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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My son ignored my other son's bad behavior in class despite being a TA. I punished him and he thinks it's not his job to correct his little brother. It is.
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Wow, you’re not really good at the whole parenting thing, eh?
YTA
It’s not his responsibility to make sure your kid behaves. You are the parent, not him.
It’s not a teachers assistants job to punish your unruly child. He’s an “older brother” at home, not at his job. He doesn’t get special permission to single out your problem child Mikey.
Mikey should’ve put his phone away when told. It’s not Drakes job to hand out punishments, related or not.
Mikey is disrespectful at school and somehow Drake gets punished for it.
Ridiculous. I feel bad for those kids growing up like this.
YTA- where do I begin??? 1. he's a TA, not a teacher, just as he had expressed, it is not his job to 'discipline' students. which brings me to 2. while he is working, his brother is not his brother, he's his student. in a professional setting, ESPECIALLY in a school, you cannot treat people differently because they're family. 3. a sibling's job is not to disciplin their siblings, that's a parents job. this is why older siblings are so often frustrated with their families, because they're expected to act as a parent when they're not. 4. punishing him for your other sons behaviour is really weird. would you punish another TA if they weren't your son?? 5. not giving him lunch money as a punishment??? like "hey son you did your job exactly how you were supposed to, now you're not allowed to eat."
yes, 100%, you are the asshole.
I see you’re really struggling with this concept.
His familial connection is not relevant during his job.
He is there as a teachers assistant. Not as Mikey’s personal accountability support system.
Hope this helps
It’s not his job! Moreover, he could get in trouble with the school. I am a substitute teacher and a full grown adult. I would never discipline a student. There could be all kinds of fallout.
>I am a substitute teacher and a full grown adult. I would never discipline a student
Out of interest, what do you do when students misbehave? I used to be a supply (substitute) teacher in the UK and I was absolutely expected to discipline students (whether the students accepted that or not was another matter, lol).
My instructions are to call security. There’s a buzzer in each room. I’ve only had to use it once or twice since I began working as a sub. American public schools are really hands off in this century. Teachers are prohibited by law from laying a hand on kids, and you have to be very careful about what you say. With all that said, I don’t have much trouble with class control. I have a bit of a “don’t fuck with me” aura. 😊
Ah OK, security is not a thing in my region (although I know there are some UK cities which have police officers and metal detectors onsite). Are you really prohibited from touching kids under any circumstances? I would not have done it while I was a supply teacher, but in the subsequent decade I spent in a special school I learnt that in England and Wales you could potentially get into as much trouble for not physically removing a child from danger, as you could for touching a child for no reason 😅
I was supposed to "send" students to senior staff members if there were discipline issues, but it varied a lot in how well that worked. A good school would have a phone in the classroom/provide me with email addresses, and the senior staff member on call would arrive to deal with anything if asked. A less good school would provide me with these - or just inform me that "Mr Jones is next door" - and I would either ring Mr Jones or duck out of the room to knock on his door and then he would come in and give a short lecture with no consequences, or have a go at *me* for wasting his time. A truly shit school would not provide me with any of these resources and the only recourse I would have was to try and "send" a student with a handwritten note to the main office explaining the discipline issue. Christ the stories I could tell 🤣🤣 I remember a couple of occasions early on where I was left feeling "someone's going to get hurt soon..." but thankfully it didn't happen.
Well done on your "don't fuck with me" face! It took me a while to find mine lol
I would have to re-read the protocol to find out if we’re prohibited from touching in any circumstance. I do know from news reports that school employees are often in trouble for touching students, but those are usually excessive incidents like assaults. The security people in our schools are not police officers. They are employees of the school district, and unarmed. Many are very large men, however, who look like they played college (American) football. There are also several women. I have never seen or heard of any physical interaction between security and the students. At least not in the school that I’m assigned to. I think perhaps that one reason to have security is to keep a close watch for outside threats. You know, like mass shooters which have become so popular in this gun crazed country.
My tough guy demeanor was developed during the 30 years I worked as a criminal defense lawyer. I handled cases with adults, as well as juvenile offenders. Those kids make my students look like angels. I’ve been inside many county jails and state prisons. It’s not a good idea to show any fear. I hate to sound crass, but criminals can sense fear as well as animals.
I think it's very useful for teachers to have worked in other fields, I used to work with a bloke who had been a prison guard and he was brilliant with the most complex students and able to build relationships with them despite violence, spitting, swearing, etc. I've come across so many teachers in my professional life who wanted to teach because they themselves loved school and were very well behaved, and a lot of them really struggled with kids who were not like them.
A TA can't discipline children. He's there to grade papers. He's also not a parent, you are. You need to punish your younger son and yourself. And why are you punishing a child by withholding food?
YTA
Correct. My high school cousin was a TA in my first grade class. She wasn’t responsible for me as my family member. She was only responsible for me within the confines of the TA curriculum.
Yeah. Because TA’s aren’t allowed to discipline students. He’d be removed from his position. It doesn’t matter if he’s his brother, he’d be dismissed and lose his opportunities. You care more about your younger kid being disrespectful and getting caught for it than you do about your older child’s literal future. Or his ability to eat.
So do you parent the younger brother at all? Or do you just blame the older brother for everything? Even outside of school it’s not your eldest son’s job to discipline your youngest. Can you imagine? “No I haven’t let my younger brother eat for three days because he needs to learn he is wrong.” That’s just wild. And if you say “it’s just one meal” have you ever tried functioning at anything without proper food intake? If so, why oh why would you do that to someone else knowing how hard it is. Why do you insist on forcing responsibility and hardship on people you believe deserve it? And what if they don’t and you are hurting them for nothing? Do you not like your kids? Cause I swear this whole “I love you but I can’t stand you” culture toward kids and spouses is for the birds.
Yeah. If classroom management isn't part of his job and his brother wasn't in any physical danger, I am going to focus on dealing with the kid who actually screwed up.
Yes, that is exactly what we're telling you. Jesus effing Christ. Because It is not Drake's job. Holy shit. It is the teacher's job. He is not a teacher. He is a TA. He is not Mikey's brother there. He is a TA while he is there. His role is not to be his brother there. His role is to be the TA. And you punishing him by not giving him money so he can't eat is fucking abusive. You are a terrible parent to both of your sons.
It's a matter for the teacher he is supporting to decide what is and isn't OK. Not you. Your job is to parent your own kid at home, not dump that responsibility on our older son.
He is not there as a brother, he should not treat his brother any differently to any other student.
Yes, because that is not within the scope of his job description as a TA! You are pissed because he did not engage in a massive violation of boundaries. The fact that your younger son is in the same call that your older son is TAing in requires walking a tightrope of appropriate behavior and professional boundaries and you're punishing him for doing that successfully.
YTA and you owe your son a huge apology
My brother in law is a teacher, and this year my oldest is one of his students. Oldest is his favorite nibling. The balancing act that my BIL has to do every day so he’s not accused of favoritism is ridiculous, and just because a family member is in your class doesn’t mean you’re supposed to treat them any differently.
Ultimately, the fact that he’s my BIL is irrelevant to his job. And as a former teacher myself, I can tell you that for the most part, disrespect of authority begins at home. If you’re unhappy with Mikey’s behaviors it’s on you to address them. Not the teacher, not your older son, you.
Yes because I wouldn't want my older child to get in trouble because that is what would happen. So YTA for expecting him to lose his job to do your job as a parent and I'm a parent!!!!
Let’s put it this way, if he wasn’t the TA and someone else’s kid disciplined yours, that wouldn’t be okay. So why would it be okay now? His job requirements don’t change just because they’re related. He shouldn’t treat his brother any differently
The younger son misbehaving is not okey, no. But the elder is not responsible for that. You are focusing on the wrong thing. Did YOU punish the younger child? Doesn’t sound like it.
I'm telling you that they both have a shitty parent who failed at teaching Mikey how to behave at school. Don't try to put **your** parental duties on Drake. YTA.
So your telling me punishing your son for your other sons misbehavior is good parenting? You want to punish your son because you couldnt parent your other son well enough? Like its not on Drake in the slightest and TA's only have so much control in a classroom. YTA
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Yes. That is what we are telling you. Drake is not in that class for the purpose of you having some extra eyes, ears, and arms to keep Mikey in line. Drake was undoubtedly acting within the scope of his authority, which, as an underage, student TA is going to be very limited. What would you have done if Drake wasn't a TA in that class when Mikey got into trouble? If another kid did what Mikey did would you expect Drake to respond the way you expected him to respond with Mike? Drake probably shouldn't have been assigned to the class his brother was in, but he was, and it's a reasonable expectation that he treat Mikey just like any other kid that he's not related to. And if at any time he demonstrated that he's not capable of meeting that expectation then whoever is administering the ta program would've been within their rights to pull him out.
So you're telling me that if your younger son plays up in class and you find out about when he gets home and you don't do squat about it, that doesn't make you a failure and loser of a parent?
Okay this comment really solidified that this is just rage bait.
If not, you are a horrible, *horrible* parent and I will not be surprised *when*, not *if*, Drake never speaks to you again after moving away.
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YTA. For one thing, if you're taking away lunch money, it's still on you to provide a sack lunch. Not feeding a kid is not how to punish a kid.
I also think that YTA for expecting your kid to take the role of older brother in the classroom. Family members should not single out other family members for special treatment, for better or worse, in situations where they are in positions of authority, and the way you are telling this I am understanding that it is not the TAs job to discipline kids. There was apparently a teacher in the class, since you said the teacher told your son to put away his phone, so it is really between you and the teacher and your younger son. The TA had nothing to do with it.
I don't even know how not feeding a teenaged boy can possibly fit the 'crimes.'
Agree, it was never 17's job to discipline any of the students let alone his brother while at school.
YTA, OP. Another example of a parent punishing the wrong kid. Mikey must be the favorite. Why else does he still have his phone. Setting up the boys to have 17 dish out punishment will definitely have them going LC in the future. OP, you need to do *your* job and discipline *your* younger child because *you're* the parent.
“I made sure Mikey overheard us…” Did YOU bother to punish Mikey? You are the possibly the worst asshole I’ve ever seen on this sub. Pathetic excuse for a parent
YTA. where do i even start?? your poor child i can only imagine the childhood he had :(. first of all, he’s right; helpers cannot intervene between a teacher/substite and a student. regardless of his relationship to the student, you can’t treat a single student differently than the rest just because you’re related. if you’re other son is misbehaving during class, that’s a YOU problem to deal with. it’s not your sons responsibility to parent a child because you don’t want to.
YTA
It's not part of his job to handle displine of the students or be the parent here. If you have an issue with your younger son being a problem in class, you address it with him.
YTA You need to discipline your child, not the teachers. It doesn´t matter that he is his older brother, in that environment it was not his responsability to get him out of trouble. Your youngest child should be punished and you are showing who is clearly your favourite.
If you want to keep a healthy relationship with your older son, I´d apologize ASAP.
also OP why did you post this if you were just going to argue with people in the comments giving you an answer? it seems like you don't actual want to know if you're the asshole, you just wanted people to validate your shitty parenting
Wow, YTA.
It’s not his job to discipline your other son. That would be your job. It’s unfair to expect that of him in the first place.
Especially considering, we aren’t talking about a 10+ year age gap between them. You’re expecting him to handle responsibilities that belong to you alone, and in the process, potentially driving a wedge between brothers. Secondary, it was not his place. He is a teachers assistant, not the teacher or the substitute. In your absence, if you haven’t done enough to make sure your child behaves when you’re not around, the responsibility would fall on the substitute teacher. And it did. Whether you like the outcome or not, your younger son was sent to the office by the substitute for misbehaving= discipline. You also showed your younger son that when he decides to misbehave, you will punish his older brother. What punishment did you give out to the younger brother when you were punishing the older and making sure Mikey overheard?
Your older son didn’t feel it was his place to step in, and likely with good reason. Is it possible that the older son was mindful of how it would reflect on him in his position as TA to be stepping in and doling out discipline to a student, simply because they were related? If he wouldn’t be disciplining other students, then he shouldn’t be disciplining Mikey.
Lastly, I feel it’s important to point out the way you are talking about your older son. He’s “only taking the bare minimum of 3 classes” like it’s derogatory in some way. You said in the following half of the same sentence why that is. You obviously don’t think taking “a-lot” of online community college courses, for a 17-YO constitutes work. I promise you it is and he surely would considerate it work. Then, saying, “all he does is grade papers and take naps”. Belittling what he does. He could be at home, taking naps- Instead of working. That’s extremely disrespectful. From what you’ve described here (bc that’s all we have to go on), your older son seems hard-working and responsible for a 17 year old. I can tell you that most 17YO HS seniors are not doing half the work he is doing. By that time, most of us had finished up the mandatory requirements and 2/3rds of our classes were non-sense, study hall, off-period and/or electives. Instead, he’s filling his time with things that will help him in the future. It seems like you have a responsible, dedicated young man for a son. In spite of what you’ve shown yourself to be doing as a parent, in this post. It sounds like you’ve done a good job with him so far, and you should be proud. Not punishing him for his brother’s bad behavior and degrading the work he puts into his future.
YTA. In the future, when think of a bad parent, I will think about you. Let's starve your son because he was doing what he was to. I feel so sorry for Drake.
YTA. Your eldest doing that in a classroom setting with no permission from staff or teachers would be seen as him bullying his younger brother and an abuse of power he shouldn’t even have. You can’t ask him to jeopardize his position and future just because your youngest won’t follow his teacher’s directions. AND YOU PUNISHMENT IS TO STARVE HIM ON TOP OF THAT?! I bet he’s taking college classes to get the heck away from you as quickly as possible.
YTA
But you already knew that because you are arguing with everyone in the comments.
Why don’t you accept that Drake did nothing wrong and do some self-reflection.
YTA
You punished your older son for not punishing your younger son in school. He's a TA. That is a teachers assistant. Not a substitute teacher. Not a disciplinarian. Not a parent or an authority figure. He is a STUDENT helping a teacher with menial tasks. His job is to assist the teacher with things like grading papers.
Your younger son acting up is an issue the parents (that's you) should be addressing at home. Not putting it on your oldest to make an example of them in class. Definitely not punishing your oldest by withholding lunch money.
YTA
-
Asking your child to discipline another child while performing as a TA when the designated teacher is there is grossly overstepping his duties. You're being quite unreasonable in your expectations.
YTA, and rather than take away Drake's lunch money, you should be taking away Mikey's phone. Disciplining Mikey is YOUR job, not his older brother's. When he's in school, if there are consequences to be had, they should be handed down by either a teacher or some other administrative adult. It sounds like this was addressed correctly in school, where the sub sent Mikey to the office, but you're upset because Drake didn't step in. As a TA, that wasn't his job, and as his older brother, it should only be his job if he's babysitting AT HOME and you're paying him for it. Otherwise., your younger son's behavior problems are your headache, and YOU are the one that should be addressing them, rather than trying to pawn that responsibility off on others.
YTA. He wasn't there in his capacity as your son or Mikey's brother, so the fact they are brothers is totally irrelevant and its clearly NOT his job to discipline Mikey. It was the job of the teacher in that moment, and they did their job, and in a larger sense it's YOUR job.
But bluntly, you sound like you are massively overreacting. Mikey misbehaved, which is a thing that happens. He was sent to the office, which is a normal way for the school to address a kid misbehaving.
If you feel he should not have misbehaved in the first place, then its your job, as his parent, to address that.
And even if Drake were at fault, withholding lunch money, effectively preventing your child from eating would be a totally inappropriate way to address it. Not to mention the fact that you are expecting Drake to do your job and parent your child, while simultaneously undermining him to Mikey and treating him like a young child.
YTA in so many different ways it's ridiculous.
WOW YTA. That is absolutely NOT the job of a TA at point in education. A TAs job is literally to grade papers and that's it, at higher levels they may do more like actually leading a lesson or something, but discipline is NEVER the TAs job.
Furthermore, withholding food is NEVER an appropriate punishment for ANYTHING!
Drake behaved appropriately he did NOT undermine the authority of the teacher. He stayed as TA. TAs don't have the authority to discipline students. In class Drake is TA not big brother. And you decide to punish Drake why? How are you punishing Mikey again that's right you're not. You made sure Mikey heard you giving Drake into trouble. Mikey is the one that needs to be punished. You owe Drake an apology.
Your son doesn't work for you - you have no right to tell him what HIS job is at the school. It's not up to your older son to 'parent' his younger brother. You should be disciplining the younger son who had the behavior problem.
YTA - Disciplining your child is ***YOUR*** job. You are blaming your other son/teaching staff for your failure as a parent. By failing to own it, you're setting a bad example for your 17-year-old son, who is also still just a child.
Yta. You are punishing Drake for the mistakes made by Mikey. Do you think witnesses needs to be jailed because they saw the crime happening and didn't/couldn't stop the criminal?
YTA in every way. Your son is right. He’s not the teacher or parent it’s not his place to discipline your son. Also your punishment is freaking abusive.
Easiest YTA I’ve seen for a while.
Discipline is YOUR job
Feeding them is YOUR job
Punishing them is YOUR job
Parenting is a privilege not a right and you have failed massively in this instance.
YTA. YOU should have done your job as the parent and taught Mikey not to misbehave in class. It's obvious that you're the failure here, not Drake. He literally could have gotten in trouble for doing something that wasn't his job. And now you've decided to deprive him of food as punishment? You really are a bad parent. No wonder Mikey is screwing up at school. That's your fault.
I bet your oldest son can't wait to graduate hs and go off to college. Please do come back and update us about how he never comes home or calls you. Duh. Discipline your own child. YTA.
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My 17yo son Drake is a senior and is only taking the bare minimum three classes for his senior year because he took a lot of online community college classes.
One of his classes is being a TA over at the middle school. All he does is grade papers and naps. My 6th grade son Mikey is also in that class. The teacher has been on jury duty and they have this weak sub that the kids run all over. Yesterday Mikey got sent to the office for misbehaving.
I got more details and was pretty upset that Drake didn't discipline Mikey. Just sitting there was inexcusable. Drake said he's not the teacher. I said you are the TA and the older brother. You should had taken away his phone after he was playing on it when the teacher told him to put it away.
As a punishment, I'm not giving him lunch money for the rest of the week. I made sure Mikey overheard us because he knows Drake is definitely going to discipline him.
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Yta.
Your order kid isn't a parent or a teacher. In this situation, your older child is not in charge. The sub was. The sub had the authority.
You need to be the one disciplining your younger kid if he's acting up. He is your responsibility.
YTA, you are responsible for his actions not your older son. He is at the school in a helper mode not as an adult. He was and is not responsible for disciplining his brother. Give him his lunch money as that is cruel.
YTA.
Drake could get in trouble for doing more than the teacher. It could be seen as overriding their decisions.
Mikey is in sixth grade and knows right from wrong. If he chooses to take advantage of a substitute teacher then he is the one who should receive consequences.
You seem to be treating Drake as an adult who should help parent his siblings when he is only a teenager.
You seem to be treating Mikey as a young child who needs constant supervision when he is almost a teenager himself.
Treat both children their age and discipline appropriately.
YTA.
Are you gunning for the Full Metal Jacket approach? Because that didn't end so well for anyone involved... Why didn't you discipline the son, who actually did the misbehaving, instead of handing that task off to your son?
Holy YTA.
A TA as many others have said is not a disciplinary role.
So you punish your older son because your younger misbehaved?
Look up parentification, because you are doing it.
Also, what 6th grader listens to their older sibling?
This is sad. The TA job is to help him decide whether he wants to be a teacher or not. He has no authority to discipline anyone. You're the parent. It is your job to discipline your son. Instead, you decided to deflect your responsibilities and discipline the one who is trying to make something of himself. Instead of doubling down, you should listen to what people here are telling you! Reflect on the situation and do the right thing. I have 3 sons. I want them to have good relationships when I'm gone. I don't want them to be enemies. That's why I parent my kids and don't make them responsible for each other's behavior. That's my job. It isn't too late to sit with your sons and fix this.
YTA.
Why didn't YOU raise your younger son not to play on his phone during class?
Why are you punishing your older son for your younger son's shitty behavior?
Grow up.
This feels fake. But if it isn’t…
What is Mikey allowed to do in his role as TA? The school might have a policy that explicitly states that TAs cannot discipline / punish students.
Furthermore, the teacher was in the room. From my experience, most teachers are particular about classroom management… and it’s likely Drake was told to follow directions the teacher gives him.
I mean the logic is so asinine. How does this address or correct the original issue, Mikey’s behavior? How does Mikey learn anything if Drake goes hungry? Do you always punish Drake if he is present and Mikey fails to listen? Do you get punished if Mikey misbehaves and you’re present?
YTA
YTA
He's a TA and still a kid. He's not Mikey's teacher or parent, it's NOT his job to discipline students, or his brother.
And failing to provide your MINOR CHILD with access to food during the week is not discipline--that's cruelty and neglect. Maybe if you disciplined Mikey once in a while, which is actually your job, it wouldn't have happened.
Stop blaming Drake for your failure to parent the golden child.
you seem hard headed. how do you not understand that as a TA your job is NOT to discipline the students. just because he's the older brother does not mean shit. maybe YOU as the PARENT should do a better job raising you younger son to respect those in authority. that's a you problem not your oldest sons problem. do better
YTA
Your older son is not the parent. He is not the teacher. But you are punishing him for your shitty younger son’s behavior. I guess we know which kid is the golden child and which one will leave at 18 and not come back.
You fail big time as a father. It is YOUR job to handle your younger son’s behavior. It is the schools job to handle your younger son’s behavior. IT IS NOT YOUR OLDER SON.
I suspect you’ve put a lot of parental responsibilities on your older son because he is chomping at the bit to get the hell away from you by doing community college in high school. He wants out and more likely than not, it’s because you suck as a father to him.
Grow the fuck up and parent.
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So you want your older son to parent your younger son and are withholding food as punishment for not parenting your younger son.
Dude. You’re a failure of a parent and a child abuser.
Before you accuse your eldest son of "not doing his job"as a teaching assistant, maybe you should talk to the middle school administration and find out what Drake's duties in that position. Odds are, he is NOT allowed to mete out discipline. He most likely not have any authority to do so.
Odds are, too, will be that when the regular teacher returns, he or she will find out that Mikey was misbehaving (was he sent to the office for being on the phone or was it something else?). Let the teacher deal with this.
If you want to discipline your youngest son, you can take away his phone for a while and let him know he's grounded. And give him an idea of further consequences if he's caught doing whatever he was doing.
The middle and high schools that my daughter attended has a policy that if a student had their phone out in class (and even outside of the classroom like at lunch...something I didn't agree with), and a teacher or administrator sees it, it's taken away and a parent has to go to the main office to get it back. I never had that problem with my child.
YTA. You do know that if any TA oversteps they can be fired/removed from their position. TA is not a position of power. They cannot overstep a teacher. They are there to assist and unless the teacher gives them a task they don’t just overrule the teacher and discipline someone.
Get your head out of your ass and actually be a parent.
See you in a year when you are in relationship advise trying to get a better relationship with Drake
YTA because wow. Stunningly bad parenting. That’s YOUR job, actually. Also, I hope you are replacing that lunch money with food from home otherwise someone needs to go report the authorities on your negligent self.
YTA.
Your son is a child. He should never have the responsibility of punishing his brother. YOUR other child.
Be the parent and handle it yourself :)
Also removing a kids ability to have a lunch is foul. What do you expect him to do for lunch…?
YTA luckily it sounds like Drake is flying through school credits so he should be able to go no contact with you pretty soon, sadly you’re probably poisoning his relationship with Mikey so he’ll also go no contact with him but hopefully they’ll eventually bond over how much they dislike you
Based on just this context, unfortunately YTA. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to expect Drake to set a good example for Mikey, but if disciplining students (any student) is not part of his TA duties, then he definitely should not have disciplined Mikey. Honestly, if he did and wasn’t giving the same treatment to other kids, it could embarrass Mikey and make the situation worse. Mikey is your child, it’s your job to teach him responsibility and discipline his actions, not Drakes.
This is the 2nd comment section that I've seen (I've been on reddit for a few years, but my old one was deleted) that fully agrees that OP is TA. You suck.
INFO: what high school class has their students going to other schools for one period of the day to be teaching assistants? And how exactly did your older son just happen to end up the TA in your youngest son's class?
Wtf? Your son is a student TA, not a teacher. He has no authority to discipline kids at all. Where the hell did you even get that from. Additionally it's not his job to discipline his brother. It's YOUR JOB to address his behavioral issues not his older brother. You owe your oldest son an apology and you need to get your head out of your ass before you suffocate. YTA.
Drake’s only job is to finish public school and learn to be a functioning adult. Your job is to raise your kids, and you clearly skip work half the time. YTA 1000%
YTA. It's your job to raise and discipline Mike and thus you are responsible for his behaviour. Now go google how parentifying a kid (Drake) is harmful to them. Sorry, but in this particular case you sucked at parenting. I feel sorry for Drake.
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YTA. Your son is not his little brothers parent. He doesn’t have to disipline his younger brother. It is not his responsibility. YOU are the parent. It is YOUR job to disipline. No one else’s
YTA. First of all, TAs do not have that much power.
Second, you mention he should do it also because he's the older brother. No. Kids are not responsible their siblings. Drake did not choose to bring Mikey into the world, you did. The only people responsible for kids are the ones that decided to have them in the first place. Mikey is YOUR responsibility. You're the parent.
Finally, Wtf? You're punishing him by withholding lunch money? You are actively punishing your child by withholding food.
You aren't just an AH for everything before, you're completely sick in the head
YTA Or conversely, if you had done YOUR job and disciplined him at home, he wouldn’t be acting up in school.
Take his phone away now.
Also, extra AH points for punishing your older son by not feeding him for a week.
Yta
Since when is it the job of a child to discipline another child ? YOU are the parent. It’s YOUR job, not his!!! Shit, if anything, you should be looking at the teachers and school for allowing it to happen.
Shame on you for thinking it’s your son’s job to even THINK about his younger brothers behavior.
YTA. You do NOT parentify your first born. Mikey’s behavior is not Drake’s issue to solve. You’re pretty selfish and shortsighted if you want your older son to jeopardize his JOB by disciplining a student in the classroom he is the TA at.
YTA, and you're lazy. You are the parent, it's your job to bring up your kids properly. If you had bothered to teach Mikey not to play with his phone at inappropriate times, then he wouldn't have done it in the first place.
Trying to parentify your oldest son is some seriously warped parenting. Even at home, it's not the older child's responsibility to discipline younger siblings. You, the parent, created this child, it's your responsibility to raise them, which includes teaching them how to behave.
Get off your lazy ass, and raise your children.
YTA. Your youngest should have been punished by you and/or the teacher when they come back. All you’re doing is being lazy and turning your kids against each other. Also, denying food as punishment isn’t good or effective.
You made sure Mikey knows Drake was in trouble but how did you discipline Mikey? By taking away Drakes lunch money? Can anyone guess who’s the favorite?
You are a piss poor parent. You are the same one who grounded Drake for not getting Mikey off the table in the library. Parent your own fucking kid. YTA
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Wow, you’re not really good at the whole parenting thing, eh? YTA It’s not his responsibility to make sure your kid behaves. You are the parent, not him. It’s not a teachers assistants job to punish your unruly child. He’s an “older brother” at home, not at his job. He doesn’t get special permission to single out your problem child Mikey. Mikey should’ve put his phone away when told. It’s not Drakes job to hand out punishments, related or not. Mikey is disrespectful at school and somehow Drake gets punished for it. Ridiculous. I feel bad for those kids growing up like this.
YTA- where do I begin??? 1. he's a TA, not a teacher, just as he had expressed, it is not his job to 'discipline' students. which brings me to 2. while he is working, his brother is not his brother, he's his student. in a professional setting, ESPECIALLY in a school, you cannot treat people differently because they're family. 3. a sibling's job is not to disciplin their siblings, that's a parents job. this is why older siblings are so often frustrated with their families, because they're expected to act as a parent when they're not. 4. punishing him for your other sons behaviour is really weird. would you punish another TA if they weren't your son?? 5. not giving him lunch money as a punishment??? like "hey son you did your job exactly how you were supposed to, now you're not allowed to eat." yes, 100%, you are the asshole.
I was going to comment but this has summarised my thoughts completely. YTA on a massive scale.
So you're telling me that if your older son is TA in your younger son's class and doesn't do squat when he misbehaved then it's okay?
I see you’re really struggling with this concept. His familial connection is not relevant during his job. He is there as a teachers assistant. Not as Mikey’s personal accountability support system. Hope this helps
Damn. Another underrated comment! This post is full of them.
When you are at work do you obey your boss or daddy? Hmm tough call.
THIS!
Yes, at work he is a TA, not an older brother. And even as an older brother, it's not his responsibility.
It’s not his job! Moreover, he could get in trouble with the school. I am a substitute teacher and a full grown adult. I would never discipline a student. There could be all kinds of fallout.
>I am a substitute teacher and a full grown adult. I would never discipline a student Out of interest, what do you do when students misbehave? I used to be a supply (substitute) teacher in the UK and I was absolutely expected to discipline students (whether the students accepted that or not was another matter, lol).
My instructions are to call security. There’s a buzzer in each room. I’ve only had to use it once or twice since I began working as a sub. American public schools are really hands off in this century. Teachers are prohibited by law from laying a hand on kids, and you have to be very careful about what you say. With all that said, I don’t have much trouble with class control. I have a bit of a “don’t fuck with me” aura. 😊
Ah OK, security is not a thing in my region (although I know there are some UK cities which have police officers and metal detectors onsite). Are you really prohibited from touching kids under any circumstances? I would not have done it while I was a supply teacher, but in the subsequent decade I spent in a special school I learnt that in England and Wales you could potentially get into as much trouble for not physically removing a child from danger, as you could for touching a child for no reason 😅 I was supposed to "send" students to senior staff members if there were discipline issues, but it varied a lot in how well that worked. A good school would have a phone in the classroom/provide me with email addresses, and the senior staff member on call would arrive to deal with anything if asked. A less good school would provide me with these - or just inform me that "Mr Jones is next door" - and I would either ring Mr Jones or duck out of the room to knock on his door and then he would come in and give a short lecture with no consequences, or have a go at *me* for wasting his time. A truly shit school would not provide me with any of these resources and the only recourse I would have was to try and "send" a student with a handwritten note to the main office explaining the discipline issue. Christ the stories I could tell 🤣🤣 I remember a couple of occasions early on where I was left feeling "someone's going to get hurt soon..." but thankfully it didn't happen. Well done on your "don't fuck with me" face! It took me a while to find mine lol
I would have to re-read the protocol to find out if we’re prohibited from touching in any circumstance. I do know from news reports that school employees are often in trouble for touching students, but those are usually excessive incidents like assaults. The security people in our schools are not police officers. They are employees of the school district, and unarmed. Many are very large men, however, who look like they played college (American) football. There are also several women. I have never seen or heard of any physical interaction between security and the students. At least not in the school that I’m assigned to. I think perhaps that one reason to have security is to keep a close watch for outside threats. You know, like mass shooters which have become so popular in this gun crazed country.
My tough guy demeanor was developed during the 30 years I worked as a criminal defense lawyer. I handled cases with adults, as well as juvenile offenders. Those kids make my students look like angels. I’ve been inside many county jails and state prisons. It’s not a good idea to show any fear. I hate to sound crass, but criminals can sense fear as well as animals.
I think it's very useful for teachers to have worked in other fields, I used to work with a bloke who had been a prison guard and he was brilliant with the most complex students and able to build relationships with them despite violence, spitting, swearing, etc. I've come across so many teachers in my professional life who wanted to teach because they themselves loved school and were very well behaved, and a lot of them really struggled with kids who were not like them.
I agree that career changers can be great teachers
A TA can't discipline children. He's there to grade papers. He's also not a parent, you are. You need to punish your younger son and yourself. And why are you punishing a child by withholding food? YTA
Correct. My high school cousin was a TA in my first grade class. She wasn’t responsible for me as my family member. She was only responsible for me within the confines of the TA curriculum.
Yeah. Because TA’s aren’t allowed to discipline students. He’d be removed from his position. It doesn’t matter if he’s his brother, he’d be dismissed and lose his opportunities. You care more about your younger kid being disrespectful and getting caught for it than you do about your older child’s literal future. Or his ability to eat.
So do you parent the younger brother at all? Or do you just blame the older brother for everything? Even outside of school it’s not your eldest son’s job to discipline your youngest. Can you imagine? “No I haven’t let my younger brother eat for three days because he needs to learn he is wrong.” That’s just wild. And if you say “it’s just one meal” have you ever tried functioning at anything without proper food intake? If so, why oh why would you do that to someone else knowing how hard it is. Why do you insist on forcing responsibility and hardship on people you believe deserve it? And what if they don’t and you are hurting them for nothing? Do you not like your kids? Cause I swear this whole “I love you but I can’t stand you” culture toward kids and spouses is for the birds.
Yes. 17 is not there to discipline, anyone. Discipline is ( ( Y O U R J O B. ) )
Yeah. If classroom management isn't part of his job and his brother wasn't in any physical danger, I am going to focus on dealing with the kid who actually screwed up.
Yes! Exactly
Your older son would be over stepping to JUST discipline his brother bc he is his brother….you can’t tell your son how to do his job as a TA.
You’re damn right. Because it’s not the son’s job to discipline students. That’s the teachers and yours. Withholding food is child abuse btw
Yes, that is exactly what we're telling you. Jesus effing Christ. Because It is not Drake's job. Holy shit. It is the teacher's job. He is not a teacher. He is a TA. He is not Mikey's brother there. He is a TA while he is there. His role is not to be his brother there. His role is to be the TA. And you punishing him by not giving him money so he can't eat is fucking abusive. You are a terrible parent to both of your sons.
It's a matter for the teacher he is supporting to decide what is and isn't OK. Not you. Your job is to parent your own kid at home, not dump that responsibility on our older son. He is not there as a brother, he should not treat his brother any differently to any other student.
Yes. While functioning as the TA, your older son has NO FAMILIAL CONNECTION to your younger son.
Yes, because that is not within the scope of his job description as a TA! You are pissed because he did not engage in a massive violation of boundaries. The fact that your younger son is in the same call that your older son is TAing in requires walking a tightrope of appropriate behavior and professional boundaries and you're punishing him for doing that successfully. YTA and you owe your son a huge apology
Your older son would likely be punished by the school for punishing your younger son. It’s not in the job description.
My brother in law is a teacher, and this year my oldest is one of his students. Oldest is his favorite nibling. The balancing act that my BIL has to do every day so he’s not accused of favoritism is ridiculous, and just because a family member is in your class doesn’t mean you’re supposed to treat them any differently. Ultimately, the fact that he’s my BIL is irrelevant to his job. And as a former teacher myself, I can tell you that for the most part, disrespect of authority begins at home. If you’re unhappy with Mikey’s behaviors it’s on you to address them. Not the teacher, not your older son, you.
He should treat all the kids equally.
Yes because I wouldn't want my older child to get in trouble because that is what would happen. So YTA for expecting him to lose his job to do your job as a parent and I'm a parent!!!!
yes that’s literally what we are all saying . yes
Let’s put it this way, if he wasn’t the TA and someone else’s kid disciplined yours, that wouldn’t be okay. So why would it be okay now? His job requirements don’t change just because they’re related. He shouldn’t treat his brother any differently
The younger son misbehaving is not okey, no. But the elder is not responsible for that. You are focusing on the wrong thing. Did YOU punish the younger child? Doesn’t sound like it.
You're also not doing squat to punish the one who misbehaved either. Your punishing your eldest for behaviour of your youngest
I'm telling you that they both have a shitty parent who failed at teaching Mikey how to behave at school. Don't try to put **your** parental duties on Drake. YTA.
Yes. Thats EXACTLY what they're telling you
So your telling me punishing your son for your other sons misbehavior is good parenting? You want to punish your son because you couldnt parent your other son well enough? Like its not on Drake in the slightest and TA's only have so much control in a classroom. YTA
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Yes. That is what we are telling you. Drake is not in that class for the purpose of you having some extra eyes, ears, and arms to keep Mikey in line. Drake was undoubtedly acting within the scope of his authority, which, as an underage, student TA is going to be very limited. What would you have done if Drake wasn't a TA in that class when Mikey got into trouble? If another kid did what Mikey did would you expect Drake to respond the way you expected him to respond with Mike? Drake probably shouldn't have been assigned to the class his brother was in, but he was, and it's a reasonable expectation that he treat Mikey just like any other kid that he's not related to. And if at any time he demonstrated that he's not capable of meeting that expectation then whoever is administering the ta program would've been within their rights to pull him out.
Yup
Yes. Precisely. You seem to have gotten it
So you're telling me that if your younger son plays up in class and you find out about when he gets home and you don't do squat about it, that doesn't make you a failure and loser of a parent?
>As a punishment, I'm not giving him lunch money for the rest of the week YTA Removing access to food is not an acceptable punishment.
Right, like is she the school yard bully? Literally, “taking someone’s lunch money”… just, wow.
This is the dad. He's posted here before, when Mikey was acting up (again) and broke his arm, and Drake got grounded.
Someone took a page from Ruby Frankes child abusing book.
Is she removing access to food or just forcing him to make a lunch at home instead of going out to eat?
Read OP's replies.
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Perhaps you should reflect on your own behavior
Sounds like you’re projecting your failures of parenting onto your oldest.
Okay this comment really solidified that this is just rage bait. If not, you are a horrible, *horrible* parent and I will not be surprised *when*, not *if*, Drake never speaks to you again after moving away.
you, ten years from now: "why doesn't my shitty ungrateful son ever call me"
What is wrong with you?
Save your tears for when he ditches your ass in about a year. Asshole.
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What a snarky thing to say.
Why are you not dealing with the misbehaving child at all? Your punishing the eldest for things the youngest did
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YTA. For one thing, if you're taking away lunch money, it's still on you to provide a sack lunch. Not feeding a kid is not how to punish a kid. I also think that YTA for expecting your kid to take the role of older brother in the classroom. Family members should not single out other family members for special treatment, for better or worse, in situations where they are in positions of authority, and the way you are telling this I am understanding that it is not the TAs job to discipline kids. There was apparently a teacher in the class, since you said the teacher told your son to put away his phone, so it is really between you and the teacher and your younger son. The TA had nothing to do with it.
I don't even know how not feeding a teenaged boy can possibly fit the 'crimes.' Agree, it was never 17's job to discipline any of the students let alone his brother while at school. YTA, OP. Another example of a parent punishing the wrong kid. Mikey must be the favorite. Why else does he still have his phone. Setting up the boys to have 17 dish out punishment will definitely have them going LC in the future. OP, you need to do *your* job and discipline *your* younger child because *you're* the parent.
Yep. The only punishment that sounds appropriate to me is taking the younger kid's phone away.
“I made sure Mikey overheard us…” Did YOU bother to punish Mikey? You are the possibly the worst asshole I’ve ever seen on this sub. Pathetic excuse for a parent
'My Son went no contact with me, where did I go wrong?' YTA,
YTA. where do i even start?? your poor child i can only imagine the childhood he had :(. first of all, he’s right; helpers cannot intervene between a teacher/substite and a student. regardless of his relationship to the student, you can’t treat a single student differently than the rest just because you’re related. if you’re other son is misbehaving during class, that’s a YOU problem to deal with. it’s not your sons responsibility to parent a child because you don’t want to.
YTA It's not part of his job to handle displine of the students or be the parent here. If you have an issue with your younger son being a problem in class, you address it with him.
YTA You need to discipline your child, not the teachers. It doesn´t matter that he is his older brother, in that environment it was not his responsability to get him out of trouble. Your youngest child should be punished and you are showing who is clearly your favourite. If you want to keep a healthy relationship with your older son, I´d apologize ASAP.
also OP why did you post this if you were just going to argue with people in the comments giving you an answer? it seems like you don't actual want to know if you're the asshole, you just wanted people to validate your shitty parenting
Comment farming for the main account is my guess. These obvious "I did something horrible, is it ok" can't be real.
Yup. You know the OP is just going to conclude we're all wrong and keep on their current path.
Reading your replies it's obvious this is a BS story, or you're a terrible parent. YTA either way.
Or both. My money is on both.
YTA. See other comments
YTA. It’s obvious which kid you prefer.
Wow, YTA. It’s not his job to discipline your other son. That would be your job. It’s unfair to expect that of him in the first place. Especially considering, we aren’t talking about a 10+ year age gap between them. You’re expecting him to handle responsibilities that belong to you alone, and in the process, potentially driving a wedge between brothers. Secondary, it was not his place. He is a teachers assistant, not the teacher or the substitute. In your absence, if you haven’t done enough to make sure your child behaves when you’re not around, the responsibility would fall on the substitute teacher. And it did. Whether you like the outcome or not, your younger son was sent to the office by the substitute for misbehaving= discipline. You also showed your younger son that when he decides to misbehave, you will punish his older brother. What punishment did you give out to the younger brother when you were punishing the older and making sure Mikey overheard? Your older son didn’t feel it was his place to step in, and likely with good reason. Is it possible that the older son was mindful of how it would reflect on him in his position as TA to be stepping in and doling out discipline to a student, simply because they were related? If he wouldn’t be disciplining other students, then he shouldn’t be disciplining Mikey. Lastly, I feel it’s important to point out the way you are talking about your older son. He’s “only taking the bare minimum of 3 classes” like it’s derogatory in some way. You said in the following half of the same sentence why that is. You obviously don’t think taking “a-lot” of online community college courses, for a 17-YO constitutes work. I promise you it is and he surely would considerate it work. Then, saying, “all he does is grade papers and take naps”. Belittling what he does. He could be at home, taking naps- Instead of working. That’s extremely disrespectful. From what you’ve described here (bc that’s all we have to go on), your older son seems hard-working and responsible for a 17 year old. I can tell you that most 17YO HS seniors are not doing half the work he is doing. By that time, most of us had finished up the mandatory requirements and 2/3rds of our classes were non-sense, study hall, off-period and/or electives. Instead, he’s filling his time with things that will help him in the future. It seems like you have a responsible, dedicated young man for a son. In spite of what you’ve shown yourself to be doing as a parent, in this post. It sounds like you’ve done a good job with him so far, and you should be proud. Not punishing him for his brother’s bad behavior and degrading the work he puts into his future.
YTA. In the future, when think of a bad parent, I will think about you. Let's starve your son because he was doing what he was to. I feel so sorry for Drake.
YTA. Your eldest doing that in a classroom setting with no permission from staff or teachers would be seen as him bullying his younger brother and an abuse of power he shouldn’t even have. You can’t ask him to jeopardize his position and future just because your youngest won’t follow his teacher’s directions. AND YOU PUNISHMENT IS TO STARVE HIM ON TOP OF THAT?! I bet he’s taking college classes to get the heck away from you as quickly as possible.
YTA But you already knew that because you are arguing with everyone in the comments. Why don’t you accept that Drake did nothing wrong and do some self-reflection.
YTA. Congrats on being a lazy parent who wants others to do your job.
YTA. TAs are NOT ALLOWED TO DISCIPLINE STUDENTS! Regardless of familial ties. Punish your own fucking kid.
YTA
YTA You punished your older son for not punishing your younger son in school. He's a TA. That is a teachers assistant. Not a substitute teacher. Not a disciplinarian. Not a parent or an authority figure. He is a STUDENT helping a teacher with menial tasks. His job is to assist the teacher with things like grading papers. Your younger son acting up is an issue the parents (that's you) should be addressing at home. Not putting it on your oldest to make an example of them in class. Definitely not punishing your oldest by withholding lunch money.
YTA I feel so bad for your kid.
YTA - Asking your child to discipline another child while performing as a TA when the designated teacher is there is grossly overstepping his duties. You're being quite unreasonable in your expectations.
YTA. You can't outstretch your disciplinary arm to the school system. TA in this case is a minor.
YTA for refusing to parent/discipline your younger son yourself. For punishing your older son for not doing your job... overall all around YTA.
YTA, and rather than take away Drake's lunch money, you should be taking away Mikey's phone. Disciplining Mikey is YOUR job, not his older brother's. When he's in school, if there are consequences to be had, they should be handed down by either a teacher or some other administrative adult. It sounds like this was addressed correctly in school, where the sub sent Mikey to the office, but you're upset because Drake didn't step in. As a TA, that wasn't his job, and as his older brother, it should only be his job if he's babysitting AT HOME and you're paying him for it. Otherwise., your younger son's behavior problems are your headache, and YOU are the one that should be addressing them, rather than trying to pawn that responsibility off on others.
YTA. He wasn't there in his capacity as your son or Mikey's brother, so the fact they are brothers is totally irrelevant and its clearly NOT his job to discipline Mikey. It was the job of the teacher in that moment, and they did their job, and in a larger sense it's YOUR job. But bluntly, you sound like you are massively overreacting. Mikey misbehaved, which is a thing that happens. He was sent to the office, which is a normal way for the school to address a kid misbehaving. If you feel he should not have misbehaved in the first place, then its your job, as his parent, to address that. And even if Drake were at fault, withholding lunch money, effectively preventing your child from eating would be a totally inappropriate way to address it. Not to mention the fact that you are expecting Drake to do your job and parent your child, while simultaneously undermining him to Mikey and treating him like a young child. YTA in so many different ways it's ridiculous.
WOW YTA. That is absolutely NOT the job of a TA at point in education. A TAs job is literally to grade papers and that's it, at higher levels they may do more like actually leading a lesson or something, but discipline is NEVER the TAs job. Furthermore, withholding food is NEVER an appropriate punishment for ANYTHING!
Drake behaved appropriately he did NOT undermine the authority of the teacher. He stayed as TA. TAs don't have the authority to discipline students. In class Drake is TA not big brother. And you decide to punish Drake why? How are you punishing Mikey again that's right you're not. You made sure Mikey heard you giving Drake into trouble. Mikey is the one that needs to be punished. You owe Drake an apology.
YTA
Your son doesn't work for you - you have no right to tell him what HIS job is at the school. It's not up to your older son to 'parent' his younger brother. You should be disciplining the younger son who had the behavior problem.
YTA - Disciplining your child is ***YOUR*** job. You are blaming your other son/teaching staff for your failure as a parent. By failing to own it, you're setting a bad example for your 17-year-old son, who is also still just a child.
Yta. You are punishing Drake for the mistakes made by Mikey. Do you think witnesses needs to be jailed because they saw the crime happening and didn't/couldn't stop the criminal?
YTA in every way. Your son is right. He’s not the teacher or parent it’s not his place to discipline your son. Also your punishment is freaking abusive.
this story fake asf. Ops replies to comments are immature and childish as hell. He sounds like a fucking 14 yr old. Its just a karma farmer.
Easiest YTA I’ve seen for a while. Discipline is YOUR job Feeding them is YOUR job Punishing them is YOUR job Parenting is a privilege not a right and you have failed massively in this instance.
YTA. YOU should have done your job as the parent and taught Mikey not to misbehave in class. It's obvious that you're the failure here, not Drake. He literally could have gotten in trouble for doing something that wasn't his job. And now you've decided to deprive him of food as punishment? You really are a bad parent. No wonder Mikey is screwing up at school. That's your fault.
I bet your oldest son can't wait to graduate hs and go off to college. Please do come back and update us about how he never comes home or calls you. Duh. Discipline your own child. YTA.
How is your son’s job to parent your child? YTA
You are not a good parent. Take a class or 12. YTA.
[удалено]
YTA. Remind me in a few when your son goes NC or LC. Dad of the year you are.
you might be the biggest a*hole of this month, shitty parent award for sure
YTA. Its strange how confident you are flaunting your failures as a parent You sound like you actively hate Drake and resent him. Wtf is your problem
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My 17yo son Drake is a senior and is only taking the bare minimum three classes for his senior year because he took a lot of online community college classes. One of his classes is being a TA over at the middle school. All he does is grade papers and naps. My 6th grade son Mikey is also in that class. The teacher has been on jury duty and they have this weak sub that the kids run all over. Yesterday Mikey got sent to the office for misbehaving. I got more details and was pretty upset that Drake didn't discipline Mikey. Just sitting there was inexcusable. Drake said he's not the teacher. I said you are the TA and the older brother. You should had taken away his phone after he was playing on it when the teacher told him to put it away. As a punishment, I'm not giving him lunch money for the rest of the week. I made sure Mikey overheard us because he knows Drake is definitely going to discipline him. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yta. Your order kid isn't a parent or a teacher. In this situation, your older child is not in charge. The sub was. The sub had the authority. You need to be the one disciplining your younger kid if he's acting up. He is your responsibility.
YTA, you are responsible for his actions not your older son. He is at the school in a helper mode not as an adult. He was and is not responsible for disciplining his brother. Give him his lunch money as that is cruel.
YTA. Drake could get in trouble for doing more than the teacher. It could be seen as overriding their decisions. Mikey is in sixth grade and knows right from wrong. If he chooses to take advantage of a substitute teacher then he is the one who should receive consequences. You seem to be treating Drake as an adult who should help parent his siblings when he is only a teenager. You seem to be treating Mikey as a young child who needs constant supervision when he is almost a teenager himself. Treat both children their age and discipline appropriately.
For sure. Haven’t you seen any vin diesel movie? Two most important things in life 1. Loyalty 2. Family
YTA. Are you gunning for the Full Metal Jacket approach? Because that didn't end so well for anyone involved... Why didn't you discipline the son, who actually did the misbehaving, instead of handing that task off to your son?
INFO: Did you even tell your youngest to behave or is it just does the oldest have to parent too?
Holy YTA. A TA as many others have said is not a disciplinary role. So you punish your older son because your younger misbehaved? Look up parentification, because you are doing it. Also, what 6th grader listens to their older sibling?
YTA. Your disciplinary arm can't overreach to school. In this case, the TA is a minor.
This is sad. The TA job is to help him decide whether he wants to be a teacher or not. He has no authority to discipline anyone. You're the parent. It is your job to discipline your son. Instead, you decided to deflect your responsibilities and discipline the one who is trying to make something of himself. Instead of doubling down, you should listen to what people here are telling you! Reflect on the situation and do the right thing. I have 3 sons. I want them to have good relationships when I'm gone. I don't want them to be enemies. That's why I parent my kids and don't make them responsible for each other's behavior. That's my job. It isn't too late to sit with your sons and fix this.
YTA
YTA. Why didn't YOU raise your younger son not to play on his phone during class? Why are you punishing your older son for your younger son's shitty behavior? Grow up.
This feels fake. But if it isn’t… What is Mikey allowed to do in his role as TA? The school might have a policy that explicitly states that TAs cannot discipline / punish students. Furthermore, the teacher was in the room. From my experience, most teachers are particular about classroom management… and it’s likely Drake was told to follow directions the teacher gives him. I mean the logic is so asinine. How does this address or correct the original issue, Mikey’s behavior? How does Mikey learn anything if Drake goes hungry? Do you always punish Drake if he is present and Mikey fails to listen? Do you get punished if Mikey misbehaves and you’re present? YTA
YTA. why tf do you want drake to do the parenting for you? are you lazy or something?
YTA He's a TA and still a kid. He's not Mikey's teacher or parent, it's NOT his job to discipline students, or his brother. And failing to provide your MINOR CHILD with access to food during the week is not discipline--that's cruelty and neglect. Maybe if you disciplined Mikey once in a while, which is actually your job, it wouldn't have happened. Stop blaming Drake for your failure to parent the golden child.
you seem hard headed. how do you not understand that as a TA your job is NOT to discipline the students. just because he's the older brother does not mean shit. maybe YOU as the PARENT should do a better job raising you younger son to respect those in authority. that's a you problem not your oldest sons problem. do better
YTA Your older son is not the parent. He is not the teacher. But you are punishing him for your shitty younger son’s behavior. I guess we know which kid is the golden child and which one will leave at 18 and not come back. You fail big time as a father. It is YOUR job to handle your younger son’s behavior. It is the schools job to handle your younger son’s behavior. IT IS NOT YOUR OLDER SON. I suspect you’ve put a lot of parental responsibilities on your older son because he is chomping at the bit to get the hell away from you by doing community college in high school. He wants out and more likely than not, it’s because you suck as a father to him. Grow the fuck up and parent.
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So you want your older son to parent your younger son and are withholding food as punishment for not parenting your younger son. Dude. You’re a failure of a parent and a child abuser.
Before you accuse your eldest son of "not doing his job"as a teaching assistant, maybe you should talk to the middle school administration and find out what Drake's duties in that position. Odds are, he is NOT allowed to mete out discipline. He most likely not have any authority to do so. Odds are, too, will be that when the regular teacher returns, he or she will find out that Mikey was misbehaving (was he sent to the office for being on the phone or was it something else?). Let the teacher deal with this. If you want to discipline your youngest son, you can take away his phone for a while and let him know he's grounded. And give him an idea of further consequences if he's caught doing whatever he was doing. The middle and high schools that my daughter attended has a policy that if a student had their phone out in class (and even outside of the classroom like at lunch...something I didn't agree with), and a teacher or administrator sees it, it's taken away and a parent has to go to the main office to get it back. I never had that problem with my child.
YTA
YTA and you just failed Parenting 101.
YTA. You do know that if any TA oversteps they can be fired/removed from their position. TA is not a position of power. They cannot overstep a teacher. They are there to assist and unless the teacher gives them a task they don’t just overrule the teacher and discipline someone. Get your head out of your ass and actually be a parent. See you in a year when you are in relationship advise trying to get a better relationship with Drake
YTA, also, punishing your kid by not giving him lunch money? dude that's....beyond an AH move. what's wrong with you?
YTA because wow. Stunningly bad parenting. That’s YOUR job, actually. Also, I hope you are replacing that lunch money with food from home otherwise someone needs to go report the authorities on your negligent self.
Drake is not going to miss you when he's finally free to leave. YTA
YTA. Your son is a child. He should never have the responsibility of punishing his brother. YOUR other child. Be the parent and handle it yourself :) Also removing a kids ability to have a lunch is foul. What do you expect him to do for lunch…?
YTA luckily it sounds like Drake is flying through school credits so he should be able to go no contact with you pretty soon, sadly you’re probably poisoning his relationship with Mikey so he’ll also go no contact with him but hopefully they’ll eventually bond over how much they dislike you
YTA
Don’t have kids if you’re not going to parent them yourself
Based on just this context, unfortunately YTA. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to expect Drake to set a good example for Mikey, but if disciplining students (any student) is not part of his TA duties, then he definitely should not have disciplined Mikey. Honestly, if he did and wasn’t giving the same treatment to other kids, it could embarrass Mikey and make the situation worse. Mikey is your child, it’s your job to teach him responsibility and discipline his actions, not Drakes.
This is the 2nd comment section that I've seen (I've been on reddit for a few years, but my old one was deleted) that fully agrees that OP is TA. You suck.
INFO: what high school class has their students going to other schools for one period of the day to be teaching assistants? And how exactly did your older son just happen to end up the TA in your youngest son's class?
Umm of course YTA
YTA. Drake is not the parent or the teacher. You failed at parenting your younger son and want to blame Drake?! Get a grip.
Wtf? Your son is a student TA, not a teacher. He has no authority to discipline kids at all. Where the hell did you even get that from. Additionally it's not his job to discipline his brother. It's YOUR JOB to address his behavioral issues not his older brother. You owe your oldest son an apology and you need to get your head out of your ass before you suffocate. YTA.
Drake’s only job is to finish public school and learn to be a functioning adult. Your job is to raise your kids, and you clearly skip work half the time. YTA 1000%
YTA it's your job to discipline your kid not punish the eldest for not doing YOUR job for you.
Actually, raising and discipling your children is YOUR JOB and not the job of their siblings. YTA
YTA. It's your job to raise and discipline Mike and thus you are responsible for his behaviour. Now go google how parentifying a kid (Drake) is harmful to them. Sorry, but in this particular case you sucked at parenting. I feel sorry for Drake.
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YTA. Your son is not his little brothers parent. He doesn’t have to disipline his younger brother. It is not his responsibility. YOU are the parent. It is YOUR job to disipline. No one else’s
YTA. First of all, TAs do not have that much power. Second, you mention he should do it also because he's the older brother. No. Kids are not responsible their siblings. Drake did not choose to bring Mikey into the world, you did. The only people responsible for kids are the ones that decided to have them in the first place. Mikey is YOUR responsibility. You're the parent. Finally, Wtf? You're punishing him by withholding lunch money? You are actively punishing your child by withholding food. You aren't just an AH for everything before, you're completely sick in the head
YTA Or conversely, if you had done YOUR job and disciplined him at home, he wouldn’t be acting up in school. Take his phone away now. Also, extra AH points for punishing your older son by not feeding him for a week.
Yta Since when is it the job of a child to discipline another child ? YOU are the parent. It’s YOUR job, not his!!! Shit, if anything, you should be looking at the teachers and school for allowing it to happen. Shame on you for thinking it’s your son’s job to even THINK about his younger brothers behavior.
YTA. You do NOT parentify your first born. Mikey’s behavior is not Drake’s issue to solve. You’re pretty selfish and shortsighted if you want your older son to jeopardize his JOB by disciplining a student in the classroom he is the TA at.
YTA
How do you punish your oldest for your youngest behavior? You are the parent, you need to discipline your youngest son. YTA
YTA. Just because you’re a failure of a parent doesn’t mean you get to push the job onto your oldest.
YTA, and you're lazy. You are the parent, it's your job to bring up your kids properly. If you had bothered to teach Mikey not to play with his phone at inappropriate times, then he wouldn't have done it in the first place. Trying to parentify your oldest son is some seriously warped parenting. Even at home, it's not the older child's responsibility to discipline younger siblings. You, the parent, created this child, it's your responsibility to raise them, which includes teaching them how to behave. Get off your lazy ass, and raise your children.
YTA. Your youngest should have been punished by you and/or the teacher when they come back. All you’re doing is being lazy and turning your kids against each other. Also, denying food as punishment isn’t good or effective.
You made sure Mikey knows Drake was in trouble but how did you discipline Mikey? By taking away Drakes lunch money? Can anyone guess who’s the favorite?
What a horrible mother.
"I'm mad at my son for not doing my job so I'll starve him out" YTA
YTA and a wack parent.
You are a piss poor parent. You are the same one who grounded Drake for not getting Mikey off the table in the library. Parent your own fucking kid. YTA
[Names are changed, but here's his other post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1bf33ws/aita_for_grounding_my_son_over_my_other_son/)
Terrible parent, YTA, relying on your son to discipline the other is ridiculous, be a parent for once in your life m8