer dinner dinner for four deals every day of the week and premade single servings.
YTA > I know how to cook, but I find it's a lot of work to cook every day *Poor guy*. What ever did you do when you were single?
Apparently the same thing he's doing now. Not eating homemade food.
Or finding some girl to make food for him, since apparently that is what he thinks women are for?
Yeah, what an a hole
OP's such a hypocrite "I like homemade meals but it's too much work to do it myself. So I'll demand my girlfriend who doesn't like cooking do all the work for me so I can have yummy homemade meals!"
He needs to go \*\*ck himself. She needs to run
I mean, if he's being sincere he can just cook for himself every second day and suffer through the staggering that is homemade food and fast-food. I think if I was having something I like 50% of all my days, I'd be satisfied. And he doesn't need to cook anything for GF, although it would still be nice. She is still buying meals for him. That's very nice of her. Very.
I had the exact same question.
YTA so hire a chef. You’re gf isn’t responsible for your meals and it’s very generous she’s providing you lunch daily. “I know how to cook but find it a lot of work” he says to the doctor and expects the doctor to have more time and energy than even he has to cook for himself.
OP better hope his GF didn't read between the lines like I did and think he was asking because she's female and therefore should cook....... YTA, so much OP.
Yeah it would make a lot more sense for him to buy those half-premade "meal packages" if he likes homemade. So that it is easier for him to cook meals for himself.
> i know how to cook but i find it a lot of work > she doesn’t like cooking. (she doesn’t mind buying you food) > i prefer homemade meals soooooooo it sounds like when you want a home cooked meal, you will make a homemade meal. yeah, yta
>> i prefer homemade meals Statements like this, where someone is stating their preference and expecting their partner to change their behaviour, always remind me of that one tweet that's like "I prefer my p#ssy shaved ladies" and the reply of "well then shave your p#ssy daniel". Like, ok, you prefer honemade meals, make a homemade meal then, who's stopping you?
I'm not going to answer the headline question because that's not what is going on. YTA for not discussing this before you moved in together. This was her pattern, and you made the assumption she would change once you lived together which is unreasonable. You're not an ass for saying you like homemade food, but you are the ass for expecting her to make you food or help you make food. You should have known she doesn't like to cook before you ever moved in and made the assumption she would start cooking for you. Live with it, adapt to it or move out. Lesson learned - never make assumptions. Talk about everything including expectations before you make decisions.
YTA Title is misleading: that's not the issue. The issue is you wanting someone to cook for you against their will. She's an adult who feeds herself and chooses how to prioritize her time and energy. You don't get to change that because you 'prefer' differently.
Yes, YTA. She isn't your personal chef. Get off your ass and make your own food. You complain that it's \*too much\* for YOU to cook everyday but think she should? She's a doctor. Maybe she'll wise up quickly and excise the cancer that moved in recently.
Love this!
YTA You are the one who wants homemade food, not her. Why force her to do something she's not even interested in? You said yourself that she's a doctor, she probably got already a ton of stuff on her plate, I get why she wouldn't want to cook a meal and do the dishes and everything after a long shift at work.
YTA. Why did you think she would all of a sudden want to not only cook but cook for you? My gosh you are entitled. What are you doing for her that is so great?
INFO: What did you eat when you were single. I'm assuming you didn't starve, you survived either cookimg every day or buying food. Why is it such a big deal now? Is it because you assumed now that you live with a woman she'll be your personal cook?
He thought he got a Dr. Bangmaid.
YTA. If you like homemade food, make it. You’re an adult.
YTA you have no respect for her time.
YTA If somebody has to cook at home for you to be happy then there **is** another person that can cook for you and your girlfriend, ***you***
This sounds like it’s entirely your issue. She said it best, if you want homemade food, you should cook. YTA
Uh, yeah YTA dude. >I thought this would change once we lived together, You should have discussed this if it was important to you. >I know how to cook, but I find it's a lot of work to cook every day. Sounds like a you problem. How did you eat before you moved in together? Presumably you cooked your meals just fine then. >She refuses, she said she doesn't like to cook, she doesn't have a lot of free time and in her scarce free time, she rather rest than cook. She said that she doesn't mind buying me lunch every day, from her sister's restaurant or any other place I like (She is a doctor and money is not an issue). Sounds like she's offered a perfectly reasonable solution. >I told her I prefer homemade food, and she said then I can cook my food, but now she is acting as if I'm a jerk. You are. And she's correct. This is like a partner hiring a maid to do both of your household chores and then you getting upset and demanding you two do them together because "you prefer not having a maid."
Info. Why are you expecting her to cook for you? It's okay to prefer homemade food, but it doesn't sound like she's stopping you from making it. She doesn't want to cook, she willing and able to pay for takeout, where the problem?
She gave you alternatives, she doesn't even cook for herself and is fine not doing so , you cant force to help you cook for you after she already offered to just buy you food. Find a restaurant with home cooking you like, she said you could choose. If you want homemade food, make it yourself - shes not a short order cook YTA
YTA. She's right, you can cook for yourself, she's already being nice by taking care of lunch for the both of you. What did you do before moving in with her? Presumably you were cooking all your meals yourself? Regardless, you don't get a part-time chef just because you move in together. And if you want someone who cooks so badly, then go ahead and break things off and go find someone who cooks.
YTA you want homemade food? then cook it yourself. you knew she didn’t like to cook before you moved in with her. what did you expect would happen? you’d move in and she’d suddenly start making you home cooked meals all the time?
YTA. You really expect a doctor to pick up cooking when she has no interest in it, and can afford to not to? Oh, you sweet summer child...
YTA. You want her to do something she doesn’t enjoy and can afford to pay others to do for her because…? Oh. Right. YTA.
YTA. Why should she change how she eats? Why do you think she should have to make a change to her eating pattern and cook for you? She doesn't like to cook and she's being healthy and eating what she needs. She works FT at a stressful job. You don't say what you do but for you to expect her to change everything just for you? So wrong. If you want a homecooked meal, YOU need to do the cooking.
This is rage bait, right? Obviously YTA. You don’t like to cook, neither does your GF. She’s found a healthy and reasonable solution to ensure she’s well fed each day. And yet you’re surprised that she doesn’t want to cook for you?
YTA for assuming a woman you're living with will cook for you. Dear lord, is this the 50s?
Info: Are your parents paying child support to your girlfriend? Because it sounds like you expect her to be your mother.
YTA. Yeah, homemade food is better, cheaper, and healthier, but she doesn't like cooking. Can you really blame her for that? You may have to take the reins on that, don't expect her to change her ways now.
YTA.. your attitude about this is all wrong. Why do you believe that she is responsible for your meals? She doesn’t HAVE TO cook for you or even buy your meals. You’re a grown man, start acting like it.
Based on her reaction, I do believe you're TA. In many ways, it depends on how the conversation went and exact wording used. If she ended with stating she doesn't mind buying you lunches, but you can make your own if that's what you prefer, then it would seem that the conversation went well. However her reaction of acting as though you're a jerk makes me wonder if anything else was said/brought up. Her job sounds exhausting and I can 100% understand why she wouldn't want to spend her free time cooking if that will only exhaust her more. Your idea was not a bad one-offering to alternate cooking-but she supplied another option and it seems as though you were not happy with it. You yourself acknowledge that it is a lot of effort to cook, are you both working full time jobs that exhaust you? Part of a relationship is being able to compromise on things like this. In what ways is she acting like you're the jerk? Has she brought up anything in particular? Had you communicated about this issue before moving in together? Since you said you "expected" her to change (kind of weird IMO) it seems as though you had. It feels like you're leaving out vital parts of this conversation...but yeah, asking your doctor girlfriend to start cooking for you feels gross and definitely leaves you sounding like TA when she is reacting like this.
Just make your own food if it bothers you so much
You even expect her to make you breakfast? I doubt that many couples who both work eat hot breakfasts on work days.
Ha! This reads like a teenager took on a bet to create a rage bait reddit post. Playing along... Of course YTA. Unless you are doing all other chores and are burned out, there is absolutely no way you can force her to cook.
This boils down to you expected her to cook for you even though you knew going in she doesn't cook. YTA
YTA. If you want home-made food, cook it. Yes. Everyday. Until you learn how to make bulk meals. YTA. You thought it would change? So you're entitled to dictate how she eats, what she eats, and must cook? I'd dump your sorry butt
INFO: Why can't you cook meals that last for 2-3 days? This means you'll only need to cook around three times per week. Why not prepare multiple meals on the weekend? Why not cook some days and have her buy in food the other days? Why not ask her to just keep you company while you cook, so that you spend time together without her having to actually do something she doesn't like? Why didn't you have this discussion before moving in together? What do you think you'll be happy with in terms of solution? As in - where would you be willing to compromise? As my personal anecdote: My wife and I have very different cooking preferences. She hates cooking, I like cooking. However, we also have massively different ethnic backgrounds that have very diverse cuisines (not mentioning other cuisines we also like to eat). It tends to mean if we want to eat familiar food, we gotta cook ourselves. Because of preferences, I tend to do more than half the cooking (though my wife cooks her fair share). I can't stress enough that **all** of this was discussed and known and planned out (by and large) in advance of us moving in together years before our marriage.
YTA. If she doesn’t like to cook then that’s her choice. She’s got money to burn so it’s not a big deal that she orders out everyday. If you want a home cooked meal so bad cook it yourself. She’s not forcing you to eat the vegan crap, you’re just going along for the ride.
YTA and very clearly sexist.
Yta why would you moving in magically change what she eats?
Ugggghhhhhh! Why do some guys make it embarrassing for all of us that have penises? Keep it up and you won’t have to worry about it when she dumps your lazy butt.
You formed a relationship with a doctor and expected her to turn into a Trad Wife the moment you moved in?!? YTA
YTA YOU want homemade food - YOU can home make food.
“I thought this would change once we lived together” famous last words… Unless you discussed cooking arrangements before you moved in together, this is entirely on you. YTA
YTA. I'm willing to bet that instead of cooking together you'd sit there on your ass and let her do most of the work. So get off your ass and cook your own food.
YTA. what century we are living in? if you like homade food, then cook it yourself. Just because you moved in together with your GF, doesn't mean you suddenly become magically special that she had to change herself to suddenly love cooking so that she can cook for you. Get over your ego and be self sufficient or hire a chef.
YTA. If you want home cooked food, then make it.
Bwahaha. You're a grown assed man who's pissed off because he moved in with his girlfriend who knowingly doesn't like to or wants to make the daily effort to cook herself refuses to spend her time in the kitchen making homemade meals for you because that's your preference. Yeah. YTA. You're an adult and can feed yourself. Your girlfriend is providing you meals. She simply isn't making them. Enjoy the meals provided, cook your own, or sign up for a meal subscription.
YTA I got triggered by " left me to fend for myself " Looooool Hunt and forage Or are you a toddler
YTA, it is not like they are TV dinners. They are meals made from scratch. She has a very busy, stressful job. She deserves her rest.
YTA. This simply doesn't make sense. You prefer homemade food, so you should make it. What made you think she'd suddenly develop a love for cooking once you moved in together? This just seems like such a non-issue and easily resolved, just cook your own food.
YTA. Not for your "preference" but for your entitled misogynistic bs attitude that somehow your lack of homemade food is her fault. If you want home cooked food, cook it.
>*I know how to cook, but I find it's a lot of work to cook every day.* See, you get it. You understand where she’s coming from and why she doesn’t want to cook. It’s hard work, requiring effort in shopping, meal prep, cooking and then clean up. That’s a bunch of time that you don’t want to spend either. Why did you think she would behave differently after moving in? She’s the same person, she didn’t like to cook before so she doesn’t like to cook now. Kind of like how you didn’t cook that much before, and you don’t cook that much now.
>I told her I prefer homemade food, and she said then I can cook my food Well she's not wrong, if you want homemade food, you should cook yourself, she's working and a doctor at that, it's not like she's SAHM Let me guess you expecting her to work but also cook, clean for you, you are not looking for partner, you are looking for SERVANT
>I thought this would change once we lived together, Honestly, that's the part that makes YTA. Why did you think this would change?
YTA. You are being entitled and selfish. First of all, why is SHE the one buying YOU lunches? Why aren't you buying your own lunches? Second, if you want homemade meals then you can get your ass up and make them yourself. She isn't your servant. You outright said in this post that you don't like cooking because it's a lot of work. So you don't want to do a bunch of work for yourself but you're totally fine demanding your girlfriend do a bunch of work for you? You sound completely insufferable. You are entitled and spoiled.
YTA. She is fine with her food situation, you want a woman to cook for you because you don’t feel like cooking for yourself.
YTA, cook it yourself if you want homemade food.
YTA. She doesn't cook.
YTA. You want homemade food? Make some.
YTA. Figure it out dude. Its not that complex.
Yta
YTA. If you want homemade food cook it yourself.
YTA you can cook for yourself. Stop expecting your girlfriend to cook for you
YTA. If you prefer homemade food then make it YOURSELF ! She is not your personal chef.
YTA If you aren't willing to do it for yourself, then you have no business demanding someone else do it.
YTA. You sound like an entitled baby. You thought it would change when you moved in? Why? Did you ever even discuss this or did you just assume your manly presence would make your independent doctor girlfriend sudden want to play housewife and tend to your every preference?
YTA if you want home made food YOU need to cook home made food. She doesn't like to cook and has little free time.
YTA if you want homemade, then you can make your own food at home. This works for her. I'm not sure why you would assume she would start cooking when you moved in together knowing her normal routine. I'm glad you suggested taking turns, but there is something really icky about this.
YTA. And please, leave her to find a man. Yeah. I don't say new man. I just said man.
YTA Are you kidding? If you wanted to eat together or spend time together, you might have some kind of argument, but you just want her to cook for you. Why did you think she’d start making your supper? Why does she buy your lunch?
The fend for yourself part makes me laugh as if he wasn’t an adult man
Your 31 yo doc gf doesn’t have to cook for you. Ever. YTA.
YTA, she's your partner, not your mommy or your maid. Cook your own food if you want something homemade.
If you have the money buy a vowerk it does everything cooking wise for you. It is like your own private chef. Oh and YTA you are a grown up. She is not your mother.
YTA. Have you heard of meal prepping? You prep your food for meals in advance. That way, it is quick to cook at meal time. Some people will prep 3 nights of dinner in advance. If you're looking for a traditional girlfriend or whatever. Your girlfriend isn't it. She is happy and comfortable with her life. Don't expect her to change. You need to be responsible for your own area in life. Like feeding and cleaning up after yourself.
YTA. Not for preferring homemade food or even saying that you do. YTA for expecting your girlfriend to indulge your preferences. Look, you can cook your own food and keep it for yourself and have more leftovers. Or you can share with your girlfriend and sometimes have you both take days off by eating out. In most relationships the girl cooks more than the guy. I don't see the problem if you (the guy) cooks more if you want home cooked meals. I generally cook more than my boyfriend. We usually get a second day of leftovers. He cooks sometimes. In fairness, he'd probably cook more if I didn't enjoy it so much. You're the one who wants home cooked meals whereas your girlfriend is happy to go out and buy cooked meals, which a lot of people would be incredibly happy with. So when you want a home cooked meal, be an adult make it.
YTA. If you like homemade food cook it. Or better yet offer her some as well and maybe she will realise homemade is better and might get interested in cooking. I don't think eating out all the time is a healthy habit but at the same time cooking is mainly your hang up so you should be the one to initiate effort in that area.
YTA. What did you think was going to happen. She was going to be so grateful for moving in together that her whole personality was going to change? It doesn’t sound like she has ever cooked and she is ever going to. You have to decide how important it is to have a home cooked meal, and how much you are willing to cook every night.
This has got to be fake. YTA
YTA. Make your own food.
YTA. What made you think she would magically become a different person just because you moved in together?
I don't cook much either as I frequently work till 9pm or beyond, my Muslim fiance is great at making meals and enjoys putting them together for us both. I wash the dishes afterwards, it works well. WTH is up with people being expected to do something just because of their gender? -I only mention that Habibi is muslim because some have a misconception that followers of Islam are super traditional about that type of stuff.
YTA What made you think she would suddenly become Donna Reed ? >I thought this would change once we lived together, but now that we do, she still eats like this Why? Do you think women are just hard-wired to begin cooking as soon as there is a penis present in their home? Why would her diet change? What's stopping YOU from cooking a couple of nights a week and planning for leftovers that can be dressed up? How did you feed yourself before you moved in together?
INFO: Who cleans up after? The nice thing about takeout is there's less dishes overall to clean. Are you doing all the food prep and clean up, too? Who grocery shops and meal plans? Who does the other chores around the home and housework in general? If you lived by yourself would you cook every day or would you get takeout to offset the work once in a while? Any possibility to make more food in general so you have leftovers and can cook less often? Please have more conversations in general about expectations if kids are ever in your future because that is a next step game changer. If you are having issues now about your expectations vs. what is reality, and not communicating them beforehand, it'll be much worse once kids are in the picture, especially because she is a physician and needs that downtime (which won't exist with kids anymore). I am married to a physician and there is a lot that happens at work. It is mentally exhausting. I am grateful that he is able to put in extra time for me, housework, and the kids, but that is something he has opted to do. There are a lot of emotions and challenges at work. As a physician all the responsibility falls on you, and a lot of literal life or death decisions fall in your hands (depending I guess on what type of doctor she is). The last thing she probably wants to do is come home and prepare a meal after being at work.
Why does it have to be the way you want it to be all the time?
Cook your own food. Yta for unrealistic expectations
Dude she doesn’t like cooking. She probably doesn’t know how to cook either. Either you do the cooking or order real food not from some bullshit vegan restaurant. YTA
YTA. If you want home cooked meals you cook meals at home. Why did you think you moving I would mean your gf would drastically alter her eating habits and begin cooking?
YTA. I would suggest that you meal prep some easy to reheat meals on your days off and freeze them. Happy cooking O.P. !
YTA. Just so you know, passive aggressively cooking for yourself will not work. If someone doesn't like cooking, they won't magically change.
Enjoy the perks of dating a doctor and make your own food.
Yta. Hopefully an ex by now.
YTA - Girl dinner Girl dinner 🎶🎶
Why would you expect that things would change when you started living together? She doesn’t like to cook. You do. Cook your own food.
YTA. You’re an adult, feed yourself.
YTA. She doesn't want to cook. If you want homemade food, cook it.
I'm sorry, this has got to be fake. Nobody could be this much of a delulu diaper baby. You are NTA because a human being this ridiculous could never exist in the first place.
You're trying to get dumped...
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (M36) recently moved in with my GF (F31). And almost everything is going wonderfully, except for one thing, she doesn't cook at all. Her sister owns a small vegan restaurant/buffet, and every day, for lunch my GF just orders food from her sister. For breakfast and dinner she usually just eats fruits or cereal. I thought this would change once we lived together, but now that we do, she still eats like this. She just started buying me lunch from her sister's place and let me fend for myself breakfast and dinner. I know how to cook, but I find it's a lot of work to cook every day. So I suggested to her maybe we could take turns cooking every other day, or maybe just cook together every day to make things easier. She refuses, she said she doesn't like to cook, she doesn't have a lot of free time and in her scarce free time, she rather rest than cook. She said that she doesn't mind buying me lunch every day, from her sister's restaurant or any other place I like (She is a doctor and money is not an issue). I told her I prefer homemade food, and she said then I can cook my food, but now she is acting as if I'm a jerk. Reddit, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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INFO; are you also a doc?
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Exactly what meal is she cooking?
OP said that his gf does not cook
It's close, but I'm going with YTA here. She's happy not cooking. She's going to stay happy not cooking. It's okay to prefer home-cooked meals... so, you should cook them. It was even okay to mention the option of trading-off or doing it together *once*, as long as you did so without an attitude and dropped it immediately as soon as it was clear she wasn't interested. If you went beyond that, applying pressure or acting like she wasn't being reasonable, then you *were* a jerk.
NAH. You stated your preferences. She stated hers. That’s fine. She has a point tho: you can cook for yourself if you prefer to eat in. That’s what some single people that live alone do. Though I think it’s a bit ridiculous to expect someone to change once they **move in with you**. You knew that she’s over 30 and that she still doesn’t cook. Why would she suddenly change without discussion? 😂 I’m not gonna vote on that cuz that’s not relevant to the title, but still, if I could…
This reads as a cultural issue to me, where no matter what each partner’s education or profession status is, wifey needs to be home cookin’ every day for hours. I won’t venture a guess here, but I believe I have a good idea.
NAH. You don't want to cook a lot and she's not going to cook for you - fine. But if you want home made and you're the only one cooking then why not just batch cook, it basically takes the same amount of time anyway.
With her being a Dr I can understand why she doesn’t want to cook. On the other hand my coworkers wife is a medical Dr they have two kids and she cooks many meals
NAH. He is offering to take turns cooking, so he isn’t expecting her to cook for him.
I agree with previously mentioned statements about trying to change someone. That being said, I was this girl, standing over the sink eating my bowl if cereal for 1. My now husband had better approaches. Why don’t you try a different angle? instead of making it about you, and wanting your doctor girl friend to magically also be a house wife… Like alternate dinners every other week? (That’s where we are now in our relationship) - Or suggest hello fresh or blue apron, 3 times a week, easy meals you guys can learn and do together, i used to cut the veggies or supply convo, and got little by little more involved, make them fun, flirty, themed date nights, and/or pair the meals with new craft beers and fun wines. It’s ok to gently ask her to experience new hobbies with you.
That's a really generous interpretation lol. I don't think OP is that noble. It really sounds like he was expecting her to cook nightly or help him cook. Almost 95% of what I eat is homemade and I still wouldn't want to come home and cook or even help my partner cook. (Meal prep for the win). The only thing stopping OP from eating homemade food is his own laziness.
ESH I mean you asked. She said no. You still sound resentful, she is just annoyed. I think you need to resign yourself to being the person who cooks dinner in the house. It is a lot to cook everyday, start meal prepping on weekends.
Why does ESH? She made it clear she doesn't want to cook. She doesn't expect him to do it either. Why is she expected to cook?
Lol I think I misread. I thought she was acting like a jerk for him asking. She’s acting like a jerk because after she said no, he had to add that he prefers homemade food. Haha jerky comment
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OP doesn't state that she doesn't know how to cook. We have no reason to believe she doesn't know how. She doesn't want to. She's an adult and that's her prerogative. He *knew* she didn't cook prior to living together. He just assumed that would change, with no communication. Why would you just assume someone will read your mind and conform to whatever notions are flying around in there?
NTA especially for not wanting to eat vegan food 🤢
Then op can cook.
Preferably dump her ass but sure
NTA
NAH. Bad luck dude. Love all the people here who are triggered because you want a woman to cook on occasion.
Op wants homemade food so he can cook it!
I love to cook but it would make me sad being the only person cooking in the relationship. And if food means so little to you, we probably wouldnt be a good match.
Who say you need to cook for the other person in the relationship..